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the city & news magazine for brighton & hove

H jobs H news H food H listings H tv guide H

Watch Festival!, Latest TV’s new daily show devoted to Brighton Festival, Brighton Fringe, Artists Open Houses and more. Britain’s Got Talent star Lynn Ruth Miller is your host. Watch it now at:

8 – 14 May 2012


Diamonds & pearls And glamorous girls at Proud Cabaret Brighton page 21

BIMM A new scholarship fund for budding young musicians THE OLD MARKET May celebrations with theatre, music & more AFTERNOON TEA The British tradition is making a comeback

Best ’ n steak in s t s roa n tow

NOVA FESTIVAL The hottest new addition to the summer events calendar

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CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine

NEWS & COMMENT 04 Latest People Hove Place, Proud Brighton Cabaret and more 06 Latest Brighton & Hove News & Jobs Animal rescue in Sussex, headlines, jobs and letters 07 Marina Life Outdoor entertainment with Trolleys and Push 14 Latest Opinion Too posh for Stoke? Bill Smith thinks not 15 Sport: Brighton & Hove Albion Top 10 highlights of Albion’s first season at The Amex 16 Snap Shots Musicians Nick Pynn and Kate Daisy Grant 16 Competitions Win Brighton Fashion Week tickets and new CDs 17 Celeb City The Lady Boys of Bangkok; rising star Conor Maynard 18 Bare Cheek Etiquette with Hetty Kwet; Trumpton Comes Alive 18 Mad Matt Matt is the new face of hen parties 19 City Speak Ruby’s cat has an MOT, Tasha finds a new diet and Will wonders if it’s OK to dump by text

8–14 MAY 2012


>on tv

Voting is now open! To celebrate Festival season in Brighton this May, we want you – the audiences – to vote for the best shows in Brighton Festival and Brighton Fringe. Cast your vote now – it’s quick and easy to do so. Your vote counts and the winners will be announced at the Latest Festival Awards! Also online, vote for the best in the Artists Open Houses. As ever, Latest will be presenting an award to the best Artist Open House this month! It’s all online at:

All the latest homes are on


WHAT’S ON 34 Reviews & Bookings; Brighton Download Chart Stewart Lee, Rizzle Kicks; The Voice UK live tour! 36 Latest Previews Avenue Q, Jimeoin and Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows 40 Stars; TV Highlights & Listings Horoscopes; Life On Fire, seven-day TV listings Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless


Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Natasha Prochaski Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan

Art Director Stephen King Entertainment Editor & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Website & IT Tom Scrace Lisa Yousefi

Watch Festival! Latest TV’s daily show all about Brighton Festival, Brighton Fringe, Artists Open Houses, The Great Escape and more! Presented by Britain’s Got Talent star Lynn Ruth Miller, Festival is our 10 minute daily show on festival highlights, shows not to be missed, and those we loved from the night before. See ‘Vick’s Pick of the Festivals with Victoria Nangle and don’t miss Brighton Festival’s stars and directors interviewed including 2012 Guest Director Vanessa Redgrave. Let us be your guide to May Festival season at Bill Smith, Managing Director, Latest TV If you want to be part of Brighton’s TV channel come to our open democratic meetings at Latest MusicBar every Monday at 5.30pm. Pic: Matthew Andrews

20 Nova Festival The new music and arts festival in Sussex 20 The Old Market One year on at the popular Hove venue 21 On the cover: Proud Cabaret Brighton Brighton’s Proud opens after a £500k revamp 23 Brighton Institute of Modern Music A new scholarship scheme for budding music stars 24 Health & Beauty Festival fashion with Bethany Hinchliffe 25 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink; Hotlist Andrew finds a crock of gold at The Rainbow Inn 27 Hove Place Hove Place Bistro Pub & Gardens reopens 29 Afternoon Tea special The revival of the afternoon tea in Sussex


With over 3,400 local properties, more Brighton & Hove homes than any other property website For details of advertising opportunities with please contact Lynne Edwards tel: 01273 818150

Watch our shows at

‘Like’ Latest 7 on Facebook Editor Zara Baker Editorial Assistant Laura Burgess Sub Editors Chris Dyer Jenny Gunston Rachel Junior

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Design Anand Day Andrew Wright Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

Illustrators Paul Lewis Jake McDonald Neil Webb Work experience Beth Hinchliffe

01273 818150 Editorial: Advertising: Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

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Acumen awards, Hove Place reopening, Proud Cabaret Brighton, Eco Technology Show launch & more

Acumen Business Law Commercial Property Awards Acumen Business Law held the City’s first Commercial Property Awards sponsored by RAP Interiors from Marlborough Place in Brighton at The Grand Hotel on 26 April 2012. The awards celebrated acheivements in commercial property around Brighton and Hove. Categories included Best Refurbishment, won by Spire Healthcare & Nightingale Architects, for the Montefiore Hospital in Hove; and Best Development, won by Conran & Partners for The Astoria in Brighton. Words: Patrick Kneath Photos: Patrick Kneath/courtesy of Acumen Business law

Lynne Edwards (Latest Homes), David & Jo Blood (Posture People)

Craig Carter (RAP Interiors - Sponsors), Julie Anderson (RAP Interiors - Sponsors), Oliver Asha (Acumen Business Law), Sophie LeeSpencer (Ask Moneypenny - Organiser)

Spire Healthcare & Nightingale Architects (Best Refurbishment, Montefiore Hospital, Hove)

Boho Green (Building of The Future for The Green Business Hub at PortZED)

Conran & Partners (Best Development for Astoria, Brighton)

QED (Sustainable Workspace for conversion of 10 Fleet Street, Brighton)

New skills shop launches

Hove Place relaunches

City College Brighton and Hove launched its innovative new ‘skills shop’, City Skills & Jobs on 27 April. Green MP Caroline Lucas officially opened the shop which is designed to be a vibrant and welcoming ‘one stop shop’ to facilitate connections between employers and their potential employees. The shop, which is part-funded by ERDF via the Interreg 2seas GAPS project, will also be linked closely to Brighton & Hove Chamber of Commerce, Jobcentre Plus and American Express. Words & photos: Patrick Kneath

Often described as the jewel in the crown of the Golden Lion Group, Hove Place in First Avenue, Hove has relaunched as a Bistro Pub. A sleek and clean décor carries through the pub which leads downstairs through a ‘dining area’ before moving into the main bar. By far and away the biggest asset of Hove Place are the rear gardens. Words & photos: Patrick Kneath

Caroline Lucas MP

Leo Day (Hove Place), Jamie Davies (The White Horse, Ditchling), Gary Peters (Brighton & Hove Jobs)

Body Happy Lisa Shaw launched the Body Happy studio in March 2012. In contrast to the hustle and bustle of a traditional gym, the studio provides a private indoor space, where they can truly focus on their clients and held a launch night on 19 April to showcase what she does. All ages are welcome and in fact the oldest member is 94! Contact Lisa on 07793 015 536 for further information and a free initial consultation. Body Happy Studio, Kingsway Court. First Avenue, Hove. BN3 2LR Words & photos: Patrick Kneath

Angela Gaitani (Economic Development Officer, BHCC), Naomi Nunan (Project Manager (City Skills & Jobs), Cheryl Finella (Economic Development Manager, BHCC)

Nick Geaves (The Framing Workshop), Keith Mercer (Mercer Images)

Sarah Chappell, Stacey Day (Hove Place)

The Eco Technology Show Event Launch

Milly Rich (94, visits twice a week), Lisa Shaw (Body Happy Studio), Shula Rich (Chair of Kingsway Court)

The Eco Technology Show event launch, held at The Tin Drum, Hove introduced the new “Smart Business” conference element to The Eco Technology Show which is to be held at The American Express Community Stadium, 15-16 June 2012. The launch showcased a brand new Renault electric car, “Twizy” and the Tesla alongside the new Brighton designed and manufactured solar powered bikes and “Etrikes” from Boho Green. Words & photos: Patrick Kneath Georgia Isted & Julian McCoy (Lifestyle Europe) with the Renault Twizy electric car

Giles Hampton, Soulla Wright, Lisa Shaw (Owner), Nick Greenfield, Hannah Quinn (The Body Happy team)

Shelaine Siepel (Sustainability Consultant. BHCC), Thurston Crockett (Head of Sustainability, BHCC), Cheryl Finella (Economic Development Manager, BHCC), Geoff Raw (Strategic Director, Place, BHCC) Colin Scrace with his electric bikes

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The Rock Garden unveiled Blue Peter gardener Chris Collins unveiled the new-look rock garden and cascade at Preston Park on Friday 27 April. The rockery has been completely renovated in a joint project between Brighton & Hove City Council parks staff, and the Friends of Preston Park. Words & photos: Patrick Kneath

Proud Cabaret Brighton launches

Chris Collins (Blue Peter Gardener), Children from St Christopher’s School, Hove, and the Friends of Preston Park

Chris Collins (Blue Peter Gardener), Children from St Christopher’s School, Hove

Proud Cabaret Brighton’s revamp taps into the venue’s extraordinary past: the Sassoon family’s former mausoleum. For the launch on Thursday 26 April guests were treated to live performances throughout the evening from Banbury Cross, Kiki Kaboom, Chi Chi Revolver, Adriano Fettucini and Bhagdad Idol. The night was hosted by Vicious Delicious. Proud Brighton Cabaret. See also p.21. Photos: Courtesy of Proud Brighton Cabaret

The Lanes & Old Town improvements Work has been completed on the second stage of improvements for pedestrians using the Old Town in Brighton. Business representatives and councillors came together in East Street, part of the city’s historic Lanes, to celebrate the completion of improvements, ready for the busy summer season. Photos: Courtesy of Brighton & Hove City Council

Minesh Agnihotri, Indian Summer; Councillor Ian Davey, cabinet member for transport and the public realm; Seb Cole, Boho Gelato, lead the way over the pedestrian crossing from the seafront

Front row, l to r – Claire Ottewell, Tourism Alliance; Councillor Ania Kitcat; Councillor Ian Davey, cabinet member for transport and the public realm; Minesh Agnihotri, Indian Summer; Olivia Reed, Terre a Terre. Back row, l to r – Seb Cole, Boho Gelato; Councillor Jason Kitcat; Karl Jones, Moshi Moshi; Trevor Edwards, Director of Pride; Tom Campbell, Project Manager, Brighton & Hove City Council; Shonali Rodrigues, Tourism Alliance; David Parker, Head of Transport Planning, Brighton & Hove City Council; Gavin Stewart, Business Improvement District

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latest brighton & hove news IN BRIEF ■ RIZZLE KICKS PICKED FOR OLYMPICS


Brighton hip-hop duo Rizzle Kicks are to play a free concert in Hove when the Olympic torch comes to town. Jordan Stephens and Harley Alexander-Sule, both 20, will perform at the County Ground in Hove on Monday 16 July. Ticket details should be finalised within a few weeks. It was originally intended to hold the concert on Hove Lawns but concerns about crowd control and safety issues persuaded the organisers to switch the venue. The night after their concert in Hove, the pair will be playing another free gig at The Stade in Hastings – the next stop on the Olympic torch relay route. They are also playing at the concert to mark the finale of the torch relay on Thursday 26 July, joining The Wanted on a bill of ten acts headlined by Dizzee Rascal. The Games opening ceremony takes place the day after. Rizzle Kicks are expected to appear at other venues during the 70-day torch relay.



A senior practitioner with MindOut, the LGBT mental health project, has been chose to carry the Olympic torch along part of the route. Jason Saw was chosen from thousands of nominees to carry the torch through Arundel on Monday 16 July. He was chosen because of the difference that he has made to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans community (LGBT) in Brighton and Hove. He ran the Brighton Marathon last month for MindOut, along with 20 teammates. Between them they raised almost £16,000 for the charity. He hopes to add to the total by encouraging people to make a donation at He said: “I am honoured and proud. It’s brilliant to be chosen as an LGBT person who works for the community, to be an out LGBT athlete carrying the torch for equality. I’m hoping that this will pave the way for LGBT Olympic athletes to be out and proud at the London Olympics this year.”



The founder of the website, Gary Peters, has been elected chairman of the Brighton and Hove Economic Partnership. He takes over from the radio and television broadcaster Simon Fanshawe who has held the post for 12 years. Mr Peters, 36, was born and bred in Brighton and founded the online jobs board two years ago. Mr Peters said: “As a true Brightonian and a local business owner, I'm genuinely delighted to be the Economic Partnership’s new chairman. Simon Fanshawe has led a fantastic campaign for the last 12 years and achieved so much for the city. My personal aims are to take the group and achievements to the next level by really tightening the link between public, private and voluntary sectors so that we talk less, do more and work collectively to ensure Brighton and Hove becomes an even better place to live and do business.”

Walking tall Melanie Robinson is stepping out on her deafblind son’s 18th birthday – she plans to walk from London to Brighton. Frank le Duc learns why


ighteen years ago doctors told Melanie “He’s not bitter about what life has thrown at him. Robinson that her newborn son, Josh, was He gets frustrated sometimes but he just gets on deaf and blind as a result of congenital rubella with it.” syndrome. Melanie had contracted rubella – German She had the idea to dedicate the walk to Joshua measles – before she even realised that she was and to raise funds for Sense when trying to decide pregnant. Having grown up in the Caribbean, she on the perfect 18th birthday present. She said: “I hadn’t been offered the vaccine that was given to wanted to give Joshua a present that would be far girls in Britain from 1970. more meaningful and special than a new gadget that Since 1988 the triple vaccine, MMR, has been would get broken and forgotten about. I’ve watched used to try to immunise all infants. Take-up rates are Joshua face challenges on a daily basis and wanted lower than average in Brighton & Hove. Melanie said: to set my own challenge to support other people “So many people are anti the vaccine here but I’m with sensory loss. I’m not normally a walker so it’s very much in favour because of what happened to definitely going to be hard-going. my son.” In the 1970s the number of congenital “Sense have always been there for my son and rubella births totalled 447. The vaccination have always been able to offer support or advice programme reduced this to just taking into consideration all of 38 in the 1990s. Rubella-linked his sensory losses. With my terminations fell from 5,711 to son’s 18th birthday “He’s not bitter 61 over the same period. approaching, I decided to do Melanie said: “When Joshua walk in honour of Sense about what life has this was a tiny baby I couldn’t put who have supported us him down because the only way thrown at him. He through his childhood and will he knew I was there was if I was continue to offer him support holding him.” Her health worker throughout his adult life. It’s gets frustrated put her in touch with the my 18th birthday present to deafblind charity Sense. And her sometimes but he them for being there for him. family – her parents Carlyle and “Often there were no just gets on with it” organisations Lucille and her sisters – all or departments rallied round. She said: “My within the medical, social or parents have been fantastic. educational sectors that were I’ve depended on them so heavily.” able to help with all of the areas of his needs. Few And she praised the charity too, saying: “Our stop to think where the funding for charitable Sense worker was fantastic, showing me how I organisations comes from and often they are able could begin to communicate with my son, to offer more than government or privately run introducing him to different textures so he could organisations can. Added to which they offer it with begin to distinguish different materials and feel care and compassion.” the world around him. Now, 18 years later, Joshua Melanie is starting the walk from Bushy Park, is an intelligent and independent young adult and I Richmond, at 7am on Saturday (12 May) and plans know I can still pick up the phone to Sense when to walk a 100km or 67-mile route to Brighton we need support or advice.” Racecourse. She aims to be there within 28 hours. The 38-year-old mother of three, who lives at the She said: “I haven’t been able to train as much as I Brighton Marina, said that a cataract operation had would like because of all the rain.” But she is looking given Josh a limited amount of vision in one eye. As forward to the final few miles, not least because a result, she said, her son was better off than some that’s when Josh will join her. To make a donation youngsters and had a positive outlook. She said: visit, ■

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Marina Life

latest brighton & hove news

7 days of headlines with phil mills Extra seats for The Amex, record breaking rainfall and MP campaigns against badger cull


ith so many talented people in Brighton and Hove, as witnessed by the thousands enjoying the Brighton Festival open houses, is it time to have a regular artists’ open air market in the city? Brighton artist Ian Williams thinks it is and has launched a drive to have a regular pitch to hang paintings – similar to the Hyde Park railings in London’s Bayswater Road – perhaps on the open area adjoining the West Pier. Ian said: “The long-established market is a beacon for tourists and artists and such a market would be a perfect fit for Brighton.” Ian, who produces popart and surreal images using digital as well as conventional tools, said: “The Bayswater market is really successful, I’m sure this would catch on in a big way here. I believe there would be a lot of support out there to get this project off the ground.” Email Ian at On the crime front, a man was arrested on suspicion of murder after a 40-year-old man died from stab wounds at a flat in Norfolk Square, Brighton. And a Kemp Town man was jailed for nine months after pleading guilty to benefit fraud amounting to more than £81,000. Mark Kinsey of Arundel Place illegally claimed: housing benefit (£46,941.94, council tax benefit £5,730.18, and works and pensions (£28,332.72).

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Bill Randall on Able & Willing


ble & Willing (A&W) is a supported business. Based in a former school at the Knoll Business Centre it employs 19 people with disabilities and provides a range of printing and embroidery services, but that’s only half the story. Most importantly, it makes a life-changing difference to people who might otherwise not find employment or enjoy the day-today working company of others. A&W pays its employees the

Brighton & Hove Albion have secured permission to install over 8,000 extra seats at the Amex stadium. At the same time, three Albion players have been charged with sexual assault and voyeurism. They were arrested on suspicion of attacking a woman in Brighton last year. Albion players George Barker, 20, Lewis Dunk, 20, and Anton Rodgers, 19, all from Brighton, are due before Brighton magistrates on 11 May. Also charged is former Albion player Steve Cook, 21, from St Leonards, who plays for Bournemouth. Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink – record-breaking rainfall brought flooding but failed to lift the hosepipe ban in Sussex. More rain is in the forecast and, according to the water companies, more is needed to replenish reservoirs. Businesses and drivers are wincing from new parking charges which means some motorists forking out £20 in some places on Brighton seafront. The council is taking a second look at the increases after

complaints. Meanwhile, there was a mighty mess after travellers left their camp site in Wild Park, Brighton. Besides mountains of rubbish, whole areas of park grass was churned up by vehicles. Hove MP Mike Weatherley joined conservationists including TV presenter Bill Oddie, and MPs, to campaign against a proposed badger cull. And there was news for radio listeners as Juice 107.2 FM announced its new Breakfast show. Live from 7am to 11am every weekday morning, Dan Gasser now joins current Breakfast presenter Andrea Fox. Ryan Heal, Juice MD, said: “These are part of many structural changes taking place as we develop and adapt our shows to reach Brighton’s different communities.” Guy Lloyd, current breakfast co-presenter, will be hosting the Juice Drive show. And finally, it was the day council chiefs saw red – they’ve ordered owners of 78 St George’s Road, which currently operates as an estate agents, to paint the property “a more appropriate white or pale cream colour”, after turning the Grade II Listed building a bright purple without consent.

Should Brighton have an artists’ open air market? Brighton and Hove Living Wage, regularly carries out skills audits and offers training and a route into mainstream employment. Three new people will shortly join the scheme through the Government’s Work Choice programme, which helps people with disabilities into employment. Formerly known as the Castleham Industries, the business was threatened with closure 18 months ago. It has been given a new lease of life by the council, which has invested in new equipment and continues to meet the running costs. State of the art silkscreen printing, unmatched in Brighton and

Hove, is now on offer at A&W along with pad printing and embroidery services. Business development and sales manager, Jeff White, is making sure the city knows what is available, and the orders are coming in. The team are doing a great deal of work for the GMB annual conference, which will be held in Brighton in the summer. Other clients include the city council and local international exhibition company IMEX. Jeff is also talking to other major companies across the city about their printing needs. The aim is for Able & Willing to be entirely self-funding as quickly as possible. If you have print or badge, crest or other embroidery needs, contact Jeff on 07825 862 503 or

Brighton Marina’s Kirsty Pollard finds the best in outdoor, choreographed entertainment

s well as Fringe theatre shows and an art exhibition, we are being taken over on Saturday 19 May by Brighton Festival with two UK dance premieres scheduled to take place in Marina Square. C-12 Dance Theatre & Shaun Parker present ‘Trolleys’ at 2pm and 3.15pm. This new street ballet centres around five supermarket trolleys that randomly appear in a public space. Two meet and fall in love. One grapples to find a friend. Three other revolt and ignite a dance of anarchy. Part street dance, part ballet, part acrobatic spectacle. Trolleys is a high-octane, highly physical and humorous outdoor performance – on wheels!


Company Chameleon present ‘Push’, scheduled around ‘Trolleys’ at 2.45pm and 4pm on Saturday 19 May. Outdoor choreography explores the quality of touch and its physical and emotional resonance. Athletic, yet sensitive, ‘Push’ continues a conversation that began in childhood between dance artists Anthony Missen and Kevin Edward Turner. This powerful and engaging duet looks at different stances we take as we relate to one another, and how the complex nature of our psychology means at times we push to exert our dominance and control, and at others submit and yield. Not just for dancing, this is interesting, emotive and powerful theatre at its best. Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager ONE MILE EAST OF BRIGHTON PIER – NO 7 BUS SHOPS BOWLING CINEMA FITNESS HOTEL CASINO BARS RESTAURANTS SAIL FISH DIVE BOAT TRIPS

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latest brighton & hove news

its Want To Work project with the team at the shop and has 60 businesses signed up. Albion also provides the premises at a peppercorn rent. He said: “We’ve seen the support the new stadium got and it was all about the community helping the club get the stadium. This is another collaborative project that’s taken off because of local people pulling together. That’s just the way Insight, comment and analysis we are in Brighton.” Matt said that although City College from the editor of Brighton Brighton and Hove was running the shop, it & Hove News, Frank le Duc was working with other local colleges such as Plumpton to help those who wanted training to find the right course. And with involved the shop’s staff are able to reach several big employers quickly and easily. City College principal Phil Frier, who retires in the summer, said: “City Skills and Jobs involves a whole group of employers from across the city coming together and that’s what will make it a success.” It also provides somewhere friendly and accessible where it’s possible to ask an expert face to face rather than blindly trying to navigate the internet. Or work out which organisation provides what help. It’s all under one roof and, A new shop in Brighton aims to help people find Matt said, the aim is to ensure that no one is passed from pillar to post. work, training and advice and firms to find staff Caroline Lucas said: “These are hugely difficult times financially and against a trend of rising unemployment, among young people in particular, this job att Brill is running an unusual shop. He doesn’t actually sell anything . shop is hugely needed. It’s a fantastic collaboration in the city and is a ‘winHe wants to give things away – jobs, advice and training. The 32-yearwin’ situation for both jobseekers and employers. I’m reminded of a quote by old careers adviser hopes to act like a the Commission on Youth Unemployment that: ‘If broker, bringing together people who are looking the route to university is a well-signposted “This is another project that’s motorway, the route into work for these 16 to for work and businesses that need to take on staff – even if they don’t think they can afford to. 18-year-olds is more like an unmarked field of taken off because of local Matt, who was born and bred in Brighton and landmines.’ City Skills and Jobs is a much-needed went to Brighton University after leaving school, bridge over this ‘unmarked field of landmines’ and people pulling together” is running the old Albion shop in Queen’s Road. It I hope is successful for all involved.” has newly reopened – opposite the present Albion See also, Latest People, p4. ■ shop – as the City Skills and Jobs shop. Quite a few firms could do with taking someone on but are unsure about whether there’s any financial support, Matt said. Or whether they will have enough work over a long enough period to risk giving an apprenticeship to a youngster. This is where the City Skills and Jobs shop can help. Matt said that it would be a one-stop shop for employers and would-be employees alike. One of the aims was to identify the obstacles to creating jobs and to tackle them. And it’s quite a task. Unemployment has risen, with young people and women being notably affected, and the economy has just slipped back into recession, according to the most recent official figures. So when the shop opened for business, he attracted an impressive smattering of the local great and good. Caroline Lucas, the Green MP for Brighton Pavilion, opened the premises. Bill Randall, the outgoing leader of the council was present, along with the incoming leader Jason Kitcat and fellow councillor Sue Shanks, who is responsible for children and young people’s services. John Barradell, the council chief executive, Tony Mernagh, executive director of the Brighton and Hove Economic Partnership, and Grahame Widdowson, who runs Jobcentre Plus, also attended. Former Albion chief executive Dick Knight was present as Albion In The Community – the football club’s charity arm – is heavily involved. It is linking


Skills for work M

LATEST INBOX Let’s rethink the city cycle lanes I was born in Brighton and have been a Hove resident for 34 years. I think it is appalling the main artery roads into the city – London Rd, The Drive and recently Old Shoreham Rd – have been halved in size to cater for a minority number of cyclists. We now see huge traffic tailbacks on these roads making the city increasingly difficult to move about in. A huge number of people I have spoken to agree we should be protecting the key roads into the city to minimise traffic tailbacks as a priority. The

other feedback I got from residents overlooking these roads is the noise and unsightliness of traffic sitting outside their houses. I carried out a survey on The Drive (where we have had cycle lanes for a few years now) on Sat 28th April between 9.30am and 4.30pm counting the number of cyclists that passed. I counted 16. The ratio of cars/cyclists was obviously huge. This city needs to take a very careful line when dealing with traffic, Brighton is becoming a no go area for day shoppers coming from outside the city due to its inaccessibility by car and this has been heightened with the significant increase of parking charges recently.

