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the city magazine for brighton & hove

★ jobs ★ cars ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 14–20 October 2008


space to breathe decluttering for your health

win! win! win! tickets to baby loves disco

boys will be girls les ballets trockadero de monte carlo are in town

party perfect book your unique celebration at home cafe page 15



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★ latest jobs 4–5

★ latest listings 21–41

4 Ready to move on? Then you must be

21 Reviews and listings index

It's that time again when the city gets really busy – we all get back to our normal working lives, which of course in Brighton and Hove means making sure we're out as much as possible enjoying the brilliant music, comedy, art, theatre, dance and events the city has to offer. This month is the Magners Paramount Comedy Festival as well as the Brighton Comedy Fringe Festival. We know Sussex is home to a range of festivals of all varieties – and this weekend you can celebrate the joy of the British apple at Applefest at Middle Farm. See music news (p27). This Saturday the Ocean Rooms celebrates its 11th birthday – see our club listings on page 31 – and tonight Alan Clayson plays at our sister venue Latest Music Bar. Read Nick Aldwinckle's interview with Alan in music news (p27). Andrew Kay is excited about Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo coming to town soon. He met up with principal ballerina Robert Carter; read the interview on page 23. Also this week, Andrew has been dining at the delectable Chaula's in Lewes, but what did he make of those elephant ears? (p16) I have been dying to try a lazy Sunday brunch and bloody mary at Home Cafe; now the Queens Park restaurant/cafe is taking party bookings, so you can enjoy their home cooking at night as well as in the day (p15). You might have noticed that Halloween is looming. In preparation, I've been out on a ghost walk around Brighton (p11) and Phil Mills has been finding out how the police plan to tackle the hoards of zombies they're expecting to hit the streets (p13). If you're feeling brave, we've got some fantastic Halloween prizes; three sets of gory science kits each worth £75. Find out how to enter on page 15. Also family friendly is our kids and events page, where you can read about an autumn harvest and foraging event this weekend at Parham House and Gardens (p26). In Latest Sport, Joe Curtin ponders the state of modern football and how it might be affected by the economy (p14). Jo Brooks has been living it up at celeb haunts in New York (p9) and Dani's feeling melancholy and doesn't know how to stop (p8). In the TV section, Dani rips into Candace Bushnell’s new offering Lipstick Jungle (p36) and you can find seven days of TV listings. This week Victoria Nangle’s comedy interview is with this year’s if.comedy winner David O’Doherty. Find it on page 22 with the comedy listings and watch out for our reviews of the Magners Paramount Comedy Festival over the coming weeks. You can find even more listings online at Here at Latest magazines we are looking for web developer, if you fancy a challenge email

ready for this

★ latest upfront 6–10 6 Social diary and competitions: Win Baby Loves Disco and comedy tickets

7 Alison’s getting steamy in the kitchen 8 Sandra launches an undercover sting 8 Will Dani ever be happy again? 9 CelebCity: Jo Brooks hits New York 10 Bare Cheek: what image best sums up Brighton for you?

Pub quiz drama, Mark Thomas and Sam Sparro

22 Comedy


Vicky quizzes if.comedy winner David O’Doherty

22 Art Art at Five’s fifth birthday

23 Stage Andrew Meets The Trocks’ principal dancer Robert Carter

24 Film Kristin Scott-Thomas on her new film

26 Kids and events

★ latest news 11–14

Forage for fungae

26 Books Naomi Foyle’s new poetry collection

11 The Big Story: The ghostly spirits that inhabit The Lanes

27 Music Alan Clayson and Simply Red

13 Phil Mills on how the police plan to tackle zombies this Halloween

14 Letters and sport

★ latest lifestyle 15–20 15 On the cover: party at Home Cafe 15 Win! Gory Halloween prizes 16 Andrew’s food column 17 Hotlist of the best places to eat

Brighton  Latest Download Chart




31 Clubs and music listings From Mark Morriss to Meow Meows

32 Gay Brighton DJ Queen Josephine and Will’s gone back to his roots

34 Television Dani’s lost in the Lipstick Jungle, plus seven days of complete listings

18 How to declutter your life






 Editorial: Advertising: Managing Editor Bill Smith

Editor Rachel Pegg

Business Director Angi Mariani

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Website Manager Paul Burgess

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards


Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst Marie Viviani Administration Claire Peerless

Sub Editor Patrick O’Donnell

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH


Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 3



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

Call Centre Agents

Customer Service Team Leader

Brighton – £7.00–£11.00ph

Brighton – £17k

Are you target driven and motivated by money? If you have a confident telephone manner and enjoy earning lots of money, we are looking for full time call centre agents to join an established lively team. The company is based in the heart of Brighton and offers a fun and lively environment.

As a Customer Service team member you will be the main point of contact for external and internal customers within Belgium. You will be responsible for the processing of orders from your own customer portfolio as well as for all other ordering activities which will involve responding to enquiries and dealing with queries across the entire ordering process. You will be expected to provide holiday and sickness cover for other team members within your own team but you also might be expected to assist other teams in order to achieve KC key performance indicators. Candidate must be fluent in English, Dutch and French.

Credit Control Team Leader Brighton – £30k–£35k An exciting career opportunity has arisen to join a European Shared Service Centre in Brighton as a Credit Control Supervisor. Reporting to the Credit Control Manager, your main responsibilities will be to manage, support and develop a current team of seven Credit Controllers, all of whom are accountable for Credit Control activities in Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Belgium and Holland. Candidate must be fluent in English, German or Dutch.

Production Engineer Newhaven – £27k Working as a member of the manufacturing team to monitor, develop, evaluate and continuously improve manufacturing processes through the application of Lean Manufacturing principles, thereby achieving the company’s performance targets in terms of quality, delivery, cost and safety. Manufacturing areas covered are assembly, powder paint plant, wet paint and internal machining processes.

Technical Support Engineer East Sussex – £26k–£29k Successful applicant will be based in the Oil & Gas Contract Sales Team and will work closely supporting the sales of the Oil & Gas products in the UK & Global markets. Sufficient engineering exposure to understand basic engineering processes, materials and typical manufacturing processes. This role has a wide scope of operation and requires a sound working knowledge of the Company's ERP system (EFACS) and the engineering knowledge required for BOM construction and its associated disciplines.

Manufacturing Manager East Sussex - £30K Opportunity for a Manufacturing Manager to join a busy team. You will have the opportunity to work in a fast paced

environment and manage the manufacturing operations of the business. This includes satisfying objectives in terms of health and safety, GMP and output, as well as ensuring that standard labour and machine hours are achieved, reporting on weekly KPI's and working closely with other key personnel within the company.

Quality Control/Quality Production Manager East Sussex – £40K You will manage a team of 10 staff (working on two shifts) responsible for QC functions such as Raw Material and FPS testing, method development, method validation, contract laboratory services, GMP, GLP and Health and Safety. Strong organisational and multi-tasking skills are required to ensure products are tested in accordance with specification, and communication is key at all levels of the business to ensure sales targets are achieved. Reporting to Directors will be required on a regular basis.

Deputy Resident Hotel ManagerLive in East Sussex – £17K To manage the effective operation of the restaurant/bar, conference and banqueting facilities. To ensure customer service is at its best. You will be responsible for maximising all revenue opportunities through effective teamwork and development and will ensure that food quality and service is delivered to brand standards.


A full-time post is available from 8 December 2008 for an experienced Secretary/Audio Typist and will be offered on a fixed-term contract for a period of nine months to provide maternity leave cover. Duties to include: • Audio typing (55-80 words a minute). • Applicant must be computer ‘Word’ literate. • Good telephone manner. • Excellent organisation skills. • Duties to include reception cover. Hours: 9.30am–3.30pm Monday – Friday For further details and a job description please submit your CV to:Miss Jo Dean, Parsons Son & Basley, 32 Queens Road, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 3YE Email: NO AGENCIES 4 latest jobs

hundreds of jobs every week



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102


Inspiring? We’d like to meet you ... Make a difference in a rewarding, permanent role with the UK’s leading charity telephone fundraising agency.

Top Media Jobs

Due to the high demand for our award-winning services we are expanding our team.

PHP Web Developers – NotOnlyButAlso Ltd

Earn up to £20,748 per annum. Working hours are on a flexible shift-basis, Monday-Sunday, with some weekend and evening work a requirement. No experience required - just an ability to communicate and a passion for the cause. Training and ongoing support will be given.

Calling all PHP Web Developers and Graduate PHP Web Developers NotOnlyButAlso is an interactive and graphic design agency. We are located in the Clifton Hill area of Brighton and are walking distance from the mainline train station.

Call Jan on 01273 698697 - we look forward to meeting you.

Communications Manager – Cactus Language

This is not a sales job, and there is no commission involved.

Cactus was founded in 1998 to offer quality language training in the UK and abroad. The company has been highly successful, delivering courses to over 15,000 people annually in 25 languages, in 45 countries and at 150 destinations worldwide. Cactus needs an experienced and motivated Communications Manager to cover maternity leave.

Web Developer/Design Intern – Clearleft Ltd Clearleft is a small but well respected design consultancy from Brighton, England. We work with clients from all over the world, helping them improve their online experiences.We are looking for a talented intern to work as part of our small team of user experience experts. This role is part of the Brighton Internship Programme.

Web Developer – WPM Internet WPM Internet have impeccable credentials for innovative e–commerce development working with a host of leading name clients and are renowned for reputation, great customer service and staff development.

ASP.Net Developer – Northwind Solutions Ltd Northwind Solutions provide high quality web-based solutions for a wide range of clients (ranging from blue-chip to SMEs). We are a small but well established firm. Due to us taking on a number of exciting new projects we have an immediate requirement for an developer.

Freelance Project Manager – Cubeworks We're a small but growing team using agile methods to deliver contentmanaged websites and web applications from our seafront office in Brighton. We’re looking for a talented individual to work with clients such as the NSPCC, Sanyo, Chichester College, Random House Children’s Books and Guinness.

Project Manager/Producer – Jolly Wise Media Jollywise Media provide content and digital marketing solutions for some of the largest entertainment brands in the world. We’re seeking a project manager, passionate about film, with solid understanding of the online space, digital marketing and deadline driven project management specific to the entertainment industry.

PHP Developer – Switchplane Ltd Switchplane is a media company specialising in web design. Other specialisations include magazine and catalogue production, email newsletters, and custom built software. We are seeking a PHP developer to work on a wide variety of web applications.

Are you looking to recruit? Are you looking to expand your digital media business and recruit new staff? Wired Sussex can help. Our jobs board is viewed by over 10,000 digital media hopefuls every month, plus all job posters get to search through our CV database. Interested? Call Luke at Wired Sussex today to find out more: 01273 692 888

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latestdiary With Tim Richardson In the frame The official launch of Frames in the Lanes took place on Thursday 2 October, with over 60 people turning up to check out the newest business in the Lanes. Guests included customers, friends and many local business people who were greeted by owners: Bernadette Fitzsimons and Freya Huntley. The variety of exclusive and creative designer ranges on offer impressed guests, as did the chic shop interior. Especially exciting was the Chrome Hearts range, favoured by celebs, whose only other UK outlet is Selfridges in London. Their representative was at the launch featuring some diamond set frames worth about £3,000. One lucky person won themselves their own pair of Chrome Hearts frames following the prize draw, albeit from a slightly less expensive range! Even though they have only been open since the end of August, Frames in the Lanes is already making its mark with those discerning customers who want unique and individual eyewear. To keep up the pace they are planning further events and promotions in the run up to Christmas. To find out more visit or watch this space!

New design home On Thursday 2 October 2008, Ligne Roset opened a spectacular new showroom in Brighton. The entire space covers 450 square metres split over two floors and features a wide selection of designs from Ligne Roset's vast collection of furniture, lighting, textiles and accessories. Bruno Allard, UK managing director of Ligne Roset, said of the launch: “Brighton is one of the most exciting towns for Ligne Roset in the South East - the emphasis on culture and design within the area makes it the perfect location for our international Jonathan Hill (graphic designer), Amanda Vogato (fabric consultant) design brand as we expand in the Jonathan Vogato (Mode Build) UK. The architectural style of the Jubilee Library provides a spectacular backdrop to the new showroom, and the situation on Jubilee Street is an ideal retail area for Ligne Roset.”

Tiffany Bancel (Just Lets), Felicity Nicoll (Hilton Brighton Metropole)

Claire Edwards, Tom Cornwall (Ligne Roset) Freya Huntley, Bernadette Fitzsimons (Frames in the Lanes)

Rachel Mutton (Ligne Roset City)

IN IT TO WIN IT Dance your socks off to these great give-aways Baby Loves Disco – tickets and CD Baby Loves Disco is the new phenomenon sweeping across the country since it came across the pond from the US. Brighton officially launches Baby Loves Disco at Brighton Coalition on 25 October and we have a family ticket to give away! The event in London sold out and it’s set to make a presence down south too. If you have a youngster aged six months to seven years, you won’t want to miss this special launch. Parents and youngsters alike will enjoy this fun afternoon dance party for kids. One lucky winner will receive tickets to the official Brighton launch and will also receive the new Baby Loves Disco three-CD

6 latest 7

album. Tracks include the Jackson 5’s ‘I Want You Back’ and Girls Aloud’s ‘Jump’ blending old and new to create a dance party youngsters will love. To be in with a chance of winning a copy of Baby Loves Disco CD and tickets to the launch at Brighton Coalition on 25 October, tell us: What country did Baby Loves Disco start in? A USA, B UK, C Australia See below for entry details. Children must be aged between six months and seven years and must be accompanied by a parent/guardian.

The People vs Stand-Up Comedy – tickets For comedy lovers, we have three pairs of tickets to see the hilarious show The People vs Stand-up Comedy at The Forager on 28 October. Expect plenty of laughs as your host Alan Seabrook welcomes a comic line-up including Chris Pacey and Andy Bryant. If you can’t make the 28 October show, the tickets are also valid for their 25 November night – same time, same place! To win tickets, tell us: Who is your host for The People vs Stand-up Comedy? See below for entry details. To be in with a chance of winning, email: with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email, along with your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 21 October



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See more at

Swanning around Alison Swann is learning how to get hot in the kitchen once again

Burning love The kitchen is working. There was, in the end, no dramatic explosion of light and throwing back of helpful friend’s body as he pushed two bits of electric wire together. No, after much jigsawing of kitchen pieces – meant for a flat somewhere else – it all came together. And like many things that have seemed an insurmountable challenge for many years, with a bit of focus, it wasn’t that bad. There was a fair amount of swearing and cajoling, as I tried not to look upset as a hole was made in my freshly-painted bedroom wall, to push the oh-sonecessary wire through the party wall to the back of the hob. I hate Sarah Beeny, she made me think this was all going to be so easy. Anyway. She didn’t live on microwave meals and put up with washing up rancid cups in the bath for as long as I did. I am a survivor.

I’d even been clever enough to get a rabbit from up the road in Kelso, freshly shot that morning and do a bit of a Clarissa Dickinson-Wright by chopping it up, digging out the stray pellets and making a proper scrummy country pie. The highlight of living in the ‘boredoms’, as my ex ended up referring to the land betwixt Edinburgh and ‘The Border’, was roasting a hogs head on a spit, made especially for the occasion by the local blacksmith – I am not making this up. This was all done in honour of a large contingent of London friends and family visiting us on our extended living adventure up north. The next day, as everyone came to from the nights revellery, our Staffordshire bull terrier proudly walked around with the hogs skull in her mouth. Very Lord of the Flies. So in this flashback of memory, I knew I had once been ready, willing and quite able to cook. So Delia and Nigella nicely primed, I set about the task. Something simple, I’m thinking, a baked potato? No, not that simple. That’s not cooking that’s heating. So once again, I made a pie – this time my favourite pie, artichoke. I even made the pastry, which wasn’t a total success. But it held the contents together and that was the best I could ask for. As the eggs, garlic, Parmesan and artichokes all fused together in the heat of the oven I looked over it like a newborn baby. And cracking through the hot shell of pastry to take a delicious taste I thought, I’ll take care of this skill, it’s a good one.

“I was then faced with a pot of slop of which Blackadder’s Baldrick would have been proud” Finally, the oven gently fanned into life and warmth started to fill the kitchen. I celebrated by making the biggest stew known to man or beast. This was done without the help of any idea of what I was doing or even a recipe. I was then faced with a pot of slop of which Blackadder’s Baldrick would have been proud. I had clearly been out of the game too long, ready meals are not just bad for your physical health, they clearly have an effect on your brain too, as I had clearly forgotten how to cook. Blimey. A quick recky of the dusty enclaves of my bookshelves and I discovered some old school Delia and a bit of Nigella, and started to remember the bit about portion sizes, buying the right ingredients and not just shoving it all in together and hoping for the best (clearly a microwave mentality). Slowly the closed down portions of my mind came back to life. I remembered, only a few years ago, living in a farm house in the Scottish Borders and having a rambling expanse of kitchen over-stuffed with ingredients and tools with which to make merry, whilst sipping on a bit of local brew.

 Comments? Get in touch:

latestcrossword Cryptic 165 ACROSS 5 Time to step out (5) 8 Pass a few to be generous (8) 9 Vestment that’s illegally got (5) 10 Man involved in bankruptcy has to be a listener (8) 11 Only partly comprehend how to be upright (5) 14 The point to which Los Angeles applies state rules (3) 16 Dad taking part in convict's release (6) 17 Dark man may be red (6) 18 Stop speech with a funny story (3) 20 Once more a victory (5) 24 Celebrity fish or bird (8) 25 Not entirely fragile but easily shattered (5) 26 Killer beast doubled up in pain – not half! (8) 27 Injure uncle’s head in tumbling down (5)

solutions on page 32

Quick 165 DOWN 1 Divide up wild rodents (5) 2 Get a bite while fire engulfs the pole (5) 3 Meat-jelly initially served up in a small place in China (5) 4 Wrap a boa around me for a simple life (6) 6 Sort of a tilt due to height (8) 7 It takes a year to get a loan sitting in a vehicle (8) 12 Go on ark with a disoriented animal (8) 13 Place to finish the essay (8) 14 Support the French with force (3) 15 Ladies with string hairpiece (3) 19 Strait interpreted by Monet, for instance (6) 21 Imagine a doctor associating with me (5) 22 Tree street is a winner (5) 23 A man who’s a go-between (5)

ACROSS 5 Afloat (5) 8 Enduring (8) 9 Amusing (5) 10 Long-handled weapon (8) 11 Violent man (5) 14 Pig pen (3) 16 Human tissue (6) 17 Sunrise song (6) 18 Tree (3) 20 Entertainment form (5) 24 Blissful place (8) 25 Church (5) 26 Actor (8) 27 Hackneyed (5)

DOWN 1 Stalk (5) 2 Coquet (5) 3 Corn (5) 4 Whole (6) 6 Clothes container (8) 7 Loneness (8) 12 Salad ingredient (8) 13 West (8) 14 Perceive (3) 15 Root vegetable (3) 19 Hate (6) 21 Untrue (5) 22 Shy (5) 23 Coin (5)

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000_LS394_model city/dani


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Model city

Dani’s diary

Sandra Omo warns models starting out to watch out for fraudulent agencies

Dani wants to know why happiness doesn’t breed in the same way as anger

Dear Models, There is a new wave of fraudulent agencies in town. These wacky agencies, as I call them are only out there to rip you off with registration fees, and make money off you by selling you inferior portfolios by amateur photographers. I have realised models new to the business are prone to fall prey to these fraudulent agencies. These agencies will never get you jobs because they do not have the expertise and connections to do so. You might never hear from them again after you have paid the required money. So be warned and beware of such agencies. Sincerely, Omo This is a notice I have recently posted in all my blogs to warn models of the new wave of fraudulent agencies in town. It may sound like news to you, but it’s no news to models. The number of advertisements put up by these agencies amazes me. I am not the only one, as this was what we spent the last casting I attended talking about. Last week, I decided to apply to some of these adverts so I could experience it and tell it. I applied to different ones and as I expected, they replied immediately saying I had the exact look (as they tell everyone) they are looking for and invited me to their office. The first appointment I went for was a little office situated in Oxford Street with two people in it. Believe me, all they tried to do was sell me a head shot on the spot for £20 and a portfolio for £350. The guy spent over forty minutes trying to convince me to buy this portfolio. He even went as far as telling me he had jobs already and the only thing stopping him from giving me the jobs was my lack of portfolio. Yes, I said I had none as it was the first thing he asked me when I arrived. That’s how they know if you are a good target or not.

“They tried to sell me a head shot on the spot for £20 and a portfolio for £350“ After all the talk, I promised to come in the next day and pay for a photo shoot, and he promised to hold the job for me and send me to the clients immediately. I knew it was all lies. The next day I returned, but this time with my book. He was shocked and uncomposed all through this meeting. At last he said, “Okay, we will give you a call when we have a job for you.” What? Did he not say yesterday that he already had a job for me and the only hindrance was that I had no book? I reminded him of this, to his embarrassment, but he quickly bailed out by saying, “you know there is no guarantee with clients as they change their mind often.” Yes, they always hide under the fact that there is no guarantee in the modelling industry. Every other appointment I went for was the same – a complete rip off. Some kept calling asking for registration fees. These people should go to jail, or is ripping people off no longer a criminal offence? It’s so sad because a lot of people are falling prey to this and it looks as though there is nothing they can do about it even after they find out they have been ripped off because after all, there is no guarantee in modelling. This is not about to stop as there are more and more agencies springing up in every nook and cranny of major cities. The majority of them do not even have offices as the internet has made it easier to carry out such acts. The truth is this is not new, there have always been agencies ripping people off, but the rate at which they are multiplying, calls for alarm. Then that does not mean there are no genuine agencies out there, even if they may be small or new. The question here is how do we then differentiate the real from the frauds? 8 latest 7

Anger breeds, along with fear and being miserable. So why doesn’t happiness? I have been reading that through meditation you can train yourself to be a happier person. The idea struck me as good when I first read it, but I worry that you only train yourself to ignore those things that make you unhappy. Therefore you do not deal with them and spend the rest of your life living out of one happy box in your head while the rest of your mind fills up with sad boxes. Nothing I am doing at the minute makes me feel happy. And I am starting to worry that it never will. I worry that I will never find a job that satisfies me. I will never find an outfit that I feel good in. I will never have the confidence to do all the things I want to and I will never find a love that exists only in books. These silly things are eating me up. I spend all day trying to work out what it is that I need to do to feel happy? I am starting to think true happiness is a myth. Having asked a couple of people what they think makes them happiest they have come up with three different choices. Money, food and dancing. I would have to throw love in there for good measure.

“Some of the wealthiest people are unhappy. And money can buy you everything – bar true love” The thing that worries me most is that I equate all these things with happiness and spend all my free time wondering if they will ever fall upon me, but also pondering at the same time whether would make any difference at all? I believe that these things would make me feel happy, but I have no proof of them doing so. Some of the wealthiest people are unhappy. And money can buy you everything – bar true love. So maybe the answer to happiness is to have someone to love and be loved by in return. Perhaps the phrase: ‘Make Love Not War‘ should be taken slightly more seriously. Perhaps Jane Austen had the balance right. Someone to love, enough money to live comfortably on and good friends. What more do you really need in life? Excessive amounts of anything become boring and monotonous. And maybe the same can be said for happiness, as it is always very short lived. When I was at school – having grown out of the idea of being a famous actress – when anyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up? I would answer: “happy“ because it was true and still is. The only difference now is that I realise happiness doesn’t instantly hit you in the face when school finishes, the working week finishes or when you get paid. Happiness is something you spend so long waiting for that when you feel slightly less than miserable you think you must be doing something right. I have always firmly believed that true love makes you happy. The only difference now is that I don’t believe true love exists. So happiness is there, we do have a reason for all wanting to feel that way. We just never will because the only way to feel it is a figment of someone’s imagination.

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FEARLESS MIKE 01273 711166 As seen on TV

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sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Soho stars Jo takes a bite of the Big Apple for some serious A-list star spotting over dinner and drinks This week I’m writing to you from the Big Apple where I’m hanging out in Soho, drinking in the atmosphere and spotting celebs by the dozen. As always Manhattan was heaving with A-listers – Brangelina were in town at the Waldorf Astoria, where Angie was attending the premiere of her latest film, The Changeling and Brad was taking advantage of the tunnels running under the posh hotel. Paps after the family were thwarted when Brad left the hotel by one of the subterranean tunnels, surfacing in a church at the end of the block, which he left by the back door, getting straight into a blacked out SUV, managing to arrive unspotted at MOMA for a visit with Pax, Shiloh and Maddox – not just a pretty face that man. Breakfasting in The Bowery Hotel on my very first morning (currently the hottest Alison Moyet place to stay in NYC), I spotted Drew Barrymore who had just flown into town – allegedly visiting with her new boyfriend, Gossip Girl actor Ed Westwick, 12 years her junior. Also feeding their (rather hairy) faces were indie boys The Killers. High celeb count but I have to say the too cool for school restaurant looked just like a Harvester to me. The eggs were good though. Across town I heard that Madonna (in town for her Sweet and Sticky tour) was also breakfasting – but with Britney (promoting her new album) at old school diner, The Waverley. That night we ate at the restaurant in The Mercer hotel where the roll call of celebs included Russell Brand and Kate Moss – we spotted neither but enjoyed sashimi and a lovely bottle of Tattinger (we had to – it helps the jetlag). However on the way back to my hotel I walked past the ex-Moss lover Jamie Hince who was moping along the street dressed in regulation shades and leather jacket. Leaving the hotel, I shared a lift with musical legend and a massive favourite of mine, Alison Moyet who looked rather miserable – and I knew why next morning when I saw her leave on her tour bus at 6.30am. It turns out Tattinger doesn’t cure jetlag. Tonight is going to be all about Sussex – as the plan is to catch Nick Cave’s gig and then have dinner at Norman Cook’s gastropub, The Spotted Pig. Home sweet home.

