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8/21/09

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 25 – 31 August 2009

FREE WEEKLY

Slinky Glamour and glitz at Brighton’s sexiest new bar Ink page 9

Artwave Eight-page open houses special Heather Mills The horrific farming habits behind swine flu Wave Your monthly guide to holistic living


000_LS438_Dymanic Yoga

8/18/09

12:50 PM

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NOW WITH VIRTUAL STUDIO TOUR

www.dynamicyoga.tv The studio incorporates a fantastic new ‘state of the art’ fresh oxygenated heating ventilation system.

Class duration: 90 minutes

Stuart offers a completely unique style of yoga. “My yoga is not just mechanical yoga, it is based on aligning your mind and spine with this magnificent universe.”

7 Video testimonals on the website.


003_LS438_contents

8/21/09

2:48 PM

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Contents ★ latest upfront 4–8

Welcome H

19 Food & Drink Andrew Kay goes for a picnic

20 Hot List

4 Dani/VBites Dani on the oldest mother in the world; Heather Mills on swine flu

20 great restaurants and coffee shops.

22 Wave Monthly guide to holistic living

5 City Speak Seann goes down the slippery Bono route; Will endures his first massage

★ latest listings 29–39

07

6 Bare Cheek The cheeky boys tackle theme parks and Hove’s Curly Wurly intolerance

6 Astral Angi Stay safe with the help of the stars

29 Stage Quadrophenia the musical and a plethora of family shows

29 Film What’s on at your local cinema

7 Celebcity Snow Patrol, Preston and Chantelle and the Brighton Comedy Festival lineup

8 News

30 Music Sister Sledge, Black Lips and Vampire Weekend hit town

★ latest lifestyle 9–28

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP

Sussex cricketers crowned; Brighton theatre company play Off Broadway

30

31 Clubs & Bars Plan your bank holiday weekend

9 Cover Feature Drink in cosmopolitan style at new Brighton bar Ink

10 Latest Diary The launch of Artwave

08

32 Gay Cabaret, karaoke and, best of all, gay tango

10

33 TV Your weekly guide to what’s on the box

11 Artwave Open houses eight-page programme

09

ave you ever heard of a ‘manure lagoon’? Admittedly we've seen several amateur musicals that might – by people far less restrained than ourselves – have been described in such terms. But we had no idea such things were an actual, physical phenomenon until we read Heather Mills’ latest VBites column. Swine flu may have gotten more than its fair share of column inches, she argues, but the real facts about its origins are under-reported – and far more disturbing. Turn to p4 to find out more, perhaps pausing to put that sandwich down first. When it comes to pigging out, of course, no-one does it with more dedication than Andrew Kay, who this week delves into a Carluccio’s picnic and surfaces several hours later with a very full belly and a chronic meringue-and-hazelnut biscuit addiction (p19). Elsewhere, Andrew gets the lowdown on Ink, a new Brighton venue opening in September on the site of the old Sky Bar in Meeting House Lane. The DIY-happy owners are aiming to take late night socializing up a level – or three – with their split floor space and kitsch murals. Read more in the cover feature (p9). Free with this issue you’ll also find a venue-by-venue programme for Artwave, the fortnight-long festival of open houses taking place across the Lewes district (p11–18). Snow Patrol fans, meanwhile, should have their credit cards at the ready and turn straight to Celebcity, where Jo Brooks has an exclusive gig announcement (p7).

Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor

01273 818150  Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Bella Todd

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edward Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

19 31



Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance? Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk




004_LS438_Dani/vbites

8/21/09

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04 DEFINITELY DANI

Dani n light of the death of the oldest mum in Europe and a couple of documentaries on the subject, the perfect age for being a mum seems once again to have become a matter for hot debate. If I was going to have children I would rather have them sooner rather than later, because I would rather be a young mum (just my personal preference). But I do not want kids now and am yet to meet someone who I would consider reproducing with. Therein lies the problem. Back in 2006, the news that a 66-year-old woman had become a single mother initially made me feel a bit odd. But after reading more about Maria Carmen del Bousada I came to feel sorry for the poor woman, who had given her life over to caring for a mother who seemed to be planning on living forever. When her mother did die, at the age of101, Ms Bousada was left alone having never been given the opportunity to have a family of her own. The chance to become pregnant (by a series of procedures far too scientific for me) was a light at the end of a dark tunnel. ‘Good for her’ I thought to myself, ‘she seems well enough to look after two tiny

I

VBites

of wisdom ill the surgical facemask be making an appearance on our streets this autumn when the expected second wave of the swine flu pandemic is set to return with a vengeance? Will popping to the shops feel like a walk-on part in an apocalyptic movie called Quarantine, in which uncovered sneezes in public spaces become the pathogenic equivalent of pulling out an automatic weapon? Everybody down, I’m gonna sneeze! There has been so much hyperbolic hysteria in the media, as sensationalist headlines sell newspapers – trust me, I know all about that. But there has been hardly any mainstream media investigation into the cause. Scratch beneath the surface, however, and there genuinely is a sensational story well worth telling but avoided by mainstream media already hit hard by declining ad revenue. Business models do not advise biting the hand that feeds you. The first recorded cases of human infection with the current strain of swine flu were in very close proximity to the largest pig factory farms in Mexico, run by an American food corporation with a documented history of

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Dani on the morality of motherhood in old age  Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

“Would we have felt differently about the oldest woman to give birth had she not lived alone?”

Tirade in a teacup Is anyone else as annoyed as I am when actors on TV don’t have anything in their cups? I know in the great scheme of things it really isn’t worth wasting time over, but it is really annoying. When they go and take big fake sips of the imaginary liquid it gets worse. Isn’t the point of TV for us to become completely engrossed and believe in what we see? If I were to wave a cup full of liquid about during a heated conversation, I’m pretty sure some would slop out!

tots.’ That was until she died of cancer. There have been older new mothers since Ms Bousada. In November a 70-yearold woman, Rajo Devi Lohan, became one of an increasing number of Indian women who are turning to IVF. But this seems to have shocked us less. Is this because the extended family is more important in Indian culture, and we imagine the child being welcomed into a family of cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters etc when the mother is gone? Would we have felt differently about Ms Bousada had she not lived alone? It appears to be a never-ending tug of war: on the one hand we are being told that age is just a number – you are only as young as you feel. On the other we are advised that the best age to bear children is between the ages of 20 and 35. Should we really be judging women who are past the age of 50 and trying for kids? Nowadays, among my generation, starting a family always seems to come after trekking across the world. Chances are, one of us will get to 57 and realise we forgot to have those kids.

Heather Mills snouts about for the truly sensational facts behind swine flu

“Money motivated blind stupidity has created intense breeding grounds for disease” toxic waste pollution. The locals of La Gloria, where the first case was recorded, had long complained about the toxic swamps that pollute the area. Swarms of flies were drawn to the ‘manure lagoons’, highly toxic overflow of hundreds of thousands of animals contained in over-crowded unsanitary conditions producing millions of tonnes of animal waste. The swarms invaded the homes of La Gloria, where residents were victims of a powerful respiratory disease that forced health workers to seal off the town and spray chemicals to kill the flies; scenes from another disaster movie? Nope, just the reality of living in the vicinity of an industrialized pig farm. Pigs are intelligent sociable animals with awareness greater than that of dogs. Master

foragers whose sturdy neck and trusty snout enabled them to grub for roots, acorns, beechnuts and insects while snuffling around in the shade of our once impressive woodland and forests. Money motivated blind stupidity has created intensive breeding grounds for antibiotic resistant strains of disease in an unfathomable disrespect to nature and the animal kingdom. It is unnatural to have so many animals confined together and then pump them with antibiotics just to keep them alive in such unhealthy conditions. This is the reality of economics taking priority over humanity with frightening consequences for this planet. Global air travel has made this world incredibly small. A virus gestated in Mexico hitches a long haul ride to destinations the world over. A lifetime of advertising and PR has misled us into believing in the romantic image of the small holding farm – we all need to be made aware of the industrialised reality and the consequences of this inhumanity.


005_LS438_will/seann

8/21/09

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann ntil recently, I was an obsessive hater of sunglasses and anyone wearing them. I was utterly convinced of their status as nothing more than a fashion accessory – a symbol of vanity which, more often than not, had no pragmatic value. Such was the extent of my hatred that even the sort of weather conditions for which they were designed, to my mind, did not justify their presence on anybody’s head. I thought it better to be blinded. I thought sunglasses were as bad as T-shirts with slogans on them. And then, of course, there’s night-time. It‘s a widely accepted rule that anyone wearing sunglasses at night deserves to be called various names that are unprintable in a family magazine. Such people have moved me to a level of contempt so intense that I have felt it physically. It is, supposedly, the self-satisfied rockstar look, affected by people who don’t care that everyone else hates them. I remember seeing the lead singer of The Kooks, one of the most tedious, posturing bands in history, wearing sunglasses in a pub at night. I hadn‘t thought it possible to hate him any more than before. It was.

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Will hen I used to tell people I’d never had a professional massage in my life, their reaction was always the same. Their eyes widened. Their mouths gaped. How had I survived for so long without giving a stranger money to knead my exhausted flesh? Surely my neglected muscles should have risen up and overthrown me by now, knitting and twisting in grotesque knots around my throat? There’s a general consensus that massages are supposed to be relaxing. My first massage was anything but. It all started to go wrong when the masseuse presented me with a flap of grey cloth, hung together with a bit of string. According to my masseuse, the cloth was underpants. I was to take off all my clothes, strap myself into the cloth and lie face down on the bench. I scanned the room for hidden cameras, bracing myself for the inevitable moment when Louis Theroux would spring out from behind the aromatherapy oils and start doing a piece to camera on male vanity. The room was dark and smelled strangely of Olbas Oil. Stranger still, an unseen sound-deck was playing the theme from The X Files, re-imagined by panpipes. I did what

Seann Walsh becomes a fashion victim

“What I’ve learnt is that wearing sunglasses isn’t about vanity, selfimportance or showing off. It’s about hiding”

But a few weeks ago, I became sick of being blinded. I bought shades for the right reasons and, lo and behold, I wear them all the time: day, night, sunshine, rain. I‘m aware of what people think of it but, just like the rockstar wannabes, I don‘t care. What I‘ve learnt is that it‘s not about vanity, selfimportance or showing off. It‘s about hiding. If I walk down the street in sunglasses, no one can see my eyes. It‘s a comfort device. The eyes are a window to the soul, they say, and my curtains are closed. There‘s a stark contrast between people‘s perceptions and what is actually the case. When they see me, they must think in expletives, just as I once did. I could get a T-shirt bearing the slogan “I‘m only wearing these to partially hide my face.” But then I‘d have gone too far in the wrong direction. It‘s how fashion gets you: you start off doing something ironically, and then it becomes habit. Friends often remind me that it‘s unnecessary. “Ooh, isn‘t the sun bright at 11pm!” they say smugly, as if that remark had any originality. That remark, in fact, is more smug than wearing sunglasses at 11pm.

Will Harris is unconvinced by a massage

W

Photo: Ronald Schuster

“An unseen sound-deck was playing the theme from The X Files, reimagined by panpipes, as I did what I could to arrange the grey cloth around my rear end”

I could to arrange the grey cloth artfully across my rear end. As I lowered my face into the oval-shaped hole in the bench, I instantly started worrying it would leave an oval imprint around my face. And people are supposed to relax in these conditions? When the massage started, I expected it to be firm, perhaps a little painful even. This was my body’s opportunity to get its own back after years of negligence. Instead the masseuse began, very gently, to let her fingers glide up and down my back. I know that touch. It’s the kind of touch I’ve felt many times before, usually in darkened rooms and never with a fee attached. This is a sex massage. Is this the truth of it? For all their talk of pressure points and Ayurvedic flow systems, is the whole massage industry a sanitised, pre-watershed version of sex? All the tingling sensation and none of the dangerous bits like high emotion and having to clean up afterwards – it’s the socially acceptable way of paying for intimacy. Whatever the health benefits, it isn’t for me. There’s only one part of me that needs a massage these days, especially after those pants. My ego. www.twitter.com/william_tells

 For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk


8/21/09

1:50 PM

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06 ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek

In & Out



006_LS438_cheeky/stars

Special amusement parks edition

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

In • Gulliver’s Kingdom • Thorpe Park • The Dome Experience • Chessington World Of Adventures • Blackgang Chine

Popular culture primer No. 24 – The Prisoner

Astral Angi This week, Astral offers tips on avoiding danger

Out

Hove factually

5

• Gulliver’s World • Alton Towers • The Flambards Experience • Flamingo Land • Lightwater Valley

Five more facts you never knew about fantabulous Hove!

1 Hove Museum houses the world's largest collection of rejected Jim'll Fix It letters. 2 The first draft of Richard Wagner's sole comic opera Die Meistersinger Von Nurnberg was actually set in Hove and concerned the exploits of real-life local painter/decorator Sidney Bickerstaff. 3 In Hove the purchase of a Curly Wurly between the hours of 7pm and midnight is punishable by branding. 4 1n 1987, Mrs Julia Weedon of The Droveway, using cream cheese squirted onto Ritz crackers to

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!



Originally titled The Spy Who Gets Kidnapped And Taken Away To The Weird Island He Can't Escape From, The Prisoner was a 17-episode series first broadcast in the UK in 1967/68. It starred Patrick McGoohan, Leo McKern, Angelo Muscat, George Baker, Patrick Cargill, Kenneth Griffith, Georgina Cookson, and Terry Nutkins. A classic of science fiction allegory and cold war psychedelia, it is particularly remembered for McGoohan's defiant shout of, “I am not very happy about being on this bleeding island. Let me off it!” Episodes included such classics as ‘Hand Me Down’, ‘They All Lived Happily Ever After’, ‘Oil And Water’, ‘The Not Very Good One’, ‘Plus And Minus’, ‘The Other Not Very Good One’, ‘Out Of Sight Out Of Mind’ and the series finale, ‘Blimey!’ The final episode, in which McGoohan's Number Six character bangs his head after emerging victorious from a huge gladiatorial contest, and awakens to find himself in the body of a fish and chip shop owner in Chorley in the 1930s, was voted Most Confusing Last Episode Ever by everyone in the universe. LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Angelo Muscat, who played the midget butler, was actually seven feet tall.

form letters of the alphabet, wrote out Anthony Trollope's enitre Palliser novels sequence, from Can You Forgive Her? to The Duke's Children, then ate it. 5 The Dr Foster who purportedly ‘Went to Gloucester in a shower of rain’, according to the famous nursery rhyme, did actually exist (although there is little evidence he ventured near Gloucester or stepped in a puddle right up to his middle). The good doctor ran a practice in Hangleton in the 1840's, and it is thought that the rhyme is a veiled satirical reference to his prescribing barbituates to rockstars.

BARDSLEY’S

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

Arians are in danger at this time from meteor showers, cyclists and errant post office operatives in charge of red trolleys – beware! Best stay home and stay safe.

Cancerians’ armour-like psyche leads them to believe that they are impermeable. Throw anything at a Cancer and see if it sticks – it will not. Get out there and do your worst oh crabby ones.

Librans tread a fine line between safe and unsafe. They can often be found hovering on the central reservation of life’s highway and I say leave ’em there, if that’s what they want.

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19). Capricorns will put themselves at unnecessary risk and then, when challenged about their motives, go into total denial. They are beyond help and must accept this.

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19) Aquarians equate danger with fun,, hence the tendency toward silliness at all times. It’s time to re-assess that silliness and grow up. You must avoid orange shoes.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21) Taureans on the other hand should be pretty safe this week and therefore may see this as an opportunity to take up a dangerous sport. Astral suggests dog sleighing or custard snorkelling.

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22) Leos like to give the impression that they are the dangerous ones when in most cases they are endangered. There should be zoos especially for you.

Scorpios enjoy the reputation afforded them of tough cookie but most of you are more of a fig roll-over. Why pretend, enjoy your softer side while you can.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis are never safe, especially those of you who still hang on to your imaginary friends. Oh I know you think it’s a twin, but it’s not, it’s a fantasy – now grow up will you.

Virgos are certainly in danger of extinction – that is if you continue with this born-again-virgin routine. Now go forth and multiply – no time like the present..

For Sagis nearly all danger and adventure is confectionery based – will it be too crunchy, too sweet, too soft and prone to make ingress beneath the plate of my dentures? Buy a liquidiser.

Pisceans like to play things safe which, while comforting, can be dull. Well, go mad for once and order off the specials blackboard at Bardsley’s – I personally recommend skate knobs, but I would.


007_LS438_celebcity

8/21/09

1:50 PM

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AROUND TOWN 07

sponsored by

Celebcity

with Jo Brooks

Exclusive Snow Patrol and comedy festival news, plus why the Preston Chantelle rumours are rubbish

Snow time Calling all Snow Patrol fans! This week Celebcity can exclusively reveal that the Scottish super group will play the Brighton Centre on Wednesday 18 November as part of a major world tour. However, let’s keep our fingers crossed that lead singer Gary Lightbody doesn't indulge his love for extreme sports and injure himself again. Two weeks ago Gary suffered a broken rib while gokarting in Germany. The singer says, “I had my very best idiot trousers on in Germany at a street gig, and we did a go-kart track in Dettenheim. I did say beforehand that I shouldn't be in charge of anything that goes over 20 miles per hour, and secondly I am the most accident-prone idiot in the Western world.” You can get your mits on tickets from the 27 August by going to www.brightoncentre.co.uk or calling 0844 847 1515. They’re sure to sell out fast so, as Snow Patrol would say, ‘Run’!

‘worried sick’ at the thought that her raw vocals for A Whole New World might be heard by everyone. It hasn’t been a good week for ex-hubby Peter, either, whose ‘Behind Closed Doors’ was kept from Number One by Black Eyed Peas’ new choon ‘I Gotta Feeling’. Peter, I gotta feeling that you might just peak at Number Four.

Preston papped Former Ordinary Boy Preston was recently snapped with ex-wife and fellow Celebrity Big Brother contestant Chantelle Houghton outside his home, causing a flurry of speculation in the tabloids. The pair were married after six months of meeting on the reality show but were divorced after only one year. It was reported that the pair were about to re-kindle their romance after Chantelle, 26, split from England footballer Jermain Defoe. Only time will tell. But I suspect that Chantelle was just visiting an old ‘friend’. Preston posted on his twitter site immediately after the revelations appeared: “Can I just categorically refute the story that my ex-wife and I are more than just friends…nonsense x.” Preston is busy launching a solo career and recently announced details of his first solo single, ‘Dressed To Kill’, which will be released at the end of August.

