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★ jobs ★ cars ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

the magazine for brighton, hove & sussex 6–12 May 2008


win! win! win! win tickets to the eurovision party at the duke of york’s well hello mr bond daniel craig talks to latest about his new film

walk in the park may is the perfect month to explore leonardslee gardens page 35

icon anniversary concert the life and work of vaughan williams is celebrated at the dome Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Festival 2008


My back feels so much better after visiting Revitalise Amanda Neil, Paramedic

Pilates & Colonics

Supported by Latest 7 call Jason on 01273 818150 for more details


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Tel: 01273 738389

Places Limited

86 Church Rd, Hove BN3 2EB



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

Conference and Events Sales Executive

Sales Manager

Brighton – £18.5k

This modern contemporary five-star hotel in Brighton is seeking a Sales Manager to maximise the hotels revenues and exposure, concentrating on Corporate and Events markets.

The main purpose of this role is to actively convert customer enquiries into confirmed sales. You will need to be able to develop positive working relationships at all levels and have a good working knowledge of C & E business.

Lettings Negotiator Haywards Heath – £12–£14k A large national lettings agency has a vacancy for a negotiator to join their team. You will be negotiating with landlords and tenants, showing properties to prospective tenants and undertaking all related administrative duties. In return you will receive a fantastic commission structure, company car and pension scheme.

Brighton – £28k + Comm

Candidates will need to have a proven ability within the hotel industry.

PA/Accounts £16–£18k – Central Brighton Working within a Premier IT Services and Solutions provider, our client is currently offering a great opportunity to work with the Managing Director and the Finance Director. This is a dual role comprising of administration, accounts and secretarial duties.

Conveyancing Legal Secretary

Telesales Agents

Brighton – Hove – £18–£19k

Our client is a large call-centre in central Brighton offering full-time and part-time shifts.

A well established law firm in Lewes is currently looking for a Conveyancing Legal Secretary to join their property division. You will need to have excellent grammar, audio-typing skills and be comfortable working within a busy environment. This Company will also pay your travel expenses.

You will need to have a confident, professional telephone manner and the ability to close sales over the phone.

Brighton – OTE £18–£20k

Full training is given therefore previous experience is not required.

Recruitment Consultants - Brighton Basic Salary to £50K (DOE) + up to 40% uncapped commission + benefits, realistic OTE Year 1 = £130K Carpenter Farraday is an executive search firm with offices in Brighton and London. We specialise in senior level appointments in investment banking, hedge funds and private equity and are seeking experienced recruitment consultants to join our team. Carpenter Farraday has been established for 2 years and in that short time we have developed an enviable reputation amongst more established players in our sector. We deal with contingent work for more junior level roles through to retained executive search for candidates on £multi million packages. Carpenter Farraday hires recruitment consultants who have 2 years + proven stable track record in recruitment but may be at a stage in their careers where they are looking to move to a more consultative and mentally challenging role. We do not look for previous search experience or a finance recruitment background, but do value consultants that are inquisitive by nature, consultative, display the maturity to manage their own market sectors, and above all are interested in building a professional recruitment career. If you are currently working in contingent recruitment and would like to develop experience of executive search, we would like to speak with you. Alternatively if you have experience in other fields such as management consulting, tax, legal or risk management and are interested in building your own team with related financial rewards please contact us.

To find out more about Carpenter Farraday and the opportunities we have open, please contact Jackie Kennedy on + 44 (0) 1273 746 800/020 7898 0573 4 latest jobs

hundreds of jobs every week



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

Property Recruitment Specialists

Branch Manager


Professional residential Branch Manager required that can demonstrate a successful track record and a very good conversion rate winning instructions. An understanding of staffing, budgetary and project management along with good leadership skills are advantageous. Property Manager


The successful candidate will be manage the companies portfolio of blocks of flats and leasehold units giving professional advice to clients. Experienced in dispute resolution and problem solving and up to date on the legalities involved. Letting Negotiator

West Sussex

Very friendly team requires a candidate with a great sense of humour and bundles of energy! If you’re looking for a fun place to work then this could be for you. In return you will need to be very hardworking, professional, IT literate, well presented and have high attention to detail.

everyone has a price on their head

to maximize your potential call us now on:

0845 130 1188 fax 0845 130 1189



Established letting agency requires part-time, experienced office assistant due to expansion. Wages ÂŁ6.00 p/h Hours by arrangement, average 3 days per week Hanover area. Brighton Accommodation Agency 76b Islingword Road Brighton BN2 9SL 0845 873 8126 07846 791056

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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

Business aid

Ian Wilson of local solicitors Dean Wilson Laing gives invaluable advice to the city’s thousands of small companies and employees This week: Redundancies

Q. I am the Managing Director of a small to medium sized company employing about 30 people and I think I am going to have to make redundancies in the near future and I would be grateful for some advice as to how I should select the employees who will be made redundant. A. Before you select any of your staff for redundancy you should be sure that a redundancy situation has arisen. An employee’s role is redundant if the company’s need for employees to carry out work of a particular kind has ceased or diminished or is expected to, or if you intend to cease carrying on business, either at all or in the place where the employee is employed. Once you are sure you are in a redundancy situation, use objective criteria when selecting who will be made redundant. Examples can include criteria such as disciplinary record, skills or experience, standard of work, performance and aptitude for work. Don’t forget you have to consult in advance of any redundancies.

Q. What do you mean by consult? A. You must meet with those employees who may be affected before any decision is made. You must explain to those employees the reasons why their role may be made redundant, the number affected and a description of the employees affected. You should advise your employees of the proposed method of selecting those who will be dismissed. Thereafter, any employee who is going to be affected should be invited to an individual meeting in line with the Statutory Dismissal Procedure. Q. What should happen in the individual meetings? A. You must discuss the reasons behind the redundancy and seek the employee’s views as to how the redundancies could be avoided or reduced in number. For example, job sharing may avoid the need for redundancies. You also need to consider whether there is any alternate employment available in the company for those affected

employees. You also need to discuss the selection criteria that will be applied. It is always wise to keep a detailed and accurate note of what is said by both parties. Q. What do I have to pay my redundant employees? A. That depends on what your contracts of employment say, but generally those employees who have been employed for over two years are entitled to a Statutory Redundancy Payment which is calculated based upon the employee’s age, length of service with the company and weekly pay up to a current maximum of £330 per week. Employees are also entitled to notice, or payment in lieu of notice if your contract allows and they are entitled to payment for any accrued but untaken holidays. Q. Do I need to take legal advice before acting? A.Yes, definitely. A redundancy dismissal handled incorrectly can lead to a finding by a Tribunal that the

Ian Wilson is senior partner of six-partner Brighton solicitors Dean Wilson Laing and specialises in employment law. He was a part-time chairman of the Employment Tribunals for nine years. He is also a board member of The Prince’s Trust (Sussex). employee was automatically unfairly dismissed and this means that the Tribunal can uplift any damages they award by up to 50%. Rules relating to redundancies and dismissals are complex and vary depending upon a number of different factors so take specific legal advice in advance.

Do you have a question on employment law for Ian? Send it to Latest Homes at our usual address, or by email to


SOUND ADVICE Dean Wilson Laing • Employment law • Personal injury • Family lawyers • Will & probate • Buying & selling your home


Sue Ines 96 Church Street•Brighton•BN1 1UJ t: 01273 327241 f: 01273 770913•

6 latest jobs

Community Legal Service

Specialist Help Point Housing, Family and Personal Injury Law

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latest 7 4 Jobs

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contents 26 Hot list

Job hunting starts here

Local restaurants, cafés and bar guide

8 Social diary

29 Listings guide

Open Houses festival launch

Your guide to the week ahead and that was the week that was

8 Competitions Win tickets to the Duke of York’s Eurovision party

9 What Katie did

30 Stage The Festival is brimming over

32 Film listings

Celebrity sound bites are deafening

9 Crossword

All the latest releases and reviews

33 Film interview

Get that dictionary-like brain out

10 Brighton Festival Children’s writer Michael Rosen is in town for the Festival

11 Celeb city Norman’s new opening and Steve Coogan’s on the run

12 Eminemmylou & Dani’s diary ‘In Memoriam Joseph Brodsky’ by Jouni Inkala and Dani’s word drama

13 News An interview with Councillor Brian Oxley and the change in donor legislation

17 Letters

Daniel Craig talks to Latest about his latest Brit flick and making Bond


34 Kids & events Now is the perfect time to visit Drusillas Park and see the baby animals

35 Cover story Leonardslee Gardens is bursting with colour and culture

36 Art Roger Bamber’s new exhibition and Grayson Perry at De La Warr

38 Stand-up comedy Try something new…


38 Books

Your right to reply

John Davies gives his top tips to a budding scriptwriter

17 Latest sport

39 Music

The crazy world of football

Previews, reviews and news

18 Health Walking back to health, win a free walks guide and all the health listings

19 Model city

42 Latest chart The hottest chart in the city

44 Clubs

Sandra’s still floating on a high

21 Bare cheek Classified ads for the lonely-in-love

21 Stars Dish out the hugs this week Gemini

22 Parlure

All the listings to plan your week ahead in clubland

45 Gay All the latest news, an interview with Stephen K Amos, Will Tells, and all the listings and highlights of the week

49 Radio Reverb

A spiegeltent returns to town courtesy of The Parlure


Celebrating sport and new music

50 Latest TV

25 Food Andrew falls for an onboard feast

Complete seven-day TV guide and Dani’s into the bleach

01273 818150 Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Website Manager Paul Burgess Production Editor Victoria Nangle Photographer Tim Richardson

Editor Rachel Pegg

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Assistant Editor Zara Friend Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Sub Editors Joe Curtin Melina Greenfield Tristan Parker

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards

Staff Writers Matt Chittock Craig Driver Katie Glass Dani Winch

Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Marie Viviani

Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Faye Perriam Steve Sawyer

Welcome Hopefully by now you've tried at least one Festival or Fringe event and you're about to work your way through our listings section to find out what shows you want to check out this week. To make things easier for you, we are posting all our reviews at as soon as we can so you can see what we made of the performances and get a taster of what it's like inside each venue. The Parlure have some of the best gigs in town - for a look at their programme, see pages 22-3. There is also plenty for families to do, such as workshops with children's laureate Michael Rosen at the Old Market. Find out more on page 10. Meanwhile, there are hundreds of homes across the city taking part in Artists Open Houses. And if you don't mind going further afield, Turner prize winner Grayson Perry has an exhibition at the De Le Warr Pavilion in Bexhill (p36). Jeff Hemmings has news about the upcoming Great Escape festival in music (p39) or if cheesy pop's more your style, win tickets to the Duke of Yorks sell-out Eurovision party on page 8. Katie has caused a bit of a storm this week - our website has been inundated with angry missives from passionately devoted Mika fans. See a selection on our letters page (p17). Write Club's John Davies has reviewed a script by a Peacehaven mechanic-turnedwriter. John also has details of literary events around the city (p38). In Model City (p19), Sandra reveals exactly which prize she won in the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria contest. If you missed Will Self's appearance at the Old Market or you couldn't quite get to Radio Soulwax at Concorde2, find out how they went in our reviews section (p29). In film, Daniel Craig speaks about his new movie Flashbacks of a Fool (p33) and in music previews, find details of gigs including Festival shows such as the Vaughan Williams anniversary concert (p41). If you fancy a bit of the outdoors, see page 35 for a feature on Leonardslee gardens or read our health column (p18) for news about walks round Brighton and Hove and the chance to win a Sussex walks book. Right, that's enough from me, I'm off to the Spiegeltent. See you there!


Administration Claire Peerless Sara Henfridsson Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Editorial: Advertising:

Rachel Pegg, Latest 7 Editor latest 7 7



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With Tim Richardson

Great prizes to win including tickets to the Eurovision party! PS: I Love You – DVD

Open houses launch The 28th Open Houses festival was launched on Wednesday 23 April 2008 at the Old Ship Hotel Brighton. This year 221 venues will be opening their doors to display the work of over 1000 artists and makers. Voted the Best Cultural Event of 2007 at last year’s Brighton and Hove Business Awards, the Brighton Festival of Artists Open Houses is a great opportunity to view work by leading local artists and makers in their own homes and studios. Polly Toynbee, chair of Brighton Festival says: “The Artists Open Houses are a jewel in the Festival season; a chance to see a startling variety of eclectic art reflecting Brighton as a powerhouse of artistic imagination and sometimes delightfully eccentric too.” For further information visit Sylph BaiterCharlotte Cumming Marketing Manager at iCrossing

It seems films barely leave the big screen before they’re out on DVD (what happened to the year or two of anticipation?). Ok, we love it really as we get our hands on great new titles sooner. PS: I Love You ( is a hit romantic comedy starring Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler and is based on Cecilia Ahern’s book of the same name. A modern day Ghost, this film will leave you in tears as well as laughter. Holly (Hilary) and Gerry (Gerard) are a happily married couple until an illness takes Gerry’s life. Before he died, Gerry wrote Holly a series of letters that will guide her not only through her grief but in rediscovering life. Each is delivered in a unique way and takes her on a new adventure of discovery. Funny, moving, and heart-warming, this is a film not to be missed. We have three copies of PS: I Love You to give away. To be in with a chance of winning, tell us: Who plays Gerry in PS: I Love You? See below for entry details.

Standing Still – DVD Andy McLynn - AOH Cover Illustration, Caroline Puttock - Midnight Communications, Chris Lord - AOH Design, Sarah Agnew - Midnight Communications

Torbern Krog with Garry Hunter

Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival The Hilton Brighton Metropole played host to the launch of the sixth Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival on Monday 28 April. The festival is a celebration of the best food and drink available in Sussex. It is one of the leading community events in Brighton and Hove’s ‘City of Festivals’ annual line-up with more than 50,000 consumers enjoying the festival events. Following last year’s huge success, the festival will be bigger and better than ever before, with Sussex food and drink producers and city restaurants and bars at its heart. The date for the one-month celebration of the best local food and drink has been fixed from the Monday 1 September 2008 and will continue throughout the month. Every year the festival has the challenge of finding sponsors and need support to make this important and fun community event happen. Succulent sponsorship packages are available. For more information visit Andrew Kay - Latest Magazine Diane Cheung - Gars Restaurant

Sophie Cross - Marketing Manager, Hilton Brighton Metropole, Aldo Zilli - Celebrity Chef, Anne Busfield General Manager, Hilton Brighton Metropole Clare Rogers - The Treatment Rooms Jade Gandey - Rageous Media

Mayor Carol Theobald, Hugh Burnett - High Sheriff of East Sussex, Tessa Burnett, John Davey - Dir. Brighton Marina Co.

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Romance and comedy continues in the next new DVD out 12 May (must be something with the month of May). Standing Still features a talented young cast including James Van Der Beek (remember Dawson from Dawson’s Creek? This also starred Katie Holmes before she bacame Mrs Tom Cruise), Amy Adams (from the recent Enchanted) and Mena Suvari (American Beauty). The film follows a group of college friends who reunite four years after graduating for the wedding of Elise (Amy Adams) and Michael (Adam Garcia). Joyous reunions quickly turn into a roller coaster of emotions as they learn new things about each other. Past relationships are dealt with and new relationships start. To be in with a chance of winning one of three copies of this new DVD, tell us: Which recent film did Amy Adams star in based on fairy tales? See below for details. Entrants must be aged 15 or over.

Eurovision Party – Tickets – Duke of York’s The Duke of York’s Picturehouse presents the UK’s biggest Eurovision Party on Saturday 24 May and we have two pairs of tickets to give away to this charity event in aid of BBC Children in Need. See the Eurovision Song Contest on a giant cinema screen, surrounded by hundreds of fellow Eurofans, broadcast live in high definition image and sound. We may not come away the winner – but hey, Katrina and the Waves managed it in the 90s – so join in the fun of the music and voting with Terry Wogan. The bar will be open throughout the evening, with dancing in the aisles and fancy dress not only tolerated, but actively encouraged! Raffles, goodie bags, and plenty of singing along will make it a night to remember! For your chance to win a pair of tickets to the Eurovision screening, tell us: What year did Abba win the Eurovision song contest in Britain? See below for entry details. Entrants must aged be 18 and over.

My First Ballet – CD and bonus DVD The My First Ballet album is the perfect CD for your little ballerina. Children love to dance and this fun-packed CD is all the magical ballet music parents and toddlers will ever need. The CD features tracks from well-loved ballets and films, including ‘Dance of the Little Swans,’ from Swan Lake, ‘My Favourite Things,’ from The Sound of Music, to nursery rhymes such as ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ and ‘Teddy Bears’ Picnic’. The bonus DVD features ‘My First Ballet Class’, a full instructional and professionally filmed ballet lesson covering all the basics of ballet with a guest appearance from the Ballet Fairy, plus things to make and do, learning games and children’s classic stories. To be in with a chance of winning, tell us: Who goes on a picnic in the classic nursery rhyme? See below for entry details. To be in with a chance of winning, email with the title of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email, along with your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 20 May 2008.



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Katie is finding it hard to think beyond a world of celebrity sound bites

Quote ... unquote The parties never end. They are as relentlessly reliable as the supplies of Champagne, padded-out guest lists, inedible canapés and the fact I will never, ever, have anything suitable to wear. They soak together in a murky river of luxury, in which I am stranded on an island in a Primark dress. Ask me what I did this week and I’ll have no idea. A week’s worth of black tie cocktail receptions, gallery openings, cast change nights, private parties and theatre first nights are distilled into a list of quotable quotes. I have stopped having conversations and started collecting sound bites.

“Jordan is smaller than I think she'll be. And although she is orange she is still very beautiful” “It’s not like he’s killed his wife or anything!“ Melvyn Bragg is saying and we’re stood in a book shop in Mayfair drinking – him champagne, me water. “But if Boris Johnson takes coke we can’t trust him can we?“ I suggest. Not because I think this but because I am trying to find out if Bragg does. Labour peer and travel writer Lord Bragg, 68, shakes his head. “I think we are beyond all of that, we can be more grown-up than that about these things. It’s not an issue. The race is close [between Ken and Boris], like Clinton and Obama.“ He adds with a flourish and I wonder in what order I’ll put the quotes. I go to a party for the 50 best restaurants. The food is wonderful. I eat 20 oysters and spot Anthony Worrall Thompson avoiding the canapés.

Photograph © MEDIAstills/Sean Barclay

What Katie did

“I’m on a diet because I’ve got to have a hernia operation,“ he explains, and I try to steer the conversation somewhere more palatable. Foie gras it is. “I am very anti-foie gras because it is cruel. My chefs are under strict instructions that they are banned from using it on the menu and if I find it has sneaked on when I’m not looking then there is a bollocking.“ Parties, quotes; parties, quotes. Geri Haliwell tells me she doesn’t want to record solo records. Richard Madeley wants to go into TV production. Terence Conran’s opening a place in Shoreditch. Jordan is smaller than I think she’ll be. And although she is orange she is still very beautiful. At the book awards she looks out of place. “I’m a big fan of JK Rowling, she's amazing. Maybe I’ll be able to do with my book what’s she done and turn them into films. That’s what I’d like to do,“ she tells me, while the literati snigger behind her. I hope she shows the bastards and does it. Anthea Turner is not going bust. Marie Helvin is not writing her book. Sophie Dahl doesn’t want to talk to diarists. Rory McGrath finds me when he can hardly walk. “People keep asking me why I’m here,“ he slurs. “Does nobody know I’ve got a book out?“ I don't mention I didn’t as he wanders off to strike up a conversation with Richard Hammond. A minute later he slumps back. “Who is that?“ he asks – and I clarify the identity of the stumpy Top Gear presenter. “Richard?“ Rory moans, “Oh sh*t, I kept calling him Phillip.“ But I’m lying in bed, wishing the quotes would leave me alone.

 Comments, queries and general chitchat can be sent to:

latestcrossword Cryptic 142 ACROSS 1 Fatal effect of court corruption in voting (13) 7 Complain about publicist examination (7) 9 Free, for instance, in falsehood (5) 10 Regular trouble for the rich being involved with myth (8) 11 Depend on river town (4) 13 Show regret about writer having no end of trouble (6) 15 Beast has baby horse trapped mean fellow! (6) 18 Wife-to-be losing the way in unstable flyer (4) 19 CID's many forms of science (8) 22 Not one elder Spaniard (5) 23 Little one left with the Queen belongs to Sweeney (7) 24 Make Hans cry about the female flower (13)

solutions on page 47 Quick 142

DOWN 1 Top man overturned by salesman in Italian city (7) 2 Lad presented with two ways out of the dark wood (5) 3 Baby problem solved by little peg object (8) 4 Sisters' leader pursued by duckling, possibly (4) 5 Beg Eric for the floater (7) 6 Poor little man in currency arrangement (5) 8 Lean parts of object (4) 12 Girl getting hand twisted in the portico (8) 14 Spouse or parent turning right (7) 16 Drink covered by rough sort of platform (7) 17 Island in which some grey otters can be seen (4) 18 Fundamental that is found in reversing a taxi (5) 20 Mali's unorthodox religion (5) 21 Flower girl (4)

ACROSS 1 Railway official (7-6) 7 Disturbance (7) 9 Hill (5) 10 Screw-shaped (8) 11 Monster (4) 13 Scale (6) 15 Sheep's coat (6) 18 Lofty (4) 19 Strife (8) 22 Pig (5) 23 Archbishop (7) 24 Hospitality (13)

DOWN 1 Bag (7) 2 Coral island (5) 3 Fatuous (8) 4 Military force (4) 5 Ruffian (7) 6 Eager (5) 8 Long poem (4) 12 Apparition (8) 14 Cargo boat (7) 16 Mountain (7) 17 Halt (4) 18 Discernment (5) 20 Serious (5) 21 Ale (4)

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What if… …Children’s Laureate Michael Rosen came to town? Well if you had any sense you’d grab a chance to see this human whirlwind of words, wit and wisdom Michael Rosen says that he became a children’s writer by accident: “I thought I was being an ironic adult poet but children’s literature ‘claimed’ me”. Since then he has become an extremely well-known poet, for both adults and children. He also writes plays; works in TV and frequently on radio where amongst other things he has presented Word of Mouth since 1998. has won the Eleanor Farjeon Award for Children’s Literature and the National Literacy ‘WOW’ Award, has received an honourary doctorate from the Open University, and has been involved with over one hundred books. Is there no end then to this man’s talent, energy, or dedication to the written and the spoken word? How does he find the time to appear on TV and on stage, to present programmes and make documentaries? Since 2007 he has held the post of Children’s Laureate, an idea born of a conversation between (the then) Poet Laureate Ted Hughes and children’s writer Michael Morpurgo. Illustrator Quentin Blake was the first Children’s Laureate (1999-2001), followed by the author Anne Fine (2001-2003), Michael Morpurgo (2003-2005), Jacqueline Wilson (2005-7) and most recently Michael who will hold the title until 2009. The role of Children’s Laureate is awarded once every two years to a prominent writer or illustrator of children’s books to celebrate outstanding achievement. The appointment acknowledges the importance of exceptional work in creating readers of tomorrow. Michael was born in Pinner, Middlesex. He went to two primary schools, one called Pinner Wood and the other called West Lodge. ‘‘The exciting thing about West Lodge though was that it was brand new, and I was one of the first children to go there in 1954. I’ve written a lot of

26 Letters Events 2008 Now in its fourth year, 26 letters is a four day A-Z of children’s workshops, talks, readings and quizzes. We’ve got 21 events, including 2 for adults and a free outdoor trail. Plus three authors who’ve been adopted by local schools to communicate online and exchange ideas before meeting at a festival party. Louise Rennison Hugh Lupton & Daniel Morden Caroline Lawrence Philip Ardagh So you Want to Write for Children? Georgia Byng Ian Whybrow Lyn Gardner Cliff McNish

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The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market The Old Market

poems about this time in my life, in books like: Quick Let’s Get Out Of Here, You Wait Till I’m Older Than You, Uncle Billy Being Silly, Lunch Boxes Don’t Fly, and No Breathing In Class. ‘‘At the end of that time, we had to do an exam called the 11-plus, a test that decided whether you could go to a Grammar School or a Secondary Modern School.’’ Michael passed and went to Harrow Weald County Grammar School then Watford Boys’ Grammar School for two years. At this time he thought he might like to be a doctor and got into Middlesex Hospital Medical School. But it wasn’t for him, and he was lucky enough to move to Wadham College, Oxford, where he carried on doing medical studies and then switched to doing English Language and Literature. ‘‘Most of the time at university I spent doing theatre work – writing, acting, directing and taking part in the student rebellions of 1968.’’ It was at this time that he wrote the play, Backbone, staged at the Royal Court Theatre, London. He was also writing poetry and doing journalism for student publications. Between 1969 and 1972 he worked at the BBC as a ‘general trainee’ first in radio drama, where he directed a few plays, then Playschool for BBC Children’s TV, then Schools Television. ‘‘This didn’t work out, so I was unemployed for a bit, but then went to what was then the National Film School in Beaconsfield, for three years. During this time, I went on writing poems, acting in various little theatre groups including Ewan MacColl’s Critics’ Group and doing a few broadcasts for BBC Schools Radio. In 1974 my first book of poems for children was published. ‘‘From 1976 to this day, I’ve done a mix of writing, performing, teaching, lecturing and appearing on radio and TV. I visit schools and arts festivals to do my shows, teach at London Metropolitan University, work at BBC radio in London and Bristol doing my radio shows and more recently I’ve been reviewing books and writing articles for the Guardian newspaper in London. ‘‘I don’t suppose this gives you much idea of what I’m like but I know that people like to have these details as a way of mapping where I’m from, what I’ve done and what I’m doing now. I guess that people (apart from my family) find out what I’m like from the books that I write, the radio shows that I do and the shows I perform”. Michael Rosen is holding workshops at 10am and 4pm, Sat 10 May, The Old Market, Upper Market Street, Brighton. Tickets £5, call 01273 709709. Suitable for children aged eight–11.



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sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Celebrity skin Trinny and Susannah strip off, Norman’s new restaurant opens and Steve Coogan’s sweaty Festival fever is upon us and this week celebrities were out in their droves for the opening night at the Udderbelly. Yes, that famous purple upside cow is again grazing on the Steine and this year it is joined by the Udderplace, a circular shaped tent offering a mixture of entertainment and late night silent discos.

Tom Tom world We were down at the opening night for a special preview show of the gorgeous, Australian Tom Tom Club. They performed breathtaking acrobatics, incredible beatboxing and really kicked off the festival with a bang. Brighton DJ Norman Cook came along to the opening night with his friend, London-based singer Jack Penate. They were joined in the audience by GMTV host Marcella Whittingdale, ITV’s Kathryn Rayward, actress Julie Graham and Brighton-based designer Oliver Heath.

Okinami opens I braved the rain and popped along to the opening of Norman Cook’s new sushi restaurant Okinami on New Road. As the Champagne flowed I got chatting to Radio 1’s Friday Night Dance Anthems host, Dave Pearce who told me he has just bought a house in Brighton. As well as moving and hosting his weekly show, Dave is releasing a new trance compilation called Trance Anthems 2008. As I was sipping a sake cocktail and hearing all about Dave’s latest venture, a familiar looking couple caught my eye. I was later introduced to said couple, who I recognised as the duo better known for their naked antics on stage at Manumission. Thankfully this time they were fully clothed and broke away from a conversation with Chris Difford of Squeeze fame to say hello.

Trinny and Susannah get naked Fashion’s favourite Trinny and Susannah joined 300 brave souls in celebrating the great British body by lying naked on the South Downs. Their aim was to create massive sculptures to demonstrate that we all come in different shapes and sizes, and the infamous duo showed their support by stripping off. I’m just glad I didn’t decide to take my dog Bruce for a walk there when they were filming!

Nothing in this game for two in a bed Shhhh! Top comic Jim Bowen was overheard booking a room in the Pelirocco Hotel last week asking not to have the room with the handcuffs this time! Oh let’s hope Jim’s got his bus fare home.

Sweaty superheroes Spotted! Steve Coogan running alongside Norman Cook in the 10k superheroes challenge along Hove seafront. Spotted! Model Agyness Deyn in Kensington Gardens. Keep your celebrity spotting eyes open during the festival and e-mail me at to tell me who you saw and where.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555,

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email

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Eminemmylou Hi, I’m Eminemmylou, throwin’ lyrics at you. This week Jouni Inkala

In Memoriam Joseph Brodsky What´s it like there, now? Are your wings itchy? Have they already carved a hundred busts of you, light as clouds? Whom have you met already? Stepped out to have a smoke with? Who are they reading there? Who’s in right now? Has Virgil managed to rise from Limbo? Could you remember me to him? I guess you miss Venice? Can I send you a package? Could you drop me a line to tell me what you are missing, what you would like? Could you use some wool socks? Did they perhaps put you in the wintry section? Or somewhere else, after all? Is it really true you can listen to Bach there, all the time? How many good jokes can you hear there in a day? Do people´s hands pass through each other when they shake hands? And how will I recognise you there, one day?

Dani is away with the fairies, digging her heels in and learning new words

I have tried so hard to stop believing in all the things I did when I was a kid. It doesn’t work. No matter how hard I try a small amount of my former self still pops through. But the younger version of myself has moulded into the older version, bringing its beliefs with it. When I was little I thought that cute fairies used to tickle your nose to make you sneeze. But now I realise that what these imaginary creatures do is actually creep up on you every night and steal small amounts of your sanity. These are the same breed of evil fairy that also steal small amounts of my brain, youth, hope, and capacity to love. Or perhaps they don’t steal it at all, perhaps they just plant ideas into your head which make these feelings and ideas slightly harder to grasp each day. They plant little consequence flowers all over you so when you wake up, you feel unable to make any form of decision or choice without giving it some serious thought. There are other creatures that turn your sense of humour from innocent (laughing at a fart) to slightly sadistic. Although many have not been bitten by that bug yet and still find the most stupid things funny (Jackass for example!) How is that funny? Einstein’s theory of relativity, pah! Explain how Jackass is funny.

“Clicking your heels three times just makes the pain from the stilettos subside momentarily“

Jouni Inkala Translation: Anselm Hollo

Jouni Inkala

Three eminent Finnish poets, Johanna Venho, Merja Virolainen, and Jouni Inkala will be reading their poetry in Finnish and in English translation, Monday 12 May 8pm, The Quadrant, Air Street, Brighton (near the clock tower in the centre of Brighton) £3 Introduced by Maria Jastrzebska with John O'Donoghue. With music from Katarina Holmberg. Part of The South’s Spring Series.

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Dani’s diary

Also something happens when you sleep that involves new words being added to your vocabulary, like pah and bugger, damn and gosh. And all the other words that make you sound like you fell out of a slightly rude Enid Blyton book. Clicking your heels three times just makes the pain from the stilettos subside momentarily. A spoon full of sugar will give you cavities. Rubbing the lamp will only turn it on (although I do wonder if something else might have happened before the days of switches).Those childhood phrases, feelings and thoughts stay with you, and grow with you, they become bitter with you and disappear with you. Only a few times will they feel as new and real as they did when you were five. (Unless you’re Tim Burton and then I imagine you would feel that all day every day). I am always saying how much I don’t want to be a grown-up, but in reality I have already become one. I suppose I don’t want to become any more of a grownup than I am, because the growing up that has happened; happened without me knowing about it! And (crossing my arms and stamping my feet) it’s not fair! I doubt I will ever stop believing that some magic hides just around the corner. And when I do stop believing that, I will realise that there is none of my former child self lurking in me, and that will be a sad day. So I will try and do everything to stop it happening. Perhaps buying a whoopee cushion will fix all the damage already done? It seems the only way to go!

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latest news No nonsense, just news. Send your stories to:

What are your plans for the future? I shall continue as a councillor in the Westbourne area of the city. I will be supporting very enthusiastically the policies of the administration. My role will change but it will still be there. I used to teach American students about British politics and I intend to pursue that again. Recently I had the opportunity to do some teaching for some students from Arizona, Maryland and New York at Birkbeck college in London and I shall be developing that.

Brian Oxley told Rachel Pegg why he is giving up the chance to be Brighton’s most powerful leader

What do you think of Mary Mears’ appointment? Both of my colleagues who stood would have made excellent leaders. I’m delighted for Mary and she and I are working on a very smooth transition. We’ve been working closely over the past year and she’s fully behind the constitutional changes we are making. Mary will make a first class leader and will take the council forward very positively.

Let’s get political

How will the party unite after a tough battle? Elections are hard fought, this is an important position, but that election is behind us now. We’re Conservatives first and foremost. It’s not the first time we’ve had elections in the group. I’m sure colleagues will come together and take the party forward.

How do you feel about your time as leader? I think we’ve accomplished a great deal in this first year of the Conservative administration. First we’ve made it very clear we wanted to put the finances of the council on a different footing. Last July the council agreed a three-year framework which shows that the increase in council tax will be coming down year on year. We’ve also set departmental budgets for some years so we can bring some stability. We’ve done a lot in terms of working more closely with partners in the voluntary and community sector who have equality at their heart, such as LGBT groups, disabled groups, and statutory partners like health, police and so on. Also we’ve worked with other councils because there are so many issues affecting East Sussex, West Sussex, Crawley and ourselves.

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What do you think the challenges are now? The key task has been to create a new constitution which fits with the way Brighton and Hove likes its politics – with openness and transparency and councillors engaging around the debate. Under the new system residents and other members of the council will be able to go to cabinet meetings, present petitions and deputations and we’ll still have a lively and vigorous full council meeting. There will be a strong scrutiny element so colleagues who aren’t executive members will be able to look at forthcoming challenges and where lessons need to be learned. People will be watching how it works but we have put measures in place so people can make amendments to the constitution as experience dictates. Other challenges are around the economy. We’ve got a strong tourist base, eight million visitors a year, but we need to be growing that. Also, we need to be putting things in for the longer term so we’ve got major projects coming which will be looking to provide jobs. Brighton and Hove is good at a lot of things – digital arts, the media, creative industries, there’s a lot of environmental enthusiasm. In my view growing the economy and protecting the environment are two sides of the same coin because you can’t have one if it’s not going to be sustainable. We are also striving for better use of public money. This year we have had the lowest council tax increase in the history of the council while making sure we have got money for things people think are important like social care and housing. We need to tackle inequalities. This is a city of opportunity and we’ve got to make sure people who aren’t able to take advantage of those opportunities can and have the resources to do it.

One of the Conservative election promises was to stop the King Alfred development but it is still going ahead, why is that? What we said in our manifesto was we would review the King Alfred to see what the situation was. In the March of that year before the May elections the Labour administration brought it to planning and it went through on the Labour chair’s casting vote. Because of the controversy about it, we felt duty bound to have another look at it. We did have a look at it, and the legal situation is such that there isn’t anything we could do in terms of stopping it but we did reverse the delegation to officers and got councillors to look at planning conditions. There are over 90 planning conditions and it is important that those are adhered to. Picture: Tim Richardson

Is being leader a tough job? It’s a very interesting job. What’s wonderful is all the different people that you meet. One thing I’ve tried to do is be very accessible. Every email and letter that comes into this office is responded to by me. In terms of reaching out to groups, we’ve talked to the Chamber of Commerce this year, we’ve talked to churches as well as other people who make up the fabric of the life of the city. Also I’ve spent a number of Fridays going round departments, talking to staff and seeing what they do first hand. I think it’s important for the political leadership of the council to show a real interest in what people are doing. We have excellent staff in this authority who are producing first class services. One of the longer term aims is to get our performance rating from three stars to four stars – I think there’s every chance of doing that.

