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the city magazine for brighton & hove

Brighton Lights Go behind the scenes of Brighton Science Festival & discover fun facts behind food, symmetry, movies & politics. Plus, find out how WD40 got its name in this must-see show for all fans of Weird Science...

H jobs H news H food H listings H tv guide H 10 – 16 May 2011


A slice of Aloka

GET CARTER GIVEAWAY A chance to see the stage adaptation of the Michael Caine classic

Celebrating two years of fabulous therapies and delicious food page 15

WIN! Camp Bestival tickets LAURIE ANDERSON On curiosity, dreams & capitalism MILTON JONES The award-winning comedian is The Lion Whisperer

Spring offer £10 Lunch £15 Dinner* 19 PRINCE ALBERT STREET, BRIGHTON

Both 2-courses

*Sun - Thurs. Valid until 30th June

01273 321321

002_LS525_Brighton Beer_000_LH480_Sussex Blinds 04/05/2011 15:55 Page 1

003_LS525 contents _Contents 06/05/2011 15:03 Page 1


CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine

NEWS & COMMENT 04 Latest People Heroes Run launch, Artists Open Houses launch, The Amaze wedding fundraiser, Kettlebells fitness training & the Authentic Stone Marble Specialist 07 News & Jobs Devil’s Dyke bus trips, youth art & the Brighton Wheel 07 Latest inbox Upcoming charity fundraising events 09 Sport Mark Brailsford suggests knighthood for Dick Knight; Andrea Fox tries out cable wakeboarding 10 Bare Cheek 105-year-old Goodwin Pevensie on Brunswick Square 10 Mad Matt Matt Whistler creates a new art movement: Do-Da 11 City Speak Ruby updates her passport, Tasha crams in the revision, and Will goes to a Pink Collar Boxing night 12 Snapshots Mayor of Brighton and Hove, Councillor Geoffrey Wells 12 Competitions Win Camp Bestival and Get Carter show tickets

10–16 MAY


>on tv

Brighton Festival and Brighton Festival Fringe are in full swing, and as festival fever takes over the city our reviews team are also taking over the streets, visiting all the Festival venues to bring you bang-up-to-date reviews of shows. From comedy and theatre to music and family events, there is so much going on and we are wearing ourselves out to give you the lowdown on the best shows to see. Seen a good show? Submit your vote for The Latest Awards (which takes place at Latest Musicbar on Tuesday 31 May!). Also online, win tickets to shows, including this week’s hot ticket: Get Carter. Visit our site:

L7 INTERVIEW 13 American musician and performance artist Laurie Anderson on capitalism, dreams, art and science

LIFESTYLE 05 The Grand Hotel Dinner and music with jazz band Her Father’s Daughter 15 Cover feature The holistic experience at Quality of Life Centre Aloka: natural cosmetics, colour therapy, yoga and vegan café 17 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink; Hotlist Make it a pizza night courtesy of Kemp Town’s Pizzaface 19 Health Smooth skin for summer with IPL hair removal


Comedy, music or clubs?


WHAT’S ON 20 Reviews; Bookings; Latest Brighton Download Chart Beady Eye, Avenue Q; Panos Christofi is Number One 22 Latest Previews Milton Jones, Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime, Priest 3D 26 Stars; TV Highlights & Listings Weekly horoscopes; Wonderland; 7-day TV listings Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Administration Claire Peerless

Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Natasha Prochaski Advertising Sales Carla Read Creative Director Andrew Kay

Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Entertainment Editor & Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Find out what’s going on in Brighton while you’re on the move with comprehensive listings straight to your mobile phone Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Glyn George Melina Greenfield Rachel Junior Editorial Assistant Laura Hayward

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Music Listings Nick Aldwinckle Design Anand Day Andrew Wright

Illustrators Lili Bé Paul Lewis Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

Brighton Lights Angi Mariani and Jenni Davidson discover why WD40 is so called; how long a second really is; how Werner Forssmann catheterised his own heart; and about the feud between two great scientists, Isaac Newton and Robert Hooke. Learn about these incredible things and more at the Brighton Science Festival. Brighton is renowned for its great annual festivals covering music, art, film and food: Brighton Festival, Brighton Festival Fringe, Artists Open Houses, The Great Escape, Brighton Live, Cinecity, Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Festival... there’s simply loads going on! And just as exciting and even more explosive is the Brighton Science Festival. Founded by science writer and Spitting Image puppet creator, Richard Robinson, each year the festival attracts enquiring minds of all ages to find out everything from astrophysics to zombie science, from how many friends one can feasibly have to what your brains are made of. ‘Use it or lose it’ is this year’s theme, and there are events galore covering the science behind food, symmetry, movies, politics and much more. Science writers Dr Michael Brooks, Mark Stevenson, Alex Bellos and many others feature in the festival, alongside bubble physicist, Dr Cyril Isenberg. Always packed out, get ready for next year’s amazing Brighton Science Festival... See all the explosive fun and excitement from this year’s Brighton Science Festival in the new episode of Brighton Lights presented by Val Aviv.

Watch our show at If you want to be involved with Latest TV come along to our open meetings every Monday at Latest Musicbar, 5.30pm.

latest brighton the digital capital of europe

01273 818150 Editorial: Advertising: Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

004_005_LS525_latest people_Social Diary 06/05/2011 14:49 Page 2


latest brighton the digital capital of europe


latest PEOPLE

Artists Open Houses & Superheroes Run launches, Kettlebells, Authentic Stone Marble Specialists & Bridal fundraiser for Amaze

In your house The Latest Musicbar in Manchester Street, Brighton, hosted the Artists Open House launch party for 2011. The art festival, which is celebrating 30 years, run until 29 May. Artists Open Houses boasts 254 venues showing the work of 1,300 artists, in artists’ homes and studios. Entry is free and visitors are able to view a variety of art from painting, printmaking and sculpture, to ceramics, furniture, jewellery and textiles. Media Partners include Latest 7 (who will once again be judging and awarding The Latest Best Open House Award), Brighton Festival and VisitBrighton. The festival is a uniquely inclusive community event reaching out to all areas of the city. Photos: Patrick Kneath

Pascal & Elaine Madjoudi, Pether Pasello (Tipaza, suppliers of food for the launch)

Judy Stevens (Festival Director)

Mike Wilkins – far left rs of AOH) (Allied Irish Bank, sponso

Bill Smith (Latest TV)

Celia Davies (Head of Projects Photoworks, Curatorial Advisor for HOUSE 2011)

A night on the tiles

Holding out for a hero The Brighton Heroes Run launched with a special event at Moksha Caffé on 21 April. The run, which takes place Sunday 15 May, is in aid of Passing It On, a charity that helps to build schools in Africa. Participants can take part in the Heroic 10K, The Super 5K or The Mini-Heroes 500M Dash. It’s an event for anyone who always wanted to be Superman or Wonder Woman, plus it’s all for a good cause. Limited spaces are still available – see website for details. Photos: courtesy of Heroes Run

Martin & Monica Lawrence (Lawrences, sponsors of AOH)

Mark Beautement, Arran (Mind Orchard), Johnny Boston

Matt Bartsch (Riptide Fitness centre), Becky Stevens (Brighton Half Marathon race director), Abbi Jones, Mark Hedger

Elle Phillips, Mitchell Phillips, Matt Lambert

Abbi Jones, Mark Hedger (Brig Co.) Becky Stevens (Brighton hton Sports Half Marathon race director)

Authentic Stone Marble Specialists, the UK’s premiere supplier of natural stone, marble, and tiles for residential and commercial projects, opened their new showroom at Fairway Business Park in Brighton in style. Specialists in sourcing tiles of all shapes, sizes and material including Travertine, marble, limestone, apple stone, Jerusalem and granite – you name it, they've got it, and if they haven’t then they will find it for you. Authentic Stone Marble Specialists are dedicated to ensuring your tile requirements are fulfilled, right from the beginning through to the final process of installation. The showroom is at Unit 8, Fairway Business Centre, Westergate Road, Brighton, 01273 567277, Photos: Patrick Kneath

Elaine Wolf (Chair of AOH)

Evrim Bas (Authentic Stone)

Dominique Flower, Evrim Bas (Authentic Stone), Ferdi Kumyol (Authentic Stone), Lemi Kumyol, Ibs Kumyol Raj Anand (Spicy Hen), Maria Gardner

Delia Cherry Gordon, Yedock Seo, Chandler (Authentic Stone)

Left to right: Matt Lambert (Big Lush Creative), James Macdonald and Justice Force Five band members

Maria Gardner, Austri Vivas, Fadime Kayman

004_005_LS525_latest people_Social Diary 06/05/2011 15:22 Page 3

latest brighton the digital capital of europe


All that jazz

An amazing wedding day Amaze is an independent voluntary organisation that offers advice and support to parents and carers of children and young people with special needs in Brighton and Hove. On Friday 29 April, following the Royal Wedding, volunteers carried out fundraising at Brighton Pier and along the seafront dressed as brides and grooms. Amaze receives funding from Brighton and Hove’s Children and Young People’s Trust, the City Primary Care Trust, and charitable trusts. For more information on Amaze call the helpline on 01273 772289 or visit their website Photos: Patrick Kneath


Her Father’s Daughter perform a night of jazz in the grandest of Brighton settings


Julie Gill, Nicky Beanland, Hero Tarling, Angela Pell

ollowing their recent successful performance at The Grand Hotel, local Jazz band, Her Father’s Daughter, will return to the hotel on Thursday 19 May for a fantastic evening of dinner with jazz. The special price of £35 includes live music and a delicious three-course meal from the new spring menu in the luxurious surroundings of The King’s Restaurant. Everything on the locally inspired menu of classic British dishes is prepared using the freshest of ingredients. If you haven’t heard Maria McAteer’s band Her Father’s Daughter yet, then you’re in for a treat. It’s a tribute to Maria’s father, Trinidadian saxophonist/composer Al Timothy, who is most famous for writing Shirley Bassey’s mega hit ‘Kiss Me Honey Honey Kiss Me’. Maria discovered she actually had some music manuscripts her father never published. The band has now recorded them and performed gigs in Brighton. Dinner With Jazz, The Grand Hotel, 97-99 King's Road, Brighton, BN1 2FW , Thursday 19 May, 7.30pm, £35,01273 224300,

Kettlebells training in Brighton



Kettle’s on! Exercising the kettlebells way is probably one of the most popular and exciting ways to keep fit. Already big in Hove, a special event was held to launch the new Brighton kettlebell classes at Varndean School in Balfour Road. Kettlebells trainer Christian Vila was on hand to offer help and advice to newcomers to this effective training method. Photos: Courtesy of Kettlebells

Friday 20th & Saturday 21st May The Brighton Hilton Metropole King's Road (seafront) Brighton BN1 2FU Admission £2/£1 conc. Payment by cash & cards Womenswear, Menswear & Accessories from £10!

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PUBLIC NOTICE THE LICENSING ACT 2003 (PREMISES LICENCES AND CLUB PREMISES CERTIFICATES) REGULATIONS 2005 Regulation 25 Notice TO: WHOM IT MAY CONCERN I Mrs Thivija Thivakaran do hereby give notice that it is my intention to apply to Brighton & Hove City Council in the county of East Sussex for the variation of a premises license or club premises certificate to use or permit the use of premises known as Best One Express, 1B-2B Whitehawk Road, Brighton, BN2 5FA for the following licensable activities / proposed variation which it is proposed will be carried on, on or from the premises: Vary a premises licence. Extend the hours to 6.00am – 23.00pm for the sale of alcohol. Any person who desires to make a representation to the variation should send to Assistant Director, Public Safety, Health & Safety and Licensing, Bartholomew House, Bartholomew Square, Brighton, BN1 1JP no later than 2nd June 2011 a brief written statement of the grounds of his/her objection. The register and records of applications may be viewed at the above council office during normal office hours; summaries are available via It is an offence knowingly or recklessly to make a false statement in connection with an application and the maximum fine for which a person is liable on summary conviction for the offence is currently £5000 [level 5]. Dated this: 3rd May 2011

007_LS525_newsphilmills_editorial 06/05/2011 11:15 Page 3

latest brighton the digital capital of europe


L7 News


latest inbox

days of headlines with Phil Mills

Anti-capitalist arrests, Devil’s Dyke bus trips, youth art and a ‘Brighton Wheel’ for the prom


isruption, delight and Devil’s Dyke – it’s been a time for contrasting news. While Albion fans were celebrating winning the league and the end of the club’s tenure at Withdean Stadium before their move to their new ground at Falmer, anti-capitalists were bringing chaos to the city centre. A total of eight people were arrested following the protest and three men and one woman were later charged with various offences including refusing to remove a face mask, being in possession of items used to destroy/damage property, assaulting a police officer, and obstructing an officer. As was expected, some demonstrators accused police of being heavy-handed. What do you think? Email comment@thelatest They are among the attractions that make living in this neck of the woods so delightful and the council would prefer if the thousands who visit them every year go there by bus. The 'Breeze up to the Downs’ bus services to the Devil's Dyke, Ditchling Beacon and Stanmer Park are now operating on Saturdays, Sundays and Bank Holidays during the spring and summer. And during the peak summer season – 26 June to 31 August – the Devil’s Dyke service will operate seven days a week, usually with open top buses. The routes, which operate from Brighton city centre and Brighton station, are funded by the council and the National Trust. Together with the South Downs National Park Authority they form the ‘Breeze up to the Downs Partnership’, which aims

to improve access by bus to popular downland destinations. The fourth Brighton & Hove Youth Arts Festival which runs until 15 May is packed with free events where young people can try something new. It’s a multi-media extravaganza, full of events enabling young people to show off their creativity in theatre, visual art, graffiti, photography, fashion, sculpture, dance, music and painting at venues across the city. The festival is also a chance for young people to try out everything from stand-up comedy and circus skills to jewellery making and lyric writing at a range of workshops. The festival is organised by the Youth Arts project, part of Brighton & Hove City Council’s integrated youth support service. It aims to highlight the work of young people who do not normally get the chance to participate in mainstream arts events. Some are socially excluded or disadvantaged; some are out of education, work or training, and so don’t have access to the traditional routes to ‘art’. Visit uk for full details of the festival. To book a place on a workshop or for more information phone 01273 294617 or 07866 685 729.

Royal Alex online

transport details, visiting times and much more. Rosie Courtney, Operations Manager, Paediatrics and Neonatology said: “The aim of the new website is to answer the many questions parents may have in the run-up to the hospital appointment. It gives families an idea of what to expect upon their arrival.” The website recreates the unique and fun animal design scheme which is present throughout all areas of The Alex. The hospital is set out as a giant arc with each level representing a different habitat complete with its own animals. Families also have the opportunity to share the stories of their children’s bravery and tenacity


oyal Alexandra Children’s Hospital launched their new website last week to re-define hospital experiences for parents and their children Parents preparing their child for an upcoming hospital visit can now tap into a brand new information resource provided by The Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital, Brighton. The new website includes a comprehensive guide to all the departments and the services offered at The Alex, profiles of doctors and key staff within the hospital and key practical information such as public

A new stand at the Hove home of Sussex County Cricket Club has taken shape and, meanwhile, a giant ferris wheel should be operating on Brighton seafront this summer. Approval has been given for the 45m-high 'Brighton Wheel', 100m east of Brighton Pier, and at full capacity it would carry around 280 passengers in 36 cabins for an 11-minute ride. Opening hours would generally be 10am to 11pm, every day, all year-round. Permission is temporary for five years. A condition of the consent is that the structure is removed by May 2016.

Lastly, a 900-year-old castle is up for sale – historic Amberley Castle near Arundel has been put on the market after the financial collapse of its hotel owners. It’s still business as usual but administrators are looking for a new owner – a knight in shining armour perhaps?

What do you think of plans for the city’s big wheel? follow me on twitter

Hold a tea party for Marie Curie Here at Marie Curie Cancer Care we are asking the people of Sussex to hold a Blooming Great Tea Party this summer. It can be as simple as a cuppa and cakes in the office, a vintage inspired tea party or even a larger ‘blooming great street party’. The official tea party season is from 12 June to 12 July but it doesn’t matter if you’re a little early or late. Money raised from Blooming Great Tea Parties will help Marie Curie Nurses to provide care to people with terminal cancer and other terminal illnesses in their own homes. We hope to raise £1m from the campaign this year, which will help provide 50,000 hours of Marie Curie Nursing care. Call 08700 340 040 or visit for more information and your free Blooming Great Tea Party fundraising pack. Ben Feely, Marie Curie Cancer Care, via email Santa Claus arrives in June The Martlets wants as many people as possible to dress up as Father Christmas for its Santa Summertime Stride on Saturday 25 June. Everyone taking part will be given a Santa suit to wear and a medal plus refreshments. People of all ages are welcome. Entry fees are £20 for a ticket for a family of four or £10 a person. Find out more about the event at Lucy Brandham, The Martlets Hospice, via email You can also write to Letters, Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH


through their treatment, by contributing to the ‘tell us your story’ section. When nurses and doctors have gone the extra mile to provide exceptional care to a child, they can be given a special mention here too. “As The Alex is a leading hospital in its field, we felt it was important

to be able to bring this valuable resource straight into the hands of our patients and their parents in the comfort of their homes. We hope that the patients will engage and embrace the new website and that local GPs will use it as a comprehensive information resource,” Rosie Courtney said. The Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital, affectionately known as “The Alex”, is a leading, state-ofthe-art hospital for children and young people in Brighton, where patients from throughout the South East of England are treated.

008_LS525_college News_editorial 06/05/2011 08:55 Page 2

latest brighton the digital capital of europe


Up stream

Threshold has a rosy future

A new initiative aims to accentuate the positive for deaf and disabled people


alented disabled and deaf individuals have been selected to showcase their work at Brighton Festival. The 11 artists were chosen to represent some of the best quality of work being undertaken by disabled and deaf people in the south east by UpStream, a new major showcasing programme being run by the arts organisation Dada-South. The project is one of 15 by Accentuate, a transformational programme which seeks to change perceptions and offer opportunities to showcase the talents of disabled and deaf people. It was inspired by the south east’s proud heritage of Stoke Mandeville as the birthplace of the paralympic movement. As well as the Brighton Festival,

this work will contribute to the Cultural Olympiad and the build up to London 2012 and Accentuate hopes to create a cultural shift in 1000 days, just in time for the opening of the Paralympic Games. Esther Fox, programme director for Accentuate, said, “Accentuate is delighted that Up-Stream will go a long way to challenge any preconceptions by promoting talent of deaf and disabled artists and performers. This is at the heart of everything Accentuate does and contributes to our aim of creating a cultural shift in time for the 2012 Games. We are extremely proud of Up-Stream and our other projects that are delivering groundbreaking work.” Words: Carly Bacon

Brighton College students celebrating the Royal Wedding

Threshold, the Brighton-based women’s counselling service, has secured £393,000 from the Big Lottery Fund through its Reaching Communities programme. The funding will allow Threshold to open five days a week providing counselling, a “holistic well-being focused” drop in, and to run a volunteer and peer support programme, all with on site crèche facilities. For Threshold, which is part of the Sussex charity, Brighton Housing Trust, this is particularly welcome news. BHT chief executive, Andy Winter, said: “For a number of years Threshold had an uncertain future. Before it became part of BHT it was on the verge of closure and had, in fact, announced that it would close. Fortunately, BHT was in a position to throw the service a lifeline in 2008 when it joined BHT. This funding has secured its future.” Emma Seymour, BHT’s senior manager for Mental Health Services, said: “For the women who use our service, this is a cause for great celebration. This service provides an opportunity for women to develop their self-confidence and will create opportunities for them to build their resilience skills for their future.”

The eagerly awaited fancy dress competition winners were announced before the main event: a flash mob style performance of the Black Eyed Peas’ ‘I Got A Feeling’, where Mr Keaney, supported by four podium dancers, led the assembled pupils, support and academic staff in a memorable performance.