Comedy Festival line-up revealed The Brighton Comedy Festival is back for 2009 and I can reveal an exciting programme of big names and homegrown talent. The big guns include former Never Mind The Buzzcocks host Simon Amstell, Hove resident Julian Clary and current Edinburgh sensation Rhod Gilbert, a deadpan Welshman with a show nattily titled The Cat That Looked Like Nicholas Lyndhurst. I wonder if the Sussex based Only Fools And Horses star will be in the audience for that one! Tickets are on sale via the Dome box office on 01273 709709. For full listings log on to www.brightoncomedyfestival.com

Katie and Peter spring a leak Katie Price is apparently very worried that the master tapes from her duet album with Peter Andre (recorded before they separated) are about to be released. A story posted on the internet said Katie was

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of November 2009 excluding Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers


008_LS438_newsphil/Council

8/21/09

1:51 PM

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08 LATEST NEWS

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on two very different bin stories while Sussex cricketers celebrate

Space invaders I t’s not the most attractive of sights on Brighton beach, especially after the beautiful makeover of the bandstand. But these new bins have been installed to bring recycling to an area where careless dumping of rubbish by summer crowds has been rife. Brighton and Hove City Council has put the bins on the busiest stretch of the seafront, between the piers, and there will be 10 along the front in all. One promenader, nurse Rosemary McCart from Eastbourne, told Latest 7: “They look like they’ve landed from another planet and Dr Who is about to take them on – but I guess they’re needed nowadays.”

Brighton’s Off Broadway Talking of bins, Brighton-based theatre company Two Bins has been invited to open the prestigious Brits Off Broadway season in New York in November. The festival, at 59E59 Theaters in Manhattan, features seven UK productions over two months. Matt Wilkinson’s Red Sea Fish, a play about a retired thief, has been selected by 59E59 as the first production in this year’s season, and will be followed by the world premiere of Alan Ayckbourn’s latest work. Red Sea Fish opens for a short

run at the Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome (16-18 September) before travelling to the States. Director Frank McCabe said: “The invitation is a huge achievement for such a young company.”

Bowled over It’s caps off to Sussex who have been crowned the greatest limited overs team in English cricket after they captured the Twenty20 title in Birmingham. As one fan put it: “The highest run total in a final; tight, accurate bowling; superb catching – just an excellent performance. Our batsmen just kept coming and coming.”

Your business Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on an innovative new youth scheme In the current recession, I am particularly keen to boost opportunities for businesses to grow and for residents to make themselves more employable – and I have seen an excellent example of the council working towards this aspiration this summer. Connor Daly (pictured), a 14 year-old schoolboy, has been working in the council’s graphic design team as part of a new programme to improve opportunities for local school children in deprived areas. A pupil of Falmer High

School, he is interested in art and is one of 10 pupils taking part in a range of ‘experiences’ organised by the council with the help of local organisations. These can involve spending time at the Theatre Royal, repairing fishing boats or caring for older people. If you run a business and think you could help a young person, please contact Kevin Kingston at the council by emailing him at kevin.kingston@brightonhove.gov.uk or by calling him on (01273) 293846.


009_LS438_ink

21/8/09

10:06 AM

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COVER STORY 09

Painting the town Andrew Kay gets set for some sexy, sassy, sophisticated fun at Ink, Brighton’s newest bar ver twenty years ago I attended the launch of a new club in Brighton. It was the hottest place in town, racy, fun and pretty out there in every sense. It was built in an old warehouse in the lanes and, in true 1980s style, it was called Beverley Hills. I will refrain from describing what I was wearing. Now those very same premises are about to re-open, after a major rebuild and refurbishment, as Ink. Ink is the brainchild of Zoë Urben and her partner Lloyd Power and will open on September 12 this year.

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project to be involved in with a real family feel’’, says Zoë. Lloyd has undertaken most of the building design and Zoë the interiors and styling. Peter Hayward has also been involved in the design. It was Peter who brought the Fredericks of Hollywood theme to the project with its sexy 1950s and ‘60s slinky lingerie and leisure-wear illustrations. There is also an element of James Bond and The Avengers too. So whilst the emphasis is on sophistication, it is not without a slice of humour.

Lloyd has been the co-owner of the bar for the last three years, but recently bought out his partner and joined forces with Zoë to create a new venue with an entirely new feel. ‘‘Once we felt that we had the concept for the new formats right we started to save money for a total refurb. This is not just a lick of paint job but the full works.’’ Lloyd is in fact a builder by trade and for many years has worked in property development. Most of the tradesmen they are using on the major refurbishment are friends and family. ‘‘It has been a fun

An entirely new team of staff have also been brought on board. The bars will serve ten classic cocktails, ten house cocktails, ten champagne cocktails and ten super premium drinks – really exotic mixes using top marque brands. ‘‘We have created a VIP area with table service plus an exclusive VIP room upstairs which is tented with a Morrocan edge. We decided to concentrate on drinks and not serve food but we can work with caterers and, in fact, have already set up links with a catering company to supply food for parties.’’ And this is certainly a party space. The VIP top room or the whole venue can be hired by arrangement. It’s a versatile space with lots of split levels and newly expanded spaces everywhere, plus of course fabulous twinkly loos. Upstairs there is a new area of roof-deck for those who wish to take the air, or a cigarette. Lloyd and Zoë are also committed to a great music policy ‘‘We plan to have laid back deep house with no DJs in the week, just soulful house. At weekends, DJ Pete Hayward will start the evenings followed by Mikee Hollywood later in the night – all transmitted through a state of the art Function 1 sound system. Zoë wants everyone to feel that Ink is the place to dress up and look gorgeous. ‘‘I will be here in the evenings acting as host and making sure that the mood is right and that everyone is having the best time.” Once the work is done Lloyd will be moving on to his next project, but looks forward to being on the customer side of the bar and enjoying their creation. Ink’s look is very sexy and sumptuous, and they are clearly looking to attract the right crowd of bright Brightonians, over 21s with a relaxed cosmopolitan, smart and sophisticated air. Steve Pitman, well known on the club circuit, is their security manager and there will also be an emphasis on safety with a comfortable atmosphere. By opening out the space, introducing more versatile areas and running three bars across three levels, Ink promises to be the brightest spot to be seen in the coming months. And with Peter Jarrette on board, the opening party will certainly be a glittering affair. Ink will be free entry and open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays from 7pm to 1am, and on Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 7.30pm to 3am. 54 - 55 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, BN1 1HB. Tel. 01273 207040


010_LS438_ArtWaveDiary/Comps

8/21/09

1:53 PM

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10 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Win Classics In The House CD ‘Classics in the House’ is a three-CD compilation of house, disco and R’n’B tracks from the past decade, released to mark the tenth anniversary of the Defected dance label. You’ll find an eclectic mix of tracks from artists such as Armand Van Helden, Chaka Khan, Jamiroquai, New Order and De La Soul. To be in with a chance to win one of the three copies we’re giving away, just answer this question: For how many years has the Defected dance label been going? See below for entry details.

Win The Life And Times Of The Motown Stars book Our second prize this week is another record industry offering. We’re giving away a book profiling the Motown record label – the people that brought us Martha Reeves & the Vandellas, Smokey Robinson, The Commodores and Michael Jackson amongst hundreds of others. The Life And Times Of Motown Stars, written by Alex MacKenzie, is an insightful look into the lives of the Motown greats, including Diana Ross, Marvin Gaye, The Supremes, Stevie Wonder and The Jackson 5. The book tracks the artists’ careers with the label and subsequently, telling the legendary Motown story from its inception in 1959. To be in with a chance to win one of three copies, just answer this question: In which year was Motown Records founded? See below for entry details.

 For a chance to win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 7 September.

Michele Doyle (Noughtists) Lindsey Galpin (Pelham House)

headed to Lewes for the launch of the open houses

Jessica Zoob (Holly House)

Enrico Dummett (painter)

Paul Hoppen (Lewes District Council), Angie Osborne (Lewes District Council, Artwave Co-ordinator) and Cllr David Gray (Chair of Lewes District Council)

Arty party Artwave 2009 media launch The 2009 Artwave media launch, organised by the Tourism and Economic Development team at Lewes District Council, took place at the All Saints Centre on 6 August. It proved to be a huge success, allowing journalists to network with artists. Sponsored by Harveys, Chaulas and Kudos Foods, the launch also previewed exciting selected works from the forthcoming open house exhibitions. If you would like any further information about artwave, please visit www.artwavefestival.org or www.newhavenfort.org.uk

Latest 7 Artwave Open House Competition After the success of last year’s event, Latest 7 is running a competition to find the most popular Artwave Open House of 2009, and invites visitors to Artwave to vote. The voting forms are available in Artwave venues and tourist information centres across the Lewes district. Latest 7 will take receipt of all of the voting forms and announce the winner. By voting, entrants will automatically be included in a free prize draw to win a family season ticket to Newhaven Fort. The winning artist/s will feature in an article in a subsequent edition of Latest 7.


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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 19

Food & drink Andrew Kay picks up an alfresco lunch from Carluccio’s  andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Pick a picnic T

he summer has turned out to be something of a curate’s egg: good in parts. Of course the minute the meteorological monkeys started forecasting the best summer for years we should have all dashed out to buy a cagool. I am a great lover of a picnic, and my parents are too. As a family we are year round picnickers – mad, I know. Carluccio's have a picnic hamper service that I have used once before, so I decided to see if it still matched up to that excellent first experience. Well it certainly did, and with some improvements, the first of which is that it now comes in a rather nice pale blue chill bag that I will be using again and again. Previously it came in a large cardboard package, very smart but quite cumbersome.

“I opened them swearing to try just one, then had to hide the pack having eaten exactly half – all in one go” The weather was less than perfect but I still pressed on and, once settled, we opened the bag to find what was inside. First out was an ice cold bottle of Italian white and two bottles of mineral water, a great start. This was followed by delicious antipasto and, in particular, some heavenly ham rolled around soft cheese. That put a smile on both mine and Mr R’s faces. I scoffed all the chilli stuffed olives but we almost fought over the balsamic onions and the sunblush tomatoes. Two soft slices of olive oil bread were great for mopping up the juices. Next we tackled the chicken drumsticks. I don’t much like cold chicken legs. But these, boned and stuffed with a mixture of herbs, breadcrumbs and mortadella and then wrapped in pancetta, were miles away from greasy drumsticks. They were also very substantial and, with mortadella being a favourite of mine, truly scrummy. The balsamic roast vegetables were pretty good too and by this point I was starting to peak. Taking a broad view we decided to save the farfalle pasta salad with tuna, capers and peppers for later and moved on to individual lemon cakes. Pretty damned good too – not quite mum’s lemon drizzle standard but certainly getting there, as were we. In fact, it was a struggle of conscience finding room to tackle our final treat – a pack of biscuits. Now I am an occasional biscuit fan. By that I mean I only buy them occasionally, because if I do then I eat them, all of them, and Mr R is as guilty of this trait as I am. Biscuits should come with a government health warning and these little devils certainly should. Imagine tiny meringues in which crushed hazelnuts have been stirred before baking. I opened them swearing to try just one, then had to hide the pack having eaten exactly half – all in one go. I need to steel myself as I pass Carluccio’s now to stop me going in to buy more and more and more. The next day we ate the pasta salad for lunch and despite it being a day old it was still delicious. At £45 for two including the delicious wines and the lovely cool bag it was certainly excellent value, and dare I say it, two hunking great blokes like us found it too much to eat, so maybe with a little padding there would be enough for three.

These picnics need to be ordered in advance but are not available year round. Many of the dishes however are available from the deli counter so you could easily put together a mix and match picnic of your own in next to no time Carluccio’s, Jubilee Street, Brighton, BN1 1GE 01273 690 493 Open: Mon-Fri 8am-11pm, Sat 9am-11pm, Sun 9am-10.30pm


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20 HOT LIST Chimney House

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants American JB’s Diner JB’s Diner is a quirky and cool nod to the classic American Diner, from the ‘50s rock’n’roll and the retro dining booths to the stars ‘n’ stripes flying proud as you eat your way through their delicious USA themed menu. The burgers are generous, fresh, tasty and available in many different varieties, the Texan BBQ and ‘Across The Border’ Mexican being firm favourites. Other top sellers include the foot-long hotdogs and rack of ribs. Add a thick dairy ice-cream shake in many flavours (including Oreo!) and we have an American diner perfect for kids and adults alike, looking out onto the very British Brighton beach. 31 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NR, 01273 771776, www.jbsdiner.co.uk

British & modern European 9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit, they do the best chips ever tasted and appear to have already acquired several celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk

Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Barney’s Sample the new menu – available until closing time seven days a week! Mainline draught beers/bottles and branded spirts for £1.99, plus fantastic cocktails only £2.99. With sixty seats outside, this is the perfect place to eat, meet and socialise in the sunshine. 102-106 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 1FA, 01273 720058 Barneys@home home delivery service starting soon!

With a stylish, cosy interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu includes locallycaught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a light lunch and glass of wine or a hearty threecourse dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

The Dorset A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best peoplewatching spot in town. This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of home-cooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish. Their Bloody Marys are very popular too! 28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Brasserie Now relocated in the heart of Brighton, on the seafront. The new menu offers brunch, lunch, tea and dinner from 11am to 11pm, seven days a week. They’ve gone more mainstream but some old favourites remain, along with the French specials. Pop in for a croque monsieur and coffee during the day, or treat yourself to a cocktail – they have over 30 on the menu. Parties of all sizes can be catered for. 64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA, 01273 721488

Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie just down from Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. There’re also beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro

A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £10.50 for two courses, £12.50 for three courses, Sunday to Thursday, and £14.50 for two courses, £16.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm. 10 & 11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/ restaurant.asp

the restaurant at drakes

L’Église

Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel, the restaurant at drakes is the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Recently awarded two coveted AA Rosettes through the skills and talents of head chef Andrew MacKenzie, the restaurant offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people. the restaurant at drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Preston Park Tavern

Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a

Indian Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu.

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following,” Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast, popular for its fresh, handmade sushi. Become a Moshi member online at www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes and sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest hot list call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105


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latest musicbar

sales perso n wanted due to th

e huge num ber of party book ings we are getting. we need on e extra sale s person. ring angi on 01273 6871 or email an 71 gi@thelates t.co.uk

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the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night amy winehouse & the kooks partied here… now it’s your turn for Thank you ch a su organising mmer fantastic su s, we all party for u enjoyed thoroughlyThe staff ourselves. friendly were really ionally and except food was e helpful, th and the delicious eat! The gr band were sicBar is Latest Mu t venue an excellen parties, for privatee highly one that w end! recomm r, Jade Taylo utive, ec x E g in et Mark Epic

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aaron king band + creaking chairs melodic pop rock 7.30pm £4/3

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to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact angi on 01273 687171 or email at bookings@thelatest.co.uk monday august 31st

thursday august 27th upstairs

smoky carrot sessions

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wave Fabulous at 50 Joanna Ellender

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Feeling run-down and overweight? Pharma Nord could have the answer Zena Thomson looks fabulous at 50, but she didn‘t always feel this way. The hard-working mother of two was feeling rundown and low on energy until she discovered two remarkable supplements – Bio-Quinone Q10 and Bio-CLA+Green Tea. These gave her the get-up-and-go to lose weight and feel better about herself. Now, she is maintaining a healthy weight. “I‘m a real believer in the power of vitamins, minerals, and dietary supplements,” she says. “I eat healthily and exercise as much as I can, but you can‘t get all the nutrition you need from your diet anymore, so I think supplements are a necessity.” Zena, a shop manager, of Whitley Bay near Newcastle, works full time, helps babysit her four-year-old grandson, and has two grown-up children and a husband to worry about, so she needs to keep her energy levels constantly topped up. Zena says: “I have porridge for breakfast, fruit, nuts and seeds throughout the day, and a healthy dinner at night, but I would never go without my daily vitamins and supplements. Bio-Quinone Q10 gives me the energy boost that I need! I felt a difference after taking it for just a week.” Several years ago Zena was feeling rundown and overweight, but she took control of her life and thanks to lots of hard work and exercise, a healthy diet and an active lifestyle, she has undergone a fabulous transformation in time for her 50th birthday. She is now feeling better than ever and says Pharma Nord products have given her a helping hand. Zena says: “It‘s important to find the best quality products on the market and everything

Pharma Nord does is completely natural and produced to pharmaceutical standards, so you know it‘s safe. “As well as Q10, I take other Pharma Nord products too such as their multivitamin and Bio-CLA+Green Tea. “CLA or Conjugated Linoleic Acid can help maintain a healthy weight while green tea works separately as a fantastic antioxidant and by stimulating your metabolism. Pharma Nord‘s BioCLA+Green Tea gives me both in one convenient capsule.” Coenzyme Q10 is a vitamin-like substance that plays a central role in the body‘s energy production. It‘s found in all tissues, and has two main functions within the body, namely energy production and as an antioxidant. No other substance found within the body has these two important functions. Q10 levels peak around the age of 21, but gradually fall as you get older, so keeping yourself topped up with a supplement could keep you looking younger and feeling more active as the years go on. As well as losing Q10 as you get older, your levels will also decrease if you‘re ill, drink too much, or do a lot of intense physical exercise. Zena says: “Pharma Nord‘s Q10 is high-quality, safe, and good for so many things – energy, heart health, as an antioxidant, and more. I‘d recommend it to anyone who wants to look after their health.” For more information about BioQuinone Q10, Bio-CLA+Green Tea, or any of Pharma Nord’s product range call FREE on 0800 591 756, email uksales@pharmanord.co.uk, or go to www.multivits.co.uk

WAVE 23

Holidaying in England is something to get excited about after all…

t is not totally outside the realms of plausibility that we are going to have an Indian summer. Yes, maybe we Brits really can burn ourselves on our own shores, sheltered from the sky-high Euro and the need to queue for hours in a miserable airport. A while back I wrote about my ambitions for an adventuresome, non-camping holiday, and after surprisingly inheriting £500 I gleefully began researching a real vacation: somewhere sunny, nay hot even, and which did not involve waking up wedged between a slowly-deflating airbed and a sweaty child. Unfortunately my paltry £500 would barely cover the cost of a day’s rental of a gite or a hotel room for five, so I realised that maybe I should stake my money on a good British summer and just get a new tent.

I

“Our family holidays will be punctuated by anxious weather checks, misty morning hot chocolate and woodsmoke. And they will be none the worse for it” Resignation gave way to excitement once I immersed myself in the wonderful world of camping gadgetry and tunnel tents, and I felt happy (even ever-so-slightly smug) that we were not only going camping (with all its eco credentials and healthy outdoorsiness), but might even stay dry and have a great time. We bought a tent that is actually large enough to fit us all in without feeling like you’re playing a tedious, airless game of Sardines, a fancy stove and a few other bits and pieces. I was unable to locate the elusive funnel that is supposed to make those midnight ‘toilet’ trips for us women a bit less, well, awkward (I will go into no more detail in case I offend the more squeamish readers). But, nevertheless, we felt well and truly kitted out. There is a part of me that will always yearn for a villa with a pool (what sane person wouldn’t) but I am equally glad to accept that, for the time being at least, our family holidays will be punctuated by anxious weather checks, misty morning hot chocolate and woodsmoke. And they will be none the worse for it. So, for all those holidaying at home, here’s to warm beer, persistent wasps, charred sausages, Pimms-soaked garden parties, rockpooling in an icy sea, motorway tailback-induced ‘I Spy’, the plethora of music festivals catering for every whim and taste, and generally making the best of the Devil we know: the British summer.

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Workshop Retreats 2009 Sat 3rd Oct. 10.00–4.30pm £65.00 (incl of lunch & all beverages) Sat 17th & Sun 18th Oct. 10.00–4.30pm £120.00 (incl of lunches & all beverages)

Contact 01444 413644 to book your place. We look forward to meeting you!