Brad and Angelina

Drew Barrymore

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555,

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email

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See more at

Bare cheek What’s not on  Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column


Brighton pop quiz

The whole of the seafront cordoned off so some twats can race motor cars 13 October

Part 1: What mental image best sums up Brighton? 1 Norman Cook buying Jordan an ice cream on a pier constructed of naked gay men. 2 A local business person being fed a huge plate of money by a property developer while defecating bombs onto the Grade I listed building a starving, penniless great-grandmother lives in. 3 An enormous neon mixing desk spray painted with iconic images of Bill Hicks, Chairman Mao, and Deputy Dawg, playing a remix of a white label cover version of ‘Ice Ice Baby’ featuring samples from the Caryl Chessman trial and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 4 Some roadworks. 5 A tramp being sick into a child’s bucket in the rain desperately being kept out of shot by a camera crew filming a cheerful Channel 4 lifestyle show.

In & Out

Special Tomorrow’s World Edition



• William Woollard’s “Man of Action” status

• Raymond Baxter’s nicotine-stained marcel wave.

• That fried egg that was one of the “O’s” in the title sequence, as though being able to fry an egg in a funny shape were innately futuristic

• James Burke crossing the Thames in a plastic bubble while wearing a bowler hat and carrying an umbrella as The Bonzo Dog DooDah Band’s “Cool Britannia” plays on the soundtrack

• Judith Hann’s fixation with oversized plastic models of red blood corpuscles • Failing to predict any of the major advances in science and technology over the past thirty years and choosing instead to concentrate on horticulturalists who could make tomatoes taste like bananas or something like that • Philippa Forrester’s curiously broad shoulders

• Kraftwerk playing their keyboard lapels • Seeing Keiran Prenderville or someone demonstrating video discs and thinking “What’s the point of that? You can’t record over ‘em! They’ll never catch on” and being right • Michael Rodd

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

The whole of the seafront cordoned off so some more twats can race motor bikes 20 October

The whole of the seafront cordoned off so a load of twats can listen to another twat playing some records 27th October

Hove Factually Five Amazing Facts You Never Knew About Fantabulous Hove 1 Residents of Poets’ Corner are directly descended from the Ostrogoths, the Barbarian tribe who occupied Italy and the Balkans in the years following the fall of the western Roman empire. When Byzantine emperor Justinian I vanquished them from their capital, Ravenna in 540 AD, a small contingent fled the shores in a flotilla, bound for a land foretold in their mythology as a place of great beauty, an earthly paradise where all wants are provided, all troubles assuaged. The others went to Hove. 2 Ho Chi Minh should actually be spelt Hove Chi Min. It is a littleknow (indeed actively suppressed) fact that the north Vietnamese revolutionary leader was so fond of his childhood holidays here that he changed his name by deed poll. 3 Sackville Road has the word “devil” in it and the words “lack” and “soar”. If written backwards it spells the phrase “red hot and randy”. 4 Unusual celebrity weddings to be held at All Saints Church, The Drive, include Arthur Lee to Peggy Mount, Otto Von Bismarck to Louise Nurding, Harry Corbett to Harry H. Corbett, Crystal Tips to Alistair Burnett, Vin Diesel to Olive from On The Buses, The New Shmoo to Annabel Croft, and Anthony Powell to Draculass. 5 From 1986 to 1997, undemanding froggy piano-playing automaton Richard Clayderman, alias The Scarecrow, ran a smuggling ring in Aldrington.

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According to my research in Asian astrology, to Arien health matters are all in the head. That could mean you are a hypochondriac, something serious or a bad hair day.

Cancer’s connections are awful, or offal as they are the lungs and the heart. Give up cigarettes, fatty foods, sugar and generally having fun right now, you know it makes sense

How research can make one laugh, Libra it would seem is the internal sexual organs and the kidneys. If one were to believe that would mean no bubbly and no babies, over to you.

Legs and upper part. The whole upper part? What a raw deal. Everything above the waist? Some things change with time, dropping from upper to lower or not rising to upper any more


LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)



For Taurus it’s the face, right eye of the male and left eye of the female, mouth, tongue, teeth, upper food pipe. You know, sometimes I wish I had never started something.

More offal for Leo the lion with stomach, spleen, pancreas and liver. Yeuk, no seriously yeuk. Next week I am going to research your astral flowers or fragrances.

Oh my giddy aunt, I can hardly bare tell sensitive Scorpio this. Here goes, if I do it quickly it will be less offensive: large intestine, external sexual organs, anus. No that didn’t help.

This is going to offend an Aquarian who believes, so beware. Legs and lower part. I know so dull for our most fanciful astral friends and nothing above the waist never mind neck.





For Gemini it’s the ears, lower food pipe, arms and wind pipe. The conjunction of arms and wind pipe does not convey happy thoughts so Geminis beware.

For Virgo it’s the small intestine. For a star sign so often full of woe it’s perhaps symbolic that their astrally weak organ is so full of… food. Come on what did you think I would say?

Crumbly old Sagis get off lightly with hip and hip joints. Lightly in terms of embarrassment maybe but in terms of potential discomfort… ? Be brave, I am getting a bad feeling about all this.

Feet, left eye of the male and right eye of the female. What if you are Pisces with Taurus rising? To be frank it all sounds a little fishy. I am off to Bardsley’s to read fortunes in chips.

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Rachel Pegg discovers a spooky side to Brighton’s Lanes in the hunt for things that go bump in the night

Night watch Next time you walk through Meeting House Lane, watch out for icy cold hands trying to grasp at your waist. According to Brighton’s new ghost walker, the chilling hands belong to just one of the troubled souls who haunt the city’s famous shopping quarter. Now their stories are being brought back to life by Robert Marks, who has made a career out of telling spooky tales. Robert, a former expert ghost walker in York, has carefully researched the history of The Lanes and has picked out the most intriguing, terrifying and gruesome episodes. Up until this Halloween Robert is leading guiding tours of the phantom hotspots three nights a week. I joined him on a dark and rainy night to seek out the shadowy figures from Brighton’s past. The Lanes, he told me, are the oldest part of town and some believe the most haunted. Our journey began at Brighton Town Hall, built in 1830 on the site of the former Priory of St Bartholomew. Robert reported that skeletons have been found there, widely believed to be the bones of monks, some of whose spirits still stalk the earth. One of them, he revealed, was expelled for misbehaviour. “Legend has it there was a brother who got into a spot of bother with Communion wine. He narrowly escaped the dreadful fate of being walled up in the cellar. They decided he should be banished from the order and become shamed and ex-communicated “Apart from this one situation he’d led a decent life. He died shortly afterwards. He has been seen on many occasions in the cellars of Brighton and of some of the shops.” It’s thought that the monk is desperate to be reunited with his brothers and forgiven. “One lady looking through a consignment of diaries turned round to find herself face to face with the phantom friar," Robert said, and, turning his voice to a whisper: “There was no head inside the hood.”

“I had a feeling of being watched. It was all empty and there was a crucifix on every wall” The town hall is also thought to be haunted by the ghost of Chief Inspector Henry Solomon, who was bludgeoned with an iron poker in 1844 by John Lawrence, a carpet thief who had been apprehended when the building was still a police station. On to Old Steine, where Robert reckons an even more terrifying nomad can be seen, if you are unlucky. John Robinson was Brighton's version of the Scarlet Pimpernel – a benevolent stranger who rescued aristocrats from a savage end during the French Revolution. In the process, he killed three guards and a price was put on his head. He returned to Brighton before travelling to Persia and fought in the civil war, but ended up on the losing side and had his eyes burned out. After a period as a beggar in Tehran, he made it back to Brighton, where he died on the street. Since then a figure has been spotted lying on the ground. When passers-by get closer, they see the man has no eyes. One police officer was physically sick at the sight of his face. When he turned round to help, the figure had gone. Other stories involve a nun who was put to death after falling in love with a soldier and a man with ice cold hands who haunts a former guest

house in Meeting House Lane and sometimes gets a bit over-friendly with women visitors. Robert’s walk takes guests via haunted spots such as Dr Brighton’s, The Cricketers – where Graham Greene wrote Brighton Rock and which dates back to the 1540s – and the Druid's Head, site of a sacred ring of stones. Druids, Robert said, were an Iron Age tribal society who led brutal lives and made human sacrifices. When he first began leading ghost walks, Robert did not believe in the paranormal. Then he saw a ghost himself, and now is much less cynical. He said: “I started off being very much a sceptic. I do feel 90 per cent of the time, there is a logical explanation, but I can’t dismiss the grey area because I have done so much research and spoken to so many people who wouldn’t spin a yarn.” His most spooky experience was not in Brighton, but at a house he and his wife went to view in north Yorkshire. He said: “I had a very uncomfortable feeling of being watched. It was all empty and there was a crucifix on every wall. “A couple of days later this lady came in to do some cleaning. I was telling her we’d been there and she said, ‘My grandmother used to clean that house. You do know it's haunted?’” An actor and a paid up member of Equity, Robert certainly looks the part of a ghost watcher in his top hat and Victorian garb. He has previously appeared in A Touch of Frost, Emmerdale and Heartbeat. Robert recently featured on BBC South Today and on the back of that appearance has proposed an idea for a paranormal show to the BBC, who have expressed interest. While many people claim to have seen ghosts around Brighton, Robert said very few of the ghouls cause any harm. “Most spirits are quite benign. Most are quite friendly.” Some, he admits, can even be over friendly, like the Meeting House Lane ghost with the cold hands. Robert's ghost walks take place every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night up to and including Halloween and on Saturdays until Christmas. Meet at the Druid's Head in Brighton Place at 7.30pm. Find out more at latest 7 11



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7 days of headlines

George scores 

Street sweepers, graffiti cleaners and litter pickers carried out a major clean up of London Road. Brighton and Hove City Council launched the “deep clean” of the area last week following ongoing complaints that the area is an embarrassment as the gateway to Brighton. Council leader Mary Mears joined the cleaning mission. She said: “Everyone is working together to improve London Road.” A homelessness charity is to open a shop selling gifts made entirely from recycled and refashioned materials. The shop at the premises of Emmaus in Drove Road, Portslade, will have its ribbon cut by Maureen Heard, the longest serving volunteer at the Brighton and Hove branch of the charity, on Saturday 18 October at 2pm. The impact of students on life in Brighton and Hove will be discussed at a series of public meetings. The first will be held at Hove Town Hall on Friday 17 October from 2–4pm. For more information call 01273 290450.

Lisa Snowdon rates George Clooney nine and a half out of 10 in the bedroom department, she revealed when she popped into a Portslade-based radio station. The star of Strictly Come Dancing and Britain’s Next Top Model Lisa Snowdon made the revelation when she appeared on Southern FM’s Big Breakfast Show with Lynsey, Danny and Jack. She gave trio Lynsey, Danny and Jack the backstage gossip on the shows, plus insider information on dating one of the most fancied men in the world, Hollywood Alister George Clooney. In a candid interview, Lisa revealed to presenter Jack the Lad what it was like dating George. “It was a good time in my life, we had a laugh.” said Lisa, “It was a pretty normal relationship at times. Obviously when other megastars used to rock up that used to be a bit of a ‘pinch yourself’ moment.” When asked by Jack, on behalf of women listening in Sussex, how George was “in the sack” Lisa replied with a “nine and a half out of 10!” Jack the Lad said: “I’ve got a lot of respect for how open Lisa was in the interview. I felt bad turning down her request for a date though, but I’m a happily married

Seeds of change Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on investing in the future I heard an amusing story the other day about a mother who was walking her son to school. He was dragging his feet and after some time the mother said: “Will you hurry up please?” The boy replied: “What’s the rush? It’s open ‘til 3pm.” This little exchange demonstrates just how clever, but sometimes mischievous, young people can be. They represent the future and so we must invest in their futures while helping them stay within the law. The Moulsecoomb Forest Garden and Wildlife Project is one example where the council aims to reduce anti-social behaviour by involving excluded pupils, who help run the garden, in worthwhile community projects. The produce grown is offered free to low income families and older people. At the same time, children learn about growing and eating healthy food and respect for their local environment. This week, we will be working with the police to tackle anti-social behaviour through an initiative called ‘Not in My Neighbourhood’. We’ll be doing things like truancy patrols, evening operations to make our streets safer, and carrying out a range of activities to keep our streets cleaner. To stop young people behaving anti-socially, it’s vital that we offer them an attractive alternative and another important initiative we’re working on is the proposed Falmer Academy. The proposal aims to offer young people a fresh approach to learning, flexible curriculum, up-to-date resources and state-ofthe art facilities to help raise standards of achievement among all students whatever their abilities. This week we will be considering the outcome of a consultation about turning Falmer High School into an Academy. In addition to offering the core subjects like Maths, English and Science, Entrepreneurship and Sport will be two specialisms which we hope will excite students about learning.

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man and I don’t want Clooney’s cast offs!” To hear the interview in full go to

Volunteers needed Volunteers are needed to monitor the welfare of staff and prisoners at a high-profile prison. The independent monitoring board for Ford prison is looking for men and women to oversee goings-on at the facility. The board visits regularly, often unannounced, and reports to the Governor each month. Members have the power to come into the prison at any time, talk to anyone and look at anything except for private medical records. They monitor the day-to-day life of those who are detained and ensure that all relevant rules and conditions are followed. An appeal for volunteers was made in the summer and there was some interest but the board is still in need of new members. Volunteers should be openminded, caring, approachable, good listeners and communicators and committed to diversity, equality and human rights. No special qualifications are needed. The role requires about four half days a month. Contact the IMB Clerk at HMP Ford, Arundel, West Sussex, BN18 0BX. Call: 01903 663000

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Finally, I want to congratulate Moulescoomb Primary School for winning the first ever ‘Learning Outside the Classroom’ award last Thursday. The awards celebrate schools which use the outdoors in an imaginative way to educate pupils. So, as this week shows, we are putting children’s futures at the heart of council activities – so that creative young people, like the boy with who didn’t want to hurry to school, have every opportunity to flourish. Find out more about Moulsecoomb Forest Garden and Wildlife Project at

David Bellamy with Falmer High School pupils at Moulsecoomb Forest Garden and Wildlife Project

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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills looks at how local police will be handling Halloween and news of a charity event for a police colleague

Sgt Jo Webb with zombies

Night force

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More than 60 extra police will be drafted in to work in Brighton and Hove to combat a night of terror. Halloween, for the vast majority, is a festival of ghoulish fun, but it can bring out the worst in a minority of teenagers. There were a number of arrests last year and cars and homes have been damaged by egg throwing, people have been hit by flower bombs and pensioners have been left cowering in their homes, terrified by door knocks and threatening yobs. City police Chief Inspector Bill Whitehead said officers won’t be kill-joys, but they will be adopting a robust approach to those intent on misbehaving on Halloween night, Friday, 31 October, and for the rest of that weekend. He said: “We will have between 60 and 70 extra officers on duty and we will be stopping and searching youngsters who we suspect are carrying eggs and flour. “Those we catch will be taking to their homes and their parents will be informed or, in more serious cases, they will be arrested. “Those who go round causing trouble can have a serious effect on their victims, especially the elderly, and we are urging everyone not to cold call at people’s homes.”

“Leaflets being distributed will carry a: ‘Don’t call here‘ sign, which people can stick on front doors or in windows”

Fundraising for a friend Members of the Metropolitan Police crack public order branch will be carrying their riot shields as they run in relays from London to Brighton to help in the fight against testicular cancer. The marathon event, on Thursday next week (23 October), is in aid of Jason Hussain, 21, from Brighton, who manages the Metropolitan Police Youth Diversion project. Jason was diagnosed with the cancer earlier this year and money raised by the run will pay for cancer equipment at the Royal Sussex County Hospital, Brighton, where Jason is receiving treatment. Surgery failed and Jason recently completed a gruelling course of chemotherapy. His plight prompted an immediate pledge of help from the 21strong public order team. Jason, a national standard sprinter and former British Junior international, is coached by his line manager and international sprints coach Superintendent John Powell, who suffered the same problem 17 years ago. He suffered two relapses and ultimately needed a bone marrow transplant. He went on to raise several thousand for the cancer unit where he was treated. He said: “The shock of hearing Jason had the same problem as I did was miles worse than dealing with my own problem. “Jason and his family are close friends and the feeling of helplessness was devastating. But his prognosis has been very positive, and the hospital has been brilliant. “This charity event is a fantastic way to repay doctors and staff. It's impossible to appreciate the effort and resources that go into treating one patient unless you have been there yourself.“ Anyone wanting to sponsor the team should email

Inspector Whitehead said leaflets being distributed will carry a:“Don’t call here” sign, which people can stick on front doors or in windows. He said: “We want people to enjoy themselves but we recommend they attend organised parties. “We are gearing up and anyone misbehaving can expect a strong response from us.” For the first time police are getting involved in one of the UK’s biggest Halloween festivals, at Tulleys Farm in Turners Hill, Crawley, where more than 40,000 visitors are expected over 11 days, starting on Saturday 18 October. Police will have a stand at the event to offer advice and officers will take action if any youngsters step out of line. Sergeant Jo Webb, of the Sussex Police Neighbourhood Specialist Team based at East Grinstead, said: “This gives us a unique opportunity to support the local community and to interact with youths on a local level, while they are out having fun. “There is a serious message to this which is about enjoying Halloween in a sensible and safe way. “Our officers are there to engage with the public, but we will get involved in proactive policing at the event if the need arises. “It’s going to be an interesting experience and I have to admit this is the first time I have worked alongside zombies.” latest 7 13



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Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Greed works…? Latest Sport’s Joe Curtin wonders how the credit crunch will hit the world of big-money football

Trek for charity As a passionate supporter of Help the Aged I would like to encourage your readers to sign up to the charity’s latest challenge event, Trek China 2009, which will raise vital funds for disadvantaged older people suffering from poverty, isolation and neglect in the UK and overseas. The good news is the registration fee for this event is currently just £99, instead of £195. Anyone over the age of 18 can take part, regardless of their fitness level or trekking experience, and will have plenty of time to work towards achieving their fundraising target. I would encourage anyone with a sense of adventure to take up this challenge and experience the opportunity of a lifetime. I can assure people that from my visits to China, both for work and for holiday reasons, and most recently from my time narrating the BBC’s Wild China series, the chance to witness the country’s breathtaking natural beauty, as well as the opportunity to see first hand an amazing country steeped in 5,000 years’ of history and culture, is one not to be missed. Trek China 2009 takes place between 17–25 October next year and offers readers a fantastic opportunity to take a break from everyday life and venture into the unknown, taking in world famous landmarks such as the Great Wall of China along the way. From the moment you register, Help the Aged will offer advice and support every step of the way, including a fundraising pack with plenty of tips and inspiration, sponsor forms and sample letters to help along the way. For further information about Trek China 2009, contact the Help the Aged Events Team on 0207 239 1922, email or visit Thank you for reading my letter, With best wishes, Bernard Hill

A charitable win Seeing the thank you letter in a previous week’s issue made me feel rather guilty. I have been lucky enough to come up in your ‘In It To Win It’ draw a number of times, but have never thanked you, so I will do it belatedly now. The reason I try for these competitions is to make extra money for my favourite charity Macmillans Cancer Support. I always have books on sale in my porch (paperback novels) and when weather permits on a Saturday, have a garden sale. Not doing so well for them this year of course, because of our horrible summer! Yours sincerely Marguerite Marsh

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 14 latest 7

Regular readers of this column (that’ll be you then Keith) will have noticed that there can seem to be a theme that runs through a lot of them. For over a year, we in the Bunker have banged on about how association football has been stripped of its roots as the game of the working man, a game that united communities and gave a sense of identity to the disenfranchised masses (stop me if I over romanticise 22 men kicking a bag of wind around). Over romanticising or not, what is clear is that the Gordon Gekko league of ‘greed is good, greed works’ created by Richard Scudamore is, like the false economy that built it, about to come crashing. The house of cards that is the basis of our present financial predicament, the unparalleled greed and for-now short-sightedness is, as we see banks collapse everyday, yet to hit football. But it will.

“So what will our clubs do when their fixed-rate loans expire and have to remortgage again?” Portsmouth are £60 million in debt. Michel Platini, president of UEFA has said that, if it came to a European debt league England would top it (being French he can’t admit that on the pitch we do so anyway). But he’s right. It happened in Italy in the ‘90s. The false economy of debt-football created an all-conquering empire. All empires collapse. Keith Harris (no, not that one unfortunately), the football economist, the man whose incompetent over-reaching wrecked the ITV Digital deal and cost league clubs a fortune has admitted that, like the banks that bankroll the Premier League, the foundations are built on sand. Banks, rescued by the government they may be, have neither the wherewithal nor the confidence to lend. So what will our clubs do when their fixed-rate loans expire and have to remortgage again? The government bailed out greedy banks. They won’t bail out greedy football clubs. Accrington Stanley were once one of the biggest clubs in the country. They overstretched themselves by buying a stand they couldn’t afford. That could be fate of your club now: ‘[insert name], who are they?’ The Spurs/Sol Campbell furore shows us that, although in England we pride ourselves that racism is gone from the game – we can’t be too complacent. The ‘Sol, Sol wherever you may be‘ chant was jokingly mentioned in The Guardian of all papers as ticking all offensive boxes! Racist/ mental illness/ homophobic/ religious. However, it shows that we still have a long way to go. Homophobia hasn’t been attempted to have been tackled yet. Justin Fashanu anyone? A Spurs fan I met the other day said he doesn’t worry about the Sol Campbell chant too much, it’s the Adebayour chant that ashames him most. “Adebayour, your mum cleans your elephant.” Or similar. Oh yeah, he’s African. Very clever. And it shows we have a very long way still to go.



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Perfect party place Andrew Kay finds a unique place to visit – whatever your celebration Home Café, opposite the gate to Queens Park, is a huge success. I met Georgie Allen, co-owner, to find out why. ‘‘We took over the site almost a year ago and worked extremely hard to turn it around. We pride ourselves on offering a very different kind of café environment, where 90 per cent of the food we offer is made from scratch – using as much local produce as is possible.’’ One year on and Home Café goes from strength to strength and has become a popular choice for private parties of all kinds. ‘‘We can host private dinner parties for up to 35 guests, with three-course menus, and choices starting at £20 a head. For one client we created a bangers and mash party, with jugs of cider on the table, which was a huge success. But really, the sky is the limit. We love to sit down and discuss a menu with the client and offer tastings of food, wine and bubbly. For another client we even created a special cocktail. “We specialise in parties for adults (not children), weddings, anniversaries and birthdays. And with the venue on two levels it is easy to create very different spaces and atmospheres. Customers can decorate the venue in whatever way they choose and we are licensed for DJs and live musicians. If a client wants a simple drinks and fingerbuffet party that is also possible; for those we can accommodate 65 guests, with food starting at £6 a head. “Being out of town, you get the benefit of the exclusive use of the venue, which the room hire fee of £300 guarantees. It also includes all staff costs. Customers can arrange their own entertainment, but we also have a list of excellent DJs and musicians, for those who need help. The basement can have a real disco feel, whilst the bar upstairs

has a more chilled atmosphere. We can have parties until midnight any day of the week. ‘‘For Christmas our special is a three-course traditional lunch with a choice of three dishes at each course, for £20 per head, plus wine. These are available from early November and booking is essential. New Year is also available for hire, so call now.“ On Thursday 18 December they are holding a £10-a-head bubbly and canapés party for locals, regulars and anyone who wants to come along with music and a prize draw to say thank on their first anniversary. Home Café is not a noisy town venue, it has a quieter and more exclusive feel, an intimate space in which to hold your party. With a guarantee of complete home cooking (no frozen party food here) you can see why they called it ‘Home.‘ Home, 32 Egremont Place, Brighton BN2 0GA. Call: 01273 674456


Body Bits, which comes with a Top Secret Lab Notebook. The Scary Sight game will bring to life optical illusions and ghoulish apparitions in its haunted house. There is also a Horrible Info leaflet and the essential equipment to create Bulging Brains; spurt Make it a Horrible Science Halloween blood from a Heaving Heart; make yucky things with Slimy with prizes to startle friends and family Slugs and Super Snot, along Halloween is nearly here and we have some great prizes to make it with loads of other a memorable one. This is your chance to win one of three Galt sets experiments to turn your with Scary Slime packs and Horrible Science kits. Each prize is worth Competition tummy! Harry Potter’s Fred a total of £75 and will guarantee a messy and fun-filled Halloween. All and George Weasley would be the activity packs are based on Scholastic’s best selling Horrible in their element! Science books, written by Nick Arnold and illustrated by Tony De Saulles. The other Horrible Science kits will Each set contains Galt’s Scary Slime Activity Pack; three different tubs of make your skin crawl instead of your goo that bounce, glow in the dark and move with a magnet to create stomach churn with Savage Spiders wobbly-eyed ghosts and monsters to spook in a pop-up haunted house! and the brand new Slippery Snakes. Plus, the newest addition to the gory Horrible Science range, the Beastly Intergalactic fright hunters will love the Space, Stars and Slimy Aliens kit as well as Spooky Stars, which feature plenty of mind-boggling experiments that are out of this world! To be in with a chance of winning one of three prizes, which contain all the products mentioned above, just tell us:

Ghoulish goodies for kids

Who wrote the Horrible Science books? Send your answer on a postcard to Competitions, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 4GH. Alternatively, email your answer to with ‘Halloween’ in the subject line. Don’t forget to include your name, contact number and address! Closing date for entries is Tuesday 21 October.

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Heat of the night Andrew Kay heads over to Lewes for a Gujarati feast at Chaula’s including elephant’s ears Growing up in Lancashire in the 1960s meant that I came late to Indian Food. I did have a school friend whose mum would do the occasional vesta, but I know that does not count, not even as food really. When I arrived in London, aged 18, I was in for a massive shock. Indian food was cheap, delicious and did not come served in a puddle in the centre of a ring of white rice and dotted with sultanas. I soon found my way to both Euston, Tooting and Wembley and tutored myself in Indian delicacies. You might note that I say Indian because at that time we would still refer to this food as Indian, even though by travelling in the capital, I was engaging in regional Indian delights. It’s still hard to find regionally accredited Indian dishes but at Chaula’s in Lewes that is most certainly what you will find.