> Have your say To comment on any of our news and features or to let us know what’s on your mind email You can also write to Letters, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH

We will be putting together a case via a local councillor to manage this increasing issue and one key policy will be to remove cycle lanes from our main inbound

roads as well as the development of city run, underground car parks. Mr Gibson, Hove, via email Poem: Brighton Bandstand This bandstand is one of night time music, it's melody is so electric. This bandstand is a place you can be married, it’s love within is easily carried. This bandstand is a place of beauty and tranquility, it truly is a sight of true beauty. This bandstand is a hub of pure sanctuary, it has all my happiness emotions in a frenzy. This bandstand is alive with people’s life stories, to me it holds so many long lasting memories. John Sanford, via email

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Interaction Designer/Artworker – Sprung Studios (Brighton & Hove) Digital & Administration Officer – Brighton Dome and Festival (Brighton & Hove) Desktop Support Analyst – The Body Shop International PLC (Littlehampton) Business Development Execs – Dyn UK (Brighton & Hove) Web Analytics Executive – Tesco Freetime (Brighton & Hove) Web Developer – Web Developer (Brighton & Hove) PR Account Manager and Executives – Wildwood PR Ltd (Horsham) Lead Software Development Engineer – Mecmesin Ltd. (Slinfold, Horsham) Senior SEO – Fresh Egg (Worthing and London Victoria)

Web Developer – for a £40k site to attract inward investment to Brighton & Hove 3D Motion Capture – to create animated characters for games Facebook App UX – to formulate the creative and user journey for a Facebook App

dotBrighton: Lestyn Lloyd – Wednesday 9 May, 7.00pm at The Skiff WriteClub Mornings – Thursday 10 May, 9.00am at Small Batch Coffee Wired Sussex Members’ Meetup – Tuesday 29 May, from 5.30pm at The Victory

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011_012_LS576_newsnewsdps_editorial 04/05/2012 18:20 Page 1


latest brighton & hove news


NEGLECT IN NUMBERS The RSPCA reported a stark rise in cases of cruelty and neglect so serious that they led to cases being brought to court. • 1.3 million calls were made to the RSPCA in 2011 • 2,105 people were convicted for cruelty to dogs – up 22% • 1,341 others were convicted for cruelty or neglect to pets – up 23.5% • 1,100 people were disqualified from keeping pets – up 21% • 74 people were jailed – up 27% • 3,036 people were reported to the RSPCA prosecutions department – up 9.3%

the bigissue

Animal rescue

Rescued puppies

The picture was reinforced by Jenny Wells, manager of the Patcham Kennels. She said: “The recession definitely hasn’t helped. Some people through no fault of their own are no longer able to afford to keep their animals. It’s obviously a long-term commitment. It’s gone up by about 50 per cent – the number of people who phone up and say they can’t afford to keep their animal any longer. People do need to think really carefully about the long-term commitment of taking on any pet – not just financially but the time needed for exercise and company. “We’ve got a lot of adult cats from about a year to eight years old. The recession is being blamed as more animals are We’ve got about 50 cats and 30 dogs. We’ve got a lovely Staffie dumped and mistreated. Frank le Duc reports (Staffordshire bull terrier) called Daisy. She’s 14 months old. Staffies make lovely family pets although or a nation of animal lovers the picture could be better. The RSPCA has they’ve had a lot of bad publicity. reported a big rise in the number of pets being treated cruelly and an But often it’s the owner’s fault – not increase in the number abandoned. And it’s harder to persuade people the dog’s! Pitbulls need a licence to take on the expense of another mouth to feed when times are tough so the but Staffies don’t come under the task of rehoming is more of a challenge than ever. The charity’s kennels at Dangerous Dogs Act. A lot of them Patcham have been particularly busy. And staff are preparing for an influx of respond very well to being loved thousands of unwanted chickens to add to the dozens of cats, dogs, and cared for. We would only hamsters, rabbits, snakes and other reptiles already in their care. rehome an animal that’s safe. We’re Recently released figures show that in the South East alone 450 people a responsible organisation. were reported to the RSPCA team that brings prosecutions for cruelty in the “We have reptiles of all sorts,” past year – 50 more than the year before. The Jenny Wells charity said that it was reluctant to bring cases to continues. court. But there were 366 convictions for cruelty to “Staffies make lovely “They’ve become dogs compared with 266 the year before. And the quite popular but family pets although worst cases led to the courts jailing 13 people people don’t compared with seven in 2010. In West Sussex 35 always think about they’ve had a lot of cases were reported for prosecution with 17 the long-term convictions being secured. In East Sussex there commitment. They bad publicity. But were 24 defendants reported and seven live a long time. convictions. And we’ve got often it’s the owner’s Sally Bruce, South East regional manager, said: quite a few small “The RSPCA strives to keep animals with their fault – not the dog’s” animals – about owners wherever possible and offers advice on 30 hamsters and improving their welfare. Overwhelmingly this advice rabbits.” is followed, but where it isn’t, or where someone has already harmed an The kennels – at the end of animal, there has to be a way of ensuring that animals are not left to suffer Braypool Lane in Patcham – are and the RSPCA is the charity people turn to. open every day except Mondays “We are struggling to continue providing this service. Of course we work from 10.30am until 4pm and don’t closely with governmental and other charitable organisations, but we are the close for lunch. They are a shelter main organisation which prosecutes those who abuse animals and which for abandoned and rescued animals can prevent cruelty to animals.” but also a popular rehoming centre.


Pets were not the only victims. Cases involving farm animals also rose last year with, for example, 230 convictions for being cruel to or neglecting equines such as horses. In the South East of England: • 366 people were convicted for cruelty to dogs – up almost 40% on the 266 convictions in 2010 • 184 others were convicted for cruelty or neglect – up 2.2% on the 180 convictions in 2010 • 147 people were disqualified from keeping pets – up nearly 20% on the 125 disqualifications in 2010 • 13 people were jailed by the courts – almost double the seven sent to prison in 2010 • 450 people were reported to the RSPCA prosecutions department – up 12.5% on the 400 reports in 2010 • In West Sussex 35 people were reported to the RSPCA prosecutions department and 17 were convicted. • In East Sussex 24 people were reported to the RSPCA prosecutions department and seven were convicted.

Santa and Mary were abandoned last Christmas

But apart from finding loving homes for neglected and abandoned animals, Jenny said that they also needed donations and volunteers. The Patcham site alone costs £500,000 a year to run even though it relies heavily on volunteers. Mind you, the national budget is £124 million a year. Many of the 16 staff at Patcham are parttime. (Continues, p12)

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And the volunteer roles cover everything from walking dogs and caring for other animals to reception desk work and admin. The charity doesn’t just rescue animals and prosecute the worst owners. It also offers advice and help, including a free neutering service for cats and dogs owned by people on low incomes. Last week was RSPCA Week 2012 so “It’s gone up by about everyone was busier than usual. But Jenny said that 50 per cent – the the work goes on. That, of course, includes caring for number of people who the animals at the shelter, trying to find suitable homes phone up and say they and raising funds. can’t keep their animal The organisation’s chief executive Gavin Grant any longer” reinforced the key points about cruelty, neglect and the need for funds. He said: “The RSPCA faces a crisis that is stretching us to breaking point. We show zero tolerance to animal abusers. Anyone causing animals pain for profit or pleasure will be tracked down and prosecuted. We need the courts and councils, police and people who care to join us in standing up and getting justice for Britain’s abused animals.” He said that there were some amazing stories of survival including that of lurcher-type dog, Maggie May, who survived against all the odds. Thanks to the efforts of the RSPCA and veterinary staff, Maggie May has a fantastic new life in a lovely home. And Beethoven, the dog from the “house of horror”, was also left to die along with another dog, two cats and two small animals. The happy endings to stories of neglect are only possible with the support of the public, Mr

Grant said, highlighting the £15 typical cost per day of feeding, housing and providing medical care for an average dog. Even when the recession ends, cases of animal cruelty will almost inevitably

continue. But people like Jenny Wells and her colleagues are working hard to ensure that all creatures great and small are given the best possible chance. ■

Ginny was abandoned in March and rescued by council animal welfare staff


Taz’s tale has a happy ending. The eight-year-old border collie was overfed and under-exercised when he was rescued from a flat in Brighton a few years ago. At six stone (40kg) he was more than twice his ideal weight. His claws were overgrown and it was apparent that he was hardly ever walked. The animal welfare team at Brighton & Hove City Council, led by Sue Watson, stepped in and rescued Taz. His previous owner was prosecuted, fined and banned from keeping dogs for a year. Magistrates also ordered that Taz should be rehomed. Having slimmed down, Taz has enjoyed a new lease of life with new owner Colin Harman. He is thriving, having shed nearly half his body weight. Taz’s previous owner was also ordered by the court to pay kennel fees of £1,477. After the case Sue Watson said: “Its the right result for Taz. He can get the care and attention he needs and that he has been deprived of for so long.”


Staff at the RSPCA Patcham Kennels are preparing to rescue 9,000 chickens which are due to be sent to a slaughterhouse. The free range egglaying hens are no longer wanted because of supermarket rules. But they could remain productive for a good few years yet. Jenny Wells, manager of the Patcham Kennels, said: “Supermarkets don’t want eggs from chickens that are over 18 months old. Apparently the shells get thinner. But they can lay until they’re about four or five years old. Hens are becoming quite popular. We’re being encouraged to save water and grow our own veg and more people are keeping hens in their back gardens.” The hobby of keeping egg-laying hens was a bit of an upside to the downturn. She said that the animal charity would be working with other organisations to rescue the hens, adding: “We’re not just heading up there in a few cars.” She said that the rescue was due to take place on Friday 25 May and that she hoped people would reserve as many of the hens as possible in advance and collect them over the weekend of Saturday 25 and Sunday 27 May. The charity tried to work with commercial operators three or four times a year to carry out this sort of operation. She said: “Obviously we want to rescue as many as possible and we would ask people for a donation to help with our costs.” Anyone wanting to reserve some hens should call 01273 554218 or email

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Outspoken Latest Bill

Bill’s Shorts: What’s in them this week? WEATHER FOR RUNNERS Well, it could be bad news as a cold front is going to blow in from The Atlantic and this is likely to precipitate rain. Still, if it’s not raining I’m not training! There is a 30 per cent chance that this cold front could even bring a frost or even snow. It’s only a 20 per cent chance but what do we say, heh, I’m not going if it’s not snowing! So, looking pretty painful weather but that’s good because we runners know that pain is just weakness leaving the body!

GLAD TO BE OLD I’m grateful to Yvette Herries for sending this picture in and it’s good to see in this age of Botox and the search for cool youth that Dior are standing out like a beacon for the proud to be old brigade. So proud that they’ve brought out a cream to bring back your wrinkles! Or am I missing something ‘cos I'm old! GLAD TO BE OLD 2 Used to be you couldn’t say old. It was derogatory! But now like gays reclaimed that word, it’s suddenly cool to be old. Not least due to the amazing Lynn Ruth Miller who is 78 and proud of it! Although I think she is, as Bob Dylan said, forever young. While I’m stealing quotes I think she’ll be at home in Brighton because everyone here is either young or dead. Thank you, Julie Burchill! See Lynn Ruth host Festival!, the daily TV show featuring the very best of all the May festivals at MARCH FOR ENGLAND It took my colleagues two and a half hours to drive from our magazine office in New England House to our venue/TV studio on the day of the march. I realise that democracy means we all have a right to protest and they need to publicise their views. But you really messed up our day. So how about you cancel your March For England demos and we give you a few lines in this mag read by most of Brighton to say what you want to say. Something like this. “I love England. I love St George. I hate ****. I hate ******.” Deal?

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Stoke 6 – West Ham 0 Bill Smith examines the Londoners who act more posh than Victoria Beckham & says he would rather hang out in Stoke


n Question Time Diane Abbott looked truly horrified. Newham Council were planning to send poor families to Stoke. Google the story and the words dumped in Stoke or social cleansing come up. But I think it says far more about the arrogance of the Luvvie Londoners who can’t imagine living anywhere else but London. If you want to do well in life as a rocker for instance Stoke could be pretty good. Robbie Williams, Slash and Lemmy all come from there. If you want to be a footballer they’ve got a Premier League football team with great community support and the greatest ever English footballer came from there: Sir Stanley Matthews. Newham has West Ham! So there isn't much wrong with Stoke when you compare it with, oh let’s take Newham for instance. In fact, let’s take Hampstead or Kensington or Oxford for instance!

The Oxford years I was brought up on a council estate and, as my oldest friend says: “you were clever from a very young age Bill” so I went to Oxford and sometimes I went to college. I say sometimes because I did PPE and my right-wing economics tutor was always banging on about how unemployment was good for the economy. It increases competition in the jobs market or some such heartless tosh disguised as economic fact. I didn’t turn into a raging left winger either as all the socialists were always telling me how great Trotsky, Lenin, Mao or Ho Chi Minh were and I had a friend

“Robbie Williams, Slash and Lemmy all come from there”

locked up in Siberia. I was their token working class friend. They were all posh boys too who would rather die than be forced on the train to Stoke! I was a fish out of water.

One night stand What I do know is I loved my years at my village primary school one hundred million times more than the Oxford years. It’s meant to be where the great and good go but neither was true. It was where the posh boys went, they had kindly allowed into their club a few poor kids, “scholarship boys” and a few girls! Love is how you feel, it can’t really be explained, but if I’d had my way Oxford would have been a one night stand! So yes, of course I’m against social cleansing and moving people if they don't want to go. Sorry Diane, but who isn’t? The real story to me reinforced what I knew. Deep down the establishment, whether Ed or Dave or Diane, are posh. Now it’s posh boys and girls, but they still think they’re better than us, have a horror of ordinary working class England beyond the M25 and they think that London is better than Stoke. It’s not living in posh London that matters. It’s where you come from and what and who you love that matters. I’d just as rather spend a weekend in Stoke as London. Who’s coming? Bill Smith is Managing Editor of Latest 7/Homes magazine and a director of Latest TV. ■

015_LS576_albion1/2_editorial 04/05/2012 12:19 Page 3


Up the Albion! Mark Brailsford shares his season highlights


t season’s end, as thoughts turn to beaches and summery pursuits, football fans around the country begin to put to bed the ups and downs of the league campaign just gone with mixed emotions. Some fans will be trying to forget the crushing disappointment of relegation. Others will be planning for play-off matches with dreams of Wembley Way dancing in their dreams. So how do Albion fans fit into all this? A top ten finish after promotion to one of the toughest leagues in Europe is excellent progress and despite the play-off campaign petering out with a tinge of regret, it was quite a turnaround from the mid-autumn slump that had some fans looking nervously at the bottom half of the league rather then the top. The key points of the season are too many to list in one column, but here are my top ten moments of a marvellous first season at our amazing new stadium.

Season highlights 1) That emotional first match against Doncaster Rovers, losing 0-1 at half time and with minutes to go, a writer friend of mine said: “We’ll win, it’s in the script.” When Will Buckley scored the winner, even atheists wondered if there was a God. 2) The first away victory, this one against Portsmouth, winning 1-0 and then Portsmouth hitting the post with a last minute penalty; hilarious. 3) The defeat of Premier League teams Sunderland and Newcastle at The Amex. Deserved against Sunderland, fortunate against Newcastle but look where Newcastle are now! 4) Watching Albion match Liverpool in the second half of the League Cup game “Albion fans with Suarez and Gerrard on the pitch at found their feet The Amex. How far the Albion have come. 5) One of the best games and yet and their voices in Albion lost: Down to nine men in the first 15 minutes then going 0-1 down the new stadium” to Burnley, Albion fans found their feet and their voices in the new stadium and a stirring fight back had everyone marvelling at Albion’s spirit, both on and off the pitch. 6) Vicente. Everything he did oozed with class and majesty. To see such a player grace the blue and white stripes will be a memory that many will treasure for years. 7) Beating Southampton 3-0 so comprehensively at The Amex with a stupendous goal from Sparrow and a goal from a gifted youngster, Jake Forster-Caskey. Many a beer was raised after this result.. 8) You might be surprised to see this one: the match away to Liverpool in the FA Cup. The moment Kazenga LuaLua scored with that free kick and for a while at least, parity with Liverpool at Anfield. Until that forgettable second half, Albion looked rather good and older Albion fans marvelled at how far the club have come since that day at Hereford in 1997. 9) The Stadium. Most teams struggle when they move to a new ground, not the Seagulls. Albion supporters had waited so long for what for some time seemed an unrealisable dream. Yet here we were, watching a team playing sumptuous football in a stadium with an actual roof! (The beer and pies helped too). 10) Finishing ten points ahead of Crystal Palace! (YESSSSSSS!) If you thought this first season at The Amex was special, just wait. Next season promises to be even better. Mark Brailsford is starring in The Treason Show at The Latest Musicbar, Wednesday 23–Friday 25 May, and in Hanover – The Musical, 5–27 May (Saturdays and Sundays only). Tickets from the Fringe box office: 01273 917272,


Photo: Paul Hazlewood

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Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: musicians Nick Pynn & Kate Daisy Grant

Working with Kate is a great opportunity to move from the one man looping approach, making certain ‘unloopable’ pieces of mine possible to play live. It’s going to be an expanding gig, starting with my solo performance, later joined by Kate and other guests. In the second half we will move across to Kate’s songs and will be joined by Hannah Marshall on cello and singing saw, and Ken Rose on percussion and acoustic guitar.

Nick Pynn with Kate Daisy Grant, preparing for the Brighton Fringe Festival. Multi-instrumental virtuoso Nick has performed with Steve Harley, Arthur Brown, The Lost and Found Orchestra, B*Witched, and comedians Stewart Lee, Rich Hall, Boothby Graffoe and Omid Djalili. He brings an exciting gig to the Brighton Fringe, playing his unique ‘avant folk’ on self-made instruments. He is joined by toy-folkpop singer-songwriter Kate, who will be adding her beautiful songs to the show. The pair will be performing at the Old Market on Tuesday 15 May.



There’s no excuse not to look fabulous with Brighton Fashion Week ( taking over our city from 30 May until 3 June. Even less excuse if you’ve got your hands on tickets to any of the six amazing shows. We’ve managed to wangle two pairs of tickets to the brilliant Brighton Frocks Catwalk show, a playground for alternative costume designers who will take you on an off-thewall journey through a world of wickedly wild and wonderful collections. To win a pair simply answer: Q Who is the sponsor of the Brighton Frocks Catwalk Show?


Mercury Music Prize nominees Sweet Billy Pilgrim are coming to town, promoting their follow-on album from the 2009 much acclaimed Twice Born Men. Released at the end of April, the latest offering Crown And Treaty is already creating quite a buzz collecting rave reviews. If you fancy winning a copy of the new album ahead of Sweet Billy Pilgrim’s appearance at the Green Door Store (9 June), answer this easy question: Q Who wears the crown as head of the British Royal Family?


It’s truly festival season all over as France’s Papillons de Nuit Festival ( prepares to kick off at the end of this month. Covering the whole weekend starting on Friday 25 May and concluding on Sunday 27 May, there’s an eclectic mixture of music – some even sung in English – from the likes of Skip The Use, Imany, Zebda, Étienne De Crécy, The Inspector Cluzo & The FB’s Horns, and

Pete Doherty. With tickets starting at 30 euros for a day pass and rising to 78 euros for the whole weekend it may be just the break you’re after. For a taste of what will be happening we’ve got CDs from some of the featured bands to give away. To be in with a chance of winning answer this question:


Q Which French singer had a top ten hit with ‘Joe Le Taxi’ in 1988?

Étienne De Crécy



with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 21 May 2012.

017_LS576_celebcity_Celebcity 04/05/2012 15:06 Page 2



Celebcity with Jo Brooks The Lady Boys of Bangkok, Conor Maynard – the UK’s ‘Bieber’, plus Denise Welch & David Gilmour



Congratulations to local lad Conor Maynard – hailed as SPOTTED! the UK’s answer to Justin Bieber – for debuting in the ho plays Matt King – w an the top ten with his first single: ‘Can’t Say No’. Conor, who n other th no has now moved from his seaside hometown to r Hans in enigmatic Supe outside London, started his career uploading videos of him Peep Show – ion singing in his Brighton bedroom. Just like his American Hove Stat alter-ego – the pre-pubescent girl magnet Bieber – Conor ended up attracting a huge online fan base – receiving his first 100,000 views with his cover of Usher’s song ‘OMG’. Then a cover of Neyo’s ‘Beautiful Monster’ saw him receive a staggering one million views, quickly seeing him sign a contract with Parlaphone and receiving late night Skype calls from the R’n’B sensation himself! ‘Can’t Say No’ – which is undeniably catchy and plays on our radio countless times a day – went in at number two on the UK’s Top 40. We look forward to seeing what our boy can bring next, specially as he’s been working alongside (JBPR Emma’s favourite) Pharrel Williams. (Watch out for Conor Maynard in Snapshots soon.)

LOOSE WOMEN IN BRIGHTON Denise Welch from Loose Women and Celebrity Big Brother fame in The Lanes Health & Beauty Salon. Denise was making sure she looked her best in preparation for her appearance in Steel Magnolias at the Theatre Royal Brighton, which ran last week to good reviews.



Rizzle Kicks in The Mash Tun en their gig aft joying er party.

Lady Boys visit The Amex


he Lady Boys of Bangkok have arrived back in Brighton for the ninth year and this time they finished their annual sightseeing tour at the new American Express Community Stadium. A tour of the city has become a ritual on their arrival to the south coast for Brighton Fringe but, where as they traditionally climax the tour at the Mayor’s Office, this time they were welcomed with complimentary refreshments in Dick’s Bar at The Amex. “We always look forward to touring Brighton but this year we were hoping the weather would not spoil it,” said Sonia, one of the stars of the show. “The visit to The Amex Stadium was definitely the highlight although we weren’t sure what to expect when we were invited to Dick’s Bar – but that too was great!” The Lady Boys of Bangkok are performing in the Sabai Pavilion, Victoria Gardens, Grand Parade, Brighton, until Sunday 27 May.

SPOTTED! David Gilmour of the fantastic Pink Floyd chowing down on some lovely looking lunch in Carluccio’s.


Moshi Moshi’s Brighton Japan festival is back for 2012 this June! We’ll certainly be popping down to as many events as we can squeeze in. Now in its fourth year, Brighton Japan Festival is the UK’s largest annual celebration of Japanese culture, with events taking place in Brighton’s most prestigious venues over eight days from 22 June. With street festivals, evening performances and a film festival, we can’t wait to see what stars will be turning out for this! Have you spotted a celeb in the city?

PRIDE 2012 ACT CONFIRMED Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to

So local act The Freemasons are the first to be announced for this year’s Pride in Brighton and Hove festival. The 1 September event – which is themed ‘The United Colours of Pride’ – will feature all the usual Preston Park highlights including a few new suprises in store. We’re hyped to see The Freemasons lined up and tickets should be on sale very soon – watch this space!

