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weekly listings & tv guide

the magazine for brighton, hove & sussex

something kinda ooooh win! tickets to see girls aloud live at the brighton centre


22–28 April 2008


the uk’s best free green & ethical lifestyle magazine is now inside latest 7! p28


theatre & dance comedy film kids events books art music download chart clubs & bars gay tv

36 38 39 42 43 43 44 45 48 50 53 58



7days of news

jobs cars


page 4

body beautiful trinny and susannah talk to latest 7

tempest4cars page 6

star maker funny girl kicks off chichester 08

business class unrivalled conference facilities await at stanmer house page 21


gay brighton’s only weekly gay pages

on the radio! latest soup 97.2FM mon-fri 4-6pm

000_LS369 Joogleberry FP


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manchester st brighton

01273 687171 01273 571400 STOP PRESS: cafe now open from midday, everyday

Big Gigs Fri 25 Apr – Juke Joint Blues Club: Feat Pete Molinari Authentic rockin' rhythm and blues. 10pm £6

Planning a party, wedding or anniversary?

Tues 29 Apr – The Long Goodbye & Sweet Sweet Lies Indie/Alt/Americana. 8pm £5

Fri 2 May – The Kroon Kittens

Book the joogleberry for FREE!*

Brighton's most intimate and swinging jazz club with your host Nicky Mitchell. 8pm £9

Private venue for up to 200 guests

Sat 3 May – The Brighton Fringe Festival Starts Here

* subject to terms and conditions

Drop by to pick up your Joogleberry fringe festival programme, with the very best in comedy, music, theatre and arts.

“I had the best time ever, and so did all my family and friends. Thank you so much for all your hard work and to your staff who worked extremely professionally and made the night run so smoothly. We will all remember it for ever and ever – except those who drank too much!” LW

Sun 27th - Jim Mullen On The Guitar

ring now for tickets on 01273 687171/571400

000_LS369_ BrightonCentre


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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

Property Recruitment Specialists

Sales Negotiator In Charge


Winner of ‘Estate Agency of the Year’ setting new standards of professionalism within the industry, our clients require an experienced dynamic individual that can develop two offices within the local area. High remuneration package! Branch Letting Manager


We are looking for an inspiring and motivating leader who can drive forward the business and positively influence the staff in the branch to let more property and sell additional services. Energy and enthusiasm are a must – it is important to be able to make this a fun and exciting office. Receptionist


The successful candidate will have a good eye for detail, excellent keyboard and computer skills. This support role is critical to the smooth running of the office, assisting with all publicity activity, responding to telephone, email and internet enquiries, as well as general administrative tasks.

everyone has a price on their head

to maximize your potential call us now on:

0845 130 1188 fax 0845 130 1189




123-125 dyke road hove bn3 1t j tel. 01273 232 232 fax. 01273 232 233

City Lets, with offices in Brighton and Peacehaven now have the following vacancies: Lettings Negotiator The successful candidate will be self-motivated, target driven and possess excellent IT and administration skills.

Senior Lettings Negotiator This position is ideal for an experienced negotiator with a proven track record who is ready for a new challenge. You will possess the knowledge and skills needed to identify and develop new and existing business opportunities A salary package commensurate with experience is offered for both positions.

senior valuer austin gray are seeking to recruit an experienced valuer to join a highly successful team at their prestigious offices in dyke road, hove. the candidate we are seeking for this role will have a proven record in obtaining instructions and seeing sales negotiations through to completion whilst providing a high level of service that our clients have come to expect from a well respected, professional agency. the successful candidate will be articulate, organised, confident, self motivated and enjoy working as part of an enthusiastic and friendly team.

Full Driving Licence is mandatory

all applications will be treated in the strictest confidence, to graham farthing, partner

Please send your CV and covering letter to:

01273 223544

Kirsten Baiden-Amissah – Lettings Manager 41 Arundel Road, Brighton, BN2 5TE e-mail:

4 latest jobs

hundreds of jobs every week



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Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102


Outbound Telesales Agents Required Motivated by money? Fed up with the 9–5? Skilled at sales? Ambitious? We are looking for excellent communicators who thrive in a fast moving sales environment. This is an exciting opportunity for teleagents who are either starting their sales careers or enjoying the benefits of being a top performer to join one of our friendly and upbeat sales offices. You will receive the skills, knowledge and training required to thrive in the job. We encourage teamwork and you will be rewarded through our exceptional commission structure, incentive schemes and competitions when gaining sales. We offer the opportunity to earn £1K weekly to the motivated sales person who can close deals. The role includes a guaranteed basic wage, immediate start and various shifts in our Bognor Regis and Brighton branches.

To apply, call our recruitment line now on 08716 641411.

Conference and Events Sales Executive

IT Resourcer

Export Sales Assistant

Brighton – £16k + Comm

Newhaven – £17.5k

Brighton – £18.5k

This is a large recruitment company in Brighton. They are currently recruiting for an IT Resourcer to join their team. You will be responsible for supplying high quality CVs to the Account Managers, understanding clients needs and ensuring their recruitment requirements are met. You will seek out new business opportunities and generate leads for Account Managers.

A large manufacturing company in Newhaven currently have an opportunity for an Export Sales Assistant. This is a varied role to include processing export orders and providing high quality customer care. You will be required to provide support to the export agents and their retailers, and to proactively sell to agents and customers when the opportunity arises.

Telesales Agents

Health & Safety Advisor

The main purpose of this role is to actively convert customer enquiries into confirmed sales. You will need to be able to develop positive working relationships at all levels and have a good working knowledge of C & E business.

Lettings Negotiator Haywards Heath – £12-14k A large national lettings agency has a vacancy for a negotiator to join their team. You will be negotiating with landlords and tenants, showing properties to prospective tenants and undertaking all related adminstrative duties. In return you will receive a fantastic commission structure, company car and pension scheme.

Brighton – OTE £18-£20k Our client is a large call-centre in central Brighton offering full-time and part-time shifts. You will need to have a confident, professional telephone manner and the ability to close sales over the phone. Full training is given therefore previous experience is not required.

Hove – c30k Our client is currently looking to recruit an influential Health and Safety Advisor to be responsible for maintaining Health and Safety compliance across multiple sites. The position will include advising on all Health and Safety matters, providing training, and developing policies and procedures. This is a fast paced environment so you will need to be an effective team player with the ability to influence behaviours within the work place.