‘‘My favourites are the petis and kachori, you won’t find them in many places heaven knows why’’ My first Chaula experience was years back when she had first opened a small food shop selling prepared dishes and snacks, some frozen, all to carry out, but quite distinctly not a take away. I popped in, intrigued and purched a bag of hot goodies and marched off to Lewes station, a short walk away. By the time I got there I had eaten the lot. So I turned tail, walked back and bought loads more, really loads. Now Chaula has a bona fide restaurant in a fine house in central Lewes. She still sells food to be eaten at home, but in two dining rooms

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she has created a menu crammed with real delights. ‘‘The food of India, not just Indian food,’’ she cries, and she is right. Mum and Dad joined Mr L and I for a feast. To start we chose a mixed non-meat platter for two and a meaty version of the same. We added a few plain and masala papads for fun and ordered a few beers and a glass of wine for Mr L who has a gender crisis when confronted by lager. The platter arrived and there was more than enough food for us all and all of it was quite delicious. The meats and samosas all excellent but my favourites from day one have been the petis and kachori, you won’t find them in many places and heaven only knows why. For main courses I ordered a selection of dishes, meat and vegetable. At the centre a lamb lucknovi, which is an amazing dish with a real zing created by the combining of spices and fresh mint. Shaami prawns had a gingerinfused tomato sauce and our chicken dish managed the so often impossible of having tasty chickenflavoured chicken basking in a spicy sauce that married rather than masked it. Spinach with paneer lived up to my expectations. Any restaurant trying to pass off cheap cheddar as paneer should be tied to barges, set alight and left to drift down the Ouse to the sea at Newhaven. Chaula’s was perfect. Of course Chaula knowing that I was in the house could not resist bringing out some tasters of other dishes for us and a peshwari naan of immaculate pedigree. I particularly loved a stuffed baby aubergine, filled with peanuts, sesame and sugar cane, a real wow. I also made light of sticky, crunchy okra, another favourite of mine. Top of my list though were some elephant ears. Now before you get on the phone to Whipsnade and the RSPCA, they are a vegetable, one that Chaula informed us takes a great deal of careful preparation and cooking. Well Chaula, it’s certainly worth the effort, I found them completely captivating and could not stop returning to the plate. Fatal really as I spoilt my appetite for dessert, and I love Indian desserts. I say nearly because in the end I submitted to a mango kulfi, Dad had Jalebi and Mr L a mysterious, but quite delicious sweet ball of a pud. Mum, being sensible, knew quite when to stop. Chaula has done the impossible, it would seem, and created a restaurant stroke café where you can taste real Gujarati home cooking at truly affordable prices. Negotiating the shop with a full belly without filling a few bags with goodies to take home was a trial in itself but I managed and we staggered back to the car for the short ride to Brighton very happy indeed. Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 2LP 01273 476707

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RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000

The Gallery Restaurant Why not appreciate for yourself the brand new restaurant in the heart of Brighton’s lanes specialising in modern British food all within in a relaxed fine dining environment. All the food is sourced locally, (where possible) homemade and designed for the seasons by our a la carte head chef who has lead at the Dorchester in London, amongst other leading London restaurants. The restaurant boasts a friendly yet casual environment that offers that little bit more all at very reasonable prices. 28 East Street, Brighton. 01273 773327

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555,

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town

restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222

Santiago Restaurant Nestled between the two piers, Santiago Restaurant offers quality food and friendly service in this fantastic location on Brighton beach. Occupying former fisherman’s arches and boasting three of the historic, original arched windows, the first floor indoor restaurant gives a cosy and intimate dining experience. Now serving an exciting new menu of modern European dishes with a Hispanic influence and delicious homemade desserts. On sunny days, enjoy watching the world go by while dining on their sun terrace overlooking the beach, or in the evening come and relax in the indoor restaurant where every table has a sea view. 143-144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton Beach 01273 710031

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Not as expensive as you might think! A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Relaxed al-fresco dining is available in the garden; a sunny afternoon could not be better spent. Enjoy the ‘Early Frog’ from 67pm; a three-course meal at £13.95 is really the best value for your money! The true character of this delightful restaurant comes hopping to life in the evenings, and the mouthwatering menu is a comprehensive choice of the finest French cuisine. Children and families always welcome. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488,

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart. Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian. For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As

commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.” 48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like Saucisses de Toulouse, Boeuf Bourguignon and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There are also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Raspberry Millefeuille and Crème Brulée. Whether enjoying our south facing sun terrace with the 2 course Express lunch menu, Tuesday-Saturday, 12-5pm at £11.95 or relaxing on a Sunday with our delicious French Sunday roast….. this is true entente cordiale. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868,,

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.” New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes! Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707,

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few. Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale. 42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824

Moonstone Sri Lankan Restaurant

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477,

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

SRI LANKAN Moonstone Sri Lankan Restaurant Moonstone is a family run restaurant brimming with authenticity and originality. From the decorations to the menu everything about it radiates true Sri Lankan style. This gem of a restaurant is the perfect place for a relaxing and enjoyable meal for all the family. Sri Lankan curries are tasty but not necessarily hot! They are distinguished by being light, delicately spicy with an abundance of herbs and a dash of fresh coconut – tantalising to the palette and light to digest. Two courses £9.99 Sunday to Thursday. They also cater for functions and private parties. 208 Church Road, Hove. 01273 202151

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THAI Chokdee


A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options. There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis. Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening. 98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370

Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”! 165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030,

Sawadee The Thai restaurant that people love for parties and celebrations because they always give the best of times. And why not, as this well-priced restaurant pleases repeatedly with dishes we have all grown to love, and new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients, such as pea aubergines where others use peas. Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad. 87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233,

Spinelli Coffee

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Now open late Thur/Fri/Sat offering free aperitivos with any bottle of wine and 2-4-1 cocktails from 5–7pm. Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stones’ throw away from Brighton Station. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890,

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guestlist or to run through some ideas please contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059,

Call Marie on 01273 818150 to advertise 18 latest 7



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See more health tips at

Breathing space Zara Baker has a clearout with help from the Naughty Nutritionist and Decluttering Queen’s workshop During these challenging times, Mary Lambert and Suzi Grant, aka the Decluttering Queen and Naughty Nutritionist, are here to help. In the current economic climate can clearing our clutter really change our life, body and finances for the better? I set out to discover the answers. Mary Lambert is a well-known UK declutter and Feng Shui consultant and author. Suzi Grant is a leading UK nutritionist and author. Together, their workshop aims to help people clear out – both in the home and the body. A complete life makeover is the result, with greater clarity and focus. This is the perfect time of year to start, as many of us feel fed up, stuck in a rut and stretched when it comes to finances. Ill health and a general feeling of life not running smoothly is a result. The decluttering workshops can literally change your life, and it starts with decluttering from the outside in and the inside out. In ourselves, if we constantly feel lethargic, Suzi Grant is on hand to help. Get to grips with the junk you may have accumulated in your body and your flagging energy levels can be restored for the winter ahead. This workshop proves that Feng Shui and nutrition work well together. In Feng Shui

Mary Lambert

terms, the state of your home is believed to reflect the state of your body. One mirrors the other. For example, if you have a cluttered bathroom you may well have a congested colon! Sorting out the clutter in your home, as well as decluttering your colon, will improve any sluggishness you may be experiencing in your body and your life. “Often, when you start a detox you just can’t help starting on your home too! Every time I start a detox I end up decluttering every drawer in my Suzi Grant flat, I just can’t help it!” says Suzi. It’s by kickstarting the energy in your home and body that can make the changes in your life you’ve been longing for. If not, it sure is a good place to start. Suzi and Mary not only help out the public, but each other too. Suzi says of Mary’s influence: “I refused to get rid of my old yellowing Penguin paperbacks despite Mary’s insistence that doing this would produce the changes in my life that I wanted. I finally chucked them out and just two weeks later got my first book deal – with Penguin!” To kickstart some positive changes in your lifestyle, discover more at the special decluttering workshops coming to Brighton. Decluttering Workshop: Saturday 25 October, 2pm–6pm, Friends Meeting House, Ship Street, Brighton BN1 1AF. Tickets cost £45 including a healthy tea and huge discounts off the authors’ books. To book call Amanda on 01273 429755 Email: More info at: and

£45.00 Friends Meeting House, Ship Street, Brighton BN1 1AF

Contact Amanda: 01273 429755

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

14 – 20 October

record’s weaker songs fail to impress, despite the best efforts of Basement Jaxx’s talented vocalist Vula. This soon segues into something much better, though, as the triple-hitter of the Cameo-esque ‘Sally’, heart-pounding ‘Sick’ and, of course, ‘Black and Gold’ performed in full gloriously ridiculous funkadelic cape/shoulder pads, prove any doubters wrong. A soldout Corn Exchange eventually submits to a monumental, almost impossibly infectious groove. Corn Exchange, 3 October ✌✌✌

Mark Thomas As political activist and comedian, Mark Thomas, passionately read aloud extracts from his exposé on number one global brand and corporation nasty, Coca-Cola - who could not want him as a mate? Belching out the devil: Global Adventures with Coca-Cola promises to be one seriously engaging and enlightening read of hard-hitting facts sprinkled with a savvy, shrewd humour. Lively anecdotes and concise comment was what the evening’s all about. Corporate sins committed worldwide were dealt with including child labour, anti-discrimination suits, bullying, and trade unionist deaths. And all because of a “brown sugary drink we don’t need”. Mark Thomas is the man! The Old Market, 25 September ✌✌✌✌✌

Nick Aldwinckle

Monica Perdoni

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at Kids 4 Comedy It’s a tricky business putting together a stand-up comedy afternoon for kids. The ages were six to 12 and with that range of vocabulary it did at times prove a difficulty when fast-paced songs were delivered at us. However, the compere for the afternoon warmed up nicely – alternating between name-calling jokes and a lovely phonetic cracker about a wok. Headliner Stan Stanley blew all of us away, getting on the same level as all of the kids – a tricky feat – and engaging in raspberry exchanges with the front row and captivating physical comedy. An afternoon well spent. Komedia, 4 October ✌✌✌✌ Louis & Victoria Nangle

Sam Sparro On first listen, Sam Sparro’s eponymous debut is a gratingly trytoo-hard eighties funk homage that eventually works its way into your subconscious like an insidious, flamboyant worm. His live show’s the same. Early sound problems and a host of lame versions of the Mark Thomas

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Eyes Down, Pens Ready This play about a Lincolnshire pub quiz team by new Brighton company Broken Leg Theatre was well crafted, vivacious and very, very funny. Shannon and Janey have been best friends since school. Now 25, they're resigning themselves to a life of mediocrity. A night at their local pub quiz with

wide boys Dean and Jude provides the setting for much hilarious navel gazing. With dialogue good enough for a prime time sitcom, delivered to explosive laughter from the audience, this is a production that could run and run. Sanctuary Cafe, 2 October ✌✌✌✌✌ Rachel Pegg

White Lies There’s a lot of hype surrounding these moody London/Hastings rockers and, for once, its good to report it’s justified. Previewing songs from forthcoming debut album To Lose My Life Or Lose My Love, the feeling is less of young indie upstarts and more of some brooding, sinister eighties outfit somewhere between The Teardop Explodes, Echo and the Bunnymen and Joy Division. More synth driven than other eighties goth fans Editors and Interpol, this sound may be horribly fashionable right now, but it really doesn’t matter with songs as good as the Bad Seeds-esque crawl ‘The Price of Love’ and ‘Death’, surely destined to be one of 2008’s dancefloor anthems. Komedia, 29 September ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Tag Comedy The second in this new monthly night could in no way match its inaugural high energy brilliance. However, the comedy night that shares a stand-up set between four comics, each tagging in when they have something to contribute on a touched upon topic, still showed it was earthed into everybody’s funny bone. Stephen Grant led the way well, with Rufus Hound articulately lowering the tone and upping the laughter level. Milton Jones didn't let the side down with his pithy oneliners and ponderings, the only slight weakness being Gordon Southern, whose gags suffered by direct comparison to the other three. Komedia, 2 October ✌✌✌✌

Brad Pitt appears in Burn After Reading, p24

22 Comedy David O’Doherty tickles our funny bone

22 Art Art at Five celebrates its fifth birthday

23 Stage The all-male ballet troupe The Trocks, plus listings

24 Film Reviews and listings of films on the big screen

26 Events Autumn foraging at Parham House; listings

26 Books Poems by Naomi Foyle

27 Music Albums, gigs and news from the local music scene and beyond

31 Music & Clubs Seven days of listings

32 Gay Will’s nostalgic look back; news; listings

34 Television Dani’s take on Lipstick Jungle, plus TV movies and seven day listings

Victoria Nangle

 For complete and comprehensive listings go to latest 7 21



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A laughing matter Victoria Nangle has a natter with this year’s if.comedy winner and all-round nice guy David O’Doherty David O’Doherty won the prestigious if.comedy prize this year, and many have thought it was about time. He describes his winning show as; “kind of like when you’re going down a flight of stairs in the dark and you think there are two steps left but there only turns out to be one – you do a sort of zombie dance. Basically that for an hour with keyboards.” You get the picture. As a part of the group of comics that met at the Edinburgh Festival in 2002 that he refers to as ‘the chocolate milk gang’, he’s at the forefront of ponderous comedy. “A bunch of us who remained friends met in Edinburgh. That’d be John Oliver, Andy Zaltzman and (Daniel) Kitson and Flight Of The Conchords. We all got quite close. I wouldn’t say it was a similar aethestic or anything but we were all doing something reasonably unique and gently, I guess. Whereas after the screaming and shouting of the previous generation of comedians, it seemed like we were all talking at a lower volume.”

Stiliana Alexieva

Five on top Art At Five, Brighton’s foremost contemporary art gallery, are celebrating their fifth anniversary this month. Under gallery owner Paola Calise’s direction, Art At Five has introduced some excellent modern artists to the city and a special anniversary exhibition has been devised, showcasing new collections by five of the gallery’s previous exhibitors; Paresh Nrshinga, Caia Matheson, Stiliana Alexieva, Yvonne Coomber and Philippe Aird. Five at Five, Art at Five, 5 Bartholomews, until 26 October

Paresh Nrshinga

“‘I really like animal facts. I want to be David Attenborough but I’m a bit scared of animals’” Which doesn’t mean that he’s not being heard. I ask him how winning the if.comedy has affected his set, his life and his career. He’s succinct. “People just take my ludicrous ideas a lot more seriously.” Fancy that. He elaborates. “I’ve always had quite quite a few ludicrous ideas but since the festival I’ve signed a book deal. It’s a book called 100 Facts About Pandas, where all the facts are made up. You wonder how an idea like that - that I still think is a very good idea, regardless of an award will be a great book. You wonder how readily they would have signed up for their rosta.” He laughs at this, then explains his motivation. “I really like animal facts. I want to be David Attenborough but I’m a bit scared of animals. So instead I decided to be a more aloof David Attenborough where me and my friend make up the facts.” David O’Doherty is full of bright ideas, discussing literature (rates George Saunders), music (loves Randy Newman) and comedy (really enjoys Edward Aczel – who can be seen at Upstairs At Three And Ten, this Friday, 9.30pm). “I just like certain words being funny when you put them together,” he explains. So says the thinking comic. With a keyboard. David O’Doherty is on at The Pavilion Theatre, Brighton, as part of the Magners Paramount Comedy Festival Brighton, Saturday 18 October at 9.15pm. Tickets cost £12/11.

Stand-up wisdom: “How do you pull a fat girl? Piece of cake.” Ged Butcher


Tuesday 14

Thursday 16

Alex Horne – Wordwatching Perrier nominee Alex Horne has been trying to invent a new word for the last two and a half years. This is its story. Pavilion Theatre, 9:15pm, £12/11

Comedy Fringe Launch with Robin Ince and guests A twisted cavalcade of shouting, running, music, magic and then some. Three And Ten, 8:00pm, £8/7.

Friday 17 Wednesday 15 Sarah Millican's Not Nice This year's if.comedy Best Newcomer winner, Sarah Millican tells the truth. About her divorce, fancying gorillas and being thrown off the Asda Shuttlebus. Pavilion Theatre, 9:15pm, £12/11

22 latest 7

Pappy's Fun Club: Funergy If.comedy Best Show Nominee 2007, Chortle Best Sketch Act 2008 – the Fun Club is back!Three And Ten, 8:00pm, £8/5 Chris Cox – Control Freak BBC Radio 1's resident magician fuses magic and psychology Pavilion Theatre, 7:30pm, £12/10.

➧ For full listings go to

ART LISTINGS Art at Five 5 Bartholomews, Brighton, 01273 774222 Five at Five Paresh Nrshinga, Caia Matheson, Stiliana Alexieva, Yvonne Coomber and Philippe Aird. Until 26 October, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 11am–5pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Chinese Whispers: Chinoiserie in Britain 1650–1930 With loans from HM The Queen, national museums and private collections, Chinese Whispers tells three centuries of stories through rare and iconic objects. Until 2 Nov

CRANE KALMAN 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton, 01273 697096 FotoRAMBLAS: Portraits from a Barcelona studio: The studio’s archive dating back to the 50s includes boxers, wrestlers, showgirls, musicians and actors alongside more traditional portraiture, Until 9 November, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10:30am–4:30pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 The Sublime Image of Destruction Battlefield ‘aftermath’ images with bleak, lyrical and painterly images by Simon Norfolk, Paul Seawright and Broomberg and Chanarin. 3 October–4 Jan, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

Fabrica 40 Duke Street, Brighton 01273 778646 Thomas Hirschhorn: The Incommensurable Banner Hirschhorn

makes images that draws upon pictures of bodies torn apart by modern munitions. Until 16 November, Wed–Sat, 11.30am–5pm, Sun, 2–5pm

Ink_d Gallery 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Iraq: A Process of Resistance Peter Kennard and Cat Picton-Phillipps present an alternative view on the construction of war as part of the Brighton Photo Fringe. Until 25 October, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Phoenix Gallery 10–14 Waterloo Place, Brighton, 01273 603700 Entre-deux New work arising out of a photographic exchange project involving Phoenix Brighton and French partner Diaphane. Part of Brighton Photo Fringe Until 6 Dec, Tues–Sat 11am–5pm

Permanent Gallery 20 Bedford Place, Brighton Reconciliation: Jason Evans Evans revisits his back catalogue, this time around focusing on the theme of street photography, in order to facilitate speculation about the nature of the discipline. Until 25 October, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm, Sundays 1–5pm

Blank 108 North Street, Portslade, Greenland, Motherland: Landscapes of Longing Simon Roberts and Rosa Ugarte present a joint exhibition with unique and personal visions of landscapes (Russia and Greenland respectively) and people living through dramatic change. Until 19 October, Tues–Fri 10am–4pm, Sat & Sun 10am–6pm



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Boys will be… …girls as Andrew Kay meets principal ballerina, Robert Carter, of Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo

‘‘Working in this company requires the same discipline as any other professional dance company, there is no difference in that sense. The difference comes with the humour that we instill in the work. It’s great that as dancers we are encouraged to bring something to the roles that we play. But it is always a fine balance of knowing just how far you can go without changing the artistic quality of the dance, and that is important. ‘‘We are New York based but tour extensively and this year we will be working for 45 weeks, travelling all over the world. It also means that we are together as a company a great deal of the time so we have to get on well. The Trocks are a great team and we are all passionate about what we do. Currently the company is made up of dancers from all over the world: Spain; Mexico; Canada; Australia; Italy – truly international. And our biggest fan base is almost certainly in Japan, where the company is loved.’’ Robbie is called back to class; the artistic director Tory Dobrin needs him to walk through one of the pieces they will perform that night. During the evening I strain to spot the fit young guy who I have chatted with among the ‘girls’. Then suddenly I realise that he is the prima ballerina with the blonde hair scraped back into a tight bun. You can take what the Trocks do on any level. There is no doubting the athleticism and the artistry, but there is also the humour, the silly names, funny asides, tortured grins. But, put that to one side and what you see is brilliant classical dance with a twist and a dash of paint. Pure joy. Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo, Dome Concert Hall, Tuesday 28 Oct to Wednesday 29 Oct 7.30pm. Please call 01273 709709 or visit

As the stage mist clears, the willowy figures of the ballerinas in their floaty white tutus become apparent. They are elegant, their bodies lithe, toned and… they are flat chested. Four hours before, I am sat in the theatre stalls watching a group of fit guys go through a gruelling dance classic, classical ballet at the bar. The only unusual thing is that quite a lot of the boys are in pointe shoes. Exhausted simply watching, I wait to meet Robert Carter, a principal prima ballerina, I assume. Finally he joins me and runs through life as a boy ballerina. “I was born and grew up in Charleston, South Carolina and always wanted to dance. At 12 I had a fascination with pointe shoes and would beg the girls at class to give me their cast offs. But my training was very conventional, very classical, and it is classical ballet that I love. I studied at the Robert Ivey Ballet School and the Joffrey Ballet School, and worked with Florence Civic Ballet, The Dance Theatre of Harlem and Bay Ballet Theatre. Then for a while I was working in a hotel reception. One day someone mentioned the Trockadero and I knew I had to find out where they were auditioning. I joined the company back in 1995 and have been with them ever since.


Tues 14 October to Monday 10 November THE BARN


Southwick St, Southwick, 01273 597094 Someone Who’ll Watch Over Me Buffet, music, dance and entertainment • 24 Oct, 7.30pm, £25

01323 412000 London Philharmonic Orchestra • 2 November, 3pm, £12–£28 Flashdance – The Musical • 3–8 November, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £16.50–£28.50

BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra • 26 Oct, 1.15pm, £8–£30, Concert Hall A Grimm World • 26 Oct, 2pm & 4pm, £7 adults, £5 children, £22 family ticket of 2 adults and 2 children Les ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo • 28–29 Oct, 7.30pm, £10–£24, Concert Hall The Drawer Boy • 28–29 Oct, 7pm, £8/6 London Philharmonic Orchestra • 8 November, 7.30pm, £10–£32.50

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 Mine • 4–8 November, £18/16, Minerva Theatre

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 Murder with Love • 14–18 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm, Wed and Sat, £13.50–£19.50 Alex • 21–25 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm, Wed and Sat, £13.50–£19.50 Treasure Island • 29 Oct–1 Nov, 7.30pm, Thu & Sat mat 2.30pm, £10–£12 ‘Allo ‘Allo • 3–8 November, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm, Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50

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Victor Spinetti – A Very Private Diary... Revisited! • 9 November, 7.30pm, £15.50

And Then There Were None • 3–8 Nov, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £13–£25



01323 412000 The Tiger Who Came To Tea • 3–5 November, 1.30pm Mon, 11am & 1.30pm Tue, 11am Wed, £7.50/2

01903 206206 Horrible Histories Two shows • 14–18 Oct, The Terrible Tudors:Tue & Sat 7pm, Wed & Fri 10.30am, Thu 1.30pm. The Vile Victorians: Wed 1.30pm, Thu 10.30am. Fri 7pm, Sat 2pm, £11/£9 Don’t Look Now • 21–25 Oct, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed and 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22

THE MARLBOROUGH THEATRE 01273 570028 Carnival of the Dead The Exorcist interactive screening experience • 31 Oct–1 Nov, call venue for times/£

NEW VENTURE THEATRE 01273 746118 What All The Rabbits Are Doing • 25 Oct–1 Nov, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Sun 26, no eve performance Sun/Mon, £5–£8.50

THEATRE ROYAL 08700 606650 Romeo & Juliet • 17–25 Oct, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed & Sat. £17–£27 The Tiger Who Came to Tea • 30 Oct–1 Nov, 10.30am, plus 1.30 Fri, 12.30pm Sat, £10.50–£12

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 Fame: The Musical • 15–18 Oct, 7.45pm, plus 2.45pm Sat,£12–£14 The Big Ballet • 19 Oct, 7.30pm, £19/17 Don Cossacks State Dance Company • 20 Oct, 7.30pm, £17.50–£21.50 Sing A Long A Sound Of Music • 25 Oct, 7pm, £14.50 Oliver • 28 Oct, 2.30pm & 7.30pm, £12/10 Syd Lawrence Orchestra • 31 Oct, 7.30pm, £16.50/14.50

UPSTAIRS AT THREE AND TEN 07786 984900 10 Steine Street, Brighton Happy Now • 28 Oct, 8pm, £7/5

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0871 224 4007 Tuesday 14

Thursday 16

BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (15) 2.20, 8.20 THE HOUSE BUNNY (12A) 2.00, 4.20, 6.45, 9.15 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (15) 2.45, 6.00, 8.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 2.00, 4.15, 6.30 MIRRORS (15) 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (PG) 2.45, 5.30, 8.00 PRICELESS (12A) 8.45 TAKEN (15) 2.00, 4.10, 6.15, 8.30 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 3.00, 6.15, 9.00

BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (15) 2.20, 5.30, 8.20 THE HOUSE BUNNY (12A) 10.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.45, 9.15 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (15) 2.45, 6.00, 8.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 2.00, 4.15, 6.30 MAMMA MIA! SINGALONG (PG) 8.45 MIRRORS (15) 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (PG) 2.45, 5.30, 8.00 SMART PEOPLE (15) 10.30 TAKEN (15) 2.00, 4.10, 6.15, 8.30 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 3.00, 6.15, 9.00

Wednesday 15 BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (15) 2.20, 5.30, 8.20 THE HOUSE BUNNY (12A) 2.00, 4.20, 6.45, 9.15 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (15) 2.45, 6.00, 8.30 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 2.00, 4.15, 6.30, 8.45 MIRRORS (15) 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 NIGHTS IN RODANTHE (PG) 2.45, 5.30, 8.00 TAKEN (15) 2.00, 4.10, 6.15, 8.30 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 3.00, 9.00

L7 lowdown New releases reviewed


7 Selects


Burn After Reading (15)

01273 626261 Tuesday 14

Saturday 18

ELEGY (15) 11.00 GOMORRAH (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.45, 9.30

BURN AFTER READING (15) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 SPEED RACER (PG) 11.00 THE BIG LEBOWSKI (15) 11.00

Wednesday 15 ELEGY (BIG SCREAM) (15) 11.00 GOMORRAH (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.45, 9.30

