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the city magazine for brighton & hove

Decision time

Latest TV’s bid for local TV has been submitted to the Department of Culture, Media & Sport. Caroline Lucas MP & Lord Bassam show their support, p.3

H jobs H news H food H listings H tv guide H

27 Sept – 3 Oct 2011


BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION Club interviews and a blast from the past

LATEST BRIGHTON & HOVE NEWS Now bigger and better: all the headlines with Frank le Duc

e v a w Your monthly

lthy guide to he2a2 living p

THE NAKED EYE GALLERY A look at their new Erotica exhibition

The best of British

The Town House Kemp Town celebrates its first birthday and are cooking good page 21

Available for private parties with karaoke Now taking Christmas bookings 19 PRINCE ALBERT STREET, BRIGHTON

01273 321321

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WHAT IS POD? Pod is a place of development for newly qualified hairdressers.

WHO ARE PODPEOPLE? Anyone who would like to look great, but spend less.

003_LS545_contents _Contents 23/09/2011 16:01 Page 1


CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine



>on tv


Backing for local TV bid

LIFESTYLE 20 Hotlist Top places to dine including The Medicine Chest 21 The Townhouse Kemp Town The popular restaurant celebrates its first birthday


22 Wave New make-up trends for autumn, golfing in Denmark, Brighton Natural Health Centre, colonic irrigation therapy, nutritional advice and relationship coaching

28 Reviews & bookings Po Girl, Shakedown Festival, The Laughing Geek 29 Latest Brighton Download Chart This week’s Number One is... Champion Fever! 30 Latest Previews Emmy The Great, Zed Talijan at The Lanes Gallery, Brighton Comedy Festival, What’s Your Number? 34 Stars; TV Highlights & Listings Horoscopes; Downton Abbey, The Big Bang Theory, and your seven-day TV listings


Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Natasha Prochaski Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan

All our features can be read online at and with our relaunched website being unveiled shortly, it makes navigating easier than ever before. Add to that more city news, new weekly features on our favourite Championship side (BHAFC of course!) and all the listings for the week ahead – you may just get sidetracked on your lunch break. We won’t tell...

Comedy, music or clubs?


Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless


Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Entertainment Editor & Production Editor Victoria Nangle


Find out what’s going on in Brighton while you’re on the move with comprehensive listings straight to your mobile phone Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Chris Dyer Glyn George Rachel Junior Editorial Assistant Laura Burgess

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Music Listings Nick Aldwinckle Design Anand Day Andrew Wright Tom Scrace

Illustrators Lili Bé Paul Lewis Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

Image: Paul Hazlewood

04 Latest People Pup Aid Festival 2011, The Rise 8K Undercliff Run, and Sussex Networking Club 07 Latest Brighton & Hove News; Latest Inbox Duncan Selbie on the RSCH; Frank le Duc hears from all sides ahead of this week’s drugs debate, plus city headlines with Phil Mills and readers’ letters 12 Sport: Brighton & Hove Albion BHAFC’s Paul Rogers and BHA women’s club captain Carly Noakes interviewed; The Seagulls and Crystal Palace’s past in pictures; and a look ahead to BHAFC VS Ipswich Town 15 The Naked Eye Gallery A look at their new Erotica exhibition 16 Bare Cheek What was that? Common misconceptions and more 16 Mad Matt Matt Whistler’s Facebook sentence game 17 City Speak Ruby gets physical, Tasha cringes at self-adoration, and Will mourns the passing of time 18 Snapshots Melodies Of Boney M’s Peter Jarrette 18 Competitions DVD giveaway; The Three Musketeers merchandise 19 Celebcity Example at Shakedown Festival, Little Bruce at Pup Aid, Heather Mills’ meals and Janie Godley in town

Latest TV’s bid for local television, backed by Juice 107.2FM and Wired Sussex on behalf of the city of Brighton and Hove, has been sent to the DCMS (Department of Culture, Media and Sport). We will hear in the next few months if Brighton is on the list. We have been inundated with messages of support from across Brighton and in the next few weeks we will print these. Our sincere thanks to all those people who backed the bid. To be honest, it’s been hard to find anyone against it! The bid has total cross-party support with all MPs and all parties on the council in favour, plus backing from the Chamber of Commerce, City College Brighton & Hove and the universities, Brighton & Hove Albion... I could go on and on! I guess people want to see Brighton studios on their television at teatime and not Maidstone or Southampton! Meanwhile, let’s start with a Lord and a lady – Lord Bassam (former minister in the Labour government) and Caroline Lucas MP (leader of the Green Party). Bill Smith, Managing Director, Latest TV “My vision for our great city by the sea has always included it being at the centre of cultural activity. Having our very own local TV station would help the city fulfil that ambition. Brighton and Hove falls into a TV black hole never fitting quite into any of the TV output areas. If we are to continue to regenerate our city and ensure it stays in the premier league as a place to do business, as a visitor attraction, a place for cultural investment and a great sporting centre, then having our own TV output will add something of real value. With all the local talent at our disposal ours will be a truly brilliant example of what local television can achieve. A cultural revolution beckons – bring it on.” – Lord Bassam of Brighton “Brighton and Hove is a vibrant and progressive city with a wealth of media talent and a strong track record of community engagement, making it ideally placed to champion and make a success of local TV.” – Caroline Lucas MP for Brighton Pavilion & Leader of the UK Green Party

Watch our shows at

latest brighton the digital capital of europe

01273 818150 Editorial: Advertising: Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

004_005_LS545_latest people_Social Diary 23/09/2011 13:41 Page 2




The Rise 8K Undercliff Run, Pup Aid 2011 and Sussex Property Networking Club

Run for Rise

In its fourth year, the 8K Undercliff Run is one of the main fundraising events for local charity, Rise. It is a unique, women-only run along the bottom of the famous chalk cliffs from Saltdean towards Brighton Marina and back, with the cliffs on one side and the sea on the other. Women of all ages and from all walks of life gathered at the start line, cheered on by family and friends, all with one common objective – to get out there and actively show support for Rise while raising valuable funds. Angel Collins was the first woman to cross the finish line in 33.20. Runner up Nicole Clark came in at 34.20 with Anita Bungaroo finishing third in 36.00. Sponsors of the 8K Undercliff Run included Sweatshop and Studio57 with prizes donated by Breathe Unity Network. For the first time walkers and families could get involved too and show their support by taking part in the 8K Undercliff Walk for Families. Donations and more information can be found at Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

Nicole Clark (2nd), Angel Collins (1st), Anita Bungaroo (3rd)

Walkers & families

Angel Collins (1st)

Rebecca Richardson (Breathe Unity Network), Nicole Clark (2nd)

Start of the race

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Man’s best friend

Property properly

Sunday 18 September saw many celebrities come out to support Marc Abraham’s dog show and music festival, Pup Aid, at Stanmer House in Sussex. Marc started Pup Aid three years ago to raise awareness of cruel puppy farming and educate the public on how to choose a puppy from a legitimate, ethical breeder. Among the guests and judges were Harry Potter actor Mark William, The Bill’s Chris Ellison, former Python Carol Cleveland, EastEnders’ Patsy Palmer, TV presenter Annabel Giles and Laura Moore from The Apprentice. Brighton bands including Autumn Red and Los Albertos provided the music for the day. Words and photos: Diana Frangi

Sussex Property Networking Club held a special networking event on Thursday 15 September at The Jurys Inn Hotel, Brighton. Channel 4’s Secret Millionaire Gill Fielding was in attendance and made a speech at the event. Guests also had the opportunity to meet the experts in local property and make essential contacts. Photos: Sussex Property Networking Club

Carol Cleveland with her dog Tallulah

Secret Millionaire Gill Fielding spoke at the Sussex Property Networking Club

TV presenter Annabel Giles

Caraline Brown, Fal Blake

Marc Abraham, Stuart Vernon, Milton Johan

TV presenters Louise Harris and Daniel Hill

Sean Toole (Sussex Property Networking Club), Gill Fielding


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latest brighton & hove news

7 days of headlines with phil mills Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, and a local transport policeman wins a top award


lanning laws brought cheers and tears in the city this week. There was applause for planning enforcers who served an enforcement notice on owners of an historic building on Hove seafront, originally built in the 19th century as Turkish baths, after they failed to respond to requests to clean up the property. Medina House on Kings Esplanade is now in a dilapidated state after years of neglect and it’s become a target for squatters. The owners have six months to wash down and repaint the southern and western elevations; remove the breeze blocks from the window openings and reinstate windows and glazing; repair and make good all the windows and doors including reglazing as required; repaint all external timberwork including window frames, door frames and soffits; re-render the eastern elevation of the property. On the other side of the ledger, there have been complaints that enforcers are being petty after ordering Pink Floyd star David Gilmour to pull down a beach hut at his £3m seafront mansion in Hove or face prosecution. The council said the yellow hut the rock star uses to house

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Bill Randall on a new opening


recently attended the official opening of a fantastic new Community Hub and Library in Whitehawk, which forms the focal point for the exciting ongoing project. The hub combines a nursery, GP surgeries, a children’s centre, a primary school and now a library. The library’s new state-of-theart building includes a community café, as well as two meeting rooms and a separate ICT learning suite as well as a library space. The building meets high

his bicycles is an eyesore in what is a conservation area. Mr Gilmour’s wife, writer Polly Samson, appealed against the decision but lost. A council spokeswoman said the hut must be gone by 1 October or the authority will issue an enforcement notice. But Pink Floyd fans think it’s just picking on Gilmour because he is who he is. Lawrence Stephen said: “To coin a phrase, it’s the dark side of the planning laws”. What do you think? Email: A British transport police officer from Brighton has won a national award for Outstanding Personal Contribution at the National Rail Awards Ceremony. Nominated by Southern Railway, Brighton’s PC Steve Jarvis was recognised for exceptional, individual contribution to policing and his work with Rail Neighbourhood Officer Teams in Brighton, where he works with Southern as a member of the Safer Travel Team. He received his award from BBC newsreader and journalist Michael Buerk. While on police matters, officers are asking Latest 7 readers to help catch a sex pest after a 14-year-old boy was assaulted by a man in the public toilets in Goldstone Villas, Hove. The suspect is a tanned white man, in his sixties with white or grey hair, fat

sustainability standards, cutting costs and carbon. On offer are an improved toy library, a wide range of books and DVDs, electricity monitors for free loan to residents to help cut energy bills, and information and computers for people of all ages. In addition, the library is working in partnership to develop a flexible, versatile community space, hosting events from arts and crafts sessions to ‘Council Connect’ where volunteers help older people (silver surfers) access council services on the internet. The community café onsite brings together a number of local organisations including two

BY THE SEA Brighton Marina’s Kirsty Harris gets set to unwind at Spa Tara under his chin, wrinkles on his cheeks and he was wearing a long-sleeved blue striped shirt over a white T-shirt or vest, jeans and a brown belt. And police have released images of a suspect who robbed and beat a man in Brighton last month. The 23-yearold victim was found lying in Boyces Street, Brighton. If you recognise him, call police on 0845 6070999. With the threat of closures hanging over libraries it was refreshing to see a new branch in Whitehawk opening next to the estate’s primary school – the state-of-the-art building has been designed with sustainability in mind, bringing a new and improved toy library, community café, meeting rooms and community library under one roof (see Council column, below).

Lastly, a new festival has been hailed as a success and looks set to become a regular fixture in the calendar. The Shakedown Festival in the city’s Stanmer Park has been given the thumbs up by many of the thousands of fans who attended the event on 17 September.

What did you think of Shakedown?

Whitehawk based voluntary organisations – the Crew Club and Robert Lodge Lunch Club – and Varndean Secondary School to provide both training and employment skills. There are a whole host of new and improved services and facilities on offer to the local community, and I urge residents to use these. It makes financial and common sense to find ways in which we can bring together our services and save money. Having staff from different departments working side-by-side improves communication between them, and provides a regular and recognisable link to the community they are working in – which is key to providing excellent services.

A real delight in beauty treatments and spa therapies is coming to Brighton Marina. Spa Tara opens its doors later this month and provides visitors with a welcome addition to the offer at Brighton Marina. Located at Mermaid Walk, Spa Tara is the perfect place for complete relaxation and pampering in state-of-the-art facilities and total privacy. Offering a whole range of massage therapies and beauty treatments, Spa Tara has been designed to the highest standards and offers a place for relaxation and indulgence based on a holistic and natural approach to physical and spiritual wellbeing.

Spa Tara is the only place in Brighton and Hove to experience the latest technology in the anti-aging war: Endermology. The endermolift is a 100 per cent natural anti-aging technique that redensifies the skin depth and erases the signs of aging. It offers immediate results, including a healthy glow and a natural lifting effect. The LPG systems that Spa Tara are offering also help with cellulite reduction, aging lines and double chin reduction, to name but a few, and we can’t wait to give them a go. They are also offering loyalty cards, so each time you go your visits get more and more cost effective. Go to the website for a full list of treatments and prices.


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latest brighton & hove news


the bigissue

We need to find a fix Our high death toll from drugs is prompting some big questions. Frank le Duc reports


e’re dying for a fix in Brighton and Hove. Fifty of us – mostly under 40 – lose our lives each year after taking drugs. We are consistently found to be the drug death capital of Britain. No wonder some of our leading public figures want to fix this problem and the tangle of related problems in its trail. Drug-taking is rife and, while the prices of different drugs fluctuate

with availability, it often starts out seeming reasonably cheap. And despite the best efforts of police and other enforcement agencies, the supply of illegal drugs rarely seems to suffer more than the occasional temporary blip. As with the prohibition of alcohol in America in the 1920s, it’s big business. In our tolerant city, a growing number of people regard drugs and


Andy Winter

Chief Executive of Brighton Housing Trust


righton and Hove has one of the most serious drug problems in the country, one that threatens not just the wellbeing and lives of individuals, but also the economic prosperity of the city. Since 1996, when I first carried out original research into drug-related deaths, there have been more than 500 drug deaths locally, mainly of men and women under the age of 40. But in that period, through Brighton Housing Trust (BHT) Detox Support and Recovery Projects (which along with CRI’s St “Until we stop Thomas Fund are the only services locally justifying drug that have abstinence as their primary focus) use as a ‘lifestyle a similar number have become abstinent and gone on to achieve ongoing recovery choice’, we will from addiction. Locally, just 9 per cent leave drug services drug free, compared to a continue to fail drug national average of 14 per cent. What saddens me is that there has been a users and our city” Government-led lack of ambition regarding recovery from addiction. However, the Coalition Government’s strategy is for a “treatment revolution” and that abstinence should be championed. I welcome this wholeheartedly. If we don’t champion abstinence, we will see more drug users, more children being looked after by the local authority, increased domestic violence, an inevitable increase in drug-related deaths, an increase in crime, increase demands on health services, and damage to the reputation of the city and, consequentially, its economic health. BHT originally adopted an abstinence approach in response to demands from clients, a message that has become stronger. Some of those who come into our service have said that originally they were either not made aware of our service or abstinence was never presented as an option. In fact, some clients have said they were actively discouraged from seeking abstinence. Unless we collectively overcome this lack of ambition, and until we stop justifying drug use as a ‘lifestyle choice’, we will continue to fail drug users and our city. What would you want for your son or your daughter if they had an addiction? An ongoing prescription of a heroin substitute or achieving a healthy and drugfree life? Recovery from addiction is possible.

Mike Weatherley

Conservative MP for Hove & Portslade


he drugs debate on Friday is important because it gives our community an opportunity to engage with experts in what is a huge problem for all of us in Hove and Portslade. Our local drug problem has concerned me since I got involved in local politics many years back and even more so since I was elected as Member of Parliament for Hove and Portslade last year. I am proud to have organised this meeting because nothing that I know of has been done like it before. As the drug death capital of Britain, drug issues affect almost everyone locally at some point. I want to get the issues out in the open. Drug addiction and drug-related crime can break up families. Drug pushers pray on the vulnerable. Drug-related litter is left where our children play. Drug addicts break into our elderly parents’ homes. Current drug policy has been totally ineffective in stopping the “National drug policy problem but it has also created a number of unintended is created from a consequences. For example, when somebody is imprisoned for a minor perspective of punishing drug offence, they leave behind a addicts. Higher on the struggling family. Sussex Police has piloted a new system which has agenda though should be helped many people find a new life via treatment rather than stopping those who deal” imprisonment. We’ll hear more about this and other issues at the debate. More often than not, national drug policy is created from a perspective of punishing addicts. Higher on the agenda though should be stopping those who deal drugs. These organised gangs are responsible for many other crimes and need to be stopped. I have no doubt that the issue of decriminalisation will come out on the day and it will be fascinating to hear the arguments from both sides. The point that I will continue to make though is that the current system doesn’t work. Past debates have been very much closed away from the eyes of those most affected. I set up this debate as a public meeting so that my constituents can be involved throughout. I look forward to a lively discussion – with some robust opinions that I can take to Westminster so that we can really get stuck in to ridding our wonderful city of this dreadful scourge.

drug taking as increasingly socially acceptable. And of course many people take recreational drugs and suffer few if any serious ill effects – certainly in the short term. Some will tell you that drinking is a bigger risk. Although, of course, we can be fairly sure about what we’re buying in a bottle or a bar and the same can’t be said about illegal drugs. But an average of one person every week dies a drug-related death in Brighton and Hove. Many of them are on the margins of society – drifters, dropouts and street drinkers. At inquests, the addresses given are often hostels for the homeless, peopled by those who struggle in some of the squalid and sordid corners of our city. Occasionally, someone dies when their life seemed full of promise, reminding us of an unpredictability surrounding the quality and quantity of drugs. Someone like Hester Stewart, 21, a talented medical student at Sussex University, who took meow meow at a party in Brighton. At the time meow meow, or mephedrone, had not been outlawed. It has now. But the arguments for and against banning each drug designed to get round existing rules proved to be heated and long

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LATEST NEWS lasting. It coincided with a row about the medical evidence about cannabis use. Alan Johnson, who was Home Secretary at the time, sacked his chief adviser, Professor David Nutt. The cannabis row demonstrated how difficult politicians and public figures have found it to speak openly and straightforwardly about the scourge of drugs. This is becoming less true though in Brighton which, with its “party town” image, is a magnet for dealers and users. Some claim the impressive treatment options here also provide a pull for addicts. And it’s hard not to believe that some of our tens of thousands of students don’t contribute towards the demand.

“Providing people with treatment not only resolves their addiction – but cuts the cost to the community by reducing offending” Caroline Lucas, the Green MP for Brighton Pavilion, caused ripples with her contributon to the debate earlier in the summer. She called for the government to decriminalise personal drug use and treat people rather than criminalise them. She wants an evidence-based approach to drug policy. She persuaded the city’s police commander Chief

Superintendent Graham Bartlett to back her call for a rational debate. Mr Bartlett said: “My officers will continue to enforce the law as it stands. However, my personal view is that while production, supply and trafficking are and should remain crimes, the use of drugs is not well addressed through punitive measures. “Providing people with treatment not only resolves their addiction – thereby minimising risk of overdose, drug-related health issues, anti-social behaviour and dependence on the state, for example – but cuts the cost to the community by reduced offending.” At the same time Mike Weatherley, the Conservative MP for Hove, was putting together a seminar intended to contribute to just such a debate. And he’s holding it in public. It takes place at Hove Town Hall on Friday (30 September). It’s free. And he wants us to turn up, listen and share our experiences and views with around 20 local and national experts. He hopes to address the question: “Are drug deaths avoidable?” Legalisation will be one topic along with some key social and practical aspects of the way we deal with the whole issue. He is honest about what a complex subject it is but his eyes were opened by a supporter who took him to see addicts being treated. Both Caroline Lucas and Mike Weatherley are members of the All Party Parliamentary Group on Drug Policy Reform. They bring different views to the debate. But they are agreed on the importance of not ducking an issue that is a matter of life and death every week in the city they represent. n



Caroline Lucas Green MP for Brighton Pavilion


s the local MP, I am determined to help tackle our city’s deeply sad reputation as the UK’s drugs death capital. In order to do that, we need to recognise the reality that the so-called “war on drugs” approach favoured by our Government has failed. There is now growing support within the scientific and political communities, in the police and the legal professions for a move away from the prohibition of personal drug use towards an evidence-based, public health approach to addiction. Here in Brighton and Hove, we understand more than most the consequences of a national drugs policy that is failing our citizens and communities. And given the commitment here to pioneering treatment and support programmes, we are well placed to set a positive example for other cities through new measures to reduce drug-related harms. As a member of the All Party “Dealing with drugs Group for Drug Policy Reform in Parliament, I’m working with differently will represent colleagues and local stakeholders to explore what this might mean in a real shift in thinking – practice. I recently hosted a threeany changes should be hour roundtable discussion in Brighton focusing on the introduced with great care” effectiveness of current treatment, alternative methods – and what might be done locally, drawing on best practice in other parts of the UK and overseas. It was a very positive debate, with representatives from Brighton and Hove City Council, Sussex Primary Care Trust, MIND, Transform, Sussex Partnership, the RIOTT project, Brighton Housing Trust, Release and a number of academics and practitioners – along with the divisional commander of police in Brighton and Hove Chief Superintendent Graham Bartlett – coming together to express a strong commitment to reducing drug-related deaths. The discussion touched on a number of ideas that might make a difference, providing greater social support alongside medical attention for those coming off drugs, for example. And the potential for rolling out treatment programmes and increasing the availability of tried-and-tested solutions, such as naloxone, to prevent the deaths associated with heroin overdose. Looking ahead, I’ll be taking the debate forward through close work with key agencies, healthcare professionals and community groups, to further explore what can be done. It won’t be easy. Dealing with drugs differently will represent a real shift in thinking – any changes should be introduced with great care and support from those in the field. But in the long term, I believe a more evidence-based policy will help to prevent crime, save lives and protect communities from the worst effects of drug misuse.