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6 latest 7


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latest 7 4 Jobs

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contents 31 Hot List

Time for a change? All the best opportunities await

8 Social diary

Local restaurants, cafés and bar guide

32 Recipe Take a culinary voyage around Greece

New hotel restaurant and NSPCC ride

9 What Katie did

34 Venue directory Never miss out with our handy A to Z

Mika’s in trouble

35 Reviews

10 Competitions and crossword Win tickets to see Girls Aloud!

11 Celeb city

That was the week that was: a round up of the latest happenings across the city

36 Stage

Katie Price’s latest children’s book makes a splash

12 Eminemmylou and Dani’s diary ‘Senses’ by Maddie Bridgett and Dani considers big knickers

13 News

Funny Girl licks off the season at Chichester ‘08 plus all the listings

38 Stand-up comedy Throw caution to the wind, get chaotic and have fun onstage

39 Film interview

Trinny and Susannah hit town, tagger sentenced and drugs limo concerns

19 Sport

Ryan Gosling playing alongside a rubber doll in Lars and the Real Girl

40 Film

Latest Sport celebrates Joe Calzaghe

19 Letters

All the latest listings previews and reviews in and around the city


42 Kids

Your right to reply

The Youth Circus is coming to town

20 Rockinghorse The charity’s 2008 calendar of events

43 Events and books Swap shop and a history of slavery

21 Cover feature Stanmer House has first-class conference solutions

23 Business Venues Pelham house and New Steine Hotel

24 The Parlour The Marilyn Monroe musical is coming

27 Health

44 Art Duncan Grant joins the line-up of the Bloomsbury set at Charleston

45 Music Interview with the singer-songwriter Tom McRae, plus all the previews, reviews and listings

48 Latest Chart

Black belt baby at Choi Kwang Do

28 Model behaviour

The hottest chart in the city


50 Clubs

Sandra is in winning mode

Rock in the city, plus listings and pics

29 Bare Cheek

53 Gay

St Elmo’s fire ain’t hot no more

29 Stars Libra – get a grip you lot

Open Door to close, Will Tells and all the listings and highlights of the week


58 Latest TV

30 Food Gourmet delight at Pelham House

Complete seven-day TV guide and Dani’s getting into talent

01273 818150 Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Website Manager Paul Burgess Production Editor Victoria Nangle Assistant Editor Zara Friend

Editor Rachel Pegg

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Sub Editors Joe Curtin Melina Greenfield Tristan Parker

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle Staff Writers Matt Chittock Craig Driver Katie Glass Rachel Potter Dani Winch

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards

Photographers Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Administration Claire Peerless Sara Henfridsson

Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Faye Perriam Steve Sawyer

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Welcome Fancy a bit of excitement? Rockinghorse, the children’s charity, is offering Latest 7 readers the chance to bungee jump on the beach, skydive, take part in a dragonboat race at Brighton Marina or trek the Great Wall of China. Find out how you can get involved on page 20. We’ve got some great competitions this week. For the chance to win a pair of tickets to see Girls Aloud with one of the best views in the Brighton Centre, see page 10. We’ve also got two pairs of tickets to see the ‘Magnificent Circus of Wonders‘ in the Udderbelly during the festival fringe (p42). Also during the fringe, The Parlure will host a show with three Marilyn Monroe lookalikes at the glamorous Spiegeltent in York Place (p24). Meanwhile, our own performer Victoria Nangle has been wondering if the trick of putting on a good show is to not care too much (p38). I talked to award-winning author Val McDermid, who has gripped Brighton and Hove with her novel A Place of Execution for City Reads (p15). I also met Trinny and Susannah halfway through their mission to get to grips with the shape of the British public (p13). Sandra has finally returned from Nigeria and in her column she spills the beans about what happened behind the scenes when dozens of models battled in five beauty competitions at the same time. She was put up in a five star hotel which must have been luxurious – but no better than the fabulous venues we have on our doorstep. For a look at some of Sussex's best conference facilities including the superb Stanmer House, see pages 21-23. In food, Andrew and his chum Mr L enjoyed dinner at Pelham House (p30), and on his stage page Andrew looks forward to Funny Girl at Chichester 08 (p37). Tim Richardson explains how to get involved in the NSPCC’s big bike ride (p8) and in clubs Jaime reports back from the front at Digital (p51). In Latest Gay (p53), Paul Disney laments the loss of one of Brighton’s key HIV services which has announced it is to close for good. Will wonders whether he’s slept with too many people (p56) and Linda Holm, from Brighton Register Office, explains how civil partnerships work (p54). In music (p45), Nick Aldwinckle talks to Mercury Music Prize nominee Tom McRae and music editor Jeff Hemmings gives a run-down of local and national releases and gig highlights. Finally, we’ve got an extra magazine for you again this week – for green and ethical news from Wave, turn to page 28.

Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Ian Trevett Marie Viviani

Editorial: Advertising:


Rachel Pegg, Latest 7 Editor latest 7 7



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LATESTDIARY James Lance (actor) and Russell Squire (fundraiser for Sussex NSPCC)

latestdiary With Tim Richardson

Cycle fundraiser for NSPCC

Bron Hoffmann, Neville Holyoake, Ben Hoffmann, Andrea Hoffmann and Andrew Whale Jacqueline Godfrey and Julian Pelling (both from the International Wine and Food Society)

Maarten Hoffmann (The Townhouse Brighton) and Alex Chalk (Alexander’s at The Townhouse)

On Friday 11 April 2008, Brighton actor James Lance, who plays scriptwriter Tom Warren in the ITV comedy Moving Wallpaper and Russell Squire, fundraiser for Sussex NSPCC, called on local people to support the NSPCC’s Sussex Big Bike Ride, which takes place at Christ’s Hospital near Horsham on Sunday 20 July 2008. Now in its third year, the Big Bike Ride is a national activity and one of the biggest family fundraisers on the calendar. This year, in addition to asking people to get together with friends and family to set up and run their own rides in aid of the NSPCC, the charity is putting on the Sussex event and is calling on cyclists of all abilities to get involved. Russell Squire, NSPCC fundraising manager for Sussex, said: “By taking part in the NSPCC Sussex Big Bike Ride you will have a great opportunity to have fun, keep fit and at the same time help the NSPCC carry out the vital work it undertakes providing local services for children and families. “The Sussex event will be a real family day out with up to 1,000 people expected to take part. In addition to having three different routes to choose from – all of which are largely off road – there will be stalls and other attractions for young and old alike.” The routes all follow the Downs Link with three different distances to choose from for the event and a much shorter route around the grounds of Christ’s Hospital will also be set up for very young ones to cycle around. Thousands of people are expected to take up the challenge to help create a better future for children by joining one of the many bike rides being staged across the country, or by organising their own ride over the weekend of 27 – 29 June 2008. To and out more about how you can support the work of the NSPCC by entering the Sussex Big Bike Ride, or to register for a Big Bike Ride organisers pack, log on to