Sunday 19

Thursday 16

Monday 20

GOMORRAH (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00

BURN AFTER READING (15) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Friday 17 BLOOD SIMPLE (18) 11.00pm BURN AFTER READING (15) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Dir: Joel and Ethan Coen After their brutal and triumphant return to form with No Country for Old Men the Coen Brothers go for the laughs in this thrifty comic adventure. John Malkovich stars as a CIA agent writing a book only to lose the disc containing confidential tit-bits. Wonderfully stupid Brad Pitt

BURN AFTER READING (15) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30


0871 200 2000 Tuesday 14

Thursday 16

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.30, 3.50, 6.30, 8.50 CITY OF EMBER (PG) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 FLY ME TO THE MOON 3D (U) 12.45, 2.50, 5.00 THE HOUSE BUNNY (12A) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.20, 9.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.20, 3.00, 5.40, 8.20 MIRRORS (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.50, 9.30 TAKEN(15) 12.00, 2.20, 6.40, 7.00, 9.20 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 7.10, 9.45

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.30, 3.50, 6.30, 8.50 CITY OF EMBER (PG) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 FLY ME TO THE MOON 3D (U) 12.45, 2.50, 5.00 THE HOUSE BUNNY (12A) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.20, 9.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.20, 3.00, 5.40, 8.20 MIRRORS (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.50, 9.30 TAKEN(15) 12.00, 2.20, 6.40, 7.00, 9.20 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 7.10, 9.45

Wednesday 15

Films showing Friday 17–Monday 20

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.30, 3.50, 6.30, 8.50 CITY OF EMBER (PG) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 FLY ME TO THE MOON 3D (U) 12.45, 2.50, 5.00 THE HOUSE BUNNY (12A) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 HOW TO LOSE FRIENDS AND ALIENATE PEOPLE (15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.20, 9.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.20, 3.00, 5.40, 8.20 MIRRORS (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.50, 9.30 TAKEN(15) 12.00, 2.20, 6.40, 7.00, 9.20 TROPIC THUNDER (15) 7.10, 9.45


Blood Simple (18) 

Dir: Joel and Ethan Coen To celebrate the release of Burn After Reading, the Duke of York’s have gone Coen Brothers mad this week. Things kick off with this late-night screening of their first – and some might say best – film Blood Simple from 1984. At times raw, terrifying, funny and yet always exhilarating, the film follows the story of a rich man who hires someone to kill his cheating wife. With an intoxicating film noir streak running throughout this is a startling debut effort from two masters of modern cinema. Showing at Duke of Yorks

City of Ember (PG)

Dir: Gil Kenan After debuting with Monster House – one of the best animated films of the last ten years – Kenan has been given a bigger budget in this subterranean kiddies’ adventure. For generations, the people of the City of Ember have flourished in a world of glittering lights. But Ember's once powerful generator is failing. Now, two teenagers must search for clues that will unlock the ancient mystery of the city. Adapted from the book by Jeanne Duprau and starring Bill Murray this is fun but tiresome guff. Showing at Cineworld

01903 206206 Tues 14–Mon 20

Fri 17–Mon 20

BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (12A) 2.00 (Thurs), 4.30 (Fri-Sun), 5.00 (Mon), 7.30 (Tues-Thurs)

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 1.30 (Sat,Sun), 7.30 (Fri-Sun), 8.00 (Mon)

Sun 19–Mon 20

Sat 18 SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 10.15 Mon 20 SEX & THE CITY (15) 2.00

MAMMA MIA! (PG) 2.00 (Sun), 5.00 (Sun), 5.30 (Mon), 8.00 (Sun), 8.30 (Mon)

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and Coen regular Francis McDormand play the hapless duo trying to blackmail Malkovich. Chuck in Tilda Swinton, George Clooney and the great J. K. Simmons and you have a haphazard misadventure worthy of a most hearty guffaw. Showing at Duke of York’s Craig Driver


The House Bunny (12A) 

Director: Fred Wolf I never thought I would utter these words but thank God for Anna Faris. If it wasn’t for the Scary Movie

regular then this fluffy cud of a film would have been entirely unbearable. Faris plays Shelly, a Playboy bunny, who’s tossed out of the mansion only to fall in with some dorky college girls. Many a hapless comic turn befalls our plucky heroine as clichés and female liberty are shamefully plundered for cheap laughs. A film with little merit, this is like Legally Blonde but much, much worse. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Mirrors (15) 

Dir: Alexandre Aja Kiefer Sutherland may be the king of 24 but when he steps into the fold of film he seems destined to choose dud after interminable dud. In this cheap Asian horror rip-off Sutherland plays an ex-cop, dealing with posttraumatic stress syndrome, who takes a job as a night watchman at a spooky department store. In his new job Ben is haunted by visions in the mirrors of the store. Things take a mildly spooky tangent as the ghostly visions stalk Ben and his family. Jack Bauer should know better. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Craig Driver



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FILM be revealed, when will she be able to get it out, burst the boil? We could really play with feelings and silence. I have no idea what it’s like to be incarcerated for 15 years, so I had to do a bit of research. I was really frightened of going into a prison and talking to prisoners. I thought I’d be personally affected by their situation – whether it be loneliness, or whatever. I was terrified of having to come face to face with that situation, so I avoided that. When I say I was frightened of them, I mean I wasn’t frightened of them – I was frightened of my reaction to them. I was frightened of having pity. I thought, if I felt sorry for that character I wouldn't be able to act her. I talked to some psychiatrist and psychoanalyst friends. They told me that you can never recover from long-term imprisonment, and that women who have killed their own children will somehow be able to navigate that. But it’s the imprisonment and the isolation and the cruelty within the prison that will destroy someone.

All you need is love Kristin Scott-Thomas tells Latest 7 about her new film I’ve Loved You So Long Philippe Claudel, who wrote and directed I've Loved You So Long, is best known as a novelist. Did you know his work? I read his novel, Les Ames Grises – Grey Souls – and I loved it. Then I heard he wanted to make a film. The first thing he said to me was, “I have to warn you, you wouldn’t be able to be beautiful in this film.” So I thought, oh good – because then he isn’t worried about actresses and vanity. The costumes were really well thought out – all those horrible shapeless ‘I don’t love myself’ clothes. I

enjoyed all that getting rid of all pretence of beauty. I loved just being able to be raw. The cigarettes were quite a chore, though. We had these repulsive things that came in a red packet. Your character Juliette is someone who doesn’t give much away. You give a layersof-the-onion performance, revealing her secrets gradually. The appeal was exactly that – the suspense. Reading the script, I was thinking, when will it

As a parent yourself, was it particularly difficult to deal with Juliette’s own tragedy as a parent? How much do you identify with a part – or do you have to have detach yourself, when you’re dealing with a story as disturbing as this? You do identify with characters, depending on how much you’re allowed to play with it. In this case I grabbed Juliette, and she was mine and no-one was allowed to come near her. And the film is very disturbing. Basically I was acting with, and using my own feelings with my children. It was really tough, actually. How does Claudel work with actors? He sort of left me alone. I kept barking at him actually, that was probably why. (Laughs) It was his first film, and he’d never directed anybody. So to begin with, he would explain things, and I’d say, “Yes but I know that, we need to go a step further.” Then in a while we grew more confident with each other, he'd let me tweak the lines a little, and put them a bit backwards or whatever.

Also showing… A quick look at what’s on this week The Big Lebowski (15) Dir: Joel and Ethan Coen What with the Coen brothers’ latest acclaimed effort, Burn After Reading, on release this week, and the Duke of York’s also screening the brothers’ stunning debut, Blood Simple, it’s only right The Big Lebowski gets another showing. Widely acclaimed and perhaps the best loved of all the Coens’ formidable output, The Big Lebowski focuses on terminal layabout Jeff ‘The Dude’ Lebowski (Jeff Bridges), who embarks on a quest to get his rug replaced after an unfortunate case of mistaken identity. A brilliant ensemble cast including Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Coen regulars John Turturro, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare dazzles as much as the hilarious script, striking cinematography and oddly touching moments. Bridges is the undoubted star of the show, though, in a cult classic performance as The Dude. Showing at Duke of York’s The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (12A) Dir: Mark Herman Based on John Boyne’s novel this wartime effort is an original but occasionally sentimental effort. Set during World War II, this

is a film shown through the eyes of Bruno, the eight-year-old son of the commandant at a concentration camp, whose friendship with a Jewish boy reveals a startling but desperate message. Asa Butterfield is superb as young Bruno and the film as a whole is a deft British dissection of the more tender issues of war. Showing at Duke of York’s, Cineworld & Worthing How to Lose Friends & Alienate People(15) Dir: Robert B. Weide Spaced and Shaun of the Dead star Simon Pegg continues his slow climb up the Hollywood ranks with this adaptation of Toby Young’s book about being a Brit trying to make it in the fashionable New York magazine scene. With Curb Your Enthusiasm director Robert B Weide at the helm, this promises to replicate much of the book’s comedic awkwardness, social satire and self-deprecating wit. A stellar cast including Jeff Bridges, Kirsten Dunst and Megan Fox bolster proceedings, though after some bad reviews, it remains to be seen whether or not this can be something more than the usual patronising Englishman in New York scenario. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Mamma Mia! (PG) Dir: Phyllida Lloyd A young woman searches for her real father whilst singing along to ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Mamma Mia’ and other hits by Swedish supertroopers Abba. Meryl Streep, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård and Pierce Brosnan are all game for the big screen adaptation of the longrunning stage musical. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon & Worthing Sex and the City (15) Dir: Michael Patrick King That rarest of beasts, the true chick-flick blockbuster, swoops in as Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda make their big screen debut. Picking up where the series ended, with Carrie engaged to her Mr Big. Needless to say there’ll be complications on the way to Carrie’s big day. Expect everything from the series, plus all the best fashions as Sarah Jessica Parker and co square up to the Hollywood big-boys for one hell of a brawl. Showing at Worthing Tropic Thunder (15) Dir: Ben Stiller 2008’s been the year Robert Downey Jr’s completed his long comeback from drugaddled oblivion. What with his star turn in Iron Man and now reputedly stealing Ben Stiller’s comedy thunder as uber-method actor

Kirk Lazarus in this, Stiller’s pet project, Downey Jr’s reached a new level of box-office appeal. The two men, alongside frat-packer Jack Black and a strong support cast including Nick Nolte and Steve Coogan, play a war film’s cast and crew who accidentally stumble into a real-life war zone. Mercilessly lampooning Hollywood star vanity and serious actor pretension, Tropic Thunder has proved controversial across the pond due to its liberal use of the word ‘retard’ and the sight of a fully blacked up Downey Jr, but by all reports it’s a blend of smart satire, low brow laughs and dazzling star quality. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Nick Aldwinckle

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Write club

The Pink and Purple Ball A quick reminder about the Pink and Purple Ball this Saturday 18 October at the De Vere Grand in aid of Kate’s Trust. The event is presented by Kate’s Trust and local mum Charlotte Hammond, aged 40, who is fighting secondary cancer. The aim of the ball is to raise more than £30,000 to improve the service provided to other sufferers in Sussex. Tickets cost £70 per person or £650 for a table of 10. The De Vere grand Hotel, Saturday 18 October, call 01903 821550 for more info.

Autumn Foraging Parham House and Gardens present their second annual autumnforaging event this Sunday 19 October. Visitors can taste and buy seasonal and locally produced game and meats, as well as fruits, vegetables, cheeses, honey and drinks. This is all set in the beautiful ancient 17th century deer park. Forager Nik Westacott will be leading fungae walks into the park as well as demonstrating how to make mushroom soup. Peter Chace, an expert at Parham on apples, will be helping visitors to identify old and rare varieties of apples – some of which are still grown at Parham. The now extinct Golden Pippin Apple was developed at Parham in 1629. Exhibitors on the day include Ballards Brewery, with locally produced beers; Soup Dragon, with delicious home made soups; and locally produced cheese from Sussex Cheeses. On the day, enjoy pumpkin soup and ploughman’s lunches – featuring locally produced apples and Sussex cheese, available from the Parham House kitchen. There will also be demonstrations of traditional woodland crafts made from coppiced material such as hazel, birch and willow. These include besom broom making – suitable for Halloween adventures and parties! – and stick and hurdle making. Alongside this, music and dance will be provided by Mythago Morris and there will be a rare opportunity to see inside the Parham Dovecote. Head to the countryside and enjoy a traditional autumn event this weekend and discover delicious produce right on your doorstep. Autumn Foraging, Sunday 19 October, Parham House & Gardens, Storrington. Call 01903 742021. Nik Westacott (forager) and Peter Chace (apple expert)

For complete listings go to

Already an award winner, Naomi Foyle’s new poetry collection The Night Pavilion impresses John Davies Poets choose titles with as much care as they choose every word in a poem, so I checked out the layers of meaning in the word pavilion. The word conjures up any of the following: a tent, a coin, a pleasure-house, a projecting subdivision of a building, a part of a hospital, a flag, the spreading part of the corolla of a flower, part of a brilliant cut diamond, the auricle of the ear and the extremity of the fallopian tube. Naomi has chosen her title well. The poems in her new collection touch on every meaning and offer a selection of her work across as broad a range – a real smorgasbord. It’s also a very adult collection. If it were an album it would probably have a parents advisory. It’s very sexy and compelling. If some of the poems are not your cup of tea, then turn the page and you’ll find one that is. The word pavilion has root connections with the word papilionem, butterfly. Some might argue that this collection flutters from poem to poem, never really settling on any one strand or theme for long. In fact I think that’s a valid editorial approach with a poet as strong and as established. Naomi is an accomplished performer and media maker. If you ever get the chance watch the spellbinding video of her poem ‘Good Definition’. Local publisher Waterloo Press have done her proud. I think we can look forward to future collections where Naomi focuses and distills her concerns and her craft. The collection is split into three parts: Darkroom Debutantes, Aphrodites Answering Machine, and The Night Pavilion. I’m not a huge fan of the prose poem, in spite of their increasing fashionability. But I found myself enjoying the second part of this collection enormously. Foyle’s raw and honest telling of sex, its pleasure and pain, is powerful and charismatic. (As an aside – it put me in mind of The Constraints of Desire – a study of the anthropology of sex and gender in ancient Greece I read a few years ago.) Throughout the collection there’s a wave of painful longing, a mournfulness struggling to transcend the trap of its own heartache: “the woman I never became plays with my hair” The different voices of the poems seem to be trying to answer the question posed in Boas and Blindfolds: “In the heat of passion Who was rider, who was ridden?” But for a collection that addresses so many disturbingly adult issues, it ends with a charming poem, that could be written for a child: ‘Things I’m Cool With Now’ “Needles, nettles, splinters; Spinach, spiders, peas. Lessons, long journeys, winter; Geese, coffee, bees,” On YouTube you can watch Prince of Poets – Abu Dhabi’s answer to American Idol. (Take a look.) I think Naomi can justly claim the title Princess of Poets.



Wednesday 15

Saturday 18

Tuesday 14

Coming up...

Gallery Tour A guided tour of the Chinese Whispers exhibition with Adrian Joly. Brighton Museum, more info on 01273 292797, 1pm, free with exhibition entry tickets

Pink and Purple Ball Wear something pink or purple enjoy a gala dinner dance and live entertainment. De Vere Grand Hotel, 7pm, £70/650 table of ten.

Sparks Flash-fiction evening. Three And Ten, 8pm, £5.

Tales From the Crypt – Short Fuse Halloween Special Studio Bar, Komedia, Thursday 23 October, 8.30pm, £4

Friday 17

Experimental Hand knitting With laura Long, as part of Knitting Month, Hove Museum, more info call 01273 290200 10.30am–3.30pm, £30

Dragons and Bells Explore the Chinoiserie Exhibition with a craft workshop and story. Brighton Museum, 10.30am–12pm and 1–2.30pm, free but book on 01273 292797

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The Big Draw Create a masterpiece with help of Nady Derungs, Brighton Museum, 1–4pm, free

 To feature in kids email

Wednesday 15 Funding Your Madness with Mark C Hewitt Two intensive evening sessions aimed at helping writers develop an idea for a creative project that could realistically be funded. Also 22 October. Brighton Writer's Centre, 6pm–8pm, £60/55

Jane Austen – ‘A Truth Universally Acknowledged’ The Royal Pavilion, Brighton, Saturday 25 & Sunday 26 October, 11am–4pm; Free with admission.

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

In a flash

Applefest Fed up with festivals? Well, how about one that celebrates the apple in all its glory? This is a truly Sussex type of affair, as apples are grown here in abundance and of course carry immense social, economic and religious significance. Middle Farm’s annual Applefest includes an excellent bill of live music from the area. This year the bill has been expanded and expect to see the likes of The Curst Sons, Kin Porter Stomp, The Resonators, Ukes of Hazard, Carnival Collective, The Bobby McGees and many more. Applefest, Middle Farm, near Firle, 18 & 19 October.

Alan Clayson, veteran rock maverick and music journalist, spoke to Nick Aldwinckle Why did you return to touring? Even during my ‘wilderness years’, I didn’t forsake concerts – though some at the few bookings I had were motivated by morbid inquisitiveness to see how hard the mighty – if that’s the word - had fallen since Clayson and the Argonauts split. What can we expect from your shows? A thrilling margin of error. Are your shows as crazy as before? The instances when I bring out the hostilities in an audience are rarer these days – though some are still unsure which way they’re supposed to take it – and I have to confess I’m not entirely certain myself. One promoter found us so disturbing that he produced this firearm and was twirling its chamber as he hustled us off the premises.

The Curst Sons

Access To Music Access to Music, the UK’s largest music training organisation, which helped launch the careers of James Morrison, Dizzee Rascal and The Zutons, is to hold an open day for students wishing to study next academic year on Saturday 8 November. ATM have 20 training centres across the UK, including Brighton’s ATM Studios and Scream Studios. Performing Musician and Creative Music Producer courses, covering both the performance and technical sides of the industry, are available. Courses are full time for anyone aged 16+, either free or subsidised and lead to recognised qualifications. Tel: 0800 281842

Is your music willfully odd or genuine artistic expression? Neither and both. It is ahead of its time and a culmination of all that has been. In the course of one recital, I may veer from a world premiere of a new composition to perhaps a number I did during my first ever appearance with a pop group in 1968. You have a successful second career as music journalist. Any advice for aspiring music writers? It boils down to self-denial, self-motivation and the hard graft of delivering sound goods within the time frame. A defining moment occurred at quarter to five one morning in 1984 when I was two-thirds of the way through my first book. Red-eyed

Simply Red Love them or loathe them, Mick Hucknall and gang are one of the most successful acts of recent times. Tuesday 31 March, Brighton Centre

If you would like your event listed please email

and unshaven, I was rocking back and forth in front of a typewriter in the evening of its life. For nearly half-an-hour, I hadn’t been able to think of anything constructive to say about a singer called Chris Farlowe. I’d had enough, and was on the verge of giving up the entire book – and probably any sort of future as a professional writer. If I was more tidy-minded (or lazy), I’d tell you that a great light dawned, and an idea came to me in a flash. Instead, a few minutes dragged by, and then my brains stirred and groaned reluctantly into action. Do you know Brighton well? It’s my second appearance at what used to be the Joogleberry Playhouse. I’ve played the Komedia, the Sanctuary in Hove, as part of a Jacques Brel presentation – organised by Attila The Stockbroker – at the Barn in Southwick and, back in the late 1970s, with the Argonauts, at a venue whose name escapes me. In March this year, the Argonauts and I played the Prince Albert – which was packed out. What next? I exhumed Alan Clayson and the Argonauts for a London concert before a capacity crowd of all ages. This was filmed and is released on DVD in the new year, entitled Aetheria: Alan Clayson And The Argonauts In Concert. Tuesday is the first of many dates this autumn into 2009 both alone and Clayson and the Argonauts. I’m also writing The Thistledown Flash, a debut novel that could only have been written by one battle-hardened by the glory and the stupidity of being in a pop group. On the horizon too is a new Clayson album, recorded in France with Wreckless Eric at the console again. It’s likely to have the same commercial impact as a tract from the Flat Earth Society, but so what? As Robert Louis Stephenson reminds us, “Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits.”

UPCOMING GIGS Does It Offend You, Yeah? 20 Oct, Concorde 2 Dr John 21 October, Dome Martha Wainwright 25 Oct, St Georges Ch. The Hoosiers 25 October, Brighton Centre The Holloways 28 October, Concorde 2 Lambchop 29 October, St Georges Church Level 42 30 October, Dome The View 31 October, Old Market Hot Chip 5 November, Dome Motorhead 6 November, Dome Scouting For Girls 3 Nov, Brighton Centre Beth Rowley 5 Nov, Old Market Nitin Sawnhey 6 Nov, Corn Exchange Noah & The Whale 7 Nov, Concorde 2 Steve Winwood 10 November, Dome Horace Andy 10 Nov, Old Market Mercury Rev 11 Nov, Corn Exchange

Alan Clayson, Tuesday 14 October, Latest Music Bar


Feeder 11 November, Dome Katie Melua 11 November, Brighton Centre Cardiacs 17 November, Komedia The Whip 18 November, Concorde 2 Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds 23 November, Brighton Centre Nouvelle Vague 24 November, Corn Exchange Leonard Cohen 28 November,Brighton Centre Primal Scream 2 December, Dome Alabama 3 2 & 3 December, Concorde 2 Will Young 4 December, Dome Human League 5 December, Brighton Centre Neville Staple 6 December, Concorde 2 Joan As Policewoman 7 Dec, Concorde 2 Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre Maddy Prior 15 December, Hove Centre

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028_LS394 music previews/Jaime


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Los Campesinos! Los Campesinos! + No Age + Times New Viking The popular music website Drowned In Sound is rarely wrong when it comes to making recommendations for the next wave of groundbreaking or quite simply great acts, as this line-up proves. Cardiff purveyors of lovelysounding electro-pop-punk Los Campesinos! head the bill, with shoegazy LA indie rockers No Age and the inventors of ‘shi*core’, Times New Viking. Tuesday 14 October, Komedia NA CSS Love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s no denying the commercial might of Lovefoxxx and her gang of Brazilian electro-pop ladies (and amusingly out of place middle-aged man). Catsuit clad, hip as hell pop for the indie kids. Wednesday 15 October, Concorde 2 NA

The Rollins Band’s quieter moments. Thursday 16 October, Engine Rooms


The Popes These old drinking buddies of Shane McGowan (formed after he was fired from The Pogues) still have a strong following despite McGowan’s return to the live arena with his old band. Expect fierce Irish folk rock of the highest calibre. Thursday 16 October, Komedia NA Esser This should be terrible, but somehow works amazingly well. Think of The Streets mixed with a bit of pop, reggae-ish beats, glitchy electro quirks and the odd insanely catchy chorus. Friday 17 October, Audio NA

Billy Cobham and Asere Jazz drumming icon Billy Cobham has been working successfully with Cuban band Asere these last few years; Afro-Cuban rhythms meets the powerhouse jazz style of Cobham. Wednesday 15 October, Komedia JH

Jeremy Warmsley This Anglo-French singer-songwriter has something of a cult following, mixing eighties new romantic style electro-pop atmospherics with pop-rock guitar hooks and wonky dance noises. Saturday 18 October, Freebutt NA

The Aliens Featuring former members of cult favourites The Beta Band and the man once known as Lone Pigeon, The Aliens retain a great deal of their previous incarnations’ psyche-rock magic. In the potentially trippy Digital environs, this should be ace. Thursday 16 October, Digital NA

King Porter Stomp + The Resonators Dub/ska Brighton outfit with big horns, fat beats, heavy bass and conscious minds. Great live act, celebrating the release of their debut album. Support comes from bona fide 60s Jamaican ska imitators. Saturday 18 October, Sallis Benney JH

Lite + 54-71 The highlight on this bill has to be a rare UK appearance from the Japanese rap/rockers 54-71. Don’t classify them in the same league as those horrible late nineties numetal bands: this intelligent blend of hardcore, math rock and almost spoken word is more like

The King Blues These cultish punks dabble in folk, dub and even some skiffle, making them something of a unique proposition compared to the myriad emo kids and pop-punks plaguing the scene. Sunday 19 October, Brighton Coalition NA

2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE THE BRASSERIE LATIN IN THE LANE FISH & GRILL 10–11 Kings Road, Brighton, 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina East Sussex BN1 1NE Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 328672 01273 698989 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people. Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

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029_LS394 music_reviews jeff


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MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases There’s a real danger with Seasick Steve of style over substance. Foremost, there’s that totally cliched hobo bum look. And the fact that he’s come from virtually nowhere to be the darling of the festival and coffee table circuit is something to be very suspicious about. It’s as if he’s seen as some kind of relic that must be ‘captured’ before the Lord Jesus carts him off to pay his dues. But on listening to I Started Out With Nothin’ And I’ve Still Got Most Of It Left, you can be left in no doubt that he is an accomplished teller of (sometimes tall) tales and singer. There’s a punkyblues attitude riding throughout but at the same time the ghosts of early ZZ Top (check the identical beards too) can be heard, which is a good thing. On closer inspection it does seem that he has lived the life of a train-hopping hobo, has moved around the world like a nomad, has endured a recent heart attack and, as a recording engineer, has helped foster the careers of bands like Modest Mouse. Ok, we’ll give him a break! Lord knows, he probably deserves it… Veteran of the trip hop jazzy hip hop scene Mr Scruff has his first proper studio album in six years. Ninja Tuna (a new label collaboration between Scruff and Ninja Tune) is an accomplished meandering through the post-dance environs of dope beats, jazzy trip hop and funky breaks, with occasional dollops of salsa (on ‘Donkey Ride’, a collaboration with Quantic), hip hop and other world music genres. Guest vocalists include Alice Russell and Roots Manuva. The aptly named Cold War Kids make desolate, reverb drenched minimal rock’n’roll. Loyalty To Loyalty is brimming with intimate narratives and brooding atmospherics. Brighton electro dance groovers Kovak are still in search of a scene that may not actually be there. However, they do a consistent line in upbeat, funky and infectious dance tunes that almost invariably involve the dancefloor. ‘I Love The Dancefloor’ is a good fun escapist tune. Brooklyn and Chicago psychedelic rockers These Are Powers’ latest EP, Taro Tarot, largely picks up where their striking last album Terrific Seasons left off, efficiently driving the heavy noise rock-outs to the fore. Introducing an element of bluesy jamming into the apocalyptic, angular guitar grind and squealing electronics, by the time this short EP’s over, the listener’s left desperate for more of this sublimely orchestrated charge through the sonic stratosphere. Much more formulaic, representing the more accessible end of the same lo-fi influenced spectrum as These Are Powers are Glaswegian sillies Danananaykroyd, and their latest single ‘Pink Sabbath’. Pleasantly jinglyjangly, screamy Sonic Youth pop is the order of the day and they do this very well indeed. Finally we have the jazzy New York singer-songwriter Nell Bryden’s second album Second Time Around. Blending a little country into the tried and tested lounge formula her management are clearly aiming for, the occasional strength of songwriting really shines through. Nowhere near as insipid as her many competitors in the race for the Radio 2 listeners’ ears, this is a solid, if at times uninspired, release.