010_LS545_news Frank talking_editorial 23/09/2011 15:16 Page 2



latest brighton & hove news

FRANKTALKING Insight, comment and analysis from the editor of Brighton & Hove News, Frank le Duc

Belonging in Brighton There are so many worse places to live but we need to make it better, says Frank le Duc

Get Me Out Of Here! by Rose Biela


ournalists are often accused of making up quotes. And I want to share a temperature of our city every year and his most recent report looks at our made up quote with you. But I can’t take the credit for making it up. It resilience as a community. has long been attributed to Roman satirist Petronius Arbiter. In fact, it He touches on drink and drugs, not for the first time, and weighs in with his was made up by an American journalist and author called Charlton Ogburn. views on obesity, sexual health and teenage pregnancies. But he takes a He wrote: “We trained hard... but it seemed that every time we were broader view too, including our satisfaction with living in Brighton and Hove beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganised. Presumably the and our sense of belonging. Curiously, we like living here but not all of us feel plans for our employment were being changed. I we belong here. was to learn later in life that we tend to meet Dr Scanlon said: “Younger adults in any new situation by reorganising, and a particular feel less involved in the “Curiously, we like living here but wonderful method it can be for creating the community.” Portslade, Withdean and illusion of progress while producing confusion, not all of us feel we belong here” Rottingdean score well. Those living in inefficiency and demoralisation.” St Peter’s and North Laine much less so. I was reminded of the quote last week as Perhaps it’s the high proportion of some of our local NHS trusts held their annual meetings. They are in a state of commuters and students, a healthy number of whom stay after they flux. They are being reorganised. Again. Despite a pre-election promise that graduate. He urges more volunteering, better links between communities and there would be no such top-down reorganisation. And it won’t be cheap. Many gives encouragement to the universities to engage more with local charities. of the costs will never appear on an accountant’s balance sheet. Local One health trust created in an earlier reorganisation, Sussex Partnership, knowledge lost, corporate memory erased and vital energies misdirected from treats patients with mental health problems. Each year thousands of people in the main task. Brighton and Hove are helped. But the trust says stigma still surrounds Will it work? Given the huge talent in the medical world, the brand loyalty mental illness. It is holding a photographic competition as part of its efforts to inspired by the NHS and the impressive determination of so many of the key tackle this. The deadline for entries – like those above – is Monday 3 October. players, I think it will. But not necessarily because it’s any better organised. Find out more at We will still have a director of public health, I am pleased to report. His Can discrimination and ignorance be overcome with pictures? Have we lost name is Dr Tom Scanlon. And in the past week he has shared his assessment our feeling of belonging? What can we do to strengthen our sense of of Brighton and Hove on more than a few occasions. He takes the community? Send your thoughts to n

> Have your say

LATEST INBOX Free Brighton Fringe funding workshop to cover crowdfunding Brighton Fringe will be running a series of free workshops and drop-in sessions for our potential and actual participants. With registration opening on Tuesday 1 November (more on this soon), we are delighted to announce the first workshop, ‘How to Fund your Brighton Fringe event’ that will take place at Komedia Studio on Monday 3 October. Guest-speakers from the innovative crowd-funding website We Did This will be on hand at the workshop, along with the Brighton

Fringe team, to offer their top tips on how to raise money or in-kind support for your event. Anyone can take part in Brighton Fringe and the workshop is free, all are welcome! Kata Gyöngyösi, Marketing and Communications Manager, Brighton Festival Fringe, via email UK Disability History Month UK Disability History Month (UKDHM, Tuesday 22 November–Thursday 22nd December) is already supported by more than 80 organisations. It provides an annual focus for the

To comment on any of our news and features or to let us know what’s on your mind email You can also write to Letters, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH wider community to develop a more positive attitude towards disabled people and better understand the barriers we face in society. Schools, colleges, workplaces, trade unions, councils, community and disabled people’s organisations

throughout the UK will be holding events to celebrate UKDHM, discover our history and to challenge the negative stereotypes that lead to discrimination. To find out more about events for Disability History Month please go to Richard Rieser, UKDHM co-ordinator, via email Re: Ron Sexsmith review by Joe Fuller ( I agree with your online review. It would have been far better if there were more varieties of style in music and performance. But still, he was the one of the best singers on stage I’ve ever seen! Mana, via

011_LS541_news profile nib_editorial 23/09/2011 15:12 Page 1





A bright prognosis Duncan Selbie wants to knock down a much-loved hospital building and replace it with something more modern. Frank le Duc finds out why


he man who runs the Royal Sussex is not a down the foundations that will support those typical NHS chief executive. In fact, he’s not improvements for years to come. your typical chief executive at all. And when “The other myth that we need to address head people tell you so, they’re paying him a on is that doctors, nurses and other clinical compliment. Other terms to describe him include professions do care, and managers do money, and “amazingly open”, “self-deprecating” and “a cheery that these are opposing positions. I am absolutely prescriber of common sense”. clear this is not about Mr Selbie may cheerily compromising clinical choices prescribe common sense but or flying in the face of common “Part of Mr Selbie’s he’s not a medic. He has sense but it is about not though just issued the biggest prescription involves spending more than we have. prescription of his career. On “I care about this hospital Friday he submitted plans to and its people more than demolishing the the council seeking anywhere I have worked in 32 Barry Building, which years and I will not stand idly permission for a £420 million ten-year redevelopment of the by and let us revert to debt and Royal Sussex County Hospital. opened in 1828” all the consequences of this.” He insists that the plans are And few staff doubt that he a vital part of what is known does care. He is their chief as the 3Ts project. This involves modernising the cheerleader. He said: “I don’t admit patients. I don’t Royal Sussex to become a regional centre of discharge them. I don’t order tests or tell people excellence for the 3Ts – teaching, trauma and they’ve got cancer.” tertiary care. Most patients’ first experience of Those things were done by medical staff, he trauma care is in A&E. Tertiary care is led by said, adding: “I’ve got to make them walk tall. I specialist consultants. send lots of thank you letters.” Part of Mr Selbie’s prescription involves The gently spoken Scot, who left school at 15, demolishing the Barry Building, which opened in said: “Probably the thing I’m most proud of is being 1828. It has been described as impractical, able to talk about things which aren’t right and expensive to maintain and falling short of widely need to get better.” His weekly newsletters, which accepted modern standards. It will be replaced anyone can read, are refreshingly honest whether with much taller buildings to make better use of he’s asking for better patient care or for staff to the cramped site. watch budgets. It’s been a busy few weeks. Mr Selbie, a father of When he took over four years ago staff had three boys, turned 49 yesterday (Monday 26 recently faced a tough spell of belt-tightening and September) just over a week after sending an he inherited many other challenges. He impassioned plea to his 7,000 staff about a characterised the mood around the hospital then potential £19 million overspend this year. He said: as clinically depressed. The 3Ts application, he “Mostly when we talk about the need for savings, said, was a symbol of a more upbeat mood today. balancing budgets and paying off debt, what people While he stresses that there is much more to hear is that this matters more than good patient do, he is delighted with progress. Infections such care. Nothing could be further from the truth. as MRSA are under control and, he added: “The “By being mature enough to admit that our hospital is already in the top 10 per cent for finances are in jeopardy, and being clear about outcomes – whether you survive or not! what needs doing, we are reinforcing our “We’ve got 10 to 15 years of hard work ahead commitment to improving patient care by laying but we’ve got a sparkling future. It’s fantastic.” n

Students and single people face a knock at the door from council tax revenue inspectors. Jason Kitcat, the Brighton and Hove City Council cabinet member for finance, said the inspectors would carry out a thousand checks in the coming month. The move comes as part of a drive to make up a £1.1 million shortfall in council tax revenues. A report to the city’s cabinet said that people Jason were paying their bills Kitcat on time. But, it said, more discounts were being awarded to people who lived alone. And more students were claiming their council tax exemptions – with a further rise expected as the autumn term gets under way. A growing number of landlords were also claiming exemptions for empty properties during the summer holidays. The same report said that the council was on course to overspend by £1.3 million in the current financial year from its general fund. It added that there was a risk of a shortfall in “value for money” savings of about £1.8 million, adding to the financial pressures faced by the Green Party administration. Councillor Kitcat said that the savings made in previous years could be compared to “low-hanging fruit” while the savings being targeted in the current financial year were trickier to achieve.

n OFFSHORE WIND FARM FIRM TO BRING ROADSHOW TO SHOPPERS IN BRIGHTON The energy company behind plans to build a wind farm off the Brighton and Hove coast is holding an information day in the city tomorrow (Wednesday 28 September). E.on plans to set up a stall at the farmers’ market in Churchill Square, Brighton, from 9am to 5pm. The company holds the exclusive rights to apply to build a wind farm between 8 to 15 miles out to sea. It said that the site had the potential to supply about 430,000 homes with renewable electricity. Chris Tomlinson, E.on project developer, said: “We’ll be formally consulting the community on our draft proposals later in the year but, before we do, we’re holding public information events to introduce the project to the local community.” The company recently submitted a planning application to install a 330ft – or 100m – meteorological mast at the site to measure wind speeds and gather other offshore environmental data. Mr Tomlinson said: “We’re continuing to carry out environmental and technical survey work for the site. But our findings so far support our initial view that this is an ideal location for a wind farm. “The offshore mast will collect valuable wind speed data that will help to confirm this as well as measuring wave heights and sea currents, which will help us to design the best possible site layout for this location.”

n QUEEN TO HONOUR COMMUNITY ACTIVIST DURING BLACK HISTORY MONTH Black History Month starts on Saturday (1 October) with African Night Fever’s launch party at the Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome. Saidi Kanda from Tanzania and reggae legend Rebel Control will be playing live music sets at the event. During the month the historian and activist Bert Williams MBE is due to be honoured by the Queen. And celebrations will mark the 90th anniversary of the India Gate at the Royal Pavilion. The memorial gate was a gift from India to Brighton for caring for her wounded soldiers during the First World War when the Pavilion was converted into a hospital. There will be literary events during the month, a film festival as well as more music, photography, other visual arts, workshops, debates and food. Irene Mensah, Brighton and Hove Black History volunteer and member of the group’s artists collective, said: “Black History Month focuses on the often unacknowledged presence of black and multi ethnic individuals. The significance of celebrating this every year is that it allows the wider community to gain a new awareness of our past and present achievements as well as our communal hopes for a more united future.” She said that it includes ways of respecting our differences and celebrating what unites us. Find out more at

012_013_LS545_NEWSportAlbionDPS_editorial 23/09/2011 11:46 Page 2



latest SEAGULLS Up the Albion!


Mark Brailsford sings at home and away

Carly Noakes, Brighton & Hove Albion women’s club captain/centre back


here are quite a few mouth-watering away games to contemplate and the next one is no exception. Ipswich may not be a top Premier League outfit but they have a pedigree, a reasonably experienced squad and a large atmospheric stadium in which to ply their trade. Anyone who follows The Albion’s away games will tell you the atmosphere is a special one, as it is at The Amex, but with one big difference: almost all the supporters sing throughout the game. This collective, hard-core support being herded together leads to an impressive chorus of all The Albion’s songs, the repertoire of which surely rivals any team in the country.

Away support

How long have you been with the club? 19 years – I started young! What’s been the highlight of your career so far? Playing on the same team as some Brighton Women legends; Emma Millington and Lisa Murray to name a couple.

“After the away

So what’s involved in going to an away match? Let us deal firstly defeat at Leicester with the cost. There are bargain City, Poyet was train travel tickets to be had if booked far enough in advance, encouragingly and many fans opt for travelling on the road; the motorway phlegmatic” services are often populated by Albion fans resplendent in stripes. However, let’s assume you have either a Group Save train ticket or a car share that reduces your cost. Then there is the ticket for the match itself. Most away grounds in the Championship have large away support capacity, so those who want a ticket for most away games tend to get them. The cost, while not cheap, is still good value if you compare it to other leisure activities. Now for the best bit. If you are going to the game with friends, then the experience is richer and usually more fun. You may be shocked to find that much beer is imbibed prior to the match taking place (shock, horror!) and a good laugh is generally had by all.

With a tough run of games behind them The Albion will be looking to restore their enviable away form. After the away defeat at Leicester City, Gus Poyet was encouragingly phlegmatic, which was impressive. This can only infuse the players with confidence in the manager’s methods and offer the assurance that they will bounce back and get something from the next away match. The Albion support away from home will doubtlessly be an asset at games like these and is reportedly much appreciated by Gus and his team. So, I shall be travelling with a merry band of hardcore Albion fans with whom I shall imbibe the odd beer or two and heartily sing along to the full range of Albion songs (bar the one that really gets on my proverbials, you know the one, the one that Palace sing that originated at St Pauli...). Apart from that song I shall sing heartily and get the train back via the pub for lemonade or three to either celebrate or commiserate over The Albion’s performance, in the company of great friends sharing a love of following this team. What a shame there are no more Seagull Special trains anymore. Cheers.

What is your training regime out of season / in season? We train as a squad twice a week and play our games on a Sunday, with occasional mid-week games. Pre-season generally starts six to

Do you follow a strict diet? I have a strict pre-match/training routine which consists of the right amount of sleep and food which will enhance my performance for the match/training session. What other sports do you enjoy aside from football? Does shopping count as a sport?! I don’t really have time for any other sports! Where do you love to shop? H&M, Office, French Connection, Yoma and Walk In Wardrobe – for a special occasion! What's your favourite thing to do when you're off the pitch? Spending time with my family, and socialising with my close friends. Do you follow the men's team? Yes! I’m a season ticket holder and have attended all the home and away games this season. I have seen the team through the old Goldstone days all the way through to the new Amex Stadium. I was brought up in a household which has a long generation of seagulls fans dating back to my great grandfather – in 1901! Coming up for Brighton & Hove Albion Women’s Football Club: Portsmouth (H) 2 October

Photo: Paul Hazlewood

Gus Poyet with Sven Sven-Göran Eriksson, BHAFC VS Leicester City

What team's going to be your biggest competition this season? We will be our biggest competition! We have so much strength and depth in our squad this season, the competition for first and reserve team starts will be very stiff, and the players will be challenged hard this season to retain starting places.

Photo: Paul Hazlewood

BHAFC VS Ipswich Town

eight weeks prior to the first game of the season, and we have pre-season friendly games leading up to the first league game of the season.

blast from the past Stewart Weir looks back at memorable moments from the Albion’s past. This week: Crystal Palace


ack in the ’70s, Albion versus Palace matches attracted huge crowds, often over 30,000. The rivalry started effectively in 1974 when Crystal Palace were relegated into the Third Division and reached the point of no return in 1976. Prior to a home match at the Goldstone Ground, Palace fans chanted “Eagles, Eagles” outside the Bo’sun Pub in Brighton to which Brighton fans replied “Seagulls, Seagulls”. Fast forward to the first round of the FA Cup in 1976. The match was drawn 2-2 at

012_013_LS545_NEWSportAlbionDPS_editorial 23/09/2011 11:48 Page 3


HOME GAME Paul Rogers, head of commercial services at BHAFC and Albion player (’99–’03) Who is your sporting hero? Kenny Dalglish. What’s been your career highlight? Winning the League Two Championship as captain with Brighton in 2000. And your worst career moment? Getting relegated from the Premier League on the last day of the season with Sheffield United What other sports do you play or are you interested in? Golf. What's the best advice you've ever been given? Always listen and then decide which information is worth remembering. If you could live anywhere in Sussex where would it be? Hurstpierpoint, so I could walk to The New Inn. Where do you actually live? Sayers Common. If your house was burning down, what one possession would you save? Nothing is that important, apart from the family.

Donatello or Wagamama for lunch, Gars or Jamie Oliver’s for dinner. How strict is your diet? Not strict at all. No crisps, no chips, no burgers, no fried food, no sweets, no chocolate, no cakes, limited alcohol. What is your favourite holiday destination? Antigua and New York. How do you relax when not at the club? Running, laying in the hammock listening to my iPod. What are the most-listened to songs on your iPod? The Script. What car do you drive? Mercedes CLC.

What was the last book you read? Jamie Carragher’s My Autobiography.

In the film of your life, who would you like to play you? Gary Busey.

Do you have a favourite Brighton restaurant? There are loads to choose from:

Coming up: BHAFC vs Crystal Palace (H), 27 September; Ipswich Town (A) 1 October.

s e the Goldstone Ground and replayed at Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge. The Albion were given a penalty and Brian Horton scored but was ordered to take it again, which he missed. Palace went through winning 1-0. Incensed by the referee, Alan Mullery waved a £5 note at Palace fans and an intense rivalry was ignited further. To Easter Sunday 1989 at their ground, Selhurst Park. Palace won 2-1 but it’s the match where five penalties were given (Palace missed three of their four). It’s a record that still stands to this day. Palace matches have always been special with an intensity rarely seen or felt against anyone else. Most recently Glenn Murray chose to leave the Albion for ‘them’ after not being able to ‘agree terms’. And so the flames continue to be fanned and more history added.

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015_LS545_NakedEyeGallery__food 23/09/2011 10:53 Page 1


Ardent art Latest 7 takes a peek at the exhibiting artists in The Naked Eye Gallery’s new Erotica exhibition


he Naked Eye Gallery unveils its most intimate exhibition to date this October featuring the work of many celebrated artists. The exhibition, Erotica – A Sexual Adventure Of Erotic Frivolity, runs until 31 October.

Featured artists: Swallow and Bone – illuminating erotica The award-winning penis chandelier is Cornwall’s most interesting export to date. It has debuted in Amsterdam’s prestigious Sexy Art Gallery as well as having numerous features in publications such as Skin Two’s BDSM magazine, The Independent, New Statesman, The Express and The Mail online. Manel Ortega A master of light, renowned for his sensual images of the male form, his work has been published in books and magazines Vogue Spain, Arte and Fotogratica. He has exhibited in London, Spain and Italy. James Hunting James has been involved in embroidery for over 20 years. His work addresses the notion of sensuality

and desire through the choice of fabrics; silks and linens, the media chosen; hand embroidery, itself a sensual act of needle, thread and rhythm, and the images used. James concentrates on the male figure and the almost breathtaking beauty of the stolen glimpse. Lucy Porter Lucy’s work is an intimate and haunting insight into the world of growing up. She works with acrylic, oil, and chalk pastel on panels. She has previously exhibited in London and Brighton. Peter Jarrette Peter’s naughty cartoons will also be making an appearance in this exhibition. The Erotica exhibition runs until 31 October 2011. The Naked Eye Gallery, 5 Farm Mews, Farm Road, Hove, BN3 1GH, 01273 204800, Facebook: Naked Eye Gallery The Naked Eye Gallery is sponsored by




Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

What was that? Can’t remember the name of a film, book, song or thing? Mike Hunter’s the man with the answers...

The Smiths’ ‘Hand In Glove’ was originally entitled ‘Gland In Hove’. The title was changed after Radio 1 DJ Mike Read banned it when he vomited in disgust upon hearing it. Aaron Spelling’s 1990 follow-up to Dynasty was set and filmed in Hove. Wilbury Grove was aired on NBC and featured a cast of largely elderly, retired, middle-class couples who had little or no social interaction. Notable storylines included ‘the litter tray quarrel’ and the controversial ‘hosepipe ban’ episode. The series is not generally regarded as having been a success and only ran for three series.

nothing, and I am at my wit’s end. Please put me out of my misery by re-acquainting me with this great work of fiction that so enthralled my youthful self Christopher Truman, Hollingbury Dear Christopher, Only too pleased to oblige! I can understand your frustration, because this book really is a ‘treasure’, but so well-known I can only assume you must have been living on a ‘desert island’. You will ‘yo ho ho’ with delight and celebrate with a ‘bottle of rum’ when I tell you that the novel in question is I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou. Keep those queries coming in! Mike. X

Matt Whistler’s Facebook sentence game




Mad Matt he sentence game has been like taking every psyche and placing it into a quick fire tumble dryer in full vibrational throttle. To think of a response that hopefully resonates with the other cyber observers and then type it out and beat other crazies with more wit, charm, smut, filth and randomosities, is the ultimate challenge of my game. Conceiving the sentence game was more of a shared experience than announcing that my gran used to call me after her poodle Sophie. Senility equals integrity in a comedic vein, but shared esoteric communication has a longer shelf life and every now and then produces a golden nugget. Its official! Sentence games on Facebook have now gone ballistic. I now contribute to 37 sentence

Five more fascinating facts about fantabulous Hove....

games on different Facebook profiles (how sad am I)... It was only a crazy idea, to see it go nuts on the net is natty. So here are some of my personal favourites generated by an international smattering of word geniuses and thank you to everyone who willingly devoted a silly five minutes on my wall. So here goes: Today I had a boiled sweet and... (Jason J Jeffries) quite enjoyed the sensation but (Peter Chapman) a chunk got caught in my throat (Rob Lawrie) and projectile vomited it over a... (Daniel Hill) I remembered The New Reclaimers was on tonight at 10pm with another amazing makeover I knew I couldn’t miss it – (Pete Plumb) everyone wanted to have their own potato! (Chris Tudball) seagull that was sitting next to me, eating a McDonald’s (Tim Burchell) kilt! Hamish was less than pleased


By some arcane ancient charter, Hove is 14th in line to the throne.


Hove’s answer to Harrod’s – Simmonds’ Department Store, established in 1906 – was considered the most opulent in Europe. Six storeys high, it ran half the length of George Street, and sold every imaginable luxury, from Lalique birds to Eric Linklater novels. It was destroyed by fire in 1938, while, due to an administrative oversight, not insured. Never one to be defeated, the proprietor, HG Simmonds, was soon back in business as a tramp.


In Hove, no-one can hear you scream.

and felt a vicious draught going right up (Sascha Cooper) his backside which just happened at that point to decide to (Chris Tudball) play bingo at the old folks’ home with (Chris Boland) my new bingo wings hanging out of my sleeves which got caught on (Chris Tudball) Margaret’s handbag, which fell over and out rolled her (Dan Robinson) rabbit. (Emma Burton) Embarrassed she quickly picked it up only to press the on button and it vibrated all the way up to her (Dan Robinson) rabbit hole, she quickly chased after it (Emma Burton) and found herself in a quantum universe so she (Tim Burchell) licked her fingers, straightened her hair and shot up to Papillon De Nuit switch gear and propulsed herself into (Chris Tudball) claim her bingo winnings... Bingo! (Tim Burchell) She had won. However, the doors blew open and blew a gust of wind up her skirt. It was clear to see, that in fact, she had two and they were growing in size. Feeling over-exposed, she quickly grabbed a set of dumbbells and placed them in her handbag...