Kim Coghlan, Tamsyn Skinner and Jennifer Skinner

New hotel restaurant The Townhouse Brighton, the city’s most avant garde boutique hotel, launched its long awaited new restaurant Alexander’s on Friday 4 April. Alexander’s is the culmination of many years’ hard work by Chef Alex Chalk, who brings a huge range of experience and creativity to his first restaurant. Alex has travelled the world and has worked in California, Mexico, Sri Lanka and across Europe. His UK experience takes him from the Boxwood Café (Gordon Ramsay), in London Le Caprice, The Ivy, The Orrery, Odettes and Head Sous at Amberley Castle. Alexander’s Bar will offer a wide array of drinks with exceptional limited release wines and exclusive deals with Pol Roget and two new world wineries. For more information visit 8 latest 7

If you have an event you would like featured please email



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What Katie did Katie is not a fan of life in cartoon motion, and stumbles across Mika’s dark secret

Model behaviour

Mika not wanting to play the fame game is of course his own choice. Why should he pose for photos, put up with paps or bother himself with gossipy small talk with the likes of me. After all, some pop stars – and supermodels for that matter – have built legends on reserving the right not to reply. So I hadn't thought much about Mika – no honest I hadn't – until one day I was fiddling around on the Models 1 website. And there, much to my surprise, was Mr Mika – being attractively advertised as a celebrity client, available for on-demand photoshoots, interviews, you name it. Model for hire. It's a funny occupation for someone so adamant at keeping his privacy. But then again maybe the only publicity Mika thinks he owes his fans is the kind he gets paid for.

I am not a fan of Mika. I hope he takes this personally. He should. Because the reason I don't like him is not that his sell-out sugar drenched pop makes me want to reach for a bottle of gin, a packet of painkillers and a sharp razor. It is because he is a twat. Anytime I have met Mika he's been a moron. (Never was alliteration so satisfactory). Reserving his multicoloured charisma for the likes of music videos and daytime TV he manages the feat of consistently behaving like a spoilt diva and a nobody at the same time. This off-message muppetry comes across in various forms, but most significantly so in his miserable antisocialness. The first time I meet Mika it was at a hugely public event – 200 plus people had been invited, amongst which were substantial numbers of press, all having been enthusiastically begged to attend. But despite the open invitation, Mika the ‘star‘ no one has ever heard of – who strangely was desperately trying to promote his debut single was refusing to talk to any of them. “I'm not doing press“; Mika scowls when I approach him. “Mika's not doing press“, his pandering PR duly repeated. To me, to Hello!, the photographers and anyone else who came to say hello.

“Mika has learned the art of the celebrity snub“ And so it came to pass that this appeared in The Observer: “Mika, this column's favourite camp chart-topper, has quickly learned the art of the celebrity snub. Having performed at last week's Hennessy Moscow Motion event in London, he refused to pose with either glamour model Melinda Messenger or the 'aristocratic' one, Jasmine Guinness. His PR people later said they'd emailed photographers in advance insisting that no pictures should be taken at all. Quite the star, that Mika.“ Cut to a year, a few singles, and a withering fanbase later and Mika and I have had a few more run-ins. But his time in the limelight hasn't changed the curly-haired campster's approach to it. Instead, rocking up to an awards ceremony – and one at which his own successes are to be celebrated – here he is again, up to his old tricks. The Observer (via me) duly reports: “Mika retains a healthy sense of his place in the celebrity pantheon. Last week, he picked up two gongs at the Capital Awards in London. After the first – London's favourite album – he stood happily with Capital Radio DJ Lucio. But after the second – favourite male star – which was presented by Peter Andre and Katie Price (formerly known as Jordan), he ducked off the stage as they went to pose. Not wanting a snap with those two? What can have got into him?“

 Comments, queries and general chitchat can be sent to:

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solutions on page 56

See Girls Aloud at the Brighton Centre! Girls Aloud at the Brighton Centre – Tickets! Reality TV has a lot to answer for. There’s been largely forgettable one-hit wonders emerge from the likes of Pop Idol and The X Factor, but cast your mind back to 2002 when Pop Stars: The Rivals graced our screens. It was boys versus girls and while the name of the boy band has slipped off everyone’s radar, the girl band that emerged are still going strong today. They are Girls Aloud and they have successfully managed to leave their ‘wannabe’ roots behind to emerge as superstars. In 2007, the Guinness Book of World Records listed them as the Most Successful Reality TV Group, while the 2008 edition lists them as having: The Most Consecutive Top 10 Entries in the UK by a Female Group. Now, the fab five are back with a new single and fab new tour, appearing at the Brighton Centre on Tuesday 13 May. Latest 7 went along to the Radio Reverb fundraiser auction last month and bid to bag a pair of tickets to Girls Aloud in Brighton. Now, dear readers, we are offering the pair of tickets to you – no bidding and no payment required. Just answer the entry question below and you could be going to see Girls Aloud at the Brighton Centre. You and a friend could find yourselves sitting in the front row of the balcony, with a fantastic central view to the stage. What are you waiting for? You’ve got to be in it to win it! To be in with a chance of winning tickets to see girls Aloud at the Brighton Centre on Tuesday 13 May, tell us: What language do Girls Aloud claim not to speak in their new single? See below for entry details.

Cryptic 140

Quick 140



3 Boundary man gathering the hoar-frost (9) 7 One interrupts games for food (3) 8 Classic leprechaun females? (6,5) 10 River and mountain range typical of the country (5) 11 A diner’s fish concoction (7) 13 Woman with ten in the chest (6) 14 Newsman’s turn to die – right? (6) 17 Glide over the motorway with a shrub (7) 19 From the farm, hurried to church (5) 20 Frenchman with goat adopts Rimini for resettlement (11) 22 Scoundrel’s incomplete remedy (3) 23 Impression I leave in mixing gin and vinegar (9)

1 Equipment used to shake up Sara and Pat (9) 2 Plant one gets in fusion of plum and orange (11) 3 Two girls who show a bit of knee (7) 4 Seasoning to enjoy (6) 5 Machine discovered in demure woman's house (5) 6 Animal going up and down (3) 9 Continuation of financial support (11) 12 Planet from which we order rocket men's leaders to bring legless creature (9) 15 Favourite apprentice needs bold surroundings (7) 16 Sausage made by girl friend in France (6) 18 Mother holds the key to molten rock (5) 21 Fellow getting degree in the end (3)


Edge of the 80s – CD If chilling out to 80s tunes is more to your fancy (or maybe as well as seeing Girls Aloud!) then don’t miss this fantastic new CD. Capturing the essence of the early 80s – sharp and chic but hopefully without the shoulder pads – the sounds and artists of the 80s has never been so relevant to modern day life and music. The Klaxons, New Young Pony Club and Calvin Harris are all artists heavily influenced by periphery 80s artists. Many a feelgood album with the cheesy tunes of the 80s has been released but never something as razor sharp and stylish as The Edge Of The Eighties. Featuring the Pretenders, Propaganda, Adam and The Ants and the superstar David Bowie, this new CD features many tracks only previously released on vinyl. We have three copies of The Edge Of The Eighties CD to give away. To be in with a chance of winning, tell us: Which classic 80s film did David Bowie star in as Jareth, the Goblin King? See below for details.