Why have the two main political groups had so many leaders? Each one is individual and mine is just a personal decision that I’ve chosen to make at this time. You’d have to look back in the history of the council to see why Labour leaders came and went. There have been a lot of rumours flying around and I suppose it’s inevitable but the bottom line is I simply wish to do other things.

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news summary

7 days of headlines

Brighton & Hove City Council launched legal action against a company which felled protected trees. Bridgetown Properties is accused of cutting down trees in the grounds of Anston House in Preston Road, Brighton in June 2007. The firm could be fined up to £20,000 per tree. The case will come before Brighton Magistrates Court on 3 June. Organisers announced there would be another naked bike ride in Brighton this year. The ride will take place on 7 June. It is part of an international environmental campaign promoting cycling and protesting against oil dependency and car culture. Following negotiations with Sussex Police, full nudity is not considered a problem. This year a post-ride picnic is also planned at the city's naturist beach. Skaters are also welcome. Visit Cancer charity Macmillan geared up for its Windmill Walk on 11 March. The next walk for cancer survivors, their families, friends and the charity’s supporters is on 11 May. Setting off on a trek from Woodingdean covering two, seven or nine miles. Walkers are asked to pay £5 registration and raise as much sponsorship as they can. Call 01273 746601 or visit The Diocese of Chichester pressed on with plans to close St Peter’s Church in York Place, Brighton, permanently despite receiving a petition with 7,000 signatures objecting to the closure. The Church Commissioners are due to determine the future of the building this week. The Commissioners have proposed making the church redundant because too few people attend services to justify keeping it open. The public were asked for their views on a major planning application at Brighton Marina. X-Leisure and Explore Living have applied to build 1,294 homes and commercial and community buildings. If given the go-ahead, there would be redevelopment of Asda, the estates office, McDonalds and the eastern end of the multi storey car park. The tallest building would be 28 storeys. Find out more at or visit the Citydirect office at Hove Town Hall. 14 latest 7

On the buses

Food shortage

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Rice is being rationed at a store that supplies many of Brighton and Hove’s restaurants and caterers. Booker cash and carry in Moulsecoomb Way, Brighton is limiting customers to two 20 kg bags of rice each due to world food shortages. Roger Marlowe, chairman of Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival, who runs Paskins Town House in Charlotte Street, Brighton said it could affect restaurateurs, who have also been hit hard by rising food prices. He said: “I was paying 18p for lemons. Now I am paying 36p. Sunflower oil used to be three litres for £1.80. Now I am paying £2.90. “My guess is it is going to have an impact.” Mr Marlowe said he was recently surprised to discover the world’s stockpile of wheat would last only 60 days. He said the current shortages were probably caused by biofuels. “Everybody knows that is a mistake.” He thought the government should reverse policies which have seen British farming decline over the last five years. A spokeswoman for Booker said the national wholesaler took the decision to ration to ensure fairness and to stop people from stockpiling food. She said: “As a business we are very much concerned with making sure we have a constant supply to our regular customers. “Two bags will supply about 800 portions – it isn’t a small amount.”

The bark will go on A dancing dog who loves Celine Dion and flamenco could be about to win a major competition. Jess and her owner Harriet Fox have already won prizes for their carefully choreographed dancing. The four-year-old border Collie is just like the dancing dog Gin who has captured the nation’s hearts on Britain’s Got Talent. She has been dancing in competitions with Harriet, 73, from Whitehawk, for about a year. They recently won prizes at Findon Downs dog training show even though it was only their second competition. They came second in two categories for their performances to Celine Dion. Next week they will travel to Brentford, Essex for All About Dogs, the biggest outdoor event of its kind in the country. Harriet said: “It is a lot of work. I practise nearly every day for an hour. You have got to have a lot of patience.” She said Jess really enjoys the dancing and gets excited when she wins. “Dogs are very sensitive. I never shout at her. If

she does something wrong, I just don’t say anything and we try it again.” Gin and her owner Kate Nicholas have made it into the semi-final of Britain’s Got Talent after impressing all the judges with their dance to the James Bond theme. Simon Cowell called them a “red hot favourite”. He said: “It’s the most amazing thing I have ever seen.”

Bus drivers have been offered low cost loans through a credit union scheme – and are using them to buy cars. Brighton and Hove Bus and Coach Company has set up a partnership with the East Sussex Credit Union to make it easier for its staff to save. The union, which has just opened new offices in Community Base, Queens Road, Brighton, also offers loans at affordable rates. Manager Adrian Davies says the vast majority of bus drivers have been requesting loans to buy cars. About 95 bus drivers – or ten per cent of the workforce – are involved with the credit union and two thirds of them have applied for loans. Mr Davies said while the drivers were not badly paid, they needed cars because living costs are so high they could not afford to live in the city. Instead, he said, they live in places like Portslade, Worthing and Lancing and need to drive in for the start of their shifts. He said: “It is the number one request. You would think you would have people running public transport using public transport. People do live near the depots but they are the bus drivers in local authority accommodation.” Roger French, managing director of Brighton and Hove Bus and Coach Company, could not comment as the firm is currently involved in pay negotiations.

It’s a Grand sell-out

Films released last week didn’t stand a chance in the limelight against Rockstar’s highly anticipated game Grand Theft Auto IV. It’s debut last Tuesday 29 April had keen gamers queuing outside stores for its midnight opening. Brighton’s Gamestation on Western Road attracted a crowd of around 200, as people went to bag their copy. Only those who preordered got a look in though, as shops now await new stock, even those online including Amazon and The game that will let players ‘virtually go anywhere and do anything’ is tipped to be the biggest selling game ever. You would expect a huge game release like this to be from the work of Americans but Grand Theft Auto developers Rockstar are from way up north in Scotland!

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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills reports on the change in legislation that allowed a local man to donate a kidney to a stranger

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The three little brothers were as close as boys could be as they ran and played on the family farm. There was a year or so between each of their births and from the day they could stand the Hobden boys would help their father bring in the cows, take rides on his tractor, play in the hay or hide in the fields. There were inseparable for six golden years until one morning when the youngest of the three, Daniel, couldn’t get out of bed to go to school.Just 12 months later and at the age of seven, Daniel was dead from leukaemia, a tragedy that has never left his brothers or his parents. For one brother in particular, it caused a lingering sorrow and a burning desire to make up for the loss, to somehow redress the imbalance between good and evil. It has taken him more than 30 years, but Leroy has now achieved that goal, thanks to a change in legislation.

“We were both opposed to it at first but we ended up supporting him. We’re so proud of Leroy now“ The 40-year-old gardener, living with his parents in the same farmhouse in Cowbeech near Hailsham, East Sussex, has become only the fifth living person in Britain to give a kidney to a person they don’t know. It was made possible after the government in 2006 changed the law to allow altruistic donations from living donors to strangers. Before, a donor had to demonstrate some kind of emotional attachment to the recipient. Leroy will never know the identity of the person whose life he saved but he has been told the patient is now thriving. He said: “Ever since Daniel died I always had this feeling of wanting to do something good, to make a gesture in his memory, and the change in legislation was just what I was looking for. “I know it took me a long time to get round to doing what I’d always wanted but it has made me feel so much better. The three of us brothers were very close as kids, we were buddies and were always playing together. I was only eight or so at the time but I remember seeing Daniel deteriorating; how he lost his hair with the chemotherapy treatment. I’ve never forgotten him and I often visited his grave. I never will forget him.”

Transport aid for the blind The first talking bus stops in Britain are making it easier for the blind to access public transport. Until now, sight-impaired people in Brighton and Hove have had to rely on other passengers to read timetables for them, to find out when the next bus was due and to determine whether they were at the right stop. The new speaking signs enable them to hear where they are and which buses were due and where

they are going. Twenty such signs have been installed in the city where buses are regularly used by 2,000 people with poor sight.

It was soon after the legislation was introduced that Leroy contacted the Royal Sussex County Hospital and offered a kidney under the new altruistic donations scheme. They referred him to St George’s Hospital in Tooting, London. He underwent 15 months of intensive testing to ensure his kidney was suitable for transplant. He said: “The tests seemed to go on forever. They told me there were risks including a blood clot or chest infection and that I could even die. But I knew what I was doing and I knew who and what I was doing it for, so I went ahead.” Leroy’s operation was performed at St George’s and within hours his kidney was giving new life to a grateful stranger. At first, his father Sam, 62, mother Velda, 61, and older brother Duane, a 41-year-old builder, had been against him giving away a kidney. They were worried for him – and it opened up wounds. Sam, now retired, said: “I felt very emotional driving him to the hospital for the surgery. It brought Daniel’s death back to us all – it was like touching a raw nerve. “I remember how all three boys would play together, how they’d run around and go looking for birds’ nests, and I can remember one day Velda saying to me how Daniel wouldn’t get out of bed to go to school. I called to him ‘Come on old mate, you’ll be late’, but when I went to see him I could tell he wasn’t the ticket. “We took him to the doctor and after tests it turned out he had the worst type of leukaemia. But he was such a brave little boy. We’d go to the Royal Marsden and Great Ormond Street hospitals for treatment. He’d cling to me and put his arm round my neck and squeeze me so tight when they gave him his injections. When he died, I tried not to show too much emotion in front of the other boys and the wife, and I’d often have to go to the cow sheds where no one could hear me so I could cry.” Velda stayed by Daniel’s bedside and never left him for 11 weeks before he died. Sam couldn’t afford to stay at the hospital but made as many trips as he could. A keen amateur darts player, Sam’s sporting community rallied to help and one night he was lured to a pub match in nearby Lewes and was met with a donation of cash from the Sussex Darts Organisation. Sam said: “They’d organised a collection for me and the family and even the winner that night donated his prize money. Everyone was so kind.” Memories and heartache came flooding back to Velda as Leroy was undergoing the operation: “I shed many tears and still do – we were both opposed to it at first but we ended up supporting him. We’re so proud of Leroy now.” Leroy, fully recovered from the surgery in February, could donate his second kidney: “I am a registered donor so if anything should happen to me, they might be able to use my other one. I know some people spend a long time on dialysis and that the waiting list is long. “I just wanted to help. I wanted to do something out of the ordinary. I just wanted to do something for Daniel.” A spokesman for UK Transplant said: “What Mr Hobden and others like him have done and are doing is truly wonderful. It is fantastic news that he was able to give somebody a second chance of life.”

Users apply for a key-fob to hang round their necks and on it is a button to press to activate the bus stop information service. The scheme, paid for by the city council with help from the Royal National Institute for the Blind, has been shortlisted for this year’s Institution for Highways and Transportation award for innovations. The news comes just weeks after the project won an e-government award for innovative use of technology. The award winners will be announced at a ceremony at London’s Guildhall on 5 June.

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Baby debate

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The worst places for breastfeeding in Brighton and Hove have been named and shamed in a new report. Hundreds of mothers were quizzed as part of research to find out how to make public spaces more baby friendly. Many said George Street in Hove was the most difficult place to feed their child. Barnard Linda Brooker, 34, from Hove, said she finds it impossiblePenny to nurse her son Max, nearly nine months there. She said: “It is absolutely awful. There is nowhere to go and the benches have no arms. It sounds silly but sometimes you are breast feeding for 25 minutes on each side. You need something to rest on.“ She said she feels vulnerable sitting alone on a bench with lots of shopping bags. The Best for Babies research was commissioned by Brighton and Hove Primary Care Trust and the city council. Mothers said that the best places to breast feed included the Jubilee Library, Starbucks and Tootsies. The report recommends a major campaign to improve the image of breast feeding, educate mothers and the public that it is natural and very positive for babies and to increase the number of baby-friendly venues. Terry Blair-Stevens, public health programme manager, said one mother had been asked to leave a shopping area because she was breast feeding. Another who returned to work was told she had to express breast milk in the toilet. He said: “If mothers feel they're going to be harassed or receive scornful looks, they're much more likely not to breast feed.“ Tom Scanlon, director of public health, said the PCT and council would take practical steps to look at creating a Best for Babies branding for businesses, work with nurses and peer support groups and campaign for mum-friendly workplaces. He said generally Brighton and Hove was a baby-friendly city but there was more work to be done. Share views at


Business brains Aspiring Anita Roddicks and Karren Bradys won prizes for their astute business sense. Year 12 pupils from Brighton and Hove High School were commended in a Young Enterprise competition. The independent girls' school, based in Montpelier Road, Brighton, entered two teams in the contest - Revista and A Bag Company (ABC). Revista produced an on and offline magazine for teenage girls, aiming to raise revenue through advertising and sales. ABC produced recyclable and biodegradable bags in a range of funky designs. These were sold in the school and through external outlets. Respectively, the teams were mentored by Keith Appleyard, vice president of American Express, and John Beaney, head of international HSBC. In the Brighton, Hove and Lewes Young Enterprise finals, ABC won best branding, best marketing, best accounts and best overalll company, and came second for their company report. Isi RobertsMariani won the young achiever of the year for the area after being picked out as a driving force behind ABC. Revista came second for best product and marketing and third for best presentation. ABC will now go on to represent Brighton, Hove and Lewes in the Sussex finals next Wednesday, 14 May. Rob McGrath, head of sixth form, said: “They really put a great deal of effort in. It is brilliant they have been recognised in such a manner. “It was a very high standard. It is one of the most successful years we have ever had.” Young Enterprise is the UK's leading business and enterprise education charity. It offers a range of programmes based on the principle of learning by doing, which brings volunteers from businesses into the classroom to work with teachers and students. 16 latest 7

Jubilant Jubilee Enjoy a Sunday visit to Jubilee Library with its new extended hours due to public demand Fancy a leisurely Sunday checking out a good book or perusing the papers – now you can head to Brighton and Hove’s award winning Jubilee Library. The library, in Jubilee Street, has extended its opening hours in response to public demand and is now open every Sunday from 11am to 4pm. The move to seven day a week opening means even more people will be able to make the most of the library’s extensive collection of books, CDs, DVDs, talking books and rare volumes.

“We are delighted people can now make the most of this fantastic library seven days a week” The number of visits to the library is expected to increase by around 100,000 a year, bringing the annual total to around one million. To celebrate Sunday opening people enjoyed a programme of special events on the first day, Sunday 27 April. Councillor David Smith, chairman of Brighton and Hove City Council’s Culture, Recreation and Tourism Committee, cut a ribbon, opening the doors to the public on a Sunday for the first time. Councillor Smith said: “We have responded to feedback from library users and are delighted people can now make the most of this fantastic library seven days a week. “People can enjoy a leisurely Sunday visit to the library, to browse through the papers, pick up a DVD, use the internet or, of course, get stuck into a good book.” Almost 900,000 people visited the library last year, making it one of the nation’s favourites. They borrowed nearly 700,000 books, CDs, DVDs and videos, making it the fourth most popular library nationally for loans, according to a survey by the Chartered Institute of Public Finance and Accountancy. Councillor Smith added: “People are voting with their feet and showing that they love going to the city’s libraries. The days when libraries were a bit daunting are long gone, they are welcoming places offering all kinds of different activities from reading groups to baby boogie sessions.” To find out more about the Jubilee Library and other libraries in the city or call 01273 290800.



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Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Football crazy Joe Curtin is baffled by the current run of disturbing behaviour in the beautiful game Cartoon commotion Katie’s column about her hatred for Mika caused a bit of a storm on our website. These are just a few of the comments left by fans of the curly-haired pop pixie. Read more at I’ve met Mika like nine times – he was sweet and considerate EVERY time to me and everyone else around…(he always surprises me how amazing he is with his fans, I’ve met few celebs in my life and Mika is one of the nicest ones, if not THE nicest). I think he just likes his privacy and I don’t blame him for that. Siv You are so wrong about Mika. He is one of the most kind and considerate people. We find ourselves privileged to have been in his presence. There is no other musician quite like him. You have your opinion and so do we. Mika is the best of the best! He treats his fans with respect and he is himself. The Twins As a relatively new artist, Mika spends an inordinate amount of time doing press. For most of 2007 he was doing radio interviews here, magazines there, all over the world. Literally. Beijing, Sydney, London, Montreal, San Francisco – all over. Do a YouTube search. Do a Google search. There’s press appearances coming out of the woodwork. Yes, it’s bizarre that he would not talk to press at an event where press had specifically been invited – but based on the loads of other appearances, that’s certainly the exception rather than the rule. Conceited Wombat You’re a meany head, he freakin’ rules! Allyssa

PCT action at last At long last the Brighton and Hove Primary Care Trust have approved an extension of the eligibility criteria for treatment of wet age related macular degeneration (AMD) in line with the NICE appraisal consultation document. With immediate effect, all patients with wet AMD meeting the criteria in the consultation document will commence treatment. Why have Brighton and Hove patients had to wait so long when other PCTs for a long time have been treating the condition? How many have been allowed to go blind, never to see the sun or their children, having to have their food cut up as they can not see to do it? As I wrote in a letter to the city council’s health overview committee, why does our local PCT not show more compassion when dealing with disabled residents? I am very pleased to hear at long last they are listening. This decision should have been made many months ago. Over the last year, 66 applications for Anti-VEGFs treatment were received from the Brighton area but only 23 were approved, What happened to the other 43? I understand that the PCT expects approximately 99 new cases in the coming year I hope that they will all be suitable for treatment. At the recent health meeting I spoke to several people who had spent many thousand of pounds on their treatment. They said: ‘We have not got the money to carry on. Why do we have to spend our own money when we have paid into the NHS all our lives?’ I am very pleased to see that there is a change of heart in the PCT. Brian Pidgeon, Brighton and Hove City Councillor for Patcham

The wise man Jimmy Greaves once said that football is a “funny old game, Saint”, and some of the events of the past ten days or so have certainly done little to dispute this. Something rather unusual was on display at the end of the Manchester United/Chelsea game. United have taken to publicly warming down it seems. A sensible precaution to prevent injuries and one every gym recommends. However they had just been beaten and teams usually just want to get in the showers after such a disappointment, so it was clearly a show of defiance (Fergie into mind games, surely not), and one which was originally anticipated as a Premiership-winning celebration. Chelsea obviously got wind of such antics and left their lawnmowing tractors on the sidelines and decided to have a post-match pitch trim to honour their victory. Crazy. Both clubs behaved like kids in the playground. Things took a darker turn when a groundsman threw a couple of punches at Patrice Evra after an alleged ‘race slur’. It seems fairly more likely he called Evra an idiot rather than an immigrant but when have groundsmen ever got involved before (mascots do all the time though). The whole thing was even more ridiculous than the infamous pizza fight with Arsenal. Mad.

“The whole thing was even more ridiculous than the infamous pizza fight with Arsenal” In the same weekend we had a bit of QPR-style chairman abusing as fans of Mansfield Town stormed the boardroom and punched and kicked the majority shareholder and hugely unpopular (clearly) Keith Haslam such that he needed hospital treatment. This compounded allegations a fan approached a player to throw a game to increase Haslam’s unpopularity and hasten his exit from the club. I would’ve thought him receiving a battering and Town’s exit from the league made him unpopular enough. Completely bonkers. And the end of the week saw another piece of footballing craziness – one more usual in the game. Sven gave Manchester City their best season in years, restored hope and pride, gave them a League double over rivals United and then got the sack. What was unusual too was that Ericsson was actually rather miffed by it: He felt “furious and betrayed”. Ex-Thai prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra’s patience clearly matches his ego: a large part of last Saturday’s programme was devoted to him. Bet Sven kept one. Congratulations to Manchester United and Chelsea for getting to the European Champions League final – the first one with all English clubs. To drop a cliché the biggest winner is English football. Commiserations to Liverpool, hopefully, unlike in the sky-blue half of Manchester, there will be some perspective shown in the City of Culture. And finally, well done to the boys up in Lewes for their fantastic promotion to the conference. Letting Steve King go after such a sterling job has raised a few eyebrows here in the bunker but I’m sure Albion old boy Kevin Keeghan can guide the Rooks to safety next season. Mansfield fans demonstrate after their 77 years in league football came to an end last week.

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

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Health & fitness TUESDAY 6 Astanga Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre, 12.45–2pm, & 6–7.30pm, £6/4 Circuit Training General level. Alive gym, 7pm Flamenco Technique The Dance Station, 7–8.15pm Madi’s Dance Mix Fitforall, 7pm, £5 Studies in Peace and Wisdom 10-week seminar series. Drop-in. Suggested donation £5. Info: Chris on 07857 795985. Bodhi Garden, 7.30–9.30pm Tonetastic Fitforall, 9.30am, £5


Take a hike

Zara Friend steps into her walking shoes and prepares to greet summer with a fresh and healthy new outlook It’s not a case of ‘can’t exercise, won’t exercise,’ it’s simply being too plain busy. Or at least that was my excuse. Five days a week at work, squeezing in friends and loved ones around precious sleep (not to mention planning an upcoming wedding!) and the time has flown. The thought of exercising was the last thing on my mind, up until now. It may be psychological but the weather’s warmer, thoughts turn to summer tops, shorts, dresses and (eek!) swimwear and the healthy eating regime kicks in. Swimming is now a weekly tradition and the odd aerobics class helps reduce the guilt when I do choose to munch on a Mars bar while at my desk. But is this enough? It’s so common with exercise to start something and let it slip until it is no more. With walking, you don’t have that problem. Walking is a way of getting from A to B and shouldn’t be seen as an ‘extra thing to do’ or a ‘chore.’ Far from it. By gently increasing walking into my daily life, I am easily getting nearly an hour of exercise extra a day. Ok, it’s gentle and not exactly strenuous, but it’s amazing how quickly energy levels build up. Hills I used to struggle up become easy and I don’t get out of breath as quickly. What’s more, it’s relaxing and suitable for all ages, so walk to work with a colleague, take the kids or your parents out on a Sunday and enjoy the great outdoors. There’s something to be said about exercising outside – it is so much more enjoyable than inside. Walking around in the fresh air at lunchtime, even if it’s just window shopping, is an easy half hour of exercise that will make you feel better. Walking isn’t just a great form of exercise, but an instant mood booster, as it can help reduce stress and anxiety. People who suffer from high blood pressure can find it significantly lowered with frequent walks and a proper diet. If you have trouble sleeping, walking can aid a better night’s rest. The best part of all? Walking doesn’t cost a gym fee and you have the perfect backdrop whether you head to the Downs or the beach! Brighton and Hove City Council hold 12 weekly healthwalks from now until 30 September, ranging from 20 minutes to a three to four mile walk lasting a few hours. A great way to meet new people and get regular, gentle exercise, some of these walks are wheelchair and buggy friendly. Visit

Classic Yoga With Louise Beglin. All levels. Brighton Natural Health Centre, 1–2.15pm £5.50/5 Fundamentals of Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic, 5–6pm, £48 for six classes Morning Zazen Info: Jay & Heather 01273 682974. Bodhi Garden. All are welcome, but it is recommended that beginners attend an introduction on Fridays at 7.30pm. 7.30–8.30am, Suggested donation: £5. Open Meditation Evening Basic guided and unguided Buddhist meditation practice. Bodhi Garden, info Richard: 07796 331167, 7.30–9pm, suggested donation £5 Supple Strength Healthy Vibes, 9–10am, £6/30 for 6

THURSDAY 8 Brighton Jamyang Group Info: Ian 07758 150722. Bodhi Garden, 7.30–9.30pm, suggested donation: £5 Iyengar Yoga With Simon Edwardson, fully equipped studio in Hove. More details contact Simon: 01273 729430, all levels. 17.30–9pm, £8 Jazz Dance Alive gym, 1.30pm Lunchtime Oasis Meditation Brighton Buddhist Centre, 1.15–1.45pm, £3/2 Pilates Level 1 and intro 6week course. Revitalise, £45 for 6 weeks. Please book. 6–7pm and 7–8pm Yoga Fitforall, 7.30pm, £5

on 01273 775916 6-7.30pm, £36 for 6 weeks, £7 drop in ViniYoga The Acupuncture Clinic, 9.30–10.45am, £7.50 drop-in/£36 for six Yoga And Meditation Brighton Buddhist Centre, 10–11.30am, £6/4 Zodiac Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic, 2–3.30pm, £7/6, £30 for 5 classes

SATURDAY 10 Beach Body Workout Toning session, Fitforall, 10am Boxercise Circuit Training 90-minute class. Details: Goldstone Business Centre, 12.30–2pm, £7 Childrens Ki and Aikido 4-7 years, Bob for info: 01273 323315, Brighton Ki Centre, 9–9.45am, £2.50 Open Day At Brighton Buddhist Centre Meditation, yoga, tasters, talks and videos, 11am–4pm, free but donations welcome. Tai Chi Fitforall, 9am, £5

SUNDAY 11 Adult Tap Wendy Whatling. Beg: 7–8pm and intermediate 8–9pm Aquarobics King Alfred. 10.30am–11.15am, £4.10 Hangover Spin With Amanda, Fitforall, 10am, £5 Thai Massage With James Sanford. Workshop to give you a basic set of techniques enabling you to give a Thai massage for 45 minutes. Evolution Arts, 10.45am–4.45pm, £45/35

MONDAY 12 Astanga Yoga Brighton Natural Health Centre, 6.30–8pm, £8/7 Bodyzone Training Brighton Natural Health Centre, 6.30–8.30pm, £9/8 Pole Dancing Beginners/intclasses, (break on bank holiday), Fitforall, please call for more info, £48 members/£58 non members. Shaolin Kung Fu All levels, Davigdor School. 7–8pm, £7 Sivananda based Hatha Yoga Revitalise, 10–11.15am, £7 or £36 for 6. Tai Chi Chuan Class More info: 07900 193230. All Saints Church Hall, 8pm, £5

DIRECTORY FRIDAY 9 Astanga Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre, 12.45–2pm and 6–7.30pm, £6/4 Fitness Pilates 5-week course at Saltdean Community Centre. 9.30–10.30am and 11–12pm, call 01273 305827 to book Hatha Yoga All levels with Carol, The Cornerstone Community Centre, more info

The Acupuncture Clinic 143 Portland Road, Hove 01273 722422 Alive 25-27 Castle Street, Brighton 01273 739606 Anahata Health Clinic 119–120 Edward Street, Kemp Town, 01273 239466 Back2Balance 35 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 206868

Bodhi Garden Centre 7 Ship St Gardens, Brighton Richard: 07796 331167 Brighthelm Community Centre North Road, Brighton 01273821512 Brighton Buddhist Centre 17 Tichborne Street, Brighton 01273 772090 Brighton Ki Centre 12 Queen’s Square, Brighton Barry: 07854 389606 Brighton Reiki Centre Viaduct Road, Brighton 07968 982136 Coast Chiropractic 198 Church Road, Hove 01273 321133 Coral Health And Fitness Orchard Road, Hove 01273 731262 Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove The Dance Station Unit 4, 57 North St, Portslade 01273 506681 Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex Loder Rd, Brighton Info: 07895 066321 Evolution Arts & Health Centre 2 Sillwood Terrace, Brighton, 01273 204204 Fitforall Unit 1, Portland Road Trading Estate, Hove, 01273 415515 Gallus Boxing Gym 21a Melbourne St, Brighton Paul Evans: 07982 692195 Goldstone Business Centre 2 Goldstone Street, Hove Healthy Vibes 200 Church Road, Hove, 01273 710709 King Alfred Leisure Centre Kingsway, Hove, 01273 290290 Komaja Centre 21a Upper Market St, Hove Cela: 01273 771472 Patcham Community Centre Ladies Mile Road, Patcham Peacehaven Leisure Centre Greenwich Way, Peacehaven 01273 588858 Revitalise 86 Church Road Hove 01273 738389 Southwick Leisure Centre Old Barn Way, Southwick 01273 238111 St Mary Magdalen Centre 55 Upper North St, Brighton 01273 676992 Wendy Whatling School of Dance Unit 11a, Dyke Road Mews, Brighton Westhill Hall Compton Ave, Seven Dials ZT Fitness Behind Hove Station, Hove, List for FREE in this section. email health events to with the date, place, time and cost

Competition Ready to walk but unsure of where to go? Make the most of the South Downs and the sea with guidance from David Bathurst whose new book Walking The South Coast of England is out this month. Author of The Big Walks of Great Britain, (also published by Summersdale, available from all good bookshops), Bathurst’s new offering is a complete guide to walking the south-facing coasts of Cornwall, Devon, Dorset, Hampshire (including the Isle of Wight), Sussex and Kent, from Land’s End to South Foreland. Discover hidden gems, fantastic walks and stunning scenery right on your doorstep. We have three copies of this new book to give away. To win, tell us: In which county can Land’s End be found? Email your answers to or write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details. Closing date for entries 19 May 2008.

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NLP Coach and Hypnotherapist Jonathan Conway Bsc Dip EHPNLP NCH (acc) Qualified experienced hypnotherapist Certified NLP Master Practitioner and Coach

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Model city Sandra Omo takes a deep breath and steps out to take the prize Today, backstage is more hectic and rowdy than a fashion show. The backstage of a fashion show is rowdy because of the amount of people (designers, crew, make-up artists, models, etc) backstage but right here all we have are the 30 contestants and five chaperones to assist us. In fact, every other person has been banned from entering backstage in order to keep it from being rowdy; but I dare say the energy from thirty girls fighting to win a national competition is much more than 100 people backstage of any fashion show. There are fans and air conditioning but I am sweating. I look around and see I am not the only one. I have been in so many backstages, but from what I feel right now, I have never been in one like this.

“As I reached the end of the runway and striked my pose, I could hear the ovation of the crowd”

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Today is the grand finale of the MBGN competition. There will be five winners in five different categories tonight and I am hoping to be one of them. As I think on this, the stage manager walks in to inform us that the show begins in ten minutes so we better get everything ready because once we start there will barely be any pause. When we began, it was exactly as he said. There was barely any pause until after the top ten were announced. We began with the introduction dance. Then half way through, we did the production dance. These choreographies have become a part of us as we danced it everyday for two weeks. Next up was the bikini category and immediately after was the model competition proper. This, I must confess, is the part I enjoyed most. The routine was super, the music fierce and the costumes wicked. We came out in three groups of ten. Each group performed a joint routine and every girl had the opportunity to walk down the runway and impress the judges. When my group came out and each girl began to catwalk, the feeling was overwhelming. As I reached the end of the runway and striked my pose, I could hear the ovation of the crowd – they were impressed. The ovation was so loud that my fellow contestants began to acknowledge backstage that I am the model of the year. The tension and anticipation backstage allowed us no time to dwell on this but by the time we came out in our evening dresses, one thing was clear: the judges had only four winners left to decide on for the model of the year had already been chosen. She alone has a guaranteed entrance into the top five as she had already won one of the crowns but we just did not know who she was until the end of the competition. When the top ten were called, I was in. So I guessed I pleased the judges at the prejudging. However, I was still not at peace as being in the top ten meant I am a finalist not a winner. As they began to call the top five in no particular order, I did not hear my name until the fourth name was called – I was in the top five. That is all I can remember until I heard the announcement Nigerian Model of the year/MBGN Model 2008 is … yes, it is me, I won! As I walked down the runway with the crown on my head, I could only thank God for this achievement. Backstage as the other contestants crowded me with congratulations, it dawned on me – I am a whole nation’s number one model and that’s the standard I must maintain for the next one year as I represent my country worldwide. latest 7 19



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Customers are invited to a one day only sale with the opportunity to purchase selected designer jewellery at discounted prices. You will find unique, British made contemporary jewellery at rock bottom prices. Come and join us for a glass of champagne and a cup cake from The Angel Food Bakery, see the stunning pieces on offer and to preview our new Spring/Summer collections now in store. From 4–8pm, Thursday 15th May

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Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column


Derek Von Downs’

Joke of the day ‘Ullo there. Here’s a good one what I heard in the tavern last night. It appears that a certain travelling salesman is drivin’ his automobile past a farmhouse, when he runs over a cockerel. So, feelin’ a bit guilty like, he knocks on the door, and the farmer appears, and the fellow says “I’m afraid I’ve accidentally killed your cockerel, old man, but I’ll replace him.” So the farmer looks at the chap, and says: “Very well – the hens is round the back. You’d better get started!” Ah – the farmer had misunderstood the salesman, you see – he thought he wanted quite literally to replace the bird, and breed with the chickens himself! More mirthsome frolics from Derek next time

In & Out IN


• Forum

• Health & Efficiency

• Swish!

• New Direction

• Park Lane

• Dude

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• Bizarre Dwarves

• Transvestite Submission 12

• Lilliput

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

Film buff, (38). Are you a Pretty Woman who enjoys Chocolat, Coffee and Cigarettes, and Singing in the Rain? Whether you’re Legally Blonde, or My Favourite Brunette, I’m sure we can have A Night to Remember that’ll be The Talk of the Town. I’m a Man For All Seasons and if we have Dinner at Eight I’m certain The Conversation will hold you Spellbound and that by the end of the evening you’ll think I am Some Kind of Wonderful. Don’t worry – I don’t have A History of Violence, and I’m not a Psycho, so I won’t try to hit you with my Fist of Fury and leave you Dazed and Confused, Kicking & Screaming, or possibly in a Coma. Actually I think I’d better start this again. Hello? Hello? Box 223098

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Open-minded F (39) Really open-minded actually. Really really really open-minded. Probably a bit too open-minded, to be honest, so probably best avoided. Box 787854 Woman (35) who believes, despite all evidence to the contrary, that The The are the best band in the world wishes to meet man who also believes, despite all evidence to the contrary, that The The are the best band in the world. Box 700822 MEN SEEKING MEN Straight-acting gay man WLTM gay-acting straight man for mutual confusion. Box 409217 WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN

Fun-lovin’ M, (29) likes children (not in a weird way), animals (not in a weird way), and old people (in a weird way.) Box 668872

If you like fun, laughter, good coffee, muddy dogs, long walks in the cold, Emily Dickinson, full-bodied red wine, and gardening then stay the hell away from me. Box 760097

Music fan, (42). Are you a ‘Pretty Woman’ who deserves ‘A Little Respect’, but also likes a ‘Walk on the Wild Side?’ Oh pants – the film buff’s already done this hasn’t he? Box 558711

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Be kind to a partner who’s going through a hard phase. Your comfort is the most valuable gift you can offer. Pity really when what they really need is hard cash.

You can’t do everything by yourself, nor should you. Tell a friend to help and not to whine. Google dominatrix for further suggestions and buy some patent stilettos.

You’re going to want to become more practical over the next few weeks. But day-dreaming won’t be enough. Get off your lazy backside and put in the effort for once.

Now is the time to make friends with an older person. Investing in the elderly has so many advantages. Remember, where there’s a will there’s a way.


LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)



Despite your best efforts things won’t turn out as planned. There’s always that element of surprise you can’t control and beside that the entire world is set against you this week.

Take a moment from your busy life to update your skills. It’s quite possible that you’ve been doing something the hard way. Either that or take a leaf out of Cancer’s book and delegate.

