Issuu on Google+

001_LS505_cover_editorial cover 10/12/2010 12:47 Page 1

the city magazine for brighton & hove

H jobs H news H food H listings H tv guide H 14 – 20 December 2010


Out of this world

FOOD & DRINK GIFTS Festive treats for the foodie in your life THE ROYAL PAVILION Upcoming previews & special offers

A cosmic ice extravaganza in Energia from Holiday On Ice page 20

Brighton Lights MAXIMALISM The Electric Soft Parade on the charity musical extravaganza

The sex factor: Latest TV’s Matt Whistler has got it! Buy ‘Surfin’ Bird’ and get our resident comedian Matt Whistler a Christmas Number One! Catch his snow antics around the city at

002_LS505_Moshi Moshi_Layout 1 08/12/2010 13:06 Page 1

003_LS505 contents _Contents 10/12/2010 12:48 Page 1


CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine


>on tv



04 Latest people The Snowman Spectacular Ball; Sussex Business Awards; Bob Hoskins opens Autism Resource Centre 05 Royal Pavilion Give loved ones the gift of a palace this Christmas 06 News & Jobs Matt Whistler’s snow antics in a bid for the Xmas Number One, Artwave winner announced, plus Councillor Mary Mears and jobs 18 Bare Cheek Word is out: quotation corner and things we used to say 18 Competitions Family tickets to see Peter And The Wolf; Da Doo Ron Ron’s festive club night special and Beyoncé goodies 19 Celebcity Morgan Spurlock’s LA Shindig, Brigitte Nielson at The Grand, Ricky Gervais, and Big Brother’s Josie and John

Our resident comedian Matt Whistler has been getting a lot of attention as he surfs to Number One like a b-b-b-bird! I reckon he’s got the sex factor! Check out his latest swimwear on our show, guys and gals. Mean Poppa Lean have hot bodies too – and play that sexy music and strut their funky stuff all over Concorde 2 and Norway. Yes, Norway. It's a link, okay? There are a lot of bears in Norway and there have also been a few spotted in Lewes Road... I am not on drugs and we bring you this exclusive! Kelsey gets 5.9 for artistic merit ice skating at The Royal Pavilion, Jenni goes Xmas shopping at Brighton’s Open Houses, and Val Aviv is looking a picture presenting our winter wonderland of a show. And me? I didn’t do much – it’s called producing.

LIFESTYLE 09 Food Gifts Delicious hampers, fantastic drinks, and vouchers for the best restaurants in town 13 Brighton & Hove Food Partnership Look out for The Healthy Choice Award window sticker when it comes to eating out this Christmas 15 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink; Hotlist The Ginger Dog in Kemp Town is best in show, plus news of L’Eglise in Hove and this week’s Hotlist 17 Health The Kettlebells Bootcamp 28-day challenge is on! 20 Cover Feature: Holiday On Ice Explore the universe and more with the magical new Holiday On Ice show, Energia

22 Latest Previews Maximalism, The Diva In Me at Brighton Dome, plus the sci-fi story continues in Tron: Legacy in cinemas 26 Sport: Up The Albion! Mark Brailsford welcomes Pompey in the third round of the FA Cup and prepares for heat in Brazil 2014 26 TV Highlights & Listings Hitchhiker’s Guide To The galaxy anti-hero Dirk Gently in his own TV outing; your seven-day TV listings Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Administration Claire Peerless

Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Sales Natasha Prochaski Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan

20 Still trying to choose a Christmas panto to see? The choice is huge, and you can find them all in our online listings. If it’s comedy nights, music gigs or family events in Sussex you’re after, they’re all right here, too. In fact, everything happening in Brighton that’s worth knowing is at your fingertips. Sorted! While you’re logged on, don’t miss your chance to enter our great competitions (this week is your last chance to enter to win a luxury pampering day with the Nation’s Favourite Hairdresser 2010 and a limited edition signed print celebrating Brighton & Hove Albion’s history. Check out the Latest Brighton Download Chart and influence the all important Number One spot. In a band? Upload your track to reach the masses! Read all the latest reviews of shows, submit your own comments, and – if you’re one of the very few who haven’t already – check out Matt Whistler’s snow adventures on Latest TV. It’s all right here at

Comedy, music or clubs?




Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Production Editor Victoria Nangle Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker


Find out what’s going on in Brighton while you’re on the move with comprehensive listings straight to your mobile phone Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Rachel Junior Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Music Listings Nick Aldwinckle

Design Anand Day Steve Sawyer Andrew Wright Editorial Assistant Laura Hayward

Illustrators Dan Evans Lili Bé Paul Lewis Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

01273 818150 Editorial: Advertising: Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

004_LS505_Latest People_Social Diary 10/12/2010 13:35 Page 2



latest PEOPLE

Around town with the Snowman Spectacular Ball, Sussex Business Awards 2010 & Autism Sussex

Snow fun

Hugh Lowson (Chief Exec, Chestnut Tree House Trust), Kerstin Jagfeldt, Guy Clinch (Chairman of Trustees)

Despite being a snowflake away from being snowed off, the third annual Snowman Spectacular Ball smashed last year’s total of £54,000 and raised a Mr & Mrs Graves staggering £62,915 on the night for Chestnut Tree House Children’s Hospice. Entertainment was provided by leading musician Paul Zenon, music from Still Drifting featuring Ray Lewis, former lead singer of The Drifters, and a choreographed combination of dance and laser manipulation from Feeding the Fish. More details of Chestnut Tree House charity, which is the only children’s hospice in Sussex, can be found at Mr & Mrs Terry Photos: Patrick Kneath

Charles Hodson, John Pendry. Robbie Raggio, James Gaffney, Phil Keating. (All from OS & B Society),

Wendy Darley & Donna Redman (parents) with their guests

Electric evening Business people from across the county braved the adverse weather to attend the presentation of the 2010 Sussex Business Awards at The Grand Hotel in Brighton. Now in its 22nd year, the awards are the longest established scheme of its kind in the county. 200 entries were whittled down to 36 finalists. Among the winners on the night were lettings agency, Leaders (Sussex Company of the Year) and Mark Woolley of Electric Hairdressing (Sussex Businessperson of the Year). Brighton Marathon, organised by Grounded Events, was the big winner on the night, scooping two awards: Leisure & Tourism and Best New Business. Photos: Graham Franks (

Caraline Brown of Midnight Communications

All the winners on stage

Ben Davey and group from Marlin Financial Services

Best Customer Service went to Club Class Chauffers sponsored by Domestic & General

Entepreneur of the Year, sponsored by Redseven went to Camilla Stephens of Higgidy

Support centre opens British film icon Bob Hoskins, the Patron, opened the Autism Resource Centre at Richmond Place, Brighton for Autism Sussex on Tuesday 7 December. The centre will provide much-needed support to children, adults and families living with autism spectrum conditions. Autism Sussex is an independent, not for profit organisation and registered charity. Their aim is to provide a range of opportunities for children, young people and adults with autistic spectrum conditions and/or Asperger syndrome. More details are available at Photos: Patrick Kneath

Bob Hoskins, Richard Brown (Chairman of Autism Sussex)

Lea Milton-Thorley, Helena Hall, Doreen Amos with Bob Hoskins presenting a cheque for £700 from Lady Masons Sussex Downs

Kaye Stanford (Children & Families Manager), Bob Hoskins, Alex Reeve (Operations Manager)

Jean Rose (Chief Executive, Autism Sussex), Bob Hoskins

005_LS505_Royal Pavillion_Seven Editorial 10/12/2010 10:40 Page 1


A PRESENT FIT FOR A KING Give someone special a palace this Christmas with The Royal Pavilion & Museums Foundation Give someone special the perfect present this Christmas: gift membership to the Royal Pavilion & Museums, and step inside a world of art, luxury, scandal, passion, beauty and much more. From as little as £23, your gift will last all year long and you will also be helping to conserve Brighton’s greatest treasure. Benefits include: • Free entry to the Royal Pavilion • Free entry to Preston Manor • Exclusive events • Invitations to private views • 10 per cent discount in their shops • Free entry to all museum exhibitions • Members’ newsletter With so much to discover and enjoy, now is the perfect time to become a member! Join now and celebrate 200 years of Regency in 2011. You can take advantage of all of the following and more... • Be invited for a behind the scenes look at Brighton’s most lavish property • Be the first to see the fashion exhibition Dress For Excess in February 2011 for free • Marvel at the art exhibition Radical Bloomsbury opening in April for free • Bring the palace to life at night at the Members’ Open Evening in June for free

There’s a special Christmas offer for Latest 7 readers too. Simply quote ‘Latest’ for a free Royal Pavilion souvenir gift book! Treat yourself or someone special today. Call 01273 292789. Order before Wedensday 22 December and we will guarantee your gift arrives in time for Christmas (applies to Brighton and Hove addresses only). To join, or for more information on The Royal Pavilion & Museums Foundation please visit or call 01273 292789.

Registered charity 275242

006_007_LS505_news_council_editorial 10/12/2010 11:48 Page 2


L7 NEWS in brief

Artwave revisited

>RSPCA fundraiser

The RSPCA are set to hold a carolsinging fundraiser at Brighton Station Concourse on Thursday 16 December 2010 (5.30–8pm). The Sussex Brighton and East Grinstead branch of the RSPCA are entirely self-funding, and as such, they rely heavily on support from the public to care for the 3000 animals they rescue each year. Over £400,000 is required annually to keep the animal shelter open. For more information on animal welfare, please contact the RSPCA on 01273 554218 or visit

>Brighton Youth Orchestra

performs for Parliament The Brighton Youth Orchestra String Ensemble is set to perform at the Houses of Parliament as a national example of excellence. The council-run orchestra has won numerous ‘Outstanding Performance Awards’ over the years and recently teamed up with the internationally famous Trinity Laban String Ensemble for two concerts on 1 December 2010. They are also performing this week for the Minister for Schools, Nick Gibb MP.

>Scissor Sisters “gutted”

after getting the chop The Scissor Sisters were left “gutted” when their Brighton Centre show was postponed due to the heavy snow. The New York band managed to get to the venue, however treacherous road conditions later forced organisers to stop the performance. The band posted on their Facebook page, “Your Scissters are here at Brighton Centre ready to play and we’re GUTTED”. The show was rescheduled and their eagerlyawaited performance took place on Sunday 12 December. Contributors: Sarah Stovell, Rachel Duncliffe, Stuart Huggett.


Snow surfing Comedian Matt Whistler takes the internet by storm as he braves the snow in the buff


omedian and part-time stuntman Matt Whistler has taken the global internet community by storm this month with a succession of seasonal viral videos. A familiar face to viewers of Latest TV’s Brighton Lights, Matt took advantage of the recent snowy weather to strip off and record some spontaneous antics for his friends and fans. Within days, Matt’s homemade video to The Trashmen’s classic ‘Surfin’ Bird’, featuring the lad clucking and dancing around the city clad only in a Santa hat and matching ladies’ underwear, had clocked up tens of thousands of views. Meanwhile, his slightly more risqué attempt to sledge naked down Southover Street on a tea-tray exposed Matt’s talents to an even wider audience, after it travelled around the world on numerous social networking sites. Matt explained how the clips came about, telling Latest 7: “I’d been drinking really strong coffee all day. My two-mile walk from my flat to my friend’s resulted in an instant idea to go down a snowy hill on a tea-tray.” Many viewers of the clip have been wondering, did it hurt? Matt claims he felt: “No pain, only coffee-wired euphoria all wrapped up in a magical

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears urges us to spread goodwill


ne of my favourite events of the year is the annual primary schools children’s carol concert, which took place last week at the Brighton Centre. It’s always a real marker for me that Christmas is just around the corner and this year’s event didn’t disappoint. A choir of over 1,200 children from 38 schools across the city sang their hearts out, and I would like to thank them all personally for putting on such a great show. Many of those children performing in the concert will no doubt have enjoyed time off from school two weeks ago as we were hit yet again by

experience. Pain did exist in the morning when my arse was on fire and grazed.” Did anyone take offence to Matt prancing about in the snow and invading the city’s shops for the ‘Surfin’ Bird’ video? Matt isn’t sure. “Although the Natwest guy in the video was pointing me out of the store, he was highly entertained, or shocked and bewildered,” Matt admits. “I wanted to discuss an overdraft facility but couldn’t stand still in the queue. “I was manhandled out of Argos, but this might be because I took my pop tent back for a refund the previous week ‘cos I couldn’t pop it back in again. “Churchill Square asked me to take my baubles elsewhere and put me on high security alert,” Matt claims. “Everyone could hear me warble as I smashed my baubles while running out.” Matt hopes his video antics will raise the profile of ‘Surfin’ Bird’and take the song to Number One this Christmas. This is similar to the campaign for Rage Against The Machine to reach Number One in 2009. For more video hi-jinks, visit Stuart Huggett

heavy snow. However, while the snow may have been welcomed by the city’s schoolchildren and winter sports enthusiasts, it was not good news for local businesses, who would normally hope to be doing a brisk trade at this time of year. They have also not been helped by the various disruptive demonstrations, which have been taking place over the last few weeks, targeting various high street stores and civic buildings in the city. I am completely supportive of the right to peaceful protest but when it starts to impinge on residents and local traders being able to carry on with their everyday business, it is simply not acceptable. The protesters may well have a very good cause they are trying to champion but when things start to turn nasty, I believe they start to lose sympathy and actually

Artwave, the visual arts festival for the Lewes District was hailed another success by the organisers. Now in its 17th year, Artwave 2010 witnessed 97 open houses and studios exhibiting the works of 400 artists and makers. In Latest 7’s sponsored competition for Artwave 2010, visitors voted 'Driftwood', in Bishopstone, near Seaford, to be ’The Artwave Venue of 2010’. Mark Glassman and Geoff Stonebanks ‘Driftwood’ had over 600 visitors during the festival, up 300 per cent on 2009. The garden studio featured Mark’s paintings, whose work is inspired by the surrounding landscape. Additionally, there was fabulous sculpture by Si Uwins, Serena Thirkell and Michele Findlay, outstanding ceramics by Bebe Bird and Kathy Laird, and beautiful garden jewellery by Jayne Ford, all set against the backdrop of Geoff Stonebanks’s multi awardwinning garden. Geoff's excellent cup cakes were sold in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support, this year raising £545. For more information visit Mark's and Geoff's websites: The 2011 Artwave festival will run from 27 August–11 September. Jeff Hemmings

undermine their case. Unfortunately, the police are expecting more disruption in the weeks to come as a result of various national and local campaigns. Demonstrators may argue they are targeting particular stores, but the atmosphere which is created across the city can, quite understandably, make people frightened, and is bound to put some people off from coming out to spend their money at all. I am confident our small independent traders are resilient and resourceful enough to come through what are undoubtedly difficult times. But I would like to urge the protesters to think about the wider impact their actions are having on the local economy. After all, it is people’s jobs and livelihoods we are talking about here.

006_007_LS505_news_council_editorial 10/12/2010 10:39 Page 3


Michelle Jay, Financial Controller, BIMM; Vaseema Hamilton, Principal, BIMM Brighton & BIMM Bristol; Sarah Clayman, Managing Director, BIMM Group; Phil Jones, Wired Sussex

BIMM wins Creative Industry Award T he Brighton and Bristol Institute of Modern Music (BIMM) has won the Creative Industry Award 2010. The ceremony for this prestigious award scheme took place at the Sussex Business Awards on Thursday 2 December at The Grand hotel in Brighton. The Creative Industries award, sponsored by Wired Sussex, is in

recognition of a creative business that makes a key contribution to the county. BIMM had some tough competition, but managed to beat the likes of B&R Production and Prop Studios. “Winning the Creative Industries award is a fantastic early 10th Birthday gift for the BIMM team who have worked so hard to make

our magical mix of rock ’n’ roll and education an outstanding experience for all our students,” said Vaseema Hamilton, Principal of BIMM. “It’s a perfect time to gain this recognition for our unique model of education as we move on beyond Brighton and Bristol to develop our new Centre Tech Music Schools in London and a brand new college in Dublin.” The Institute has just announced a new partnership with EMI records, which is set to bring new apprenticeships and open doors for many more students over the next few years. BIMM (Brighton & Bristol Institute of Modern Music) is the UK's leading provider of modern music vocational and higher education courses. The college opened in Brighton in 2001 with BIMM Bristol opening in 2008. Earlier this year, BIMM secured £10million investment from Sovereign Capital to build the BIMM Institutes worldwide. BIMM offers its students a broad range of course levels, from diplomas through to BA (Hons) degrees. The Institute is currently offering an early bird booking special offer for their summer schools in 2011. For further information visit Read more on the Sussex Business Awards in Latest People p4. Sarah Stovell

Christmas Cowell Having stormed Britain’s Got Talent earlier this year, celebrity lookalike team The Chippendoubles have turned their attentions to the pop charts. The Chippendoubles were a hit with both judges and viewers when they appeared on the ITV show in May, surprising millions with their doppelganger dance routines. Now the entertainment troupe, including Sussex boys Andy ‘Goldenballs’ Harmer (‘David Beckham’) and Tim ‘The Orrifice’ Oliver (‘Ricky Gervais’) have released novelty charity single ‘A Christmas Cowell’, fronted by Simon Cowell lookalike Andy Monk. Hidden amongst the dozens of imitators in the comic video is one genuine Christmas pop star – East 17’s game-for-a-laugh Brian Harvey. All profits from the single go to children’s cancer charity CLIC Sargent. It looks like ‘Surfin’ Bird’ has some competition. Stuart Huggett Brighton & Hove’s best opportunities and employers • Commis Chefs x 3 Search Consultancy


• Receptionist/Administrator Personnel Selection


The only online jobs board in the country to exclusively support and promote the city where it is based

• Executive Search – Delivery Associate Expand £20,000

• Credit Control Agent Red Flag

• HR Business Partner Bupa


• HR Consultant Kelta HR


• B2B Market Research German Speakers Red Flag £6 per hour

• Lottery Agent for Brighton & Hove Albion FC Albion FC £OTE

• Assistant Showroom Manager, Permanent Adecco £Negotiable

• Conference & Banqueting Sales Co-ordinator Azure £Negotiable

• Credit Control Assistant First Recruitment


• Technical Team Manger Legal and General

• Portfolio Manager Pro Talent


• Jobs from all sectors


• Full time, part time and temp opportunities

• Deputy Head Housekeeper Personnel Selection

• Sales Representative American Express

£29,000 £Negotiable

£8.50 per hour £35,000

• Workshop Manager First Recruitment

Key Features include: • Advertise from just £49 + vat • Brighton based team • Specific to Brighton & Hove and the commutable areas • National candidate reach

• HR Consultant (fixed term, up to 6 months) Bupa £35,000

• Web Application Developer, Permanent Adecco £27,000

• Training for everyone (employed or unemployed)

• Marketing Executive American Express

• Buyer Search Consultancy

• Free CV filtering facility



For more details and to find many more opportunities, please visit and please mention when you apply!



t. 01273 872 287 f. 01273 684 255

Best City • Best Jobs • Best Employers

008_LS505_Badger_Layout 1 09/12/2010 15:43 Page 1

009_011_LS505_Food Gifts_Seven Editorial 10/12/2010 15:22 Page 3


And a partridge...