In • That Hitler was a vegetarian • That Victorians covered piano legs for fear of inflaming their senses • That one can catch a cold by going out with wet hair • That Twinkies have a long shelf life • That the Great Wall of China is visible from space

Out • That Mussolini made the trains run on time • That Puritans abhorred sexual intercourse • That your hair and nails continue growing after you die • That Queen Victoria, not believing they existed, refused to outlaw lesbians • That Tim Key is funny


Dear Mike, I remember, when I was a young lad at primary school, our teacher, Miss Bellingham, reading to us a story that made a great impression on me. It was a rivetingly exciting seafaring tale, truly a ‘yarn’, spun around pirates, mutiny, a mysterious map and a quest for a buried horde of gold. The novel’s narrator was a boy called Jim Hawkins, also the central character, and, in many ways, the book was his ‘coming of age’ story, his ‘bildungsroman’ if you will. There were many colourful characters in the tale – such as Blind Pew, Billy Bones and Squire Trelawney – but the one I recall most vividly was the peg-legged, eye-rolling, villainous yet endearing creation Long John Silver, with his pet parrot, Captain Flint, who would perch on his shoulder. I seem to recall that there have been many stage, television and film adaptations of this book, yet cannot for the life of me recollect its title. Several years of enquiry – letters to the British Library, extensive internet searches, trawling of book stores high and low – have yielded

Hove factually


016_LS545_barecheek-madmatt_Editorial 23/09/2011 14:57 Page 2

Read Matt’s full blog at mattwhistlerbrighton

017_LS545_cityspeak_Editorial 23/09/2011 11:29 Page 1


Life begins at 70 Ruby Grimshaw gets physical



Teen Spirit Tasha Dhanraj cringes at self-adoration


’ve been working really hard on through the Via Dolorosa before my personal statement for the being chased by unconverted tribe last few weeks. As someone who people in South America and ending doesn’t take themselves seriously up working in a soup kitchen in an in the slightest, it is exceptionally ecumenical community in Northern difficult. A personal statement is an Ireland. Unfortunately, the greatest expression of self-adoration and example I have to demonstrate my blatant bragging. I am writing away passion for theology is that I once about how marvellous I am and did a talk in philosophy society at can’t help but feel painfully school. Somehow, I don’t quite feel embarrassed by the whole thing. I that is enough. am too English to be able to think There’s also the awkward crowI’m incredible. barring in of awesome extra If I was to write it curricular activities honestly, it would to make me sound start with ‘Hello. My a well rounded “I am too English like name is Tasha. I person, but also would really like to to be able to think making it clear that go to university I am very academic because I am not and focused on my I’m incredible” emotionally studies. Mix that prepared to fend for with the need to be myself and I like the fact that you eloquent and within 4,000 serve breakfast in halls until characters and it is more frustrating midday.’ Unfortunately, it begins than explaining astrophysics to with a spewing of sycophancy and someone over Twitter. long words about how much the This is by far the most difficult subject of Theology means to me. ‘statement’ I’ve ever written. It is all fact, but is so embellished Although, to be fair, I’ve not had to that before long I wasn’t sure if it write many statements of any kind was actually what I thought or if I of worth. The weightiest statement was somehow channelling I’ve ever written before this was ‘I Russell Brand. like my steak rare’. It is a statement I’d written one I was happy with, of how amazing I am. A statement but after reading one online that to determine whether a top had got a girl into Oxford, I quickly university wants to bother to realised how far from complete consider me or not. A statement mine was. It wasn’t relevant enough that could change my life... and I about the subject. I needed personal can barely read it without wincing stories from my time travelling at how much of a prat I sound.

William Tells

unending, circular conversation about Kelly Rowland and the economy. I swear to God, if I have to listen to that Adele album one more time, I’ll disembowel myself with a halloumi skewer.” M, eyes closed, is nodding sagely over a mug of something dark. “Come on!” I continue. “Let’s go out; let’s paint the town pink, like the old days! I can feel the sands of time trickling through my... through my... what’s that you’re drinking?” M’s eyes flicker open. “Just a small glass of maple syrup,” he says. The whole situation is maddening. Gone, it seems, are the days when we would stay up past dawn, pump our bodies full of toxic substances, then wake

Will Harris mourns the passing of time


uess what,” says my journalist friend K, over coffee at the British Library. This, I think, is bound to be good. K is the kind of person who would never fail to follow such an innocent opener with something truly outrageous. What would it be this time? Going undercover with the Triads? Having an affair with an ageing rock star? “What?!” I gasp, eyes shining with expectation. “I’ve bought a beach hut. In Clacton.” Oh. As K sips her hot chocolate (no caffeine after 4pm, darling, not these days), I struggle to keep the disappointment from unfurling across my face like a musty carpet. “You see, I was down there for an interview and I just fell in love with them. They look like little dolls houses, all done out in blues and greens and violets. So sweet!” “Well...” I genuinely can’t think of anything to say. “At least one of us is finally on the property ladder.” My normal reaction to hearing K talking about something so uncharacteristically domestic would be to knock her unconscious with a sharp blow to the temple then check behind her ears for government-issue microchips, but then this isn’t an isolated incident. Of late, I have been increasingly of the opinion that my entire generation has grown old before its time. “We don’t even go out clubbing any more!” I rant, a few days later, in M’s kitchen. “We just traipse from dinner party to dinner party, and have one

“We used to catch the clap; these days we’re more likely to be catching the train to Clacton” up underneath a stranger with a lip piercing and only a rudimentary grasp of English. Life these days is all early to bed and early to rise, and nothing stronger than maple syrup on a schoolnight. We used to catch the clap; these days we’re more likely to be catching the train to Clacton. Which, OK, is probably a good thing, but can you blame me from grasping wildly at the last disappearing shreds of my twenties as they hurtle down the track towards eternity on the Essex Sunshine Coast? Sigh. I don’t even think the issue is our age; it’s that we’ve finally started to act it. follow me on twitter


Illustration: Paul Lewis

ast week I went to my doctor’s umbrella advertising incontinence surgery to take up the offer of products would do much for an MOT under the recent NHS my image. health initiative aimed at the 40-75 I am pleased to say I passed my group. I suppose after 75 you might medical with flying colours. I am be expected to think that if you’re sure this is because I have never still alive you should consider smoked, and it was not for want of yourself jolly lucky without wanting trying. In my teenage days film to be healthy as well. stars were often photographed I have been trying to leave the through a soft haze of smoke with car behind for short journey’s a cigarette hanging out of their recently, both for environmental mouths. It was considered sexy to and fitness reasons. So I felt it was smoke, and at parties I would appropriate last attempt to inhale, Monday to walk to but finally I hated the surgery and it so much I gave also, when there, to “Gold stars could up pretending. avoid the lift and Lucky me. be handed out to take the stairs. I The nurse gave had forgotten that me so much those who manage the nurses work praise for being so from the top fourth to lose weight” fit at my age that I floor, so when I was disappointed finally reached it, not to be given puffing and spluttering, I had to some reward, a free packet of lean on the rail and look out the paracetamols perhaps or a small window, pretending to admire the view. pot of Sudocrem. Which made me Not the best start for a medical. wonder whether this is where we Today I returned to pick up the could be going wrong with our results of my blood tests and health programmes. Give patients again I decided to walk, despite incentives! Gold stars could be the rain and the strong wind handed out to those who manage to threatening to fill my golfing lose weight or give up the fags, and umbrella and lift me off the silver ones for a really good ground. This huge bright green attempt. And for those who don’t umbrella had been a freebie, a play the game there could be a left-over from my physiotherapy ‘naughty chair’ in the waiting room. days. I did not feel that This might be a bit un-PC of course windsurfing across Preston Park but it could make going to the like Mary Poppins with an doctor a little more entertaining.

018_LS545snapshots-comps _Editorial 23/09/2011 10:47 Page 2


Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Melodies Of Boney M’s Peter Jarrette

Brighton is a dressing up box for the mind, spirit and soul. It’s compact but once in it, it is expansive with possibilities. You get out of a city what you put into it, I’ve put work, tears and imagination into living here for the past 10 years and suddenly I’m enjoying touring Russia with Melodies Of Boney M.

After a long spell as a prominent local celebrity, Pete Jarrettte found himself discovered through his Facebook profile and projected into a new role as male lead in the Moscow-based band, Melodies Of Boney M, which features one original group member. Peter will be performing with the band in Russia on 1 October and is preparing for a European Christmas tour.



We love autumn here at Competitions. Kicking through leaves, the promise of dark nights drawing in and simply the best time of year for DVD releases. Soon the box sets will be out ready for Christmas but for now we are loving some superb current releases plus some favourite classics. Get comfortble on the sofa with these great DVDs. We have five of each to give away. Charming French comedy Potiche has trophy wife Catherine Deneuve battling with her tyrannical husband and factory manager Fabrice Luchini with Gerard Depardieu adding personal complication as her ex-lover.

Dark comedy The Beaver is directed by and starring the fabulous Jodie Foster with Mel Gibson as a depressed toy executive who’s life is turned around by... a Beaver hand puppet... Snowboarding action and stunning Alps locations feature in Chalet Girl with Felicity Jones as said chalet girl looking after wealthy businessman Bill Nighy. And finally, two brilliant actors in a classic film. A young Leonardo DiCaprio features in his first leading role, playing against the legendary Robert De Niro in powerful, coming-of-age-movie, This Boy’s Life. All of these are reased on DVD in October

Q Who directed Mel Gibson in The Beaver?


To mark the opening of The Three Musketeers 3D on 12 October, we have six goody bags to give away. A steampunk-influenced reinterpretation of the novel Alexandre Dumas, the film stars Logan Lerman in the leading role of D’Artagnan, with Matthew Macfadyen, Ray Stevenson and Luke Evans as The Three Musketeers. Orlando Bloom and Milla Jovovich also join in the swashbuckling action . Q Who was the legendary Fourth Musketeer?



with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 10 October 2011.

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Celebcity with Jo Brooks All the fun of the Shakedown Festival, Scottish funny lady Janey Godley and sushi sans fish


Example hakedown Festival was a storming success last week, with a whole host of cutting edge dance and indie talent descending on Stanmer Park. The weather held, allowing festival-goers to get down from 2pm till 12am across three stages of live acts. Here at JB-PR we were torn between Ed Sheeran and Example as the best acts of the day, with Razorlight as a close second. We chilled out backstage with the artists, taking in the particularly outrageous outfits of Razorlight’s new line-up, which seemed to mix rock ’n’ roll with a bit of Navajo chic! Not only did Ed Sheeran deliver on stage but he was lovely with the crew, too, even signing autographs while he stopped off for some coffee. Artists’ demands remained surprisingly low-key; a big delivery of Nando’s hot sauce in the catering tent clearly had Example’s name all over it, although he seemed a bit disappointed by the shortage of Doritos (festival teething problems we were assured!). The JB-PR girls caught up with Rubylux over lunch, with one of them kindly showing us his Welsh dragon boxers! The VIP area thankfully maintained a bit more sophistication, with those lucky enough to gain entry sipping on champagne and getting down to DJ Judge Jules. Out in the main field the Supercharged dance stage was buzzing from start to finish, with acts such as local boy Krafty Kuts and Radio 1’s Zane Lowe killing the decks until 2ManyDjs wrapped it all up in style with a stellar finishing set. All in all it was a fantastic day, and once we’ve got rid of this Shakedown comedown it’s all eyes fixed on next year’s event!



Anybody who has had the pleasure of visiting us at the JBPR office will know that we have a resident pooch. Little Bruce the Jack Russell (named after none other than the inimitable Bruce Forsyth) is a bit of a celeb himself in the doggie world. I was chuffed, therefore, when he took me along to Brighton’s Pup Aid in Stanmer Park last week to meet some of his famous pals. Although Bruce didn’t enter the contests himself, we cheered on his fellow canine celebs, including dogs owned by Harry Potter star Mark Williams, Monty Python’s Carol Cleveland and The Bill’s very own Chris Ellison. Pup Aid was organised by TV Vet Marc Abraham to raise awareness about the right way to find a dog, a cause close to both mine and Bruce’s hearts. The TV presenter Annabel Giles and The Apprentice’s Laura Moore also joined us on the day. With all these famous faces around, Bruce felt right at home. See Pup Aid in Latest People, p4.


"Scotland’s funniest woman”, as crowned by none other than The Scotsman, descends on Brighton this October as one of the Brighton Comedy Festival’s hottest tickets. Janey Godley, the award-winning Glaswegian stand-up, bestselling author and playwright will be making her Brighton Comedy Festival debut with The Godley Hour, fresh from tickling funny bones in Edinburgh. As a frequent panellist on BBC Radio 4’s Just A Minute, Godley has become a household name and is one of my favourite female comedians. Her fresh and striking life-story, which I read in her gripping autobiography Handstands In The Dark, is a deeply personal and harrowing tale which makes ‘the McCourt family look like the Von Trapps’ according to The Observer. The Godley Hour runs as part of the Brighton Comedy Festival 2011 at 9.15pm in the Pavilion Theatre on 8 October. If you want to win a copy of Godley’s stunning autobiography please send your name and details to answering this question: What city in Scotland is home to both Janey Godley and fellow comedian Billy Connolly? Competition closes 30 September. Good luck!

A TASTE OF SUSHI – WITHOUT THE RAW FISH Brighton’s top chefs will compete to make the finest sushi dishes, utilising only vegan food, in order to highlight the dangers of over-fishing our oceans. Those taking part in Moshi Moshi’s Vegan Challenge this Thursday as part of the Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Festival will be using Heather Mills’ Redwood vegan products to craft their individual dishes adding a sprinkle of celebrity to proceedings. There’s still the chance for you to get involved too: to help judge the winning dishes, head to Moshi Moshi and buy a ticket. The event begins at 7pm and costs £25, which will cover all food and a glass of saké.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city?

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to

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10% service will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday until 7th December 2011 excluding bank holidays.  Only one voucher per table.  Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.

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L7 Hotlist


Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit British & modern European Bardsley’s

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Breeze Brasserie

A bright, chilled restaurant, Breeze is situated on North Laine’s busy Trafalgar Street. Relaxed and upbeat, Breeze’s atmosphere matches its name, with friendly service and an informal, vintage style look combining exposed brick with reclaimed clocks and mirrors and modern café seating and comfy banquettes. Inspired by Modern European cuisine, Breeze serves brasserie style food, plus a good selection of heartier rustic dishes made with local produce, throughout the day – breakfast, lunch and dinner – as well as offering a well stocked bar for those lazy evenings enjoying cocktails and good food. A must after a day shopping at local boutiques or lazing on the beach, Breeze is the perfect addition to Brighton’s dining scene. Breeze, 98 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, BN1 4ER, 01273 693377,

The Gallery Restaurant – The Lanes

If you’re looking for an independent restaurant offering some of the very best steaks and British dishes then why not try The Gallery Restaurant? Located in an old fishing cottage in the very heart of Brighton’s Lanes The Gallery Restaurant prides itself in offering the very best dishes, service and ambience – British style! In the summer they boast one one Brighton’s largest alfresco terraces with live jazz day and night, and in the winter the mood is relaxed and welcoming. Try their lunch set menu: one course for £7.95 or two courses for £10.95, and in the evenings two courses for £14.95 or three courses for £18.95. 28 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL 01273 773327,

The Loop Café-Bar & Coffee House

Nestling on Kemp Town seafront is this contemporary Anglo-Brazilian café-bar with a menu that features traditional English fare as well as some tasty Brazilian dishes.

The Medicine Chest

Whether you choose one of the stylish red sofas, or the sunny south-facing front terrace, you can enjoy free Wi-Fi while you savour the homemade food and great selection of coffees. Open daily, 9.30am–6pm. 16 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 677944,

The Medicine Chest

Hove’s newest hidden treasure (previously The Sanctuary Café) offers their Express Working Lunch from 12pm–3pm Tuesdays to Fridays for £9.95 which includes tea or coffee. On Friday 7 October the quintessentially British tradition of taking afternoon tea launches (3–6pm) and will then be served every afternoon at £25 per person for a full tea and £15 per person for a mini tea. Bone china and delicious homemade sandwiches, scones and a selection of delicate cakes. The Medicine Chest, 51-55 Brunswick Street East, Hove, BN3 1AU, 01273 770002,

The Old Bank Steak & Ribs

Kemp Town’s friendly new steakhouse restaurant serves delicious food with great service in a warm and comfortable setting. Locally-owned and aiming to be the ‘Cheers’ of the neighbourhood, The Old Bank is a rarity in the city, offering quality steak and ribs, local catch of the day, grilled chicken and vegetarian dishes at great value prices. A fantastic wine list, selected mainly from local merchants by GQ wine columnist Jonathan Ray, complements their wholesome and satisfying food. Kids’ menu great value. Open Mon–Thurs, 5pm–9.30pm; Fri–Sun, 12pm–10pm; live background Sunday jazz 6–8pm, and open all day bank holidays. Plus the garden is now open for summer! 120 St George’s Road, Kemp Town Village, BN1 1EA, 01273 682200,

Plateau is a unique bar à vin and restaurant. They have put a great deal of time and love into selecting their wines. To soak up their wine they serve ‘bites’, small dishes that are perfect to share or great as a starter. Follow your ‘bites’ with a ‘plat’ or ‘plateau’ and that’s their dinner experience. But don’t forget to try their cocktails! Plateau, 1 Bartholomews, Brighton, BN1 1HG, 01273 733085

The Restaurant At Drakes

Awarded two AA Rosettes and having achieved the highest score in The Good Food Guide 2011 for the second consecutive year, The Restaurant At Drakes really has earned it’s reputation as Brighton’s finest restaurant. Using only premium quality seasonal produce, Head chef Andrew Mackenzie and his team create superb modern European cuisine. Regularly changing two or three course dinner and lunch menus available daily or for a true foodie experience, opt for the gourmet five course Chef’s Taster Menu. For an extra special touch, an elegant private dining room, with dedicated waiter is available for parties of up to 12 guests. The new summer terrace at Drakes now open for informal alfresco lunches – perfect for well deserved sundowners after work. 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934,

The Townhouse Restaurant Kemp Town

The Townhouse is discovering itself as a home for all, with a dining area, lounge bar, private function suite and a piano room. The head chef brings all his prestige from The London Dorchester to create a menu specialising in locally sourced steaks, seafood and vegetarian dishes, that fits the Brighton way. Whether you want a quick lunch or wish to stay the evening, they promise you a warm welcome that will make you not want to leave! Enjoy the live pianist Wednesday and Friday nights, 8pm–10pm, or the resident jazz band for Sunday roasts, 5pm–7.30pm. Don't forget their great value lunch set menu (two courses £11.95, three courses £15.95 ) and evening (two courses £15.95, three courses £18.95 ), which runs Monday toThursday. For promotions visit their website or call them. 81–82 St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton BN2 1PA, 01273 693216,

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321,

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

Mange Tout

Mange Tout is an independent bistro that opened two years ago. Great French cooking and fresh, local, ethical produce has proved to be a success. Visit for breakfast for the acclaimed eggs Mange Tout, lunch for the daily specials or dinner for refined French classics. Local beers and carefully selected wines or just a freshly squeezed orange juice with your breakfast! Mange Tout, 81 Trafalgar street, BN1 4EB, 01273 607270

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs. No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude: everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and

again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm. 10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415

Indian Chaula’s

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

Indian Summer

Nationally acclaimed and a favourite with locals, Indian Summer is celebrating its 10th anniversary. Serving favourites like masala dosa and bhel puri, the menu is influenced from genuine recipes covering south, north, and central india. For lunch you can choose two courses for £10 or a new tapas street menu with four choices for 11.95. An elegant evening set menu starts at £21.95. Booking is strongly advised. For offers and events find them on Facebook. 69 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 711001,

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477,

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135,

Mediterraneo Deli

Mediterraneo Deli is indeed a family business, dedicated to serving you the best tasting, truly genuine and most authentic Sicilian food. The family-run deli offers mouth-watering daily specials, birthday cakes made to order and typical Sicilian products. They enjoy catering for all events from lunch meetings to dinner parties and weddings. Every dish is prepared daily and served fresh to order with ingredients genuinely sourced from Sicily. Open 9am–3pm Mon-Fri, 10am–3pm Sat, 2a Clyde Road, Brighton, BN1 4NP, 01273 674350,

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we’re open every day, so come down and “gin yur yur” (eat a lot!) 8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226,

Wine bar Ten Green Bottles

Both a wine shop and bar, we offer an exclusive range of wines to take home or enjoy here by the glass or bottle, sourced direct from artisan producers across Europe. Private tasting events can be organised, and, because we charge just a small corkage on a bottle to drink in, avoiding the usual markup, they are certainly the best value in Brighton for good quality wine! 9 Jubilee Street, Brighton, BN1 1GE, 01273 567176,

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

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smiling faces are still serving after a year of being open. Harry said: “I’m so incredibly proud of the whole team I have here. My recruitment strategy was to hire people with great experience but also that I could get along with and that would get along with each other. Quite simple really, a perfect recipe. When you come in you’ll always get a warm greeting from a member of a team that genuinely cares about your experience with us. We’ve all been here since the very beginning and we are all very proud of what we have achieved as a team in just 12 months.”

“When you come in you’ll always get a warm greeting from a member of a team that genuinely cares about your experience with us”

on the


Going to town Andrew Kay raises a glass to celebrate the first birthday of The Townhouse Kemp Town


he Townhouse Kemp Town opened its doors one year ago and since day one has gone from strength to strength. Creating a name for itself as a new destination restaurant in Brighton, The Townhouse has become a haunt for both locals and tourists alike and even a few celebrity customers. Speaking to Harry Woodhams, general manager of The Townhouse, he tells us of the weeks running up to the opening: “After living in Kemp Town myself for a few years, I was already excited about the prospect of serving such a great community. I had so many people chatting with me in the streets expressing their excitement at the revival of this well established restaurant. People were joining our Facebook group weeks before the opening to keep up to date with the renovations.” The opening weeks proved very exciting for The Townhouse team and they rapidly developed a loyal and regular clientele. Now, a whole year on, The Townhouse is preparing itself for another exciting year ahead. As well as the conventional dining facilities, they have a fully equipped function room, with TV, internet, sound system and even an A3 printer should you need it! So whether you are planning a simple dinner, a business meeting, conference or private party they are clearly ready to assist you with all your needs. I visited the restaurant and was overwhelmed by the standard of food they were serving. With a refreshingly small menu, everything was clearly made on site. Musa Jobe, head chef, said: “Creating a menu to suit a Brightonian was very different to creating one for the London audience that I was used to. But I truly enjoyed creating this new menu,

with all the great local produce that is available here in Sussex. Creating the new vegetarian dishes, and getting such great feedback from our guests, has helped us as a team to get where we are today. I’m now creating our new autumn menu and you’ll always find new dishes on our specials board to keep tempting you back.” Dining at The Townhouse Kemp Town is always a pleasure. On my first visit the service was second to none and it was great to see the same

The team at The Townhouse have clearly had a great year and, as usual, I felt at home. But what are their plans for the future? Harry updates us: “Well, where do I begin? We have already done so many exciting things, from wedding receptions, charity launch nights, catering for film crews and providing street bars at Brighton Pride. Right now we are preparing ourselves for another fun Christmas and the new autumn and winter menus to keep everyone warm. After that, who knows where we’ll go, we can only say that our aim is to keep our customers well fed and happy.” I had a great time at The Townhouse, meeting the team, who are all equally passionate about the restaurant; what it has and can achieve. I truly wish them all the very best for the future. It’s a delight to find an entire team that genuinely cares about a business as passionately as they do. The Townhouse Kemp Town, 81–82 St James’s Street, Brighton, BN2 1PA, 01273 693216,

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Dear Jacquie Your queries about natural health answered by Jacquie Lane from the College of Naturopathic Medicine “I’m 50 years old and facing the dreaded menopause. Is HRT the only solution to the problems that may follow?” SB, Brighton Marina Please see the start of the menopause as the beginning of freedom! This is how it is viewed in many other countries. Natural therapies such as acupuncture, herbal medicine and homeopathy can be enormously helpful in treating menopausal problems. However, since dietary and lifestyle changes can have such a huge impact on the classic menopause symptoms of hot flashes, night sweats and low moods, I suggest that you start by making some everyday changes to help yourself. An area to pay particular attention to is your bone health to help prevent osteoporosis. Oestrogen is very protective of bone health and declining levels during and after the menopause can cause the classic symptoms

mentioned above. You can help protect your bones by having a good selection of naturally occurring calcium and vitamin D foods. Good levels of calcium are found in broccoli and green leafy vegetables, sesame seeds, almonds, dairy foods, and tinned salmon with the bones mashed in. Vitamin D is plentiful in oily fish, eggs and dairy products. And don’t forget to get natural daylight every day, even when the sun is absent from Brighton! Vitamin K, boron, zinc, and magnesium are also essential for keeping bones strong. Reducing fizzy drinks, saturated

fats, alcohol, caffeine, sugar and salt would be helpful for bone health, heart health, and to prevent or reduce hot flashes. A group of foods called phytoestrogens are useful for helping the body replace some of its naturally lost oestrogen levels. Foods containing these include soya, flax seeds, oats, chick peas, lentils, sage and red clover. Weightbearing exercise is also very protective of bones. Combine this with some regular walking/cardiovascular exercise for heart health. Adequate soluble fibre found in fruit and vegetables and clear fluids are required for good bowel health, and essential fatty acids found in flax seeds and oily fish are good for joints and heart health. Our moods can also fall at this time and many women find relief with St. John’s Wort. However, as with all medicinal herbs, a health history case-taking consultation would be required to ensure that the herb would be safe and useful for you. See your health professional for advice. If you have a general health query that you would like to raise here you can email Jacquie at healthqueriesforWave@naturopathy Please note that Jacquie cannot enter into individual correspondence unless your query is chosen for publication.