Some of the methodology you try to use will not work. The rhythm method for instance is only really successful when accompanied by the swaying of nuns in full habits.

Take a good hard look at the clutter you’ve acquired. OK, some of it’s not quite treasure, but it could be some day. Don’t toss out anything, just bluff your way through as usual. .





Tell the ones you love exactly how you feel. Even if you’re shy, do it with hugs and kisses. Do it even if it is with a work colleague, it may be inappropriate but what fun.

It’s hard to turn down a request from someone you love. It is good, however, to say no to children about almost everything. It makes them grow up stronger.

Friends may offer encouragement so show your appreciation by gushing and grovelling at their knees. This will prevent further intrusions into your personal life.

It doesn’t look like you’ll be able to fit everything into your schedule so give up, do nothing and chill out over a bottle of pinot grigio and a plate of fried fish.

To talk to Astral Angi please email

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Purrfect Parlure A Spiegeltent returns, courtesy of The Parlure, sitting pretty in a new home and ready to light up the Festival with a stunning line-up Marking its first ever appearance in Brighton, The Parlure Spielgeltent and Garden is due to take the Festival Fringe by storm this May with an eclectic mix of performances from the finest UK and international acts, delivering a programme of quirky culture from comedy and live music, through to cabaret, variety and family shows. Renowned at music festivals across the country – including Glastonbury, The Isle of Wight Festival, The Glade, Beautiful Days, Electric Picnic and Bestival – The Parlure Spiegeltent (aka ‘The Pussy Parlure’) is a 1930s Art Deco pavilion of canvas, wood, mirrors and stained glass, ornamenting the area upon which it stands with its elaborate, vibrant design, charm and panache. 29 events feature in The Parlure Spiegeltent’s line-up of fringe-fest entertainment. Differing from other Spiegeltents, The Parlure prides itself on presenting entertainment that stays on the clean side of naughtiness; ‘flirty not dirty’, with plenty of family appeal. Here are Latest 7’s hot things to do or see (although with so much choice it’s almost impossible to chose!).

Swizzleshaker & The Splott Brothers, Mon 10 May, 3pm–4:45pm Cabaret Interstellar, Sun 24, Sat 25, Mon 26 May, 3pm–4:45pm Adult £10, 10–16 yrs £7, under 10 yrs £5 Other shows suitable for all the family are Movin’ Melvin Brown, Shall We Dance and the Tea Dances.

Swing at The Parlure Shall We Dance – Glamorous couples from the roaring twenties, through to the thrifty fifties, transport you through years gone by. One costume is peeled off to reveal another as you are transported back to a time when the intricate rituals of courtship were played out on the dancefloors of village halls and grand ballrooms alike. A stunning theatrical dance performance from Ragroof Theatre, featuring the charleston, waltz, tango, foxtrot and jive, inspired by fascinating personal histories and memories of partner dancing. Shall We Dance Friday 23 May 5:30pm £10/7

Watch a family show

Tea Dance: Ragroof Theatre’s tea dance attracts a broad range of people, from seniors reminiscing about their courting days to youngsters swinging each other around the floor, and this is what makes it a real gem. Glamorous partner dancing is the order of the day, and novices need not fear as instruction is supplied by the inimitable Dorothy Max Prior. There will also be fleet-footed demonstrations by the pros, plus some marvellous tea and cake. Put on your dancing shoes and take to the floor, as Desert Ivan Discs spins some fab vintage sounds. Sun 4, 11, 18 May, 2–5pm, £8/ £5 (£2 tea and cake)

Flabbergast is a series of family-friendly afternoon shows that feature skilful clowning, magic, acrobatics, aerial, juggling, dancing and hula hooping. Swizzleshaker’s The Picture House is a riproaring ride through the cinema of yesteryear – a palace of illusions, delusions, heroes and villains, brought to life with highly skilled comedy, magic and dance. The Splott Brothers mix a fun cocktail of eccentric cabaret, comic stupidity and live cheesy music from their mobile piano bar, backed by exquisitely played silent movie style playing. Cabaret Interstellar present a cosmic collection of skilful acrobats, aerial artists, extreme jugglers, dancers and hula hooping, in a funny, amazing and inspiring show.

Brighton’s own 11-piece big band the Fat 45s present Swing Night. An evening of blistering jump jive, rhythm‘n’blues and lindy hop. Renowned for their swingin’ shindigs, this will be one helluva night. Bringing back the dance music of the forties and fifties with their slick quiffs, sharp suits, swingin’ hips and high heels, the Fat 45s will be setting the dancefloor alight at the Parlure – guaranteed! They invite all juice hounds, hep cats, night hawks, jitterbug zooters and hop heads to get their finest threads and cut some rug to the boogie-woogie big beat sound of the Fat 45s. Record hop by Slick Nick and Desert Ivan Discs. Swing Night, Thurs 22 May10pm £10 (£ 8)

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Live music Seth Lakeman – This virtuoso folk musician will be a hot ticket this month; he sells out shows all over the country. A hugely talented individual who sings, as well as playing violin and guitar, he’ll be appearing with his band as seen at the BBC Folk Awards in January (where he picked up Singer of the Year and Best Album). Lakeman mixes traditional folk songs and sounds with a more contemporary, almost rocky edge. Inspired by the stories and legends of his birthplace – Dartmoor. He evokes the spirit of the region – from haunting beauty to foot-stomping verve. Seth Lakeman, Wed 21 May 10pm £15 (£13.50) Kitty, Daisy and Lewis – These teenage siblings have musical talents way beyond their years. Favouring the music of the fifties, they switch from ukulele to lapsteel guitar, harmonica, accordion and drums and all share singing duties. It’s really a family affair as they corralled their mum and dad into joining the band, on double bass and guitar. Playing vintage rockabilly, swing, country, Hawaiian and rock'n'roll with incredible verve, skill and energy, these kids will get the whole joint jumping. Unmissable. With DJ support from Dave Mumbles of Brighton Rumble. Sun 25 May 10pm £12.50 (£10.50) Movin’ Melvin Brown: ‘Me, Ray Charles and Sammy Davis Jr’ – A Brighton Fringe favourite, and with good reason. He combines the genius of Ray Charles and Sammy Davis Jr in a ‘must-see’ show filled with singing, dancing, tap, comedy, mime and robotics that demonstrate why he has shared the stage with such luminaries as B.B.King, The Four Tops, Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, Willie Nelson and James Brown. Performing classic soul songs and his own original material, his vocal range is incredible. Oozing charisma, the incredible versatility, talent and sheer joy of Movin’ Melvin turn classic old-time entertainment into an electrifying performance. Fri 9, Sat 10, Sun 11, Mon 12, Tues 13, Wed 14 May, 7:30pm £14 (£12)

Musical theatre The Marilyn Monroe Show – This is a stunning new musical that stars Marilyn, Norma Jeane and Zelda Zonk - her alter egos - reunited for the performance of a lifetime. Don’t miss your chance to see it now, as we

predict it will be in the West End (at those prices) before too long – its last run in London was a sell-out. The show aims to discover who the real Marilyn was, in looking at the innocence, ambition and flaws behind the myth. It seems that the truth depends very much on who’s telling it, and the show is continually hijacked by a succession of characters from the past. At the heart of it is the struggle between sensitive young Norma Jeane, the jaded and intellectual Zelda and superstar bombshell Marilyn, which threatens to destroy them all in a way more sad and shocking than any conspiracy theory. Follow their story through drama and original songs as they relive their memories and play out the most famous life and death in movies. Mon 19, Tues 20, Wed 21, Thurs 22, Fri 23, Sat 24, Sun 25 May, 7:15pm , £15 (£13.50)

Cabaret Le Coeur Rouge – The fastest selling show on the Fringe when it went on sale, you’ll have to be quick to snap up any remaining tickets for this classy show, even with an extra date added. Venture into the exotic heart of cabaret with 5-star rated artists from the 2007 Edinburgh Festival performing stunning vignettes. Slapstick dance, duelling flappers, stunning opera, daring aerial, burlesque beauties, a fire show and a crooning Hitler combine to make a vintage variety show, infused with a dose of the unexpected. Thurs 8, Fri 9 May 10pm, Tues May 13, 9:30pm £16 (£14.50) Over 18s only

Lunchtimes to late nights With after-show parties and late-night bars featuring DJs such as Sean Rowley, local castaway Desert Ivan Discs and London swinger Healer Selecta, The Parlure Spiegeltent and Garden is certain to be the life, heart and soul of the Brighton Festival Fringe. To the north of St Peter’s Church will be ‘The Parlure Garden’, incorporating The Parlure Spiegeltent, bar, café, outdoor seating area and smoking garden (open daily from noon with free entry), offering a relaxed, family-friendly environment in an uplifting atmosphere. visit or and for tickets contact 01273 709709 latest 7 23

024_LS371 Joogleberry FP


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Pass the port Andrew Kay drops anchor on Ventura and falls for the onboard dining experience Readers of both ends of our esteemed journal may have noticed that I have been to see Ventura the new P&O cruise liner. What a big ship, blooming massive. I had a job finding my way around when sober and it became harder after a few drinkies. I guess the whole drinks and dinner thing is part and parcel of the cruise scene and it's one I can easily see myself getting into. The party I had joined met for drinks in Metropolis, the cocktail bar on the 18th deck. Very smart it is too with a huge wall of plasma screening specially commissioned panoramic film. It was very impressive, glamourous and tasteful too, cityscapes at sunset plus a midnight film based on the elements that had some genuinely breathtaking moments. After a few G&Ts I was feeling in very merry mood, and we had by accidentally imbibed a few glasses of fizz en-route, we went down to Bay Tree one of the many restaurants on board.

‘‘I finished every morsel of my main course and would, had it not been a black tie event, have licked my plate’’ Now I had in my mind and idea that cruise dining would be stuffy and formal with drab old fashioned food. I could not have been more wrong. Bay Tree is huge but divided up by curvy decorative screens of wood and etched glass, it is large but it is also intimate. Nick Munro’s deft designer’s hand was in full evidence too with elegant tableware, weighty glasses, well balanced cutlery and stylish china. Dinner was a six-course affair and the numbers so large that I had assumed that it would be a set menu, but none of that as the waiters, in droves, dispensed menus in wooden covers offering us plenty of tempting choices. Given the number of courses I chose carefully, not wishing to peak too soon as is my want. I started with an excellent game terrine served with a piquant jelly. It was extremely good and served in the right sized portion, not too big, not too small. Others enjoyed a goat cheese and asparagus timbale served with asparagus and the smiles on their faces told it all. After that came soup, I restrained myself from a saffron and potato broth with prawns and monkfish. When it came I wished I hadn't it looked so delicious, but the vegetable consummé with porcini was amazing and much lighter, and I felt after all that I had made the right choice.

This was followed with a champagne sorbet that was okay but a little too sweet to have the cleansing effect for which it was intended. For my main course I was so torn: lobster thermador with a seafood risotto or braised loin of venison with a haggis gateau. I love venison and I love lobster but game won out in the end and I was very glad. Perfect slices of tender, sweet meat in a ‘jus‘ with just a hint of whisky. The gateau was a layered confection of haggis, neeps and tatties, really very good. Brilliant waiters silver served vegetables too, hot and well cooked. The whole thing was far surpassing my expectations and my glass was never empty. I finished every morsel of my main course and would, had it not been a black tie event, have licked my plate. The same happened around the table, rack of lamb disappeared lickety-spit as did the lobster and risotto. I had of course peaked too soon, gorging myself on gorgeous haggis, and was only able to manage a coupe of vanilla ice cream with butterscotch sauce. That hit the right spot for me. Others were more ambitious but I have to say after so many courses the ice creams were the choice of the day. When the offer of cheese arrived I refused. Not everyone declines and it did lead me to think that the letters PR might not mean Public Relations after all but Piggy Rations. Coffee, which so often lets a meal down, did not, and a waiter armed with a platter of good chocolate truffles was hijacked and his bounty seized. Yes I think I could get used to life at sea, it was smart when it wanted to be and relaxed when appropriate – and we never even left the quay side. P&O certainly seem to be thinking outside the box when it comes to the future of cruise passengers. The whole package certainly has a younger appeal and the family facilities are excellent. One day I hope to go to sea and enjoy the full range of culinary delights, from Eastern to Modern European that Ventura has to offer.

memories of Indian Cuisine

A New Experience

Open 12 noon - 11.30pm 7 days a week including Bank Holidays

Sunday buffet 12 noon - 5pm Eat to your heart’s content Adults £9.95 Child £5.95 Mon - Sat Special Lunch Offer Dine from 12 noon to 4pm 25% off food from the a la carte menu

memories of

INDIA . . .

An Indian but not as you know it 9B Waterfront, Brighton Marina, Brighton BN2 5WA

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RESTAURANTS BRITISH (ORGANIC) CONTEMPORARY Seasons Restaurant There’s a number of reasons to eat more local, seasonal food: To reduce energy (associated CO2 emissions) needed to grow and transport foods, to avoid paying premiums for foods that are imported, to support local economy and reconnect with nature's cycles, most importantly, because seasonal food is fresher and tends to be tastier and more nutritious. 1b Waterfront, Brighton Marina, BN2 5WA. Tel: 01273 675007

Earth and Stars There’s a new chef in place at this eco pub and the menu has had an upgrade to match the organic wine list. You can now enjoy sustainable jumbo pollack and tarragon fish fingers (MSC approved), local Brighton Sausage Co. banger of the week, homemade pizzas using Infinity Foods wholewheat or GF flour (vegan options too). Organic five bean burger, Sunday roasts with eight veg and free range yorkies. 46 Windsor St, Brighton. Tel: 01273 722879

BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000

Sevendials Restaurant


Fat Leo

A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555,

L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like Coq Au Vin and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There is also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Tarte aux Pommes and Crème Brulée. Enjoy our south-facing sun terrace with the Brasserie Lunch Menu, Tuesday–Sunday, 12–6pm including Croque Madame, Tarte a l’ognion, moules marinières and more… and a delicious French Sunday roast, this is true entente cordiale. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868,,

Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hardpressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Fresh, contemporary design with an authentic Gallic feel. We serve traditional food by French chefs in a relaxed, friendly atmosphere in the restaurant, or in the large, calm, sunny garden. Lunchtime dishes start at £4.50, with a range of lunch and dinner menus. A free bottle of wine comes with the Early Frog special, 5.45–6.45pm. Roast dinners on Sunday lunchtimes. Open for morning teas and coffees. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721 488,

New Steine Bistro Cosy French Bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6pm to 10pm for last orders. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546/695415

GREEK Symposio Greek Taverna In a city with very few Greek eateries it’s great to find somewhere warm and inviting to indulge in some Greek food. From magnificent mezze to classic grilled meats, Symposio has a great taverna atmosphere and the lively style of the venue adds a great ambience to what can be a terrific party venue. Also fabulous for a romantic dinner, family outing or business meal. The moussaka is a must and also the deep red wine-soaked sausages and crisp calamari. 121 Western Road, Hove, 01273 779474

Meze Meze An authentic Greek restaurant serving traditional and modern specialities, including the ever popular meze. All achieved by using ingredients from a London importer and local fresh meat, fish and vegetables, lovingly prepared by Greek chef Kostas. An extensive wine list and fabulous ambience adds to the whole Greek experience. 168 -170 South Street, Lancing BN15 8AU 01903 765333

INDIAN Nooris Indian Cuisine One of Brighton’s longest-standing Indian restaurants, and justifiably so. Smart service and a menu that, as well as offering all our favourite dishes, has some interesting and unusual dishes on offer. The restaurant has a great central location just off the seafront as well. We have always been particularly impressed by the vegetarian menu. Try the jalfrezi karai and jungle masalla. Excellent breads and side dishes are on offer too. Offers include £6.95 for a two course meal and £9.95 for a three course meal with wine. 70 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 329405

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477,

SPANISH La Tapa De Oro This large upper room is home to great and authentic Spanish cooking. Tapas has been trendy for years but here the emphasis is on real Iberian food. Favourites include sweet slices of octopus on boiled potato slices dressed with olive oil, lovely ensalad russe and great jamon serrano. Informal and friendly, this is a great place for a romantic dinner, family outing, business meal or party. 123 Western Road, Hove, 01273 779474

Santiago Restaurant Nestled between the two piers, Santiago Restaurant offers quality food and friendly service in this fantastic location on Brighton beach. Occupying former fishermans arches and boasting three of the historic,original arched windows, our first floor indoor restaurant gives a cosy and intimate dining experience. Now serving our exciting new menu of modern european dishes with a hispanic influence and delicious home made desserts. On sunny days enjoy watching the world go by whilst dining on our sun terrace overlooking the beach or in the evening come and relax in our indoor restaurant where every table has a sea view. 143-144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton Beach 01273 710031

SPANISH Chokdee This premium take-away next to Hove Station offers fantastic quality Thai food – to your door if you use the free local home-delivery service – or to take away if you are passing. You can eat in too, in the stylish dining area. Counter service does away with additional service charges, so you can enjoy Thai food as often as you like without the fuss. At Chokdee it’s the food that’s the thing. 98 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 720370

Sawadee The Thai restaurant that people love for parties and celebrations because they always give the best of times. And why not; this well-priced restaurant pleases repeatedly with dishes we have all grown to love, and new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients, such as pea aubergines where others use peas. Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad. 87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233,

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VEGETARIAN Revitalise (formerly Planet Janet) This popular and stylish Hove café restaurant offers delicious healthy hot and cold food in combination with being an excellent centre for therapies, treatments and classes. Healthy breakfasts, chunky sandwiches, soups, main meals, jacket potatoes and salads form the core of the menu. Freshly pressed fruit and vegetable juices in delicious revitalising combos, delicious fair-trade teas and coffee, vegan and gluten-free options. The only 100 per cent freshly pressed juice bar in Hove open seven days a week, families welcome. You can eat for less than a fiver! 86 Church Road, Hove, 01273 738389

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak, sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon–Sat 7:30am–7:00pm Sun 8:30am–5:00pm Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent coffee shop, with great coffee made by our highly trained Baristas. We also have a fantastic range of fresh fruit smoothies, sandwiches, quiches and cakes all freshly made in store. Favourites include chocolate brownies, battenburg cake, pistachio & orange biscotti (Gluten free) & spinach & sun dried tomato quiche with salad. Moksha is definitely not your usual high-street café. Its spacious interior is decorated with the work of local artists and photographers and the specially placed lighting offers an ambience not found elsewhere. Moksha has easy access for disabled customers, is child friendly and with free WIFI, its a must for anyone who wants the best that Brighton has to offer. Located opposite St Peter’s Church only a five minute walk from Brighton station. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton , 01273 248890

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5pm and 7pm all week. With 3 bars over 3 floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guest list or to run through some ideas please contact us.. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720 059.

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

6 – 12 May

Under review We tell it like it was – a round up of recent local shows Comic Boom The room was packed and expectations were as high as the grins already in place in readiness for the night’s line-up. This was a packed night, without any of those awkward gaps less brilliant comics leave in between their gags. Rich Perry opened with dry observations and a careless hilarious callousness, followed by the acidicly funny Kerry Herbert. With Jim Holland on top form as ever with his ‘porn star’ facial hair, Alison Leitch’s laid back careless laughter and Katy Schutte finding new ways to make a ukelele something to write home about – this was all before headliners Ginger & Black took to the stage and became the first to be recalled for an encore at this monthly night. Well planned and well delivered. Komedia, 24 April ✌✌✌✌✌ Victoria Nangle

Rabbit in the Headlights A new stand-up comedy showcase that, perhaps inevitably, provided mixed results. The danger of new talent nights means being prepared for the occasional flop, and this was never going to be an exception. But with an even split between the hilarious and the humdrum, the ten acts – each with a five minute set – still made for an entertaining evening. The compere for the night Steve Saul was excellent, and kept the energy going throughout, while the Three and Ten was the perfect intimate comedy venue. Rabbit in the Headlights is a monthly event, and thankfully, it

Maceo Parker

seems there’s enough new talent in town to make it worth attending. Upstairs at Three And Ten, 25 April ✌✌✌ James Hamilton

Maceo Parker More than a 100 per cent funk legend, and much more than just the sax player in James Brown’s band and George Clinton’s Parliament/Funkadelic troupe, Parker belied his years (he’s 65) by effortlessly grooving his way through a hugely impressive set that continues to fuse his long standing love of funk with be-bop jazz and more contemporary hip hop, via a large ensemble of long term associates and newer pals. Over the years he’s stepped out of the shadow of the towering James Brown, but even though he’s enormously indebted to his business acumen and showmanship, Parker has a winning personality all of his own – the man and his band brought a smile to the faces of the crowd, and there was barely a soul not able to wriggle at least a little toe to the sublime mastery of funk. Komedia, April 16 ✌✌✌✌✌ Jeff Hemmings

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Radio Soulwax Belgium isn’t famous for its musical exports, though there’s one band of modern day innovators surreptitiously conquering the world from the land of beer, chocolate and waffles. Since starting life in the nineties as an indie rock act, Soulwax have branched out to dance music in spectacular style with DJ/ live aliases 2manyDJs and Nite Versions. Tonight is their acclaimed and stupendously popular travelling road-show, featuring both clubbing incarnations, along with DJs Riton, Ladyhawke, Mickey Moonlight and Dim and even the band’s new road documentary, Part of the Weekend Never Dies. The dirtier sounding Nite Versions blends seamlessly with the more traditional DJing of 2manyDJs as Daft Punk’s ‘Robot Rock’ to LCD Soundsystem’s ‘Get Innocuous’ get branded with the distinctive Soulwax sound. Every ounce of energy is wrung from decks and drums and a packed Concorde is beaten into loving submission. Concorde 2, April 23 ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

The Spirit of Gravity: Con Brio + Disco Tears This sort of thing is either madly affecting or falls flat on its pompous face. Tonight walks the line, but just about triumphs. Disco Tears uphold the avant-garde tradition quirkily with Ed Wood style sci-fi noise ploughing away until an actual bugle (!) heralds a perversely ecstatic crescendo. Con Brio is brilliantly, eminently danceable. In a twiddly, almost onanistic way, this is traditional, heavily rhythmic clubbing music if Autechre took the reins. A shipping forecast leads to an ethereal netherworld of twisted beats and skewed rhythms, making a strange, beautiful, sense. Electronic music is rarely this transcendental or accomplished. Upstairs at Three And Ten, 22 April ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Will Self There’s a marked difference between the reading and answering Self – no not a treatise on the philosophy of language, simply an observation on the wily, urbane charms of Will Self. Reading from his new book The Butt (a novel looking at moral intentions and outcomes), every word is given the correct weighting; deliberately, carefully – he’s in complete control of the delicious delivery’s full impact. Wind f orward to the Q&A and by now he’s limbered up, the mental gymnastics of the opening portion have left him quite relaxed. Loping round the stage like a rangy panther he gobbles up questions in quick succession, baring his teeth once to a woman who dares to criticise his accent and characters. The Old Market, Hove, April 24 ✌✌✌✌ Jan Goodey

South Pacific Rodgers and Hammerstein never failed to fill an evening with great music and strong drama and South Pacific is amongst the best. You start to fear that the hits will run out before the second half but they simply keep on coming. This new tour has a terrific pace and great settings. The navy boys err on the side of camp, some look like they don’t know what a dame is, but the quality of dancing and singing is superb. Dave Willets has a great voice but sadly faded towards the end. Helena Blackman, runner up for BBC’s Maria quest can act and sing but the voice is a little reedy. Sheila Francisco as Bloody Mary is stunning and Ian McLarnon as Lt Joseph Cable has a voice of gold. Theatre Royal, 28 April ✌✌✌✌

Cliché, see page 31

30 Stage Book your tickets now, it’s Festival season and so much is going on!

32 Film Daniel Craig on his new Brit flick and listings

36 Art Roger Bamber’s new exhibition and listings

38 Comedy Take a walk on the wild side, try a comedy adventure at the Festival

39 Music Previews of who’s hitting town and reviews of releases, plus the Latest 7 chart (p42)

44 Clubs You know that you look good on the dancefloor dance! Plus listings

45 Gay News, interviews and Will Tells plus all the listings, pictures and previews

50 Television Dani’s gone bounty hunting plus seven days of listings

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From Tuesday 6–Monday 12 May ABOVE THREE AND TEN 10 Steine Street, Brighton Around the World on 80 Quid Is it possible? Join the misadventures of an Irish gypsy fiddler. • Sat 10–Sun 11 May, 1pm, also 10.15pm Sun 11, £8/6, ages 18+ only Hard Chair Stories Interwoven monologues that reveal the dark and absurd underside of life. • Tue 6–Fri 9 May, 8.30pm, £9/7 Womb Man/Whacker Murphy’s Bad Buzz A twisted examination of humankind. Two original one-man shows. • Fri 9–Sun 11 May, 4pm, £8/6 The Haunted Moustache One man’s quest to uncover his inheritance – his aunt’s moustache! • 10 May, 7pm, £9/7

BIG TOP IN PRESTON PARK London Road, Brighton Info: 07721 565558, tickets: 0844 856 5555 The Moscow State Circus New programme of acts with inimitable Russian style. • 8–20 May, various times, £7–£27

• Mon 12–Tue 13 May, 8.30pm, SOLD OUT Shift Contemporary dance, physical theatre and aerial circus. • Mon 12–Wed 14 May, 7.30pm, £15

BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE 01273 777748 Dinner Friends, strangers, and a silent butler make up this dinner party no-one will forget. • Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 7.15pm, £8.50/7.50

THE CAPITOL, HORSHAM 01403 750220 Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf Show exploring the rise and fall of TV legend. • Wed 7 May, please call for show times/£ Harry and his Bucketful of Dinosaurs For three to eight-year-olds – Harry’s bucket of toys become full-sized dino-playmates! • Sun 11 May, please call for times, £9/8

CELLA@SANCTUARY CAFE BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 Frantic Assembly – Stockholm There’s a fine line between tenderness and cruelty – this is the tale of a relationship unravelling. • Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 8pm, Sat 4pm and 8pm, £15–£18, no latecomers permitted. Bahok A contemporary Babel of language and movement. Dance • Fri 9–Sat 10 May, 7.15pm, £6–£25 Johnny’s Midnight Goggles Mind – and genre – bending explosion of storytelling, singing, music and sonic wizardry.

51–55 Brunswick St East, Hove 01273 770006 Bite-Size Lunch Hour Ten minute plays from around the world to enjoy in your lunch time! • Sat 10 & Sun 11, 17 & 18, 24 & 25 May, 12.30pm, £12 (both shows) /£7/5 Bite-Size Soirée 10-minute plays of fun, drama and suspense. Ages 12+. • Fri 9, Sat 10 & Fri 16 May, 7.30pm, £8/6

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 Funny Girl Fearless ugly duckling Fanny Brice

Frantic Assembly – Stockholm, Brighton Dome sets out against the world. • Tue 6 May–14 June. Various times and prices – please check with venue or online. The Cherry Orchard A mum returns to the country estate where her son drowned. • Thu 15 May–Sat 7 June, 7.30pm, plus 2pm 24/29/31 May and 5 and 7 June. £tbc

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 Hello, Dolly! Starring Anita Dobson and Darren Day. A performance for all musical fans • Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat. London Philharmonic Orchestra With Matthew Coorey as conductor, and Yevgeny Sudbin on piano. Afternoon entertainment. • Sun 11 May, 2pm, £11–£27.50 The Wedding Singer Based on the film starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. • Mon 12–Sat 17 May, 7.30pm plus Thu and Sat mat 2.30pm, £16–£28

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 Patience Gilbert & Sullivan’s forgotten masterpiece with a traditional orchestra. • Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £10–£12


NEW VENTURE THEATRE 01273 746118 Mojo Jez Butterworth’s jet-black comedy set in a Soho nightclub in 1958. • Sat 3–Sat 17 May, 7.45pm except Sunday and Mondays. Sunday mat 2.30pm, £7.50

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE 01273 702563 Short Cuts Dance, physical theatre and a puppet’s attempt at overcoming his regrets. • Tue 6–Tue 20 May, 7pm and 9pm, £8.50/6.50 Scratch Night By final year students on the BA (Hons) Theatre Arts at Northbrook College • Tue 6 May, 7.30pm, £donation The Art of Catastrophe Dark, funny and poignant look at the underbelly of love. • Wed 7–Thu 8 May, 7.30pm, £8.50/6.50 ON off Charlie Morrissey uses the title words create a unique and physical performance. • Fri 9–Sat 10 May, 7.30pm, £8.50/6.50


01323 412000 Flyaway Katie An inspiring flight of fancy about the power of imagination. Winter Garden Gold Room. Ideal ages two–five. • Wed 14 May, 11am and 1.30pm, £5

Brighton Town Hall, Bartholomews Square Total Lyrical and haunting new drama performed in an atmospheric setting. •Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 6.45 and 8pm, £7/5, ages 15+



Ship Street, Brighton 01273 770258 After The End Louise and Mark are in the pub at the time of the explosion. Can they survive the attack? Can they survive each other? • Sat 10–Sun 11 May, 7pm, £5/4 Fear of Projection Meet one of America’s finest minds... only he’s dead. Can Assistant Lecturer Ed save the night? Ages 15+. • Tue 6–Fri 9 May, 6pm, £12.50/10.50

Ship Street, Brighton 01273 329001 Hadley’s Experiment The experiences of a man kidnapped for his own protection. • Tue 6–Sun 11 May, 7.45pm, £12/8

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 Hitting Home (08) Adapted from Andrea Ashworth’s acclaimed autobiography. • Fri 9 May, call for show times and £ The Chuckle Brothers – Indiana Chuckles Paul and Barry Chuckle venture off to a faraway land that time forgot. • Fri 9 May, 4.15pm and 7pm, £12/46 for family of four Noisy Kids 2008 Introduce children (aged five–12) to popular classical music with the RPO. • Sat 10 May, call for show times and £ Beauty and the Beast Told through video projection, animation, puppetry and live action • Sat 10 May, 2pm, £5.50/20 family of four

KOMEDIA 01273 647100 Backward Glance Hands reaching and a severed hand preaching? Words and physical imagery blend... For ages 16+ only. 30 latest 7

• Tue 6–Thu 8 May, 7pm, £6/5 Conjuring Up Comedy – Ian Keable One man magic show with VAT – very amusing tricks. • Tue 6 May, 8.45pm, £6/5 The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre Songs, sketches, socks and violence in this hilarious show. • Thu 8 May, 9.15pm, £6

THEATRE ROYAL 08700 606650 Norman – Lemieux.Pilon 4D Art State-of-theart virtual projection and live theatre. • Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 8pm, £11–16

THE UDDERBELLY Old Steine Lawns, Venue 224 X Files Improv Dean Haglund improvises an X-Files episode on audience suggestion. • Sat 10 May, 5pm, £12/10 Durang Durang Collection of shorts from the the darkly funny Christopher Durang. Ages 12+ • Sat 10–Sun 11 May, 6pm, £12/10 The Lady of Burma Solo act telling the true story of Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi. • Sun 11 May, 5pm, £12

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 Vienna Festival Ballet Presents: Sleeping Beauty A classic fairy tale set to Tchaikovsky’s magnificent score. •Sat 10 May, 2.30pm and 7.30pm, £14/19

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Vive la revolution The Nightingale Theatre presents October Revolutions, a play by Brian Mitchell Brian Mitchell, award-winning writer behind The Ornate Johnsons, Spy and The Ministry of Biscuits joins forces with director and actor Ross Gurney-Randall (Goering’s Defence, Follow Me) for a project developed with Brighton’s Nightingale Theatre. Fogeyish scriptwriter Philip and eager young art student Kath hover frustratingly in that awkward region somewhere between friendship and love. He is 29 going on 40, and she a 19-year-old with far more experience and wisdom than her years. Over the course of three meetings in three parks over three Octobers, they jockey, vie, scheme and battle for position, with comical and sometimes brutal results. Can the romantic setting of the Blue Peter Italian Garden bring the outcome Philip so ardently desires? Or will his hopes remain sunken? Performed in the round, The October Revolutions is a touching, hilarious and often cringe-inducing portrayal of just how rubbish humans can be in the pursuit of love. It is also a unique experiment in theatre – each night the three scenes are played in a different order, in a process of continual revolution, giving up to six versions of the play. Catch this Festival preview, directed by Herald Angel-winner Ross Gurney-Randall (Follow Me, Guy Masterson Productions) and starring Lloyd Thomas (Queen of the Slaughter, Prodigal Theatre) and Astral De La Mare (The Devil, Chess: A Burlesque, Foul Play Productions), and then see October Revolutions two, three and four at The Nightingale Theatre, Thursday 12 to Saturday 14 June at 8pm. “Real and true, charming and touching, painful and affecting, it is clearly written by somebody who knows what he is doing,” says Fintan O’Higgins of the Theatre Writing Partnership.