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To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to Or hear the full chart with Jeff and Nick on Radio Reverb, 97.2fm every Tuesday 4-6pm/12-2am Brighton  Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 Amongst The Pigeons – Deep Housey ★ 2 Jaybee – Miles To Go 3 Tenek – If I Should Fall 4 12 Stone Toddler – Under the Weather 5 Kontour – The Kennedy Syndrome 6 Tenek – State Of Mind 7 Caramel Jack – Curtain 8 Taboo – Duet 9 The Mojo Fins – Always Now 10 St.Michel – Remedy A new top five this week, as ambient house DJ Amongst The Pigeons hit the top with the chilled out ‘Deep Housey’. Jaybee’s electro-pop jaunt heads to number two as gothish types Tenek take both numbers three and six. Circus mentallists 12 Stone Toddler leap straight to four, with even more dark electro from Kontour at five. 11 Indigo Star The Pearl 12 Tom Ayres Confidence Problem 13 sMs I’m Sorry Dave 14 Portslade Girls and Boys 15 Breakinbear Breeze 16 Leo Altarelli See It Now 17 Django Spears No Limit 18 Django Spears Saturday Night 19 The Woo!worths Konichiwa 20 ThePrjctMyhm FreeForAll 21 sMs Airport Dreaming 22 Jaybee Sweet Savage 23 Automatic Shoes Your Father 24 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 25 Shona Foster Be Bold

26 Guerrilla Audio Cry Wolf 27 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 28 Transformer Cinema Car 29 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall Every Time 30 Sparker Dark Lane 31 Jonny Loves House Care About Your Love 32 Left Hand Red Transition 33 Without Warrant Stop the Machine 34 Go Johnny Go Ebbenflow 35 Ghost of a Thousand Left for Dead 36 The Flesh Happening Total Surrender 37 Iris and the Wolves Lovehound 38 The SlyShakers Cha Ching 39 Marina Under My Skin 40 Without Warrant Superego

Me Old China

Chinese buffet Eat as much as you can Lunch time: £5.99 Dinner time: £6.99 Also menu order and take away 46 West Street, Brighton BN1 2RA Tel: 01273-711518 latest 7 29



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01273 687171 formerly joogleberry

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sunday oct 19th

roast ‘n’ jazz brighton folk

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£10 inc lunch 12.30 – 3.30pm the future of folk with all jigged out £5 8pm

monday oct 20th £10


gay tango workshop tango lessons for all!

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MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 14 – 20 Oct Tuesday 14 Live Music Alan Clayson Quirky rock and roll performer and historian. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7 Derrin Nauendorf Band Acoustic blues Komedia, 7:30pm, £10 Drowned in Sound Shred Yr Face Tour: Los Campesinos! + No Age + Times New Viking Mad Welsh pop rockers, LA indie types and the inventors of ‘Sh*tcore’. Komedia, 7:30pm, £11 The Music Cafe Live music from local singersongwriters. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, free. Styrofoam Prince Albert, 7:30pm, £tbc. Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing.10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati.Student nite.11pm–3am, £4/3 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and emo mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Po Na Na Tap. Go urban with bassline, hip hop and R'n'B. 11pm–4am, £5/4 Tru Bandwagon. Student night with club anthems, old school R’n’B & classic house plus loan bending promos! 10pm–2:30am, £3/2/1 Water Margin International Student Party. Drinks promos all night! 10pm–5am, £5/3

Wednesday 15 Live Music Billy Cobham + Asere Drumming & salsa with perhaps the world’s best. Komedia, 8pm, £16 CSS Love ’em or hate ’em Brazilian electro-pop kids. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £13 Illustrators + Ben Griffith + My Element Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Les Valentine Brighton-based indie rockers. Western Front, 8pm, £tbc. Mark Morriss (The Bluetones) Former frontman of nineties Britpop types, The Bluetones. Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, £tbc. Music Cafe The best local singer-songwriters. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, free. Open Mac Night Open mic for electronic music. Sidewinder, 9pm, free. Rotary Ten + Brontide Serious rockers from Lincoln rock city. The Hope, 8pm, £4 World Music Wednesday Every Wednesday, world music acts are welcomed to play live. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, free. Esser Infectious weirdo pop/reggae/dance kid; The Streets but better. Audio, 7:30pm, £tbc. Bars and clubs Arc Life is Easy. A Mid-week interlude of indie classic new and old. 10pm, £1/free. Audio Supercharged. Junglist supremo Shy FX bombs into town! 11pm–2:30am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Classic 90s from Spice Girls to Soul 2 Soul. 11pm, 90p Volks Neuro Disney. with JFB, Mechanical Organics, BMK, Coda,Braakattac.11pm–4am, £3 Water Margin Genetics. Basement Club Launch. Diverse D‘n‘B. 10pm–6am, £2/free.

Sofa Sessions Open mic. Juggler, 8:30pm, free. Sweet Sweet Lies Americana, swing and Tom Waits melancholy. Bee's Mouth, 8pm, free. White Hinterland Idiosyncratic, Canadian singer-songwriter fusing space-rock, jazz & Bjork-esque vocals. Komedia, 7.30pm, £tbc. Bars and clubs Arc Pop Rocks. Indie, pop, rock, cheese and more. 10:30pm–2am, £3/2/1 Audio Mad For It. Indie.10:30pm–3am, £3/1.50 Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer plays house/dance. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 The Hope Brap FM. Everything from Downtempo to Techno! 8pm–2am, free. Ocean Rooms Therapy. USBU official SOCFED night. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Po Na Na Off the Wall. Funk, soul and Motown from the 50s to present day. 10pm–3am, £2

Friday 17 Live Music Ben Sarfas Quartet Jazz and funk quartet. The Brunswick, 8pm, free. Classic Legends of Rock Tour: The Groundhogs + Wishbone Ash + Focus Veterans rockers from the seventies. Worthing Assembly Hall, 7:30pm, £19.50–£21 Club Chat Noir: Club Tabou + The Hot Club de Belleville 30s and 40s style swing with two live bands and DJs. Hanbury Club, 8pm, £4–£10 Duke Raoul + 4 or 5 Magicians + Hour Hands Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Kill Kenada Post-punk. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £4 Longtomb + Josh Cummins Alternative rock. Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free. Neil Cowley Trio + Jamie Woon Acclaimed jazz trio. De La Warr Pavilion, £12, 7.30pm Nigel Bagge and Eddie Armer Blues night with guitar/harmonica. Neptune, 8:30pm, free. Osian Roberts + Steve Fishwick Quartet Brighton Jazz Club event. Komedia, 8pm, £12/10 Say The Raven + The Five Forties + The Misbegotten Heavy rock. Providence, 8pm, £1 Totally Unsigned: RubyLux + The Special K's Brighton Coalition,7pm, £5/4 ZU2 Tribute to Bono and co. Komedia, 8pm, £12 Bars and clubs Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. DnB and dub step at a sociable volume. 11pm–3am, £2 Digital Stone Love. 101% maximum indie rock'n'roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £6/5 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin' rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It’s Friday. Start the weekend with Sean Quinn's party tunes. Feel the magic. 10pm–3am, £7 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old

skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Latest Music Bar The Boom Boom Saloon. Rock 'n' Roll, Rhythm 'n' Blues, Country Funk, Soul and Swing! 10:30pm–2:30am, free. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock'n'Roll, indie & punk. 10:30pm–3am, £4/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed-up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Club Generation. Commercial dance, R‘n‘B and 70s and 80s hits. 10pm–3am, £10/8 Water Margin B-Side. Tech and filthy electro with Tiger Lily and Paul My Fingah. 2am, £5

Saturday 18 Live Music The Beautiful Word + The Laylana's Neofolk locals. Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £6/3 BREMF: Choral Workshop Brighton Early Music Festival event maybe leading to participation in a concert with The Sixteen. St John's Church, Palmeira Sq, 10am–5pm, £18/12 Brighton Breeze 2008 Volkswagen enthusiast's day with DJs and live bands. Concorde 2, 11am, free. Buzz Club: Saw Gang Buzz (Ex Mutts) + Kings of Convenience Fuzzed up rock and roll! Hectors House, 8pm, free. Ceilidh with Rattlebone Brighton Early Music Festival event. St Mary's Church, 8pm, £7 Club Meow: Meow Meows + Guests TBC Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Jeremy Warmsley Anglo-French electro-folk singer-songwriter. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £7 King Porter Stomp + The Resonators Cult ska heroes. Salis Benney Theatre, 8pm, £tbc. New Sussex Singers Chamber choir; Mozart and Purcell. St Mary de Haura, 7:30pm, free. Sound Factory: The Lanes + The Lieutenant’s Mistress + Livingston Freeman Local indie rockers. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Supper Club: Harambe Soul and funk night. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £7–10 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Indie. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm's Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Latest Music Bar The Boom Boom Saloon. Liquor lounge with rock‘n‘roll, rhythm‘n‘blues, country, soul and swing! 10:30pm–2:30am, free. Ocean Rooms 11th birthday party with Tom King, Colin Dale, Stuart Patterson, Simon Young, Prok and Fitch. 11pm-10am, £reduced rates, money to the Red Cross and RSPCA. Pavilion Tavern Mod For It. Park up your Vespa for the Who, Kinks and more. 10pm–2am, £5/4 Tru Glitterbaby. Mainstream chart tunes boshed out over three rooms. 10pm–3am, £10/7

Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house tunes. 3am–8am, £7/5

Sunday 19 Live Music All Jigged Out Celtic, jazz and funk band. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5 Azymuth Popular Brazilian jazz veterans. Komedia, 8pm, £12 Bombay Bicycle Club + Flash Guns Hip indie kids. Audio, 7:30pm, £5 English Traditional Dance Music Workshop Part of Brighton Early Music Festival. Ralli Hall Community Centre, 11am–5:30pm, £15/12 F*ck Gypsy Jazz with Quasimodo Quartet Progressive gypsy jazz. Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free. Karl Jenkins Festival Chorus and Orchestra Karl Jenkins conducts his new Stabat Mater St Bartholomews, 7:30pm, £10–£27.50 The King Blues Cultish punks dabbling in folk, dub and skiffle. Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £6.50 Our Broken Garden (Bella Union) + Jane Bartholomew Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Parisien Swing Quartet Foundry, 8pm, free. Pavel Haas Quartet Classical quartet playing Beethoven. The Old Market, 11am, £5–£20 Roast ‘n’ Jazz: Freddy Cole Nat ‘King’ Cole’s bro! Latest Music Bar, 12:30pm, £15 inc lunch. Sussex Jazz Orchestra Classical and modern jazz. Hare & Hounds, 4pm–6pm, free. Team Catdog The Neptune, 8:30pm, free. Bars and clubs Honey Club Sundelicious. Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soul. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change the Frequency. Tipping the box of predictable music. 8pm, free.

Monday 20 Live Music Bob Fox and Stu Luckley + Cathy Burton Veteran folk duo. Ravenswood, Sharpthorne, 8pm, £14/12 Does It Offend You, Yeah? + South Central + Let’s Talk Tactics Kind of, yeah. But still pretty decent electro-pop. Think Nathan Barley in a John Hughes film. Concorde 2, 8pm, £12/10 The Orchestra (ELO/ELO Part II) Ex-members of the first two line-ups.Worthing Assembly Hall, 8pm, £25–27.50 Bars and clubs Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. Outbreak, Rudeben & Dubl break out garage, R‘n‘B, Hip Hop. 11pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco/indie 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Student-friendly funk, reggae, indie, pop. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. Dancehall, bashment, roots and revival. 10pm, £4.50/3.50 Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit

Times New Viking, Tuesday

Thursday 16 Live Music The Aliens Former Beta Band and Lone Pigeon men combine for more psychedelic electro poprock. Digital, 7.30pm, £12.50 Lite + 54-71 Heavy rockers supported Japanese weirdo rap/shouty types toying with hardcore & math-rock. Pleasing. Engine Rooms, 8pm, £6 Mari Wilson Eighties veteran singing sixtiesinfluenced retro-pop. Komedia, 7:30pm, £16 Maybeshewill + And So I Watch Her From Afar Riff-tastic post rock. The Hope, 7:30pm, £5 Music at Northbrook Exposure Northbrook College bands. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, free. Music Cafe The best local singer-songwriters. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, free. Natty Pop-reggae singer-songwriter harking back to the greats. Concorde 2, 7pm, £8 Om Live: Sheeva + Carly Bryant Indie electro Brightonians. Om Bar and Club, 8:30pm, free. The Popes Shane McGowan’s old drinking buddies. Komedia, 8pm, £10

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

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032_LS394 gay news/will


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Brighton’s only weekly gay guide

William Tells


Will Harris sees his life portrayed on TV and looks back to pre-millennium days

Right royal DJ Keeping clubbers happy night after night is not easy. But Queen Josephine, one of Brighton’s best-loved DJs, has cracked it. Last year QJ was voted Brighton's favourite female DJ at the city’s LGBT Golden Handbag Awards. She plays at some of the biggest scene nights, including Mardi Gras, Religion and Pussy Party at Charles Street, Wild Fruit at Tru, Sunday Sundae at Audio, the roving Rebel and Miss-Shapes at Ghetto. QJ and girlfriend Kate Wildblood, another favourite Brighton DJ, are looking for a venue to host a one-off night with them both playing. They are also going to release another Secret Disco compilation on the Crazy Diamond label and, in QJ’s words, are: “looking forward to getting people out and partying this winter and cheering everybody up.” How did you feel about winning a Golden Handbag? I was totally gobsmacked. Someone could have knocked me over with a feather. I play a lot and get positive feedback but there are a lot of very good female DJs in Brighton. My Mum was very pleased. What did you make of Pride this year? I love Brighton Pride. I have been living here for donkey’s years and I’ve been going to it since it was a dribble of people. It is absolutely enormous now. The fact that it is still free and you can go to so many good things is great. This year was the first I can remember, apart from one, that the weather hasn’t been wonderful. That meant everyone came in to shelter from the rain. It was my first time in the Wild Fruit tent and it was quite busy, which was nerve-wracking but fun. What has been your best gig? My favourite gig of all time was outside Charles Street at Pride a few years ago. It was supposed to last one and a half hours; I went on for about six. What do you think of criticisms that Pride is no longer political? I remember going on marches years ago and people used to throw things at you. It would feel like it was us against the world. Isn’t it great from the initial struggles to have a wonderful party? It brings so much money into the city, but I know we can’t lose sight of where it came from. We are lucky to have a large community but homophobic attacks still happen and we can’t close our eyes to it. Why is there a link between the gay scene and house music? Gay people have always been at the forefront of clubbing and music. Probably because of wanting to escape for whatever reason. There wouldn’t have been disco without them. House is a skip and a hop from underground music in the States that would have bled to the UK. What do you like about DJing? You get to play loud music to people and hopefully they will be dancing and you get paid for it! There are different genres of house music and it is really exciting to start playing some new stuff. It is difficult at the moment because of the credit crunch some club promoters are getting worried and saying: ‘Play stuff people know.’ It is nice to prove that adage wrong. What does the Brighton club scene need? A few more adventurous people checking out different nights that they wouldn’t normally go to. There are loads of new people in town, with that, maybe we'll see promoters being more adventurous.

The first time I watched Beautiful People, I lost the power of speech. I’m serious; for the entire duration of the programme, I sat there in silence, eyes wide, mouth gaping, unable to digest what I was seeing. Because the first episode of Jonathan Harvey’s new BBC2 sitcom, recounting the experiences of a sexually-confused teenager growing up in late ‘90s Reading, could be – almost verbatim – a snapshot into my own childhood. Ok, substitute Reading with Coventry and overlook the fact we didn’t have Meera Syal going cold turkey in our box room, and I swear to Britney that’s my life.

We’d known each other since we were seven, Simon P and me, and for a long time we were inseparable. At the tender age of nine, we would pretend to be Eddy and Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous, linking arms as we minced around the school grounds, gesturing outrageously with imaginary cigarettes and bottles of Bolly. Later on, we would embrace ‘Spicemania’ with open arms, videoing each performance from TOTP and learning routines as Baby and Scary (to this day, I maintain that until you‘ve seen a 13-year-old white boy pretending to be a gobby black woman from Leeds, you‘ve not lived).

“We would embrace ‘Spicemania’ with open arms, videoing each performance from TOTP“ Of course, I know it’s not my life. It’s actually the life of a 50something window dresser from New York, whose autobiography Harvey updated for the small screen. But I bet I’m not the only gay boy out there who identified with the programme, nor who felt a pang of nostalgia every time the soundtrack exploded into another Spice Girls number. Oh yes, we may pretend we’re part of the sophisticated noughties, with our iPod Nanos and our social networking, but back in the day we were all there dancing to Steps, belly buttons pierced and covered in body glitter. Back then, much like the main character in Beautiful People, I wasn’t the only gay in the precinct. I had my best friend, Simon P (the P was originally to distinguish him from Simon C, but when Simon C’s ultra-orthodox parents packed him off to become a monk – that was the word in the playground anyway – Simon P’s P had already passed the point of no return).

Over the years that followed we drifted apart, as friends sometimes do; I careered drunkenly out of the closet in time for the millennium fireworks, but it took Simon P a little longer. I often wonder, if we’d stayed as close as we had been back then, whether we might have helped each other get through what was happening to us, to make sense of the confusion that comes from being different. But regret’s a wasted emotion. What Beautiful People really reminded me was that, no matter where life takes us, Simon P and I will always share those last few grains of sand falling through the hourglass of the century. We’ll always have the Spice Girls, and Ab Fab, and D:ream belting out ‘Things can only get better’ as a smiling PM took those first few steps up to his new front door. Things could only get better. And you know what? They did.

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033_LS394_gay listings


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GAYLISTINGS 14 Oct – 20 Oct

guest DJs playing uplifting funky house and pop remixes. 8pm–1am, free. The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Plus Alex Baker playing girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free for first 150 b4 12/£4 after.

Saturday 18

Celebration @ Legends

Tuesday 14 Brighton Tavern City of Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus. Bar open 12pm, free. Charles Street Bar Mojito Madness. Cocktail deals all night.12pm–11pm Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Twisted Karaoke. Get vocal with over 3,000 tracks to choose from. 9pm, free. Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday! Relaxed, friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Queen’s Arms Karaoke with Betty Swollocks. 9pm, free. R-Bar Students Take Over. Meet and greet LGBT Brighton University Committee members plus speed dating. FREE shot with every alcoholic drink bought. 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Playground. 10:30pm–4am, free NUS or those in uniform/£3 others. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mill’s Music Night. With Uncle Ben’s quiz night from 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free.

Wednesday 15 Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. Bar open 12pm, free Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Miss-Shapes. A cool mix of indie and pop for a crowd of cool gay kidz. 9pm, £tbc. Legends Super Karaoke. New Karaoke & quiz night. With free entry to The Basement Club 9pm, free. Prince Regent Swimming Pool Out to Swim South. 8:30pm, £4 per session. R-Bar Midweek Chill. New pool table. Bottled drinks £2 all day and night. Free tickets for Revenge. 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Pop! SEXY. Expect live on stage entertainment and chart pop and R’n’B. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar open 12pm–11pm. The Basement Play. with DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 16 Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers, stage games, pop, indie-funk and electro junk! 10pm–3am, £2/1. Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm, £4/3. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Booty Call Monthly. Rockin R’n’B nite! 9pm, £tbc. Queen’s Arms Lucky Dip Karaoke. Hosted by Betty Swollocks. Bar open 12pm–11:30pm, free. R-Bar I Can’t Wait for the Weekend to Begin!. Funked up, soulful and uplifiting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls OnTop. Fabulously trashy lesbian night with deck hero LadyBex and DJ Smiffy. 10:30pm, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after.

Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free. Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. Monthly night with Go Go’s galore!10.30pm–3am, £tbc. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Wigout. Soho’s long running pop party. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 9pm, £tbc. Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free. R-Bar Kinky - The Early Session. A pre–clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous with new boy on the block, Jozzie O. 9pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Gay Brighton’s Kings of the Saturday night! 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 6.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–5am, £7/3. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Two Landlords Karaoke. The staff sing for you. 9pm. The Basement Ignition. With the dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free for first 100 b4 12/£5 after. The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness. The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then from 8:30 pm PV’s house DJs takes to the decks! Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 19 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Traditional roasts (12–5:30pm) and relaxing vibes with a cabaret twist. Hosted by Connie Conway from 8pm. Coalition Rebel Rocks. The Wild Fruit team's infamous and hugely popular afterhours party. With residents Jon Byrne & Jonny M. Live percussion from David H World. Go to for discount passes. 3am.. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Club Tropicana. Zoom back to the 80s. 9pm, £tbc. Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. 3:15pm. The Basement Embrace. Remixed pop tracks with DJ Nick Shepherdson. 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 20 Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Gimmie gimmie gimmie a musical, some fresh popcorn and a drink from the bar! Bar open 11am, free. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks spanning the last 4 decades with drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50. Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix. 9pm–2am, £tbc. Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am. Maine Tavern Hot Gossip. Drink and chat over a friendly pint. 12pm–12.30am Queen’s Arms Cherry Poppins Karaoke Show. plus drinks promos, 9pm. Bar open 12pm, free. Star Inn Polars and Daddies. An evening for the more mature bear, admirers and friends 8pm. The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Let DJ Steve Lush whisk you back with his classic floorfillers. 11pm–4am, free. Celebration @ Legends

Friday 17 Amsterdam Get Ready For The Weekend. Pre club drinks. 7pm, free. Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Campness from 11am–12am, free Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Popstarz. Indie anthems, alternative classics and current underground hits. 9pm, £tbc. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pop sounds, 7pm. Queen’s Arms Pink. Unlimited drinks wristbands! 9pm R-Bar Lollipop warm-up. 12pm–5am, free. Revenge Lollipop vs Housexual. Top pop tunes and funky vocal house. 10:30pm–5am, £7/free Star Inn Return of the Friday Bears Inc. with

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

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latestTV  Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Lipstick Jungle Mondays 10pm, Living TV This show is based on a book by Candace Bushnell. It focuses on three women living, working, loving and fighting in New York City (sound familiar?) These three women are: Nico, a hard-hitting editor-in-chief of a woman’s magazine; Victory, a quirky fashion designer and Wendy (played by Brooke Shields), president of a TV company, as well as a loving wife, mother and general girl about town with her two best friends. From the very start I wasn’t taken with the idea of this and then I thought I would watch it as – how I hate to admit this – I was a fan of Sex and the City and thought it might be quite good. How wrong I was. All in all it is a shoddy comparison. And although I should watch it for what it is and not compare it, it is difficult to do when they come from the same Candace Bushnell stable, although the TV series was written by DeAnn Heline and Eileen Heisler, with Bushnell in the executive producer seat. Sex and the City was great because it was the first of its kind. It was racy and naughty; hit on subjects that us girls all knew about and it did it in a light-hearted and amusing way. Lipstick Jungle seems like a way to get Brooke Shields back on TV. It has the same obvious problems as Sex and the City – there is no way in hell these people could actually afford these things but hey it’s what TV is for. The clothes and shoes worn by the stars of the show are to die for – well most of them – just like SATC and there are a few outfits you sit and think WHAT!!??! about. It feels to me that Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte have been recycled and fitted into three roles and given slightly different jobs. The men are slightly less attractive – well a lot less in my eyes (although Mr Big was nothing to rave about!). But just like in Sex and the City the characters have small issues or personality traits a majority of women can relate to, but in general that is where the comparison ends. Realistically, how many women do you know who live the lifestyle displayed on the television? The situations may be similar, but a lot more expensive. No one can afford a new outfit for each time they leave the house and who wakes up with that much perfect make-up on? I liked SATC and I had hoped to like this just as much. But it just isn’t as good. Like I said, I know I shouldn’t compare it, but if there was no comparison, I still wouldn’t really like it.

Films on TV

TUESDAY 14 Magnolia ★★★★✩ (1999, Film4, 10.55pm. Dir Paul Thomas Anderson) An ensemble piece of remarkable coincidences that unwind slowly as the story progresses. Featuring turns from Tom Cruise, Jason Robards, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Julianne Moore, to name but a few, this is quality writing where the film is the star.

WEDNESDAY 15 Twelve Monkeys ★★★★✩ (1995, BBC1, 11.30pm. Dir Terry Gilliam) Starring Bruce Willis as a convict sent back through time to stop a viral apocalypse, this is classic Gilliam territory. With vivid imagery of the future and paranoid plots in the present, Willis is aided by psychiatric doctor Madelaine Stowe and fellow patient – he says he comes from the future, of course he’ll get locked up – Brad Pitt. Adventure ensues.

THURSDAY 16 Dog Soldiers ★★★★★ (2002, Five, 10pm. Dir Neil Marshall) Starring Sean Pertwee and Kevin McKidd as a couple of British soldiers dropped into the Scottish wilderness on a ‘training exercise’, they soon find there’s more to their expedition than meets the eye. Like the werewolves out to get them. Not usually found in any guidebook of Northern Nature are this big doggies. Darkly comic British film.