3 Pertaining to origin (9) 7 Of us (3) 8 Milky iridescence (11) 10 Boxes (5) 11 One on another (7) 13 Showy (6) 14 Wandering (6) 17 Less heavy (7) 19 Less moist (5) 20 Repeat (11) 22 Man’s name (3) 23 Repugnant (9)

DOWN 1 Murderous (9) 2 Sitting posture (5-6) 3 Spectacles (7) 4 Irritate (6) 5 Irritable (5) 6 Curve (3) 9 In story style (11) 12 Dissuasive (9) 15 Glowing (7) 16 Commend (6) 18 Reduce gradually (5) 21 Flow back (3)

To advertise call our sales team on 01273 818150

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IKEA goods Tell us what you want, and we’ll deliver it. Simple as that. No traffic. No queues. No rows. No hassle.

FEARLESS MIKE 01273 711166 As seen on TV

To be in with a chance of winning, email with the title of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email, along with your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 5 May 2008.

Ask about our flatpack assembly service We are an independent limited company and not part of the Ikea group

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sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

A, B, Sea Katie Price is making a book-shaped splash Glamour girl Katie Price launched her latest range of children’s books – Mermaids and Pirates – last week at London store Harrods. Katie already has hair styling, underwear and jewellery ranges, and has now added children’s books to the ever-growing list. Katie didn’t disappoint at the photocall, as she came dressed as a mermaid, with flowing black locks and a Strictly Come Dancing meets The Little Mermaid shocking pink frock.

Saraseen Spotted – ex-gladiator Saracen (real name Mike Lewis) at the Sussex Pet Stores in Ladies Mile Road. The fitness guru was handing out free goody bags to the first 100 customers through the door.

Green Peter? All you Blue Peter fans out there need to put a date in your diary – 27 April. The crew from the show will be taking part in the first ever Greenpower Challenge, which is being held at the Goodwood Motor Circuit. For more information check out their website at

Man’s best friend Spotted – actor Sid Owen with a very cute Pekinese puppy on Rottingdean high street, enjoying a stroll. After his triumphant return to the popular BBC soap, the EastEnders actor is clearly enjoying his free time.

Mum’s the word All you yummy mummies out there – put this date in your diary: Sunday 8 June is the very first Brighton Baby Expo. Held at the Brighton Centre, the event is a showcase for every family-friendly brand under the sun. Register now online for free entry at You can hear me every Thursday from 9am on the Juice FM Breakfast Show with Guy and Andrea.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555,

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email

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Eminemmylou Hi, I’m Eminemmylou, throwin’ lyrics at you. This week Maddie Bridgett

Senses Touched by his sense, gifted by god, Held by his father, together they plod, Reaching for my cheek, a softness to his kiss, His touch is so tender, so totally bliss. He listens to my voice, what does he hear? I wish its my courage, more so than my fear, He travels from Madrid to visit his brother, Seen as his equal there is no need to smother. I prepare him some food, how will it taste? He devours it completely, leaving no waste, This pleases me immensely, smiling to show me, I have done good, this fills me with glee. His head wanders knowingly, what does he smell? Unable to see, like a child in a well, Aromas in the air, flowers and incense, Unlimited senses, a boundary no fence. A brief moment in time, his touch in my heart, For here it will stay, never to part, Making this world brighter, ridding its tenses, For you bring a lightness, with all of your senses. © 2005 The Brighton To London Poet

Send rhymes and a pic to:


Dani’s diary Dani takes an alternative look at love through Bridget Jones’ underpants

I have decided to write a column in the style of Bridget Jones, for no particular reason really, mainly just to mix things up a bit as I’m bored of writing as myself. Number of cigarettes so far today: 6 Number of slices of cake: 3 Number of times I have wanted to put my head through my computer screen: 9 Number of times I have been caught daydreaming about Jonathan Rhys Myers: 127 Wow, just reading that little bit back is bizarre, I really could be a tubby middle aged woman. In actual fact, inside I am. Now 21, single and armed with the knowledge that nothing will ever be exactly how I want it. I am setting out into the world a new person, (apparently). I have no love interests to thicken up the story. Mainly because I have no interest in love. So it’s just little ol’ me for the time being. And I am more than happy to live with that. So in a desperate bid to liven things up (because, lets face it, Bridget Jones is desperate, I am going to plan, plan something spectacular. I have no idea what this spectacular thing is, I have a few ideas in mind and need to ponder on them for a while longer. Perhaps while I’m eating cereal from the box and listening to Sad FM. (Because that’s a Bridget thing to do).

“Jane Austen’s Mr Darcy was a git“ Not being one for big pants I don’t feel qualified to discuss the intricacies of such things (which, wipes out a major part in Bridget’s life, but let’s not forget that I am actually a Bridget in the making so I shouldn’t be expected to be wearing big pants already). Mr Darcy, however, is a subject I am well and truly able to make comment upon, Jane Austen’s Mr Darcy was a git. I say this because no other man will be able to live up to the standards set such a long time ago by a fictional character. (In my eyes anyway). I suppose Bridget’s, Mr Darcy, (although I do not fancy Colin Firth) has a certain thing about him that makes him almost irresistible in a bizarre sensible way. I don’t however, fantasise and romanticise about marrying anyone, which, I imagine with a large amount of dread, will start happening along with the ticking of various imaginary clocks in my body. When I first started writing this column all those years ago, I was told it would be a Sex and the City style thing. But I have come to realise that only works in television programmes, mainly because there is no way in hell that you could own that many pairs of Jimmy Choos’ when all you do all day is ‘get to thinkin’! Bridget however lives on in all of us. And I’m quite happy with that. I never doubt that if all else fails I could just die and weeks later be found, half eaten by alsations, wearing big pants.