Jacquie Lane is a lecturer at the College of Naturopathic Medicine (CNM) and the Director of Studies at CNM in Brighton. Jacquie also runs her own nutrition clinic in Brighton and manages a biological testing lab specialising in digestive issues.

CNM open evening If you would like to train to become a nutritional therapist, please book to attend CNM’s next open evening in Brighton. 01342 410505,

023_LS545_W111_waveworld_CNM 23/09/2011 15:53 Page 3

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To celebrate the launch of Schwarzkopf’s Got2B POWDER’ful, an amazing styling powder that transforms hair in under 60 seconds, the Schwarzkopf Got2B style team hit the streets of Brighton offering free 60second hair makeovers and asking residents what their ultimate 60-second experiences would be. More than half (52 per cent) of people in Brighton opted for a one minute experience involving their favourite singer or band member. We have three (rrp £30 each) fantastic hair kits

for both men and women to give away to Latest 7 readers. Each kit contains Got2B POWDER’ful – meaning tons of va-va-voom volume for women and tons of tousled texture for men. The kits also include Got2B products including Rockin’ It Dry Shampoo, 2Sexy Hairspray and Mousse, Beach Matt Paste, Glued Blasting Freeze Spray and much more! To win answer the following question: What did more than half of people in Brighton opt for as their dream one minute experience? Email with ‘Got2B’ in the subject box and your answer to the question and your contact details in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: 31 October 2011.


Bare Escentuals boutique is now open in Brighton! The Bare Minerals make-up leads the way in cosmetics in the USA outselling the likes of Rimmel and Maybelline! So what’s all the fuss about? We headed down to the opening and after a ‘makeunder’ lesson, the Latest Beauty team are complete converts to this range. If your skin is too oily for liquid foundation or too dry so powder make-up appears ‘caked on’ Bare Minerals can help. It’s all in the



conway practice Specialist in Smoking Cessation and Weight Control • Self Esteem • • • •

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application, which is why the products come with a ‘how to apply’ DVD. For ease, visit the boutique for a ‘makeunder’ lesson and learn the application method. You may need an extra ten minutes in the morning until you get the hang of it, but once it’s part of your routine an easy and flawless complexion can be achieved. What’s more, the mineral make-up doesn’t clog the pores and minerals (zinc) can actually help heal problem skin, making it the perfect product if you’re prone to breakouts. Pick up a starter set and you won’t look back! Bare Escentuals, 7 Dukes Lane, Brighton. See Latest People next issue for more on the opening!


New <ID Cosmetics has launched their new collection of lipsticks for the new season. Apply with the New <ID lip brush for longer wear and keep your eye makeup neutral and build up a rich lip colour. Shades range from Dusk to Berrylicious and Fushia. Available from New <ID Studios nationwide and online at


The professional beauty team at Korres tell us what’s in their beauty bag this season...

Korres mixes and matches autumn/winter trends, playfully opting between the nudest-of-thenude and the-dark-and-delicious. Seamlessly blended washes of greysilver, brown-gold on eyes and natural nude lips. Shades of Coral, Orange Brown, Natural Purple, the new season’s naturals, along with the more traditional nudes, Rose and Beige, take it in turns to add a freshfaced touch to the lips. Go nude – for this look try: Korres Eyeshadows [51 Silver/28 Golden Brown] £12. Dark, darker, delicious: for those power-craving moments, lips are slicked in the boldest of reds, a classic triumph of the assertive yet sexy pout. Go bold – for this look try: Korres Guava Lipstick [58 Wine Red], £15 Korres is available from follow me on twitter


024_LS545_W111_revitalise_Revitalise 22/09/2011 15:30 Page 2

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Clean up your act Clare Brown of Revitalise on the health and wellbeing benefits of colonic irrigation

Colonic hydrotherapy Safe •Effective •Gentle

£10 off 1 session or £30 off 2 sessions

Call Revitalise on 01273 738389 email:

Buy 1 massage get one free Half price sports massage Half price lymphatic drainage

massage Gift vouchers available Log onto for more offers Call Revitalise on 01273 738389


id you know: the healthy transit time of food through our bodies is less than 24 hours? On average in the UK it is now 60 hours for men and 70 hours for women – making us the most constipated nation in the world as we should have a bowel movement after every meal! What’s more, one in three people consulting a GP have a digestive complaint. Digestive disorders are now widespread. Toxins are re-absorbed through the wall of the colon directly into the bloodstream. Our systems are being heavily polluted by this continually increasing accumulation of waste matter from food and normal body processes. Colonic hydrotherapy clears old faecal matter, gas, mucus and toxic substances in the colon, improving Benefits of colonic elimination. This leads to better hydrotherapy digestion so you get less gas, bloating and food intolerances, more energy, clearer skin, more mental • Cleanse the colon: Toxic material clarity and fewer headaches. It also is broken down so it can no helps many circulatory, immune and longer harm your body. In this weight problems and can improve very real sense a colonic is a many joint conditions. rejuvenation treatment. The idea of having a colonic can be • It exercises the colon muscles: daunting but it’s really not as bad as The gentle filling and emptying you may think! The modesty of the of the colon improves peristaltic client is preserved to the utmost (muscular contraction) activity during the process, so you never feel by which the colon naturally very exposed. An appointment at moves material. Revitalise is 75 minutes in length, but • It reshapes the colon: When much of this time is taken with a problem conditions exist in the consultation and explanation colon, they tend to alter its conducted by a well trained and shape that in turn causes more caring professional before the problems. The gentle action of treatment, and nutritional and lifestyle the water, coupled with the advice after the treatment. massage techniques of the colon The actual treatment takes about 30 therapist helps to eliminate minutes. During this period, filtered bulging pockets of waste and water is introduced into the colon narrowed, spastic constrictions gently using only the pressure of finally enabling the colon to gravity. With specific massage resume its natural state. techniques, the water begins to soften • It stimulates reflex points: any deposits and cleanse the colon of Every system and organ of the faecal matter, which is instantly piped body is connected to the colon away with the waste water. by reflex points. Colonic The number of treatments required stimulates these points, depends on factors including your age, affecting the corresponding dietary intake, lifestyle and previous body parts in a beneficial way. colonic treatments and other cleanses undertaken. Countless thousands of colonics have been given safely and the water pressure used is very low so there is no danger of any bowel damage. Unlike laxatives, colon hydrotherapy is not habit forming and actually improves and restores muscle tone. Revitalise has carried out over 8,000 safe and effective colonic treatments and all therapists are either I-ACT or Colonic Association registered. They are currently offering £10 off your first session (pay £60) or £30 off two sessions (pay £100). Revitalise also stocks a range of health related products in their shop including detox products and food supplements. Revitalise, 86 Church Road, Hove, 01273 738389,,

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Lynne Edwards takes in the sights and the golf at the Lübker Golf Resort, Denmark


s you leave the comforting bustle and civilisation of the university town of Aarhus and head further east into the hinterlands of Djursland, the ‘nose’ of Eastern Jutland melting into the Kattegat, a tingle of anticipation fizzes through your limbs. It was from this peninsula of proud pines, cascading hills and gentle coasts that intrepid bands of Danish Vikings sailed forth to bestow a plethora of Danish place names upon neighbours near and far. The Norman town of Aptot, for instance, derives its name from the present day Ebeltoft, a mere 30 km from Lübker Golf Resort. Having navigated our way to the Lübker resort, with little help from the sparse signage, we were greeted politely at reception and escorted to our spacious two bedroom apartment, which was furnished and equipped to a very high standard (Bang & Olufsen electronics) in modern Danish design. Although it was tempting to prepare our own meals and enjoy them on the massive hardwood deck overlooking the closing green of one of the three nine hole layouts comprising the golf courses, the delights of the brasserie restaurant beckoned seductively.

head for the brasserie, where the menu encompasses familiar brasserie favourites such as chilli con carne, burgers, club Our first foray into Danish cookery sandwiches and more, all served at the Lübker restaurant was a in satisfying portions and with a starter consisting of a moreish cold wink of Danish surprise. Everything potato soup liberally laced with was served with friendly smoky bits of ham hock. Our main professionalism, and menu items course was an epic rack of local were explained in fluent English. lamb befitting the denizens of In fact, English appears to be the Valhalla. Mild in flavour, these plump, default language at Lübker. unctuous chops were easily the We welcomed the opportunity to most enjoyable bit of lamb we have work some calories off on the three ever eaten. The pristine nine-hole turbot was cooked layouts at and seasoned to Lübker, aptly “So where does perfection, and we named Forest, Odin go with his washed it down Sand and Sky. with very good These Robert sore, stiff and battle house Umbrian red Trent Jones II and white wines. tracks vary in wearied muscles?” Dessert was a trio distance and of crème brûlée difficulty. The laced with tarragon (extraordinary!), European Challenge Tour would be a cube of fatally gorgeous chocolate playing the Sand and Sky courses cake with a large spoonful of vanilla the following week, of which the ice cream, all accompanied by latter is the most technically generous glasses of 2006 Reserve challenging, with long carries over port. They cook with pride here, and hazards, into stiff breezes, and with to a high standard, without narrow approaches requiring good derailing into fussiness. For lunch, club selection and accuracy. The Sky’s finishing hole is a Nordic mythological monster of over 600 yards played into an ever-present headwind. An 18 handicapper will do well to reach this green in regulation. It is truly Thor’s anvil, and we can still hear his hammer ringing in our ears. Or is that his laughter? The Sand course was the

most enjoyable as its wider fairways afford the opportunity to open one’s shoulders, while The Forest, the shortest of the three courses, is perhaps the easiest to play to your handicap. These courses are among the very best we have ever played, and they were recently ranked 14th in Golf World magazine’s top 100 Continental European courses in 2010. They may not be the easiest courses you will play, but rest assured that they will be among the most enjoyable. So where does Odin go with his sore, stiff and battle wearied muscles? The spa at Lübker Square has been constructed and furnished to create the optimal setting for relaxation, enjoyment and memorable experiences for the entire family. Children of all ages can spend hours playing games and meeting new playmates in the underground level. At the ground level there is fun and entertainment for the entire family in the subtropical baths, while the top levels are reserved for relaxation and self-indulgence. If you wish to pamper yourself, the first floor is pure paradise for beauty treatments, massage and various forms of therapy. If your body is begging for more punishment, you can visit the well equipped fitness room. Alternatively, enjoy the spectacular views from the roof terrace. Lübker Golf Resort, Trent Jones Allé 3, Nimtofte, Denmark, DK-8581,

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027_LS545_W111_it's not you_CNM 23/09/2011 12:54 Page 3

wave 27

It’s not you... Each month, dating coach Tammy James answers your relationship questions I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for three months and I’m not sure it’s working out. How do I end it with him in the least upsetting way? If you’re ending a relationship and you think your boyfriend will feel differently to you, he’s going to be upset regardless of how you deliver the message. You must be clear – don’t leave any room for ambiguity. If it’s over, then make sure he knows. Consider preparing what you are going to say in advance so you say what you need to, however, be sensitive – the last thing he’ll want is a character assassination from you as well as being dumped. For a relationship of this length, I always think it’s better to do it over the phone as it’s not too impersonal, you can say what you need to and then end the conversation without any awkward goodbyes. It’s easy to end up feeling negative and guilty about this, however, you’re doing the right thing. It’s not fair letting someone else continue to invest emotion into

the relationship if you can’t see a long term future. Before you move onto your next relationship, you might want to reflect on whether you’ve found yourself in this situation before. It’s not uncommon for us to have a pattern of relationships – contact me for one-to-one coaching to explore this further. I recently checked my husband’s phone and saw he has been texting a woman in his office. The messages were fairly jokey but they were both including a kiss after their names. Is he having an affair? I wonder what led you to check his text messages. Are there other signs that have raised your suspicions? I don’t know whether your husband is having an affair or if he’s simply struck up a platonic friendship with a colleague. Before you put two and two together to make five, consider whether your husband texting people from the office is unusual and whether he’d

Happy birthday Brighton Natural Health Centre celebrates 30 years of good health and wellbeing


his October the Brighton Natural Health Centre (BNHC) celebrates 30 years as a pioneer in the city’s vibrant holistic health scene. BNHC is an educational charity founded in 1981 by Infinity Foods Co-operative to offer a range of healthy lifestyle classes. At the time its mix of yoga, tai chi, dance, massage and meditation classes was unique in Brighton and helped pave the way for a massive expansion in public awareness of holistic lifestyles. BNHC is especially proud of its independent, non-profit status and its commitment, from the beginning, to providing the very best teachers. With a wide range of classes from Astanga yoga to hula-hooping, BNHC provides inspiration, friendliness, affordability and real quality in the heart of Brighton’s bustling North Laine area. The Centre has recently introduced National Lottery funded outreach classes aimed at minority groups who do not normally have the confidence or means to attend courses at the centre. To celebrate their 30th birthday, Brighton Natural Health Centre is welcoming everybody to a free Open Day on 22 October where there will be talks, demonstrations and taster classes. Attendees can enter a draw to win one of 30 £30 vouchers to spend at the Centre. Brighton Natural Health Centre, 27 Regent Street Brighton BN1 1UL 01273 600010,

usually put a kiss at the end. The classic signs that someone is cheating on you are changes in their routines and behaviour; sudden drinks after work, joining a gym or using their phone more could be signs. You might also notice a change in their behaviour towards you, either much more distant or a little clingy. If you have noticed a change and you suspect he’s cheating, you need to think carefully about your next steps. Read my blog for further advice about infidelity in relationships. My girlfriend and I recently bought a puppy. Although we both look after it, I think she’s treating it like a baby and spending far too much time with it. How do I get her to treat it like a dog? The question here is whether you are annoyed that her babying the dog is making it difficult to train or whether you feel a bit pushed out. Regardless of the issue, the solution is the same. You need to talk about setting boundaries you’re both comfortable with. How you train the dog needs to be a joint decision.   If you have a relationship problem you’d like answering please email it to Please note Tammy cannot enter into personal correspondence with you unless your problem is chosen for publication. Please indicate your email is from Wave.

Tammy James Msc, is director of, a coaching practice specialising in dating and relationships. Using a combination of coaching techniques and good old fashioned advice, provides one-to-ones and group workshops. Email: Web: Twitter: @itsnotyouitsme_

028_029_LS545_reviewsbookings _Reviews 23/09/2011 12:57 Page 2



L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at


PO GIRL, Ropetackle Centre, 21 September JJJJJ

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speedy return to Shoreham following last year’s show with the Hullabaloo Community Quire, the group were unfortunately reduced to a trio following Benny Sidelinger’s departure from the tour due to a family bereavement. With the two frontwomen addressing each other as ‘Miss Awna’ and ‘Miss Alli’ throughout, they began with Awna Teixeira’s ‘Montana’, from their latest album Follow Your Bliss. They immediately clicked with the audience, their contrasting voices worked as well as the clarinet and guitar solos. With Miss Awna switching to banjo for the breathy ‘Grey Ghost’, drummer Mikey August doubled-up on keyboard duties. An homage to a flamenco dancer friend began with a slouchy, note-bending country blues intorduction which grew into lovely vocal harmonies backed by harmonica. Neither emulators or copyists, Po’ Girl occupy a middle ground, somewhere between The Secret Sisters and Loretta Lynn. That said they were certainly not bland; they couldn’t have been with the changing of instruments and styles. ‘Le Partisan’ was introduced, and partly sung, in French, while Miss Awna later remenisced about her Portuguese grandmother in a song that evoked a sun-kissed afternoon. Following a brief explanation, the gutbucket bass appeared. This comprised a bucket, pole and string and lent ‘In The Days’ a devilishly swamplike feel, with Allison Russell snake-charming on clarinet. Collaborator J T Nero’s ‘Double Helix (Rainbow)’ was nice but again bordered on MOR. All in all it was an enjoyable show but overall lacked the edge and roughness to elevate it from being background music. Steve Clements


One-man plays stand or fall on their actors’ performance. Done well, we glimpse a complicated protagonists’ psyche; done badly, you get pompous preening. Luckily, Davey Anderson’s true-life tale of a Glaswegian skinhead charged with attempted murder really came alive in the hands of talented young actor Jack Boyle. With an atmospheric Max Wilson score and convincing performance running the gamut of emotions, the incarcerated teen’s tale of goth bravado, inner turmoil and rage, as he symbolically shaves his hair, was captivating theatre. Unfortunately saddled with a mawkish denouement worthy of a Jerry Springer “Final Thought”, this was nonetheless an accomplished work. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 20 September JJJJJ Nick Aldwinckle


Shakedown was my kind of festival. It was so little you could stand in the middle and listen to 2ManyDJs with one ear, Example with the other, plus the third stage, should you have an extra ear to hand, all at the same time. It felt like a bunch of people had just rocked up in a field for a party. There were some epic sets from the likes of Zane Lowe and Judge Jules and headliners Razorlight were on good form, but it was Example who had the whole crowd going crazy. Add to that the fact that you could catch the night bus home to your own bed and it was just about perfect. Stanmer Park, 17 September JJJJJ Jenni Davidson


Would you recognise ‘Purple Haze’ played with a Kazoo? Can you write

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Mark Allen

eloquent poetry concerning the virtues of buzzards in five minutes? Can you hunt and kill an angry swan with a toy gun? If so, congratulations, you are a suitable candidate for The Humble Quest for Universal Genius! The show pits two comedians (this month: Tom Webb and Robin Buckland) against each other in a mammoth battle of wit and knowledge. An entertaining format which crescendoed into off-the-richter levels of frivolity and stupidity, whilst compare Mark Allen and “glamorous” assistant Eli Silverman valiantly battled to keep some sense of order. Fun, entertaining and only a few shades away from genius. Upstairs at the Three and Ten, 16 September JJJJJ Woodie Whyte



Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 7.45pm, 16 October, £12/10, 01273 709709 After four years of smash hits, awards and five star reviews, Jason embarks on an adventure for the ultimate prize: true happiness. Known by festivals worldwide for his uplifting stand up, this show is guaranteed to put a smile on your face and a fuzzy feeling in your belly. Mark Butcher


Coalition, 15 October, £7, 01273 722 385 Likened to Massive Attack at their most seductive, and with Steve Lamacq describing them as “the best band at The Bill Chill”, this Leeds seven-piece band are making waves of the best kind.

Jason Cook

1 Champion Fever Dragons 2 North Laine So Slow Down 3 Atom Grad Where Do We Go From Here 5 Millsy Slug Music Spooky

7 Slipp Electro ft Osaro It's Lifting Me (Remix) 8 La Lunalight Hear No Evil 9 Jim Guittard Can’t Be Down That Very Long


Roptackle Arts Centre, 11 October, £5, 01273 464440, October’s edition of Ropetackle’s monthly music club, Tuesday Music Live, will feature ex-England cricket star Mark Butcher and fellow rising musical star Jo Harman. Unusual mix-up.


Komedia, 9 November, £17.50, 0845 293 8480, Unplugged show by former Marillion frontman whose solo material has built on his already solid reputation as singer and songwriter.


10 Fooley Mantras Our Time This week, it looks like yet another chart rundown where North Laine and Champion Fever are duking it out over the Number One spot, alternating positions week by week. This time round, the multi-intrumental bedroom dance music maestro Champion Fever reclaims the number one with his classy glitchfest ‘Dragons’. Once again, rapper North Laine is bumped to second place with ‘So Slow Down’ as the polished indie-rock choruses of Atom Grad’s ‘Where Do We Go From Here’ climbs to take the bronze medal position. Meanwhile, that other hardy perrenial, dark cybergoth-tinged maverick Chaos Borne, remains for yet another week at four with ‘The Moment’ as the oddball pop experimentalism of Millsy Slug Music’s ‘Spooky’ climbs to five.

11Thin Boy Ken It’s BLOBBY time again 12 Chaos Borne I Will 13 Chaos Borne Watching 14 Hollywood Assassins Swithblade 15 Maria McAteer – Her Night At Noon Drink The Pain Away 16 Jaybee Cowboys Blues 17 Maths Class Emporio Laser 18 lolatwist pretty 19 lolatwist lovetaker 20 tenek State Of Mind SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

Robin Ince


Did you disagree with our verdict on any of these shows?

TOP 10

6 Osaro and RJ Shut Up and Dance


Brighton Centre, 8–9 October, £18/12, 0844 847 1515, The UK’s first exhibition takes place next month for those whose 40th birthday arrived sooner than they thought it would. Generation Expo is specifically designed by and for those in their 40s and 50s who still love live music, sports, motors and travel. It features an eclectic mix of exhibitors, live music performers and activities like no show ever attended before.