William would be pleased In what was probably the second most anticipated event of the week, the Brighton College front quad was decked out in red, white and blue the day before the marriage of Prince William and Kate. The event started with the college and prep schools gathering together for a traditional street party under union flags. The pupils were entertained while they ate

their lunch by a swing band, Morris dancing and a stirring rendition of ‘Jerusalem’. They were then joined by the preprep pupils who greeted the waiting crowd with a lovely rendition of the British music hall classic ‘It's A Long Way To Tipperary’, a song which would have been performed when street parties originally gained popularity in the early 1920s.


News contributors: Chris Dyer, Alex Corneilus, Carly Bacon

009_LS525_sport_editorial 06/05/2011 11:04 Page 3

latest brighton the digital capital of europe


L7 Sport Always picked last

Up the Albion!

Andrea Fox catches some waves inland

Mark Brailsford says Dick should be knighted



f you enjoy watersports you’ll probably have noticed that Hove Lagoon is back in action for the summer. If you aren’t often spotted sporting a wetsuit, then may I draw your attention to the view from Heather Mills’ café: that water you can see isn’t a duck pond. And this year a new water-based activity is available at Hove Lagoon: cable wakeboarding.

“I managed to master standing up and an unintentional 180-degree board turn at one point” Cable wakeboarding looks a bit like snowboarding on water. It’s best imagined as water skiing but with the boat replaced with a cable that pulls you along at varying speeds. Your feet are strapped to a board much like you would be attached to a snowboard. This new water activity required some new additions to Hove Lagoon: two new ‘A’ frames are now linked by a cable with a dock, and if you get really good, a jump can be put in place to be used for jumps and tricks. And, lucky Hove, It’s the only facility of it’s kind on the south coast! Unleashing my inner surfer, I squeezed myself into a wetsuit, clipped on a safety jacket and helmet, and strapped my feet into a board. I’m a big fan of being out on the water, and haven’t found a watersport yet that I haven’t got on with, but strapping both feet to one board reminded me of snowboarding. I hate snowboarding! After mastering skiing during a one week holiday I spent two hours on a snowboard and decided the steep learning curve wasn’t for me. Plus I’d got used to moving both feet separately, so I was a little worried I wouldn’t enjoy my dalliance with wakeboarding. Sitting on the dock of the bay (leave it) with my board and feet in the water, I had to hold on with straight arms to the cable, attached above to a motor that would pull me along at 20mph. At that point I realised I should probably have taken off my thick black eyeliner. Not to worry – it wasn’t with me much longer. Despite taking things slowly, it took me a while to get the hang of keeping my knees bent and arms straight – so much for multitasking. I was treated to a few mouthfuls of Hove Lagoon water before the session was over. I did manage to master standing up and not falling over after a few attempts, and an unintentional 180° board turn at one point! It might have even looked cool if I hadn’t said “Weeeee!” For beginners, that is the appeal of wakeboarding: going quite fast, standing up, and not ending up with a mouthful of water. Three days after trying cable wakeboarding my arms and the muscles down either side of my back were aching so it’s more exercise than just not falling over. When I tried out cable wakeboarding, the following weekend was already booked out for a stag group. Sessions can be booked up between groups if you and your sporty friends want to try something new and exciting on the seafront, other than heading to the beach with a disposable BBQ. It’s a good activity for families too, as it’s suitable for ages eight and up. And if you can’t stand wetsuits maybe watch from the Hove Lagoon café..., 01273 424842 Listen to The Guy & Andrea Breakfast Show on Brighton’s Juice 107.2 every Monday to Friday from 7am

What sport should Andrea try next?

So the title celebrations have subsided. The Albion have hoisted the League One Trophy and the great end-of-season wind down begins. What a season? If you would have said in August last year that The Albion would have hit the top of the league in September and stayed there for the rest of the season I may have questioned your sanity or your alcohol intake. But there we were, at the top of the league for most of the season. If you would have said that Glenn Murray would finish the season with 21 goals, I might have scoffed. If you had said that over 16,000 season tickets would have been sold for The Amex, that Gary Hart would come on against Huddersfield and look like he could play another 13 years, I would have choked on my Withdean chips. But all this has come to pass. Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what you have when you have it; the good times, when they arrive, can seem natural and easy, only noticeable when they are gone. The best advice when this happens is to sit back and remember when times weren’t so good. The marching and letter writing, the sitting in a poncho in the South Stand with the freezing rain dripping down the back of your neck while Albion struggled to hoof a ball up the pitch against Torquay on a Tuesday night. All of this is now best forgotten. But, as we wave goodbye to our “He was there when Theatre of Trees there are some things we should take it mattered, he gave with us as we head towards everything, and he is the sunny uplands of our shiny new stadium. Here are the epitome of the just a few: Bobby Zamora, Cullip’s header to clinch spirit of the club” promotion, brown envelopes, that squirrel that used to be Nathan Jones’ hair, “Hit the bar” in that game against Swindon to win the play-off semi-final, the pub before the game, the pub after the game, the pubs at the away games, Man City at home (the richest club in the world don’t ya know) – a massive club that couldn’t beat us home or away, well, for a while, petitions, Falmer for All... All these things will stay with Albion fans. But there is one thing missing off this list and I am sure some of you may have noticed. One person stands out from this amazing time; he was there when it mattered, he gave everything, he is the epitome of the spirit of the club and the driving force in its triumphal realisation of so many dreams. That man is Dick Knight. Coincidentally, Dick celebrated his birthday on the day of the final game at Withdean. I know he would liked to have been chairman for the move to The Amex, but money talks and it’s Mr Bloom’s time now. But let us pause on our march to The Amex on that first glorious day when we play the first match in front of 22,000 people and give thanks to a man who is remembered as the man who saved Brighton & Hove Albion. He did not do it single handedly – Martin Perry is an unsung hero in all this, and we all know how much of a debt of gratitude we owe the likes of Paul Samrah. Suffice to say, it is Dick Knight I wish to salute for now, for his devotion to the club we all love, his indefatigability in the face of extraordinary odds and his role in saving The Albion. Dick, we salute you and I wish to state, right here, right now, that a campaign to have Dick Knighted starts here. Did you know that members of the public can nominate people for the Honours list? We should do this, even if it’s just so our good Dick Knight can be called good Sir Knight.

010_LS525_Barecheek/madmatt_Editorial 06/05/2011 10:10 Page 2



Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

I REMEMBER... Brunswick Square! Jewel in the crown of Brighton and Hove! With its beautiful Regency buildings that only a particularly well-heeled oligarch could afford, exquisitely manicured greenery, and delightful festival of macrame, wooden jewellery, and homemade wine. But what was it like at the dawn of the 20th century? 105-year-old Goodwin Pevensie recollects... “Old Brunsie, as we always called it, may be a hoity-toity sort of place these days, but it wasn’t that way back when I was a lad, oh no. It was the biggest slum in the South East. I was born there in 1906, in a maisonette we shared with six other families. All the houses were the same; families literally packed in like sardines. And I’m not using the word “literally” incorrectly there either – people were actually stacked end-to-end, atop each other, in a light coating of vegetable oil. “The landlord of the whole street was one Big Wullie Roarke, a vicious,unprincipled psychopath who had been driven mad with grief when his entire family had been killed in the Boxer Rebellion the day after a drawing room comedy he’d written received a scathing review. He was an amoral, wicked, scheming, lowdown, evil, injurious man. If you were one day late with

the rent he’d humiliate you by imitating your voice and mannerisms. If you were two days late he'd have your legs cut off and stapled to your arms. Luckily he perished in the great typhoon of ‘22, carried away while eating his dinner with the knife and fork still in

his hands and dropped slap bang in the middle of the icy Atlantic. “He was succeeded by “Slim Jim” Hardcastle-McCormack, who was much easier to get on with, and only killed people for looking at him the wrong way or for misusing the word “disinterested”. “It was Slim Jim’s idea to do something with the area of land in the middle of the square. Up until 1922 it was an open sewer. A vote was taken on what should be done with it. An overwhelming majority voted to erect a gigantic, 500 foot graven image of Ted Ray, the radio comedian. The project was due to begin on 19 February 1929 but that day, as every schoolboy knows, is the day Ted Ray was shot dead by Buckingham Palace guards for attempting to assassinate Queen Mary, so it was decided to bung some grass and flowerbeds down instead. “Of course that festival they have in the square every year is a very old tradition – dates back to the 12th century or so they say. In my day they had all the things they have these days: second hand bookstalls, face-painting, henna tattoos and the like, but it was mainly a slave auction. That was how I met my wife Maureen. I got her cheap for thirteen bob back in ‘33 on account of her crossed eyes and limp, and we were together for 46 years until I got sick of her and sold her again. “It was in the 1950s when the area started to go upmarket. Eddie Fisher and Elizabeth Taylor moved there while she was filming Suddenly Last Summer in nearby Seaford. Liz had her apartment decked out in the finest silks and perfumes and parakeets who had

Mad Matt Matt Whistler creates a new art movement in his challenge set by Latest 7 reader Sally Lloyd


ith one event dominating everyone’s minds last Bank Holiday weekend [29 April–2 May], Matt thought it was definitely worth getting involved. No, he didn’t crash the Royal Wedding – he put on his own artist’s open house ahead of the Brighton Festival. But to make this a real challenge, Sally Lloyd from Brighton asked Matt to organise his open house within 24 hours, and start a new art movement within the exhibition. With little time to prepare or find stray artists not already ‘housed’ ahead of the festival, Matt had to call on all his persuasive powers. He managed to round up three artists to join the new

movement: Jasper Carrott look-alike Brash, sheep-painter Toby and elusive street-artist Cassette Lord. With the cast assembled, Matt set about setting up his exhibition which he said: “Ranged from green house panels to montage scenes in Central Park, Manhattan, to a ‘framed frame’ that had the back of an expensive frame displayed inside a cheaper one.” Seeking to make a good impression Matt came as ‘Totally Absurd Man’ in an all-in-one blue jumpsuit and re-enacted crime scenes from his pictures outside the open house. “I lay on the floor while my sidekick detective wrapped me in masking tape though one girl

didn’t understand the artistic meaning and thought I was an escaped onion from Taj,” Matt says. As the crowds packed in, Matt waited to reveal his biggest surprise – the new art movement. “As part of the elaborate unveil, Brash and I tried to juggle eggs with boxing gloves on. There was an air of silence and tension filled the room, until we both missed and the eggs splattered across the floor,” Matt recalled. At the point of impact Matt announced the new art movement: Do-Da. He says the name was inspired by the surrealist art movement Dada, an anti-war art

been trained to trill the main theme from Hammersmith Is Out. Lots of other famous folk soon joined them there – Robert Redford, Clint Eastwood, Bianca Jagger... “After that all us hoi polloi couldn’t afford to live there, so we had to move down the road to Palmeira Square. I’ll never forget my last day at old Brunsie though – I’d just packed my few belongings in a bag when there was a knock at the door. It was Desi Arnaz who was just moving in. I was a fan of I Love Lucy from way back, so I kidded Desi about the somewhat corny nature of some of the show’s plots. He smiled, showing his trademark pearly white teeth, and then produced a Colt Cobra .38 special and, holding me at gunpoint, forced me to...” (CONTINUED ON PAGE 98)

What we used to say An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of Americanisms. WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Solution” Yet another noun applied willy-nilly as a verb, blithely ignoring the very verb stem from which it is formed. As in “Let’s see if we can't crowdsource to solution these build-quality issues.” WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “Solve”

revolution that swept the globe between the World Wars. Dada set out to ridicule what participants considered to be the meaninglessness of the modern world; Do-Da has less supercilious goals, according to Matt: “Do-Da aims to encourage hippies to jump out of bed and go to the shop through sheer excitement. If you’re ‘do-Da’ and you see a hippy, you have to do 10 squat thrusts while chanting ‘Do-Da’ on each motion in an effort to convert them. Do-Da is open to everyone, as long as they follow Matt’s initiation activity: “Every other Tuesday you have to walk into a shop and sing ‘Zip-a-Dee-DooDah’ to sublimely transmit the Do-Da message before walking away with the satisfaction that you’ve added excitement to everyone’s day.” To join Do-Da or suggest Matt’s next challenge go to or /mattwhistler brighton Words: Richard Hook

011_LS525_cityspeak_Editorial 06/05/2011 09:43 Page 1


Life begins at 70

Teen Spirit

Ruby Grimshaw can’t hide the ravages of time

Tasha Dhanraj gets down about her exams



have tried over the last few was outside the photograph booth years – which seem to gallop at Asda (a glamorous young girl past with ever increasing waiting to collect her beautiful speed – to ignore the depressing image is not an uplifting start to effect that time is having on me this exercise) and I duly put in my and my body. This is helped by £5 in coins – I’m sure it was only looking in the bathroom mirror as £3 the last time I came – and little as possible (especially when followed the instructions. I found naked), not chasing buses any myself facing a horrible image with longer (using the excuse that it is an uneven mouth line. Surely this very undignified), and not puffing was not me! On my second along beside the attempt I tried to pony when teaching level out my lips but “This meant a child to ride. pulled up the wrong So it was with a side of my mouth and a visit to that sinking heart that I the subsequent learned that for my picture was much place that trip to Indonesian worse. The machine Borneo I would need now told me in holds no pity: a copy of my scornful tones I had passport and two only one attempt left the instant passport and I had better take photo booth” care. It might just as photographs. This meant a visit to that well have said “Get place that holds no real! You are old. pity: the instant photo booth. I had What on earth do you expect?” So I a look at my passport to see how opened my eyes wide like I once bad the last photograph had been, read in a beauty magazine and the to assess what minimum standard third photograph made me look as I had to attain. Each time I have to though I had been up all night get a passport photo done I am watching old episodes of The appalled at how old I look. Then Walking Dead. So I reluctantly when the next 10 years have chose the first image. If I held it at whizzed by and I have to get arms’ length it looked almost another one taken, the new one is normal. My friend L, who is going so ghastly it makes the previous with me to Indonesia, glanced at it one seem quite passable, and I and sniffed: “Yes, it’s pretty awful. can’t understand what I had been But I don’t expect the orangutans so upset about. will mind.” Who needs photo I was glad last week that no-one booths to face up to reality?

William Tells Will Harris gets going when the gloves are off


t is a beautiful, sunny day. wouldn’t also be pretending to Birds are gliding over the open, revise History while watching it. blue canvas that is the English In the meantime, I do have the summer sky. Somewhere just north very real problem of my impending of Hurstpierpoint, there’s probably doom. By doom, I mean 15 exams a deer drinking from a lake. in the space of three weeks. I’m Meanwhile, I am desperately trying going to be required to rummage to learn about the Spanish Civil around the dusty pit that is my War. Whoever decided it would be a memory to try and recall facts good idea for exams to be in the about a cell’s mitochondria that summer was clearly I had long since a worse person than replaced with a Franco. Luckily, one new and more “I’ve grown of the only benefits interesting fact about to doing the Nigella Lawson. up through International I know it is awful Baccalaureate is that education and to admit, but I don’t all the exams start think I’ve ever developed and finish in May, revised properly in which means I’ve my entire life. GCSEs, terrible habits” only got a few weeks I’ll be honest, were left before I can enjoy relatively a doddle. worry-free liberty. I’ve grown up That of course does not mean that through education and developed I won’t still spend these next few terrible habits. I have no idea how weeks complaining. to revise for exams that are Hot days like today when I am actually very, very difficult and trapped indoors make me want to can’t just be answered through run through the fields in a skirt common sense. I can’t even look and flip-flops and eat ice cream in at my history books without a cone. The truth is, when I developing a migraine. actually do have the freedom to do I suppose the main problem is those things, the reality will set in. that deep down I suspect that it Wearing a skirt will require putting will all be OK in the end. Only this sticky sun-cream on my legs; it is time, it really might not be. I impossible to run in flip-flops and I genuinely could fail this time. But am lactose intolerant. If this day hey – I’m an optimist. Even if I do had come after my exams then I fail, at least I’ll have a lovely, long would still be inside, watching Blue summer to look forward to. That is Bloods. The only difference, I assuming the weather continues...

“In the red corner,” bellows the announcer, “he’s CEO of an award-winning design agency by day, an unstoppable force of nature by night; please put your hands together for...” And then he reads out the name of a man I dated briefly last year. A man with whom I enjoyed a string of disarmingly romantic assignations, until one morning he told me he was going out to get us stall seats for Romeo And Juliet at the Guildhall, and never came back. The same man who, right now, is strutting across the podium, shrugging off his dressing gown, and raising his gloves above the crowd in anticipatory glory. “OMG!” I say (it is my firm belief that acronyms are the future of interpersonal communications, ““OMG!” I say, as the just FYI). “I’ve totally had that first bout gets under bantamweight.” “Shut up!” says Nadia, way. “They’re actually giving him the once over. “Why is it, everywhere we punching each other”” go, we unravel a little bit more of your sexual history? I mean, who are you; Tiger Woods?” Up to this point I’ve felt largely disconnected from the aggression in the room, but the appearance of this ghost from the past strutting across the ring stokes something in me; an understanding that even the most mildmannered of us has access to a seething well of primal bloodlust, and all it takes to activate it is the spark from an old flame. “CRUSH HIM!” I yell, jumping to my feet. “GET HIM BELOW THE BELT! BELOW THE BELT!” Something tells me I’m going to enjoy this. follow me on twitter


Illustration: Paul Lewis

nd so to the ring, where I am lucky enough to have two comps to ‘Pink Collar Boxing’, an event billed as ‘the UK’s first ever gay boxing show and club night’. A dozen gay men from all walks of life have endured months of training, calorie-controlled diets, and weekly sparring sessions, all to face off against each other in the sticky-floored environs of the Scala. Ding ding! “OMG!” I say, as the first bout gets under way. “They’re actually punching each other”. I don’t know why I should be so surprised. After all, we gay men spend so much time battering each other’s self esteem, the transition to physical violence could probably be considered a natural progression. The crowds clearly agree. When one fighter’s nose starts spilling blood down his headguard, they cheer. When a fight is declared a draw, they groan. One grand old gay beside me, silver-haired and resplendent in Alexander McQueen, practically starts frothing at the mouth and screaming: “KILL HIM! Get the bastard on the ropes and kill him!” “Who knew the brotherhood had this much testosterone,” I remark to Nadia, who is wincing at every blow and attempting to cover her eyes with a Tom Collins. “You’re so naïve,” she says. “This isn’t testosterone. It’s foreplay. They’re all just waiting for the moment the clothes start coming off.”


012_LS525_snapshots/comps_Editorial 06/05/2011 15:14 Page 2


Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Mayor of Brighton & Hove Councillor Geoffrey Wells

Being the Mayor has been the best year of my life. I have met such a diversity of interesting people, and I have made some lasting friendships. One of the highlights was meeting the Duke of Kent. Brighton and Hove is and always will be the place to be in the UK, and I am proud to serve the city, not only as a Mayor but as a councillor. It is fantastic that during my year as Mayor the Albion gained promotion and I wish them every success in their new home at the Amex Stadium.

Mayor Geoffrey Wells will remove his chains of office for the last time on 19 May. He was born in Brighton and educated at Queen’s Park School. He was first elected for Woodingdean Ward in 1993 as a councillor for East Sussex County Council. Geoffrey is currently a Member for Woodingdean Ward for Brighton & Hove City Council. Geoff has been a supporter of four local charities during his mayoral year: The Alzheimer's Society, Macmillan Cancer Support, The Martlets Hospice and The Sussex Heart Trust.