Gift guide

Andrew Kay finds delicious gifts for the gourmets and gourmands in your life


ow listen and listen hard. If there isn’t a box of Terre à Terre salt caramel truffles in my stocking on Christmas morning then I’m cancelling Christmas, and that’s official. We serious foodies never understand why people find it hard to buy gifts for us. I, for one, would be as happy with an excellent Swiss vegetable peeler as I would with a large white truffle. There are so many fabulous seasonal foods on offer this year, it’s hard to know where to start. My list to Santa is so long it would almost certainly start a chimney fire. So get out there and look around. At Recipease there are foods, kitchen and tableware and cookery courses that would make ideal gifts. Beermatt will deliver cases of delicious ales to your loved ones’s door, and if wine is their choice then Love Wine Brighton have some excellent suggestions of wine tastings and wine courses to suit a wide variety of pockets. Brighton Farm Market is jammed with seasonal foodie delights, and any aspiring cook would love a selection of superb ingredients with which to play over the holiday season. At Angel Food Bakery you could select a selection of their seasonal cupcakes or book a cupcake decorating class. The simple truth is that foodies have impeccable taste when it comes to tasty gifts. Now go to Terre à Terre and pick up that hamper!

Angel Food Bakery Share the ‘cake love’ this festive season with Angel Food Bakery's spirited selection of Christmas cupcakes and layer cakes. Flavours include black forest gateaux, praline and mince pie. Prices start at £1.75 for cupcakes and £21.95 for large cakes. Angel Food Bakery, 20 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, BN1 1HB, 01273 208404

Love Wine Membership to Love Wine, £27.50. Plus the first 10 people to join will receive a copy of 101 Wine Regions., 07973 852 872 Brighton Farm Market Crab from Jems Fish. Brighton Farm Market, Diplocks Market, 73 North Road, Brighton, BN1 1YD

Brighton Farm Market A delicious brownie from Baked Bliss. Brighton Farm Market, Diplocks Market, 73 North Road, Brighton, BN1 1YD

Terre à Terre Terre à Terre award-winning Christmas goodies: rum and salt caramel truffles, boozy christmas pudding, organic wine, cheese or mixed hampers and lots more. Terre à Terre, 71 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ,

Riverford Organic Veg An award-winning Riverford Organic Veggie Box will give you the freshest and tastiest produce for your Christmas dinner. Boxes from £8.95. Latest 7 special reader offer: third box free! (Just mention Latest 7 when ordering.), 0845 600 2311

010_LS505_BFM_Seven Editorial 10/12/2010 12:40 Page 2



A festive assortment Farm Christmas Market has all the festive food & gifts you need in one place


his Christmas, bring the heart of the countryside to your festive menu. Since opening its doors on 14 August this year, Brighton's weekly Farm Market has rapidly become a foodie destination for locals and tourists. Building on this success, they will be launching their Farm Christmas Market from Thursday 16 December to Thursday 23 December, opening all day every day and, of course, every Saturday (from 9.30am-4.30pm) leading up to it. Farm Christmas Market will bring together a delicious assortment of seasonal produce from over 20 local farmers, producers and growers, displaying the very best of Sussex food and drink. Embark on a festive gastronomic discovery as you wonder through the sights and smells of the Christmas market stalls to pick out your perfect turkey. Here you can sample

irresistible cupcakes, Chai tea, Christmas puddings, sumptuous Sussex cheese and wine, local ales, artisan breads, home-baked pies, oils, preserves and chutneys, meats and the freshest salmon. Bring the children along and let them choose their perfect – and locally sourced – Christmas tree! There is so much for all the family to taste and sample. The traders are always on hand to give inspiration and advice on how to cook their delicious produce. Browse Flint Owl Bakery, Jessups Farm Sussex Beef and Poultry, Guesses Farm, Lower Pond Farm, Crumbs' seasonal vegetables, Raw Goodies chocolate, Chanctonbury Game, The Cheezerie, Jem's Fresh Fish, Baked Bliss, Simple Cupcakery, Ouse Valley Foods, Ringden Farm, Sussex Gold, Olives & Nuts, The Taste of Calabria, Scent The Florist, Old Plaw Hatch Farm, Brambletye Fruit Farm, and Carters Kitchen. The Jolly Green Cafe (whose chef Andy was head chef at Bills Produce Store for eight years) will also be in attendance serving delicious vegan, vegetarian and wheat free hot and cold food and drinks. Some of the traders from the Brighton Sunday Market will also be present selling festive hand-made gifts and jewellery. There really is something for everyone at Farm Christmas Market. The Farm Kitchen – now famous for its weekly hog roast – will be open all day to revive you, selling mulled wine, mince pies and hot meals using produce from their own farm (Jessups farm) and serving delicious Monmouth Coffee. Make Christmas shopping easy this year and support your local farmers in the process. The market will be closed from Christmas Eve and re-open on Saturday 15 January 2011. Farm Christmas Market, Thursday 16 December-Thursday 23 December and every Saturday leading up to Christmas. Diplocks Yard, 73 North Road, Brighton, BN1 1YD. For the latest information visit or follow on twitter @farmworkerBN1

009_011_LS505_Food Gifts_Seven Editorial 09/12/2010 15:53 Page 5


Beermatt Beermatt for great local ales from Harveys, Dark Star, Hepworths plus many more, delivered direct to your front door. For the festive season try their 12 beers of Christmas for £25, or polypins (beer in a box) and mixed brewery cases. Gift vouchers are also available. Beermatt, 01444 241093,


Recipease Delicious puddings and treats for the festive season Recipease, 72–73 Western Road, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 2HA, 01273 311338

Recipease You'll be spoilt for choice at Recipease by Jamie Oliver! Recipease, 72–73 Western Road, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 2HA, 01273 311338

012_LS505_BrightonCentre_000_LH480_Sussex Blinds 08/12/2010 17:00 Page 1

013_LS505_foodpartnership_015_LS466_food 10/12/2010 15:42 Page 1

Eat, drink & be healthy



The Healthy Choice Award means greater choice & healthier options when it comes to eating out this festive season


he festive season can seem like one endless round of eating out, and we are often surrounded by party food and drink. So much so, that on average people gain about 2kg (5lbs) over Christmas! But the holidays don’t have to be all about over-indulgence and unhealthy food. The Healthy Choice Award funded by Brighton & Hove NHS is a response to customer demand for healthy menu Partnership Sally Gunnell presents a Bestfor the options in the city. Those who want to award (highly commended) h Hodge Healthy Choice award to Juditership) and avoid the annual ‘blow-out’ during the (Brighton & Hove Food Partn & Hove City party season can now identify Healthy Jo Burchell-Collins (Brighton ice Awards Council) at the Public Serv Choice restaurants and cafés by the bright red and green window sticker. “This time of year doesn’t have to be about ‘eating now and paying for it later’ – and restaurants and cafés can help customers by providing healthy options that are low in salt, sugar and fat,” says Judith Hodge, Healthy Choice co-ordinator at the Brighton & Hove Food Partnership. “Every little bit helps, such as offering sauces like gravy on the side, vegetables without butter glazes, and low fat custard or crème fraiche to accompany puddings. Making small changes across the board can

improve the nutritional content of the food being served.” The Healthy Choice Award isn’t about restricting or preventing anyone eating the foods they enjoy. It’s about improving choice in all restaurants and making it easier for people to choose healthy options, if that is what they want. The Healthy Choice Award is about great food and even greater choice! So, whenever you are eating out in town, look out for the Healthy Choice sticker – it’s the sign of healthier food. For more information about Healthy Choice cafés or restaurants, or if you are a catering business, visit or call 01273 292161 (Brighton & Hove City Council Food Safety Team).

000_LS505_LMB-NYE_Layout 1 08/12/2010 13:07 Page 1

015_LS505_food _015_LS466_food 10/12/2010 13:25 Page 3



Food & Drink Andrew Kay rejoices at having The Ginger Dog right on his doorstep

Best in show T

elling readers that a Ginger restaurant is good is probably preaching to the converted. Few local food lovers would deny that since Ben Keller and his wife Pamela started The Ginger Man in Norfolk Square they have set the very highest standards. When they opened The Ginger Pig we all flocked there and queued, and we didn’t care about the wait because we knew the food was good. It was the same at The Ginger Fox, and when news of The Ginger Dog surfaced the residents of Kemp Town were delighted. The Ginger Dog is almost my local; I live only three minutes away. This means it is a real and terrible temptation. Should I make some lunch or should I pop into The Ginger Dog and have something? I can be easily led by my own suggestions and have found myself there of a lunchtime on a few occasions. Once, I had a very delicious fish pie. On my next visit I had two starters: salt and pepper squid and crispy pig’s head. So good was the crispy pig’s head that I found myself digging out the laptop and tweeting on the spot. What I love is a menu featuring meals I don’t cook at home. This, for me, raises the score every time. There is little chance these days that you will find me boiling up a whole pig’s head and picking the meat out. Although on second thoughts, I could also make a pot of brawn while I was at it.

but not art on a plate as you do get a proper dinner. To finish Mr R fell for a sticky toffee creation, no surprises there, and no disappointment either. I chose a chocolate lime custard tart, fine pastry, lined with good chocolate and then filled with lime curd, all served with superb passion fruit ice cream. Starters cost between £5.50 and £6, mains from £10.50 to £17 and puds between £5.50 and £6 again. Always check the blackboard for specials too and please book – it’s not huge and I’d hate for you to be disappointed. As well as the pub dining room they also have a private dining room for up to 22 people and can cater for parties and weddings. The Ginger Dog, 12 College Place, Brighton, BN2 1HN, 01273 620990, Which Ginger restaurant is your favourite?

light bites A RELIGION

Mr R and I went along “So good was the crispy to The Ginger Dog for dinner on a cold evening pig’s head I found myself when we were both feeling less than 100 per tweeting on the spot” cent. A good meal is, in my book, the best pickme-up, and the closeness meant I could enjoy a few glasses of wine rather than just the usual one. I took no time in ordering my starter - fritto misto of lamb’s offal simply leapt off the page. And my word it was good: kidney, liver and sweetbreads in fine breadcrumbs with delicious kohlrabi remoulade and an excellent salsa verde on the side. It was hearty, robust even, but also looked pretty. Mr R chose clam chowder and was impressed that something so rich could also be quite light. It looked superb and the clams were nice and fat. I didn’t taste one but he grinned as he ate them. My main course or roast pheasant breast was delicious. I chose it because it came with sprouts and for me that is a good enough reason. But when you add perfectly cooked game, excellent stuffing and sauce, and creamy parsnip puree, it was a clear winning choice. I would have like a few game chips perhaps but that would be greed and not need. Mr R had squid stuffed with spiced Italian cotechino sausage braised and served with puy lentils, wilted rocket and rouille. It was hearty stuff and he loved it, although he didn’t warm to the rouille – but I did. It also looked very comical, cartoon like, and I like that about their food – it’s nice to look at

Whilst churches are seeing ever decreasing numbers in their congregations, L’Eglise in Hove is seeing ever increasing numbers of fans who are, quite frankly, making something of a religion out of it. Locals and not so locals alike are drawn to the warm friendly atmosphere created by the family team of JeanChristophe, Julia and their son, and the delicious and honest French cuisine they offer at very affordable prices. I was delighted when I heard a rumour that they might open a second branch closer to home and popped in to find out more. The rumour was in part true: they had been considering an expansion. But after careful consideration they have decided to concentrate on the mother ship. "Given the economy right now we knew that we had to consolidate our business here in Hove," Jean told me. That doesn’t mean Jean's plans have been ditched. On the contrary, he is as ambitious as ever. In the coming months expect to see L’Eglise offering not only delicious food to eat in but an increasing number of delicacies to take home. Whilst there I sampled

some delicious truffle infused honey, which Jean sourced in Paris and is importing himself. The honey is a sensational mix of sweetness and earthy flavours and is superb when served as a dressing on a soft cheeses like brie.

Jean-Christophe Martin

There are other delights to come, along with the foods prepared by the chefs in their own kitchen. I left with some marvelous wild mushrooms that had been cooked very slowy in good olive oil and then sealed in a sterilised jar. If these are the sign pf things to come then L’Eglise looks set for a very delicious Christmas and a tasty new year . L’Eglise 196 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2DJ, 01273 220868, follow me on twitter


016_LS505_Hotlist_Hotlist 09/12/2010 16:31 Page 2



L7 Hotlist Eateries and bars catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit American

The Restaurant At Drakes

Enjoy fabulous American-inspired food – including mammoth home-made burgers (beef, chicken and vegetarian), locally smoked ribs and sizzling steaks – at Rock & Roller. Upstairs you’ll find an entire floor dedicated to pool, with five tables to choose from. Join the Pool Loyalty Scheme – play nine hours and get a tenth hour free. 95 Western Rd, Brighton, BN1 2LB, 01273 710014,

With an air of relaxed glamour, exemplary service and the finest modern European cuisine in town, the 2AA Rosette fine-dining restaurant provides the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Two courses for £29; three courses for £39; fivecourse Gourmet Chef’s Taster Menu for £50 and the Christmas Party Menu for £40. Private dining room with designated waiter for up to 12 people. 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934,

British & modern European



Gars Restaurant

Rock & Roller

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

The Dyke

Superb rustic Tuscan menu mingled with English classics. Locally sourced or organic ingredients and rapidly gaining a reputation as one of Brighton’s most stylish eateries. One side is a proper pub with excellent real ales and log fire; the other a very grown-up stylish restaurant. It’s very child (and dog!) friendly too, and has a big garden for those late summer evenings. Lunch 12pm–3pm; dinner 6.30pm–9.45pm. 218 Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 555672,

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321,

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

Moshi Moshi

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs. No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude: everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm. 10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415

Indian Chaula’s

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

The Chilli Pickle

Winner of two AA Rosette awards, The Chilli Pickle is an Indian bistro in the heart of the North Lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of Thalis, Kathi Kebabs and the ever popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian Beers, Original IPA, luxury loose teas and a well thought out wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824,

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to

politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477,

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135,

Japanese Moshi Moshi

Is there a better and cooler place to eat Japanese in Brighton? We don’t think so, and neither do Moshi Moshi’s ever-growing fan base. Their sushi is fantastic, the service great, and they’ve won a brace of awards for their work in fish conservation. If you’re not yet a Moshi member, you’re missing out: their 50% off on Moshi Mondays are a phenomenom. Opticon, Bartholomew Square, Brighton, BN1 1JS, 01273 719195,

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we're open every day, so come down and “gin yur yur” (eat a lot!) 8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226, 


Sawadee Thai Restaurant has been offering a warm welcome on St James’s Street to regular customers and new visitors to Brighton for nearly 10 years. Their experienced Thai chefs cook to order, so every dish is freshly made and comes to your table straight from wok or grill. The menu features plenty of seafood, simple grilled meats, traditional thai curries and tasty stir-fry dishes. Their set menus and lunch platters are a great way to try lots of different Thai tastes. 87 St James’s Street, Brighton, BN2 1TP, 01273 624233,

