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the city & news magazine for brighton & hove Slum Echoes

William Ranieri visits the oldest slum in Kampala, Uganda in our new documentary film

★ jobs ★ food ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 9 – 15 April 2013


PERFECT SYMPHONY Worthing plays host to the Sussex International Piano Competition

Kerpow! We can all be superheroes at Brighton Heroes Run 2013 page 15

WIN Family season tickets to Parham House & Gardens

HONOR BLACKMAN The star on Bond, The Avengers & her new show

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09–15 APRIL 2013

Online now: Reviews of recent shows, giveaways and celebrity interviews Attention bands! Get involved with the Latest Brighton Download Latest Chart. Email

All the latest homes are on With over 3,400 local properties, more Brighton & Hove homes than any other property website

CONTENTS Documentary: Slum Echoes – Street Angels Foundation Uganda

Now on Latest TV: watch Slum Echoes, a documentary film by William Ranieri. Kisenyi is the oldest slum/ghetto in Kampala. The Mask and the Teacher will guide you through an incredible journey along this multi ethnic reality. We meet the Karamojong women, listen to real story of the kids of the slum and dance to unique music. Witness the incredible reality in the heart of Kampala in Uganda. Watch our shows at

NEWS & COMMENT 04 Latest People Jeremy Hoye, The Martlets Hospice and Shakedown 06 Latest Brighton & Hove News NHS reforms: doctors set out safety concerns 06 Brighton & Hove City Council Update on the Living Wage campaign 08 Latest Seagulls Sunderland, Gus, the Premier League and coming up 09 Celeb City Jonathan Ross in town; Alex Reid on Katie’s marriage 10 Andrew Kay Material objects or real people? Andrew decides 10 Competitions Family season tickets to Parham House & Gardens 11 Bare Cheek Etiquette with Hetty Kwett; In and out 12 Brighton Writes Lynn Ruth on the animals making art history; Christina meets Nathan Roberts of A Band Of Brothers, and Vanessa on car sharing

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LIFESTYLE 14 Sussex International Piano Competition Worthing plays host to the piano event


15 On the cover: Brighton Heroes Run 2013 Sign up to be a super hero this May 16 Hotlist Special offers, set menus and drink deals 17 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Andrew joins the Terre à Terre kitchen team 18 Honor Blackman interview The actress on Bond, feminism and her new show




Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless Creative Director Andrew Kay

Art Director Stephen King Latest Homes Advertising Manager Lesley Lawrence Latest 7 Advertising Manager Rachel Simm

19 Reviews; Bookings; Latest Brighton Download Chart Alive & Swinging, Abigail’s Party and more


Overhead Wires Presents... Kerela + Puppet Kings + Cry Wolf Monday 15 April, 8pm, £3

Latest Group


Catalyst Club Monthly event which blends the old traditions of a French Salon with debating societies. Thursday 11 April, 8pm, £5

Latest 7/Homes Editor Zara Baker Entertainment & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff writers Sade Ali Mark Brailsford Jo Brooks Holly Cozens

Ben Darling Molly Malone Richard Hearn Andy Hinton Brian Mitchell Joseph Nixon Lynn Ruth Miller Vanessa Austin Locke Christina Toimela Sub Editor Rachel Junior Design Anand Day

Latest TV

Photography Diana Frangi Illustrator Paul Lewis

Latest News Frank le Duc Jenni Davidson Jay Legate (Sport)

Website & IT Tom Scrace Lisa Yousefi

David Cuff Andy Nicholls William Ranieri Val Aviv Yuki Stephenson Christina Toimela

Latest MusicBar Ruth Ratner James Charter Stella Pitt Ali Cluney-Hickford Steve Parfrement



20 What’s On; Brighton After Dark Brighton Marathon, Brighton Fringe and lazy Habits 26 Stars; Telly Talk; TV listings Horoscopes; The Security Men; seven-day TV listings

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005_LS623_latest people_Social Diary 05/04/2013 16:55 Page 3



Fundraising for The Martlets Hospice; Jeremy Hoye launches new collection; Rizzle Kicks’ festival promo Jeremy Hoye launches Carmen Collection Wednesday 27 March saw the launch of the new Carmen collection by Jeremy Hoye at the Jeremy Hoye store in Ship Street. Jeremy, who’s been creating iconic jewellery since 1994 and has recently opened a second store in Tunbridge Wells, has come up with another fun wearable collection for the spring featuring pineapples, strawberries, grapes, oranges and bananas. Words and photos: Diana Frangi

Rizzle Kicks with Steve ‘Jonesy’ Jones

Rizzle Kicks

H H a H H

Jeremy Hoye

Emma Bertrand (Manager), Katie Urwin (Sales assistant).

Gloria Bowman (Trade consultant), Matthew Powers.

with advanced stomach cancer in January. Her colleagues were keen to show their support for her and find something positive they could all do together. To support Jude and

The Martlets Hospice please visit Photos: courtesy of The Martlets Hospice

Rizzle Kicks ready for Shakedown Shakedown Festival director Steve ‘Jonesy’ Jones and Latest TV were joined by hip-hop duo (and ex-Brighton boys) Rizzle Kicks for a special Shakedown Festival photocall. The grey winter (spring?!) day didn’t deter our stars from heading out to Stanmer Park to promote summer’s hottest local festival, which takes place this year on 28 September 2013. Rizzle Kicks will be joined at Shakedown by Labrinth, DJ Fresh, Maverick Sabre, Zane Lowe, Andy C and more.

The Martlets Walk To Remember & Jude’s Gems The Walk To Remember in aid of The Martlets Hospice took place on Sunday 24 March. The family friendly sponsored walk took place along Hove seafront, with entrants of all ages walking together to remember a loved one whilst helping to raise money for the Hospice’s vital services. Over £8,000 has been pledged for The Martlets Hospice.

Meanwhile, Matilda Martlets, the Martlets newest recruit to its fundraising team, met up with an inspirational team of women who have signed up for this year’s Midnight Walk (Friday 14 June 2013). Matilda went to the Royal Alexandra children’s hospital to meet ‘Jude’s Gems’, a group of theatre and day surgery nurses who have come together to do the walk in support of their colleague, Jude Stokes. Jude Stokes, who works in theatres at the Alex, was diagnosed

Matilda Martlet with Jude Stokes and Jude’s Gems

Walkers in The Martlets Walk To Remember

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latest brighton & hove news

Doctors set out safety concerns

many families struggle to make ends meet on low salaries. This problem is only going to increase as the government’s welfare changes bite. Since we launched a citywide Living Wage Commission in 2011, much has been done to explore the benefits, risks and opportunities of adopting a local living wage. The commission was overseen by the Chair of the Brighton & Hove Chamber of Commerce and other members included representatives from the city’s Hotel Association, Brighton & Hove Albion, and the national Living Wage Foundation. They agreed that a voluntary target of £7.20 an hour was right

for Brighton & Hove, in line with the rest of the country outside of London. This figure has since been revised by the national Living Wage Foundation to £7.45 an hour. It’s well-documented that as well as lifting some employees out of poverty and reducing the welfare bill, a living wage means staff members are more likely to stay in their jobs, have higher attendance and be more productive at work. Of course not all businesses are in a position to give their lowestpaid employees a pay rise. Yet if local residents have more cash in their pockets to spend locally, then more local businesses will prosper bringing the clear benefits of a living wage full circle.

The NHS reforms are meant to give medics more say over services. They have already flagged up some of their fears. Frank le Duc reports


he doctors leading the NHS reforms locally met in public shortly before they formally took charge. Among the key issues discussed by the Brighton and Hove Clinical Commissioning Group (CCG) were finances and patient safety. The CCG is being expected to spend less on administration and bureaucracy than its predecessor, the primary care trust (PCT). But it is also under pressure to find ways to improve the quality and safety of treatment given to patients throughout the area. At the public CCG board meeting, held at Hove Town Hall, a quality and safety report spelt out the key areas of concern. It highlighted, for example, incidents of the hospital superbug MRSA, delays in treating cancer patients and the case of a swab left inside a mother who had just given birth. Those involved Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust which runs the Royal Sussex County Hospital. The pressure on the Accident and Emergency (A&E) Department at the

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat on the Living Wage campaign


hirty five local businesses have already pledged their support to the Brighton & Hove Living Wage campaign so far this year, with three more in the process of signing up. A ‘living wage’ is simply a level of pay enough for workers to provide for themselves and their families. In many places around the country, including Brighton and Hove, the national minimum wage just isn’t enough to match the cost of living - and as a result

the big issue The teams caring for mental health patients in Brighton and Hove have been reorganised in the past few years. The previous set up was criticised in reviews of the care in the community of Steven Dunne, a patient who killed his former housemate Gordon Stalker in Brighton three years ago. An independent report said: “(Mr Dunne’s) care was not effectively managed. The team (caring for Mr Dunne) did not effectively assess the risk (that he) posed to the victim and potentially others. We believe that had it done so, it would have assessed (Mr Dunne) as being a high risk which should have triggered a risk management plan being put in place. “An effective risk management plan that included options such as admission to hospital for further Pic: Tom Scrace

Royal Sussex is on their radar. The numbers turning up at A&E have soared and at times it has taken patients longer to be seen than the target of four hours. The CCG has also stopped referring new neurosurgery patients to the trust. The suspension is expected to last between three and six months with new patients being sent to London or Southampton for treatment. The trust running the Royal Sussex “is considered to be a challenged organisation”, according to the CCG. It said the same about Sussex Community Trust (SCT). The report to the CCG board said: “Performance and quality is scrutinised monthly. Ten key quality and safety indicators have been developed to be reported upon monthly but this (information) has consistently failed to be provided by SCT. Reports are minimal, offering no narrative on performance and risks.” The CCG flagged up concerns about whether all patients’ nutritional needs are being properly recorded. And it is not always clear

what level of patient care should be handled by non-clinical staff such as home care helpers who are employed by Brighton and Hove City Council. The report to the CCG board said: “This is a potential patient safety risk.” The matter is being tackled urgently at a senior level. The report also identified areas of concern for mental health patients although it said that the main local NHS provider, the Sussex Partnership Foundation Trust, was “considered to be in steady state”. The trust is focusing on improving patient experience. Patient surveys by the Care Quality Commission (CQC), the official watchdog, show an improvement in this area but the most recent still ranks “worse than other trusts” for involving patients in relation to their medications. The CCG report said: “Staff indicated poor satisfaction with the quality of work and patient care they are able to deliver (and) low job satisfaction with work pressure.” Compared with similar trusts, relatively few would recommend it “as a place to work or receive treatment”. The CCG report also highlighted serious incidents requiring investigation (SIRIs) as an area in need of continued monitoring. It said: “SIRI closure rates have improved but the quality team have identified themes of concern in SIRI root cause analysis investigations.” When things go wrong, the CCG wants to be confident that lessons are being learnt. It added: “There is a trend in line with national findings that shows reduced numbers of suicides in in-patient settings but increased numbers for individuals under the care of Crisis Resolution Home Treatment Teams. A peer review of ligature point risk and management has been followed up with a CCG quality team review of Mill View ward improvements and assurances secured from staff and service users.”

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LATEST NEWS 07 the use of agency staff and any trends that might have an effect on services. And staff surveys are taken more seriously than many MHS workers probably realise. Hot topics in the media come within another category of indicators and include issues that require health chiefs to have to make a public statement. One example in the past year was about patients being discharged in the middle of the night. Although it was discussed in the national media, in Brighton it was an unusual occurrence. It should be no surprise, given that the CCG is led by family doctors, that that feedback from local general practitioners (GPs) is also monitored. The CCG board is chaired by long-serving local GP Dr Xavier Nalletamby.

Serious incidents The CCG manages the serious incidents requiring investigation (SIRI) process for two of the three main trusts serving Brighton and Hove. It also logs SIRIs on behalf of independent providers and private contractors. Incidents are regarded as closed if • A robust analysis has been evident • An appropriate root cause has been identified • A robust action plan is in place to address the root cause and any recommendations Health chiefs hoped to close as many serious incidents as possible before the CCG took formal responsibility for the process. The report to the CCG board said: “Currently there are approximately 30 (serious incidents) overdue for closure for Sussex Partnership Foundation Trust and 20 for Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust. “Most of these have either not had an investigation report submitted or have been scrutinised and are ‘on hold’ pending further scrutiny.” This could include waiting for a coroner’s inquest to be held or a police investigation to be completed.

“Part of the CCG’s job is to ensure patients are less likely to die as a result of coming into contact with the NHS” assessment, referral to the recovery team for the allocation of a care co-ordinator or allocation of his care to a specified person for more assertive support and a more detailed risk assessment may have prevented the homicide.” It is inevitable that some patients will die whether they are being treated in hospital or in the community. But part of the job of the CCG is to ensure that as far as possible it is commissioning good quality services so that patients are not more likely to die as a result of coming into contact with the NHS. The report presented at Hove Town Hall can’t achieve that in itself. But it can be seen as a clear statement of intent and it shows how the CCG board means to do its job.

What do they look for? Quality and safety in the NHS is measured in a variety of ways. A report to the CCG board said: “The quality indicators monitored range from formal reporting national data such as mixed sex accommodation

Councillor Dawn Barnett

breaches to ‘noise’ in the health economy that reflects on providers.” The quality indicators used include patient experiences, including the number and seriousness of complaints, information provided by official watchdogs, legal claims and comments left on the NHS Choices website. The CCG Quality Team also monitor clinical incidents, serious incidents requiring investigation (SIRIs) and alerts raised through formal channels. Hospital superbug (MRSA) rates are also analysed. There are various measures of clinical effectiveness so that commissioners can decide whether medicines, surgery or other forms of treatment are having the desired effect. The team looks at the culture within organisations such as workforce levels, vacancy and sickness rates,

Nursing homes All nursing homes are expected to audit the quality and safety of the care that they provide. A clinical quality review nurse carries out follow up inspections. The results are signed off by the nursing homes and published on the CCG website and Brighton and Hove City Council’s website. Homes are monitored for safeguarding alerts raised for residents while in their care. There are no outstanding concerns at present. A CCG committee will receive quarterly reports showing the status and risks of nursing home beds jointly commissioned by the NHS and the council. A report to the CCG board cautioned: “Capacity in the Quality Team hampers individual pro-active scrutiny of all non-NHS providers but the team provides support on quality issues to commissioning managers in their monitoring of provider contracts.” ■

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official sponsor of

Up the Albion! Mark Brailsford on the battle at hand


Photo: Paul Hazlewood

ave you been enjoying the Paolo Di Canio comedy show? Sunderland have scored a massive PR own goal by appointing a man who it is widely known, may have espoused fascist sympathies. The good people of the North East, a lot of whom either fought fascism or had relatives who died doing so, are conspicuous by their dignity. It’s a little surprising that this insult to their memory is being taken so well considering the implications of having a fascist football manager. But herein lies the rub. Aren’t most football managers inherently fascist in one way or another? The modern football manager as dictator is an accepted modus operandi and most supporters of clubs want their managers to rule their players with the iron rod of discipline and drive their team onto glorious conquest. The language employed by the media is also reminiscent of the lexicon of war. Take for example: some matches are described as a “battle,” often teams are “put to the sword”, when teams are attacking they are often urged to “kill them off” and who can forget the time honoured, “midfield general?” These are terms you often hear in television and radio commentary, so, should we be surprised when an unsophisticated football practitioner exhibits right wing, militaristic tendencies? The truth is probably more complex than simple left/right, fascist/communist, black/white. In truth, the human race is a mixture of colourful and paradoxically complex personality types, this is what liberal types find enjoyable about the human condition. But when a man who has been photographed doing a salute that would get him imprisoned in Germany becomes a manager of a Premier League club, this sends a terrible signal to the world at large, that football is an inclusive force for good. As for Gus, how many Premier League jobs are going to go to inferior managers before his yearning for a “Expect the top Premier League job takes him Sunderland job to away from The Amex? The money alone is worth considering. Assuming be available again (guesswork here) that you could double your salary by moving on, you anytime soon” would, wouldn’t you? Expect the Sunderland job to be available again anytime soon and the summer to be a constant drip, drip of speculation as to which big club will come in for our Gus. We may just have to suck it up and await the next generalissimo to jump into the “firing line” and lead “the blue and white army” “on to victory.” But thankfully in Mr Bloom we have a chairman savvy enough not to appoint any actual fascists at The Amex. Poor Sunderland, poor decision, great copy for media and this is a comedy show that will run and run.

news The Albion join London to Amsterdam charity ride

Words: Henry Smith

Upcoming matches Middlesbrough Away: The matches are getting tighter and the tension is mounting as the season reaches it’s nail-biting climax. With Albion still in with a shout of the play-off places anything could happen in this game at The Riverside. After their free-fall from the top six earlier in the year, Tony Mowbray’s team will want to grasp the opportunity to dominate an Albion team that look strong in defence and capable of nicking a win at the other end. If the Forrest game was anything to go by, this will be another tough battle that Albion could get a point from if they don’t concede early. Peterborough: Then comes the usual 3-point banker. In cricketing terms Peterborough are Albion’s equivalent of the fast bowlers’ “bunny’ the one batsman they always get out. Peterborough have a habit of losing to The Albion that they are not proud of. But as we all know, football is a funny old game, it would not be a surprise to see Peterborough stick five goals past the Pole in Goal in the first half and Albion put six past them in the second. Anything can and probably will happen in this game. Great away Words: Mark Brailsford end for standing though.

Photo: Tom Scrace

Photo: Paul Hazlewood

Brighton & Hove Albion are joining the Football League in a 155 mile challenge in aid of Prostate Cancer UK. All manner of club representatives from players to club officials will be taking to the saddle and riding from London to Amsterdam. The ride begins on June 14 and aims to help the 250,000 men living with prostate cancer in the UK. The route is planned in such a way to give the participants an excellent view as they pass through the English countryside. They will then cross The Channel at Harwich before setting foot on the flat landscape of Dutch Zeeland. Among the volunteers is former England and AC Milan

striker Luther Blissett with other footballing legends expected to follow suit and sign up. Luther acknowledged the fierce rivalry between clubs but said, “We’ll definitely be all on the same team when it comes to raising awareness and funds for prostate cancer.” The organising of the event comes after the Football League chose Prostate Cancer UK as it’s partner for the 2012/13 season. Owen Sharp, Chief Executive of The Prostate Cancer Charity, said: “This is the biggest cancer in men and football is the biggest sport for reaching and involving men. So, partnering with The Football League is an incredible opportunity for us to reach and support thousands of football-mad men who will face this cancer." Albion fans can find more details by visiting amsterdam

009_LS623_celebcity_Celebcity 05/04/2013 15:39 Page 2



Celebcity with Jo Brooks Jonathan Ross at La Choza, Chris Eubank, Alex Reid on Katie Price & what’s Frankie been up to?



The Lord of the Manor of Brighton – aka boxer and monocle enthusiast Chris Eubank – has appeared in the papers again recently, this time showing support for his son’s “decision” to follow in his father’s footsteps as a ‘warrior’. Chris Jnr, Eubanks eldest child, has already proven to be a promising middleweight and now his second son – Sebastian – looks set to take on the boxing world. Eubank explained to The Telegraph: “I believe, once Sebastian puts his blinkers on, he will breeze this. He has a mentor in me, directing him. Make it easy for yourself. Put yourself under the greatest pressure you can. If you lose, you do so with dignity, grace, like a man. That is a champion.” The verbose patriarch, who was once named ‘the world’s second most eccentric celebrity after Björk’ by the BBC, insists that it’s his ‘duty’ to make ‘not just world champions,’ but ’undisputed champions.’ He continued: “Then I must make sure they get close to, and finally surpass, my 19 world championship wins. In four years’ time, Sebastian will be heavyweight champion of the world.” No pressure then, kids. Eubank finished by saying: “You have to earn your right to be a man of the community, to be looked up to. It’s about kudos. You have to earn it.” Amen to that, Chris!