COMPETITIONS CAMP BESTIVAL This is your chance to win a family ticket (two adults, two children) to Camp Bestival (the baby sister festival to the multi award-winning Bestival) which itself won ‘Best UK Family Festival’ in both 2009 and 2010. Set in the majestic Lulworth Castle against the backdrop of England’s dramatic Jurassic coastline in Dorset, the festie runs from 28–31 July. Expect a dazzling lineup including; Primal Scream, Mark Ronson, Blondie, Eliza Doolittle, Miss Dynamite, The Selecter, Kathryn Williams, Krafty Kuts, Groove Armada, Easy Star All Stars and Newton Faulkner. As well as the fantastic music there are

eight diverse areas; treat yourself in the Heavenly Healing & Pamper Lounge, or be awed by radical riders in the Freestyle Sports Village, or take your nippers to the Kids’ Garden where there is plenty of room for your bouncing bambinos to cavort. Plus, there’s the Stage, Big Top, Bandstand, Insect Circus Stage, Bollywood Tent and the Black Dahlia for Come Dancing dance-offs and late night rock ‘n’ rollin’. Plus comedy, spoken word, theatre in the woods and fireworks and fun on tap! All that, plus a big dose of story-telling around roaring campfires, a good ole Cockney knees-up, insect circus, the all singing kids summer party and dressing up antics, this is a jam-packed haven for kids and parents, you can’t afford to miss out. Q Which county is Camp Bestival set in?


Calling all you creatures of the night. Trashfiend Disposable Horror Fare Of The 1960s And 1970s (, written by Scott Stine, shines a fond but satiric light on everything from low budget horror films to grisly comic art, lurid movie magazines to latenight creature features. Packed with reviews, trivia, interviews, anecdotes and rare illustrations, and written with witty and insightful flair, Trashfiend will fascinate aficionados, nostalgists and cinema lovers of every stripe. We’ve got six copies...

Q What does Frankenstein wear through his neck?


This stage adaptation celebrates the 40th anniversary of the film voted No. 1 British movie of all time by TotalFilm. Ted Lewis’ incredible fiction changed Noir forever and this stage adaptation is written by Jonathan Holloway. A tale of bloody retribution and family values, this is Britain’s answer to The Godfather. Don’t know Jack? You will after this... Running as part of The Brighton Festival Fringe, Hove Town Hall – May 10–13, 8pm. Win one of two pairs of tickets to 13 May performance. Q Who played Jack Carter in the original film?



with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 23 May, apart from Get Carter which is Thursday 12 May.

013_LS525_interview_011_LS466_interview 06/05/2011 09:08 Page 1



Performance artist & musician Laurie Anderson talks to Jeff Hemmings about capitalism, art & science, dreams, being a pessimist, & performing ‘O Superman’ for the last time on 9/11


ne of America’s most renowned and daring creative pioneers, Laurie Anderson is primarily known for her multimedia presentations, casting herself in roles as varied as visual artist, composer, poet, photographer, filmmaker, electronics whiz, vocalist and instrumentalist. But it was the hugely surprising hit single ‘O Superman’ (1981) that propelled Anderson beyond the confines of the niche and elite New York art scene into an international artist of stature. And, arguably, all thanks to BBC Radio Clyde who took the decision to play her song... “I did perform ‘O Superman’ on 9 September 2001,” says Laurie from her base in New York. “But not after that.” One glance at the lyrics gives a strong clue as to why that might be: This is the hand, the hand that takes/Here come the planes/They’re American planes/Made in America/Smoking or non-smoking? Seven albums for Warner Brothers and a number of worldwide tours followed ‘O Superman’. Shows ranged from simple spoken word performances to elaborate multimedia events including ‘United States I-V’ (1983), ‘Empty Places’ (1990), and ‘Songs And Stories For Moby Dick’, a multimedia performance based on the Herman Melville novel. Anderson’s visual work has been presented in major museums around the world including a touring retrospective of her work, The Record Of The Time: Sound in the Work of Laurie Anderson, produced by The Musée Art Contemporain of Lyon in France. As a recognised groundbreaking artist in the use of technology in the arts, in 2002 Anderson was appointed the first artist-in-residence of NASA out of which she developed her solo performance ‘The End Of The Moon’. “Artists and scientists have a lot more in common than I had thought,” Anderson says. “You get an idea, you work on it, and you face the same kind of problem. When is it finished? “Art doesn’t provide solutions or change the world, but art and science are similar in that the products of each represent curiosity embodied. Art shouldn’t exist to make the world a better place,” she continues. “Curiosity has to be free.” More recently, she completed a two-year worldwide tour of her latest performance piece

‘Homeland’ (also released as an album on Nonesuch), and debuted her newest performance piece, ‘Delusion’, at the Vancouver Olympics. It’s the piece she will be performing at this year’s Brighton Festival.

“Art doesn’t provide solutions or change the world, but art and science are similar” “I wanted to make a three-dimensional movie, not with glasses, projecting onto different kinds of 3D images. I am so sick of rectangles, looking at them, and staring at rectangles within rectangles... I wanted to make something projected onto various surfaces such as a couch, a crumpled piece of paper... there are 20 short stories – a large cast of characters. Balzac is my inspiration for this one.” A meditation on life and language, ‘Delusion’ oscillates between the everyday and the mythic. Combining violin, electronic puppetry, music and visuals, at its heart is a belief that words and stories can create and decreate the world. “Some of my ideas come from dreams,” says Anderson, “but I try and be very careful about that... there’s nothing more annoying than someone telling you their dream.” Nevertheless, she has a method for remembering them when the desire takes her: “It’s milk and salt before you go to bed – it’s amazing – but you might remember more than you care to.” In the waking world, Anderson is not optimistic about things: “I’m increasingly pessimistic... I don’t know how to deal with it!" And just as art doesn’t provide solutions in her world, “politicians can’t change politics. I have a paranoid streak going on. Something has happened in the world, and it’s not great. I can’t pretend that I am anything but depressed.”

On the Obama era, Anderson says things aren’t much different: “You realise they’re not in charge, that it’s a corporate world now. And as much as you would like to have ideals about how to help people, and how to make a structure that is more stable, it’s the market that’s driving it. One of the books I found really fascinating is Reality Capitalism. The premise is that it is easier to imagine the end of the world than it is to imagine the end of capitalism!” A current hero of Anderson’s is Brit writer Tom Hodgkinson, author of How To Be Idle. “He said, ‘Britain lost 500 million man hours to illness last year’, and he starts off by saying, ‘who told you, that in order to be a good person, that you have to be working? Who told you that?’ And then he traces it through the history of British industrialisation, and you’re going, ‘wait a minute, when did we owe Britain 500 million man hours? How did this arithmetic get set up?’ You don’t owe anybody anything! “There is another world: instead of competing or being forced into systems like communism, why don’t we just co-operate?" Laurie Anderson, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, Thursday 26 May, 8pm, £10–£28.50. Laurie Anderson will also be in conversation with Amy Raphael on Wednesday 25 May, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 8.30pm, £10

10% service will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday until end of May 2011 excluding bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.

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015_LS525_Aloka_editorial 06/05/2011 14:40 Page 1


Well worth Aloka


DATES NOT TO MISS! To celebrate their commitment to Vegetarian and Vegan cuisine, during National Vegetarian week, (23-29 May) Aloka will be offering a £10 meal deal in the ground floor café before 5pm every day. On Thursday 26 May, Aloka will host a charity dinner in aid of The Argus Appeal. The £35 taster menu will showcase the best of raw and vegan food. For more details and to book please call 01273 823178 (places are limited).

More than just a haven for gourmet vegans and vegetarians, Aloka prides itself on its Quality of Life holistic experience, from natural cosmetics to a busy yoga studio


t has been an amazing couple of years for the team at the Aloka Quality of Life Centre in Brighton’s East Street. As they celebrate their second birthday this month they can look back with pride at their achievements – including winning a Vegetarian Society dining award, building a busy yoga studio and developing a choice of the most relaxing treatments in their tranquil day spa. It’s hard to imagine a time before the lively shop adorned with the beautiful coloured Aura-Soma bottles and bustling café existed in The Lanes – it really has been taken to the city’s heart. If you haven’t visited Aloka, there are many great reasons to go and discover the various treats on offer within the centre. Set over five floors, Aloka has a day spa with three treatment rooms, a yoga studio with a whole programme of classes, an award winning restaurant offering delicious vegan and raw food, a fantastic vegan café and a crystal and cosmetics shop (don’t miss seeing the two giant 220kg Amethyst Caves in the basement). The dining experience at Aloka is unique in offering a fusion of globally inspired raw and vegan dishes made with fresh local, seasonal, organic and biodynamic ingredients. By day the

café offers a fantastic selection of self-serve dishes (and wonderful cakes). At night time they have just launched their exciting new summer evening menu that brings together the best of the restaurant and café. This new à la carte menu available on both floors offers an exciting selection of the contemporary cooked and living cuisine that won them the highly coveted Vegetarian Society UK’s Best Eating Out Award in 2010. The judges described Aloka as: “A fresh experience in dining out. The menu is raw, vegan, inventive and delicious. This is a landmark eating establishment in Brighton.” The exciting new developments at Aloka are not confined to the kitchen. In the last few months there have been two beauty launches. Firstly a complete menu of beauty treatments using the new Active Energised Organic Skincare range, AEOS, all made from natural, organic and biodynamic ingredients designed to nourish the skin. This was followed by the launch of the Pegasus range of eight fragrances. These fragrances demonstrate the visual and non-visual energies of colour, combining the energies of both essential oils and herbal extracts, evoking a gorgeous aroma and the potential to enlighten the wearer’s mood. The perfume collection takes its place alongside the

109 beautiful bottles of rainbow coloured oils, pure essences, pomanders and quintessence already in existence within the Aura-Soma family. The Aura-Soma colour system is at the heart of Aloka. An Aura-Soma Consultation allows a glimpse into your personality, what drives you, what holds you back and the gifts and talents you have. Taking home a chosen bottle after the consultation can bring about change, resolution and restore balance and harmony. At Aloka, the focus truly is on the holistic experience – the whole Quality of Life. From Soil to Soul, from head to toe, Aloka has been offering a complete wellbeing experience for the last two years – and, no doubt will do so for many more to come. They should be celebrated as a Brighton institution. Aloka, 14 East Street, Brighton BN1 1HP, 01273 823178, or visit their new blog where you can sign up for their monthly newsletter.

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017_LS525_food__food 06/05/2011 09:30 Page 1


Food & Drink Andrew Kay puts local company Pizzaface to the delivery test. Here’s how he got on...



t’s probably only fair if I declare at the start that pizza is not my favourite food. I have had good pizza certainly but on the whole pizza is a minimum effort and maximum return option for many restaurants, minimum cost too in many cases. But at best it is a good meal; at worst, I’d rather have cheese on toast. Close to home is a rather smart pizza delivery company, an independent one called Pizzaface. Given that my evening was going to be filled with making 32 fairy cakes for Mr R to take to work, a carry-out supper was in order. We decided pizza would fit the bill, and I thought it might be good to put Pizzaface to the test. Cruel I know, but sometimes I think this is what you want to know. I looked online and found their excellent website, made a selection and called. “I ordered two pizzas – The chap on the end of the we’re growing boys, and phone was charming and very efficient, checking that in all the wrong places” everything I wanted was available before confirming the sale. All agreed, he told me my order would be delivered between 30 and 45 minutes. It was five past seven so the clock was ticking. It was also midweek, so not as busy as a Friday or Saturday might be. I say this so you get the full picture. At 7.37, on the dot, the buzzer rang and the delivery arrived at my door three minutes later. I was impressed. Usually when a time is given you can take the later limit to mean the earliest possible time you might expect your food. So full marks for punctuality, what about the food? Well, once again I was impressed. I ordered two pizzas – we’re growing boys, and in all the wrong places. The first was a Vesuvius, a mix of pepperoni and chorizo with fresh and dried chillies. It had just the right amount of heat to make its presence known but without destroying your palate for days ahead. All in all it was good, in fact very good. The second was called Holy Cheeses – there is a nice dollop of wit in this menu. Here the four cheeses were gorgonzola, mascarpone, parmesan and mozzarella and all with caramelised onions. A truly scrummy concoction that latest 7 supports put smiles on our pizza faces. Once again very good indeed. There are lots of extras you can add to soup up your choice should you so choose but I rather liked the simplicity of these two. I also ordered a few extra things, the menu is full of nice surprises and one of them is a short list of wines and beers. have you voted yet? The bottle of prosecco at £12 was excellent, and properly chilled too. Their


own coleslaw was interesting, a good flavoured yogurt dressing was perhaps a little too wet but I liked the red cabbage and the fresh mint in there. There was plenty of it too. Best of all they sell ice cream and good ice cream too. I have already raved about the ices from Boho Gelato in Pool Valley so I was delighted to find them on the menu at Pizzaface. We had a large pot of sea salt caramel and I policed its distribution so there would be some left for the following night. You could say that I was won over by Pizzaface. The crust was exemplary, the toppings made of interesting and well sourced ingredients and they delivered on time. The pizzas were £8 each, the salad £3 and the ice cream £6, which I felt was fair. The prosecco was £12, not too bad for a quality bottle of fizzy fun but it did bring the bill up to £37. Now I know I could have eaten out for that money in quite a few places these days, but nowhere locally that makes pizza as good as this. If I had one complaint it would be that the pizzas were not as hot as they might have been, and we live pretty close by. That said, they were not cold either. Kemp Town is rapidly becoming a hotbed of good eating. If Pizzaface were to open a sit-down restaurant I reckon we would be better served than almost any other area of this wonderful city. The fairy cakes turned out nicely by the way, but disappeared to Eastbourne before I had a chance to taste even one! Pizzaface, 35 St George’s Road, Kemp Town, Brighton, BN2 1ED, 01273 699082,

What’s your favourite pizza topping?

light bites

Burger van

The funniest story to hit my desk last month was news that newly Michelin starred and Sussex Food and Drink award-winning restaurant, The Curlew in Bodiam, was to launch a burger van selling kebabs, chips and peas on the B2089 after the close of service in the restaurant. The carefully crafted newsletter included a very good picture of a Curlew burger van and the notion that this was to be the first of a fleet that would take over the country. Well done to them for the best April fool and also for their massive success. The Curlew, Junction Road, Bodiam, East Sussex, TN32 5UY 01580 861394

Have you voted yet

As media partners for the Brighton Foodies it is my duty to

give you a hefty nudge form time to time and get you voting. The competition last year was incredibly stiff with only a few votes separating the winners from the runners up in all four categories. You can nominate and vote for your favourite restaurant, café, food pub and food shop at and remember that these awards are chosen by you, the dining public. follow me on twitter


026_LS525_hotlist_Hotlist 04/05/2011 14:38 Page 2



L7 Hotlist

10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415

Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit


American Rock & Roller

Enjoy fabulous American-inspired food – including mammoth home-made burgers (beef, chicken and vegetarian), locally smoked ribs and sizzling steaks – at Rock & Roller. Upstairs you’ll find an entire floor dedicated to pool, with five tables to choose from. Join the Pool Loyalty Scheme – play nine hours and get a tenth hour free. 95 Western Rd, Brighton, BN1 2LB, 01273 710014,

British & modern European Bardsley’s

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

The Dyke

Superb rustic Tuscan menu mingled with English classics. Locally sourced or organic ingredients and rapidly gaining a reputation as one of Brighton’s most stylish eateries. One side is a proper pub with excellent real ales and log fire; the other a very grown-up stylish restaurant. It’s very child (and dog!) friendly too, and has a big garden for those late summer evenings. Lunch 12pm–3pm; dinner 6.30pm–9.45pm. 218 Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 555672,

The Gallery Restaurant – The Lanes If you’re looking for an independent restaurant offering some of the very best steaks and British dishes then why not try The Gallery Restaurant? Located in an old fishing cottage in the very heart of Brighton’s Lanes The Gallery Restaurant prides itself in offering the very best dishes, service and ambience – British style! In the summer they boast one one Brighton’s largest alfresco terraces but in the winter the mood is relaxed and welcoming. Try the lunch two-course menu for just £9.95 and the evening menu two-course menu for £13.95. 28 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL 01273 773327,

The Old Bank Steak & Ribs

Kemp Town’s friendly new steakhouse restaurant serves delicious food with great service in a warm and comfortable setting. Locally-owned and aiming to be the ‘Cheers’ of the neighbourhood, The Old Bank is a rarity in the city, offering quality steak and ribs, local catch of the day, grilled chicken and vegetarian dishes at great value prices. A fantastic wine list, selected mainly from local merchants by GQ wine columnist Jonathan Ray, complements their wholesome and satisfying food. Kids’ menu great value. Open Mon–Thurs, 5pm–9.30pm; Fri–Sun, 12pm–10pm; live background Sunday jazz 6–8pm, and open all day bank holidays. Plus

The Dyke


the garden is now open for summer! 120 St George’s Road, Kemp Town Village, BN1 1EA, 01273 682200,

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

The Restaurant At Drakes


With an air of relaxed glamour, exemplary service and the finest modern European cuisine in town, the 2AA Rosette fine-dining restaurant provides the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Two courses for £29; three courses for £39; fivecourse Gourmet Chef’s Taster Menu for £50. Private dining room with designated waiter for up to 12 people. 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934,

The Townhouse Restaurant

The Townhouse is discovering itself as a home for all, with a dining area, lounge bar, private function suite and a piano room. The head chef brings all his prestige from The London Dorchester to create a menu (specialising in steaks and seafood) that fits the Brighton way. Whether you want a quick lunch or wish to stay the evening, they promise you a warm welcome that will make you not want to leave. For promotions visit their website or give them a call. 81–82 St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton BN2 1PA, 01273 693216,

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321,


Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477,

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135,

Japanese Moshi Moshi

Is there a better and cooler place to eat Japanese in Brighton? We don’t think so, and neither do Moshi Moshi’s ever-growing fan base. Their sushi is fantastic, the service great, and they’ve won a brace of awards for their work in fish conservation. If you’re not yet a

Moshi member, you’re missing out: their 50% off on Moshi Mondays are a phenomenom. Opticon, Bartholomew Square, Brighton, BN1 1JS, 01273 719195,

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we’re open every day, so come down and “gin yur yur” (eat a lot!) 8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226,

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs. No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude: everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.



We are proudly hosting authentic flamenco Every THURSDAY with the Alahaima Flamenco Group

The magic begins at 8pm Prior Table Bookings Only

When you order a 2 course meal or 3 tapas per person with this advert

Enjoy the show! For all details and or reservations, please contact us.

019_LS525_health_Revitalise 06/05/2011 14:53 Page 3


SMOOTH MOVE IPL hair removal can make shaving, waxing & plucking a thing of the past


e love long days on the beach wearing nothing but swimming shorts or bikinis in the summer. The downside is the constant shaving or waxing – which is not so constant but still a chore – to upkeep our summer body. There are times when even the most sensitive shaving gel and razor can cause redness and irritation to the skin. Shaving may be the ‘cheapest’ or ‘easiest’ option but professional IPL (intense pulse light)/laser hair removal can be more cost effective and time saving in the long term. At A New You, the cosmetic clinic in Brighton, IPL hair removal treatment is available for men and women. It’s an increasingly popular form of hair removal designed to remove unwanted hair and permanently reduce hair growth in the long run.