Latest Brighton Download Chart

4 Chaos Borne The Moment

Pic: Andy Hollingworth

Brighton Digital Festival’s comedy evening brought headliner Robin Ince and several scientifically minded stand-ups together for a superlative lesson in intelligent humour. Each guest brought their own geeky specialism to the night: Matt Green with technology, James Ward with gaming, Helen Keen with space exploration, and host Timandra Harkness’ with mathematics. Occasional gags went over some heads, but found their target in niche sections of the educated audience. Looping around themes from his Brian Cox collaboration The Infinite Monkey Cage, Ince was in his element, freewheeling through philosophical, religious and political arguments, to the universal delight of the room. Caroline Of Brunswick, 21 September JJJJJ Stuart Huggett

Concorde 2, 11pm–4am, 29 October, £tbc, 01273 673311, If there’s one thing Brightonians are good at it’s having a party. The End Of The World Society are throwing this shindig with the firm belief that the zombies are coming and the only thing to do is lock yourselves in Concorde 2 and party like it’s the end of days, until the zombies come and take you away. Class.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

Submotion Orchestra

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L7 Previews

Much of Robin Maugham’s own life reads like a work of fiction. Nephew to literary giant William Somerset Maugham, it has often been speculated that he took some inspiration from ‘Uncle Willie’ for many of his characters that featured in his many plays, novels, short stories, films and biographies. Some of Robin’s happiest years were spent at a Regency house in Brunswick Terrace, Hove, where he partied constantly with the likes of Graham Greene, Sir Terrence Rattigan and Gilbert Harding. He died in Brighton Hospital in 1981. The Servant, New Venture Theatre, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm matinee on Sunday 2 October, 1, 2, 4–8 October, £9/8, •Words: Chris Dyer

STAGE: AS YOU WISH Locally made but nationally promoted,The Servant comes home to Brighton at The New Venture Theatre


stage adaptation of former Brighton resident Robin Maugham’s The Servant will be shown at The New Venture Theatre next month. Made famous by the 1963 Harold Pinter-scripted film classic starring Dirk Bogarde and James Fox, it is often mistaken for Pinter’s own work, in fact its origins lie in Maugham’s book of the same title, written in 1948. Following the book’s success, Maugham turned The Servant into a play in 1958, but was told by one film censor that, because of its risqué content, he would never see it made into a film in his lifetime, despite Maugham always believing it was a ‘natural’ for the screen. The plot centres around the young and wealthy Tony as he returns from Africa to collect his inheritance and the subtle role reversal that takes place between him and his employee. Tony’s manservant tends to every whim, he takes care of the decorating, plumbing and can even knock out a mean chocolate soufflé. But it’s all a smoke screen as each character is locked in tangled web of power and control, swirling beneath the quaint superficiality of 1950s society. This particular production sees the central role of Tony played by Matthew Houghton (Our Country's Good, Strangers On A Train, Mojo And Festen). Tony’s insidious servant is meticulously played by Colin Elmer, he manipulates a subtle control over his master as they each vie for status amongst the Chelsea socialites.

STAGE: SUGAR PLUM FAIRY Vienna Festival Ballet Company bring Tchaikovsky’s famous classical ballet The Nutcracker to Worthing this October. The enchanting tale centres around Clara and her nutcracker doll, which magically transforms into a princely soldier. Their adventures see the prince and Clara combat the Mouse King and join the Sugar Plum Fairy for a wonderful trip to a kingdom made entirely of sweets. Vienna Festival Ballet Company’s production of the traditional tale includes glamorous costumes, innovative choreography by Sheila Styles, beautiful sets and energetic dancers. The comapny are now in their 32nd year of producing ballet

productions. Founder and artistic director, Austrian dancer Peter Mallek, is closely involved with each production and personally chose a group of young, international dancers for The Nutcracker. The Nutcracker, Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, Friday 7 October, 7.30pm £21.50/16.50 adults, £12.50 children,

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030_033_LS545_previews_editorial 23/09/2011 13:29 Page 3

LATEST PREVIEWS MUSIC&CLUBS 31 CLUBS: THE POP KRAFT SATURDAY SPECIAL Indulge yourself at the Pop Kraft Supper Club with a three course dinner! Diners get free entry to a proper knees-up night, with Boogaloo Stu, Dolly Rocket, the Size Zero Albino, Darran Duran and very special guests. Music from Lady Gaga, Rhianna, Girls Aloud, Kylie, Robyn, Katy Perry and more. Proud Brighton Ballroom, 1 October, 7pm-2am, £6/£8 CLUBS: GIRLS ON TOP LGBT FRESHERS FOAM PARTY Held over two floors, expect huge foam canons, glow sticks and tunes from an all female DJ line up. DJs Smithy, Fifilicious, and Alpha play the very best in pop, urban, chart and requests in the Pleasure Dome experience. Revenge, 29 September, 10.30pm5am, free before 11.30pm MUSIC: BETH JEANS HOUGHTON Newcastle’s psychedelic glam-folkpop-bewigged Beth Jeans Houghton and her band The Hooves Of Destiny will be warming up for the rest of the year with a set of live dates and a six-track EP release. An off-the-wall and off-beat singer songwriter, expect to hear and learn about the delights of dodecahedrons (a polyhedron having 12 faces) among other things... Proud Brighton Ballroom, 27 September, 8pm, £8.50

MUSIC: EMMY THE GREAT A woman who makes a Virtue out of the weird Beth Jeans Houghton

MUSIC: REVERB LIVE Radio Reverb presents the first of a bi-monthly night of new music with a line up that includes Felix Fables, Dan Shears & The Velveteen Orkestra, Mike Mayfield and Friends (including Jo Harman) and Hollywood Assassins. The first part of the evening is hosted by Acumedia, with the industry panel debating: How To Fund and Legally Protect Your Work. Latest Musicbar, 28 September, 6.30pm (Acumedia), 8.30pm (Reverb Live), £2 (free for Acumedia) MUSIC: ISRAEL NASH GRIPKA Tough country rock from this new kid on the block. Bruce Springsteen and Neil Young are obvious influences, and like Young the atmosphere is sometimes foreboding and haunted, yet strangely uplifting. His second album Barn Doors And Concrete Floors was recorded in old hay barn, nestled deep in the Catskill Mountains, with coproducer/drummer Steve Shelley (Sonic Youth). Green Door Store, 29 September, 7.30pm, £8


hile Emmy-Lee Moss, aka Emmy The Great, was writing her second album, Virtue, when her fiancé suddenly saw God and left her for the church. What began as a series of stories just after her engagement to an atheist, suddenly took on new meanings. “This has been the craziest year of my life,” says Emmy. “We got engaged quite suddenly and then overnight he became a Christian. Disappeared and gone...” Virtue often deals with people being trapped in strange situations, and the need for the characters to make their way through it. Using symbols borrowed form fairy tales and mythology, she then adds modern day icons such as industrial buildings and mushroom clouds. She calls this personal collection of myths that she fitted to her music, along with musician Euan Hinshelwood, as ‘digital medieval’. “I remember a lot of dreams,” says Emmy. “Even when I was six! I was dreaming a lot when I was making the record. My subconscious was coming into play – I wasn’t dealing with the break up of my engagement on a conscious level. “I have a close connection with my internal world,” says Emmy. “My dreams often consist of ogres and witches – they are there so that I can deal with them, turn them into stories. I’m quite optimistic, happy-go-lucky sort of person, but it gets darker when I write!” Emmy noticed that women only make it through the woods in myths if they keep their virtue. Both getting engaged and the subsequent split had the effect of her losing her direction – getting lost in the woods, as it were. And so she hid herself away at her parents’ house and went about putting the pieces back together again. Virtue is a highly literate and poetic work, with the influences of musicians and writers such as Suzanne Vega, Margaret Attwood and Angela Carter buried within, as well and many myths, ancient and modern, informing it. It all adds up to the never-ending search for identity and purpose: “I wanted to be a backing singer,” she says about the adoption of Emmy the Great as her stage name. “I wanted to have something to hand to people. ’Emmy’ is a name they called me at university, which I hated, and ‘The Great’ I added was because I hated ‘Emmy’ so much!” Emmy The Great, Duke Of York’s Cinema, 3 October, £12.50 follow me on twitter


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030_033_LS545_previews_editorial 23/09/2011 13:30 Page 4

Nik Coppin



COMEDY: BRIGHTON COMEDY FESTIVAL With October arriving again it’s time to sit down and pick your favourite shows in our own Comedy Festival


Sarah Milican

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Nick Helm

COMEDY: INTO COMEDY IN AID OF GIVING Proceeds from this event will go straight to INTO-Giving (Registered charity no: 1126262) which was established in 2008 to help fund educational projects in impoverished and disaster-stricken parts of the world. Performing for you... Eden Rivers, James McDonnell, Adam Race, Nick Cooke, Nathan Kail and Alex Petrovic. Plus a special guest! The Loft, 30 September, 7.30pm, £5 COMEDY: THE BOY WITH TAPE ON HIS FACE Just a quick reminder that the silent yet sharp critically acclaimed comic (see last issue for longer article) can be found round our way this Wednesday. A treat for the belly laughing senses. Komedia, 28 September, 8pm, £10/8 EVENTS: THE BATH ARMS ALE & SAUSAGE FESTIVAL For National Cask Ale Week, The Bath Arms is holding a week long

festival. Sip delicious ales from the across the country and tuck into some tasty sausages from Germany, Poland and South Africa. Veggies will be catered for! Win £50 to spend in The Bath Arms on food and drink by finding special one-off beer mats inside. The Bath Arms, Meeting House Lane, 1–9 October 12pm-11pm EVENTS: SPEAKY SPOKEY A literary cabaret of short stories, performance poetry, music and film. Featuring Colin Grant with another wry extract from Bageye At The Wheel, Gilli Bloodaxe, performance poet Nina de la Mer reading from her novel 4am, short film artist Louise Colbourne and live music. Latest Musicbar, 29 September, 7pm, £5 Pic: Judith Ricketts

here is a positive array of comics old and new heading into town in two short weeks’ time, ranging from Paul Daniels to Micky Flanagan, with late additions coming in thick and fast from the bookers, who have kept a fresh eye out throughout the Edinburgh Festival Fringe to bring us the brightest and newest. Among those is the familiar face of Nick Helm, whose first show last year brought him down to the Brighton Comedy Festival, and this, his second show, won him a nomination for the Edinburgh Award. Fellow nominee Andrew Maxwell can also be found, as well as Frisky & Best Newcomer nominee the very funny Mannish Josh Widdicombe. The big headline names include Tommy Tiernan Sarah Millican, Tommy Tiernan, Phill Jupitus, Milton Jones, Reginald D Hunter and Margaret Cho, to name a few. But there is also space for a variety of different kinds of comedy, from Chris Cox’s breathtaking mindreading magic to Delete The Banjax, Late Night Gimp Fight Micky Flanagan and Idiots Of Ants with their delightful sketch comedy. And not forgetting the cabaret showstoppers Frisky & Mannish. Plus Showstopper!, an improvised musical comedy created before your very eyes and with an indecently wellrespected cast. Make sure you don’t miss any of the homegrown talent, too, as Brighton home favourites step away from the compereing mic and we get the rather excellent trio of Zoe Lyons, Stephen Grant and Seann Walsh all providing their own full-length shows. If you liked them linking comics and their regular nights, you’ll love a full-on blast of undiluted humour from each of them. Add to those the marvellous up-and-coming acts – like Nick last year – who have been spotted by well tuned comedy-finding eyes, along with the usual Best Of The Best variety boxes, plus Best of Chortle Awards and you’re spoilt for choice. Prices vary so there should be something to suit every pocket. Treat yourself – have a giggle as summer ends and autumn arrives. Brighton Dome venues, 7–22 October,

COMEDY: COMIC BOOM Comic Boom is back from its August hiatus, mixing up stars of the future with a storming headliner act. Fresh from Dave’s Best Joke Of The Edinburgh Festival and being nominated for the Edinburgh Award 2011 (formerly the Perrier), Nick Helm takes the wheel at the top of the bill for some fabulous comic shouting. Komedia, 29 September, 8pm, £9/7

EVENTS: THE LANTERN FAYRE The Level will see its elm trees dressed with traditional paper lanterns creating a magical backdrop against the autumn sky. Dance to percussionist bands Barulho, The Tracy Sullivan Trio, Caracazu, Maracatu and Pollito Boogaloo at the live stage. Check out the craft market with its many stalls and the creative workshops for all ages. The Level, 8 October, 12pm–10pm free

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030_033_LS545_previews_editorial 23/09/2011 13:33 Page 5

Brighton Belles

Supported by


ART: RADICAL BLOOMSBURY Last chance to see this major exhibition which looks at the contribution that painters Vanessa Bell and Duncan Grant had on the development of 20th century British painting, exploring the relationship between the Bloomsbury artists and avant-garde art from 1905-1925. Radical Bloomsbury: The Art of Duncan Grant and Vanessa Bell, 1905-1925, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, Pavilion Gardens, 01273 290900. Until 9 October

ART: ZED TALIJAN In the words of this fine artist: “In my work, I like to look for the point where abstracts and realities meet. In that undefined space a visual freedom is created that plays

between different interpretations. My art is a blend of cultural backgrounds that create a new visual language.” Zed Talijan, The Lanes Gallery, 32 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 734347. Private view: 30 September. Exhibition runs throughout October. FILM: SHARK NIGHT 3D (TBC) Dir: David R Ellis Mwah ha ha! Sharks are evil and not to trusted or co-existed with. Especially if you’re a nubile teen who’s rather good on the old water skis. Or so it would seem in this allembracing horror-fest in 3D of lovely young things trapped on a lake island. A classic ‘when frolics turn to bloody messes’, flick, starring Sara Paxton, Chris Carmack, Dustin Milligan, and Alyssa Diaz. Released 30 September Showing at Odeon and Cineworld For full details of film times:


FILM: WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? (15) Director: Mark Mylod


here have always been drunken conversations – or sober ones – where past relationships are raked over, adjusted into a better light and examined from an altogether different perspective from the one the relationship ended with. Especially when it comes to counting quite how many of the dalliances have been written off as doomed. And here is your romcom premise. Anna Faris plays Ally Darling, a woman scared by a magazine article that leads her to believe she’s pretty much filled up her quota of relationship bids. Faced with the self-imposed prospect of being alone, she starts her comedy journey of revisiting her past partners, assessing if she made a wrong turn along the way. Aided by carefree neighbour Chris Evans, in a quid pro quo arrangement that sees her helping him avoid his blasts from the past, this is a search for true love hidden under a hastily passed by bushel. Can you guess where she might find it? Maybe there’s a twist. Maybe. Also starring Chris Pratt, Martin Freeman and Zachary Quinto. Released 30 September Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

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tues 27 september

thur 29 september

sat 1 october

see website for details

speaky spokey

private party

wed 28 september

a literary cabaret entertainment of short stories, music, performance poetry and film. 7.00pm £5 / £4 advance

acumedia 6.30pm free later....

reverb live dan shears & the velveteen orkestra felix fables mike mayfield & friends feat. jo harman hollywood assassins 8.00pm £2

to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact ruth or emma on 01273 687171 or email

sun 2 october fri 30 september

bark like a dog blues jam

greek night

doors 7pm free

featuring the george kypreos band 9.00pm £10

mon 3 october

breath +web of maya 7.30pm £3

034_LS545_stars-TV column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 23/09/2011 12:04 Page 2



STARS With Val Aviv

HARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Your agenda clashes with other people’s as you may not be on the same page, so you can’t expect people to understand you. However, you have the power to understand them. Make the best of it and don’t undervalue yourself.

HTAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Your working life takes on a new dimension which adds to the feeling of living a zestful life. New challenges may rock a boat that needs to be rocked. You can really move and grow when diving clean out of the boat and taking a swim.

HGEMINI {May 22–June 21}

The highs and lows of romance leave you in a spin as an unexpected development changes everything overnight. Your feet may not touch the ground for a considerable time. Be gracefully bold, energised and wholly yourself.

HCANCER {June 22–July 22}

You love the company of loved ones in the confines of your home where peace prevails. Yet as unexpected information surfaces it could change your feelings about an important relationship. Avoiding an issue will only make it bigger.

HLEO {July 23–Aug 22}

The sudden impulse to uproot may give you an inclination of things to come. But you’re not done being sociable yet so how can you go anywhere when you’re permanently on the phone? People you speak to now hold the key to a future enterprise.

HVIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

The strength of your beliefs alone can help you to find the power to express your most authoritative self. Remember, when you feel inhibition, it means you are in a position of growth. A good relationship is highly prised.

HLIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

You may not be used to this kind of attention, as you’re usually so focused on other people’s feelings. Your views count a lot now. Is there something you want to say? You now have a voice that is louder than it has been in a long time.

HSCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Disruptions in your routine will only feel like they are coming from outside forces if you haven’t realised that a part of you has been changing. Is it time to make a bold move towards a new goal? You may want to keep a low profile but there’s little opportunity for that.

HSAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

Fancy a healthy dose of teamwork? Sure, you’re amazing and can achieve a lot in isolation, but to do that now will be to your own detriment. You realise the value of your unique abilities but the combined value of a group is even greater.

HCAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

If someone needs a job doing well, who are they going to call? You, that’s who! So while you may feel upset by a niggling lack of power, remember that personal power is knowing what you have the power to change and acting on it.

HAQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Something unexpected may spur an instinct of flight. Yet like a prisoner who fears the outside world, are you happier with the devil you know? Embark on an adventure into the unknown as there is nothing to fear yet everything to gain!

HPISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

It’s been a difficult time juggling financial responsibilities which clash with idealistic hopes about the future. Tie up short term loose ends now, even if it means holding fire on a few long term plans. Things may yet change in your favour by then. Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at:

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 827 SEPTEMBER – 3 OCTOBER BBC are announcing further cutbacks, every penny has to count. Which means winning awards puts you that step ahead of the others when it comes to the scrum with commissioning editors and getting that next series in the works. With Victoria Nangle The recent series of Torchwood, a co-production with US channel Starz, is testament enough to working practices in the current climate. They needed the big budget and had a fanbase in America thanks to BBC Worldwide and found the compromises that could work for all to take the series forward. Downton Abbey, with its four shiny Emmys hard won last week, has just started another series to great critical cheers, so there should be little need to plonk a US airforce base ward ceremonies can be tedious things, next door to round up more backing. especially if you’re not winning anything. Another winner at the Emmys was Jim Parsons as That’s probably why the Oscars has so much Lead Actor In A Comedy Series, for Big Bang Theory. razzle-dazzle in it these days – with massive Nice to know we already have commissioning editors musical collaborations becoming YouTube hits from recognising quality at C4. Others on our screens to the following morning (check out Gwyneth Paltrow pick up awards include The Good Wife, Justified, Mad singing ‘Forget You’ with what looks like a cast of Men, Mildred Pierce and The Daily Show With Jon ginormous Muppets and Cee Lo Green), as well as Stewart, scattered across various channels. big name hosts (Eddie The thing is, the Murphy has been ones we haven’t got booked for next year) yet should surely be “Awards puts you ahead and any other whizz snatched up soon bangs they can think of when it comes to the scrum after their accolades to keep the people who were announced. With aren’t likely to be taking with commissioning editors” pennies pinched all home any fancy round at the TV statuettes glued to the channels it makes goings on. There is one set of people who were sense to snap up the shows everyone has already riveted from start to finish at last week’s Emmys, agreed are top notch. Which means that even who weren’t nominated for a single gong. The though there may be less money, we’re getting commissioning editors. And the purchasing editors. better and better programmes for our time. Thank They wanted to know what’s hot. And they wanted it you Emmys. You don’t need a flashy host or all for themselves. fireworks. You’ve given me something better – It used to be that if you won an award it was more good programmes guaranteed. great for your ego and not bad for business. In Downton Abbey, ITV1, Sunday 2 October; The Big these times when Psychoville is said to not be Bang Theory, E4, early evening throughout the week returning to our screens, My Family is limping follow me on twitter latestvicky through its final series and the big chiefs at the

Telly Talk

And thewinner


035_LS545_TV_Tues_L7wed14apr.qxd 23/09/2011 12:10 Page 1

tuesday 27 Later Live... With Jools Holland BBC2, 10pm This is the party you imagine having when you get your very first pad. Kasabian drop in, Neil Finn turns up with his supergroup Pajama Club, next is young Mali singer Fatoumata Diawara and then in strolls James Morrison. All helmed by new flatmate Jools Holland. Who shares his milk.

True Blood Channel 4, 11.45pm Are you surprised that in a land where vampires are ‘out’ there might be some more interesting creatures that haven’t stepped out of the supernatural closet, as it were? Bless them, they’re shy, but still extremely photogenic as Sookie’s new bodyguard type person Alcide the werewolf is evidence of. Bonio anyone?