V star and Brighton enthusiast Jonathan Ross clearly enjoyed an Easter trip down to our (surprisingly) sunny city last week. Tweeting from our good neighbour, and Mexican restaurant extroadinaire, Wossy excitedly exclaimed ‘Just had a FANTASTIC Mexican meal at La Choza in Brighton. Muy Caliente’ before posting a picture of one of La Choza’s trademark skeleton mugs. As regulars to the awesome eatery we’re glad to see it’s pulling in the celebrity visitors already. Keep up the good work!


Don’t panic! Alex Reid has used his expert opinion to muse on the latest Katie Price marriage – this time to new hubby and soon to be baby-father Kieran Hayler – and has finally concluded that this one “could last”. Talking to Closer magazine, Alex’s riveting interview discussed his own marriage with the page 3 star and entrepreneur. Alex explained that getting pregnant was Katie’s ‘top priority’ and therefore she might stick with the latest virile offering. “If she’d got pregnant during our marriage, I think we might still be together,” Alex continued. Supposedly, he hasn’t quite taken into account Ms Price’s personal attacks following their very public fallout, which made it very clear that Katie had no interest in Alex for several reasons (Roxanne anyone?). Katie and Kieran are expecting their first child in the summer and have just celebrated their marriage for a second time in Somerset. Third time lucky?

So perhaps our Brighton bad-boy Frankie Cocozza isn’t looking to clean up his act any time soon... The Woodingdean resident – who was notoriously booted from The X Factor amid hard partying and drug allegations – is now being investigated by police for possible theft! CCTV footage appears to show the hair raising reality star leaving a local shop without actually paying for the items (a bit of booze specifically – well, natch). The Sun reported that Cocozza repeatedly keyed in his PIN number at the self-service machine before walking off. As such the police, who were called in by wary store staff, have questioned whether the misdemeanour was a “genuine error or shoplifting incident”. The Celebrity Big Brother star’s agent has denied that Frankie had any involvement in the alleged event – watch this space to see whether Cocozza’s bad boy ways have come back out to play! Have you spotted a celeb in the city? Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to

Follow me: latestcelebcity

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Andrew Kay The price of everything Sponsored by Bardsley’s Fish & Chips


t never rains but it pours. In a week that could not be busier the world starting falling in on me – quite literally. It started on Sunday. I was having a rare lie in, not sleeping but reading in bed as it was the warmest place to be. The phone rang at just after 9am and it was mum. She often calls earlier but she was staying with my brother and his family and they are not known for their early starts. She started to talk: “Hello love, Is there anything you would particularly like as we are writing my will?” It caught me off guard. I have been trying to get Mum to write a will for years and with no success. She went on, offering me a variety of bits and pieces, all well intentioned I’m sure, but all coming out of the blue. I felt stunned and said that I would call back when I was up, showered, dressed and fully awake. An hour later I called back and got my brother who said that mum was in the shower. I took the opportunity to say how cross I was to be confronted with this situation with no warning, that it was unfair and insensitive. He slammed the phone down on me. Mum has a house full of stuff, mostly of very little real value beyond fond memories and in truth I prefer real memories to token items of nostalgia. There’s a lovely old coal scuttle, but who needs a coal scuttle these days? Mr R calmed me down with tea and biscuits before setting off for the gym and I silently fumed at what had happened, staring blankly at the window and then up at the ceiling...

“There is no time for sitting back and saying no, seize the day and share it with those who matter” Yes, the ceiling that had a crack in it which was growing by the moment. The agents who look after our flat had already inspected it and we were waiting for the builders to come the following day. All I had to do was move anything precious out of the way so they could deal with the problem. The next day I was sat at my desk when the phone rang and I was summoned home. I jumped on a bus, then another, and when I arrived there

was a strange atmosphere as I watched dusty builders working like ants to remove sack after sack of rubble. One after another they came up the steps, covered in dust and looking like a scene from a movie about the Blitz. It was not a good sight and my heart started to sink. The good guys at The Property Shop called my mobile, hoping to reach me before I saw how bad things really were and to sort out alternative accommodation. Things were bad. The ceiling might have come down at any time but when it did there was tons of debris, so much so that I was in no doubt that had we been home when it happened, watching Coronation Street as I do, we would have been very seriously injured – if not killed. It was a chilling thought and one that started to shuffle things into place. Moving precious objects seemed so important the day before, now it seemed like a worthless task. Within less than 48 hours I had come to realise that what is most important in life is not what we gather around us but who. Had the paintings and pots been destroyed they could be replaced with similar things, their value being, at the end of the day, only monetary. What I could never replace would be Mr R, what I will never replace will be Mum and our friends. With Dad passing away so recently my thoughts often turn to our mortality and I have resigned myself to a few facts. Whether I have five years or 40, I need to live every day as if it could be my last. There is no time for sitting back and saying no, seize the day and share it with those who matter. People ask me why I take on so much. It’s always been the same, I am scared of saying no and missing out on what could be something great. And if it’s not great – well, then at least I gave it a go. I don’t want anything in a will, I have nephews that need to be educated so sell the lot and give them what they need for when it happens – as I know it one day will. Right now all I really need is Mr R, Mum and my wonderful friends. I don’t need to know the price of everything but I do need to understand the value.

Follow me: @latestandrew



To mark the seasonal opening of Parham House and Gardens for 2013, we are offering the chance to win one of three family season tickets, entitling visitors to enjoy Parham throughout the season and on the special event days. Parham House and Gardens is an Elizabethan stately home, ranked amongst the Top 20 houses in Britain by journalist Sir Simon Jenkins. Along with its award-

winning gardens, the house boasts a beautiful choice of furniture, paintings and a very important collection of needlework. The gardens are a joy for any horticultural enthusiast, with its 18th century walled garden, orchard and 1920s Wendy House. The adjoining Pleasure Grounds also include a lake with a brick and turf maze for the whole family to have fun in. If you are an animal lover, you might take great interest in the

300 acres of ancient deer park around the house containing Fallow Deer, descendants of the original herd from 1628. Parham house, situated near Storrington in West Sussex, is incredibly well-loved and this is apparent in the fact that since its foundation stone was laid in 1577, only three families have ever lived there. Even though the Easter holidays are drawing to a close, 2013 still has the summer to entice you into some terrific days that could be spent at this spectacular house. With special events such as the Shakespeare’s Globe performing King Lear in May, why would you want to miss out? For a chance to get your hands on one of these exclusive season tickets worth £50, simply answer the following question: Q: Where in West Sussex is Parham House situated near?


with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 15 April 2013.

011_LS623_barecheek_Editorial 05/04/2013 10:24 Page 3

In & Out

Bare cheek


Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column Dear Lucy, Well, I would have said the best thing to do was to consult the vicar, but, unbelievably, some vicars are actually female these days, like that obese woman in the TV comedy show, so actually I wouldn't advise that. Debrett's has a useful rhyme on this very topic:


with Hetty Kwet

So there you go. Hope this has been of some help. Hetty X


More reasons to see... EVENTS IN BRIGHTON £5 FRINGE! A couple of weeks back we listed five reasons why the fringe festival with top acts and low prices is returning this year with events all over the city from 3rd May till 3rd June is a must. But if you're not persuaded yet, here are five more reasons why you should take a look at our new website to see what's on:

1 2


• French maid aprons with inflatable bosom • Nude playing cards • Inflatable sheep

Did we mention that each ticket cost no more than five pounds?

This year we have several premieres by nationally respected artists. And us.


Two of our dedicated venues, The Lord Nelson Inn and The Caxton Arms, are right in the heart of town. They are also great boozers, so their proximity to the nightbus route is a definite plus.


• Passion Pills • Those pens where the lady takes her clothes off when you turn them upside down • Novelty posing pouches


Dear Hetty, I am shortly to be married; it will be a C of E service in my local church. My problem is, I don’t know who I should get to “give me away.” My father died many years ago, and I have virtually no male relatives. I do have an uncle, but not only is he a convicted sexoffender, but he looks almost exactly like Adolf Hitler, and I fear having him do the job would not go down well. Probably my best friend in the world, and the person I feel closest too, is my elder sister Susan. Would it be acceptable to have her give me away, or is having a woman do it not the done thing? Please help as I do not know what to do for the best. Lucy Pascoe, Saltdean

Your wedding time’s a-coming. Who will give you away? Your father or your uncle, With hair of white and grey. If you can't get a male person, A transexual will do. If you can't get a transexual Then God help you!



As all our events cost no more than £5, you can see 20 for, at the very most, £100. Sorry if this is obvious – it just seemed worth pointing out. I mean – you might not

want to see twenty shows. But some people are crazy and you might be one of them. Anyway, the point is, if you are crazy, and you do want to see twenty shows, it won't cost you very much if you do.


Did we mention that each ticket costs no more than five pounds, while some events are free? There's no deadline for registration, so keep checking the site for new shows. If you are an artist and want to get involved please email

012_LS623_lynnruthInspireMe_editorial 03/04/2013 14:33 Page 2



Lynn Ruth Miller

Inspire Me

The San Francisco-based writer on the animals making art history

Christina Toimela on being truly authentic and helping others



An ape cannot speak about his art Anymore than a monkey can discuss his digestion. – Jacques Cocteau and Lynn Ruth

Watch Lynn Ruth Miller at

interviewed Nathan Roberts in a hotel lounge in Brighton after he had been part of arranging an evening of entertainment at The Thistle Hotel in aid of A Band Of Brothers, a Brighton-based charity for young men facing difficulties. The charity aims to raise awareness of the fact that, whilst 16-24 million people are unemployed, it’s hard to find companies who are willing to give a young troubled man a start. Nathan has been on the project since 2005 and is the Chief Executive of A Band Of Brothers as well as a freelance consultant. All of the charity volunteers are inspirational. Nathan is passionate about creating places for people to discover themselves and to be themselves: “To be truly yourself in a world that is trying day and night to turn you into everybody else is the hardest battle you will ever fight.” Nathan knows what he is talking about. In Yorkshire he followed his businessman father’s footsteps and started his career in a Blue chip IT-company. He hated every minute of his work and chose to get off the corporate ladder. He explains that it takes a long time to support someone to be true to themselves. He has learnt that connecting the heart to the consciousness makes the process quicker. “To be yourself in a world Through that consciousness, people that is trying to turn you into go and do good things, not just for themselves everybody else is the hardest but also in order to battle you will ever fight” serve others. After having moved into charity in order to find integrity Nathan found that focusing on this goal was not just benefitting himself but also others. How can a successful, middle class, ex-IT man help men with limited financial means to be true to themselves and find a job? According to Nathan the key is in being truly authentic, avoiding judging, being open and vulnerable enough in order to show these men that you listen. Nathan battled youth aggression and depression and found the piece that was missing in him; being part of a solution, making a better community by cooperating with other men. He had previously seen fellow males as a threat or competition and realised that this belief had been harmful to his relationships. According to Nathan, men don’t volunteer much outside sport and women are much stronger in building community. A Band Of Brothers brings men from backgrounds as diverse as a gardener to a chief executive of an oil company together, wanting to involve everyone in the community because pushing people away makes them even more resentful: “Feral youth need love not to go and do bad stuff again.” Nathan’s message to a troubled man is: “It’s never too late to be the man you want to be.” And to people who want to help: “You can be a gift to someone in your community.” To support the work of A Band Of Brothers or to find out more visit or follow them on twitter @band_brothersuk Do you know any people who have really inspired you in Brighton? We’re not looking for celebrities. Not ordinary, but extraordinary. Contact Christina:

Photographs: Christina Toimela

n the late ‘60s, a gorilla won the Modern Art competition at the Detroit Museum of Art. The animal’s owner put several tubes of paint and a blank canvas in the ape’s cage. The furry artist, whom I shall call Sybil, stomped on the tubes of paint and smeared the colors on the canvas with her paws. After an hour, she tired of dancing and began eating the tubes of paint. Her owner pulled the canvas out of her cage, hosed Sybil down and was amazed at the finished canvas. It reminded him of a combination of a Jackson Pollock with a smattering of Kandinsky, a dash of Picasso and traces of Klee. When Sybil’s masterpiece dried, he varnished it, framed it and entered it in the museum’s competition. To his delight, the painting won first prize. He bought a jeweled collar for Sybil, pinned a pink ribbon in her hair and brought her to the award ceremony. It was a little dicey getting her in the front door but the owner insisted she was a service animal. He managed to keep her from molesting the guests by feeding her bananas and bit of cadmium red. When they called his name to accept the award, Sybil joined him on stage. He told the astounded judges that it was not he who created the masterpiece they so admired. It was his Sybil. Years later, I took a class with the fabulously talented realistic painter Joseph Sheppard and he told me that Sybil was indeed a magnificent talent. He had joined her in her cage a few years after her triumph to raise money for the museum. Together they painted a still life that hangs now in that same museum. Evidently, gorillas not only paint, but they know what they are painting. Sister and “The animals love using brother gorillas Michael and crayons, pencils and Koko were taught sign language. As a result, Koko (the artist in the family) was finger paint although they able to explain to her curator Dr. Penny Patterson, that she prefer oils they can eat” had painted a bird. Just this past month, word is out that a zoo in North Dakota is selling the artwork of its 275 pound orangutan named Tal. His paintings are so colorful that they literally fly off the wall. The animal’s favorite color is yellow and often he eats as much of the paint as he smears on his canvases. “Could be because it looks like a banana,” said the zoo’s curator. There is no doubt that creativity is fundamental in the ape psyche. The animals love using crayons, pencils and finger paint although they prefer oils they can eat. Everyone knows that children have the same propensity to eat the colours they use to paint. I believe we can learn a lot from the apes and their ability to transform their creative efforts into funds that support their favorite institutions. I propose that we exhibit and sell all the paintings from local kindergarten classes to pay for amenities in their schools. Think of it! We would no longer have to pay taxes to support education! Our kindergartners would finance the system for us... and who knows? There might be enough money left to reward the young artists with a few bananas.

013_LS623_vanessa_editorial 05/04/2013 16:13 Page 3

BRIGHTON WRITES Head shot Courtesy Jerry Lebens

Vanessa Austin Locke Car sharing with a difference


ast week a gentleman friend of mine bought me a car. What kind of car? I can’t remember off the top of my head, but it matched my underwear. You may think this an exceedingly extravagant gift for an ordinary Saturday, but of course, no man gives a gift without expecting something in return. In this instance lifts to and from the pub. There’s just one problem... I can’t drive. And thus the best-laid plans of mighty men are foiled. I’ve never needed to drive until recently and I’ve even blagged a supercar column for a men’s mag without a licence. This generally consisted of me sitting in the passenger seat of some of the fastest and most expensive cars on the market, awarding points for seduction value, good vibrations, jealous glances, his handling of the beast etc.

After posing on my new machine “I spent the next two for photos and listening to Driving Anthems: The Ultimate Driving Album hours sitting on Dyke while being driven around, it occurred to me that it might be fun Road in the passenger to have a go at this driving lark myself. So I booked a lesson and was seat once again” duly picked up and driven to a quiet part of Hove to begin my driving career. As the instructor drove us both along however, it began to snow. Within minutes we were in a white-out watching tail lights twinkle, and I spent the next two hours sitting on Dyke Road in the passenger seat once again, learning about what kind of people drive what kind of car. (I was delighted to discover that, according to my learned instructor, BMW drivers such as my generous gentleman friend, are twits. Incidentally that’s not the exact word he used). The twit – I mean, generous gentleman friend – on enquiring after my first lesson, decided to take matters into his own hands, and this is where the real fun began. Being North Laine residents I had already witnessed the rage and despair that parking restriction had caused him. Indeed I think the parking fines he’s incurred while awaiting a parking permit may be supporting several council jobs. But he’s a generous man and happy to create job opportunities. So, due to the extensive waiting list for a permit, my car is parked over on the other side of town where parking is still free (don’t worry, I won’t say where). In order for us to get out of town to practise my handbrake turns this is what must happen: 1: He picks me up in car A 2: We sit in central Brighton’s astounding one-way system for 20-40 minutes burning fossil fuels, money and joy 3: Park car A and drive car B to driving lesson location 4: Practise handbrake turns 5: Drive car B back to car A 6: Park car A and get into car B 7: Repeat step 2 8: He drops me off and drives back to park car A My first world pain aside, we could really use some Green Party influence in these parts, don’t you think?

Follow me: @vnessenvy


014_LS623_sussex_piano_011_LS466_interview 05/04/2013 14:20 Page 2



Perfect symphony Worthing plays host to the second Sussex International Piano Competition


orthing is ready to host its new flagship event this month: the Sussex International Piano Competition. The event will plant Worthing onto the same musical map alongside Glyndebourne Opera and Brighton & Hove, with its city-scale wealth of professional activity. The Sussex International Piano Competition was inaugurated in 2010 when Worthing Symphony Orchestra (WSO) artistic director and conductor John Gibbons founded and artistically directed the event with WSO and its Assembly Hall residence, hosting a victory for Latvian soloist, Arta Arnicane. In the three years since, a tiny volunteer workforce from WSO’s supporters club, the Worthing Symphony Society, has grouped behind Gibbons and new organising director Timothy J.Chick, to deliver a confident second edition from its modestly ambitious first. Rallying behind have been Worthing Borough Council and the two MPs Peter Bottomley and Tim Loughton. And patrons have been recruited, including composer Karl Jenkins, star rock keyboardist Rick Wakeman, and BBC presenters Katie Derham, Ken Bruce, John Inverdale and Eleanor Oldroyd. But why in Sussex has this event sprung up in Worthing? The reasons are threefold. Gibbons has developed an international level of performance quality from an orchestra of top professional musicians from all over London and the South East, some involved also in the versatile BBC Concert Orchestra. And Gibbons is constantly offering a different and varied listening menu with consistently superior and

Florian Rohn

imaginative concert programming that has gained the edge. Add the third Ace card of the Assembly Hall acoustics, a subject of pan-European esteem, and the conception and staging of this piano competition places Worthing jointly with Brighton in the forefront of Sussex concert hall music-making. The second Sussex International Piano Competition begins with 21 finalists contesting solo Quarter-Finals (Tuesday 9 April), 11.30am–7.45pm including breaks; Wednesday 10 April, 11.30am–7.30pm), followed by Semi-Finals (Friday 12 April; 1pm–9.30pm) which will leave three standing in the culminating Grand Final of Concertos (Sunday 14 April). The first prize is £5,000, the second £3,000, the third £1,000. The Quarter-Final playing order was drawn in February on the same concert stage in front of a WSO concert audience, when Gibbons declared: “To do this in front of our WSO audience really brings home to everyone the fairness lying at the heart of the Sussex International Piano Competition.”

John Gibbons

Arta Arnicane

“Gibbons is constantly offering a varied listening menu with superior and imaginative concert programming” There is a steely determination to avoid any intrigue and eradicate anything liable to undermine or pre-determine the judgment process in this kind of event. Arta Arnicane, now 27, and this time among the judging panel, added: “I’ll be there fighting for justice.” The 24 Quarter-Finalists were chosen from 83 entries by a judgment panel listening blind to CDs from each entrant. The resulting talent circumnavigates the northern hemisphere, from Canada and the USA through Europe to China and Japan. Southernmost is Italy, who provided the latest Leeds Piano Competition winner. There is only one Briton but three Russians and two apiece from Belarus, Ukraine, Poland and Japan. As if this wasn’t enough, this time other artistic elements are sprouting. Work by local visual artists will be exhibited, and there are two extra evening concerts: Arta Arnicane and cellist Florian Rohn (‘DUO conCERTO’) feature in a Worthing Symphony Society promotion on Thursday 11 April (6.45pm).