IPL hair removal is suitable for both men and women. Areas that can be treated include the bikini line, facial hair, legs, forearms, the back and chest. It works by a beam of laser light being directed at the hair follicle and killing it. IPL is not just a one-off treatment where the hair is magically reduced/gone forever. A course of treatments is required to get the best results. This could be anything from three to six treatments performed a month to six weeks apart. It depends on the area being treated as every area – and individual – is different. A bonus of IPL hair removal is the reduction in hair growth. If you have really thick, dark hair (chest, arms Areas IPL hair or legs) that you want removed, IPL removal can treat: can drastically reduce the hair growth as the follicle is killed off by • Facial hair • Underarms the laser light. Over time and a • Forearm • Bikini line course of treatments, there is a • Belly button/abdomen dramatic reduction to hair growth. • Legs • Male beard If you’re just thinking about • Male chest, back and shoulder wearing shorts/skirts and booking your summer holiday, now is the perfect time to start a course of laser hair removal. A New You warns that IPL is not suitable if you have a suntan or have just been on holiday. You need to wait until your tan has faded so the right energy levels of the IPL can be established. Like with any cosmetic procedure there can be side effects. A thorough consultation beforehand will help you to decide if IPL hair removal is for you. The consultation is the time for you to ask any questions you have about the treatment itself, the desired/predicted results and treatment plan. A patch test is always carried out at least 48 hours before your first treatment. This helps to identify the right energy level to use for the individual’s skin type and colour. Having the laser light on the correct setting means the hair follicle is effectively targeted but the skin is not affected. Cases of blistering and burning of the skin are extremely rare. Again, any concerns can be discussed with the practitioner in the consultation. It is natural for there to be some redness to the skin after having IPL treatment. This will subside within 48 hours. As a non-surgical procedure there is no recovery time – it could even be taken in your lunch hour. Whether it’s a self-confidence boost, a break from shaving, waxing and painful epilators, or a much-needed time saver, IPL hair removal is an effective treatment to prepare your skin for exposure this summer. A New You, 78 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, BN1 4EB, 01273 604444, follow me on twitter


020_021_LS525_reviewsbookings_Reviews 06/05/2011 13:10 Page 2



L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at Festival season starts here! We’re already busy preparing for The Latest Awards (Tuesday 31 May at Latest Musicbar) and we need your help. Find all the details of how to vote for your favourite Brighton Festival and Brighton Festival Fringe shows at


I’m too old to have really experienced Sesame Street but not to old to enjoy Avenue Q, the Broadway and West End phenomenon that takes the educational children’s TV concept from adolescence to adulthood. My biggest worry was that I would be able to take the leap of faith required to accept the format of puppet and puppeteer appearing together. I need not have worried, it works so well that I very soon became completely used to the duality of the performances.

EYE, EYE! BEADY EYE, Brighton Centre, 27 April JJJJJ


f Liam Gallagher rolled into town with a point to prove, he certainly left with his head held high. With thousands of mod-clad disciples packed into the Brighton Centre, a host of the old traditions were still clearly being observed by the masses – the flying projectiles of human waste and the highly-charged, aggressive atmosphere to name but two. Beady Eye’s set also bore all the hallmarks of old as they embarked on a full frontal balls-out performance that, at times, sounded like it was designed to wake the dead. The band blasted through songs from their debut album at a rate of knots, resisting the urge to call upon tracks from their back catalogue with an almost dogmatic zeal. This is a band who are clearly confident in their new guise, and not without reason – ‘The Roller’ and ‘Four Letter Word’ sounded like anthems to match anything produced by Oasis in the last 15 years, while songs like ‘Bring The Light’ and ‘Wigwam’ felt like live-classics in the making. Beady Eye will never to be able to outrun their history, but they proved here that they are more than capable of pushing on to a new and equally valid future. And, love him or hate him, nobody can deny that the music world would be a poorer place without the type of undiminished, snarling and overpowering performance Liam Gallagher demonstrated tonight. The King is dead. Long live Beady Eye. Adam Lindsay

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BOOKINGS | MUSIC CHART 21 Avenue Q has run and run and to huge acclaim, and why? It’s simple: the play is well scripted, the material both universal and timeless, the performances superb with a cast of talented young actors who can not only sing and dance and act but can operate the beautiful puppets, which all come from the original Sesame Street makers. That makes the cast one of quadruple threats – the scariest kind of theatre performer. Theatre Royal Brighton, 2 May JJJJJ Andrew Kay

L7 Bookings On sale this week… Tommy Tiernan


One of the great indie bands of the last decade, and Brighton born and raised to boot, ESP have only recently re-entered the live arena after an extended lay-off while founders Alex and Tom White pursued other projects. This is to their benefit as their batteries have been fully recharged. Tonight, it was the turn of their second album The American Adventure (2003) as well as the Human Body EP (2005) – a period marked by more downbeat feel, yet still featuring highly spirited and carefully crafted indie pop gems. Beautifully played, and with plenty of joie de vivre emanating from the stage, this was what indie music should all be about – at turns rocking out, at others contemplative, full of twists and turns, but with the ear attuned to the overriding quality of the melody. Prince Albert, 27 April JJJJJ Jeff Hemmings

Three outstanding Korean artists come together for a celebration of the songs of Poulenc, Francaix, Chaminade, Doppler and Tomasi. 100 per cent of ticket sales profits directly fund Art For Development's projects to donate painting materials to marginalised children in Ethiopia, Namibia and South Africa.



In their current incarnation The Blockheads do a damned fine job of continuing the Ian Dury musical tradition. Derek The Draw on vocals has Dury’s vocal mannerisms and dry-as-sand tone down pat. The gig took a while to get going, but the band’s decision to run through Dury’s first album, New Boots And Panties, was a cannily brilliant one. The energy and love grew exponentially with each song. The horribly opaque sound, though, meant the lyrics were mostly inaudible, a blessing perhaps for many bands, but a real shame here. Dury’s cheeky, sexy, bittersweet words really deserve to be heard in full. Komedia, 29 April JJJJJ Gary Mepsted

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

Brighton Centre, 19 June, £20, 01273 709709, Snooker Legends and The Brighton Centre are sad to note the passing of Ted Lowe, the legendary snooker commentator who was due to appear as their special guest at the event on 19 June. A tribute will be paid to Ted as part of the show.


Verulamium Park, St Albans, 22–24 July, £17.50–£175, 0843 221 0977, Last year’s inaugural outdoor comedy festival and brainchild of Eddie Izzard Laughs In The Park returns, moving from September to the decidedly warmer July and still only a short walk from St Albans City Station, direct from Brighton on the First Capital Connect. With all three comedy stars playing all three nights, ending in a fireworks display each evening, this is pioneering funny stuff.


St Nicholas Church, Dyke Road, 15 May, 3pm, £12/10, 0844 847 1515,

Komedia, 27 November, £12, 0845 293 8480, Calling Kate Walsh a singersongwriter is like saying Van Gogh was a cartoonist. A 28 year old from a sailing town in Essex who’s been likened to Joni Mitchell, Kate Bush and Jane Austen, she’s ferociously independent... in every sense. Here’s your chance to catch the chanteuse live.


Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 16 September, 01273 709709, When illness prevented Harold Pinter from performing his own poems at a London benefit in 2007 he asked Julian Sands to take over. This intimate celebration of Pinter’s poetry once more has Sands performing, and this time John Malkovich directing.

TOP 10

1 Panos Christofi – Satin Doll 2 Fresh Like Dexie – Electric Summer 3 The Mojo Fins – Meet Me At The Pictures 4 KontraPunkt – Shelter In The Fog 5 lolatwist – Pretty 6 StuartNewman–51stState 7 Rubber Johnny – Tyman Dance 8 BoxBoy – My Weekend 9FooleyMantras–Breakaway 10 Hollywood Assassins – Switchblade After a couple of weeks’ break from these pages, Brighton’s Download Chart makes a return with one thing we’re more than used to: Panos Christofi is still at Number One with ‘Satin Doll’. The versatile electro-pop singer-songwriter retains his impressive spell at the top of the charts as the soulful funk-heavy stomp of Fresh Like Dixie’s ‘Electric Summer’ climbs magestically to the second place spot. Meanwhile, the melancholic, gentle indie-rock of The Mojo Fins’s latest entry, ‘Meet Me At The Pictures’, takes the bronze position as the goth-influenced electronic experimentalism of Kontrapukt’s ‘Shelter In The Fog’ takes four. At five, the quality Smashing Pumpkins-esque ‘Pretty’ by Iolatwist, completes the rundown.

11KontraPunkt Island 12 Duke Monorail Microfilm 13 La Lunalight So Simplistic 14 Jamie Smith Wheels Upon Wheels 15 Automatic Shoes Your Father 16 Zoe Konez When The Snow Came 17 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 18 Harper Ash China Girl 19 the bardo To Be Free 20 ULTRALITES Mucho Peso ft. Mo SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos


Did you disagree with our verdict on any of these shows?


Latest Brighton Download Chart

Kate Walsh

022_025_LS525_previews_editorial 06/05/2011 10:56 Page 2



L7 Previews

STAGE: WILDE ABOUT FOOD Classic theatre with lavish dining


scar Wilde’s short story, Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime, has been adapted by Manchester-based Rocket Theatre and can be enjoyed while dining at this year’s Brighton Festival Fringe. Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime is a tale of love, honour, duty, fortune telling and murder! Rocket Theatre has created a hilarious two-man show with artistic director Martin Harris playing Lord Arthur and James Anning as his trusty valet Middlewick. Festival-goers will be able to see the play in the luxurious surroundings of The Paganini Ballroom in Brighton’s Old Ship Hotel and rather than facing a conventional stage, seating will be cabaret-style (around tables) as Lord Arthur and Middlewick roam among the audience, ensuring that at some point during the show everyone will have a front row seat. Audiences have the choice of seeing an afternoon performance, which will include the serving of a refined afternoon tea with sandwiches, scones and cakes or an evening show which includes a sumptuous three-course dinner. Tickets must be booked in advance. Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime, The Paganini Ballroom, Old Ship Hotel 14, 21, 29 May (7.30pm) – with three-course dinner (£33) 15, 22, 30 May (3.00pm) – with afternoon tea (£22) Tickets are available from the Fringe Box Office: 01273 917272 or online at follow me on twitter


the jovial but big-headed Mr Toad! A great family favourite that will transport you to the river bank. Tickets for Illyria’s three shows are £12 (discounts £9) each. Pitchy Breath’s Wind in the Willows is £7.50 (discounts: £6/family of four: £22). To make it easy The Pirates Of Penzance for you to get out and enjoy the sunshine and theatre they have a summer offer STAGE: where if you book any two or more OPEN AIR AT THE HAWTH of these performances you save 10 With summer almost here The per cent. Tickets can be purchased Hawth’s programme is going al from The Hawth Box Office on fresco with four theatrical 01293 553636 or you can book productions stepping out of the online at theatre and taking to various outdoor sites in Crawley. STAGE: On Tuesday 28 June at 7.30pm MISS HOPE SPRINGS: the award-winning and ever-popular JE M’APPELLE HOPE Illyria return to The Hawth Last May, Ty Jeffries stormed the Amphitheatre with Shakespeare’s Fringe with his extraordinary one Twelfth Night. In its 20th year, Illyria man show, a ‘Ritz to the pits’ present the Shakespeare classic. journey of his alter ego Hope The ever-popular company return Springs and went on to dazzle to Crawley, this time to Goff’s Park, audiences garnering a Best Stage on Wednesday 3 August 6.30pm Production 2010 award at The Drill with Fantastic Mr Fox by Roald Dahl, Hall in London adapted by David Wood. This year Ty returns with another In Fantastic Mr Fox all Mr Fox all-original one man musical wants from life is to feed his family, comedy cabaret, Je M’Appelle Hope, and farmers Boggis, Bunce and Bean the next episode in his alter ego’s have an ample supply of chickens, epic saga of self discovery. geese and ducks. But they are also The Marlborough Little Theatre, the cruelest, meanest and most 4 Princes Street, Brighton, ruthless farmers you could ever 12–15 May, 9pm meet, and they are determined to put a stop to Mr Fox once and for all. Mr Fox's chances are slim at best... or will the sharpest wit win? Gilbert and Sullivan’s most popular comic opera, The Pirates Of Penzance, is brought to life on Thursday 11 August at 7.30pm in the Amphitheatre. Illyria deliver another first for the UK open-air touring theatre circuit packed with laughter, romance and a galleon-full of memorable lyrics. Rounding off the summer in the Amphitheatre is Pitchy Breath Theatre with The Wind In The Willows on Saturday 20 and Sunday 21 August. Crawley’s community theatre present Kenneth Grahame’s classic following the adventures of Mole, Ratty, Badger and of course,

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£10 per drop-in class

Try your first class for FREE! For more info and term dates see

022_025_LS525_previews_editorial 06/05/2011 10:49 Page 3

LATEST PREVIEWS MUSIC 23 CLUBS: SUPERCHARGED Unless you've been living under a rock for the last year, no doubt you will have heard of Supercharged – the weekly night at Audio featuring all things beats and bass related. Consistently showcasing the most cutting edge bookings around, artists including Rusko, Katy B and Scratch Perverts have all graced the decks. Audio, 11 May, 11pm–2.30am, £4 CLUBS: MARGOT’S

DEPARTURE LOUNGE Margot’s Parties is turning Proud Brighton Ballroom into a debauched airport departure lounge. With DJs, cabaret and burlesque performances and a glitter-ball pop, sassy house and diva disco crowd, expect great things from this night. Dress pilot, cabin crew, holidaymaker and business tripper with no excess baggage. Proud Brighton Ballroom, 14 May, 10pm–2am, £12 CLUBS: UNHOOKED GENERATION A night of ‘60s soul, motion, northern soul, garage and rock ’n’ roll. With resident DJs Iced Gems and Bon Qui Qui. Dress up to get down and expect to hear music like Martha Reeves and The Vandellas, The Four Tops, The Temptations, Marvin Gaye and lots more to get you boogieing on the dancefloor all night long.

Jazz Place, 14 May, 11pm–3am, £3 all night MUSIC: ANIMAL COLLECTIVE The legendary Animal Collective make their highly anticipated return for their only headline UK date outside of All Tomorrow's Parties. Universally acclaimed and Brit nominated, this experimental rock band feature members located in different continents, but their blissful, deeply textured songs echo with the sound of rock ’n’ roll’s history. Winter Gardens, Eastbourne, 16 May, 7pm, £20.50/18.50 MUSIC: ADAM ANT Adam Ant (aka Stuart Leslie Goddard) comes to Brighton with his first full UK tour in over 15 years with his new band The Good, The Mad and The Lovely Posse. His iconic new wave/post-punk group Adam And The Ants scored three Number One singles including ‘Stand And Deliver’ and ‘Prince Charming’. Once voted sexiest man in America by the viewers of MTV, he’s also become an established actor having appeared in over two dozen films or television episodes. Expect the greatest of hits. Concorde 2, 16 May, 7.30pm, Sold Out MUSIC: THE WEBB SISTERS Backing singers to Leonard Cohen, the Kent-bred Webb Singers are sisters Charley and Hattie and are hugely expressive singers, multiinstrumentalists and songwriters in their own right. Drawing from folk and pop traditions, their new album Savages has just been released. Komedia, 16 May, 7.30pm, £11

Animal Collective


MUSIC: THE GREAT ESCAPE It’s that time of year again, when great music explodes


he Great Escape is recognised as possibly the best destination in Europe to catch the cream-of-the-crop of fresh, global, live talent. The bill is now complete, and once more there is a stunning selection of live acts performing at over 30 Brighton venues from 12–14 May. Brighton Dome, as part of the Brighton Festival, will be hosting three headline gigs: Sufjan Stevens, Friendly Fires and DJ Shadow, the latter will also be in conversation the following night, discussing his work to date. But The Great Escape is not just about the chance to see those who have made it, it’s an opportunity to see a wealth of talent from around the globe, much of which will be new, up and coming, and in the process of establishing what they hope to be fruitful careers within the ever challenging musical environment. The Great Escape is essentially a showcase for what are viewed as ‘export-ready’ acts, and there will be hundreds of music industry people representing labels, festivals, agents, promoters, publishers and the like, all here to network and check out some of this talent. With a Great Escape ticket, be it a three-day pass or a day ticket, music fans can traverse the venues of Brighton to catch some of these acts. The idea being that if one venue is full, you can move onto to the next venue and so on... So, among the over 100 acts here for the three days are some truly gleaming diamonds within an overall pool of gems, including The View, Guillemots, Okkervil River, White Denim, Beardyman, Anna Calvi, Art Brut, Fionn Regan, King Charles, Stealing Sheep, Three Trapped Tigers, Gallops, Young The Giant, Hot Horizons, Still Corners, Olof Arnalds, Alice Gold and son; some of these known and many almost completely unknown. There are plenty of international showcases this year: acts from Ireland, Australia, Brazil, Canada, Spain, Poland, New Zealand, Denmark, Portugal and others will be here, for the most part, for the very first time. And of course Brighton will be represented again this year; Apples and Eve, Hind Ear, Melodica, Melody and Me, Us Baby Bear Bones, Dark Horses, Fear of Men, Mechanical Bride, Monument Valley, Munich and Rizzle Kicks are all up and coming, ‘buzz’ bands, worthy of your attention. Finally, the ever growing fringe to The Great Escape, the Alternative Great Escape, grows in quality every year, and tickets holders will be given access to these events, some organised by local promoters and labels, others by agencies and companies from around the county who see the event as a valuable opportunity to get their acts seen. The Great Escape, 12–14 May, follow me on twitter


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022_025_LS525_previews_editorial 06/05/2011 10:49 Page 4



COMEDY: PARADISE FOUND Milton Jones this year has won awards for both his standup and his radio work. Victoria Nangle finds out more

Zoe Lyons


ilton Jones is a secret national treasure. Having entertained us for years in various guises, picking up the Perrier award in 1996, as well as various other accolades – as recently as this year when he was awarded the Chortle Best Headliner gong 2011 and Best British Radio Sitcom 2011 from – here is a man who gives his all and never stops making us laugh. With his surreal sense of humour and wonderfully constructed abstract world, it’s a joy or an escape to join him. “The type of crowd I get seems to be very mixed,” Milton admits. “People come and they bring their children. Also, as I’ve done some Radio 4 stuff there’s older people there and for some reason they feel quite at home about shouting out stuff.” This is something that puts off a lot of comics, forced off-script or off-kilter but Milton has a different take on things. “It’s wrong to dismiss that, you have to run with whatever happens and I quite like that in a way because I know in certain situations certain jokes will work. When something happens that is clearly of the moment and everyone knows that then it is special for that one evening and if you can make something out of that, that’s the kind of thing I walk away from feeling glad I was there for. “I think it is very dangerous for any performer to ignore what the crowd says as well. It looks as if you are not able to think on your feet. I started off years ago doing bits of acting. The single hardest thing was to unlearn that wall. That when people pierce it you have got to come back with something, even if it’s not negative you can't pretend that it didn't happen. It’s taken a long time to feel relaxed enough to go with the flow on that”. Milton’s Radio 4 shows (recently re-commissioned for a brand new series this summer) follow a linear story, whereas his club set works as a collection of jokes. His touring show is a mixture of both styles. “Yes, a real mixture because I’m doing an hour and a half. You have to vary the angle of the attack otherwise you can see the blood coming out of people’s ears. It gets too much for them. Too much information, quite literally. So yes, I do jokes one after the other then I do a character and I also have an overhead projector with some slides and a bit of music. There’s a real mish-mash of different things, all of which amount to teaching everyone nothing but hopefully they can escape for an hour and a half and it’s just silly, silly, silly really.” I comment that his kids must be spoilt for bedtime stories. Mr Jones is not so convinced. “What happens is, I’ll read a story and when I think they're drifting off I just start making it up and see if they notice. So they never quite trust me, is the truth.” Fantastic. Milton Jones – The Lion Whisperer, Theatre Royal Brighton, 15 May, 8pm, £18.50 follow me on twitter


COMEDY: CHARITY CHUCKLE – TRIPLE HEADLINER A special Fringe Charity Chuckle has THREE – count ’em – headliners for your delectation and to encourage you to give generously to local domestic violence charity Rise ( Treat yourself to sets from Zoe Lyons (Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow), Jo Neary (BBC radio) and David James (hotly tipped as one about to go meteoric), as well as vigorous warm up from local comics Kerry Herbert and Jim Holland. Good for the heart and the soul. Latest Musicbar, 10 May, 8pm, £15/10 COMEDY: THOM TUCK GOES STRAIGHT-TO-DVD Thom Tuck is one third of awardwinning sketch group The Penny Dreadfuls. If you’ve seen them he’s the one with the physics-defying body as he steps from one hilarious character to another, quite literally. Don’t miss this highly anticipated solo treat, in which Thom watches all of the Disney straight-to-DVD movies in order for you to avoid doing so. Upstairs At The Three And Ten, 13 May, 7pm, £8/6. COMEDY: GEOFF NORCOTT: IT’S STOPPED RAINING! No matter how bad things get, hope will pull you through. However, sitting in an Egyptian hospital, diagnosed with a heart problem, you might have to concede it’s not looking like a vintage year. Surely it can’t rain all the time? So reasons seasoned comic and storyteller Geoff Norcott. Laughing Horse @ The Temple, 10 May, 9pm, £Donations