Mark Lawson Talks To Diana Rigg BBC4, 10.30pm Dame Diana Rigg talks to Mark Lawson about her 50 year career, from The Avengers sex symbol to classic acting heavyweight. Mother Love and Rebecca, to The Morecambe And Wise Show and Extras, as well as her early life in India, this is a remarkable interview.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Build Or Not To Build 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Celebrity MasterChef 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Natural Born Hunters 3.35 Wingin’ It 4.00 Hotel Trubble 4.30 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders A panicked Ben tries to contain the truth about his relationship with Duncan. 8.00 Holby City As her mother’s condition worsens, Elizabeth tries to confront her past and face her future. Meanwhile, will Michael’s career survive Sunil’s dodgy decisions? 9.00 The Body Farm Crime drama series. The body of a dead man, later identified as 35-year-old Connor Ryan, member of a fishing trawler’s crew, is found floating at sea. When Eve arrives at the harbour to examine the body, Hale tells her that the trawler and the other crew members, Patsy Fay and marine biologist Tom Wilkes, are missing. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Hedge Wars Documentary taking a look at leylandii trees. 11.15 What’s The Point Of Religion? For his New Year Rosh Hashanah message the Chief Rabbi, Lord Jonathan Sacks, puts the case for religion as a vital antidote to what he sees as a crisis in British society. 11.45 FILM: The Best Of Times (1986) Starring Robin Williams, Kurt Russell. Sports comedy. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Village SOS 2.30 Food Fighters 3.15 Antiques Road Trip 4.00 News


6.00 – 8.55am Children’s television 8.55 Dirtgirlworld 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 9.45 Nuzzle And Scratch 10.05 Get Squiggling 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The New Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.40 Coast 2.00 The Daily Politics Conference Special 4.00 Escape To The Country 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Antiques Road Trip 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Reel History Of Britain Melvyn Bragg, accompanied by a vintage cinema, travels across the country. 7.00 Dragons’ Den A bride and her business partner climb the stairs to the Den seeking long-term commitment from a Dragon. Will their novel idea, capitalising on the wedding market, be enough to forge a union? Plus other madcap ideas. 8.00 The Great British Bake Off Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins host the semi-final. After seven weeks of gruelling challenges, the four remaining bakers must prove they are worth a place in the final. 9.00 Hairy Bikers’ Meals On Wheels The Hairy Bikers are riding to the rescue of one of our great national culinary treasures – Meals on Wheels. In this episode, the Hairy Bikers face their toughest test so far. In Slaithwaite, West Yorkshire, they find a village that’s lost its traditional hot Meals on Wheels service. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 Today At Conference 11.50 A South American Journey With Jonathan Dimbleby 12.50am Damages 1.30 BBC News 4.00 Inside The Human Body 5.00 Wonders Of The Universe


Channel 4

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 There’s No Taste Like Home 5.00 The Chase

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Supernanny US 9.55 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.40 River Cottage Bites 12.55 FILM: Shane (1953) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Belle begins to suspect that David might be the father of Amy’s baby. 7.30 Mayday Mayday Documentary series following the work of RNLI volunteers. A Brighton-based businessman has to be saved after taking a friend’s speedboat out in what was a particularly violent surf. 8.00 Missing Millions Paul Heiney and Melanie Sykes present the series which aims to track down people who are entitled to a share of the 15 billion pounds lying unclaimed in Britain’s bank vaults. If only... 9.00 71 Degrees North Paddy McGuinness and Charlotte Jackson present the extreme adventure competition. Two contestants found things too tough and have withdrawn from the expedition. Their replacements are England footballing legend John Barnes and journalist Richard Arnold. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 DCI Banks Detective drama. After Tom McMahon dies in a second suspicious fire, Banks focuses his investigation on the ringleader of the art forgery scam. 11.35 Rugby World Cup 2011: Highlights 12.20am Billy Connolly’s Route 66 1.15 The Zone 3.15 Crossing Jordan 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui is horrified when Myra and the McQueens confront Gilly. 6.55 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 BT And Channel 4 Present... 8.00 Gok’s Clothes Roadshow: Get The Look For Less Gok Wan shows Britain how to look fabulous without spending a fortune and takes his latest catwalk show, Supermarket Chic vs. High Street, on the road. A new group of ‘roadtesters’ put coloured skinny jeans through the consumer mangle. Go girlfriend! 9.00 Seven Dwarves Documentary series following the lives of seven dwarf actors. The final episode features 26-year-old Ryan, one of the shyest members of the group, who embarks, during the film, on a lifechanging relationship. . 10.00 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series. Mickey give Mimi an ultimatum, either the new boiler goes or he does. Heat or him? 11.45 True Blood See highlights. 12.55am UK And Ireland Poker Tour 1.50 Sailing: America’s Cup Uncovered 2.15 Sainsbury’s UK School Games 3.10 FIM Superbike World Championship 2011 3.35 Mobil 1 The Grid 4.00 KOTV Boxing Weekly 4.25 FIVB World Beach Volleyball Tour 5.15 Cookery School

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.05pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Big Brother 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Miami 3.15 Chinese Food In Minutes 3.20 FILM: Falling In Love With The Girl Next Door (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Liam hunts down Bianca’s attacker. 6.25 OK! TV Lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Real Food Family Cook Off The search is on for the country’s best home cooks. The Cook Off kitchens come to Greenwich. 8.00 Superior Interiors With Kelly Hoppen New makeover show featuring South African-born Kelly Hoppen, one of the most celebrated interior designers on the planet. Kelly’s mission is to transform a drab suburban garage in Hertfordshire into a beautiful family social space. Go! 9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. After an alligator kills an internet entrepreneur in his pool, the team look into his connections with a highend dating site which attracts some shady customers. Bizarre combo. 10.00 Big Brother Coverage of all the latest goings-on from inside the Big Brother house. Or you could just watch your own housemates. 11.00 FILM: The Woods (2006) Starring Agnes Bruckner, Patricia Clarkson, Bruce Campbell. Creepy high school horror. 12.45am Inside Hollywood 1.00 SuperCasino 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 Brian Sewell’s Grand Tour 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Monday Night Football 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 SPL Round-Up 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Netbusters 1.30 Ford Monday Night Football 3.30 Netbusters 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Special Report 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.30 Special Report 11.00 Revista De La Liga 12.00am Football’s Greatest 12.30 Champions League Goals 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 Revista De La Liga 3.00 Champions League Goals 4.00 Football’s Greatest 4.30 Revista De La Liga 5.30 Football Asia

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 8.00 Trilby Golf Tour 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.00 PGA Tour Golf 12.00pm PGA Tour Classic 1.00 British Rally Championship 2.00 Kings Of The Extreme 2.30 Elite League Speedway 4.55 LIVE UEFA Champions League (x2) 10.00 Champions League Goals 11.00 Great Run Series 11.30 Cycling Sports World 12.00am Sports Unlimited 1.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.30am P1 Superstock Powerboating 7.00 British Rally Championship 8.00 NASCAR 9.00 Elite League Speedway 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Great Run Series 12.30 P1 Superstock Powerboating 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 2.00 International Bowls 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 Great Run Series 6.30 Cycling Sports World 7.00 Formula 3 Euroseries 8.00 International Bowls 10.00 Golfing World 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am International Bowls 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Sun, Sea And A&E 1.00 Luton Airport (x2) 2.00 The Real A&E (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Showboaters 9.00 Inside Gatwick 10.00 FILM: The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) 12.10am 35mm

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 Jono: Finding My Family On Facebook 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Wilfred 10.55 Family Guy (x2) 11.40 Don’t Tell The Bride 12.40am Young Soldiers 1.40 Wilfred 2.00 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 3.00 Cherry’s Parenting Dilemmas 4.00 Underage And Pregnant

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Hidden Paintings Of The East 8.00 Britain’s Best Drives 8.30 Regimental Stories 9.00 The Mrs Bradley Mysteries 10.30 Mark Lawson Talks To Diana Rigg. See highlights. 11.30 Teenage Kicks: The Search For Sophistication 12.30am Britain’s Best Drives

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of New York City 4.40 Loose Women 5.45 The Only Way Is Essex 6.30 The X Factor 8.00 Minute To Win It 9.00 FILM: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) 11.25 Celebrity Juice 12.10am FILM: You, Me And Dupree (2006)

12.00pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 The House Of Eliott 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Monk 5.05 Terry And June 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 The House Of Eliott 8.00 The A To Z Of Crime: MNOP 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Wycliffe 11.10 Inspector Morse 1.15am Numb3rs

2.35pm Gilmore Girls 3.35 Glee 4.35 Rules Of Engagement 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Made In Chelsea 9.00 Smallville 10.00 The Cleveland Show (x2) 11.05 The Ricky Gervais Show 11.40 Shameless 12.45am The Big Bang Theory

3.05pm Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Up In Smoke 11.20 Britain’s Worst Weather 12.20am Come Dine With Me

11.00am Saddle The Wind (1958) 12.40pm The Barbarian And The Geisha (1958) 2.45 Guns At Batasi (1964) 4.50 Donovan’s Reef (1963) 7.05 Volcano (1997) 9.00 A Time To Kill (1996) 11.50 Mr Woodcock (2007) 1.30am Zatoichi (2003) 3.50 Close


.TV If you want to join us to make a TV channel for Brighton on terrestrial TV come to Latest Musicbar. 5.30pm Mondays

S S 6. Sp pr pa w Sp re lo an 8. Sp pr pa w N Su te in Su ga Th in Le In so fo re ga Pr Th th an N go Fo Ci Th co Ch Da go

036_LS545_TV_Wed_L7wed14apr.qxd 23/09/2011 12:14 Page 1

wednesday 28 Planet Dinosaur BBC1, 8.30pm They say that man is the most destructive creature to ever walk the Earth, but did the people that say that ever meet the last generation of dinosaurs? They sort of took killing to another level. Beyond PS3 shooter games. From gangs to tyrants to occasional cannibalism, these massive lizards did it first. Bad.

Fresh Meat Channel 4, 10pm Student life as written by the pens that created Peep Show is bound to be excruciating and compelling in equal measures. No disappointments here. Finding themselves socially out on a limb the housemates decide to have a party. Yay! Loads of new pals! A chance for Josie to grab Kingsley! Hello Josie’s boyfriend.

Film: A Town Called Panic Film4, 2.30am Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant and utterly madcap French animated surreal comedy film from the folks that provide the nutty animated milk ads. A cowboy and a soldier live with a horse, whose birthday it is, and their home gets stolen by mysterious vandals who lead them on a merry dance, all while Horse wants to learn piano.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Build Or Not To Build 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Celebrity MasterChef 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Natural Born Hunters 3.35 Wingin’ It 4.00 Hotel Trubble 4.30 Serious Explorers: Raleigh 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Waterloo Road School-based drama. The new head of English, Linda Radleigh, quickly learns how tough Waterloo Road can be when she attempts to look after Emily James on the day her sister is released from prison. Ha! 8.30 Planet Dinosaur See highlights. 9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Celebrity genealogy series. Having reached a turning point in his life, former daytime television presenter Richard Madeley decides to find out more about his family roots, and in particular the Canadian side of his family. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 10.45 Ask Rhod Gilbert Rhod Gilbert is joined by regular panellists Greg Davies and Lloyd Langford, along with guests Deborah Meaden from Dragons’ Den, Craig Revel Horwood and Shappi Khorsandi. 11.20 FILM: Outrageous Fortune (1987) Starring Shelley Long, Bette Midler, Peter Coyote. Comedy drama. 12.55am Weatherview 1.00 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.30 Watchdog 2.30 Bang Goes The Theory 3.00 Village SOS 4.00 BBC News


6.00 – 8.55am Children’s television 8.55 Dirtgirlworld 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 9.45 Nuzzle And Scratch 10.05 Get Squiggling 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 See Hear 1.30 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Antiques Road Trip 5.55 Party Political Broadcast 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Reel History Of Britain Melvyn Bragg, accompanied by a vintage mobile cinema, travels across the country to show. 7.00 Escape To The Country Aled Jones helps a couple who’ve hardly lived together during their 34 years of marriage find a home together in the country in West Sussex. 8.00 Natural World Wildlife documentary. Manta rays are one of the most intelligent creatures in the ocean and, at up to seven metres long, one of the largest. Yet despite their size and curious nature, almost nothing is known about their lives. 9.00 Dragons’ Den: How To Win In The Den Casting an analytical eye over the highs and lows experienced by the hundreds of entrepreneurs who have dared to enter the Den over the last nine series. 10.00 Shooting Stars Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer host the hit comedy panel show. 10.30 Newsnight Kirsty Wark reports from the Labour Conference while Jeremy Paxman is in London. 11.20 Today At Conference Andrew Neil presents highlights of the Labour Party’s annual conference. 11.50 Toughest Place To Be A... London bus driver Josh West heads to Manila. 12.50am Damages 1.35 BBC News 4.00 Class Clips (x2)


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 There’s No Taste Like Home 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.50 Party Political Broadcast By The Labour Party 7.00 Emmerdale Declan revels in John’s misfortune and attempts to poach Andy. Nicola realises that she has to accept the new Jimmy. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Valencia V Chelsea Chelsea travel to Spain to face Valencia in what looks like their most difficult match in the group stage. New Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas knows that Roman Abramovich covets this trophy more than any other and nothing less than a run to the final in Munich next May will suffice. Adrian Chiles presents the action from the Estadio Mestalla with analysis from Gareth Southgate and Andy Townsend, and commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Jim Beglin. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time The best bits. You know, the bits you heard people go “Oooohh!!!” at as one throughout the pub-intesive bits of the city. 11.35 Rugby World Cup 2011: Highlights As the pool stages draw to a close, there is an Eastern European clash in Pool B as Romania take on Georgia. 12.05am Goodwood Revival 2011 1.00 The Zone 3.00 FILM: Gorillas In The Mist (1988) 5.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Supernanny US 9.55 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 BT And Channel 4 Present: Nathan Stephens’ The Sharp End 12.40 FILM: The Magnificent Seven (1960) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui and Rhys reach crisis point over Gilly and Jacqui moves back home. 6.55 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 BT And Channel 4 Present... 8.00 Location, Location, Location Brand new parents Lucy and David want a ‘forever’ home for themselves and baby Evie, and with their life savings at stake they’re determined to be picky in Surrey. Over the border in Berkshire and Hampshire, Kirstie also has her hands full with Kelly and Emma, who are looking for their first home together with £350K to spend. 9.00 Grand Designs Property series with Kevin McCloud. The old lifeboat station in Tenby was home to the brave souls of the RNLI for over 100 years. When they moved out, two more brave souls, Tim O’Donovan and his wife Philomena, saw an opportunity not only to convert it into a unique, contemporary home but to rescue this historic building. 10.00 Fresh Meat See highlights. 10.55 Shameless Repeat of Tuesday’s episode. 12.35am MUSIC ON 4: On Track With Seat 1.05 4Play: Ghostpoet 1.20 The Album Chart Show 1.35 FILM: Courage Under Fire (1996) 3.30 Accidentally On Purpose 3.55 Smallville 4.40 Countdown 5.25 Cookery School

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Little Princess 7.15 The Mr. Men Show 7.30 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.05pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Big Brother 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: NY 3.10 FILM: Cries In The Dark (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Romeo declares war on Harvey. Roo bonds with the Walker clan. 6.25 OK! TV Lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the helicopter crews of the RAF, Navy and Coastguard Search and Rescue crews as they rush to help injured walkers and climbers in the Scottish Highlands. 8.00 Ultimate Emergency Bikers Documentary series following the work of emergency bike crews. 9.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. After a man is shot dead, Goren and Eames find themselves hunting a killer who is assuming multiple identities. 10.00 Big Brother Coverage of all the latest goings-on from inside the Big Brother house. 11.00 Banged Up Abroad Documentary series. The story of Chris Parnell, who spent 11 years in a prison nightmare when he was locked up in Indonesia after being wrongly convicted of smuggling hashish. 12.00am Five VOD Pokerstars: The Big Game 12.55 SuperCasino 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 Brian Sewell’s Grand Tour 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Champions League Goals 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 BUPA Great North Run 12.00pm Champions League Goals 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 BUPA Great North Run 3.00 Champions League Goals 4.00 Football Asia 4.30 Revista De La Liga 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 Football’s Greatest 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Champions League Goals 1.30 You’re On Sky Sports 2.30 Football’s Greatest 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Champions League Goals 4.30 Football’s Greatest

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Kings Of The Extreme 9.30 Cycling Sports World 10.00 PGA Euro Pro Tour Golf 12.00pm Formula 3 Euroseries 1.00 International Bowls 3.00 PGA Euro Pro Tour Golf 4.55 LIVE UEFA Champions League (x2) 10.00 Champions League Goals 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 Total Rugby

Sky Sports 3 8.00am European Seniors Tour Golf 9.00 International Bowls 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 2.00 Kings Of The Extreme 2.30 Cycling Sports World 3.00 Formula 3 Euroseries 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 IJF World Circuit Judo 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 DTM Motor Racing 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 PGA Euro Pro Tour Golf 11.00 Judo 11.30 Cage Fighter 12.00am Inside The PGA Tour 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 PGA Euro Pro Tour Golf Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








1.00pm Luton Airport (x2) 2.00 The Real A&E (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons 7.00 The Middle (x2) 8.00 Modern Family (x2) 9.00 Mount Pleasant 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Strike Back: Project Dawn 12.00am Brit Cops: Rapid Response

7.00pm The World’s Strictest Parents 8.00 Junior Doctors: Your Life In Their Hands 9.00 The Fades 10.00 FILM: Con Air (1997) 11.45 Family Guy (x2) 12.30am American Dad! (x2) 1.15 The Fades 2.15 Young Soldiers 3.15 Bizarre ER (x2) 4.15 The World’s Strictest Parents 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Chemistry: A Volatile History 8.30 Law Of The Dragon: Storyville 9.00 Rex Appeal 10.00 FILM: When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth (1970) 11.35 Extinct: A Horizon Guide To Dinosaurs 12.35am Charles Darwin And The Tree Of Life 1.25 FILM: Angel Of Mine (2008) 3.05 Rex Appeal

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of New York City 4.40 Loose Women 5.45 New You’ve Been Framed! 6.45 All Star Family Fortunes 7.50 FILM: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous (2005) 10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.45 FILM: Ocean’s Twelve (2004) 1.15am Emmerdale

12.00pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 The House Of Eliott 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Monk 5.05 Terry And June 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 The House Of Eliott 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Agatha Christie’s Sparkling Cyanide 12.10am FILM: Twilight (1998) 1.45 Film File 1.55 Drama Trails

12.05pm Greek 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.35 Glee 4.35 Rules Of Engagement 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 FILM: Jumper (2008) 9.45 Rude Tube 2010 11.50 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.50am Scrubs (x2)

1.30pm The Good Wife 2.30 Come Dine With Me Down Under 3.05 Coach Trip 3.40 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Time Team (x2) 11.10 Attila And The Empire Of The Huns 12.10am Time Team

11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 12.50pm Dakota Incident (1956) 2.40 Seance On A Wet Afternoon (1964) 4.55 There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 7.05 Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 9.00 Heat (1995) 12.15am The Black Dahlia (2006) 2.30 A Town Called Panic (2009) See highlights. 4.00 Close



Brighton Lights 29

We talk to award-winner and Mock The Week regular Zoe Lyons about comedy, dogs, and her love of Brighton – and caught a glimpse of her new show

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thursday 29 Shirley BBC2, 9pm Shirley Bassey has a most remarkable story, and it’s still going strong. This dramatisation follows the early life of the mixed race icon from Wales, charting her humble roots in the ’30s right through to the start of her rise to international stardom in the ’60s. Starring Ruth Negga, from Misfits and Five Daughters.

Billy Connolly’s Route 66 ITV1, 9pm The penultimate episode of this bearded trek across America sees Billy in cowboy country, as he joins ranch-hands in a cattle drive to Oklahoma City. Then he visits a ghost town in Texas, followed by – but not connected to – meeting two men who helped create the atomic bomb. Cripes! Then to a Navajo site.

The Big Bang Theory E4, 8pm Sheldon is so ace he won an Emmy! Yup, actor Jim Parsons aka Sheldon beat competition from Steve Carell, Alec Baldwin and Louis CK to take home that gong (not to mention co-star Johnny Galecki), so you might want to tune in and find out what all the fuss is about. Socially awkward geeks. Gotta love them.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Build Or Not To Build 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Celebrity MasterChef 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Natural Born Hunters 3.35 Wingin’ It 4.00 Copycats 4.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Tensions between Phil and Patrick reach boiling point, while Ben watches helplessly as his father’s actions escalate out of hand. 8.00 Watchdog Consumer series. The DVLA has introduced new rules to clamp down on uninsured motorists, but is it targeting the wrong people? Plus the mobile phone companies whose advertising promises do not come up to scratch. 9.00 Outnumbered Sitcom. Mum is still convinced Jake has a secret, while Ben is determined to enter a school talent competition with an unusual double act. 9.30 Would I Lie To You? Rob Brydon hosts the comedy panel show, with David Mitchell and Lee Mack. David is joined by Gregg Wallace and Nigel Havers, and Lee Mack is joined by Charlie Brooker and Nina Wadia. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs Question Time from the Labour Party conference in Liverpool. 11.35 This Week A political review. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Syria: Inside The Secret Revolution – Panorama 12.55 Countryfile 1.55 Antiques Roadshow 2.55 Food Fighters 3.40 BBC News


6.00 – 8.55am Children’s television 8.55 Dirtgirlworld 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 9.45 Nuzzle And Scratch 10.05 Get Squiggling 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Antiques Road Trip 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Reel History Of Britain Melvyn Bragg, accompanied by a vintage mobile cinema, travels across the country to show incredible footage. 7.00 If Walls Could Talk: The History Of The Home Lucy Worsley, chief curator of the historic royal palaces, takes us through 800 years of domestic history by exploring the British home through four rooms. Tonight: the bedroom. 8.00 The Marvellous Mrs Beeton, With Sophie Dahl Sophie Dahl explores the extraordinary life and times of her food heroine, Mrs Beeton – the creator of the original domestic bible Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management. 9.00 Shirley See highlights. 10.10 Mock The Week Dara O Briain, Chris Addison, Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons look back over another week’s news with guests Milton Jones and Ed Byrne. 10.40 Newsnight 11.30 Today At Conference Giles Dilnot presents highlights of the Labour Party’s annual conference in Liverpool. 12.00am Dame Shirley Bassey At The Electric Proms 12.20 Imagine... Dame Shirley Bassey – The Girl From Tiger Bay 1.15 BBC News 4.00 Engineering For The World 5.00 Engineering For The World 2 5.30 How To Build


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 There’s No Taste Like Home 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Chas realises the full extent of Aaron’s torment. Moira sees that John is working himself too hard. 7.30 Death Of The High Street: Tonight With consumer confidence plummeting and, in some areas, up to a quarter of retail outlets lying empty, Jonathan Maitland examines why so many of our town centre high streets are in decline. He asks what, if anything, high streets can do to compete with the popularity of out-of-town shopping centres and the growth in online retail. 8.00 Emmerdale Aaron refuses to let a desperate Chas help him. Alex’s situation worsens when he realises that he cannot afford the rent. 8.30 Coronation Street Peter breaks down as Carla’s life hangs in the balance. Sally has a change of heart after Pam’s outburst. Tracy is pleased to cheer Steve up. 9.00 Billy Connolly’s Route 66 See highlights. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Jonathan Ross Show Repeat of Saturday’s show. 11.35 71 Degrees North Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.30am The Zone 2.30 Death Of The High Street: Tonight 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.20am Sali Mali 6.25 The Treacle People 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Supernanny US 9.55 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 12.35 Four In A Bed 1.05 FILM: Rio Grande (1950) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks A conflicted Carmel gives in to her desires with Father Francis. 6.55 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 BT And Channel 4 Present... 8.00 Country House Rescue Ruth Watson returns to Plas Teg, a Grade I listed Jacobean mansion that lay derelict until Cornelia Bayley attempted to renovate it. 9.00 Educating Essex Series following a group of GCSE students at Passmores School in Harlow, Essex, and the staff who teach them. Rebel Sam and model student Gabby are both affected by bullying in different ways. 10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon visits Capri, a struggling Californian restaurant owned by melodramatic identical twins Jim and Jeff. 11.05 Seven Dwarves Repeat of Thursday’s episode. 12.05am The Vue Film Show 12.35 MUSIC ON 4: Ibiza Rocks On With XBox Kinect 1.05 Music On 4 Favourites: The Kooks 1.30 4Play: DJ Shadow 1.40 Rockfeedback Presents: End Of The Road 1.55 Embarrassing Bodies 2.50 Dispatches: The Wonderful World Of Tony Blair 3.45 Smallville 4.30 Countdown 5.15 Cookery School

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Little Princess 7.15 The Mr. Men Show 7.25 Thomas & Friends 7.40 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.05pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Big Brother 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.10 FILM: Loving Evangeline (1998) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away A proposed visit by Sid’s ex-wife causes problems. Jake is out on bail and looking for Brax. Casey and Ruby are used as bargaining tools. Leah tells Miles she does not want the baby. 6.25 OK! TV Lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features from the worlds of fame, music and fashion. 7.00 5 News At 7 National and international news. 7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action from the latest round of this year’s competition. Spurs take on Dublin’s Shamrock Rovers, the most successful club in Irish footballing history. 10.10 Big Brother Coverage of all the latest goings-on from inside the Big Brother house. Do you have a favourite yet? If you got tickets to eviciton night what would your placard read? Maybe make some placards in from of the telly and get some inspiration from tonight’s comings and goings. 11.15 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Emma Willis hosts a round-up of Big Brother-related news and debate, with special guests, exclusive footage and behind the scenes treats. 12.10am SuperCasino 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 Brian Sewell’s Grand Tour 5.00 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Champions League Goals 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00pm Champions League Goals 1.00 European Tour Weekly 1.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Alfred Dunhill Links Championship 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Ringside 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Premier League Snooker 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.00am Ringside 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 The Rugby Club 2.30 Ringside

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 DTM Motor Racing 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00pm Total Rugby 12.30 IJF World Circuit Judo 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 DTM Motor Racing 3.00 Champions League Goals 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 WWE Special – The Very Best Of WCW And The Best Of Nitro 6.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 6.30 Sailing: America’s Cup Uncovered 7.00 IAAF Athletix 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 The Rugby Club 9.00 Ringside 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am WWE NXT

Sky Sports 3 10.00am IJF World Circuit Judo 10.30 Inside The PGA Tour 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Kings Of The Extreme 12.30 Inside The PGA Tour 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Kings Of The Extreme 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Boots ‘n’ All 6.00 NFL – Total Access 7.00 Racemax 8.00 Sailing: America’s Cup Uncovered 8.30 Asian Amateur Golf Championship 9.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 PGA Tour Golf 5.00 Asian Amateur Golf Championship

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Sun, Sea And A&E 1.00 Luton Airport (x2) 2.00 The Real A&E (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama (x2) 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Glee 10.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 11.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 12.00am Law And Order

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Young Soldiers 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Young Soldiers 12.45am Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 1.15 Wilfred 1.35 World’s Craziest Fools 2.05 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1976 8.00 When TV Goes To War 9.00 The Perfect Suit 10.00 Dear Censor: The Secret Archive Of The British Board Of Film Classification – Timeshift 11.00 Only Connect 11.30 Regimental Stories 12.00am Top Of The Pops: 1976 12.30 When TV Goes To War

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of New York City 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Minute To Win It 8.00 The X Factor USA: Auditions 3 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: You, Me And Dupree (2006) 12.55am Coronation Street

12.05pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.10 Heartbeat 2.10 The House Of Eliott 3.15 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Monk 5.10 Terry And June 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 The House Of Eliott 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 The A To Z Of Crime: QRST 10.00 Rosemary And Thyme 11.45 FILM: The Calcium Kid (2004) 1.15am Duty Free

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory. See highlights. 8.30 Perfect Couples 9.00 How I Met Your Mother 9.30 Happy Endings 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.35 Show And Tell 11.25 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night 12.15am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

3.00pm Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 24 Hours In A&E 10.10 The Closer 11.00 The Killing 12.00am 24 Hours In A&E 1.00 The Closer 2.00 The Killing

11.00am La Regle Du Jeu (1939) 1.05pm The Thief (1952) 2.50 Bullwhip (1958) 4.25 The Sea Wolves (1980) 6.50 Star Trek: First Contact (1996) 9.00 Transporter 2 (2004) 10.40 The Football Factory (2004) 12.25am The Full Monty (1997) 2.10 Blood And Chocolate (2007) 4.00 Close



Brighton Lights 30

Pride 2011 Special. Andy Nicholls film investigates all sides of the debate. Oh, and there’s a short interview with Joe McElderry in Preston Park!