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018_LS576_barecheek-madmatt_Editorial 04/05/2012 15:27 Page 2


Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Etiquette with Hetty Kwet

Our new columnist solves your social behaviour problems in a trice...

Dear Hetty, I recently discovered that my husband and my sister have been having an affair, behind my back, for the past 17 years. This has made me furious and I intend to shoot both of them dead. I have already purchased a Walther PPK, but what I’d like to know is which order should I shoot them in? Is it a case of ‘ladies first’ or would it be more correct to blow the gentleman away and then move onto the woman? Please let me know, as a social faux pas is the last thing I want. Mrs Prudence Flask, Hove Dear Prudence, Well my dear, the first thing I’d do is get rid of that Walther PPK. A British-made gun is, I think, best for something like this, so get yourself a Holloway & Naughton shotgun, preferably one with a walnut stock.

As to which person to shoot first, well, I consulted Debrett’s, who said; “The husband should always be shot first, unless the other party is a family member in which case she should be shot first.” So there you have it, shoot your sister first, and thank you for bringing this query to light, as I’m aware it’s one that troubles many readers. Hetty Kwett XXX

Five more reasons to see... Trumpton Comes Alive! Yes! At the Latest Music Bar, on 20 May, The Foundry Group salutes the genius of Freddie Phillips, with this family-friendly concert of the best-loved songs from his immortal music for the children’s TV classics ‘Camberwick Green’, ‘Trumpton’ and ‘Chigley’. And we shamelessly hawked it about on these pages not two weeks ago. But, if you need yet more persuading, here are another five reasons why you should go: 1) It’s funny 2) It’s charming 3) It’s even quite beautiful 4) Did we mention that, as part of Brighton Five Pound Fringe, tickets are only £5/£4 concessions. 5) Even if you have not seen ‘Camberwick Green’, ‘Trumpton’ or ‘Chigley’ for many a decade, you will be shocked to discover, on hearing the music again, how deeply it is lodged in your brain, and how quickly and completely it will transport you back into your childhood. (WARNING: This process could uncover the cause of a psychosexual trauma. St. John’s Ambulance Emergency Psychoanalysts will be at hand to help with any such eventuality).


In • Three Hats For Lisa • Lost Horizon • Glitter • Give My Regards To Broad Street • One From The Heart


• Billy The Kid and The Green Baize Vampire • The Little Prince • Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band • Doctor Dolittle • The Wiz

7pm. To book call 01273 687171 or email For more details visit ndFringe

Trumtpon Comes Alive! The Latest Musicbar, Manchester Street, Brighton, Sunday 20 May, 3pm and

Photos: MCP

Mad Matt Matt Whistler is the face of hen parties


hat do you get if you cross 30 pirates with ten fairies and 20 bumble bees, 15 naughty nurses, oiled-up strippers and alcohol by the bucketload? Answer: A typical Saturday night in Brighton. I’ve only ever been to one stag do in London and it was a bunch of random blokes that had previously not known each other, mapping out a route around pubs leaving you at the end of the night needing more blood in your alcohol system. It just seems like forced enjoyment with disastrous outcomes involving conversations where there are no gaps between words and strange shouting, while watching your loyal group pinball themselves from one side of the street to the other.

I do like the buzz in Brighton on a Friday and Saturday night though, it’s in contrast to the rest of the week. After a few comedy costume changes in a photoshoot at the Velvet Goldmine Studio, I packed up my case and was just about to exit the studio when Phil the photographer said in his dry afterthought manner: “Err, Matt, I need you to do something for me now.” Being in a small studio with low lighting, this approach was uncomfortable. It turned out Phil had a grand plan to photo hen parties in the summer and wanted me to be the face of hen parties. Well, this is obscure promo but not as weird as dressing up as a yoghurt pot and running out of Victoria Station due to a dairy intolerance, as one comedian once told me he did.

Last photo time for home Hair today... gone tomorrow

Read Matt’s full blog at mattwhistlerbrighton

019_LS576_cityspeak_Editorial 04/05/2012 11:46 Page 1


Life begins at 70 Ruby Grimshaw on the cat that’s got the cream


took my cat Bella (or Fat Betty as sitting in the dentist’s chair and I daughter C insists on calling had no follow up appointment or her), to the vet for an MOT last painkillers. Bella on the other hand week. Her claws were growing over had a pre-operative assessment, long and getting caught in an anaesthetic, a drip, blood tests, everything including the sofa’s arms painkillers, antibiotics and a follow and my legs. I did get out my nail up appointment. The bill was also clippers one day and grabbed her approximately a third of my annual and held her down in a rugby tackle, domestic fuel bill. At least, apart but my courage failed me at the last from her incisors, there are no moment I’m afraid. I think Bella was more teeth left to extract. relieved because she hid under my Having no teeth to chew with bed for the rest does not seem to of the day. Also I have affected thought that her her ability to breath was less hoover down her “When Bella came than sweet so I food as usual, in did feel a little home from the vets I seconds with no guilty when the pause for breath. was stupid enough She was so vet discovered that her two miserable when remaining molar to make her a hot she came home teeth were in a from the vets I water bottle” dreadful state. was stupid The vet felt that enough to make they must have her a hot water been causing her bottle. Now she a lot of discomfort. seems to expect one as her right “Well, it hasn’t prevented her every morning. And this is from a from eating,” I replied, trying to cat who was born to a feral mother excuse myself and I was justified in a stable. I think she has when Bella tipped the scales at 4.5 Buddhist leanings and feels she kilos. The graph showed that she has been reincarnated into the had been 4.9 kilos when I first got wrong body. I agree with daughter her and had been advised that I C who, on seeing a purring should try to get her weight down. relaxed Bella curled up with her The top, healthy weight for a cat is hotty on the sofa in front on the TV apparently about four kilos. remarked, “well, if and when I When I had a tooth out last year come back, I am definitely going it took about a quarter of an hour to be a spoilt domestic cat.”


Teen Spirit Tasha Dhanraj and her weighty problem


have lost almost a stone in six every six months or so. I was trying weeks using this incredible to put my favourite dress on and weight loss technique. It’s the zip just wouldn’t budge – an amazing. It’s so simple I can’t unfortunately common occurrence believe I’ve never tried it before. with my body’s recent refusal to Basically, I’ve stopped eating stop consuming chocolate – and so chocolate and I’ve stopped I figured I’d find out how much a drinking five cups of chai tea a day thousand packets of Oreos stuck to with two spoons of sugar in each. It the inside of my small intestine took about three months of trying weighed. The answer is ten stone to start losing weight to actually do and one pound. For someone of 5’2, what was necessary. that’s one unhealthy I’m pathetic. I’m large slab of fat, lard that annoying girl and bones. “I’m that girl you criticise once Now I’m slimmer she leaves a room for you criticise and fitting into all constantly my clothes again, I complaining about once she leaves feel so much better. how fat she is, only I can even do a the room...” to then stuff my push up without my oesophagus with entire body quaking cake and chorizo. I under the weight of even apply this itself. I can’t method to the rest of my life. I understand why I let myself get complain about how much work so big for the sake of a few I’ve got, but don’t even begin to chocolate biscuits. start it. I whine on and on about I’m healthier, I’m fitter and more how I’ve not seen my friends for importantly, I’ve adjusted the way weeks but then never make the I’m going to live my life. I’m going effort to pick up the phone. I just to stop sitting around and sit around waiting for some complaining about the things in my ‘impossible to ignore’ sign to kick life I can so easily change. I’m me into action. going to get productive, I’m going I got that kick six weeks ago. A to get in touch with old friends and big, ten stone and one pound kick I’m going to stop complaining... up the backside. although, this does not apply to my When I was about 15, I decided laundry basket, my bank account, that weighing myself was an the dirty dishes, or anything else unhealthy habit to get into, so I that inconveniences me in any way decided to only weigh myself once shape or form.

remember that specimen Daniel brought to Chinatown? All teeth. Sat there and ordered a ‘Diet Cake’...” “His name’s Rory, and if you’d bothered to engage with him, you’d know he’s terribly interesting...” “‘Diet Cake’ with ice and lemon’. The poor waitress. I wouldn’t be surprised Will Harris on the etiquette of dumping if she was on the next boat back to Nanjing.” P isn’t listening. I watch as again he punches a number into his phone, and again nd so it came to pass that my friend P gets put straight through to voicemail. and his boyfriend have decided to part He’d known it was time to call things a day ways. Well, almost. “Honestly, how is when the two of them had gone out for dinner one supposed to get closure and enter the and, for the first time since they’d started next chapter of one’s life, when the person dating, P had suggested they split the bill. you’re trying to dump is not taking one’s The boyfriend’s response had demonstrated a calls?” P, iPhone pressed to one ear, rolls his dramatic range so accomplished it would’ve eyes in exasperation. We are walking across had even the BAFTA judging panel stuck to Waterloo Bridge in the early spring sunshine. their seats. It had everything; the brooding “If one didn’t know better, one would swear menace of Burton in Look Back In Anger; the the little s*** can sense what’s coming.” explosive rage of Brando in Streetcar. By the “Why are you talking like that?” I ask. end of it P hadn’t known whether to storm out “What? Oh, the ‘ones’? I was wondering or give a standing ovation. when you’d notice. I’m practicing my elocution “No answer,” he sighs. “Is it still considered for the Jubilee.” bad form to break up with someone by text? P, you might realise, has not been lucky enough to technology’s moved on enough by now.” “Is it still considered bad Surely receive a gold-embossed invite from the Jubilee girl I give this consideration. “Well, H texts in sick for herself. Even the most Machiavellian of spider work when she’s hungover. And technically that’s form to dump by text?” monkeys can only shin so high up the social tree. But worse because she has to look her colleagues in the he has been invited to a party hosted by some mega eye the next day and know she’s deceived them, posh gays he knows, who all met at public school and who I’ve taken to whereas you never have to see this guy again.” referring to as the ‘Old Homonians’, much to his chagrin. “You’re right,” says P. “God, I love living in the future.” “I don’t know why you’re so fixated with that lot,” I say. “They’re like deep follow me on twitter latestwill sea marine life, they don’t know how to function in modern society. Do you

William Tells


020_LS76_The Old Market/nova__food 04/05/2012 13:05 Page 1



Norman Jay

Crazy P

course of ‘mini golf sculptures’ designed by a dozen well-known artists, including Jake Chapman and David Shrigley, and will be raising funds for ActionAid. On top of this, brothers David and Peter Adjaye will be premiering the film Music For Architecture, which features the brothers’ musical score. This will make compelling night time viewing. The stage is also set for authors and poets including Iain Sinclair, Michael Smith, Charlie Boorman and Helen Gordon. For those who love to dance, the party DJs are Krystal Klear and Psychemagik; LateNightTales’ Belle & Sebastian and Zero 7; Ninja Tune signings and Good Times with Norman Jay. Nova also features eclectic music from established and hotly tipped newcomers including Ghostpoet, TunE-yArDs, Jessie Ware, Crazy P, The Dø, We Were Evergreen, Fink and The Phenomenal Handclap Band. Nova Festival takes place in woodland grounds, nestled in the beautiful valleys in the Pulborough countryside. Larkin and Burns, with their 34 combined years of festival experience, can be relied upon to create a wonderland of twinkling


The Nova Festival of Arts & Music is the new star on the summer events calendar & shines in nearby Pulborough


ere it is, the festival we’ve all been waiting for! One for those of us who are gagging for some early summer fun. Nova Festival of Arts & Music is not only based in Sussex, just an hour inland from the coast, but it’s the new baby of original Big Chill co-founder Katrina Larkin and former Big Chill fringe programmer, Victoria Burns. With a crowd of just 5,000 and a line-up that’s as visually exciting as it is musically, this July festival is not to be missed. The line-up for Nova is a unique, creative concept, winning over party

people, art students and culture heads with a whole host of comedy and theatre shows, novel dining and interactive, impromptu gigs and drama. All sorts of mysterious goings-on will unfold across the weekend, with fantastic characters waiting to grab you by the hand and lead you on a merry dance. World famous artists will be exhibiting new or exclusive pieces. Seek out Rankin and Hirst’s beauty Vs beasts collaboration, Myths, Monsters And Legends. Doug Fishbone’s Adventureland Golf is a




at TOM 15 May 2012

Ghostpoet Jessie Ware

the early ’90s really shaped the way the building looks today, but as an arts venue there were still various shortcomings.” The first challenge, then, was to improve The Old Market’s facilities. “We wanted to transform the space,” explains McNicholas, “so that when you see a band it feels like a great rock venue and when you see theatre it feels like a great mid-scale studio theatre.” With the addition of new tiered seating, black drapes and lighting rigs Stomp 20th anniversary, 2012 amid the original wooden roofing beams, TOM now comfortably houses theatre productions, 500-capacity gigs, comedy nights and live events. Now, then, the greater challenge is visibility within Brighton and Hove. “In all the years I’ve known the venue, I’ve found an awful lot of people don’t know where it is,” says McNicholas. “It’s all too easy to walk Main house launch party May 2011 by Upper Market Street off Western Road and miss the turning!” Word of mouth, however, seems to be making a significant impact, as does the appearance of big names, from comedian Daniel Kitson whose show sold out in four minutes, to the hotly-anticipated new incarnation of Blind Summit’s sublime puppet show The Table. Open every day of May for Brighton Festival and Brighton Fringe, this is the ideal time to discover TOM for yourself. To experience its full potential you’ll have to go more than once; for theatre (Naive Dance Masterclass), music (Nick Pynn), photography (Miniclick), comedy (Laughtermarket), film (Beach Party Animal), and for a drink (TOM’s Bar). David Myers

elebrating the first birthday of a building that first opened in 1826 may seem strange, but The Old Market’s recent transformation into ‘TOM’ certainly warrants special note. The building, completely refurbished for reopening on 4 May 2011, has become one of Brighton and Hove’s best cultural venues. Formerly The Old Market Arts Centre (OMAC), The Old Market now boasts stunning interior features, a brand new seating rake and beautiful acoustics. It’s also gained a new nickname: TOM. The changes have been brought about by Yes/No Productions, creators of Stomp, who bought the building in 2010. Since the early ’80s, co-directors Steve McNicholas and Luke Cresswell have used the space, originally for their legendary busking band Pookiesnackenburger. “The space was pretty makeshift” remembers Nick Pynn will be performing McNicholas, “and since then a restoration project in

Craig Sugden

The Old Market celebrates a year of change under the ownership of Stomp’s Steve McNicholas & Luke Cresswell

lights and sights. Brighton hasn’t had anything as vibrant on its doorstep for a long time, and with a capacity of just 5,000 it’s best to book the time off work today and grab this hot ticket, pronto. Nova Festival, Bignor Park, Pulborough, West Sussex, Thursday 5–Sunday 8 July 2012, £139 adults/£100 students, £60 13-17 year olds/under 12s go free but must register first.0844 888 9991,

To view the full programme, watch videos or find out how to find the venue, visit their website. The Old Market, 11a Upper Market Street, Hove, BN3 1AS, 01273 201801,

021_LS576_Proud Cabaret_Editorial 04/05/2012 12:33 Page 2


Life is a cabaret! Proud launches its sensational local venue: Proud Cabaret Brighton


his year Proud Cabaret continues to innovate and lead the cabaret scene across the UK. 2012 sees several new initiatives undertaken to ensure that Proud is kept head and shoulders above the rest. Proud Cabaret City and Proud Cabaret Camden are now to be joined by the completely refurbished Proud Cabaret Brighton. Brighton’s £500,000 revamp taps into the venue’s extraordinary past: the Sassoon family’s former Mausoleum. The building features a “flamboyant" trumpet-shaped copper dome, typical of the late 19th century Indo-Saracenic Revival architectural movement. They have been extremely passionate about protecting the building and dedicated to ensuring that it was lovingly restored to its former splendour while retaining all of its old world charm. An extensive cocktail and wine list combined with glamorous décor, a decadent brass clad bar and pythonskinned boothed seating definitely proves more is more! The new appearance brings a touch of exotic glamour to Brighton, offering delicious food alongside a unique burlesque, cabaret and music “Glamorous décor, a entertainment experience. Proud Cabaret Brighton decadent brass clad stormed onto the scene with an action packed press bar and python-skinned preview launch. Guests were booth seating definitely entertained by Vicious Delicious, who introduced the proves more is more!” live performances throughout the evening. The beautiful Banbury Cross, shining star of British Burlesque, executed her thrilling performances and touching feather fan dances. The audience was astounded by the one and only Kiki Kaboom, whose quirky and scandalous performances were not to be missed! Showgirl Chi Chi Revolver combined both magic and gymnastics to her routines and brought a truly spectacular show of glamour and talent. If that wasn’t enough, Adriano Fettucini unveiled his Boylesque show, a truly outstanding display of circus skills, cabaret and comedy with a distinctive twist. Between performances and during dinner the comedic and well-loved Bhagdad Idol continued to whip the crowd into a frenzy with her tongue in cheek variety. Complementing the new look venue and stage show is a menu created by the hotly tipped French chef Nick Losset. Losset will guide Proud Cabaret Brighton into the UK’s top culinary league, serving up fresh, exciting and affordable food inspired by worldly ingredients. From pan-fried scallops on pea purée and crispy pancetta to mustard crusted salmon fillet on tomato jam and roasted asparagus, the menu is bursting with delicious dishes of the quality you would expect to find in a top city restaurant. To coincide with the relaunch Proud has also put together a new season of shows at all of their glamorous venues. Proud Cabaret Brighton will be introducing a range of different events from tea dances with a twist on select Sunday afternoons to secretive masquerade balls where guests are invited to adorn themselves in the finest gowns and vintage masks to hide their identity from the other naughty suitors! One of Proud’s most popular nights is their ‘Blitz Party’ where they make tea, not war! Travel back to Wartime England with sandbags and smoke and


experience an authentic 1940’s evening like no other. Enjoy a traditional three-course menu while experiencing a show of fabulous burlesque! Having dinner with Proud enables guests to also gain free entry to the club night afterwards. Others are invited to join the party at 10.30pm for drinks, the show and dancing going on late into the night on a recently uncovered, original 200-year-old marbled dance floor! If the venue, food and entertainment aren’t enough, Proud has fully revamped its own double decker bus‚ its Proud Cabaret Bus! Step aboard and be whisked away from the Brighton seafront on a journey of glamour and intrigue before being delivered to your final stop: Proud Cabaret Brighton! “This refurbishment is part of a continued passion and desire to bring the best food, entertainment and talent to the discerning crowds that visit Proud,” says Alex Proud, director of Proud Group. “It’s the latest in many initiatives we’ve undertaken to keep Proud head and shoulders above the rest. We have plans to make 2012 another stellar year for Proud Group with the aim to open a restaurant in the West End and a dive bar New York. Watch this space!” With their most prestigious venues and unique outrageous burlesque classic shows, Proud promises the very best of the UK’s cabaret that is not to be missed. To book in and find out what is going on at Proud Cabaret Brighton or any of their venues, please call Amelie on 01273 605789 or email Proud Cabaret Brighton, 83 St George’s Road, Brighton, BN2 1EF, 01273 605789,

022_LS576_Ads_editorial 04/05/2012 12:44 Page 2


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wed 9 may café bar:carry on brighton 7.30pm £12/ £10

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cabaret bar: gogol 6pm £10/£8

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sadie goldberg returns!8.30pm £8

mon 14 may cabaret bar: gogol 6pm £10/£8

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by moonlight theatre 9pm £10/£8

023_LS576_BIMM__food 04/05/2012 14:56 Page 1



BIMM is celebrating 10 years of nurturing the finest talent in the UK’s music industry. Jeff Hemmings finds out more

toured the world since the early ’80s with his various bands including Spear Of Destiny; former Sleeper drummer Andy Maclure; former head of press for Creation Records, home of Oasis, Johnny Hopkins; My Life Story front man Jake Shillingford, and Chris Difford of the legendary Difford-Tilbrook songwriting partnership for Squeeze. Alumni of BIMM include Ben Thompson (drummer, Two Door Cinema Club), The Xcerts, Kate Walsh (a BIMM songwriting graduate who became the first unsigned act to top the iTunes chart with her second album Tim’s House), The Kooks and Ghost Of A Thousand. Other former BIMM students are also making a living as musicians, touring the world with some of the biggest names in music, including Cheryl Cole and Jessie J. Come and speak to BIMM if you are serious about a music career. With outstanding academic results, fantastic tutors and star guests, there really is no better place to study music. BIMM, 38–42 Brunswick Street West, Hove, BN3 1EL, 08442 646666,


aseema Hamilton is BIMM’s enigmatic principal. She has been with the Brighton Institute of Modern Music for the last seven years, developing the industry stars of tomorrow. Opening in Brighton in 2002 with just 150 students at its first centre in Kemp Town, today the Brighton Institute of Modern Music (BIMM) has three centres in Brighton along with BIMM colleges in Bristol and Dublin, with around 1,500 students studying a range of courses from Further Education to Postgraduate levels. “Our relationship with the Brighton music industry is very important,” says Vaseema. “We aim for our students to emerge as fantastic players, who also have an understanding of the complex environment of the modern music industry.” BIMM’s Higher Education courses are validated by the University of Sussex, one of the top ranked universities in the UK. Average course fees cost £3,000 less than state university fees, making studying at BIMM accessible and affordable. The courses are designed around the individuals, students who are committed to a career in the music industry. Studying at BIMM is now more affordable than ever with the launch of their new Springboard Scholarship The fund supports younger entrants who would like to study on BIMM’s Diploma level programmes in professional musicianship, songwriting, live sound-tour management, and music business studies, with a view to progressing on to one of BIMM’s Degree courses.

“BIMM invites prospective students to drop in and see what studying at this vibrant and dynamic music college is like” “The idea is that BIMM is a springboard into a modern music industry,” Vaseema explains. “We take students at the stage of A-Level who are very talented, enabling them to prepare for the full degree programme.” BIMM invites prospective students to drop in and see for themselves what studying at this vibrant and dynamic music college is like. Potential students can book an appointment to drop in on Saturdays, where BIMM tutors assess their development, playing skills, their academic progress so far and can advise them on which course they could apply for. Teaching at BIMM is comprised of group learning sessions in specialist groups, and live performance workshops with other musicians. All students are encouraged to book regular one-to-one tutorials to discuss their development and career goals. BIMM regularly plays host to some of the biggest names in music. Past guests have included Roger Daltrey, Paul Weller, Mel C, Madness and Shaun Ryder. Vaseema says: “It’s often not hard to persuade them to come in. We recently had Lemmy in – that was a pretty full on experience!” The tutor list is pretty impressive too. In the vocals department tutors include Carleen Anderson, one of the finest ever soul singers, and Kirk Brandon, who has


BIMM principal Vaseema Hamilton

024_LS576_Health&Beauty__food 04/05/2012 15:53 Page 1



FREE TRANSITIONS LENSES WORTH £120 High performance adaptive lenses

When you purchase any frame and/or varifocal lenses throughout May

We fit Crizal Transitions fast activation photochromic lenses Indoors - perfectly clear Outdoors - as dark as sunglasses within 30 seconds 100% UVA/UVB protection Visit us now for this great offer – the sun will shine again!

Festival wear Summer is fast approaching, so it’s time to prepare yourself for festival season!


Osmila tie dye pocket vest top, £13.99, Missguided, Stay pretty in pink while keeping up with the tie dye trend. This quirky vest top is surprisingly versatile and will look great teamed with a pair of denim shorts or some leggings.





ASOS skater dress in broderie, £45, ASOS, Go for girly festival chic with this pretty summer skater dress. Teamed with a trusty pair of wellies you’ll tackle those muddy fields with ease while still looking fashion forward and glam.


Iona sleeveless waistcoat, £30, River Island, A denim waistcoat such as this is perfect for pairing with a pretty summer dress, and provides an extra layer if the sun has decided not to shine.


Stars and stripes denim shorts, £10, Primark, see in store. This stars and stripes print is proving ever more popular. Stylish and purse friendly, these shorts will make a great staple item for your summer wardrobe.