In the Connaught Theatre on Saturday 13 April (7.30pm) fellow pianist judge Yuki Negishi will play Chopin, Schubert and Rachmaninov. The second half is entitled ‘Ballet Virtuoso’, which showcases the talents of the professional principal dancers working with English Youth Ballet founded by Janet Lewis and includes some great classical and dance showpieces and one based on film-score Gershwin. So for one week, Sussex will focus on Worthing and the new dimension it is bringing to classical music in Sussex and the South East. The Sussex International Piano Competition, Assembly Hall, Worthing, Tuesday 9–Saturday 14 April. Quarter Final tickets and those of the Arta and Florian event can be purchased from Wendy Dowse on 01903 753139. Semi and Grand Final tickets, as well as tickets for the Saturday evening show, can be obtained from Worthing Theatres, by phone, online or in person. Call 01903 206206 or visit Words: Richard Amey

015_LS623_heroesrun_011_LS466_interview 05/04/2013 15:12 Page 2




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Be a hero this May & take part in the Brighton Heroes Run in aid of Pass It On Africa


he term ‘hero’ means something different to each of us, but we all have at least one in our lives, whether it’s a cartoon character from our childhood, or an ordinary person who has inspired us. On Sunday 19 May, you will once again have the opportunity to celebrate your favourite superhero by taking part in Brighton & Hove’s iconic Heroes Run on Hove seafront. You don’t have to be an athlete to take part, so the event is a fantastic opportunity for all the family to get involved and to hide behind your crusader mask if you don’t want to be recognised doing your first fun run. As well as the Super 5k distance and Heroic 10k for the grown up Wonder Women and Supermen amongst you, there is also the ever-popular Mini-Heroes 500m Dash which allows your little Jedi Knights and fairies to don their favourite outfits and demonstrate their fledgling superpowers. The events take place next to Hove Lawns with the Mini-Heroes Dash starting at 11am and prizes will be awarded for the best costumes. Outfits can be shop-bought or homemade, but best to think of the practicalities of running in it before getting too carried away with the design! If you work in an office and are looking for an idea for a team awayday, why not get your creative juices flowing and enter as a group? It’s a fantastic excuse for team bonding in underpants and a little good humoured rivalry, whilst raising money for a good cause. Now in its ninth year, the Heroes Run raises money for locally-based charity Pass It On Africa, and is aiming to raise £20,000 to support school build projects and education for some of the poorest communities in Kenya and Ghana. Participants are being challenged to help meet this target by raising just £20 each in sponsorship. The entrance fee covers all event and set up costs, so 100 per cent of sponsorship money raised will go to support the charity’s projects. Entries are open online at and you can also find out more on their Facebook page The Super 5k distance is open to anyone 13 years or older, and the Heroic 10k for 16 years and over. The Mini-Heroes Dash is for 8-15 year olds, although under 8’s may take part if accompanied by an adult. It was once said that one man can’t change the world, but all have the power to make a difference, so dig out your trainers, get creative with your heroic costumes and sign up for a fun day out, and at the same time help put a smile on the face of a child in Africa. Brighton Heroes Run, Sunday 19 May 2013, Hove Lawns,


016_LS623_hotlist_Hotlist 03/04/2013 16:16 Page 2



L7 Hotlist

Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477,

Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit British & Modern European Bardsley’s

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. Fully licensed. Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256,

individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere. The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards. The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton BN1 1GE, 01273 900 383,

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

At this tastefully decorated and relaxed foodie pub, it’s all about local and organic, and that is why they are winning local awards, national acclaim and incredible reviews. Great for a bite to eat or just pop in for a drink. It does get busy so booking is recommended to avoid disappointment. The Foragers, 3 Stirling Place, Hove, 01273 733134,

The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indianinspired design, specially-commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake out new ground in home dining. Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches: with regional curries, homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams. The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at 01273 900384

The Townhouse


The Foragers

At Kemp Town's favourite restaurant their chefs lovingly create delicious menus using the finest locally sourced produce. They take huge pride in delivering quality food with a warm and friendly welcome. The Townhouse has an amazing location overlooking New Steine and the buzzing St. James Street. You can relax in their bar with your favourite cocktail while listening to live music. Join them for Kemp Town’s best breakfast every Saturday and Sunday 9am–12pm, lunch from 12pm everyday, and dinner from 6pm. They offer amazing value set menus, lunch (2 course £11.95) and evening (2 courses £14.95), Monday–Thursday, and the best roast in town on Sunday’s from £9.95. 01273 693216 81-82 St James Street, Kemp Town, Brighton, BN2 1PA

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10. Gars, 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton, 01273 321321,

Indian Chaula’s Lewes

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan as well as gluten and wheat free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

Nooris Indian restaurant in central Brighton has been newly refurbished and offers a fantastic setting for lunch or dinner. The menu features a great selection of meat and vegetables. A two-course lunch or early dinner is available for just £6.95, and their Sunday buffet is just £5.50 – available 12pm–5pm. Try their delicious homemade fish or chicken thali; you won’t be disappointed! Nooris, 70/71 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 329405

Italian Al Duomo

Brighton’s longest established family run pizzeria, using fresh ingredients, has recently updated its menu and restaurant team. Offering a comprehensive array of traditional stone-baked pizzas made fresh daily with gourmet ingredients imported direct from Italy and authentic Italian dishes from the a la carte menu. Gluten-free pasta and vegan dishes are also offered. Try their special lunch/pre-theatre menu at £9.95 for two courses with a great selection of choices or £12.75 for three courses. Cocktails are available from the cocktail bar and Monday to Friday you can enjoy 2-4-1 cocktails from 3pm–9pm. Check out the special mid-week Cabaret Nights, Elvis, Michael Buble and Las Vegas Swing. Open seven days a week. Booking recommended. Al Duomo Restaurant, 6 & 7 Pavilion Buildings, Brighton, BN1 1EE, 01273 326741,


Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £6.95 or three for £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos.

Chaula’s Brighton

A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting. Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings. The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy ghee-based sauces here but an altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour. Both delicious and affordable. Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99. Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661,

The Chilli Pickle

The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove. This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and they’re open every day, so come down and ‘gin yur yur’ (eat a lot!). The Green Mango, 8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226,

Street Thai

Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest

ingredients. Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with twocourses at £8.95 and three-courses at £10.95. Street Thai, 01273 207444, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton BN1 1HD

Tea & Coffee Shops Drury Tea & Coffee

Drury Tea & Coffee specialists offer infinite choices of espresso, filter and cafetiere coffee for home and business use. Their Richardson Road retail store is stocked with single origin beans, espresso blends, green, white and black teas. Wholesale section for restaurants, cafés, pubs and offices, plus free deliveries throughout East and West Sussex. Drury Tea & Coffee, Richardson Road, Hove, BN3 5RB, 01273 888600, The Townhouse

017_LS623_food__food 03/04/2013 13:34 Page 2



Food & Drink Andrew Kay pops on some whites & steps into the brand new kitchen at Brighton’s award winning Terre à terre

Pied à Terre I

f you know me, well you will be aware that I seem unable to say no. It’s how I ended up being alternative Miss Brighton, how I am about to embark on two months of dancing for charity and how I end up in all kinds of trouble. Not that I am averse to a spot of trouble from time to time, it keeps you on your toes, that’s for sure. When the lovely Olivia form Terre à Terre called to give me the nod that the restaurant ws finally opening again I was delighted, Brighton without T à T is like Morecambe without Wise, or Flanders without Swann. When she suggested that I might like to spend an afternoon in the kitchen I jumped at the chance. I have the T à T cook book, it’s my favourite kind of pornography, but the chance to see the kitchen at work was far more tempting. It was arranged that I would join chef Matt for an afternoon and early evening. No commitment was made as to how much I would be able – or even allowed – to do, but I wasn’t going to be picky, this was a treat that any food lover would jump at. On the day I donned some sensible shoes and an old pair of trousers and turned up as requested. Olivia produced a jacket that was surprisingly big on me, and, after a coffee and a chat with chef Matt, we headed down to the kitchen where he immediately set me to work. Now I am no stranger to the workings of a pro kitchen, but I am certainly not a pro chef, so when he handed me an enormous knife I did have a flutter of nerves. How long would it be before I was sporting those blue sticking plasters that you only find in pro kitchens? The new kitchen is no bigger than before but massively improved with a revised layout and lots of smart new equipment. My first task was to make a huge quantity of guacamole. I make it at home so I was interested to see what differences there would be. It turned out to be very few, except that I use two avocadoes and they use about 24. It gave Matt the chance to take a look at my knife skills, and having seen that there were no fingers in the guacamole, a real Terre à Terre faux pas that would be, he decided I was ready for more. Over the next few hours I was given an increasing number of tasks: I separated eggs for the twice-baked cheese soufflés, weighed the butter, cheese and flour too. I trimmed and prepared two huge boxes of aubergines and I finely sliced a large quantity of chestnuts, which I am proud to see I did not nibble at, despite loving them. It was then that I was introduced to the range and my main task for the day, which would be to prepare the starter for a group of my friends who I had been asked to invite along. Mr R was joined by Mr M, Ms G de V and Mr D, and they were all off having drinks in advance of a 7pm booking. I was given a choice of which dish I would prepare for them between Arepas Chilli Candy, deep fried corn cakes rolled in spice dust served with chilli chelly jelly, avocado hash, oregano and lime mojo and a candied chilli. Or Congee Shiso Yuzu and Tempura Shiitake, a risotto of kombu dashi and miso finished with black rice served with shiitake and Chinese chive tempura finished with

beansprout and shisho leaves in a yuzu dressing. I chose the latter and Matt gave me a demonstration of how to cook it and plate it. I watched with an eagle eye, there is so much on each plate, so much detail and so much precision, and when he finished I gulped and felt the panic in the pit of my stomach. Before I knew it though I was in at the deep end. An order came in for two portions of my chosen dish and Matt suggested I do it as a trial run. This was me, cooking for the general public. I was terrified, but after a few minutes I realised that if I was to pull it off I needed to settle down, which I did and with a little help from the team I pulled it off. The practice was good, but it was only a short while before I had to create the dish again and this time for six. It required a lot more thought, multiplying the component parts, making sure everything was ready on time and delivered to the pass looking, and tasting of course, as good as a regular customer would expect. It was a sweaty business requiring the juggling of many pans and a steady hand when dressing the plates, but when they were all sat there looking pretty it was a very satisfying feeling. I just prayed that my guests would be equally satisfied. They’re a nice lot so they were bound to be nice but I think that they were genuinely impressed and when I waved my uncut fingers in a culinary jazz hands manner they saw that I had been accident free. Everyone went on to enjoy the pro’s cook their main courses and a couple of desserts and we drank some great wines off the exceptional list. I had the best of times and would happily go back and do it again, although I am not sure that I could keep up the pace of that extraordinary kitchen for more than the occasional shift. My sincere thanks go to them all for putting up with an amateur in their domain. I was also reminded of the question to which I would also answer no. People often ask if I would like to run my own restaurant. The answer is always no and here is why. It’s bloody hard work, the returns are slim for a very long time and if I ran a restaurant when would I get the chance to dine in restaurants? The answer would be never and that is not an option. No, best leave it the professionals and they don’t come more professional than the team at Terre à Terre. P.S: Did I mention that Terre à Terre is a vegetarian restaurant? No, and although it is, I seldom think about that, it’s simply a great place to eat. Terre à Terre, The Vegetarian Restaurant, 71 East Street, Brighton BN1 1HQ, 01273 729051

Follow me: latestandrew

Are you eating less meat?

018_LS623_interview_011_LS466_interview 05/04/2013 16:31 Page 2



do my one-person show, you cannot work in the theatre unless its 12 weeks minimum – and I won’t do that anymore.” Touring must be exhausting... “It is exhausting. I had to do it when I was young and I enjoyed it very much, though sometimes it did take me away from the children. It takes up so much of your life, the theatre. Doing a one-person show allows me to be in the theatre which I love but yet it doesn’t take my life away.” You’ve always sung and you’ve had hit records. Are you going to sing in the show? “Yes, I’m going to sing a couple of songs.”

Smart, sophisticated, & sexy – Honor Blackman is an actress with a career that far exceeds Bond & The Avengers. Andrew Kay talks to her about her life & her live show


any people are only interested in a couple of things that you’ve done, but you’ve had an amazing stage career as well as a film career that goes well beyond two things... “It’s funny, I asked the person who does my website who directed a film that I made and he said: ‘Well, just go to your website and you will see what you’ve done’, and I was astonished at all the work, and I realised that was without any kind of theatre, and the theatre is the thing I love best, of course.” Do you still get the same buzz out of appearing in front of a live audience? “Yes, it’s much more interesting, you have immediately to interest them and to entertain them, whereas in front of a camera you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. I mean, with any luck you do know what the hell you’re doing, but you don’t feel the reaction. You always know with audiences. It’s nice if you get laughs and you can feel if you’ve moved them. It’s an interaction between lots of people and oneself, that’s what theatre is all about.” You've played a varied number of roles, from the obvious sexy ladies through to incredibly good comedy, and your comic timing is fantastic. Did you find that natural? “Yes, very early on in my career my eldest sister said when they were putting me in all these glamourous dolly parts: ‘Oh, can’t you get into some comedy? That's where you belong’, and it’s taken me a long time to get to anything like that apart from in the theatre when I did Move Over Mrs Markham, the first farcical play I'd ever done. But as far as television is concerned, The Upper Hand was the only chance I’ve had. I have to say it’s sometimes a distinct disadvantage to be good looking [laughs]. I mean, it isn’t any more, thank heavens, you can have all sorts of beautiful actresses now who are accepted as good actresses, but when I came up that simply wasn’t the case. If you were lovely and‚ if you put it on the line, if you’ve had a bosom – and you can’t help that – then they just slammed you into the glamourous roles. Looking back now I was such an innocent, knew nothing whatsoever about the theatre, but I think if I’d had a really good agent

who, instead of just caring about money, had cared about my future as an actress, I think my life might have been very different.” Despite being known as a glamorous young woman you've had the most fantastic career... “I have, I know, I feel awfully mean when I grumble but I would have liked to have played classics. I’ve only ever done one Shakespearean play, one Shaw, and the serious theatre has passed me by. Anyway, I’m not going to moan anymore.”

“As Pussy Galore you were sophisticated – yes, that was a feminist role, let’s face it”

But not ‘Kinky Boots’ I assume? “Oh my god! [laughs] The making of ‘Kinky Boots’ is just such a memory. I mean, I can laugh about it now, it was terrible at the time. Decca approached me first and said would Patrick and I like to do a record and I said oh yes, I would ask him, but I was sure he would. When I asked him he said ‘I can’t sing in tune and I have no sense of rhythm’. And because naturally I can, I couldn’t believe there was such a person. So I persuaded him and at five o’clock on the Saturday afternoon when we’d just finished rehearsal we went off to the studio to do it, and Patrick proved that he was absolutely right. Oh, it was a nightmare. We tried a few times and then we went across to the pub and had a brandy. When we came back Marcel Stellman, the producer, hit Patrick on the shoulder every time to cue him in and Patrick spoke it. It wasn’t the happiest of recordings but anyway, it’s quite funny.” Do you still enjoy making films? “I always watch what I say because I’ve had two young and very inexperienced directors in the last pictures I’ve done, and I wouldn’t say they were wild successes. If you have young directors that don’t wish to listen to anyone else and working with what might be termed old sorts you would think that they would have the wisdom to think that we know one or two things after all this time. It doesn’t mean to say they’re brilliant actors but they may know one or two things. They say come and meet the director before you start, and you think ‘he’s only 14’. For me particularly, it’s bound to happen, everybody seems like a child.” A lot of actors that followed you in the Bond role were called girls, but when you played that iconic role, you were a lady... “You mean I was thirty? Or thirty something?” Yes, thirty something when you did the Bond... “I don't know what I was. People are always kind enough to point it out.”

The show you’re doing now is a conversation about your life? “Yes, and it isn’t just my career. It’s my childhood and my family, all the sorts of things I've never talked about before, because I do have a life beside my career. There’s a lot about my getting into the profession, which is what lots of people don’t know. They know what films I’ve been in and what theatre, but they don’t know how one arrived at that particular point.”

What I was meant to say was that as Pussy Galore, you were sophisticated – not what we expect now from that kind of role in a Bond film. You brought intelligence to it, smart and sassy... “Yes, that was a feminist role, let’s face it.”

You have strong views about the monarchy... “I do. Well, people misread it, I have nothing much against what is the monarchy now, they do their best. I just think they shouldn't be there and in time I don’t think they will be. I think we’ll be like France. An overthrow. We call ourselves a democracy and there we are, answering to over privileged people who have done absolutely nothing. I do think they work hard but there’s no good reason for them to be there.”

But you actually brought two things: intelligence and window dressing... “Yes, and I’m all for it. I can’t think that I was ever a type of dolly bird actress anyway.”

So strong, but you're not a radical? “No, I’m not. I don’t think so, no [laughs].” Do you still go out and look for work? “Oh, I don't look for anything. I’m perfectly happy to

Since then, most of them have just been dollies... “Barbara Broccoli has admitted fairly recently, not the last couple of films I think, that the women, well girls, in Bond films have been window dressing.”

You had sophistication right from the start... “I dressed as somebody I was, I wasn’t a nonthinker. When I started, you were blonde and you were an idiot and that was that. Nowadays it’s entirely different to when I started.” Honor Blackman as Herself, Komedia Studio Saturday 11 May, 3.15pm £15/£14, Box Office: 01273 917272

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L7 Under review

L7 Bookings On sale this week…

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TOP 20

PARTY ON! ABIGAIL’S PARTY Theatre Royal Brighton, 26 March 2013 ✪✪✪✪✪


ike Leigh’s iconic play is hard wired into so many minds that any new production is up against it. Much as we would like to see a new take on it we probably all crave more of Steadman and Duvitski. How can any cast win? Well this Theatre Royal Bath and Menier Chocolate Factory hit certainly does and after a West End run it is now touring. Set in a world of G Plan, Ladderax and op art orange wallpaper, Beverley is an upwardly mobile predator, preying on her neighbours’ weaknesses, plying them with booze and bullying her dismal husband Laurence. Alison Steadman created the role but Hannah Waterman is more than able to take up the mantle as she loped around the stage in emerald green nylon dispensing booze and put downs, offering compliments and soothing thoughts one minute and chipping away at insecurities the next. Katie Lightfoot is marvellous as Angela, downtrodden and damaged by her bullying husband and in Beverley’s thrall. Emily Raymond as Susan, mother of the Abigail in the title, is a divorced mother raising her rebellious punk daughter. Tensions could not be higher as these disparate character try to make the best of a social gathering fuelled by booze and cheese and pineapple on sticks. Martin Marquez as Laurence and Samuel James as Tony are hilarious as the pre female emancipation husbands. Driven Laurence is a ball of nerves, Tony a sulking bully who is easily led astray by Beverley’s aggressive flirtation. Ange looks on like a hurt child and Susan is clearly appalled. It stands no chance of ending well and of course it doesn’t. But the real artistry in this dreadful scenario is that it is hysterically funny from start almost to finish and the company bring a life to this classic that one hardly dared hope for. Andrew Kay


Alfie Boe. Renowned tenor, famous for the monstrous voice that made him popular with musical fans everywhere when he took on the role of Jean Valjean in Les Misérables in 2010. Those who expected to see a mix of operatic classics and hits from the musicals can make up their own minds about whether Boe's impressive yet distinctly different stage show was their cup of tea. Although singing pop oldies such as 'Bridge Over Troubled Water', 'If I Can Dream' and 'Shine A Light' didn’t leave a dry seat in the house, there was no doubt that when Boe opened his mouth to his predominately female audience with 'Bring Him Home', he certainly brought it home. The Brighton Centre, 30 March 2013 ✪✪✪ Holly Cozens Did you disagree with our verdict on any of these shows?


Where would you see Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, Amy Winehouse and Carmen Miranda all in the same place? In heaven, of course. Or failing that, The Old Market. The venue worked perfectly for this comic cabaret, with the mix of cabaret and bleacher-style seating giving everyone a good view. Ably backed by The Burning Love Band, Laura Nixon played a deliciously naughty Marilyn, a potty-mouthed Amy and a slightly unsure Carmen Miranda, seeking audience approval with “You like me, yes?”, while Jim Devereaux as Elvis oozed sex appeal. Marilyn was close to disintegrating into drunkenness towards the end, but it was still very funny. The Old Market, 30 March 2013 ✪✪✪✪ Jenni Davidson


Concer Hall, Brighton Dome, 17 May 2013, £17.50 subject to booking fee, 01273 709709, The legendary Billy Bragg, whose impassioned outlook has inspired countless audiences and artists alike in his 30-year career.