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

015_LS505_health Kettlebells_Revitalise 10/12/2010 09:45 Page 3



28 days fitter Natasha Prochaski is up and at ’em for Christian Vila’s Guaranteed Results Bootcamp


he Guaranteed Results Bootcamp is a 28 day weight-loss programme led by super-fit Kettlebells expert Christian Vila. Christian is so confident about the regime that he guarantees results or you get your money back. I was invited along to experience this first-hand and see if Christian is putting his money where his mouth is! The bootcamp combines regular kettlebell training and other fun exercises, indoors and outdoors (when the weather permits), and a strict elimination diet which detoxes the body and must be followed throughout the full programme. At the first meeting I joined 19 others at Cheetahs Gym on Hove seafront for the dreaded weigh in. Christian does not focus on weight though – as he points out, muscle weighs more than fat, so instead he concentrates on body mass index (BMI) and inch loss. After the weigh in, the elimination diet was explained: no caffeine, sugar, alcohol, wheat or dairy - and no artificial additives. This is a vey strict diet regime, and it was reassuring to see that I was not the only one who appeared more than a little worried about the next four weeks! The science behind it is to rid the body of toxins, which make us lethargic and tired. At the end of the programme, toxins are gradually introduced one by one, to see their effect on the body. We were warned the diet would be tough; we would feel tired and irritable for the first few days, but this would soon pass and we'd be full of energy. Fingers crossed! Attendees also had to commit to at least three training sessions per week, Typical Day’s Menu with Mondays being compulsory as these consisted of dietary advice and for people Breakfast: Porridge Oats, to share their thoughts and experiences. Live Yoghurt, 1 Egg (any style) The kettlebells sessions were divided Snack: 1/2 cup of mixed nuts between Cheetahs gym and ZT Fitness and seeds, 1 apple near Hove Station, with each lasting an Lunch: Chicken Salad hour. A kettlebell is a cast iron weight that looks like a cannonball with a handle Snack: Banana, 1/2 cup attached to it. These are utilized in a series of natural yoghurt of exercises. The sessions were always Dinner: Grilled Salmon, fast paced and demanded a lot of energy new potatoes, steamed veg but Christian and the other trainers were Snack: Pear all positive, which kept the class motivated and the sessions fun. By the end of the programme everyone was more energetic and looked so much fitter than when we first met. 28 days of ridding toxins from the body, eating healthily and regular exercise certainly makes a difference! At the final weigh in, my BMI had gone down and I’d lost over a kilo in fat! I was also feeling fit, refreshed, and my skin and hair were looking the best they had in years. Results across the whole group had seen people losing on average 5kg in weight and two inches from their waist, while the biggest loser lost an impressive 9kg (20lbs) and three inches off her waist, which won her a month of kettlebell training! So... what next? The diet is difficult at first, but a lot of it does make sense: losing processed foods and artificial additives from your daily intake can never be a bad thing. Otherwise, Christian encourages you to slowly reintroduce the banned foods to see how they affect your body - some of them you may not want to reintroduce at all. The next bootcamp is the 'New Year - New You Programme' in January 2011, starting Saturday 8 January. Places cost £120 (with limited spaces at £90) where the biggest loser will win their bootcamp fees back. Kettlebells Bootcamp: 07876 558850,


ONLY JOKING! | COMPETITIONS A kind word from an old man has the value of a watercress battering-ram. – Japanese Proverb

In & Out

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Older men are more considerate; they have to be. – Mae West

The Bare Cheek quotation corner

The nut that has grown wizened on the tree – Proverbs


Bare cheek

I’m so old I don’t even remember when I started saying this. – George Burns


es, quotations, or “quotes” as some people call them, almost as if they’re going to do something useful with the 1.02 nanoseconds they’ve saved by abbreviating the word, can be an invaluable resource. They’re handy for slightly-dull best man’s speeches, school prize days, and simply to make you look very clever. So we’d like to present a choice selection of ones we’ve just made up and attributed to the famous. THIS WEEK'S TOPIC: AGEING A woman in her 40s is like a trouser press: useful, practical, humble, a little outmoded, homely, inexpensive, pleasant company, and, moreover, good for pressing trousers. And there’s one readily available in every hotel room. – Oscar Wilde (last words)

In • The Jolson Story • The Five Pennies

What we used to say

When I was young they called me callow, when I was middle-aged they called me stodgy, and when I was old they called me obsolete. Now I am very elderly, and I seem to spend every minute of the day in the crapper. – H. L Mencken If you can’t get old, get evil. – Dorothy Parker (probably) All old men begin as young men, but not all young men grow old. – Winston Churchill

An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms.

• The Secret Life Of

Walter Mitty • Geordie

• The Franchise Affair • Born Free • Mandy

Out • Jolson Sings Again • Penny Serenade

WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Window of opportunity”

• The Naked Jungle

A spectacularly inefficient use of words employed, ironically enough, by people trying to suggest they have a packed schedule. If Britain’s managers ditched half the jargon they have developed over the last decade there would be a dramatic rise in productivity.

• Elephant Walk

• Road To Bali • The Guide To The

Married Man • Random Harvest



Crabb’d age; the merry light that brings Wisdom to fools, mercy to kings. And to the husband and his lass It brings a steadfast bond, alas! – Carlos the Jackal


018_LS505_Bare Cheek/comps_000_LS467_cheeky/stars 10/12/2010 15:35 Page 2


COMPETITIONS DA DOO RON RON MOTOWN XMAS PARTY Da Doo Ron Ron celebrate their 13th Xmas shindig with a dancefloor-friendly cool Yule ball spinning nothing but Tamla Motown tunes – from 1959 to the mid ‘70s. Join the disco divas and dancing dudes on Saturday 18 December, 11pm–3am, at Brighton’s Komedia. Don’t forget your mistletoe. Q Which ‘Diana’ sang with The Supremes?


Thanks to Brighton Dome and Festival’s associate sponsor of Family Theatre, Southern Water, we have five family tickets to BreakThru Films’ Oscarwinning animation of Prokofiev's Peter And The Wolf, which gets the bigscreen treatment in a special Christmas concert on 21 December at Brighton Dome. Accompanied by an orchestral score and newly commissioned script, this UK premiere production reworks Prokofiev's timeless masterpiece with ingenious new twists. Q Which ‘Fox’ played Scott Howard in Teenwolf?


Wanna smell nice while watching a boootylicious diva? Win Beyoncé’s I Am...World Tour on DVD plus a bottle of her gorgeous new perfume, Heat. I Am...World Tour weaves together peak concert and tour footage from different shows worldwide, rare footage, personal Beyoncé moments, and appearances by Kanye West and Jay-Z. Take it to the bridge, girlfriend. Q Who is Beyoncé married to?


with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Friday 17 December, apart from Beyoncé which is Monday 27 December.

019_LS505_celebcity_Celebcity 10/12/2010 15:12 Page 1



Celebcity with Jo Brooks Jo goes to Hollywood, plus ex-Mrs Sly Stallone, Stars On Canvas, and Big Brother’s golden couple return

The LA lifestyle

STARS ON CANVAS Brighton artist Julie-Anne Gilburt teamed up with national charity The Willow Foundation create the ‘Stars On Canvas’ exhibition, which took place at London’s Catto Gallery, London. Well known faces from the worlds of sport, music and entertainment displayed their artistic skills by creating artwork, which was then exhibited and sold to raise funds for the charity. Special guests at the launch include Ricky Gervais, Ian Wright, Brighton's celebrity vet Marc Abraham and MP for Hove and Portslade Mike Weatherley – pictured here with the Honey Monster! Photos by Diana Frangi, Tammy Lancaster and Casey Gutteridge



man, Alex all-round lovely mobbed by Winters being a ga Worthing to ng of kids in wn where he is centre, playi Aladdin. ng

Due to the dramatic snowfall last week, the planned Brighton visit of Big Brother 11 winner, Josie Gibson was postponed. But I can announce here that the visit is back on and it’s twice as exciting! As not only will Josie be attending the fan event at Donatello in Brighton Square, she will be accompanied by John James, her BB boyfriend! John, who has never visited Brighton before, will be signing copies of his 2011 calendar. For your chance to meet the pair, who starred in a Channel 5 documentary earlier this year, get yourself along to Donatello from 5pm on Wednesday 15 December. The pair are touring the UK until Saturday 18 December, after which I’m sure they will be having a well earned rest for Christmas.

Ian Wright

Ricky Gervais, Marc Abraham Image: Graham Franks

t really has been a globe-trotting week for JBPR: as the rest of the office sped off to Paris on the Eurostar to party with French film distributors, I headed back to my favourite American city, Los Angeles. Regular readers will remember that my last visit to Hollywood coincided with the eruption of Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajökull. I am delighted to say that this time, I got out of town unscathed, but the trip was no less eventful. The drive to the airport was pretty terrifying as the early winter blizzards set in (skidding on the M23 was not the nicest experience I have ever had!) The shimmer of the Terminal 5 building was a welcome sight. It was from there I made the long journey to California to attend this year’s IDA Awards (Independent Documentary Awards) at the Film Director’s Guild of America. The chi-chi pre drinks party, sponsored by The Economist, buzzed with excitement. The cocktail of the night was completely indescribable, so I opted for some white wine. The IDAs were fronted by all American filmmaker Morgan Spurlock (pictured), who I had met earlier in the year at the Sundance Film Festival. SPOTT After the awards we headed to the amazing rooftop Panto season ED! (“oh yes it is! is upon us location of Soho House overlooking the glittering already spot ”) and I have lights of the Los Angeles Valley! presenter an ted CBeebies d

SPOTTED! Looking very glamorous in The Grand Hotel was actress and former Mrs Sly Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen. Brigitte, who is in the UK to appear on Loose Women, won my heart with her star turn in Celebrity Big Brother. My favourite moment of the show was when she was lovingly reunited in a confined space with her ex mother-in-law, Jackie ‘yeah Jackie’ Stallone.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city?

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to

follow me on twitter


10% service will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday, until end of December 2010, excluding Bank Holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.

020_021_LS505_holidayonice_015_LS466_food 09/12/2010 16:29 Page 2



Andrew Kay eagerly awaits Energia, the exciting new show from Holiday On Ice


n a spectacularly ironic act of God, snow and ice prevented me from seeing Energia in Amsterdam before the entire production ships into town for the annual season at The Brighton Centre. This will be my 10th Holiday On Ice show, and over the years my love for the company has grown and grown. In the early days I loved the sheer camp frivolity of the shows. That and the excellence of the international skating – some of it from Olympic champions. Today, a Holiday on Ice show is a sparkling cocktail of the very best

ingredients: cutting-edge live entertainment technology, superb stage and costume design, cleverly conceived shows, brilliant choreography, and, of course, the very best skating athletes and dancers to be found. The new show, Energia, promises to be more extravagant, more exhilarating and more spectacular than anything ever before staged on ice! A revolutionary three-dimensional setting will whisk you into a great universe where planets spin around you in glorious colours and spectrums

of light. On the ice below, the skating elite perform breathtaking feats that will have you on the edge of your seat. The company of over 40 international skaters take you through the story of our universe, beginning with an exploding Supernova, continuing with the creation of mankind on Earth and visiting the romantic Venus and Neptune’s fishy underworld along the way. There’s a passionate Sun and Moon Tango and a Bollywood-style celebration of Diwali, the annual Festival of Lights! Colour and excitement combine with scintillating choreography, magnificent costumes representing the planets, constellations and all living creatures of the Earth. The music has been composed especially for Energia, and adorable clowns, Ein and Stein, provide off-the-planet humour.

020_021_LS505_holidayonice_015_LS466_food 09/12/2010 16:29 Page 3



HOLIDAY ON ICE THE FACTS: Holiday on Ice has achieved 67 consecutive years of traveling ice entertainment in multiple countries. The 2010-2011 season will see 323 million visitors In December 1943, their first ever performance was in Toledo, Ohio, USA. Since that day they have produced 94 different ice shows with 53,000 performances since that date. Holiday on Ice has visited 620 cities in more than 80 countries across five continents. RECORDS OVER THE PAST SEVEN DECADES: 1988: Most watched show of all time with 250 million visitors 1994: Longest kick-line in the world' 2003: Most watched show of all time with 300 million visitors 2008: The most visited show in the world 2008: World’s largest Pin Wheel (all recognised by Guinness World Records)

“Holiday on Ice is a sparkling cocktail of cutting-edge technology, superb design, brilliant choreography and the very best skating athletes and dancers” There will all the fabulous ice feats, from perilous Death Spiral back flips to triple axles and throw jumps. And if you thought you’d seen everything, think again: this year a stilt walker will skate while juggling with fire and clowns will jump through blazing hoops! It seems like a long wait until the show’s opening night on 11 January, but I am already booked in for the exciting first night. They promise a show that will thrill and enthral from the minute you sit in your seats to the mind-blowing finale. I am sure they will once again deliver! Holiday on Ice: Energia, The Brighton Centre, 11–30 January, from £24 for adults, £12 all children,(one free ticket for every 20 tickets bought as a group), 0844 847 1538 (booking fee),

Each year, Holiday on Ice has: 250 skaters and 120 crew members appearing in five shows simultaneously touring three continents, visiting 110 cities and towns in 20 countries giving 1,100 performances! Phew! After 67 years, Holiday on Ice has featured: 6,000 skaters 12 Olympic Medallists Five Guinness World Records 26,320 costumes 144,760m2 fabric 15,322 hats and wigs 3,301 km2 ice

022_025_LS505_previews_editorial 09/12/2010 16:16 Page 2



L7 Previews

British institution of the pub. Upstairs at Three and Ten, Monday 20 December, 8pm, £6/5, 07800 983 290,


EVENTS: BABY LOVES DISCO Baby Loves Disco gives mums and dads the chance to hit the dancefloor with their little ones. This is grown-up music at a child-friendly volume! Current resident DJ, Mark Wright, plays the perfect mix of oldschool disco and fun-time pop for all ages to boogie to. Komedia, Sunday 19 December, 2pm–5pm, £8, 0845 293 8480,

Andrew Kay relishes a second chance to see Brighton Festival’s success story, The Diva In Me


ith so many theatre productions on offer, it’s hard to know in advance what to book but no less galling when a show gets huge amounts of attention. The Diva In Me was one such show. It caused a storm when it was previewed as a platform performance at this year's Brighton Festival. There were full houses, standing ovations, an Angel Award and a nomination for Best Actress in our own Latest Awards for this show. The good news is, you can now see the show as the full production gets its premiere run at Brighton Dome. So what was all the fuss about? Well, Philippa has the ‘X factor’. But she was born in the wrong place (Coventry), at the wrong time (about 40 years too late for the golden era of musicals). She grows up and she falls in love; she gets married and she has a baby. All the ordinary things, but inside, Philippa is still a diva. Then one day her husband leaves her, her best friend dies and that ‘X factor’ becomes a hideous ‘ex factor’... Billed as a funny and moving antidote to celebrity meltdown, The Diva In Me was written by Charlotte Jones and stars Philippa Stanton (and Bjork, Amy Winehouse, Eartha Kitt, Judy Garland...) With pantos in every town, this sounds like the perfect antidote to forced festive merriment. Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, Wednesday 15 to Saturday 18 December, 8pm (doors 7.15pm), £10/8, 01273 709709, follow me on twitter


THEATRE: IDA BARR – LAST CHRISTMAS (POSSIBLY) “Live each day as though it’s your last,” some yoga-type said. Well, Ida Barr is certainly treating this Xmas as though it were. And if previous shows are anything to go by, Ida’s certainly going out with a bang. Or what she might describe as “A rather smashing Yuletide theatrical happening for the Brighton massive”. For those unfortunates who have never caught the outrageous antics of East London’s most rebellious senior citizen, brace yourselves. Ida is a former music hall singer who’s embraced hip-hop and rap. Yes, you read that right. She’s just been heard on JayZ's new album on the song ‘Joined At The Hip (Hop)’. She’s been called ‘Lady Gaga meets Lord Haw Haw’, and now she’s put together a Christmas extravaganza. With a mixture of music, comedy and gentle interactive fun, an Ida Barr show is bound to deliver a delicious medley of tasty delights and bad taste jokes too. Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, Monday 20 to Friday 24 December 8pm (Mon–Thu), 7pm (Fri). (23 Dec performance is Sign Language Interpreted.) £12.50, 01273 709709 THEATRE: OPTIC Lecoq-trained company Rhum and Clay return to Brighton with their hit show, Optic. Using only mime, acrobatics and three pint glasses, Optic takes a skewed look at the

EVENTS: VIVE LA FRANCE! 2011 Do you want something to really look forward to in the New Year? Melting Vinyl, in association with Bureau Export and Les Inrockuptibles, welcomes an impressive collection of French musicians for the third annual Vive La France! festival. Four venues (Komedia, The Basement, Duke of York’s and The Hope) provide outlets for a mix of explosive indie/pop, enchanting chanson and Frenchinfused world music guaranteed to impress both connoisseurs and newcomers to the scene. 27–29 January, tickets available from Rounder Records on 01273 325440 and Resident: 01273 606312,

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: On your mobile:

022_025_LS505_previews_editorial 10/12/2010 14:58 Page 3


MUSIC: MAXIMALISM Jeff Hemmings takes it to the max


Elecric Six

Bella Hardy

MUSIC: ELECTRIC SIX Six-piece Detroit-based band whose high octane fusion of garage, disco, punk, new wave and metal continues to hit the sweet spot. Best known for their hits ‘Danger! High Voltage’ and ‘Gay Bar’, they have released a stream of other inventive hits too. Catch them now. Concorde 2, 14 December, 7.30pm, £10 Madness

joined by guitarist Anna Massie (who plays with Blazin’ Fiddles and The Unusual Suspects) and concertina player Chris Sherburn (Last Night’s Fun). Ropetackle Centre, 17 December, Shoreham, 8pm, £10