Ethnic fringed cross body bag, £22.99, New Look, This trendy bag will be perfect for carrying your festival necessities, and the fringed edge make it bang on trend this summer


Urban Outfitters playsuit, £38, Urban Outfitters, If dresses aren’t your thing, why not try a playsuit? This one can be dressed up or down and will provide you with instant festival glamour. Words & Product Research: Beth Hinchliffe

6 4

025_LS576_food__food 04/05/2012 11:39 Page 2


Food & Drink Andrew Kay finds there is a crock of gold at the end of The Rainbow

Thrills & frills W

hen entertaining visitors from abroad, Sussex has plenty to offer, perhaps too much. My guest Chef Audrey Eussen certainly thought so as we wheeled her round the county tasting good food. I knew that we would need lunch somewhere and a quick look at the map showed that we would be passing The Rainbow at lunchtime, so I booked a table. I often ate at The Rainbow when I first moved to Brighton but had not been for years. It has now been taken over by Marco Pierre White and is part of his rapidly expanding empire of pubs. Not that it is much like a pub. I don’t mean that as a criticism either, The Rainbow looks splendid. He certainly doesn’t skimp in any sense and the interior is rather grand with walls covered in political cartoons and tables laid with black cloths covered in cream lace and fabulous tableware. It has the feel of a period coaching inn and I love that. The menu options are wide and reflect the season’s produce. We all read the a la carte, but in the end found happiness with the lunch menu which at £18.50 a head for three courses, seemed to promise great value. Of course I have been caught out like that before, where the bargain menu on offer is not only reduced in price, but in portion size too. Not here. I can certainly say that the food here, whilst being stylishly presented and fashionably classic, is robust trencherman’s fare. I started with calve’s tongue and remoulade. I love my offal and tongue is delicious stuff, especially when this well prepared, pressed and sliced with great remoulade, and all in a portion that was plentiful. After the lace table cloths there’s nothing dainty about Mister MP White’s concept. My guests enjoyed an equally generous ham hock salad with poached egg and wild garlic, egg benedict and a beetroot and goats cheese salad that made the vegetarian smile. I moved on to have the fish and chips and on its arrival it drew ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ of admiration. Quite rightly so, crisp batter and perfect flaky fish served in a small copper pan with excellent, freshly prepared tartare sauce. I tentatively ordered a side of mushy peas, in all honesty expecting some poncy


southern crushed, frozen pea nonsense. But hats off to MPW, a Yorkshire man at heart, for insisting that his chefs do a proper job. Perfect mushy peas, what a treat. There was detail too, half a lemon for squeezing was wrapped in muslin and the vinegar brought with it was unashamedly Sarson’s. Chef Andy Mackenzie chose roast beef salad with new potatoes and loved the excellent rare beef, good leaves and hot buttered potatoes on the side. The Dutch, keen to eat British, chose shepherd’s pie and both loved it, although after hearty starters, found it pretty large. Again no skimping here. We tried halves of The Governors Bitter and Cider, made for MPW exclusively and both very good. I would have liked more but we had a very long day ahead of us. That didn’t stop me ordering a pudding though. Rice pudding seemed like a good idea. I’m very particular about rice pudding and I don’t like it too creamy. I like it milky with speckles of melted butter and a nice skin, brown at the edges and golden in the middle. I didn’t get skin sadly, but the rest was pretty damned good and the aged prunes soaked in armagnac added a nice touch of luxury. I’m not a jam in rice pudding sort of a guy, that’s just dirty, but prunes, well they’re sophisticated I reckon. Chef Andy had some cheese, again generous, but the others stopped at two courses and perhaps so should I, but hey, the job has to be done! The Rainbow is a real delight, the food excellent and great value too, the room stunning but almost equal in importance are the staff. We were looked after with great skill by Angelo, who I had met before at another restaurant. The whole thing simply shouts ‘CLASS’, and I borrow those capital letters from my old mate Ms Julie Burchill, who uses them when she thinks something is really worth shouting about. It’s a few miles north of Lewes so you will need to find a mate to drive, or not drink, or do it by bike even. I hope to return very soon and try some of the other dishes – by whatever means. The Rainbow Inn, Resting Oak Hill, Cooksbridge, East Sussex, BN8 4SS 01273 400334

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026_LS576_hotlist_Hotlist 04/05/2012 09:17 Page 2



L7 Hotlist Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit Brazilian

The Cuthbert Pub & Kitchen

British & Modern European

On Freshfield Road, opposite Queens Park Terrace, stands the newly opened Cuthbert Pub & Kitchen. In welcoming and comfortable surroundings this pub offers great value, delicious food, fantastic wines and, of course, a good pint of beer. It has a large garden and is perfect for families, offering a kids’ menu for £5 including choice of main courses, drinks and desserts. Food served: Monday to Saturday for lunch and dinner plus Sunday lunchtime for a fantastic Sunday roast. The Cuthbert Pub & Kitchen, 136 Freshfield Road, Brighton, BN2 0BR 01273 699693, Follow us on facebook


The Foragers

The Loop Café-Bar & Coffee House

Nestling on Kemp Town seafront is this contemporary Anglo-Brazilian café-bar with a menu that features traditional English fare as well as some tasty Brazilian dishes. Whether you choose one of the stylish red sofas, or the sunny south-facing front terrace, you can enjoy free Wi-Fi while you savour the homemade food and great selection of coffees. Open 10am–6pm seven days a week. The Loop, 16 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 677944,

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Blanch House

Enjoy a leisurely Sunday lunch at Blanch House, Brighton’s iconic boutique hotel in central Kemp Town. The locally sourced menu features Sussex Smokie, 21-day aged rib of Sussex beef, Sussex pork loin and their signature ‘Blanch House’ sticky toffee pudding along with a selection of Sussex cheeses. Two courses for £15.95 and three courses for £19.95. Call to book your table. Blanch House, 17 Atlingworth Street, Brighton, BN2 1PL, 01273 603504,,

Hove Place

With arguably the nicest outdoor space in Brighton and Hove and a stylish new internal and external makeover, Hove Place Bistro Pub & Gardens is truly a haven for the discerning pub goer. You’ll find a great mix of pub classics, some wonderful surprises and bistro-style dishes, all made from scratch with thoughtfully sourced quality produce. Enjoy both the menu and the new look venue! 37 First Avenue, Hove, BN3 2FH 01273 738266

Winners of the prestigious Sussex Food and Drink Finals 2012 for Best Eating Experience in Sussex and awarded an AA Rosette for their excellent cuisine. Furthermore, take advantage of their award winning beer garden while the sun shines. To celebrate these accolades they are offering complimentary champagne cocktails to all bookings of ten or more, just make sure to mention Latest 7 when making your party booking ! The Foragers, 3 Stirling Place, Hove, BN3 3YU 01273 733134,

The Medicine Chest

The Medicine Chest is receiving glowing reviews for its fabulous new menu from head chef Sebastien Dupire. Look out for his signature Tournedos Rossini soon to feature on the spring menu. Move downwards to the bar for Mick Fuller’s Soul nights starting every Friday from 2 March. The last word in cocktails, this bar is also available for private hire. Call or book online. The Medicine Chest, 51-55 Brunswick Street East, Hove BN3 1AU, 01273 770002,

The Old Bank Steak & Ribs

Kemp Town’s friendly new steakhouse restaurant serves delicious food with great service in a warm and comfortable setting. Locally owned and aiming to be the Cheers of the neighbourhood, The Old Bank offers quality steak and ribs, local catch of the day, grilled chicken and vegetarian dishes at great value prices. A fantastic wine list

Blanch House

complements their wholesome and satisfying food. The kids’ menu is also great value. Open Mon–Fri, 5pm–9.30pm; Sat–Sun, 12pm–10pm; live background Sunday jazz 6–8pm, and open all day bank holidays. Plus the garden is now open! The Old Bank, 120 St George’s Road, Kemp Town Village, BN1 1EA, 01273 682200,

The Upper Deck Restaurant at Rendezvous Casino

For a different dining experience, The Upper Deck Restaurant is set in the heart of the casino action while offering spectacular views over the English Channel, allowing you to enjoy the best of both worlds during your dining experience at the Rendezvous Casino, Brighton Marina. You don’t need to be a member to dine in The Upper Deck Restaurant; food is served from 12pm to 3am, and on Sunday evenings they serve a fabulous Chinese buffet available for just £5 per person. The Upper Deck Restaurant, Rendezvous Casino, Brighton Marina, 01273 605602

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10. Gars, 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321,

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order. Cocoa, 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs. No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude; everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm. New Steine Bistro, 10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415

Indian Chaula’s Brighton

A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting, Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings. The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy ghee-based sauces here but an altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour. Both delicious and affordable. Chaula’s, 2-3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661

Chaula’s Lewes

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan as well as gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Chaula’s Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

The Chilli Pickle

Local champion of regional Indian cuisine using seasonal, Sussex produce. For lunch you can feast upon a selection of award-winning King

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

Thalis, street snacks, dosas, Roomali Roti wraps and Kathi Kebabs. There’s plenty of choice for vegetarian gourmands to enjoy too. The Chilli Pickle has been recognised with a Michelin Bib, two AA rosettes, voted Top 100 UK restaurant in The National Restaurant Awards and runners-up in this year’s Brighton Foodie Awards. Lunch is served 12pm–3pm; Dinner 6pm–10.30pm Closed Tuesdays. Booking essential. The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Street, Brighton BN1 1GE, 01273 900383,

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £6.95 or three for £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477,

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. Fat Leo, 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135,

Mediterraneo Deli

Mediterraneo Deli is indeed a family business, dedicated to serving you the best tasting, truly genuine and most authentic Sicilian food. The family-run deli offers mouth-watering daily specials, birthday cakes made to order and typical Sicilian products. They enjoy catering for all events from lunch meetings to dinner parties and weddings. Every dish is prepared daily and served fresh to order with ingredients genuinely sourced from Sicily. Open 9am–3pm Mon-Fri, 10am –3pm Sat, Mediterraneo Deli, 2a Clyde Road, Brighton, BN1 4NP, 01273 674350,

Spanish Agua Dulce

If you like your tapas authentic then this is the place for you. Brilliant traditional Spanish food with regional specialities in relaxed surroundings. Superb meat, fish and seafood tapas plus excellent larger dishes like their suckling pig. There is live flamenco every Thursday, and new for 2012 is Tapas Tuesday where you can get 50 per cent off tapas from a selected menu (booking essential). Paella, sangria...All that’s missing is the Mediterranean sun! Agua Dulce, 10-11 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NE, 01273 328672,

Tearooms Talk of Tea

Talk of Tea is a hidden gem, a tea house tucked off of Western Road with the largest selection of loose leaf tea in Sussex. Choose from over 50 varieties to buy over the counter or to enjoy in the shop with snacks, cream tea and afternoon tea being served. All the cakes and scones are homemade by the owner and taste divine. Talk of Tea really is an antidote to all the chain coffee shops and offers a completely different experience, but don't worry – they also do great coffee! Enjoy the sunny days in the lovely secluded patio or use the free wi-fi to work ‘from home’. Open daily 9am–6pm, Sunday 11am–4pm. Talk of Tea, 26 Spring Street, Brighton, BN1 3EF, 01273 748444,

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we’re open every day, so come down and ‘gin yur yur’ (eat a lot!) The Green Mango, 8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226,

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The PLACE tobe The Golden Lion Group unveils the newly revamped Hove Place Bistro Pub & Gardens


he Golden Lion Group has enhanced one of Hove’s oldest pubs with a major internal and external makeover. Hove Place Bistro Pub & Gardens in First Avenue, Hove, benefits from a whole new look, while at the same time retaining its historic charm and beautiful gardens and improving its modern comforts. Along with a redecorated exterior, fresh colour scheme and new branding, the pub is more spacious, a lot lighter and brighter, and has been given a new lease of life. Feature murals with images of Hove adorn the walls and bar, and are accompanied by new furnishings in a range of contemporary colours and fabrics. Hove Place re-opened to the public in March and the team have already seen an abundance of new faces along with regular customers. “The improvements have completely transformed the pub, bringing it into the modern day,” says Leo Day, director at the Golden Lion Group. “The feedback from everyone so far has been great.” The quality food offering, courtesy of new and award-winning head chef Mark Richardson, has been gaining rave reviews. Dishes on the menu

include an assortment of pub classics complemented by some wonderful bistro-style dishes, all made from scratch with thoughtfully sourced quality produce. With an expansive and mature Italian garden to the rear and a delightful terrace to the front of the pub, Hove Place has arguably the finest outdoor space you’ll find anywhere in Brighton and Hove. The building itself is a former nunnery and to this day retains many quirky and original architectural

features. The picturesque gardens are ideal for al fresco dining, whiling away an afternoon with friends or simply reading a good book! An extensive product range centres on local ales, quality wines and speciality beers supplemented by a back bar of some 100 well known spirits. Having undergone a stylish refurbishment, Hove Place Bistro Pub & Gardens provides a relaxed atmosphere and has a strong emphasis on great service. Hove Place looks set to provide visitors, residents of Brighton & Hove, families and young professionals with a welcoming venue in a relaxed and stylish environment. Whether it is for business during the day or socially in the evenings, all bases are covered. Hove Place Bistro Pub & Gardens, 35-37 First Avenue, Hove, BN3 2FH, 01273 738266, Find Hove Place on Facebook: Follow Hove Place on Twitter: @HovePlace

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029_033_LS576_Afternoon Tea__food 04/05/2012 10:39 Page 1


XäxÜçà{|Çz áàÉÑá yÉÜ àxt Latest 7 celebrates one of the traditions that makes Britain great


s Jack Buchanan sang “Oh, the factories may be roaring, With a boom-a-lacka, zoom-a-lacka, wee, But there isn't any roar when the clock strikes four, Everything stops for tea”. Okay, maybe the song is a little fanciful but when it comes to tea we all still fancy a lovely cuppa. And what better way to enjoy it than with a splendid afternoon tea? Our high streets may be littered with coffee shops, our heads foaming from lattes and cappuccinos, but face facts, there’s nothing leisurely about that. What you need is a nice and relaxed afternoon tea. Brighton is certainly seeing a revival in afternoon teas: cafés, restaurants and hotels are all joining in with the trend, each giving it their own personal slant. For some, the highlight is dainty, crustless sandwiches with traditional fillings. For others it’s the cakes, the Victoria sandwich, lemon drizzle, coffee and walnut... Some simply go silly for scones – however you choose to pronounce that – with jam and cream. For us here at Latest Towers, it’s a balance of all three, all served with a pot of good tea. In this Diamond Jubilee year it seems right and proper to toast the Queen, not with sparkling wine, but with a pot of rosy lee and nice slice of cake. Battenburg anyone?

Hilton Brighton Metropole Hilton Brighton Metropole is a grand and majestic seafront hotel steeped in history. It retains much of its Victorian elegance and charm, with its handsome red-bricked exterior and extravagant opulent interiors. The sea-facing lounge bar and terrace is ideal for those who enjoy the tradition of Afternoon Cream Tea. Served daily between 2pm and 6pm, enjoy the tiers of delicate finger sandwiches, warm home-baked scones, cream and preserves as well as a selection of cakes from their pastry chef. A wide selection of loose leaf teas or Costa coffee is included, all for £19.95 per person. If it’s a celebration, why not treat yourself to a glass of chilled champagne too? Reservations are advisable on 01273 775432. Hilton Brighton Metropole, Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 2FU,

Hotel Du Vin & Bistro Drinks come in and out of fashion. One week it’s cocktails, the next it’s whisky. But tea will always remain the vogue for those seeking respite and refreshment from the rigours of the day. Join The Tea Set at Hotel du Vin & Bistro – an elegant yet relaxed spot to indulge in quality time with good friends, old and new. Sample some outstandingly good infusions served by their expertly schooled Tea Sommelier to complement tempting towers of pastries, finger sandwiches and deliciously creamy scones. For afternoons with a twist, think du Vin. Hotel Du Vin & Bistro, Ship Street, Brighton, BN1 1AD, 01273 718588,

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open daily 8.30 - 5 for breakfast, lunch and yummy cakes

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Kiki & Cole Make a beeline for Kiki & Cole, a wonderful café in Hurstpierpoint on the south downs. Next door there is a beautiful flowers and interiors shop – modern with a vintage twist. After a lovely walk on the downs relax with great coffees, pastries, afternoon tea and simple, home-cooked food. The light and airy café is child and dog friendly, and is open Monday to Saturday from 8.30am–5pm and sunday mornings 10am–1pm for brunch, cakes and cream teas. Kiki & Cole café and shop is a focal point of the lovely village of Hurstpierpoint, only 10 minutes from Brighton, with a sunny walled garden and street tables that are perfect to watch village life from. Stocking beautiful and original blooms, Kiki & Cole can make you up stunning bunches and they deliver nationwide. They run regular flower schools and cookery classes at reasonable prices so don’t miss out! Kiki & Cole, 113 High Street, Hurstpierpoint, BN6 9PU, 01273 832246,

Drury Tea & Coffee

Drury Tea & Coffee has been established in Brighton since 1965, supplying traditional loose leaf, single estate teas and over 20 coffee blends and gourmet coffee beans. With the added value of the Tea & Coffee Lounge, take the time to enjoy a delicate Darjeeling, a gentle fragrant Earl Grey or your afternoon tipple of choice. With over a 100 loose leaf teas to choose from, there will most certainly be a cup for you. On the opposite end of the scale, their expertly roasted coffees, used by many Michelin-starred chefs for their excellent consistency and taste, are expertly prepared by dedicated baristas. Enjoy a delicious latte complemented with a homemade rock cake or slice of coffee and walnut cake. Drury Tea & Coffee is the perfect setting for your afternoon of rest and relaxation. Drury Tea & Coffee, 12-18 Richardson Road (off New Church Road), Hove, BN3 5RB, 01273 888600,

The Grand Hotel The quintessentially English tea throws up all sorts of images from neatly trimmed cucumber sandwiches to Alice In Wonderland and the adorably bizarre Mad Hatter. It’s part of our English history and there is surely no better place to “take tea” than the iconic Grand Hotel on Brighton’s seafront. The Grand Hotel’s afternoon Sussex Cream Teas (rumored to be the best in the country) are served Monday to Friday, 3pm–6pm, with the weekend throwing in two sittings at 2.30pm and 4.30pm. An example of afternoon tea at The Grand is below: • Canapés: caviar, prawn, ham, cheese, duck, tuna, grape, chicken • Savoury: bouchées, quiche, sausage roll • Sandwiches: smoked salmon, cucumber • Sweets: fruit scone, strawberry tart, chocolate éclair, meringues • Tea infusions Prices are £24.95 per person and it is advisable to book early and ask for a seat on the Victorian Terrace so you can watch the world go by on the promenade while you enjoy your tea in the lap of luxury. And once you have sampled a slice of The Grand Hotel’s menu, guests are invited to explore The King’s Restaurant which offers a two course weekday lunch for £15 or three courses for £20 (Monday to Friday, 12.30pm–2pm). For restaurant bookings, call 01273 224300. The Grand Hotel, 97-99 King's Road, Brighton, BN1 2FW,

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TEA HOUSE & PURVEYORS OF FINE TEA The Largest Selection of Loose Tea in Brighton

Talk of Tea 26 Spring Street Brighton BN1 3EF 01273 748444

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Talk Of Tea

Terre à Terre Afternoon tea is no longer twinsets, pearls and all things demure... well, certainly not at Terre à Terre. There is nothing delicate about their offerings: Sweet Afternoon Tea is a platter of cakes, tarts, treats and tasters from their famous pudding menu served with tea, coffee or ginger beer should you prefer. Available every day between 3pm and 6pm, this is a truly delightful menu, ideal for friendly gatherings, family fillers or sweet business dealings. At £9.95 per person the Terre à Terre afternoon tea platter is one of the most appealing of the new breed. But for a lighter approach to tea they offer ‘Be a tart for Tea and Cake’ at £5.50 per person or ‘Dunk away with Tea and Biccies’ at £4.75. Also coming in June: ‘Would-Jubilee-Vit’ Menu – featuring Quirky Queenie delights, Frisky Fat Fairies drenched in sherry or famous Terre à Terre Boiled Egg and Chubby Soldiers. “Terre Terre have re-invented afternoon tea and made it an utterly indulgent, finger-licking feast of truly wicked delights.” – Andrew Kay, Latest 7 Terre Terre is open seven days a week. Terre à Terre, 71 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 729051,

j|Ç tyàxÜÇÉÉÇ àxt tà gxÜÜx õ gxÜÜx Latest 7 has teamed up with Terre à Terre to offer one lucky reader and three friends the chance to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in style with afternoon tea at the East Street Restaurant. For the chance to win, just tell us: What’s the name of the special afternoon tea menu Terre à Terre is offering in June to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee?

Email your answer to with Terre à Terre in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details. Closing date for entries: Monday 21 May 2012. The prize can only be claimed mid-week and must be booked in advance.

Talk Of Tea is a hidden gem, a lovely little tea house tucked off of Western Road with an amazing selection of loose leaf tea. You can enjoy over 50 varieties, with a flavour for any palate such as a delicate 1st Flush Darjeeling, a full-bodied Assam, Rum and Vanilla, Jasmine Dragon Phoenix Pearls and, of course, the Breakfast Blend, just to mention a few of the most popular. The Afternoon Tea consists of a pot of tea, finger sandwiches with your own choice of fillings, warm home-made scones with strawberry conserve and clotted cream and a selection of mouth-watering cakes or chocolate brownies. Talk Of Tea really is offering something completely different, where the décor and surroundings will make you feel instantly at home. The warm colours of the interior and the secluded, sunny patio garden complement the relaxing and refreshing tea drinking experience, making it the perfect environment to enjoy a good book or talk the afternoon away. If big hotels are not really your thing then this cosy tea house is the place to go for Afternoon Tea in Brighton. Talk Of Tea, 26 Spring Street, Brighton, BN1 3EF, 01273 748444,

Hold a great tea party for Marie Curie Cancer Care Marie Curie Cancer Care is asking the people of Sussex to hold a Blooming Great Tea Party this June and July to help raise funds for the charity. It can be as simple as a cuppa with colleagues, a picnic with family and friends or even a larger party to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee or watch Wimbledon. It’s a great way to get together with friends and family to do something easy and fun for charity. The money raised from Blooming Great Tea Parties will help Marie Curie Nurses to provide more free care to people with terminal cancer and other terminal illnesses in their own homes. Royal Wedding cake maker, Fiona Cairns (pictured), is no stranger to organising the perfect tea party and said: “I’m supporting the Blooming Great Tea Party and hope everyone will bake a cake, pop the kettle on, invite a few friends round and help Marie Curie Cancer Care to care for more terminally ill people in their own homes.” For your Blooming Great Tea Party, you can make a cake as simple and delicious as a freshly baked Victoria sandwich or a batch of cupcakes – it doesn’t need to be a multi-tiered highly decorated wedding cake to be impressive! However big or small your tea party, you’ll be raising muchneeded funds for Marie Curie Cancer Care.” Call 01273 492739 or visit for more information and your free Blooming Great Tea Party fundraising pack.

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Fiesta time!