(For all accommodation enquiries please contact Nash Manor directly on 01903 814988)

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What is… Ki-Aikido?

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macroscopic thing that you tune into through meditation and exercises.” The basic principle of Ki is that ‘mind moves body’. According to www.ki-society.com, “by truly experiencing the flow of Ki with your body you can produce the movement that is free and beautiful. This movement helps to polish your personality and to smooth out relationships with your fellow workers and family members. This will be effective in all situations of your life.” The study of Ki-Aikido teaches coordination of the mind and body, hen my brother took up training in the Japanese martial art how to work with others positively, and realisation of your full Ki-Aikido, around seven years ago now, the change that potential. “The real foundation of what we practice in Brighton comes occurred in him was swift and impressive. Almost right from the art of ‘Shin Shin Toitsu’,” says Robert. “Within this is away his stature became taller and his outlook more confident. stretching, natural movement, purification exercises and breathing.” In Adolescent awkwardness literally began to fall away. He was able to just one Ki class, I was astonished to experience even some very interact with others with ease and within a matter of months he had basic Ki exercises. After some simple meditation and tuning into my landed the first big-break of his career in London. ‘one-point’, I was able to easily bend the straightened arm of a man The meaning of Aikido is often translated as twice my size, and equally, this same man was ‘the way of unifying with life energy’ or ‘the way unable to bend my straightened arm so long as I of harmonious spirit’. Aikido was developed by was concentrating on ‘keeping one-point’. Morihei Ueshiba in the late 1920s, and at the Robert explains: “Broadly speaking, the main time it represented an entirely new philosophy benefits of studying Ki are: you adopt a positive of ‘moving above with love’ rather than mental attitude; you develop confidence, and ‘stopping the spear’, which was what had once you are confident you can relax more; Ki occurred before. “To control aggression without breathing, stretching and movement gets things inflicting injury,” declared Ueshiba, “is the Art of moving round the body, which is good for your Peace.” Today, Aikido is practiced all over the health; and finally, you learn to use your body world, with broad ranges of interpretation. Kinaturally through unification of mind and body, Aikido emphasises the aspect of Ki and at The which helps the body to last longer.” Brighton Ki Centre, there are classes in both KiDemand for Ki classes has been rising recently. A Aikido and Ki Development. four weekly Ki and Aikido introduction programme “Some people get confused between the starts on the first Monday of each month and a free Chinese concept of Chi and the Japanese Ki,” Ki and Aikido taster afternoon will be held on says Robert MacFarland, chief instructor at The Saturday 26 September. The children’s programme Brighton Ki Centre, “but really they are very of classes start from Saturday 12 September. different. While Chi is very related to your own If the turn-around my brother’s life is anything to go body, meridians and blood, Ki is much more by, this is one thing I would recommend you try. Tabata Sensei, Chief Instructor for Ki Aikidi about a universal energy, which flows See www.kisociety.org.uk or contact Robert MacFarland on in the UK. Image: Colin K Work www.ckwphoto.com everywhere simultaneously. It’s more of a 01273 323315.

Helena Baines talks to Robert MacFarland about Ki-Aikido

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WAVE NUTRITION 25

Nutritional therapist Charlotte Watts takes an investigative approach to wellbeing

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WAVE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT 27

New horizons NLP coach and hypnotherapist Jonathan Conway on making changes for the better

Effectively assists with: Public speaking Panic attacks Exam nerves Self esteem Smoking Phobias Weight management FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION London, Brighton, Hove & Forest Row Practices

Bsc Dip EHPNLP Senior Clinican MNCH (acc)

The last year has been a difficult and challenging one for us all, what with the financial crisis and war in Afghanistan. But what about our internal battles? Are we reaching our potential personally and professionally? How much we really want change – both at home and at work – could be holding us back in our belief structures and patterns of thinking, preventing us from reaching our full potential. It can be helpful to have a vision of where we are going in our lives, setting goals for where we want to be in one, two, five or ten years’ time. Jonathan’s tips: Make space for yourself in the middle of the day to switch off from what you are doing to relax. Make a list of daily experiences you are grateful for eg: waking up on a sunny morning or just hearing some good news. Become excited about your choices and realise the freedom this can give. Keep a journal of the achievements you notice on a daily basis. Be curious about your changes, doing so with compassion towards yourself. Coaching is an alterative to therapy. It helps people to look ahead to how things could be better in the future and also take action once more clarity has been gained. It can also be useful to learn self hypnosis techniques to help to keep you calm and focussed on a daily basis. To find out more or to arrange a free initial consultation please telephone Jonathan on 01273 540425 or 07956 855027 or visit www.jonathanconway.co.uk

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www.thelatest.co.uk/wave

independence and stay at home. Secondly, established by the Martlets as a social enterprise, Martlets Care will transfer all profits to support the charitable work of the hospice. Martlets Care Agency staff all benefit from the training and education that the Martlets Hospice provides and every member of the staff is CRB checked. A growing reputation Since the Agency began operating over a year ago, it has been building an excellent reputation for the quality and reliability of its care services. Here are some examples of the type of care that has been provided to clients – post-operative care; end of life care; support for frail and elderly people; offering reassurance to both the client and their families; respite care and personal care among others.

Wave learns about the work of the Martlets Care Agency Quality care in your home Martlets Care Agency is a private nursing and personal care agency that enables people to continue living independently in their own homes. Operated by the Martlets Hospice in Hove, the Martlets Care Agency was set up to meet two objectives. Firstly, to meet the growing need for quality care in the community for patients with chronic, complex, or life limiting illnesses who wish to retain their

Dance/Workshops

Ceremonies

Therapies & coaching

ANNIE LIGHTLY MEDIUM & HEALER Biodanza® Vital Development

Therapies & coaching

Who to contact Perhaps you may know of a family member or friend who could benefit from the services of the Agency? For more information call Martlets Care on 01273 829943. Martlets Care Agency, Wayfield Avenue, Hove BN3 7LW, 01273 829943, www.martletscare.co.uk

Spiritual/Healing

ARE YOU SPIRITUAL BUT NOT RELIGIOUS? Tailor-made wedding ceremonies, personal funerals, blessings for babies and spiritual mentoring. Annie Blampied is an experienced Interfaith Minister and spiritual teacher. Her passion is sharing joy and freedom by moving through and beyond forgiveness. www.annieblampied.co.uk Tel. 01342 825511

Who pays? Some Agency clients may be entitled to financial support for their care from the PCT or social services. Alternatively clients may self fund their care. All care is tailored to individual needs and costs are agreed before care begins. Care is available 24 hours per day, every day of the year. Martlets Care aims to ensure that everybody has the opportunity to live their lives in comfort with dignity and respect.

with Patricia Martello MBRCP

Autumn Workshops in Brighton Saturday 19th / Sunday 20th September Beginners taster 4-6pm on Saturday only. Cost £10 - All welcome! classes for people with experience: Saturday - 4:00 - 8:30 pm Sunday -2:00 - 6:30 pm fees: one day £22/£20 both days £40/£35 Next dates: Oct 17/18th: Nov 21st/22nd. Venue: Knoyle Hall, Knoyle Road, Brighton BN1 6RB www.biodanza.co.uk www.biodanza-brighton.org.uk

More details: 01273 401973 or 07771 640382 Biodanza teacher training now available

Therapies

Private sittings and Tarot readings at Vits ‘n' Pieces, 33 East Street, Shoreham-by-Sea and at Borders, Churchill Square, Brighton. For information on events (Hove Town Hall and The Hawth, Crawley), demonstrations of mediumship, and bookings, please call:

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Tyrol, Austria Aug 1–29, 2009 Vrindavan, North India Oct 10–Nov 8, 2009 • Four-week intensive course covering all aspects of yoga with internationally recognised teaching certificate.

just £40 Call sales on 01273 818150


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STAGE | FILM 29

Stage listings

www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007

Tuesday 25 August to Monday 7 September Tuesday 25 Newhaven Fort 01273 517622 www.newhavenfort.org.uk Richard III Oddsocks Productions is coming to Newhaven Fort on Tuesday 25 August, for an open-air performance of Shakespeare’s Richard III. Whilst you watch the medieval treachery, the Fort Cafe will be serving light refreshments and alcoholic beverages. Visitors are invited to bring a picnic along with them. • 25 August, 7.30pm (Doors 6.45pm), £12.50/9 Quadrophenia, Theatre Royal

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Oklahoma The story of an Oklahoma farm girl, Laurey, who is forced to choose between Curly, the happy-go-lucky cowboy she loves, and Judd, the mysterious loner she fears. • 25–29 August, Festival Theatre, 2pm & 7.30pm please check with venue to confirm, £12–£36 Grapes Of Wrath An adaptation of John Steinbeck’s epic novel about a family of Oklahomans who lose everything after a drought leads to their eviction and forces them to move west toward California in search of stability and a home. • 25–28 August, Festival Theatre, 7.30pm please check with venue to confirm, £10–£36. ENRON The World Premiere of Lucy Prebble’s play about one of corporate history’s most infamous scandals. • 25–29 August, Minerva Theatre, 7.45pm please check with venue to confirm, £26.50

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Noddy In Toyland It’s party time and Noddy, Tessie Bear and Bumpy Dog are planning a fantastic sing-a-long, dance-a-long party but those two naughty goblins, Sly and Gobbo, are out to spoil the fun! • 25 August, 2pm, £12/10

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Gotta Sing Gotta Dance From Gershwin to Grease and Lloyd-Webber to Wicked, a cast of top West End performers take you on a ride through the world of musical theatre in this staged and choreographed show accompanied by the Gotta Sing Gotta Dance band. • 25 August–5 September, 7.45pm (no performances Sundays or Mondays) plus Wed & Sat 2.30pm (no Matinees Wed 12 & Sat 15), £13.50–£19.50

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Tweenies Live Milo, Jake, Bella and Fizz will be performing Top Of The Tots, their new sing and dance-a-long music show. Songs will include old favourites and numbers from the TV show, such as ‘Gonna Build A House’, ‘Incy Wincy Spider’, ‘Wheels On The Bus’ and ‘Do The Lollipop’. • 25–26 August, Mon 4.30, Tues 11am & 2pm & Wed 11am, £18.50 Quadrophenia The Who’s new musical, adapting their classic film for the stage, and told through the eyes of Jimmy, a hedonisti,c styleconscious teenager who sets off to Brighton in search of love and belonging. • 1–5 September, 7.30pm every night (except Fri 8.30pm), also Fri 5.30pm and Sat 2.30pm, £20-£29

BAND SLAM (PG) 10.45, 1.00 CHERI (15) 8.45 DANCE FLICK (15) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.30 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 11.30, 2.15, 4.30 GI JOE (12A) 10.00, 12.30, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (PG) 11.15am HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 12.45, 4.00, 7.45 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.30, 5.00, 8.20 MOON (15) 6.45 THE PROPOSAL (12A) 6.30 THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (15) 9.15 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 12.00, 2.45, 5.45 , 8.30 THE UGLY TRUTH (15) 3.15, 5.30, 8.00

Wednesday 26 BAND SLAM (PG) 10.45, 1.00 DANCE FLICK (15) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.30 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 11.30, 2.15, 4.30 GI JOE (12A) 10.00, 12.30, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (PG) 11.15am HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 12.45, 4.00, 7.45 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.30, 5.00, 8.20 MESRINE: KILLER INSTINCT (15) 8.45

Noddy In Toyland, Congress Theatre, Eastbourne

Thursday 27 BAND SLAM (PG) 10.45, 1.00 DANCE FLICK (15) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.30 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 11.30, 2.15, 4.30 GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 10.30am GI JOE (12A) 10.00, 12.30, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (PG) 11.15am HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 12.45, 4.00, 7.45 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.30, 5.00, 8.20 MESRINE: KILLER INSTINCT (15) 8.45 MOON (15) 6.45 THE PROPOSAL (12A) 6.30 THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (15) 9.15 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 12.00, 2.45, 5.45 , 8.30 THE UGLY TRUTH (15) 3.15, 5.30, 8.00

Films showing Fri 28–Mon 31 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 25

Friday 28

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 3.00, 6.00, 9.00 SPARTACUS (PG) 11.00am

BROKEN EMBRACES (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 9.00

Wednesday 26

BROKEN EMBRACES (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.30

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 11.00, 3.00, 6.00, 9.00

Sunday 30

Thursday 27

BROKEN EMBRACES (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 9.00

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 12.00, 3.00, 6.00, 9.00

Monday 31

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Rainbow Live Join Zippy, George and Bungle as they get up to all kinds of fun and frolics. Zippy’s life suddenly changes when he wins a hit record contract with Yellow Peril Records and with the help of his friends, becomes a Superstar DJ. • 1 September, 1pm & 3.30pm, £10

MOON (15) 6.45 THE PROPOSAL (12A) 6.30 THE TAKING OF PELHAM 1 2 3 (15) 9.15 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 12.00, 2.45, 5.45 , 8.30 THE UGLY TRUTH (15) 3.15, 5.30, 8.00

Saturday 29

BROKEN EMBRACES (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 9.00

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 25 ALIENS IN THE ATTIC (PG) 10.20, 12.20, 3.10, 5.10 BANDSLAM (PG) 10.40, 1.05 COCO BEFORE CHANEL (12A) 9.10 DANCE FLICK (15) 5.05, 7.10, 9.20 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 10.10, 12.30, 2.40, 4.50, 6.50 GI JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA (12A) 3.30, 6.10, 8.50 HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 10.50, 2.10, 5.25, 8.40 ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 2D (U) 10.30, 12.50, 3.00 ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 3D (U) 11.10, 1.20 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.40, 5.00, 8.20 THE PROPOSAL (12A) 8.10 SCARFACE (18) 4.45, 8.00 THE TIME TRAVELLERS WIFE (12A) 11.00, 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 THE UGLY TRUTH (15) 7.00, 9.30

Wednesday 26 ALIENS IN THE ATTIC (PG) 10.20, 12.20, 3.10, 5.10 BANDSLAM (PG) 10.40, 1.05 COCO BEFORE CHANEL (12A) 9.10 DANCE FLICK (15) 5.05, 7.10, 9.20 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 10.10, 12.30, 2.40, 4.50, 6.50 GI JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA (12A) 3.30, 6.10, 8.50 HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 10.50, 2.10, 5.25, 8.40 ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 2D (U) 10.30, 12.50, 3.00

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 3D (U) 11.10, 1.20, 3.50, 6.00 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.40, 5.00, 8.20 THE PROPOSAL (12A) 8.10 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 11.00, 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 THE UGLY TRUTH (15) 7.00, 9.30

Thursday 27 ALIENS IN THE ATTIC (PG) 10.20, 12.20, 3.10, 5.10 BANDSLAM (PG) 10.40, 1.05 COCO BEFORE CHANEL (12A) 9.10 DANCE FLICK (15) 5.05, 7.10, 9.20 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 10.10, 12.30, 2.40, 4.50, 6.50 GI JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA (12A) 3.30, 6.10, 8.50 HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 10.50, 2.10, 5.25, 8.40 ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 2D (U) 10.30, 12.50, 3.00 ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 3D (U) 11.10, 1.20, 3.50, 6.00 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.40, 5.00, 8.20 THE PROPOSAL (12A) 8.10 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 11.00, 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 THE UGLY TRUTH (15) 7.00, 9.30

Films showing Friday 28–Monday 31 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 25–Thurs 27

Saturday 29

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC (PG) 12.30, 2.45

G – FORCE (PG) 10.15am


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30 MUSIC HIGHLIGHTS | CHART

Music highlights To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

Tuesday 25 to Monday 31 August

Brighton  Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Panos Christofi – My Imagination ★ 2 Panos Christofi – I’ll Never Know 3 White Star Liners – Tyre Pressure Was The Least Of His Worries 4 Jaybee – Brokeback Mountain 5 Rubber Johnny – Fist 6 BoxBoy – My Weekend 7 Rubber-Johnny – Alzheimers 8 Moranimal – Strung Out 9 Jaybee – Oskar And Eli 10 The Mojo Fins – In The Script Black Lips

Vampire Weekend Vampire Weekend were undoubtably one of the breakthrough bands of 2008, with a critically acclaimed, self-titled debut LP and sets at almost every major festival including a magnificent performance at Glastonbury. Pulling threads from Paul Simon, Peter Gabriel and African highlife, but infusing all with the kind of indie energy that initially set The Strokes on their path to worldwide conquest, this is infectious pop music at it's very best. Tuesday 25 August, Concorde 2 Black Lips Black Lips make three minute bursts of garage rock that are like tumbling down a hill – ramshackle, messy, but always ridiculously enjoyable. 2007's Good, Bad Not Evil was heralded as a coming of age work, while this year’s 200 Million Thousand forced them further into the public eye. Stories of onstage antics incorporating vomiting, urinating, nudity, kissing, fireworks, flaming guitars and a chicken suggest they’re not for the faint-hearted – nor for those who hate blatant copycat retroism, which this band excel at. Support comes from Crystal Antlers with their psych punk and lo-fi sonic exploration. Wednesday 26 August, Concorde 2 Sister Sledge One of the greatest disco groups make a suprising outing to Brighton.