 For comments and chit chat email 12,000 students attend the University of Sussex. The only way to reach these potential clients is through the University of Sussex Students’ Union. The badger is the Student Union’s tabloid newspaper, published every Thursday and read by 84% of students*. The pulse, our termly magazine, has been awarded the best UK Student Magazine twice by The Guardian and Independent newspapers. To advertise in either publication, phone the USSU marketing team on 01273 678151 or email * Student Lifestyle Questionnaire 2002

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Rachel Pegg meets Trinny and Susannah as they take to the road to alter Britain’s perception of body image

Body shock So here I am, stripping off for Trinny and Susannah. Having pledged to myself not to take off my clothes when covering the Brighton leg of their body image roadshow, it didn’t take long for me to crack. Within minutes of meeting them I am wearing a lovely shiny-purple full-body leotard and parading in front of a TV camera, two photographers and a roomful of people. It’s not how I usually spend my Sunday mornings, but Trinny, Susannah and their team are very persuasive. Their latest ITV programme is all about Britain's body image. The Great British Body roadshow travelled around the country auditing the vital statistics of thousands of people and asking them personal questions about how they feel about their figures. The point is to get an accurate picture of how we Brits see ourselves and what the average shape is really like. Hundreds of people turned up to the Dome to have themselves measured, weighed and photographed. Most, like me, were not exactly supermodels. But all were happy to let strangers scrutinise their lumps and bumps in the name of scientific research – or was it the lure of getting on television? Some had sad stories to tell. Helen Taylor, 31, from Burgess Hill, attended because she is a huge fan of Trinny and Susannah and wanted their advice on her body problems. She said: “I have had three baby girls and I prolapsed, so I can't walk too far. I have to rest quite often. It’s sad because I love walking and running and I like exercising. I am unsure where to go from here.” Helen also donned a purple leotard as part of an experiment to find out whether people’s body image matches up to how they actually look. A photograph of each person in lycra was taken, then distorted on a computer screen. The subject had to manipulate the image to what they thought was their actual size, then to their ideal size. Experts were on hand to explain the results. Professor Nichola Rumsey, of the Centre for Appearance Research at the University of the West of England in Bristol, who led the experiment, said: “What we are finding is people have a tendency to overestimate their actual size. When we have asked them to indicate their ideal size, that has been quite a lot smaller, particularly for women – they will drop by two dress sizes, which is a reflection from the media and from society.” Other scientists took saliva samples to test for the ‘fat gene‘ which, if you are a carrier, can increase your size by half a stone compared to someone with a similar lifestyle. Trinny told me: “People who have the gene from both parents have more susceptibility, so when they eat they put on weight.

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“It’s a good test for people who can’t understand why they put on weight and other people don’t, and it's not a food disorder. It’s dispelling myths. The fundamental of what a woman or a man feels about their body is still what drives their confidence levels. “We’re very aware nowadays of how many magazines there are and influences there are for all different ages, saying: ‘Go on a diet, do this and you'll be acceptable.’ The pressure on different areas of our society is much greater.“ She said there was an “emotional element” to the research. “It’s to say: ‘If you have a squidgy-widgy nose, 3,000 other people have it. If you have massive breasts, you’re not the only one – they aren’t actually that massive. The average weight in England for a woman is eleven stone three. When we were in Newcastle, a lot of people thought it was less than that. When we started talking about average, they suddenly felt comfortable.”

“If you have a squidgy-widgy nose, 3,000 other people have it. If you have massive breasts, you’re not the only one” Susannah added: “We want to find out what is the archetypal 2008 body because it hasn’t been audited ever. Even more important is how we feel about our bodies today and what our body image is like and we’re expecting it to be pretty poor actually.” Susannah, who lives in Sussex, thought people came to the roadshow because they wanted a solution to their body woes. She said: “Here the solution is: ‘Oh my God, I'm not alone.’ That’s a real Britishness; we’re all supporting each other and there’s a real sense of unity. “People do want to feel better about themselves. The lid will be lifted off the fact that everybody isn’t a size zero and airbrushing does make people look a lot better and normal is how you and I are, and abnormal is those freaks who are a size zero.” Among those who took part were Shoreham lifeboat volunteers and the Brighton Belles, a branch of the Red Hat Society, which is a social group of over-50s women who dress in purple in reference to the Jenny Joseph poem ‘When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple/ With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn't suit me’. Their ‘Queen’ Helen Fearne said her body image was improving with age. "I am 64 and I am getting used to being the way I am.” The roadshow is searching for a man and a woman with unusual stories about their bodies to inspire a living sculpture in East Sussex on Saturday (26 April). About 500 people will strip naked on The Downs and join together to create the shape of those two people. Find out more at or to take part call Gee Corbett on 0207 1574721. latest 7 13



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Older people at risk of going blind have been told they can have potentially sight-saving treatment. Brighton and Hove Primary Care Trust has ruled that it will give Lucentis treatment to all suitable patients with wet age-related macular degeneration. Until now the treatment has been doled out according to a postcode lottery, with some regions offering it early but others, including Brighton and Hove, refusing. The National Institute for Clinical Excellence in Health had recommended patients were only given the treatment after they had irreversibly lost their sight in one eye. NICE is undergoing a u-turn on the policy and will publish its final recommendation in the summer. Brighton and Hove patients who have previously been turned down should contact their GP. The funding will cost the PCT about £750,000 a year. Homelessness charity Shelter published research showing house prices have risen by 194 per cent in ten years. The annual Roof Affordability Index revealed that the average first time property price has increased from £64,234 to £188,811, with house price to income ratios almost doubling from 1.84 to 3.41. Councillors refused a planning application to build six mini wind turbines on their own offices. Brighton and Hove City Council turned down the proposal to adapt Kings House in Grand Parade. The original planning application was submitted under the previous Labour administration but was withdrawn and revised. It was blocked last week by Tories on the planning committee. Council officers had recommended the plan should be approved. It was predicted the scheme would have reduced the council's carbon emissions by 7.5 tonnes a year and saved it £50,000 on fuel. It was revealed that Anita Roddick left nearly all of her £51million fortune to charity. Dame Anita removed daughters Justine and Sam from her will shortly before she and her husband Gordon sold The Body Shop to L'Oreal in 2005. Her share of the money was left to the Roddick Foundation, the charity she founded. Gordon, who lives near Arundel, also made £51million from the sale. Dame Anita died last year at St Richard's Hospital, Chichester not long after being diagnosed with hepatitis C. She was 64.