EVENTS: BRIGHTON'S AFFORDABLE VINTAGE SPECTACULAR! This fair will see over 75 traders from all over the nations, championing affordable vintage for all. An affordable day out shopping for unique one-off outfits without in any way breaking the bank! Get that summer wardrobe now. Brighton Racecourse, 15 May, 11am –5pm, £2-£4, under 12s free

EVENTS: BRIGHTON STATION TOURS These tours only happen in the Fringe. A chance to learn about the hidden places, local history, and wonderful engineering of Brighton’s Grade II Railway Station, with Southern’s permission. Meet at Brighton Station, 14/15, 21/22, 28/29 May, 11am–12.45pm, 15, 21/22, 28/29 May, 1.30pm–3.15pm, £6/5 EVENTS: HEROES RUN All proceeds go to Passing It On, which is a charity that was launched in 2004 and helps to pay for the build and support of schools in African communities. This year there will be three challenges: The Heroic 10k race, the Super 5k race and the Mini Heroes 500m Dash. Good luck! Hove Lawns, 15 May, 11am, £3–£16 to enter, see

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022_025_LS525_previews_editorial 06/05/2011 10:50 Page 5

Supported by



FILM: PRIEST 3D (TBC) Director: Scott Charles Stewart

P Lisa Swerling

Lynette Walworth: Evolution of Fearlessness

ART: LYNETTE WALWORTH Evolution of Fearlessness is an intimate, interactive installation dealing with loss, survival and strength. It presents 11 portraits of women who have survived wars, concentration camps or extreme acts of violence. Lynette Walworth: Evolution of Fearlessness, University of Brighton Gallery, Grand Parade, 01273 643010. Until 29 May ART: LISA SWERLING This California model-maker produces Glass Cathedrals, a series of art boxes containing tiny worlds with tiny figures, whose lives in a box mirror our own, and perhaps make us smile at the sheer insanity of it all. Her inspiration for the idea comes from the Peter Carey book Oscar And Lucinda. Lisa Swerling, Two Kats And A Cow Gallery, 167 King's Road Arches, Brighton

FILM: ATTACK THE BLOCK (15) Dir: Joe Cornish From the producers of Shaun Of The Dead and Scott Pilgrim Vs The World comes this adventure set in a London housing estate featuring an alien invasion, and a team of plucky teenage kids who take it upon themselves to try and save the day by becoming sci-fi superheroes. Well, somebody had to do it. Starring Nick Frost (Spaced, Shaun Of The Dead, Paul), Jodie Whittaker (St Trinians), Luke Treadaway (Killing Bono) and Joey Ansah (Benidorm). Released 13 May Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

For full details of film times:

aul Bettany has an eclectic CV. From A Beautiful Mind to The Da Vinci Code, over to Legion and back to The Young Victoria, you could hardly say there was a type of film or script that he goes for. Priest 3D is a futuristic post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller set in an alternate world ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires. So a brand new genre box for Bettany to tick off there then, too. Nifty. Truly, Paul Bettany plays a legendary warrior priest – imagine that. Semi-retired and living an obscure existence his quiet life is torn asunder when his niece is kidnapped by a murderous pack of vampires. Throwing his sacred vows aside he breaks them into lots and lots of pieces and tears off in hot pursuit, hoping to rescue the fair damsel before the baddies with sharp teeth have a chance to turn her into one of them. Joining him on this vitriolic quest are his niece’s boyfriend and a rather handy Warrior Priestess who possesses otherworldly fighting skills. Everyone should have one when battling bloody-thirsty vampires. With 3D effects and plenty of action and splendid battles assured, you probably already know if you’re in Priest 3D’s demographic. If you’re not sure, this also sounds like plenty of summer smasher big screen fun to entertain those usually on the mega-action fence. Also starring Karl Urban, Cam Gigandet, Lily Collins, Mädchen Amick, Maggie Q and Christopher Plummer. Released 13 May Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

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tues may 10

fri may 13

sappho singing maureen duffy

alternative great escape lout promotions showcase

the gay greek poet’s life & loves. doors 2.30pm show 3pm £10/£8 later...

charity chuckle best of fest zoe lyons, david james & jo neary 8pm £15/£10 conc.

wed may 11

sappho singing maureen duffy see tues may 10 for details. doors 2.30pm show 3pm £10/£8

thur may 12

alternative great escape great live independent music. doors 12.30pm (first act 1pm) free

with ben howard. doors 12.30pm (first act 1pm) free later...

alternative great escape mud hut digital showcase with tom williams & the boat, redtrack and very special guests. 7.45pm doors show 8.15pm £5

sat may 14

alternative great escape a fashion show of elev8 designers. 11am doors free


alternative great escape with athletes in paris & violet bones doors 6.30pm show 7pm free

sun may 15 cabaret bar

william heaton & mr jukes urban gospel and ambient trip-hop. doors 7.30pm show 8pm £5 cafe bar

baba brinkman a rap troubadour... doors 7.30pm show 8pm £5

mon may 16

big lemon benefit gig the red diamond dragon club. doors 8pm £tbc

026_LS525_Stars-TV column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 06/05/2011 09:53 Page 2



STARS With Val Aviv

HARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Obstacles put in place by other people may limit your sense of achievement. Extra grounding is coming to help stabilise a chaotic situation of which you feel like escaping. Let your actions reflect your bigger ambitions.

HTAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Are you ready for a rocket fuel injection? Realise that any feelings of aggravation or frustration are likely to be caused by a lack of an outlet for this unusually high energy. Most of all enjoy yourself. Put yourself first and do what makes you happy.

HGEMINI {May 22–June 21}

While you may have been fighting to keep those socialites at bay, you may just start to get the peace you wish for. You may be becoming more idealistic when working towards the kind of life you want; dreams of an altruistic nature will bear most fruit.

HCANCER {June 22–July 22}

On one hand you are keen to conform to the status-quo; after all you’re just starting to make progress. Yet a rebellious streak threatens to blow that apart. Being true to yourself is great, as long as you’re happy living with the consequences.

HLEO {July 23–Aug 22}

What you put out now, you will receive. At least that’s the karmic philosophy and a good one too. Because by being optimistic, you are getting into the head space of someone who welcomes success. By embracing the possibility of success, you will cement it.

HVIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

Ready for some good news? Planetary configurations are obliging. So if there’s something you want, you need only ask. Be bold and reach out, as people are in the mood to help. Put last year’s struggles behind you – that page has turned.

HLIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

Anyone can be good if they live in a cave, the hard part is being good when living among your fellow man. Everybody knows how challenging relationships can be, yet your positive attitude brings the right people to you and you can be at your very best.

HSCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

While romance is in the air, relationships prove testing if you don’t share the same goals and show a united front. When feisty Mars is in your house of partnership, people who are not on your side may openly express their distaste; ego clashes may cause irritation.

HSAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

You’ve got the drive to achieve a great deal especially when having to work alone. Lucky impressions can be made either to a big audience or to a special someone for whom you have extreme affection. Make time for fun and creative pursuits.

HCAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Messages from close or distant relatives may fill you with a sense of good fortune. It’s likely that your greatest inspiration can come from your roots. Traditional values bring comfort and are not all bad because they are apparently outdated.

HAQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Your thinking takes on added dimensions. Communications with people will go extremely well or at the very least you may meet somebody who is crucial in helping you fulfil a future dream, this proves insightful. Watch out for temporarily strung out family.

HPISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Get stuck in and organise work this week, it may well produce immense dividends in the future. It is therefore not a good time to stay in bed even though you may be tempted by the sleepy dreamy realms of unconscious bliss. Networking opportunities improve too. Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at:

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 810 – 16 MAY There are several relationships studied, crossing over not simply the troubled couple but also other studies, most noticeable the single man who falls in love with love, so long as it can’t let him down or reject him. With Victoria Nangle From the outside it’s not too difficult to see potential patterns about to emerge, or how what one person says is heard as something completely different by a partner already on the defensive. With moments of tenderness turning on a sixpence into resentment, and all sympathetic – none the villain of the piece – this is beautifully done, and without any kind of narration it allows the relationships to stand on their own without judgement. Sort of stealth learning, as it were. Allowing us to discover and take in more about hen putting together a relationships and possibly programme about the apply this knowledge to our “With moments of own, without being preached at. problems within real relationships, whether they be in Again, nifty. The Family, the Big Brother house tenderness turning This is the first in a series or in a jungle packed with from Wonderland, with next on a sixpence into week’s episode taking a celebrities, the presence of the camera is always the elephant in resentment...” completely different slant as it the room. Yes, she’s throwing examines A Hasidic Guide To stuff at him, but would she do it Love (with none of the if there wasn’t the audience? Us. Hidden cameras animations). At a time when hate keeps peeking that are on 24 hours a day and ready to be edited around the corner in the form of global fear and into tabloid-friendly slithers to bring about the local financial insecurity, it’s reassuring that most sensational interpretation may appear to be programmes are being made about love, fixing less obtrusive, but whatever is said and done in relationships and encouraging self-discovery. I front of them will be seen by the perpetrator’s don’t want to sound all hippy here, but it’s good to mum. And their potential future employer. And even keep a balance and not see potential disaster in possibly their unborn child when skipping merrily every low time, instead having the courage to through YouTube in 16 years’ time. And one small investigate further and possibly shed a little light. part of them knows this. Alright, I failed completely on the not wanting to Wonderland: The Trouble With Sex And Love has sound hippy front, but you get my drift. real relationships in it. And anonymity. Proper Most importantly, as well as all of the worthy anonymity. Tape recordings are given by clients stuff, Wonderland is interesting and engaging. and counsellors of Relate, both within the sessions After all, there’s no point in watching if you’re not and outside of them, and the voices are animated enjoying it. for our ease of understanding. It always helps to Wonderland: The Trouble With Love And Sex, BBC2, put a face to the voice. And a cardigan, and front Wednesday 11 May. garden. Placing them within a context without follow me on twitter latestvicky compromising thier identities. Nifty.

Telly Talk

In sickness & in health W

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tuesday 10 Holby City BBC1, 8pm Being new to Keller ward, Malick pulls out all the stops to impress Ric. But things go pear when he struggles to manage a heroin addict. Greg’s kamikaze behaviour lands him in trouble with Hanssen, and when he makes an error in theatre, Sahira jumps in to take the blame. Fluffed his lines again? Amateur.

The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm It only seems five minutes ago that Sir Sweetie was barking orders at wannabe business-folk. Well, this time the stakes are higher for the hopeful newbies. Instead of a six-figure salary, they are vying for a £250,000 investment to start their own company, with Lord Sugar as their business partner! Lawks.

Peter Andre: The Next Chapter ITV2, 8pm Our Pete just can’t resist a steaming cup of coffee, and his big plan is to open a local coffee shop. So off he heads to sunny Brighton climes to check out the competition, upon which his idea gets a royal roasting and he decides that he really wants to serve cupcakes! Poor old bean.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing 2011 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Gastronuts 3.40 Wingin’ It 4.00 Dead Gorgeous 4.30 Blue Peter 4.55 Shaun The Sheep 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.30am Children’s television 9.30 Big And Small 9.40 Buzz And Tell 9.50 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.05 Mighty-Mites 10.20 Nuzzle And Scratch: Frock And Roll 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Real Rescues 3.00 Flog It! 3.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Show Me The Monet

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 The Hoobs 7.10 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.35 Friends 9.05 Wife Swap USA 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.00 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Make Do And Mend 12.35 River Cottage Bites 12.40 FILM: Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Ford Monday Night Football 10.30 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.00pm Revista De La Liga 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 A League Of Their Own 12.00am Ford Football Special 1.30 Scottish Premier League 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 Ford Football Special 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Football’s Greatest

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 EastEnders Ben struggles to keep a lid on his temper during a party Shirley has thrown to raise Heather’s spirits. 8.00 Holby City See highlights. 9.00 The Apprentice See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 See You In Court This episode explores a new and burgeoning area of law involving privacy. Cameras follow controversial and outspoken former MP George Galloway as he takes on the News Of The World over phone hacking claims, in one of the biggest scandals to rock the British press in recent years. 11.25 The Lock Up This episode looks at how kids at the bottom of the pile are dealt with when they are arrested and find themselves alone in the Lock Up. 11.55 FILM: Nightwatch (1994) Starring Pierce Brosnan, Alexandra Paul, William Devane and Irene Ng. International crime thriller based on an Alistair MacLean story. 1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Madagascar 2.35 The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 3.35 Churches: How To Read Them 4.05 Great British Railway Journeys 4.35 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Cock-a-doodle quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu Series in which top chefs are challenged to cook for the ultimate street party. 7.00 Britain’s Secret Seas A few metres off the Cornish shore, the team study Britain’s largest fish, the basking shark. Despite the fact that they grow up to ten metres long, little is known about them, which makes effective conservation very difficult. 8.00 Britain’s Next Big Thing At the household retailer’s, Elaine Armstrong’s bike-pulling system is a cause for concern for creative director Theo Williams, while both Debbie Evershed and her garden-hanging system get a grilling from Theo Paphitis. 9.00 The Country House Revealed In the first of a six part series visiting houses never before open to public view, architectural historian Dan Cruickshank takes an exclusive tour around one of Britain’s oldest country homes – an immaculately preserved relic of the Mediaeval and Tudor ages, South Wraxall Manor. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Who is the first to bite the dust? 10.30 Newsnight With Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Lord Sugar Tackles Football Lord Sugar investigates the business side of the beautiful game. 12.20am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jackson asks Hazel to understand. Moira spots an opportunity for John. Pollard faces social services over Amy’s disappearance. 7.30 Military Driving School Jeremy Kyle gets behind the wheel of a Husky and finds out the formidable tactical support vehicle’s capabilities over rough terrain. 8.00 Countrywise The team are in Scotland in the spectacular landscape surrounding Loch Lomond. 9.00 Home Is Where The Heart Is In this documentary series, stars Alex James, Anneka Rice, Aldo Zilli and Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan open their doors to some of the most vulnerable members of British society – homeless people. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Mars Attacks! (1996) Starring Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Annette Bening, Pierce Brosnan, Danny DeVito, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J Fox and Tom Jones. Comic strip-style sci-fi satire about a Martian invasion of Earth. 12.30am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play. 2.30 Crossing Jordan 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Guest voice Britney Spears gives Mr Burns an award for being the oldest person at the Springfield Award Fair. 6.30 Hollyoaks Mitzeee battles her conscience as Ethan demands evidence that Warren killed Louise. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Religious and ethical issues. 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Sugar addict Danni Brooke swaps diets with food phobic Vicki Smith. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Series in which millionaires go undercover in a deprived area in the hope of changing someone’s life with a generous gift of their own hard-earned money. 10.00 Campus George prepares to deliver some bad news, but the revelation turns out to be not quite what everyone had anticipated. 11.05 Misfits Nathan is shocked when Jamie, a long-lost brother he never knew he had, turns up at the community centre. 12.10am UK And Ireland Poker Tour High-stakes tournament action. 1.10 Freesports On 4 1.40 Mobil 1 The Grid 2.05 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 2.30 FIM Superbike World Championship 3.00 KOTV Boxing Weekly 3.25 Swatch FIVB World Tour 2010 Beach Volleyball 4.20 Catching The Impossible 5.10 Full Metal Challenge

6.00 – 8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Olivia 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.05 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.05pm The Family Recipe 12.10 5 News Lunchtime 12.20 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Vanessa Show 3.05 Chinese Food In Minutes 3.10 FILM: Stranger With My Face (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Romeo takes Roo and Morag on his maiden charter voyage, but things become uneasy when his deckhand flies into a rage after injuring himself. Morag begins to suspect that he is the same man who attacked Elijah. 6.25 OK! TV Celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency The coastguard conducts a daring cliff-top rescue on the Isle of Lewis. 8.00 Supersize Grime Documentary series revealing Britain’s biggest and dirtiest clean up jobs. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation A shift that yields a high bodycount just needs a victim to arrive on the autopsy table after dying from natural causes to complete a full house of causes of death. 10.00 CSI: Miami The CSIs are called to investigate the deaths of three students. 10.55 CSI: NY Stella’s life is put in danger when her apartment catches fire. 11.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Skateboarders find a man’s body lying on the pavement. 12.50am SuperCasino Visit 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 Brian Sewell’s Grand Tour 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 European Tour Golf 9.00 PGA Tour Golf 10.00 Players Championship Official Film 2008 11.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 12.30pm PGA Tour Classic 1.30 Netbusters 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 Ford Monday Night Football 4.00 SPL Round-Up 4.30 WWE Smackdown 6.30 FIA GT1 World Championship 7.30 LIVE Scottish Premier League 10.00 Poker 11.00 Players Championship Official Film 2009 12.00am Ladies European Tour Golf 1.00 FIA GT1 World Championship 2.00 Australian Ironman 3.30 Football Asia 4.00 Players Championship Official Film 2009 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am British Motocross Championship 8.00 NASCAR 9.00 Elite League Speedway 11.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 5.00pm Sports Unlimited 6.00 Cycling Sports World 6.30 LIVE Masters Tennis 10.30 Australian Ironman 12.00am World Cup Of Pool 1.00 Sports Unlimited 2.00 DTM Motor Racing 3.00 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








3.00pm Vet Adventures 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 A Different Breed 9.00 FILM: The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994) 10.50 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK 11.50 Fringe 12.50am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2011: Semi-Final 1 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 12.45am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.15 Eurovision Song Contest 2011: Semi-Final 1

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Noggin The Nog 7.40 Doctor Who (x2) 8.30 Time To Remember 9.00 The Viking Sagas 10.00 The Night Shift 10.25 The Night Shift 10.50 Noggin The Nog 11.00 Nordic Noir: The Story Of Scandinavian Crime Fiction 12.00am The Viking Sagas 1.00 FILM: Jar City (2006)

1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The Only Way Is Essex 8.00 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter See highlights 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 FILM: The Matrix (1999) 12.45am FILM: Analyze This (1999)

12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Monarch Of The Glen 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.10 George And Mildred 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Monarch Of The Glen 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Single-Handed 12.05am Numb3rs 1.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Heartland 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Ugly Betty 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 90210 10.00 The Cleveland Show 10.30 The Ricky Gervais Show 11.00 Bob’s Burgers 11.30 The Cleveland Show 12.00am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.40 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 True Stories: Tyson 12.00am Grand Designs

11.00am The Yangtse Incident (1957) 12.50pm Where The Sidewalk Ends (1950) 2.40 4Films For... 2.45 The Colditz Story (1954) 4.40 The Comancheros (1961) 6.45 Attack The Block Special 6.50 Night At The Museum (2006) 9.00 The Rocker (2008) 11.05 Aliens (1986) 2.05am Adrift (2006)

Brighton Lights

If you want to join us in creating a TV channel for Brighton on terrestrial TV come to Latest MusicBar. 5.30pm Mondays

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028_LS525_TV_Weds_L7wed14apr.qxd 06/05/2011 16:55 Page 1

wednesday 11 Poms In Paradise ITV1, 7.30pm Brand new docu series following the lives of some of the Britons who have chosen to up sticks and settle in Australia’s Gold Coast. What it is that attracts them? And how do their lives change? Tonight, meet champion life-saver Stuart and plant specialist Frank who is looking for a holiday lifestyle. Bonza!