Honestly, we have no idea what to expect, although if they come close to approximating original hits such as ‘Lost In Music’, ‘He’s The Greatest Dancer’, ‘We Are Family’ and ‘Frankie’ then it should be a fine evening. Comprising the four Sledge sisters, who originally came up via the time-honoured route of gospel singing in church, there’s no doubt that they’re exceptional vocalists. Friday 28 August, Concorde 2 Harptallica As the name suggests, this harp playing duo specialise in Metallica covers. And, as is the way, it all started as a bit of joke that got out of hand. Looking like glamorous metallists, Patricia Kline and Ashley Toman have since extended their repertoire to include songs by the likes of Iron Maiden, Sabbath et al. Thursday 27 August, Prince Albert Paul Steel + Stars And Sons + special guests Paul Steel plays from his Beach Boysinfluenced new Moon Rock album and joins in with alternative indie melodian players Stars And Sons. Expect some rather special guests in the form of a recently reformed band who had a hit or two not so long ago. Thursday 27 August, Latest Music Bar

With ‘My Imagination’ and ‘I’ll Never Know’, it looks like it’s lighthearted power pop type Pano Christofi’s week. Meanwhile, the eccentric balladry and silly titles formula still seems to be winning for White Star Liners, at three. Jaybee’s ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and Rubber-Johnny’s ‘Fist’ make uneasy bedfellows at four at five. Once again, Mr David Simnel and the Pimpernels exhibit military-style dominance lower down the chart. 11 Chaos Borne Watching 12 David Simnel and the Pimpernels I Hope We’ll See The Bright Side 13 lolatwist pretty 14 David Simnel and the Pimpernels Let It Rain, Let It Pour 15 David Simnel And The Pimpernels Grab What You Can And Run 16 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right 17 David Simnel And The Pimpernels Firebird 18 David Simnel And The Pimpernels Safety Net 19 Chaos Borne I Will 20 David Simnel And The Pimpernels Glycerin Tears

21 900 Spaces Shake It Up 22 David Simnel And The Pimpernels Rhumba Familiar 23 Neon Mussolini Emotional For The Last Time 24 David Simnel And The Pimpernels Dreamer 25 Clockworks Fairytales 26 Chaos Borne The Moment 27 Carmeci Romance In Sorrow 28 Mike And Marge Every Single Leaf 29 Gordon's Alive Taxi In 5 30 Pam Weekes The Rhythm

Submit your music and videos

SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

Moles Music Present

+ support LUNA PARK RESCUE

Weds 16 September 2009 Tickets £15 + bf adv Doors 7.30pm Tickets on sale now at C2 Box Office 01273 673311 Dome Box Office 01273 709709 Rounder 01273 325440 Resident 01273 606312 www.ticketweb.co.uk www.seetickets.com www.gigantic.com


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MUSIC | CLUBS 31

Music listings

Bar & Club listings

Tuesday 25 to Monday 31 August

Tuesday 25 to Monday 31 August

Tuesday 25

Tuesday 25

Mean Poppa Lean + Souljacker + The Eleven 37s Popular local funksters warm up for Beachdown. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £3 Vampire Weekend Sold-out show from the pseudo-world music Ivy-League indie kids. Concorde 2, 8pm, £15

Audio Bright Young Things. Tight-trousered indie disco 10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free Funky Buddha Lounge Funky Disco. Classic tunes and disco beats. 11pm, £3/free New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal.10.30pm–3am, £3/1

Wednesday 26 Black Lips + Crystal Antlers Acclaimed psychedelic garage-rockers from the US. Concorde 2, 8pm, £9.50 Open Mac Night Open mic for electronic music, so bring your laptops and samplers! Sidewinder, 8pm, free

Wednesday 26 Audio Supercharged. Residents’ free party special. 11pm–2.30am, FREE Digital Poundance. Indie, R’n’B, electro, house, classics, dubstep and chart.11pm–3.30am, £1 Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’B, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, £2/free

Thursday 27 Hot Rats Covers side-project featuring Danny and Gaz from Britpop veterans Supergrass. Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £7.50 Raygun presents: Paul Steel Beach Boysinfluenced local guitarist performs tracks from his latest release. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4 Sister Sledge Veteran soul sisters return to the live circuit. Concorde 2, 7pm, £20 Subhumans US punks take over the UK. Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £8 Sussex Jazz Orchestra Jazz stylings in the traditional realm of the unsigned indie band! Nice. The Providence, 8pm, £1

Friday 28 Beachdown Festival 2009: Laurent Garnier + Joey Negro And The Sunburst Band + Laura Izibor + My Element + more Brighton’s very own festival kicks off on a dance tip with a live set from the French techno meister and soulful house from JNATSB. Devil's Dyke, 2pm, £97.50 (£45 3–17 years) Kid Korandi + Tainted Saints + Jewel Below The Providence, 8pm, £1 Suspiciously Elvis Brightonian tribute to The King. Komedia, 8pm, £12

Saturday 29 Beachdown Festival 2009: The Zutons + The Fall + James Taylor Quartet + Dreadzone + Gloria Cycle + more Day two ends with scouse indie pop faves The Zutons following sets from charismatic curmudgeon Mark E Smith and co, jazz funk mainstays JTQ and Brighton’s own Gloria Cycle. Devil's Dyke, 2pm, £97.50 (£45 3-17 years) Fake Problems + The Riverside Gamblers Indie rockers hailing from Florida. Freebutt, 8pm, £7 Here There Be Monsters + Spyritus + Cars On Fire + Blind Eye Fury Metal. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Tin Cup Collective Soul, funk and rock covers. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £5/4

The Zutons

Sunday 30 Beachdown Festival 2009: Grace Jones + Super Furry Animals + Ida Maria + The Blockheads + Doll And The Kicks + more The festival peaks with a headline from Grace Jones, still a pop star of Amazonian proportions aged 60. Her new collection of headgear (more like installation art really, and with a new look for each song) is worth the admission price alone. Plus Welsh psychrockers SFA and ballsy Norwegian indie-popster Ida Maria. Devil's Dyke, 12pm, £97.50 (£45 3–17 years) Sham-Rock Open Mic Open mic, of course! The Fiddler's Elbow, 8pm, free Taskforce + Skinnyman Hip-hop special. Concorde 2, 11pm, £5

Monday 31 Beachdown Festival 2009: Ocean Colour Scene + The Rakes + Saint Etienne + Secret Affair + Cherry Brakewells + more It’s hometime, but not before nostalgic sets from Sarah Cracknell’s Saint Etienne, recently returned with more coffee shop pop, and those ultimate ‘90s dad rockers OCS. Devil's Dyke, 12pm, £97.50 (£45 3–17 years) Breakthrough with Rough Trade Unsigned Brighton bands perform live courtesy of the legendary label. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4 Notting Hill Carnival Alternative: Rebel Control + more Notting Hill alternative event featuring a dollop of live reggae, dub and DJs. Concorde 2, 1pm, free Sleeping States Atmospheric rockers from Bristol. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £5 Wob + Anal Beard + Tres Y el Ingles + The Stars Fell To Earth Light-hearted ska punk and various other silliness. Hobgoblin, 7pm, £tbc Nick Aldwinckle

Thursday 27 Audio Shameless presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Funky Buddha Lounge Bang Bang. Hip-hop, dub and D’n’B. 11pm, £1 b4 12 Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems.10.30pm–3am, £3/1 Jam Thursday Night Fish Fry. A sweat box of ‘50s rhythm & blues and original Jamaican ska. 10pm–2am, £3. New Hero Primary pop overload with the fabulous Boogaloo Stu. 10pm–2am, £2.

Friday 28 Audio Battlejam. 11pm–4am, £4/2. Brighton Coalition Carnivalesque. Art, fancy dress, oodles of cake and live performance to shake a sax at! 10.30pm–4am, £11/6 Concorde 2 Freebass.11pm–4am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge Bobby & Steve Presents... Funky and Soulful house music with a twist. 10pm, £6/3 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, ‘60s and ‘70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Hanbury Club Mojo To Go Go. Top of the bill for swinging ‘60s psychedelia, soul, beat, boogaloo, ska and garage. 7pm–2am, £5/4 Honey Club Smartie Partie. Tech, electro and funky house tracks. 11pm–3.30am, £8/5 Life Daft Life. Alt.dance, indie-leaning house and firing electro.10pm–3am, £4/2 New Hero Somewhere In The Universe. Leading alt-electro dance party. 10pm, £5 Ocean Rooms Strobe. Strobe residents spin an eclectic mash-up of styles, plus pound drinks when the strobe strikes. 10.30pm, £2 Volks BlackBox. A Summer Night of techno and funk. 11pm, £5.

Saturday 29 Audio Summer Of Love. House, electro and techno with guests TBC. 11pm–4am, free.

Brighton Coalition Gorgeous. Quality House from the hotly tipped Tom Neville. 11pm–4am, £10/8. Followed by: Blow The After Party. House, electro and techno. 3am–8am, £7/4. Concorde 2 House Is A Feeling. Celebrating rave culture from ‘88–‘94 with Trevor Fung and The Ratpack. 11pm-4am, £7 Digital Shades Rave. Does what it says on the tin. 11pm–4am, £10/7 Engine Rooms The Brighton Rumble. Rock ‘n’ roll club action from Lucky Phil and the boys. 11pm–4am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. With Juice FM’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Followed By: Marlon M. 3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS. Jam EBoogie. E-lectronic Pop. 9pm–2am, free Komedia The New Untouchables ‘60s Night. ‘60s dance party grooves. 11pm, £10/8 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11 Life (Previously Arc) Hold Up. Unpretentious Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 Ocean Rooms Ocean Rooms Presents Fran Cosgrave. House, Tec House and Uplifting pumping tunes! 11pm–4am, £8/6. Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, funky house, commercial. 10pm–3am, £10/5 Volks Evolution 1st Birthday Special. Slamming D’n’B dealt by Micky Finn and Aphrodite. 11pm–5am, £6 b4 11/more after

Sunday 30 Audio Chew The Fat! Bank Holiday Soundclash. 10pm–4am, £10 Brighton Coalition Frequency. Bank Holiday special. 6pm–6am, free Concorde 2 Beer + Rap. Stig, Taskforce, Skinnyman and Jehst. Plus Slip Jam: B put on an ear battering MC battle with £100 cash prize to sweeten the deal. 11pm, £5 Digital Shogun. 10pm, £12.50 Honey Club Hed Kandi Presents... Ibiza Vs Brighton. Funky house tunes and bronzed beauties. 10.30pm–3.30am, £12/8 Life (Previously Arc) Maxxi Soundsystem. Full on party soundsystem. 6pm, free Volks The New Untouchables present Born Bad. DJ Jon Slade spins his usual wild frenzy of Red hot rockabilly and ‘50s rock’n’roll.1pm–6pm, free

Monday 31 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free Honey Club Disco Babe.10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1 Jam Sessions. D’n’B, dub step, electro and house. 10pm–2am, £tbc Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2.30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit


032_LS438_gaylistings

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32 LATEST GAY

Gay listings Tuesday 25 to Monday 31 August Tuesday 25 Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. Cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free Ghetto Quiz Alicious and Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound as a Pound. ’80s, ’90s, ’00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. 10.30pm, £1 The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free

Wednesday 26 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and ‘80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm.11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 Queen’s Arms Anything Goes! Karaoke, bingo, a music quiz and more with DJ Kamp Kevin. 12pm–1am, free R-Bar The Midweek Shuffle. Brighton’s hottest new DJ, Zack Hadley rocks R-Bar with cheesy pop, chart, ‘90s dance and club. 12pm. The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free

Thursday 27 Charles Street Bar & Club Mad Cow XXL – My Cow is on Fire. DJs Li’l Alex and LeeRoy spinning funky house across two floors 8pm–3am, £1 Ghetto Dirty. Miss Masters spins the best dirty electro-house. 10.30pm, free b4 11 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls on Top. Trashy chart hits and pop remixes.10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30pm with passes, £4/5 after The Basement DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks for your dancing pleasure. 11pm-4am, free

Friday 28 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Doctor Brightons Flauncy Friday. Filthy funky dance and house. 9.30pm–2am, free Ghetto Popstarz. Indie. 10pm, free b4 11pm Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girl’s Night. Two floors of mayhem with guest DJs.8pm, free Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes with DJ. Plus unlimited drinks wristbands for £20! 9pm R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop vs Altitude.Top pop tunes. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The Zone Jennie Castell. 9.30pm, free

Saturday 29 Amsterdam Sun Downers + Late Night Bar. The best beach house music in town. 8pm–5am, free Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free

Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo at the Marly offers fab funky house. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Auntie Robbie + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin ‘til midnight! Bar open 12pm, free R-Bar Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–6am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm-4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Bank Holiday Seaside Summertime Special! Live music from the fabulous Em at 6.30pm then DJ Soap spins some body shakin’ summer rollers. 12pm, free The Zone The Zone Presents... Sally Vate. Made to make your mouth water! 9pm, free

Sunday 30 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Charles Street Bar Showtime. Queen of the Quick Change, a wonder of the wardrobe, Miss Lizzie Drip! 7.15pm, free Charles Street Club AbDrag: Lloyd Webber Musicals. Putting their own fabulous spin on some famous musicals from Mr Lloyd Webber. 8pm, £5 Honey Club Rebel. Expect the very best electro funky house at this tough and notoriously sexy after party. 3am, £8/6 Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. With Drag King, Jack Roquard. 7pm, £1 entry Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Sandra + Betty’s Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays and Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free Revenge Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a Spanish twist. 10.30pm–4am, £tbc. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury's Out Bank Holiday Seaside Summertime Special! Bar Open 12pm, free Tru Wild Fruit ‘Hot Pants’ Foam Party. Local deck heroes Prok ’n’ Fitch join the fruity mayhem plus trans-tastic Dusty O and the legendary Tasty Tim will doll out their own unique pop mish-mash electro disco sounds! Plus the return of the jaw dropping, stripping ‘beach boys’! 10pm–3am, £12/7

Monday 31 Amsterdam Funky Mondays. 12pm, free Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free Queen's Arms Charity Event hosted by Drag With No Name. featuring a star-studded line-up of cabaret artists! 5pm, £2 (goes to charity) The Basement Chic. Decades of disco. 11pm–4am, free


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tuesday 25 The Duchess On The Estate ITV1, 9pm There’s a lot to be said for the Royal Family way of living. Three generations all living together, keeping an eye out for one another and a strong matriarch ruling the roost. It’s almost like EastEnders. Maybe that’s why Fergie reckons a community centre for young and old is the answer to all the estate’s woes.

CSI: Miami Five, 9pm You know when you’ve got a big important case in which actual people are getting actually killed – in this case by electrocution – and your colleague really isn’t doing anything to help? Welcome to Horatio’s world. He wants to get the baddies but Mr Rogue Cop’s got a scheme to get his job back and it’s not helping. Grr.

Merlin BBC3, 7pm It seems the opening slot to BBC3’s weekdays must be occupied by something formerly shown on BBC1’s Saturday teatime supernatural slot. And who are we to argue? It’s all good fun. Tonight Merlin is saved from a flying monster by some geezer called Lancelot. Who’s he then, when he’s at home?

 terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Saints And Scroungers 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Scoop 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Roar 4.35 Beat The Boss 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Lunar Jim 7.10 The Large Family 7.20 Tellytales 7.35 LazyTown 8.00 Prank Patrol 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 9.00 Wolverine And The X-Men 9.20 Eliot Kid 9.35 League Of Super Evil 9.45 ChuckleVision 10.00 Horrible Histories 10.30 The Slammer 11.00 The Flintstones 11.25 FILM: The Early Bird (1965) 1.00pm Living In The Sun 1.45 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.30 Animal Park 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Antiques expert Paul Martin helps members of the public make a decent return on their savings. A family with six kids is hoping Paul can grow their savings of £1000 to make much needed renovations to their home. 7.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Celebrity genealogy series. Liverpoolborn Kim Cattrall is determined to solve a family mystery that has endured for more than seventy years. 8.00 Coast For the first time Coast explores the spectacular shoreline of Norway. Lovley fiords with crinkly bits around the edges. 9.00 Desperate Romantics Drama series set in 19th-century London, following the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. Rossetti and Lizzie return from their honeymoon, but it doesn’t take long for Rossetti’s eye to wander, and he begins an affair with William Morris’s wife. Couldn’t resist her wallpaper? 10.00 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast Julia Bradbury follows in the footsteps of writer Alfred Wainwright by walking across northern England from west to east coast. 10.30 Newsnight New stuff. 11.20 The Wire Police drama. Mayor Carcetti’s master plan for the police department is leaked to the press. 12.20am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 No Place Like Home? 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 60 Minute Makeover 12.30pm For The Rest Of Your Life 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Good Bid, Good Buy 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Heartbeat 5.00 Golden Balls

6.25am Everybody Loves Raymond 6.50 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.20 Big Brother 8.30 Friends 9.00 Friends 9.35 Britney Spears: Live In Las Vegas 10.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 What’s In A Word? 12.50 10 Years Younger: The Challenge 1.50 FILM: Face Of A Fugitive (1959) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Little Princess 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Medical Investigation 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Lemur Island 3.05 Zoo Days 3.10 FILM: Flowers For Algernon (2000) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley agrees to take part in the cricket match after learning who the opposing team’s captain is. A grudge from a vicar? MUST be soapland. 7.30 Grimefighters Following the daily lives of Britain’s clean up teams, including pest controllers, restaurant inspectors and litter pickers. Yummy scrummy teatime fare. 8.00 Car Crime UK Trevor McDonald presents the last in the series looking at the work of specialist car crime teams across the country. 9.00 The Duchess On The Estate See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Police, Camera, Action! As cars become increasingly difficult to steal, Adrian Simpson finds out how audacious car thieves are resorting to much more desperate and often violent methods such as car-jacking. Not nice behaviour. 11.05 Supernatural US drama. When Sam is abducted and finds himself in a ghost town with other people who have special abilities, he learns that they have been brought together for the yellow-eyed Demon. 12.00am ITunes Festival Highlights 12.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott (x2) 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Lydia and Sarah struggle to cope with the break up. Zoe gets a job on a reality TV show. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Property Snakes And Ladders Sarah Beeny revisits sisters Helen Simpkins and Paula Harris in Warnborough. They are splitting an old library into three flats. Also featuring Chris and Amanda Hodges who are attempting to develop two large semis in Christchurch. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the Big Brother house. Someone cries. 10.00 You Have Been Watching Comedy panel show looking back at the week’s TV, hosted by Charlie Brooker. Guests include Phill Jupitus, Jack Whitehall and Victoria Coren. 10.55 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford, and guests James Corden, Charlie Brooker and Jim Jeffries. 11.30 The Kevin Bishop Show The impressionist presents a fastpaced sketch show. 12.00am Coming Up: Adha Cup 12.35 Big Brother: Live 4.00 The McCain Track And Field Show 4.30 Gillette World Sport 4.55 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 5.25 Freesports On 4 5.55 Treacle People

6.00 Michaela’s Animal Road Trip Michaela Strachan scours the country to find Britain’s most devoted animal guardians. Michaela visits Colchester Zoo as the vets conduct vital tests on two Amur leopards, the rarest big cats in the world. Even more rare than your average moggy when it comes time to visit the V-E-T. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Vets In Action Series following four teams of country vets. 8.00 Big, Bigger, Biggest Documentary series that examines the technology behind some of the largest feats of engineering in the world. This edition studies the leaps in structural technology that led to the development of the world’s largest free-standing dome – the Kyushu Oil Dome in Oita, Japan. 9.00 CSI: Miami See highlights. 10.00 CSI: NY Crime drama series. The discovery of a partially decomposed body inside a crushed car at a scrapyard leads the CSIs on a desperate search for a missing infant. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. When a first class passenger dies violently on a flight to Las Vegas, Grissom and his team encounter conflicting stories from the remaining eight passengers. 12.00am The Guardian 1.00 PGA Tour Golf 1.55 Golf – Seniors Tour 2.45 IndyCar 3.40 UEFA Cup Classics 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 HouseBusters

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Carling Cup Football 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Netbusters 12.30 Carling Cup Football 2.00 Netbusters 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 BMX Series 4.00 Netbusters 4.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 7.00 Gillette Soccer Special 10.30 On The Line 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Football: UEFA Champions League 12.30 European Seniors Tour Golf: Scottish Senior Open 1.30 British Rally Championship 2009: Ulster International Rally 2.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 On The Line 4.00 European Seniors Tour Golf: Scottish Senior Open