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friday 30 The Million Pound Drop Live Channel 4, 9pm Feeling haggard? Brain wrung out like a dishcloth by the week’s work? Then move no further than your sofa this Friday night to feel clever and a little bit smug as this climactic question and answer show features facts you either know or you don’t, but you’ll probably know more than a lot of the competitors. Davina hosts.

Big Brother: The Eviction Interview Five, 11pm Right, 9 o’clock sees the announcement of who’s got to pack up their toothbrush and skedaddle. 11 o’clock and it’s time to dish the dirt, no holds barred, Brian’s-yer-pal spill it all as the least popular housemate gets to vent their bile and unleash their acid tongue. Yeah.

Judge Judy ITV2, 5.40pm For some no-nonsense down-toEarth rulings and common sense decisions you can’t go far wrong with Judge Judy. Missing Grandma’s pearls of wisdom? Pretty sure you can find more than a couple here. Plus, some of the most bizarre scenarios found on TV that don’t include Jerry Springer. Go girl!


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Build Or Not To Build 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Celebrity MasterChef 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Natural Born Hunters 3.35 Wingin’ It 4.00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 4.30 Planet Dinosaur Files 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 8.55am Children’s television 8.55 Dirtgirlworld 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 9.45 Nuzzle And Scratch 10.05 Get Squiggling 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Antiques Road Trip 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Reel History Of Britain Melvyn Bragg, accompanied by a vintage cinema, travels across the country. 7.00 The Culture Show Andrew Graham-Dixon visits the new Firstsite Gallery in Colchester, Mark Kermode talks to Lars Von Trier about his new film Melancholia and Alastair Sooke meets American artist Frank Stella. 8.00 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson guides a retired couple in their quest to find the good life in north-west Wales. 8.30 Gardeners’ World In a special programme which comes from all four of the Royal Horticultural Society gardens, the Gardeners’ World team are out on the road. 9.00 Digging For Britain In the final episode of the series, Dr Alice Roberts goes in search of our elusive Stone Age ancestors. 10.00 QI Stephen Fry comes over all indecisive. With Phill Jupitus, Rich Hall, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.00 The Review Show Round table arts and culture discussion programme. 11.50 Later... With Jools Holland Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.50am FILM: It’s Alive (1974) 2.20 The Culture Show 3.20 BBC News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 There’s No Taste Like Home 5.00 The Chase

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Supernanny US 9.55 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Down Under 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 BT And Channel 4 Present... 12.10 FILM: Cheyenne Autumn (1964) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Alex has his revenge on Declan. 7.30 Coronation Street Kevin and Pam are horrified when Bill collapses during their argument. 8.00 Love Your Garden Gardening series with Alan Titchmarsh. Alan investigates the classic charm of the cottage garden as he discovers the epitome of the cottage style in Staffordshire, 8.30 Coronation Street Bill’s heart attack brings Kevin and Sally closer. 9.00 DCI Banks Detective drama. When Annie looks into the murder of a paralysed and disfigured woman whose body is found on the moor, her first case as Senior Investigating Officer proves challenging. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Sextuplets - The Little Lambs Documentary about the first sextuplets born in England for 17 years. Cameras have exclusive access to Vicky and Andy Lamb and their five-year-old daughter Grace during the most dramatic time of their lives. 11.35 Rugby World Cup 2011: Highlights Expect sparks to fly as South Africa face Samoa in the final group match for both teams. 12.00am Smugglers 12.55 The Zone 3.15 Rugby World Cup 2011: Australia V Russia 5.30 Rugby World Cup 2011: France V Tonga

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Father Francis tries to go straight, but finds himself compromised between the pull of Carmel’s love and Cindy, who is leading him into temptation. 6.55 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 BT And Channel 4 Present... 7.35 The IT Crowd Sitcom set in an IT department. Moss finds an internet site that calculates when users will die, but when he tries it out on Roy they both get a nasty surprise. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Dinner party reality show. In Tyneside the hosts are English teacher Jenni McGagh, hairdresser Bobby Mukabaa, colonic irrigationist Cath Morgan and cheeky-chappy butcher Dan Freeman. Light the touch paper... 9.00 The Million Pound Drop Live See highlights. 10.30 8 Out Of 10 Cats The topical panel show presented by Jimmy Carr with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson. 11.05 Al Murray: My Funniest Year Comic pub landlord Al Murray takes to the stage at the Hackney Empire. 1.10am MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: The Drums 1.20 On Track With Seat 1.50 My Name Is Earl (x2) 2.30 Without A Trace 3.20 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 4.05 Accidentally On Purpose 4.30 Countdown 5.15 Cookery School

6.00 – 7.25am Children’s television 7.25 Thomas & Friends 7.40 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.05pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Big Brother 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.10 FILM: Mary Higgins Clark: We’ll Meet Again (2002) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Miles seeks advice from Alf and Elijah. While Charlie keeps vigil at the hospital, Tegan lets slip a devastating secret about Brax. 6.25 OK! TV Lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Pawn Stars Series following pawn shop owners in Las Vegas. Chumlee’s purchase of fake art leaves Rick far from impressed. 8.00 Ultimate Police Interceptors Highlights of the documentary series following expert high-speed police chase teams. 9.00 Big Brother: Live Eviction Host Brian Dowling presents coverage of eviction night in the Big Brother house - who will go? 10.00 The Bachelor Reality series. The two girls at the centre of last week’s storm come face to face, before a gondola ride calms Gav down, but then also raises his temperature. Like a yo-yo, that lad. 11.00 Big Brother: The Eviction Interview See highlights. 11.30 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Emma Willis hosts a round-up of Big Brother-related news and debate. 12.15am SuperCasino 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.35 The Gadget Show 5.25 County Secrets 5.35 House Doctor

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ringside 10.00 The Rugby Club 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 Ringside 12.30pm The Rugby Club 1.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Alfred Dunhill Links Championship 5.30 Football League Weekend 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Take It Like A Fan 10.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.00 Football League Weekend 12.00am Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 1.30 Take It Like A Fan 2.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.30 Football League Weekend

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Cooking Nigel Slater continues to explore successful food marriages in the kitchen, with the spotlight this time on surf and turf. 8.00 EastEnders Determined to see the back of Vanessa, Michael hands her a wad of cash to leave Walford for good - but will his plan pay off? 8.30 Celebrity MasterChef Catch-up episode of the cookery competition. 9.00 Strictly Come Dancing Sir Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly present the first part of a two-night Strictly spectacular. Cha cha cha. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Come Fly With Me Comedy series set in a busy airport featuring characters played by Matt Lucas and David Walliams. 11.05 Mrs Brown’s Boys Comedy series about a loudmouthed Irish matriarch. 11.35 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 11.45 FILM: Veronica Guerin (2003) Starring Cate Blanchett. Drama. 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Question Time 2.20 Monty Halls’ Great Irish Escape 3.20 The Code 4.20 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Premier League Snooker 12.30pm Sailing America’s Cup Uncovered 1.00 IAAF Athletix 1.30 Ringside 2.30 Premier League Snooker 6.00 Kings Of The Extreme 6.30 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 7.00 Road To London 7.30 LIVE Sky Sports Victory Shield 9.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 11.30 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 12.30am Super League 2.00 Road To London 2.30 NFL Total Access 3.30 Tight Lines 4.30 Super League

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Asian Amateur Golf Championship 7.30 Sailing America’s Cup Uncovered 8.00 Modern Pentathlon World Cup (x2) 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Modern Pentathlon: World Cup (x2) 2.00 Kings Of The Extreme 2.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 3.00 Racemax 4.00 WWE Special – The Very Best Of WCW And The Best Of Nitro 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 8.30 Asian Amateur Golf Championship 9.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 PGA Tour Golf Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








1.00pm Luton Airport (x2) 2.00 The Real A&E (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 The Middle 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 10.00 Glee 11.00 Mount Pleasant 12.00am Brit Cops: Rapid Response 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle: New Recruits 8.30 E20 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Him & Her 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x3) 12.50am Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 1.20 Little Britain

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Mahler’s 1st Symphony With Simon Rattle And The Berlin Philharmonic 9.15 Singer-Songwriters At The BBC 10.15 Allen Toussaint, James Dean Bradfield, John Grant: Songwriters’ Circle 11.15 Troubadours: The Rise Of The SingerSongwriter 12.40am SingerSongwriters At The BBC

3.40pm The Real Housewives Of New York City 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3). See highlights. 7.00 The Cube 8.00 New You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 The X Factor USA: Auditions 4 11.00 The Only Way Is Essex 11.45 The Only Way Is Essex 12.30am The Jonathan Ross Show

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 The House Of Eliott 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Monk 5.00 Terry And June 5.40 Heartbeat 6.40 The House Of Eliott 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Another Audience With Freddie Starr 10.00 Midsomer Murders 12.10am FILM: The Accidental Tourist (1988)

4.35pm Rules Of Engagement 5.05 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 9.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.00 Embarrassing Bodies: Teen Special 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.05am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

3.00pm Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.45 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: Keeping Mum (2005) 11.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Max Miller 12.10am Heroes Of Comedy

11.00am Guns At Batasi (1964) 1.05pm The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 4.10 Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 6.10 Anna And The King (1999) 9.00 Saving Private Ryan (1998) 12.15am Deathwatch (2002) 2.05 Grave Of The Fireflies (1988)



Brighton Lights 29

“I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves” – Nick Helm, Dave’s Best Joke Award, Edinburgh Festival 2011. See more of Nick on Brighton Lights

S S 6. Sp pr pa w Sp re lo an 8. Sp pr pa w Co Br Ru Ba m ru Ba ro Ba Ri th 12 La M up an Go Ch A fro Ki Ka fin En Fo la Co

039_LS545_TV_sat_L7wed14apr.qxd 23/09/2011 12:22 Page 1

saturday 1 Doctor Who BBC1, 7.05pm So... this is the day the Doctor dies. But really?!!! Time for a bit of frantic loophole hunting as he seems to have put his affairs in order, selected the exactly right Utah lake and can’t be saved by a bit of last minute sonic screwdriver action. That better not be the answer or there’ll be Hell to pay on Twitter.

The X Factor ITV1, 7.30pm Dermot O’Leary hosts the first of two episodes covering the judges’ houses stage of the competition. you can bet there’ll be tears and bonding and rousing background music for victories and defeats alike. Who will have a place in the final 16, and will they have good hair? Sorry, will they have good voices? That’s it.

Celebrity Juice ITV2, 10.30pm Squeezing all the celebrity tidbits they can get out of their memories and tabloid scouring, Keith Lemon hosts this madcap panel show, with team captains Fearne Cotton and Holly Willoughby joined this week by red top fodder Richard Bacon and Denise Van Outen. All good clean anarchic fun.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Cooking 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 Regional News And Weather 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.05 FILM: Goal II: Living The Dream (2007) 2.50 Don’t Scare The Hare 3.30 A Question Of Sport 4.00 Celebrity MasterChef 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Celebrity MasterChef 6.00 Strictly Come Dancing Sir Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly present the second part of a Strictly weekend special as Chelsee Healey, Edwina Currie, Harry Judd, Holly Valance, Jason Donovan, Nancy Dell’Olio and Rory Bremner all attempt to wow the judges with their professional partners. Each couple will perform either a cha cha cha or a waltz. There are no phone votes and no-one will be leaving the competition, but the couples are still under pressure to impress Craig, Len, Alesha and Bruno, who will be scoring. 7.05 Doctor Who See highlights. 7.50 Merlin Fantasy period drama based on the King Arthur legend. 8.35 The National Lottery: Secret Fortune High-tension quiz show hosted by Nick Knowles. Playing for a Secret Fortune in this episode are brothers Lee and Dean. They could walk away with as little as £100 pounds, or as much as £100,000. Plus some numbers are picked out. 9.25 Casualty Jeff and Omar butt heads over what makes a good paramedic, while Linda is forced to choose between breaking the law and saving Annie. 10.15 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from the day’s six Premier League fixtures. 12.00am The Football League Show 1.15 Weatherview 1.20 News


6.00 – 6.35am Children’s television 6.35 Little Charley Bear 6.45 Rastamouse 7.00 Roar 7.30 Arthur 7.55 Dennis & Gnasher 8.05 Hounded 8.35 Splatalot 9.00 Live ‘n’ Deadly 10.00 Who Let The Dogs Out? 10.30 I Want My Own Room 11.00 Deadly Art 11.15 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 11.40 MOTD Kickabout 12.00pm Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.45 Astaire And Rogers Sing The Great American Songbook 1.15 FILM: Flying Down To Rio (1933) 2.40 FILM: An American In Paris (1951) 4.30 Escape To The Country 5.30 Flog It! 6.30 Dad’s Army Classic sitcom. 7.00 Frost On Nixon Joan Bakewell talks to Sir David Frost about his landmark interviews with former United States president Richard Nixon. The Nixon Interviews, first broadcast in 1977, gained record audiences and the high drama which surrounded them later became the subject of both a West End play and an Oscar-nominated film, Frost Nixon. 9.00 QI XL Stephen Fry comes over all indecisive. With Phill Jupitus, Rich Hall, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies. 9.45 FILM: Frost/Nixon (2008) Starring Frank Langella, Michael Sheen, Matthew Macfadyen, Sam Rockwell, Kevin Bacon, Oliver Platt, Rebecca Hall, Toby Jones. The story behind one of the most unforgettable moments in TV history. When disgraced President Richard Nixon agreed to an interview with jet-setting television personality David Frost, he thought he had found the key to saving his tarnished legacy. But, with a name to make and a reputation to overcome, Frost became one of Nixon’s most formidable adversaries and engaged the leader in a charged battle of wits that changed the face of politics. 11.40 FILM: Extraordinary Rendition (2007) Starring Andy Serkis, Omar Berdouni. Drama. 12.55am Later... With Jools Holland


8.00am Rugby World Cup 2011: England V Scotland 11.30 ITV News & Weather 11.40 Coronation Street Omnibus 2.00pm The X Factor 3.30 People Do The Funniest Things Abroad 4.30 Rugby World Cup 2011: Highlights 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News & Weather

6.00 New You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents more hilarious home videos sent in by the public. 6.30 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kay hosts the game show. In this edition, Emmerdale actor Chris Bisson and his relatives compete against McFly singer Harry Judd and clan. Who will make it through to Big Money? All for charidee, mate. 7.30 The X Factor See highlights. 9.30 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan’s guests include X Factor judges Gary Barlow and Tulisa Contostavlos, Hollywood star Ewan McGregor and Norwich’s favourite chat show host – Alan Partridge (aka comedian Steve Coogan). Plus there is music from Cee Lo Green. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) Starring Simon Pegg, Kate Ashfield, Bill Nighy, Nick Frost. Zombie-filled romantic comedy. Shaun finds his life falling apart when his beleaguered girlfriend leaves him, tired of his daily pub expeditions and his loser mates. Then zombies start to roam London and Shaun must kickstart himself into action to save those closest to him. Survival of the slacker! 12.30am Rugby World Cup 2011: Argentina V Georgia 3.05 Rugby World Cup 2011: New Zealand V Canada 5.30 Rugby World Cup 2011: Wales V Fiji

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Vue Film Show 7.00 BT And Channel 4 Present... 7.05 FIM Superbike World Championship 2011 7.30 Cooper Tyres British F3 International Series 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 Jason Derulo R’n’B It Girls Top 20 9.25 Smallville 10.20 What’s Your Number? T4 Movie Special 10.50 Cher Lloyd: Video Exclusive 10.55 The Simpsons 11.25 Made In Chelsea 12.30pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 1.25 Road To London 2012: That Paralympic Show 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 4.10 Come Dine With Me (x4) 6.20 Come Dine With Me On the final night of the competition in Barnsley, wine and food snob Phil Davies makes his bid for the prize. 6.50 Channel 4 News 7.20 7.25 FILM: X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) Starring Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Danny Huston, Ryan Reynolds, Dominic Monoghan and Lynn Collins. Action film revealing the secret past of the indestructible force Wolverine, born a mutant in the mid-19th century. As the gaps in Wolverine’s memory are filled, the roots of his bitter rift with halfbrother Sabretooth are revealed, along with the events that transformed him from a claw-wielding freak of nature to a fierce, metal-boned crusader fuelled by rage. 9.30 The Million Pound Drop Live Davina McCall hosts the game show in which contestants are given a million pounds at the start of the show but then face eight tough questions in order to hold on to it. 10.55 8 Out Of 10 Cats The topical panel show presented by Jimmy Carr with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson. 11.45 Rude Tube Alex Zane presents the funniest, strangest and most outrageous clips from the internet. 12.45am FILM: Love Aaj Kal (2009) 3.05 Without A Trace (x2) 4.35 Hill Street Blues 5.25 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.55am Children’s television 7.55 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Angelina Ballerina 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Animal Families 10.00 The Gadget Show 11.00 Big Brother: Live Eviction 12.00pm Big Brother: The Eviction Interview 12.30 Superior Interiors With Kelly Hoppen 1.30 FILM: Zulu Dawn (1979) 3.50 FILM: Battle At Apache Pass (1952) 5.30 FILM: The Battle Of The Bulge (1965) 8.20 5 News Weekend 8.25 NCIS Drama series. When a suspect dies in custody, Ziva is criticised for her tactics, which may have been indirectly responsible. But things develop apace when the suspect’s brother, unaware of his sibling’s death, kidnaps Jenny and demands that he is released. 9.30 Big Brother Coverage of all the latest goings-on from inside the Big Brother house. How are they reacting to the loss of one of their own? 10.25 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series about an elite sex crime unit based in New York. A banker is found dead and the chief suspect is his boyfriend, a footballer whose career could be ruined if his sexuality became public knowledge. When it does, Benson is berated for her friendship with a reporter. 11.20 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Crime drama series. Sara is present at the scene when a car bomb kills a celebrated academic and philanthropist. When the investigation leads the CSIs to question one of Grissom’s ex-lovers over the crime, Brass demands that Sara is taken off the case. 12.15am SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.50 County Secrets 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Road To London 7.30 Ringside 8.30 Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 10.00 Ringside 11.00 Super League 12.30pm Ringside 1.30 LIVE European Tour Golf Alfred Dunhill Links Championship 5.30 LIVE Super League 8.00 LIVE Fight Night 10.00 Super League 11.30 Premiership Rugby 12.30am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Fight Night 4.30 Road To London

Sky Sports 2 6.00am UIM Class 1 Powerboats 6.30 Asian Amateur Golf Championship 7.00 Take It Like A Fan 7.30 Football League Weekend 8.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.30 Take It Like A Fan 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 LIVE Premiership Rugby 5.10 LIVE Football League Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First Match Choice (x4) 4.15am Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Tight Lines 8.00 NFL – America’s Game 9.00 WWE Special – The Very Best Of WCW And The Best Of Nitro 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 1.30 Sailing America’s Cup Uncovered 1.55 LIVE Currie Cup Rugby Union (x2) 6.00 WWE Smackdown 8.00 Premiership Rugby 9.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 PGA Tour Golf 5.00 Sailing America’s Cup Uncovered 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








1.30pm Oops TV 2.00 Showboaters 3.00 WWE Special - The Very Best Of WCW And The Best Of Nitro 4.00 Next Door Nightmares 5.00 Safebreakers 6.00 Road Wars 7.00 Futurama (x4) 9.00 FILM: Flightplan (2005) 10.55 Cop Squad 11.55 Law And Order 12.55am Fringe 1.50 Road Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 World’s Craziest Fools 8.35 Doctor Who Confidential 9.20 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel 9.30 FILM: Con Air (1997) 11.20 Family Guy (x2) 12.05am American Dad! (x2) 12.45 Wilfred 1.10 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 2.10 The Real Hustle: New Recruits

7.00pm Life 8.00 Michael Wood’s Story Of England 9.00 Inspector Montalbano 10.35 Sandhurst 11.35 Top Of The Pops: 1976 12.05am Dear Censor: The Secret Archive Of The British Board Of Film Classification - Timeshift 1.05 Rex Appeal 2.05 Michael Wood’s Story Of England 3.05 Life

12.40pm FILM: Apollo 13 (1995) 3.20 The Only Way Is Essex (x2) 4.50 The X Factor 6.20 FILM: Catwoman (2004) 8.30 Homes From Hell 9.30 The Xtra Factor 10.30 Celebrity Juice. See highlights. 11.15 FILM: Happy Gilmore (1996) 1.05am New You’ve Been Framed! 1.35 The X Factor 3.15 The Xtra Factor

10.05am Upstairs, Downstairs 11.20 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.30pm FILM: The BFG (1989) 2.25 Mansfield Park 4.10 Rosemary And Thyme 5.50 Agatha Christie’s Marple 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.00 Inspector Morse 1.10am Maigret 2.10 Numb3rs 3.00 Teleshopping

12.25pm Gok’s Fashion Fix 1.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.00 Made In Chelsea 5.00 One Tree Hill 6.00 Samantha Who? (x2) 7.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.55 Perfect Couples 8.25 How I Met Your Mother 8.55 Happy Endings 9.30 FILM: Babylon AD (2008) 11.10 The Cleveland Show (x2) 12.10am Show And Tell

9.00am A Place In The Sun 10.00 Time Team (x4) 2.20pm FILM: The Iron Giant (1999) 4.00 Three Minute Wonder 4.05 Grand Designs (x5) 9.30 The Story Of Film: An Odyssey 11.00 FILM: Keeping Mum (2005) 1.05am The Story Of Film: An Odyssey 2.20 Time Team (x2)

11.00am Dakota Incident (1956) 1.00pm Star Trek: Insurrection (1998) 3.05 The Yangtse Incident (1957) 4.55 Tristan + Isolde (2006) 7.15 Bedazzled (2000) 9.00 A Time To Kill (1996) 11.50 Saw II (2005) 1.35am Raising Arizona (1987)



Brighton Lights 30

Pride 2011 Special. Val Aviv interviews Caroline Lucas MP, Peter Tatchell, Pride trustee Ryan Atkin, James Ledward of Gscene and Cllrs Geoffrey Bowden and Phelim MacCafferty.