Get into the groove with Salsa Brighton


alsa Brighton was established in 2006 by Aaron George to provide dance classes and information on dance and social events to anyone keen to learn salsa and merengue in Brighton. With the aim to develop and help the growing number of people interested in Latin dancing, Salsa Brighton now has a history of promoting salsa with the idea of fusing both urban and Latin music in the south coast. Offering salsa tutoring with a fun element, Salsa Brighton has now developed extensive experience in event management, promotions, and team building. Its Latin Fever party has been hosted over the years in Brighton's biggest clubs, including Coalition, Oceana and now, every Tuesday night at The Honey Club. Evening dance classes are led by a team of experienced salsa teachers, in Shoreham (Mondays at The Ropetackle) and Brighton (The Honey Club, Brighton seafront, on Tuesdays). Salsa lessons start 8.30pm with a Body Movement warm-up to teach the basic steps of merengue. This is followed by the salsa classes with five levels to choose from: First Timers, Beginners, Improvers, Intermediate, and Advanced. This summer Salsa Brighton will be hosting a Salsa Haven weekend, Friday 15–Sunday 17 June in Sandbanks. For more information visit Salsa Brighton, classes held at The Honey Club, 214 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, BN1 1NB and Ropetackle Centre, Little High Street, Shoreham by Sea, BN43 5EG, 01273 240367,

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at


STEWART LEE, CARPET REMNANT WORLD, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 2 May ✪✪✪✪✪


tewart Lee’s style of comedy – using repetition, sarcasm, irony and a drawn out self analysis – has been much emulated by the latest set of new comic acts trying to break through on the circuit, much to his chagrin. He has famously mocked Michael McIntyre and his ilk, and spoken out about the ‘stealing’ of his style more recently forcing him to change it (something he does each year anyway) to something more difficult to aspire to. He mocks his own success at the start of the show, complaining how winning an award this year and his success on the TV has attracted a new Johnny-comelately audience he just can’t be doing with. And the friendly beligerance peeks through. Stewart Lee has returned snappier, more pacy, cramming in more laughs per minute, subverting the form more than ever and bringing the deconstruction of comedy to the masses, alternately scolding and praising them for their reactions like a manipulated partner or dog. It was positively thrilling to see him have so much fun baiting the forms of mainstrream comedy. Using the full length and space of the stage, running, shouting, dropping into a bi-lingual segment – all the time pairing the simple and the complex, knitting the high brow and the low brow, delivering what has been demanded and then deconstructing it to point out why his original call not to take that path would have been better. All of it hilarious. Lee truly seemed to have heaps of fun with this show, almost corpsing at times. Declaring a void of structure, then exposing that structure, then deconstructing that structure with added asides to the wings, all skipping along at a definite speed and perfectly timed. This pretender misanthrope has concentrated his formula, stretched it and then encoded it with a magic formula to bamboozle the pretenders and deliver his best show in years. Victoria Nangle


It’s hard to believe that this Brighton-based rock-duo is on its third album with latest single ‘Cold’ premiering on Radio One. From local roots they – Laura-Mary Carter and Steve Ansell – performed confidently to the appreciative sold-out crowd at Concorde, a

mixture of loyal fans and newcomers to the scene. Their set, which featured songs from their back catalogue as well as the latest effort ‘In Time To Voices’, was energetic and loud, but most importantly, it was really great. It was a dark, sweaty night of crowdsurfing and mosh-pits showing that these guys can rock out like the best of them Concorde 2, 27 April ✪✪✪✪✪ Kayleigh Rose Lewis


The regular Laughing Horse comedy night was entertaining, fun, and a great atmosphere. Starting with Neil McFarlane, who, amongst tales of his mother and working in a Glaswegian BBC

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BOOKINGS |MUSIC CHART 35 complaints centre, also shared his haikus. Next, Sami Stone, with relationship stories and social observations. Rue Barrett followed, regaling us with his views of Brighton, what it means to be a bloke, and some audience interaction. Headlining was the brilliant Andrew Watts. Cue more audience taunting as he showed us his chat-up techniques, and why it’s great for a comic to be diagnosed with depression! All in all, a very funny night! The Quadrant Pub, 28 April ✪✪✪✪✪ Laura Fernandez-Kayne

L7 Bookings On sale this week…


Brighton Centre, 17 September 2012, £35, 0844 576 5483, Live Nation in association with GMTA and CAA announce today The Voice UK Live Tour. The winner of The Voice and the fellow final seven contestants from the most talked about TV programme of the year will hit the road.


The Haunt, 28 September 2012, £10/9, 01273 709709, If her biography is to be believed, Beth Jeans Houghton was born in Transylvania to a pack of albino wolves, who raised her on chewing tobacco and stuffed clams. While


I’m hard to please sometimes. Had I gone to see Rainy Day and Mondays: The Carpenters Story, and the singer had not been up to it I would have been cross, but my word this girl can sing. Claire Furley manages to capture the sweet and sad poignancy of Karen Carpenter’s voice perfectly and the band had the sound off pat too, including that guitar solo and some immaculate wind playing. The band had the audience in the palm of their hands and singing along too, eventually rising to their feet and dancing. What fun, an evening filled with some of the best pop music ever penned and performed with authenticity and respect. So why hard to please? Well there was no story, as billed, simply the music and some rather feeble slides. I had a great time but I felt let down that it was merely a concert. Theatre Royal Brighton, 29 April, ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay Did you disagree with our verdict on any of these shows?

there may be some poetic license going on there what we do know is that Beth’s debut album, Yours Truly, Cellophane Nose, introduces one of the most self-assured new artists of the year, a pop polymath whose blend of psychedelia, glam rock and chain gang folk is quite unlike anything else you’re likely to hear in 2012.



It would be difficult to have a more enjoyable gig than this. Fair enough, in some ways it seemed like possibly the coolest school disco ever, with Blackberry-wielding youngsters jumping around like they’ve had one too many Panda Pops. But these guys have the energy to make them look like, well, children with their performance packing a lot more of a punch than the album versions of the tracks. The local lads gave the kind of performance which proved them as so much more than a ‘fun’ band, with both a vocally decent performance and the chemistry to suggest they’ll be in it for the long run. Concorde 2, 29 April ✪✪✪✪✪ Kayleigh Rose Lewis

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

Eden Sessions, 3 June 2013, £35, 01726 811972 Comic genius Eddie Izzard has been announced to perform at the Eden Sessions as part of his 2013 tour Force Majeure. Force Majeure will be the most extensive comedy tour ever. It begins its mammoth journey around the globe during spring 2013.


Dome B, The Equatorial Group, The Observatory Science Centre, Hailsham, 7 July 2012, £25, 01323 832731, The Brighton Chamber Ensemble is hoping to be able to couple the event with viewing through some of the telescopes located at the Observatory. Herschel was the “King’s Astronomer” in the 18th century but he was also an accomplished musician.


Concorde 2, 28 October 2012, £15 + booking fee, 01273 673311, Striding into the spotlight with the cult movie Breaking Glass, Hazel O'Connor immediately became an iconic figure. This is the first time Hazel has ever performed all her Greatest Hits in one show!


Eddie Izzard

Caroline Of Brunswick, throughout June and July 2012, £various, If you want to see warm ups of some of the shows that will be hitting the Edinburgh Fringe this year there’s loads hitting the Caroline Of Brunswick. Comics previewing here include; Phil Nichol, Nick Helm, Richard Herring, Lucy Porter, Andi Osho, Henning Wehn, James Acaster, Roisin Conaty, Tom Deacon and Helen Arney.


Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 10

1 Give Her The Gun Equinox 2 Osaro and RJ Shut Up and Dance 3 The Fadadoo Project Lost in a crowd 4 Boa Marks Merchandised Eyes 5 Moonlighter Every Time I Fall 6 Coda Luna Folie a Deux 7 Drewvis Estoy Esperando 8 Shoot the Dead NW1 9 Dannydangerously HARIBO 10 Tenek Submission – Radio edit Wow, the impossible has happened, dance duo Osaro and RJ have been knocked off the top spot that they have impressively clung to. In their place sits the Give Her The Gun's dark single 'Equinox' at Number One. Having a knock on effect with the rest of the top 5, with The Fadadoo Project dropping to three, Boa Marks at four and Moonlighter at five. Will Give Her The Gun manage to stay Number One? Don't forget you can make a difference to the chart, simply listen to the tracks online. Musicians are welcome to submit their tracks too!

11 Maria Mcateer – Her Night At Noon Drink The Pain Away 12 The Last Cry Rebekka 13 Panos Christofi Sunshine 14 Black Nail God Damn You 15 Fireworks For Summer Building Fires In A Circle Around Her House 1704 16 The Wolfgirl Liberation Tuesday 17 Sam Charles Jupiter 18 Threepenny Thieves New Romantic 19 Shoot the Dead Kill Machine Kill 20 Zoe Konez When The Snow Came SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos


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L7 Previews

THE SHOW MUST GO ON Actually Gay Men’s Chorus are performing once again as part of this year’s Brighton Festival Fringe, in what sounds like a fun musical night out. The Show Must Go On is a Moulin Rouge inspired production, which will see St Andrew’s Church transformed into a seedy post war Parisian theatre bar. This is a story of deceit, laughter and, of course, love lost and found – but no matter what, The Show Must Go On. Testosterone and tango, champagne and celebration, the repertoire old and new includes favourites from shows like Gigi, Cabaret and Love Never Dies but also new arrangements by musical director Jason Pimblett, sung as always, in four-part harmony by Actually Gay Men’s Chorus. There will be a welcome return to St Andrew’s for guest soloists, Samantha Howard and Gerry McCrudden, as well as introducing soprano Melanie Howard.

STAGE: AVENUE Q Avenue Q at the Theatre Royal Brighton is the perfect escape from the constraints of real life in an age dominated by political correctness


ne of the West End’s biggest hits of recent years, the Tony Award winning musical comedy, Avenue Q, returns to the Theatre Royal Brighton this summer. Hilarious and uproariously entertaining, with songs performed by a cast of hugely talented performers and puppets, Avenue Q is a musical like no other. If you imagine Sesame Street crossed with Family Guy and you may get close – but not quite. Full of mischief, bad behaviour and political incorrectness, Avenue Q is the perfect, contemporary musical. It may sail close to the wind but sitting there you can’t help thinking ‘if only I could say that!’ The puppets simply have license to voice our darkest thoughts. The show has already enjoyed enormous success with audiences on Broadway, the West End and throughout its UK tour, so this is a great chance to catch it again or see it for the first time if you missed it first time round. The show is about the lively and off-the-wall characters on a downtown New York street trying to make sense of life’s burning issues: love; work; relationships and above all, just how are you supposed to pay the bills ‘with a BA in English?’. It follows Princeton, a brighteyed college graduate new to the area, as he desperately tries to follow his dreams and discover his ever elusive purpose in life. A tiny bank balance, the distraction of a busty blonde and a variety of weird and wonderful friends and neighbours, lead Princeton on a journey of self-discovery. Avenue Q is the result of a collaboration between Robert Lopez

Chairman John Hamilton said: “Following the sellout success of our Christmas show, the chorus are looking forward to performing again in one of our most ambitious productions to date.” The Show Must Go On, St Andrew’s Church, Waterloo Street, Hove, Friday 18 & Saturday 19 May, 7.00pm, £10, The Iron Duke Hotel, Waterloo Street, Hove, Prowler, St James Street, Brighton Dome Box Office and Brighton Fringe website


and Jeff Marx, who began writing the show in 1999, originally thinking the idea would make a great TV series. Three years later it opened Off Broadway and following rave reviews, it transferred to Broadway. In 2004 the show won three Tony Awards for Best New Musical, Best Book of a Musical and Best Original Score. Don’t let your life suck, this is the perfect antidote to a month of high art. Avenue Q, Theatre Royal Brighton Monday 4–Saturday 9 June, Mon–Thu 7.45pm Fri 5.30pm & 8.30pm Sat 4pm & 7.45pm, £17.50–£32.50 (bkg fee), 0844 871 7650

Rose Collis: Trouser Wearing Characters Marlborough Theatre, Brighton Tues 8, Sat 19 & Sun 20 May 01273 917272

Trisha Brown Dance Company Brighton Dome Tues 8–Weds 9 May 01273 709709 The Rest Is Silence Malthouse Estate Warehouse Until 8 June 01273 709709

The Rest Is Silence

Domestic The Basement Tues 8–Weds 9 May 01273 709709 The City Will Crumble The Warren, Brighton Tues 8–Weds 9 May 01273 917272 follow me on twitter



Brighton’s listings in one click: On your mobile:

Live Flamenco every Thursday 10-11 King's Road, Brighton East Sussex BN1 1NE TEL. 01273 328672




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LATEST PREVIEWS MUSIC&CLUBS 37 CLUBS: BACK2BACK Back2Back is a fusion of club nights Full Volume and Flava In Ya Ear, bringing you the best of hip-hop, dubstep, old school garage, drum & bass and grime. With DJs G23, Haze, Outbreak and further support, full of all things bass. Coalition, Tues 8 May, 11pm–4am, £4/3 CLUBS: IT IS STILL 1985 Brighton’s favourite ’80s party. Expect global power pop like Prince, Tears For Fears, Tina Turner and Madonna. With epic and emotional fist clenching power ballads from Bonnie Tyler, Foreigner and Phil Collins. And alternative ‘80s magic from The Cure, Run DMC and Talking Heads. The Haunt, Sat 12 May, 10.30pm–late, £3 MUSIC: JO HARMAN & COMPANY, KITTEN & THE HIP, HOUSE OF HATS, ICARUS YOUTH The Great Escape kicks off early with a bill of talented Brighton-based performers straddling indie-folk (House of Hats), soulful blues (Jo Harman) and electro-dance (Kitten & The Hip), topped off with a bit of late night emo courtesy of Icarus Youth. Latest Musicbar, Wed 9 May, 8.45pm, £5 (free to wristband holders)


early afternoon show is part of The Great Escape . Latest Musicbar, Sat 12 May, midday, £6 (free to wristband holders) MUSIC: ERASED TAPES The Great Escape turns up the avant-garde fader for this fifth anniversary special of Erased Tapes, the London/Berlin record label. This special showcase features A Winged Victory for the Sullen – a collaboration between Stars Of The Lid’s Adam Wiltzie and Dustin O’Halloran; Berlin-based contemporary classical composer Nils Frahm; and the progressive indie electronica sounds of British Expeditionary Force. St Mary’s Church, Fri 11 May, 7pm, £12 MUSIC: ACM SHOWCASE Surrey’s Academy of Contemporary Music showcases some of its finest artists as part of The Great Escape festival. Taking to the stage will be Films of Colour, Massmatiks, Jaguar Shark, The Adamski Kid and Martha Paton. Komedia, Fri 11 May, 12pm–4pm, (free to wristband holders only)

Jo Harman

MUSIC: HOWLER + TOWNS Hot and buzzing American indie-rock outfit, very much in the mould of The Strokes; surely one of the most influential bands of the last ten years, although Howler are perhaps a bit more punk, a bit more 'yoof' that their arty counterparts. This


MUSIC: THE TEMPER TRAP The Aussie indie rockers return for The Great Escape


he 2009 debut album Conditions was a roaring success: the album sold nearly a million copies worldwide, and from a garage in Melbourne, Australia, suddenly The Temper Trap were big news around the globe. A combination of memorable and pleasing on-the-ear epic indie pop and a hard work ethic means that they can only be 100 per cent thankful that they took the plunge, leaving their birth place to live in the UK back in April 2009. “It wasn’t a difficult decision to make,” says founder member Toby Dundas. “It was such a big opportunity we just couldn’t pass it up. It’s what every band dreams of, to tour around the world! Obviously you miss your family and friends, but everyone was so excited for us.” While their debut album was recorded with Arctic Monkeys producer Jim Abbiss, they decided to work with Tony Hoffer in LA for the new one, another very high producer who’s worked with everyone from Beck to The Kooks. “Tony has a studio there, with a lot of vintage synths... and he knows the room so well, so it was a good decision to put us in his home court. He’s taken a lot of the synth stuff to the next level; a world he is familiar with. Every time we were searching for a sound, he would disappear to the next room and come back with a keyboard in his arm and always had some good ideas. It didn’t hurt that it was 20 degrees and sunny every day!” Back in the UK the band are about to embark on a short UK tour before hitting the festival circuit. “We did The Great Escape in 2009. We’ve played three shows in Brighton, but strangely it was raining every time! Hopefully, it’ll be better and we can all have a stereotypical Brighton experience!” Their eponymous titled second album is out later in the month, and repeats the trick of their debut: outstanding, epic sing-a-long type affairs rubbing shoulders with more contemplative numbers, led off by current single ‘Need Your Love’. “Things definitely aren’t always 100 per cent smooth! I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but it can be intense and stressful. But we are lucky that we are friends, and we were friends before the band started, so we can always fall back on that when things aren’t going so well. If we didn’t like the people you had to spend 22 hours of each day with it wouldn’t be much fun...” The Temper Trap, Friday 11 May, Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £14.50 (top ups & bundles available for Great Escape ticket holders) follow me on twitter


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LATEST PREVIEWS COMEDY&EVENTS COMEDY: CHARITY CHUCKLE – HANNIBAL BURESS Hannibal Buress, US comic as seen on Secret Policeman’s Ball, 30 Rock and Saturday Night Live (and with Chris Rock as a fan) headlines this late night comedy fundraiser for local charity MOSAIC, a black and mixed race parentage group. Over from the States for a flying visit, this is a rare chance to catch one of America’s top comics in a beautifully intimate venue. Book early. Latest Musicbar, Tues 8 May, 10.30pm, £8/5

EVENTS: JIMEOIN Award-winning star of small screen, stage and more, Jimeoin took time to answer some questions for us ‘Lovely’ is such a positive title for a show. What’s your favourite bit of it? “The bits from the book. I bring a book on stage that has thoughts from the day and new ideas. It’s not always the funniest part of the night but the bit I enjoy the most.”

COMEDY: MINKLEY’S NIGHT OF MIRTH Heads up for this annual fundraiser for The Samaritans in memory of Oliver Minkley. Even more star-studded this year, with the line-up including Andi Osho, Tim Key, Joe Wilkinson, Dan Mitchell, Joey Page, Stephen Grant, Michael Fabbri, Stuart Goldsmith and host James Redmond. An impressive comedy gala. Komedia, Tues 8 May, 8pm, £9/7.50

You seem to enjoy the details of life. Do you find some days are punchline attacks for observations or do you have to actively seek out each gag? “Sometimes if it’s a good enough observation then you don’t need a joke, I think. Might be wrong there though. Just doing gags can wear a bit thin.” What makes you chuckle every single time you see it? “There is a fashion designer in Oz called Luke Perry who has photos of himself as a fashion designer. It’s all very serious, or is it? Could be comedy genius. Anyway, makes me laugh.” You’ve done TV, movies, documentaries and of course stand-up. What’s your next big ambition? “To keep doing them. Getting away with this is a big achievement.” What’s your next small ambition? “Finish this questionnaire.” Primarily based in Australia, which comics will you be trying to catch the latest shows of while you're in the UK? “Someone who is really ****. Last thing I want to see on a night of is another comic who is really good. That’s not relaxing! I don’t know. There are so many.”

COMEDY: THE GREAT PUPPET HORN RETURNS More cutting comedy from the UK’s leading satirical shadow puppet show. The Great Puppet Horn comes to Brighton with a brand new line-up of cardboard characters. Delight as shadowy characters speak, beat-box and pole-dance for your entertainment. Upstairs At Three And Ten, Fri 11–Sun 13 May, 5pm, £8.50/7,

EVENTS: WHAT WILL IT TAKE? Author, photographer and director of The Wildlife For All Trust, Iain Scott is holding the workshop: ‘A Deeper Approach to Nature Conservation’. The talk is for those with an interest in the environment and who want to help make a difference. 50 Cambridge Road, Sat 12 May, 10am–5pm, free EVENTS: THE DIRTY DOZEN TRAILWALKER FUNDRAISER Join the big fundraising party with The Freemasons playing a DJ set and other special guests. Support the ‘dirty dozen’, before they take part in the Trailwalker – a 100km walk across the downs from Winchester to Brighton in aid of Oxfam and the Gurkhas. The team hope to complete the continuous walk in 18 hours! Brighton Music Hall, Fri 11 May, 10pm–3am, £5, tickets available from The Hove Kitchen or on the door.

What’s your secret indulgence? “Hookers and a bit of S and M.” EVENTS: SOUL TO SOUL Movin’ Melvin Brown presents a night of soul and its musical journey from Africa to America today, with stories, dancing, tap, comedy, music and characters. Songs by Otis Redding, James Brown, Ray Charles, Sam Cooke and more. Komedia, Sun 13 May, 7.30pm, £15

Are you ‘Lovely’? “Oh yes.” Jimeoin – Lovely, Komedia, Monday 14 May, 7.30pm, £14.50, 01273 917272, follow me on twitter

Andi Osho



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Brighton’s No 1 soul choir! Workshops for everyone

Dynamic rehearsals & funky performances! Rehearsals take place on Wednesdays all year during term time At: Salvation Army Congress Hall, 1-6 Park Crescent Terrace, Brighton, BN2 3HD

1SOUL youth choir (for 8 – 16 yr olds) – starts 4.45pm Adult Choir 1 - starts 7.00pm, no experience necessary Adult Choir 2 – starts 8.30pm, performance choir Term fees apply

To find out more or for bookings please contact Rachel at igmusic Ltd t. 020 7249 0902

036_039_LS576_previews_editorial 04/05/2012 15:32 Page 5 Tom Hammick ‘Cabin’

Maggie Claringbould

LATEST PREVIEWS ART&FILM ART: BRIGHTON PALERMO REMIX Artist David Batchelor draws connections between Sicilian street festival decoration and the vernacular of Brighton’s Regency architecture. Using everyday objects of the urban environment, his work celebrates the ordinary, the lurid and trashy. This exhibition is part of HOUSE 2012. Brighton Palermo Remix, Regency Town House, 13 Brunswick Square, 01273 206306. Until 27 May ART: RETURN TO THE SAVAGE BOOHOO Documenting Brighton band The Eighties Matchbox B-line Disaster’s final tour around the UK. Tom Foster traveled across country with one of the last great rock’n’roll bands, capturing some of the most harrowing and painful moments in their history. The exhibition title comes from a heading from Fear And Loathing On The Campaign Trail by Hunter S. Thompson. Return To The Savage Boohoo, The Hope, Queen’s Road, 01273 325793, until end May FILM: JEFF WHO LIVES AT HOME (15) Dir: Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass Indie comedy starring Jason Segel. This follows slacker Jeff as he is


Return To The Savage Boohoo

distracted from his errand to the shops for his mother by his brother’s determination to discover if he’s being cuckolded. An odyssey of a journey opens Jeff’s eyes to more than a few things, and takes the brothers through various adventures as they more than likely learn and grow from each other’s influence. Looks rather good fun. Released Fri 11 May Showing at Odeon and Cineworld For full details of film times: Palermo Remix


Director: Tim Burton


ohnny Depp whites up again for dear friend Tim Burton and gothic attire and humour heads straight to the top of the cinema charts. Based on the hit US TV series from the 1960s, this tells the unfortunate tale of vampire Barnabas Collins over three centuries. Cursed by spurned witch Angelique (Eva Green) in 1752 and entombed, he finds the world – and his family – much changed when he is finally released into the present day world. Some things are pretty constant though, as the monsters and werewolves come after his descendents with full vigour, making his offer of protection really rather timely. Already grabbing huge amounts of attention and anticipation of this well worked successful dynamic. Also starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloe Grace Moretz and Helena Bonham Carter. Released Fri 11 May Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Listings Send your stage listings to: Send your comedy listings to: Send your events listings to: Send your arts listings to: Send your music listings to: Send your club listings to: Send your gay listings to:


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040_LS576_stars-TV column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 04/05/2012 12:01 Page 2



STARS With Val Aviv

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Networking will increase your financial prospects as clever Mercury moves into money-making Taurus. Sticking to a healthy diet and exercise plan can bring about a positive transformation, as your fitness levels increase; so does your mental prowess.

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Your mind sharpens and quickens to a new beat as Mercury boosts your mental agility and helps you get your message to the world. A long term working goal finally has financial pay offs and you can be rightfully optimistic.

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

Romance is not particularly showy, but if you stop to analyse the actions of those close by, it may be that in some practical way, someone is showing you that they really do care. Love is patient and wise, as indeed are you becoming.

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

You may not realise the strength of your conviction, but others will. If you feel the need to verbalise your beliefs watch out that you’re not being a little on the offensive. Just because someone’s sword is heavy, it doesn’t mean you need pull out a gun.

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

Your spirit should be on the up as the pace of life improves. Don’t be phased by the unexpected, going with the flow is a big part of the universal imperative. Knowledge is coming to you thick and fast, your world is changing.

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

For every bad thing that happens to us there are probably a hundred good things and with it each bad thing, there is perhaps a good thing to be found inside it. What ever you may feel is wrong, could soon turn out to be just right.

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

Some new friends will have a profound impact on you. The unexpected is less unsettling as it is more like finding a new room that you never knew you had. So you’ve not seen it before? Be glad that your true potential has been unleashed.

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

What is predictable may not be the most stimulating of things, but even rocks can change shape over time. Sometimes if we allow small parts of ourselves to change, we see the world in a totally new light and may well be delighted with what we find.