FRIDAY 17 American Pie ★★★✩✩ (1999, ITV2, 9pm. Dir Paul Weitz) This has become a coming of age gross-out film for a generation and a career launcher for Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Tara Reid and Sean William Scott. A group of kids in their final year of high school learn about sex,

Movies on the box this week relationships and the dangers of webcams and hot apple pie.

The Chamber ★★★✩✩ (1996, ITV3, 10pm. Dir James Foley) Based on the John Grisham novel, we follow hot shot young recent graduate lawyer – is there any other kind in John Grisham-land? – as he returns home to Mississippi to defend his racist grandfather from the death penalty. Starring Chris O’Donnell and Gene Hackman.

SATURDAY 18 In Good Company ★★★✩✩ (2004, Channel 4, 10.50pm. Dir Paul Weitz) Starring Dennis Quaid and Scarlett Johansson. An ageing advertising executive has a mid-life crisis when he is demoted and replaced by a young, high-flyer. The hotshot then embarks on a relationship with his teenage daughter, putting both men on a collision course.

London to Brighton ★★★★✩ (2006, Sky Movies Indie, 11.40pm. Dir Paul Andrew Williams) A very dark and gritty tale set in the underworld of prostitution and violent crime. Two girls, Joanne and Kelly, burst into a London toilet. Joanne is crying and Kelly has a black eye. Eventually Kelly gets them on a train to Brighton. A very powerful tale, that will make you think about Brighton.

SUNDAY 19 Dirty Dancing ★★★★★ (1987, Five, 9pm. Dir Emile Ardolino) We’ve all seen it, but it’s a perfect Sunday night slouch on the sofa number watching Baby get taken on the ride of her life with Patrick Swayze, aka Johnny Castle. And, did you know the film was shot in autumn? But set in summer, so the leaves in the famous ‘lift in the lake‘ scene had to be painted. It’s true! You can spot some they missed.


Dog Soldiers, Five, Thursday 10pm

34 latest 7

14 – 20 Oct

Chinatown ★★★✩✩ (1974, Five,11.05pm, Dir Roman Polanski) Starring Jack Nicholson and Faye Dunaway. Labyrinthine thriller set in 1930s LA, in which a private eye is hired to investigate a seemingly straightforward case of adultery and uncovers murder and scandal. The case is complicated by a femme fatale who leads the gumshoe further into a web of violence and corruption.



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tuesday 14 British Style Genius BBC2, 9pm The series that investigates what makes British style so distinctive takes a spy at the traditional tailored look. Generally better appreciated abroad than at home in the UK, the show travels to Japan with designer Paul Smith, whose ‘classic-with-a-twist’ formula seems to have done him rather well.

Dawn Porter: Geisha Girl Channel 4, 10pm Ever wondered exactly what a geisha girl is? Yes, there are the rumours and the myths but the facts have never been too forthcoming in the school yard. Time for our Dawn to step up in the latest of her international perspective on relationships. She’s given a crash course by a Japanese madam. Oh saucy!

Secret Diary Of A Call Girl ITV2, 10.10pm If you’ve got a lady of the night pairing, calling yourselves Belle and Bambi is hardly deep cover camouflage. Luckily, they don’t need any hiding places as they get booked for an aristocratic sex party – just the thing Belle thinks will help her escape her broken heart. Never that simple though is it? Poor Belle.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Secret Show 4.04 Bernard 4.05 Raven 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.15 Tweenies Songtime 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.55 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 KS1 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Primary History 11.30 The Chronicles Of Narnia 11.45 Primary Geography 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Grand Prix Snooker 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz. Does he give out peanuts and sherry as a host? 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia is joined by the week’s saved couple. 7.00 Grand Prix Snooker The last of the first-round matches get underway this evening in Glasgow. 8.00 Twiggy’s Frock Swap Sixties icon Twiggy heads up this fashion series which sees 100 women donating their clothes to a huge clothes-swapping extravaganza. 9.00 British Style Genius See highlights. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Snow Patrol, Tom Jones, Eliza Carthy and Friendly Fires guest. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Gavin Esler. 11.20 Savile Row Three-part documentary about Savile Row, the London street famous for its bespoke tailoring establishments. When the regulars are threatened by a jeans emporium moving in they revert to methods that have seen off Armani and many others that have tried to join the classic street and subvert it. Wanna be in my gang? You can’t. 12.20am Grand Prix Snooker 1.10 Grand Prix Snooker Extra 3.10 Joins BBC News 4.00 Contemporary Visions

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.25 Before And After 9.35 Impressionism: Revenge Of The Nice – Education Version 11.25 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.30 Designers Under Pressure 1.45 FILM: Destination Gobi (1953) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Myra is worried that something serious has happened to her children when they go missing. She’s got so many – for one to go missing would be unfortunate, for all would be downright carelessness. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Frieze Films 2008: Road Movie 8.00 The Sex Education Show A group of teenagers get a sex education lesson with a difference when their parents are the teachers. Anna also explores libido and sexuality. 9.00 Jamie’s Ministry Of Food With advice from Marguerite Patton, who worked in the original Ministry of Food, Jamie decides to get staff in some of Rotherham’s top businesses cooking healthily. But will they eat it? 10.00 Dawn Porter: Geisha Girl See highlights. 11.05 The Family Jane and Simon clash over their teenage children’s behaviour. 12.10am Reaper 1.10 FILM: The Sea Inside (2004) 3.20 3 Minute Wonder: Night Haunts 3.25 Britain’s Whitest Family 3.55 3 Minute Wonder: Night Haunts 4.00 Book Box: Off With McGough 4.30 Rosen’s Poetry Attic (x5) 5.20 What’s So Good About Malorie Blackman (x2) 5.50 Making It (x2)

6.00–9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Grey’s Anatomy 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Spoils Of War (1993) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 9.00pm PGA Grand Slam Of Golf 12.00am European Seniors Tour Golf: Italian Seniors Open 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 Sports Unlimited 2.30 World Motor Sport 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Motor Racing

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ian grows increasingly suspicious of Jane. Will he never stop hounding his wives? He’s turning into a right Henry VIII! 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Lola is shocked to meet an old friend on the first day of her new job. Don’t tell – she’s moved to psych and Abra’s invited her to his padded room for tea and crumpets. 9.00 Sunshine Bing is thrown out of the house by Bernadette, who is unable to tolerate his gambling any longer. Boys and growing up – does it happen? 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Imagine... Dangerous Liaison: When Akram Met Juliette British-Bangladeshi choreographer Akram Khan takes the biggest risk of his career as he has just months to teach Oscar-winning actress Juliette Binoche to dance. 11.35 Film 2008 With Jonathan Ross The latest film news and reviews with Jonathan Ross. 12.05amFILM:In Her Defense(1998) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.15 Silent Witness 3.15 Beautiful People 3.45 Dom’s On The Case: Hospital Charges 4.30 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Daz is stunned when he catches Andy threatening Jo. Why is a boy so grubby named after a clothes whitener? 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten more hopeful contestants compete for a chance to play for One Million Pounds! (Insert manic laughter here). 9.00 Cops With Cameras Officers in Oldham find themselves surrounded by an angry crowd when they try to arrest a suspect. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Comedy Classics: Brass The series about classic sitcoms looks at the comedy satire Brass, which was first aired in 1983 as a send up of Thatcherite Britain and the gritty values of the North of England. It starred a cast of classic actors headed by Timothy West. Includes the first ever episode of the series. 11.35 Sally Morgan: Star Psychic Renowned psychic Sally Morgan meets with Rhona Cameron. Is it time for Rhona to unwittingly out another ex? It can only say in the stars. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott – Crime 1.25 Quincy, ME 2.15 Loose Women 3.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Home And Away Geoff and Nicole share a passionate embrace. Nicole’s health deteriorates. 6.30 Lights, Camera, Animals Three Spanish stunt horses perform some breathtaking stunts on a fashion shoot. 7.00 Five News 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Nature Shock Examining the discovery of a mysterious animal in the remote Canadian Arctic Circle. Not a lost ‘wabbit’? 9.00 CSI: Miami The CSIs investigate the murder of three gun runners who were vaporised by an illegal weapon. The trail leads to a shady security firm that is determined to withhold evidence from the police. 10.00 CSI: NY The CSIs investigate when a salesman’s body is found washed up on Rockaway Beach near several dead sharks. 11.00 Law And Order: SVU Two children claim they were molested by a billionaire. 12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 Disorderly Conduct 2.00 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.50 USPGA Golf 3.40 Seniors Golf 4.30 ITU Triathlon 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE 8.00 Speedway 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.00 World Motor Sport 1.30pm Big League Weekend 2.30 Great North Run 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Great North Run 7.00 NFL 9.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 10.00 Poker Million 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 British Junior Carp Championship 2.00 Cross Country Motorcycling 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.30am World Motor Sport 9.00 Spruce Meadows 10.00 X-Adventures 10.30 Wild Spirits 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Spruce Meadows 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 NFL 4.00 British Junior Carp Championship 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Motor Racing: Oval Racing 8.00 Great And British Dunlop Motorsports Festival 9.30 Athletics 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 12.00am Great And British Dunlop Motorsports Festival 1.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 2.00 Motor Racing: Oval Racing

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 War On Knives 11.00 UK Border Force 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm The Real Hustle Las Vegas 7.10 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 9.00 Last Man Standing 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.00am Last Man Standing 12.55 Coming Of Age 1.25 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Railway Walks 8.00 High Anxieties: The Mathematics Of Chaos 9.00 That Mitchell And Webb Look 9.30 Flight Of The Conchords 9.55 London To Brighton Side By Side 10.00 The Book Quiz 10.30 Blue/Orange 12.00am Roman Polanski - Wanted And Desired: Storyville

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 FILM: Dante’s Peak (1997) 10.10 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl. See highlights. 10.40 Entourage 11.10 FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004) 1.25am Me And My Breasts

2.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.50 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.50 PD James: Devices And Desires 9.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Dark Blue Perfume 10.00 Lawless 11.30 PD James: Devices And Desires (x2) 1.35 Dempsey And Makepeace

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Italian Job (2003) 11.10 Fonejacker 11.40 Skins (x2) 1.40am Scrubs (x2) 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.20 Skins

5.05pm Grand Designs Revisited 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 10.00 True Stories: Garbage Warrior 11.45 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.45am True Stories: Garbage Warrior 2.30 A Place In The Sun

2.00pm Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Ghost Hunters International 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.05pm Keeping Up Appearances 5.45 Waiting For God 6.25 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.45 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Green Green Grass 10.20 Only Fools And Horses 11.05 The Royle Family 11.45 Little Britain 12.20am The Green Green Grass

2.00pm Scrubs (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 The Winner (x2) 12.50am Becker (x2)

2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Big (1988) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium (x2) 10.00 Eli Stone 11.00 Stephen King’s Desperation 12.00am FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle In Paradise (2000) 1.40 ReGenesis

12.25pm White Savage (1943) 1.55 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 3.45 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 5.30 A Touch Of Larceny (1959) 7.10 The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 9.00 California (1946) 10.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 12.40am It Came From Outer Space (1953)

4.00pm The Last Mogul: Life And Times Of Lew Wasserman (2005) 5.50 Offside (2006) 7.30 The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 10.00 The Duellists (1977) 11.45 Midnight Movies: From The Margin To The Mainstream 1.20am Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007)

1.00pm The Left Hand Of God (1955) 2.45 Leave Her To Heaven (1946) 4.55 Rio Grande (1950) 7.00 Picture Perfect (1997) 9.00 Without A Paddle (2004) 10.55 Magnolia (1999) Critically acclaimed enesmble piece starring Tom Cruise, Julianne Moore, Philip Seymour Hoffman and William H Macy.

8.55am The Swan (1956) 10.55 The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954) 1.00pm San Antonio (1945) 3.00 Come Fly With Me (1963) 5.00 The Doctor’s Dilemma (1958) 6.50 2010 (1984) 9.00 Point Blank (1967) 10.35 Wise Guys (1986) 12.20am Never So Few (1959) 2.30 The Brothers Karamazov (1958)





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wednesday 15 Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones ITV1, 9pm Anybody want to buy some top secret government tunnels under London? Not much natural light but the hawkers have a heck of a job finding your doorbell. So investigates Griff, along with surprising stories of familiar landmarks and a trip with the Met’s air support. Viva London!

The Family Channel 4, 9pm This ‘proper’ reality show of cameras following a single family for four months has an uncanny way of teaching you more about yourself than simply allowing a smidge of voyeurism come post teatime telly. Headstrong teenage daughter Emily is driving the family to distraction with her partying til dawn. Feel guilty?

Wilderness Explored BBC4, 9pm Remember when going down past the end of the garden could seem like exploring another land? Now magnify that by 100 and you might get somewhere near the wonder felt by these early European explorers, reaching the wildernesses of Canada, Australia and the Congo. Fresh eyes on an old beauty.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Secret Show 4.04 Bernard 4.05 Get 100 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.15 Tweenies Songtime 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.55 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 A Graze With Danger 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Grand Prix Snooker 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 KNTV - Philosophy 10.00 Orange Rockcorps 11.00 Drugs: The Lowdown On Getting High 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.35 FILM: Retreat, Hell (1952) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00–9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Grey’s Anatomy 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Pronto (1997) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Athletics: Great North Run 10.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 7.30pm Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Live International Football 2.00 Live International Football 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 Sports Unlimited 5.30 Total Rugby

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Living in the wild with the people in Sussex who really think they’ll need to know how to survive in the future. 8.00 Sky Cops Series that follows the work of Britain’s helicopter police, narrated by Jamie Theakston. 9.00 Silent Witness The team investigates an armed raid on a suspected terrorist cell in which two suspects and a police officer are killed. When Nikki’s findings point to a bungled raid, people start to pass the buck. Taking their professional cue from Shaggy hit, eh? Different. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Celebrating greed and gravity. 10.45 Medium Cynthia Keener encourages Allison to look into an arson-related murder. 11.30 FILM: Twelve Monkeys (1995) Starring Bruce Willis, Madeleine Stowe, Brad Pitt. Sombre time-travel thriller. 1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Losing It: Griff Rhys Jones On Anger 2.35 Thames Shipwrecks: A Race Against Time 3.35 DIY SOS 4.05 Dom’s On The Case: The Drugs Lottery 4.50 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two The Strictly Mid Week Report takes an exclusive look into the training rooms. 7.00 Grand Prix Snooker Hazel Irvine, Steve Davis and John Parrott introduce live action from tonight’s second-round matches at the SECC. 8.00 The Restaurant Raymond Blanc sends the couples out to demonstrate their skills to the public. One couple find entertaining the public with kitchen abilities great fun even in the rain. Another couple forget what food is for. Eh? 9.00 Heroes When four nefarious villains lay siege to a bank, Angela sends HRG and her dangerous new walking weapon in after them. 9.45 Heroes Unmasked An exclusive peek at behind the scenes. 10.00 Mock The Week Comedy satirical panel show. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means Tension fills the air as the team’s water-logged cargo boat begins to sink on the way to Borneo. Glug? 12.20am Grand Prix Snooker Highlights 1.10 Grand Prix Snooker Extra 3.10 Joins BBC News 4.00 Cool Keys 5.00 Mad About Music

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Myra goes to make peace with Jacqui, but finds that she too has gone missing. Niall’s on a bit of a rampage – thank the scripwriters it’s all coming to a head. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Frieze Films 2008: Road Movie 8.00 Supernanny US Professional nanny Jo Frost, a modern day Mary Poppins, takes her no-nonsense approach to parenting to the States, where she helps desperate parents cope with their badly-behaved kids. 9.00 The Family See highlights. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Bob and Lee’s wedding ceremony finally takes place, but there are problems with the catering. Gabrielle finds a large sum of money hidden in Ellie’s teddy bear after her fugitive tenant asks for her possessions back. 11.05 Jamie’s Ministry Of Food Repeat of yesterday’s show. 12.05am 4 Music: T-Mobile Transmission: Collaboration 12.25 JD Set Presents The Futureheads 12.40 4Play: Emiliana Torrini 12.55 Comedy Lab: Kids School Of Comedy 1.25 FILM: Goodbye Lover (1999) 3.10 Freesports On 4 (x2) 4.05 FIA GT Championship 4.30 KOTV 4.55 Freesports On 4 5.20 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Nicole and Geoff are rescued. Aden holds Rachel and Larry captive. Can none of Summer Bay hold a birthday party without someone going missing? This isn’t Picnic at Hanging Rock, people. 6.30 Lights, Camera, Animals Two rescue pets, Pixie the dog and Tiggy the tabby cat, begin new careers as photographic models. 7.00 Five News 7.30 It Pays To Watch One moneysaving Londoner reveals how she used credit-card rebates to pay for her wedding. She’s a card! 8.00 Axe Men Series following the work of North American lumberjacks. 9.00 Paul Merton In India Paul meets a group of dancing policemen; attends a cricket match for the blind; visits a prosthetic-limb clinic; and falls in with a gang of racketeering eunuchs. And you thought you went native drinking the sangria. 10.00 Banged Up Abroad Dramadocumentary telling the gripping reallife stories of travellers who find themselves incarcerated overseas. 11.05 Unbreakable The contenders learn some tough lessons in the Norwegian School of Winter Warfare. 12.05am World Open IV 1.35 Major League Baseball 4.45 Race And Rally UK 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria is shocked to learn that Andy tried to take his own life. She’s hardly had the calmest of family lives though. Maybe she should expect dysfunction by this time. 7.30 Coronation Street Maria’s pregnancy rocks Carla’s plans. About time something scuppered her. 8.00 The Bill Roger investigates the case of a missing girl and his suspicions are aroused when the girl’s father is unable to provide a solid alibi. 9.00 Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Belarus V England Highlights Matt Smith introduces extended highlights of England’s 2010 World Cup qualifier against Belarus from Minsk. 11.40 Ghosthunting With... Girls Aloud Yvette Fielding tempts the lovely ladies from Girls Aloud out after dark to challenge their perceptions of the paranormal. 12.35am Nightwatch With Steve Scott - Crime 1.25 Raines 2.15 Loose Women 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 Motor Racing: Oval Racing 9.00 X-Adventures 9.30 Motor Racing: Caterham 10.00 PGA Grand Slam Of Golf 1.00pm Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 Poker Million 4.00 PGA Grand Slam Of Golf 7.00 LIVE International Football 10.00 LIVE: PGA Grand Slam Of Golf 2.00am Showjumping 3.00 Trans World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am UIM F1 Powerboating 6.30 Great And British Dunlop Motorsports Festival 8.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 9.00 Poker Million 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 Motor Racing: Caterham 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 Showjumping 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 LIVE International Football 10.00 Powerboat P1 Championship 11.00 NFL -– Total Access 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Watersports World 1.30 Powerboat P1 Championship 2.30 Poker Million 4.30 Watersports World

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








3.00pm Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Lion Man 5.30 Lion Man 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 9.00 Transvestite Wives 10.00 Premiership’s 50 Greatest Goals 11.00 Road Wars (x2) 1.00am Street Wars 1.55 Uncut! British Sex

7.00pm Spendaholics 7.30 Match Of The Day Live: Germany V Wales 9.45 Football Gaffes Galore 10.00 Heroes. Your chance to catch the next episode. 10.45 MOBO Awards 2008 12.45am Coming Of Age 1.15 The Most Annoying TV... We Hate To Love 3.45 Dog Borstal 4.40 Spendaholics

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Britain From Above (x2) 9.00 Wilderness Explored. See highlights. 10.00 Wild Down Under (x2) 11.40 Wilderness Explored 12.40am Travellers’ Century (x2) 2.40 Wilderness Explored 5.30 Close

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 9.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004) 12.45am No Heroics 1.15 Coronation Street

2.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.50 PD James: Devices And Desires 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 12.15am PD James: Devices And Desires 1.15 Dempsey And Makepeace 2.05 Cagney And Lacey

4.25pm Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.00 Fonejacker 10.30 Rick & Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple In All The World 11.00 Star Stories 11.30 When Women Rule The World 12.30am Scrubs (x2)

5.05pm Grand Designs Revisited 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Dispatches: The Trouble With British Airways 10.00 Born To Be Different (x2) 12.05am Curb Your Enthusiasm (x2) 1.20 Born To Be Different (x2) 3.20 Countdown

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



4.20pm As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 French And Saunders 11.00 The Royle Family 11.40 Little Britain 12.15am The Vicar Of Dibley

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Scrubs (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x4) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Scrubs (x2) 12.50 Becker (x2) 1.50 Linc’s 2.20 Comedy Store

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Rome 10.00 My Shocking Story 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Crime Scene Australia

3.00pm FILM: Hercules In The Maze Of The Minotaur (1994) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 10.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 11.40 FILM: Emmanuelle’s Private Collection: Sexual Spells 1.30am ReGenesis

12.30pm Look Back In Anger (1958) 2.15 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 4.45 The Top 10 Show 5.05 Some Like It Hot (1959) 7.10 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 9.00 Custer Of The West (1968) 11.25 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 1.05am The Great Moment (1944) 2.30 Look Back In Anger (1958)

12.40pm An Inconvenient Truth (2006) 2.35 The Tango Lesson (1997) 4.20 The Proposition (1998) 6.15 Best (1999) 8.05 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 10.00 London To Brighton (2006) 11.30 Sex, Lies And Videotape (1989) 1.15am Lemming (2005) 3.30 London To Brighton (2006)

1.00pm Whirlpool (1949) 2.55 Where The Sidewalk Ends (1950) 4.50 White Feather (1955) 6.50 Gallipoli (1981) 9.00 Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003) 11.05 Get Real (1998) 1.15am Prick Up Your Ears (1987) Biopic of the acclaimed and risqué playwrite Joe Orton, starring Gary Oldman.

7.05am Roberta (1935) 8.55 Come Fly With Me (1963) 10.55 Today We Live (1933) 1.00pm Guns For San Sebastian (1968) 3.00 Hot Millions (1968) 4.55 Skyjacked (1972) 6.50 Ten Thousand Bedrooms (1957) 9.00 Fame (1980) 11.25 The Fixer (1968) 2.00am Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse (1961)





5:23 PM

Page 1

thursday 16 The Restaurant BBC2, 8pm As amateur cooks compete to go into business with chef extraordinaire Raymond Blanc they find out more about how this chef malarkey has even less to do with cooking than they suspected. Today they are challenged to create a cook book to promote their restaurant concepts, with pics and all.

Danger Men Five, 9pm You know when blokes get all macho and decide that kickboxing a bollard is a decider in the machismo stakes? Show them this instead. A brand new series examining some of the most dangerous jobs in the world and profiling the men who do them. Starting with linemen who maintain the USA’s electrical grid.

Samantha Who? E4, 10pm Christina Applegate is proving as accessible and likable as ever in her return to the small screen. As bad girl turned amnesiac good wide-eyed girl Samantha she’s getting increasingly frustrated at restraining orders and exes popping up left right and centre. So she goes to a hypnotist. Will it help? Is this the end of the series?