Concorde 2, 24 May 2013, £12 + booking fee, 01273 673311, “Out of the whole new breed of reggae and roots acts around, GDC are the most skankingly wicked and always smash it live and on record... immense!” Rob Da Bank. Listen to the man.

Alexxa B powers her way to the top spot with her energetic melody ‘Pawn’ as last week’s highflyers Grasshopper fall to number 8. Newcomers The Cocktail Party delight with ‘Fairytale’ at number 9, a hilarious parody of a certain Macgowan and MacColl number.

Words: Henry Smith

1 Alexxa B Pawn 2 Matt Purkis All Around (Original Mix) 3 The Kids Ring Out The Bells 4 Victoria Darby Blackbird 5 Collisions Push 6 Automatic Shoes Act II 7 Trip to Dover Be Juliet 8 Grasshopper Collide 9 The Cocktail Party Fairytale 10 Osaro and RJ Shut Up and Dance


Coalition, 23 May 2013, £9/8, The lady that enchanted millions on last year’s X Factor only to drop out due to illness is having her own tour, no doubt including that memorable ode to an excessive night out that won Lucy her place in Boot Camp.


Caroline Of Brunswick, throughout June and July 2013, from £5, The Caroline Of Brunswick had an incredible line-up of works in progress last year and they haven’t let us down with this year’s half-formed treats. With a mixture of emerging stars, familiar names and pot luck, it’s well worth taking a punt on some of these double- and triple-bills. Headliners include; Lucy Beaumont, David Trent, Lucy Porter, James Acaster, Romesh Ranganathan, Carl Donnelly, Seann Walsh, Carey Marx, Angela Barnes, Gerry Howell, Michael Legge, Josh Widdicombe, Charlie Baker, Paul McCaffrey, Richard Herring, Sara Pascoe, Nick Helm, Ellie Taylor and sketch trio Jigsaw.

11 Moonlighter Every Time I Fall 12 DATES Thief 13 BoxBoy My Weekend 14 Roger Tabry Right Here Waiting (Accapella Mix) 15 Jack the Cad Brighton 16 MC Cashback Jerk Chicken 17 jaybeemusic Sweet Savage (2012) 18 EVOH I Love Brighton 19 Friday Night Hero Our Time 20 Freudstein Misadventure Gary Hughes Remix SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos


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STAGE: FRINGE BENEFITS Brighton Fringe is an annual hotbed of theatrical invention and experimentation. What better way to discover the talent of the future?


righton Fringe has always been a favourite, but how deos one decide what to see and what not to see? In our view, the Fringe is an opportunity to see new work without prejudice. On the whole, what you find will be of a reasonable quality, but that quality will range from passable to excellent. Over the years we have witnessed great theatre at the Fringe. Nichola Haydn manages year on year to produce, direct and even appear in work of extraordinary quality and a look at the listings for OtherPlace is bound to unearth some gems. The First Domino, a play about a terrorist bomber, written by Jonathan Cash stunned audeinces at Latest Musicbar, and Adrian Bunting’s Kemble’s Riot has gone on to garner praise beyond the Fringe. Here are some Fringe events that have already come to our attention. Whether they are good or not so good will be your decision, but what they will be is affordable and never too long.

Sound Screen Studio Theatre, Brighton Dome Sun 14 April Box office 01273 709709

The 39 Steps Tour Theatre Royal Brighton Until Sat 13 April Box office 08448 717 650

Cafe Chaos The Hawth Studio, Crawley Tues 9 April Box office 01293 553636

Charley’s Aunt Congress Theatre, Eastbourne Tue 9–Sat 13 April Box office 01323 412000

In Your Dreams

STAGE: IN YOUR DREAMS! Second Impression Theatre Co present David Weedall’s comedy exploring the darker side of the human psyche. Have you ever wanted to change your life to the one you’ve dreamed of? One girl discovers how stressful it can be as she seeks to be free from her selfish boyfriend and subdue her dominating boss! In a bizarre twist, lucid dreams and reality merge in this dark and mysterious comedy. Second Impression Theatre premiere their 18th consecutive new show to Brighton Fringe. Utilising minimalist scenery and props, effective lighting, trailing edge sound and unusual themes, Second Impression’s aim is to create ‘the greatest possible effect from the least possible means’, daring audiences to enter the world of imagination where reality takes on new turns and perspectives. Award winning writer and director David Weedall said: “We are very excited to be back at the Brighton Fringe this year, which is a catalyst for so much creative output! Following the Brighton Fringe, the show will then be taken to a London venue.”


In Your Dreams!, Upstairs @ The Lectern, 5 Pelham Terrace, Lewes Road, Brighton BN2 4AF, Wed 15–Sat 18 May, 9pm, £8.50/£7 from the Brighton Fringe Box Office on 01273 917272 and online at

STAGE: POE Six Lips Theatre presents a celebration of one of the most revered yet slandered authors of early modern fiction. The clock strikes thirteen as the floorboards pulsate, there is a scream from the crypt and something unusual is being dragged from inside the chimney breast. Autumn falls on a decomposing 19th-century Europe, the smell of cabbage and the threat of the ticking pendulum bringing home the sense of desolation, while puppets join actors onstage to bring to life a menagerie of grotesque, intriguing characters. This original script is based on the short stories of Edgar Allen Poe. Set in a belfry amidst the clock cogs and cobwebs, William keeps the time in solitude, but on each foreboding chime of the clock a new unwanted visitor appears. Informally adopted, massively criticised, spoiled and aggressively disciplined. The inventor of the detective fiction genre and re-inventor of science fiction, Edgar Allen Poe lived a tale not too far from those he penned, full of loss, rejection and mourning. We celebrate the legacy of Poe’s works in gothic horror, by telling the story of one of the greatest storytellers of the modern era. Poe, St Andrew’s Church, Friday 17 May–Tuesday 21 May & Friday 24 May–Tuesday 28 May, 5pm nightly plus 1pm Saturday matinées, £8/£6 Brighton Fringe Box office: 01273 917272

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Tues 9 April Cafe Scientifique

Thurs 11 April Catalyst Club

Action For Happiness is a movement for Monthly event which blends the old positive social change. traditions of a French Salon with debating 7.30pm Free societies. 8pm £5

Wed 10 April Tango Boot Camp

Mon 15 April

Argentine Tango with TangoBootCamp Overhead Wires ( Kerela 8pm–11.30pm £8/£5 whole night or £3.50/£3 + Puppet Kings social dancing only + Cry Wolf 8pm £3


020_023_LS623_previews_editorial 05/04/2013 11:44 Page 3 Foreste


MUSIC: HOUSE OF LOVE Jeff Hemmings talks to guitarist Terry Bickers


Yes Sir Boss

MUSIC: TEAM GHOST Combining electronic music with noisy guitars, Nicolas Fromageau quit M83 in 2004 and eventually formed Team Ghost in 2009 indulging his love of darker, more gothic textures, with influences such as Joy Division, Cocteau Twins as well as Sonic Youth and Brian Eno. Now a five piece, they've just released new album Rituals Blind Tiger Club, Fri 12 April, 7pm, £5.50 MUSIC: LAZY HABITS & YES SIR BOSS Eight-piece live New-Orleans-BigBand-Hip-Hop with a bit of Afrobeat courstey of Bristol’s Lazy Habits, while Yes Sir Boss are good friends with Joss Stone, to the extent that she sings on their current single Mrs#1, as well as providing a

Pere Ubu

Team Ghost

record label home (Mama Stone’s) for it! Plus there’s the London Afrobeat Collective and Gypsy Disco spinning Balkan Beats, Electro Swing and more. All courtesy of Playgroup. Concorde 2, Sat 13 April, 11pm, £10 MUSIC: PERE UBU David Thomas and his his legendary post-punk band Pere Ubu have just released new album Lady From Shanghai, another leftfield avantejazz rock exploration of the outer edges of ‘dance’. Joining them will be ex-Mercury Rev singer David Baker and his new ensemble Variety Lights. Haunt, Sat 13 April, 7pm, £15 MUSIC: SUBURBAN LEGENDS American third wave ska band who've been round since the late ‘90s. Ska in all its varieties forms the foundation, but they also delve into the world of funk, disco and pop. Their ritous dance routines and energetic live show makes this an interesting proposition! Haunt, Sun 14 April, 7pm, £8


ormed in 1986, House Of Love became a leading indie rock band in the late ’80s; ‘Shine On’, ‘Christine’ and ‘Destroy The Heart’ remain seminal songs from that period, and their eponymous debut made number one in the Independent Charts. They were cover stars and hotly tipped as being the next British stadium rock band, before a downward spiral of drugs, ego clashes and sheer exhaustion saw their fortunes decline until disbanding in 1993. They reformed in 2003, released a new album in 2005 and have been semi-active ever since, juggling day jobs and other musical projects with the band. They have a new album, She Paints Words In Red, released in time for this UK tour. At its beating heart are singer and songwriter Guy Chadwick and guitarist Terry Bickers, who initially left the band in 1989 following a well publicised breakdown in the band’s relation. “Then I was very young when we had our success,” says Terry, who is Brighton based. “I was only 20-22 years old when it was building up rapidly. I didn’t have much experience of what we were going through, being in the limelight. This time around, I’m happy to be still doing it, it’s like being given a second chance.” The legendary Alan McGee, who set up Creation Records and both Oasis as well as House Of Love, has only fond memories: “I loved them, they could have taken on anybody live. Terry was a true genius, Guy a master songwriter, the recipe for big time success still to this day. Maybe only I know how f***ing crazy that band truly were.” “We really needed guidance at that crucial point,” Guy has said. “Most groups just go nuts. It’s like this huge trolley full of booze being placed in front of you. With a whiff of success, people change towards you. We were taking too many drugs, I was drinking ridiculously...” Bickers’ psychedelic stylings have won many admirers over the years; after the band split he formed the psychedelically-minded Levitation and as well as House Of Love, he has an ongoing musical project with Pete Fijalkowski, of whom there should be more later in the year. Chadwick and Bickers though managed to join forces again for a reunion in 2003. “We did a session for Tom Robinson recently; he was describing how we got chewed up by the music industry and buckled under the strain, but now we’ve managed to work it out, and it’s good to be working with the guys because it’s like a family band; we know each other very well, and we have an instinctive feel for each others playing.” And now they are about to release the new album and head out on a very rare UK tour. “We worked with Pat Collier, who helped produce some of the early stuff like ‘Destroy The Heart’. I’m really pleased with the material, the songs are strong and I think it’ll grow live.” House Of Love, The Haunt, Wednesday 10 April, 7pm, £17.50

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020_023_LS623_previews_editorial 05/04/2013 13:06 Page 4



EVENTS: BRIGHTON MARATHON Get ready for a weekend of fun and cheer on the runners taking part in this year’s Brighton Marathon


hether the idea of running seems like a piece of cake or brings you out in a cold sweat, the Brighton Marathon is a great local event to get involved in this year. From actually taking part, volunteering with the organisation or simply spectating, there is a terrific sense of community to join in with. Taking place on Sunday 14 April, this year’s marathon will be monumental as it marks the first time in four years that Channel 4 will be televising an hour long highlights programme. This is a great chance for Brighton and Hove to show to the nation the beauty of the city along with the incredible atmosphere an event like this can create. In addition to this, there will be the introduction of the new Village Area, situated adjacent to the finish line on Madeira Drive. It’s the perfect place for spectators to hang out and watch the runners on their last few steps, with music, big screen, food and drink as well as some well-deserved Foster’s beer provided by the event’s sponsors. Talking of sponsors, Iconic Shlurp! is proud to get behind this year’s Mini Mile Races, one of the UK’s largest under 18’s running events. This year, the kids will join in the last mile of the main race route as part of their course in order to join in the exhilaration with the rest of the participants and they will recieve a T-shirt, goody bag and medal to end their experience. Although the Brighton Marathon falls on a Sunday, this event is something to enjoy all weekend with the Brighton Centre opening their doors on Friday and Saturday for a free exhibition, showcasing charities, brands and sponsors. Download The Brighton Marathon App in order to make the most of the weekend, helping you to find your way around the course, track people who are running and find the perfect bar or restaurant for post-race celebrations. The 2013 Brighton Marathon, Sunday 14 April,

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Boothby Graffoe

COMEDY: BOOTHBY GRAFFOE: NOMAD. NO SANE EITHER… The marvellous musical madness returns with a show from the darkly brilliant eccentric – Boothby Graffoe. Top chat between songs. Top songs. You’ll buy a CD in the foyer at the end. Komedia, Thurs 11 April, 8pm, £12/10

Sajeela Kershi

COMEDY: FUNNYHAHA Headlined by the very funny Tiernan Douieb – charm personified – this local gig just off The Level is hosted by the lovely Julie Jepson. With support from Sean McLoughlin and Pete Costella. Caroline Of Brunswick, Wed 10 April, 8pm, £5 COMEDY: LAUGHING HORSE COMEDY The Big Saturday night comedy show in Brighton, with a top selection of comics, including: Vladimir McTavish, Del Strain, Zahra Barri, Alex Love and compere Sajeela Kershi. The Quadrant, Sat 13 April, 8.30pm, £7/6 FILM: OBLIVION (12A) Dir: Joseph Kosinski Tom Cruise has developed a habit of

playing the everyman rising to the challenge against incredible odds. Didn’t believe it in War Of The Worlds, still not sure. Doesn’t stop this being an excellent yarn though, as our man portrays a humble drone in this sci-fi odyssey about a sequence of events that threaten the very survival of the human race. Also starring Morgan Freeman and Andrea Riseborough. Released Wed 10 April Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

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020_023_LS623_previews_editorial 05/04/2013 16:59 Page 5 Maggie Claringbould





FILM: THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES (15) Dir: Derek Cianfrance Ryan Gosling certainly seems to like crime flicks in which he gets to do spectacular driving. Last time it was a car in Drive, this time he’s on a motorbike and pulling off quite the heist. With Bradley Cooper as the cop hot on his tail, this has two generations battling to leave the past behind. Released Fri 12 April Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

ART: KITTY CAVA Expressive printmaker who works from original drawings, paintings and photographs. For Kitty the printmaking process is one of interpretation and simplification, she says it “affords me an opportunity to be expressive with colour and mark making, and enjoy the tactile qualities of paper and ink”. Kitty Cava, Pelham House, St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes, 01273 488600. Until 14 May ART: BIBA AND BEYOND Very last chance to see this major retrospective of Barbara Hulanicki, Brighton educated illustrator, fashion designer and interior designer extraordinaire. Biba & Beyond, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 01273 290900. Until 14 April 2014 ART: INTO THE WILD A correction: Into The Wild exhibition in on at the Naked Eye Gallery until Sunday 28 April. Into The Wild, Naked Eye Gallery, 5 Farm Mews, Farm Road, Brighton, 01273 204800, Until 28 April

The Place Beyond The Pines

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Kitty Cava

Salon with debating societies, this monthly event offers up a hearty discussion as three speakers take to the lecturn one by one to hold forth on their specialist subjects and spark discussion. Everything you need to keep the little grey cells going. Latest Musicbar, Tues 9 April, 7.30, free

EVENTS: THE CIRCUS PROJECT The Circus Project has introduced a brand new class to their popular youth programme, suitable for anyone aged 7–13yrs. They teach aerial circus – so trapeze, rope and silks and performance. So much after school fun! (Adult classes are also available – see website for details). Hangleton Community Centre, Mon 15 April, 4.45–6pm, £45 for every half term (6-7 weeks). EVENTS: THE CATALYST CLUB Mixing the old traditions of a French


The Circus Project

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Classes across Brighton, Lewes and East Sussex Opportunities to enter for ISTD exams, or simply dance for fun! Ballroom & Latin classes for children, teenagers and adults Private tuition also available, as well as “First Dance” preparation for Wedding Couples For more info, visit Call Alex on 07901 962163 or email

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L7 SADE ALI’S TIPS TO PREP FOR A GOOD NIGHT OUT Even if you are used to clubbing, starting off the night without stressing takes some serious work. Here’s a few tips on how to prep for a good night out.

Bmusic Lose your dreams, and you will lose your mind, ain’t life unkind?


y now you can’t fail to have seen that the Mick, Keef et al will be headlining a little stage in Devon come June. Elsewhere, global names are being lined up for interstellar shows in fields and barns over the summer; Springsteen at Wembley, Kraftwerk at Latitude, Timberlake and Jay-Z at Wireless, etc. Very exciting it is too.   You improvise!  In one way or another Bmusic representatives will be at most of these, if only in a punter capacity, because we love big gigs, love the beer-strewn community that only comes with shouting back the lyrics to a treasured song with 40,000 strangers. But an experience last Thursday got the rusty little cogs in our mind whirring. Casablancas circa 1am, not expecting much more than a drink and a twirl with some friendly strangers. Instead we witnessed one of those rare things; a venue full of people from all swathes of fashion tribes totally getting down to a live band they've never heard of.  It turns out it's a night called Casa Jams where any funk soul brother worth his salt can get up and play with the band. And play they did, a veritable treasure chest of soul classics and rock staples.  Jam nights like this can so easily lend themselves to cringe; bland musicians playing right-wing crowdpleasers in a manner that would horrify their heroes. But here they bounced off each other and the crowd, and kept the ceiling dripping with enough sweat to stay damp until next (Ruby) Tuesday. And they seemed to reflect everything we want to do at Bmusic. Yes, we are here for the big boys and beautiful girls; but we’re also here for the small-town heroes who are a long way from losing their dreams. Long may these continue. Words: Ben Darling   

A Noise Reel Extended Feature of Woodland Blue ‘Safe House EP’ launch event (featuring Time For T and The Common Tongues) is available now online at

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Make sure you are in a party mood. If you aren’t, get into one. You may want to play your favourite ravin’ music at a reasonably high volume. Get friends you can go ravin’ with. Clubbing is no fun alone. Unless you’re that one that actually does find it fun (anyone heard of Nikita?). Chose the club you want to go to. Make sure you can get there and back (taxi, bus, designated driver ’n’ all that!) Or even just there will do for now, it’s always interesting to see someone trying to blag the night bus driver at five in the morning! Pick an outfit that's preferably in fashion. Girls, you want to look sexy but not trashy. *Yolo* leggings are not cool anymore! And guys, double denim is not a good look! Take a shower and put on a nice scent. Nothing too overpowering. You don’t want to give anyone an asthma attack! Also if you are a girl, it’s a good idea to wear makeup, but don’t overdo it. Apply a small amount of foundation and concealer if necessary, and put on a light blush. On your eyes, apply eyeshadow, mascara and eyeliner. A smokey eye is very pretty and draws attention to your eyes, so it would be a good idea to try that out. Again, don’t overdo it – you don't want to look like a panda! Eat a good meal before you go out. You need to keep the energy levels up. And it might stop you from pigging out at Buddies after the club. We’ve all had one night where we spent way too much in there, although if you do, get the mushrooms! Mmm! Make sure you have your I.D. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being the loser that can’t get in the club! Now it’s time to go rave!

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It’s official: Hed Kandi Brighton are re-branding Friday nights, there has been an outcry for quality in Brighton night life. MAYFAIR Fridays is all about getting glammed up, enjoying great music, affordable drinks in a safe environment and a great opportunity to get your social buzz on, enjoying life in the city feeling and looking fabulous. Looking to celebrate your birthday like a Royal? They will ensure your special day is memorable, with great music in a premier club. No queuing, in fact you will be escorted like the VIPs you are, to your very own VIP table and waitress service provided to you. You will get a bottle of bubbly and a special birthday package with sparklers to light up the place!