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

You’re given an extra chance to shine at work or start to enjoy the routine that defines your current lifestyle. Communication is also a lot less stressed, giving you more time to enjoy life without setbacks. An old friend makes a welcome appearance.

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Confronting challenges and stepping bravely out into the world will open up a wealth of possibilities. Moving with the times has its advantages. Transformation is an empowering process, as life moves fast; you can surprise yourself.

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

A group of friends are influencing your view of the world in radical ways, which is good, because getting stuck in old, outmoded thinking patterns is exactly what you don’t need! Someone who talks and always has nice things to say is lucky for you.

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Friends are gathering round to help you, but it’s important you don’t let your paranoia get in the way of progress. Keep giving your energy to others, as that is what it’s currently there for. You can’t achieve as much alone as you can as part of a team. Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at:

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 8 – 14 MAY When the 2010 unpronounceable volcano in Iceland erupted and stopped air flights across most of Europe it cost airlines over $1 billion. And that was a relatively small one in terms of what Icelandic people are used to dealing with. Eat your heart out Dr With Victoria Nangle Evil. During that time I had reason to travel to the Midlands and one of the spookiest things I’ve ever experienced was driving up to that ash cloud and then directly under it so that we were surrounded on all sides. When something steals your horizon you’ve got to give it respect, and when something is that absolute to the sky it’s bound to conjure up ideas of Mordor, Dune and any other otherworldliness you may have encountered. Well, it certainly did with me. Seeing these marvellous landscapes brought it back and then some. Individually examining the four volcanoes most likely to go off next, their scientific hen you’re brought up on a mixture of results and their legends – mixing myth and fairytales of wolves that speak, trolls that discovery felt a lot like magic. As does the fact that live under bridges, and monkeys that fly, these mighty tempers provide hot water and clean seeing a landscape such as that in Iceland coupled energy for the country, and that the fallen ash with tales of stunning lakes that make people actively helps the farming on the land. It’s almost a pass out and then drown can open possibilities of whole different eco system. myth and wonder combining with leafy paths and Even scarier stuff comes with the possibility of a nature. Volcanoes are so at the ‘big’ eruption, with the climate of the epicentre of this. Life On Fire, likely to be affected for a “There’s got to planet subheaded as Icelandic Volcanoes: while, loss of life instead of simply Who Is Next?, mixes breath-taking of finance, and maybe not quite be a grandma in loss landscapes with ancient stories the dawn of a new age, but definitely and brand new science to write the next cluster one that would inspire a whole raft of new stories of wonder and danger, new literature, films, political as farmers literally live on the edge of woods we priorities and holiday destinations. of volcanoes that are mighty gods Enticing as the Snow Queen in come to” both threatening and nourishing Narnia, and with a soundtrack to the land and its people. This is match the majesty, this good stuff. A countryside peppered with magma documentary paints a picture with detailed strokes boulders hundreds of years old, on the same and vibrant colours. As one of the farmers that island as a farmer in his first year running the lives near the huge volcano Katla says: “Katla is in family business. He has stories from his her place and she will wake up when she is ready”. grandfather and great-grandfather of huge He then snapped me out of my Grimm fairytale volcanic eruptions of bygone years and what was revelry with the sidebar: “But it’s probably less left behind. There’s got to be a grandma in the next dangerous to live here by Katla than in the streets cluster of woods we come to. of Reykjavík”. Proving that city paranoia continues Even the science sounds and looks wonderous, even from the edge of Hell. Some things are as ‘caldrons’ are created on the glacier lids of giant destined never to change. volcanoes, seen as whirlpools in the snow and ice Life On Fire, Eden, Wednesday 9 May as the heat from the magma below rises giving follow me on twitter latestvicky clues to the imminency of the next eruption.

Telly Talk

Mountain kings W

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tuesday 8 The Town Taking On China BBC2, 8pm So... the idea is for one chap to combat rising costs and wages in China by moving his manufacturing operation from his Chinese factory back to Britain, starting with his current factory in Kirkby. They’ll like that, being the fifth most deprived borough in the country. And it’ll be easy, right? Right, guys?... Guys?

More Sex Please, We’re British Channel 4, 10pm More business documentaries, but this one is about the business of hanky panky. Well, the toys that aid said shenanigans. Going behind the scenes of Lovehoney, one of the UK’s most successful online sex toy businesses, founded by Neal and Richard in 2002, it’s exciting times.

Cardinal Burns E4, 10.30pm Channel 4 has a good track record for supporting developing comedy, so it might well be worth checking out this latest sketch show. Banksy is going through a failed attempt at a street picture, and there’s a shaggy dog story with Phil and Terry on a tour of Buckingham Palace with the Queen. Do NOT steal ashtrays.




6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Dick ‘N’ Dom Go Wild 3.35 Lockie Leonard 4.00 Copycats 4.30 Who Let The Dogs Out? 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Tanya and Ian panic when they discover that Lucy and Lauren have failed to return home after their night out. 8.00 Holby City Keller has a new consultant, Serena Campbell, and despite Malick’s warnings, Ric is convinced that he can handle her. 9.00 Britain’s Biggest Hoarders Documentary meeting compulsive hoarders and looking at the strain the condition can put on their families. TV presenter Jasmine Harman’s mum Vasoulla is a compulsive hoarder. This secretive and often shameful psychological condition is putting a big strain on the entire family, and they are not alone. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Matt Lucas Awards Nominations provided by actress Maureen Lipman, comedian Julian Clary and stand-up Alex Horne. 11.10 Kevin Bridges: What’s The Story? Kevin Bridges takes a look at his own lifestyle and a few others. 11.40 The Estate Fly-on-the-wall series. 12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: The Apprentice 1.15 Horizon: The Truth About Fat 2.15 Antiques Road Trip 3.00 Great British Railway Journeys 3.30 BBC News


6.00 – 8.45am Children’s television 9.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.10 Little Charley Bear 9.20 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.30 Bob The Builder: Ready, Steady, Build! 9.45 The Koala Brothers 9.55 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.15 Baby Jake 10.25 64 Zoo Lane 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Instant Restaurant 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts, Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson are antique shopping in the tourist hotspots of Warwick, Stratfordupon-Avon, the Cotswolds, and mid Wales so it’s tough to strike a bargain. 7.30 Great British Menu Returning contenders Johnnie Mountain and Aiden Byrne along with newcomer Simon Rogan compete for the chance to cook at a glittering Olympic banquet. 8.00 The Town Taking On China See highlights. 9.00 Great Ormond Street A look at Great Ormond Street Hospital’s oncology department, following doctors as they face challenging ethical decisions about treating children with some of the rarest and most complex cancers in the country. Doctors must decide how to act in the best interest of their patients whilst handling relationships with the children’s families. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools is Plan B, Django Django, Ren Harvieu, Melody Gardot, Tom Jones, Punch Brothers. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Sexism In Football? Gabby Logan explores sexism in football. 12.10am BBC News 4.00 History Hunt (x2) 5.30 Curious Cat


Channel 4

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The police are called to Belle’s school when Zak loses control. Debbie is distraught to hear about Zak’s cancer and furious that she was not told earlier. 7.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec present the third live semi-final in front of a studio audience and judges Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Which hopefuls will impress the voters at home today? 9.00 Coronation Street Terry hatches a plan to free himself of Rick. The reality of life with Paul begins to dawn on Eileen. 9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results Ant and Dec reveal how the viewers at home have voted. Which two acts will make it through to Saturday’s final? With judges Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Grimefighters Series following the daily lives of Britain’s clean-up teams, including pest controllers, restaurant inspectors and litter pickers. 11.05 Nature’s Fury Chris Terrill goes in search of some of the world’s biggest storms. 12.05am Jackpot247 2.35 Loose Women 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 According To Jim 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia 10.00 Come Dine With Me 10.30 Come Dine With Me 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.25 Come Dine With Me 11.55 Come Dine With Me 12.25pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.30 FILM: The Hunt For Red October (1990) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Doug and Texas agree that their night together was a drunken mistake. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Foxes Live: Wild In The City Natural history series. 9.00 Hidden Talent. In this edition, the tests are designed to seek out one unknowingly talented linguist whose way with words could change their life. 10.00 More Sex Please, We’re British See highlights. 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Guests include Eddie Izzard, David Walliams, Amanda Holden, and the cast of Made in Chelsea. 12.10am Random Acts 12.15 1.15 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present Hannah Cockroft 2012 1.20 KOTV Boxing Weekly 1.45 Sailing: America’s Cup Uncovered 2.15 Mobil 1 The Grid 2.40 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Will Bayley 2012 2.45 Freesports On 4 3.10 FIM Superbike World Championship 2012 3.40 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Joe Bestwick 2012 3.45 British Formula Ford Championship 4.10 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Jody Cundy 2012 4.15 Road To London 2012: Paralympics Extra 5.10 Ultimate Frisbee 5.15 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With...12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Dangerous Drivers’ School 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: By Appointment Only (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Off the back of Colleen’s encouragement, Dex asks April to Sasha’s birthday barbeque. In the middle of the night, Sasha departs, leaving a note for her father. 6.30 5 News 7.00 Dirty Great Machines Documentary series. We meet the largest land-based machines ever built – bucket wheel excavators. 8.00 War Hero In My Family Documentary. Former politician Ann Widdecombe and motoring journalist Quentin Willson both uncover the heroes in their family. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Crime drama series. When a high-spec weapon is used to murder a captain, the team searches for an arms dealer who has gathered his stock from military sources. 10.00 CSI: NY Crime drama series. A troubled woman who once turned to Mac after witnessing a group of men trying to cover up a murder turns up dead herself, under very suspicious circumstances. 10.55 CSI: NY Crime drama series. The killing of the most popular girl at an exclusive school leads the CSIs to investigate the unstable chemistry between its pupils. 11.55 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. 12.50am SuperCasino 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 HouseBusters (x2) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Monday Night Football 11.30 Netbusters 12.00pm Football League: Championship 1.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Ford Monday Night Football 4.30 Netbusters 5.00 SPL Round-Up 5.30 Sporting Greats 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.15 Revista De La Liga 11.15 SPL Round-Up 11.45 A League Of Their Own 12.45am Ford Football Special 2.15 Football Asia 2.45 Revista De La Liga 3.45 Ford Football Special 5.15 Football Asia 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Thrillseekers 6.30 WWE Afterburn 7.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 8.30 European Tour Golf 9.30 PGA Tour Golf 10.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 12.00pm LIVE Madrid Masters Tennis 8.00 Players Championship Official Film 2008 9.00 Players Championship Official Film 2009 10.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 11.00 Sporting Greats 11.30 Players Championship Official Film 2008 12.30am Players Championship Official Film 2009 1.30 Sporting Greats

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Championship Rugby Union 7.30 Netbusters 8.00 Nascar Sprint Cup Series 9.00 Elite League Speedway 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Nascar Sprint Cup Series 1.00 European Tour Golf 2.00 Thrillseekers 2.30 British Miler 3.00 PGA Tour Classic 4.00 Golfing World 4.30 British Miler 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 British Basketball League 9.00 Australian Ironman 10.00 DTM Motor Racing 11.00 British Basketball League 1.00am Sports Unlimited 2.00 DTM Motor Racing

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Medical Emergency (x2) 1.00 The 4400 (x2) 3.00 Stargate Universe (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 FILM: Reign Of Fire (2002) 10.55 Cop Squad 11.55 35mm 2012 12.25am Road Wars 1.25 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK (x2) 3.05 Big Trouble In Tourist Thailand

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 9.00 Britain Unzipped 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Britain Unzipped 1.30 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 2.25 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 The Story Of British Pathe 9.00 Amazon: Unnatural Histories 10.00 Ancient Apocalypse 10.50 The Bridge 11.50 The Story Of British Pathe 12.50am African Railway 1.50 Great British Railway Journeys 2.20 Amazon: Unnatural Histories

4.00pm Britain’s Got Talent 5.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 Peter Andre: My Life 8.00 The Zoo 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 Celebrity Juice: Girl On Girl Special 11.45 Penn & Teller: Fool Us 12.45am Britain’s Got More Talent

9.10am The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 10.15 Upstairs, Downstairs 11.25 Kavanagh QC 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.10 Murder, She Wrote (x2) 4.10 On The Buses (x2) 5.20 Terry And June 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Ghostboat 11.35 Numb3rs 12.30am Kavanagh QC

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Cardinal Burns. See highlights. 11.00 The Cleveland Show 11.30 The Ricky Gervais Show 12.00am Bob’s Burgers

3.00pm Four In A Bed 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Undercover Boss USA 6.45 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 More Foxes Live 9.35 The Restoration Man 10.40 The Fairy Jobmother USA 11.35 The Good Wife 12.35am Grand Designs

11.00am Niagara (1952) 12.45pm Sea Wife (1957) 2.25 The Desert Fox (1951) 4.10 Howards End (1992) 6.55 Fame (2009) 9.00 The Hurt Locker (2008) 11.35 Fever Pitch (1996) 1.35am Crush (2001)

Every night is a Saturday night in Brighton ALL your listings at

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wednesday 9 Planet Earth Live BBC1, 7.30pm Skip the YouTube, here is an entire programme of wildlife babies to coo over. In Kenya Richard Hammond checks up on the smallest wrinkly elephants, as well as the vulnerable lion cubs. Meanwhile Julia Bradbury investigates how bear cubs in North America are doing. Plus monkeys and meerkats. Ahhhh.

The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm They may not know much about art but they know what they like. People spend decades trying to master the twists and turns of the contemporary art world and our teams have been asked to step into the urban art arena and convince up-and-coming street artists to let them represent them. And make dosh. Tricky business.

Top Gear BBC3, 7pm Vroom. Vroom, vroom, vroom. If you’re after some boyish abandon, casual prejudices, and rather lovely scenery without a care for a carbon footprint then these are your guys. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May head to Albania to test the luxury Rolls-Royce Ghost. And Jonathan Ross zips around.




6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 10.30 State Opening Of Parliament 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Dick ‘N’ Dom Go Wild 3.35 Lockie Leonard 4.00 Copycats 4.30 Horrible Histories: Gory Games 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be discussed here. 7.30 Planet Earth Live See highlights. 8.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series. An 18-year-old girl’s life threatening collision with a tree brings home the dangerous reality of driving after just passing your test. 9.00 The Apprentice See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 10.45 Sporting Heroes: After The Final Whistle In a special documentary, former England cricket captain Michael Vaughan looks at life after sport and the challenges competitive athletes face once their career is over. Travelling the world, he meets some of the biggest names in sport and investigates the many different issues that top sports stars face when retirement finally beckons. With contributions from George Foreman, John McEnroe, Herol Graham, and Darren Clarke. 11.35 FILM: Breaking And Entering (2006) Starring Jude Law, Juliette Binoche, Martin Freeman. Emotional drama. 1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.05 Watchdog 3.05 The 70s Historian 4.05 BBC News


6.00 – 9.10am Children’s television 9.10 Little Charley Bear 9.20 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.30 Bob The Builder: Ready, Steady, Build! 9.45 The Koala Brothers 9.55 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.15 Baby Jake 10.25 64 Zoo Lane 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 FILM: Doctor In The House (1954) 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Instant Restaurant 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson get swept up in the magic of Bath as they shop for objects they hope will boost their coffers before the auction in Dorchester. 7.30 Great British Menu After the dramatic events of the fish course, how will the chefs react as they are challenged to cook their mains? 8.00 Antiques Uncovered Dr Lucy Worsley discovers how taking a holiday became something everyone aspires to do. 9.00 This World: Michael Portillo’s Great Euro Crisis Selfconfessed Eurosceptic Michael Portillo is on his way to debt-stricken Greece. He believes that the euro crisis must have shaken the Greeks’ faith in Europe’s single currency and wonders if there’ll be a desire to revert to the free-floating drachma. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Dara O’Briain and guests comment on the latest series of The Apprentice. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The 70s Historian Dominic Sandbrook takes viewers on an eyeopening and refreshing journey deep into the 1970s. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Bitesize English 4.30 Bitesize Maths 5.00 The Approximate History Of


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Dingles panic when Zak goes missing – but there is more shocking news in store. 7.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec present the fourth live semi-final in front of a studio audience and judges Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Who will the viewers send to Saturday’s final? 9.00 Coronation Street Tina is caught in the crossfire as Terry stops at nothing to succeed. Paul is furious to become the subject of local gossip. Sunita spies an opportunity. 9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results Ant and Dec reveal how the viewers have voted. Which acts will be going through to Saturday’s final? 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Britain’s Got Talent Special Chris Tarrant hosts a special edition of the game show. This time, it is the turn of some familiar faces from past series of Britain’s Got Talent to take their place in the hot seat and face an increasingly difficult series of questions. 11.20 Total Emergency Reality series following all three emergency services in Sheffield. 12.15am Jackpot247 2.20 FILM: Charade (1963) 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am Sali Mali 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 According To Jim 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Come Dine With Me 10.30 Come Dine With Me 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.25 Come Dine With Me 11.55 Come Dine With Me 12.25pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.30 River Cottage 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks A shocked Esther discovers Jen and Tilly’s secret. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Foxes Live: Wild In The City A look at the differences between urban and rural foxes. 9.00 Edward VIII: The Plot To Topple A King A revelatory film about the extraordinary archbishop, Cosmo Gordon Lang, who was at the centre of a group of establishment big-wigs and grandees who came together in 1936 to oust King Edward VIII. 10.00 The Killing US thriller. As Sarah heads to Tacoma to learn Richmond’s secret, a portentous finding is made at the Larsen house. 11.00 2 Broke Girls US sitcom. An argument breaks out over a Strokes tshirt when Max takes Caroline clothes shopping. 11.30 Desperate Housewives Comedy drama. Julie is concerned over Susan’s parenting skills. 12.30am Random Acts 12.35 MUSIC ON 4: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions: Field Music 12.50 360 Sessions 1.20 Spotlight: Pop And Dance 1.35 4Play: Dr Dee 1.45 Launched At Red Bull Studios 1.55 FILM: Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004) 3.40 King Pylon 3.45 Smallville 4.30 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.25 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Milkshake! Monkey 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Milkshake! Show Songs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With... 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Dangerous Drivers’ School 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: McBride: The Chameleon Murder (2005) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Sid discovers Sasha’s note and realises she has run away to the city. Sid soon finds Sasha and makes her see the realities of setting up a new life. Sasha returns to the farm, upset. Henri visits Casey and tells him it is over between them. A drunken misadventure culminates with Dex undressing and vomiting in front of his father. 6.30 5 News 7.00 Europa League Football: Final Live coverage of the final of this year’s Europa League, presented by Jim Rosenthal, who is joined by Stan Collymore and Pat Nevin. Commentary comes from Dave Woods and Graham Taylor. 10.00 FILM: Road House (1989) Starring Patrick Swayze, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliott, Ben Gazzara, Marshall Teague, Julie Michaels and Jeff Healey. All-action crime story in which the owner of a small-town saloon hires a martial arts expert to restore law and order to the establishment. However, it soon becomes clear that the whole town needs a clean-up, the main problem being a powerful crime boss who runs an extortion racket targeting local businessmen. 12.20am Pokerstars: The Big Game 1.15 SuperCasino 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 HouseBusters (x2) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 SPL Round-Up 9.30 Ford Football Special 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.30pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Football League Championship 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Total Rugby 12.00am Football League Championship 1.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 Boots ‘n’ All 3.30 Football League Championship 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Total Rugby

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Aerobics Oz Style 8.30 Sporting Greats 9.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 10.00 Players Championship Official Film 2008 11.00 Players Championship Official Film 2009 12.00pm LIVE Madrid Masters Tennis 10.00 PGA Europro Tour Golf 12.00am Inside The PGA Tour 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Champions Tour Golf 2.00 Players Championship Official Film 2010 3.00 Players Championship Official Film 2011

Sky Sports 3 6.30am P1 Superstock Powerboats 7.00 DTM Motor Racing 8.00 Australian Ironman 9.00 British Basketball League 11.00 P1 Superstock Powerboats 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 2.00 Thrillseekers 2.30 Sporting Greats 3.00 PGA Europro Tour Golf 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE Winning Post 9.00 Boots ‘n’ All 10.00 Cage Fighter 10.30 Trans World Sport 11.30 Cage Fighter 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 F3 Euroseries Motor Racing 2.00 Watersports World

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Medical Emergency (x2) 1.00 Raising Hope (x2) 2.00 The 4400 3.00 Stargate Universe (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Emergency Abroad 9.00 An Idiot Abroad: Karl Comes Home 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Cop Squad 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Airline USA (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear. See highlights. 8.00 Small Teen Turns Eighteen 9.00 Don’t Blame The Dog 10.00 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Don’t Blame The Dog 1.25 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 2.25 Small Teen Turns Eighteen 3.25 I Woke Up Gay

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Timothy Spall: Back At Sea (x2) 9.00 Metalworks! 10.00 Parkinson: The Interviews 10.40 Frost On Interviews 11.45 The Disabled Century 12.25am Timothy Spall: Back At Sea (x2) 1.25 Great British Railway Journeys 1.55 Frost On Interviews

5.30pm Britain’s Got Talent Results 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (x2) 8.00 The Zoo 9.00 Babies Behind Bars 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.45 FILM: The Astronaut’s Wife (1999) 1.55am Britain’s Got More Talent

10.25am Upstairs, Downstairs 11.30 Kavanagh QC 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Murder, She Wrote (x2) 4.10 On The Buses (x2) 5.15 Terry And June 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Wycliffe 11.05 Prime Suspect 1.15am Monk 2.00 ITV3 Nightscreen

2.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 4.00 Glee 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 FILM: The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 10.25 FILM: Saw III (2006) 12.35am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

3.35pm Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Undercover Boss USA 6.45 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 More Foxes Live 9.30 One Born Every Minute 10.35 Katie: The Science Of Seeing Again 11.35 Half Ton Dad 12.40am One Born Every Minute

11.00am The Frogmen (1951) 12.55pm Distant Drums (1951) 2.55 Danger Within (1960) 4.55 The Hindenburg (1975) 7.20 The Man (2005) 9.00 Don’t Say A Word (2001) 11.10 Cold Weather (2010) 1.10am Hostage (2005)




Andrew Kay interviews Brighton Festival’s Guest Director for 2012: Vanessa Redgrave, star of the stage & screen

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thursday 10 Coronation Street ITV1, 9pm So it seems that two of the most influential people residing on Coronation Street are being cuckolded by their dastardly other halves. You’d think that residents would stop expecting fidelity as soon as they got the keys to the door around here. Things are getting risky for Sunita and Karl now. Blow-up time?

Grandma’s House BBC2, 10pm Simon’s rehearsals for The Tempest seem to be going very well, and there’s a bit of a happy frisson going between him and the talented actor/director Ben Theodore (remember that crush from series one?), but all is not well in Grandma’s House. Liz and Tanya’s rift is deepening and Grandma herself is far from well.

Russell Howard’s Good News BBC3, 9pm The most entertaining and positive way to keep up with world events, and with a positive spin added by the gangly lad Russell Howard. Sourcing stories from over 60 news channels, 140 newspapers and more than a few new clips too, and joined, as ever, by a mystery guest.