MUSIC: MADNESS Following the success of their last album, The Liberty Of Norton Folgate, the Nutty Boys will be airing some new material as well as a bunch of their classic tunes. Brighton Centre, 15 December, 6.30pm, £35

CLUBS: THE POP KRAFT CHRISTMAS CRACKER Trim your holly bush and prepare for a naughty celebration of all things festive, including the chance to have a rummage in Santa’s sack at this fantabulous gay night. And as if things couldn’t get any more exciting, there will be music from all the biggest names in the world of pop. Brighton Ballroom, 18 December, 9.30pm–2am, £8/6

MUSIC: BELLA HARDY This three-time nominee in the BBC Radio 2 Folk Awards brings her Bright Morning Star tour to Shoreham, featuring a repertoire of seasonal treats, as well as songs from her two critically acclaimed albums Night Visiting and In The Shadow Of Mountains. She’ll be

CLUBS: LATIN FEVER Reggaeton, funky house, pop chart, R’n’B, tropical and dancehall, and a Mojito bar where Latin beats, salsa, merengue and bachata rule! A brand new twist that will keep your booty shaking to funky, groovy beats. Honey Club, 14 December, 10pm–3am, £4/3

oncorde 2 is host to a fantastic night featuring some of Brighton’s best and most high profile bands. Organised by The Electric Soft Parade’s Tom and Alex White, and named after (in a fashion) Tom’s solo album The Maximalist, which was released earlier this year, Maximalism has been set up in aid of The Martlets Hospice, a Sussex-based charity that provides end of life care services to adults. “This gig will mark the first Electric Soft Parade show since the band went on hiatus in early 2008,” say the brothers. “Whether this reformation will result in glorious harmony or wibbling rivalry remains to be seen!" Brighton music legends, Tom and his brother Alex have been making music since they Electric Soft Parade were kids. They released their first album as The Feltro Media in 1999 when they were still in their early teens. They released their second album, Holes In The Wall, as The Electric Soft Parade. This was nominated for the Mercury Music Prize in 2002. In recent years they have been spending much of their time as full-time members of local band Brakes, releasing solo albums and working on numerous projects such as The Pipettes. The Concorde 2 gig will also feature one of Brighton’s biggest bands, British Sea Power, along with Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster and supergroup The Pure Conjecture, made up of members of the aforementioned bands plus members of The Hazey Janes, The Tenderfoot, 30 Pounds of Bone and others. DJ support comes from The Mystery Jets and others. Acts from further afield are also on the bill: “When considering what bands we’d like to get involved, there was really no hesitation that Field Music were an absolute must. Having created three consecutive albums of some of the most complex, original avant-rock this country has ever produced, this was a bit of a no-brainer. We just had to have the Brewis brothers! “Racking our brains for bands that would also fit the Maximalism idea, The Chap immediately came to mind. Fusing Dadaist lyrics, laptop glitch and hard rock, this London group are true pioneers of their own damn thang!” So, why The Martlets Hospice? “The work the staff at The Martlets Hospice do is absolutely essential and extremely important. Without it, many would spend their last weeks and months without vital support. It is also worth noting the help and support all families of patients receive. In short, these are amazing people, and we would like to give something back.” Maximalism, Wednesday 15 December, Concorde 2, 6pm–2am, £20 follow me on twitter


TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: On your mobile: BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 698989

Dine for


2 courses & a glass of wine OR

25% off total food bill from A La Carte Menu Terms and conditions: Excludes Saturdays and Bank Holidays. 1 voucher for up to 6 people. BRING THIS VOUCHER. Please book in advance.

To advertise here costs only £20 Call Natasha now!

01273 818150 ext 105

022_025_LS505_previews_editorial 10/12/2010 14:59 Page 4



COMEDY: XMAS GERMAN MARKET Victoria Nangle gets stuck into Henning and Otto’s German Christmas Do


fter last year’s successful cultural exchange at Brighton Festival with Henning Wehn and Otto Kuhnle’s 1000 Years Of German Humour, it was of little surprise that they’d be back again before too long with more idiosyncratic and intelligent laughter for us. Henning Wehn will already be familiar to Radio 4 listeners, apearing on The Unbelievable Truth, The Now Show and other panel shows. His partner and fellow cultural educator, Otto Kuhnle (a surprisingly impressive musician), plays his supporting funny man. Together, they both play with and break down German stereotypes popular in the UK. It’s far funnier than I make it sound! It’s intelligent, bright and fun, with that edge that nobody else is doing it. You won’t have heard it before. As it’s the Christmas season the pair have rather generously decided to treat us to an authentic German Christmas Do, and all that entails. That’s comedy, carols and anything else that tickles their fancy. The carol list includes such greats as ‘Oh Tannenbaum’, ‘Stille Nacht – heilige Nacht’, and 'Klingglöckchen klingelingelingelingelingelingelingeling’. Can you even say it?! But don’t worry, you don’t have to speak a word of German to enjoy this show. Just laugh lots, sing and drink the beer. If you don’t have a warm glowing feeling of a festive Hamberg beer hall by the time you leave, I’ll eat my woolly hat. Henning and Otto’s German Christmas Do, Komedia, 14–15 December, 8pm, £12, follow me on twitter

Rosie Wilby Teakshow


COMEDY: TEAKSHOW'S TWISTED SKETCHES The critically accalimed sketch duo take you to the edge and back again with their manically highenergy performance. Just the thing to get you out of the house and away from the Christmas barrage! The Brunswick, 15 December, 8pm, £5

Foster and Joseph Kenny – it’s a cracking unmissable night. Prince Arthur pub, 16 December, 8.30pm, free COMEDY: LAUGHING HORSE COMEDY CLUB Just a reminder of the weekend stand-up comedy at the Clock Tower. It’s easily taken for granted. This Saturday the delights come from Andrew Watts, Rosie Wilby, Jay Sodagar, Lewis Bryan and Adam Tempest. With resident compere Sajeela Kershi. Late bar until 2am. Enjoy. The Quadrant, 18 December, 8.30pm, £6/5

Aidan Goatley

COMEDY: CHRISTMAS COMEDY @ THE PRINCE ARTHUR Just off Western Road, up that little bit by McDonald’s, you’ll find this lovely little pub having a big Christmas celebration. With mince pies, crackers, two beautiful comperes in Aidan Goatley and Shannon Hommel suitably festively attired, plus a cracking line-up of Keiron Nicholson, Anthony Ayton, Wayne Connolly, Alex Love, Joe

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: On your mobile:

0844 504 0004

Established since May 2009, our Kemp Town-based security services have flourished due to our customer service approach to licensed venue security. If you're looking for SIA licensed Door Supervisors and/or 24hr mobile response call us for a free quotation and free security advice. – security you can depend on! Enquiries:

022_025_LS505_previews_editorial 10/12/2010 15:43 Page 5

Supported by



representations of Israel and Palestine. University of Brighton Gallery, Grand Parade, 01273 643101. Until 20 January 2011

Madeline Strindberg

ART: OVER WHERE An exhibition exploring the complexities of the historical and current situation of Israel and Palestine through the language of video installation and painting. Over Where brings together visual artists Madeleine Strindberg and Judy Price who both explore

FILM: BURLESQUE (TBC) Dir: Steve Antin Cinderella with tassles and choreography, perhaps. Ali is a small town girl new to LA who gets a job as a waitress in an ailing burlesque theatre. Her dream is to move from the footlights to centre stage, saving the club and her newfound friends’ livlihoods. Will she manage it? Feathers fly. Sorry... Starring Christina Aguilera and Cher. Showing at Duke of York’s Picturehouse, Odeon and Cineworld For full details of film times:

FILM: TRON: LEGACY 3D (PG) Director: Joseph Kosinski


treat for any fan of the original 1982 version. Tron saw hacker Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) abducted into a ‘hi-tech’ world of the computer and forced to compete in gladiatorial trials, only to be helped by a heroic security progam. Who knew McAfee was such a swell guy? Sorry, that was Tron... Fast forward almost 30 years and Kevin’s son, Sam (Garrett Hedlund), is a world famous video game developer. Quite frankly, huge. Kevin mysteriously disappeared 27 years ago and hasn’t been seen since, and while we may have an inkling as to where he’s been, we’ve got information Sam hasn’t so he’s understandably confused by the whole absence thing. It’s not as if there’s a box for ‘abducted by technology’ in the Child Support Agency forms. Anyway, back to the plot. Sam receives a strange signal that leads him into the world in which his father has been trapped. Together they are caught in a life-or-death journey as they try to escape thier digital universe, battling a ruthless enemy and encountering new vehicles, landscapes and weapons they’d never before imagined. Also starring Bruce Boxleitner, Olivia Wilde and Michael Sheen. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Listings


Send your stage listings to: Send your comedy listings to: Send your events listings to: Send your arts listings to: Send your music listings to: Send your club listings to: Send your gay listings to:

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: On your mobile:

024_LS505_sports-TV column _024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 10/12/2010 12:30 Page 2



L7 Sport


814– 20 DECEMBER8

Up the Albion!

Telly Talk

Mark Brailsford gears up for BHAFC Vs Pompey

With Victoria Nangle


Holistic legacy

o, were you up for the cup? Luckily the Albion have got past their nonleague opponents FC United of Manchester, to set up a delicious sounding tie against local rivals Portsmouth in the FA Cup third round. The replay played at Gigg Lane, Bury’s home ground, was full of atmosphere but little “Brighton are on the incident and class told in the end. Once a practically full up and Portsmouth are strength Albion side started to play their way around the struggling club” their spirited yet limited opponents, the result had an inevitable look about it. So, onto the next round. The fact is that Portsmouth are not seen in the same light as they once were (or should that be the same darkness?) thanks to their well documented financial difficulties. In days of lore, there was a heated and pulsating cup tie when Albion beat Pompey 1-0 at the Goldstone. At the time Portsmouth were a high-flying club with Paul Walsh leading the line. But The Albion won that gritty and tense game, and the Pompey fans were not happy, having dominated the game. As for both clubs and their status, the tables have now been turned. Brighton are on the up and Portsmouth are the struggling club, unable to develop their ground, with no money and a fall from the top division that threatens to spiral out of control. They almost went out of business, which would have been a shame. Sound familiar? Fortunately, Albion are not in that position any more, and who would bet against our pass-and-move game being more than a match for a Portsmouth team sitting mid-table in the league above? Could be an absolute cracker and then, who knows? A Premier League team in the next round? I bet it’s Crawley though. (Groan.)


Three new players to sign in the upcoming transfer window is the latest rumour doing the rounds. Albion need a left winger, capable of opening up games to create the chances we’ve been lacking since LuaLua got injured. Two players have been mentioned in dispatches: Craig Noone of Plymouth and Monkhouse of Hartlepool. There was some mention of a “fantastic signing” by Poyet a few weeks ago but this didn’t materialise. Perhaps January will see us get a very pleasant surprise in the form of Premier League calibre signing. Although my money would be on Noone – mainly because I’d love to sing the song ‘I’m Into Something Good’ by Herman’s Hermits when he scores the inevitable debut goal.


Thank you for not choosing England to host the World Cup in 2018. It’s not a proper World Cup unless it’s in a faraway place with sunshine, beer and with England knocked out in the quarter-finals on penalties at the hands of a dastardly referee. What some people are forgetting is that the next World Cup is in Brazil in 2014. Now that’s a country to have a World Cup. Probably my last though, as I don’t fancy Russia and Qatar sounds like heatstroke waiting to happen. Besides, can you honestly imagine watching a World Cup match in Milton Keynes? Bring on the caipirinhas and the dancing Brazilians, I say. Now where did I put my thong? I can now save my money and spend it on watching a proper sporting contest: namely league football; watching the Albion; and England dismantling the Aussies in the Ashes. You can keep it, Mr Blatter, I think you’re rich enough without the likes of me adding to your swollen coffers.



long time ago, in a radio studio far, far away, Douglas Adams’ much-lauded radio series and subsequent cult literary canon began with the recording of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. Thus a following began. A following not just of HHGTTG, but also, surprisingly, of the writer himself: Douglas Adams. I’m not saying he’s not worthy, I’m just saying that should you try and name one other radio comedy drama writer from 20 years ago, you’ll be hard pushed. Douglas Adams is a phenomenon. He’s written five books of a comedic science fiction trilogy, inspired a fifth to be written, and vilified by some – such is the demand and the devotion – as well as writing invented dictionaries for words that should exist but don’t, investigating endangered animals and creating his own adventure computer game. The late departed Douglas Adams was a bust chap. Which brings us on to Dirk Gently. Dirk Gently, the anti-hero of two of Adams’ post-HHGTTG novels, is as cherished as his other creations. Just not as high profile. He’s an holistic detective, which we all know means that everything is interconnected. It’s a bizarre method of detecting, but allows for copious amounts of possibly fraudulent expenses claims. This is the initial pilot (fingers crossed for a series) and utilises the gifted writing skills of Misfits creator Howard Overman, and stars Stephen Mangan (Green Wing) in the title role, with the dashing Darren Boyd as his best mate and Helen Baxendale as aforesaid mate’s longsuffering girlfriend. Though not in a sexist, humourless way. It’s quirky, it’s chuckle-worthy, it’s engaging and it’s pretty true to Adams’ tone. I like it. I’m not sure if it’s Adams’ construct or Overman’s interpretation, but Gently does

“He has Zaphod’s fierce self-interest, Ford’s infuriatingly persistant curiosity...” seem to be an amalgam of several of HHGTTG’s previous antiheroes. He has Zaphod’s fierce self-interest, Ford’s infuriatingly persistant curiosity, and Arthur’s ability to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. To be fair, that particular trait, and other Arthur Dent-like grumpiness and fall guy aptitude, does seem to fall to Boyd’s character quite generously too. I’m curious as to how this pans out. It’s fun, no doubt, but how will the fans react? Can the deliberate kookines be maintained for an entire series? But then, this is an excellent team of writers and actors. Why should I doubt them? The pressure! Cross your fingers with me, everyone. Let it keep on, and let it keep being good. Dirk Gently, BBC4, Thursday 16 December follow me on twitter


027_LS505_TV_Tues_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 12:05 Page 1

tuesday 14 A Touch Of Frost ITV1, 8pm When Inspector Frost-y Knickers joins forces with RSPCA inspector Christine Moorhead in a raid on a brutal dogfight there are unexpected and deadly consequences. A boy is killed in a knife attack, and the killer’s father will go to any lengths to stop the only witness, Christine, from testifying against his son.

Crimewatch BBC1, 9pm Tonight’s episode includes the murder of farmer Julian Gardner, who was attacked and left for dead by a gang of robbers at his Sussex farm. And five years after Yorkshire widow Nora Tait was bludgeoned to death in her home, there’s a fresh appeal to catch her killer. Presented by Kirsty Young. Don’t have nightmares.

EastEnders: The Greatest Cliffhangers BBC3, 8pm With contributions from stars including Steve McFadden, June Brown, Adam Woodyatt and Bill Treacher, this three-part series counts down the top 100 most exciting cliffhangers. There’s a lot to choose from but we vote for Barry, you know, when Janine pushed him, er, off a cliff. Tense.


¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Horrible Histories 3.30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 3.50 Shaun The Sheep 4.00 Deadly 60 4.30 Blue Peter’s Christmas Special 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 EastEnders Carol and Bianca’s attempts to steer Whitney away from Connor backfire spectacularly. A traumatised Ben finally opens up to Shirley but has a threat for Jay, and an unhinged Janine continues to spin her lies around the Square. 8.00 Holby City Connie’s nightmare becomes reality when she not only loses Greg and Elliot’s respect, but her father’s routine operation goes wrong. Backed into a corner, will Connie put others first or protect herself? 9.00 Crimewatch See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Crimewatch Update The Crimewatch team present updates on recently featured cases. 10.45 Imagine... Alan Yentob learns what links Radio 4 soap The Archers with Ben-Hur. 11.35 FILM: The Wackness (2008) Starring Ben Kingsley, Josh Peck, Famke Janssen, Olivia Thirlby, MaryKate Olsen, Jane Adams, Method Man, Aaron Yoo, Talia Balsam and David Wohl. Coming of age drama. 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.45 The Big Silence 2.45 The Bionic Vet 3.15 BBC News


6.00–9.10am Children’s television 9.10 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.25 The Large Family 9.40 Toddworld 9.50 Pingu 10.00 Waybuloo 10.20 Clifford’s Puppy Days 10.30 Pablo The Little Red Fox 10.35 3rd And Bird 10.50 Wibbly Pig 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 Animal Park 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Due South 1.45 Car Booty 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Cook Off 6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Gaining celeb status now, eh? Egg-cellent. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia is joined by the couple who narrowly escaped elimination. 7.00 Coast In Cork, Neil Oliver explores Titanic’s last port of call and tells the tale of the Irish priest who disembarked the doomed vessel at the last minute. Alice Roberts tries to decipher some of the earliest writing in the British Isles on one of the mysterious Ogham Stones. 8.00 Decade Of Discovery Featuring a rare pygmy sloth that looks like a teddy bear and can swim; a brand new species of lemur discovered during filming; and a fish from the deep with a face like a headlight. 9.00 Pompeii: Life And Death In A Roman Town Pompeii: one of the most famous volcanic eruptions in history. We know how its victims died, but this film sets out to answer another question: how did they live? 10.00 Miranda Miranda and Penny are forced into therapy for an assessment. How will they cope when trapped in a room together? 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis. 11.20 Pakistan’s Flood Doctor: This World Documentary. 12.20am BBC News


6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Gift 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Rhona anxiously awaits the test results. Katie warns Andy to back off. Will Chas have second thoughts about punishing Carl? 7.30 Living In Fear: Tonight In this special report, Julie Etchingham investigates the shocking impact that anti-social behaviour continues to have on communities and individuals across the country, and asks what more we can do to combat it. 8.00 A Touch Of Frost See highlights. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The War You Don’t See John Pilger investigates the media’s role in war, tracing the history of ‘embedded’ and independent reporting from the carnage of the First World War through to the destruction of Hiroshima, the invasion of Vietnam and the current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. As the nature of war has changed, who is the real enemy today? 12.25am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play 2.25 The Rockford Files 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.25am Planet Cook 6.45 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.15 Freshly Squeezed 7.40 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.05 Smallville 9.00 One Tree Hill 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 Glee 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Iron Chef 1.05 FILM: Swiss Family Robinson (1960) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Four In A Bed

6.00 The Simpsons Grampa Simpson is moved out of the Springfield Retirement Castle and into the Simpson home in a bid to save Homer cash. 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens struggle to raise the cash for Kathleen. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Religious and ethical issues. 8.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home Kirstie meets Amanda and John 9.00 The Family Eldest son and aspiring rapper Ayo is feeling the heat as he prepares for a big gig. 10.00 Frankie Boyle’s Tramadol Nights Stand-up and sketches. 10.35 The Morgana Show Character-based sketch show. 11.10 The Big Bang Theory Comedy. 11.35 Robert’s Web Comedy show. 12.10am MUSIC ON 4: Russian Standard Vodka Originals Presents: Paloma Faith Live music. 12.25 MUSIC ON 4: The Album Chart Show Spotlight Sponsored By 12.40 MUSIC ON 4: The Crush With KFC Krushems 1.05 Sony Ericsson B-Boy World Series 2.00 Freesports On 4 2.30 AVP Beach Volleyball 3.20 KOTV Weekly 3.50 World Sport 4.15 Men’s Health Survival Of The Fittest 4.45 Extreme Sailing Series 2010 5.10 Deadliest Catch

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00–8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 Castle Farm 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Five News 11.50 CSI: NY 12.45pm CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Your Sport 2.55 Meals In Moments 3.10 FILM: The Christmas Gift (1986) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Monday Night Football 11.00 SPL Round-Up 11.30 Netbusters 12.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Ford Monday Night Football 2.30 SPL Round-Up 3.00 Netbusters 3.30 Ford Monday Night Football 5.30 Football Asia 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 To be Announced 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Hyundai A League 12.00am To be Announced 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 Hyundai A League 3.30 To be Announced 5.00 Revista De La Liga

6.00 Home And Away Roo attempts to build bridges with the residents of Summer Bay, but Colleen cannot resist reminding her about her misspent youth. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Street Market Chefs Amanda arrives in the Monmouthshire market town of Abergavenny, where two local chefs create their own unique dishes using traditional Welsh lamb. 8.00 Sea Patrol UK There is a cliff-face drama for the RAF as a rescue crew battles to save a badly injured climber. 9.00 CSI: Miami As the investigation into the assassination of State Attorney Rebecca Nevins gets underway, the CSIs are disturbed to discover that the trail of evidence leads back to Ryan. 10.00 CSI: NY The CSIs fear that convicted felon Shane Casey is targeting Danny while he is on hols with Lindsay and their daughter. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation A man is found dead in a neon graveyard, wearing a wig and a latex fat suit. 12.00am True CSI A look at the 1969 murder of a trainee nurse in a small Canadian city. 12.55 SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 British Rally Championship 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 12.30pm PGA Tour Classic 1.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 2.00 European Tour Golf 3.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 4.30 Great Run Series 5.00 Sports Unlimited 6.00 Snow Ride 6.30 European Tour Golf 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.00 Bowls 12.00am British Basketball League 2.00 European Tour Golf 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.30am Great Run Series 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm British Rally Championship 1.00 Spruce Meadows 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 British Rally Championship 4.00 Spruce Meadows 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Bowls 8.00 British Rally Championship 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Golfing World 12.00am Asian Tour Golf Show 12.30 Max Power 1.30 Sports Unlimited 2.30 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm X-Weighted 1.00 Road Wars 2.00 Stargate Atlantis (x2) 4.00 Bones 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Modern Family 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 Fat Families 10.00 Fringe 11.00 FILM: Sharpshooter (2007) 12.40am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 EastEnders: The Greatest Cliffhangers 9.00 Mad About The House 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Young Fishmonger Of The Year 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Mad About The House 1.15 Young Fishmonger Of The Year 2.10 EastEnders: The Greatest Cliffhangers

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 The Search For Life: The Drake Equation 9.00 Beautiful Equations 10.00 Accused 11.00 Al Murray’s German Adventure 12.00am Horizon 12.50 The Search For Life: The Drake Equation 1.50 Glamour’s Golden Age 2.50 Beautiful Equations 5.30 Close

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy (x3) 6.00 Take Me Out 7.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 8.00 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 FILM: The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 12.45am FILM: Passenger 57 (1993)

2.00pm Ballykissangel 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Super Sleuths 9.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death 10.00 Ghostboat 11.30 PD James: An Unsuitable Job For A Woman 1.30am Cadfael

12.10pm Everwood 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Being Erica 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 The Idiot Awards 11.05 The Event 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 The Event 1.45 Life Unexpected 2.55 What About Brian 3.10 Reno 911 (x2) 3.50 Being Erica

2.50pm The Coach Trip 3.20 Location, Location, Location 4.25 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Road To Las Vegas 12.00am Come Dine With Me

11.00am The Spanish Gardener (1956) 12.50pm The Big Trees (1952) 2.35 Up Periscope (1959) 4.45 Battleground (1949) 7.05 Turner And Hooch (1989) 9.00 The Namesake (2006) 11.20 Hostage (2005) 1.30am Zatoichi (2003) 3.45 Close

S D 6. Sp pr pa w Sp re lo an 8. Sp pr pa w N w th w se go Ro fro Cl 11 in sk A fo fro Bu Fo M to Pr w w pr A la Pr Fo

028_LS505_TV_Weds_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 10:31 Page 1

wednesday 15 Dig 1940 BBC1, 7.30pm Time to polish your spade. To mark the 70th anniversary of 1940, archaeologist Jules Hudson discovers Britain’s darkest hour. Jules and his team are in France digging up crashed German aircraft from World War II accompanied by an RAF fighter pilot who saw action there in 1940. Humbling viewing.

Hollyoaks Channel 4, 10pm Kathleen is unable to help herself when she finds out the truth behind Calvin’s murder. She threatens to shop Theresa unless the McQueens can cough up some dosh. Terror ensues as the scheming clan, plus Rhys and Gilly, race against time to save Jacqui from the evil clutches of Danny Houston. Cue scary laugh.

Desperate Housewives E4, 10pm Paul’s plan for Wisteria Lane is put into full effect, and Juanita discovers she is not Gabrielle’s biological daughter. Bree invites Keith to move in with her, while Tom is confronted about his past indiscretion with Renee. C’mon Tom, you know how problems are sorted on Wizzie Lane. Basket of muffins.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Horrible Histories 3.30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 3.50 Shaun The Sheep 4.00 Little Howard’s Big Christmas Question 4.30 Dani’s House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00–9.05am Children’s television 9.05 Buzz And Tell 9.10 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.25 The Large Family 9.40 Toddworld 9.50 Pingu 10.00 Waybuloo 10.20 Clifford’s Puppy Days 10.30 Pablo The Little Red Fox 10.35 3rd And Bird 10.50 Wibbly Pig 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Cook Off

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Gift 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Treacle People 6.15 Planet Cook 6.40 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.05 Freshly Squeezed 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 According To Jim 8.30 Frasier 9.00 One Tree Hill 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 Glee 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Bites 12.20 Iron Chef 1.20 FILM: The Love Bug (1968) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Four In A Bed

6.00–8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 Castle Farm 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Five News 11.50 CSI: NY 12.45pm CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.45 Meals In Moments 2.55 Meals In Moments 3.10 FILM: Noel (2004) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 11.30 Football Asia 12.00pm Hyundai A League 12.30 Revista De La Liga 1.30 Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 Hyundai A League 4.00 Revista De La Liga 5.00 Asian Tour Golf Show 5.30 Hyundai A League 6.00 World Darts Championship Preview 7.00 Sky Sports News 7.30 Futbol Mundial 8.00 Ringside 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 Futbol Mundial 12.00am Ringside 2.00 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 Dig 1940 See highlights. 8.00 Jimmy’s Food Factory By turning down the temperature, Jimmy makes soft-serve ice cream and uncovers something unexpected about the ice-cream van favourite. 8.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers Nigel shows how easy it is to inject some excitement back into the nightly supper routine. 9.00 The Apprentice The five remaining candidates face a different type of challenge: they each have to face a gruelling interview process on their own. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws Gethin Jones presents. 10.45 Film 2010 With Claudia Winkleman Films featured include Burlesque, Tron: Legacy and Catfish. 11.25 FILM: When A Man Loves A Woman (1994) Starring Andy Garcia, Meg Ryan, Ellen Burstyn, Tina Philip Seymour Hoffman and Gail Strickland. Powerful domestic drama. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Country Tracks 2.25 Return Of The Rhino: A Last Chance To See 3.25 A Life Without Work 4.25 BBC News

6.00 Celebrity Eggheads No one likes a diva. Celebs with funny-shaped heads. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman presents backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the dance show. 7.00 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson is in Ceridigion, West Wales, helping a pair of singers find their perfect rural idyll. 8.00 Edwardian Farm To mark the occasion this episode explores one single day in a typical Edwardian farmer’s life. Incorporating a remarkable cache of letters written in the 1900s in a cottage at Morwhellham Quay, ‘A Day in the Life’ reveals the hidden stories of how ordinary rural Edwardians got by. 9.00 Ancient Worlds Richard Miles examines the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired It’s the penultimate episode, so prepare for a bumper crop of fired candidates who fell at the interview hurdle. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis. 11.20 At Home With The Georgians The British obsession with beautifying our homes is not a new phenomenon – it began with a vengeance in the Georgian era. 12.20am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Rhona is unsure whether to keep the baby. Hazel is under pressure to finish the house in time for Jackson’s return. Andy tries to patch things up with Katie. 7.30 The Lakes At the Hawkshead Agricultural Show, organiser Sue Todd is praying the rain will hold off. 8.00 A Touch Of Frost The second in a two-part story which closes the book on this long-running series. The past is catching up with Frost in more ways than one as a series of copycat crimes convinces Superintendent Mullett that his veteran DI’s life is in danger. There are now two killers to bring to justice, but that will not happen until tragedy strikes. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Falling Down (1993) Starring Michael Douglas, Robert Duvall, Barbara Hershey, Rachel Ticotin, Frederic Forrest and Tuesday Weld. Intense drama about a middleaged man who reaches breaking point while gridlocked in Los Angeles traffic on a sweltering day. 12.40am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play. 2.40 FILM: End Of Days (1999) 4.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer decides to become a paparazzo after a sleazy tabloid buys his scandalous picture of Duffman cheating on his fiancee. 6.30 Hollyoaks Sinead makes a shocking discovery. Cheryl reveals her new man. Jasmine and Bart head to the police station in an attempt to get rid of Fern. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Religious and ethical issues. 8.00 The Million Pound Drop Live Davina McCall returns to host a Christmas series of the quiz show. 9.00 Grand Designs Kevin McCloud revisits Pru and Richard Irvine, who wanted to build a bespoke family home on an old industrial site, complete with lime kilns, in the Midlothian countryside. 10.00 Hollyoaks See highlights. 11.05 The Event President Martinez learns who betrayed him. Sophia tries to quell any future mutiny among her people. Sean and Leila attempt to solve the mystery of Samantha’s kidnapping. 12.05am Reaper Sam starts a job at the company which handles the Devil’s corruption of souls, and uses its Hell portal to get some important information from Mr Oliver. 12.50 FILM: Isolation (2005) 2.30 King Of The Hill 2.55 ER 3.40 Brothers And Sisters 4.30 Hill Street Blues 5.25 One Tree Hill

6.00 Home And Away Leah returns from Africa with the news that her relationship with Elijah is over. Will lovelorn Robertson seize his chance to rekindle their romance? 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Kate Walsh and Jayne Middlemiss. The programme features a look at the day’s news alongside location reports, celebrity interviews and gossip. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action as Roy Hodgson’s under-fire Liverpool play host to Dutch side Utrecht in the final round of group-stage matches. Jim Rosenthal presents the action. Kick-off is at 8.05pm. 10.10 FILM: Second In Command (2006) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Julie Cox, Alan McKenna, Ian Virgo and Razaaq Adoti. Action thriller. An uprising in a small eastern European country leads insurgents to attack the US embassy. The ambassador is killed, forcing his right-hand man to lead a small group of marines in a bid to defend the building from the heavily armed mob. 12.00am World Open VI Poker action. 1.00 Visit 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Vintage 8.00 Bowls 9.00 Basketball 11.00 Asian Tour Golf 11.30 Snow Ride 12.00pm Bowls 1.00 Basketball 3.00 European Tour Golf 4.00 British Rally Championship 5.00 Watersports World 6.00 European Tour Golf 6.30 European Tour Weekly 7.00 IRB Sevens Rugby 10.00 World Darts Championship Preview: Phil Taylor Special 11.00 Oceanico Portugal Bowls Masters 12.00am World Darts Championship Preview: Phil Taylor Special 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 European Tour Weekly 2.30 European Tour Golf 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.00am European Tour Golf 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 5.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE: Afterburn 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 World Darts Championship Preview: Phil Taylor Special 9.00 European Tour Golf 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Cage Fighter 10.30 International Judo World Circuit 11.00 Golfing World 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 IRB Sevens Rugby 3.30 Close Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Fat Families 1.00 Road Wars 2.00 Stargate Continuum 3.50 Bones 4.50 Bite Size Brainiac 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 6.30 The Simpsons (x4) 8.30 Raising Hope 9.00 Bones 10.00 Stargate: Ark Of Truth 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Shadow Of The Shark 2.40 Oops TV

7.00pm Mad About The House 8.00 FILM: Catch Me If You Can (2002) 10.15 Family Guy (x2) 11.00 The Real Sleeping Beauty 12.00am Russell Howard’s Good News 12.30 Mad About The House 1.30 The World’s Strictest Parents 2.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 3.00 The Real Sleeping Beauty

7.00pm News 7.30 Still Folk Dancing... After All These Years 8.30 Julia Bradbury’s German Wanderlust 9.00 Mad And Bad: 60 Years Of Science On TV 10.30 Horizon 11.20 Beautiful Equations 12.20am Mad And Bad: 60 Years Of Science On TV 1.50 Glamour’s Golden Age 2.50 Julia Bradbury

12.30pm Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The Only Way Is Essex: Totally Vajazzled 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 9.00 FILM: The Matrix Revolutions (2003) 11.35 FILM: American Dreamz (2006) 1.40am Emmerdale

3.05pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Celebrating The Carpenters 9.00 Ronnie Corbett Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 10.30 An Audience With Ronnie Corbett 11.35 Numb3rs 12.30am FILM: Man Trouble (1992)

12.10pm Everwood 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Being Erica 4.30 Friends (x3) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Desperate Housewives See highlights 11.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Glee 1.45 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

3.20pm Location, Location, Location 4.25 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Jamestown: America’s Birthplace: A Time Team Special 11.05 Britain’s Worst Weather 12.10am Time Team

11.00am Mr Hobbs Takes A Vacation (1962) 1.15pm The Desert Fox (1951) 3.00 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 4.45 The Nativity Story (2006) 6.40 Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) 9.00 Dogma (1999) 11.20 Election (1999) 1.20am Miller’s Crossing (1990) 3.40 Close

S D 6. Sp pr pa w Sp re lo an 8. Sp pr pa w Li ac La Fo fo w 12 fro na 12 pr th TB so Co fe Co th Au M an fix A As Le Le Au

029_LS505_TV_Thurs_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 10:32 Page 1

thursday 16 Celebrity Grimefighters ITV1, 9pm Ooh, how marvellous. We get to see our fave celebs scrubbing bogs and chasing rats and clearing up all manner of the nation’s grime. Celebs are: Neil Morrissey, Tamara Beckwith, Gino D’Acampo, Nancy Dell’Olio, Andrew Castle and Liz Brewer. Presented by John Sergeant. Marigolds a must, dirty celebs.

Jamie’s Christmas Lock-in Channel 4, 10pm No, this isn’t Jamie stuck in his local sharing a packet of scratchings with the geezers. Jamie is at home hosting a Crimbo shindig, with guests including Charlotte Church and Jonathan Ross. His menu of special festive tucker includes creative turkey recipes and a selection of bespoke cocktails.

Grand Designs More4, 7.25pm It’s Brighton’s turn for a visit from Kevin McCloud. So, what do Barry and Julie Surtees want to build? Something compact, bijous, understated? Pah! They plan to build a modern four-storey mansion, complete with gym, artist’s studio, fantasy bedroom and Japanese roof garden. But are the Surtees wholly prepared?