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Charles Green DJ Dubl £2.50 DOUBLES before 12 – £3 after EVERY THURSDAY – 10PM-4AM

Dress up…to dress off


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Andy Hinton on this week’s best gigs

Free entry before 12am via Facebook guest list, £3, (£2 NUS)

BASTARD POP The supreme mash-up of sounds returns on Thursday to tune your mind to the Audio beat. Resident jockey MILTON returns to deliver the tracks which force an explosion of dance. With 241 cocktails on the menu, Thursday night is the time to rock your socks off with the best. Audio, Thurs 11 April, 9pm–3am,

LA FEVER Don your most colourful slacks and allow your flair to flourish as La Fever hits the scene every Tuesday in Brighton promising cheap drinks and Latin flair which won’t let you stop dancing! Life, 11pm onwards, £3/free before 12am

SECRET DISCOTHEQUE Ready to go back in time? Secret Discotheque serves up the songs you used to love and will soon love again. Expect your memory to be lit up by classic sounds which will have you swinging in no time! Coalition seems to have it all going on so don’t get left out. Coalition, Thurs 11 April, 11pm–6am, £2–£4

Lazy Habits

Words: Henry Smith

Now for the live delights on offer this week. For those who like their music distinctively lo-fi, Furrow are the band for you. They’ve recorded umpteen tracks in a caravan and released them on cassette. Their live shows are supposedly rather chaotic and their track ‘Rites Of Spring’ is 1min 22secs of ridiculous catchiness. They are at The Albert on Wednesday. From young indie upstarts to late ’80s indie stalwarts, on the same night at The Haunt is The House Of Love. Best known for their big hit ‘Shine On’ they have patched up their differences and reformed, just like erm...every single other band from that era. I know which gig I’ll be at that night. On Friday at The Blind Tiger are French band Team Ghost who combine analogue synths with guitars to create a distinct sound. Their EP, Curtains goes from the jagged attack of the title track to the Eno-esque ‘25.2’ and the building crescendo of ‘Team Ghost’. Saturday sees London Hip-Hop collective, Lazy Habits headline the Playgroup night at Concorde 2. This is jazz and funk infused hip-hop but with a full band; horns, bass, two drummers and two great rappers. I saw them a few months ago at The Blind Tiger and my hip-hop-phobic friend declared them to be “actually really good”. The truth was they blew the place apart. If you want to end the weekend with something rather less raucous the rather lovely Americana of Night Beds is at The Hope on Sunday night. Not a million miles away from Bon Iver’s debut his remarkable voice combined with lyrics of vulnerability and tremendous melodies will soothe you into the working week. More information and loads more gigs can be found at

Ultimate Power

Pic Tom Scrace



hat’s music for? Like any art-form it’s to generate some kind of emotional response; joy, happiness, excitement, sadness. As someone who sees an awful lot of live music there is one response that is the worst of the lot: boredom. That’s a rather roundabout way to get to my point which is this: New York band, Parquet Floors, Audio, 22 March. That night was the reason I go to gigs. A visceral and mesmerising experience. The energy emanating from the band osmosed its way into the crowd. They will be one of the must-see bands at the Great Escape. Pic Andy Hinton

ULTIMATE POWER The power ballad is most certainly back! Make sure you charge your batteries for an event making noise all over the country. Ultimate Power will give you ‘the best night of your life’ with heavenly sounds from Bon Jovi to Meatloaf. The news has spread so get there fast or you will miss out on a classic. Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar, Sat 13 April, 11pm–3am, £5, mikesfrogbar


Brighton’s listings in one click: On your mobile:

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STARS With Val Aviv

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Despite everything that’s been going on a shadowy residue has been lingering. This lack of vitality feels wasteful as your ruler Mars has been pushing you to break new ground. This week the New Moon in Aries will help you do just that.

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Your ruler Venus strides arm in arm with her robust companion Mars, there is nothing boring about their union as both sexual desires and romance become addictive. The secret aspect of feeling the depths of both love and desire make it more enticing.

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

If the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to ‘The one who made the most friends and easily’ you could well be fighting every other Gemini for it. Still, not every act of war is as evil as we might think; our apparent enemies are our greatest teachers.

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

You’re getting a lot better at making the right decisions and fast, the pressure you feel to push forward in the professional arena won't just go away. The path to success lies in adopting the pioneering spirit of the adventurous Ram, that should help you put your best foot forward.

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

Some may argue that it’s only upon the realisation that you know nothing, that the journey of knowledge can begin. The egocentric postulations of man are very funny to the Buddha’s. With so much to know, don’t limit yourself by clinging to what you learned last year – a new era is here.

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

If shared values are neither shared nor appreciated and ego drives are allowed to break out in a rash of inner turmoil, then it could be time for a change. Any relationship that starts now may be intense, with strong and transforming feelings.

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

As the desirable Mars holds hands with your ruler Venus, sparks could fly in the relationship department. By traditional standards Mars’ presence could denote a more sinister tone as enemies don’t go to the trouble of hiding from you – but with every open book; you can always put it down.

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Being health conscious is one thing, while preaching the gospel of your truth is another. You may want to support others, but sometimes the best way to help them help themselves is by limiting your help to the practical rather than the dogmatic.

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

You’re being rather driven as if a heavenly zeal has gripped you and won’t relinquish until you have fulfilled some imperative task. Get to it, as the current obligation is not an arduous detail, but a gift. Let the bounty of creation come through you.

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

You’re in tune with your innermost being and the less contaminated it is the better, thus you’ll be spending more time at home or revisiting your family or past – and yet, amid the arid desert of friendship lies in you a deep rooted need to connect.

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Terry Pratchett was thought to have said: “The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Which is of course true, but ideas are the soul’s food, and that which isn’t nutritious will find its own way out.

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

A New Moon in your house of finance will surely lighten the load and help you feel like you’ve turned a corner, Uranus insists there is still some elements of unpredictability and a wish to be financially independent has its challenges. Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at:

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 89 – 15 APRIL It’s the secret corners unseen by the rest of the world, unnoticed, but now revealed to be full of mischief and larks. It's the world of the night watchmen, with the long-suffering elder statesman jobsworth Kenneth bringing elements With Victoria Nangle of pathos, gravitas and sweet authority to the dingbat ensemble. People are sweet and so is their behaviour, whether they’re five or 50. Human behaviour is the star, the incidents only the catalyst to show it off at its sparkly kookiness. And not like Zooey Deschanel ‘kooky’. aroline Aherne’s name is a bit of a buzzword My only real problem with this programme is, with regards to telly programmes. Everyone surprisingly, the plot. There shouldn’t be one. remembers the Mrs Merton shows, there’s a Maybe Aherne has lost confidence in the fine warm glow in countless hearts at the propsect of crafting of her characters, maybe she’s gotten another The Royle Family special, but her last bored with them doing very little, or maybe her original venture – The Fattest Man In Britain – writing partner (Jeff Pope, whose work also seemed to pass a number of us includes the Sheridan Smith by. Back with a new series, vehicle for telly Mrs Biggs) rather than the one-off TV movie “People are sweet needs to have more story to get venture, Fattest Man... was but his writing teeth stuck into. and so is their continuing with the writing Whatever it is, it’s unnecessary. partnership that spawned, we I’d much rather hear more about behaviour, whether present to you The Security Men. Ducker (Bobby Ball’s) missus An hour long, this isn’t your they’re five or 50” Linda, whose escapades off typical sitcom, but then you screen threaten to leave Arthur wouldn’t expect it to be Daley’s ‘Her Indoors’ in the dust accompanied by a laughter track. Utilising Aherne’s in the race to claim the off-screen queen tiara. writing strengths, the beauty in this is in the Indelicate language, fabulous human flaws, details. It’s essentailly about four men patrolling a casual duplicity, and an enforced group dynamic of shopping centre overnight, every night, and their silly waggers all work well. Once you’ve got that, dynamic that takes you back to the school yard of who really needs a reason to get in a flap too – silliness and juvenile privacy. As two of them beyond messing up a biscuit rota? Oh, and the demonstrate a rather graceful ballet between two soundtrack is quite cracking too to any film and TV mobility scooters using the edges of the peripheral buff. Lush stuff. vision of the security cameras as the wings of their The Security Men, BBC1, Friday 12 April 2013 stage, there’s an affectionate silliness with filling time that Aherne has demonstrated so well in Follow me: latestvicky previous projects.

Telly Talk

Magic moments


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tuesday 9 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Channel Five, 9pm Warrick’s in the middle of something fishy – and this isn’t even a repeat. In fact, he’s still with the dearly departed, as is the clergyman found at his graveside. Bringing up old memories for the team, and crossing swords with Mr Brown’s family never goes down well.

Shameless Channel 4, 10pm The thing Shane might find about putting on a festival in his neck of the woods is that even though tickets might sell well, once Mimi and Jamie find out about his affair with copper Randall they’re going to be less than keen to supply the drugs for the occasion. They’ve found out, have they? Doh!

666 Park Avenue ITV2, 10pm So, Jane and Henry had a humongous barney last week and now she’s disappeared without a trace. Since he already suspects she might be loopy – really, is it too much to expect your best beloved to believe your supernatural suspicions? – he really is quite concerned. And Victor Shaw’s in a bit of strife.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 You’ve Been Scammed 11.30 Real Rescues 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Chefs: Put Your Menu Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Jack’s stag do does not go to plan as he finds himself trapped with Phil, and it is not long before the two come to blows. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Malick is pulled in two directions – will the ego win out, or does he have to turn his back on ambition for now? 9.00 The Syndicate Drama series. Having nearly given the whole jackpot away to a stranger in a bar, Becky is delighted to be reunited with her ticket and Luke. But now she is a millionaire and suddenly there are bigger fish to fry, like professional rugby player Matt Greco. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Matt Lucas Awards Matt Lucas has this week’s nominations provided by comedians Andy Parsons, Susan Calman and Rhys Thomas. The winners decided by TV legends Sooty, Sweep and Soo. 11.05 Cuckoo Comedy series in which a daughter returns from her gap year with an American husband. 11.35 FILM: The Ladykillers (2004) Starring Tom Hanks, Irma P Hall, Marlon Wayans, JK Simmons. Remake of the classic Ealing black comedy, this time set in Mississippi. 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 News


6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues 7.50 You’ve Been Scammed 8.20 Heir Hunters 9.05 Great British Menu 9.35 Deadly 60 On A Mission 10.05 Great British Railway Journeys 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 News 12.00pm FILM: The Fox And The Child (2007) 1.30 The Super League Show 2.15 Golf: The Masters – 2012 Review 3.10 Classic Mastermind 3.40 Britain’s First Photo Album 4.10 The Life Of Mammals 5.10 Flog It! 5.55 Party Election Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.00 Eggheads General knowledge quiz show. 6.30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under A bride’s big day is in the balance after her father is badly injured in the bush – and British doctor Pete Sherrin is called to rescue him. 7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 8.00 The Great British Sewing Bee Claudia Winkleman hosts a series in which some of the country’s best home sewers are tested on their sewing and dressmaking skills in order to be crowned best amateur sewer by judges May Martin of the Women’s Institute and Savile Row’s Patrick Grant. In this edition, the six remaining contestants face three more challenges, including following a pattern for a pair of men’s trousers. 9.00 Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS In A Day More details about our health service to both rea-ssure and alarm. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Fantastic music to lift you. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Horizon – The Age Of Big Data Series exploring topical scientific issues. 12.20am Sign Zone: The Railway: Keeping Britain On Track


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Cook Me The Money! 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Ade In Britain 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Kerry leaves Sarah home alone. Steve plans to settle the score with Declan. Jimmy is gutted to feel he has failed Thomas. 7.30 UEFA Champions League Live: Galatasaray SK V Real Madrid Adrian Chiles introduces live coverage of the second leg of quarter-final from the Ali Sami Yen stadium in Istanbul. Cristiano Ronaldo will be the main threat for Real Madrid while Galatasaray will pin their hopes on Didier Drogba and Wesley Sneijder, two players who starred under Real Madrid coach Jose Mourinho when he worked at Chelsea and Inter Milan. With studio guests Roy Keane, Gareth Southgate and Lee Dixon, and commentary from Clive Tyldesley. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time Matt Smith presents action from tonight’s quarter-finals. Turkish giants Galatasaray face Manchester United’s conquerers Real Madrid, managed by Jose Mourinho. 11.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Karren Brady Star of The Apprentice Karren Brady talks to Piers Morgan. 12.35am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.05 According To Jim 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.35 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Undercover Boss USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals 12.35 What’s Cooking? 1.45 Superscrimpers’ Challenge 2.45 Countdown 3.30 The Common Denominator 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Five Minutes To A Fortune 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Will Sienna abide by her father’s stringent rules? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Bedtime Live Professor Tanya Byron, Jake Humphrey and a team of experts try to get the nation’s children to sleep. This time, the show takes on tag team twins and naughty triplets who just won’t stay in bed. 9.00 16 Kids And Counting Documentary series following the day-to-day lives of seven of Britain’s biggest families. Sibling rivalry threatens harmonious family life as the parents of two supersized broods make wedding plans. Britain’s biggest family, the Radfords, who number 16, decide to renew their vows 20 years after their first wedding. Their dream is a ceremony on the beach, but with their army of kids being the bridesmaids and pageboys, will the children’s demands put a strain on the usual Radford peace? 10.00 Shameless See higlhights. 11.05 Dogging Tales Documentary by the filmmaker Leo Maguire. 12.15am Random Acts 12.20 EPT Barcelona 1.15 KOTV Boxing Weekly 1.40 Sailing: America’s Cup Discovered 2.10 Freesports On 4 2.35 Mobil 1 The Grid 3.00 FIA GT1 3.55 Challenge Wanaka 4.20 British GT 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.40 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 7.55 Milkshake! Monkey 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 All-New Trisha 12.00pm Looney Tunes 12.05 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Dangerous Adventures For Boys 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Family Gathering (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Kyle is picked up by Bianca and Heath after trying to run away. 6.30 5 News 7.00 Cowboy Builders Dom Littlewood and Melinda Messenger track down the UK’s most terrible tradesmen and try to rectify the chaos that they have left behind them. 8.00 All New Big Body Squad Documentary. This episode focuses on a woman who has not been able to leave her house for the past seven years and a teenager who enrols at weight-loss camp. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights. 10.00 CSI: NY Crime drama. A knock on the door is a prelude to a violent murder and another intriguing case for the crack team of NYPD forensic scientists and detectives. This week’s victim is a high-profile real-estate broker. 10.55 Dallas Revival of the popular, glossy soap about a feuding Texan family. A conspiracy emerges that is meant to sabotage Ewing Energies and place blame on Christopher for recent events. 11.55 CSI: Miami American drama series focusing on the work of the Miami forensics department. 12.50am SuperCasino 4.00 House Doctor (x2) 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2) 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Monday Night Football 11.30 Netbusters 12.00pm SPL Round-Up 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Ford Monday Night Football 4.00 SPL Round-Up 4.30 Netbusters 5.00 Premier League Review 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 LIVE Champions League 10.15 Revista De La Liga 11.15 Premier League Review 12.15am Champions League Goals 1.15 Football Asia 1.45 Revista De La Liga 2.45 Premier League Review 3.45 Champions League Goals 4.45 Revista De La Liga 5.45 Football Gold

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 PGA Tour Golf 10.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 11.30 PGA Tour Classic 12.30pm PGA Tour Golf 1.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 3.00 Sporting Greats 3.30 Elite League Speedway 5.30 NFL - Total Access 6.30 Golfing World 7.00 Golf: US Masters Official Film 1988 7.30 Golf: US Masters Official Film 1994 8.30 Sporting Greats 10.00 Sky Sports Classics 10.15 Football Gold 10.30 Football Gold 10.45 World Series Of Poker 11.45 British Basketball 1.45am World Series Of Poker 2.45 Football Gold 3.00 British Basketball 5.00 Super League Backchat 5.30 Golfing World

Sky Sports 3 6.00am NBA 8.00 Elite League Speedway 10.00 Thrillseekers 10.30 Sporting Greats 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Up Close With... 12.00pm Elite League Speedway 2.00 Thrillseekers 2.30 Rising Star 3.00 NBA 5.00 WWE: Smackdown 7.00 WWE Hall Of Fame 8.00 British Basketball 10.00 Super League Backchat 10.30 Golfing World 11.00 Sports Unlimited 12.00am Pool 1.00 Super League Backchat 1.30 Golfing World 2.00 Bass Fishing 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Poker 5.00 Bass Fishing Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm The Middle (x2) 1.00 The Simpsons (x2) 2.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Middle (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Touch 9.00 FILM: Fantastic Four (2005) 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00am Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 Don’t Just Stand There...I’m Having Your Baby! 9.00 Barely Legal Drivers 10.00 Bluestone 42 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Barely Legal Drivers 1.30 Bluestone 42 2.00 Don’t Just Stand There...I’m Having Your Baby!

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Explosions: How We Shook The World 9.00 POP! The Science Of Bubbles 10.00 I, Claudius 10.50 The High Art Of The Low Countries 11.50 Parks And Recreation (x2) 12.35am Arne Dahl 2.05 Britain On Film 2.35 POP! The Science Of Bubbles

5.05pm The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Peter Andre: My Life 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 666 Park Avenue. See highlights. 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.45 Plebs 12.15am The Vampire Diaries 1.10 666 Park Avenue

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 Home To Roost 4.50 On The Buses 5.20 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 The Last Weekend 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.00am Kavanagh QC

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.30 The Big Bang Theory 9.00 New Girl 9.30 The Mindy Project 10.00 The Cleveland Show 10.30 The Inbetweeners 11.00 Rude Tube 12.05am 2 Broke Girls

11.40am FILM: Cottage To Let (1941) 1.30pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Scrapheap Challenge 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs (x2) 10.00 One Born Every Minute 11.05 Nashville 12.00am Come Dine With Me 1.05 Grand Designs 2.15 One Born Every Minute

11.00am The Mark Of Zorro (1940) 12.55pm Only Yesterday (1991) 3.20 Battle For The Planet Of The Apes (1973) 5.00 Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (2009) 6.50 The Madness Of King George (1994) 9.00 He’s Just Not That Into You (2008) 11.30 Hostage (2005) 1.40am Asylum (2005) 3.40 Close

S A 6. Sp pr pa w Sp re lo an 8. Sp pr pa w N th M M 11 up fo ga np Le A la Pr Th th an M ac Le riv Tr re ga Pr ch fro th

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wednesday 10 Victoria Wood’s Nice Cup Of Tea BBC1, 9pm A two-part special from the glorious Victoria Wood, stepping away from the ivories and onto the globetrotting train to explore quite how us Brits’ fascination with the good old cup of tea came about. Poop! Poop! From the backstreets of Kolkata to the mega city of Shanghai. Milk?

Scott & Bailey ITV1, 9pm It’s all about what’s happening off the beat this week, as the story flashes back to last year when Rachel was implicated in the attack on Nick Savage. With that all coming up again, she accepts a proposal from the lovely Sean – yay – but at the celebrations Janet and Ade call it quits on their marriage – boo.