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11.00 Parade Of The Heroes – Beijing 2008 1.00pm BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 Secret Show 4.05 Raven 4.35 Election 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Blue Peter’s Live 50th Birthday

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.15 Tweenies Songtime 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.55 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 The Maths Channel 11.10 Primary History 11.30 Something Special 11.45 What? Where? When? Why? 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Grand Prix Snooker 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Judge Len Goodman is back with his dancing Masterclass. 7.00 Grand Prix Snooker First up this evening, the live draw for the quarter-finals will take place – a new addition to the Grand Prix format. Then, the last two second-round matches get underway. 8.00 The Restaurant See highlights. 9.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks The anarchic, award-winning pop quiz returns with host Simon Amstell, regular team captain Phill Jupitus and special guest team captain Bob Mortimer. With guests Jack Osbourne, presenter Nick Grimshaw, David O’Doherty and Kelly Rowland. 9.30 Beautiful People Simon remembers his mother’s experiments with the occult and his grandmother’s return from a mental hospital, which saw her change rather radically from the nicest granny in the world. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Guests include actress Goldie Hawn. 10.30 Newsnight 11.50 Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry goes on an epic journey in the Amazon. 12.50am Grand Prix Snooker Highlights 1.40 Grand Prix Snooker Extra 3.40 Joins BBC News 4.00 Diverse Music

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.05am Making It 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 KNTV - Philosophy 9.55 Hardeep Does Drinking 11.05 World Of Difference 11.35 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Supernanny US 1.25 FILM: They Who Dare (1953) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00–9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Grey’s Anatomy 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Columbo Cries Wolf (1990) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Bob is gutted when Viv turns her back on him. This is probably due to the particularly vicious pulley system Viv had hooked up to Bob’s insides. 7.30 Village Voices Series portraying the villages of England in the South and South East. 8.00 The Bill Examining all the evidence following Bethany Riley’s murder, the officers conclude that her school friend, Mason, was involved. 9.00 Natural Born Sellers The team have amassed a total of £50,000, but this week they have the opportunity to earn the largest amount of commission so far. They have to try to sell luxury limousines at a trade fair at the NEC Birmingham. Thea makes friends and influences people there. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Customs UK In Dover, 300,000 cigarettes are found in a shipment of resin granules. For that special taste. 11.10 Focus Current affairs series presented by Debbie Thrower. 11.40 The Last Word Phil Hornby talks through the big stories. 12.10am Bingo Night Live 1.15 Motorsport UK 1.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.35 Loose Women 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Myra arrives at church to find Niall waiting for her. Dum, dum, DUUUMMMMM! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Frieze Films 2008: Road Movie 8.00 River Cottage Autumn Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall returns to River Cottage to harvest the best that autumn has to offer. Ray the butcher shows Hugh how to turn his pigs into salamis, sausages and hams. Blossom the pig also returns home. Don’t name your food. Please. 9.00 Bobski The Builder Documentary following two teams of builders, one British, one Polish, as they construct an extension on two suburban houses. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. 10.35 Star Stories The second series opens with a look at the rise and fall, and rise again, of superstar boyband Take That. 11.10 When Women Rule The World Reality series hosted by Steve Jones. 12.15am FILM: Company Limited (1971) 2.30 Reverend Death 4.00 A1: The Road Musical 4.25 St Elsewhere 5.25 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Aden is questioned over Rachel and Larry’s kidnap. 6.30 Lights, Camera, Animals he cameras follow Sykes the terrier cross onto the set of ‘Heartbeat’, where she has to play dead. 7.00 Five News 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn discovers how Marmite is made. Yuck! And other thing are investigated too. 8.00 Apollo 13 Combining real footage with vivid reconstruction and interviews with the key players, this documentary recounts the nearcataclysmic events of April 1970 when an oxygen tank exploded on the Apollo 13 spacecraft. 9.00 Danger Men See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Dog Soldiers (2002) Starring Sean Pertwee, Kevin McKidd, Liam Cunningham, Emma Cleasby, Darren Morfitt. Darkly comic action horror in which a military training exercise in the Scottish Highlands turns into a nightmarish battle for survival as a group of soldiers discovers that vicious werewolves are on the prowl in the area. From the same imaginative fella that brought you The Descent. 12.15am Quiz Call 4.00 Major League Soccer 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 International Football (x2) 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf: Portugal Masters 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 International Football (x2) 4.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Portugal Masters 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE: European Rugby: Challenge Cup 10.00 International Football 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 European Rugby: Challenge Cup 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 Race World 4.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ian discovers Jane’s shocking secret. She’s having an affair with X-Men’s Magneto? 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 The Planners Are Coming Planning permission isn’t needed for a shed – except if it has a bathroom and has a bed in it. In North London the council sound the death knell for an unlawful building. And a shed landlord weeps. 8.30 Accidental Heroes Real-life stories of bravery and courage. 9.00 Silent Witness Nikki visits Isra, the sister of one of the suspects, and the only key eye witness. She insists that her brother was innocent, but after Nikki discovers how harshly Isra is being treated, the team starts to suspect a cover up. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Question Time Another installment of the political debate. 11.35 This Week A political review. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 What To Eat Now 1.55 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means 2.55 An Island Parish 3.25 Dom’s On The Case : Eye Care 4.10 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 PGA Grand Slam Of Golf 11.30 Total Rugby 12.00pm International Football (x2) 2.00 PGA Grand Slam Of Golf 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Suzuki Swift Cup 6.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 7.00 Blenheim Horse Trials 7.30 Football 9.30 Golf Night 11.30 NFL – Total Access 12.30am X-Adventures 1.00 Blenheim Horse Trials 1.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 2.00 Poker 4.00 ATP Tennis Magazine 4.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 5.00 Blenheim Horse Trials

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Showjumping 9.00 X-Adventures 9.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 10.00 Total Rugby 10.30 Touring Car Diaries 11.00 Aerobics 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 3.00 Showjumping 4.00 Powerboat P1 Championship 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Aerobics 6.30 Motor Sport 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 Golf Night Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Fringe 12.10am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Spendaholics 8.00 Last Man Standing 9.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle 11.00 Jack: A Soldier’s Story 12.00am The World’s Strictest Parents 12.55 Last Man Standing 1.55 The Real Hustle 2.25 Massive 2.55 Jack: A Soldier’s Story 3.55 Spendaholics

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Steam Days 8.00 Absolutely Chuffed: The Men Who Built A Steam Engine 8.30 Railway Walks 9.00 The Last Days Of Steam 10.00 FILM: Oh, Mr Porter! (1937) 11.20 BBC Four Sessions 12.20am Railway Walks 12.50 The Last Days Of Steam

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 The Fashion Show 8.00 CelebAir 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 10.30 No Heroics 11.00 Entourage 11.30 FILM: American Pie (1999)

2.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.50 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.55 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Torn 10.00 FILM: The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981) 12.30am FILM: The Chamber (1996) 2.30 Dempsey And Makepeace

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Samantha Who?. See highlights. 10.30 Crowned 11.30 Sunset Tan 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Gilmore Girls

3.00pm Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs Revisited 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares Revisited 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The US Presidential Debate 12.50am The Closer

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 The Underdog Show 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.40pm Sorry! 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Blackadder’s Most Cunning Moments 11.00 The Royle Family 11.40 Blackadder’s Most Cunning Moments 1.45am The Royle Family

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Two And A Half Men 12.20am Kitchen Confidential 12.50 Becker

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story (x2 10.00 Couples Who Kill (x2) 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Triangle 9.50 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 11.50 FILM: Emmanuelle In Space: Concealed Fantasy (1994) 1.40am ReGenesis

2.20pm Duck Soup (1933) 3.35 The Far Country (1955) 5.15 The Blue Dahlia (1946) 7.00 Operation Petticoat (1959) 9.00 The Greatest Show On Earth (1952) 11.35 The Killers (1964) 1.15am Duck Soup (1933) 2.30 Cahill, United States Marshal (1973) 4.15 The Blue Dahlia (1946)

9.00pm The Serpent (2006) 11.10 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 1.10pm Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 2.50 35mm 3.20 Ten Canoes (2006) 5.00 The Page Turner (2006) 6.40 The Escapist (2001) 8.20 The Fountain (2006) 10.00 The Serpent (2006) 12.10am I Want You (1998)

1.00pm Chance Of A Lifetime (1950) 2.55 Jassy (1947) 5.00 Belle Starr (1941) 6.45 A Room With A View (1986) 9.00 Judge Dredd (1994) Syvester Stallone does the unspeakable and plays the Judge sans helmet. Sacrelidge. 10.55 Arlington Road (1999) 1.15am The Magician (1958)

1.00pm Bachelor In Paradise (1961) 3.00 Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 4.50 The Cincinnati Kid (1965) 6.45 Love Me Or Leave Me (1955) 9.00 The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989) 11.00 The Carey Treatment (1972) 12.45am Kelly’s Heroes (1970) 3.15 Riffraff (1935) 5.00 In Our Time (1944)





2:44 PM

Page 1

friday 17 Hollyoaks Channel 4, 6.30pm Oh. My. God. And so we might say, considering the church has just been blown up by the more than slightly unhinged Niall. Talk about abandonment issues. He’s kidnapped his long-lost siblings, and mum Myra is hot on his tale. Then he appears holding bro’ JP hostage. Plus Jack’s risking all to help out. S’all happening tonight.

Have I Got News For You BBC1, 9pm Like Christmas, head lice and party leadership challenges, the topical comedy panel show always pops up again. And here it is. A brand new series with regular team captains Ian Hislop and Paul Merton, joined by guest host Fern Britton. Expect weight loss gags and up to the minute jibes a-plenty.

Firefly Sci Fi, 6.05pm and 7pm Joss Whedon’s departure from Buffy and vampires into space smugglers and intergalactic baddy authorities was a hit with the fans but sadly didn’t last as long as the stake-wielding cheerleader with the networks. Tuck in and feast on these two tales of Saffron’s theft of a gun and a dead body reviving itself.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Lazytown 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 Secret Show 4.05 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 4.35 Dani’s House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.20 Balamory 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.55 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Primary Geography 11.20 Let’s Write A Story 11.40 Seasonal Snapshots 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Grand Prix Snooker 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia breaks into the Stricly Come Dancing rehearsals. 7.00 Grand Prix Snooker Quarterfinal action continues at the Grand Prix in Glasgow. 8.00 Mastermind Topics cover Stax Records, The Romney Marsh Novels of Monica Edwards, The Bismarck and The Welsh Castles of Edward I. 8.30 Gardeners’ World As the autumn progresses, it is time for the team to start preparing for an early spring. That’s AGES away. 9.00 The American Future: A History, By Simon Schama Simon Schama reveals how different the American attitude to war is from what outsiders assume it to be. Two of the founding fathers, Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton, disagreed about whether America should even have a professional army. Who’d’a thunk it? 10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the quiz show. With Jeremy Clarkson, Rich Hall, Sean Lock and Alan Davies. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Later... With Jools Holland Extended repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.35am Grand Prix Snooker Highlights 1.25 Grand Prix Snooker Extra 3.25 FILM: The Racket (1951)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 9.00 Frasier 9.30 KNTV – Philosophy 9.55 Mum’s Gone Gay 11.25 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Supernanny US 1.20 FILM: The Silent Enemy (1958) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Grey’s Anatomy 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Is There Life Out There? (1994) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Laurel and Ashley are saddened to hear that the church is set to close. Surely they should be more than saddened. Outraged! 7.30 Coronation Street Will Tony finally win Carla from Liam? A distraught Kevin drowns his sorrows. They put up a good fight though. 8.00 Claim And Shame: Tonight Fiona Foster meets the bereaved, injured and sick who say they have been unfairly shut out by their insurance companies. 8.30 Coronation Street Maria’s devastated to find she’s too late to tell Liam their news. His psychic powers beat her to the post yet again. 9.00 Wire In The Blood When the killings stop inexplicably and a widowed mother is abducted, Tony realises that the killer’s intentions go beyond murder and his ambitions are not limited solely to young men. Not everyone should expand horizons. 10.00 Al Murray’s Happy Hour Guests include Joanna Lumley and The Stereophonics. 11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.45 Bingo Night Live 12.50am Planet Rock Profiles 1.20 Planet Rock Profiles 1.45 FILM: When Time Ran Out (1980) 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks See highlights. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World A horrifying investigation into Muti murder in South Africa. While the country is modernising fast, this reveals how hundreds of people have been killed for body parts destined for the booming practice of traditional, faithbased medicine. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Jonnie visits the New Forest and Jasmine travels to southern Italy to find busy London couple Eilin and David a perfect place to escape to. 9.00 Ugly Betty It’s the charity softball game of the year – Mode v Elle – and Betty’s in centre field. 10.00 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong Comedian Alan Carr hosts the entertainment show. 10.50 Frank Skinner Live At The Birmingham Hippodrome An evening with comic Frank Skinner. 11.55 4Music Presents... Snow Patrol 12.30am 4 Music: Levi’s Ones To Watch: Foals 12.50 JD Set Presents Rascals 1.05 Rockfeedback 1.35 Comedy Lab: Slaterwood 2.05 Dispatches: The Hidden World Of Lap Dancing 3.00 Goalissimo! 3.50 Trans World Sport 4.40 Freesports On 4 5.10 Grudge Match 5.15 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Kirsty has concerns about the nature of Bartlett’s intentions towards her. 6.30 Lights, Camera, Animals Angel the terrier and her unruly doggy mates run riot in the stage version of ‘Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang’. 7.00 Five News 7.30 Daring Raids Of World War II Historical documentary telling the story of a brave commando raid to destroy the docks at St Nazaire, France - the only dry dock outside Germany that was able to harbour the Reich’s mighty battleship. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series. 9.00 NCIS The team is put into quarantine after Tony opens a letter containing a mysterious powder. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit A nine-year-old girl accuses her neighbour and football coach of abusing her. But the hysterical response to her allegation threatens to obscure the truth. 11.00 Law And Order When a woman turns up dead and her boyfriend goes missing, Briscoe and Green turn their attention to the last person to see the pair alive. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 Wild Events 4.25 Great Ocean Adventures: The Giant Sunfish 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Barclays Premier League World 12.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Motor Sport 2.00 Suzuki Swift Cup 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 Test Cricket 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 9.30 LIVE Friday Fight Night 11.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am Big League Weekend 1.00 Off The Bar 1.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Off The Bar 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker serves up another round of the light-hearted sports quiz. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders As Ronnie opens her heart, Jack decides to take control of the situation. Sounds like a job for an experienced surgeon. 8.30 After You’ve Gone Sitcom starring Nicholas Lyndhurst. 9.00 Have I Got News For You See highlights. 9.30 Little Britain USA Matt Lucas and David Walliams continue their American odyssey. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jono chats to chef Gordon Ramsay, controversial comedian Sarah Silverman, and megastar Ricky Gervais. Entertainment gluttony. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: Judgment Night (1993) Starring Emilio Estevez, Stephen Dorff, Cuba Gooding Jr. Thriller. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: The NHS: A Difficult Beginning 2.50 Timewatch – Britain’s Forgotten Floods 3.50 Dom’s On The Case: Private Health 4.35 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Blenheim Horse Trials 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Blenheim Horse Trials 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 2.00 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 2.30 Rugby Union 4.30 Live European Tour Golf 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE European Rugby 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.00 Off The Bar 11.30 NFL - Total Access 12.30am Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 2.30 Golf Night 4.30 Gillette World Sport 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 XAdventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Motor Sport 10.00 Race World 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Race World 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 European Tour Golf 4.30 Suzuki Swift Cup 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Test Cricket 8.30 Golf Night 10.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.30 Test Cricket 3.00 Off The Bar 3.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 Sportnation 2008 Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 10.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 11.00 UK Border Force 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Naked In Blackpool

7.00pm Spendaholics 8.00 Most Annoying Couples 9.00 I’m Kylie’s Body Double 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.30 Massive 12.00am Family Guy (x2) 12.45 Coming Of Age 1.15 Most Annoying Couples 2.15 I’m Kylie’s Body Double

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Vladimir Ashkenazy: The Vital Juices Are Russian 8.20 Snowdrift At Bleath Gill 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Les Paul: Chasing Sound 10.30 Guitar Heroes At The BBC 11.30 The Story Of The Guitar 12.30am The Avengers (x2) 2.10 Les Paul: Chasing Sound

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Sugababes: The Hot Desk 6.15 The X Factor 8.15 The X Factor Results 9.00 FILM: American Pie (1999) 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.30 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 12.30am Coronation Street (x2)

1.50pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Film File 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.55 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 FILM: The Chamber (1996) 12.15am Inspector Wexford: The Speaker Of Mandarin

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Supernanny: Beyond The Naughty Step 10.35 FILM: Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) 12.50am Scrubs (x2)

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 FILM: We Were Soldiers (2002) 11.40 Pyromania 12.45am All You Need Is Love

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.00pm My Family 3.40 Sorry! 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Porridge 10.20 FILM: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 12.10am The Worst Week Of My Life

2.00pm Scrubs (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Kitchen Confidential 12.20am Knights Of Prosperity

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 Couples Who Kill 10.00 Call 911 (x2) 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting

12.05pm Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Mysterious Island (2005) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Firefly (x2). See highlights. 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Sea Of Souls (x2) 11.30 Medium 12.30am FILM: Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle In Paradise (2000) 2.10 Ghost Stories

11.40am The Egyptian (1954) 2.00pm The Desperate Hours (1955) 3.55 It Came From Outer Space (1953) 5.20 Lover Come Back (1961) 7.10 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 9.00 The Egyptian (1954) 11.20 Samson And Delilah (1949) 1.30am The Desperate Hours (1955)

9.00am The Walker (2007) 11.00 Still Crazy (1998) 12.40pm Fire (1996) 2.40 Earth (1998) 4.30 Water (2005) 6.30 The Walker (2007) 8.20 Still Crazy (1998) 10.00 The Big Lebowski (1998) 12.00am Two Days In The Valley (1996) 2.00 Guy (1996) 3.50 Man’s New Best Friend

1.00pm The Left Hand Of God (1955) 2.45 Salome (1953) 4.50 The Long Memory (1953) 6.45 WarGames (1983) Matthew Broderick is the teenage hacker who accidentally almost starts WWIII. 9.00 Road To Perdition (2002) 11.15 Hud (1963) 1.05am Amelie (2001)

8.55am The Wheeler Dealers (1963) 11.00 Goodbye Mr Chips (1939) 1.00pm Butterfield 8 (1960) 3.00 The Merry Widow (1952) 4.55 Our Mother’s House (1967) 6.45 The Trouble With Girls (1969) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Ordinary People (1980) 11.20 The Last Run (1971) 1.10am The Prize (1963)





5:09 PM

Page 1

saturday 18 River Cottage Autumn Channel 4, 7pm Hugh returns to harvest the best of autumn. Ray the butcher shows Hugh how to turn his pigs into salamis, sausages and hams. Blossom the pig returns home. That’s a one way ticket for the pig then? Vegetarians switch over. Hugh is not known as a member of the Linda McCartney appreciation society.

Stephen Fry in America BBC2, 7.10pm Stephen Fry journeys across America in the first of a six-part series, meeting characters galore. Almost born and raised in the USA, he has always been fascinated with the country. He starts in New England, before heading to the nation’s capital and ending up at the battlefield of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

Martina Cole’s Lady Killers ITV3, 11pm Series in which crime writer Martina Cole investigates the lives of six female serial killers and explores the deeper story. She starts with one of the most notorious British murderers in modern times, Myra Hindley, who along with Ian Brady was responsible for a spate of child murders in the 1960s.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 What To Eat Now 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Grand Prix Snooker 2008: Semifinal 4.30 Final Score 5.05 BBC News 5.20 Regional News And Weather 5.25 Hole In The Wall 5.55 Merlin

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 8.00 Secret Show 8.15 Secret Show 8.28 The Owl 8.29 The Owl 8.30 Gimme A Break 9.00 TMi 10.30 Hot Rods 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Eliot Kid 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm Sound 12.45 Greek 1.30 The Surgery 1.50 Animal Park 2.20 FILM: Waterloo (1970) 4.30 Grand Prix Snooker 5.40 Dad’s Army

6.00am GMTV 6.15 F1: Chinese Grand Prix Qualifying 8.15 GMTV 10.50 Drake And Josh 11.20 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.35pm ITV News And Weather 1.40 Meridian News And Weather 1.45 FILM: Babe (1995) 3.25 F1: Chinese Grand Prix Qualifying 5.25 Meridian News And Weather 5.40 ITV News And Weather 5.55 Totally You’ve Been Framed!

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 The British Formula 3 International Series 7.30 Iron Man 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Vodafone TBA Live 2008: Sugababes 9.30 Vodafone TBA Sidekick: Sugababes 9.50 The Hills 10.20 Friends 10.55 Friends 11.25 Everybody Loves Lil Chris 11.55 Reaper 12.55pm Red Bull Air Race 2008 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 How Clean Is Your House? 4.40 Brothers And Sisters 5.40 Brothers And Sisters

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Big League Weekend 7.30 Off The Bar 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.40 Strictly Come Dancing More celebrity ballroom dancing, which sees the remaining male and female stars going head to head for the first time. They must choose between performing either a samba- one of the most difficult Latin dances- or an American smooth, where the couples can perform two lifts. 8.10 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts the Saturday night National Lottery quiz . 9.00 Casualty A patient’s life is endangered as Adam’s behaviour spirals out of control. Meanwhile, Charlie is trying hard to change Abs’ mind about leaving the ED. 9.50 BBC News National and international BBC News,Weather. 10.05 Little Britain USA Vicky Pollard undergoes group therapy at boot camp. We also meet new characters Sofia the nosy cleaner and the Hunters, who are trying to catch some tasty, if small, prey. 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights of the day’s matches. 11.50 MOBO Awards 2008: Highlights Highlights from the 13th Annual MOBO Awards. with performances from Taio Cruz and The Sugababes. 1.20am FILM: The Defender (1994) 2.45 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 3.45 Weatherview 3.50 Joins BBC News

6.10 Coast 13-part journey around the coast of the United Kingdom, uncovering stories that have made us the island nation we are today. 7.10 Stephen Fry In America See highlights. 8.10 Timewatch 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the topical news quiz with Ian Hislop and Paul Merton, plus guest host Fern Britton and guest panellists Tom Bradby and Mark Steel. 9.40 Grand Prix Snooker Hazel Irvine introduces action from the second semi-final in Glasgow. Former World Champions Steve Davis and John Parrott join her in the studio to offer their insight. 11.10 Never Mind The Buzzcocks The anarchic, award-winning pop quiz returns with host Simon Amstell, regular team captain Phill Jupitus and special guest team captain Bob Mortimer. With guests Jack Osbourne, presenter Nick Grimshaw, David O’Doherty and Kelly Rowland. 11.40 Beautiful People Written by Jonathan Harvey and inspired by the book by Simon Doonan. Simon remembers his mother’s experiments with the occult 12.10am FILM: Carry On Emmanuelle (1978) Spoof of the sexy Emmanuelle films of the 70s. 1.35 Grand Prix Snooker 3.35 FILM: Abouna

6.55 Harry Hill’s TV Burp BAFTA-award winning comedy maestro Harry Hill returns. 7.25 The X Factor The musical theme today is Michael Jackson, and the 11 remaining acts each sing a song from the King of Pop as they try to earn your all-important votes. Remember, their lives do depend on this, apparently. 9.25 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kay presents a new series of the nation’s favourite game show. Who did they interview for this poll? It wasn’t me. 10.10 The X Factor – The Result It is decision time for the 11 finalists. There’ll be tears before bedtime! Girls Aloud give an exclusive performance of their new single. That’s nice of Cheryl. 10.55 ITV News And Weather 11.10 FILM: D-Tox (2002) Starring Sylvester Stallone. Action thriller in which a cop whose wife was brutally murdered checks himself into a rehab clinic to detox after turning to drink – and soon finds himself in the middle of another bloody nightmare. A psychotic killer is despatching the clinic’s patients and has his targets set on the broken officer. 12.55am Bingo Night Live 2.00 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.55 FILM: Sneakers . 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.00 River Cottage Autumn See highlights. 8.00 Time Team Special Archaeology series presented by Tony Robinson. The team present radical new insights into life during the Iron Age, including attitudes to religion, war and community. Highlights from this series include the team’s first ever gold coin find, the naughty nunnery of Northamptonshire, and a previously undiscovered Roman villa, complete with bath house and mosaics. 9.00 FILM: Failure To Launch (2006) Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew McConaughey, Kathy Bates, Zooey Deschanel and Justin Bartha. Romantic comedy about a bachelor in his thirties who refuses to move out of the family home, forcing his desperate parents to hire an ‘interventionist’ to launch him into the real world. However, when true love begins to form between them and the pair’s friends become involved, the plan seems doomed to failure. 10.50 FILM: In Good Company See film highlights. 12.55am FILM: Days and Nights in The Forest . 3.05 FILM: The Men 4.30 St Elsewhere 5.20 Countdown

6.00am Children’s TV 7.40 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.10 Little Princess 8.15 The Funky Valley Show 8.30 The Beeps 8.50 The Mr. Men Show 9.05 Rupert Bear 9.20 Animal Families 9.30 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.45 Demolition Dad 10.00 The Gadget Show 11.00 Axe Men 12.00pm Mean Machines Of War 12.50 Daring Raids Of World War II 1.20 Fifth Gear Short Cuts 1.25 Zoo Days 1.55 Zoo Days 2.25 FILM: Columbo: Uneasy Lies The Crown (1990) 4.25 FILM: My Father, The Hero (1994) 6.05 FILM: Biloxi Blues (1988) Starring Matthew Broderick. Comedy drama about a New York City boy’s coming of age on a remote army base in the last days of World War II. Based on Neil Simon’s autobiographical play. 7.45 Five News and Sport 7.55 NCIS Drama series about a special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy. McGee finds himself under pressure while investigating a double murder. 8.50 NCIS An informant is shot dead just as he is about to pass on crucial information, Shepard begins a relentless pursuit of his killer. 9.50 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about forensic investigators. Grissom and his colleagues investigate the deaths of witnesses for a grand jury case. 10.50 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Gorem and Eames become curious about a Good Samaritan who gives away his organs and money. 11.50 Crime Scene Academy Documentary following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass for CSIs at the National Forensic Academy in Knoxville, Tennessee. l 12.20am Quiz Call 4.00 Wild Events 4.25 Great Ocean Adventures: The Great British Sea Monster underwater adventure series 5.10 House Doctor x2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Sky Sports Classics 12.30 Volvo Ocean Race 1.00 LIVE European Rugby 3.30 LIVE European Rugby 5.30 LIVE European Rugby 7.30 LIVE European Rugby: Challenge Cup 10.00 Rugby Union 12.00am NFL – Total Access 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Rugby Union 4.30 Gillette World Sport 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Rugby Union 9.30 Volvo Ocean Race 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Live European Tour Golf 6.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Max Power 3.00 NFL – Total Access 4.00 America’s Game 5.00 X-Adventures 5.30 Suzuki Swift Cup

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1








2.00pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 3.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 4.00 American Gladiators 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 7.00 UK Border Force 8.00 Killer Squid 9.00 Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Street Wars (x2) 1.00am Toughest Pubs In Britain 1.50 The Villa

7.00pm Spendaholics 7.30 The Real Hustle (x2) 8.20 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.20 The Most Annoying TV... We Hate To Love 11.50 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 1.40am Coming Of Age 2.05 Massive 2.35 The Real Hustle 3.05 The World’s Strictest Parents 4.05 Dog Borstal 5.05 The Real Hustle

7.00pm Lark Rise To Candleford (x2) 9.00 Between The Lines: Railways In Fiction And Film: Timeshift 10.00 Damages (x2) 11.25 Children’s TV On Trial (x2) 1.25 Between The Lines: Railways In Fiction And Film: Timeshift 2.25 Children’s TV On Trial (x2) 5.30 Close

5.40pm FILM: Thunderbirds (2004) 7.25 Superhuman: Genius 8.25 Britain’s Biggest Babies 9.25 Xtra Factor 10.10 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.40 Vernon Kay: The Hot Desk 10.55 Xtra Factor Results 11.40 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 12.40am The X Factor 2.30 Xtra Factor

11.25am The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 12.40pm FILM: Princess Caraboo (1994) 2.40 FILM: The Parent Trap (1961) 5.15 Inspector Morse 7.25 Agatha Christie’s Marple 9.25 Taggart 11.00 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers 12.05am FILM: Dead Presidents (1996) 2.15 Brideshead Revisited

10.00am Gilmore Girls (x5) 2.30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Wife Swap (x2) 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The 100 Greatest Scary Moments 11.10 Ricky Gervais: Fame 12.15am Dylan Moran: Like, Totally 1.15 Hollyoaks Omnibus 3.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Switched

9.00am Time Team (x3) 12.05pm FILM: (1942) 2.10 The Sculpture Diaries 3.15 Property Ladder (x2) 5.30 John Adams 6.50 Property Ladder (x2) 9.00 Who Downed Douglas Bader? 11.05 Time Team Special 12.10am The West Wing 1.10 Who Downed Douglas Bader? 3.15 Close

2.00pm Home Video Heroes (x2) 3.00 The Jerry Springer Show (x6) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Criminal Minds 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Campus Ladies (x2)




Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



4.00pm Porridge 4.40 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook 5.20 Open All Hours 6.00 Porridge 6.40 Open All Hours 7.20 Porridge 8.00 FILM: Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995) 9.50 Open All Hours 10.30 Porridge 11.10 Blackadder’s Most Cunning Moments 1.10am Blackadder Goes Forth 1.50 Dinnerladies (x2)

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Lee Evans: Wired And Wonderful 12.15am Lee Evans: So What Now? 12.50 South Park 1.20 South Park 1.50 Linc’s 2.20 Lee Evans: So What Now? 2.50 Sexy Cam

3.00 Crime Museum UK With Martin Kemp (x2) 4.00 Crime Scene USA: Missing Persons Unit (x2) 5.00 My Shocking Story 6.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 7.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 FILM: White Squall (1996) 11.30 Couples Who Kill 12.30am Call 911 1.00 Call 911

11.00am Star Trek 12.00pm Thunderbirds (x2) 2.10 Quantum Leap (x2) 4.10 Firefly (x2) 6.10 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 8.10 Medium 9.10 FILM: Minority Report (2002) 11.50 FILM: Mega Snake (2004) 1.50am FILM: Child’s Play 3 (1991) 3.30 Ghost Stories 4.00 FILM: The Phantom (1996)

12.25pm Road To Morocco (1942) 1.55 The Road To Utopia (1945) 3.30 Road To Bali (1952) 5.10 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 7.15 House Of Bamboo (1955) 9.00 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 11.00 Road To Zanzibar (1941) 12.40am 35mm 1.10 Road To Morocco (1942)

2.10 Lemming (2005) 4.20 Tenacious D: In The Pick Of Destiny 6.00 The Apostle (1997) 8.15 King Of The Hill (1993) 10.00 Tenacious D: In The Pick Of Destiny 11.40 London To Brighton (2006) See film highlights 1.10am Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession (2004)

1.00pm WarGames (1983) 3.10 Private Hell 36 (1954) 4.45 Rio Grande (1950) 6.50 Timeline (2003) 9.00 Without A Paddle (2004) 10.55 The Gift (2000) 1.10am Vault Of Horror (1973) 3.00 Close

9.00 Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 10.55 Gigi (1958) 1.00pm Lovely To Look At (1952) 3.00 The Wheeler Dealers (1963) 5.00 Travels With My Aunt (1972) 6.55 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 9.00 Memphis Belle (1990) 11.00 The Screening Room 11.30 Shaft’s Big Score! (1972)





9:50 AM

Page 1

sunday 19 Ian Fleming: Where Bond Began BBC1, 6.10pm On the eve of the release of the 22nd Bond, Quantum of Solace, former Bond girl Joanna Lumley investigates the life of Ian Fleming. Her journey takes her through Fleming’s war-time espionage, love, luxury and death, which all went into his most alluring literary creation.