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Horrible Histories 3.30 What’s New ScoobyDoo? 3.50 Shaun The Sheep 4.00 Deadly 60 4.30 My Life: Toy Soldiers 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00–9.25am Children’s television 9.25 The Large Family 9.40 Toddworld 9.50 Pingu 10.00 Waybuloo 10.20 Clifford’s Puppy Days 10.30 Pablo The Little Red Fox 10.35 3rd And Bird 10.50 Wibbly Pig 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 Animal Park 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Due South 1.45 Car Booty 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Cook Off

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Gift 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.10–8.05am Children’s television 8.05 According To Jim 8.35 Frasier 9.05 One Tree Hill 10.00 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 Glee 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 My Eden 12.10 River Cottage Bites 12.25 Iron Chef 1.25 FILM: Candleshoe (1977) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Four In A Bed

6.00–8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 Castle Farm 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Five News 11.50 CSI: NY 12.45pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.45 Your Sport 2.50 Meals In Moments 3.05 FILM: Crazy For Christmas (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 Live Test Cricket 4.00pm Cricket: The Ashes 5.00 Trans World Sport 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 12.00am Ringside 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 EastEnders A vengeful Glenda wrecks Ben’s homecoming party with some home truths about Phil and Ian. Peter is left heartbroken when Whitney decides to end their relationship. 8.00 The Royal Variety Performance 2010 Performers include Take That, Kylie Minogue, Cheryl Cole, N-Dubz, Russell Watson, The Chelsea Pensioners, the casts of The Wizard Of Oz and Les Miserables, and Britain’s Got Talent winners Spellbound. The evening also features comedy from John Bishop, Sarah Millican, Jack Whitehall and Micky Flanagan. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Apprentice: Why I Fired Them Lord Sugar looks back on the unsuccessful candidates in the 2010 series. Reliving their worst decisions, Lord Sugar reveals how, each week, he decided who would hear his famous phrase: “You’re fired”. 11.35 This Week A political review. 12.25am Skiing Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.30 Sign Zone: Baby P: In His Mother’s Words – Panorama 1.00 Countryfile 1.55 Antiques Roadshow 2.55 The Young Ones 3.55 BBC News

6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Can a team of natural history presenters featuring Bill Oddie, Chris Packham, Nick Baker, Philippa Forrester and Mark O’Shea triumph over the general knowledge Goliaths and win the cash prize for their charity or will it go to this year’s Children In Need appeal? Don’t crack under the pressure Eggies. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman presents backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action. 7.00 Best Of The Culture Show 2010 A round up of the Culture Show highlights of the year. 8.00 Nigella Kitchen It’s time for Nigella’s fiery red jumbo chilli sauce with tortilla chips washed down with a cool and classic Americano cocktail. 8.30 Rick Stein’s Christmas Odyssey Having returned from his exploits in the Far East, Rick Stein begins his Christmas odyssey by exploring what he’d like to cook with all that left-over turkey. 9.00 At Home With The Georgians Third part of the series. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic, award-winning pop quiz. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis. 11.20 Best Of The Culture Show 2010 Repeat. 12.20am The Apprentice: You’re Fired Repeat 1.05 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Afraid that she has let Jackson down, Hazel cannot contain her frustration any longer. 7.30 Christmas Or Bust?: Tonight This programme talks to families who are blowing their savings and those who are cutting back, or even cancelling Christmas altogether. 8.00 Emmerdale Hazel is stunned by everyone’s generosity. Thinking he is the cause of all the trouble, Jacob runs away. Charity is pleasantly surprised by Jai. 8.30 Coronation Street The residents say a final goodbye to a familiar face. Rumours abound regarding the cause of the explosion. Families continue to wait for news of their loved ones. 9.00 Celebrity Grimefighters See highlights. 10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 FILM: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) Starring Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, Eva Mendes, Cole Hauser, Chris Bridges, Ludacris and Thom Barry. Action thriller sequel. 12.30am The Zone Our hosts guide you through The Zone, ITV1’s place to shop and play. Including features from QVC and Challenge Jackpot. 2.35 Surface 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Marge becomes addicted to a video game. 6.30 Hollyoaks Seth gets closer to uncovering Jasmine’s secret via his unexpected new ‘girlfriend’. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Religious and ethical issues. 8.00 The Million Pound Drop Live Davina McCall returns to host a Christmas series of the tense quiz show. 9.00 The House That Made Me: Michael Barrymore Michael Barrymore returns to Bermondsey in south London to encounter a recreation of the council estate flat he grew up in as a child. 10.00 Jamie’s Christmas Lock-in See highlights. 10.50 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Guests include the cast of the hit sitcom The Inbetweeners, Baywatch star David Hasselhoff and In Bruges actor Colin Farrell. With music from Cee Lo Green. 11.55 Reaper Sam plays the Devil for his soul, but when they draw even, Andi decides to make a huge sacrifice. 12.45am King Of The Hill Animated sitcom about a Texan family. Peggy 1.10 Our Drugs War 2.05 Unreported World 2.35 FILM: Antwone Fisher (2002) 4.30 FILM: The Spy In Black (1939) 5.55 Brothers And Sisters

6.00 Home And Away Ruby is crushed when Alex turns on her, but Charlie steps in to force the scoundrel to apologise. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency A fourman RAF crew is called to rescue two first-time climbers who are stranded on Britain’s deadliest mountain, Ben Nevis, which claims on average five lives a year. 8.00 Demolition: The Super Stadium Series documenting the demolition of huge structures. 9.00 NCIS A Russian arms dealer is arrested for the murder of a chief petty officer. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent A priest convinces Logan to re-open a murder case that has been closed for over a decade. 10.55 Law And Order A Gulf War veteran is arrested on suspicion of murdering an anti-war protestor. 11.55 Cops In Crisis Documentary series about people who have had to face extraordinary, dangerous and harrowing situations, from failed robberies to police shoot-outs. 12.15am SuperCasino Visit 4.05 Divine Designs 4.30 Rough Guide To Bang For Your Buck 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 IRB Sevens Rugby 12.00pm Cricket: The Ashes 1.00 TBA 3.00 IRB Sevens Rugby 6.00 Snow Ride 6.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Test Cricket 12.00am The Rugby Club 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 European Tour Weekly 8.30 Live European Tour Golf 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Sports Adventures 1.30 Live European Tour Golf 3.30 International Judo World Circuit 4.00 Oceanico Portugal Bowls Masters 5.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 6.00 WWE Special 7.00 Race World 8.00 The Rugby Club 9.00 Ringside 11.00 Race World 12.00am Cricket: The Ashes 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Race World 4.00 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Fat Families 1.00 Road Wars 2.00 Stargate: Ark Of Truth 4.00 Bones 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 An Idiot Abroad 10.00 Raising Hope 10.30 A League Of Their Own 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Young Fishmonger Of The Year 9.00 Jeff Brazier: Me And My Brother 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard Live: Dingledodies 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Jeff Brazier: Me And My Brother 1.15 Russell Howard Live: Dingledodies 2.10 My Boyfriend The War Hero

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Come Clog Dancing: Treasures Of English Folk Dance 8.30 The Beauty Of Diagrams 9.00 Dirk Gently 10.00 FILM: Wallander () 12.10am My Father, The Bomb And Me 1.10 Dirk Gently 2.10 The Beauty Of Diagrams 2.40 High Flyers: How Britain Took To The Air 3.40 Dirk Gently

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 8.00 The Vampire Diaries 9.00 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 Coronation Street 11.15 FILM: Miami Vice (2006) 1.50am Emmerdale (x2)

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Ballykissangel 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Monk 9.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Bribery And Corruption 10.00 Inspector Wexford: Road Rage 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.15 PD James

12.10pm Everwood 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.35 Being Erica 4.30 Friends (x3) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 Meet The Parents 10.00 Misfits 11.00 This Is England ‘86 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.10 Misfits 2.05 This Is England ‘86

3.20 Location, Location, Location 4.25 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs See highlights 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Jamie Cooks Christmas 10.00 Without A Trace (x2) 12.00am Jamie Cooks Christmas

11.00am The Mistress Of Spices (2005) 12.50pm Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 2.30 The Magnificent Seven (1960) 5.00 Return Of The Magnificent Seven (1966) 6.50 How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003) 9.00 Into The Wild (2007) 11.50 Wilderness (2006) 1.40am The Escapist (2008)

S D 6. on Au Au Pe w se on Af To Pr la 4. of Au Au Pe w se w ne co M w re A, 6. A Ba Liv co Ch in ‘T fo co Co Br Pr al Pr

030_LS505_TV_Fri_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 10:33 Page 1

friday 17 Coronation Street ITV1, 7.30pm & 8.30pm Talk about disaster street, not even one of Betty’s hot pots could warm the cockles of these grieving Mancs. Pressure mounts on one resident as the explosion is investigated further, and another funeral takes place. Plus, Steve become suspicious. Will friendships survive as residents start to point the finger of blame?

The Event Channel 4, 9pm President Martinez confronts the traitor in his administration but receives blackmail threats. Sophia still suspects Isabel and Thomas of deception, and her suspicions are confirmed when Thomas reveals a shocking new plan. While searching for Samantha, Sean and Leila have to battle mercenaries. S’all go.

Wycliffe ITV3, 6.50pm Wycliffe is uneasy about an apparent suicide on the secluded estate of Lord and Lady Bottrell. While piecing together the dead man’s last days, Wycliffe discovers the disappearance of a pretty maid at the Bottrell home. Feuds and saucy relationships are uncovered, and then (horror!) another body is found.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Horrible Histories 3.30 What’s New ScoobyDoo? 3.50 Shaun The Sheep 4.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 4.30 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00–9.10am Children’s television 9.10 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.25 The Large Family 9.40 Toddworld 9.50 Pingu 10.00 Waybuloo 10.20 Clifford’s Puppy Days 10.30 Pablo The Little Red Fox 10.35 3rd And Bird 10.50 Wibbly Pig 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 Animal Park 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Due South 1.45 Car Booty 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Cook Off 6.00 Celebrity Eggheads They win a couple of quiz show and they think they’re celebrities?! Oh, these are real celebs battling against the Eggies to win money for Children In Need. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia talks to the couples who’ve made it all the way through the series and looks forward to the final. 7.30 Mastermind Subjects in this edition are the operas of Gilbert and Sullivan; Burgess and MacLean; the life and works of Lewis Carroll; the life and career of Nikola Tesla. 8.00 Natural World Wildlife documentary featuring the fascinating lives of Britain’s beautiful butterflies. 9.00 John Sergeant On Tracks Of Empire John Sergeant continues his 3,000 mile journey along India’s rail tracks, travelling north to south to discover how the railways not only shaped its history but also its future. 10.00 Buzzcocks: The Doctor Who Special David Tennant hosts a special Dr Who-themed show. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis. 11.00 The Review Show Round table arts and culture discussion. 12.05am FILM: The Gigolos (2006) Comedy. 1.40 BBC News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Gift 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.40am The Treacle People 6.50 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.15 Freshly Squeezed 7.45 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.10 According To Jim 8.35 Frasier 9.05 One Tree Hill 10.00 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 Glee 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Bites 12.20 Iron Chef 1.20 FILM: Ivanhoe (1952) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Four In A Bed

6.00–8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 Castle Farm 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Five News 11.50 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.45pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Your Sport 2.55 Meals In Moments 3.10 FILM: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (2001) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVECricket: The Ashes 10.00 LIVE Test Cricket 4.00pm Cricket: The Ashes 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Football League Weekend 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 12.00am Take It Like A Fan 12.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.00 Football League Weekend 2.00 Take It Like A Fan 2.30 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker asks the questions in the fastpaced sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders Glenda vows to uncover the identity of her attacker, while Ronnie is troubled when a lucrative job offer takes Jack abroad. 8.30 QI With Bill Bailey, Rich Hall, Rob Brydon and Alan Davies. 9.00 Have I Got News For You With guest host Alexander Armstrong and panelists including Ross Noble. 9.30 Live At The Apollo Sets from Shappi Khorsandi and Jack Whitehall. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Graham meets Cher and Dawn French, while the Script perform. 11.20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws The National Lottery draws including EuroMillions, UK Millionaire Raffle and Thunderball, presented by OJ Borg. 11.30 FILM: Severance (2006) Starring Danny Dyer and Toby Stevens. Darkly-comic horror. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 The Normans 2.05 Horizon: What Happened Before The Big Bang? 3.05 The Science Of The Young Ones 3.50 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Accusations fly when Alicia and Leyla realise that Jacob is missing. Hazel experiences a miracle on Main Street. The factory girls tease Lisa for flirting with Derek. 7.30 Coronation Street See highlights. 8.00 Countrywise Kitchen Paul Heiney and the team are joined by chef Mike Robinson to seek out the best British seasonal recipes from beautiful locations around the UK. Today the team are in Norfolk, where Paul discovers the unique taste of a country estate’s venison and Mike goes hunting for wild duck. 8.30 Coronation Street See highlights. 9.00 A Night Of Heroes: The Sun Military Awards A host of famous faces including David Beckham, Stephen Fry and senior members of the Royal Family join forces to pay tribute to the bravery and heroism of Britain’s armed forces. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.05 FILM: Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (1985) Starring Mel Gibson and Tina Turner. Part three. 1.00am The Zone Including features from QVC and Challenge Jackpot. 3.05 FILM: On Deadly Ground (1994) 4.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Bart makes an error that costs the Springfield Isotopes baseball team the little league championship. 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui and Bart do everything they can to protect Theresa. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.25 Religious and ethical issues. 7.30 Teen Undertaker Documentary following two teenagers embarking on their adult lives and fulfilling a dream to work with dead people. 8.00 The Million Pound Drop Live Davina McCall returns. 9.00 The Event See highlights. 10.00 Peep Show Sitcom. It’s the day of Mark’s baby’s christening and he arranges to pick up the baby’s godfather from Zahra’s flat on his way to the church. But unfortunately the lads get locked in the hallway. 10.30 Robert’s Web Studio-based comedy show. 11.05 Frankie Boyle’s Tramadol Nights Stand-up and sketches. 11.40 The Morgana Show Character-based sketch show. 12.15am Hollyoaks Repeat 1.15 MUSIC ON 4: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions 1.30 MUSIC ON 4: Live At Russian Standard Originals 1.40 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 3.30 Brothers And Sisters 4.15 ER 5.00 One Tree Hill (x2)

6.00 Home And Away Roo reconsiders whether she belongs in the bay. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Zoo Days The keepers are thrilled to see an old face back to the zoo; Sibu the orangutan. 8.00 Emergency Bikers Actionpacked documentary series. 9.00 The Mentalist The CBI team launches an investigation into the National Society of Authentic Santas when one of its members is found murdered. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit A partially clothed boy is found dead after a disastrous stunt, and video evidence implicates his best friend, but the case takes a surprising turn. 10.55 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Fin’s stepson comes to trial for a double murder, and he seems intent on bringing the whole unit down with him. 11.55 Cops In Crisis Documentary series. 12.15am SuperCasino Visit 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Street Market Chefs 4.55 Rough Guide To Islands Iceland and Madagascar 5.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ringside 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.00pm Cricket: The Ashes 1.00 WWE Special 2.00 WWE: Raw 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Tight Lines 7.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 Take It Like A Fan 10.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.00 Football League Weekend 12.00am Cricket: The Ashes 2.00 European Rugby 4.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.00 Football League Weekend

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 7.30 Snow Ride 8.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 8.30 Live European Tour Golf 10.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm NFL 1.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 3.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 4.00 Ringside 6.00 NFL 7.30 LIVE European Rugby 10.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 British Ice Hockey 4.00 Tight Lines 5.00 NFL – Total Access

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Fat Families 1.00 Road Wars 2.00 Stargate Atlantis (x2) 4.00 Bones 5.00 WWE Superstars 6.00 Oops TV 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Oops TV 9.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 10.00 House 11.00 Fat Families 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Justin Lee Collins: West End Star 2.40 Oops TV (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.00 Great Movie Mistakes 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Coming Of Age 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Don’t Tell The Bride 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am How Not To Live Your Life 12.45 Little Britain 1.15 Coming Of Age 1.45 Family Guy (x5) 3.40 Great Movie Mistakes 4.35 How Not To Live Your Life

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Diva Diaries 8.30 The Highland Sessions 9.00 Festivals Britannia 10.30 Pulp At Glastonbury 1995 11.30 Legends: Herb Alpert, Tijuana Brass And Other Delights 12.30am Festivals Britannia 2.00 Diva Diaries 3.00 Legends: Herb Alpert, Tijuana Brass And Other Delights

12.00pm Coronation Street 12.30 Emmerdale (x2) 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 The X Factor (x2) 9.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 10.00 FILM: The Mummy (1999) 12.25am Coronation Street (x2) 1.30 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 2.25 Emmerdale

4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe See highlights 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Bribery And Corruption 10.05 Inspector Wexford: Road Rage 11.50 FILM: The House Of The Spirits (1994) 2.20am Wycliffe

12.10pm Everwood 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Being Erica 4.30 Friends (x3) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 FILM: The Italian Job (2003) 11.10 Desperate Housewives 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 Make It Or Break It 2.00 What About Brian (X2) 3.25 Reno 911

2.50pm The Coach Trip 3.20 Location, Location, Location 4.25 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 FILM: Walk The Line (2005) 11.35 Heroes Of Comedy 12.40am FILM: Walk The Line (2005)

11.00am Never So Few (1959) 1.20pm The Bad And The Beautiful (1952) 3.35 Battle Cry (1955) 6.25 Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World (2003) 9.00 Blade: Trinity (2004) 11.10 Black Book (2006) 2.00am Tony Manero (2008) 3.55 Close

S D 6. Au th Au in m Te be N be Te 4. v As Au in m Pr al Pr W ne Ch Tw Pr w w LIV Liv Ch in ‘T fo co Fa fil Fo Ea w Fe Le

031_LS505_TV_sat_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 10:35 Page 1

saturday 18 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 7pm & 9.05pm The X Factor, I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! – both fallen by the wayside of massively heightened finals, and now it’s the turn of Strictly Come Dancing to have you on the edge of your seats. Thank goodness we’ve got good old Brucie and Tess to guide our frayed nerves through the proceedings.