The award-winning novelist Philip Reeve describes it as, “A superb two-hander, both funny and moving, written with unflinching honesty and a great generosity of spirit.” The director Aletta Collins hails it as: “Wonderful. (It’s) funny, sad and touching, a real love story between two people who never seem to be in the same place at the same time.” Brighton Festival Fringe Preview at the Sallis Benney Theatre, Grand Parade, Brighton, Sun 18 May 8pm (doors 7:30pm), and then at the Nightingale Theatre, 29 Surrey Street, Brighton, Thur 12–Sat 14 June, 8pm, £8/6. Call the box office on 01273 709709

Too darned hot Angel Exit present The Black Curtain Duntown is sizzling in a heatwave, and Frank Harmless faces a tough choice. Led by lust into a nightmarish state of paranoia, betrayal and murder, Frank stumbles upon greedy journalists, secret agents – and a doublecrossing femme fatale. Internationally acclaimed physical theatre ensemble Angel Exit come to The Udderbelly with their production of The Black Curtain as part of this year’s Brighton Festival Fringe from Tuesday 6 to Thursday 8 May. Fresh from touring in France, the South West-based company with a “reputation for excellence in physical theatre” (Irish Times) conjures a darkly comic film noir thriller. With their special brand of “vivid theatricality and inventiveness” (The Guardian) Angel Exit evoke the seedy underworld of Duntown with bold movement, a trenchcoated chorus, a crackling script and an

original electro-jazz score by Tom Ball (of psychedelic pop band Headland). Inspired by classic film noirs such as Double Indemnity and the hard-boiled language of Raymond Chandler through a narrative influenced by contemporary news stories (such as the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko and the death of David Kelly), Angel Exit weave a web of intrigue which is at once

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Tough love A powerful new drama Cliché by Dani Carbery explores domestic abuse Tanya is dead, killed by her husband. But why did he do it? Can he get away with murder? Is domestic violence ever justified? Why didn’t she just leave him? It’s a familiar story, one we all think we know – or do we? Cliché is a new play set to challenge our preconceptions surrounding domestic violence. It is a one-man show starring Andy Cresswell and directed by James Claridge, who together formed the Brighton-based company Silent Announcement. The play begins just after the central character has killed his wife, Tanya, whose lifeless body is present throughout. It is her 30th birthday and friends and family become increasingly concerned when she doesn’t answer her phone messages and misses appointments. A series of voice-overs contribute to the style of this powerful and beautifully constructed play. Half in prose, half in verse, a story unravels of a desperate man who has murdered the woman he loves. A man despised by his wife’s friends and family who believe he has been mistreating her for years. Cliché, Marlborough Theatre, Brighton Mon 5–Wed 7 May, 9pm, and Fri 16 May, 9:30pm, £8. Call the box office on 01273 570028

glamorously removed from our everyday reality and also frighteningly close. Informed by their training at Paris’s prestigious Lecoq School in clown, commedia and chorus, along with a passion for storytelling, Angel Exit present a “blend of these traditions with their own brand of black cherry sauce.” (The Scotsman). This is “highly charged, visually inventive theatre.” (RTE, Irish broadcaster) Devised and developed by the company, The Black Curtain tours England and Scotland throughout April and May, following a rural tour in Normandy earlier this year. The show is co-produced by Chipping Norton Theatre, The Brewhouse, Taunton, and Le Preau Theatre, Normandy and is generously supported by Arts Council England. The Black Curtain, The Udderbelly, Brighton Tue 6–Thur 8 May, 6pm. Call 01273 709709. latest 7 31



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FILM 1himself. Following the recent death of his own daughter

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 6

Thursday 8

21 (12A) 2.30, 8.15 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 2.45, 5.30, 8.45 IRON MAN (12A) 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 MADE OF HONOUR (12A) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 NIM’S ISLAND (U) 11.30, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG)12.30 THE EYE (15) 3.15 THE ORPHANAGE (15) 8.15 THE OXFORD MURDERS (15) 12.40, 5.45

21 (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.15 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 2.45, 8.45 IRON MAN (12A) 11.00, 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 MADE OF HONOUR (12A) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 NIM’S ISLAND (U) 11.30, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG)12.30 THE EYE (15) 3.15 THE BUCKET LIST (12A) 10.30 (Silver Screen) THE ORPHANAGE (15) 8.15 THE OXFORD MURDERS (15) 12.40, 5.45

Wednesday 7 21 (12A) 2.30, 8.15 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 2.45, 5.30, 8.45 IRON MAN (12A) 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 MADE OF HONOUR (12A) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 NIM’S ISLAND (U) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 THE EYE (15) 3.15 THE ORPHANAGE (15) 8.15 THE OXFORD MURDERS (15) 12.40, 5.45

L7 lowdown  New releases reviewed


7 Selects

Joy Division (15)

01273 626261 Tuesday 6

Saturday 10


HONEYDRIPPER (PG) 3.30, 8.45 LUXURY CAR (15) 1.30 UNDERDOG (U) 11.00am

Wednesday 7

Sunday 11

PERSEPOLIS (12A) 4.00, 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 6.30

CARAMEL (PG) 11.00am HONEYDRIPPER (PG) 4.00, 9.00 JOY DIVISION (15) 6.30 SUNFLOWER (PG) 1.30

Thursday 8 PERSEPOLIS (12A) 4.00, 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 6.30

Director: Grant Gee This engrossing documentary is directed by Grant Gee who worked on the Scott Walker: 30 Century Man documentary. Written by punk critic Jon Savage this shadowy epic explores the music and the myth of Manchester’s most influential band. Following Anton Corbijn’s pulsating

special one night only gig things get riotous. Danny Glover stars in this wonderful if slightly conceited effort. Showing at Duke of York’s

Monday 12 HONEYDRIPPER (PG) 3.45, 9.00 JOY DIVISION (15) 6.30

Friday 9 CONTROL (15) 11.30 pm HONEYDRIPPER (PG) 3.30, 8.45 JOY DIVISION (15) 6.15

dramatic effort Control and the death of Factory Records founder Tony Wilson, this is a timely investigation of the band’s legacy. Featuring interviews, live footage and newly discovered audio-tapes this is breathtaking and inspiring stuff. Showing at Duke of York’s Craig Driver


Made of Honour (12A)

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 6 21 (12A) 3.00, 5.50 BIENVENUE CHEZ LES CH’TIS (12A) 4.10, 6.40, 9.20 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 4.15, 6.50, 9.30 IN BRUGES (18) 3.20, 6.00, 8.40 IRON MAN (12A) 2.40, 3.30, 5.30, 6.20, 8.20, 9.10 MADE OF HONOUR (12A) 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 NIM’S ISLAND (PG) 3.40, 6.10, 8.30 THE EYE (15) 8.50

Wednesday 7 21 (12A) 3.00, 5.50 BIENVENUE CHEZ LES CH’TIS (12A) 4.10, 6.40, 9.20 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 4.15, 6.50, 9.30 IN BRUGES (18) 3.20, 6.00, 8.40 IRON MAN (12A) 2.40, 3.30, 5.30, 6.20, 8.20, 9.10 MADE OF HONOUR (12A) 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 NIM’S ISLAND (PG) 3.40, 6.10, 8.30 THE EYE (15) 8.50

Thursday 8 21 (12A) 3.00, 5.50 BIENVENUE CHEZ LES CH’TIS (12A) 4.10, 6.40, 9.20

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 4.15, 6.50, 9.30 IN BRUGES (18) 3.20, 6.00, 8.40 IRON MAN (12A) 2.40, 3.30, 5.30, 6.20, 8.20, 9.10 MADE OF HONOUR (12A) 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 NIM’S ISLAND (PG) 3.40, 6.10, 8.30 THE EYE (15) 8.50


01903 206206 Tues 6-Thurs 8 May

Fri 9-Mon 12 May

Sat 10 May

27 DRESSES (12A) 1.30 (mon/thurs), 8.00



Tues 6-Mon 12 May

Fri 9-Mon 12 May

Mon 12 May

SPEED RACER (TBC) 2.00 (sat/sun), 5.00, 8.00


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Dir: Nadine Labaki This raucous effort is probably best described as a Middle East Sex and the City. A romantic comedy centred on the daily lives of five Lebanese women living in Beirut, this is not held back by the politics of the region but instead embraces the often tumultuous surroundings. As a perfect accompaniment to the often intoxicating cinematography the women at the centre of the film bicker, cheat, exclaim and exorcise their demons. A cosmopolitan affair this is a breath of slightly perfumed air. Showing at Duke of York’s

Honeydripper (PG) 


NIM’S ISLAND (U) 2.30 (st/sn), 5.00, 7.15 (tu-thr), 5.30 (fr-mn)

Caramel (PG) 


Dir: John Sayles Set in 1950s rural Alabama this is an old-time charmer. It’s a make-or-break weekend for the Honeydripper Lounge and its owner, piano player Tyrone ‘Pine Top’ Purvis. Deep in debt to the liquor man, the chicken man, and the landlord, Tyrone is desperate to lure the young cotton pickers and local Army base recruits into his joint. When the famous electric guitar player, ‘Guitar Sam’, arrives for a

Dir: Paul Weilland This super schmaltzy romantic comedy follows human sprout Patrick Dempsey as a guy in love with an engaged woman. When inexplicably asked to be her maid of honour he tries to win her over with oodles of cheesy grins and clichéd exclamations of love. Unoriginal and riddled with dull and dumb actors, this is a film high on incompetence and unbelievably low on charm. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Welcome to the Sticks (Bienvenue chez le Ch’tis) (12A) 

Dir: Dany Boon This charming little film has been a bit of a money spinner in its native France. The story tells of Phillipe, a local post office worker, who tries to move his family down to the seaside in order to ease his wife’s depression. Although living a comfortable life in Salon-de-Provence the family run into trouble when Phillipe is caught red-handed while trying to scam an inspector and as a result is banished to the unheard of town of Bergues. The comedy comes from culture clash but ineffable charm wins you over. Showing at Cineworld Craig Driver



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Fool’s gold Daniel Craig talks to Latest Seven about new film Flashbacks of a Fool, South Africa and being Bond What was South Africa like? Wonderful. I love that part of the world. I’ve got a real affinity to it and I love going back. It was the first time I’d been to Cape Town and it’s beautiful, an unbelievable place. Are you pleased with the film? I am pleased. I think it’s really beautiful. The story is so simple. It’s a story about dealing with the past and taking care of business. I think Baillie has done an amazing job. And what comes through is the humour in it, which is really important. Is it a story about remembering where you came from? Definitely. What’s interesting is that this guy, my character, has everything – he has the best mum and her close friend who brings him up. It may be a slightly dysfunctional family but it is also a good, solid family and everything is there and that’s the big tragedy. Later on in life he’s got Eve (Ophelia Franklin) who is probably the love of his life, who is standing there and saying: “I will be there forever, even though you are a mess.“ It’s the way that when he was 16, so deeply affects him that it sends him off on to that destructive path. I can personally relate to that, not in such an extreme way but if you go off on that wrong path and don’t deal with it and or address it, it will find its way back to you. It’s also about how important those years are. The young Joe is such a bundling ball of energy and hormones and every experience is so vivid. Filming in South Africa worked for that sequence so well because when you remember those times everything is so bright and colourful, because your hormones are going through the roof. Is it good for you to do projects like this alongside doing Bond? It’s absolutely not a conscious decision to react to something. I did it because I believed in it and because I believe in Baillie. But Bond does help. And doing films like this makes me remember why I do what I do. Also being a producer means I have to say: “I believe in this, spend some money.“ And it’s a step because that was somebody else’s job – that was my bosses’ job, they did all of that and I turned up and did the acting. Was it difficult to raise the money for this? Thank God for Buena Vista and the other investors. It was a struggle. Baillie said that there were some parts of Joe’s wardrobe that were your own clothes. What was that about? It was all my own, it was that kind of movie. (laughs).

Also showing… A quick look at this week’s releases 27 Dresses (12A) Dir: Anne Fletcher After the gross-out/romantic comedy hybrid that was Knocked Up, Katherine Heigl goes for a full-blown romcom with this saga about your standard gal who’s always the bridesmaid, never the bride until she falls in love with her sister’s fiancé. Cue, presumably, lots of kooky support-cast silliness, good-natured indecision and general unashamed fluffiness. James Marsden and Edward Burns co-star as the requisite chick-flick eye candy. Showing at Worthing The Eye (15) Dir: David Moreau and Xavier Palud From the director of the mildly acclaimed 2006 horror Them comes this remake of the cult Hong Kong fright-fest Jian Gui. Jessica Alba stars as a blind woman given an eye transplant which enables her to see into the supernatural world. Cue lots of premonitions, grisly ends and general unpleasantness for all involved. Not sure if this’ll be as chilling as the original, though maybe worth a look for some undemanding chills. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

In Bruges (18) Dir: Martin McDonagh Colin Farrell makes a welcome return after a while away from the big screen with this interesting take on the guns, swearing and posh boys acting tough Brit gangster film. Farrell plays an Irish hitman exiled to Bruges to lay low with his partner, played by Brendan Iron Man

Was that just for convenience or were you playing a version of yourself? No, the way that Baillie did it was that Joe was in a shirt and a pair of jeans, or something, and it’s hardly a difficult wardrobe to get together. But it’s something that I wear and he just said ‘I want you to wear that’ because for him it was an image that worked. It was just a simplistic thing. And it was that kind of production. What can you tell us about the next Bond? Nothing really (laughs). The story continues where we left off. In Casino Royale we saw that there is an organisation that is trying to destabilise the world for its own gains and that is still there and I’m going after that. . Does it feel good to be back in the role? I feel really good. Up until Christmas it was a bit kick, bollock and scramble because things were coming together, but now the tipping point has come, we’re all in and we just have to get on with it. Any problems that we had or thought we had have gone now and we’ll have a ton more to deal in three months time. We have Matheiu Amalric in the film and I don’t know if you’ve seen The Diving Bell and the Butterfly but he’s fantastic and we’re just blessed to have him. Flashbacks of a Fool is out on general release now.

Gleeson. Ralph Fiennes plays against character as the Essex crime boss dealing with our unlikely heroes. Boasting great performances from the three leads, tongue in cheek Bruges set-pieces and a sub-plot involving bad behaved little people, this looks to be an enjoyably silly variation on the buddy movie, albeit with loads of inventive swearing and bad taste humour. Go feckin’ see it. Showing at Cineworld Iron Man (12A) Dir: Jon Favreau Iron Man is one of the less likeable superheroes. Let’s face it: a billionaire, alcoholic weapons developer was never going to be as charming as geeky kid Peter Parker. Still, it’s exactly this anti-hero appeal that makes Iron Man such a fascinating choice for a blockbuster. Adding to the ‘interesting’ factor is edgy thesp Robert Downey Jr playing the billionaire in question, Tony Stark, and Swingers/Friends star turned rom-com director Jon Favreau helming the production. Downey Jr’s businessman is nearly offed in Afghanistan by his rival. Forced to use his scientific genius to both stay alive and escape from his captors, he creates a special metal suit of electronic armour and Iron Man is born. Co-starring Jeff Bridges and Gwyneth Paltrow, the first blockbuster of the summer lands the first blow. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Persepolis (12A) Dir: Vincent Paronnaud/Marjane Satrapi The big-screen adaptation of Marjane Satrapi’s acclaimed semi-autobiographical graphic novel about growing up in Iran borrows from the distinctive style of the book. Effective black and white animation highlights a far less than black and white personal and political situation. Showing at Duke of York’s Son of Rambow (12A) Dir: Garth Jennings As a kid growing up in the 80s, music video and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy director Garth Jennings got hold of a pirated copy of First Blood and remade it. Son of Rambow is a remake of that remake. British to the core, this low-budget, heart-warming tale of two kids bonding over their love of Stallone is the definition of the term ‘sleeper hit’. Showing at Duke of York’s Underdog (U) Dir: Frederick Du Chau Based on a sixties wacked-out cartoon, this silly mixture of live action and CG animation features My Name Is Earl/ Alvin and the Chipmunks star Jason Lee as the voice of lovable bassett hound Shoeshine. After a lab accident gives him special powers, the intrepid hound dons a cape and fights crime in this family extravaganza. Showing at Duke of York’s Nick Aldwinckle

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For complete listings go to


Bags of Trouble and Raptor Factor

Little monkeys If you like baby animals this is the best time of year to visit Drusillas Park Drusillas Park is always a favourite day out but the best time of year to visit is spring, when baby animals begin to appear, upping the cuteness level just a little bit more. We spent a full day there in the school holiday but would have liked longer – one reason the annual family memberships are so popular. The adorable meerkats are perennial favourites and the kids can climb inside a dome to get up really close. The classic animals like the penguins are great fun especially at feeding time. Monkeys are always entertaining, but the farm and domestic animals are equally interesting at Drusillas. Who can resist the pigs when there are little piglets running around? Or the opportunity to pet and brush the goats? If it's cute you're after, don't miss Petworld, we especially liked the mice in their little house. (Like a doll’s house only more adorable). We also loved Teletubbyland, complete with guinea pigs as well as the more authentic bunnies. If you like a little more edge to your pets there are snakes, lizards, and hissing cockroaches. We loved all the interactive aspects which are being added to all the time: the zoolympics challenges: Do you weigh as much as a warthog? (thankfully not, I was a chimpanzee), How long can you stand on one leg? How fast can you run? etc. We even 'milked' a very realistic life-size cow. We brought a picnic lunch and used the pleasant outdoor picnic area (there is also an indoor picnic area) but there are plenty of (reasonably priced) places to get lunch or snacks. (As well as plentiful, clean, childfriendly toilets). We couldn't resist hot doughnuts to take away though. There is also the Explorers restaurant which comes recommended and is certainly an oasis of calm set apart from the main park. We didn’t have time to enjoy Playland, the adventure park aspect of Drusillas so we have lots more to explore on another day. Jungle Adventure Golf goes on the wish list for next time too. We found time to have a ride on Thomas the Tank Engine. Who wouldn’t enjoy a ride on a minature train with an ice cream in their hand? A visit to the shop where they have cuddly toys at genuine pocket money prices, that is, starting from £1, completed our day – apart from stopping off at at the stocks to sit and enjoy the sun. A highly recommended fun day for the whole family. Drusillas Park, Alfriston, East Sussex. 01323 874100.

KIDSLISTINGS Thursday 8 Cliff McNish Cliff McNish talks chills, spill and thrills. The Old Market, 2pm, £4

Friday 9

Catherine Johnson Writing Workshop For ages 9–12. Writing workshop for all budding young authors. Jubilee Library, 12pm, £5. Children's Laureate – Michael Rosen Ages 5–7. Diverse verse and interactive performance. The Old Market, 4:00pm, £5

Ian Whybrow School's event for years 3–5. The Old Market, 11:00am, £4

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Saturday 10

Caroline Lawrence For ages 7+. Up close and personal with history and mystery . The Old Market, 2:00pm, £5. Polly Dunbar For ages 4+. Interactive event. The Old Market, 12:00pm, £4.

Anthony Browne For ages 6+. Interactive event. The Old Market, 12:00pm, £5.

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 To feature in kids email

The RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds) is taking up residence in Brighton’s Sea Life Centre after hours for two special events this coming week. First up is Bags of Trouble on Thursday 8 May at 7pm. This event explores marine life and the devastating affect plastic pollution has on our seas and coastlines. The documentary short Hawaii: Message In The Waves will be screened, charting the environmental challenges faced by the people and wildlife of the region. After making this film, crew member Rebecca Hosking helped her home town of Modbury, Devon become the first plastic bag-free town in the UK, a move which inspired the current campaign for Brighton and Hove to go plastic bag-free. Next up is Raptor Factor on Friday 9 May at the Old Courtroom, from 7pm. This birds of prey special features rare nestcam footage providing a fascinating view into the world of these majestic creatures. Highlights include a wildlife crime investigation expert’s account of the persecution these birds face and the ways the RSPB helps bring offenders to justice. Bags of Trouble, Brighton Sea Life Centre, Thursday 8 May at 7pm. Raptor Factor, Friday 9 May, at The Old Courtroom, also at 7pm.

EVENTSLISTINGS Tuesday 6 Clive Stafford Smith On 'Bad Men: Guantanamo Bay and the Secret Prisons.' Pavilion Theatre, 7:30pm, £7.50. The Space Second Anniversary Guests Jon Ronson and Jocelyn Stevenson, Fraggle Rock co-creator. Joogleberry Playhouse, 7pm, £7/5 Writing Out Loud Aimed at those looking to develop their writing skills on the page. 4 Tuesday eves starting today. Brighton Writer's Centre, 7:00pm- 9:00pm, £44/40.

Wednesday 7 Creative Brighton Debate Discussion of the digital zeitgeist. Who and what is shaping this new environment? Pavilion Theatre, 7:30pm, £7.50. Mike Leigh: BAFTA - A Life In Pictures - In Conversation with Amy Raphael British film auteur Mile Leigh - five time Oscar nominee and BAFTA winner. Brighton Dome, 8:00pm, £10.

Thursday 8 Haunted Pubs Crawl Meet Hannington's taxi rank, East Street, Brighton. Over 18s only. A tour to three haunted hostelries. Various venues, 7:30pm- 9:30pm, £6. Sir David King – The Hot Topic – How To Tackle Global Warming and Still Keep The Lights On! Presenting the facts

and examining the solutions. Pavilion Theatre, 7:30pm, £7.50. What's The Point? Monthly books and debate event debate.Quadrant, 7:30pm, £3/free for Friends of the South. Wild Nights Out: Bags Of Trouble RSPB’s exploration of marine life and the devastating effect plastic pollution has.. Brighton Sea Life Centre, 7:00pm, £tbc.

Friday 9 Guitar Hero Tournament Compete against other rock gods on the big screen. Great prizes! Duke of York's, 9pm, £5/3. So You Want To Write For Children? For ages 16+. An insight into the pleasures and pitfalls of creating stories for young readers. The Old Market, 7:30pm, £7.50. Wild Nights Out: Raptor Factor From rare nestcam footage to wildlife crime – birds of prey special.The Old Courtroom, 7:00pm, £5 suggested donation.

Saturday 10 Hugh Lupton and Daniel Mordon More heart stopping drama from these master storytellers. The Old Market, 6:30pm, £5. World Fair Trade Day Stalls, food and information stands 12–2pm, Greg Valerio (CRED jewellery) speaks on 'Fair Trade that glitters' followed by Ethical business networking (3–4:30pm) Friends Meeting House, 12:00pm- 5:00pm, £tbc

If you would like your event listed please email



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Flower power Leonardslee boasts one of the most beautifully landscaped gardens in Europe, there’s no better time than now to discover its attractions Leonardslee is Listed Grade 1 and thrives in a spectacular sheltered valley surrounding seven tranquil lakes, home to wildfowl and huge carp basking in the sunshine. With over 200 acres and nine miles of path, the gardens boast possibly the finest collection of mature rhododendrons, azaleas, specimen trees and shrubs in Europe. With spectacular views, in the month of May it is often described as the most beautiful landscaped garden in Europe. Leonardslee lakes and gardens is one of the last great private gardens in England. It opened its gates to the public in 1907, having remained continuously in the care of the Loder family since 1889, when Sir Edmund Loder began enlarging the gardens to their present size and style. Now over 100 years ago it is up for sale bringing an end to the Loder dynasty at Leonardslee. The visitor experience comprises more than the spectacular lakes and gardens, see the amazing ‘Beyond the Dolls House’ exhibition, with around 140 feet of display. This is a wonderful display of life 100 years ago – all in miniature. Also home to the Loder collection of Victorian cars, and now a stunning exhibition called ‘Sculpture for the Garden’ with works from renowned artists like Philip Jackson and Peter RandallPage, amongst others. Leonardslee is a garden for all seasons, with a stunning performance of colour in May, then gliding into summer with the hydrangeas, cornus and other summer flowering plants. The end of the season finishes with a spectacular display of autumn colours. This is the time when the gardens reach flowering perfection, as exquisite blooms of rhododendrons and azaleas join the bluebells and existing spring display providing a stunning backdrop wherever the visitor should choose to stroll. Revel in the perfume of the famous 100-year-old rhododendron loderi with their enormous flowers and strong fragrance in the Loderi Garden. Look out for the pocket handkerchief or dove tree (davidia involucrata) on the terrace. The Rock Garden becomes a breathtaking kaleidoscope of colour and pattern with groups of clipped compact Japanese azaleas, ranging from reds and purples to golden yellows, vibrant orange, soft pinks and whites contrasting with a background of palms and conifers.The construction of the rock garden is a remarkable feat of Edwardian engineering, using large natural rocks mixed with a concrete-like material called pulhamite, which was invented by the firm of James Pulham & Son. Large ‘rock formations’ were created with planting pockets, which have been used to maximum advantage. In summer the gardens take on a more softer quality, with natural wild flowers, huge clumps of colourful hydrangeas and superb flowering trees like the various cornus. In particular Norman Haddon, a magnificent dogwood with large white flowers, changing to pink and rosy red in July. The dramatic magnolia grandiflora ‘Goliath’ has huge white heavily scented flowers which open one at a time for weeks on end, lasting only for a day. The autumn can be as dramatic as the start of the season with maples liquidambers, hickories, and tupelos adding their unique spectrum of hues of copper, gold and russet to the other surrounding trees, and colourful woodland fungi. Colours are ever changing from week to week. Leonardslee Gardens, Lower Beeding, Horsham. West Sussex. RH13 6PP. Call: 01403 891212,

036_LS371 art listings


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ART David Garnett (detail)

See more at



5 Bartholomews, Brighton, 01273 774222 Intrinsic Nature A celebration of spring by artists Natasha Barnes, Yvonne Comber and Andy Waite. Until 10–25 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 11am–5pm

15 St. John Street, Lewes, 01273 487849 Louise Chavannes: Secret Paths Watercolour artist using pure lapis lazuli and manganese blue pigment. Until 11 May, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 1–5pm



Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 292777 Life in Death: The Victorian Art of Taxidermy Exhibition documenting the Victorian interest in natural sciences and the opening up of trade routes in the 19th century. Until 15 June, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Modern Toss Mick Bunnage and Jon Link (aka The Toss) have their first solo show (Museum of Urban Shit Naks), a collection of work that has their inimitablee ‘cheerfully abusive’ modern outlook. Until 9–31 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm


Home sweet One of the UK’s best known photographers is the Brighton-based Roger Bamber. One of 50 photographers commissioned to depict the ‘UK at Home’ project last year (ten of his images were subsequently used in the accompanying book), this exhibition features a selection of his images. Renowned for finding a subject with a story and getting the maximum potential out of tht subject matter, his work has been consistently published in the national press for over 40 years; from The Sun to The Guardian. The gallery is also exhibiting a selection of archive images from the Bamber collection plus work by other North Laine Photography residents Dark Daze, Petrusco and NK Swallow. Roger Bamber: UK At Home until 5 June, North Laine Photography, upstairs, Snoopers Paradise

BRIGHTON MUSEUM AND ART GALLERY Church Road, Brighton, 01273 292882 Chinese Whispers: Chinoiserie in Britaain 1650-1930 With loans from HM The Queen, national museums and private collections, Chinese Whispers tells three centuries of stories rare and iconic objects. Until 2 Nov On the Pull Explore love and attraction, tender romance and the call of the wild through music, film, paintings, pottery and postcards. Until 31 Aug Richard Chivers Photographic investigation into the layering of time within the Sussex landscape, including the South Downs. Until 11 May Forests of Gold: Kingdom of the Asante A new display to mark the 50th anniversary of Ghanaian independence, including historical and contemporary material with links to the gold trade. Until 3 Aug, Tue 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

CHALK GALLERY 4 North Street, Lewes, 01273 474477 A Moment in Time 21 artists across all mediums. Until 4 May, Mon–Sun 10am–5pm

Jubilee Street, Brighton, 01273 290800 Romany Mark Bruce The AIDS Memorial Project sees the artist (chosen by a public vote) to undertake a prestigious AIDS memorial public art commission. 3–31 May, Mon–Tues 10am–7pm, Wed & Fri 10am–5pm, Thurs 10am–8pm, Sat 10am–4pm

NORTH LAINE PHOTOGRAPHY GALLERY Snoopers Paradise, 7-8 Kensington Gardens, Brighton Roger Bamber:UK At Home Solo exhibition of work from one og britian’s finest snappers, featuring images taken in and around people’s homes. Until 5 June, Mon-Sat 10.15am–5.45pm, Sun 11.15am–3.45pm

PHOENIX GALLERY 10 Waterloo Place, Brighton, 01273 03700 Press & Release Exhibition of artists’ books and independent publishing. For more details of this and talks, performances, workshops and an artists’ book fair please visit Until 7 June, Tues–Sat 11am–5pm

UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON CHARLESTON Firle, Lewes, 01323 811265 Peter de Francia Work stems from the tradition of Goya, Daumier and Beckmann. His vibrant palette and drawing style (a fusion of Grosz and Picasso) as well as his subject matter demonstrate the influence of European art history. Until 5 May, Wed & Sat 11.30am–5pm, Thurs, Fri & Sun 2–5pm

FAIR TRADE GALLERY 26 Montague Place, Brighton Pam Glew Working directly on vintage fabric and American flags and inspired by her love of obscure horror movies, she plays with our notions of paranoia, attraction and the ‘American Dream’. Until 25 May, Fri–Sun

Pam Glew: Shroud of Paris @ Fair Trade Gallery

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Grand Parade, Brighton, 01273 643010 The Unwanted Self: Contemporary Photography From The Low Countries Showcase of work from nine international photographers who each explore contexts and traditions that the other artists work with. Until 14 May, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

WORTHING MUSEUM & ART GALLERY Chapel Road, Worthing 01903 221140 Worthing Child A celebration of over 100 years of childhood in Worthing through toys, costumes, education and health. Until 3 May, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm

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Unpopular culture Photo: Eric Great-Rex. Copyright the artist, 2008 Courtesy the Artist and Victoria Miro Gallery, London

© Photography Patrick Ward

© Thurston Hopkins / Getty Images 2007

Thurston Hopkins (No Title), (1947-56)

Grayson Perry

Untitled (Pearly King and Queen, East Ham) (1969-71)

Jack Smith, After the Meal (1952)

Copyright the artist, 2008

Tish Murtha, Untitled Copyright the artist, 2008

ALL IMAGES: Arts Council Collection, Southbank Centre

Copyright the artist, 2008

De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill, opens a new exhibition by Turner Prize winner Grayson Perry

Bryan Kneale, Iron Pig (1962)

William Scott,Slagheap Landscape (1953)

Grayson Perry was catapulted into the public consciousness in 2003 when he won the Turner Prize for his delicate coil pots adorned with drawings and text that hid dark subject matters. Perhaps less wellknown is Perry’s work as a curator. ‘Unpopular Culture’, at the De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill from 10 May, highlights this aspect of Perry’s practice and offers his personal view of the Arts Council Collection: one of the UK’s foremost national collections of British post-war art, with over 7,500 pieces. ‘Unpopular Culture’ examines a period in history which Perry argues was a time ‘before British art became fashionable.’ The exhibition of more than 70 works by 50 artists encompasses a variety of media; figurative painting, bronze sculpture and documentary photography. Spanning the era from the 1940s to Thatcherite Britain of the 1980s, the selection epitomises a time when the nation’s sense of self, place and purpose was more clearly defined and free from the modern-day interventions of television, mass media and digital communications. It was a fascinating project for Grayson Perry, who reflected: “The first time I trawled through the catalogues of the collection I was drawn to these three distinct categories of art, which are bound together both by the period of their inception and their ineffable sense of mood; subtle, sensitive, lyrical and quiet in contrast to today when much art can seem like shouty advertisements for concepts or personalities. I also felt a need to confront the hackneyed version of the recent past that is the default mode of the nostalgia industry. Take the swinging sixties – this psychedelic, mini-driving, mini-skirt wearing, Beatles-loving supposed glory age which I suspect was really only enjoyed by a minority. This exhibition shows another side.” Grayson’s exhibition inspired Caroline Douglas, Head of Arts Council Collection, Southbank Centre to comment: “We are delighted Grayson Perry agreed to select works from the Arts Council Collection to create this fascinating touring show. ‘Unpopular Culture’ is the next chapter in a long history of working with artists in this capacity, whose unique vantage point as both practitioner and curator ensure critical and insightful selections. Grayson’s choices are not anchored to a period in art history, rather they span the time in which he and his parents grew up. The works on show reflect this personal narrative.” For his selection, Perry gravitated towards those painters and photographers whose work reflected real British life and society. The lyricism and rigour of painters Paul Nash, Elinor Bellingham-Smith and Victor Pasmore are keenly juxtaposed with the frivolity and celebration of the beauty contests, seaside trips and Pearly Kings and Queens immortalised in the photographs of David Hurn, Tony Ray-Jones and Patrick Ward.

Perry was drawn to the collection’s holdings of bronze sculpture due to its archetypal nature, representing craftsmanship and the epitome of all that is thought of as art. The selection includes the cast bronzes of Henry Moore, Antony Caro and Kenneth Armitage, the polished abstraction of Barbara Hepworth and the linear, spiky forms of Lynn Chadwick, Eduardo Paolozzi, Elisabeth Frink and Meg Rutherford. Unsurprisingly for an artist who has always positioned himself at the margins of the art world, Perry has found himself drawn to art that embodies a quiet nostalgia and restraint. ‘Unpopular Culture’ presents an alternative view of British art, bringing a fresh, new perspective on this period. For the exhibition, Grayson Perry has designed a limited edition silk scarf which will be available to buy from tour venues. The show includes works by; Kenneth Armitage; Frank Auerbach; Ian Berry; Anthony Caro; Lynn Chadwick; Barbara Hepworth; L.S. Lowry; Henry Moore, Paul Nash; Eduardo Paolozzi; Martin Parr; Tony Ray-Jones and Homer Sykes as well as two striking new works by Perry himself. It opens at De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill-on-Sea before embarking on a national tour. 10 May–6 July 2008, free De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill-on-Sea TN40 1DP. Call: 01424 229111

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A laughing matter Victoria Nangle recommends using the festival season to express yourself

If you haven’t sorted out your tickets to the Best of the Fest according to you, now’s the time to shoot out to your nearest taverna or box office and pick up more than a penguin – go for the variety pack collection of brochures and flyers and spend a rainy day in feasting on them all and picking out your favourites. It’s tailoring to fit you with none of the nasty standing around and getting pins stuck in you by some old gent who speaks slightly too softly to feel comfortable with. It’s bespoke outings for you, by you, about you, as you select whether you’re more Nina Conti ventriloquism or Jim Jeffries railing against the world. And maybe, just maybe, by the end of it you may just have learned something about yourself. All the personal ads say that they require someone with a GSOH – good sense of humour – but it’s such an individual thing that what’s the most hilarious thing in the world to you could leave another stone cold. Look at your list of favourite comics and must-see shows of the Festival and the Fringe and consider just what they say about you. Have you got some deep-seated issues only the most daring of musical comedy could unearth? Are you fulfilling your lack of spontaneity with a round of non-stop improv shows the like of which your constitution has never seen before? Or are you letting others rail against the unfairness of the world, expressing the bitterness you never knew you felt within?

“Have you got some deep-seated issues only the most daring musical comedy could unearth?” Obviously it’s not that clear cut or there’d be a whole generation from the 70s wandering around hitting Spanish waiters on the head with spoons, or calling out “Ooh Betty” and walking into brick walls. If our tastes in comedic entertainment were really all that expressed our inner selves and wants we’d be in deep doo-doo. But a shared sense of humour can say a lot about a relationship, and you may find yourself being judged quite abruptly on what you laugh at. Now would therefore be the perfect opportunity for a tad of introspection. When you’ve all of your golden comedy tickets laid in front of you, your outings planned for the month of festivities ahead, you might notice a particular genre of entertainer standing out. Or you may see an even spread of variety carefully balanced throughout the month. There’s also the fact that if you keep bumping into the same people at your carefully selected outings you may have just made some new friends for life. GSOH ahoy! If it’s good enough for the personals looking for a match for life, it’s certainly good enough for us.

Stand-up wisdom: “If a bloke wants to do something for a woman he’ll have a wash.” Stephen Grant


Heroes And Villains A two-handed comedy about love, hate, social ineptitude and the perfect turd. All in an afternoon. For those who thought that comedy was purely a night-time activity, it’s time to wise up and laugh it up as a new method for working off that Sunday lunch. Michael and Jonathan’s show was a sell-out when premiered at Edinburgh last year, and was so well received some hugely respected folk picked them as the BBC New Talent pick of the Edinburgh Fringe. Check it out at this intimate venue. Sat 10 May and Sun 11 May, 2:30pm, £7/5, Upstairs at Three and Ten 38 latest 7

Write club John Davies has sprung into spring reading a budding writer’s script and offers wise words

As Festival time approaches and the horse chestnuts flounce into spring, many an aspiring writer feels the stirrings of the old enthusiasm. To write that novel. To polish that short collection of poems. To write something that sells. David Ogilvy, who founded the advertising agency Ogilvy and Mather in 1948 said: “It is useless to be a creative, original thinker unless you can also sell what you create.” These are disturbing words for many creatives. I was delighted to meet car dealer Jem Euesden last weekend who apart from his day job selling cars in Peacehaven is also a budding scriptwriter. Not just that, he’s writing a TV sitcom about ‘moving metal’ – selling cars. Jem sent me his script and at this time of writers’ reviving enthusiasm, I thought I’d pay a tribute to all those works in progress by reviewing his script. Top marks for presentation with well laid out, numbered scenes in TV script format and good spacing. There are some popular scriptwriting software packages available off the shelf, so no scriptwriter should be submitting scripts that look anything less than professional. The episode is called ‘The Power of Silence‘. It has strong characters I felt would last beyond a season. Shaggy, Jason and Dean ‘The Machine’ – a man who makes sales with easy confidence. The relationships between the characters come alive immediately and whether you like them or not, they are believable and firmly drawn. The writing is crisp. The writer has a canny understanding of the tricks of the trade. There’s more tension in play here than as first appears. The Japanese are coming and their polite but childlike presence poses a threat to all the other characters whose response is racist and stereotypical. There’s truth in this portrayal, but it needs freshening with a greater sense of the character of the Japanese executives themselves. There’s a danger the script falls into the stereotyping it appears to ridicule. There’s tension between young and old. Poppy, the young receptionist and only female character is late. “She’s always late,” says Larry, encouraging Ray, the sales manager, to have a word with her. “I don’t speak the same language,“ Ray replies, intimidated as he is by young people. RAY: Poppy seems invulnerable to any threat. I don’t know where they get the confidence. LARRY: They teach it in school now instead of religion. We were taught to fear everything. They are taught to fear nothing. ‘The Power of Silence’ is the sales technique of not filling empty spaces with an unnecessarily reduced offer or a suggested change. It’s a good tactic to learn, especially when selling your own work. Jem will undoubtedly be rewriting Moving Metal before it is accepted, but it’s good to know that someone in the strange world of car dealerships is seeing it through Green Wing-tinted glasses.