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Historic home for sale


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Leonardslee Gardens near Horsham has been put on the market for a guide price of £5million. The Loder family, who have owned the property since 1889, have decided it is time to move on. The sale covers the six bedroom main house, four cottages and out buildings including an exhibition centre and coach house/stable block. It also covers the 225 acres of famous gardens, designed by Sir Edmund Loder. The new owner will also take responsibility for the 40 wallabies who live in the grounds. The whole property and its grounds are Grade I listed. Property details can be seen at


Biofuel activists held a protest against a new law which came into effect last week. Student demonstrators made their way through Sussex University's campus at Falmer and Brighton town centre to raise awareness of the Renewable Transport Fuel Obligation. This forces petrol companies to ensure that 2.5 per cent of fuels at their pumps are biofuels. Environmental campaigners claim that biofuel will wreak havoc on the climate, food supplies and ecosystems and cause human rights violations. Their concerns have been echoed by senior scientists, policy makers and the UN. EU targets are set to increase biofuels to 10 per cent by 2020. Protests were held all around the country last week to call for the Government to bring an end to the practice. Alison Freeman, chairwoman of the environmental society at Sussex University, said, “Our primary concern is to break the illusion the Government and corporate sector is propagating of these fuels as renewable, green and bio, which deliberately masks the issue for the general public. “Our message is simple: biofuels kill. We must stop Western economies internalising these fuels before it is too late.“

Travellers arrive

Eco-fair fun Children made the most of the sunny weather by holding an ecofair.Young residents helped adults litter pick in the Tarner area of Brighton, before getting involved in environmental activities. Simon Burgess, a member of the Tarner Area Partnership, said: “It was good to take the children to something constructive where they could see the community pulling

together during the school holidays. We all enjoyed clearing up rubbish around Kingswood and Milner Flats, planting some herbs around Nelson Place and building a solar powered toy boat at the eco-fair. The sense of community around Tarner remains strong and it was good to see local residents, police, councillors and council staff all getting stuck in together on behalf of the community.“

The season for travellers moving into parks in Brighton and Hove has begun and with it comes a call for more county council facilities to save the city's parks. More than a dozen vehicles recently spent three days in Wild Park, off Lewes Road, Moulsecoomb. The city council then moved them to its Horsdean site for gypsies and travellers in transit, where travellers pay a weekly rent. A city council spokeswoman said: “Our policy is that, when we have spaces on the site, we will continue to make them available to gypsies and travellers visiting the city for a limited period.“ The Mayor, Councillor Carol Theobald said: “The big problems occur when they move onto parks where sports and tournaments are played. “Brighton has done its bit by providing facilities at Horsdean and now other authorities should build more traveller sites. “I used to belong to a forum to discuss this issue and which involved all local authorities. “It’s about time the county councils took more action.”

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LATESTNEWS come very close into the road, another place where there’s a wall and a gated road. It’s a possible place although not an exact place. The book doesn’t portray journalists in a very positive way. You had many years as a journalist, was that your experience? Pretty much. The world of national newspapers is particularly tough and cut-throat. You get a certain level of cooperation among daily newspaper journalists but when you’re talking about looking for those exclusives and particularly for Sunday newspapers the story is what counts. There wasn’t a great deal of compassion in the trade of journalism as practised when I was doing it.

A dead good read What makes a good story? Rachel Pegg spoke to award-winning crime author Val McDermid How do you feel about A Place of Execution being chosen for Brighton City Reads? It’s very exciting for me I have to say, the notion of the whole city reading my book. Where did the idea for the book come from? I had always wanted to write a book set in the White Peak. I moved to live in Buxted in 1979. I suppose I fell in love with the White Peak at first sight and spent a lot of time walking in the limestone countryside. I really wanted to write about it but I couldn’t figure out how because it couldn’t be one of my regular detectives coming in, because that wouldn’t allow me to write about it in that emotional, felt way. It took me a long time to figure out that if I wanted to write about it properly, I had to write about it in a way that was somehow almost organic, a story that could only happen here, so I was casting about trying to find something that might fit. I was doing an event with Douglas Wynn, who writes true crime, and he was talking about murder cases that involved no body. I found that really exciting, a lightbulb came on in my head. The event was in Hull and I was driving back down the M62 thinking: “No body but you can still have a trial... no body but you can still have a murder... the body’s so well hidden you can never find it...“ That was the starting point for a story that was quite different from what he was talking about but nevertheless has its roots in that idea that disposing of a body doesn’t mean you get away with murder. What kind of research did you do? I started reading about cases where there had been no body because the body had been disposed of thoroughly. I wanted there to be high stakes involved so I wanted it to be set at a time when there was still the possibility of hanging. The latest I could leave it was 1963, 64. I wanted it to be close enough to the time I was writing so there could still be living witnesses so I had to find my space and time quite precisely. It dawned upon me as I was doing my research that was when the first victims of Ian Brady and Myra Hindley had gone missing. That tied in with the subject of my book so I had to find a way to negotiate that without being in any way exploitative.

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Did you do lots of historical research, perhaps about police methods at the time? My preferred method is always to find somebody who knows what they’re talking about because that way you don’t only get the answers to your questions, you get the background knowledge that makes your information real and alive and not some dry, dusty fact. One of my neighbours had been a policeman in the Lancashire force from the 1960s onwards so I was able to sit down with him with a bottle of whiskey and hear about what it was like doing the job, as opposed to: “These were the ranks, this is what we had authority to do,” in a dry, factual way. I got information from my

“We feel much more uneasy and anxious in the world that we live in – we’re more afraid of crime” neighbour, Bill, that you wouldn’t necessarily get from a historical account. Things like the wives of the police officers only socialised with each other. Newspapers are useful because they give you a sense of what people thought was important. Also from the ads in the newspapers you get a sense of what people had in their homes, how much it cost, say, to buy a washing machine or a pint of beer, so that was all good stuff. Music often captures an era, so listening to the music of the time is good for having a sense of the feel of the time. I was only eight years old in 1963 so what I remember from 1963 is not terribly useful for writing a crime novel: “What were my favourite stories in Bunty and my favourite sweets?” Is Scardale inspired by a real place? Scardale is an amalgam of various places in the White Peak. There’s one place where you’ve got a little village green and houses round it. There’s another place where limestone cliffs

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A Place of Execution is a dark tale. How do you stop becoming emotionally involved? The experience of the writer is very different from the experience of the reader. If I’ve done my job right, when you read the book you’re completely drawn into my world and and it’s a very intense experience that takes place over quite a short period of time. You don’t know what’s going to happen next, you don’t know how it’s going to play out. For the writer it’s a very different experience which takes places over a period of months or years. You’re in control of the material, nothing happens without your say-so. I come out of the office in the evening and nobody’s going to be dead before breakfast. I don’t have those shocks and surprises waiting around the corner. Also when I’m writing I’m constantly thinking of technique; it’s always mediated by: “Is this the right word? Is this the right shape of sentence? Should I end the paragraph here? Should I make a new chapter? Does this work? Oh, I’ve left this character alone for too long.” So all the time you’re thinking of it in terms of construction rather than the impact of reading it. You can’t afford to let it take over your life because otherwise you’d have no life at all. It’s quite important to be able to walk away from it. The closer you get to finishing a book, the more it becomes impossible to escape, but that’s because you’re intensely involved in the story and putting it together correctly, and in a way it works, rather than feeling: “Oh, I’m terribly upset about such and such.” Crime fiction is the most popular genre in Brighton libraries. Why do people love it? One reason is human beings are hard-wired for narrative, we like stories that have a beginning, a middle and an end. We like that kind of storytelling, it makes us feel satisfied. The crime novel par excellence does that, it gives you the crime, the exploration of the crime and the solution. I think that’s an important part of it. Another thing is that we feel much more uneasy and anxious in the world that we live in – we’re more afraid of crime, although our chances of being a victim of crime are probably not any greater than they ever were. I think the crime novel is something you read almost for consolation. It’s a fairly safe place to be scared because we know the bad people will have bad things happen to them and we know there are people like Tony Hill or Inspector Wexford out there to make the place safe for us. We know it will be all right in the end. Read the full interview at For details of City Reads events taking place over the next month, visit Latest 7 has a pair of tickets to see Val McDermid at the Corn Exchange on 17 May and five copies of A Place of Execution to give away. Email Normal competition rules apply. latest 7 15