Murder She Wrote ITV3, 6.55pm Who said life got more dull as you got older? Certainly not JB Fletcher, as even going to the theatre – a relatively sedate enjoyment – ends up with a theatre critic dead. Could it be an unfortunate accident? Or a sad but pre-existing illness? We think there’s an outside chance – long shot, mind – it could be murder.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 You’ve Been Scammed 11.30 Real Rescues 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Chefs: Put Your Menu Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the stories that matter from across the country. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 MasterChef Restaurateur John Torode and fruit and veg man Gregg Wallace look for Britain’s next masterchef. 9.00 Victoria Wood’s Nice Cup Of Tea See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker asks the questions in the lighthearted sports quiz. Joining Matt Dawson in this edition are tennis player turned commentator Andrew Castle and Olympic athlete Katharine Merry. Alongside Phil Tufnell are Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald and Football Focus presenter Dan Walker. 11.05 FILM: Ladder 49 (2004) Starring Joaquin Phoenix, John Travolta, Jacinda Barrett, Robert Patrick, Morris Chestnut, Billy Burke, Balthazar Getty. Action drama starring about a firefighter trapped in a blazing building. As his mentor and colleagues mount a rescue attempt, the trapped man reflects on his career, from his first days as a raw recruit to his coming of age as a veteran fireman. 12.55am Weatherview 1.00 BBC News


6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Real Rescues 7.45 You’ve Been Scammed 8.15 Heir Hunters 9.00 Great British Menu 9.30 Deadly 60 On A Mission 10.00 Great British Railway Journeys 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 News 12.00pm FILM: Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen (2003) 1.25 The Weakest Link 2.10 Classic Mastermind 2.40 The Great British Bake Off 3.40 Britain’s First Photo Album 4.10 The Life Of Mammals 5.10 Flog It! 5.55 Party Election Broadcast By The Labour Party 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under Dr Hilary is called to a diver with the symptoms of the bends off Bondi Beach. A British ex-pat family is at the centre of an emergency after its youngest member is crushed by a kitchen unit. 7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British Yummy scrummy British grub. 8.00 Coast Coast is on a journey to celebrate the stories of the workers from around our shores. From foundry men who burnished the secrets of our sea power, to the super-star performers who wowed the crowds in Edwardian resorts. 9.00 Frank Gardner’s Return To Saudi Arabia Frank Gardner’s goes back to Saudi Arabia. He’s probably quite hot. 10.00 James May’s Things You Need To Know... James May delivers bits of information you never knew you wanted to know but are likely to tell other people tomorrow. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Golf: The Masters – 2013 Preview Hazel Irvine and guests preview the 77th Masters, the first major championship of 2013. 12.00am Keeping Britain Alive: The NHS In A Day 1.00 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.30 This Is BBC Two


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Cook Me The Money! 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Ade In Britain 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Labour Party 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Kerry panics when Amy confronts her about leaving Sarah. 7.30 Coronation Street Anxious Karl is left to babysit alone. Eileen convinces Paul she can cope. 8.00 Food Glorious Food Carol Vorderman presents as the culinary competition reaches the semi-final stage. Three of the regional heat winners compete to win a place in the final, with the challenge of cooking a whopping 150 portions of their chosen dish for the ladies of the Women’s Institute. 9.00 Scott & Bailey See highlights. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Amir Khan: Sports Life Stories The Bolton boxer Amir Khan talks about the highs and lows of his explosive career to date. From bursting on the scene at the tender age of just 17, winning the world title at 22, and the story of the fight he lost in controversial circumstances when his opponent later proved to be on steroids. 11.35 The Dales Adrian Edmondson meets Tom Orde-Powlett, heir to the historic Bolton Castle in Wensleydale. 12.05am Jackpot247 3.00 Columbo: The Most Dangerous Match 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.05 According To Jim 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Undercover Boss USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals 12.35 What’s Cooking? 1.45 Superscrimpers’ Challenge 2.45 Countdown 3.30 The Common Denominator 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Five Minutes To A Fortune 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Frantic Dr Browning confronts his prime suspect, but how far will he go to prove his love for Mercedes? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent Phil is on the Wirral to tackle Dave and Gemma’s five bedroom semi that looks more like a student residence than a home. 9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary. The third series opens with a shocking act of random violence as a young woman is knocked to the ground after being punched in the face by a stranger on her way home. 10.00 The Mimic Sitcom. As the day of Martin’s first TV appearance draws closer, Jean decides he needs a makeover in preparation. 10.35 Anna & Katy Sketch show from comedians Anna Crilly and Katy Wix. The final of ‘Rice Britannia’ has arrived at long last. 11.05 Random Acts 11.10 16 Kids And Counting Documentary series following the day-to-day lives of seven of Britain’s biggest families. 12.15am Embarrassing Bodies 1.10 The New Normal 1.35 Revenge 2.25 FILM: Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion (1997) 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 7.55 Little Lodgers 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 All-New Trisha 12.00pm Looney Tunes 12.05 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Dangerous Adventures For Boys 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Too Late To Say Goodbye (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away As Dex overcomes his nervousness on his return to Uni, April realises that she is lost without him. 6.30 5 News 7.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge Robson heads for the other side of the globe and the fishing challenge of his dreams, New Zealand. 8.00 Rolf’s Animal Clinic Lorien is taking a team of students to meet an unusual patient who lives in a local back garden. 9.00 NCIS American crime drama. After a Navy captain is murdered in his hotel room, the NCIS team has to find his pregnant companion and protect her from unknown assailants. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series. A woman embroiled in a messy divorce accuses her husband of rape. Stabler has serious reservations about the victim’s story, but Benson is concerned that her partner’s judgement is being clouded by his own domestic situation. 10.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Crime drama. The agents investigate when a grisly web hoax turns into real-life murder. 11.55 The Aussie Millions Poker Championship 12.55am SuperCasino 4.00 House Doctor (x2) 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2) 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Champions League Goals 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Premier League Review 12.00pm Champions League Goals 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Premier League Review 3.00 Champions League Goals 4.00 Revista De La Liga 5.00 Inside The PGA Tour 5.30 European Tour Weekly 6.00 Golf: US Masters Official Film 7.00 LIVE Golf: Par 3 10.30 Golf: US Masters Official Film 2012 11.30 Futbol Mundial 12.00am Champions League 1.00 Golf: Par 3 2013 4.30 Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE Vintage 8.00 WWE Hall Of Fame 9.00 Bass Fishing 10.00 World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Super League Backchat 11.30 Thrillseekers 12.00pm Golfing World 12.30 Super League Backchat 1.00 British Basketball 3.00 Bass Fishing 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 Hyundai A-League 5.30 Futbol Mundial 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE Champions League 10.15 Sporting Heroes 11.15 NFL: Inside The Jaguars 12.15am Boots ‘n’ All 1.15 Football Gold 1.30 Sporting Heroes 2.30 Champions League Goals 3.30 Boots ‘n’ All 4.30 Sporting Heroes

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Champions League Goals 7.00 Revista De La Liga 8.00 Super League Backchat 8.30 Football Asia 9.00 British Basketball 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Up Close With... 12.00pm British Motocross 1.00 Powerboat GP 1.30 Bass Fishing 2.30 Up Close With... 3.00 WWE Hall Of Fame 4.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 Tenpin Bowling 7.00 NFL: Inside The Jaguars 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 World Basketball 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Cycling 11.30 Asian Tour Golf 12.30am European Tour Weekly 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 NFL: Inside The Jaguars 3.30 Tenpin Bowling 4.30 Asian Tour Golf Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm The Middle (x2) 1.00 The Simpsons (x2) 2.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Middle (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 9.00 Touch 10.00 Glee 11.00 Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance 12.00am Street Crime UK

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Motorway Cops 9.00 FILM: Enemy Of The State (1998) 11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 American Dad! (x2) 12.35am Bluestone 42 1.05 Lee Nelson’s Well Funny People 1.35 Snog Marry Avoid? 2.05 A Special Kind Of Mum 3.00 Barely Legal Drivers

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Avalanches 9.00 The Century That Wrote Itself 10.00 Parks And Recreation (x2) 10.40 Old Jews Telling Jokes (x2) 11.40 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Avalanches 12.40am The Eiger: Wall Of Death

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Atlanta 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Funniest Moments 9.00 Benidorm 10.00 FILM: The Holiday (2006) 12.45am 666 Park Avenue

3.00pm The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 Home To Roost 4.50 On The Buses 5.20 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote. See highlights. 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Robbie Coltrane: B-Road Britain 10.00 The Last Weekend 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.00am Kavanagh QC

1.00pm How I Met Your Mother (x2) 2.00 Scrubs (x2) 3.00 Charmed 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Youngers 8.00 FILM: Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 10.05 Rude Tube 11.10 Made In Chelsea 12.10am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

11.05am FILM: Stalag 17 (1953) 1.30pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Scrapheap Challenge 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Meteor Strike: Fireball From Space 10.00 FILM: A History Of Violence (2005) 12.00am The Good Wife 12.55 Come Dine With Me

11.00am Reach For The Sky (1956) 1.40pm Princess Mononoke (1997) 4.30 Night At The Museum (2006) 6.40 Definitely, Maybe (2008) 9.00 A Time To Kill (1996) 11.55 44 Inch Chest (2009) 1.45am Porky’s (1982) 3.45 Close

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029_LS623_TV_thu_L7wed14apr.qxd 03/04/2013 16:28 Page 1

thursday 11 Big Body Squad Channel Five, 7pm The first episode in the all new second documentary series about the professional men and women across the country who help bigger Britons in their everyday life. Tonight, a teenage boy enrols in a weight-loss camp and the story of a woman who has been unable to leave her house in seven years.

Secret Eaters Channel 4, 8pm Journalist Anne Richardson is back again this week to investigate the secret eating habits of David and Denise from Eccles. Can they swap their diet of rich food for one of a healthier nature? Will their relationship suffer as they face the shocking truth of what they have really been eating?

Nashville More4, 10pm Mosey on back into Nashville for another episode of the awardwinning show about the competitive world of country music, starring Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere. Rayna and Juliette get ready to perform the first concert of their arena tour in San Diego. Is it going to be exciting? Darn tootin’!


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 You’ve Been Scammed 11.30 Real Rescues 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Chefs: Put Your Menu Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 EastEnders It is the day of the wedding, and Sharon and Jack are determined to go ahead despite their own guilty secrets. Ian and Jean work together on the catering. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace look for Britain’s next masterchef. 9.00 Victoria Wood’s Nice Cup Of Tea Comedy legend Victoria Wood travels the globe to explore Britain’s love affair with tea in a two-part special on the little plant that changed the world. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs Question Time from Rochdale. 11.35 FILM: What Just Happened (2008) Starring Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, Stanley Tucci, John Turturro, Sean Penn and Kristen Stewart. Satirical take on the life of Ben, a besieged Hollywood producer desperately trying to juggle the demands of two ex-wives and a precocious daughter while putting the finishing touches to his latest film. 1.10am Holiday Weatherview 1.15 BBC News


6.00am This Is BBC Two 6.05 Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues 7.50 You’ve Been Scammed 8.20 Heir Hunters 9.05 Great British Menu 9.35 Great British Menu 10.05 Great British Railway Journeys 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm FILM: Invaders From Mars (1953) 1.25 Roving Mars 2.05 Coast 2.10 Classic Mastermind 2.40 The Great British Bake Off 3.40 Britain’s First Photo Album 4.10 The Life Of Mammals 5.10 Flog It! 5.55 Party Election Broadcast By The Liberal Democrats 6.00 Eggheads General knowledge quiz show. 6.30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under Series following British flying doctors and aircrew saving lives in Australia 7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 8.00 James May’s Man Lab James May returns for an action-packed series, as he continues his epic quest to re-skill the modern male. James travels to an Oxfordshire town where a royal tradition desperately needs his help. Can he find a way of feeding thousands of locals to save their Diamond Jubilee celebration using ballistics and hot cross buns? 9.00 Tomorrow’s World: A Horizon Special 10.00 How TV Ruined Your Life Comedy series in which Charlie Brooker uses a mix of sketches and jawdropping archive footage to explore the gulf between real life and television. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Fit To Rule: How Royal Illness Changed History 12.20am Sign Zone: Secrets Of Britain’s Sharia Councils – Panorama 12.50 This Is BBC Two 2.55 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix – Practice 1 4.35 This Is BBC Two 5.55 Homes Under The Hammer


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Cook Me The Money! 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Ade In Britain 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.10 Party Election Broadcast By The Liberal Democrats By the Liberal Democrats. 6.15 ITV News, Weather 6.45 Emmerdale David confronts Dom in the pub over Alicia. Debbie hates seeing Chas with Cameron’s kids. Emotions run high at Nikhil and Gennie’s stag and hen nights. 7.45 UEFA Europa League Live Live coverage of the second leg of one of tonight’s Europa League quarter-finals. Tottenham travel to Switzerland to face FC Basel, while Newcastle play host to Benfica. A place in the last four awaits the winners. 10.10 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.50 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan welcomes renowned actor Sir Ben Kingsley, The Da Vinci Code and Amelie star Audrey Tautou, and IBF super-middleweight boxing champion Carl Froch. Indie rockers Alt-J perform live in the studio. 11.50 UEFA Europa League: Extra Time Highlights from the second legs of tonight’s Europa League quarter-finals. 12.45am Jackpot247 3.00 River Monsters 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.00am - 7.05am Children’s television 7.05 According To Jim 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.35 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Undercover Boss USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals 12.35 What’s Cooking? 1.45 Superscrimpers’ Challenge 2.45 Countdown 3.30 The Common Denominator 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Five Minutes To A Fortune 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens fall into despair as the stakes are raised, but does Jacqui have an idea up her sleeve? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Secret Eaters See highlights 9.00 The Intern Hilary Devey has persuaded some of the most exciting British companies to open their doors and give three young people a week as an intern in their dream job. Managing Director and founder of Sarah Curran gives three interns a chance to succeed in an industry famed for being fastpaced and cutthroat. 10.00 The Sex Clinic Observational series exploring the relationships and personal lives of patients attending two of the UK’s busiest sexual health clinics in London and Birmingham. 11.05 Random Acts Series of threeminute films. 11.10 One Mile Away Documentary by acclaimed filmmaker Penny Woolcock charting the attempts by two warring gangs in inner city Birmingham to bring peace to their neighbourhoods 1.00am 24 Hours In A&E 2.00 Nick Hewer: Countdown To Freetown Documentary 2.55 Dispatches: Immigration 3.25 Come Dine With Me 4.20 Deal Or No Deal 5.15 Countdown

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 All-New Trisha 12.00pm Looney Tunes 12.05 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Classic Car Rescue 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Mentalist 3.15 FILM: Murder 101 (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football Gold 10.15 Inside The PGA Tour 10.45 European Tour Weekly 11.15 Golf: Par 3 2013 2.45pm Golf: US Masters Official Films 7.00 LIVE Golf: Masters 2013 12.30am Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Super League Superstars 1.30 The Footballers’ Football Show 3.00 Ringside 4.00 The Rugby Club 5.00 Super League Superstars 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 Home And Away April and Dex pretend that all is going well at Uni, despite the fact that they are both pining for each other. Sasha eventually makes April see sense. 6.30 5 News 7.00 All New Big Body Squad See highlights 8.00 Cowboy Builders Documentary series. Dom Littlewood and Melinda Messenger are back in Glasgow to check on events since they helped Natalie and Rob, a couple who lost their life savings to a young cowboy builder they knew. 9.00 Trauma Doctors Observational documentary series following the pioneering work of the trauma specialists at the Royal London Hospital. Patients treated include a motorcyclist whose foot has been mangled in a car accident and a woman with a potential spine injury 10.00 Jodie Marsh: Bullied Part two of a documentary series following Jodie Marsh’s investigation into techniques used to combat bullying in schools. 11.00 Slaves In The Cellar Documentary. Two young women tell the story of how they were abducted and held hostage for almost four years by a depraved sex fiend. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 House Doctor 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 5.10 Great Scientists 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Sporting Heroes 10.00 NFL: Inside The Jaguars 11.00 Sporting Heroes 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 NFL: Inside The Jaguars 2.00 Sporting Heroes 3.00 Hyundai A-League 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Sporting Heroes 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Ringside 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 11.00 The Footballers’ Football Show 12.30am Ringside 1.30 Darts: Premier League 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Champions League Goals 7.00 NFL: Inside The Jaguars 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Asian Tour Golf 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Tenpin Bowling 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Up Close With... 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Tenpin Bowling 2.00 Cycling 2.30 Up Close With... 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 WWE Vintage 6.00 America’s Cup Discovered 6.30 Super League Superstars 7.00 Racemax 8.00 Rugby Club 9.00 Ringside 10.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 2.30 America’s Cup Discovered 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 NFL - Total Access Holly Cozens

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm The Middle (x2) 1.00 The Simpsons (x2) 2.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Middle (x2) 6.00 That Hidden Camera Family 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Arrow 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance 12.00am Now That’s History! (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Barely Legal Drivers 9.00 The Baby Bomb 10.00 Lee Nelson’s Well Funny People 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Lee Nelson’s Well Funny People 1.00 Barely Legal Drivers 2.00 The Baby Bomb 2.55 Don’t Just Stand There...

7.00pm News 7.30 The Sky At Night 8.00 Time To Remember 8.30 Pagans And Pilgrims: Britain’s Holiest Places 9.00 The High Art Of The Low Countries 10.00 POP! The Science Of Bubbles 11.00 The Golden Age Of Coach Travel 12.00am Tails You Win: The Science Of Chance 1.00 The Sky At Night

6.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Kids & Pets Unleashed 9.00 Peter Andre: My Life 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 Plebs 11.15 Utterly Outrageous Reality TV Moments 2012 12.15am Britain’s Got More Talent: Kids & Pets Unleashed

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 Home To Roost 4.50 On The Buses 5.20 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Midsomer Murders 10.00 The Last Weekend 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.00am Kavanagh QC

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 How I Met Your Mother 9.00 The New Normal 9.30 2 Broke Girls 10.00 The Body Shocking Show 10.30 Rude Tube 11.00 Fresh Meat 11.55 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.55am Happy Endings

1.30pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Scrapheap Challenge 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Nashville See highlights 11.00 Boss 12.10am Come Dine With Me 1.15 The Good Wife 2.15 Boss

11.00am Little Norse Prince (1968) 12.45pm Charlotte’s Web (2006) 2.35 Laputa: Castle In The Sky (1986) 5.10 Addams Family Values (1993) 6.55 The Extraordinary Adventures Of Adele Blanc-Sec (2010) 9.00 It’s Complicated (2009) 11.30 District 13 (2004) 1.25am The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005) 3.30 Close

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030_LS623_TV_fri_L7wed14apr.qxd 03/04/2013 16:30 Page 1

friday 12 The Security Men ITV1, 9pm From the brilliant minds of Caroline Aherne and Jeff Pope comes this one-off comedy drama starring Paddy McGuinness and Bobby Ball. While the Whittington Mall night shift guards decide to skive off and watch boxing instead, the boss catches them to inform them of a robbery.

8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown Channel 4, 9pm Jimmy Carr and the usual cats try their luck at the popular afternoon words and numbers quiz. Joined by funny men Lee Mack and Rhod Gilbert, the teams go head to head as they battle it out against the clock and see if they can solve the countdown conundrum.