Wonderland: The Trouble With Love And Sex BBC2, 9pm This is a first – an animated docu made for British TV that takes us inside the counselling rooms of Relate. With their true identities hidden behind animation; meet the couple that cannot bear to be in the same room together, a serial singleton looking for love, and a hubby bereft of nooky.

Bizarre ER BBC3, 9pm Featuring a schoolboy who needed stitches after an odd joyride in an old lady’s shopping trolley; a woodsman who ripped open his wrist with a machete; a teenager who needed treatment after being terrorised by a terrier; and a man whose metal plate popped out of his left shoulder. What a bunch of clumsy clots.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing 2011 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Copycats 3.40 Wingin’ It 4.00 Trade Your Way To The USA 4.30 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Guess With Jess 9.30 Big And Small 9.40 Buzz And Tell 9.45 Big Cook Little Cook 10.05 Mighty-Mites 10.20 Nuzzle And Scratch: Frock And Roll 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Real Rescues 3.00 Flog It! 3.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Show Me The Monet

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Friends 9.00 Wife Swap 9.50 Relocation, Relocation 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Make Do And Mend 12.35 The TV Book Club 1.05 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.000 – 8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Olivia 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.05 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.05pm Meals In Moments 12.10 5 News Lunchtime 12.20 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Vanessa Show 3.05 Meals In Moments 3.15 FILM: Victor (2008) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Cycling Sports World 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.00pm Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Scottish Premier League 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 Football’s Greatest 12.00am Scottish Premier League 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Scottish Premier League 3.30 Football’s Greatest 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Football’s Greatest

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 Waterloo Road A shy and effeminate pupil is branded a ‘perv’ when he is caught with a lingerie magazine – but the truth is far more complicated than Chris imagines. 8.30 Life Of Riley When Maddy persuades Jim to open up about his feelings, she gets more than she bargained for. 9.00 The Apprentice In the battle for downloads, the teams must create a mobile app and pitch it to three influential technology websites to become ‘App of the Day’, as well as attempt to convince a huge crowd of bloggers and software experts at a major gaming fair to support the application and increase downloads. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws Kate Edmondson. 10.45 Would I Lie To You? Comedy panel show. 11.15 FILM: Bad Company (2002) Starring Anthony Hopkins and Chris Rock. Action thriller. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.40 Watchdog 2.40 Atlantis 3.40 One Man And His Campervan 4.10 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads How do you quiz yours? 6.30 Great British Menu Series in which top chefs are challenged to cook for the ultimate street party. 7.00 Escape To The Country Nicki Chapman is in Hampshire with a London couple looking for their first family home in the country. 8.00 Two Greedy Italians Antonio Carluccio and Gennaro Contaldo eat their way around the region of Campania, looking at how poverty in the area created Italy’s best-loved cuisine and how ‘poor-man’s food’ ended up making the same region rich. 9.00 Wonderland: The Trouble With Love And Sex See highlights. 9.50 Coast At RAF Valley in Anglesey, Neil Oliver discovers if he’s got the ‘right stuff’ to fly fighter jets. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Dara O Briain meets the candidate who got a slap from an app when their mobile phone creation failed to set the world on fire. 10.30 Newsnight With Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle Stand-up from Stewart Lee. 11.50 FILM: French Film Starring Eric Cantona, Hugh Bonneville and Anne-Marie Duff. Romantic comedy. 1.15am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Aaron returns to confront his fears about Jackson. Nikhil is pleased with himself after a night with Chas. Victoria is convinced that Amy was telling the truth. 7.30 Poms In Paradise See highlights. 8.00 The L’Oreal Paris National Movie Awards The L’Oreal Paris National Movie Awards are back and set to be bigger than ever, with a new host in Christine Bleakley, a new location at London’s Wembley Arena and a star-studded line-up for this celebration of cinema’s greatest successes. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather Mark Austin and Julie Etchingham present the latest headlines from around the world. Followed by a national weather forecast and all the news and weather in your region. 10.35 Cops With Cameras More footage of police on the frontline. 11.35 Long Lost Family Davina McCall and Nicky Campbell present the series which aims to reunite long-lost relatives after years of separation. 12.30am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play. 2.35 FILM: Alien Siege (2005) 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons When Homer and Bart transform a losing racehorse into a champion, rival jockeys threaten revenge. 6.30 Hollyoaks Mitzeee regrets asking questions now that Warren has comes clean about Louise. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Religious issues. 8.00 Vacation, Vacation, Vacation Holidays in Morocco and Iceland. 8.30 Superscrimpers: Waste Not Want Not TIps on how to save dosh. 9.00 24 Hours In A&E Senior consultant Malcolm Tunnicliff and his team battle to save a 33-year-old Greek student who has been dragged under a bus. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Lynette and Tom feel that it is time for Porter and Preston to move out. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory The guys warm to Penny’s new boyfriend. 11.30 Being N-Dubz In America And Beyond Reality show. 12.05am MUSIC ON 4: Abbey Road Debuts A performance from SBTRKT. 12.20 MUSIC ON 4: The Album Chart Show Introduces...Yasmin 12.35 MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: Aloe Blacc 12.55 MUSIC ON 4: The Album Chart Show With Tesco Entertainment 1.10 MUSIC ON 4: The Crush With KFC Krushems 2.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Kids 2.55 FILM: Blanche Fury (1948) 4.35 Hill Street Blues 5.25 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Angelo attempts to deliver Nicole’s baby. Xavier is shocked when he meets his mother’s old friend Vanessa and learns about Gina’s wild past. 6.25 OK! TV Celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Zoo Days Sputnik the dominant male mangabey monkey begins a turf war with an invading band of mongooses. 8.00 Essex Jungle Documentary series profiling the people who sell, own and rescue interesting pets. 9.00 NCIS The team is forced to ask Holly Snow for help after the death of a navy officer is linked to a call girl. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Detectives probe the murder of a surgeon who provided deaf patients with cochlear implants. 10.55 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit The team races against time to locate a kidnapped 18-yearold girl. The case is complicated when detectives receive a dubious offer of help from a man who claims to have had psychic visions of the missing teenager. 11.55 Poker: Aussie Millions From Melbourne’s Crown Casino. 12.50am SuperCasino Visit 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 How Not To Decorate 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Players Championship Official Film 2009 10.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Players Championship Official Film 2009 12.30pm Ford Football Special 2.00 Scottish Premier League 3.00 WWE The Bottom Line 4.00 WWE Afterburn 5.00 Netball Superleague 7.00 Formula 3 Euroseries 8.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Tenpin Bowling 1.00 Rugby Union 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Tenpin Bowling 4.00 Netball Superleague

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Scottish Premier League 8.00 DTM Motor Racing 9.00 Cycling Sports World 9.30 Australian Ironman 11.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 5.00pm Champions Tour Golf 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Players Championship Official Film 2010 7.30 LIVE Rugby Union 10.00 Cage Fighter 10.30 Players Championship Official Film 2010 11.30 Inside The PGA Tour 12.00am Formula 3 Euroseries 1.00 Asian Tour Golf Show 1.30 Poker 2.30 Champions Tour Golf 3.30 European Tour Weekly 4.00 Asian Tour Golf Show 4.30 NFL – Total Access Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








1.00pm Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.00 Vet Adventures 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 9.00 Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Martina Cole’s The Runaway 12.00am Ross Kemp On Gangs (x2)

8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Bizarre ER See highlights 9.30 Bizarre ER 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 Young, Rich And House Hunting 11.45 Bizarre ER (x2) 12.45am Family Guy (x8) 4.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 4.30 The Apprentice 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Indian Hill Railways 8.30 Petworth House: The Big Spring Clean 9.00 Julia Bradbury’s Icelandic Walk 10.00 The Night Shift (x2) 10.50 Noggin The Nog 11.00 Spiral: The Butcher Of La Villette 11.55 Spiral: The Butcher Of La Vallette 12.50am Last Days Of The Arctic

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Sing If You Can 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 10.00 The L’Oreal Paris National Movie Awards Backstage 11.00 FILM: Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) 1.05am Emmerdale

12.00pm Upstairs, Downstairs 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Monarch Of The Glen 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.15 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Monarch Of The Glen 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Doc Martin 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.20am FILM: Gorillas In The Mist (1988)

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Heartland 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.40 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Ugly Betty 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 FILM: Black Knight (2001) 10.50 My Name Is Earl (x2) 11.50 Glory Daze 12.45am The Event 1.40 Ugly Betty 2.20 The Event 3.05 Heartland

1.35pm Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 2.35 Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.40 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Time Team 10.00 FILM: Collateral (2004) 12.20am Time Team

11.00am Monte Carlo Or Bust (1969) 1.25pm Dragonwyck (1946) 3.30 Carry On Nurse (1959) 5.10 Attack The Block Special 5.15 High Anxiety (1977) 7.05 4Films For... 7.10 Hot Shots! (1991) 8.50 Attack The Block Special 9.00 Predator (1987) 11.05 Planet Of The Apes (1968) 1.15am Showgirls (1995)

Brighton Lights

Val Aviv gets puts her brain into overdrive hosting the latest Brighton Lights, getting to grips with the Brighton Science Festival

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thursday 12 EastEnders BBC1, 7.30pm Poor old Miss Trott is left gutted after bad-boy Ben’s betrayal, like father like son? Hmmm. Meanwhile, an uncomfortable Mercy and Fat Boy find themselves confused by their feelings ahead of the immigration appeal. Plus, Denise resolves to take her relationship to the next level. Like Pac-Man? Nom, nom.

Business Nightmares With Evan Davis BBC2, 11.20pm Want to know how some of the world’s most successful businesses have made massive mistakes? Evan Davis reveals just that with help from top-notch business-boffs; Sir Richard Branson, Sir James Dyson and Rita Clifton. Including cock-ups from Coca-Cola and Unilever.

Eurovision Song Contest 2011: Semi-Final 2 BBC3, 8pm There are interviews with some of the acts that have already gone through from the first semi. Our homegrown Blue are live in the arena as they make their last minute preparations ahead of Saturday’s Euro-dazzler. Oh, and Irish entry Jedward try to win one of the ten coveted places.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing 2011 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Copycats 3.40 Wingin’ It 4.00 Project Parent 4.30 My Life: Toy Soldiers 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.30am Children’s television 9.30 Big And Small 9.40 Buzz And Tell 9.45 Big Cook Little Cook 10.05 Timmy Time 10.20 Nuzzle And Scratch: Frock And Roll 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Real Rescues 3.00 Flog It! 3.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Show Me The Monet

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.10am The Treacle People 6.20 The Hoobs 6.45 The Hoobs 7.10 Freshly Squeezed 7.40 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.05 Frasier 8.35 Friends 9.05 Wife Swap USA 10.00 Relocation, Relocation Updates 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Make Do And Mend 12.35 The TV Book Club 1.05 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Olivia 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.05 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.05pm Meals In Moments 12.10 5 News Lunchtime 12.20 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Vanessa Show 3.05 Meals In Moments 3.15 FILM: The Reading Room (2005) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Scottish Premier League 10.00 Football’s Greatest 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.00pm Ringside 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Ringside 11.00 SPL Round-Up 11.30 Time Of Our Lives 12.30am Football League: Championship 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 Ringside 3.30 SPL Round-Up 4.00 Football League: Championship 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 EastEnders See highlights. 8.00 Watchdog More cases of overcharging, poor service and misleading claims. 9.00 Inside The Human Body Tonight Michael meets remarkable people who demonstrate how well the human body adapts to extreme environments: Herbert, a worldchampion free-diver, who can hold his breath in the depths of the ocean for up to nine minutes; Wim, the Ice Man, who can swim in glacial lakes so cold they would kill a normal person; and Debbie, who has lived for 10 years on a diet of crisps. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Topical debate with a panel of prominent public figures and an invited audience, chaired by David Dimbleby. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and guests. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Track My Trash – Panorama 12.55 Countryfile 1.55 Antiques Roadshow 2.55 Neighbourhood Watched 3.40 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Heads full of eggs or heads full of brains? We’ll find out. 6.30 Great British Menu Series in which top chefs are challenged to cook for the ultimate street party. 7.00 Coast Coast ventures to the storm-battered Atlantic shore of Ireland’s majestic northwest coast. Neil Oliver meets a photographer who covered JFK’s visit to Galway. 8.00 The Animal’s Guide To Britain This time Chris Packham looks at coastal animals. Chris investigates why the waters and coastlines of the UK are the most popular places in the world for two of our coastal species: the grey seal and the Manx shearwater. 9.00 The Shadow Line The driver of Wratten’s car is identified and Gabriel and Joseph Bede are desperate to get to him first. 10.00 Psychoville 2 Comedy series. 10.30 Newsnight With Kirsty Wark. 11.20 Business Nightmares With Evan Davis See highlights. 12.20am Children’s Craniofacial Surgery Series following the surgeons of the Oxford Craniofacial Unit and the children, often with rare syndromes, they treat. The work can be risky but it transforms lives. 1.20 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ella promises to work her magic on Declan for Adam. Debbie is rocked to discover that she is not Cameron’s only affair. 7.30 The True Cost Of A Car: Tonight Morland Sanders reveals the true cost of a car. 8.00 Emmerdale Declan has a proposition for John. Can Debbie trust Cameron? Gennie struggles to cope with her jealousy of Chas. 8.30 Coronation Street Rita is stunned when a homeless Dennis Tanner returns to the street after 43 years. 9.00 Long Lost Family The series which aims to reunite family members after years of separation. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: David Hasselhoff In a rare interview, David Hasselhoff talks to Piers Morgan about his amazing career, which has been punctuated by lows in his personal life. 11.35 The Last Word All the big stories in the region with MPs and other prominent figures. 12.05am Grimefighters Following the work of Britain’s clean-up teams. 12.30 ITV1’s place to shop and play. 2.35 The True Cost Of A Car: Tonight 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer tries to help when Flanders experiences a tragic loss. 6.30 Hollyoaks Mitzeee wakes up at Nancy’s unsure of her future with Warren. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Religious issues. 8.00 Three In A Bed Wriggles Brook in Herefordshire faces Swallowfield B’n’B in Coventry and Leyland Country House in the New Forest. 9.00 A Very Dangerous Doctor Film-maker Leo Regan explores the controversy surrounding paediatrician Dr David Southall and a group of mothers who he accused of abusing their children. 10.40 The Secret Millionaire Repeat 11.45 The Big Bang Theory Leonard’s idea for a smartphone app derails his friendship with Sheldon as they fight for control of the project. 12.15am MUSIC ON 4: The JD Set: The Smiths. 12.35 MUSIC ON 4: The Album Chart Show Performance and chat from Jamie Woon. 12.50 MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: Oh Land 1.00 The Model Agency 1.55 Supersize Vs Superskinny Kids 2.50 A Year Inside Number 10 3.45 Hill Street Blues 4.35 Great British Brands 4.50 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.15 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Indi’s family falls for Kieran, but she feels that, behind closed doors, he is far too intense and aggressive. 6.25 OK! TV Celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Rough Guide To City Breaks Julia Bradbury broadens her cultural education in Barcelona, indulging in some traditional Catalan dancing. 8.00 Emergency Bikers Biker paramedic Mark Hayes battles to keep a man alive after a heart attack in the street, while colleague Steve Harris races to help an epileptic who is having a fit in the city centre. 9.00 Extreme Fishing: Ends Of The Earth Robson Green heads for Ascension Island, a tiny outpost in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, which is the most remote place he has ever fished. 10.00 Impossible Magic-themed gameshow fronted by illusionist Philip Escoffey. 11.05 Banged Up Abroad Struggling musician David Evans agreed to smuggle cocaine out of Venezuela, only to be arrested and left contemplating a spell in the country’s notorious Los Teques prison. 12.05am SuperCasino Visit 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 How Not To Decorate 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Football’s Greatest 8.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.00 Players Championship Official Film 2010 10.00 European Tour Weekly 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm Inside The PGA Tour 1.00 Players Championship Official Film 2010 2.00 Scottish Premier League 3.00 Inside The PGA Tour 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Asian Tour Golf Show 7.30 Champions Tour Golf 8.30 Rugby Union 10.00 Kings Of The Extreme 10.30 Total Rugby 11.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 5.00pm ATP Tour Uncovered 5.30 The Rugby Club 6.30 LIVE Masters Tennis 7.00 LIVE Premier League Darts 10.30 NRL Fulltime 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am WWE NXT 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 NFL – Total Access 4.00 Time Of Our Lives 5.00 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








1.00pm Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.00 Vet Adventures 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Hawaii Five-0 9.00 The Chicago Code 10.00 House 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am Ross Kemp On Gangs 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs

8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2011: Semi-Final 2 See highlights 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy 11.20 Family Guy Presents: Seth And Alex’s Almost Live Comedy Show 11.45 So What If My Baby Is Born Like Me? 12.45am Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1976 8.00 Ride Of My Life: The Story Of The Bicycle 9.00 The End Of The World? A Horizon Guide To Armageddon 10.00 Rubicon 10.45 Noggin The Nog 10.55 The Cell 11.55 Everything And Nothing 12.55am The End Of The World?

3.40pm The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy 6.00 The Movie Show On ITV2 6.30 The Cube 7.30 American Idol: Top 4 Perform 9.00 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: The Island (2005) 1.30am Coronation Street

3.10pm Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.15 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Monarch Of The Glen 8.00 Monk 9.00 Above Suspicion: The Red Dahlia 10.00 Above Suspicion: The Red Dahlia 11.05 FILM: Dolores Claiborne (1995) 1.30am Duty Free 2.00 ITV3 Nightscreen

1.05pm Heartland 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.40 Gilmore Girls 3.25 Ugly Betty 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 The Inbetweeners (x2) 11.05 Shameless 12.10am My Name Is Earl (x2) 1.05 The Inbetweeners (x2)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.40 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 The Closer 12.00am The Good Wife 1.00 Brothers And Sisters

11.00am The Only Son (1936) 12.40pm The Day Will Dawn (1942) 2.35 Panic In The Streets (1950) 4.25 Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 6.10 Attack The Block Special 6.20 Coach Carter (2005) 9.00 Hush (1998) 10.45 Beneath The Planet Of The Apes (1970) 12.35am Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes (1972)

Brighton Lights

Fill your boots with wonder and your mind with amazement when Brighton Lights goes to the Brighton Science Festival

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friday 13 The Comedy Genius Of John Sullivan BBC1, 8.30pm He shaped so much of British comedy with classics like Only Fools And Horses, Citizen Smith and Just Good Friends, as well as other favourites like Dear John, Roger, Roger and Rock & Chips. He even wrote for The Two Ronnies and Coronation Street. A tribute to a great TV writer.

The Mentalist Five, 9pm After a long working week it’s quite fun to sit back and enjoy a drama where everything makes sense and falls into place... but with a twist. Ta da! CBI consultant Patrick Jane does a Derren Brown on the suspects in a murder case, getting them to give away tells and spill the beans in the finale. Neat and tidy.

Made In Chelsea E4, 11.10pm What do you get when you cross a craze for The Only Way Is Essex with a fad for lots of posh people off the back of a certain Royal Wedding? A reality show following the lives of a group of twenty-somethings from the most exclusive postcodes in London. With names like Caggie, Spencer and Funda...