The Cube: Celebrity Special ITV1, 7pm It’s Christmas time, which means we get lots of programming of our regular shows with special celebrity people taking part instead. And it’s all for charity. Pip Schofield is joined for his tension-filled perspex box joys by Joe Swash (fresh from the jungle spin-off) and Kelly Osbourne, presenter, singer and rock kid.

Father Ted More4, 10.05pm–1.20am Ah, you will watch the entire first series of Father Ted. Yes, you will. You will, you will, you will, you will, you will! Mrs Doyle insists upon it, with a nice cup of tea. The series is now a classic, but don’t let that put you off hooting with laughter like a fool and reminding yourself why. Will Dougal ever learn perspective?


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Nigella Kitchen 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Sports Personality Of The Year: The Contenders 1.40 Olympia: The Puissance 2.45 FILM: The Game Plan (2007) 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Total Wipeout: Celebrity Special

6.00–8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Shaun The Sheep 8.25 Shaun The Sheep 8.30 ChuckleVision 9.00 Hotel Trubble 9.30 Scoop 9.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 10.00 Tracy Beaker Returns 10.45 OOglies 11.00 ROY 11.30 The Big Performance 12.00pm The Cut 12.35 Rules Of Love 1.50 The 5.19 Show 2.20 Bargain Hunt 2.45 Escape To The Country 3.30 At Home With The Georgians 4.30 One Man And His Dog 5.30 FILM: The Guns Of Navarone (1961)

6.00–8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.25 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.40 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.55 The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody 9.25 Monk 9.30 The X Factor 11.30 This Morning: Saturday 12.25pm ITV News & Weather 12.30 You’ve Been Framed! 1.00 Coronation Street: 50 Years, 50 Moments 2.00 FILM: A Cinderella Story (2004) 3.45 FILM: Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (2007) 5.35 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News & Weather

6.30am Sali Mali 6.35 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 World Sport 7.25 Extreme Sailing Series 2010 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.50 Ugly Betty 10.50 Koko Pop With Vision Express 11.20 Burlesque: T4 Movie Special 11.55 Friends 12.20pm Hollyoaks Music Show Christmas Special 1.25 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Come Dine With Me 3.55 Come Dine With Me 4.30 FILM: Horton Hears A Who (2008)

6.00–8.15am Children’s television 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Milkshake! Christmas Songs 8.35 Play! 8.45 Castle Farm 8.55 Olivia 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 George Shrinks 10.00 K9 10.35 Europa League Football Highlights 11.35 Your Sport 11.45 The Gadget Show 12.45pm Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 1.45 FILM: Naughty Or Nice (2004) 3.35 FILM: Crazy For Christmas (2005) 5.30 FILM: Call Me Claus (2001)

6.00am Live Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 Live Test Cricket 1.00pm LIVE European Rugby 3.15 LIVE European Rugby 5.30 LIVE European Rugby 7.30 LIVE World Darts Championship 12.00am Scottish Premier League 12.30 Test Cricket 1.30 Football’s Greatest 2.00 Scottish Premier League 2.30 Live Cricket: The Ashes

8.00 Dad’s Army Classic comedy about the Home Guard unit of Walmington-on-Sea. Capt Mainwaring has an unexpected and most unwelcome guest, much to Frazer’s delight. Is it a mouse? Is it a gopher? Maybe it’s his brother. Hmm. 8.40 Blackadder II Sitcom set in Tudor England. The calculating Edmund Blackadder is struck by Cupid’s arrow when he takes on a new servant – a girl named Bob. Everybody now: “Funny name for a girl”. 9.15 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the classic news quiz with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 10.00 QI XL Stephen Fry asks unanswerable questions about Holidays, with Bill Bailey, Rich Hall, Rob Brydon and Alan Davies. 10.45 Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story. 12.15am FILM: The Drowning Pool (1975) Tense thriller. A private detective finds himself embroiled in sin and corruption when he is hired by his ex-lover to trace the source of a mysterious blackmail letter, accusing the woman of cheating on her wealthy husband. But as the private eye begins his investigations, a murder within his client’s family makes him realise the situation is far more sinister than he first believed. 2.00 Medium 2.40 BBC News

6.00 Family Film Of The Decade What have been the greatest family films of the past 10 years? Could it be Harry Potter, Shrek, Toy Story 3, Pirates Of The Caribbean or even Mamma Mia? ITV has asked viewers to vote for the film they think is the greatest family movie of them all, revealing the results during the programme. Perhaps in a bid to help them choose which repeated ones will be best received. Hmm. 7.00 The Cube: Celebrity Special See highlights. 8.00 Take Me Out Dating series hosted by comedian Paddy McGuinness, who will be playing matchmaker to 30 single women looking for love. A succession of single men must do their best to impress the watching ladies, who each have a light that they can turn on or off to show their opinion of the chaps. Bit brutal, innit? Like love. 9.15 FILM: Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) Starring Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Gemma Jones. Romantic comedy telling the story of a year in the life of a neurotic thirtysomething who resolves to take control of her life once and for all. As if you didn’t know. 11.05 ITV News & Weather 11.20 Sting: Live In Berlin 12.35am The Zone 2.35 Surface 3.20 Sons & Daughters 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.05 Come Dine With Me Cookery-based reality show in which amateur chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner party host. 6.35 Come Dine With Me More food fighting. 7.05 Come Dine With Me Aren’t you full yet?! 7.35 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas The perfect Christmas day with all the trimmings, including a warm cosy fireside, ribbons and garlands, and a magnificent Christmas lunch. Where’s Judy Garland? This must belong to her. 9.00 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas This final episode presents the perfect New Year’s Eve party, and it is all about celebration. The duo celebrate with a champagne ice sculpture and an Indian-inspired feast to enliven the taste buds and keep everyone going till midnight. 10.05 The Million Pound Drop Live Davina McCall hosts the final Christmas edition of the tense quiz show. 11.25 FILM: Scary Movie 2 (2000) Starring Shawn Wayans, Tim Curry, James Woods, Anna Faris, Marlon Wayans. Spoof horror sequel. 1.00am King Of The Hill 1.25 FILM: An Everlasting Piece (2000) 3.10 Brothers And Sisters 4.00 ER 4.50 One Tree Hill (x2)

7.20 Five News 7.25 The Mentalist US drama series. Repeat of Friday’s episode. 8.10 NCIS Drama series. The team struggles to locate a terrorist who is on a mission to kill Gibbs, but the assassin is already preparing a contingency plan that threatens the life of another NCIS agent. Who? 9.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. The CSIs start to close in on Dr Jekyll, but the only person who can help them is serial killer Nate Haskell. Will trusting a psychopath prove to be Langston’s downfall? The answer’s probably in the question if you ask it like that. Hint. 10.05 CSI: NY Crime drama series. Detective Mac Taylor and CSI Miami Lieutenant Horatio Caine follow the evidence from steamy Miami to steely New York as they close in on the bloodthirsty Henry Darius. 11.05 CSI: NY Crime drama series. An eccentric billionaire is found dead in his bedroom and when Danny begins to process the scene he inadvertently trips a panic button, sealing himself in with the victim. D’oh! Time for old school forensics. 12.05am SuperCasino 4.00 Brian Sewell’s Grand Tour 4.40 Animal Rescue Squad 4.55 The Family Recipe 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.30 The Impressions Show With Culshaw And Stephenson The amazing impressions of Jon Culshaw and Debra Stephenson feature in a brand new comedy sketch show. 7.00 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights. 8.00 The National Lottery Saturday Night Draws The National Lottery draws including Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto, presented by Jenni Falconer with a special performance from Tinie Tempa. Is he really that small? 8.15 Casualty Medical drama series. Lenny resorts to desperate measures in order to find a suitable donor match for his sister Helen, drafting in Yuki to illicitly test patients as they come into the ED. 9.05 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights. 10.05 BBC News 10.25 Match Of The Day Gabby Logan presents highlights from the day’s Premier League matches, including Liverpool’s game against Fulham. 11.45 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents action from the last round of Football League matches before Christmas. 1.05am The Apprentice 2.05 Weatherview 2.10 Sign Zone: Operation Mincemeat 3.10 The Big Silence 4.10 Rick Stein’s Cornish Christmas 4.40 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 Take It Like A Fan 8.00 Football League Weekend 9.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.30 Take It Like A Fan 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Take It Like A Fan 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.15 Take It Like A Fan 3.45 Sky Sports Classics 4.00 Cricket: The Ashes 5.00 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 NFL America’s Game 8.00 Time Of Our Lives 9.00 Ice Hockey 10.00 World Sport 10.30 Live European Tour Golf 2.30pm IEX Magazine 3.00 WWE: Smackdown 5.00 WWE Preview 5.30 European Tour Golf 7.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 WWE: Late Night Superstars 11.00 WWE NXT 12.00am WWE: Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE - Tribute To The Troops 3.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 3.30 WWE Preview 4.30 IEX Magazine 5.00 Max Power

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Must Be The Music: Winner’s Story 1.00 Malcolm In The Middle 1.30 Futurama 2.00 Oops TV 3.00 Fat Families 4.00 Modern Family (x3) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 FILM: Father Of The Bride Part II (1995) 11.05 Fringe 12.05am Night Cops

7.00pm Top Gear 7.50 FILM: Catch Me If You Can (2002) 10.05 Russell Howard Live: Dingledodies 11.05 Family Guy 11.50 American Dad! (x2) 12.35am Family Guy (x8) 3.35 Russell Howard Live: Dingledodies 4.30 Jeff Brazier: Me And My Brother

7.00pm Life 8.00 Folk Music At Christmas 9.00 Wallander 10.30 Reichenbach Falls 11.50 Tom Jones At The BBC 12.50am Mark Lawson Talks To Sir Tom Jones 1.50 FILM: Blame It On Fidel (2006) 3.25 Folk Music At Christmas

11.00am Coronation Street Omnibus 1.25pm FILM: Kindergarten Cop (1990) 3.35 ITV At The Christmas Movies 4.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 (x5) 9.00 The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 10.00 FILM: Evan Almighty (2007) 11.55 Celebrity Juice: JLS Special 12.40am The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story

6.00am Drama Trails 6.10 Ironside (x2) 8.10 Rebecca 10.20 Sherlock Holmes The Last Vampyre 12.35pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x3) 5.00 Monk 5.55 Inspector Morse 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.05 Cracker 12.10am Inspector Morse 2.00 Ironside 2.50 Film File 3.00 Teleshopping

11.30am How To Look Good Naked 12.30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 3.05 Make It Or Break It (x2) 5.00 Friends (x3) 6.30 Ugly Betty 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 8.00 How I Met Your Mother 8.25 Friends (x3) 10.05 Meet The Parents (x5) 1.15am Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Supernanny US (x2) 3.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.35pm FILM: The Three Musketeers (1993) 3.35 Grand Designs Revisited 4.40 Grand Designs (x3) 7.55 Making War Horse 9.00 Grand Designs Revisited 10.05 Father Ted (x6). See highlights. 1.20 Making War Horse 2.20 Father Ted (x4) 4.00 Close

11.00am Please Sir! (1971) 1.00pm Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 2.55 The Nativity Story (2006) 4.50 Mogambo (1953) 7.05 Turner And Hooch (1989) 9.00 27 Dresses (2008) 11.10 Underworld: Evolution (2006) 1.10am The Pillow Book (1996) 3.35 Love Me Or Leave Me Alone 3.50 Close

S D 6. Au th W gr lo th Da So Ca th th 20 He U Re in ga Liv ro in St to hu Liv ro Au Ar st w LIV Liv Ch in ‘T fo co Pr be Ce Le

032_LS505_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 10:36 Page 1

sunday 19 100 Greatest Toys Channel 4, 6pm Yay! Watch this with wealthy relatives who haven’t a clue what to get you for Christmas and prepare for a season of nostalgia and a return to childhood. Provided your heavy hints are suitably picked up. Jonathan Ross presents a countdown of the nation’s favourite games and toys, with celebs reminiscing too.

The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm Sir – sorry, Lord – Alan Sugar has whittled the arrogant and the deluded down to the final two, but who will actually get the job? Remember, it is a job, not a cash prize that you can go off to the Bahamas and recover from the ordeal over six months with. It’s down to the wire. Who performed best? You don’t decide.

Misfits Christmas Special E4, 10pm The Christmas edition of the ASBO superhero series comes out with a belter when one of the gang sees graffiti on the estate offering ‘Money for Powers’. Apparently, drug dealer Seth was out in the freak storm too and his ability enables him to deal powers. Sounds a little bit ‘Heroes’? Not with this crew.


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Fern Britton Meets... 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 Wild Weather 12.25 EastEnders 2.25 Dropzone 3.25 Dropzone 4.25 Lifeline 4.35 Songs Of Praise 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Jimmy’s Food Factory

6.00–7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Jungle Book 7.15 Deadly 60 7.40 Bear Behaving Badly 8.05 Eliot Kid 8.20 Shaun The Sheep 8.25 Shaun The Sheep 8.30 The Slammer 9.00 Hotel Trubble 9.30 Scoop 9.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 The Nation’s Favourite Christmas Food 12.30pm Flog It! 1.00 Escape To The Country 1.45 One Man And His Dog 2.45 Olympia: World Cup Showjumping 5.05 FILM: Big Jake (1971)

6.00–7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Jungle Junction 7.10 Bookaboo 7.25 Jimmy Two Shoes 7.40 Back At The Barnyard 7.55 Back At The Barnyard 8.05 The Replacements 8.25 Phineas And Ferb 8.40 Phineas And Ferb 9.00 The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 This Morning: Sunday 12.45pm ITV News & Weather 1.00 Coronation Street: 50 Years, 50 Moments 2.00 FILM: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) 3.50 FILM: The Mummy (1999)

6.20am Sali Mali 6.25 The Treacle People 6.35 Planet Cook 6.55 Men’s Health Survival Of The Fittest 7.20 Freesports On 4 7.50 One Tree Hill 8.45 Hollyoaks Omnibus 11.15 Taio Cruz Feat Kylie Minogue: Video Exclusive And Behind The Scenes 11.35 Being... N-Dubz At Christmas 12.40pm Ugly Betty 1.40 The Simpsons 2.15 FILM: Annie (1982) 4.40 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Channel 4 News 5.55

6.00–8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Funky Christmas Special 8.40 Family! 8.45 Castle Farm 8.55 Olivia 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 George Shrinks 10.00 ICarly 10.35 True Jackson, VP 11.10 K9 11.45 Zoo Days 11.50 Zoo Days 12.20pm Andre Rieu: Live In Concert 1.05 Emergency Bikers 2.10 FILM: Saddle The Wind (1958) 3.45 FILM: A Muppets Christmas: Letters To Santa (2008) 5.10 Five News 5.15 FILM: Mrs Miracle (2009)

6.00am LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 Football’s Greatest 10.30 Football’s Greatest 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 World Sport 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 12.00am European Rugby Special 12.30 Spanish Football 2.00 World Sport 2.30 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes

7.00 Edwardian Farm It is March and Ruth Goodman, Alex Langlands and Peter Ginn greet the long-awaited arrival of spring. It is time to bring in the daffodil harvest. During it’s heyday in the early 20th century, the Tamar Valley was the largest producer of early daffodils in Britain – the result of the region’s mild climate combined with the arrival of a railway, which meant produce could be delivered to towns and cities across Britain within hours of being picked. The team takes their daffodil crop to the train station and gets to grips with the workings of the Edwardian steam-powered railway system. 8.00 Hairy Bikers Christmas Special The Hairy Bikers create some festive feastings. 9.00 The Many Faces Of Richard Wilson He’s a clever actor is that Richard Wilson. What do you mean you don’t believe it?! 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Colin Murray introduces highlights of the day’s three Premier League matches, including the clash between title rivals Chelsea and Manchester United. 11.00 Eddie Izzard: Stripped Eddie Izzard: Stripped. Class stand-up comedy from the surrealist. 12.40am Never Mind The Buzzcocks 1.10 Medium 1.50 FILM: Nosferatu The Vampyre (1979)