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Garry finally stands up for himself, Zainab’s peculiar behaviour begins to cause concern, and Bradley has to fight for Gumbo. Isn’t that some kind of Caribbean stew? Must be good stuff. 8.00 Holby City Ric struggles to contain the controversial press attention, and ultimately has to make a decision – does he want to be Director of Surgery, or a medic? Both! Both! Stamp the feet now! 9.00 Motorway Cops Documentary series following the traffic police as they enforce the law on some of Britain’s busiest and most dangerous roads. With some of the most bored camera crew riding along hoping for something mildly interesting that’ll go into the show getting them closer to going home (sigh). 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Neighbourhood Watched Showing life in the raw for Britain’s housing officers and their tenants. 11.15 FILM: Needful Things (1993) Starring Max von Sydow, Ed Harris, Bonnie Bedelia, Amanda Plummer. Supernatural thriller based on a novel by Stephen King. 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Coast 2.15 Country Tracks 3.10 Jam And Jerusalem 4.10 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Showjumping 9.00 Motor Sport 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker 11.30 Showjumping 12.30pm UCI BMX Series 1.00 Poker 2.30 UCI BMX Series 3.00 Motor Sport 3.30 Poker 5.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 On The Line 7.00 LIVE: Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 Hyundai A League 11.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge IV 2009 1.00am Hyundai A League 1.30 Sports Unlimited 2.30 Pool: World Pool Masters 3.30 Asian Tour Golf 4.30 Polo 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.30am UCI BMX Series 9.00 Bowls 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Motor Sport 12.30 Polo 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 Bowls 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 7.00 LIVE: Cricket: Pro40 League 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 British Rally Championship 12.00am Sailing: Med Cup 12.30 Spirit Of Yachting: Rolex Farr 40 World Champs 1.00 Bowls

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Stargate Atlantis (x2) 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 House 10.00 Justin Lee Collins: West End Star 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Cold Case

7.00pm Merlin. See highlights. 7.45 The Real Hustle 8.00 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 9.00 Virgin Cooks 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Underage And Pregnant 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 12.45am Tough Guy Or Chicken? 1.40 Underage And Pregnant

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 The Cell 9.00 Rich Man, Poor Man: A Knight’s Tale 10.00 The Car Show 11.00 Early Doors 11.30 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 12.00am Rich Man, Poor Man: A Knight’s Tale 1.00 The Car Show 2.00 Only Connect 2.30 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Gossip Girl 8.00 Homes From Hell 9.00 FILM: Two Weeks Notice (2002) 11.00 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002) 1.20am Emmerdale

11.55am Agatha Christie’s Garden: Murder And Mystery In Devon 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.05 Pie In The Sky 4.10 Great Garden Detectives 5.15 Home To Roost 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Wire In The Blood 12.00am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

1.25pm Big Brother 2.35 Friends 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.05 Celebrity Wife Swap 12.10am Big Brother: Live

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 A1: The Road Musical 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 True Stories 12.00am Location, Location, Location 1.00 True Stories

12.50pm The Fix 1.00 60 Minute Makeover 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Four Weddings 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Swamp Loggers 10.00 Alaska’s Great Race 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am How It’s Made (x2) 1.00 Swamp Loggers

12.00pm Quantum Leap (x5) 4.00 FILM: Locusts: Day Of Destruction (2005) 5.40 Legend Of The Seeker: The Making Of A Legend 6.10 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 8.00 Knight Rider 9.00 FILM: Street Fighter (1994) 11.00 Medium 12.00am FILM: Kaw (2007) 1.50 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

11.50am A Medal For Benny (1945) 1.20pm Detective Story (1951) 3.10 Two For The Road (1967) 5.10 Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 7.10 Junior Bonner (1972) 9.00 Alfie (1966) 10.55 The Man In The Gray Flannel Suit (1956) 1.30am Junior Bonner (1972) 3.20 Alfie (1966)

11.15am Be Kind Rewind (2008) 1.00pm The Movie Geek 1.30 Youth Without Youth (2007) 3.40 Nelly And Monsieur Arnaud (1995) 5.30 Ride With The Devil (1999) 7.50 The Children Of Huang Shi (2008) 10.00 Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 12.00am Be Kind Rewind (2008)

11.00am Long Day’s Journey Into Night (1962) 2.20pm Lisbon (1956) 4.05 The Bells Of St Mary’s (1945) 6.30 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) 9.00 The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 11.20 Diary Of The Dead (2007) 1.10am The Breed (2006)

9.00am Five Days One Summer (1983) 10.55 My Giant (1998) 1.00pm A Day At The Races (1937) 3.00 Crazy From The Heart (1991) 4.50 I Died A Thousand Times (1955) 6.50 Bronco Billy (1980) 9.00 City Of Angels (1998) 11.20 Gods And Generals (2003) 3.25am Wise Guys (1986) 5.00 A Day At The Races (1937)

4.20pm My Family 5.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 5.40 One Foot In The Grave 6.20 The Thin Blue Line 7.00 Steptoe And Son 7.40 Yes, Prime Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 One Foot In The Algarve 11.05 Fawlty Towers 11.50 Little Britain USA 12.25am Blackadder Goes Forth 1.05 French And Saunders

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 South Park 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x3)

Classics

Indie


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wednesday 26 The Edinburgh Festival Show BBC2, 7pm There is just so much to see at the Edinburgh Festival that even if you moved up there and survived on caffeine and shows alone, you’d still feel like you must have missed out on something spectacular. Which is why we need Lauren Laverne to help guide us through to the jewels.

Shooting Stars BBC2, 10pm It’s back! And back proper – not simply a one-off special to get you in all nostalgic and make you go off and buy the DVD. Vic and Bob are joined by captains Jack Dee and Ulrika Jonsson for the bizarre quiz show, with Christine Bleakley, Paddy McGuiness and a familiar face in Brighton burger van owner Angelos Epithemiou.

You Have Been Watching E4, 11.10pm If you were far too busy with Tuesday things last night, fear not – here’s another chance to catch this week’s feast of television critique and irrelevency hosted by the sharp-tongued Charlie Brooker. Guests Phill Jupitus, Jack Whitehall and Victoria Coren they trade quips and giggles.

 terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Saints And Scroungers 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Scoop 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Wait For It..! 4.35 Animals At Work 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Wildest Dreams The four remaining aspiring wildlife filmmakers, competing for a job at the BBC’s Natural History Unit, visit one of Kenya’s most successful wildlife sanctuaries, where they must make a film highlighting the conservation work that helps protect some of Africa’s most endangered animals. 8.30 The 39 Steps Drama based on John Buchan’s novel, set in the leadup to the First World War. When an undercover British spy is killed in his flat, a man finds himself accused of murder and caught up in a deadly conspiracy which threatens not only his life, but the safety of the nation. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws It wanted to win but was happy with a Draw. 10.45 Silverville Documentary following the lives and loves of residents in a new, purpose-built retirement village in Milton Keynes. 11.15 League Cup Highlights Footbally bits. 12.05am FILM: Ashanti (1979) 1.55 Weatherview 2.00 Sign Zone: The Last Volunteer – A Tribute To Henry Allingham 2.30 Harry Patch – The Last Tommy 3.30 Rick Stein’s Far Eastern Odyssey 4.30 BBC News

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Prank Patrol 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 9.00 Skunk Fu 9.10 Shaun The Sheep 9.20 Eliot Kid 9.35 League Of Super Evil 9.45 ChuckleVision 10.00 Horrible Histories 10.30 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 10.35 The Slammer 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 FILM: Herbie Goes Bananas (1980) 1.00pm Living In The Sun 1.45 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.30 Animal Park 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general-knowledge quiz. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Antiques expert Paul Martin helps members of the public make a decent return on their savings.Paul visits the Van Dyke family in Cornwall who are hoping he can make enough money to send their talented daughter to dance in Paris. Sounds like an ex-pat scheme for the kids. 7.00 The Edinburgh Festival Show See highlights. 7.50 A Wild Day In Heligan Nature documentary series. 8.00 Economy Gastronomy Top chefs Allegra McEvedy and Paul Merrett demonstrate ways to slash food bills and improve diets. James and Claire Caddy have five children and a huge weekly food bill. However, their shopping is chaotic and the busiest kitchen gadget is the waste disposal unit because they throw so much food away. Classic. 9.00 Dragons’ Den Another diverse mix of businesses and entrepreneurs go before the multimillionaire investors. 10.00 Shooting Stars See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Wire Critically acclaimed Baltimore police drama. The Baltimore Sun scrambles to confirm surprising news from City Hall. 12.20am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 No Place Like Home? 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 60 Minute Makeover 12.30pm For The Rest Of Your Life 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Good Bid, Good Buy 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Heartbeat 5.00 Golden Balls

6.05 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Alesha Dixon’s Postcard From T4 9.15 Friends 9.45 The Inbetweeners’ Postcard From T4 On The Beach 10.00 Friends 10.30 Calvin Harris’ Postcard From T4 On The Beach 10.45 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 11.50 Little Boots’ Postcard From T4 12.00pm News 12.30 My Eden 12.35 10 Years Younger: The Challenge 1.30 FILM: Escape From The Planet Of The Apes (1971) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Lauren and Anita break into the school in search of their GCSE results. ‘Cause GCSE results are just like Easter Eggs in that you’ve got to hunt them out after someone’s hidden them. Not. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Location, Location, Location Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp take their expertise to Edinburgh to help two more couples looking for help in the property market. Rugby player Matt and girlfriend Amy have been seeking a new home in the Scottish capital for over a year, while Sarah and Dom want to trade in London life for a move back to her homeland. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the Big Brother house. are they really highlights? Or are they lowlights in thier lives? 10.00 Ugly Betty Betty adn amanda get tasked with writing an article together. Surely this is a little too cosy with her nemesis in pastels? 11.00 Skins Drama series following the chaotic lives of a group of Bristol teenagers. When Katie refuses to leave the house, Emily disguises herself as her sister and sits an exam on her behalf. 12.00am Teachers 1.05 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Scrapheap Challenge 5.00 Countdown 5.40 Yo Gabba Gabba

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Little Princess 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Medical Investigation 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Lemur Island 3.05 Zoo Days 3.10 FILM: Taking Back Our Town (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 On The Line 10.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 12.00pm Football: UEFA Champions League 12.30 On The Line 1.00 European Seniors Tour Golf: Scottish Senior Open 2.00 British Rally Championship 2009: Ulster International Rally 3.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 7.00 Gillette Soccer Special 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 12.00am Football: UEFA Champions League 12.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale A sheepish Val and Pollard return to the village. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Arsenal V Celtic Live coverage from the Emirates stadium as Arsenal and Celtic go head to head at in the second leg of the Champions League play-off. Presented by Matt Smith and Andy Townsend, with commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Jim Beglin. And your best mate standing next to you over all of the important commentary bits. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League Matt Smith is joined by Robbie Earle for highlights of tonight’s deciding leg of the Champions League play-off between Arsenal and Celtic. The bits where – if you were watching it live – you would’ve stopped with your drink halfway to your mouth and stared transfixed. 11.35 Benidorm Unpacked Series looking at life in the popular tourist resort of Benidorm. Today we meet the cringe-inducing father and son act whose claim to fame is that Simon Cowell once branded them ‘horrific’ at an X Factor audition. Nice. 12.05am Nightwatch With Steve Scott (x3) 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Michaela’s Animal Road Trip Wildlife documentary. Michaela has a close encounter with a crow. You’d never think to look at it that she had it in her, the animal-lover. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Mean Machines This episode explores the meanest machines on both land and water – amphibians. From life-savers to war veterans, and from sports cars to ice dozers. 8.00 Megastructures: Built From Disaster New documentary series exploring how disasters have influenced the evolution of modern structural engineering. The first instalment examines how a series of tragic events at sports stadiums forced architects to incorporate a number of safety features. 9.00 FILM: Second In Command (2006) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Action thriller. An uprising in an eastern European country leads insurgents to attack the US embassy. The ambassador is killed, forcing his right-hand man to take charge. 10.50 Rory & Paddy’s Great British Adventure Comedians Rory McGrath and Paddy McGuinness travel the UK in a camper van in search of strange sporting events. 11.50 PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open III 1.20am ITU Triathlon 2.15 Cricket On Five 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 HouseBusters

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Hyundai A League 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 9.00 Sailing: Med Cup 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge IV 2009 12.00pm Polo: Queen’s Cup 1.00 Sailing: Med Cup 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 4.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge IV 2009 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE: Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 Boots ‘n’ All 11.30 NFL - Total Access 12.30am Trans World Sport 1.30 Polo: Queen’s Cup

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Spirit Of Yachting: Rolex Farr 40 World Champs 8.00 Asian Tour Golf 9.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 10.00 British Rally Championship 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Hyundai A League 3.00 Sailing: Med Cup 3.30 WWE The Bottom Line 4.30 WWE Afterburn 5.30 Asian Tour Weekly 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 LIVE: Live Cricket: Pro40 League 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 World Tenpin Masters 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Asian Tour Weekly Victoria Nangle

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BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

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Living

2.00pm UK Border Force 3.00 Stargate Atlantis (x2) 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Missing Children: Lorraine Kelly Investigates 10.00 FILM: The Running Man (1987) 11.55 Road Wars (x2) 1.50am Inside: Gangs Behind Bars

7.00pm Merlin 7.45 The Real Hustle 8.00 Underage And Pregnant (x2) 9.00 The Autistic Me 10.00 Bizarre ER 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 Little Britain 11.45 We Are Klang 12.15am Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 1.10 Virgin Cooks 2.10 Underage And Pregnant (x2) 3.10 Britain’s Most Embarrassing Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Once A Soldier 8.00 Casualty 1909 9.00 The Cell 10.00 Visions Of The Future 11.00 FILM: Shadow Of The Vampire (2000) 12.20am The Cell 1.20 Visions Of The Future 2.20 Once A Soldier 2.50 The Cell 5.30 Close

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Gossip Girl 8.00 FILM: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed And Fabulous (2005) 10.20 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 12.35am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 1.05 Emmerdale 1.35 Entourage

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.05 Pie In The Sky 4.10 Great Garden Detectives 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life 11.00 FILM: Crazy People (1990) 12.50am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.45 Upstairs, Downstairs

3.05pmDesperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Italian Job (2003) 11.10 You Have Been Watching. See highlights. 12.00am Big Brother: Live

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 Half Ton Veg 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Attila And The Empire Of The Huns 11.05 Queen Victoria’s Men 12.45am Time Team

12.50pm The Fix 1.00 60 Minute Makeover 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Private Practice 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Great Planes 3.00 Al Murray’s Road To Berlin (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Are We Alone? 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am How It’s Made (x2) 1.00 Are We Alone? 3.00 Time Team

12.00pm V (x4) 4.00 FILM: Thrill Seekers (1999) 6.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 8.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 9.50 FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 11.50 Medium 12.50am FILM: Supergator (2007) 3.00 Mysterious Ways 4.00 Angel 5.00 Jericho

1.15pm Rooster Cogburn (1975) 3.15 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 5.05 Desk Set (1957) 6.55 How To Steal A Million (1966) 9.00 Frenzy (1972) 11.00 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 12.50am Psycho (1960) 2.50 Arabesque (1966) 4.45 Safety Last (1923)

9.00am Mongol (2007) 11.10 Control (2007) 1.15pm Sunshine (2007) 3.15 Detroit Rock City (1999) 5.00 The Movie Geek 5.30 I’m Not There (2007) 7.50 Mongol (2007) 10.00 Sunshine (2007) 11.50 Taxi Driver (1976) 1.50am Detroit Rock City (1999) 3.30 Hana-Bi (1997)

11.00am Sailor Beware! (1956) 12.35pm Footsteps In The Fog (1955) 2.20 Moulin Rouge (1952) 4.40 The Cat Returns (2002) 6.25 The Core (2003) 9.00 Kingdom Of Heaven (2005) Orlando Bloom looks all epic and costumey. 12.40am Wilderness (2006)

10.50am Bronco Billy (1980) 1.00pm Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 3.00 Crooks And Coronets (1969) 5.00 This Woman Is Dangerous (1952) 6.55 The In-Laws (1979) 9.00 Blazing Saddles (1974) 10.50 The Swarm (1978) 1.50am Blazing Saddles (1974) 3.25 The Marseilles Contract (1974)

4.55pm Last Of The Summer Wine 5.35 One Foot In The Grave 6.20 The Thin Blue Line 7.00 Steptoe And Son 7.40 Yes, Prime Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.45 Little Britain USA 10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 1.05am French And Saunders

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x3)

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035_LS438_TV_Thurs

8/19/09

5:08 PM

Page 1

thursday 27 The Frankincense Trail BBC2, 8pm Apparently it’s not just the baby Jesus who got some of the smelly stuff for his blessing, as Kate Humble discovers as she follows the frankincense trade route of Arabia. Starting off in the hills of Southern Oman, she walks with the Al Mahri tribe, ending her journey with the blessing of a newborn babe. Ahh.

Being Human BBC1, 10.35pm Yeah, yeah, yeah – we know this is a terrestrial repeat of a BBC3 hit but not only is it a highlightworthy series, this is a particularly excellent epsiode. Tonight it’s the turn of ghost Annie from the supernatural trio of flatmates to step into the spotlight, as she enlists a 1980s ghost to help her work out limbo.