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing 2011 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Copycats 3.40 Wingin’ It 4.00 Remote Control Star 4.30 All Over The Place 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Guess With Jess 9.30 Big And Small 9.40 Buzz And Tell 9.45 Big Cook Little Cook 10.05 Timmy Time 10.20 Nuzzle And Scratch: Frock And Roll 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Real Rescues 3.00 Flog It! 3.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Show Me The Monet 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu It’s decision time for the chefs from Scotland. Only two chefs remain and now they cook their entire menus for the Great British Menu judges. 7.00 Windfarm Wars The first of a revealing observational documentary series that follows what happened when a global windfarm developer tried to build a windfarm in the heart of Devon’s loveliest landscape. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Monty Don and co kick off the flower show season at the Malvern Spring Gardening Show. 8.30 FILM: An Education (2009) Starring Carey Mulligan, Peter Sarsgaard, Alfred Molina, Cara Seymour, Olivia Williams. The story of a young girl’s choice between Oxford and the university of life. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools for the sixth show of this series are Arctic Monkeys, Randy Newman, Brian Wilson, Alison Krauss & Union Station, Warpaint and Gappy Ranks. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.00 The Review Show Weekly cultural discussion show. 11.50 Later... With Jools Holland Repeat of this evening’s show. 12.55am FILM: Sugarhouse (2007) 2.25 BBC News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Friends 8.55 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 9.55 Relocation, Relocation 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Make Do And Mend 12.35 Jamie At Home 1.05 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football League: Championship 10.30 Football’s Greatest 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 LIVE Boxing 12.00am Football League: Championship 1.30 LIVE Super League 3.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.30 Football League: Championship 5.00 Take It Like A Fan 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale John is unsure about getting into bed with Declan. Cain has a warning for Cameron. 7.30 Coronation Street Chesney takes drastic steps to find out the truth about John. Sean is shocked as a familiar face enters the Rovers. 8.00 Baboons With Bill Bailey In this episode, wily male baboon Merlin plans the raid of his life – breaking into a restaurant. Daring! 8.30 Coronation Street Chesney sets John up after his suspicions are confirmed. David becomes increasingly frustrated with Kylie’s attitude. At last! 9.00 Paul O’Grady Live Paul O’Grady presents his live entertainment show. This week, he is joined by a host of celebrities including the Black Eyed Peas and Paddy McGuinness. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents the tense game show. Penguin keeper Dan makes some silly mistakes as the pressure builds inside the Cube, and 31-year-old Richard faces a big decision. 11.35 Take Me Out Paddy McGuinness is on a mission to pair up 30 dateless divas. 12.30am The Zone 2.35 In Plain Sight 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ruby and Esther are caught plagiarising. Will Esther be able to keep her mouth shut? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.25 Unreported World Ramita Navai and Wael Dabbous travel to Burundi to expose the plight of hundreds of children locked up for years without trial in adult prisons. 7.55 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Jonnie Irwin and Jasmine Harman help people trying to decide whether to buy in the UK or abroad. 9.00 The Million Pound Drop Live Got a million quid? Cool. See if you can hang on to it while answering eight tough questions. 10.25 That Peter Kay Thing A spoof six-part fly-on-the-wall documentary in which Peter Kay plays 15 characters. Garlic bread! 10.55 Phoneshop Sitcom set in a mobile phone retailer. 11.30 The Ricky Gervais Show New series of the comedy animation. 12.00am MUSIC ON 4: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions 12.20 The Album Chart Show Introduces... 12.35 My Name Is (x2) 1.30 Supersize Vs Superskinny 2.25 Enough 2.30 Whatever Turns You On 2.35 Night Walking 2.40 Laid Off 2.55 Ugly Betty 3.40 Hill Street Blues 4.30 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Yo Gabba Gabba

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Olivia 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.05 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.05pm Meals In Moments 12.10 5 News Lunchtime 12.20 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Vanessa Show 3.05 Chinese Food In Minutes 3.10 FILM: Perfect Romance (2004) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Elijah learns that Billy claims he attacked him because he tried to sexually assault him. However, Billy’s caseworker informs Elijah that her client would never survive prison. Will Elijah drop the charges to save the young man? 6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a lively mix of celebrity gossip. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show presented by Vicki ButlerHenderson, Jonny Smith, Tiff Needell and Jason Plato. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on Alaska’s Dalton Highway. 9.00 The Mentalist See highlights. 10.00 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers. The death of a gay male actor exposes a scandal that threatens to bring down the powerful pastor of a large New York church who preaches intolerance toward homosexuals. 10.55 The Walking Dead US drama series about a police officer in a world overrun by zombies. Repeat of last Sunday’s show. 11.55 Cops In Crisis Documentary. 12.15am SuperCasino 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Fifth Gear 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it’s on The One Show. 8.00 EastEnders Shirley and Heather discover some uncomfortable truths about Ben - can Shirley convince Phil to reconnect with Ben before it is too late? Estragement beware. 8.30 The Comedy Genius Of John Sullivan See highlights. 9.00 Have I Got News For You Popular news quiz. Team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop are joined by a guest host and guest panellists. 9.30 Outnumbered Award-winning comedy. When Mum finds an inappropriate image on the family computer, an investigation begins. Gran is still staying, and Dad is horrified at the thought of having a heart-to-heart with her. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Graham is joined by Lady Gaga, plus Oscar-winning actor Geoffrey Rush. 11.20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws Numbers. Hopes. Dreams. 11.30 The One Show 12.30am FILM: The Best Man (2005) 2.00 Weatherview 2.05 Sign Zone: The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 3.05 The Boat That Guy Built 3.35 Great British Railway Journeys 4.05 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Ringside 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Live European Tour Golf 12.30pm SPL Round-Up 1.00 WWE: Raw 3.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 Road To London 6.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 Friday Fight Night 3.00 Max Power 4.00 European Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Premier League Darts 10.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 11.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 5.00pm Kings Of The Extreme 5.30 NFL – Total Access – Draft Special 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Take It Like A Fan 10.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.00 Road To London 11.30 Take It Like A Fan 12.00am Tight Lines 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Road To London 3.30 Kings Of The Extreme 4.00 Super League 5.30 Road To London

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








3.00pm Vet Adventures 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 The Middle 8.00 The Simpsons 8.30 Modern Family 9.00 Raising Hope 9.30 A League Of Their Own...Best Of: 1 10.30 Spartacus: Blood And Sand 11.45 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Misbehaving Mums To Be 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Young, Rich And House Hunting 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Sacred Music 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions 9.00 Bee Gees: In Our Own Time 10.30 ... Sings Bee Gees 11.00 Once Upon A Time In New York 12.05am Bee Gees: In Our Own Time 1.35 ... Sings Bee Gees 2.05 Once Upon A Time In New York 3.05 Sacred Music 5.30 Close

12.00pm Coronation Street 12.30 Emmerdale (x2) 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Britain’s Got Talent 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 9.00 American Idol: Results 4-3 10.00 FILM: The Bucket List (2007) 12.10am Celebrity Juice

12.00pm Upstairs, Downstairs 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Monarch Of The Glen 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.15 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Monarch Of The Glen 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Above Suspicion: The Red Dahlia 10.00 Taggart 11.40 Monk 12.35am Cadfael

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Heartland 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Ugly Betty 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.00 Embarrassing Teen Bodies 11.10 Made In Chelsea. See highlights 12.15am My Name Is Earl (x2)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.40 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: Sense And Sensibility (1995) 11.40 Heroes Of Comedy (x2) 1.55am Come Dine With Me

11.00am Three Coins In The Fountain (1954) 1.00pm The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 2.50 An Affair To Remember (1957) 5.05 The Cat Returns (2002) 6.40 Hope Floats (1998) 8.50 Attack The Block Special 9.00 Along Came A Spider (2001) 11.00 Battle Royale (2000) 1.20am Damien: Omen II (1978)

Brighton Lights

Jenni Davidson puts on her thinking cap for the Brighton Science Festival, asking those searching questions for us all

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saturday 14 Doctor Who BBC1, 6.30pm Fabuloso! There’s The Doctor going on about how he’s the only one and next thing you know he’s getting a Time Lord distress signal. Maybe he’s not quite the only one after all. So many possibilities. Anyway, he and Amy and Rory rush off to investigate and soon find themselves and the precious TARDIS in big trouble.

Eurovision Song Contest BBC1, 8pm Ever get the feeling that some people are looking for a scientific formula to win a singing competition? Good looking boys have won – we’ve got four of them, and voila, the UK’s reps in the form of Blue. Catchy song with nothing much to say – here it is again. Maybe Europe just doesn’t like us. Heaven forbid!

Radio 1’s Big Weekend BBC3, 8pm & 9pm Edith Bowman and Reggis Yates introduce TV highlights from the UK’s biggest free music festival. Expect the likes of Lady GaGa, Taio Cruz, The Black Eyed Peas, Professor Green and Nicole Scherzinger – to name but a few – performing in your living room for you and your mates to jump around to. Yay!


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 British Olympic Dreams 1.30 Celebrity Cash In The Attic 2.15 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 3.00 FILM: Father Of The Bride (1991) 4.40 Don’t Scare The Hare 5.15 BBC News 5.25 South East Today 5.30 So You Think You Can Dance Live

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fee Fi Fo Yum 8.30 Prank Patrol Down Under 8.55 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 9.00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 9.30 Serious Explorers: Livingstone 10.00 Relic: Guardians Of The Museum 10.30 League Of Super Evil 10.40 Wolverine And The X-Men 11.00 Mortified 11.25 OOglies 11.40 MOTD Kickabout 12.00pm FILM: The Spanish Main (1945) 1.35 FILM: Battle Cry (1955) 4.00 Two Greedy Italians 5.00 Flog It! 5.45 Dad’s Army 6.15 The Comedy Genius Of John Sullivan A tribute to John Sullivan who died last month, creator of Only Fools and Horses, Citizen Smith, Just Good Friends and many more. 6.45 Citizen Smith Classic Sitcom. written by John Sullivan. Wolfie Smith is a man who leads two lives – one as the self styled Che Guevara of Tooting – the other pushing back the tide of domesticity. 7.15 The Two Ronnies Ronnies Corbett and Barker deliver thier classic sketch show. 8.00 Domesday In this programme on the Domesday Book, Dr Stephen Baxter, medieval historian at King’s College, London, reveals the human and political drama that lies within the parchment of England’s earliest surviving public record. 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host and panellists. 9.45 FILM: Blood Diamond (2006) Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly, Basil Wallace. Oscar-nominated drama set in troubled Sierra Leone, where the finder of a rare pink gem teams up with a mercenary smuggler and a US journalist. 12.00am Later... With Jools Holland 1.05 FILM: The Hotel New Hampshire (1984)

6.00am Dora The Explorer 6.25 Signed Stories 6.35 The Hive 6.45 Babar And The Adventures Of Badou 7.00 Babar And The Adventures Of Badou 7.10 Tati’s Hotel 7.25 Monk 7.30 Spider-Man 7.55 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.10 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.25 House Gift 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 This Morning: Saturday 12.45pm ITV News & Weather 1.00 The FA Cup Final: Manchester City V Stoke City 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News & Weather

6.10 – 7.55am Children’s television & Sport 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 Koko Pop 10.00 The Saturdays: What Goes On Tour With Ice Watches 10.20 Glee 11.45 Friends 12.20pm The Saturdays: What Goes On Tour With Ice Watches 12.40 The Big Bang Theory 1.15 That Paralympic Show 1.50 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me Down Under 4.30 Come Dine With Me Down Under 5.00 Come Dine With Me Down Under 5.30 Come Dine With Me Down Under

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Animal Rescue Squad 10.20 The Gadget Show 11.20 FILM: The Green Berets (1968) 2.05pm FILM: Mystery Woman: In The Shadows (2007) 3.50 FILM: Murder 101: College Can Be Murder (2007) 5.30 FILM: Major Dundee (1965)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Time Of Our Lives 7.30 The Sky Sports Years 8.30 LIVE Super Rugby 10.30 LIVE Super Rugby 12.30pm LIVE Football League 3.00 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.30 LIVE Football League 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football League 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.00 New Animals Do The Funniest Things Stephen Mulhern and the kids from Funniest Things HQ present home videos and news from across the animal kingdom. 7.00 Sing If You Can Keith Lemon and Stacey Solomon present the singing competition in which celebrity contestants attempt to deliver winning performances of classic hits while taking part in hilarious and distracting challenges. 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent With the semi-finals – and the return of Simon Cowell – fast approaching, judges Michael McIntyre, Amanda Holden and David Hasselhoff have just three weeks left to find an act fit for the Royal Variety Performance. 9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: John Prescott In an intimate interview with Piers Morgan, former Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott talks about the affair with his diary secretary that almost destroyed his marriage, the bulimia that he kept hidden for decades and ‘that’ punch. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FA Cup Final Highlights Matt Smith introduces highlights of today’s FA Cup Final from Wembley. 11.15 FILM: The Enforcer (1976) Starring Clint Eastwood, Tyne Daly, Harry Guardino, Bradford Dillman. Police thriller sequel. 1.05am The Zone 3.10 Swingtown 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Down Under Australian version of the cookery-based reality show. 6.30 Channel 4 News 6.55 7.00 The Restoration Man Lisa and Darren Walker dream of converting a coach house in east Sussex into a unique family home. Fingers crossed! 8.00 The Untold Battle Of Britain Dramatised documentary recounting how, during the most decisive phase of the Battle of the Britain, a single squadron of 34 Polish fighter pilots wreaked havoc on the Luftwaffe. 9.00 The Million Pound Drop Live Davina McCall hosts the game in which contestants are given a million pounds but then face eight questions in order to hold on to the cash. 10.20 Stand Up For The Week Satirical takes on the big stories and themes of the week, hosted by Kevin Bridges, with Rich Hall, Jack Whitehall, Jon Richardson and Andi Osho. 11.10 FILM: Epic Movie (2007) Starring Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge. Scattergun spoof of cinematic epics. 12.50am Supersize vs Superskinny 1.45 The Dead Zone 2.25 The Astronomer’s Sun 2.35 Tomorrow 2.40 FILM: The Cooler (2003) 4.20 Wild Thing I Love You 5.15 Countdown

7.55 5 News Weekend 8.00 NCIS Drama series. The NCIS team investigates the fatal shooting of an officer. 9.00 CSI: NY Drama series. Hawkes is led astray by his girlfriend, Camille, who gets him to phone in sick so that they can go to a gourmet food festival. But after one of the catering vans is flambéed, taking its young chef with it, he is caught playing truant as his colleagues arrive on the scene to pick through the bones. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. A jet skier is killed by a piece of slate thrown from a bridge. During the course of the investigation Alexx discovers that her son has been keeping unsavoury company. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Forensic drama series. The CSIs investigate four cases in one night. Grissom studies a neardeadly collision on a one-way street. Warrick probes the murder of a model at an auto show. Sara and Greg search for clues in the death of a bodybuilder at his home. And Nick gathers evidence to determine how a 12-year-old boy died and why his body was left on a city bench. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 Rough Guide To Beaches 4.10 Nick’s Quest 4.35 HouseBusters 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2

6.30 Doctor Who See highlights. 7.20 So You Think You Can Dance Results Reality show in which dancers compete to be the next big thing. Shake your funky thang! 7.50 The National Lottery Saturday Night Draws The National Lottery Saturday Night Draws presented by Jenni Falconer, including Thunderball and Lotto Draws, and Lotto Plus 5 results. If you win any of these you’ll be grinning so wide Robin Hood will want to use yuor mouth as a crossbow. 8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2011 Graham Norton provides commentary on the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest from the Dusseldorf Arena in Germany. See highlights. 11.15 BBC News 11.35 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights of the day’s four Barclays Premier League fixtures. Manchester United travel to Blackburn Rovers, who they saw off 71 at Old Trafford earlier this season. Sir Alex Ferguson’s side are unbeaten on their last four trips to Ewood Park, but were held to a goalless draw by their Lancashire neighbours last season. Elsewhere, Wolves visit Sunderland, Manchester City entertain Stoke and Bolton make the trip to see their Lancashire neighbours Blackpool. 12.35am FILM: Black Sheep (2006) 1.55 Weatherview 2.00 BBC News

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Take It Like A Fan 7.00 Football League: Championship 8.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.30 Take It Like A Fan 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Take It Like A Fan 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.30 Take It Like A Fan 4.00 NFL - Total Access 5.00 LIVE Super League 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 Premiership Rugby Union 3.00 Max Power 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 Premiership Rugby Union

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Max Power 7.00 Super League 8.30 PGA Tour Golf 12.30pm Live European Tour Golf 4.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 6.00 LIVE Speedway Grand Prix 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Football League 12.30am Speedway Grand Prix – Sweden 3.30 Super League 5.00 Max Power

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm A Different Breed 1.00 A Town Called Eureka 2.00 WWE: Smackdown 4.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 FILM: Judge Dredd (1994) 10.50 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK 11.50 The Hades Factor 1.40am A Town Called Eureka

7.00pm Radio 1’s Big Weekend 7.20 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Radio 1’s Big Weekend (x2). See highlights. 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 10.45 Family Guy 11.35 American Dad! (x2) 12.20am Radio 1’s Big Weekend 1.20 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra

7.00pm Tiger - Spy In The Jungle 8.00 Julia Bradbury’s Icelandic Walk 9.00 FILM: Female Agents (2008) 10.50 Canal Walks With Julia Bradbury 11.20 Top Of The Pops: 1976 12.00am The End Of The World? A Horizon Guide To Armageddon 1.00 Last Days Of The Arctic: Faces Of The North - Storyville

12.45pm Britain’s Got More Talent 1.45 American Idol: Top 4 Perform 3.15 American Idol: Results 4-3 4.15 FILM: Apollo 13 (1995) 7.00 Superhuman: Genius 8.00 Homes From Hell 9.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: Leaving Las Vegas (1995) 1.00am Britain’s Got Talent

6.25am FILM: Agatha Christie’s The Man In The Brown Suit (1988) 8.20 Upstairs, Downstairs (x2) 10.35 Hornblower 12.45pm The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 1.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Lewis 5.55 Inspector Morse 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 Foyle’s War 11.00 A Touch Of Frost 1.15am Wycliffe

12.05pm Great British Hairdresser 1.05 Hollyoaks Omnibus 3.40 Make It Or Break It 4.40 Friends (x2) 5.40 Glee 7.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 9.00 Friends (x2) 10.00 FILM: The Omen (2006) 12.10am The Cleveland Show 12.35 The Ricky Gervais Show 1.10 Bob’s Burgers

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.35 Time Team (x4) 1.45pm FILM: The Bravados (1958) 3.35 Grand Designs Revisited (x3) 6.55 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 The Ancient Skeletons Of Peru 10.05 The Great Wall Of China 12.20am The Ancient Skeletons Of Peru 1.25 The Great Wall Of China 3.30 Time Team

11.00am The Card (1952) 12.50pm Attack The Block Special 1.00 Aquamarine (2006) 3.00 The Colditz Story (1954) 4.50 A Walk In The Clouds (1995) 6.50 Young Sherlock Holmes (1985) 9.00 The Waterboy (1998) 10.45 Final Destination 2 (2002) 12.30am Dogtown And ZBoys (2001)

Brighton Lights

Invite Val Aviv to cover your event

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032_LS525_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 06/05/2011 14:27 Page 1

sunday 15 The Walking Dead Five, 10pm Zombie land is still sprawled over North America and our collection of wanderers are trying to find a non-dead pocket. Looks like they might have found it! A remnant of civilisation has been discovered at the CDC and a strange doctor admits them all. He’s a bit shifty though, and the halls are a bit echo-ey. Trouble afoot?

Perspectives: Hugh Laurie – Down By The River ITV1, 10.15pm Hugh Laurie loves his jazz and blues. Fact. So this is a very personal journey of love as he visits New Orleans to explore the roots of the sounds that have inspired him. Discovering new interpretations of some of the great songs and culminating in a concert with some legends. Ace.