6.00 Meridian News; Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 FILM: Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (2007) Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Richard Griffiths, Gary Oldman, Julie Walters, Maggie Smith, Jason Isaacs, Michael Gambon, Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson. Fantasy sequel. Harry is dismayed when the Ministry of Magic denies Voldemort’s return and appoints a nasty new teacher at Hogwarts to keep an eye on Dumbledore. He said his name! 9.00 David Suchet On The Orient Express David Suchet – aka Hercule Poirot – unravels a mystery of his own as he discovers why the Orient Express has been the world’s most famous train for over a century. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: Atonement (2007) Starring Keira Knightley, James McAvoy, Saoirse Ronan, Brenda Blethyn, Benedict Cumberbatch and Romola Garai. Romantic drama based on the novel by Ian McEwan. The affair between a precocious student and the son of her family’s housekeeper is interrupted when he is falsely implicated in a sexual assault by her younger sister. 12.30am Christmas Tales: The Legends Of Santa 1.30 The Zone 2.00 Motorsport UK 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 100 Greatest Toys See highlights. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Changed My Life Business tycoon Paul Ragan returns to Derby to see how the money he gave to people in need has been spent, and to look for new ways of making a difference in the lives of others. This includes putting on a massive annual event to help Me & Dee, an organisation that provides treats for individuals and their families who are ill and in some cases dying, and raising funds for the parents of a boy who suffers from a rare form of cancer. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Quirky comedy drama series. Paul’s plan for Wisteria Lane is put into full effect and Juanita discovers that she is not Gabrielle’s biological daughter. Bree invites Keith to move in with her, while Tom is confronted about his past indiscretion with Renee. 11.00 Father Ted Christmas Special Ted, Dougal and a host of other misfit priests become lost in Europe’s largest lingerie department as Ted’s leadership helps avoid an ecclesiastical disaster. For his services to the Church, Ted is awarded a coveted Golden Cleric. 12.15am The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 1.15 American Football Live 4.45 Relentless Wakestock 2010 5.10 One Tree Hill 5.55 Sali Mali

7.05 FILM: A Christmas Carol (1999) Starring Patrick Stewart, Richard E Grant, Bernard Lloyd, Saskia Reeves, Ian McNeice, Joel Gray and Desmond Barrit. Adaptation of Dickens’ classic tale of hope, compassion and the uplifting power of the spirit. Patrick Stewart stars as Mr Scrooge, who despises the festive season until he is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. Bah, humbug! 9.00 FILM: Blood Work (2002) Starring Clint Eastwood, Jeff Daniels, Angelica Huston, Tina Lifford and Wanda De Jesus. Crime thriller starring and directed by Clint Eastwood. A former FBI profiler has retired following a heart transplant. At first, he refuses a woman’s request to hunt down her sister’s killer, but she has a compelling reason for him to take the case – he is living on borrowed time provided by her sister’s heart. 11.15 FILM: No Mercy (1986) Starring Richard Gere, Kim Basinger, Jeroen Krabbé, George Dzundza. Fast-paced crime thriller about a tough cop intent on avenging his partner’s murder. 1.20am SuperCasino 4.00 Brian Sewell’s Grand Tour 4.45 Animal Rescue Squad 4.55 The Family Recipe 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00 Countryfile Winter Special Countryfile Winter Special. What else do you want? 7.00 Sports Personality Of The Year 2010 Live from the LG Arena in Birmingham, Sue Barker, Gary Lineker and Jake Humphrey present the biggest-ever Sports Personality of the Year event, celebrating the best moments from a thrilling year of sport. The evening features some of the biggest names in world sport, and climaxes as the BBC Sports Personality of the Year for 2010 is crowned – an award chosen by viewers live on the night from a shortlist of 10 contenders. 9.00 The Apprentice: The Final See highlights. 11.00 BBC News 11.20 FILM: Butterfly On A Wheel (2007) Starring Gerard Butler, Maria Bello, Pierce Brosnan, Callum Keith Rennie, Dustin Milligan and Claudette Mink. Twisted thriller. When a wealthy couple’s daughter is abducted, they find themselves at the mercy of her crazed and sociopathic kidnapper. However, he does not want money from the couple, but instead he makes increasingly humiliating demands of them in order to secure their child’s release. 12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: Coast 1.55 Holby City 2.50 Turn Back Time: The High Street 3.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Cricket: The Ashes 12.30pm LIVE European Rugby 2.45 LIVE European Rugby 5.30 LIVE European Rugby 7.30 Test Cricket 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Test Cricket 12.00am Cricket: The Ashes 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Spanish Football 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Spanish Football 7.30 WWE Preview 8.00 WWE - Tribute To The Troops 9.00 WWE: Afterburn 10.00 Wild Spirits 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 2.30pm WWE Preview 3.00 Seamaster Sailing 3.30 Max Power 4.30 WWE Preview 5.00 WWE: Experience 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 European Rugby Special 10.30 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 11.30 WWE Special 12.30am WWE Preview 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Seamaster Sailing 2.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








2.00pm Futurama (x2) 3.00 The Simpsons (x2) 4.00 The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x3) 6.30 Noel’s Christmas Presents 2010 8.00 Got To Dance 9.00 Little Crackers (x2) 9.30 A League Of Their Own 10.30 An Idiot Abroad 11.30 50 Ways To Leave Your TV Lover 1.30am A League Of Their Own (x2)

7.00pm EastEnders: The Greatest Cliffhangers 8.00 Kara Tointon: Don’t Call Me Stupid 9.00 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 10.00 How Not To Live Your Life 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 12.05am Mongrels 12.40 How Not To Live Your Life 1.10 American Dad! (x2) 1.55 Gavin And Stacey

7.00pm Ten Best Sacred Christmas Classics 8.00 The Truth About Christmas Carols 9.00 Soul Noel: Gospel And Soul Stars Singing Christmas 10.00 The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency 11.45 Festivals Britannia 1.15am Radiohead At Glastonbury 1997 2.20 Ten Best Sacred Christmas Classics

9.25am FILM: Kindergarten Cop (1990) 11.35 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 (x5) 4.35 The Xtra Factor (x2) 6.45 Take Me Out 8.00 This Is Michael Buble 9.00 FILM: Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004) 11.15 Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter 12.15am The Only Way Is Essex: Totally Vajazzled

6.20am On The Buses 6.45 Ironside 7.45 Heartbeat 8.55 Heartbeat 10.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 1.25pm A Touch Of Frost 3.40 Sherlock Holmes: The Master Blackmailer 5.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 9.00 Single-Handed 11.10 FILM: Clue (1985) 1.00am Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus

11.50am Friends (x2) 12.50pm Natalie Cassidy: Becoming Mum (x4) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 FILM: Fantastic Four (2005) 8.00 FILM: X-Men (2000) 10.00 Misfits Christmas Special. See highlights. 11.10 Hollyoaks 12.15am FILM: Team America: World Police (2004) 2.05 Supernanny US (x2)

1.20pm Christmas At River Cottage (x4) 5.05 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.55 Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas 9.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Christmas Special 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 Todd Margaret 11.05 Hung 11.40 Black Books 12.10am The IT Crowd 12.45 Curb Your Enthusiasm

11.00am The Colditz Story (1954) 1.00pm The Parent Trap (1998) 3.25 The Desert Fox (1951) 5.05 Carry On Dick (1974) 6.50 Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid (1969) 9.00 Die Hard (1988) 11.35 Alfie (1966) 1.50am Autumn Sonata (1978) 3.40 Get The Picture 3.50 Close

S D 6. of Au Au Pe w se fe cr an on cr Ye A Ge pl Be w Eu Su Sh w in 1. Bl Bl m si Liv M Br se w se so ar W co Ch in ‘T

033_LS505_TV_mon_L7wed14apr.qxd 10/12/2010 10:37 Page 1

monday 20 The Nativity BBC1, 7pm There’s this donkey, right? And a pregnant couple, some kings, some wise men – although they may be kings too – plus some shepherds, who could be kinda clever. If you’re as confused about the actual nativity story as we obviously are, then this fourparter sets the records straight with some excellent drama.

Ruth Jones’ Christmas Cracker BBC2, 9pm Ruth takes to the chat show chair for this one-off festive special, joined by her Gavin And Stacey co-stars Joanna Page and James Corden. It’s happening! you know what else is happening? Max Boyce, Michael Ball and Russell T Davies are also dropping in for a natter. Lush.

Film: Die Hard 2 Film4, 9pm Yippee ki-yay, Mother! Or something akin to that sentiment. For a proper Christmas treat with snow and explosions and Bruce Willis quipping at baddies you can’t do much better than Die Hard 2. Trying to save his poor wifey again, this time he’s at an airport and the plane she’s on can’t land. Dust off that vest!


¸ terrestrial BBC1



Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24/7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 2.35 The Young Ones 3.35 FILM: Father Of The Bride (1991) 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00–8.05am Children’s television 8.05 Eliot Kid 8.15 Shaun The Sheep 8.25 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 8.45 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 9.30 Climbing Great Buildings 10.00 Britain By Bike 10.30 FILM: The Magnificent Showman (1964) 12.45pm Film 2010 With Claudia Winkleman 1.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Twelve Days Of Christmas 2.15 Ready Steady Cook 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Gift Christmas Special 3.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Unforgettable Harry Secombe

6.00–6.40am Children’s television 6.40 One Tree Hill 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 According To Jim 8.25 Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas 9.25 Friends 9.55 Friends 10.30 The Album Chart Show With Tesco Entertainment: N-Dubz Special 11.00 Glee 12.00pm 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days Of Christmas (x3) 12.15 FILM: Baby’s Day Out (1994) 2.05 FILM: Harry And The Hendersons (1987) 4.10 Deal Or No Deal: Scrooge Or Santa 4.55 Celebrity Come Dine With Me

6.00–8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 Castle Farm 9.10 Funky Valley 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 The Mr. Men Show 9.45 K9 10.20 Penguin Week With Nigel Marven 10.50 Ice Road Truckers 11.50 Five News 12.00pm FILM: A Grandpa For Christmas (2007) 1.45pm Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.10 FILM: The Christmas Card (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 LIVE Test Cricket 4.00pm Cricket: The Ashes 5.00 European Rugby Special 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 Netbusters 7.00 LIVE Ford Monday Night Football 10.30 Netbusters 11.00 SPL Round-Up 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Ford Monday Night Football 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a celebrity special of the quiz show. 6.30 Outtake TV Bloopers and blunders from the TV archives. 7.00 Yellowstone Series following the fortunes of America’s wildlife icons in Yellowstone, the most extensive thermal area on Earth. In winter, Yellowstone is frozen solid – locked in snow as deep as a house for over six months. Watch and feel vaguely warm. 8.00 University Challenge In the last of the second round matches, Newnham College, Cambridge, faces the University of Bristol for a place in the quarter-finals of the student quiz. 8.30 Miranda Sitcom. It’s Christmas and Miranda, for once, would like a relaxing and fun time without her parents. After Penny’s Best Christmas Jumper Party, Miranda and Stevie try to spend Christmas at the shop with Gary, Clive and Tilly. 9.00 Ruth Jones’ Christmas Cracker See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Sliding Doors (1998) Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, John Hannah, Jeanne Tripplehorn, John Lynch. Romantic comedy exploring the nature of fate, destiny and selfdetermination in which a young woman’s future is affected by a twosecond delay. 11.35 Grumpy Old Women Grr. 12.35am Medium (x2) 2.00 News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale David is stunned by Justin’s shocking revelation. 7.30 Coronation Street A struggle ensues after a husband takes desperate measures to win back his family. As another funeral takes place, can a murderer continue to evade detection? 8.00 Countrywise Kitchen The programme goes in search of seasonal treats in the ancient Vale of Belvoir. 8.30 Come Rain Come Shine David Jason stars as cockney ex-docker Don Mitchell in this emotional drama. Don is incredibly proud of his son David’s affluent lifestyle. The cars, the detached house, and private schooling for the children were things Don could only dream about as a young man. His wife Dora, on the other hand, has doubts about her son’s financial affairs. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.05 FILM: Intolerable Cruelty (2002) Starring George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Geoffrey Rush, Billy Bob Thornton. Comic drama. The ex-wife of a wealthy philanderer seeks revenge upon the divorce lawyer who represented her husband and denied her a financial settlement. 12.55am The Zone 2.55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Darren and Nancy recognise they may have feelings for each other. They’re the only ones in the village who haven’t hooked up yet. Probably. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 8.00 River Cottage Christmas A festive edition of the cookery show. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and his team offer up their secrets on how to enjoy the perfect Christmas holiday, from goose to seasonal breads. Yum! 9.00 Jamie’s Best Ever Christmas First of a two-part festive special, with Jamie presenting recipes for the perfect, stress-free Christmas Day. He shows how to make simple and succulent turkey, stuffing, golden roasties, gravy and all the veg. There are also puddings, including DIY chocolate truffles and mince pies. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man In this festive edition, Alan is joined by Cheryl Cole and Michael McIntyre. 11.05 Peep Show Sitcom. Repeat of Friday’s episode. 11.40 Omid Djalili Live In London Irreverent comedian Omid Djalili in concert at London’s Hammersmith Apollo. 12.40am Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.40 FILM: All The Pretty Horses (2000) 3.40 King Of The Hill 4.05 Brothers And Sisters 4.50 ER 5.35 One Tree Hill

6.00 Monkey Life Series about Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Kate Walsh and Jayne Middlemiss. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn focuses on the science and technology behind satellite navigation, and the mass production of aluminium. 8.00 The Gadget Show’s Christmas Stocking The team looks back over the highlights of an actionpacked series. 9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Fishing adventure show with Robson Green. The Geordie lad heads to California to complete his world tour in dramatic style. After wrestling with a big blue shark, Robson embarks on a night-time expedition to catch giant squid, then fly-fishes for rainbow trout in Colorado. 10.00 FILM: The Foreigner (2003) Starring Steven Seagal, Anna-Louise Plowman, Harry Van Gorkum. Action thriller about a secret agent who is hired to transport a mysterious package from France to America. 11.55 The Hunt For Red October: The True Story 12.55am SuperCasino 4.05 Divine Designs 4.30 Rough Guide To Activity Holidays 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2)

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Nativity See highlights. 7.30 Deadly 60 Deadly 60. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders EastEnders. 8.30 Panorama Vigorous investigation of a topical issue. 9.00 Accused Series of dramas, created by Jimmy McGovern, about ordinary people as they face their day in court. Alison, a busy working mother with a young family, stands accused. Passion and hatred have brought Alison and her husband David to opposite sides of the courtroom. Will the jury find her guilty as charged? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker asks the questions in the lighthearted sports quiz. 11.05 The Graham Norton Show The award-winning host continues his anarchic talk show. Expect the unexpected as top celebrity guests join in the fun with Graham and his irrepressible audience. Graham meets Hollywood superstar Cher and actress and comedian Dawn French, while The Script perform their new single. 11.55 The Apprentice: The Final 1.55am Weatherview 2.00 Sign Zone: The Apprentice: The Final Five 3.00 The Apprentice 4.00 Rick Stein’s Cornish Christmas 4.30 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Spanish Football 12.00pm World Darts Championship 5.00 Spruce Meadows 6.00 Cricket: The Ashes 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 12.00am Cricket: The Ashes 2.00 Test Cricket 3.00 Spruce Meadows 4.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 5.30 Wild Spirits

Sky Sports 3 6.00am World Darts Championship 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Cricket: The Ashes 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Spanish Football 4.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 10.00 PGA Tour Classic 11.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 12.00am WWE: Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE NXT 2.00 LIVE WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 Fishing Gurus 4.45 Fishing Gurus 5.15 Great Run Series 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

S D 6. Liv As 5. N M N 11 12 2. W 5.

S D 6. 9. Sp Da M 7. Ch As M W

S D 6. 11 Oz 1. Sp 7. As W 12 1. N Fi 5.

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1








5.30pm The Simpsons 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons 7.00 The Middle 7.30 The Simpsons 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Little Crackers (x2) 9.30 Andrew Stone’s Meaning Of Christmas 10.30 Little Crackers (x2) 11.00 Top 50 Celeb Meltdowns 1.00am A League Of Their Own

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid?: Top Ten Shockers 8.00 Young Butcher Of The Year 9.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Lee Nelson’s Well Good Show 12.15am Mongrels 12.45 American Dad! (x2) 1.25 Two Pints Of Lager...

7.00pm The Highland Sessions 7.30 Ancient Worlds 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Nordic Noir: The Story Of Scandinavian Crime Fiction 10.00 Wallander 11.25 Legends: Herb Alpert, Tijuana Brass And Other Delights 12.25am The Boats That Built Britain (x2) 1.25 Electric Dreams 2.25 Nordic Noir

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.35 Judge Judy (x3) 5.55 The ITV2 Panto: Aladdin 7.30 The Only Way Is Essex: Totally Vajazzled 8.30 FILM: Gremlins (1984) 10.35 Celebrity Juice: JLS Special 11.30 Coronation Street 12.05am FILM: Miami Vice (2006)

1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 3.15 FILM: Carry On Screaming (1966) 5.15 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 An Audience With Freddie Starr 10.00 Inspector Morse 12.15am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

12.10pm Everwood 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Being Erica 4.30 Friends (x3) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Rude Tube: Animal Madness 11.00 Misfits 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Rude Tube: Animal Madness 1.55 Misfits

3.20pm Location, Location, Location 4.25 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.20 Close Up With... 7.55 Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas 9.00 Grand Designs Revisited 10.00 FILM: The Truman Show (1998) 12.00am Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas

11.00am Up Periscope (1959) 1.10pm The Magnificent Seven (1960) 3.40 Return Of The Magnificent Seven (1966) 5.30 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 7.15 Deck The Halls (2006) 9.00 Die Hard 2 (1990). See highlights. 11.20 Hostage (2005) 1.30am Hud (1963) 3.40 The Bypass 4.00 Close

Latest Seven 505: 14 -20 Dec