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Going for gold Drugs found in limos Traces of cocaine and speed were found on surfaces inside three limousines stopped in a police operation in Brighton. Limousines carrying stag and hen parties were stopped and escorted to Madeira Drive where they underwent a number of safety checks. The operation was designed to check vehicles complied with road laws and were fit to transport passengers. One driver was arrested on suspicion of drink-driving and another for being disqualified. Traffic officer PC Gary Relf said: “A total of 36 limousines and other vehicles were stopped and 27 notices for different motoring offences were issued.” He warned that officers would be looking out for limos which permit drug use. He said:“It would prove very difficult to prosecute anyone over these traces but if we were to find bags or small quantities of drugs in future stops then we could. “The discovery means our officers will be paying more attention to limousines in the city, especially on weekend nights.” Operation Fantasia 4 involved Sussex Police Roads Policing Department, VOSA, Taxi Licensing, DVLA and Brighton and Hove City Council. PC Relf said the limousine industry was working with the government to bring in new legislation and improve standards.

Safety survey The best things about west Hove are the parks and shops – the worst are parking and the lack of community safety, according to a survey. The community network analysis team at Brighton University questioned 525 people in the area – roughly a tenth of the population. Full results can be seen at, a new community website for Portland and Clarendon. The site has been developed by residents in partnership with the university. It offers a space for community information and for individuals to communicate their ideas and interests via online forums.

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Graffiti tagger caught One of the city’s most prolific graffiti taggers has admitted more than 60 offences of criminal damage. Jack Deeks, 21, of Hampden Road, Brighton, received a two month suspended sentence. He was ordered to complete 250 hours unpaid work and pay £2,598 costs. Unemployed Deeks admitted seven counts of criminal damage and asked for a further 55 to be taken into consideration. He also admitted resisting arrest by running from police in the early hours of 2 November last year. Brighton magistrates heard Deeks, whose tag is NOSH, is a member of a crew called DWP – Delinquents with Paint. After he was arrested, police contacted the city council’s graffiti officer who keeps a detailed database of graffiti. She had photographs of more than 60 of his tags. The graffiti had caused more than £3,000 worth of damage on public and private property including walls, phone boxes and transit vans. After the hearing PC Rebecca Temple said: “I hope today’s result sends out a strong message to other taggers in the city.”

What’s new pussycat? Strange tales of big cats have long swirled around the Sussex countryside and it appears the season is up and running again after sightings on the edge of Brighton. Police had three reports from residents on the Bevendean estate who say they have seen a large sandy-coloured cat in the farm fields near their homes. A police spokesman said: “One man in the Bodiam Avenue area was convinced of what he saw and he insisted it wasn’t just an obese domestic cat. He said it looked like a puma, although I thought they were black.” Three years ago a pair of dogs were being taken for a walk on Whitmoor Common, near Guildford, Surrey, when they spotted a large sandy-coloured,

cat-like animal and chased it up a tree. Their owner rang Surrey Wildlife Trust ranger Mark Havler, who contacted the fire brigade and the RSPCA. Firefighters duly turned up and attempted to catch the creature but, in the best traditions of its Houdini-esque ilk, the beast escaped. Two weeks later, a similar-looking animal was captured on video near the same spot but the footage was fuzzy. Members of the public reported seeing a black panther in fields near Gatwick Airport last year and one witness said it was half the size of a cow. The Big Cats In Britain organisation is convinced panthers are living wild in Britain but as for the Brighton sightings, we are left with the question: Was it a puma or a pussy?

A woman who feared she would never walk again is halfway through running two marathons in two weeks. Eight years ago Jocelyn Dodgson was suffering from a severe bad back and was told she might never recover. She vowed that if she got better she would run a marathon. Five marathons later, she is preparing to complete her biggest challenge to date. Jocelyn, from Brighton, completed the Flora London Marathon in five hours and eight minutes on Sunday 13 April. She is now preparing for the Hamburg marathon on Thursday (24 April). Eight years ago after months of agony Jocelyn was offered an operation but knew there was no guarantee of success. She said: “Things could hardly have been more depressing. I had three children under the age of four. I had been flat on my back on the floor for eight weeks. I didn’t know if I would ever walk again, let alone run.” Through her marathons, she is hoping to raise £1,000 for Brighton Housing Trust’s First Base Day Centre where she works as the catering co-ordinator and is part of a team that trains people to work in the catering industry. She said: “I feel passionately about the day centre and the Catering Training Project. When I had my bad back, there were days when I had a sense of complete hopelessness. Everything seemed out of my control. “Through the Catering Training Project people regain hope, acquire skills, confidence and a real sense of purpose. “What I love about my work is the ability to make people feel accepted. It is an absolute honour to work with the trainees. They are generally very amazing people with extraordinary life experiences.” To make a donation visit or

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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills on how the new Chief Constable of Sussex, Martin Richards, is facing up to a challenging year ahead

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“Trying hard and hoping to do better” are the words new Sussex Chief Constable Martin Richards would like to see on his report card. After completing his first six months in the hot seat, he spoke to Latest 7 and revealed that no matter if he scored top marks in every category, he wouldn’t be satisfied. “It is for others to judge how well or not I have performed in my first half-year but I would accept the phrase ‘could do better’ because that is all about potential.” He would score an A grade for diplomacy - he’s a man who wears cufflinks and is careful which ones he uses: “Along with a Sussex Police Authority tie, whenever I am in West Sussex, I wear that county’s blue cufflinks and when I am in East Sussex I wear their red ones. “And when I’m in London on police business I wear one of each.” But which links does he wear when he’s in Brighton and Hove? He quipped: “I don’t – I wear a sleeveless T-shirt.”