Big Brother’s Little Brother E4, 6pm If you want to understand the weekend tabloid headlines then make a date to catch up on all things Big Brother with George Lamb. Maybe you thought the Halfwit’s eviction story was just about your sister-in-law finally making your brother camp out in the garden. Maybe not. Get all the info here.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Saints And Scroungers 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Scoop 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Best Of Friends 4.35 SMart 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Prank Patrol 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 9.00 Skunk Fu 9.10 Shaun The Sheep 9.20 Eliot Kid 9.35 League Of Super Evil 9.45 ChuckleVision 10.00 Horrible Histories 10.30 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 10.35 The Slammer 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 FILM: Up In The World (1956) 1.00pm Living In The Sun 1.45 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.30 Animal Park 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 No Place Like Home? 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 60 Minute Makeover 12.30pm For The Rest Of Your Life 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Good Bid, Good Buy 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Heartbeat 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.25 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.55 Big Brother 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Michael Jackson: His Story 10.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 In Your Dreams 12.45 10 Years Younger: The Challenge 1.40 FILM: Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Will Garry and Dawn find their happily ever after? time to switch from ‘stEnders to Disney-type place. Bit of a culture shock for all concerned. 8.00 As Seen On TV Steve Jones hosts the celebrity TV quiz, with classic clips, hilarious outtakes and the best of the best of current television. 8.30 The Rat Pack Reports of supersize rats in London may seem far fetched but pest controllers Ricky and Jimmy Clark beg to differ. Maybe they’ve escaped from The Old Vic’s rendition of Wind In The Willows. 9.00 New Tricks Crime drama series. UCOS reinvestigate a highprofile riverboat disaster on the Thames after a new witness comes forward claiming the collision was the result of sabotage, rather than an accident. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Being Human See highlights. 11.35 FILM: Win A Date With Tad Hamilton! (2004) Starring Kate Bosworth, Josh Duhamel, Topher Grace. Romantic comedy. 1.05am Holiday Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.40 The Death Of Respect (x2) 3.40 Countryfile 4.35 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general-knowledge quiz. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Antiques expert Paul Martin helps members of the public make a decent return on their savings. Julian Rivett and his fiancee Charlotte set Paul the task of trying to more than double their £2000 savings to pay for their dream honeymoon. Or lose it completely on old tat. 7.00 Coast Coast explores the spectacular shoreline of Norway. 8.00 The Frankincense Trail See highlights. 9.00 Mock The Week Dara O’Briain looks back at another week’s events with the help of Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons. Which comics enter the bearpit of stand-up tonight? 9.30 The Funny Side Of Live TV Clive Anderson guides us through the history of live TV, pointing out all the things that go wrong when the programme-makers have no second chance. Spelling like tihs. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis. 11.20 FILM: 10 Rillington Place (1971) Starring Richard Attenborough, John Hurt, Judy Geeson and Pat Heywood. Stark drama based on the notorious, horrifying Christie case. 1.10am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will finds himself in a dangerous situation at the stables. Cue memories of Black Beauty’s hard knock life. 7.30 Countrywise 8.00 Emmerdale Ryan’s heroic action to save Will strikes a chord with Mark. Did he save a grand piano too? 8.30 Coronation Street Norris is outraged when he hears about Ramsay’s plans. 9.00 The Bill When the police receive an emergency call informing them that a newsagent called O’Halloran has been beaten to death, Banksy is shocked to learn that the anonymous message came from someone he knows. Not that anonymous then, is it? 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 James Bulger – A Mother’s Story: Real Crime A look at one of the most shocking cases in criminal history. In February 1993, James Bulger was just two when he was abducted from a Liverpool shopping centre and murdered by two 10-yearold boys. This is his mother’s tale. 11.35 Surface Fantasy series. Cirko’s life is in danger after he discovers the origin of the new species. 12.30am Motorsport UK 1.15 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.10 Supernatural 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa decides to launch a career as a racy model and offers her services to Zoe. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How Clean Is Your House? The grime-busting duo head to Aldershot to assist a feisty French woman with a cluttered home and an obsession for car boot sales. 8.30 Dolce Vito – Dream Restaurant Entrepreneur Vito Cataffo sets out on an epic quest to prove that our food is the best in the world by running a restaurant serving British grub in Italy. Still can’t find a venue. Gonna be even tougher without one of them. 9.00 Benefit Busters Documentary series following both sides of the welfare state in Britain. An exsoldier’s joy at finding work after ten years of unemployment is short-lived when his new employers make him redundant. ****ing *******s. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 The TNT Show Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh present a late-night entertainment show. 11.40 You Have Been Watching Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.30am Big Brother: 4.00 Postmodern Pastimes 4.15 Scrapheap Challenge 5.10 Countdown 5.50 The Treacle People

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Little Princess 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Medical Investigation 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Lemur Island 3.05 Zoo Days 3.10 FILM: Bound By A Secret (2009) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Michaela’s Animal Road Trip Wildlife documentary series with Michaela Strachan. Michaela arrives at Trotters World of Animals in the Lake District where there is excitement surrounding the birth of three Canadian lynx cubs – the only ones bred in captivity in Britain for many years. Hang on a mo’ – is this DelBoy’s zoo? This time next year... 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action as Aston Villa host Rapid Vienna in the second leg of their play-off clash. Kick-off is at 8pm. 10.05 FILM: Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004) Starring Milla Jovovich, Oded Fehr, Sienna Guillory, Thomas Kretschmann, Sophie Vavasseur, Razaaq Adoti, Jared Harris and Eric Mabius. Science-fiction sequel based on the successful video game series. The Hive has been re-opened leading to the contamination of Raccoon City by another plague of zombies. Gun-toting heroine Alice and her allies are caught in the midst of this nightmare scenario but, in order to survive, they will have to counter a terrifying new threat set loose by the evil Umbrella Corporation. Already scared. 11.50 Quiz Call 4.00am NFL Classics 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 HouseBusters

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Football: UEFA Champions League 1.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE: Carling Cup Football 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 12.00am Carling Cup Football 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 Carling Cup Football 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Ocean Adventures 5.30 UIM F1 Powerboating

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Asian Tour Weekly 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00pm Polo 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.00 Polo 4.00 Total Rugby 4.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 10.00 Race World 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Golf Night 2.00 NFL – Total Access 3.00 Polo 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 World Tenpin Masters 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 World Tenpin Masters 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Race World 7.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 7.30 LIVE: Greyhound Racing 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 1.30 Race World 2.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

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More4

Living

2.00pm UK Border Force 3.00 Stargate Atlantis (x2) 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Bones 10.00 Justin Lee Collins: High Diver 11.00 Fringe (x2) 1.20am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Merlin 7.45 The Real Hustle 8.00 Doctor Who Greatest Moments: Companions 9.00 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 We Are Klang 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 12.45am Virgin Cooks 1.40 Underage And Pregnant 2.10 We Are Klang

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Proms 2009: Lang Lang Plays Chopin 10.15 Wallander 11.40 Later... With Jools Holland 12.40am Rich Man, Poor Man: A Knight’s Tale 1.40 BBC Proms 2009: Lang Lang Plays Chopin

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.20 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 FILM: Hulk (2002) 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) 12.35am Entourage 1.10 Coronation Street 1.35 Emmerdale (x2) 2.20 Teleshopping

2.40pm Pie In The Sky 3.40 Great Garden Detectives 4.45 Monarch Of The Glen 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 7.55 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones 10.00 The Forsyte Saga 11.40 Numb3rs 12.40am The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes

3.55pm The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother. See highlights. 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Reaper 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.30 The Loop 11.00 Free Agents 11.30 King Of The Hill 12.00am Reno 911

3.00 A Place In The Sun 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 Pussies Galore 9.00 Jamie At Home 9.35 Jamie At Home 10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 11.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.10am Without A Trace

12.50pm The Fix 1.00 60 Minute Makeover 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer (x2) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Private Practice 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Living With Kimberly Stewart 2.00 Charmed

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Great Planes 3.00 Al Murray’s Road To Berlin (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 2 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Mega Builders 10.00 Lost Buildings Of Britain 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am How It’s Made (x2)

12.00pm Angel (x4) 4.00 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 5.40 Legend Of The Seeker: The Making Of A Legend 6.10 FILM: DragonQuest (2009) 8.00 Legend Of The Seeker (x2) 10.00 Knight Rider 11.00 Medium (x2) 1.00am FILM: Mega Snake (2004) 3.00 Mysterious Ways 4.00 Angel

9.00am Zorba The Greek (1964) 11.25 Viva Zapata! (1951) 1.20pm Lucky Jordan (1942) 2.45 Giant (1956) 6.10 The Diary Of Anne Frank (1959) 9.00 The Blue Max (1966) 11.35 Zorba The Greek (1964) 2.00am Splendor In The Grass (1961) 4.15 Viva Zapata! (1951)

9.00am Mumford (1999) 10.55 All The Real Girls (2002) 12.45pm Margot At The Wedding (2007) 2.20 Fire (1996) 4.15 Water (2005) 6.10 Sicko (2007) 8.15 All The Real Girls (2002) 10.05 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 11.40 In Bruges (2008) 1.30am Fire (1996) 3.25 Sicko (2007)

11.00am Summer Interlude (1951) 12.50pm Cottage To Let (1941) 2.35 All About Eve (1950) 4.15 The Mark Of Zorro (1974) 6.55 Guess Who (2005) 9.00 Volver (2006) 11.15 Final Destination 2 (2002) 1.00am Cabin Fever (2002)

11.00am The In-Laws (1979) 1.00pm To Have And Have Not (1944) 3.00 The Good Guys And The Bad Guys (1969) 4.40 Montana (1950) 6.10 The FBI Story (1959) 9.00 Money Talks (1997) 10.50 Being Human (1994) 1.10am Money Talks (1997) 3.00 The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone (1961)

G.O.L.D. 3.40pm Maid Marian And Her Merry Men 4.15 My Family 4.55 Last Of The Summer Wine 5.35 One Foot In The Grave 6.20 The Thin Blue Line 7.00 Steptoe And Son 7.40 Blackadder Goes Forth 8.20 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 11.00 Dinnerladies 11.40 French And Saunders 12.20am The Likely Lads

Comedy Central 4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x3)

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036_LS438_TV_Fri

8/19/09

4:39 PM

Page 1

friday 28 How To Snare A Millionaire Channel 4, 7.30pm In these times of instant celebrity for doing absolutely nothing, why shouldn’t someone be open about gaining money through another’s hard work and enterprise? So says Rebacca Arnold’s humorous documentary about finding a wealthy husband. Off go the tomboy comfy kegs and on come the glam attention-grabbers.

Mastermind BBC2, 8pm If beauty alone doesn’t tickle your fancy (see left), check out the brains on this little lot. Host John Humphreys is joined by four contestants with specialist subjects: the life and works of Louis Wain; the Greeks in Sicily 500-212BC; The Sherlock Holmes films of Basil Rathbone; and the life and work of Kurt Vonnegut.

Reading Festival ‘09 BBC3, 8.05pm and other times This weekend there’ll be blinkin’ loads of fab music on BBC3 from one of the biggest music festivals. Coverage is guided by Edith Bowman and lovely Reggie Yates, and kicks off with Florence And The Machine, then onto Kaiser Chiefs and Kings Of Leon. Tunes without the wellies.

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Saints And Scroungers 10.00 Escape To The Country 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Scoop 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Wait For It..! 4.35 Hotel Trubble 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 Tellytales 7.35 Green Balloon Club Goes On Holiday 8.00 Prank Patrol 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 9.00 Skunk Fu 9.10 Shaun The Sheep 9.20 Eliot Kid 9.35 League Of Super Evil 9.45 ChuckleVision 10.00 Horrible Histories 10.30 The Slammer 11.00 The Flintstones 11.25 The Flintstones 11.50 FILM: Whispers: An Elephant’s Tale (2000) 1.00pm European Show Jumping And Dressage Championships 4.00 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general-knowledge quiz. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer A mother who has single-handedly raised her three daughters is hoping antiques expert Paul can double her savings to fund the holiday of a lifetime. It’s all gambling,my dear. Don’t swap your nice cow for beans. 7.00 Coast Dick Strawbridge visits a resident of Slapton Sands. 7.10 Ganges Documentary which journeys deep into the Himalayas to the source of the Ganges. 8.00 Mastermind See highlights. 8.30 Gardeners’ World Approaching the end of August can be a tricky time in the garden as high summer draws to a close, but Gardeners’ World is determined to make the summer last at Greenacre. 9.00 The Tudors Historical drama series. As the Yorkshire nobles face the consequences of their rebellion, Thomas Cromwell reaps the rewards, Jane Seymour struggles to give Henry the heir he longs for, and Charles Brandon has a crisis of conscience. 10.30 Newsnight 11.05 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars Marcus Brigstocke hosts a chat show in which he invites someone to try something new. Journalist John Humphrys is Marcus’s guest. 11.35 Medium Supernatural drama series. 12.20am Medium 1.00 The Wire (x3)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 No Place Like Home? 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 60 Minute Makeover 12.30pm For The Rest Of Your Life 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Good Bid, Good Buy 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Heartbeat 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.15 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.45 Big Brother 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Peter Andre’s Postcard From T4 On The Beach 10.10 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands Finale 11.45 N-Dubz’s Postcard From T4 On The Beach 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 10 Years Younger: The Challenge 1.25 FILM: Please Sir! (1971) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Tony and Cindy struggle to work out their on-off relationship. As the couple talk things over, Tony makes a surprising offer. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 How To Snare A Millionaire See highlights. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? Former Watford FC footballer Damien Francis and his fiancee, model Rachel Ritfeld, hunt for a new home. Rachel wants a glamorous new life in LA but Damien loves London and would miss his mum too much if he moved away. Ah, bless. They’ve got a million-pound budget. 9.00 Big Brother Davina McCall announces the results of the latest eviction vote live into the Big Brother house. Plus highlights from the past 24 hours. We’re coming-to-get-you! 10.00 The Kevin Bishop Show The impressionist presents a fast-paced sketch show. 10.35 Big Brother The latest housemate to be evicted from the house is interviewed by Davina McCall. Gripes and crushes. 11.05 The Simpsons 11.35 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr hosts a comedy show. 12.05am 4 Music: Mika: Live T4 Special 12.40 4Play: Julian Perretta 1.00 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Postmodern Pastimes 4.15 FIVB Beach Volleyball 5.10 Countdown

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Little Princess 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Michaela’s Animal Road Trip 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Medical Investigation 1.45 Neighbours Lemur Island 3.05 Zoo Days 3.10 FILM: Ladies Of The House (2008) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Carling Cup Football 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE: Football: UEFA Super Cup 10.00 Football League Weekend 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Football: UEFA Super Cup 1.30 Football League Weekend 2.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Football: UEFA Super Cup 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 My Family Domestic sitcom. When is pyramid selling not pyramid selling? When Ben says so, apparently. Just like a Dad, eh. 8.00 EastEnders Zainab and Masood struggle to deal with their world being turned upside-down. Turn your telly on its head and they’ll feel loads better. Perhaps. 8.30 Inspector George Gently Crime drama. An unidentified burnt body draws Inspector Gently and Detective Sergeant Bacchus into the shadowy world of IRA gun-running, and into direct opposition with a ruthless Special Branch officer. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Results of the Euromillions draw from Lottery HQ. 10.40 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) Starring Jackie Chan, Owen Wilson, Donnie Yen, Aidan Gillen. Anachronistic comedy sequel to Shanghai Noon. Two buddies head to 19th-century London to take back the Imperial Seal of China, which has been stolen by an evil English lord. 12.30am FILM: Maiden Voyage (2004) 1.50 Weatherview 1.55 Sign Zone: Rock ‘n’ Roll Hotel 2.35 Silverville 3.05 Economy Gastronomy 4.05 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Mark withdraws Ryan’s job offer to prevent his departure. A stunned Terry learns that Val and Pollard could be his new partners. Aaron rails at Chas for speaking to Carl. 7.30 UEFA Super Cup Live coverage from Monaco as Barcelona kick off their European season in the showcase Super Cup final. The mercurial Lionel Messi is joined in attack by new signing Zlatan Ibrahimovic as the team take on UEFA Cup-winners Shakhtar Donetsk at the Stade Louis ll. Matt Smith is in the studio with Andy Townsend and Robbie Earle, while commentary comes from Peter Drury and Jim Beglin. And that knowitall sitting right in front of the screen. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 TV’s Naughtiest Blunders Neil Morrissey showcases more hilarious X-rated outtakes. Ooh! We are naughty, and Mary Whitehouse would write so many letters about this it would support her local small business stationers no end. 11.30 UEFA Super Cup Highlights Matt Smith introduces the best of the action from Monaco. 12.30am FILM: Robbery (1967) 2.25 FILM: Around The Bend (2004) 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Michaela’s Animal Road Trip Michaela arrives at the Sea Life Centre in Scarborough just as the seal breeding season begins. Writes itself, this stuff does. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Top Trumps: Helicopters Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines. The duo turn their attention to helicopters. 8.00 You’re Nicked Natalie Pinkham finds out the true stories behind dramatic crimes caught on camera. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. When a sailor’s body is discovered in an abandoned part of town, a drugs overdose seems the likely cause of death. But as the team investigates further, it appears as though he has been murdered. Probably has. Makes for a more dramatic telly show. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama following New York’s Major Case Squad. The wife of a powerful preacher is found dead backstage at a public debate, and Goren and Eames wonder whether her husband has something to hide. 11.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. The investigation into a series of murders by electrocution is hindered by a rogue cop’s scheme malarkey. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 HouseBusters

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Carling Cup Football 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 12.00pm Women’s Pool 1.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 1.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.30 NFL – Total Access 4.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 10.00 Tight Lines 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Golf Night 2.00 NFL – Total Access 3.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 4.00 Women’s Pool 5.00 Trans World Sport

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Race World 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 3.00 Women’s Pool 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Women’s Pool 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Tight Lines 2.00 Currie Cup Rugby Union 4.00 Tight Lines 5.00 Ocean Adventures 5.30 Gillette World Sport Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

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Living

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Stargate Atlantis (x2) 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Classic Albums 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Inside: The Prison Code

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 LIVE: Florence And The Machine @ Reading. See highlights. 9.00 LIVE: Kaiser Chiefs @ Reading 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 LIVE: Kings Of Leon @ Reading 12.05am Family Guy (x2) 12.45 We Are Klang 1.15 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 2.15 Tough Guy Or Chicken?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Proms 2009: Tchaikovsky Night 9.35 Island At The BBC 10.35 Keep On Running: 50 Years Of Island Records 12.05am BBC Four Sessions 1.05 Island At The BBC 2.05 BBC Proms 2009: Tchaikovsky Night

12.00pm Coronation Street 12.30 Emmerdale (x2) 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy 6.30 The X Factor 8.00 The Xtra Factor 9.00 FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (2004) 11.10 What Katie Did Next 12.10am The Xtra Factor 1.10 Emmerdale

12.05pm Great Garden Detectives 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.10 Pie In The Sky 4.15 Great Garden Detectives 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: Eye For An Eye (1996) 12.05am Flashpoint 1.00 Wycliffe

2.35pm Friends 3.00 Desperate Housewives 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.05 Wife Swap 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 12.10am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal: Noel’s Hall Of Fame 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 Marriage Technique For Beginners 9.00 FILM: Flight Of The Phoenix (2004) 11.10 Bill Bailey Live: Part Troll 12.50am FILM: Flight Of The Phoenix (2004)

12.50pm The Fix 1.00 60 Minute Makeover 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Living With Kimberly Stewart

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Mummy Autopsy 2.00 Great Planes 3.00 Al Murray’s Road To Berlin (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Shark After Dark 9.00 Great White Appetite 10.00 Sharkbite Summer 11.00 Ancient Sharks 12.00am Shark After Dark

12.00pm Mysterious Ways (x4) 4.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 5.50 3rd Rock From The Sun 6.20 FILM: It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955) 8.00 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (1963) 10.00 Medium 11.00 Heroes (x2) 1.00 Medium 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4) 4.00 Angel 5.00 Jericho

12.00pm Steptoe And Son (1972) 1.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 3.20 Park Row (1952) 4.50 Call Northside 777 (1948) 6.45 Twelve O’Clock High (1949) 9.00 Steptoe And Son (1972) 10.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 12.25am Rear Window (1954) 2.30 The Tomb Of Ligeia (1964)

11.30am Juno (2007) 1.10pm Tell No One (2006) 3.30 Goodbye Bafana (2007) 5.35 The Escapist (2001) 7.15 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 10.00 Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) 12.00am Juno (2007) 1.40 Magnolia (1999) 5.00 The Movie Geek

11.00am The Bells Of St Mary’s (1945) 1.25pm A Kid For Two Farthings (1955) 3.10 Tales From Earthsea (2007) 5.25 P’Tang Yang Kipperbang (1982) 7.10 Napoleon Dynamite (2004) 8.50 Tony Scott Interview 9.00 Domino (2005) 11.25 The Descent (2005) 1.20am The House By The Cemetery (1981)

10.10am The FBI Story (1959) 1.00pm The Barkleys Of Broadway (1949) 3.00 Jeremiah Johnson (1972) 5.15 Marlowe (1969) 7.05 Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 9.00 Heist (2001) 11.10 The Story Of Us (1999) 1.00am Heist (2001) 2.55 The Terminal Man (1974) 5.00 The Barkleys Of Broadway (1949)

3.00pm Only Fools And Horses 3.40 Maid Marian And Her Merry Men 4.15 My Family 4.55 Last Of The Summer Wine 5.35 One Foot In The Grave 6.20 The Thin Blue Line 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Blackadder Goes Forth 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 FILM: Hook (1991) 11.50 The Thin Blue Line 12.30am Posh Nosh

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.30 The Sarah Silverman Programme 12.00am Edinburgh And Beyond 1.00 Comedy Store (x2)

Classics

Indie


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saturday 29 Walk On The Wild Side BBC1, 6pm Isn’t it great when you get the cream of current British comedy larking about and having loads of fun? Ta da! Here is the fruits of said larking, with the likes of Jason Manford, Rhod Gilbert, Isy Suttie and Sarah Millican providing brand new stories for nature footage with their own unique voiceover dubbing.