This week’s Write Club Life Writing with John O’Donoghue and Bridget Whelan. 7:30pm Thursday 8 May, The Quadrant, Air Street.

Mule in Brighton tea party Meet the author Rob Silverstone. 1pm, Saturday 10 May. Borders

Whispering Word – billed as ‘Four blokes, two ratbags and a poet’. 7:30pm Saturday 10 May. St Luke’s Church

Poets Daljit Nagra and Sean O’Brien. 4:30pm Sunday 11 May (Dome Box Office) Pavilion Theatre

Over the next few weeks, as well as reporting back from festival events, I’ll be reviewing books by local authors including Lesley Thomas’s A Kind of Vanishing, Martin Gillard’s Small Key to a Big Life and the extraordinary Illustrated Brighton Moment.

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latest music

Brighton music news with Jeff Hemmings and Nick Aldwinckle. Send your news to:

NEWS Songs From The Canyon Organised by Brighton-based musician Phil Martin, ‘Songs from the Canyon‘ follows on from the ‘Carousel songwriting festival of 2006‘, and brings to the intimate Joogleberry venue a selection of some vastly experienced and superb songwriters. Tom McRae, Mark Chadwick, Kathryn Williams, Joy Zipper, Jason Pegg, Turin Brakes, The High Llamas and Chris Difford are just some names performing intimate acoustic shows, from Tuesday 20 to Monday 26 May. It really is a great opportunity to see some of the finest songwriters up close and personal!


Great Escape Three days featuring some of the best new musical talent are congregating in Brighton for the annual Great Escape festival

Turin Brakes

Loop Brighton After the success of the inaugural one-day event in 2007, Loop 2008 returns to Victoria Gardens in central Brighton, Saturday 16 August. New Young Pony Club, Holy Fuck, Caribou, The Nostalgia 77 Octet, Peggy Sue And The Pirates and Fulborn Teversham are already confirmed, with many more acts to be announced shortly. They are billed alongside experimental leftfield acts, all complemented by innovative art with VJs, films and animation. After the site closes down in the day, the event morphs into LoopLate which has DJs and live performance around Brighton until the early hours.

There is a new tribe stalking the streets of Brighton; leg-tight jeans, cotton hooded tops, floppy or angular fringes, keys and other bits hanging around their necks on string, and the obligatory white shoes. It’s the current style for yer average indie kid, and you’ll be seeing more of them as the Great Escape rolls into town for its annual showcase of ‘export-ready acts’. For the industry and for Barfly – and its parent company MAMA in particular, – it’s the chance to flex some serious corporate muscle; bringing to the city many of the world’s most promising acts, some of them already familiar to readers of the NME, but most of them on the verge of breaking out into new territories around the globe. The Great Escape is primarily a showcase for many international acts, many of them playing in the UK for the first time. In particular Norway and Canada are well serviced this year, thanks to their respective governments’ supporting their indigenous music. The UK of course has a healthy indie scene at the moment, and TGE represents an opportunity to catch some of the best talent around within the space of three days. Over 200 acts will descend upon these shores, playing in over 18 venues; from the tiny and intimate (Prince Albert) to the big and grand (Dome). Highlights include Vampire Weekend, The Wombats, The Fratellis, Ting Tings, The Subways, Lightspeed Champion and The Young Knives. But it’s further down the bills that you can find some largely undiscovered delights. I for one will be checking out the likes of George Pringle,

Emmy the Great, Laura Marling, Bon Iver, Glasvegas, Devon Sproule, Santogold and Broken Records; just a few distinctive and talented names who deserve to be playing on bigger and better stages following the festival One interesting musical development is the embracing of Folk within the indie canyon – the UK in particular is spearheading this revival. TGE offers the chance to see some exceptional folkJohnny Flynn inspired talent in the shape of Johnny Flynn, Rachel Unthank & The Winterset, The Melodica, The Melody and Me, Mary Hampton, Tunng, and many others. Brighton itself is better represented this year with the likes of This City, The Telegraphs, Turncoat, Sweet Sweet Lies, Pope Joan, Peggy Sue & The Pirates, Jacobs Stories, My Federation, Elle Milano and Gloria Cycles (amongst others) strutting their stuff at home but to potential deal makers from around the world. Finally, if you are in the music industry itself there is a conference element to TGE, where speakers and delegates working as agents, managers, publishers, record label managers, A&R, promoters etc can hear talks and speeches on music business matters; this year there will be talks on the digital zeitgeist, blogging, the future of print media, music publishing. Tickets are still available; there are three-day passes, one-day passes, and special ‘underage’ passes all still available. For a list of all performers and ticket information please visit The Great Escape, 15–17 May JH

New Young Pony Club

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040-041_LS371 music previews


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Dub Pistols Estuary music than Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly and The Horrors. Wednesday 7 May, Volks Silver Jews + Monotonix These great country rockers are often labelled alt., but this is old school all the way – more Johnny Cash than Ryan Adams. A classy Nashville sound formerly featuring Pavement man Stephen Malkmus and other indie dignitaries. Wednesday 7 May, Concorde 2

Lydia Lunch American underground poet, musician and performer, she’s been at the forefront of intelligent, avant garde art since the late 1970s. A defiantly underground and principled performer. Tuesday 6 May, Komedia JH Roy Ayers Constantly performing and recording since the 1960s, he has produced some of the most loved modern soul-jazz, Afrojazz and jazz-funk records of all time. 2004 saw the release of Virgin Ubiquity: Unreleased Recordings 1976-1981, which were lost sessions tape that he had discarded. Gilles Peterson described this as the equivalent of finding a lost Beatles album. Tuesday 6 May, Concorde 2

Patti Plinko and her Boy Moody Mad chanteuse Patti Plinko is accompanied by just ‘her boy’ on ukulele on these blacker-thanblack croonfests. By turns quietly affecting and bombastically saucy, Plinko has been compared to Edith Piaf, PJ Harvey and Nick Cave. Tuesday 6 May, Udder Place Dub Pistols Soundsystem Barry Ashworth’s dub ska dance outfit features a horn section. Plus there’s the legendary Iration Steppas, providing the sound system and DJs. Wednesday 7 May, The Parlure

Late of the Pier + The Displacements + Collapsing Cities These indie electro scamps from good ol’ Castle Donington warm up for their Great Escape slot, along with new Stiff Records signings The Displacements. This is a Levi’s One To Watch showcase. Thursday 8 May, Barfly Kimya Dawson + ‘The Legend’ The former Moldy Peach plays a sold-out show nicely timed for her former band’s recent revival since featuring on the Juno soundtrack. Support from Brighton-based music journo and occasional performer Everett True aka The Legend. Thursday 8 May, Duke of York’s

Fred Wesley Still Black, Still Proud An Afro tribute to James Brown, this world premiere features contemporary jazz funk crusaders such as Tony Remy and Martha High, top African musicians such as Cameroonian sax giant Manu Dibango, Senegalese Cheik Lo and Afro-beat pioneer Tony Allen. This pan-continental soul/funk supergroup has been put together by two of the cornerstones of Brown’s music, Pee Wee Ellis and Fred Wesley. Tuesday 6 May, Dome

pedals, often looping layers live. Over four nights at this intimate cafe, he’ll be joined by Arthur Brown, Bela Emerson and BJ Cole. Wednesday 7 – Saturday 10 May, Bom Bane’s

Lydia Lunch

The Brighton Beach Boys & The Psychedelic Love Orchestra This 15-piece band perform Sgt. Peppers… and Pet Sounds in their entirety. Fronted by actor Ralph Little and featuring a cast of superb musicians these shows have proven to be hugely popular over the last few years. Friday 9 & Saturday 10 May, St. George’s Church Martha Tilston

Noisy Night Does Brighton: The Machines + Fashoda Crisis + Johnny & The Mullets Essex fanzine Noisy hosts three of Southend’s loudest punk bands to prove there’s more to

Brighton Beach Boys

SUNDAY 11 MAY The Parlure, Spiegeltent 9.45pm £8/6 tix: 01273 709709

Martha Tilston Born into a folk music family, Martha has steadily been developing a fanbase over the last few years, pitching her wares towards the dreamy mellow types. A favourite on the festival circuit and an independent artist releasing her own music, she can often be found with a large ensemble of good musicians supporting her distinctive voice and great stage presence. Wednesday 7 May, Komedia Nick Pynn’s Box of Acoustic Delights Electro-acoustic multi-instrumentalist and composer. Nick performs on violin, guitars, lap dulcimer, mandocello, theremin and bass

TO LET 4 bed unfurnished town house with patio. 5 mins to centre Brighton Adjacent to Queens Park (lovely) Available now £1300pcm

07941 209176 01273 628729

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Los Albertos The Fall Is there no end to prolific output of Mr Smith? Boy, does he look rough these days, probably through a lethal combination of drink, drugs and creative impulses that keep him awake at night, but surely it cannot be long before someone nominates him for a Queens honour? Saturday 10 May, De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhillon-Sea Los Albertos This six-piece Brighton outfit continue to get even better as a live outfit, mixing a delirious brass section with ska flavoured pop and naughty lyrics that invariably getting an audience smiling and dancing. It’s truly upbeat, happy music, that has a natural home in the Spiegeltent. Sunday 11 May, The Parlure

Vaughan Williams Anniversary Concert Alongside Britten and Elgar, Vaughan Williams is one of Britain’s most popular and enduring composers. To mark 50 years since his death Richard Hickox leads his own City of London Sinfonia. Sunday 11 May, Dome Black Acid Death in Vegas man Richard Fearless returns with a new band continuing the honourable tradition of dark, trip-hoppy, soulful rock. Monday 12 May, Engine Rooms Health Excellent LA-based Crystal Castles collaborators, similar to their colleagues’ eccentric electro, if a little nearer to ‘insane’. Monday 12 May, Freebutt

The Zombies Rod Argent, Colin Blunstone et al are back on the road, so expect to hear alltime classics such as ‘She’s Not There’ and ‘Time of the Season’. Saturday 14 June, Dome, 01273 709709


Vaughan Williams

Nick Pynn

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Dine for £10 Excludes Lobster & Dover Sole

THE BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, BN2 5WA

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Daughters of Albion 13 May, Brighton Dome Girls Aloud 13–14 May, Brighton Centre The Blackbyrds 14 May, Concorde 2 The Great Escape various venues, 15-17 May Fat Cat Nights 16–17 May, Theatre Royal Fanfare Ciocarlia 17 May, Brighton Dome Mystery Jets 17 April, Digital Mountain Firework Company 18 May, The Parlure Joe Lean & The JJJ 20 May, Concorde 2 Miriam Makeba 21 May, Brighton Dome The Delays 21 May, Concorde 2 De La Soul 23 May, Concorde 2 Hercules & Love Affair 23 May, Parlure Kitty, Daisy & Lewis 24 May, The Parlure Medeski, Martin, Wood 24 May, Dome Mark Knopfler 24 May, Brighton Centre Wedding Present 30 May, Corn Exchange The Guillemots 31 May, Concorde 2 Pigeon Detectives 3 June, Dome David Essex 4 June, Dome

Marc Almond 7 June, De La Warr, Bexhill Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan 11 June, St Georges Church Steve Earle 11 June, Dome Ali Campbell 11 June, Brighton Centre John Sebastian 12 June, Concorde 2 The Zombies/Yardbirds 14 July, Dome Yazoo 15 June, Brighton Centre Toots & The Maytals 25 June, Concorde 2 Eddy Grant 1 July, Concorde 2 Pentangle 2 July, Dome Robert Cray 11 July, Dome Martha Reeves 18 August, Concorde 2 British Sea Power 2 October, Corn Exchange Moody Blues 11 October, Brighton Centre Motorhead 6 November, Dome Katie Melua 11 November, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre Maddy Prior & The Carnival Band 15 December, Hove Centre

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042_LS371 music_reviews jeff


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MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases With a new lease of life and a decent helping of publicity surrounding their recent free album giveaway The Charlatans are back with their tenth studio album and it’s easily one of their best. Displaying a new found fondness for the sounds of New Order, You Cross My Path is a hybrid of rock, soul, dance and new wave. The trademark Hammond is still there but less in-yer-face, while Tim Burgess’s voice is ‘maturing’. There’s a whole lotta salivating over Bon Iver (aka Justin Vernon) at the moment. Could it be the mystique of him going into log cabin in nowheresville, USA, and supposedly living off the land to help with the making of the archetype suffering art that is debut album For Emma, Forever Ago? Or might it be the predictably haunting, eerie voice that permeates throughout? Still, cynicism aside, there’s something a little bit different about this, thanks to raw and stripped back nature of the songs played mostly on a ‘national’ guitar, and his yearning voice. Cancer Bats shove punk, stoner rock, metal and hardcore into the mix, smelling of, er, roses with new album Hail Destroyer. Way ahead of the pack, they are apparently nice lads from nice Canada, but let loose in the studio they shout, rage, scream and rant their way through songs with titles such as: ‘Deathsmarch‘, ‘Bastard’s Waltz’, ‘Lucifer’s Rocking Chair’ and ‘Pray for Darkness‘. However, like Black Sabbath there is something fun about their music. If you don’t take it too seriously, there is much great music to be heard here. Also from Canada are the feral blues rock duo The Pack A.D. Coming to play at the forthcoming Great Escape and with the financial assistance of the Canadian taxpayer, Tintype teeters to the edge of the abyss, stripping back the blues to their basic drum and guitar formula, where White Stripes meets The Birthday Party. Hugely touted band a couple of years ago, Americans Tapes’nTapes have failed to make a big mark here. Second album Walk It Off features their skewered indie pop, but is lacking some of the infectious melodies of their debut, and overall is a bit laboured and dense. Adem’s third album Takes is a collection of covers over the ‘91-2001 period. Experimental indie seems to be his bag as the likes of PJ Harvey, Pinback, dEUS, Aphex Twin, Tortoise and Bjork get the downbeat electronic acoustic makeover. Tim Booth and James are back in action with a new album, Hey Ma, a return to the typically epic, often overwrought and usually nonsensical lyrical ‘Odysseys’ that served them so well back in the nineties. The knack for knocking out the odd good one manifests itself here again with the glorious ‘Whiteboy’. Rather horrible artwork though, featuring the most nasty looking baby and a gun … The album reeks of pessimism and dark hues. It seems like I Am Kloot have been around forever. I Am Kloot Play Moolah Rouge, the band’s fifth album is, as usual, decent brit-poppy sounding stuff, though the key difference is that they sound a whole lot classier than a lot of bands of their potentially stupidly boisterous ilk. Strong, if a little unspectacular, songwriting with plenty of catchy hooks. Sounding a whole lot fresher than much of the current rap scene is Brooklyn resident Santogold, A.K.A Santi White. Sounds a little like her friend and collaborator M.I.A, Santogold her debut solo record is altogether a heavier and more diverse affair. Formerly in punk band Stiffed, there’s a strong element of a noisier, nastier rock sound to this brilliantly genrebending release – there’s even room made for Breeders-style grunge and Pretenders balladry. She’s playing The Great Escape next week.

Send your music to Jeff Hemmings, Music Editor, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England Hse, New England St, Brighton BN1 4GH, Listen to Jeff and guests on Latest Soup on Radio Reverb, Mon–Fri, 4–6pm, 97.2 or via Podcasts on 42 latest 7

Without Warrant have been at the top for an impressive three weeks with their heavy riffing old school rock titan ‘Stop The Machine’. Can anyone topple them? Well, maybe the brilliant Caramel Jack, making a comeback at number two with ‘We Could Build Skyscrapers’. Leo Altarelli shifts down to number three with his electro-pop-rocking ‘See It Now’, as popular funksters Mean Poppa Lean move up to four with ‘Aint’ Nobody’. Lastly, it’s great to see eight-bit electronic mentallist The Eric Experiment making leaps and bounds with ‘I Think It’s Impossible’.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to Or hear the full chart with Jeff and Nick on Radio Reverb, 97.2fm every Tuesday 4-6pm/12-2am Brighton  Latest Download Chart

Top 10

★ 1 Without Warrant – Stop the Machine ★ 2 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 3 Leo Altarelli – See It Now 4 Mean Poppa Lean – Ain't Nobody 5 The Eric Experiment – I Think It's Impossible 6 Left Hand Red – Transition 7 World Secret – Me 8 Urban Delights – Maybe Baby 9 Damn Dirty Humans – You're So Retro 10 Friday Night Hero – Our Time 11 My Last Victory Facing the Winds of Adversity 12 Go Johnny Go Ebbenflow 13 Electralounge South Of Normal 14 Ghostbirds Little Scars 15 Cath O’Drae Sofageddon 16 Scribe-Tribe – Marz, Teejan Adams, Ben Hadden No 1 Can Stop Me 17 Tractor Countdown Love’s Elusions 18 The Flesh Happening Total Surrender 19 Kiyomori None of the Above 20 Dan Sumner Glitterball 21 Joanne Arrowsmith Smile 22 The SlyShakers Cha Ching 23 Dubdog KimBlee – Fade (Dubdog Short Mix) 24 This Mono Galaxy Accusations Fly 25 Friday Night Hero Outside

26 Eminemmylou The Way I Am 27 The Marshan From Marz So Far Remix 28 Maritime Hotel Young 29 Death Cabaret Forlorn Hope 30 She Said 200 Years 31 The Woo!worths Konichiwa (dem oh) 32 Hatchdown Come Down Easy 33 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 34 Lisa Osbourne Grounded 35 Sweet Sweet Lies My Overrated Girlfriend 36 Floors and Walls What to do 37 Grovesnor Drive Your Car (Bird Peterson mix) 38 Way Tangent Try 39 Dance Paris Dance These Games 40 Conrad Vingoe Vapour Trail

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MUSIC LISTINGS 6–12 May Tuesday 6 Alkinoos Ioannides Greek/Cypriot stadiumfilling troubadour. Komedia, 8pm, £17 Joe Longthorne The housewife’s favourite. Worthing. Pavilion Theatre,7:30pm, £19–£22 Lunchtime Concert at the Chapel Royal With countertenor Robert Chavner. Chapel Royal, 1:10pm, £3.50 Lydia Lunch: Songs of Sex, Sorrow and Rage Nick Cave/Sonic Youth collaborator, with Bad Seed James Johnston. Komedia, 8pm, £13 Organ Recital St Bartholomews, 1pm, free Patti Plinko and Her Boy Uncompromising performer likened to PJ Harvey, Edith Piaf and Nick Cave. Cheery. Udder Place, 10pm, £11/9 Roy Ayers Veteran soul and jazz star, influential and sampled by many, including Puff Daddy and Notorious B.I.G. Concorde 2, 8pm, £15 Still Black, Still Proud: An Afro Tribute to James Brown Tribute to the Godfather of Funk with Pee Wee Ellis, Fred Wesley, Manu Dibango and Cheikh Lo. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £22–£18

Wednesday 7 Access to Music Showcase New music showcase. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 8pm, £tbc Acoustic Gems Singersongwriter showcase. Quadrant, 8:30pm, free The Acoustic Karma Lounge Open mic The Hope, 7:30pm, free An Evening of American Piano Music Pianist Helen Burford plays Barber and Gershwin. Friends Meeting House,8:30pm, £7/4

Brighton College Choral Society Concert Students perform Gershwin’s Porgy and Bess and Faure’s Masques and Bergamasques. St George’s Church, 7pm, £8/4 Buskin’ Band Night Free exposure for new bands. Thomas Kemp Pub, 8pm, free Dub Pistols Soundsystem The Pistols chew up hip-hop, dub, ska and punk to create a futurist skank. Parlure Spiegeltent, 10pm, £10/8 Fun at the Fringe A hearty mixture of music and comedy. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £7 Lady Carol: Tomorrow Is My Turn ‘Husky voiced songbird’. Udder Place, 10pm, £11/9 The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Bee's Mouth, 9:30pm, free Live Music TBC Fiddler's Elbow, 8pm, free Lunchtime Recitals at St Nicholas Church Pianist Glen Capra and cellist Joseph Spooner play Arensky and Rachmaninov. St Nicholas Church, 12:30pm, £2 Martha Tilston One of the leading voices of the UK’s new folk scene. Komedia, 8pm, £10/8 Nick Pynn’s Box of Acoustic Delights Improvised performance with Arthur Brown Bom-Banes, 8pm, £8.50/7.50 Noisy Night Does Brighton: The Machines + Fashoda Crisis + Johnny and the Mullets Essex fanzine ‘Noisy' hosts three of Southend’s loudest punk bands. Volks, 10:30pm, £3 Open Mac Night Open mic for electronic music, so bring along your laptops and samplers. Sidewinder, 9pm, free Open Mic Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free The Rock and Roll Circus Presents: The Finds + Adhora + The Reluctant Anarchic rock night. The Hope, 8pm, £3 Silver Jews + Monotonix Great alt. country characters supported by Tel Aviv punks. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £tbc

Martha Tilston, Komedia, Wednesday 7 May

Spiritual Music of Zimbabwe: Zimbaremabwe Mbira Vibes Mbira music by Linos Wengara Magaya, traditionally used for healing and connecting with ancestors. Unitarian Church, 5:30pm, £6.50/5.50 Want Rufus Singer-songwriter Kit Ashton and friends pay tribute to Rufus Wainwright. Hanbury Club, 7:00pm, £7/5

Thursday 8 Artrocker night: Glamchops (Eddie Argos) + Violet Violet + DJs Side project from Art Brut man Eddie Argos. Water Margin, 8pm, £tbc Caroline Nin Old-fashioned chanteuse a little like Marlene Deitrich, performing songs by Brel, Piaf and Greco. Komedia, 8pm, £14 Escape to Victory Open Mic Victory, 8pm, free Gloria’s Big Night Out Club night/live music from Gloria Cycles, Engine Rooms, 9pm, free Late of the Pier + The Displacements + Collapsing Cities Erol Alkan approved (in fact, Erol Alkan-produced) indie electro scamps from good ol’ Castle Donington! Barfly, 7:30pm, £5 Live Music TBC Could be anything, but probably folksy. The Fiddler's Elbow, 8pm, free Lunchtime Concert Varied programme from classical to jazz. All Saints Centre, 1pm, free New Music for Two Percussionists Percussion played by Adam Bushell and Tom Norrell. Friends Meeting Hse, 7:30pm, £7.50/6 Nick Pynn’s Box of Acoustic Delights Improvised performance with special guest Bela Emerson. Bom-Banes, 8pm, £8.50/7 Open Mic Grand Central, 8pm, free Pachanga Trio Brighton flamenco scenesters play rumba and jondo songs. Xuma, 9pm, free Robin Trower Fender Strat supremo and authentic sixties and seventies guitar hero. Komedia, 8pm, £15 Sofa Sessions Open mic. Juggler, 9pm, free Terry Seabrook’s Latin Jazz Trio Does what it says on the tin. Bee’s Mouth, 9:pm, free The Cable Club: 300 Days of Sun + Say the Raven + Mono Unsigned indie and melodic pop-rock. Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/3

Friday 9 Brighton Jam Brighton based live improvised funk band. Thomas Kemp Pub, 8pm, free The Dealers Popular Kent acoustic duo voted ‘Best Unsigned Acoustic Act in Britain’ by Play Music magazine. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Drookit Dogs Folk-punk. Prince Albert, 8pm, £3 Genghis Tron Followed by Deviant club. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £6.50 Great American Songbook: Alyson Green Trio Jazz. Joogleberry Playhouse,10pm, £9/7 Hiero-Terrific 5: Girls From Egypt + Meatbreak Free music night headlined by decent electro-rockers. The Hope, 8:30pm, free The Jamestown Union + Samantha Horwill Great country act. The Brunswick, 9pm, £5/4 Jean Toussaint Trio Brighton Jazz Club event. Komedia, 8pm, £14/12 Led DC perform Highway to Hell AC/DC tribute. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £5/4 Mad Professor Old school dub legend. Concorde 2, 11pm, £9/7 Nick Pynn’s Box of Acoustic Delights With BJ Cole. Bom-Banes, 8pm, £7–£8.50 Pet Sounds Vs Sgt Pepper The Brighton Beach Boys and The Psychedelic Love Orchestra face off. St George's Church, 10:30pm, £12–£15 Piano Recital In aid of Brighton and Hove Parkinson’s Disease Society, Josephine Ivory plays Beethoven, Rachmaninoff and Debussy. Friends Meeting House, 7:30pm, free Spacekat Live percussion and effects. Cosmic funk, soul and disco. Jazz Place, 10:30pm, £4 Stolen Monkey Last ever show for the electrorock hybrid. Pressure Point, 8pm, £4/3 Suspiciously Elvis Goes Pop! Modern pop covers sung Elvis style.Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £10

Saturday 10 A Cappella Sensation: deciBelle Ten piece a cappella group. Hare & Hounds, 8pm, £6 Bach and Elgar Ellie Blackshaw and Raija Walker play violin sonatas by Bach and Elgar. St Michael and All Angels Church, 1:15pm, £5

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory at

Best of Both Joss Peach and Glen Capra play jazz and classical piano music. St Michael and All Angels Church, 7:30pm, £8/5 Breathe perform Dark Side of the Moon and The Wall Pink floyd tribute Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £6/5 Elvis Career Special: 1954–1977 Jim Devereaux and the Burning Love Band homage The King. Joogleberry Playhouse, 9pm, £9 The Fall Mark E Smith and the latest incarnation of these ramshackle, punkish legends. De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £16 The Great Apes + Bubba Slips Funk and gypsy special at the Playgroup club night. Concorde 2, 11pm, £10/7 The Kaptors + The Cavalry Rock. Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free Kimya Dawson + ‘The Legend’ (Everett True) Sold-out show for former Moldy Peach, supported by 'legendary' music journo/sometime performer Everett True. Duke of York's Picturehouse, 8pm, £tbc The LayLana’s Acoustic folk types. Greenhouse Effect (basement), 8pm, £tbc Nick Pynn’s Box of Acoustic Delights Improvised music. Bom-Banes, 8pm, £8.50/7 Satie’s Mercury and Some Consequences Jamie Crofts plays piano music based on Erik Satie, as well as Nancarrow, Coleridge-Taylor, David Bowie and even Aphex Twin! Friends Meeting House, 7:30pm, £7.50/5.50 Teenspirit Brighton’s best under-16 bands. Concorde 2, 7pm, £tbc Treorchy Male Choir World-famous choir that has worked with Julie Andrews and Dame Shirley Bassey. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), £16–£17.50 Vienna Festival Ballet Presents: Sleeping Beauty Fairy tale to classic Tchaikovsky score Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 2:30pm & 7:30pm £14–£19

Sunday 11 Bitter Ruin + Charles Antony + Jacquie Currie Bitter Ruin provide the music as Charles and Jacquie provide some poetry. Cella (Sanctuary Café), 12pm, £tbc Durrant + BYO Cult guitarist Richard Durrant teams up with the Brighton Youth Orchestra to play Concerto Aranjuez. St Bartholomews, 3:30pm, £8/5 Fun at the Fringe A hearty mix of music and comedy. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £7 Latin Jazz Trio Metalcore bruisers from Brooklyn. Or maybe not. Sidewinder, 7pm, free Live Music TBC Fiddler's Elbow, 8pm, free London Lyric Opera: Broadway Show Stoppers Professional opera singers take the stage. Unitarian Church, 7:30pm, £9.50/8 Los Albertos Genre-smashing blur of ska, punk, funk and dub. Parlure Spiegeltent, 10pm, £8/6 Open Mic Thomas Kemp Pub, 8pm, free Passion Dance Jazz and world music The Neptune, 8:30pm, free Quasimodo Trio Feel-good gypsy music. Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free Roast 'n' Jazz: Gary Kavenagh Sunday roast and some jazz, obviously. Joogleberry Playhouse, 12pm, £10 inc full roast dinner Spunge Cult ska-punks with still a big following amongst the scenesters return to Brighton. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £10

Monday 12 The Bee's Mouth Jazz Forum A house band welcomes all comers and every performer gets some free booze! Bee's Mouth, 8:30pm, free Black Acid (Richard Fearless) Death in Vegas mainman Richard Fearless' new project continuing the tradition of dark, trip-hoppy rock. Engine Rooms, 7:30pm, £6 Health Excellent LA-based Crystal Castles collaborators, sounding nicely mental-electro. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc Just Music Presents: Acoustic and Beats Acoustic and down tempo music from Padma, Leo Abrahams and Digitonal. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £5

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CLUBLISTINGS 6–12 May Tuesday 6 Audio Snide. Midweek indie for the skinnyjeaned masses. 10.30pm–2am, £2/1 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Brighton's biggest Latin party with DJ Aaron Geo playing salsa. 10pm–2am, £3 Digital Glitterati. Glam right for sophisticated students hosted by Airforce One. 11pm–2am, £4/3 Po Na Na Tap. Hear R&B, funky house and hip hop every Tuesday night. 11pm–4am, £5

Wednesday 7 Arc Born in the 80s. Drinks promos at 80s prices plus top 80s anthems. 10.30pm–2.30am, 80p Audio Skream and Ed Solo. Deep, dark, dubstep from the wonderful bass innovator, Skream. 10.30pm–2.30am, £5/4/3 Digital Pure. Eclectic UBSU night playing cool pop, R&B and indie with drinks deals all night. 10.30pm–3am, £4/3/2

Thursday 8

Sway @ Brighton Coalition

Brighton. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It's Friday. Feel the Friday magic with party tunes from DJ Sean Quinn. 10pm–3am, £8/6 Funky Fish Funkyfish. The sound of soul, funk. jazz, and old skool breaks. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Honey Club Time. Glamorous Friday night clubbing session with very special guests. 10pm–4am, £8/5 KooKlub Dollywood. Dolly Rocket hosts an evening of sequin-flecked swish pop sounds for an open-minded crowd. 10.30pm–3am, £5/4/3 Ocean Rooms Universe. Electro pop and quirky dance music from the likes of Justice, Daft Punk and MIA. 10.30pm–3am, £5/4 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams. Upstart indie, rebel rock, and ground-quaking guitar sounds. 10.30pm–3am, £4/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Bringing the funk back to Fridays with soul, house and choice twisted dancefloor cutz. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Volks Carbon. Pure drum and bass (with a bit of dubstep) with regular special guests. 11pm–5am, £8/6

Saturday 10 Arc Hold Up. Indie night with choice special guest DJs. 10:30pm–3am, £5 Audio Summer of Love '88. Two floors of acidstyle party action. 10pm–3am, Free Barfly Nervous Twitch. DJ Cassie O and DJ Pookie play indie, electro, trash and disco with a twist. 10:30pm–2am, £5/4 Brighton Coalition Logo Vs Ohso. Two Brighton parties get together for a one-off special featuring Prok and Fitch plus Bora Bora ressie Gordon Edge. 10:30pm–4am, £10/8/6/4 Concorde 2 Playgroup. Eclectic club night playing host to 40 Thieves Orchestra and The Great Apes. 11pm–3am, £10 Digital Difital Sessions present Eric Prydz. Big room electro house with support from DE Puta Madre. 11pm–4am, £12 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. DJ Mike Panteli and friends set the scene with cool and funky music by the sea. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish Funkyfish. The sound of soul, funk. jazz, and old skool breaks. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Hanbury Club We Luv Pop. The perky popsters celebrate 'genius pop' from The Beach Boys to Kylie and back again. 9:30pm–2am, £8/6 Honey Club SevenSins. Big room house and electro bash with special guest Eddie Halliwell. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Honey Club La Manana. Mike Gorgeous, Vince Frimpong and guests rock the Buddha after hours. 3am–8am, £10/7/5 Jazz Place The Brighton Jazz Rooms. DJ Russ Dewsbury presents searing Afro soul, uplifting funk and dance floor jazz. 10:30pm–3am, £6/5 KooKlub Monkey. Make Saturdays simian with a signature dirty house session. 10:30pm–2am, £7/5 Ocean Rooms Bukem in Session. Jungle session from the mighty tag team of LTJ Bukem and MC Conrad. 11pm–4am, £TBC Udder Place Silent Disco. World-famous silent disco session with two channels of DJ action. 11.30pm–2:30am, £13 Po Na Na Silk. Urban soul, electro pop, bootlegs and more. 10pm–3:30am, £10/8

Friday 9

Sunday 11

Arc Free Party. Gratis grooves covering all the bases from blog house and alt dance to hip pop. 10.30pm–3am, Free Barfly Hot Wax. Motown and soul from Ian Immediate and Si Bridger. 10.30pm–2am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Sway Live. Tha man himself plus DJ Q, MC Bones, Rampage and Outbreak. 11pm–4am, £7. Concorde 2 Mad Professor. The dub don plays a full live set with DJ support. 11pm–4am, £9 Digital Stone Love. 101% indie rock 'n roll attitude with regular guest DJs. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Leftfield alterntive/metal/Emoid tunes for black-clad

Honey Club Sundelicious. DJ Salerno and Lee Garrett bash out the Sabbath house sounds. 10pm–3am, £2/1 KooKlub Cash Queen. Cash Queen DJs keep it sexy for an intimate, attitude-free crowd. 10:30pm–2am, £6/4

Jaime ‘til dawn Jaime Pettit gets nostalgic and takes a trip to the land of student, and finds it throbbing As I sit in the Market Diner only managing to eat three cheese-sprinkled chips, I feel a good sense of nostalgia. I revisited the genetically modified student night that defined my first year of uni. Fat Poppadaddys@Po Na Na is far superior to the pitiful cheese emanating from the tacky cattle clubs. DJs Josh Holly and Matt Dean kick out expert blending from indie, electro, 80s and funk to 60s R’n’B and hip-hop. However when I entered the Souk-themed basement I felt disappointed as the dancefloor was just lightly peppered with bodies. I needed a little double vision to compensate so I hit the bar to violate the promos. Suddenly the ground began to shake and Po Na Na erupted! Blink. Another 50 people. Blink. Another 50 people. Either I had a secret ingredient in that vodka cranberry or the club had cranked up its numbers an uber amount in half an hour. As everyone dipped and wiggled elegantly, I took the vodka coke splash down off a stranger as incitement for a dance-off, pulling some samurai shapes while he returned the same. If dancing is not your zone, try racing your glasses along the speakers as they storm out commercial classics like Pendulum and Prodigy. In the toilets there’s barely enough room to swing a make-up brush let alone a bag. Too many vodkas to keep shaking yourself at? Head over to the seating area in the rear, it’s the perfect place to soak up some comfort. Po Na Na, the general of clubbing, its bar is pit nuzzling busy but its bar staff are busier. There’s no need to budget that entrance fee, with NUS at only £2. Get down before 11 or you might be on the wrong side of the people bomb and find yourself settling for second best elsewhere. Photos by: Rob DeBanks, Poppadaddys@Po Na Na

Barfly Mad For It. Sticky-floored indie action with regular drinks deals. 10.30pm–2am, £3/1.50 Brighton Coalition Funkulicious. Strut your funky stuff to 70s classics with a brilliant live band. 10.30pm–2am, £7/6/5/4 Candy Bar Dynamite Boogaloo. The last word in trashy decadence with kitsch pop, indie rock and perverse dance floor games. 9pm–2am, £4/3 Digital LoveDough. Mike Panteli and special guests host an evening of sexy R’n’B and big room hip hop. 10.30pm–2.30am, £5/4 Fishbowl Residents Association. Gareth Stephens and guests spin an eclectic blend of hip hop, funk, and world beats. 9pm–2am, Free Honey Club Contagious. DJ Paul Hillyer joins Howie and Ben for classic house and dance anthems. 10.30pm–3am, £3/2 Pavilion Tavern Dirty Words. What happens when indie and electro have a ruddy great dustup. 10pm–2am, £2 Po Na Na Off The Wall. Expect modern funk/R&B classics from Motown to Amy Winehouse. 10pm–3am, £2

Monday 12 Arc We Love 90s. Trashy pop from the decade that seems like yesterday 10.30pm–3am, 90p Honeyclub Disco Babe. 70s–90s in the main room, R’n’B out back. 10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory at

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latest gay Brighton’s only weekly gay guide starts here

City’s HIV services in turmoil Concern grows over the closure of Open Door As the row over the closure of HIV drop-in centre Open Door continues, local councillors from all the political parties have called for further dialogue between the Diocese of Chichester, who has been running the centre and the council. “Green Councillors in the city and LGBT Greens are profoundly disturbed by this closure announcement and the subsequent withdrawal of services, especially as no other service in the city provides this level of support,” said Councillor Bill Randall, the Green Party’s spokesman on LGBT affairs. “These closures follow on the heels of government cuts that saw the annual HIV/AIDS budget for the city drop by more than

£100,000 a year. The effects have been devastating.” In a press release from the Diocese of Chichester, the

Cllr Bill Randall

Beating the bullies Brighton and Kemp Town MP Des Turner has thrown his weight behind a new campaign to crack down on homophobic abuse and discrimination towards the LGBT communities. The MP was among the first to sign a parliamentary motion calling for new measures to tackle the issue. “Despite the huge advantages made in equalities legislation over the past decade, including the equalising of the age of consent, civil partnerships and adoption, there is still much to do,” says Mr Turner, continuing, “Homophobic bullying and discrimination in schools and in the workplace needs to be challenged. “I fully support this campaign which calls on the government to take steps to tackle the continuing problem of homophobic bullying and to introduce the same duty on


public bodies to promote equality of service for gay people that already exists for ethnicity, gender and disability.”