S O 6. w Fu fro ac as Le ah 7. up 8. Fo th Jo w la Ri th Su Le Ri th Liv Du co Ch Ca Ge tit cl 5. fro m Ga fo N de An Le Le Pr

040_LS545_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 23/09/2011 12:30 Page 1

sunday 2 Spooks BBC1, 9pm Some proper Spooky stuff in action tonight as radioactive material is picked up at the airport and the spy gang receive intel that a dangerous anarchist with a zen for dirty bombs has entered the country. Time for Dimitri to step up to the mark and become the honey trap you knew he was since he left Hollyoaks.

Downton Abbey ITV1, 9pm Bygone days may seem rosie in retrospect but they were pretty darn tough, even in such grand surroundings as Downton Abbey. Downton has been turned into a convalescent home for wounded officers – it is 1917 after all – and the arrival of the first patients disrupt the household. Plus some plottings afoot.

Smallville E4, 7pm All this parallel world stuff is getting rather confusing, and it’s not set to simplify as Clark Luthor surprises Clark Kent and sends him off to an alternative reality where Jonathan Kent is more than a bit miffed. Meanwhile, Clark Luthor (don’t ask why he’s still called Clark – dunno) menaces Tess a bit.


¸ terrestrial BBC1


6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.05 EastEnders 3.00 Escape To The Country 4.00 Deadly 60 4.30 Planet Dinosaur 5.00 Points Of View 5.30 Songs Of Praise

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Dennis & Gnasher 8.10 Junior MasterChef: Semi-Final 8.40 Wingin’ It 9.00 Sam & Mark’s Big Friday Wind Up 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 The Great British Bake Off 12.30pm MotoGP 2.00 Racing From Longchamp: Prix De L’Arc De Triomphe 3.35 Rugby League: Super League Playoffs 4.30 James May’s Things You Need To Know... 5.00 The RIBA Stirling Prize 2011: A Culture Show Special

6.30 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile Matt Baker and Helen Skelton brave the rain in Cumbria to visit the World Sheepdog Trials. More addictive than you’d think. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team hear fascinating stories and make bombshell valuations as they examine people’s treasures. 9.00 Spooks See highlights. 10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 My Favourite Joke A look at what makes the nation’s best-loved comedians laugh the most. Contributors share the stories behind each joke, describe how it influenced them, and divulge why it is their favourite joke of all time. The programme provides a rare chance to see some of the funniest classic comedy moments of all time. Contributors include Lenny Henry, Andi Osho, Ronni Ancona, Jon Culshaw and Julian Clary. 10.55 Outnumbered Sitcom. Repeat of Friday’s episode. 11.25 Ask Rhod Gilbert Repeat of Wednesday’s show. 12.00am The Sky At Night 12.20 Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Dragons’ Den 1.25 Holby City 2.25 Antiques Road Trip 3.10 Windfarm Wars 4.10 BBC News

6.00 Dragons’ Den: How To Win In The Den Casting an analytical eye over the highs and lows experienced by the hundreds of entrepreneurs who have dared to enter the Den over the last nine series. 7.00 Top Gear Motoring show. Jeremy, Richard and James set out to buy second-hand convertibles and discover some of the unusual pitfalls to watch out for when picking up a used car bargain. 8.00 A South American Journey With Jonathan Dimbleby Dimbleby embarks on a 6000-mile journey through Brazil, the continent’s largest country and home to 190 million people. Nowhere is evidence of the economic boom in South America more apparent, but Jonathan finds the road to riches is paved with dilemmas for Brazil and the world. 9.00 Fry’s Planet Word A five-part series in which Stephen Fry explores language, coming to understand how we learn it, write it and sometimes lose it, and why it defines us. 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Highlights from the Premier League. 11.20 Mock The Week Repeat of Thursday’s show. 11.50 FILM: Kidulthood (2006) Starring Aml Ameen, Red Madrell, Noel Clarke. British drama. 1.20am The RIBA Stirling Prize 2011: A Culture Show Special 2.20 BBC News


8.00am Rugby World Cup 2011: Ireland V Italy 11.00 ITV News & Weather 11.05 FILM: Dragonheart (1996) 1.00pm The X Factor 3.00 Countrywise: The Real Downton Abbey 4.00 Downton Abbey 5.15 Rugby World Cup 2011: Highlights

6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.45 Holding Out For A Hero Gethin Jones presents the quiz show in which contestants play to win a potentially life-changing sum of money for someone else. In this episode, the contenders are trying to win money for East Renfrewshire Good Causes, Limbcare and Storm. 7.45 The X Factor Dermot O’Leary hosts the second judges’ houses show. In four locations around the world, it is make or break time for the remaining hopefuls as they find out whether or not they have made it to the live shows. 9.00 Downton Abbey See highlights. 10.15 That Sunday Night Show Adrian Chiles and his guests take a look back at the week’s big stories and events. This week he is joined by comedian Jenny Eclair and politician Alan Johnson. 10.45 ITV News; Weather 11.00 Missing Millions Paul Heiney and Melanie Sykes present the series which aims to track down people who are entitled to a share of the 15 billion pounds lying unclaimed in Britain’s bank vaults. 12.00am Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership 1.00 The Zone 2.00 British Superbike Championship Highlights 2.55 Motorsport UK 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Ironman Wales 7.50 BT And Channel 4 Present... 7.55 One Tree Hill 8.50 Battlefront 9.05 Hollyoaks Omnibus 11.35 Kasabian: The Album Chart Show Special 12.10pm Abduction: T4 Movie Special 12.45 FILM: Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 2.45 The Simpsons 3.20 The Simpsons 3.50 BT And Channel 4 Present... 3.55 Best Of British 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.55 Channel 4 News

6.25 6.30 FILM: Star Trek (2009) Starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Leonard Nimoy, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, Zoe Saldana and Eric Bana. Reboot of the famous sci-fi series Star Trek, chronicling the origins of Kirk’s relationships with the likes of Spock and Scotty aboard the Starship Enterprise. The crew must battle against Nero, a Romulan from the future who has travelled back in time to attack Starfleet. Go on, set your phasers to ‘stun’. You want to. 9.00 Fighting On The Front Line Three-part documentary series revealing the inside story of life as a member of Britain’s Armed Forces in Afghanistan. The second part follows soldiers taking the fight to the enemy on board the British Army’s latest armoured vehicle, the Warthog. 10.00 FILM: Nowhere Boy (2009) Starring Aaron Johnson, Kristin Scott and Anne-Marie Duff. Sam TaylorWood’s biopic about John Lennon’s teenage years, based on a biography written by the Beatle’s half-sister. 11.50 Arthur’s Day Rick Edwards and Laura Whitmore present highlights of the musical event. 12.55am Trip To Yatkumchatka 1.00 American Football Live 4.45 Paralympic European Wheelchair Fencing Championships 5.10 Brief Encounters Of The Sporting Mind 5.20 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.05am Children’s television 7.05 The Save-Ums! 7.25 Noddy In Toyland 7.40 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Little Princess 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Angelina Ballerina 8.40 Rupert Bear 9.00 Olivia 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Animal Families 10.00 Bupa Great Edinburgh Run 11.30 Inside Hollywood 11.40 The Beat Goes On 12.40pm Big Brother 1.40 FILM: Westbound (1959) 3.05 FILM: Stand By Me (1986) 4.45 FILM: The Goonies (1985) 7.00 Extraordinary People: The World’s Smallest Muscle Man Documentary profiling Aditya ‘Romeo’ Dev, a 20-year-old Indian man who stands at 2’9” tall and weighs just one and a half stone. Despite Romeo’s diminutive stature, he has risen to international stardom as a bodybuilder and dancer. 8.00 5 News 8.05 Warship Documentary filmed on board a Royal Navy ship. The aircraft carrier HMS Ocean leads the Taurus task force through the South China Sea on the way to Brunei, where 500 Royal Marines will be deployed in the jungle. 9.00 Big Brother Coverage of all the latest goings-on from inside the Big Brother house. 10.00 FILM: Shallow Hal (2001) Starring Jack Black, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jason Alexander. Comedy about a shallow man who only dates young, beautiful women until a motivational entrepreneur hypnotises him so that he is only able to see inner beauty. Sounds like a plan – until some dastardly best mate interferes. Humph! 12.10am Ultimate Emergency Bikers 1.10 SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Europa League Football Highlights 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 LIVE Spanish Football (x3) 11.00 Scottish Premier League 11.30 Football First: Match Choice (x3) 4.00am Spanish Football 5.30 Scottish Premier League

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Take It Like A Fan 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 LIVE NRL Grand Final 10.00 Fight Night International 12.00pm Wild Spirits 12.30 LIVE European Tour Golf Alfred Dunhill Links Championship 5.30 LIVE NFL (x2) 1.00am Championship Rugby League 2.00 NRL Grand Final

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Racemax 7.00 WWE Hell In A Cell Preview 7.30 This Week In WWE 8.00 WWE Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 Super League 11.30 This Week In WWE 12.00pm WWE Special - The Very Best Of WCW And The Best Of Nitro 1.00 WWE Hell In A Cell Preview 1.30 LIVE Championship Rugby League (x2) 6.00 Fight Night International 8.00 Scottish Premier League 8.30 Asian Amateur Golf Championship 9.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 5.00 Asian Amateur Golf Championship

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm UK Border Force 1.00 Next Door Nightmares 2.00 WWE Special - The Very Best Of WCW And The Best Of Nitro 3.00 Inside Gatwick (x5) 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Strike Back: Project Dawn 10.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs: Liverpool 11.00 Cop Squad 12.00am Armed & Dangerous: Ultimate Forces

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Young Soldiers 9.00 Live At The Apollo (x2) 10.00 The Fades 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x4) 1.15am Live At The Apollo (x2) 2.15 The World’s Strictest Parents 3.15 Young Soldiers 4.10 The Fades

7.00pm The Department Store 8.00 The Maharajas’ Motor Car: The Story Of Rolls-Royce In India 9.00 The Secret Life Of The Airport 10.00 FILM: Eyes Wide Open (2009) 11.30 Singer-Songwriters At The BBC 12.30am Troubadours: The Rise Of The Singer-Songwriter

2.00pm 71 Degrees North 3.00 The Xtra Factor 3.55 Minute To Win It 4.55 FILM: Catwoman (2004) 7.00 The Biggest Loser 8.00 Help! I Caught It Abroad! 2 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.15 The Only Way Is Essex 11.00 FILM: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous (2005) 1.20am The Only Way Is Essex

9.00am Heartbeat 10.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.05pm A Touch Of Frost 2.10 FILM: The Great St Trinian’s Train Robbery (1966) 4.05 FILM: Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) 5.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May (x2) 9.00 FILM: Ray (2004) 12.00am FILM: The Calcium Kid (2004)

2.05pm How To Look Good Naked (x2) 4.05 Supersize Vs Superskinny 5.10 FILM: Charlotte’s Web (2006) 7.00 Smallville. See highlights. 8.00 FILM: Jumper (2008) 9.40 Rude Tube 10.15 The Inbetweeners 10.50 The IT Crowd 11.20 Campus 12.25am Glory Daze 1.25 The War At Home (x2)

10.00am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.15pm 3 Minute Wonder (x3) 2.30 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.10 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.55 River Cottage 9.00 Heston’s Mission Impossible 10.00 The Fun Police 11.10 Curb Your Enthusiasm 11.45 Father Ted 12.15am The IT Crowd 12.50 Black Books

11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 1.00pm Sister Act (1992) 3.00 Volcano (1997) 4.55 Carry On Abroad (1972) 6.40 A Room With A View (1986) 8.55 Saoirse Ronan On: The Lovely Bones 9.00 The Lovely Bones (2009) 11.35 Water Lilies (2007) 1.15am The Frog Prince (1984)



Brighton Lights 29

Matt Whistler takes the plunge for Rockinghorse children’s charity and lives to tell the tale

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000_LS545_TV_mon_L7wed14apr.qxd 22/09/2011 13:57 Page 1

monday 3 Dispatches: Can You Trust Your Doctor? Channel 4, 8pm With recent news stories talking of overseas qualified doctors needing extra training and constant progresses in medicine requiring constant homework for GPs, it’s easy to see how failing doctors can slip through the system. Jon Snow delves deeper to find the truth.

The Gadget Show Five, 8pm This is really how a lot of us saw living in the future would be: lots of fun and button-pushing with Mary Poppins style magic to turn chores into a brand new game. Like cleaning the car. Ortis and Pollyanna become car valets for the day – wax on, wax off? Plus there’s the latest on wireless headphones and tablet apps.

The Fades BBC3, 10.30pm In case you missed Wednesday’s installment of this new fantasy horror series, here’s your chance to catch up. Paul’s visions are getting worse so Neil takes him to an ancient Fade, who pretty much confirms that this young chap is of vital importance to the forthcoming battle. Best get to the school ball then, Paul. Eh?


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Dirty Tricks Of The Tradesmen 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Celebrity MasterChef 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Natural Born Hunters 3.35 Wingin’ It 4.00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 4.30 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 7.40am Children’s television 7.40 Leon 7.45 Pet Squad 7.55 Newsround 8.00 Trapped 8.30 Green Balloon Club Goes On Holiday 8.50 Dirtgirlworld 9.05 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.30 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 9.40 Nuzzle And Scratch 10.00 Get Squiggling 10.15 ZingZillas 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 The Daily Politics 1.00pm Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Wanted Down Under 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Antiques Road Trip 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball has the lowdown on the new series. 7.00 Coast Neil Oliver explores the abandoned site of an experimental radar, built to spy deep into the Soviet Union during the Cold War. 8.00 University Challenge The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine is up against the University of Nottingham. 8.30 Home Cooking Made Easy Lorraine Pascale cranks up the volume on a kitchen classic with a prosciutto and brie toastie. 9.00 Dragons’ Den The final set of hopeful entrepreneurs of this series ready themselves to face the five multi-millionaire investors. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks The award-winning music quiz returns for a 25th series. In the first show, David Hasselhoff is the Guest Chairman, presiding over team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding, who are joined by Louie Spence, Sugababe Amelle and Peter Serafinowicz. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference 11.50 Fry’s Planet Word Repeat of Sunday’s show. 12.50am Damages 1.30 BBC News 4.00 E20 4.30 Let’s Write Poetry: The Big Slam (x3) 5.30 Ways Of Talking: Persuading, Explaining, Instructing

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 There’s No Taste Like Home 5.00 The Chase

6.05am The Treacle People 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Supernanny US 9.55 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.55 Help! My House Is Falling Down 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed 1.05 FILM: High Society (1956) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Laurel is surprised by her feelings when Marlon takes Rachel out for the afternoon. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Kevin blow his chances with Sally? Steve arrives back downbeat after Jim is sentenced. 8.00 Little England Documentary series looking at the lives of British expats who have settled in the Dordogne. This episode features retired army pilot Andy Spillane and his wife Nicky, who moved from Norfolk to run an alpaca farm, much to the amazement of the locals. 8.30 Coronation Street Tracy takes advantage of Steve’s vulnerability. Surprise. 9.00 Doc Martin Bert Large and pub landlord Mark Bridge are both keen to take advantage of a fun run event to boost their takings by providing food for runners and spectators - but Martin puts paid to Mark’s enterprise when he diagnoses an infection which means Mark must not handle food. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Exposure: The Factory 11.35 That Sunday Night Show Repeat perchance? 12.05am Wildlife Patrol 12.30 The Zone 2.35 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jason is frustrated when Carl refuses to let him take hormone blockers in the next step to becoming a boy. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Dispatches: Can You Trust Your Doctor? See highlights. 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies Christian, Dawn and Pixie attempt to destigmatise common medical complaints. Visitors to the clinic this time include 26 year-old Jerusha, who suffers from chronic pain at the entrance of her vagina; 24 year-old Duane, who is told that the copious tags on his penis are caused from excessive friction on the area; and 36 year-old Adele who has suffered from debilitating dizziness for two years. 10.00 Rude Tube Alex Zane presents the funniest, strangest and most outrageous clips from the internet. 11.05 Random Acts Series of threeminute films expressing creativity in the fields of spoken word, dance, animation, video art and music. 11.10 Fresh Meat Reepat of Wednesday’s epsiode. 12.00am MUSIC ON 4: Rockfeedback Presents... 12.35 Coral Late Night Poker 1.30 FILM: Love, Sex Aur Dhokha (2010) 3.35 The House That Made Me 4.30 Accidentally On Purpose 4.55 Cookery School 5.50 Wat’s Pig

6.00 – 7.25am Children’s television 7.25 Thomas & Friends 7.40 Noddy In Toyland 7.55 Mio Mao 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Big Brother 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Miami 3.15 FILM: Love’s Unfolding Dream (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Leah and Miles’s secret leaks out. 6.25 OK! TV Jeff Brazier and Jenny Frost present a lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Celebrity Wish List Wish-fulfilment show, where celebrities dish out special surprises to deserving groups and members of the public. Jeff Brazier meets the dedicated crew and fundraisers of the Midland Air Ambulence. 8.00 The Gadget Show See highlights. 9.00 The Hotel Inspector Straighttalking, award-winning hotelier Alex Polizzi strives to transform the fortunes of struggling guesthouses across Britain. Alex visits a hotel in Dorset which has seen a steadily declining occupancy rate. Could the answer to the hostelry’s problems lie in a spirited assistant? Ghosts! 10.00 Big Brother Coverage of all the latest goings-on from inside the Big Brother house. 11.00 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Emma Willis hosts a round-up of Big Brother-related news. 12.00am Ultimate Police Interceptors 12.55 SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Grey’s Anatomy 4.55 Rough Guide To Beaches 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football First Match Choice 10.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.00 Spanish Football 12.30pm Scottish Premier League 1.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.30 Football First Match Choice 3.00 Scottish Premier League 3.30 Spanish Football 5.00 Scottish Premier League 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.00 Soccer AM The Best Bits 7.00 LIVE Darts World Grand Prix 11.30 SPL Round-Up 12.00am Netbusters 12.30 Soccer AM The Best Bits 1.30 Elite League Speedway 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Netbusters 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Series putting science to the test. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Eddie keeps his suspicions about the nature of Michael and Vanessa’s relationship in check during Craig’s visit, but a shock revelation changes everything. 8.30 All Work And Low Pay Panorama Current affairs. 9.00 Motorway Cops The Motorway Cops catch up with the drivers who try to cheat the system, taking chances even though that may mean putting other people’s lives at risk and they find that the drivers who do this are often those they come across time and time again. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the light-hearted sports quiz. Phil Tufnell is joined by Olympic gold medallist Jayne Torvill and Rugby Union’s Eddie Butler. Alongside Matt Dawson are darts commentator Sid Waddell and football playerturned-pundit Phil Thompson. 11.05 Spooks Repeat of Sunday’s episode. 12.05am FILM: Harper (1966) 2.05 Weatherview 2.10 Sign Zone: The Great British Bake Off 3.10 The Body Farm 4.10 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 7.30 Asian Amateur Golf Championship 8.00 PGA Tour Golf 11.00 European Tour Golf 1.00pm Fight Night International 3.00 Premiership Rugby 4.00 LIVE IndyCar Series 6.00 Kings Of The Extreme 6.30 Extra Time 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 Netbusters 10.00 Barclays Premier League Review 11.00 Poker 1.00am PGA Tour Classic 2.00 European Tour Golf 3.00 PGA Tour Golf 4.00 Trilby Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Championship Rugby League 9.30 Super League 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm NFL 2.00 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 2.30 Kings Of The Extreme 3.00 Super League 4.30 This Week In WWE 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 NASCAR Sprint Cup 8.00 NFL 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 11.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 12.00am WWE Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE NXT 2.00 WWE Late Night Raw

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Sun, Sea And A&E 1.00 Luton Airport (x2) 2.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Road Wars 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Terra Nova (x2) 10.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 11.00 Cop Squad 12.00am Fringe 1.00 Armed & Dangerous: Ultimate Forces

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Planet Dinosaur 8.30 The Real Hustle: New Recruits 9.00 The Truth About Child Brides 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Fades. See highlights. 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am The Truth About Child Brides 1.10 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.10 The Real Hustle: New Recruits

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Birds Britannia 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Sandhurst 10.00 Rory Bremner And The Fighting Scots 11.00 Rex Appeal 12.00am Sandhurst 1.00 Birds Britannia 2.00 Rory Bremner And The Fighting Scots 3.00 Only Connect 3.30 Sandhurst

1.00on Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of New York City 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The X Factor 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 BT Digital Music Awards 2011 11.00 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) 1.35am Coronation Street (x2) 2.25 Emmerdale

1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The House Of Eliott 3.15 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Monk 5.05 Terry And June 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 The House Of Eliott 7.55 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones 10.00 Midsomer Murders 12.05am The A To Z Of Crime: QRST

2.05pm Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.35 Glee 4.35 Rules Of Engagement 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 My Name Is Earl 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Made In Chelsea 11.05 Misfits 12.10am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

4.40pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Three In A Bed 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 11.45 Unreported World 12.15am Three In A Bed 1.20 Country House Rescue

11.00am The Thief (1952) 12.45pm Seance On A Wet Afternoon (1964) 3.00 The Barbarian And The Geisha (1958) 5.10 The Bravados (1958) 7.05 Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 9.00 Trading Places (1983) 11.15 The Full Monty (1997) 1.00am A Matter Of Life And Death (1946)



Invite Val Aviv to cover your event

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Latest 7: No. 545  

The Best Of British The Town House Kemp Town Celebrates Its First Birthday And Are Cooking Good

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