Film: Planet Of The Apes Film4, 4.35pm The original. Way back in 1968 Charlton Heston was better known as an actor than a gun lobbyist and starred in this subversive sci-fi tale of an astronaut landing in a different but similar place to the one he came from. Also starring Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter, this triggered the whole series.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.55 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 EastEnders 2.55 Bargain Hunt 3.20 Escape To The Country 4.20 Life Of Riley 4.50 Lifeline 5.00 Points Of View 5.15 Songs Of Praise 5.50 BBC News

6.00am Wibbly Pig 6.10 Penelope 6.15 Toddworld 6.25 Tinga Tinga Tales 6.40 Octonauts: Creature Reports 6.45 Charlie And Lola 7.00 Space Hoppers 7.25 Arthur 7.50 Shaun The Sheep 8.00 Fee Fi Fo Yum 8.30 Gimme A Break 9.00 Friday Download 10.00 Athletics: Great Manchester Run 12.00pm Olympic World Dreams 12.30 MotoGP 2011: Round 4 - Le Mans 2.00 Swimming: Great Salford Swim 3.30 Great Manchester Games 5.05 FILM: McLintock! (1963)

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Hollyoaks Omnibus 10.15 The Saturdays: What Goes On Tour With Ice Watches 10.35 Being N-Dubz In America And Beyond 11.10 The Saturdays: What Goes On Tour With Ice Watches 11.30 Glee 12.50pm The Simpsons 1.25 The Simpsons 1.55 Celebrity Coach Trip 2.25 Celebrity Coach Trip 2.55 Celebrity Coach Trip 3.30 Celebrity Coach Trip 4.00 Celebrity Coach Trip 4.30 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.30 Time Team

7.10 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections Richard Hammond reveals the surprising engineering connections behind the Formula 1 car. 8.00 Britain’s Secret Seas Documentary series revealing the stunning marine life, mysterious wrecks and issues that affect our seas. In the second programme in the series, explorer Paul Rose, marine biologist Tooni Mahto and maritime journalist Frank Pope explore the wild seas around Scotland. 9.00 Operation Crossbow The heroic tales of World War II are legendary, but Operation Crossbow is a little-known story that deserves to join the hall of fame: how the Allies used 3D photos to thwart the Nazis’ weapons of mass destruction before they could obliterate England. This film brings together the Spitfire pilots who took the photographs and the brilliant minds of RAF Medmenham that made sense of the jigsaw of clues hidden in the photos. 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Colin Murray introduces highlights from the day’s five Premier League matches which have huge implications at the top and bottom of the table. 11.20 The Shadow Line A chance to catch up on the acclaimed drama. 12.20am FILM: On A Clear Day (2005) 1.55 BBC News 4.00 The Super League Show

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Milkshake! Music Box 8.00 Little Princess 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Family Food Fight With Flora 10.30 OK! TV Sunday 11.30 The Hotel Inspector 12.30pm Extreme Fishing: Ends Of The Earth 1.30 Ice Road Truckers 2.35 FILM: Gunsmoke (1953) 4.10 5 News 4.20 FILM: Are We Done Yet? (2007) 6.00 FILM: Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005) Starring Tim Robbins, Jonah Bobo, Josh Hutcherson and Kristen Stewart. Family adventure about two squabbling siblings who find a mysterious old board game in their basement. The brothers discover the game has magical powers when a chance roll of the dice sends their house into deep space. Whoops. 8.10 FILM: Practical Magic (1998) Starring Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Dianne Wiest, Stockard Channing, Goran Visnjic and Aidan Quinn. Supernatural romantic comedy about two sisters from a long line of witches whose powers come at a price. 10.00 The Walking Dead See highlights. 11.05 FILM: The House On Haunted Hill (1999) Starring Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen, Taye Diggs, Peter Gallagher, Chris Kattan and Ali Larter. Remake of the 1950s horror in which a millionaire offers a large sum of money to anyone who can spend a night in a creepy mansion that was once an asylum for the insane. 12.50am SuperCasino 4.00 Rough Guide To Cities 4.10 Divine Designs (x2) 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football League 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 LIVE Football League 9.00 Scottish Premier League 10.00 Football First: Match Choice 11.30 Football First: Match Choice 1.00am Football League 2.30 Scottish Premier League 3.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.00 Spanish Football 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

6.05 South East Today 6.10 Land Girls Period drama series. Joyce is angry and disillusioned with the Land Army, and she forces Tucker into an admission of guilt. 7.00 Countryfile In this special edition of Countryfile, Ellie Harrison is on Skokholm, off the Welsh coast, to look back at some of the islands featured in the last year. 8.00 FILM: Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl (2003) Starring Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush. Swashbuckling adventure. Eccentric Captain Sparrow is on a mission to rescue Governor Swann’s beautiful daughter, Elizabeth, and his ship, the Black Pearl, both of which have been captured by the curse-ridden pirate Captain Barbossa. 10.10 BBC News 10.30 South East Today 10.35 Meet The Multiples This film meets the parents bringing up multiples. So many nappies, night feeds, and cute little socks. 11.35 FILM: The Night Listener (2006) Starring Robin Williams, Toni Collette, Joe Morton, Bobby Cannavale, Rory Culkin and Sandra Oh. Thriller. 12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: The Apprentice 1.55 MasterChef 2.55 Holby City 3.55 Churches: How To Read Them 4.25 BBC News

6.00a – 6.50am Children’s television 6.50 Jungle Junction 7.00 Jungle Junction 7.15 Annabel’s Kitchen 7.25 Monk 7.35 Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil 7.45 Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil 8.00 The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes 8.25 May The Best House Win 9.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.25 Sing If You Can 11.30 This Morning: Sunday 12.30pm Dinner Date 1.25 ITV News & Weather 1.40 Columbo: Dead Weight 3.10 Britain’s Got Talent 4.10 FILM: The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) 6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents the nerve-wracking gameshow. In this edition, Merrick from Berwick and hairdresser Rob both face huge dilemmas – but will either of them be able to beat the Cube? Nail-biting stuff. 8.00 Vera Detective drama series based on the novels by Ann Cleeves. When a woman is murdered in the remote Northumbrian countryside, DCI Vera Stanhope is led back to a place from her past. As she and her team investigate, they uncover shadowy liaisons, conflicting sympathies and hidden injustices. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 Perspectives: Hugh Laurie – Down By The River See highlights. 11.15 Surgery School Last in the documentary series following interns at the prestigious London School of Surgery. The end of the first year is looming, and the trainees face their assessments. Those who do not show real progress will be asked to leave the course. As well as preparing for tests, the interns must get as much experience as possible. And you thought YOU were stressed by work. 12.10am Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership 12.55 The Zone 2.00 Motorsport UK 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 6.55 7.00 Come Dine With Me Cookery-based reality show. 8.00 The Hotel Documentary revealing life behind-the-scenes at the Damson Dene, a typical three-star British holiday hotel. The hotel receives a variety of guest complaints, which push manager Wayne and his staff to the brink. 9.00 FILM: Die Hard 4.0 (2007) Starring Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant, Justin Long, Maggie Quigley, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Kevin Smith. The action thriller franchise returns for a fourth instalment, pitting heroic NYPD cop John McClane against a group of internet terrorists who aim to bring down the United States by crippling every major computer system in the country. However, the cyber criminals soon discover that the vest-clad hero and his geeky sidekick present a serious challenge to their scheme. 11.30 FILM: The Business (2005) Starring Danny Dyer, Tamer Hassan, Geoff Bell, Georgina Chapman and Camille Coduri. Violent Brit gangster movie set in Spain’s Costa del Crime in the 80s. 1.15am The Dead Zone 2.00 Civilization: Is The West History? 2.55 Hill Street Blues 3.45 Wild Thing I Love You 4.45 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Sali Mali

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Road To London 7.00 Super League 8.30 PGA Tour Golf 12.30pm LIVE European Tour Golf 4.30 Sailing: Barcelona World Race 2011 5.00 LIVE Championship Rugby League 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 ATP Tennis 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Racemax 7.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.30 This Week In WWE 8.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE: Afterburn 10.00 Premiership Rugby Union 11.00 Sailing: Barcelona World Race 2011 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Live Football League 2.00 LIVE Cricket 7.30 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 WWE: Experience 11.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE: Vintage Collection 1.00 Championship Rugby League 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Stargate Universe 1.00 A Town Called Eureka 2.00 The Simpsons (x8) 6.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 7.00 The Middle 7.30 Modern Family 8.00 Raising Hope 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Hawaii Five0 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 House 12.00am The Hades Factor 1.50 Threshold 2.35 Law And Order

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Radio 1’s Big Weekend (x2) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 American Dad! (x2) 11.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.30am Radio 1’s Big Weekend 1.30 Fast Food Baby 2.25 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm A History Of Christianity 8.00 The Secret Life Of The National Grid 9.00 Shanties And Sea Songs With Gareth Malone 10.00 The History Of Safari With Richard E Grant 11.30 Bee Gees: In Our Own Time 1.00am ... Sings Bee Gees 1.30 Shanties And Sea Songs 2.30 A History Of Christianity

1.30pm American Idol: Results 4-3 2.30 All Star Family Fortunes 3.15 FILM: Apollo 13 (1995) 6.00 Britain’s Got Talent 7.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 8.00 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 9.00 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter 10.00 FILM: Waterworld (1995) 12.40am Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter

11.50 Sherlock Holmes – The Last Vampyre 2.00pm Inspector Morse 4.05 FILM: Summer Holiday (1963) 6.15 Mr Bean 6.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 8.00 FILM: Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971) 10.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 11.40 FILM: Lorenzo’s Oil (1992) 2.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

11.10am Great British Hairdresser 12.15pm Wife Swap USA (x2) 2.10 Supernanny US 3.05 Make It Or Break It 4.10 FILM: Black Knight (2001) 6.00 Friends (x2) 7.00 90210 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Being Erica 11.55 The Big Bang Theory 12.25am How I Met Your Mother

9.00am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 1.15pm Jamie At Home (x5) 4.00 Come Dine With Me (x5) 6.50 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 7.55 River Cottage Every Day 9.00 One Born Every Minute 10.05 Katie: My Beautiful Friends 11.10 Father Ted 11.40 Spaced 12.15am The IT Crowd

11.00am Panic In The Streets (1950) 12.50pm Attack The Block Special 1.00 Catch That Kid (2004) 2.45 The 39 Steps (1959) 4.35 Planet Of The Apes (1968). See highlights 6.50 Night At The Museum (2006) 9.00 Don’t Say A Word (2001) 11.10 Scary Movie (2000) 12.50am La Vie Revee Des Ange (1997)

Keep your finger on the musical pulse at Brighton Lights live Brighton Lights every month. Don’t miss it!

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033_LS525_TV_mon_L7wed14apr.qxd 06/05/2011 14:28 Page 1

monday 16 Dispatches: The Truth About Going Under The Knife Channel 4, 8pm Surgery is big business. This is hardly news when we keep being told how much the NHS is costing, but Dispatches is taking it a step further by investigating what’s implanted into our bodies and whether patient safety might be in danger of coming in second to industry. Scary stuff.

The Street That Cut Everything BBC1, 9pm & 10.35pm Nick Robinson presents an unique social experiment. He has persuaded one street in Preston to give up all Council Tax services for six weeks and, equipped with their rebates, rally round and run their own community. Who will collect the rubbish, manage the stret lights and pay the benefits?

Glee E4, 9pm There appears to be a plot and an album this week – the plot being Sue Sylvester reviving the school newspaper to print scurrilous half truths and lies, and the album being covers of Fleetwood Mac’s classic Rumours. Do you get what they did there? And do you think Sue might get away with it if it weren’t for those pesky kids?


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Fake Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 3.40 Wingin’ It 4.00 Sadie J 4.30 Blue Peter 4.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.20 Guess With Jess 9.35 Big And Small 9.45 Buzz And Tell 9.50 Big Cook Little Cook 10.10 Timmy Time 10.20 Nuzzle And Scratch: Frock And Roll 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Animal 24/7 3.00 Helicopter Heroes 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Show Me The Monet

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Friends 8.55 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 9.55 Relocation, Relocation 10.55 A Place By The Sea 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Jamie At Home 12.35 River Cottage Bites 12.40 FILM: Distant Drums (1951) 2.40 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it’s on The One Show. 7.30 Saints And Scroungers Goodies and baddies. Everything in life is always this black and white. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Alfie and Kat’s happiness at Tommy’s christening is under threat when they receive shocking news from the police. 8.30 Track My Trash – Panorama How does a broken TV thrown out at a council site in London end up 3,000 miles away on a toxic dump in West Africa where children scavenge for metal waste in a cocktail of poisonous fumes? Here’s how. 9.00 The Street That Cut Everything See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Street That Cut Everything See highlights. 11.05 The Graham Norton Show Repeat of Friday’s show. 11.50 FILM: Churchill – The Hollywood Years (2004) Starring Neve Campbell, Christian Slater. Satirical comedy in which historical figure Winston Churchill is portrayed as a no-nonsense American GI. 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: The Apprentice 2.15 Arena: Produced By George Martin 3.45 MasterChef 4.45 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu Presented by Jennie Bond. Yum! 7.00 The Story Of Ireland Fergal Keane presents a five-part series charting the history of the island and her people from the earliest days to the present. This first episode looks at how Ireland was a land targetted by invaders and settlers. 8.00 Business Nightmares With Evan Davis Evan Davis uncovers the astonishing stories of how some of world’s most successful businesses have made monumental mistakes. With British business leaders including Sir Richard Branson, Sir Martin Sorrell and Rita Clifton. Pretty interesting stuff. 9.00 Children’s Craniofacial Surgery Following the surgeons of the Oxford Craniofacial Unit and their young patients with rare genetic syndromes. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks The award-winning pop quiz returns with team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus. Guest presenter is Mark Ronson, with guests Alesha Dixon, Tinie Tempah, Mollie from The Saturdays and Paul Foot. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections 12.10am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria is relieved to hear from Amy. Ella warns Adam that they must tread carefully. 7.30 Coronation Street Chesney leads an unwanted visitor to John’s door. Will Tommy fall for Rosie’s charms? She’s a right one, her. 8.00 The Dales Adrian Edmondson meets the Yorkshire family competing at Masham Steam Fair with their steam engine Lightning Two. 8.30 Coronation Street John attempts to avoid the Hoyles’ questions – but is it too late? 9.00 Strangeways Documentary series following inmates and staff at Manchester’s Strangeways prison. This episode focuses on the healthcare unit at Strangeways, and it is the first time that such access has been given to what is one of the most challenging and sensitive areas in the prison. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: A Perfect Murder (1998) Starring Michael Douglas, Gwyneth Paltrow, Viggo Mortensen, David Suchet. Taut thriller in which a cold-blooded commodities trader, on the verge of losing his fortune, hires someone to kill his rich young wife. 12.35am The Zone 2.35 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 4.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sinead buys Bart an expensive watch for his 16th birthday, but ends the romance when she overhears him talking about her to Carmel. Fool boy. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Dispatches: The Truth About Going Under The Knife See highlights. 9.00 Gordon’s Great Escape Gordon Ramsay visits Vietnam and samples a host of unusual foods, including snake heart, barbecue duck and basket-caught squid. Broth maker Zi Hai challenges Gordon to sell over 80 broths on a floating market in the Mekong Delta. 10.00 FILM: The Sixth Sense (1999) Starring Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment, Olivia Williams, Toni Collette and Donnie Wahlberg. Supernatural drama. A child psychologist takes on the case of an eight-year-old boy who claims to see the ghosts of people who do not know they are dead. Everybody together now – what does he see? Nifty twist if you haven’t already seen it. 12.05am The Event 1.05 Caribbean Adventure 2.00 The Dead Zone 2.45 The Moonbird 3.00 Empire 4.00 Saxon Gold: Finding The Hoard 4.55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.20 Hill Street Blues

6.00 am Children’s television 7.30 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Olivia 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.05 Warship 12.05pm The Family Recipe 12.10 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Vanessa Show 3.05 Chinese Food In Minutes 3.10 FILM: Returning Lily (2003) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Elijah attempts to talk to Billy about the attack – is he on a dangerous path? 6.25 OK! TV A lively mix of celebrity gossip and more. 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? We learn how a helicopter’s blades are made, how a futuristic underground railway is run, and how waves can be artificially created at the seaside. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. Suzi and Jason take part in a challenge to gauge whether certain technology is a help or a handicap when hunting for information, plus Jon takes to the skies of London to test out the latest DSLR cameras. 9.00 The Hotel Inspector Award-winning hotelier Alex Polizzi comes to the rescue of a family-run themed hotel in Devon. 10.00 There’s Something About Josie Reality series following the adventures of Big Brother’s loveable girl-next-door Josie Gibson. 11.00 FILM: Evil Woman (2001) Starring Steve Zahn, Jack Black, Jason Biggs, Amanda Peet and Neil Diamond. Comedy about a trio of dim former high-school buddies. 12.55am Rough Guide To Weekend Breaks 1.10 SuperCasino 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 How Not To Decorate 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 Spanish Football 12.00pm Football First: Match Choice 1.30 Football First: Match Choice 3.00 Spanish Football 4.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.30 The Sky Sports Years 6.30 Boxing 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Boxing 10.30 The Sky Sports Years 11.30 Barclays Premier League Review 12.30am SPL Round-Up 1.00 Football League: Championship 2.30 Boxing 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Extreme 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.00 Premiership Rugby Union 9.00 PGA Tour Golf 2.00pm European Tour Golf 4.00 ATP Tennis 6.00 Kings Of The Extreme 6.30 NASCAR 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 NASCAR 10.30 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Elite League Speedway 2.30 European Tour Golf 3.30 PGA Tour Golf 4.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Football League 9.30 Super League 11.00 Sailing: Barcelona World Race 2011 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Saturday Fight Night 2.00 Super League 3.30 This Week In WWE 4.00 WWE: Raw 6.00 LIVE Netball: Super League 8.00 European Tour Golf 9.00 PGA Tour Golf 10.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 2.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 SPL Round-Up 4.45 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Customs (x2) 1.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.00 Vet Adventures 4.00 Lie To Me 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Stargate Universe 9.00 A League Of Their Own...Best Of: 1 10.00 Spartacus: Blood And Sand 11.15 Caprica 12.15am Ross Kemp On Gangs (x2)

7.00pm Radio 1’s Big Weekend 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 8.30 Young, Rich And House Hunting 9.00 Gavin And Stacey (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Young, Rich And House Hunting 12.15am Gavin And Stacey (x2) 1.15 Bizarre ER 1.45 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Viking Sagas 8.30 Canal Walks With Julia Bradbury 9.00 The Golden Age Of Canals 10.00 The Night Shift (x2) 10.50 Rubicon 11.35 The Viking Sagas 12.35am The Golden Age Of Canals 1.35 Jonathan Meades: OffKilter 2.35 Canal Walks With Julia Bradbury

3.40pm Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Akon: The Hot Desk 8.00 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 9.00 FILM: Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) 11.05 Celebrity Juice 11.50 FILM: Leaving Las Vegas (1995) 1.50am Coronation Street (x2)

10.50am Upstairs, Downstairs (x2) 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Monarch Of The Glen 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 The Lakes (x2) 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Monarch Of The Glen 8.00 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Taggart 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.10am Numb3rs

1.05pm Heartland 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Ugly Betty 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Glee. See higlights 10.00 Made In Chelsea 11.00 Beauty And The Geek 12.00am My Name Is Earl (x2) 12.55 Ugly Betty 1.40 Beauty And The Geek

3.05pm Coach Trip 3.40 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Undercover Boss 11.05 The Daily Show 11.40 Unreported World 12.10am The Secret Millionaire

11.00am Dragonwyck (1946) 1.00pm The Yangtse Incident (1957) 2.50 The Comancheros (1961) 4.55 Monte Carlo Or Bust (1969) 7.20 Hot Shots! (1991) 9.00 The Square (2008) 11.00 Spider 11.20 The Proposition (2005) 1.25am The Ploughman’s Lunch (1983) 3.30 Attack The Block Special 3.40 Close

Brighton Lights

If you want to join us to make a TV channel for Brighton on terrestrial TV come to Latest MusicBar. 5.30pm Mondays

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Latest 7 525: 10 -16 May  

A slice of Aloka: Celebrating two years of fabulous therapies and delicious food. Milton Jones: The award-winning comedian is The Lion Whisp...

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