Agatha Christie’s Poirot ITV3, 7.55pm Life is never dull for inquisitive Hercule as it seems his services are in demand yet again. This time, it’s his old pal Marie Marvelle, you know, the Belgian film star. She’s been receiving letters demanding her famous diamond and decides to hop on a flight to jolly old London for Poirot’s help.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 You’ve Been Scammed 11.30 Real Rescues 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Chefs: Put Your Menu Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Lighthearted sports quiz, with Sue Barker. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Kirsty and Max worry about Lauren exposing their secret when she becomes more and more drunk. Despite the awkward atmosphere, the guests are encouraged to eat, drink and be merry at the wedding reception. 8.30 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace look for Britain’s next masterchef. 9.00 Have I Got News For You Have I Got News for You. 9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Award-winning show hosted by Graham Norton 11.25 The Matt Lucas Awards 11.55 FILM: Paycheck (2003) Starring Ben Affleck, Aaron Eckhart, Uma Thurman and Paul Giamatti. Sci-fi thriller. An engineer who agreed to have his memory erased following a huge top-secret job discovers that he refused the massive paycheck offered to him in return for his work, keeping instead a small bag of worthless items. 1.45am Weatherview 1.50 BBC News


6.55am Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix - Practice 2 8.35 The A To Z Of TV Gardening 9.00 Holiday Hit Squad 10.00 Question Time 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Coast 11.55 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix – Practice 1 1.35pm Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix - Practice 2 3.15 Classic Mastermind 3.45 Britain’s First Photo Album 4.15 The Life Of Mammals 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads General knowledge quiz show where a team of challengers take on arguably the greatest quiz team in Britain. 6.30 Golf: The Masters – Highlights Hazel Irvine presents highlights of the opening round of the 77th Masters from the world famous Augusta National course, Georgia. 7.30 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 8.30 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. 9.00 Issac Newton: The Last Magician Isaac Newton – brilliant rational mathematician or master of the occult? This innovative biography reveals Newton as both a hermit and a tyrant, a heretic and an alchemist. Magical images mix with actors and experts to bring alive Britain’s greatest scientific genius in his own words. 10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the hilarious, mind-expanding quiz 10.30 Newsnight 11.05 Later... With Jools Holland Jools Holland’s iconic music programme. 12.10am FILM: Mean Streets (1973) A graphic portrayal of life in the underworld of the Little Italy district in New York City, recounting the experiences and relationships of a petty hoodlum. 2.00 Sign Zone: Question Time Topical debate. 3.55 Formula 1 2013


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Cook Me The Money! 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Ade In Britain 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News, Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Gennie struggles to be enthusiastic about her wedding day. Moira’s fears are confirmed. Defying Megan, Ali lets Sean keep his dog. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Karl confess the truth to Stella? Chesney lashes out at Tim. Eileen goes out of her mind with worry for Paul. 8.00 The Martin Lewis Money Show Martin Lewis and Saira Khan show how to book five star hotels for three star prices, and they go for classes in financial self defence. 8.30 Coronation Street Stella realises life is too short. Dev is overwhelmed with grief. Is it the end for Eileen and Paul? 9.00 The Security Men See highlights 10.00 ITV News At Ten, Weather 10.35 FILM: The Majestic (2001) Starring Jim Carrey, Bob Balaban, Gerry Black, Brent Briscoe and Martin Landau. The story of a successful screenwriter in 1950s Hollywood who suffers from amnesia following a car crash and wanders into a nearby town, where he is mistaken for a lost local hero of World War II. Just as he is beginning a new life in the town, his memory begins to return. 1.20am Jackpot247 3.00 Columbo: 4.15 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.05 According To Jim 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Undercover Boss USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals 12.35 What’s Cooking? 1.45 Superscrimpers’ Challenge 2.45 Countdown 3.30 The Common Denominator 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Five Minutes To A Fortune 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Pushed to extremes, will Jacqui shake hands with the devil? Leanne makes a shocking move, but will it prove to be a costly mistake? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Ade Adepitan, the Paralympian wheelchair basketball champion has access to some of Cuba’s greatest athletes to ask why they are leaving for America. 7.55 8.00 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality show in which amateur chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner party host 9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown See highlights 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts the comedy chat show, and he is joined by Professor Brian Cox disussing his new television series. Fall Out Boy provide some music, performing their latest single. 11.05 Rude Tube Alex Zane presents the funniest, strangest and most outrageous clips from the internet. 12.05am Random Acts Series of short films 12.10 New Girl 12.35 New Girl 1.00 The Mindy Project turn her life around. 1.25 The Mindy Project 1.50 Happy Endings 2.10 Accidentally On Purpose 2.35 St Elsewhere 3.25 Come Dine With Me 4.20 Deal Or No Deal 5.15 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00am - 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 All-New Trisha 12.00pm Looney Tunes 12.05 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Classic Car Rescue 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: NY 3.15 FILM: Recipe For Murder (2001) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Home And Away Jett finds a way to get Tilda off his back, publicly humiliating her in a very unpleasant manner. 6.30 5 News 7.00 Rolf’s Animal Clinic Documentary series presented by Rolf Harris. Lorien is taking a team of students to meet an unusual patient who lives in a local back garden. Rusty is a large and very friendly kunekune pig whose toenails need trimming. Equine surgeon Neil is helping Chester Zoo’s vet with one of their rarest creatures, an onager named Sophie who is off her food. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on North America’s ice highways. 9.00 The Mentalist When Lisbon and Jane look into the murder of an army medic who helps rehabilitate veterans who have suffered mental injuries, their primary witness suffers from severe amnesia. 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. When a house is stolen completely off its foundations, the CSI team search for answers. 10.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. 11.55 Inside Hollywood 12.00am SuperCasino 3.55 Motorsport 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Great Artists 5.10 Great Scientists 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Live Golf: Masters Breakfast 12.00pm Ringside 1.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.30 Premier League Darts 5.00 Ringside 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 LIVE Golf: Masters 2013 12.30am Super League 2.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.00 Football: Championship 4.30 Fantasy Football Club 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 Ringside 8.00 Super League Superstars 8.30 LIVE Super Rugby Union 10.30 Rugby Club 11.30 America’s Cup Discovered 12.00pm NFL - Total Access 1.00 Super Rugby Union 3.00 Rugby Club 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 America’s Cup Discovered 5.00 Super Rugby Union 7.00 NBA Action 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Fantasy Football Club 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 NBA Action 12.00am Football: Championship 1.30 Fantasy Football Club 2.30 Trans World Sport 3.30 Super League 5.30 Thrillseekers

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Rugby Club 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 9.30 The Footballers’ Football Show 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Power Event 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Racemax 2.00 Thrillseekers 2.30 Up Close With... 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Racemax 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Thrillseekers 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Super Rugby Union 3.00 Ringside 4.00 Super Rugby Union

Holly Cozens

kextraterrestrial Sky1








2.00pm John Bishop’s Only Joking (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Middle (x2) 6.00 That Hidden Camera Family 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama 8.00 The Middle 8.30 Modern Family 9.00 Revolution 10.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 11.00 Spartacus: War Of The Damned 12.15am Brit Cops

7.00pm Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 7.15 Doctor Who 8.00 World’s Craziest Fools 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Snog Marry Avoid? 1.00 Russell Howard

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Eugene Onegin From The ROH 10.10 Tom Jones – What Good Am I? 11.10 Tom Jones At The BBC 12.05am BBC Four Sessions: Tom Jones 1.10 Sounds Of The 70s 2: Guilty Pleasures – Love Will Keep Us Together 1.40 Tom Jones – What Good Am I? 2.40 Tom Jones At The BBC

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Atlanta 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x3) Funniest 100 9.00 FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (2004) 11.10 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) 1.45am The Jeremy Kyle Show USA

3.00pm The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 Home To Roost 4.50 On The Buses 5.20 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot see highlights 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Taggart 11.05 Law & Order: UK 12.05am Afterlife

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 Youngers 9.00 FILM: Trading Places (1983) 11.20 The Body Shocking Show 11.55 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.50am The IT Crowd

11.25am FILM: The African Queen (1951) 1.30pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Scrapheap Challenge 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: Clear And Present Danger (1994) 11.50 Father Ted (x2) 12.55am Come Dine With Me (x2)

11.00am The Desert Fox (1951) 12.45pm Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) 3.05 The Belles Of St Trinian’s (1955) 4.55 Crocodile Dundee (1986) 6.45 Runaway Bride (1999) 9.00 Knowing (2009) 11.20 Evil Dead II (1987) 1.00am Fish Story (2009)

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031_LS623_TV_sat_L7wed14apr.qxd 04/04/2013 12:08 Page 1

saturday 13 Britain’s Got Talent ITV1, 7pm Britain’s favourite cheeky geordie couple present the brand new series of Britain’s Got Talent, the show where anyone can walk in off the street to audition for a big cash prize and a chance to perform at the Royal Variety Performance. Prepare for another awkward judge bromance between Simon and David.

Walking Through History Channel 4, 8.30pm In case the plethora of reality talent shows aren’t your cup of tea, let Tony Robinson take you on a journey through some of Britain’s most historic landscapes. This time, he’s discovering tudor heritage in the Downs of East Sussex before ending up in the small town of Lewes.

FILM: E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial ITV2, 6pm Spielberg directs this ’80s classic about a lonely boy called Elliott who befriends a stranded alien, who has a penchant for Reese’s Pieces. Starring a diddy Drew Barrymore as Elliott’s sister, the children have to try and return E.T home before the government capture him. Uh-oh spaghetti-os!


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix - Qualifying 8.30 Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Cooking 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix – Qualifying Replay 2.15 Golf: The Masters – Highlights 3.30 Final Score 5.15 Wallace And Gromit: A Matter Of Loaf And Death 5.45 BBC News 5.55 South East Today 6.00 Doctor Who Sci-fi drama following the adventures of The Doctor and his companions through time and space. 6.45 The Voice UK Sir Tom Jones,, Danny O’Donoghue and Jessie J continue to build their talented teams based solely on vocal ability and their own musical intuition. 8.20 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts the National Lottery quiz 9.10 Casualty Zoe goes out of her way to help and protect a young girl she believes is at risk of female genital mutilation. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights of five crucial Premier League games, with analysis from Alan Shearer. All eyes are on the battle for survival, with Aston Villa, Reading and Southampton all having crucial home matches. 11.35 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents the best of the action from all three divisions of the Football League. 12.55am FILM: Highlander 5 – The Source (2007) Fantasy adventure sequel. Amid the chaos of a crumbling city, Highlander Duncan MacLeod remembers happier times. 2.15 Weatherview 2.20 Joins BBC News.


7.05am FILM: The First Of The Few (1942) 9.00 Gardeners’ World 9.30 Beechgrove Garden 10.00 A History Of Britain By Simon Schama 11.00 Climbing Great Buildings 11.30 Map Man 12.00pm Indian Food Made Easy 12.30 The Sky At Night 12.50 Coast 1.00 University Challenge 1.30 Just A Minute 2.00 FILM: I Know Where I’m Going (1947) 3.30 Flog It! 4.30 The Great British Sewing Bee 5.30 The Story Of Are You Being Served? 6.30 Are You Being Served? Department store sitcom. 7.00 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Private Pike receives his callup papers and, to the great alarm of his mother, he is passed A1. 7.30 Golf: The Masters Hazel Irvine presents live coverage of the third round of the 77th Masters from the world famous Augusta National course. It is getting to the business end of things in Georgia where this time in 2012 Peter Hanson emerged as a surprise leader with a thirdround 65. The Swede’s stunner was the best performance of the week and took him to nine under in only his second Augusta experience. With a back nine of 30, Phil Mickelson ended the third round ominously sitting on Hanson’s shoulder on eight under, with Louis Oosthuizen and his eventual play-off conqueror Bubba Watson leading the chasing pack. 12.00am FILM: In Dreams (1999) Psychological thriller about a mother whose nocturnal visions of a little girl being taken away by a stranger come true when she suffers the horror of her own daughter being kidnapped and murdered. 5.50 FILM: The Story Of GI Joe (1945) War drama. US journalist Ernie Pyle observes an infantry unit under experienced Lt Walker, gaining gritty insight as the raw recruits progress.


6.00am - 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Jessie 9.25 ITV News 9.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 10.25 My Tasty Travels With Lynda Bellingham 11.25 Dinner Date 12.25pm ITV News & Weather 12.30 Columbo: Identity Crisis 2.30 The Chase 3.30 Midsomer Murders 5.30 ITV News Meridian 5.45 ITV News & Weather

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! And Famous 4 The award-winning Harry Hill presents the world’s funniest mishaps as filmed on webcams, camcorders and mobile phones. 7.00 Britain’s Got Talent See Highlights 8.35 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents another tension-filled episode of the game show, as two more brave contestants take on the almighty Cube. Proud Welshman Chris is doing it for the Valleys, while Essex boy Scott thinks the only way is straight to the bank. 9.35 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan welcomes more big name guests for his unique brand of informal chat and fun. 10.35 ITV News; Weather 10.50 FA Cup Highlights 11.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Paul Gascoigne Legendary footballer Paul Gascoigne joins Piers Morgan for a frank, emotional and revealing interview. He opens up about his battle with the booze and tells of the time when he was drinking four bottles of whisky a day without food or water. He also talks about his drug addiction, his marriage, what made him turn up at the scene of the Raoul Moat siege and, of course, his amazing career. 12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 Ladette To Lady 3.50 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Volkswagen Racing Cup 7.30 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.55 Frasier 10.25 Frasier 10.55 The Big Bang Theory 11.25 The Big Bang Theory 11.50 The Simpsons 12.25pm Secret Millionaire Ireland 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 Come Dine With Me 4.35 Come Dine With Me 5.05 Come Dine With Me 5.35 Come Dine With Me 6.05 Channel 4 News 6.30 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses Sarah Beeny helps homeowners battling it out to sell their properties - giving them the unique chance to look around each other’s homes for inspiration. 7.30 Grand Designs Property series with Kevin McCloud. Audrey and Jeff Lovelock are desperate to live in one of West London’s most exclusive areas – but the only way they can afford it is to go underground. 8.30 Walking Through History See highlights 9.30 FILM: Get Him To The Greek (2010) Starring Jonah Hill, Russell Brand, Rose Byrne and Elisabeth Moss, Comedy. Aaron, an unfortunate record company intern, is given the task of ensuring that an out-of-control British rock star gets to a concert in LA on time. 11.35 Derren Brown Investigates Derren Brown finds out if extraordinary claims from around the world are actually true. 12.40am FILM: The Black Dahlia (2006) Stylish period thriller about two policeman working together to crack the notorious Black Dahlia case of a murdered starlet in 1940s Los Angeles. 2.45 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Toby’s Travelling Circus 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Jelly Jamm 10.00 The Mr Men Show 10.15 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 10.50 Batman: The Brave And The Bold 11.15 Monkey Life 11.45 Rolf’s Animal Clinic 12.45pm Emergency Bikers 1.45 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge 2.45 FILM: Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol (1987) 4.25 FILM: Rocky III (1982)

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Football League: Championship 8.00 Ringside 9.00 LIVE Golf: Masters Breakfast 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 3.00 Sporting Heroes 4.00 NBA Action 4.30 LIVE Super League 7.00 LIVE Golf: Masters 2013 12.30am Scottish Cup Football 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Scottish Cup Football 3.30 Super League 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Scottish Cup Football

6.20 FILM: The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972) Starring Lee Van Cleef, Stefanie Powers, Mariette Hartley, Michael Callan and Luke Askew. The fourth in a series of films about the famous Western heroes. This time the Magnificent Seven ride off to rescue the kidnapped wife of their leader, while also thwarting a band of Mexican bandits. 8.05 5 News Weekend 8.10 NCIS Crime drama series following the US navy’s dedicated federal egency. The team discovers that the murder of a marine and his two friends may be linked to their past. 9.10 NCIS US drama about the navy’s dedicated federal agency. Gibbs and the team come under scrutiny when a blogger with a reputation for exposing government cover-ups is murdered. 10.10 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series about an elite sex crime unit based in New York. 11.05 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series following the Major Case Squad’s investigations into their crimes. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.05 Wildlife SOS 4.30 Wildlife SOS 4.50 County Secrets 5.05 Hana’s Helpline 5.15 Roary The Racing Car 5.25 Hana’s Helpline 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

6.00am Ringside 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Fantasy Football Club 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Fantasy Football Club 1.00 Golf: Masters Breakfast 4.00 LIVE Super Rugby Union 6.00 LIVE Super Rugby Union 7.55 Scottish Cup Football 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Sky Sports Classics 4.30 Spanish Football

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sporting Heroes 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Sporting Greats 8.30 Live Super Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE Super Rugby Union 12.30pm LIVE Super Rugby Union 2.30 Super Rugby – Extra Time 3.00 Sporting Greats 3.30 America’s Cup Discovered 4.00 Sporting Greats 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 Ringside 6.00 NBA Action 6.30 Champions League Weekly 6.55 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Super League 12.30am Max Power 1.30 Sports Unlimited 2.30 Sporting Greats 3.00 Sporting Greats 3.30 Football’s Greatest 4.00 Football’s Greatest 4.30 America’s Cup Discovered 5.00 Max Power

Holly Cozens

kextraterrestrial Sky1








1.00pm A League Of Their Own (x3) 2.30 Tom Cruise: Face 2 Face 3.00 FILM: Glee: The Concert Movie (2011) 4.30 Bond’s Greatest Moments 6.00 The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 Now That’s History! (x2) 8.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 9.00 FILM: Broken Arrow (1996) 11.05 Brit Cops: Rapid Response 12.05am Street Crime UK

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel 7.15 Merlin 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 FILM: Enemy Of The State (1998) 11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 American Dad! (x2) 12.35am Bluestone 42 1.05 Lee Nelson’s Well Funny People 1.35 Snog Marry Avoid? 2.05 Prison Dads 3.00 Bluestone 42

7.00pm South Pacific 8.00 David Attenborough’s First Life 9.00 Arne Dahl 10.30 Young Guns Go For It 11.10 Young Guns Go For It 11.40 Synth Britannia At The BBC 12.40am The Sky At Night 1.10 David Attenborough’s First Life 2.10 South Pacific 3.10 Young Guns Go For It

12.10pm FILM: Babe (1995) 2.00 Animal Practice (x3) 3.30 You’ve Been Framed! (x5) 6.00 FILM: E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) See highlights 8.35 Britain’s Got More Talent 9.35 You’ve Been Framed And Famous! 10.35 Celebrity Juice 11.20 Plebs 11.50 Britain’s Got Talent 1.20am Britain’s Got More Talent

7.55am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 The Royal (x2) 11.05 Pie In The Sky 12.05pm Inspector Morse 2.25 FILM: To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) 5.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 7.00 Lewis 9.00 The Suspicions Of Mr Whicher 11.00 A Is For Acid 1.05am The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 2.00 ITV3 Nightscreen

2.10pm Made In Chelsea 3.10 Rules Of Engagement (x5) 5.30 The Mindy Project 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Youngers 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.30 2 Broke Girls 9.00 FILM: Black Knight (2001) 10.55 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 11.55 The Cleveland Show 12.25am Rude Tube 1.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (x4)

8.55am Time Team (x4) 1.05pm FILM: McLintock! (1963) 3.40 Location, Location, Location (x4) 8.00 The Unsinkable Titanic 9.35 What Sank The Mary Rose? 10.40 Terror At Sea: The Sinking Of The Concordia 11.45 How The Bismarck Sank HMS Hood 12.50am The Unsinkable Titanic 2.30 What Sank The Mary Rose?

11.00am 20 Million Miles To Earth (1957) 12.40pm War Of The Worlds (1953) 2.20 Nausicaa: Valley Of The Wind (1984) 4.50 Silent Running (1972) 6.40 Planet Of Apes (1968) 8.50 Oblivion Interview Special 9.00 Alien (1979) 11.25 Vanilla Sky (2001) 2.05am Battle For The Planet Of The Apes (1973) 4.00 Close

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032_LS623_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 04/04/2013 12:09 Page 1

sunday 14 Once Upon A Time Channel Five, 9pm If you don’t enjoy seeing Robert Carlisle revelling in being downright bad then you really are having a rotten day. The fairytale mayhem continues as the seven dwarves discover what happens if you try to leave the town borders. Bit a of a problem, mate. And Regina tries to regain her powers. Another glorious nasty.

Perspectives: Paul O’Grady ITV1, 10pm Ooh la la! He may be Mr Respectable these days but remember the front on that Lily Savage and it’s easy to see where Paul O’Grady’s fascination with legendary strip artist Gypsy Rose Lee displayed itself. Talking to her son Erik Preminger, and Stephen Sondheim – who wrote the hit musical about her.

Father Ted More4, 10pm & 10.35pm Father Ted thoroughly celebrates the ridiculous, and it does sound slightly loopy to be upgrading a Holy Stone, but that’s what’s happening on Craggy Island. And Ted is determined that Dougal and Jack with behave. Will they ‘eck! Followed by a classic episode concerning a missing whistle. Have a cup of tea!