MP Des Turner

Reverend Barry North, said: “The types of services which people needed were also changing with more people now requiring services they can access as and when they need to (ie. to resolve specific issues, etc), rather than necessarily on an ongoing or regular basis.” However, Councillor Randall is adamant that work should now commence to replace those vital services that will be lost. He said that a number of Open Door users have complex life experiences which lead to social, personal and political barriers that made it difficult for them to manage the chronic condition. He called on Brighton & Hove City Council, Brighton and Hove Primary Care Trust, The Terrence Higgins Trust and the Diocese of Chichester to discuss the issue immediately.

Homophobia in football Following on from the launch of ‘Justin’, a campaign against homophobia in football at the Stonewall Brighton Equality Walk, a book previously only available from Sports Relief is now available to anyone who wishes to read up on the history of football including homophobia within the game. The campaign, ‘Justin’ aims to get the Football Association to observe Saturday 2 May 2009, as Justin Fashanu Day. The Time-travelling Football Fan is an account of the history of football and its fans. The author, Mike Clough is a university teacher and historian. “The popularity of football is traced from its earliest beginnings in the Middle Ages to today,” he says. “Sample chapters include: ‘The Christmas Truce: England Versus Germany.’ ‘Fascism and Football, and Fashanu – Homophobia in Football.’” If you would like a copy, visit: £5, (£4 donated to Comic Relief/£1 for production).

If you have a story for Latest Gay please email or call 01273 690602

6 – 12 May

NEWS Domestic Violence Stonewall are releasing a booklet to help members of the LGBT community who suffer from domestic violence. Its aim is to offer a starting point for victims, survivors and supporters. ”Stonewall Housing receives a huge number of calls about domestic abuse on our helpline,” says Author Maria Sookias. “Many of our clients feel isolated and desperate and have no idea where to even start to deal with their problems”. The booklet, which is free, is available as a download from Stonewall Housing’s website. Visit: for further information.

REALBrighton is tops REALBrighton has been ranked among the top 1.45 per cent of all websites in the world and is the highest-ranked city guide to Brighton, according to a recent report by the respected web specialists The report analysed traffic to the site and took into account more than 50 other factors to arrive at the ranking. It revealed more than 48,000 hot links to REALBrighton from people’s blogs, homepages and websites, making REALBrighton the top city guide site in Brighton – gay or straight – and the most popular gay website in the UK outside the online-dating sector.

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Comedy king Winner of a 2004 Time Out award for comedy. Nominated for a Chortle Award as best compere in 2004, 2007 and 2008. Stephen K Amos is a man of many talents. Paul Disney caught up with him prior to his gig at the Brighton Festival Fringe Describe yourself. As with writing a personal ad, describing oneself is actually quite hard. You have to pitch it right so that you don’t come across as a bit of an egotistical manic bastard, or indeed a bit of a prick! So I will describe myself just how I hope my friends would describe me, allowing for the fact that they actually like me! Tall, dark and handsome, always well turned out. Witty, loyal, great company, likes to work and play hard in equal measures. Where do you get your stand-up material from? The world around us is full of such diversity and richness, it is an abundant wealth of comedy material. Recently, I have been looking back at my own life to find the things that I could make funny. For some reason, the essence of truth resonates with an audience. Yesterday I saw a homeless man with a laptop! Lenny Henry recently said there was a lack of diversity and black comedy talent on TV, would you agree and if so why? Lenny Henry has made a statement that reflects something that I have said in my live stand up gigs for a year. Even though the world is full of different people and London is a typical example of that, there is a woeful lack of representation on our TV screens of black talent. I think this is because the movers and shakers at the top are out of touch with what is happening or simply don’t want to take the chance. You did a brilliant documentary, Batty Man, in 2007, about homophobia in Jamaica. What do you feel is the legacy of this? By far the hardest thing I have done was the documentary, which I am proud to say, was recognised with a BAFTA nomination. I am proud of the film and of each of the participants who were willing to tell their own stories. Since the broadcast I have had a number of emails from young people who have questioned their own identity, thanking me for simply giving them a voice. It was not my intention to become a spokesman or role model but someone has to stand up and be counted. What’s been the worst job you have ever had? As a young student, like many other people, I had a variety of terrible jobs. I once worked in the meat department of a major supermarket. I'm 46 latest 7

not a butcher, I know nothing of meat yet it was my duty to prepare the 'fresh' mince and package it for sale – to this day I will never buy minced meat. What’s been the worst gig you’ve ever done? The worst gig I have ever done was probably way back in my early days as a rookie comic who travelled all over the country for no money just to get stage time. Back then, terrible gags, misjudging the room and coming across as very needy! But I suppose it’s all a learning curve until you find your own voice. Do you have any pet hates? I can’t bear rudeness and indecisiveness. It’s also very narrow-minded attitudes that get on my nerves. Life is too short, live and let live. What’s the difference between UK audiences and those in countries such as Australia and New Zealand where you have performed? The only major difference with the Australian and New Zealand audiences is the fact that they are so pleased that international comics attend the festivals; it’s so far away. I have been lucky enough to go out there over a few years and built up a bit of a following. I am truly grateful that people come out to hear what I have to say over there. What’s so great about Brighton Festival Fringe? Brighton is such a lovely place and there always seems to be something happening there. There is a Bohemian buzz to the place, loads of students and it's just a hub of arts and culture The Brighton Festival Fringe is a great way to bring all these elements together. Take a punt and go and see someone or something you have not heard of ... you may just have a bloody good time. What can Brighton and Hove fans expect from your show in the Udderbelly at the Brighton Festival Fringe? I will be performing an updated version of my Edinburgh show, which I took to Australia. It’s called More of Me, it’s an update of my previous show All of Me. It’s semi-biographical but not too self-indulgent. Catch Stephen at Udderbelly, Old Steine Lawns, Thursday 8 May, 9–10pm. £14/12.

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William Tells Will Harris on not being properly together or being properly apart

BLAGSS Rollerblading

BLAGSS (Brighton And Hove Lesbian And Gay Sports Society) recently ran a beginners course in rollerblading in and around Hove Lawns. The BLAGSS rollerblading group runs regular sessions during the spring and summer months in Brighton and surrounding areas including Eastbourne and Worthing. Beginners are very welcome and we usually arrange group lessons each season with one of the local skate schools such as Eastbourne Inline Skate School who have a variety of skate lessons, class styles and skate social events available for all ages and abilities, all year. for further information.

Boogaloo Stu at the Candy Bar

Now at a new home for a new season, Dynamite Boogaloo got off to a great start... packed full of party people. DJs Dynamite Sal and Boogaloo Stu rocked the crowd with their blend of pop-disco-indie-rocktrash and there was a real stampede towards the dancefloor when some of the favourites were played, with a fair share of hands-in-the-air moments and lots of jumping around. All good. Image and edit: Tim Nash

“Let me get this straight,” says my friend Kate, down the phone from her new life in Australia. “You broke up with your boyfriend but you’re still living in the same house and you’re still sleeping together?” “Of course we’re still sleeping together. We only have one bed.” “I’m not talking about the bed.” “Oh, right. Well … yes, we’re still doing that too.” Silence on the other end of the phone, then: “That is messed up.” And I suppose, to a lot of people, it is messed up. Since agreeing to go our separate ways two weeks ago, my boyfriend – okay, ex-boyfriend but it still doesn’t sound right – and I have been pretty much joined at the hip. When I was in Stockholm he may have packed up all his possessions into two large cardboard boxes, but in the days since my return they’ve slowly but surely started to creep back into common territory. A T-shirt here. A Madonna CD there. Coming back to my bedroom of an evening has become like a gay Spot The Difference. But, as much as I know the boy has got to go, I also quite like the comfort of having him there. He warms up the bed, and always puts my jacket potato in the oven an hour and a half before I get in from work so the skin goes crispy. What’s messed up about that?

“But, as much as I know the boy has got to go, I also quite like the comfort of having him there” As if to prove my point, the other day I came down with a nasty flu virus on exactly the same day he had a tooth pulled at the dentist, and consequently spent the entire day in bed together feeling sorry for ourselves. Cue a hilarious 24 hours of lying side by side, surrounded by enough assorted drugs to floor an elephant, eating pastries and bickering about the state of Fern Britton’s hair. If anything, we looked like the lost ‘gay episode’ of Morecambe and Wise. Again, it was great to have someone there to fetch my Lemsip and press play on the Gavin and Stacey DVD (just because we’re no longer technically a couple, I’m in no hurry to relinquish my right to boss him around), but now I’m better and he’s still hanging around, I’m starting to realise how unhealthy the situation is. We’re not properly together, but we’re not properly apart, and the trouble is that all of this is just putting off the inevitable moment when he moves out and it all suddenly becomes real. And I guess by postponing that horrible moment, yes, we’re opening ourselves to a range of potentially difficult situations. “So … what? You’re just going to go on like this?” asks Kate, pulling me out of my thoughts. For once in my life, I don’t have an answer.

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048_LS371_gay listings


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For full listings & venues go to


Tuesday 6

Star Inn Bear Camp Party. Until late. Food 12–3pm and 6–9pm, open 12am–1am

Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Senior Citizen’s Lunch with Cassidy Connors. 1-5pm, £16.50. Bookings advised. Sauna open 5pm–4am. £5/8 Candy Bar Twisted karaoke night hosted by mistress of mic, Cat. DJ Rocket 9pm–2am free Queen’s Arms Karaoke: Cherry Poppin 9pm Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Food 12–3pm, 12pm–12am

Saturday 10

Wednesday 7 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro The Big Quiz. Food from 11am–8pm. Quiz 8pm The Basement Club@Legends Play. With DJ Alex Baker. House. 11pm–4am, free Candy Bar Bring it On. Hosted by Queen Josephine, introducing DJ Princess. 9pm free Nua 7 Deadly Sins and Puritanical Punishment. Exhibition of erotic art. 6pm free Queens Arms Pub Stars Karaoke. 8pm Star Inn Charity Jukebox.Food 12–3pm/12pm–12am

Thursday 8 The Basement Club@Legends Sessions with DJ Eddie K. 11pm–3:30am free Candy Bar Dynamite Boogaloo. 9pm–2am £4/3 Legends Bar Cabaret spot with Glam and Glitz. Bar open 11am–5am, cabaret 9:30pm Queens Arms Betty’s Karaoke 9pm–11:30pm Religion@Charles Street Club Two floors of anthems, funky house. Drinks £1. 10pm, £4/3 Star Inn Quiz night. Food 12–3pm and 12pm–12am Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Food from 11am–8pm. Sauna open 5pm–4am.

Friday 9 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro. Jazz Lounge with Wesley Sebastian. Swing and intimate jazz. 7:30pm–11:30pm, £5/8 The Basement Club@Legends Celebration. Door Whore Pooh La May presides over the cabaret from The Chavettes. DJs Steve Lush and Alex Baker play girly pop and handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free before midnight/4 after Candy Bar Booty Call. DJ Rocket plays an eclectic mix of urban grinds and pop anthems. 9pm–late, free Dollywood @ Koo Klub Dolly Rocket and her Dolly Boys take over Koo Klub. 10:30pm, £3–5 Legends Bar Terrace and bar open all day. 7pm. 11am–5am, free Queens Arms Camptastic cabaret. DJ Kamp Kevin, cabaret and games. Open until 12:30am Secret Disco@R-Bar Join Queen Josephine, Kate Wildblood and guest DJs for disco-tinged, soulful, funked-up house tunes. 9pm, free

48 latest 7

Amsterdam Bar and Bistro D.I.S.C.O. A night devoted to 70s and party music for pre-clubbers! 8pm–2am, free The Basement Club@Legends Ignition. Ignite your life at Brighton’s latest gay popular Saturday nighter with the cool dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free before midnight/£5 after Candy Bar Sugar. Brighton’s best girl DJs on rotation. Including the Golden Handbag Award, and best female DJ Queen Josephine 10pm £5 Legends Bar Terrace and bar open all day. PreIgnition with Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm. Smoking terrace, bar open 11am–5am free Monkey @ Koo Klub Welcome return of this dirty tech house club night! 10.30pm, £5–£7 Queens Arms Saturday Afternoon Live. Vocalists, comedians, drag (3:30pm-5:30pm). Expect to be entertained! Party with DJ Kamp Kevin. Til 12.30am Star Inn Bear Essentials: DJ Charlie. 8pm, free

Dave Lynn, Legends Bar

Wesley Sebastian, Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Legends Bar

Topping and Butch, Legends Bar

Religion@Charles Street Club

Sunday 11 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Cabaret Sunday with Dame Connie Conway. 8pm–1am, free The Basement Club@Legends Embrace. With G.A.Y DJ Nick Shepherdson. 11pm–3:30am free Candy Bar Eurotrash. Cabaret and pop, with bands, artists, photographers and performers. DJs Size 0 Albino, Lola Fer Fifi. 10.30pm, £tbc Cash Queen @ Kooklub Rotating DJs play this limited season clubnight. 11pm, £4-£5 NUS Legends Bar Cabaret with Topping and Butch. 3:15pm, free Queen’s Arms Super Sundays. Top cabaret from Sandra (5:30pm). Karaoke 7pm. Til 11pm Star Inn Bear Bash: 8pm, free The Terraces: Sunday Sundae DJs Richard Jones, Diablo and Kate Wildblood celebrate the legendary Sunday social. 7pm, £5–4

Monday 12 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Relax and unwind with á la carte menu. 11am–8pm The Basement Club@Legends DJ Steve Lush with the greatest anthems and classic floor fillers. 11pm–3:30am Candy Bar Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix. 10pm–2am £3/2 Queens Arms Cabaret with Cherry Poppin. 9pm, free. Open until 11:30pm Legends Bar Cabaret: Dave Lynn and Laquisha Jonz. 9:30pm, free Star Inn Polar Bears and Silver Daddies night. Food 12–3pm and 6–9pm. 12am-12pm free

Cassidy Connors, Amsterdam Bar and Bistro

LGBT groups and services Brighton and Hove Police Report all homophobic and transphobic incidents to the police. Tel: 0845 6070999. Brighton and Hove LGBT Switchboard Helpline from 5pm. Tel: 01273 204050. Brighton Ourstory Project Including shows, exhibitions and books for research in LGBT communities. Tel: 01273 207757. Brighton Women’s Centre Information, counselling, drop-in, support groups. Tel: 01273 698036. Gems Twice monthly meetings for over 50s. Tel: 01273 737433. Mind Out Independent, impartial advice for

LGBT people with mental health issues. Tel 01273 739847. Lesbian and Gay AA (general AA helpline). Tel: 01273 203343. LGBT NA Group. Narcotics Anonymous group. Meets Fridays. Tel: 01273 604604 Open Door Support, referrals, advice, complementary therapies, back to work training. Tel: 01273 605706. Something New Making choices, sharing lives. Group get together for gay men. Tel: 0870 760 5476. Sussex Beacon 24-hour medical care and day care. Tel: 01273 694222. Terrence Higgins Trust South HIV, free condoms, counselling and outreach work. Tel: 01273 764200. Wilde Clinic Gay men’s sexual health clinic open wed 6pm-9pm. Tel: 01273 664721



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latest soup This week cult classic, The Albion Roar, the football radio fanzine to Brighton and Hove Albion, live every Saturday at 12 pm. How long have you been on RadioReverb? J: From the very beginning we were just a website with a few sound clips uploaded. What can we hear on your show? J: You will hear a group of fans talking about their passion, Brighton and Hove Albion. The usual interviews and features, with phone outs and special guests in the studio. What do you have coming up on the show? J: The soon-to-be-constructed Falmer stadium, nostalgia sections where fans reminisce about the Goldstone Ground, Gary And on to a new show to RadioReverb’s airwaves: Goatee Phil’s Musical Odyssey. What is your name and the name if your show? Phil Jones – Goatee Phil’s Musical Odyssey How long have you been with RadioReverb? Since mid-March when I got the green light. What made you want to get involved? I’m a music fanatic – and there’s lots of artists and records I think need to be heard by more people What can we hear if we tune into your show? An idiosyncratic view of music history. The music I love, the music I don’t love, and what was going on in my life when I first heard these tracks. What’s coming up on the show that’s exciting? Germany’s foremost acid hippies Amon Duul II, the mighty rock-soul trio Labelle, Fairport

Hart’s event for his testimonial year and away day audio diaries. What special guests have you had on in the past? J: Robyn Schonhofer from Talk Sport radio, Gary Hart (Albion player), Dan Tester (author of Albion history and facts book ‘On this Day’) and Aaron Berry AKA ‘The Coca Cola Kid’ What has been the highlight of being involved with RadioReverb? J: The whole journey! To think we are now a full time community radio station on the FM airwaves. Wow. I have learned so much and met so many people, one big highlight. R: The first time the Albion Roar was on the radio, rather than just on the internet. Convention when they were good. Oh and you’ll also get to hear a few tracks from the terrific Incredible String Band. And that’s only the next four shows! What does RadioReverb add to living in Brighton and Hove? It’s brilliant to live somewhere that has a radio station that gives everyone a chance to get involved, and one that reflects the wonderful quirkiness of the city. What do you do outside of RadioReverb? I’m a librarian. In a couple of weeks I’m starting a new job running the library at Kings College Hospital. And I run a monthly club night at the Hanbury. First Friday in the month, the greasiest, funkiest grooves I can find. Old skool school, if you like. Next time out I’ve got a live set from Andrea Magee and her band. Tune into Goatee Phil and visit

Join Latest 7’s lugubrious music-meister Jeff Hemmings weekday afternoons from 4 to 6pm

PLUS every Monday 4–6pm Latest 7’s funny girl Vicky Nangle every Tuesday 4–6pm Latest Art’s Colette Meacher every Wednesday 4–6pm Latest Sounds with top guests

every Thursday 4–6pm Movie news with Craig Driver and every Friday 4–6pm Andrew Kay with his extra special guests from the worlds of theatre and food & drink

listen live at or get in touch by emailing latest 7 49



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latestTV  Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV

6 – 12 May

Movies on the box this week

Dog the Bounty Hunter



Bravo, Wednesdays 10pm

Running With Scissors

The Hole ★★★✩✩

Have you seen this? If you have you will probably have been as confused as me the first time you switched it on. Is this real? That’s the question that kept floating around my head. And apparently, yes, it is. This is an actual documentary series. I had originally thought it was a series in the style of The Office. Because let’s face it, the characters are so bad they can’t possibly be real. But oh yes, Dog and his family of bounty hunters are real. And I’m not sure what’s more frightening, Dog or the people being hunted! So let me explain this to you. Basically, Dog ‘The Hunter’ and his wife Beth ‘The Huntress’ and the rest of their family as ‘The Posse’ hunt out people from police wanted lists. Whether they collect reward money for this I do not know as is not made particularly clear. But I imagine they do. Dog looks like your average overly-patriotic American man, with a mullet and far too much enthusiasm while Beth his wife looks like your average sun-worshipping woman with her boobs up round her neck and American flag bandanas tied around the tops of her arms! You can imagine what the rest of the family looks like. This is exactly why I thought this programme was a joke. How can these people possibly be real? They all talk in a Steve Erwin-esq way, slightly too loudly and seriously and enthusiastically about absolutely everything. They even have special badges to show people when they are on a hunt looking for the ‘perps’. These are the type of people that could only possibly exist in America on a TV show, and clearly only exist for our entertainment! I suppose what they are doing is a good thing, but do they really need to look so funny? What with utility belts and bleach blonde hair, walkie talkies and SUVs, sly racist remarks and the occasional frisk. This is what TV is all about, sitting on your sofa, with your mouth gawping open thinking, “This can’t be happening”. But I’m afraid they do exist. They have their own website, you can buy the series’ on DVD, you can even go and see the ‘Dog’ live. Where he basically stands on stage and talks about his life (and you thought you could actually witness him hunting!). I am constantly bemused as to how these people exist in day-to-day life considering they can’t even walk down the street without ducking behind a bush. But they clearly do. This is entertainment, (and it’s best if you pretend it’s not real, because the minute you realise it is, it becomes strangely sad to watch!)

★★★✩✩ (2006, Sky Movies Indie, 10pm. Dir Ryan Murphy) Thought your family were weird? Then see how you get on with the bunch of nutjobs young Austen Burroughs gets stranded with when mum goes off the rails in this quirky adaptation of his 70s-era memoir. Brian Cox stars as his adopted psychiatrist dad Dr Finch, while Gwyneth Paltrow smoulders as his sexy new sister.

WEDNESDAY 7 Deathtrap ★★★★✩ (1982, BBC 1, 11.30pm. Dir Sidney Lumet) Michael Caine stars as a fading playwright out to steal the work of former student Christopher Reeve to ensure a much-needed theatrical hit in this breezy whodunnit with a few twists in the tale. With wife Dyan Cannon in tow the cast visibly enjoy hamming it up beyond the call of duty.

THURSDAY 8 Taxi ★✩✩✩✩ (2004, Film Four, 11.15pm. Dir Tim Story) An American director rips off a bad French action movie and creates an even more awful one of his own. Jimmy Fallon plays a disgraced cop who hooks up with Queen Latifah to stop a gang of supermodel bankrobbers. Apart from the cool action sequences, it’s twice as bad as it sounds.

FRIDAY 9 Payback ★★★★✩ (1999, ITV 1, 10pm. Dir Brian Helgeland) Bruce Willis plays a double-crossed thief out for revenge in this slick retro thriller that’s got more than a touch of Tarantino about it. The underworld crooks Brucie has to fight are vividly rendered, most impressively Lucy Liu as a dominatrix who takes real bone crushing pride in her job.

Things To Do Before You’re 30 ★✩✩✩✩ (2004, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Simon Shore) Like a lad’s mag come to life, this naff Brit com is based around a group of footie mates trying to achieve their dreams before they hit the big three zero. As a comedy it falls flat, and Billie Piper playing a sexy student is just breezing through before going on to better things.

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(2001, Channel 4, 10.50pm. Dir Nick Hamm) Four irritating private school teens spend two weeks trapped together in an underground bomb shelter for a Brit shocker that’s equal parts Blair Witch and Lord of the Flies. The shocks (including some nicely spooky uses of sound) are reliably nasty, but the tricksy flashback structure detracts too much from the action.

The Lightship ★★★✩✩ (1985, BBC2, 12.15am. Dir Jerzy Skolimowski) An action premise involving a hijacked ship is played for arthouse effect in a moody indie effort. Robert Duvall plays the head of the bad guys out to comandeer the lightship of the title (basically a floating lighthouse) from Klaus Brandauer’s passive crew. Weird, but not that wonderful.

SUNDAY 11 Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom ★★★★✩ (1984, BBC1, 8.05pm. Dir Steven Spielberg) The non-stop action is served up with a side order of monkey brains in the second instalment of rollickingly good matinee movie-style entertainment. Harrison Ford is still as endearingly grouchy as ever, while a fresh set of sidekicks give him plenty to worry about. Could the new film really match up to this?

MONDAY 12 The Forgotten ★★✩✩✩ (2004, Five, 11.05pm. Dir Joseph Ruben) Julianne Moore stars as a mum who wakes to find her dead son never existed in a daffy psychological thriller. Up until the middle of the movie it’s a gripping premise (is she mad? Is her ex playing games with her?) but the unbelievable ending will have you spluttering into your tea in disbelief.



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tuesday 6 Too Fat to Toddle ITV1, 9pm We love scaring ourselves with how fat we all are. Plus, if you’re feeling a little bit podgy watching bigger folks makes you feel as svelte as Keira Knightley. One in four primary school kids are overweight though, so there’s no arguing. Four families are being taught a new way of eating. Maybe that’ll save us all.

Jesus Camp Channel 4, 11.05pm Don’t we just love it when kids are involved in doing something we’re suspicious of the adults motives for? Case in point, the Kids on Fire camp in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota, which aims to guide devout Christian children into leadership roles, promoting their ideals in all of society. Conspiracy for the world? Never.

Britain’s Youngest Grannies BBC3, 8pm More women are having babies either in their teens or in their 30s. Because of the first happening, and then happening again around 15 years later, we’ve got the most glamorous grannies still young enough to run around with first time mums. Blessing or a curse? They think about it and let us know.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News at One 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Out of the Blue 2.35 Real Rescues 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation (x2) 4.10 Dinosapien 4.30 The Owl 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Let’s Write Poetry 10.50 Primary History 11.10 The Black Pharaohs 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 The Maths Channel 1.10 Primary Geography 1.30 Animal Park 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 Through the Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape to the Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Breaking into Tesco 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Rough Guide to Cities 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Trial And Error (1992) 5.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Ford Football Special 12.00pm Big League Weekend 1.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista de la Liga 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Revista de la Liga 11.00 NFL Total Access 12.00am Football Asia 12.30 Speedway 2.30 Revista de la Liga 3.30 World Motor Sport

6.00 BBC News at Six 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Steven takes drastic action to protect his secret. Bianca and Ricky grow closer. Start gargling now for that almighty: “Riiickk-aaayyy”. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Linden finds himself thrust into the spotlight by Jayne, keen to celebrate his success on AAU, but Linden is more concerned with an enigmatic patient. Elsewhere, Elliot tries his hand at office politics in an attempt to solve a funding crisis. Don’t do it – don’t you know office politicians are sharks, man! 9.00 Waking the Dead Boyd and the team have to uncover the awful truth behind the murder of a neo-Nazi to save a young boy’s life. 10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: Air Force One (1997) Starring Harrison Ford, Glenn Close, Gary Oldman. High-altitude thriller in which the presidential aircraft, Air Force One, is hijacked by Russian communist radicals. Of course. 12.30am Weatherview 12.35 Sign Zone: Don’t Leave Me This Way 1.05 The Primary Welford 2.05 Ben Fogle’s Extreme Dreams 2.35 Animal 24:7

6.00 Eggheads S’a quiz. Right. 6.30 Great British Menu Fish courses: Chris Horridge serves poached ling, broad beans, flowers and hedge herbs. What’s ling? 7.00 Michael Palin’s New Europe Michael Palin explores the countries that were for much of his life hidden behind the Iron Curtain but now are very much part of the new Europe of post-Soviet times. 8.00 Natural World Paddington Bear celebrates his 50th birthday this year, but behind the children’s story is a very real creature that still lives in Deepest Darkest Peru – the Spectacled Bear. Marmalade anyone? 8.50 Wild Nature documentary. 9.00 The Age of Terror The story of Osama bin Laden’s declaration of War on the West, following the1998 truck bomb that exploded outside the American embassy in Nairobi and killed over 200 people, injuring thousands. 10.00 Later Live... with Jools Holland Featuring Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, Spiritualized, Emmylou Harris, The Fratellis, Santogold and Chris Difford. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Mad Men Don loses an important account. 12.10am Joins BBC News 3.20 Close 4.00 Shakespeare: The Animated Tales

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale: Race Against Time Mel and Greg try to flee with baby Arthur. Val and Pollard turn the tables on the devious Rosalind. Jamie has cabbage trouble. Those darned caterpillars – when will it end?! 8.00 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Chris Tarrant teases people with cheques and then takes them away once everyone’s seen his manicure on the close-up. 9.00 Too Fat to Toddle See highlights. 10.00 News at Ten and Weather 10.35 Benidorm Mick has forgotten their wedding anniversary, and to make herself feel better, Janice enjoys the attentions of Jack – a young, handsome admirer – rather too much. Get a diary, mate! 11.05 Meridian Soccer Night Action from the region’s Coca-Cola Football League teams. 11.35 Dexter Dexter is called to the scene of a massacre the likes of which he has never seen before – or has he? A stream of memories start to return. Is he even badder than he thought? 12.40am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 2.25 Loose Women 3.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Will and Grace 9.30 Sweet Sixteen (x2) 10.30 Big Squeeze 11.05 Young Black Farmers 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 FILM: The Bells Of St Mary’s (1945) 2.55 A 100 Grand Place in the Sun 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Grand Designs Today 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Amy decides to go along with Ste’s plan to pretend that Leah has recovered from leukaemia, but she insists they tell Mike first. Nancy makes final preparations for Charlie’s homecoming. Babies galore! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How to Look Good Naked Expert stylist Gok Wan meets Jenny Stockton, a 26-year-old mother of two who hates her bust so much that she has not worn a bra for eight years. Bet her bust hates her back by now. 9.00 Grand Designs Live Kevin McCloud has six days to build his own Grand Design with the programme broadcast live from the two-storey house. 10.00 Amy Winehouse: What Really Happened? Final look at iconic contemporary figures with the beehive mistress herself. 11.05 Jesus Camp See highlights. 12.05am Dirty Sexy Money 1.05 2.00 Bennett’s British Superbike Championship 2.55 The British Formula 3 International Series 3.25 KOTV 3.50 Grudge Match 4.00 Animated Bible Stories (x5) 4.50 Music Search (x2) 5.20 All About Us: Crunch Time (x2) 5.50 Making It (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home and Away Aden begins to open up to Morag. Don’t tell us – he’s really just misunderstood. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series from Chester Zoo. 7.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 Jaguar Adventure with Nigel Marven Nigel travels south to grasslands on the edge of the swamp, meets a giant anteater and witnesses a modern-day jaguar hunt. 8.00 The Family that Defied Hitler: Revealed The extraordinary and unknown story of an entire Jewish family that survived the Holocaust. Using interviews with the two surviving daughters, photographs from the time and reconstructions. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. 10.00 CSI: Miami A wealthy real-estate developer is murdered at a charity event. 11.00 Law and Order: Criminal Intent Detectives Logan and Barek probe the deaths of two sisters who suffocated after being paralysed and wrapped in plastic. 12.00am The FBI Files 1.05 Football Italiano 1.25 NBA Basketball 4.20 French Football 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Sports Adventures 9.30 World Motor Sport 12.00pm LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters Series 9.30 British Formula Ford Championship 10.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 12.00am Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Speedway 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Volleyball: English National Cup Finals 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Sports Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Volleyball: English National Cup Finals 4.00 Bass Fishing 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Karate 8.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 9.00 Volleyball: English National Cup Finals 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool 12.00am Volleyball: English National Cup Finals 1.00 NFL – Total Access

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Bones 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Lost 11.00 The Dresden Files 12.00am Bones 1.00 Lost: Enhanced (x2) 2.40 Stargate Atlantis 3.30 Airline (x2)

7.00pm Dog Borstal 8.00 Britain’s Youngest Grannies. See highlights. 9.00 Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Scallywagga 11.00 The Wall 11.45 American Dad (x2) 12.30pm Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts 1.30 Scallywagga 1.55 The Wall 2.40 Britain’s Youngest Grannies 3.40 Dog Borstal

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Pop Go the Sixties 7.35 Batman 8.00 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008 9.00 Chinese School 10.00 Goodness Gracious Me 10.30 FILM: To Let (2005) 11.35 The Saint and the Hanged Man 12.35am Chinese School 1.35 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008

3.40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 9.00 FILM: Die Hard (1988) 11.35 Headcases 12.05am Comedy Cuts 12.35 FILM: Bird On A Wire (1990) 2.40 Teleshopping

12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Rosemary and Thyme 3.00 Jeeves and Wooster 4.10 Surgical Spirit 4.45 Pie in the Sky 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 The Beiderbecke Connection 8.00 Pie in the Sky 9.00 Clocking Off 10.05 David Jason -–Frost and Me 10.10 A Touch of Frost 12.20am Clocking Off 1.20 Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Joan of Arcadia 3.30 Smallville 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 5.55 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 10.00 Dirty Sexy Money 11.00 Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 The Simple Life (x2)

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place in the Sun (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 Secret Millionaire 10.00 True Stories 12.10am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

4.00pm Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 Living with the Dead 10.00 Moonlight 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Living with the Dead 2.00 Dead Famous 3.00 Da Vinci’s Inquest

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.40pm Dinnerladies 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 Only Fools and Horses 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 The Thin Blue Line 9.00 My Family 10.05 Only Fools and Horses 10.45 The Two Ronnies 11.45 The Royle Family 12.35am My Family

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Comedy Store

1.00pm The FBI Files 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Days that Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 Deadliest Catch Special 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Oil Strike! 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 The FBI Files

12.00pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 Medium 9.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 11.10 FILM: Lightspeed (2006) 12.50am Angel 1.50 The Lost World 3.00 Medium 4.00 Star Trek

10.10am Topaz (1969) 12.35pm Limelight (1952) 2.55 West Side Story (1961) 5.30 Three Faces West (1940) 6.55 Premiere Close Up 7.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 9.00 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 11.10 The Killers (1964) 12.50am Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969)

10.00am The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 11.55 The Apostle (1997) 2.10pm Indie Close-Up 2.40 Lemming (2005) 4.55 La Dolce Vita (1960) 8.00 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 10.00 Running With Scissors (2006) 12.05am The Apostle (1997)

1.00pm Sirocco (1951) 3.05 Tulsa (1949) 4.45 Heaven Can Wait (1943) 6.55 The Deep End Of The Ocean (1999) 9.00 Days Of Thunder (1990) Tom Cruise goes motor racing and gets the studios to pay for it. With future missus Nicole Kidman. Nice. 11.00 To Die For (1995) 1.05am Love And Sex (2000)

9.20am Dream Wife (1953) 11.05 Butterfield 8 (1960) 1.00pm The Cazalets 3.00 The Big Sleep (1946) 5.05 Betrayed (1954) 7.00 Where The Spies Are (1965) 9.00 Rio Bravo (1959) 11.35 Classic Shorts 11.40 Classic Shorts: A Bout De Truffe 12.00am Savage Messiah (1972) 1.40 36 Hours (1964)





10:36 AM

Page 1

wednesday 7 The British Soap Awards 2008

Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives

ITV1, 8pm Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton get their gladrags on to celebrate ten years of this soapalicious event, with the stars of all your favourite ongoing series turning up for the flashers and the gossip rags. Plus to see who won Best Death 2008. Gotta be Vera. Almost Well’ard t’other night though. Tuck in.