6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Dick ‘N’ Dom Go Wild 3.35 Lockie Leonard 4.00 Copycats 4.30 Young Dracula 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about on The One Show. 7.30 EastEnders Phil receives an unnerving visit from DCI Marsden, who issues him with a chilling warning about his future. 8.00 Planet Earth Live The massive live global wildlife event continues, as Richard Hammond and Julia Bradbury provide live updates from around the world. 9.00 New Tricks Drama featuring an eccentric group of ex-police officers brought out of retirement. The UCOS team reinvestigates the murder of an unnamed vagrant strangled on a tube train 15 years ago when DNA tests on a suspect in a warehouse robbery reveal him to be the dead man’s son. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs a debate on the big stories of the week from Oldham. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Louise Mensch, Alan Johnson and guests. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Countryfile 1.25 Antiques Roadshow 2.25 Modern Spies 3.25 Great British Railway Journeys 3.55 BBC News


6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.10 Little Charley Bear 9.20 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.30 Bob The Builder: Ready, Steady, Build! 9.45 The Koala Brothers 9.55 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.15 Baby Jake 10.25 64 Zoo Lane 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Instant Restaurant 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts James Braxton and Mark Stacey set off from Diss in search of adventure and antiques. 7.30 Great British Menu The dessert course is the final chance for the chefs to impress veteran Marcus Wareing as he decides who will go through to cook for the judges. 8.00 Two Greedy Italians: Still Hungry Antonio Carluccio and Gennaro Contaldo return for more culinary investigations into Italian culture. 9.00 Shakespeare In Italy Francesco da Mosto takes a look at Italy as the land of adventure and ambition - where fortunes are made and battles are fought. Beginning in Venice with actor Ciaran Hinds, Francesco considers how his home town so renowned for its justice struck Shakespeare as the perfect setting for his disturbing tale of what happens to an outsider who goes against the law in The Merchant of Venice. 10.00 Grandma’s House See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The 70s Dominic Sandbrook takes viewers on an eye-opening and refreshing journey into the 1970s. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Bitesize Science 5.00 Materials: How They Work


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Time is running out for Zak as he unravels on the moors. Cain is forced to make a critical decision. Laurel is uneasy when Ashley asks to see their children. 7.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec present the last live semi-final in front of a studio audience and judges Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden and David Walliams. Today’s nine acts battle it out for the remaining two places in Saturday’s final, but who will impress the voters at home? 9.00 Coronation Street See highlights. 9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results Ant and Dec reveal how the viewers at home have voted. Which two acts will bag the last places in Saturday’s final? 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Jason Donovan Repeat of last Friday’s interview. 11.35 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents another edition of the tense game show. If you’re playing along with this in the living room at this time, liklihood is that your balance might not be up to it. 12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am Sali Mali 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 According To Jim 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Come Dine With Me 10.30 Come Dine With Me 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.25 Come Dine With Me 11.55 Come Dine With Me 12.25pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.30 River Cottage 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Doug is desperate to clear the air with Ste, who is distracted by the arrival of his new man Adam. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent Phil travels across the country – from Bromley to Birmingham – trying to get offers on houses that haven’t been selling. 9.00 The Hoarder Next Door Psychotherapist Stelios Kiosses and his team of experts try to help six of Britain’s most extreme hoarders cure their addiction. Once an actress in Coronation Street, Tricia is now too embarrassed to have friends round as her hoard of bric-a-brac and junk has buried her dining room table and become host to an infestation of rats. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut Extended version of the topical panel show. Host Jimmy Carr and team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson are joined by guests. 10.50 Rude Tube Alex Zane presents the funniest, strangest and most outrageous clips from the internet. 11.55 Random Acts 12.00am More Sex Please, We’re British 1.05 Embarrassing Bodies 2.00 Extreme A & E 2.55 Marrying Prince Harry 3.25 Hidden Talent 4.20 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.15 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.15am Children’s television 7.15 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.25 The Mr Men Show 7.40 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With... 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Dangerous Drivers’ School 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: Web Of Desire (2008) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Heath tells Bianca to ditch her husband - he wants to make it work with her. 6.30 5 News 7.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit. 8.00 World’s Scariest Weather Documentary detailing high octane moments of the most violent and dangerous weather captured on camera, with unprecedented views from the eye of the storm. 9.00 The Restaurant Inspector Restaurateur Fernando Peire comes to the aid of struggling eateries across Britain. On the menu today is a Spanish restaurant that has lost its sparkle. When Iggy Campos opened his fine-dining Spanish restaurant in Edinburgh in 1989 it was the talk of the town. But twenty years on, Iggy’s dream is a distant memory and the dated restaurant is haemorrhaging cash. 10.00 FILM: Into The Blue (2005) Starring Paul Walker, Jessica Alba, Scott Caan, Ashley Scott, Josh Brolin and James Frain. Underwater adventure about a group of divers who find themselves in deep trouble with a drug lord after discovering the illicit cargo of a crashed plane. 12.10am SuperCasino 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 HouseBusters (x2) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Football League: Championship 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.30pm Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Premier League Darts 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Rugby Club 12.30am Ringside 1.30 Premier League Darts 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 America’s Cup Uncovered

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 World Cup Of Pool 9.00 Inside The PGA Tour 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Champions Tour Golf 11.00 Players Championship Official Film 2010 12.00pm Players Championship Official Film 2011 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 Thrillseekers 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 World Cup Of Pool 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 Champions Tour Golf 6.00 LIVE Players Championship 12.00am Super League Supermen 1.00 NRL Fulltime 1.30 America’s Cup Uncovered 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 F3 Euroseries Motor Racing 10.00 Thrillseekers 10.30 FIBA World Basketball 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Live: Madrid Masters Tennis 10.00 Ringside 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am WWE NXT 2.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Medical Emergency (x2) 1.00 The 4400 2.45 Futurama: Welcome To The World Of Tomorrow 3.00 Stargate Universe (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Middle 7.30 Modern Family 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Glee 10.00 House 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am Road Wars

7.00pm The Apprentice 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride USA 8.50 Don’t Tell The Bride: Greatest Moments 9.00 Russell Howard’s Good News. See highlights 9.30 Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Britain Unzipped 11.30 Family Guy 12.10am Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky At Night (x2) 9.00 The Two Thousand Year Old Computer 10.00 Do We Really Need The Moon? 11.00 The King & The Playwright: A Jacobean History 12.00am When God Spoke English: The Making Of The King James Bible 1.00 The Sky At Night (x2)

4.00pm Britain’s Got Talent 5.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (x2) 8.00 The Zoo 9.00 Babies Behind Bars 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.45 FILM: Hannibal (2001) 2.15am Britain’s Got More Talent

11.20am Kavanagh QC 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Murder, She Wrote (x2) 4.05 On The Buses (x2) 5.15 Terry And June 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Blue Murder 11.30 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Case Of Coincidence 12.35am The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Case Of Coincidence

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 How I Met Your Mother 9.00 2 Broke Girls 9.30 Happy Endings 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Very Important People 11.00 Fonejacker 11.30 Phoneshop 12.00am Cardinal Burns

2.25pm Come Dine With Me 3.00 Four In A Bed 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Undercover Boss USA 6.45 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Father Ted 10.30 Father Ted 11.05 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 12.05am Grand Designs

11.00am Offside (2006) 12.50pm Murphy’s War (1971) 2.55 Avalanche Express (1979) 4.40 Carry On Spying (1964) 6.25 The Great Debaters (2007) 9.00 G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) 11.15 Sweeney Todd (2007) 1.30am Sideways (2004) 4.00 Close




Peep Show’s Isy Suttie brings her one-woman show ‘Pearl & Dave’ to Brighton Fringe. Victoria Nangle chats to the comedian on Festival!

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friday 20 Episodes BBC2, 10pm The very best time in comedy drama land seems to be immediately after everything has been torn to shreds and the characters are left standing in the Armageddon of their own creation with only each other for company and a certain awkwardness. So Beverly and Matt’s fling has come out. Oops.

Stand Up For The Week Channel 4, 11.05pm Time to check out the political fallout from last week’s local elections. Who’s been exposed and who’s been exposing? Host Jon Richardson ushers in his stage population of comedians willing to rip open the news and laugh at it. Featuring Seann Walsh, Josh Widdicombe, Sara Pascoe, and Paul Chowdhry.

Modern Family Sky1, 8pm When three generations of one family hit Disneyland together, this is not a story that is likely to have them all going in the same direction. Especially not with Lily’s newfound love of running. Phil tries to keep up with Luke, Mitch and Cam chase their beloved and the others add their own inimitable style to affairs.




6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Dick ‘N’ Dom Go Wild 3.35 Lockie Leonard 4.00 Copycats 4.30 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless


6.00 – 9.20am Children’s television 9.20 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.30 Bob The Builder: Ready, Steady, Build! 9.45 The Koala Brothers 9.55 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.15 Baby Jake 10.25 64 Zoo Lane 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Instant Restaurant 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is


6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders Following Marsden’s warning, Phil decides that the only way to keep his family safe is to get away from Walford. 8.30 Would I Lie To You? Rob Brydon hosts the comedy panel show. Lee Mack is joined by Dr Christian Jessen and Diane Parish and David Mitchell is joined by Gabby Logan and Andy Hamilton. 9.00 Have I Got News For You Popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Alexander Armstrong and guest panellists. 9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lucy finds herself working on a government initiative encouraging men to check themselves for lumps. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Among the guests on Graham’s sofa are Twilight star Kristen Stewart; US comedy superstar Chris Rock; and Engelbert Humperdinck, who performs his Eurovision entry. 11.20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 11.30 The Matt Lucas Awards Repeat from Tuesday. 12.05am EastEnders 2.00 Weatherview 2.05 Sign Zone: Bomber Boys 3.35 Question Time 4.35 News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts James Braxton and Mark Stacey travel from Norfolk to West Sussex in a classic open-topped MG. 7.00 Great British Menu The North West finalists go head to head as they prepare a lavish meal for judges Prue Leith, Matthew Fort and Oliver Peyton. 7.30 Mastermind Subjects include: the life and works of JMW Turner; alchemy; the life and music of Tom Lehrer; the Diggers; whales, dolphins and porpoises; and the history of Azerbaijan 1917 – present day. 8.30 Gardeners’ World The programme comes from the Malvern Spring show where Monty Don, Carol Klein and Rachel De Thame bring the very best that the show has to offer. 9.00 Maestro At The Opera In episode two, the three remaining students are introduced to the enormous challenge of conducting fully staged opera. 10.00 Episodes See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.00 The Book Review Show Martha Kearney and guests Germaine Greer, John Mullan and Kate Mosse review new books. 11.50 Later... With Jools Holland Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.55am Taken 2.20 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Zak’s confusion put him and Cain in mortal danger. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Terry do the right thing by Tommy? David pushes Nick too far. 8.00 Poms In Paradise In this episode, Mancunian Andrew’s expanding family prompts a move to the cheaper suburbs. 8.30 Coronation Street Can Eileen and Paul pick up the pieces? Tommy is determined to protect Tina from heartache. David confides in Nick. 9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Lulu Lulu joins Piers Morgan to talk about her life and 50-year career. The singer, who first burst onto the music scene when she was just 14 years old, reveals how Davy Jones of the Monkees broke her heart and talks about her high-profile marriage to Maurice Gibb of the Bee Gees. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) Starring Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen. Comedy. When a 40-year-old electronics store worker’s colleagues find out that he has never had a girlfriend and is still a virgin, they set about helping him meet that special someone – by any means necessary. 12.40am The Store 2.40 FILM: Criminal (2004) 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Chase

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 Sali Mali 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 According To Jim 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Come Dine With Me 10.30 Come Dine With Me 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.25 Come Dine With Me 11.55 Come Dine With Me 12.25pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.30 River Cottage 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Cheryl and Cindy go to war over a handsome new arrival in the village. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Seyi Rhodes and Wael Dabbous travel to the Democratic Republic of Congo and investigate the extraordinary world of professional wrestling. Moved from last week. 7.55 8.00 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality show. 9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical panel show. Host Jimmy Carr and captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson. 9.30 Very Important People Celebrity impression show with Morgana Robinson and Terry Mynott. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Supreme Leader Admiral General Aladeen of Wadiya, Sacha Baron Cohen, drops by to promote his new film The Dictator. 11.05 Stand Up For The Week See highlights. 11.55 FILM: Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan (2006) Starring Sacha Baron Cohen. Spoof documentary. 1.30am Random Acts 1.35 My Name Is Earl (x2). 2.20 Dirty Sexy Money 3.05 Franklin & Bash 3.45 St Elsewhere 4.35 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.30 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00n – 7.25am Children’s television 7.25 The Mr Men Show 7.40 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With... 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Dangerous Drivers’ School 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 Chinese Food In Minutes 3.20 FILM: Jane Doe: Till Death Do Us Part (2005) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Heath continues to make a strong play for Bianca, despite her resistance. 6.30 5 News 7.00 War Hero In My Family Documentary. Celebrities go in search of the facts about the contributions their relatives made during times of war. 8.00 Dirty Great Machines Documentary series revealing massive machines. In this episode we climb aboard monster maritime machines that go where others fear to float. Don’t. Just don’t. 9.00 The Mentalist Crime drama. Jane and the CBI try to find the killer of a young man found burned to death outside a cabaret featuring female impersonators. 10.00 Castle Quirky US crime drama. While investigating the murder of a bridesmaid at a wedding, Castle meets an old girlfriend – the bride. 10.55 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. A blackmailing gossip columnist dies in a car bombing, and Logan and Wheeler assume that one of his many victims must be to blame. 11.50 Inside Hollywood Get your daily fix of the latest film and TV news from the USA. 12.00am SuperCasino 3.55 Motorsport Mundial 4.20 HouseBusters (x2) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ringside 10.00 Rugby Club 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.30pm Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Football’s Greatest (x2) 12.00am Football League 1.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Road To London 3.00 Football League 4.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Road To London

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Netball Superleague 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Racemax 2.00 Thrillseekers 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 Ringside 4.00 Rugby Club 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 LIVE Players Championship 12.00am Challenge Cup Rugby League 2.00 Ringside 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Racemax 5.00 Tight Lines

Sky Sports 3 7.30am IAAF Athletix 8.00 Players Championship 11.00 IAAF Athletix 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE Madrid Masters Tennis 4.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 Sporting Greats 5.30 Road To London 6.00 LIVE Madrid Masters Tennis 10.00 Tight Lines 11.00 Thrillseekers 11.30 Road To London 12.00am Ringside 1.00 Tight Lines 2.00 Racemax 3.00 World Cup Of Pool 4.00 IRB Sevens Rugby

Victoria Nangle

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2.00pm The 4400 3.00 Stargate Universe 4.00 Stargate SG-1 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons 7.30 The Middle 8.00 Modern Family. See Highlights. 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 A League Of Their Own 10.00 Glee 11.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Airline USA (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.15 Great Movie Mistakes III: Not In 3D 8.30 World’s Craziest Fools 9.00 Lip Service 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am FILM: Sin City (2005) 1.55 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 2.40 Lip Service 3.35 World Series Of Dating

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Young Musician 2012 9.00 Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers: Runnin’ Down A Dream 1.00am Guitar Heroes At The BBC: VI 2.00 BBC Young Musician 2012 5.30 Close

5.30pm Britain’s Got Talent Results 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 8.00 American Idol: Performance 10.00 American Idol: Results 11.00 Celebrity Juice: Corrie Vs EastEnders Special 11.45 The Big Quiz: Benidorm V Essex 12.45am Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.10 Murder, She Wrote (x2) 4.10 On The Buses (x2) 5.15 Terry And June 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Murder In Suburbia 11.00 FILM: Murder On The Orient Express (1974) 1.30am Kavanagh QC 2.55 Carry On Laughing 3.20 Film File

3.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 4.00 Glee 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Supernanny US 9.00 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) 11.20 Shameless 12.25am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.25pm Time Team 2.30 Come Dine With Me 3.00 Four In A Bed 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Undercover Boss USA 6.45 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 11.25 One Born Every Minute 12.35am Katie: The Science Of Seeing Again

11.00am 23 Paces To Baker Street (1956) 1.05pm Love Is A Many Splendored Thing (1955) 3.15 Valiant (2005) 4.45 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) 7.15 The Golden Child (1986) 9.00 Taken (2008) 10.50 Law Abiding Citizen (2009) 12.55am Wedding Crashers (2005) 3.20 Close




Lynn Ruth Miller presents Festival! – Latest TV's daily show all about Brighton Festival, Brighton Fringe, Artists Open Houses, The Great Escape and more!

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saturday 12 Britain’s Got Talent ITV1, 6.30pm It’s the final! Everybody go mad and crazy as only one of the remaining contestants will be crowned the 2012 champ and win £500,000 and the chance to perform at the Royal Variety Performance! Whoa! Yeah! So now’s the time to use all of your social networking skills to support your favourite. Get ready.

FILM: Cabaret BBC2, 10.30pm Award-winning, political, great songs, historical in content, brilliant acting and the flick that made Liza Minnelli more than just Judy Garland’s daughter. Based on author Christopher Isherwood’s tales of Berlin during the rise of the Nazi party, this is personal and national in its telling. A great soundtrack.

The Bridge BBC4, 9pm & 10pm The killer continues with his lessons, the fifth and final one being the public’s indifference to child labour. So to even the score and bring it home they kidnap a school bus load of children and demand as ransom that the public set fire to five large companies which benefit indirectly from child labour.




6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Football Focus 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 South East Today 12.10 Formula 1: The Spanish Grand Prix – Qualifying 2.15 Rugby League Challenge Cup: Wigan V St Helens 4.30 BBC News 4.40 South East Today 4.45 FILM: Madagascar (2005)

6.10 The Voice UK The Voice live shows continue as and Sir Tom Jones send their teams back on stage to deliver solo performances which they hope will keep them in the competition. And if that was not enough and Sir Tom will each be joining their four remaining artists on stage for two stellar group performances. The public vote will help decide who stays in the competition - but who will belt it out, and who will buckle? 7.45 The National Lottery: In It To Win It Dale Winton presents the quiz show. 8.40 Casualty Hospital drama. Dylan and Sam attempt to put aside their differences in order to get to the bottom of the case of a disabled man and his overprotective daughter. 9.30 BBC News 9.50 FILM: The Proposal (2009) Starring Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Mary Steenburgen, Craig T Nelson, Betty White. Romantic comedy about a high-powered career woman who forces her put-upon PA to marry her when she is threatened with deportation. Such larks, harassment in the workplace. 11.35 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz. 12.20am FILM: Things To Do Before You’re 30 (2004) 1.55 Weatherview 2.00 BBC News


6.00am Wibbly Pig 6.10 Charlie And Lola 6.20 Timmy Time 6.35 Chuggington 6.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 7.00 Extreme Animals 7.30 Dennis & Gnasher 7.40 The Scooby-Doo Show 8.05 Alesha’s Street Dance Stars 8.35 Prank Patrol Down Under 9.00 The Slammer 9.30 The Ministry Of Curious Stuff 10.00 Animals At Work 10.35 Splatalot 11.00 Copycats 11.25 OOglies 11.40 MOTD Kickabout 12.00pm The Sky At Night 12.20 FILM: Picnic (1955) 2.10 FILM: Bye Bye Birdie (1963) 4.00 Flog It! 5.00 Antiques Road Trip 6.00 BBC Young Musician 2012 The semi-final stage of BBC Young Musician 2012 sees the five winners of the keyboard, brass, strings, woodwind and percussion categories go head-to-head at the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama in Cardiff. 7.30 Dad’s Army Classic comedy about the Home Guard unit of Walmington-on-Sea. 8.00 The Story Of Light Entertainment Stephen Fry narrates a series. The chat show is one of light entertainment’s most successful and most enduring formats, and this film takes in everything from tearful celebs and transatlantic flights to fake guests and drunken brawls to show just how the it has entertained and influenced the emotional makeup of the British public. 9.00 I Love 1979 Bo Derek, star of the film 10, presents a look at the last year of the decade, including reminders of classic TV series The Dukes of Hazzard and Monkey, which was a kung-fu favourite in the playground. 9.55 Top Of The Pops: 1977 From January 1977, Noel Edmonds introduces Slade, Jesse Green, Leo Sayer, Gary Glitter and more. 10.30 FILM: Cabaret (1972) See highlights. 12.30am FILM: Carry On England (1976)


6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Poppy Cat 7.10 Sooty 7.25 XMen 7.45 Fleabag Monkeyface 8.00 Sonny With A Chance 8.25 Saturday Cookbook 9.25 ITV News 9.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 10.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 11.20 The Real Housewives Of New York City 12.15pm Murder, She Wrote 1.15 ITV News & Weather 1.20 Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.35 FILM: Carry On Cruising (1962) 3.15 FILM: Dr No (1962) 5.15 Meridian News And Weather 5.30 ITV News & Weather 5.45 Keith Lemon’s LemonAid 6.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec present the Britain’s Got Talent final, in which one of the remaining contestants will be crowned 2012 champion. At stake for the acts is £500,000 and the chance to perform at the Royal Variety Performance. 9.00 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents the tense game show. More contestants step up to take on the Cube, but have they got what it takes to triumph? Debate: Is The Cube the least active physical competition for money ever? A comment upon the fitness of our nation or simply an easy way have the Christmas board game fit into your living room? Hmm. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: Ocean’s Twelve (2004) Starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Andy Garcia, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Matt Damon, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle, Vincent Cassel, Elliott Gould, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Shaobo Qin, Carl Reiner, Robbie Coltrane, Eddie Izzard and Eddie Jemison. Slick crime caper sequel. Casino boss Terry Benedict knows Danny Ocean stole 190 million dollars from him, and he wants it back. Ocean and his team of thieves have just two weeks to raise the cash, but there is a mystery thief competing for the loot. 12.25am The Store 2.30 In Plain Sight 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 European Rallycross 7.05 FIM Superbike World Championship 2012 7.30 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 The TV Book Club 9.30 Koko Pop 10.05 Dark Shadows: T4 Movie Special 10.40 Made In Chelsea 11.45 The Big Bang Theory 12.15pm The Big Bang Theory 12.45 The Simpsons 1.20 Road To London 2012: That Paralympic Show 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 Come Dine With Me 4.25 Come Dine With Me 4.55 Come Dine With Me 5.25 Come Dine With Me (x2) 6.25 Channel 4 News 6.55 7.00 FILM: The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring (2001) Starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Ian Holm, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Bean, Sean Astin, Liv Tyler, John Rhys-Davies and Andy Serkis. Lavish adaptation of the first book in JRR Tolkien’s epic fantasy trilogy about a young hobbit who inherits a ring with dark powers and embarks upon a dangerous quest to destroy it. Accompanied by eight others who have sworn to help him in his task, he journeys towards the land of Mordor with the servants of the Dark Lord Sauron in pursuit as they attempt to reclaim their master’s ring. 10.25 FILM: End Of Days (1999) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Rod Steiger, Mark Margolis and Jack Shearer. Action adventure story about a private security guard who finds himself caught up in an apocalyptic conflict. The Devil’s only chance of getting out of his eternal prison is to mate with a chosen girl in the last hour of the millennium, and the guard finds himself having to protect the woman from an enemy in whom he does not even believe. 12.40am Rude Tube 1.45 Stand Up For The Week 2.30 FILM: Taxidermia (2003) 4.00 Smallville 4.40 St Elsewhere 5.30 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 7.40 Little Princess 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.15 Angelina Ballerina 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.35 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 The Gadget Show: World Tour 11.00 Police Interceptors 12.00pm War Hero In My Family 1.00 FILM: Indian Uprising (1951) 2.30 FILM: Major Dundee (1965) 4.55 FILM: Return Of The Seven (1966) 6.55 5 News Weekend 7.00 NCIS US drama based. A navy SEAL is shot dead while threatening to throw himself from the top of a building. 7.45 NCIS US drama. The mysterious death of a sailor on board a ship brings the agents into contact with a deadly virus and a top-secret Navy research mission. 8.30 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Forensic drama series. Sara and Greg investigate when two students are found dead in a college dorm room, while Catherine’s team looks at the body of a young man found in a crop circle with no clue as to what killed him. 9.30 CSI: NY US crime series. A wave of brutality threatens a small New York City community. As Flack investigates a crime after a body is found dismembered and strategically left out on four street corners, he is surprised by an explosion. 10.30 Live Boxing: Kid Galahad V Josh Wale Boxing action. Kid Galahad defends his WBC International Bantamweight title against Josh Wale at the Hillsborough Leisure Centre in Sheffield. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 The Great Artists (x2) 4.50 County Secrets 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 Ringside 9.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Football League 2.30 LIVE Rugby Union 5.00 LIVE Football League 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Football League 1.00am Spanish Football 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Football League 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 America’s Cup Uncovered 7.30 Champions League Weekly 8.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.30 LIVE Super Rugby 10.30 LIVE IRB Sevens 2.00pm Road To London 2.30 LIVE Madrid Masters Tennis 4.30 Champions League Weekly 5.00 America’s Cup Uncovered 5.30 Road To London 6.00 LIVE Players Championship 12.00am British Basketball League 2.30 Premiership Rugby Union 4.00 Spanish Football 5.30 Road To London

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Australian Ironman 7.00 Max Power 8.00 Players Championship 11.00 Max Power 12.00pm America’s Cup Uncovered 12.30 Players Championship 3.30 LIVE British Basketball League 6.00 LIVE Madrid Masters Tennis 8.00 America’s Cup Uncovered 8.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 11.00 WWE: Late Night Superstars 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 3.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 FIBA World Basketball 5.30 Thrillseekers

Victoria Nangle

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12.00pm Road Wars 12.50 The Top Ten Show 1.00 WWE: Smackdown 3.00 Oops TV 4.00 Futurama (x4) 6.00 The Middle (x2) 7.00 Futurama (x2) 8.00 Hawaii Five-0 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 FILM: Hard To Kill (1990) 11.50 Cop Squad 12.50am Road Wars 1.50 Law And Order 2.40 Obese: A Year To Save My Life

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.10 Top Gear 9.00 FILM: Con Air (1997) 10.45 Family Guy (x2) 11.30 American Dad! (x2) 12.15am Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 1.00 Britain Unzipped 2.00 Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 2.30 Don’t Blame The Dog 3.25 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 4.25 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra

7.00pm South Pacific 8.00 Lost Kingdoms Of Africa 9.00 The Bridge 10.00 The Bridge. See highlights. 11.00 Parkinson: The Interviews 11.40 Do We Really Need The Moon? 12.40am The Sky At Night 1.10 A Civil Arrangement 1.40 The Many Faces Of Alison Steadman 2.40 Lost Kingdoms Of Africa

4.35pm FILM: A Cinderella Story (2004) 6.30 FILM: The Scorpion King (2002) 8.20 Planet’s Funniest Animals 8.45 Nicki Minaj: The Hot Desk 9.00 Britain’s Got More Talent Final 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 Keith Lemon’s LemonAid 11.30 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (x2) 12.30am Britain’s Got More Talent

8.05am Goodnight Sweetheart 8.40 Upstairs, Downstairs (x2) 11.00 FILM: Carry On Girls (1973) 12.50pm Goodnight Mister Tom 2.55 Wycliffe 4.00 Murder, She Wrote: The Celtic Riddle 5.50 Agatha Christie’s Marple 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Lewis 11.00 A Touch Of Frost 1.10am Goodnight Sweetheart (x2)

1.20pm Charlie’s Angels 2.15 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 3.05 Made In Chelsea 4.10 Charlie’s Angels 5.05 The Big Bang Theory (x4) 7.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.00 Rules Of Engagement 8.30 Happy Endings 9.00 FILM: The Beach (2000) 11.25 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.20am The Cleveland Show

12.15pm FILM: Cocoon: The Return (1988) 2.30 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 Grand Designs Revisited 5.45 Grand Designs 6.50 Grand Designs Revisited 7.55 The Restoration Man 9.00 One Born Every Minute 10.00 FILM: Freedom Writers (2007) 12.25am Grand Designs Revisited

11.00am Monkey Business (1952) 1.00pm Son Of The Mask (2005) 2.45 Carry On Cabby (1963) 4.35 Mighty Joe Young (1998) 6.45 The Princess Diaries (2001) 9.00 John Tucker Must Die (2006) 10.45 Inglourious Basterds (2009) 1.45am Inglourious Basterds Interview Special 1.55 Juon: The Grudge 2 (2003)

“There was a great gig last night.” “No, it was rubbish!” The verdict’s out at

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sunday 13 Vera ITV1, 8pm Brenda Blethyn is a bit of a national treasure, so it’s good to see her regularly on our screens as the dogged DCI Vera Stanhope. When she and DS Joe Ashworth are called to the scene of a suspicious death in an army barracks what first looks like suicide soon takes on a more murderous twist.