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 7.00 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix 10.15 The Big Questions 11.15 Sunday Politics 12.35pm Points Of View 12.50 Britain’s Maharajah 1.20 Bargain Hunt 2.20 Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix Replay 4.20 Escape To The Country 5.20 Songs Of Praise

6.05 Deadly 60 On A Mission Steve Backshall journeys from the lush mountains of Ethiopia to the plains of South Africa. Starting in the medieval Ethiopian city of Harar, Steve has a potentially lethal encounter with one of the most feared predators in Africa, the spotted hyena. 6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile Countryfile is in the eastern county of Suffolk. Matt Baker explores the boating heritage of the area, as he puts the finishing touches to a very special boat. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the experts make a return visit to Cheltenham Town Hall. 9.00 The Village Drama series. It is March 1916, and conscription is introduced for the first time in British history. Call up papers are delivered throughout the village, and soldiers arrive at the Middleton farm to requisition Bert’s beloved horse. 10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Match Of The Day 2 Colin Murray introduces highlights of the day’s two Premier League fixtures. 11.25 Late Kick Off Jacqui Oatley presents the football magazine focusing on clubs in the region. 11.55 FILM: New Jack City (1991) Starring Wesley Snipes, Ice-T, Allen Payne. Tough action drama. 1.30am Weatherview 1.35 News


7.40am Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Bread 12.00pm EastEnders 1.50 Coast 2.00 Great British Food Revival 2.30 The Great Rift: Africa’s Wild Heart 3.30 Secrets Of Our Living Planet 4.30 Coast 5.30 Driven: The Fastest Woman In The World

6.30 Golf: The Masters Hazel Irvine presents live coverage of the fourth and final round of the 77th Masters from the world famous Augusta National course. Fingers crossed for a repeat of the nailbiting excitement of 2012, where American Bubba Watson ensured he was the man heading to the Butler Cabin to collect his green jacket after winning a play-off with Louis Oosthuizen. The left-handed American’s incredible approach to the second play-off hole, from the trees to the right of the fairway, will live long in the memory. Two-time major winner and world No. 1Rory McIlroy will be desperate to be in the hunt on the final day’s action having previously managed a best of just 15th in Georgia. Commentary comes from Peter Alliss, Ken Brown, Andrew Cotter and Wayne Grady. Rishi Persad provides reports from on the course. 12.00am FILM: The Haunting (1999) Psychological horror set in the dark and forbidding Hill House, the scene of numerous gruesome tragedies. When a group assembles there for a sleep disorder study, they soon become entangled in the supernatural history of the house. 1.45 Sign Zone: A Very British Wedding Documentary series following the lead up and weddings of two multicultural couples in Britain. 2.45 Sign Zone: Holby City Malick is pulled in two directions – will the ego win out?


6.00 – 8am Children’s television 8.00 Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil 8.10 Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil 8.25 Almost Naked Animals 8.40 Almost Naked Animals 8.55 Figaro Pho 9.00 The Aquabats! Super Show! 9.25 ITV News 9.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 10.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.30 Dinner Date 12.30pm You’ve Been Framed! 1.00 Britain’s Got Talent 2.35 Food Glorious Food 3.30 FA Cup Semi-Final: Chelsea v Manchester City 6.15 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.45 Catchphrase Stephen Mulhern hosts another episode in the brand new series of the classic and muchloved game show. Say what you see. Don’t be rude. 7.30 Off Their Rockers Comedy series featuring fearless senior citizens playing pranks on the public with the aid of hidden cameras. 8.00 Endeavour Four-part crime drama series about the young Detective Constable Endeavour Morse. Now based at Cowley police station, he has become unofficial bagman to DI Thursday - but the new superintendent has other ideas. A puzzling haze of deceit and misdirection, involving an Oxford physicist who worked on the atomic bomb, and the fate of a vulnerable single mother, forces Endeavour to question Thursday’s orders - and risk his career to avert a family tragedy. 10.00 Perspectives: Paul O’Grady See highlights. 11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 FA Cup Highlights Matt Smith presents highlights of today’s FA Cup semi-final. 12.00am Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership 12.55 The Store 2.55 British Superbike Championship Highlights 3.45 Monk 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.05am River Cottage Bites 6.10 The Treacle People 6.20 The Hoobs 6.45 The Hoobs 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.05pm The Big Bang Theory 12.35 The Big Bang Theory 1.05 The Simpsons 1.40 FILM: The Addams Family (1991) 3.40 Deal Or No Deal 4.40 Channel 4 News 5.10 FILM: Diary Of A Wimpy Kid (2010) 7.00 Five Minutes To A Fortune Davina McCall hosts the game show in which contestants work together to finish five challenges in five minutes. 8.00 The Secret Millions Five-part documentary series in which five famous faces work to develop charitable projects which they hope will have a positive impact on Britain. 9.00 My Big Fat Gypsy Fortune My Big Fat Gypsy Fortune reveals the secrets of the clandestine Gypsy and Traveller economy for the first time, showing how those in the community earn their money and how they fund those incredible weddings. The programme focuses on both ends of the spectrum, from Alfie, reputed to be worth 100 million pounds, to down-on-his-luck Romany George. 10.00 FILM: Juno (2007) Starring Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman. Comedy drama about an offbeat highschool student who accidentally falls pregnant. Faced with the tough choice over what to do about her unborn child, Juno decides to enter the adoption process. 11.50 FILM: Cocktail (1988) Starring Tom Cruise, Bryan Brown, Elisabeth Shue. Lively romantic drama. 1.40am Southland 2.20 St Elsewhere 3.05 Come Dine With Me 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.25am Children’s television 8.25 Angelina Ballerina 8.40 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Toby’s Travelling Circus 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Jelly Jamm 9.55 The Mr. Men Show 10.10 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 10.45 Batman: The Brave And The Bold 11.15 Disney Shorts 11.20 Monkey Life 11.50 Cowboy Builders 12.50pm FILM: Practical Magic (1998) 2.55 FILM: The Secret Garden (1993) 5.00 FILM: Stepmom (1998) 7.15 5 News Weekend 7.20 FILM: Big Daddy (1999) Starring Adam Sandler, Joey Lauren Adams, Jon Stewart, Cole Sprouse. Comedy about an idle law graduate who does not want to grow up. One day, in an attempt to prove to his girlfriend that he can be mature, he lies in order to adopt a child. The drastic move does little for his romance, but the relationship with the young lad changes his life in ways he could not foresee. 9.00 Once Upon A Time See highlights. 10.00 Person Of Interest Action-packed crime series. When an NSA analyst learns of the Machine’s existence, Reese has his work cut out to protect him from Government assassins. Nathan Ingram’s reasons for inserting a contingency access to the Machine are revealed. 11.00 FILM: Ultraviolet (2006) Starring Milla Jovovich, Cameron Bright, Nick Chinlund. Science-fiction thriller set in a dystopian near-future. An authoritarian human society is at war with a race of vampiric beings contaminated with a genetically modified disease. 12.45am Campus PD 1.15 SuperCasino 4.00 Wildlife SOS (x2) 4.50 County Secrets 5.05 Hana’s Helpline 5.15 Roary The Racing Car 5.25 Hana’s Helpline 5.35 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Football’s Greatest 6.30 Football’s Greatest 7.00 Scottish Cup Football 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 Sunday Supplement 10.00 Goals On Sunday 11.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 2.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.55 LIVE Spanish Football 6.00 LIVE Golf: Masters 2013 12.30am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Spanish Football 5.00 Scottish Cup Football

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sporting Greats 6.30 Super League 8.00 Ringside 9.00 LIVE Golf: Masters Breakfast 12.00pm NBA Action 12.30 LIVE Scottish Cup Football 3.15 Sky Sports Classics 3.30 Live Premiership Rugby 5.55 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Scottish Cup Football 12.30am Super League Full Time 1.30 NBA 3.30 Super League Full Time 4.30 Ford Football Special

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Racemax 7.00 Sporting Greats 7.30 This Week In WWE 8.00 WWE Vintage 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 Rising Star 10.30 Rising Star 11.00 Super League 12.30pm Rising Star 1.00 LIVE Championship Rugby Union 3.30 Sporting Greats 4.00 Racemax 5.00 WWE: Experience 6.00 LIVE NBA 8.30 LIVE NBA 11.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 12.00am This Week In WWE 12.30 WWE Vintage 1.30 Super Rugby Try Time 2.00 Watersports World 3.00 Rugby Union 4.30 WWE Vintage 5.30 Super Rugby Try Time

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Tom Cruise: Face 2 Face 12.30 John Bishop’s Only Joking (x5) 3.00 Raising Hope (x2) 4.00 Now That’s History! (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x3) 6.30 Modern Family 7.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 8.00 Glee 9.00 Hawaii Five0 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 Brit Cops: Rapid Response 12.00am Street Crime UK

7.00pm Formula 1: The Chinese Grand Prix Highlights 8.00 The Voice UK 9.30 Barely Legal Drivers 10.30 Family Guy 10.55 Family Guy 11.15 American Dad! 11.40 American Dad! 12.00am Bad Education 12.30 Bad Education 1.00 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 2.00 In The Flesh 2.55 The Baby Bomb

7.00pm The First Master Chef: Michel Roux On Escoffier 8.00 The Century That Wrote Itself 9.00 When Frost Met Bakewell: Joan Bakewell At 80 10.00 Bakewell At The BBC 11.00 Motor Racing At The BBC: That Petrol Emotion 11.30 Tom Jones - What Good Am I? 12.30am BBC Four Sessions: Tom Jones

11.25am FILM: Curly Sue (1991) 1.25pm FILM: E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) 3.40 Britain’s Got Talent 5.15 Britain’s Got More Talent 6.15 FILM: Kangaroo Jack (2003) 8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Family Special 9.00 FILM: The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 11.50 Celebrity Juice 12.40am 666 Park Avenue

6.00am Murder, She Wrote 6.50 FILM: To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) 9.20 Heartbeat (x2) 11.20 Inspector Morse 1.30pm Inspector Morse 3.45 Lewis 5.50 Inspector Morse 8.00 FILM: Housesitter (1992) 10.05 Blue Murder 11.40 FILM: Doc Hollywood (1991) 1.35am The Ruth Rendell Mysteries

1.40pm Glee 2.40 Charmed 3.35 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 4.30 Revenge 5.30 New Girl 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x3) 7.30 The Mindy Project 8.00 FILM: Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 10.00 Rude Tube 11.00 The Body Shocking Show 11.30 2 Broke Girls 12.00am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.40pm Four In A Bed (x5) 4.25 Come Dine With Me Ireland (x5) 7.00 Nashville 8.00 Time Team 9.00 The World’s Largest Snake 10.00 Father Ted (x2). See highlights. 11.10 Embarrassing Bodies 12.15am Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 1.20 Time Team 2.25 Embarrassing Bodies 3.20 Close

11.00am The Mark Of Zorro (1940) 1.00pm Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (2009) 2.50 Charlotte’s Web (2006) 4.40 Three Men And A Baby (1987) 6.40 Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief (2010) 9.00 Crash (2004) 11.10 12 Rounds (2009) 1.15am Apres Vous (2003) 3.35 Close

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033_LS623_TV_mon_L7wed14apr.qxd 04/04/2013 12:12 Page 1

monday 15 North Korea Undercover – Panorama BBC1, 8.30pm Um... is it getting scary for anyone yet? With brinkmanship that reminds us of Kissinger and history lessons, Reporter John Sweeney goes undercover for eight days in North Korea to discover a people brainwashed for three generations and a bleak landscape greeting him.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks BBC2, 10pm Local lad Connor Maynard guests (and most likely giggles too) on this weeks’ Buzzcocks. Hosting the madcap proceedings is Radio One Breakfast Show host Nick Grimshaw, trying to keep regular team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding relatively under control. It’s a fool’s errand. Good fun though.

Snog Marry Avoid? BBC3, 10pm You know those questions that haunt you when you head down to the seafront, like why gents’ trousers tend to live halfway down their backsides? Things like that? Ellie Taylor tackles that one in particular and other attire queries in general. Plus two more transformations as over-made-up guests step into POD.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 11.45 Crime Scene Rescue 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Chefs: Put Your Menu Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory The team look at Britain under pressure. With the population of the UK over 63 million, what are scientists and engineers doing to reduce the strain on our ageing infrastructure? 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders When Phil makes a strange purchase at the Minute Mart, Kim thinks she has uncovered Sharon’s real whereabouts. 8.30 North Korea Undercover – Panorama See highlights. 9.00 The Prisoners Series following offenders in prison, their release and, if they re-offend, their return behind prison doors. Filmed over a year, this second episode follows a group of repeat offenders from Pentonville prison, which holds over a thousand male prisoners. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Brian Blessed and guest panellists Bridget Christie and Nick Robinson. 11.20 The Graham Norton Show The award-winning host continues his anarchic talk show. 12.05am FILM: In Her Defense (1998) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 News


6.10am Homes Under The Hammer 7.10 Real Rescues 7.55 You’ve Been Scammed 8.25 Heir Hunters 9.10 Great British Menu 9.40 Countryfile 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Coast 1.10 Animal Park 1.40 Classic Mastermind 2.40 The Great British Bake Off 3.40 Britain’s First Photo Album 4.10 The Life Of Mammals 5.10 Flog It! 5.55 Party Election Broadcast By The UK Independence Party 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Helicopter Heroes Down Under Exactly what is says it’s about. 7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 8.00 University Challenge In the first of the semi-finals University College, London takes on New College, Oxford for a place in the series final. 8.30 Paul Hollywood’s Bread If you would love to have a go at bread making but are put off by all the kneading, proving and waiting, soda bread is the bread for you. Paul Hollywood shows breads you can make from start to finish in under an hour. 9.00 Fit To Rule: How Royal Illness Changed History Lucy Worsley explores how the health of past monarchs has shaped the nation. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Toughest Place To Be A Bus Driver – The Return London bus driver Josh West heads back to the chaotic streets of Manila in the Philippines. 12.20am Sign Zone: Ancient Egypt: Life And Death In The Valley Of The Kings 4.00 Wonders Of The Universe 5.00 What Makes Me, Me 5.15 William Whiskerson (x4)


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Rory Bremner’s Great British Views 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The UK Independence Party 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street Faye’s admission leaves Anna heartbroken. 8.00 James Nesbitt’s Ireland James Nesbitt continues his eightpart guided tour of Ireland. In this episode he celebrates the good times to be had throughout Ireland. 8.30 Coronation Street Anna’s actions cause Faye to lash out. Katy tries to make amends with Chesney. 9.00 Broadchurch Eight-part crime thriller set in the Dorset seaside resort of Broadchurch during the holiday season, where DI Alec Hardy and DS Ellie Miller are investigating the murder of 11-year-old Danny Latimer. Time is running out to solve Danny’s murder – will the discovery of a vital clue finally unlock the case? 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Unforgettable Danny La Rue Long before Lily Savage, La Cage aux Folles or Priscilla Queen of the Desert, there was Danny La Rue, Britain’s foremost female impersonator, who single-handedly turned cross-dressing into mainstream family entertainment. 11.35 Monk Crime drama series. 12.25am Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.05am River Cottage Bites 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.05 According To Jim 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Undercover Boss USA 11.00 Location, Location, Location 12.00pm Channel 4 News 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 What’s Cooking? 1.45 Superscrimpers’ Challenge 2.45 Countdown 3.30 The Common Denominator 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Five Minutes To A Fortune 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens concoct a plan to save Mercedes. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 SuperScrimpers In a specially extended show Mrs M answers all manner of money-related questions while camped out in a camping store. 9.00 The Hoarder Next Door 41year-old single mum Sarah from Dorset reveals how the two bedroom flat she shares with teenage son Ally is being taken over by her vast hoard of knick-knacks and clutter. 10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon heads to Wilkinsburg, Pennsylvania, home to Ms. Jean’s Southern Cuisine, which was opened 12 years ago by retired teacher Ms Jean Gould. Her employees say she’s like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and that’s why the local community stay away. But Ms Jean insists she’s only mean because her employees are lazy. 11.05 Random Acts 11.10 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr is joined by Paul Gascoigne and Professor Brian Cox, who discusses his new television series. 12.10am Shameless 1.05 Black Mirror 2.00 Gok’s Clothes Roadshow 2.55 The Renovation Game 3.55 Come Dine With Me 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.40 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 All-New Trisha 12.00pm Looney Tunes 12.05 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Classic Car Rescue 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Northern Lights (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Natalie offers Rosie some good advice on how to repair her friendship with Sasha. 6.30 5 News At 6.30 7.00 Trauma Doctors Observational documentary series following the pioneering work of trauma specialists at the Royal London Hospital. 8.00 Nature Shock: The Blacktip Shark Mystery Documentary series examining freak occurrences in the natural world. In 2006, dive boat operator Mark Addison witnessed the mysterious arrival of 60 Blacktip sharks off the coast of South Africa. 9.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge Documentary series. Robson Green travels the world, challenging local fishing champions to a contest. In this episode he takes on some local anglers on the island of Mauritius. 10.00 Battle Scarred Emmy-winning journalist Chris Terrill, the only military-trained documentary-maker in Britain, reports on the often sad and lonely world of the ex-serviceman, exploring their fears and the nature of the demons that torment them. 11.00 FILM: Outlaw (2007) Starring Sean Bean, Danny Dyer, Bob Hoskins. Violent, controversial action thriller. 1.05am SuperCasino 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Great Artists 5.10 Great Scientists 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Scottish Cup Football 9.30 LIVE Monte Carlo Masters Tennis 5.30pm Scottish Cup Football 6.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 Barclays Premier League Review 10.30 Netbusters 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00am UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.30 Barclays Premier League Review 1.30 Elite League Speedway 3.30 Netbusters 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Netbusters

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Golf: Masters 2013 12.00pm Scottish Cup Football 1.00 Golf: Masters 2013 7.00 Super League Full Time 8.00 How The 2013 Masters Was Won 10.00 PGA Tour Classic 11.00 Super League Full Time 12.00am How The 2013 Masters Was Won 2.00 PGA Tour Classic 3.00 Super League Full Time 4.00 How The 2013 Masters Was Won

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 WWE: The Bottom Line 7.30 Super League Full Time 8.30 Ford Football Special 10.00 Spanish Football 11.30 NBA 1.30pm Ford Football Special 3.00 Spanish Football 4.30 WWE: Raw 6.30 British Rally Championship 7.30 Sporting Greats 8.00 Sporting Greats 8.30 Sporting Greats 9.00 Thrillseekers 9.30 This Week In WWE 10.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 This Week In WWE 4.45 Sky Sports Classics 5.00 Thrillseekers 5.30 Aerobics: Oz Style

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








10.00am NCIS: LA (x3) 1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Middle(x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 A League Of Their Own 9.00 Revolution 10.00 Spartacus: War Of The Damned 11.15 Brit Cops: Rapid Response 12.15am Night Cops 1.15 Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm The Real Hustle: New Recruits 7.30 Top Gear 8.30 World’s Craziest Fools 9.00 Don’t Just Stand There...I’m Having Your Baby! 10.00 Snog Marry Avoid?. See highlights. 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad (x2) 12.30am Don’t Just Stand There... I’m Having Your Baby! d?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Britain On Film 8.30 Motor Racing At The BBC: That Petrol Emotion 9.00 The Golden Age Of Trams: A Streetcar Named Desire 10.00 Atlantis: The Evidence - A Timewatch Special 11.00 David Attenborough’s First Life 12.00am Catholics

4.10pm The Real Housewives Of Atlanta 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! 7.25 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 Best Of You’ve Been Framed! 10.00 Plebs 10.30 FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (2004) 12.40am Britain’s Got More Talent

2.00pm Wild At Heart 3.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 Home To Roost 4.50 On The Buses 5.20 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Martin Clunes: Islands Of Britain 10.00 Afterlife 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am Kavanagh QC

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 New Girl 8.30 The Mindy Project 9.00 Revenge 10.00 Made In Chelsea 11.00 The Inbetweeners 11.35 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.35am The New Normal

11.20am FILM: Hombre (1967) 1.30pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Scrapheap Challenge 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 10.00 16 Kids And Counting 11.05 Embarrassing Bodies 12.10am Come Dine With Me 1.15 16 Kids...

11.00am Damn The Defiant! (1962) 1.05pm Those Glory, Glory Days (1983) 2.55 David And Bathsheba (1951) 5.15 Comanche Station (1960) 6.50 Definitely, Maybe (2008) 9.00 Remember Me (2010) 11.10 Black Rain (1989) 1.35am Room To Rent (2000) 3.35 Close



Brighton Lights Ep 48

Britain’s answer to the Scissor Sisters: Kovak perform their new single, ‘Radiate’, and chat to host Guy Lloyd

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Latest 7: No. 623  

Kerpow! We can all be superheroes at Brighton Heroes Run 2013

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