BBC2, 11.20pm This documentary follows lead singer of US rock band Eels Mark Oliver Everett as he tours and learns more about his late father, quantum physicist Hugh Everett III. Despite living in the same house they hardly knew each other. Will learning quantum physics help Mark? Hopefully.

Glamour Girls BBC3, 8pm With ‘glamour’ being such a popular career with young girls these days it’s only fair that they get to see how it’s really done. With a reputable company like Samantha Bond Model Agency. Being washed up at 24, the competition for jobs and the crippling insecurity are just some of the attractions. Quite gripping.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News at One 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Out of the Blue 2.35 Real Rescues 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Watch My Chops 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation (x2) 4.10 Young Dracula 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Pozzie 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Hider in the House 8.29 The Owl 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 A Picture of Britain 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 Through the Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape to the Country 6.00 Eggheads Get your thinking cap on for this quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu Chefs from the South West prepare their Main courses: Elisha Carter prepares organic rare breed hogget with garlic and honey spelt and broad beans. They’re making this stuff up now – what in blazes is ‘hogget’?! 7.00 Mountain Griff Rhys Jones begins his exploration of Britain’s mountains in the breathtaking wilderness of the northwest highlands of Scotland. 8.00 City Salute with Princes William and Harry The city of London and Princes William and Harry salute the Navy, Army and Royal Airforce. Atten-shun! 9.00 Dan Cruickshank’s Adventures in Architecture Dan examines buildings as gigantic statements of power. Trump Tower? Palaces, castles and other epic over-compensators get the architecture-mad man’s attention here. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to the Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives See highlights. 12.20am Joins BBC News 4.00 Shakespeare: The Animated Tales

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will and Grace 9.30 Sweet Sixteen (x2) 10.30 Big Squeeze 11.05 Young Black Farmers 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 1.35 Channel 4 Racing from Chester 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Grand Designs Today

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Breaking into Tesco 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: The Brooke Ellison Story (2004) 5.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Revista de la Liga 10.00 Speedway 12.00pm Revista de la Liga 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 Women’s Golf 2.30 Speedway 4.30 Football Asia 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 You’re on Sky Sports 12.30am FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 You’re on Sky Sports

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Shadrach sobers up to discover that Gennie blanked him. Shadrach sober shock! 7.30 Coronation Street Sally and Claire are determined to make their husbands see things their way. Fiz’s concerns for Chesney grow. Like a sunflower – rapidly. 8.00 The British Soap Awards 2008 Your favourite stars from the UK’s top five soaps get together. See highlights. 10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter The Ice Truck Killer strikes again, but Dexter notices that this murder seems rushed and untidy in comparison to previous crimes. Perhaps he is in a hurry to leave? In reality, the crime holds a more sinister motive as the killer lures Dexter into a trap. Dum, dum DUM! 11.45 Teenage Kicks Vernon appears on Never Mind the Buzzcocks as one of the sad losers in the line up. But he meets up with a guy he knew at university who’s still got a band – and they’re looking for a new lead guitarist. Think of anyone? 12.15am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 1.05 Quincy, ME 2.00 Loose Women 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Darren tricks punters into parting with more money than necessary to help with his dad’s financial problems. Always good to have a trickster shyster in the family. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Property Ladder Sarah Beeny catches up with Tallat Mukhtar, the merchant banker who turned his back on a career in finance to establish himself as a developer some six years ago. Loadsa houses! 9.00 Grand Designs Live As our Kev celebrates the British passion for design and innovation in our homes, a nationwide competition is simultaneously being run to identify the Grand Designs Home of the Year. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Victor confronts Gaby about her affair with Carlos. Kettle, black. 11.05 Amy Winehouse: What Really Happened? As her music has elevated her to award-winning star status, so her rock‘n’roll lifestyle has fuelled countless tabloid stories. Myth or madness? Find out. 12.10am 4 Music: What About Me? 12.40 The Nokia Green Room 2.20 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.55 Chicken Wire Animation 4.05 St Elsewhere 5.00 A Brief History of Fun 5.20 Countdown

6.00 Home and Away Colleen’s huge news leads to an even bigger misunderstanding. Must be huge. 6.30 Zoo Days Rhinos Emma and Mugadi snuggle up. 7.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 It Pays to Watch Martin offers advice on how to save money on food, and gives Edwina Currie a full wallet work-out. 8.00 Monster Moves In Seattle, a pair of newly-weds want to move a period house into the city. And in Texas, a building collector dreams of relocating a stone mansion for his mother. Only in America. 9.00 Al Capone and the Untouchables: The True Story Using interviews, exclusive footage and dramatic reconstructions, this documentary explores the true story of how a small group of law enforcers led by Eliot Ness brought down Al Capone in 1930s Chicago. 10.00 World’s Toughest Prisons Lurigancho Prison in Peru was built for 2000 inmates but now houses nearly 10,000, with only 100 unarmed guards. It’s a balance. 11.05 Outlaw Bikers Two-part documentary. Vroom. 12.05am European Open IV 1.35 Major League Baseball 4.20 Supercross World Championship 5.35 Neighbours

Sky Sports 2

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Street Doctor In the Lake District, Dr Barbara meets an ex-contortionist with problem knees. It’s like your mum always said about twisting things lots. They don’t like it! 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Child of our Time New series of Professor Robert Winston’s project following the lives of 25 British children until the age of 20. Now eight, the kids are struggling to make sense of gender roles. 9.00 The Apprentice With the house still split after last week’s dramatic boardroom decision, the candidates are sent to Morocco where they are given a day to purchase ten items in Marrakesh’s hectic marketplace. 10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.40 Comedy Sketchbook 11.30 FILM: Deathtrap (1982) Starring Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve. Inventive, enigmatic mystery in which a playwright, at a low ebb. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Seaside Rescue 1.55 Meet the Immigrants 2.25 Island Parish 2.55 Ben Fogle’s Extreme Dreams 3.25 Animal 24:7 4.10 Joins BBC News

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventure 7.00 WWE Heat 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Sports Adventure 9.30 British Formula Ford Championship 10.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 12.00pm LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters Series 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Mixed Martial Arts: Elite XC 3.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Karate 8.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool 9.00 Golf: PGA Euro Pro Tour – 2008 Season Preview 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Volleyball: English National Cup Finals 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge III 2008 4.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Mixed Martial Arts: Elite XC 11.00 Watersports World 12.00am Volleyball: English National Cup Finals 1.00 Golf: PGA Euro Pro Tour – 2008 Season Preview 3.00 European Tour Weekly 3.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Bones 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Gladiators Ready! The Gladiators Story 10.00 FILM: Goodfellas (1990) 12.40am Road Wars 1.10 Cold Case 2.00 Lost: Enhanced (x2) 3.50 Airline

7.00pm Holby City 8.00 Glamour Girls. See highlights. 8.30 The Real Hustle 9.00 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 9.30 Ideal 10.00 FILM: Dracula 2000 (2000) 11.35 American Dad (x2) 12.20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12.50 Ideal 1.20 Bizarre ER 1.50 The Wall

7.30pm Pop Go the Sixties 7.35 Batman 8.00 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008 9.00 Clarissa and the King’s Cookbook 9.30 Illuminations: Treasures of the Middle Ages 10.00 My Secret Agent Auntie: Storyville 11.00 A Tudor Feast at Christmas 12.00am Clarissa and the King’s Cookbook

12.00pm Emmerdale: Race Against Time 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Smallville 7.45 FILM: Bird On A Wire (1990) 10.00 The Soap Awards: The Party 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 Benidorm (x2) 12.55am Comedy Cuts

3.05pm Jeeves and Wooster 4.10 Surgical Spirit 4.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 The Beiderbecke Connection 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Those Were the Days: 1966 World Cup 10.00 Prime Suspect 5 12.15am Those Were the Days: 1966 World Cup

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Joan of Arcadia 3.30 Smallville 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Reaper 10.00 Big Bang Theory 10.30 The Inbetweeners (x2) 11.30 Brothers and Sisters 12.30am Scrubs (x2) 1.25 The Simple Life (x2)

3.00pm Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place in the Sun (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 The Human Spider 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.10 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.40 Shrink Rap 12.45am The Closer 1.50 Father Ted

4.00pm Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 9.00 Nothing to Declare (x2) 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Living with Kimberly Stewart 2.00 Bewitched (x2)

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.00pm My Family 3.40 Dinnerladies 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 Only Fools and Horses 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 The Thin Blue Line 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.00 Only Fools and Horses (x3) 1.45am Jonathan Creek 2.45 Fantasy Island

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Comedy Store 1.10 Stewart Lee: Stand Up

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Days That Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Rome 10.00 Bone Detectives: Hidden Mummy 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Rome

12.00pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 Medium 9.00 FILM: The One (2001) 10.40 FILM: Escape From New York (1981) 12.40am FILM: Project Viper (2002)

12.05pm Shane (1953) 2.05 Rio Grande (1950) 3.55 Modern Greats and Classics Close Up 4.25 Tarantula (1955) 5.55 The Naked City (1948) 7.35 It Came From Outer Space (1953) 9.00 Shane (1953) 11.05 Rio Grande (1950) 12.55am The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

12.00pm A Good Woman (2004) 1.40 L’enfant (2005) 3.25 Offside (2006) 5.05 The Conversation (1974) 7.05 The New World (2005) 9.30 Indie Close-Up 10.00 London To Brighton (2006) 11.30 35mm 12.00am Midnight Movies: From the Margin to the Mainstream 1.40 The New World (2005)

1.00pm The Kidnappers (1953) 2.50 Operation Amsterdam (1959) 4.55 White Feather (1955) 6.55 Save The Last Dance (2001) 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) Life is like a chocolate box for Tom Hanks’ award-winning everyman. 11.35 Gregory’s Two Girls (1999) 1.40am Naked Man (1998)

9.00am Bridge To The Sun (1961) 11.00 The Big Sleep (1946) 1.00pm The Cazalets 3.00 Our Mother’s House (1967) 4.55 Take The High Ground (1953) 6.50 The 25th Hour (1967) 9.00 Beetlejuice (1988) 10.40 Wise Guys (1986) 12.20am Freaks (1932) 1.30 Ransom (1956) 3.25 Children Of The Damned (1964)





10:34 AM

Page 1

thursday 8 Midnight Man ITV1, 9pm Who’d’ve thought it could happen? James Nesbitt playing a down at the heel journalist on his uppers trying to find the big breaking story that could pull him up out of the gutter and get him back into proper journalism. Yes, it does sound familiar. Promise, it is a new show. And with Nesbitt on board it’ll be twisty and turny.

Big Bang Theory Channel 4, 10.30pm This geek chic sitcom continues to entertain as the mismatched gang speak what’s on their minds. This week a 15-year-old physicist unnerves Sheldon no end by being – shock, horror – brighter than him. The man is left in a turmoil. So Leonard decides to help him discredit the teen’s research. Ah. Such friendship.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart More4, 8.30pm Who says Americans don’t know how to laugh at themselves? Jon Stewart demonstrates how you can buck the system and come up winning. As a man who changed his name because it sounded ‘too Hollywood’ and who dropped out of his fraternity. Stewart is ideal to lead the revolution.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News at One 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Out of the Blue 2.35 Real Rescues 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Watch My Chops 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Stake Out 4.35 Hider in the House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’ television 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Primary History 10.50 Megamaths 11.10 Primary Geography 11.30 KS1 Science Clips (x2) 11.50 Hands Up! 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Animal Park 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 Through the Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape to the Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.05am Making It 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 8.55 Will and Grace 9.30 Sweet Sixteen (x2) 10.30 Big Squeeze 11.05 Young Black Farmers 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 1.35 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Grand Designs Today

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Breaking into Tesco 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Rough Guide to Islands 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: The King And Queen Of Moonlight Bay (2003) 5.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Spanish Football 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 The Rugby Club 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 Golf Night 3.00 Race World 4.00 The Rugby Club 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 Eggheads Questions... answers... what can it all mean?! 6.30 Great British Menu Chefs from the South West region prepare their Dessert courses: Elisha Carter serves champagne rhubarb with somerset strawberries. Yummy. 7.00 Rick Stein’s French Odyssey Rick Stein explores the banks of the River Garonne on board a 100-yearold converted barge and savours some French provincial cooking. 7.30 Women in Black Amani Zain travels from London to Yemen to see life behind the veil inside the Muslim women’s quarters of her family home. 8.00 Living the Dream Revisited Four years after the Fyfe family relocated to Portugal from Nottingham to set up a bar/ restaurant, we catch up with the family – and the business. 9.00 Heroes Suresh finds an undiscovered Isaac Mendez painting that shows a death. 9.45 Heroes Unmasked 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Featuring chat with Jimmy Carr and Minnie Driver, who also performs. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11.50 Malcolm in the Middle 12.10am Malcolm in the Middle 12.35 Joins BBC News 3.40 Close 4.00 Shakespeare Shorts

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Laurel and Ashley are rocked to see that their secret is out. Viv vows to find Freddie – no matter what. Like Boyzone. 7.30 Country Ways Jim Flegg and Jill Cochrane present a portrait of King’s Sedgemoor. 8.00 The Bill As DI Karen Lacy of the Counter Terrorism Unit arrives to take charge, cryptic emails begin to arrive from a Carl Adams – who is the main suspect. He is arrested and interviewed – but when Mickey and Kezia visit his house to investigate, they get a surprise. Not a nice one. 9.00 Midnight Man See highlights. 10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.35 The Baron Following Malcolm McLaren’s exile, Suzanne Shaw and Mike Reid are left shocked by the way the election campaign for a new Baron has turned nasty. The residents of the picturesque Scottish town of Gardenstown finally go to the polls. No one has any fingernails left. 11.35 Tarrant on TV Chris Tarrant presents another series of the show. Hold your sides with laughter. Ish. 12.05am Motorsport UK 12.35 Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Emergency 2.20 Loose Women 3.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 BBC News at Six 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Lucy faces a huge decision. Ricky thinks he’s getting somewhere with Bianca, and Bradley is forced to act the hero. Cue Bonnie Tyler. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby Blue CID raid a brothel in an attempt to nail Holby’s nasty pimp and drug dealer, Toby Wilson. Grr and hiss at the mean baddie. Two dimensions is all we can handle. 9.00 The Invisibles Comedy drama series about the best robbers in town. Maurice and Syd are shocked when Knacker, a copper from their past, rents the flat below them. Then things get much worse when Knacker reveals he has evidence that could send them both down for a very long time – unless they do a job for him. A wafer thin job, of course. 10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Question Time 11.35 This Week 12.20am Holiday Weather 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Johnny’s New Kingdom 1.25 The Twenties in Colour: The Wonderful World of Albert Kahn 1.55 Bill Oddie’s Wild Side 2.25 Ben Fogle’s Extreme Dreams 2.55 Animal 24:7

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks John Paul reveals to Kris that he cannot stop thinking about Kieron. Can’t the boy just find a nice attainable chap? With a history of a closet case and a man of the cloth it doesn’t look good. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Come Dine With Me Foodie competition. Jan is reduced to tears. Sam is almost sick, and Nick is beset by disasters with his risotto. It’s Abigail’s Party all over again. 9.00 Grand Designs Live Kevin McCloud has six days to build his own Grand Design live. 10.00 My Name is Earl Earl and the gang reminisce about their fifteen minutes of fame when they watch a repeat of an old crime documentary. 10.30 Big Bang Theory See highlights. 11.00 Derren Brown: Trick or Treat 11.35 Peep Show 12.05am 4 Music: Gnarls Barkley: Video Exclusive 12.15 4 Music: Shockwaves NME Big Gig: Bloc Party 12.45 Rockfeedback Presents... 1.15 The Law of the Playground 1.40 King of the Hill (x2) 2.35 FILM: Five Corners (1988) 4.15 St Elsewhere 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Inuk

6.00 Home and Away Aden confronts his father, but things get even worse for him when he seeks refuge in the condemned Diner and is trapped by a roof collapse. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series. 7.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 Rough Guide to off the Beaten Track Julia seeks out ancient cities and amazing wildlife in Belize, and explores the Spanish city of Valencia. Toby heads to Fiji in search of paradise. Want that job. 8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home The team visits an innovative, eco-friendly house in Devon built from mud and straw, an impeccable Georgian manor house in Tunbridge Wells and a super-sleek factory conversion in the Midlands. 9.00 House The team treats a magician who suffered a heart attack during a dangerous stunt. 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy When George finds out that his father needs heart surgery, he wants Burke to perform the procedure. Bailey and Meredith work on a five-year-old who was hit by her nanny’s car. Really not good. 11.00 A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex 11.45 Quiz Call 4.00am Major League Soccer 4.20 Dutch Football 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Neighbours

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Sports Adventures 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00pm Irish Greyhound Racing 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five O 12.00am NFL – Total Access 1.00 The Dogs 1.30 Poker

Sky Sports 3 9.00am European Tour Weekly 9.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 10.00 Bass Fishing 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 European Tour Golf 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 WWE Heat 6.00 NFL - Total Access 7.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.30 The Dogs 8.00 The Rugby Club 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am IAAF Athletix 1.00 The Rugby Club

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Bones 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Road Wars 12.00am Alien vs Predator 12.30 Bones 1.30 Lost: Enhanced (x2) 3.10 Stargate Atlantis

7.00pm Spendaholics 8.00 Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts 9.00 Page Three Teens 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.10 Family Guy 11.55 Blood, Sweat and TShirts 12.50am Page Three Teens 1.50 Spendaholics 2.50 Sex... With Mum and Dad 3.45 Dog Borstal

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 In Search of Medieval Britain 8.00 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008 9.00 Inside the Medieval Mind 10.00 Crusades 10.50 Mad Men 11.35 Chinese School 12.35am Inside the Medieval Mind 1.35 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008 2.35 In Search of Medieval Britain

3.40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Too Fat to Toddle 9.00 American Idol 2008 10.00 Gossip Girl 11.00 Entourage 11.30 The Office: An American Workplace 12.00am FILM: Ali G Indahouse (2002)

2.00pm Rosemary and Thyme 3.05 Jeeves and Wooster 4.10 Surgical Spirit 4.45 The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 The Beiderbecke Connection 8.00 The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Murder in Mind 11.00 Cane 12.00am FILM: Cromwell (1970)

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Joan of Arcadia 3.30 Smallville 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Scrubs 9.30 My Name is Earl 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Reaper 11.25 Scrubs (x2) 12.25am The Simple Life 2: Road Trip (x2)

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place in the Sun (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. See highlights. 9.00 Property Ladder Revisited 10.00 ER 11.00 Without a Trace 12.00am The Closer

3.00pm Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Boston Legal

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



2.20pm The Good Life 3.00 My Family 3.40 Some Mothers do ‘Ave ‘Em 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 The Good Life 6.20 My Family 7.00 Porridge 7.55 Only Fools and Horses (x2) 11.00 Porridge 11.55 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (x2) 2.15am Fantasy Island

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x4) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Comedy Store 1.10 Chris Rock: Never Scared

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Days that Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 Smash Lab 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 The FBI Files

12.00pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Big (1988) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 Medium 9.00 FILM: Escape From LA (1996) 11.00 FILM: Judgement Day (1999) 12.50am FILM: Godsend (2004) 3.00 Dark Angel 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 Dark Angel

12.55pm The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965) 4.10 The Young Lions (1958) 7.00 Sands Of Iwo Jima (1949) 9.00 The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 11.35 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 1.35am Cahill, United States Marshal (1973) 3.20 Kiss Of The Vampire (1963) 4.55 The Young Lions (1958)

10.00am The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 12.25pm Cache (2005) 2.30 35mm 3.00 Sometimes In April (2005) 5.25 The Host (2006) 7.30 The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 10.00 Apres Vous (2003) 11.55 Indie Close-Up 12.25am The Passion Of Darkly Noon (1995) 2.10 Dad Savage (1998)

1.00pm The Mudlark (1950) 2.50 The One That Got Away (1958) 5.05 River Of No Return (1954) 7.00 Congo (1995) 9.00 John Q (2001) 11.15 Taxi (2004) Much slated remake of the French chase film of the same name, starring Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah. 1.05am Run Lola Run (1999)

7.20 Captain Sindbad (1963) 8.45 David Copperfield (1935) 11.05 Our Mother’s House (1967) 1.00pm A Tale Of Two Cities (x4) 3.00 The Yellow Rolls-Royce (1965) 5.10 Les Girls (1957) 7.10 Hearts Of The West (1975) 9.00 Pale Rider (1985) 11.05 The Hunger (1983) 12.50am Alex In Wonderland (1970)





11:23 AM

Page 1

friday 9 Police Interceptors Five, 8pm You’ve got to hand it to the Essex police force; they’ve got style. Not content to chase crims in old-fashioned police cars, they’ve got a whole branch of officers who zoom around the county in souped up motors like the Dukes of Hazzard. Watch them as they speed off in hot pursuit of drug dealers and drunk drivers.

4 Music: Love Music Hate Racism ‘08 Channel 4, 12.25am 30 years after The Clash and co rocked Victoria Park in the name of kicking out the BNP, the new guard arrived on the scene to underline the punks’ point. This documentary looks at both festivals, with live turns from Hard-Fi (left), The View, Roll Deep and (as they say) many more.

Kings of Cool: The Classic Crooners BBC4, 10pm The one and only Honor Blackman narrates a celebration of crooning with a look at stylish swingers such as Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, and Frank Sinatra. As well as interviews with their family and friends there’s input from the new breed too, like Jamie Callum (left).






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News at One 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Out of the Blue 2.35 Real Rescues 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Watch My Chops 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation (x2) 4.10 The Basil Brush Show 4.35 The Slammer 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.55am Pozzie 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Hider in the House 8.29 The Owl 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 The Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Magic Key 10.45 The Way Things Work (x2) 11.15 Tales from Europe 11.45 Something Special 12.00pm Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.30 Animal Park 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 Through the Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape to the Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a banquet at London’s Gherkin building. 7.00 Wildebeest: The Super Herd Wildlife documentary. 7.30 The Trees that Made Britain Tony Kirkham and climber Jon Hammerton set out from Kew Gardens on a brand new journey to discover the value and the beauty of British trees. 8.00 Gardeners’ World The team explore the 23rd annual Malvern Spring Gardening Show, held at the Three Counties Show Ground in Worcestershire. 9.00 Across the Andes: Beyond Boundaries Ten disabled teenagers attempt the journey of a lifetime. 10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the quiz show in which contestants are rewarded more if their answers are ‘quite interesting’. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme with Kirsty Wark. 11.35 Later...with Jools Holland Music and chat from Robert Plant, Alison Krauss and Spiritualized. 12.35am FILM: Backstage (2000) 2.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation (x2) 3.30 Malcolm in the Middle (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will and Grace 9.30 Search for Cool 10.25 Who Really Runs the World 11.25 Mum’s Gone Gay 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Grand Designs Today

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm Barclays Premier League World 1.00 The Rugby Club 2.30 Trans World Sport 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Football League Special 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Football 12.00am Football 1.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.30 Football

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News and Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Gennie’s mum is horrified when she meets Shadrach. 7.30 Coronation Street Liam prepares for his baby’s funeral, but Maria refuses to attend. 8.00 How Safe are Your Savings?: Tonight Martin Lewis reports on the tough questions savers should be asking their financial institutions in these shaky economic times – and reveals how to make sure they don’t lose out. 8.30 Coronation Street Liam and Maria say goodbye to their baby. 9.00 Benidorm Gavin’s mother Dorothy arrives unexpectedly but doesn’t stay around very long. 9.30 Teenage Kicks Vernon’s annoying everyone by playing his guitar too loud, cutting David’s hair while he’s asleep, embarrassing Milly in front of her friends, and eating Max’s secret Toblerone. 10.00 FILM: Payback (1999) Action thriller starring Mel Gibson. 11.00 The Late News and Weather 11.40 FILM: Payback (1999) The action continues. 12.30am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 1.25 FILM: Pink Cadillac (1989) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer fills in on Krusty’s show while he has a belated Bar Mitzvah. 6.30 Hollyoaks Newt feels guilty about ruining Steph’s portfolio. 7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Dirty Sexy Money Nick wants to spend Thanksgiving with his wife and daughter, but Tripp asks him to set up a meeting with business rival Simon Elder. 9.00 Grand Designs Live Kevin McCloud continues his live building session. 10.00 Derren Brown: Trick or Treat Derren demonstrates the power of negative suggestion by imploring a young woman to kill a kitten which is wired to mains electricity inside a metal box. 10.35 Peep Show Mark and Sophie return to work after their non-existent honeymoon. 11.05 Balls of Steel The Bunny Boiler tries to tempt couples into a tarot card reading. 11.55 Big Bang Theory Flat-share comedy series. 12.25am 4 Music: Love Music Hate Racism ‘08 See highlights. 1.25 4 Music: The JD Set Presents Pull Tiger Tail 1.40 Afterworld 2.05 Journey Through the Night 2.20 Goalissimo! 3.15 Trans World Sport 4.10 Grudge Match

6.25am Thomas & Friends 6.35 The Funky Valley Show 6.45 My First... 6.55 Fireman Sam 7.05 The Beeps 7.20 Rupert Bear 7.30 Roary the Racing Car 7.50 Noddy 8.05 Fifi and the Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bird Bath 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Breaking into Tesco 12.30pm News 12.45 Law and Order 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Animal Rescue Squad 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Treacherous Beauties (1994) 5.00 News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home and Away A surprise guest arrives for Sally’s farewell. 6.30 Zoo Days Head keeper Alan Woodward plots the future of Tejas, the rare Asiatic lion cub he has reared by hand. 7.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Abandoned Rottweiler Nero desperately needs a new home; three brown pelicans in California must pass a health check before they can be released and Merlin the cat needs treatment for a serious infection. 8.00 Police Interceptors See highlights. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents. 10.00 Shark Second series of the US drama about a charismatic former defence attorney who switches sides by joining the prosecutor’s office. The murder of an investigative journalist leads to a fitness trainer involved in a doping scandal, before a corrupt medical examiner enters the frame. 11.00 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit An eight-year-old beauty pageant contestant is raped and murdered, and the case is linked to a virtual porn website. 12.00am Quiz Call Interactive quiz 4.45 Out of Practice 5.10 House Doctor Home 5.35 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News at Six 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present the magazine series. 7.30 After You’ve Gone Diana has taken her grandchildren to Africa to visit their mother. 7.57 BBC News and Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Ian is relieved to have his family back together, but is all as it seems? 8.30 A Question of Sport Light-hearted sports quiz. 9.00 Have I Got News For You 9.30 My Family Ben manages to run over Mr Casey. 10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross Guests are The Apprentice big boss Sir Alan Sugar, Johnny Vegas and Jade Jagger. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Sarah Cawood hosts the EuroMillions draw. 11.40 FILM: Things To Do Before You’re 30 (2004) Starring Dougray Scott, Jimi Mistry and Emilia Fox. British comedy drama about a Sunday 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Dan Cruickshank’s Adventures in Architecture 2.20 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Sports Adventures 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 The Dogs 11.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Sports Adventures 2.30 Live Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 6.00 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 10.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.30 NFL – Total Access 11.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am Golf Night 2.00 Tight Lines 3.00 NFL – Total Access 4.00 Rugby Union: Super 14

Sky Sports 3 11.30am Racing News 12.00pm Race World 1.00 European Tour Golf 3.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 WWE Raw UK 6.00 LIVE Rugby Union: Super 14 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Tennis: ATP Masters Series 3.00 Gillette World Sport 3.30 Golf Night 5.30 Sports Adventures

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Bones 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 FILM: Batman And Robin (1997) 10.25 Gladiators Ready! The Gladiators Story 11.25 Too Much Too Young 12.25am Battlestar Galactica

8.00pm Last Man Standing 9.00 Doctor Who 9.45 Doctor Who Confidential 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (x2) 11.35 American Dad (x2) 12.20 Scallywagga 12.50 Ideal 1.20 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (x2) 2.20 Glamour Girls 2.50 Blood, Sweat and T-Shirts

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions 8.00 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008 9.00 Fever: The Music of Peggy Lee 10.00 Kings of Cool: The Classic Crooners. See highlights. 10.50 The World of Nat King Cole 12.20am The Avengers 1.10 BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008

3.40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 American Idol 2008 10.00 FILM: Ali G Indahouse (2002) 11.45 Coronation Street (x2) 12.50am FILM: In The Line Of Fire (1993)

3.00pm Jeeves and Wooster 4.05 Surgical Spirit 4.35 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Front Seat 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 The Beiderbecke Connection 7.55 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Front Seat 9.00 Murder in Mind 10.00 Doc Martin 11.10 FILM: Cromwell (1970) 1.50am The Odyssey

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Joan of Arcadia 3.30 Smallville 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny US 10.00 FILM: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) 12.25am Scrubs (x2) 1.25 The Simple Life 2: Road Trip (x2)

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place in the Sun (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: K-19: The Widowmaker (2002) 11.35 Erotomania 12.40am The Closer 1.40 Relocation, Relocation 2.45 Erotomania

3.00pm Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Moonlight 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Moonlight 2.00 Bewitched

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



2.20pm The Good Life 3.00 My Family 3.40 Some Mothers do ‘Ave ‘Em 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 The Good Life 6.20 My Family 7.00 New Tricks 8.00 Dancing with the Stars (x2) 10.15 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 12.25am New Tricks 1.25 Some Mothers do ‘Ave ‘Em

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am Fur TV 12.40 South Park 1.10 Chris Rock: Up Close

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Days that Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Crime Scene Australia 10.00 Life or Death 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil

12.00pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (2000) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 Medium 9.00 Flash Gordon 10.00 FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (2000) 11.50 FILM: Solo (1996) 1.40am The Lost World

10.05am The Desperate Hours (1955) 12.00pm Funeral In Berlin (1966) 1.45 Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 3.40 Indiscreet (1958) 5.20 The Purple Heart (1944) 7.05 The Desperate Hours (1955) 9.00 The Grissom Gang (1971) 11.10 Funeral In Berlin (1966) 12.55am Indiscreet (1958)

2.50pm Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 4.40 The Top 10 Show 5.00 Transamerica (2005) 6.50 Neil Young: Heart Of Gold (2005) 8.40 Them (2005) 10.00 Suicide Kings (1997) 11.50 Resurrection Man (1997) 1.40am Indie Close-Up 2.10 Neil Young: Heart of Gold

1.00pm The Bitter Tea Of General Yen (1933) 2.40 The Spanish Gardener (1956) 4.25 The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) 6.50 The Vikings (1958) 9.00 Kingdom Of Heaven (2005) 12.30am The Naked Gun: From The Files Of Police Squad (1988) 1.25 Little Norse Prince (1968) 3.55 Close

7.05am Our Vines Have Tender Grapes (1945) 8.50 Goodbye Mr Chips (1939) 10.50 The Yellow RollsRoyce (1965) 1.00pm A Tale Of Two Cities (x4) 3.00 The Ice Pirates (1984) 4.45 The Yearling (1946) 7.05 Pennies From Heaven (1981) 9.00 Fame (1980) 11.25 Shaft (1971) 1.20am The Wings Of Eagles (1957)





10:53 AM

Page 1

saturday 10 The Kids are All Right BBC1, 6pm As the TV schedules lurch towards the silly season John Barrowman presents a gameshow which pits four adults against seven kids in tests of brainpower and mental agility. Seeing as how no one over 18 really knows how to work their mobile phones these days the kiddies should clear up.

Britain’s Got Talent ITV1, 8pm More strangely addictive car crash telly as the unholy trinity of Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden seal the fate of a motley line up of acts while Ant and Dec mess around behind the scenes. Despite the sky high trash factor it’s weirdly addictive, and proof that variety never really died, it just smells funny.