Once Upon A Time Channel Five, 8pm Once a huntsman always a huntsman. Doesn’t really matter if you’re in contemporary America ‘cause then it would surely just manifest as being, we don’t know, maybe a sheriff who’s good at darts? Yup, that’ll do! He’s starting to remember his true identity and things get really shaken up when he kisses Emma.

Family Guy BBC3, 10pm & 10.20pm The dysfunctional family street, where the most evenly balanced one is a dog, continues as Peter looks more stupid than ever after he has an intelligence test to prove to Brian that he’s really a genius. Not going to end well but bound to be fun. But first, Cleveland’s marriage is in strife thanks to Quagmire. Giggity.





6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.10pm Formula 1: The Spanish Grand Prix 3.15 Tiger – Spy In The Jungle 4.15 Points Of View 4.30 Final Score 5.25 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Wibbly Pig 6.10 Charlie And Lola 6.20 Timmy Time 6.35 Chuggington 6.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 7.00 Extreme Animals 7.30 Dennis & Gnasher 7.40 The Scooby-Doo Show 8.05 Scoop 8.30 Wingin’ It 8.50 Shaun The Sheep 9.00 Friday Download 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 12.45 FILM: North West Frontier (1959) 2.50 Rugby League Challenge Cup Quarter-Final 5.15 Formula 1 2012

6.00 BBC News 6.15 South East Today 6.25 Countryfile Matt Baker and Ellie Harrison are amongst the rolling hills and wooded valleys of Exmoor. 7.25 The Voice UK Results Four of the biggest names in music – Danny O’Donoghue, Sir Tom Jones, Jessie J and – look for a new singing talent, chosen purely on the quality of their voice. You knew this. Here are the results you (or someone you probably know) voted for. 8.00 Planet Earth Live Repeat of Wednesday’s show. 9.00 Death In Paradise Detective drama series. A murder investigation becomes more than personal for Richard when the victim is murdered while handcuffed to him. With his job on the line, he needs all his British rigour and stoutest brogues to get to the heart of the Paradise Beach mystery. 10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from the final round of Premier League matches as the top-flight domestic season reaches its conclusion. 11.55 FILM: Perfect Creature (2006) Starring Dougray Scott, Saffron Burrows. Horror. 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Empire 2.20 Holby City 3.20 Antiques Road Trip 4.05 BBC News

6.00 BBC Young Musician 2012 BBC Young Musician 2012 reaches its climax, as the three finalists make a bid to become the eighteenth winner of the title. For the first time since 2006, the biennial event returns to The Sage, Gateshead, where the three finalists perform a concerto of their choice with the Northern Sinfonia, under conductor Kirill Karabits. 8.00 Indian Ocean With Simon Reeve Simon Reeve travels from the coral coast of Kenya to the troubled Horn of Africa on the third leg of his Indian Ocean journey. 9.00 Coast Coast is back in the UK and, for the first time, each episode will feature stories from every part of the British Isles. Nick Crane signs on as a deck-hand with a tall ship, reliving the great days of sail on a gruelling yet exhilarating journey between the Northern Isles of Scotland. 10.00 Lost World Of The 1970s Michael Cockerell sheds new light on the tragi-comedy of the 1970s by focusing on some of its most controversial characters. 11.00 Episodes Another chance to catch this week’s... episode. 11.30 Grandma’s House Sitcom. Repat of Thursday’s show. 12.00am FILM: Ae Fond Kiss (2004) 1.40 BBC News


6.00am Boblins 6.10 Fireman Sam 6.20 Olly The Little White Van 6.30 Jake And The Neverland Pirates 6.45 Jake And The Neverland Pirates 7.00 Poppy Cat 7.10 Tati’s Hotel 7.25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 7.45 Fleabag Monkeyface 8.00 Victorious 8.25 Dinner Date 9.25 ITV News 9.30 Ade In Britain 10.30 May The Best House Win 11.30 The Cube 12.25pm ITV News & Weather 12.35 Dickinson’s Real Deal 1.30 Murder, She Wrote 2.30 Columbo: Last Salute To The Commodore 4.30 The Hungry Sailors 5.30 You’ve Been Framed! 6.00 Meridian News; Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kay presents a special Coronation Street episode of the game show. Bill Tarmey, who played Jack Duckworth, and his family compete against Samia Ghadie, who plays Maria Connor, and her clan. 7.30 Emmerdale The Dingles are stunned when Zak is sectioned. Alicia is irritated to see Holly and David flirting. 8.00 Vera See highlights. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 David Jason’s Greatest Escapes Documentary in which David Jason investigates the amazing real-life wartime escape stories that were the inspiration for iconic dramas such as Colditz and The Great Escape. He meets the last known British survivor of The Great Escape, attempts to recreate the Warburg Wire Job – one of the most ingenious escapes of World War 2 – and travels to Holland to unpick the story of one of the most heroic and little-known escape stories of the war. 11.15 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership Craig Doyle and Martin Bayfield present all the action from this weekend’s semi-final games. 12.10am The Store 2.15 British Superbike Championship 3.05 Motorsport UK 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am Sali Mali 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 FIA GT1 Championship 8.05 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Sunday Brunch 12.10pm The Big Bang Theory 12.40 The Big Bang Theory 1.10 The Simpsons 1.40 The Simpsons 2.10 FILM: Runaway Bride (1999) 4.25 Deal Or No Deal 5.25 Time Team

6.25 Channel 4 News 6.55 7.00 Celebrity Deal Or No Deal Noel Edmonds asks the all-important question as Peter Andre battles the Banker in a quest to leave with £250,000 for his chosen charity. 8.00 FILM: New Moon (2009) Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Christina Jastrzembska, Billy Burke, Anna Kendrick Fantasy sequel continuing the Twilight saga. After a fateful event causes the abrupt departure of vampire Edward Cullen, Bella is left devastated and lonely. However, her spirit is rekindled by her growing bond with childhood friend Jacob Black. Suddenly, Bella finds herself entangled in the world of the werewolves, ancestral enemies of the vampires. As Bella grows closer to the irresistible Jacob, it seems that behind his sweet and sensitive exterior, he is hiding a ferocious secret. Grr. 10.35 FILM: Because I Said So (2007) Starring Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Gabriel Macht. Romantic comedy about an overbearing mother who, in her desperation to help her daughter avoid the marriage failure that she endured, sets out to find the perfect bachelor for her. 12.25am FILM: Uski Roti (1970) 2.20 The Birthday 2.35 Hollyoaks 4.35 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 - 8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Angelina Ballerina 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.20 Roary The Racing Car 9.35 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Zoo Days 10.05 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 The Restaurant Inspector 12.00pm FILM: Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004) 1.45 FILM: Miss Congeniality (2000) 3.55 FILM: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985) 5.35 FILM: The Witches (1990) 7.35 Ultimate Police Interceptors Highlights of the documentary series following elite police pursuit units in Sheffield and Essex. 8.00 Once Upon A Time See highlights. 9.00 World’s Scariest Animal Attacks Documentary. Shocking, scary and mesmerising, these sequences were filmed by ordinary people as they happened. Includes a lion attack at an awards ceremony, a shark biting open a diving cage, a bull loose in a packed crowd and a circus elephant going berserk. Is your gerbil looking shifty now? Look away. 9.55 5 News Weekend 10.00 FILM: The Bone Collector (1999) Starring Denzel Washington, Angelina Jolie, Queen Latifah, Michael Rooker, Mike McGlone, Luis Guzman, Leland Orser and Ed O’Neill. Detective thriller. When a brilliant forensics expert is paralysed in an accident, he is left confined to his bed and suicidal. But his help is needed with a sadistic serial killer on the loose in Manhattan. A young female rookie detective becomes his ‘eyes’ on the streets in a race against time to catch the guilty man. 12.20am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.15 SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.50 Rough Guide To Beaches 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Rugby Union 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 Sunday Supplement 10.30 Goals On Sunday 11.30 LIVE Football League 2.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.00 LIVE Players Championship 12.00am Scottish Premier League 1.00 Football League 2.00 Tennis: Madrid Masters 4.00 Scottish Premier League 5.00 Football League

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Barclays Premier League World 6.30 Champions League Weekly 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 8.00 Racemax 9.00 Players Championship 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Premier League 3.00 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 5.00 LIVE Challenge Cup Rugby League 7.00 Sporting Greats 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Football First: Match Choice 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.25 FIBA World Basketball 6.55 British Basketball League 9.25 LIVE IRB Sevens 12.30pm LIVE Championship Rugby Union 3.00 LIVE IRB Sevens 8.00 Scottish Premier League 9.00 Football League 10.00 Sporting Greats 10.30 Tennis: Madrid Masters 12.30am Challenge Cup Rugby League 2.30 Sporting Greats 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Obese: A Year To Save My Life (x2) 2.00 UK Border Force (x2) 4.00 Emergency Abroad 5.00 Futurama (x4) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 The Simpsons 8.00 Starlings 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 House 12.00am Spartacus: Blood And Sand 1.15 Law And Order 2.10 Road Wars

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel 7.25 FILM: 101 Dalmatians (1996) 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride USA 9.50 Don’t Tell The Bride: Greatest Moments 10.00 Family Guy (x2). See highlights. 10.45 American Dad! (x2) 11.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 12.00am Britain Unzipped

7.00pm Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 2010 8.00 Shock And Awe: The Story Of Electricity 9.00 Grand Prix: The Killer Years 10.00 FILM: Apocalypto (2007) 12.05am Royal Institution Christmas Lectures 2010 1.05 Shock And Awe: The Story Of Electricity 2.05 Grand Prix: The Killer Years

3.40pm Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Britain’s Got Talent Special 4.25 Britain’s Got Talent 7.00 Britain’s Got More Talent Final 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Funniest Moments 9.00 Benidorm 10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.45 FILM: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) 1.10am American Idol: Performance

11.20am Murder, She Wrote: The Celtic Riddle 1.10pm FILM: All Creatures Great And Small (1974) 2.55 FILM: Carry On Don’t Lose Your Head (1966) 4.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 8.00 FILM: The American President (1995) 10.20 Agatha Christie’s Marple 12.20am Cracker

12.20pm Scrubs 12.50 Listen 1.05 Perfect Couples 1.35 Playing It Straight 2.35 Ugly Betty 3.35 Glee 4.35 90210 5.35 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 6.35 FILM: The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 2 Broke Girls 11.30 Made In Chelsea 12.35am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

12.20pm Four In A Bed (x4) 2.30 Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals (x5) 5.10 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.55 River Cottage Veg Every Day 9.00 River Cottage: Gone Fishing 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 Father Ted 11.05 MotherTruckers 12.10am River Cottage Veg Every Day 1.15 River Cottage: Gone Fishing

11.00am Danger Within (1960) 1.00pm The Last Mimzy (2007) 2.50 The Hindenburg (1975) 5.15 The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) 7.05 The Truman Show (1998) 9.00 Trading Places (1983) 11.20 Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) 1.05am Small Time (1996) 2.20 Garage (2007) 4.00 Close




Victoria Nangle catches up with Horse & Louis, the comedy duo who are bringing songs, sketches & character comedy to Brighton Fringe

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047_LS576_TV_mon_L7wed14apr.qxd 04/05/2012 10:56 Page 1

monday 14 Dispatches: Watching The Detectives Channel 4, 8pm With all the personal information stored about us in various websites and databases, Panorama ask how safe are our secrets? In a year-long investigation they find private detectives who sell health and criminal records as well as phone bills and bank account details.

The Truth About Tax – Panorama BBC1, 8.30pm The conflicting idea of ‘tax justice’ is examined here, as it is revealed that some of Britain’s most famous companies are avoiding billions of pounds in tax by conducting transaction in Luxembourg, a manoeuver the Chancellor branded ‘morally repugnant’ in the last budget.

Rules Of Engagement E4, 3pm It’s the afternoon so E4 has double bills all over the place. Once upon a time it was Scrubs, now it’s Rule Of Engagement. It’s basically about the day-to-day struggles of three very different couples, hilarious! If you close your eyes while watching you might be able to hear the familiar voice of Joe from Family Guy.




6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Dick ‘N’ Dom Go Wild 3.35 Lockie Leonard 3.55 Deadly 60 Bites 4.00 Copycats 4.30 Help! My Supply Teacher Is Magic 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory The team demonstrates cutting-edge developments in technology. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Ben reaches breaking point when he believes Shirley has overheard a conversation between him and Phil about Heather. 8.30 The Truth About Tax – Panorama See highlights. 9.00 Chatsworth Three-part documentary series detailing life of the new aristocracy over Chatsworth’s entire 2011 season. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz. 11.05 The Graham Norton Show Among the guests on Graham’s sofa are Kristen Stewart, Chris Rock; and Engelbert Humperdinck. 11.50 FILM: Dan In Real Life (2007) Darkly comic drama about a journalist who dishes out advice to newspaper readers through a column. Starring Steve Carell and Juliette Binoche. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Our Food 2.30 Super Smart Animals 3.30 Antiques Road Trip 4.15 Great British Railway Journeys 4.45 BBC News


6.00am – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.10 Little Charley Bear 9.25 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Bob The Builder: Ready, Steady, Build! 9.45 The Koala Brothers 9.55 Iconicles 10.20 Woolly & Tig 10.25 64 Zoo Lane 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Instant Restaurant 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Anita and Mark start their journey in Aberfeldy and head for the auction in Dunblane. 7.30 Great British Menu Presented by Jennie Bond. 8.00 Mark Zuckerberg: Inside Facebook Featuring a rare interview with Zuckerberg himself, the film tells the story of Facebook’s creation, looks at the accuracy of The Social Network movie, and examines Facebook’s plans to use the personal information it has collected to power a new kind of online advertising. 9.00 The 70s A look at life in the UK during the 1970s and the social and economic changes in the decade. 10.00 Sounds Of The 70s 2: Guilty Pleasures - Love Will Keep Us Together The fourth programme from the Sounds of the 70s is a celebration of the instantly recognisable classics from the decade of love. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation with Kirsty Wark. 11.20 This World: Michael Portillo’s Great Euro Crisis The self-confessed Eurosceptic travels to debt-stricken Greece. He believes that the euro crisis has shaken the their faith in Europe’s single currency and wonders if there’ll be a desire to revert to the drachma. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Life Stories (x2) 5.15 Ask Lara (x3)


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa tries to hide the news of Zak’s sectioning. 7.30 Coronation Street Eileen is devastated by Paul’s admission and Tommy is terrified by Rick’s threats. 8.00 The Dales Adrian Edmondson meets Dave Tait and is shown how to repair a part of one of the 5,000 miles of stone wall. 8.30 Coronation Street A troubled David takes his frustration out on the Bistro’s customers. 9.00 56 Up Three-part documentary continuing the acclaimed Seven Up! series. It is nearly 50 years since the programme first began following a group of seven-year-old children, checking back on their lives every seven years. How are they facing up to the changes in their lives? 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) Thriller. When a United Nations interpreter overhears a plot to assassinate the leader of an African state, a Secret Service agent is assigned to investigate. As the agent delves deeper into the allegation, he discovers the interpreter has a murky past and begins to doubt her. Starring Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn. 1.00am Jackpot247 2.55 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 According To Jim 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Secret Millionaire Ireland 10.00 Location, Location, Location 11.00 The Restoration Man 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Bites 12.20 Glamour Puds 12.50 FILM: Escape To Athena (1979) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons Homer and Bart try street performing to repair the car. 6.30 Hollyoaks Brendan is thrown by Walker’s presence and reluctantly agrees to give him a place to stay. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Dispatches: Watching The Detectives See highlights. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Matthew Newbury, 30, lost a leg in a motorbike accident when he was 15 and was awarded over £2 million compensation. Now a property developer worth £9 million, he has never seen himself as disabled so goes undercover to help charities. 10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon travels to Austin, Texas, home to struggling restaurant El Greco, a business in danger of imminent collapse. 11.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats: Uncut Host Jimmy Carr, joined by team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson. 11.50 Random Acts 11.55 FILM: Road, Movie (2009) Living in a small landlocked town in northern India, Vishnu is desperate to find an escape from a dreary future, he persuades a friend of his father’s to let him deliver a 1942 Chevy truck to the seaside museum. 1.40am FILM: Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) 3.25 F2.8 3.45 St Elsewhere 4.35 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 5.15 Deal Or No Deal

Channel Five

6.00am – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With... 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Highland Emergency 12.45 Mexican Food Made Simple 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Mentalist 3.15 FILM: Desperate Escape (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Bianca and Liam attempt to escape the Bay. 6.30 5 News 7.00 World’s Scariest Weather Documentary detailing high octane moments of the most violent and dangerous weather captured on camera, with unprecedented views from the eye of the storm. 8.00 The Gadget Show: World Tour Jason and Pollyanna arrive in Manhattan on a mission – to use the New York streets to test some of the most sought-after gadgets of 2012. They also do a bit of urban jet skiing and test a smartphone against a standalone SatNav. 9.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge Robson Green hooks up with local champions for five rounds of competitive fishing. To win he has to catch the most, the biggest and the best. 10.00 The Walking Dead Rick leads the group out of Atlanta, but they are stopped by an unexpected threat. 11.25 FILM: Quarantine (2008) A news reporter and her cameraman are assigned to spend an evening shift with the Los Angeles fire service, when a routine call takes them to an incident in an apartment block. Horror starring Jennifer Carpenter and Johnathon Schaech. 1.05am SuperCasino 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 HouseBusters (x2) 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.30 Sporting Greats 10.00 Football First: Match Choice 11.30 Football First: Match Choice 1.00pm Football First: Match Choice 2.30 Football First: Match Choice 4.00 Football First: Match Choice 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 Khan v Peterson: Countdown 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 Hold The Back Page Special 11.00 Barclays Premier League Review 12.00am SPL Round-Up 12.30 Football League 2.00 SPL Round-Up 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Thrillseekers 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.00 Players Championship 11.00 LIVE ATP Tennis 5.00pm Thrillseekers 5.30 British Miler 6.00 LIVE ATP Tennis 10.00 Thrillseekers 10.30 Khan v Peterson: Countdown - The Story Of The Fight 11.00 Elite League Speedway 1.00am Players Championship 2.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 3.30 PGA Tour Classic 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.30am British Basketball League 9.00 Tennis: Madrid Masters 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Spanish Football 1.30 Champions League Weekly 2.00 Players Championship 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 British Miler 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series 10.30 Thinking Tackle 11.30 British Miler 12.00am WWE: Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE NXT 2.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series 5.15 Close

Chris Dyer

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Raising Hope (x2) 1.00 Airline USA (x2) 2.00 The 4400 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 A League Of Their Own 10.00 Spartacus: Blood And Sand 11.15 Fringe 12.15am Road Wars 1.15 Airline USA (x2) 2.10 Brit Cops

7.00pm The Voice UK 8.30 The Voice UK Results 9.00 The 16-Year-Old Killer: Cyntoia’s Story 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am The 16Year-Old Killer: Cyntoia’s Story 1.25 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.55 Britain Unzipped

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Canal Walks With Julia Bradbury 8.00 The First World War From Above 9.00 Birdsong 10.25 The TwoThousand-Year-Old Computer 11.25 The Bridge 12.25am Canal Walks With Julia Bradbury 12.55 The First World War From Above 1.55 The Two-ThousandYear-Old Computer

4.40pm Judge Judy (x3) 6.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 7.00 Gossip Girl 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: All Singing All Dancing 9.00 FILM: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) 11.25 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records 11.55 The Vampire Diaries 12.50am Britain’s Got More Talent: All Singing All Dancing

10.10am Upstairs, Downstairs 11.20 Kavanagh QC 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Murder, She Wrote (x2) 4.00 On The Buses (x2) 5.10 Terry And June 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.20am Numb3rs

2.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 4.00 Glee 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Made In Chelsea 11.00 Rude Tube 12.05am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.20pm Time Team 2.30 Come Dine With Me 3.00 Four In A Bed 3.35 The Renovation Game 4.40 A Place In The Sun 5.45 Undercover Boss USA 6.45 Grand Designs (x3) 10.05 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 11.05 The Secret Millionaire 12.10am The Daily Show Global Edition 12.45 The Restoration Man

11.00am Distant Drums (1951) 1.00pm The Frogmen (1951) 2.55 Black Narcissus (1946) 4.55 Avalanche Express (1979) 6.40 Cutthroat Island (1995) 9.00 A Time To Kill (1996) 11.50 The Limey (1999) 1.35am A Gun For George 1.55 Asylum (2005) 3.55 Close



Invite Val Aviv to cover your event

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Latest 7: No. 576  
Latest 7: No. 576  

DIAMONDS & PEARLS And glamorous girls at Proud Cabaret Brighton