The X Factor ITV1, 7pm Some kids are just too cool for school. Like Kyle from Glasgow (left). Some just don’t give a jot about cool and are just going for their last chance at stardom – like flatcap hero William from London. And inbetween there are the reindeer, lycra girl bands and angry no-talents we’ve all come to love. Auditions rule.

Kidnap Ronnie Biggs More4, 10.15pm Ronnie Biggs – great train robber and for many years the most prominent Brit on the lamb as he cosied up in Rio. This documentary tells of Operation Anaconda, the 1981 mission to kidnap Ronnie, bring him back to British soil and put an end to one of Britain’s biggest embarrassments. Did it work?

 terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Football Focus 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: The Belgian Grand Prix 2.10 Rugby League: Challenge Cup Final 4.30 Final Score 5.15 BBC News 5.25 South East Today 5.35 As Seen On TV

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Fimbles 6.55 Take A Bow 7.00 Animalia 7.25 Sportsround 7.40 Funky Fables 7.50 Eliot Kid 8.05 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 8.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 9.00 Skate Nation 10.00 Backstage: My Almost Famous Family 10.30 Hider In The House 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm FILM: A Night To Remember (1958) 2.00 Rowing: World Championships 3.30 Animal Park 4.00 Sacred Music 5.00 FILM: Carry On Henry (1971)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Countrywise 9.55 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.55 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity Special 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.05pm FILM: Murder, She Wrote: The Celtic Riddle (2003) 1.50 The Michael Jackson Story 2.50 FILM: Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993) 4.20 Meridian News And Weather 4.35 ITV News And Weather 4.50 FILM: Back To The Future Part III (1990)

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.25 Friends 9.55 JLS Love Jacko: Top 10 11.00 Friends 11.30 Mika: Through The Looking Glass 12.00pm Orange RockCorps 2009 With Sony Ericsson 12.20 Big Brother 1.25 Big Brother 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix 5.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.00 Live Ford Football Special 7.55 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x5) 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.00 Walk On The Wild Side See highlights. 6.30 Total Wipeout: Champion Of Champions Richard Hammond hosts more crashes, smashes and hilarious mud splashes on the world’s most ridiculous and extreme obstacle course. Don’t try this at home. You’ll ruin your mum’s rose bushes. 7.30 The National Lottery: Guesstimation Nick Knowles hosts as two families try to out-guess each other to win a dream holiday. People really will do many things for the chance of money. Plus the prize numbers are drawn – for those who will only pick numbers for money. 8.25 FILM: Meet The Fockers (2004) Starring Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Dustin Hoffman, Barbra Streisand. Sequel to the hit comedy about the horrors faced by a young man as he meets his partner’s parents. Now it is time for both sets of parents to meet, but how will Greg’s future in-laws react when they meet his liberal parents? 10.15 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Highlights from the Premier League. Jumpers for goalposts. 11.50 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin rounds up all the best action from the Football League. 1.05am FILM: The Final Countdown (1980) 2.45 Weatherview 2.50 BBC News

6.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. The platoon is determined to do its bit at the Walmington-on-Sea Spitfire Fund Carnival, but is Morris dancing a good idea? Ever? 7.00 BBC Proms 2009: Tonhalle Orchestra The Tonhalle Orchestra Zurich under conductor David Zinman plays music by Schubert, Mahler and Golijov. American soprano Dawn Upshaw is the soloist in the UK premiere of Golijov’s acclaimed new work ‘She Was Here’ based on four Schubert songs. 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the classic news quiz. 9.40 Shooting Stars Hit comedy panel show. Repeat of Wednesday’s programme. 10.10 Shooting Stars: The Inside Story Narrator Tim Healy and guests including Noel Fielding, Charlie Higson, Paul Whitehouse, Lenny Henry, Michael Winner and Martine McCutcheon look back at the most unforgettable moments of the smash hit comedy show. This tribute documentary also opens up the behind-the-scenes world of the show. 11.10 The Funny Side Of Live TV Clive Anderson guides us through the history of live TV. 12.10am The Edinburgh Festival Show 1.00 FILM: Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead (1990) 2.55 FILM: Atash (2004) 4.40 Inside F1

7.00 The X Factor See highlights. 8.15 The Cube Gameshow. One lucky contender has the chance to win the £250,000 jackpot, but first they must prove their skill, nerve and determination by braving the Cube. They must complete a series of deceptively simple tasks under the spotlight, and they have nine lives to help them through. Phillip Schofield hosts. The silver fox. 9.15 FILM: Miami Vice (2006) Starring Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Li Gong, Naomie Harris and Ciaran Hinds. Glossy update of the 1980s crime series, with two south Florida detectives teaming up to take on a Cuban-Chinese drug trafficking ring, but one of them finds himself having to choose between his professional instincts and his personal feelings. Eeny meeny miny mo... 11.40 ITV News; Weather 11.55 FILM: The Hitcher (1986) Starring Rutger Hauer, C Thomas Howell and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Violent horror story about a driver who picks up a psychotic hitchhiker who engages him in a bloody game of cat and mouse. The hitcher just likes killing people and decides to set up his young driver as the fall guy for a string of horrific murders. 1.40am FILM: The Ballad Of Cable Hogue (1970) 3.45 Crossing Jordan 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions Cookery-based reality show. Town crier and publican Adrian serves up traditional English fare. 6.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions More lush food and bitching. Show-jumping fan Annie Todd hosts the fourth dinner from the West Country. Find out who wins! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.25 ER Final series of the American drama set in the emergency room. The staff of the ER are interviewed by a camera crew shooting footage for a documentary. 8.20 ER Absolutely LOADS of the old stars come back! Dr Benton visits Carter in his time of need. Doug Ross and Carol Hathaway also return, as Dr Ross tries to persuade a griefstricken mother to donate her dead son’s organs, including the kidney that could save Carter’s life. LOADS! 9.15 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the Big Brother house. 10.15 FILM: Final Destination 3 (2006) Starring Mary Winstead, Ryan Merriman, Kris Lemche, Alexz Johnson and Jesse Moss. Horror sequel as death once more tries to catch up with a group of young people who almost died. 12.00am Big Brother’s Big Mouth 1.05 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Scrapheap Challenge 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Hoobs

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 – 7.45 Children’s television 7.45 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Olivia 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 What Makes Me Happy 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 The Gadget Show 11.30 FILM: Lost Horizon (1973) 2.10pm FILM: To Sir, With Love (1967) 4.15 Five News 4.25 FILM: Accidental Hero (1992) 6.30 The Guardian Drama series about a high-flying lawyer sentenced to community service. Nick argues the case for a gay teenager whose application to be adopted by a gay couple has been turned down. 7.15 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps. The team refuse to believe that a sailor whose death they are investigating was corrupt. 8.15 NCIS Drama series. The agents investigate the death of a seaman found at the bottom of the sea in his dress uniform. 9.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Grissom stuns his colleagues by announcing that he is to leave the team. His final case involves a decomposed body that is connected to the crimes of a known serial killer, and his investigation soon leads him to join forces with a university professor. It’s only Laurence Fishburne! 10.15 Law And Order: SVU Drama series about an elite force. A pregnant 16-year-old girl is beaten so badly that she loses her baby. 11.15 True CSI Forensic science documentary series. 12.15am Quiz Call 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 Rough Guide To Activity Holidays 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Race World 7.00 Football: UEFA Super Cup 8.30 LIVE Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE Tri-Nations Rugby Union 1.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Gillette World Sport 6.00 LIVE: Grand Prix Speedway 9.00 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 10.30 Rugby League: Challenge Cup Final 12.00am Grand Prix Speedway 3.00 Cage Fighting: Ultimate Challenge UK 4.30 NFL – Total Access 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Max Power 9.00 Women’s Pool 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Gillette World Sport 1.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 7.30 Motor Sport 8.00 Golf Night 9.00 LIVE: Golf 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Smackdown 2.00 Golf Night 3.00 Golf 5.00 Ocean Adventures 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

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Living

12.00pm A Town Called Eureka 1.00 Oops TV (x2) 2.00 Futurama (x9) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Justin Lee Collins: High Diver 10.00 Lie To Me (x2) 12.00am Bones 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Inside: Supercops 2.40 Football Icon 2 3.30 Street Wars

7.00pm LIVE: Maximo Park & Ian Brown @ Reading 8.15 Top Gear 9.15 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow 10.00 LIVE: Arctic Monkeys @ Reading 12.20am Family Guy 12.40 American Dad! 1.05 Young, Dumb And Living Off Mum 2.00 Underage And Pregnant 2.30 Can I Get High Legally?

7.00pm Only Connect 7.30 Seasick Steve: Bringing It All Back Home 8.00 Folk America (x3) 11.00 Odetta Remembers 11.30 Folk America At The Barbican: Hollerers, Stompers And Old-Time Ramblers 12.30am Later... Folk America 1.30 ... Sings Dylan 2.10 Seasick Steve: Bringing It All Back Home

1.40pm Anonymous 2.40 FILM: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) 5.00 The Xtra Factor: Rewind 6.00 The Xtra Factor 7.00 Superhuman: Genius 8.00 The Prodigy: The Hot Desk 8.15 The Xtra Factor 9.15 Ghosthunting With... Louis Walsh And Boyzone 11.15 The X Factor 12.25am The Xtra Factor

11.20am The Charmer 12.25pm Cadfael 2.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.10 Persuasion 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Inspector Morse 7.55 Wycliffe 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.00 Hornblower 1.10am Wycliffe 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs 2.55 Drama Trails 3.00 Teleshopping

10.35am Heartland 11.35 Privileged 12.35pm FILM: The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Reaper 7.00 The Big Bang Theory 7.25 The Loop 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 100 Greatest Stand-Ups 1.05am Big Brother: Live

1.10pm Kitchen Pharmacy 1.25 FILM: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) 3.50 Grand Designs (x5) 9.15 The Millionaire And The Murder Mansion 10.15 Kidnap Ronnie Biggs. See highlights. 12.25am The Millionaire And The Murder Mansion 1.30 Kidnap Ronnie Biggs 3.40 Close

8.30am Bewitched 9.00 Ghost Whisperer(x11) 8.00 Medium 9.00 100 Men Own My Breasts 10.00 Boob Envy 11.00 Medium 12.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 1.00 100 Men Own My Breasts 2.00 Boob Envy 3.00 Pete Burns’ PA (x2) 4.40 Men In Trees 5.30 Home Shopping

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm How Does That Work? (x11) 6.00 Mega Builders 7.00 American Chopper 8.00 Ancient Sharks 9.00 Deadly Waters 10.00 Perfect Predators 12.00am Ancient Sharks 1.00 Deadly Waters 2.00 Perfect Predators 3.00 Alaska’s Great Race 4.40 Kings Of Construction 5.30 How Does That Work?

12.00pm Legend Of The Seeker 1.00 FILM: It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955) 3.00 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (1963) 5.00 Knight Rider 6.00 Legend Of The Seeker (x2) 8.00 Dollhouse (x4) 12.00am FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 2.00 FILM: Supergator (2007)

1.45pm Anastasia (1956) 3.30 Indiscreet (1958) 5.15 Spellbound (1945) 7.15 Notorious (1946) 9.00 Anastasia (1956) 10.50 A Lovely Way To Die (1968) 12.40am Operation Petticoat (1959) 2.45 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 4.30 Indiscreet (1958)

11.00am The Movie Geek 11.30 There Will Be Blood (2007) 2.10pm Waitress (2007) 4.00 The Walker (2007) 5.50 I’m Not There (2007) 8.10 Waitress (2007) 10.00 There Will Be Blood (2007) 12.40am The Walker (2007) 2.40 I’m Not There (2007) 5.00 The Movie Geek

1.00pm Napoleon Dynamite (2004) 2.50 Baby’s Day Out (1994) 4.45 Above Us The Waves (1956) 6.40 Around The World In 80 Days (2004) 9.00 How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003) 11.15 Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) 1.00am Lake Placid (1999)

9.25am Marlowe (1969) 11.15 Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 1.00pm The Singing Nun (1966) 3.00 Lust For Life (1956) 5.20 Critic’s Choice (1963) 7.15 Murder Ahoy (1964) 9.00 Boogie Nights (1997) 12.00am Zandy’s Bride (1974) 2.15 Boogie Nights (1997) 5.00 The Singing Nun (1966)

11.20am FILM: Carry On Henry (1971) 1.05pm FILM: Carry On Spying (1964) 2.45 FILM: Hook (1991) 5.30 FILM: Carry On At Your Convenience (1971) 7.15 FILM: Carry On Henry (1971) 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 FILM: The Hot Chick (2002) 12.25am FILM: Carry On Spying (1964) 2.10 The Two Ronnies

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Chris Rock: Bigger And Blacker 10.30 Edinburgh And Beyond 11.30 Comedy Store (x2) 12.30am The World Stands Up

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sunday 30 A Night At The Office BBC2, 9pm It’s The Office night! The first six episodes are being shown, interspersed with observations and insights from its creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, as well as other admirers of the mold-breaking comedy series. Time to cringe, laugh, sit on the edge of your seat and love your boss.

Wuthering Heights ITV1, 9pm It’s passionate, it’s fiery, it’s period – it’s actually a version of Wuthering Heights that takes into account there are two generations affected by Cathy and Heathcliff’s actions, and it’s pure Brontë. Starring Tom Hardy, Charlotte Riley and Andrew Lincoln as the first generation love triangle. Continues Monday.

Mark Lawson Talks To William Boyd BBC4, 10pm Mark Lawson has a good old chinwag with author and screenwriter William Boyd, discussing his recurring theme of identity, the contribution of his own upbringing to his writing, and how his last screenwriting outing – The Trench – led him to venture into directing.

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6.00am Breakfast 7.40 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: The Belgian Grand Prix 3.05 EastEnders 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Fimbles 6.55 Take A Bow 7.00 Uncle Max 7.10 Diddy Dick And Dom 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Gimme A Break 8.00 Da Dick And Dom Dairies 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Undercover Dads 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Ready Steady Cook 12.15pm Animal Park: Wild On The West Coast 1.15 FILM: Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner (1967) 3.00 Rowing: World Championships 4.15 European Show Jumping And Dressage Championships 5.35 Meerkat Manor

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Britain’s Favourite View 9.40 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.10 Wish You Were Here – Now And Then 11.40 Animals Do The Funniest Things 12.40pm The X Factor 1.55 ITV News And Weather 2.00 The Unforgettable Kenny Everett 2.30 Columbo: Swan Song 4.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

6.00 Coast Geographer Nicholas Crane presents a 13-part journey around the coast of the United Kingdom, uncovering stories that have made us the island nation we are today. 7.00 Dragons’ Den Another diverse mix of businesses and entrepreneurs go before the multimillionaire investors. Hampshire-based businessman Stephen Voller hopes the Dragons won’t put the brakes on his new electric car invention, as he smashes the Den record for the most money ever asked for. Plus, serial inventor Michael Pritchard hopes to clean up in the Den with his revolutionary invention that allows every last drop of liquid to be used in household product sprays. 8.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views from the usual team. James May travels to California to take a look at what is being hailed as the future of motoring, the hydrogenpowered Honda Clarity. On the test track Jeremy Clarkson has a highvoltage encounter with the Tesla, a battery-powered super-car, and Richard Hammond takes an affectionate look back at 50 years of Touring Car racing. Far too ecologically friendly for Jezza. 9.00 A Night At The Office (x6) See highlights. 12.35am FILM: Frozen (2005). 2.00 BBC News

6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Lewis A rape case appears to be solved when the chief suspect is murdered. But nothing is what it seems, and soon Lewis and Hathaway find the upper echelons of Oxford society closing ranks. 9.00 Wuthering Heights See highlights. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 Britain’s Love Story Final part of the series about the revolutions in love, sex and marriage in Britain over the last 50 years. The sexual revolution gave women more freedom to follow their hearts, but for some this freedom came at a price. Alex Best reveals the dramatic ups and downs of her love for footballing icon George Best in the 1960s, and nurse Ilona Eradham talks about how the Church reacted to her walking out on her husband and children to marry one of her patients in the 1980s. 11.45 Crossing Jordan Crime drama series about a Boston medical examiner. Garrett falls for a woman who has been accused of killing her boyfriends, while Jordan and Woody investigate the death of a pregnant nun. Definitely needs investigation. 12.40am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.05 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.55 Kojak 2.50 Countrywise 3.15 Dog Rescue 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 – 8.20 Children’s television 8.20 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 What Makes Me Happy 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Snobs 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 RSPCA: On The Frontline 11.30 The Hotel Inspector 12.30pm Zoo Days 12.35 FILM: The Prisoner Of Zenda (1952) 2.35 FILM: North Sea Hijack (1980) 4.35 Five News 4.45 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (1963) 6.55 Five News 7.00 FILM: Titanic (1997) Starring Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kathy Bates, Billy Zane, Bernard Hill and David Warner. Epic, multi-Oscarwinning romantic drama about a poor Irish artist and a rich debutante who meet and fall in love on the famously ill-fated maiden voyage of the ‘unsinkable’ RMS Titanic in 1912. Despite her engagement to the heir to a steel fortune, the vibrant young woman defies her family and friends to pursue true love. Soon the pair are caught up in a passion that is as allconsuming as it is doomed. And steaming up car windows. 10.45 FILM: Suspect (1987) Starring Cher, Dennis Quaid, Liam Neeson, John Mahoney. Courtroom thriller in which a public defence lawyer jeopardises her career by collaborating with one of the jurors in the trial of a deaf-mute Vietnam War veteran accused of murder. The defendant’s case seems hopeless until a sleuthing juror realises that a key fact is being overlooked. Isn’t it good that he’s nosey? 1.00am Boxing Classic 1.30 Boxing USA 2.45 2008 Summer X Games 3.35 UEFA Cup Classics 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 Cricket: Twenty20 International 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Cricket: Twenty20 International 3.00 Ford Football Special 4.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return to the Dulwich Picture Gallery in South London to uncover more intriguing heirlooms. 7.00 Countryfile Over the course of a few months, Countryfile has been paying weekly visits to Adam Henson’s farm in the Cotswolds to find out about the challenges of earning a living from the land. 8.00 FILM: Becoming Jane (2007) Starring Anne Hathaway, James McAvoy, Julie Walters. Dramatised biography of the young Jane Austen, revealing how her feisty character affected her romance with a young Irishman and how the experience came to have an influence on her writing. She loved the brogue. 9.55 Outnumbered The semiimprovised sitcom continues as a thunderstorm brings night-time chaos to the Brockman family. Ben wants to go out and dodge the lightning, while Karen writes to the Prime Minister, asking him to fire her teacher. 10.25 BBC News 10.45 Match Of The Day 2 MotD 2. 11.45 FILM: Invincible (2006) Starring Mark Wahlberg. Drama based on the true story of Vince Papale. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Seaside Rescue 2.00 Holby City 3.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape 4.00 BBC News

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 GT4 European Cup 7.30 Freesports On 4 8.25 The McCain Track And Field Show 8.55 Big Brother 10.00 Hollyoaks 12.35pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 1.35 Friends 2.05 Friends 2.40 Ugly Betty 3.35 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.35 Deal Or No Deal 5.25 Scrapheap Challenge 6.30 Channel 4 News 6.45 Atlantic Convoys: The War At Sea Documentary series chronicling the biggest naval campaign of the twentieth century, which lasted for four years, claimed the lives of 100,000 people, caused the sinking of 2,600 ships, and brought Britain to the brink of defeat in WWII. The series begins at the start of the war, when it looked as if the deadly pack of German U-boats would cut Britain’s lifeline of supplies. 7.45 FILM: Sahara (2005) Starring Matthew McConaughey, Penelope Cruz, Steve Zahn. Intrepid adventure in Indiana Jones-style. An explorer attempts to find a lost American Civil War battleship in West Africa and encounters a threat to the world’s ecosystem. Threats to ecosystems are worse than Communists these days in the baddy stakes. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 FILM: America’s Sweethearts (2001) Starring John Cusack, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Julia Roberts, Billy Crystal. Comedy about two movie stars who – despite a messy and public break-up – get together to promote the film they made while they were still married. 1.05am Big Brother: Live 4.00 Benefit Busters 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Rugby League: Challenge Cup Final 7.30 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 9.00 LIVE IndyCar Series 11.00 Grand Prix Speedway 2.00pm LIVE Cricket: Twenty20 International 6.00 Tennis – US Open Preview 8.00 Golf Night 9.00 LIVE Golf 11.00 Tennis – US Open Preview 1.00am Golf Night 2.00 Golf 4.00 Showjumping 5.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 5.30 Ocean Adventures

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Grand Prix Speedway 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 Showjumping 7.00 Indy Car Series 9.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Indy Car Series 1.00am Max Power 2.00 Women’s Pool 3.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 3.30 Ocean Adventures 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Race World

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12.00pm It’s Me Or The Dog USA (x2) 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama (x2) 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 Grease: The School Musical 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 House 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Justin Lee Collins: High Diver 12.00am Inside...