Best Ever Worst Dance Moments ITV, 7pm Justin Lee Collins looks back at some of the funniest dance moments in recent history. From David Brent’s moves in The Office to Peter Crouch’s famous robot goal celebration, we look at how everyone, from soap stars to presidents, have all been guilty of embarrassing themselves.

Gavin and Stacey BBC3, 9pm Stacey’s brother arrives home, much to Uncle Bryn’s horror. Stacey has her hen night and Gavin has two stag nights, which reveals something about Stacey that could jeopardise the wedding. Will Bryn admit to what happened on the fishing trip and will Nessa do what she knows she must? Tidy.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 6.45 Moto GP: Round 17 – Sepang 8.00 Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Life 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 EastEnders 3.00 Merlin 3.45 Blue Peter At 50 4.45 Points Of View 5.00 Lifeline 5.10 Songs Of Praise 5.45 BBC News

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 8.00 Batfink 8.10 Mona The Vampire 8.20 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.35 Stupid 8.40 Escape From Scorpion Island 9.40 Match Of The Day 11.00 Something For The Weekend 12.30pm Film 2008 With Jonathan Ross 1.00 Gymnastics: Glasgow Grand Prix 2.30 Grand Prix Snooker

6.00am GMTV 7.00 F1: Chinese Grand Prix 10.05 The Championship 11.05 Finger Tips 11.25 Finger Tips 11.45 Horrid Henry 12.00pm ITV News And Weather 12.05 Meridian News And Weather 12.10 The X Factor 2.10 The X Factor – The Result 2.55 F1: Chinese Grand Prix

6.05am Inuk 6.20 The Hoobs 6.45 Trans World Sport 7.40 Bennetts British Superbike Championship 8.40 Freesports On 4 9.10 Friends 9.40 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.10pm Frock Me 1.00 4 Music Presents: Sugababes 1.35 The Sugababes’ Postcard From T4 On The Beach 1.50 Ugly Betty 2.50 When Women Rule The World 3.55 The Simpsons 4.25 The Simpsons 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor

6.00am Children’s TV 7.20 Hana’s Helpline 7.30 Mio Mao 7.40 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.55 Little Princess 8.10 The Funky Valley Show 8.20 The Beeps 8.40 The Mr. Men Show 8.55 Rupert Bear 9.10 Animal Families 9.25 George Shrinks 10.00 Deadliest Outback Predators: Austin Stevens’ Adventures 11.00 Nature Shock 12.00pm Ice Storm: Perfect Disaster 1.00 Daring Raids Of World War II 1.25 FILM: The Big Valley: Redemption Road (1967) 3.25 FILM: Yanks (1979) 6.00 Five News National and international news. 6.15 FILM: The Witches (1990) Starring Anjelica Huston. Creepy fairy tale following the fortunes of a young orphan who becomes embroiled in a supernatural adventure. Brought up on his kindly grandmother’s scary stories about witches, he stumbles on a real coven while on holiday. 8.00 Rhino Charge: Austin Stevens’ Adventures Austin Stevens travels to Swaziland in search of the rare black rhino. 9.00 FILM: Dirty Dancing (1987) See film highlights. 11.05 Seriously Dirty Dancing Documentary marking the 20th anniversary of one the most popular movies of all time – Dirty Dancing. Presenter Dawn Porter, dons her pedal pushers and goes in search of Baby and Johnny. She uncovers the stories behind the casting and generally wallows in Swayzemania. 12.05am Disorderly Conduct US documentary series featuring footage of real-life car crashes, drug busts, high-speed pursuits and more. 1.05 Major League Baseball Jonny Gould and Josh Chetwynd present live coverage from the playoffs, as the top teams in the MLB battle it out for a place in the World Series. 4.20 FIM Motocross World 5.10 House Doctor x2

6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Football League: Championship 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 Spanish Football

6.00 Regional News And Weather Regional updates from newsrooms across the UK. 6.10 Ian Fleming: Where Bond Began See highlights. 7.10 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team are in Nottinghamshire. Objects include a 17th century love betrothal box, and a rare haul of silver. Also, the original speaking clock comes out of retirement. 8.10 Strictly Come Dancing: Results Results plus Alesha Dixon on hand to perform her new single. 9.00 Stephen Fry In America On this leg of the journey, he joins West Virginian coal miners, makes bluegrass music, and flies above North Carolina in a balloon. In South Carolina, he learns the language of slaves, and is invited into a family’s house for Thanksgiving celebrations. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 The Story Of The Guitar Alan Yentob presents the final instalment. 11.20 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights from today’s Premier League matches. 12.05am FILM: The Enforcer (1995) 1.45 Weatherview 1.50 Sign Zone: Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry 2.50 Holby City 3.50 The Dark Side Of Fame With Piers Morgan 4.35 Joins BBC News

6.00 Teaching Awards 2008 Award ceremony honouring the skills and dedication of Britain’s best teachers. 7.00 The American Future: A History, By Simon Schama Simon Schama reveals how different the American attitude to war is from what outsiders assume it to be. American wars have always inspired profound debate - nowhere more so than San Antonio, Texas, nicknamed Military City because of its high population of veterans and serving soldiers, where Simon finds feelings about the war are deeply divided. 8.00 Grand Prix Snooker The Grand Prix final reaches its conclusion. 11.00 The Graham Norton Show Guests include Goldie Hawn. 11.45 Heroes When four nefarious villains lay siege to a bank, Angela sends HRG and her dangerous new walking weapon in after them. Hiro and Ando track Daphne to Germany, while Tracy Strauss searches for answers about Niki. 12.20am Ellery Queen Ellery Queen attempts to solve another murder. 12.30 FILM: Between (2005) A beautiful lawyer from Chicago travels alone to Tijuana, Mexico in search of her missing sister. 1.50 Moto GP: Round 17 2.50 Joins BBC News 4.35 Inside Sport Gabby Logan

6.00 Meridian News and Weather 6.15 ITV News And Weather 6.30 You’ve Been Framed! More fat aunts at weddings, children getting pinged out of back gardens and some very cute dogs that don’t look too happy about being strapped to a skateboard. Would you? 7.00 Best Ever Worst Dance Moments See highlights. 8.00 Heartbeat An old villain returns to Aidensfield with a score to settle with the Ashfordly police. 9.00 A Touch Of Frost DI Frost is frustrated to find himself working alongside a former colleague who had him suspended after making a complaint about his handling of a case. They must put their differences aside and work together to investigate the abduction of a bus driver and his conductress and the murder of a children’s entertainer. 11.00 ITV News and Weather 11.15 F1: Chinese Grand Prix Highlights Steve Rider presents the best of the action from Shanghai. As the Formula One season reaches its penultimate round. 12.15am It’s My Life Terry Christian hosts a debate on violent crime. 1.10 Faith In The Frame does 1.35 60 Minute Makeover. 2.30 Antiques Auction x2 3.15 Have I Been Here Before? x2 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.00 Bodyshock: The Girl With Two Faces Series looking at extreme cases in human science. Against odds of 50 million to one, in early March 2008 baby Lali was born with two faces in remote, rural India. Lali’s parents have to reconcile their mistrust of modern medicine with their desire to keep their daughter healthy as they take her on a crucial journey to a doctor in Bangalore, over 2,000km away from their village. 8.00 Wife Swap More clashing swapsies. 9.00 FILM: Independence Day (1996) .Sci-fi blockbuster in which aliens attack Earth and a small band of survivors must fight back to prevent the human race’s annihilation. Giant spacecraft hover over the world’s major cities. Oscar winner for visual effects and one of the highest-grossing films of its time. 11.40 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr, hosts with guests Sarah Silverman and Kelvin MacKenzie. 12.15am 4 Music: JD Set Presents Subways A profile of indie trio The Subways.andThe Metros 12.50 FILM: After The Sunset (2004) 2.25 Kill It, Skin It, Wear It 3.25 3 Minute Wonder: x3 3.40 Dispatches: 4.30 St Elsewhere 5.20 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Sky Sports Classics 12.30 LIVE European Rugby 3.00 LIVE European Rugby 5.30 NFL - Livewire 6.00 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am NFL – Top Ten 1.20 LIVE NFL 4.20 U Can Do It 4.25 Wild Spirits 4.55 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Max Power 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Polo 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Live European Tour Golf 6.00 Test Cricket 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 European Rugby Special 12.00am WWE Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Golf Night 4.00 Polo 5.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Futurama (x3) 1.30 Malcolm In The Middle 2.00 Cold Case (x2) 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 7.30 The Simpsons (x3) 9.00 Fringe 10.10 Bones 11.10 Cold Case 12.10am Road Wars 1.10 Street Wars 2.00 The Villa 2.55 Uncut! British Sex

7.00pm Last Man Standing 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Gavin And Stacey (x2) 10.00 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.30 Coming Of Age 12.00am Gavin And Stacey (x2) 1.00 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 1.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2)

7.00pm The Story Of Maths 8.00 Wilderness Explored 9.00 Dance Britannia 10.00 Absolutely Chuffed: The Men Who Built A Steam Engine 10.30 High Anxieties: The Mathematics Of Chaos 11.30 Guitar Heroes At The BBC 12.30am Les Paul: Chasing Sound 2.00 Absolutely Chuffed

2.40pm Coronation Street Omnibus 5.00 The X Factor 7.00 The Fashion Show 8.00 The X Factor 8.45 Vernon Kay: The Hot Desk 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 10.30 No Heroics 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.30 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 12.30am Entourage

12.30pm Inspector Morse 2.40 FILM: Princess Caraboo (1994) 4.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 6.55 Dempsey And Makepeace 8.00 The Best Of The Royal Variety 9.00 FILM: The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981) 11.35 Liverpool One 12.45am FILM: Murder In The First (1995)

10.35am Dark Angel (x2) 12.25pm Roswell (x2) 2.15 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 4.00 Friends (x2) 5.05 Ghost Whisperer 6.00 Crowned 7.00 Friends (x2) 8.00 Ugly Betty 9.00 Desperate Housewives 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.30 Sex And The City (x2) 12.45 The Simple Life 1.10 Dark Angel

1.55pm The Coach Trip (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 River Cottage Autumn 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 Jamie’s Ministry Of Food 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.10am Back To You 12.40 Deal Or No Deal 1.25 River Cottage Autumn 2.25 Jamie’s Ministry Of Food

3.30pm Home Video Heroes 4.00 Exposed: Girls Aloud 5.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life 6.00 The Underdog Show 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Ghost Whisperer (x20 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Campus Ladies (x2) Veronica Mars

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.40pm Porridge 6.20 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook 7.00 Open All Hours 7.40 Porridge 8.20 Open All Hours 9.00 Blackadder’s Most Cunning Moments 11.00 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.40 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (x2) 1.00 As Time Goes By 1.40 Alistair McGowan’s Big Impression

9.00am Scrubs (x22) 9.00 South Park(x2) 10.00 Lee Evans Live In Scotland 11.30 Lee Evans: So What Now? 12.05am South Park (x2) 1.05 Chris Rock: Up Close 1.35 Lee Evans: So What Now? 2.05 Comedy Store 2.35 The Frank Skinner Show (x2)4.30 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film (x3) 4.45 Life On A Stick (x2)

12.00pm American Chopper 1.00 Chop Shop 2.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 4.00 FILM: White Squall (1996) 6.30 How Do They Do It? 7.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 10.00 Are UFOs Real? 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Call 911(x2)

11.10am FILM: The Phantom (1996) 1.10pm Triangle 3.00 FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 5.00 Eli Stone 6.00 Thunderbirds (x2) 8.10 Merlin’s Apprentice 10.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 11.50 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 2.00am Ghost Stories (x2)

9.30am Duel In The Sun (1946) 12.00pm The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 1.40 Musicals Special 2.10 Hondo (1953) 3.45 Shane (1953) 5.45 King Kong Vs Godzilla (1962) 7.20 King Kong Escapes (1968) 9.00 Duel In The Sun (1946) 11.25 Shane (1953) 1.25am Cahill, US Marshal (1973)

1.25pm Big Nothing (2006) 3.00 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 5.30 London Film Festival Preview 6.00 The Serpent (2006) 8.10 The Good German (2005) 10.00 Little Children (2006) 12.20am Big Nothing (2006) 1.50 Them (2005) 3.15 The Tango Lesson (1997)

1.00pm Timeline (2003) 3.10 The Raid (1954) 4.45 The Indian Fighter (1955) 6.35 Batman Forever (1995) 9.00 Birth (2004) 10.55 Broken Arrow (1996) 1.05am Whisky (2004)

7.05am Red Dust (1932) 8.40 Little Women (1933) 10.50 Task Force (1949) 1.00pm Ivanhoe (1952) 3.00 Easter Parade (1948) 4.55 Ride The High Country (1962) 6.40 The Champ (1979) 9.00 The Jazz Singer (1980) 11.10 Zabriskie Point (1969) 1.15am Hell Divers (1932) 3.40 The Girl From Missouri (1934)





5:32 PM

Page 1

monday 20 Amazon with Bruce Parry BBC2, 9pm Bruce Parry reaches the end of his Amazon adventure in Brazil’s Para state where huge areas of forest are being cut down for cattle farming. Here the battle for the Amazon is at its most fierce and Bruce sees both sides living with the cowboys and the Kayapo Indians.

Dispatches: The Truth About Your Energy Bill Channel 4, 8pm Current affairs series. With the average UK household gas and electricity bill having risen by nearly 40 per cent this year, Deborah Davies examines why our charges are so high, whether changing suppliers can reduce bills, and the impact of Gordon Brown’s fuel package.

The Simpsons Sky One, 7pm x2 In the first of this classic Simpsons double bill, Homer decides to become Flanders’s best friend. In the second, Springfield announces that gay marriage will be legalised, and one of its citizens is coming out of the closet. But who? Eddie, Lou, or Barney Gumble? Tune in and find out!






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 11.00 Open House 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 LazyTown 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 Secret Show 4.05 Get 100 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

8.00 Wild About Animals 8.25 Bernard 8.30 Mona The Vampire 8.40 Krypto The Superdog 8.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 9.00 Hot Rods 9.30 Prank Patrol 10.00 Evacuation To The Manor House 10.30 Serious Ocean 11.00 Dangermouse 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 2.15 Market Kitchen 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia starts the week with all the behind-the-scenes action from Saturday night’s Strictly Come Dancing. Judges Craig Revel Horwood and Arlene Philips analyse the weekend’s events, and Claudia consoles the knocked out couple. 7.00 Legends: The Chieftains Profile of the band who helped to save Irish traditional music from disappearing and spread its sound and popularity across the world over the last 45 years. 8.00 University Challenge 8.30 What To Eat Now Valentine celebrates the finest British fish and seafood. Plump mussels in a cornish pasty anyone? Mmm. 9.00 Amazon With Bruce Parry See highlights 10.00 Have I Got News For You The return of the popular news quiz sees regular team captains Ian Hislop and Paul Merton joined by guest host Fern Britton, along with guest panellists Tom Bradby and Mark Steel. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Price Of Vice 12.20am Ellery Queen Author and amateur detective Ellery Queen attempts to solve another murder. 1.10 Joins BBC News Joins BBC News. 4.00 Italianissimo

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.05am Making It 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Just Shoot Me 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Empire 10.20 Get Me The Producer 11.10 Sex, Lies And Soaps 11.35 The KNTV Show 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Supernanny US 1.30 FILM: Distant Drums (1951) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

7.05 Sailor Sid 7.10 Roary The Racing Car 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.45 Look! 8.50 Pocoyo 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Grey’s Anatomy 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Hart To Hart: Crimes Of The Hart (1994) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Football League: League Two 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 LIVE NFL 5.00 X-Adventures 5.30 Wild Spirits

6.00 Meridian Tonight Latest news, sport and breaking stories 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The villagers unite in a bid to save the church. 7.30 Coronation Street Rosie’s frightening fate is finally revealed. 8.00 Violent Women: Tonight With recent figures showing close to 250 women being arrested each day, and soaring violent crime by females beginning to stretch police resources, this edition examines why women are becoming more violent, and if their rage can be tamed. 8.30 Coronation Street Will guilty John reveal his dark secret? 9.00 Wired The second episode in a three-part thriller exploring the high-risk world of bank fraud. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.40 Real Crime: Killer On The Run The story of American fugitive David Bieber, who in Decemeber 2004 was jailed for life for the murder of PC Ian Broadhurst 11.40 Police, Camera, Action 12.40am UEFA Champions League Weekly Vicky Gomersall and Trevor Harris look ahead to this week’s third round of group games. 1.05 Nightwatch 2.00 Loose Women 2.50 Chef V Britain. 3.15 Chef V Britain. 3.40 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Myra is distraught and attempts to console her family following last week’s tragic events. 7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: New Sensations 2008 Emerging artist Amy Moffat compares and contrasts her views on her own work with those of the public. 8.00 Dispatches: The Truth About Your Energy Bill See highlights 9.00 Extraordinary Animals In The Womb Documentary 10.35 FILM: Men Of Honor (2000) Starring Robert De Niro, Charlize Theron, Aunjanue Ellis, Hal Holbrook, David Keith and Cuba Gooding Jr. Drama based on a true story about an African-American who overcomes prejudice to become the US Navy’s first black master diver. 1.05am Coming Up: And Kill Them 1.30 FILM: Red Lights (2004) French thriller. 3.20 Island. 3.35 FILM: The Cicerones (2002). 3.50 Journey Through The Night 4.00 What’s So Good About… Jamila Gavin 4.15 What’s So Good About… 4.30 What’s So Good About… 4.45 What’s So Good About… 5.00 What’s So Good About… 5.15 Book Box: 5.30 Book Box:

6.00 Home And Away Tony and Rachel are reunited. Melody makes a shocking confession to Aden. Geoff has a moral dilemma. 6.30 Lights, Camera, Animals Documentary series profiling famous animal actors. Zoom, the small goat with a big personality, appears in a Welsh drama. Two stunt stallions, Diablo and Valmorim, are on the set of a short film called ‘Crusader’. And two dancing dogs, Pogo and Levi, wow the crowds at Crufts. 7.00 Five News National and international news. 7.30 Top Trumps: Rescue Rigs Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show presented by Jason Bradbury, Suzi Perry, Dallas Campbell and Jon Bentley. 9.00 Unbreakable Adventure series 10.00 Paul Merton In India Series following Paul Merton as he travels through India. Paul meets a group of dancing policemen in the Punjab; attends a cricket match for the blind; 11.05 FILM: Chinatown (1974) See Film Highlights 1.30am NFL American football 4.20 Race And Rally 4.45 Race And Rally 5.10 Neighbours. 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Sky Sports Classics 12.30 X-Adventures 1.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 2.30 Test Cricket 4.30 Tennis: ATP Masters 6.00 Test Cricket 8.00 NFL GameDay 9.30 NFL – Top Ten 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 NFL GameDay 1.00am Showjumping 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 Wild Spirits 4.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.00 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six followed by Weather. 6.30 South East Today Latest news, sport, weather and features 7.00 The One Show With Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley 7.30 Watchdog 7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 EastEnders 8.30 Panorama Mark Franchetti meets Vladimir Putin’s inner circle in an attempt to decipher Russia’s intentions on domestic and international fronts and how they might impact on the UK. 9.00 Traffic Cops 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The Dark Side Of Fame With Piers Morgan Coronation Street actor Bruce Jones talks about his very public fall from grace, 11.20 Inside Sport 11.50 FILM: Mistaken Identity (1999) Starring Melissa Gilbert, Rosanna Arquette, David Andrews, James McCaffrey, Mary Mara and Susan Barnes. Emotional drama based on a true story. 1.15am Autumnwatch Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 1.20 Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? 2.20 Silent Witness 3.20 Antiques Roadshow 4.20 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Polo 9.00 European Rugby Special 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm NFL GameDay 1.30 NFL – Top Ten 2.30 X-Adventures 3.00 Golf Night 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 World Motor Sport 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Wales Carp Masters 2008 5.15 Close

Patrick O’Donnell

extraterrestrial Sky1








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Futurama 2.30 Futurama 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) See highlights 9.00 Night Cops 10.00 FILM: Twister (1996) 12.10am Road Wars (x2) 2.00 Caribbean Uncovered

7.00pm Spendaholics 7.30 Most Annoying Couples 8.30 The Real Hustle 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Coming Of Age 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Jack: A Soldier’s Story 11.30 Last Man Standing 12.25am The Real Hustle 12.55 Most Annoying Couples 1.50 Coming Of Age 2.20 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Last Days Of Steam: Time Shift 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 The Story Of Maths 10.00 Shot In Bombay: Storyville 11.30 Monsoon Railway 12.20am Only Connect 12.50 The Story Of Maths 1.50 The Last Days Of Steam: Time Shift 2.50 The Story Of Maths 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Katie & Peter 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 Coronation Street 11.30 FILM: Wimbledon (2004) 1.35am Haunted Homes

12.55pm Inspector Morse 2.55 PD James: Taste For Death 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.50 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.55 PD James: Taste For Death 9.00 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers 10.00 FILM: Murder In The First (1995) 12.30am PD James: Taste For Death

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (X2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 11.20 FILM: Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) 1.40am Scrubs (x2) 2.40 Gilmore Girls

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs Revisited 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Grand Designs 11.05 Without A Trace 12.05am The Closer 1.05 Relocation, Relocation

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 Close To Home 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.00pm My Family 3.40 Sorry! 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Fawlty Towers (x2) 11.00 The Royle Family 11.40 Fawlty Towers (x2) 1.10am The Royle Family

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2)7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 The Sarah Silverman Programme (x2) 12.20am Two And A Half Men

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper (x2) 10.00 Chop Shop 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Terminal Error (2001) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 12.10am FILM: Terminal Error (2001) 2.00 ReGenesis 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World

8.20am Pimpernel Smith (1941) 10.20 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 12.50pm Teacher’s Pet (1958) 2.55 The War Lord (1965) 5.00 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 7.00 Father Goose (1964) 9.00 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 11.30 The Lady Eve (1941) 1.05am Teacher’s Pet (1958)

10.40am How To Lose Friends And Alienate People Special 11.10 The Duellists (1977) 1.00pm Best (1999) 2.50 Offside (2006) 4.25 The Page Turner (2006) 5.55 La Vie En Rose (2006) 8.15 The Duellists (1977) 10.00 Eyes Wide Shut (1999) 12.40am Wild At Heart (1990)

1.00pm The Long Memory (1953) 2.55 Forbidden (1932) 4.45 Carrington VC (1954) 6.50 Gallipoli (1981) 9.00 Big Momma’s House (2000) 11.55 Jackass: The Movie (2002) 12.45am Prick Up Your Ears (1987) 3.00 Close

7.20pm Never Say Goodbye (1946) 9.00 Easter Parade (1948) 10.50 Woman Of The Year (1942) 1.00pm Show Boat (1951) 3.00 Summer Stock (1950) 5.00 Alfred The Great (1969) 7.10 The Walking Stick (1970) 9.00 Blow-Up (1966) 11.00 The Gypsy Moths (1969) 1.00am Jailhouse Rock (1957)



Latest 7: Issue 394 14-20 October 2008  
Latest 7: Issue 394 14-20 October 2008  

Party perfect: Book your unique celebration at Home cafe. Space to breathe: Decluttering for your health & more...