Madonna Live At Radio One’s Big Weekend BBC3, 9.15pm When I were young Radio One had roadshows, and the most you could hope for was a T-shirt from Simon Bates and hearing East 17’s PA system. These days the station is far cooler (sort of) and stages festivals which attract the likes of Madonna (left). Tune in to see the feisty femmebot in action.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Racing from Ascot and Haydock 2.35 Rugby League Challenge Cup 5.15 BBC News 5.30 Outtake TV

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Tikkabilla 6.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Witch 7.35 Trollz 7.55 Bernard 8.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 8.30 Thumb Wrestling Federation 8.35 Even Stevens 9.00 Escape from Scorpion Island (x2) 9.55 Diddy Dick and Dom 10.00 Hedz 10.30 The Slammer 11.00 Scooby Doo 11.20 Animalia 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm Falcon Beach (x2) 1.30 The Surgery 1.50 Sound 2.20 The Sky at Night 2.40 FILM: Buchanan Rides Alone (1958) 4.00 Monk 4.45 FILM: Young Winston (1972) 7.00 Dad’s Army The platoon is determined to do its bit at the Walmington-on-Sea Spitfire Fund Carnival – but is morris dancing a good idea? 7.30 Secrets of the Forbidden City Documentary detailing the creation of Ming Emperor Yongle’s palace, the Forbidden City. 9.00 Have I Got a Little Bit More News For You Satirical comedy show. 9.40 Comedy Map of Britain Comic treats include Chris Moyles returning to the local Leeds Radio Station where he learnt his craft – and narrowly avoiding trouble. 10.40 The Apprentice Reality TV series set in New York in which 16 candidates compete for the position of apprentice to real estate mogul Donald Trump. 11.40 The Apprentice: You’re Fired 12.15am FILM: The Lightship (1985) Gripping psychological thriller. In stormy seas off the coast of Norfolk, Virginia, the commander of a lightship picks up three men drifting in a disabled boat. But the men turn out to be psychopathic criminals who hijack the ship, and a complex duel of wits ensues as the men force the commander to sail the lightship to a rendezvous with another vessel. 1.40 Mad Men 2.25 Monk 3.10 FILM: La Nouvelle Eve (1999)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Supernormal 9.40 Emu 9.55 My Parents are Aliens 10.25 Tricky Quickies 10.30 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 11.00 ITV News and Weather 11.05 Meridian News and Weather 11.10 F1: Turkish Grand Prix Qualifying 1.30pm FILM: Mission To Mars (2000) 3.35 FILM: Inspector Gadget (1999) 5.00 Meridian News and Weather 5.15 ITV News and Weather 5.30 Kids do the Funniest Things

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 T4 Movie Special: What Happens in Vegas 9.25 T4 Movie Special: Speed Racer 9.55 The Nokia Green Room 10.30 Shipwrecked 2008: Battle of the Islands 11.30 Shipwrecked 2008: The Third Island 12.00pm Friends 12.30 Shipwrecked 2008: The Hutcam Diaries 1.00 Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.15 The TV Show 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.35 Come Dine with Me

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7.15 Little Princess 7.35 The Beeps 7.50 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 8.05 The Milkshake! Show 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.55 The Mr. Men Show 9.10 Gerald McBoing Boing 9.35 Look! 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Football Italiano Highlights 10.30 Animal Rescue Squad 10.50 Neighbours 12.55pm FILM: Time At The Top (1998) 2.55 FILM: Man Of The House (1995) 4.45 FILM: Renaissance Man (1994) 6.55 Five News and Sport The latest national and international headlines. 7.10 NCIS When a six-year-old boy informs the team that his father has been kidnapped, the team discovers that the missing man is actually a lieutenant commander working on a secret project. 8.05 NCIS Ziva and Tony ignite some sparks when they go undercover to find out the identity of a man who hired assassins. 9.00 CSI: NY New York-based spin-off of the crime drama series. The CSIs investigate the death of a guidance counsellor. 10.00 Law and Order Prosecutors attempt to convict a wealthy cross dresser of killing and dismembering his lover. 11.00 True CSI A look at the murder of Betty Jeanne Solomon, who was found shot dead in her Greenburgh, New York home. 12.00am Quiz Call Interactive quiz show giving viewers the chance to answer questions for money. 4.45 Out of Practice 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

6.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 6.30 Football 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Live Football 2.30 LIVE Football: FA Trophy Final 5.00 Live Football 8.00 Football: FA Trophy Final 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Football: FA Trophy Final 12.00am NASCAR Live: Dodge Charger 500 4.00 Football 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

6.00 The Kids are All Right See highlights. 6.45 Doctor Who On the planet Messaline, in the middle of an endless war, the Doctor meets the most important woman of his life. 7.30 I’d Do Anything Graham Norton presents as Andrew Lloyd Webber searches for the nation’s Nancy and Oliver to star in the West End production. 8.30 The National Lottery: 1 Vs 100 Ben Shephard hosts a quiz show in which one hopeful contestant takes on 100 opponents in a bid to win a big cash prize. 9.20 Casualty A determined Abs tries to help Ruth improve her people skills, and Stacey’s drinking endangers more than just himself when he takes his son to the park. 10.10 Love Soup Just as Alice’s house-hunting woes seem behind her, with her own room in actress Fae Maddison’s trendy London apartment, her new flatmate exhibits some less than endearing behaviour. 10.40 BBC News 11.00 FILM: Scary Movie 2 (2000) Spoof horror sequel. 12.15am FILM: Twin Warriors (1993) Action adventure about two Shaolin monks who are expelled from their temple. 1.45 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 2.45 Weatherview 2.50 Joins BBC News

6.30 You’ve Been Framed! The award-winning Harry Hill presents more comical incidents captured on camcorder. 7.00 All Star Mr and Mrs Kenny Dalglish, and Dominic Wood – of Dick and Dom renown – compete with their respective partners for the grand prize, as they open up their relationships to the cheeky scrutiny of Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton. 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent See highlights. 9.00 Pushing Daisies Ned, Chuck, Emerson and Olive tackle another murder mystery involving a man who was murdered over a dog and claims to have been killed by his wife. The problem is, he’s a polygamist with four wives. 10.00 ITV News and Weather 10.10 The Big Fight Live Jim Rosenthal introduces a night of top boxing action from the Nottingham Arena, featuring Bradford’s Junior Witter defending his WBC lightwelterweight title against Timothy Bradley of the USA. 12.10am TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 1.10 Nightwatch with Steve Scott 2.05 FILM: Great Balls Of Fire! (1989) 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.35 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad Kevin McCloud meets the Sampson family in the French region of Lot where they plan to build a wooden-framed house partly made of straw bales. 8.00 ER Pratt decides to fight for his relationship with Bettina, despite her reluctance. 9.00 FILM: East Is East (1999) Comedy drama set in Manchester in the early 1970s focusing on the cultural tensions within an AngloPakistani family – and, in particular, between the traditionalist father and his children. 10.50 FILM: The Hole (2001) Thriller about four students at a British public school who decide to spend a weekend of delinquency and revelry in an abandoned bomb shelter while playing truant from a school field trip – but the prank goes awfully wrong. 12.40am 4 Music: Ibiza Rocks with Sony Ericsson Behind the scenes at Europe’s hottest rock festival. 1.10 FILM: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) 2.40 FILM: The Dancer (2000) 4.20 St Elsewhere 5.15 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am America’s Game 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Gillette World Sport 8.30 Live Rugby Union: Super 14 (x2) 12.30pm Gillette World Sport 1.00 Max Power 2.30 LIVE Rugby Union 5.30 Gillette World Sport 6.00 LIVE Grand Prix Speedway 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Football 1.30 Spanish Football 3.00 Football: FA Trophy Final 4.00 Golf Night

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Max Power 8.00 Friday Fight Night 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 4.00 America’s Game 5.00 Sports Adventures 5.30 Wild Spirits 6.00 LIVE Rugby Union: Super 14 8.00 Sports Adventures 8.30 Wild Spirits 9.00 LIVE Cage Rage 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 Cage Rage 4.00 Sports Adventures 4.30 Max Power 5.30 Wild Spirits

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








3.00pm Malcolm in the Middle (x2) 4.00 Futurama (x3) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Gladiators Ready! The Gladiators Story 7.00 Futurama (x2) 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Law and Order 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 FILM: The Hive (2007) 2.30 Road Wars (x2) 4.15 Deadwood 5.10 Guilty!

7.00pm Radio 1 Big Weekend 7.30 Doctor Who Confidential 8.15 Top Gear 9.15 Madonna Live at Radio 1 Big Weekend. See highlights. 10.05 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (x2) 11.05 Scallywagga 11.35 American Dad (x2) 12.15am Radio 1 Big Weekend 1.15 Two Pints of Lager

7.00pm In Search of Medieval Britain 7.30 The Book Quiz 8.00 A Perfect Spy (x2) 10.55 Christina: A Medieval Life 11.55 How to Build a Cathedral 12.55am In Search of Medieval Britain 1.25 The Book Quiz. Panel game. 1.55 Christina: A Medieval Life 2.55 How to Build a Cathedral

12.45pm The British Soap Awards 2008 2.45 Beat the Star 4.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 5.00 Pushing Daisies 6.00 Gossip Girl. teen blog drama. 7.00 FILM: Twister (1996) 9.00 Thank God You’re Here 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) 1.00am Britain’s Got Talent

12.25pm Robin of Sherwood 1.35 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Front Seat 2.40 Kavanagh QC (x2) 5.55 Inspector Morse 8.00 Rosemary and Thyme 9.00 Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford: An Unkindness of Ravens 11.15 FILM: Haunted (1995) 1.25am Bramwell 2.15 Bramwell

12.45pm Beauty and the Geek 1.35 Miss Match 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.05 Joan of Arcadia 7.00 Lost 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Peep Show 9.35 Derren Brown: Trick or Treat 10.05 Derren Brown: Something Wicked This Way Comes 11.40 FILM: She’s The One (1996) 1.30am Lost

11.30am Time Team (x2) 1.30 FILM: The Sea Chase (1955) 3.45 Relocation, Relocation (x5) 9.00 Hitler’s Favourite Royal 10.00 Prince Eddy: The King we Never Had 11.05 Bremner, Bird and Fortune. Satirical sketches. 12.10am The West Wing 1.10 Deal Or No Deal 1.55 Relocation, Relocation (x2)

1.00pm The Steve Wilkos Show (x2) 2.50 The Fix 3.00 The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 4.00 FILM: Mr Mom (1983) 5.55 The Fix 6.00 Will and Grace (x2) 7.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 Living with the Dead 10.00 Hotel Babylon 11.05 CSI 12.05am The X Files 1.00 Exposed: Take That

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



12.20pm My Family 1.00 Last of the Summer Wine (x6) 5.00 Dinnerladies 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 The Thin Blue Line 7.00 My Family 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 The Two Ronnies 9.00 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 11.10 The Catherine Tate Show 11.50 The Royle Family 12.30am Men Behaving Badly

3.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x3) 9.30 Everybody Hates Chris 10.00 Sex and the City (x4) 12.20am South Park (x2) 1.20 Sex and the City (x3) 3.00 Scrubs 3.30 Linc’s 4.00 Scrubs (x2)

3.00pm James Cameron’s Expedition: Bismarck 5.00 Mega Builders 6.00 Mega Builders 7.00 Mysterious Death of Cleopatra 8.00 Bone Detectives: Hidden Mummy 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Most Evil 11.00 Forensic Detectives 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Most Evil 2.00 Forensic Detectives

2.50pm FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 4.40 FILM: Hercules And The Amazon Women (1994) 6.30 The Making of Tin Man 7.10 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Solo (1996) 11.50 FILM: Starship Troopers 2: Hero Of The Federation (2004) 1.40am FILM: Idle Hands (1999)

3.00pm A Touch Of Larceny (1959) 4.35 Modern Greats and Classics Close-Up 5.05 Pocketful Of Miracles (1961) 7.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 9.00 Some Like It Hot (1959) 11.05 The Night Of The Hunter (1955) 12.40am Saturday Night And Sunday Morning (1960)

1.00pm The Page Turner (2006) 2.30 Everything Is Illuminated (2005) 4.30 Stranger Than Fiction (2006) 6.30 Indie Close-Up 7.00 Pangea Day Live Event 11.30 Midnight Movies: From The Margin To The Mainstream 1.10am The Cook, The Thief, His Wife And Her Lover (1989)

1.00pm The Americano (1955) 2.45 Prince Valiant (1954) Action adventure. 4.40 The Vikings (1958) 7.00 Home Alone 3 (1997) American comedy threequel. 9.00 Broken Arrow (1996) Action adventure. 11.05 Cabin Fever (2002) 12.50am C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005) Affecting coming of age tale.

1.00pm Mrs Soffel (1984) 3.00 Some Came Running (1958) 5.25 Seven Women (1966) 7.00 Lady L (1965) 9.00 Poltergeist (1982) Effective frightener from Steven Spielberg. 11.05 The Exorcist (1973) Vintage gory chiller. 1.20am 7 Faces Of Dr Lao (1964) 3.05 Betrayed (1954) 5.00 The Rack (1956)





10:55 AM

Page 1

sunday 11 I’d Do Anything Results BBC1, 7.35pm A Lord, two gay men and a show girl walk into a television studio... stop us if you’ve heard it before. You have? It’s still darn entertaining, no matter how tired the format may be or how many fit-inducing bright colours they flash up at us. Perfect Sunday evening fodder of singing, dancing and dreams of stardom.

Midsomer Murders ITV1, 8.05pm Where would Sundays be without that bloke from Bergerac and a nice murder to set the suburban curtains a-twitching? This evening an old colleague of DCI Barnabys gets killed, and a sex scandal comes back to haunt him. For a bit of titillation, a group of pseudo swingers called the Friday Nighters are also involved.

Sex and the City Paramount, 10pm With the movie arriving on these shores at the end of May it’s time to catch up on Carrie and Co’s back story with some choice episodes of the ladies-that-lunch. One warning: they may have been style icons in the nineties (and a foot fetishist’s dream) but (throws up hands in air) Oi vay!, how those frocks have dated!






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Pentecost 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash in the Attic 1.30 EastEnders 4.25 Final Score 5.20 Points Of View 5.35 Songs of Praise

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Tikkabilla 6.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 7.00 Legend of the Dragon 7.25 Watch My Chops 7.35 The Batman 7.55 Bernard 8.00 Trapped 8.30 Raven – The Secret Temple 9.00 Hider in the House 10.00 Something for the Weekend 11.30 Animal Park – Wild on the West Coast 12.30pm Premiership Rugby 1.00 Rugby League Challenge Cup 3.00 Rowing World Cup 4.00 Paralympic World Cup 5.50 Storm Geese

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.00pm ITV News and Weather 12.05 Meridian News and Weather 12.10 F1: Turkish Grand Prix Live 3.00 FILM: The Jewel Of The Nile (1985) 4.50 The Unforgettable... Sid James 5.20 Along These Lines 5.50 Meridian News and Weather

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 Trans World Sport 7.30 Bennett’s British Superbike Championship 8.25 The Shooting Party 8.55 Shipwrecked 2008: The Hutcam Diaries 9.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.00pm Shipwrecked 2008: Battle of the Islands 1.10 Shipwrecked 2008: The Third Island 1.40 The Nokia Green Room 2.15 Friends 2.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.45 The Simpsons (x2) 4.45 Time Team 5.45 Scrapheap Challenge

6.00am Spanish Football 7.30 Football: FA Trophy Final 8.30 Football 10.00 Sunday Supplement 11.30 LIVE Football 2.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 5.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 6.00 LIVE Football 8.25 Football First: Game of the Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x5) 5.45am Sky Sports Classics

6.00 BBC Young Musician of the Year: Grand Final Grand final from the iconic Wales Millennium Centre in Cardiff. 8.05 Wild China 9.05 Coast Nicholas Crane travels along England’s north east coast, uncovering the violent past of Berwick and retracing the footsteps of Irish monks who played a big role in rejuvenating Christianity in England. 10.05 Russia: A Journey with Jonathan Dimbleby See highlights. 11.05 The Graham Norton Show Featuring chat with Jimmy Carr and Minnie Driver, who also performs. 11.50 A Game of Two Eras: 1957 V 2007 John Inverdale hosts a unique experiment, using the latest football technology, to find out how English football has really changed in the past fifty years. 12.50am Heroes Suresh finds an undiscovered Isaac Mendez painting that shows a death. 1.30 FILM: Federal Hill (1994) 3.05 Inside Sport 3.45 Joins BBC News

6.05 ITV News and Weather A round-up of the latest news headlines and a national weather forecast. 6.20 All New You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents the final show of the series, with the funniest home videos saved for last, including footage of teenagers behaving badly, a dog which eats gas bills, and a dive-bombing baptism. 6.50 Beat the Star A PE teacher from Dorset takes on former international rugby legend Martin Offiah. 8.05 Midsomer Murders See highlights. 10.05 Headcases Featuring the vocal talents of Rory Bremner, Jon Culshaw and Tom Hollander. 10.35 ITV News and Weather The latest news headlines plus a national weather forecast. 10.50 The Damned United: The South Bank Show An examination of one of the most compelling works of British sporting fiction, David Peace’s 2006 novel The Damned United. 11.50 F1: Turkish Grand Prix Highlights 12.50am Cathedral 1.50 Dial A Mum 2.20 Under One Roof (x2) 3.15 People’s Court 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.05am Bird Bath 6.10 Softies 6.15 Sailor Sid 6.20 Aussie Antics 6.25 Angels of Jarm 6.30 Elmo’s World 6.50 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 7.00 Little Princess 7.20 The Beeps 7.35 Sailor Sid 7.40 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 8.00 Milkshake! 8.30 Hana’s Helpline 8.45 Mr. Men 9.00 Gerald McBoing Boing 9.25 Mist 9.40 Demolition Dad 10.00 Megastructures 10.50 The Gadget Show 11.50 FILM: Reasons Of The Heart (1996) 1.45pm Football Italiano 4.10 FILM: Hanging Up (2000) 6.00 Five News and Sport The latest national and international headlines. 6.15 FILM: Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995) Sequel to the family favourite about a teenager’s unlikely friendship with a killer whale. 8.05 Extraordinary People: Hope For Hayley This film catches up with progeria sufferer Hayley Okines who has been the subject of two Five documentaries in the past. 9.05 FILM: Legally Blonde (2001) . Romantic comedy in which a gorgeous but shallow West Coast girl enrols in a prestigious law school in order to win back her ex. 11.00 FILM: Gossip (2000) Dark psychological thriller about a group of college students whose experiment in tracking how gossip is spread has chilling and unforeseen consequences. 12.40am ITU Triathlon Triathlon action from Pontevedra, Spain with the first of five races in the ITU European Cup. 1.05 Major League Baseball 4.20 Rolex Grand Am 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

6.10 BBC News National and international news, followed by regional news and Weather. 6.35 Seaside Rescue A summer’s drink lands two men in trouble: one is forced to call out the Falmouth Lifeboat when he can’t find his way home; the other requires a full-scale helicopter rescue from an inaccessible chalk pit. 7.05 My Family Having run over Mr Casey’s dog some years ago, Ben now compounds the misdemeanour by running over Mr Casey himself. 7.35 I’d Do Anything Results Another Nancy leaves the competition, but who will Andrew Lloyd Webber save in the dreaded sing-off?. See highlights. 8.05 FILM: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) Intrepid archaelogist Indiana Jones, on the trail of fortune and glory in Old Shanghai, is ricocheted into a dangerous adventure in India. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Match of the Day Gary Lineker presents all the goals and highlights from the final day of the 2007/08 Premier League. 11.50 FILM: Texas Rangers (2001) 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Watchdog 1.45 Holby City 2.45 The Age of Terror 3.45 Ben Fogle’s Extreme Dreams 4.15 Animal 24:7 5.00 Joins BBC News

6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.05 Bremner, Bird and Fortune Topical satirical comedy from impressionist Rory Bremner and regular collaborators John Bird and John Fortune. 8.05 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor In the second part of his Panama challenge, Bear faces waterfalls and mudslides, and tries to catch a supper of termites and vine snakes with a bow and arrow. 9.05 FILM: Hero (2002) Martial arts epic set in the legendary time of China’s warring states period. A warrior comes before one of the warring kings seeking to unite the country and recounts in flashback how he killed three deadly assassins. Echoing Rashoman, two more perspectives on the same event are given as the king questions the warrior’s account. 10.55 FILM: Sudden Death (1995) Action-packed thriller in which a group of terrorists plot to kidnap the vice president of the United States. 1.00am 4 Music: Ibiza Rocks with Sony Ericsson One of the Ibiza Rocks team reveals a long standing and unexpected musical ambition. 1.30 4 Music: 4Play: Justice 1.45 FILM: The Invisible Circus (2001) 3.25 Swimming Short 3.40 The Diets that Time Forgot 4.40 St Elsewhere

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 NASCAR 12.00pm LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 2.45 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 5.00 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 Football 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Football 3.30 Watersports World

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Bass Fishing 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 Rugby Union 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Heat 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Gillette World Sport 12.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Heat 12.00am Golf Night

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Gladiators Ready! The Gladiators Story 1.00 A-Z Of Gladiators 2.30 The Simpsons (x7) 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 Don’t Forget the Lyrics 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Gladiators 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 The Dresden Files 2.40 Cold Case (x2) 4.20 Deadwood

7.00pm Radio 1 Big Weekend 8.00 Doctor Who 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential 9.30 Little Britain 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Scallywagga 11.15 Radio 1 Big Weekend 12.45am Sound 1.15 Scallywagga 1.45 Child Stars 2.45 Spendaholics 3.40 Doctor Who Confidential

7.00pm Inside The Medieval Mind 8.00 Terry Jones’ Medieval Lives 8.30 Terry Jones’ Medieval Lives 9.00 Christina: A Medieval Life 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Fever: The Music Of Peggy Lee 11.45 Kings Of Cool: The Crooners 12.25am The World of Nat King Cole 1.55 Inside the Medieval Mind

10.25am FILM: Twister (1996) 12.30pm Emmerdale Omnibus 3.20 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.05 American Idol 2008 (x2) 8.05 Britain’s Got Talent 9.05 Britain’s Got More Talent 10.05 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) 12.05am FILM: Intolerable Cruelty (2002) 2.00 Good Girls: Gone Bad

12.00pm FILM: The Mirror Crack’d (1980) 2.05 Inspector Morse 4.10 Sherlock Holmes: Sign of Four 6.25 Rising Damp 7.00 Dempsey and Makepeace 8.00 Those Were the Days: 1966 World Cup 9.00 FILM: Haunted (1995) 11.10 Hammer House of Horror 12.20am Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

2.25pm Ghost Whisperer 3.20 Shipwrecked 2008: Battle of the Islands 4.25 Shipwrecked 2008: The Third Island 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 The War at Home 6.30 Big Bang Theory 7.00 Scrubs 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Brothers and Sisters 12.00am Dirty Sexy Money

1.45pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.35 Come Dine with Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie at Home 7.55 Grand Designs Abroad 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Amy Winehouse: What Really Happened? 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm

1.00mp The Steve Wilkos Show 1.55 Maury (x2) 3.45 The Fix 3.50 Maury (x2) 5.30 The Jerry Springer Show 6.00 Army Wives 7.00 Extreme: Skinny Celebrities 8.00 Nothing to Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



7.40am The Two Ronnies Sketchbook (x4) 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.00 Only Fools and Horses (x9) 5.00pm Dancing with the Stars (x2) 7.15 Only Fools and Horses (x2) 9.00 The Royle Family 10.15 Little Britain 10.55 The Catherine Tate Show 11.35 Little Britain 12.15am The Catherine Tate Show

9.00am Scrubs (x25) Endless session of the American medical comedy. 9.30 Everybody Hates Chris. American sitcom. 10.00 Sex and the City (x4) See highlights. 12.20am Scrubs (x6) 3.20 Sexy Cam 3.30 Linc’s 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life in Film (x2) 5.10 Committed (x2)

6.00am How do They do It? (x4) 8.00 How It’s Made (x4) 10.00 Mythbusters (x2) 12.00pm My Shocking Story (x5) 5.00 American Chopper 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 Deadliest Catch 8.00 Oil Strike! 9.00 Crime Scene Australia 10.00 Most Evil 11.00 Forensic Detectives 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 FILM: Hell’s Rain (2007) 2.50 FILM: Dark Storm (2006) 4.30 The Making of Tin Man 5.00 FILM: Big (1988) 7.00 Flash Gordon 8.00 Tin Man 9.50 FILM: Starship Troopers 2: Hero Of The Federation (2004) 11.40 FILM: Shepherd (1999) 1.30am Flash Gordon 2.30 Ghost Stories

10.30am The Quiet Man (1952) 12.40pm The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 3.20 King Kong Escapes (1968) 5.00 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 6.50 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 9.00 True Grit (1969) 11.10 The Quiet Man (1952) 1.20am King Kong Escapes (1968)

3.30pm Tube Tales (1999) 5.15 Indie Close-Up 5.45 Brotherhood (2004) 8.15 Thank You For Smoking (2005) 10.00 Repo Man (1984) 11.40 London To Brighton (2006) 1.20am Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession (2004) 3.30 Modern Greats and Classics Close-Up

1.00pm Bogus (1996) 3.10 Distant Drums (1951) 5.10 Donovan’s Reef (1963) Gentle comedy. 7.15 The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997) Misfiring comedy with Bill Murray. 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) Comedy about a modern idiot savant. 11.35 Holy Smoke (1999) 1.45am Black And White (2000)

7.10am The Unholy Three (1930) 8.30 The Human Comedy (1943) 10.35 Some Came Running (1958) 1.00pm Today We Live (1933) 3.00 Take Me Out To The Ball Game (1949) 4.45 The Angry Hills (1959) 6.40 The Champ (1979) 9.00 Sophie’s Choice (1982) 11.50 Reckless (1984) 1.30am The Subterraneans (1960)





11:00 AM

Page 1

monday 12 Teen Mum High BBC 2, 9pm This observational documentary made by the award-winning Films on Record looks at life in a pupil referral unit for girls under 16 who have recently become mums or are pregnant. With an on-site creche available for pupils, however hard the teachers try this isn’t exactly going to be your average school.

Parallel Worlds: A User’s Guide BBC2, 11.20pm Richard Ayoade takes your brain to another dimension with a layperson’s guide to the science behind entering alternate universes. For extra nerd value the show looks at the truth behind the science on shows like Futurama, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Doctor Who (left).

The Da Vinci Code: The Greatest Story Ever Sold More 4, 11.30pm Dan Brown’s notorious airport read didn’t just get the Vatican’s robe fluttering – it also annoyed academics and art lovers around the world. This documentary looks at how a fictional detective story somehow caught the world’s imagination, and forced the Church to respond.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 12.30 South East Today; Weather 12.40 Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Out of the Blue 2.35 Real Rescues 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 Mortified 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.10 Roar 4.35 Grange Hill 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

8.29 The Owl 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Focus 10.50 Look and Read 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Barnaby Bear 11.45 Magic Key 12.00pm Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Science Clips Investigates (x2) 1.20 Primary Geography 1.30 Animal Park 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 Through the Keyhole 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape to the Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The chefs from London and the South East prepare their starters. 7.00 Doris Day: Virgin Territory Documentary offering a fresh perspective on the life of eternal movie virgin, Doris Day. 8.00 The Truth about Property More dispatches from the credit crunch frontline. 9.00 Teen Mum High See highlights. 10.00 Have I Got News For You Team captains are Private Eye editor Ian Hislop and poker-faced comedian Paul Merton. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 Parallel Worlds: A User’s Guide See highlights. 12.20am Joins BBC News 4.00 Marsalis on Music

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Poirot 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will and Grace 9.30 Teen Tycoons 10.00 Teen Tycoons 10.30 Pioneer House 11.25 KNTV – Philosophy 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Great British Brands 12.45 FILM: The Way We Were (1973) 2.55 A Place in the Sun 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4) 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 Football 12.00pm Spanish Football 2.00 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 How the 2007/08 Premier League was Won 7.30 LIVE Football 10.00 How the 2007/08 Premier League was Won 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Football 2.00 How the 2007/08 Premier League was Won 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 Football

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News and Weather A round-up of the latest national and international news stories, plus a national weather forecast. 7.00 Emmerdale Viv accosts a stranger, thinking it’s Freddie. 7.30 Coronation Street Is Liam and Maria’s marriage at breaking point? 8.00 End of Cheap Food: Tonight Morland Sanders reports on why food bills are going through the roof, and what consumers can do about the situation. 8.30 Coronation Street Carla comforts Liam – but will she provide more than just a shoulder to cry on? 9.00 The Duke: A Portrait of Prince Philip Two part series offering a unique and personal insight into the life and work of Prince Philip. 10.00 News at Ten and Weather 10.35 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) High-octane action thriller about a cop who goes undercover in Los Angeles’s streetracing world in order to snare the villainous leader of a gang. 12.30am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Nightwatch with Steve Scott 1.55 Loose Women 2.45 Make Me Perfect 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Lisa faces competition from Bart when she is moved up to 3rd grade – while he is transferred down to it. 6.30 Hollyoaks Max and Steph’s relationship hits rock bottom as they clash over money issues. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: From this Day Forward Series of films which weaves a narrative of lives shattered by domestic violence, from experiences of abuse and survival told by women of various ages. 8.00 Dispatches: The Truth about Beauty Creams The team test the High Street’s most popular anti-aging creams, which UK consumers spend an estimated half a billion pounds on each year. 9.00 The Dinosaur Mummy Documentary about the momentous discovery of a 67-million-year-old dinosaur mummy. 10.00 FILM: Exit Wounds (2001) Crime thriller about a Detroit cop who is transferred to a tough inner-city precinct, where he unearths corruption and a sinister deal between the local police and narcotics dealers. 11.55 Premier League Poker 12.55am FILM: Who Dares Wins (1982) 3.00 The Diets that Time Forgot 4.00 Sarah Moves On

7.20am Rupert Bear 7.30 Roary 7.45 Ebb and Flo 7.50 Noddy 8.05 Fifi and the Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Little Lodgers 8.50 Bird Bath 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00pm House Doctor 12.30 News 12.45 Law and Order 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Rough Guide to Beaches 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: More Than Meets The Eye: The Joan Brock Story (2003) 5.00 News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home and Away Cassie says goodbye to the Bay. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the day-to-day lives of the monkeys, chimps, orangutans and apes that live in the largest primate rescue centre in the world, the Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre in Dorset. 7.00 Five News with Natasha Kaplinsky 7.30 How do They do It? Robert learns about fireproofing and finds out how miners search for specks of gold in Nevada. 8.00 The Gadget Show Suzi and Jason have a speed race on the latest high-end road-racing bikes and take to the water to try out some motorised aquatic scooters. 9.00 Paul Merton in China Paul heads to futuristic Shanghai, the commercial capital of China, where he plays golf, has a suit tailor-made and meets match-making parents. 10.00 Dom Joly’s Complainers Comedian Dom Joly and a crack team of ‘complainers’ set about tackling the myriad irritations of modern life. 11.05 FILM: The Forgotten (2004) Twisted sci-fi thriller in which a grieving mother, struggling to cope with the loss of her son, is told that he never existed. 12.55am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.50 USPGA Golf 2.40 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 House Doctor

6.00 BBC News 6.30 Regional News and Weather 6.50 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present the magazine series. 7.30 Watchdog In the last of the current series, Nicky Campbell, Julia Bradbury and Paul Heiney catch up with the latest on the big names and stories they’ve investigated this year. 7.57 BBC News and Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Peggy’s matchmaking is overshadowed by Roxy’s mysterious fainting spells. 8.30 Panorama Current affairs programme with Jeremy Vine. 9.00 Waking the Dead There are disturbing ritual connections to an unearthed corpse discovered in disused tunnels. 10.00 BBC News 10.10 South East Today; Weather 10.18 BBC News 10.25 Regional News Programmes 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Meet the Immigrants 11.05 Inside Sport Tony Livesey and Steve Bunce offer chat and opinion. 11.45 FILM: Iron Eagle (1985) Action adventure. 1.35am Springwatch Weatherview 1.40 Sign Zone: Am I Normal? 2.40 Across the Andes 3.40 Estate We’re In 4.25 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Max Power 9.00 NASCAR 11.30 Golf Night 2.00pm Football 3.30 Golf Night 6.00 Sports Adventures 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 Sports Adventures 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 Poker 12.00am Speedway 2.00 Poker

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Golf Night 10.30 Sports Adventures 11.00 WWE Afterburn 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Max Power 1.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 2.00 Sports Adventures 2.30 NASCAR 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 FEI Equestrian World 7.30 World Motor Sport 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Heat 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Bones 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Bones 11.00 Road Wars 12.00am Bones 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Stargate Atlantis 2.40 Road Wars 3.30 Airline

7.00pm Dragons’ Den 8.00 The Real Hustle 8.30 Glamour Girls 9.00 Gavin and Stacey 9.30 Gavin and Stacey 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Admin 11.30 American Dad 11.55 American Dad 12.15am Glamour Girls 12.45 Gavin and Stacey 1.15 Gavin and Stacey 1.45 Ideal 2.15 Admin 2.45 The Real Hustle

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Living with Modernism 8.00 The Life of Mammals 9.00 50 Not Out 10.00 Stephen Fry and the Gutenberg Press 11.00 Clarissa and the King’s Cookbook 11.30 The Da Vinci Code: The Greatest Story Ever Sold 12.30am 50 Not Out 1.30 Stephen Fry and the Gutenberg Press

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Pushing Daisies 10.00 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002) 12.20am Coronation Street (x2) 1.20 Comedy Cuts 1.45 Teleshopping 4.45 ITV2 Nightscreen

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Kavanagh QC 3.35 PD James 4.45 Heartbeat 5.55 Dempsey and Makepeace 8.00 PD James 9.00 Hack 10.00 Numb3rs 11.00 Cane 11.50 A Touch of Frost 1.45am Upstairs Downstairs 2.40 Ironside 3.30 Tales of the Unexpected 4.00 Teleshopping

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Joan of Arcadia 3.30 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Broken Arrow (1996) 11.05 Hollyoaks: In the City 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 The Simple Life 2: Road Trip

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place in the Sun (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 Shrink Rap 11.05 ER 12.05am The Closer

2.00pm Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 Hotel Babylon 11.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.40pm The Good Life 6.20 My Family 7.00 Only Fools and Horses 7.40 Dinnerladies 8.20 The Thin Blue Line 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Absolutely Fabulous 10.20 Only Fools and Horses 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Absolutely Fabulous 1.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme

4.00pm King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Comedy Store 1.10 Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Days that Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Mythbusters 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 The FBI Files

12.00pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Cheating Fate (2007) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 Flash Gordon 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Vampire In Brooklyn (1995) 11.40 Star Trek 12.40am FILM: Ghoulies IV (1990) 2.20 Ghost Stories

1.20pm Gypsy (1962) 3.45 The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965) Doesn’t live up to the title. 6.55 Gunfight At The OK Corral (1957) 9.00 The Bridges At TokoRi (1954) 10.50 Cahill, United States Marshal (1973) 12.35am Curse Of The Werewolf (1961) 2.20 The Far Country (1955)

12.15pm An Inconvenient Truth (2006) 2.00 Pecker (1998) 3.30 Cabaret (1972) 5.35 The Apostle (1997) 7.50 Al Gore: Return to an Inconvenient Truth 8.20 An Inconvenient Truth (2006) 10.00 Resurrection Man (1997) 11.45 The Road To Wellville (1994) 1.45am Cabaret (1972)

1.00pm Two Thousand Women (1944) 2.50 War Of The Wildcats (1943) 4.55 The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) 6.55 Save The Last Dance (2001) 9.00 Days Of Thunder (1990) 11.00 Dogville (2003) 2.20am Little Norse Prince (1968) 4.00 Close

1.00pm Our Mutual Friend 2.32 The Screening Room 3.00 The Courage Of Lassie (1946) 4.40 Till The Clouds Roll By (1946) 7.05 Zigzag (1970) 9.00 The Drowning Pool (1975) 11.15 Cool Breeze (1972) 1.30am Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) 3.40 The King’s Thief (1955) 5.00 Flesh And The Devil (1927)



Latest 7 Issue 371: 6th - 12th May 2008  
Latest 7 Issue 371: 6th - 12th May 2008  

Walk in the Park: May id the perfect month to explore Leonardslee Gardens. Well hello Mr. Bond: Daniel craig talks to us about his new film....