7.00pm Formula 1: The Belgian Grand Prix 7.45 LIVE: MotoGP 2009: Round 12 – Indianapolis 9.00 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 LIVE: Radiohead @ Reading 12.35am Tough Guy Or Chicken? 1.35 Formula 1: The Belgian Grand Prix 2.20 MotoGP 2009: Round 12 – Indianapolis

7.00pm The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency 8.00 Who Killed The Honey Bee? 9.00 Rich Man, Poor Man: A Knight’s Tale 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks To William Boyd 11.00 Island At The BBC 12.00am Keep On Running: 50 Years Of Island Records 1.30 Who Killed The Honey Bee?

1.40pm The Prodigy: The Hot Desk 2.00 The Xtra Factor 3.00 The Cube 4.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 4.30 FILM: Sister Act (1992) 6.30 Girls Aloud: The Hot Desk 6.45 The X Factor 8.00 The Xtra Factor 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 FILM: The Bodyguard (1992) 12.35am The Xtra Factor 1.40 Entourage

12.15pm Wycliffe 1.25 FILM: Carry On Cruising (1962) 3.15 FILM: Carry On Jack (1963) 5.10 FILM: Carry On Cowboy (1965) 7.00 FILM: Carry On Screaming (1966) 9.00 FILM: Carry On Cleo (1965) 10.55 Rising Damp (x2) 12.00am Kavanagh QC 2.05 The Wonder Years (x2) 3.00 Surgical Spirit

8.45am FILM: The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) 10.35 Desperate Housewives (x5) 3.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 4.00 Heartland 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 Ugly Betty 7.00 Privileged 8.00 One Tree Hill 9.00 Friends 9.30 Friends 10.00 FILM: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) 12.05am Big Brother: Live

12.20pm Scrapheap Challenge (x2) 2.35 FILM: Oliver Twist (2005) 5.05 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 The River Cottage Treatment 9.00 The Family (x2) 11.10 Father Ted 11.45 Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.20am TV Heaven, Telly Hell 12.50 Deal Or No Deal 1.40 The Family (x2)

8.30am Bewitched 9.00 Ghost Whisperer (x13) 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 1.00 Celebrity Snappers (x2) 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 Pete Burns’ PA (x2) 4.40 Men In Trees 5.30 Home Shopping

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Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

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TCM

12.00pm Shark After Dark 1.00 Mega Builders 2.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 3.00 How It’s Made (x2) 4.00 Dinosaur Planet 5.00 Weird Creatures With Nick Baker 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 Swamp Loggers 8.00 Shark Attack File 9.00 Shark Rampage 1916 11.00 Great White Appetite 12.00am Shark Attack File

11.00am FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 1.00pm Legend Of The Seeker (x6) 7.00 Knight Rider 8.00 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 10.30 Heroes (x2) 12.30am FILM: Abominable (2006) 2.20 3rd Rock From The Sun 3.00 Mysterious Ways 4.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4)

12.25pm Flaming Star (1960) 2.00 The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 4.40 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 6.35 Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) 9.00 The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 11.40 Marnie (1964) 1.55am Splendor In The Grass (1961) 4.10 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969)

10.50am The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 12.40pm The Savages (2007) 2.40 Ten Canoes (2006) 4.15 A Mighty Heart (2007) 6.10 Clubland (2007) 8.00 The Savages (2007) 10.00 Mongol (2007) 12.05am The Astronaut’s Wife (1999) 1.55 American History X (1998)

11.00am Bus Stop (1956) 1.00pm Doctor Dolittle (1998) 2.40 The Mark Of Zorro (1974) 4.10 Around The World In 80 Days (2004) 6.40 Ever After (1998) 9.00 The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 11.20 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) 1.15am Diary Of The Dead (2007) 4.00 Close

9.15am Critic’s Choice (1963) 11.10 Murder Ahoy (1964) 1.00pm Promise Her Anything (1966) 3.00 The Dark Crystal (1982) 4.50 Clash By Night (1952) 7.00 Jack Frost (1998) 9.00 Any Given Sunday (1999) 12.00am Wait Until Dark (1967) 2.05 Any Given Sunday (1999) 5.00 Promise Her Anything (1966)

11.15am FILM: Carry On Loving (1970) 1.00pm FILM: Carry On Again, Doctor (1969) 2.45 FILM: Carry On Up The Jungle (1970) 4.30 FILM: Carry On Loving (1970) 6.15 FILM: Carry On Again, Doctor (1969) 8.00 FILM: The Hot Chick (2002) 10.05 FILM: Calendar Girls (2003) 12.15am Absolutely Fabulous (x3)

12.00pm Scrubs (x19) 9.00 South Park: The Seven Deadly Sins (x4) 11.00 Chris Rock: Bigger And Blacker 12.30am Scrubs 1.00 Rules Of Engagement 1.30 The Office: An American Workplace 2.00 FILM: Caddyshack (1980) 3.50 Scrubs 4.15 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film

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monday 31 Framed BBC1, 8.30pm BBC Wales once again steps up with an innovative new family drama. Adapted from Frank Cottrell Boyce’s best-selling children’s novel, this one-parter tells of 10-year-old Dylan who lives at the bottom of a mountain. One day some men turn up from the National Gallery and bring beautiful art his way.

Wuthering Heights ITV1, 9pm Like a bull in a love china shop is that Heathcliff. He returns from Gimmerton and first thing he does is to upset Cathy and Edgar’s marriage. Now there’s a surprise. Then there’s his own relationship to think about – more’s the pity for poor Isabella. And it’s time for the next generation to take over the turmoil. Pure epic romance.

Jeeves And Wooster ITV3, 8pm Jolly japes from the pen of PG Wodehouse as dimwitted but good-natured Bertie Wooster gets into yet another scrape, only to be rescued by his man Jeeves. What ho! Tonight they have parallel tasks as Aunt Dahlia prevails upon Jeeves to persuade chef Anatole to return home, and Bertie plays Cupid to his pals.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Saints And Scroungers 9.45 Escape To The Country 10.45 Homes Under The Hammer 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.30pm Bargain Hunt 1.15 BBC News At One 1.25 South East Today 1.35 Murder, She Wrote 2.20 FILM: Mousehunt (1997) 3.55 FILM: Goal! (2005) 5.45 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Lunar Jim 7.10 The Large Family 7.20 Tellytales 7.35 LazyTown 8.00 Prank Patrol 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.55 Skunk Fu 9.15 Eliot Kid 9.25 League Of Super Evil 9.35 ChuckleVision 10.00 Horrible Histories 10.30 The Slammer 11.00 Animal Park 11.30 FILM: White Fang (1991) 1.15pm House Swap 2.00 Athletics: British Grand Prix 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 No Place Like Home? 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 60 Minute Makeover 12.30pm For The Rest Of Your Life 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 House Gift 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme

6.05am The Hoobs 6.35 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.30 Big Brother 8.40 Will And Grace 9.05 Beauty And The Geek 9.55 T4 On The Beach 2009 1.35pm FILM: Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 10.00 Soccer Extra 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 5.00 LIVE Football League: Championship (x2) 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Football League: Championship 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.30 BBC News At Six 6.50 Regional News; Weather 6.55 South East Today 7.00 Edinburgh Tattoo 2009 Edinburgh Tattoo 2009. Not an inktype thing but a parade-type thing. 8.00 EastEnders It’s Jordan’s birthday, and Trina vows to make sure he has a party to remember. Charlie has a sexy Russian surprise for the Slaters. Both sound tres dodgy. 8.30 Framed See highlights. 10.00 Would I Lie To You? Host Rob Brydon joins regular team captains David Mitchell and Lee Mack for the comedy panel show all about truths and lies, with guests Miranda Hart, Clive Anderson, Claudia Winkleman and Jason Manford. 10.30 BBC News At Ten 10.40 South East Today 10.45 FILM: Forces Of Nature (1999) Starring Sandra Bullock, Ben Affleck, Maura Tierney. Screwball romantic comedy. A writer is trying to fly from New York to Savannah, Georgia, where he is due to be married in two days’ time. But the plane crashes during take-off and the writer inadvertently saves the life of one of his fellow passengers, a freespirited woman. Isn’t she always? 12.25am Weatherview 12.30 Sign Zone: Bang Goes The Theory 1.00 Wildest Dreams 2.00 Desperate Romantics 3.00 What To Eat Now 3.30 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Ray and Catherine Abbots from Bude in North Cornwall trust Paul with their £2000 savings. S’a lot of dough. 7.00 A Garden In Snowdonia A year in the life of the spectacular Bodnant Garden in North Wales. 7.30 Saving Britain’s Past Series charting the development of the conservation movement in Britain since the Second World War. Lack of bombs certainly helped. 8.00 University Challenge Students representing Newnham College, Cambridge are locked in battle against the University of Sussex. Come on our home team! 8.30 Caribbean Food Made Easy Levi Roots cooks hot pepperpot stew with his mother. Yum. 9.00 Future Of Food In the past year, we have seen food riots on three continents, food inflation has rocketed and experts predict that by 2050, if things don’t change, we will see mass starvation across the world. This film sees George Alagiah travel the world in search of solutions. 10.00 Hardcore Profits Tim Samuels explores the rising profitability and pervasiveness of pornography. 11.00 FILM: Kill Bill Vol 1 (2003) Starring Uma Thurman, David Carradine, Daryl Hannah, Lucy Liu. Violent samurai thriller. 12.45am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.15 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.30 Creature Comforts What happens if a tortoise suffers from insomnia? Award-winning animation tells all. 6.50 Creature Comforts More happy plasticine. 7.00 Emmerdale An angry Nathan learns one of Mark’s secrets. Only one? Is this going to become a counting game? 7.30 Coronation Street Norris receives some devastating news about Ramsay. Will the street party end in tragedy for the Peacocks? 8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill showcases more of the funniest home videos, filmed on mobile phones and camcorders. 8.30 Coronation Street Norris struggles with his emotions over his brother. 9.00 Wuthering Heights See highlights. 10.30 The Late News; Weather 10.45 FILM: Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) Starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna. All-action sequel in which war veteran Rambo takes on the entire Vietnamese army – plus Soviet advisers. Tough guy. 12.35am British Touring Car Championship Highlights 1.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Following his aneurysm, Ravi struggles to deal with the reactions of his family and friends. Carmel worries about what Theresa’s reaction will be to her Buff TV debut. Saucy! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.05 The Simpsons 7.30 FILM: Doctor Dolittle (1998) Starring Eddie Murphy, Ossie Davis, Oliver Platt and Peter Boyle. Family comedy about a doctor who discovers that he can talk to all kinds of animals. Word quickly spreads around the animal kingdom and soon he is inundated with furry and feathered patients. No pretend singing though. 9.00 On Tour With The Queen Kwame Kwei-Armah visits Libya, Malta and Gibralta as he retraces the final leg of the Queen’s 1953 Commonwealth Tour. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the Big Brother house. Bound to be shock about whoever left on Friday. 11.10 Wife Swap USA American version of the hit series. Pampered mother Tina Lovazzano swaps lives with traditional farmer’s wife Dana Clover. Trun the volume down a notch in anticipation. 12.10am Clapham Junction 2.05 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Scrapheap Challenge 4.55 Full Metal Challenge 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Little Princess 8.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Michaela’s Animal Road Trip 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Lemur Island 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.15 FILM: The Train Robbers (1973) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Trey puts his plan into action, holding Kirsty, John Palmer and the schoolchildren hostage on a bus laden with explosives. 6.30 Extraordinary Animals Documentary profiling remarkable animals from across the globe. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn finds out how steel is made; discovers how household rubbish is turned into compost; and learns the secrets of cheese. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. Jason and Ortis attempt to build their own flying machine. Cool. 9.00 Warship New series. Documentary filmed aboard the amphibious warship HMS Bulwark. The 300-strong crew of the Bulwark stop in the Bay of Bengal on their way to the far east. 10.00 FILM: A Few Good Men (1992) Starring Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Demi Moore, Kevin Bacon, Kiefer Sutherland and Kevin Pollak. Military drama. A young and impetuous naval lieutenant and a more experienced officer are given the job of defending two marines accused of murder. Handle the truth. 12.45am NHRA Drag Racing 2.25 Race And Rally UK 3.15 Motorsport Mundial 4.20 V8 Supercars 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Ford Football Special 8.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 9.00 WWE The Bottom Line 10.00 Golf Night 11.00 Golf 1.00pm UCI BMX Supercross World Cup 2.00 Tennis – US Open Preview 4.00 LIVE US Open Tennis 12.00am LIVE US Open Tennis 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Tennis – US Open Preview 8.00 Cricket: Twenty20 International 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Wild Spirits 12.30 Ocean Adventures 1.00 WWE Raw 3.00 Soccer Extra Bank Holiday Special 5.00 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 7.30 LIVE: Elite League Speedway 9.30 World Hockey Monthly 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

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1.45pm FILM: George And The Dragon (2004) 3.30 FILM: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2002) 5.15 FILM: The Librarian: The Curse Of The Judas Chalice (2008) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Mummy (1999) 11.20 Killing Mum And Dad 12.20am Night Cops 1.20 Bones 2.10 Road Wars

7.00pm Best Bits @ Reading 8.00 Bizarre ER 8.30 FILM: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.10 How Not To Live Your Life (x6) 2.10 We Are Klang 2.40 Bizarre ER 3.10 Nip And Tuck: My Big Decision 4.10 Virgin Cooks

7.00pm Legends: Nana Mouskouri – The White Rose Of Athens 8.00 Wainwright’s Walks 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Wallander 10.30 Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture (x4) 2.30 Only Connect 3.00 Style On Trial

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Judge Judy 4.15 FILM: Hulk (2002) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 The Cube 9.00 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) 11.40 Coronation Street (x2) 12.40am Ghosthunting With... Louis Walsh And Boyzone 2.30 Emmerdale

1.50pm Heartbeat 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 FILM: Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties (2006) 5.45 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Jeeves And Wooster. See highlights 9.00 Forensic Casebook With Matthew Kelly (x2) 10.00 Taggart 11.00 The Bill: Lost Soul 12.05am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

1.55pm Big Brother 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Shameless 11.05 FILM: From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) 1.15am Big Brother: Live

11.55pm 100 Greatest Family Films (x2) 6.05 Come Dine With Me (x5) 9.00 Without A Trace 10.00 TBA 11.00 Saving Grace 12.00am Deal Or No Deal 12.50 Without A Trace 2.45 Saving Grace

12.00pm Four Weddings (x6) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 9.00 Four Weddings 10.00 Criminal Minds (x2) 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 2.00 Close To Home 3.00 Pete Burns’ PA (x2) 4.40 Maury

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm Mythbusters (x8) 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 American Chopper 11.00 Time Warp (x2) 12.00am How It’s Made (x2) 1.00 Mythbusters 2.00 American Chopper 3.00 Mythbusters (x2) 4.40 Kings Of Construction 5.30 How Does That Work?

11.00am FILM: Dragon Quest (2009) 1.00pm Legend Of The Seeker: The Making Of A Legend 1.30 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 4.00 Legend Of The Seeker (x6) 10.00 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 11.50 FILM: Fire Serpent (2007) 1.30am Medium 2.30 3rd Rock From The Sun

12.25pm Dial M For Murder (1954) 2.15 Steptoe And Son (1972) 3.55 The Producers (1968) 5.25 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 7.15 Love Story (1970) 9.00 Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 11.15 Dial M For Murder (1954) 1.05am Coogan’s Bluff (1968)

1.35pm Plunkett And Macleane (1999) 3.25 McCabe And Mrs Miller (1971) 5.30 Onegin (1999) 7.20 Almost Famous (2000) 10.00 La Vie En Rose (2007) 12.25am Onegin (1999) 2.25 The Movie Geek 2.55 McCabe And Mrs Miller (1971) 5.00 The Movie Geek

11.00am All About Eve (1950) 1.45pm Explorers (1985) 3.55 Princess Mononoke (1997) 6.40 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) 9.00 Independence Day (1996) 11.45 Final Destination 2 (2002) 1.30am The Descent (2005)

9.00am Clash By Night (1952) 11.00 Jack Frost (1998) 1.00pm Which Way To The Front? (1970) 3.00 Not With My Wife You Don’t (1966) 5.20 Disorderlies (1987) 6.55 Assault On A Queen (1966) 9.00 The Big Red One (1980) 11.10 Pat Garrett And Billy The Kid (1973) 1.10am The Big Red One (1980)

2.25pm Posh Nosh 2.35 FILM: Dad’s Army (1971) 4.25 FILM: Carry On Follow That Camel (1967) 6.15 FILM: Carry On Matron (1972) 8.00 FILM: Calendar Girls (2003) 10.10 Only Fools And Horses 11.35 Absolutely Fabulous 12.15am FILM: AI: Artificial Intelligence (2001) 3.00 Home Shopping

9.30am Scrubs (x23) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40 South Park (x3) 2.10 Rules Of Engagement 2.40 Scrubs (x2) 3.40 Comedy Store 4.10 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film (x2) 4.20 Cybill (x2)

Classics

Indie


Latest Seven: Issue 438 25 - 31 August