“We have officers returning to us from SOCA (Serious and Organised Crime Agency)“ Mr Richards, 48, took over in October last year having served as Chief Constable of Wiltshire Police – and walked into a number of “challenging” issues in Sussex. He inherited improving detection rates and a falling crime rate and while these remain top priorities, stopping police officers from leaving the force has emerged as a major issue. He and his family have settled into their new home on the Sussex coast and while he “absolutely loves it” here, a fair few fellow officers don’t share his judgement and are leaving for what they believe will be greener grasses. Mr Richards admitted the force was haemorrhaging staff but said many officers who have gone, ultimately have returned. The Sussex branch of the Police Federation, the rank-and-file “union” says the force is 300 officers short for a Shire constabulary of its size and that a survey revealed ten per cent of the force was considering leaving to earn upwards of £6,000 more in London.

MP Des Turner

Mr Richards, 48, said: “Recent months have undoubtedly seen larger than usual numbers of officers leaving – it is the nature of an open market and you have to respect that. But we have had officers returning to us - from SOCA (Serious and Organised Crime Agency), Surrey, Gwent, and even Australia. They are recognising the quality of service offered here and quality of life, both professional life and personal life.” The chief has £10million in the next year to hire 100 extra officers and staff but he accepts he has a brain-drain problem. The public clearly wouldn’t be expected to fill any service gap, but he is looking to them to take on more pro-active roles. He wants those who are not already fans of Sussex to become part of Team Sussex, to take pride in their county (counties) and then convert that good will into a “potential force for good”. By acting as the police eyes and ears, members of the public can join officers in the fight against crime and, by doing so, help tackle the fear of crime. It goes without saying what priorities he maintains as a police officer but the issue of drink driving is again raising its head. The force’s top traffic office Superintendent Paul Morrison made headlines with his complaint that TV soap operas like Coronation Street were glamourising drinking. Mr Richards is a Corrie fan and is, not surprisingly, a little defensive but he backs Mr Morrison for being a “great guy, doing a great job” and for using the show to bring a problem that appears to be worsening again to the public’s attention. He is a man not frightened of revealing his strengths and weaknesses (he’s an avid soap watcher and is addicted to sweets – he keeps some hidden in a cupboard in his office) and it is a trait that has won him admirers. There are few police officers in England and Wales who have been, like Mr Richards, chief constables of two constabularies, and officers in both forces compliment him on his personable approach to the job. Even those in the Police Federation enjoy working with him and describe him as a “decent bloke”. In Mr Richards’ words: “My style is predominantly people-based but getting to know everyone at Sussex Police will take time, energy and drive. “We have got 5,600 employees, a huge geographical area and 39 police stations. I intend to listen to employees and to make the very most of the talent we have.” One insider put it differently: “If I was marking his school report, I’d give him an A – so far, anyway.”

Sussex Chief Constable Martin Richards

Drug debate Brighton Kemp Town MP Des Turner wants hard drugs decriminalised but he doubts whether his or any Government in his lifetime will debate the issue in any serious way. He said: “Can you imagine a party incorporating it as part of its election platform?”In other words, all parties may secretly harbour similar views but all fear electoral suicide. There again, he and fellow Brighton MP David Lepper, who has expressed views on the same line in the past, have the luxury of speaking their minds since neither will be standing for re-election next time round. Mr Turner is not calling for legalisation but simply the free distribution to registered addicts, a move that would end the need for users to rob, steal and cheat to buy their next fixes.

The current policy of prohibition hasn’t worked and the billions currently spent on police, courts, probation and prisons in relation to drug offences might be better channelled into preventative education and health. It is philosophy mooted decades ago by the governor of Ford Open Prison but then it was extremely unfashionable to say so and no politician or policeman would dare to be seen aligning themselves to the idea. Twenty or so years on and both Brighton MPs are content to put their heads above the parapet, and even the city’s top policeman Chief Superintendent Paul Pearce is in favour of a frank public debate. Few in politics or the police privately believe it will happen though – both MPs would say: “At the moment, it won’t win votes.” latest 7 17



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Activity for all Getting the over-fifties active and involved is the goal of a newly-appointed community sports development worker. Penny Barnard, based in the Queens Park and Hangleton areas of the city, is part of the city council's Active For Life programme. She said: “My aim is to make it easier for people aged fifty and over to get more active in their daily lives. If you want to Penny Barnard try something new, need help with ideas for a new group or support with transport, I’m here to help.” Activities already up and running include yoga, Boccia, a type of short mat bowls, which can be played sitting down or standing up, gentle exercise, swimming and line dancing. Councillor David Smith, chairman of Brighton and Hove City Council's recreation committee, said: “The Active For Life project is there to give encouragement and support for older people to take part in something new and improve fitness and health at the same time. Also, if you’re new to the area, joining a sports activity is a great way to make friends and have fun in a friendly atmosphere.” Active For Life is run by the council’s sports development team and is funded by the council, the primary care trust and Sport England. Additional funding from the Local Area Agreement Older Peoples’ Project has helped to set up the new post Active For Life also caters for younger people. Across the city, there are hundreds of opportunities for people of all ages to get involved in everything from belly dancing to self defence or working on an allotment. It also works with deprived communities and under-represented groups to provide affordable, accessible activities within the local community. Contact Penny on 07826 951787 or if you live near Queens Park and Hangleton. For other areas of the city, visit or get a copy of the updated directory sent to you by calling 01273 292724.

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Green oscars Dancing dustbins from Dorothy Stringer High School in Brighton entertained guests at this year’s Young Environmentalist of the Year award ceremony. The year ten drama students introduced the litter category of the awards with a sketch put together following workshops with Spectral Productions. Organised by Brighton and Hove City Council’s sustainability team and held at the Old Market, Hove, the annual awards attracted hundreds of entries from children and teachers from primary and secondary schools across the city. Known as the Green Oscars, the awards were presented to youngsters who help to make a difference by being environmentally friendly at home and at school. Teachers, parents and carers nominated youngsters who are shining examples of environmentally friendly living, from recycling experts and energy savers to Fairtrade supporters and keen conservationists. Prizes were awarded in three age groups: up to seven years, eight to eleven years and over 12 years, and in ten categories – waste/recycling, energy, climate change, healthy living, school grounds/bio-diversity, transport, Fairtrade, water, litter and global citizenship. The winners were each given a trophy made out of recycled window glass and plastic from an old ice skating rink. The awards were created by artist David Watson. There were also awards for the eco teachers of the year to reward staff who inspire their students to create more environmentally friendly schools. The competition was sponsored by Southern Water, Legal and General, Veolia Environmental Services, Real Food Direct and Klodhoppers. 18 latest 7

Wok a mess! Hefty fines are served up at a local Chinese restaurant after more than 100 bags of rubbish are dumped out on the city’s streets Magistrates served up hefty fines after a Chinese restaurant left rotting food and other rubbish strewn across a city centre pavement. The owners of Wokmania in West Street, Coffee Club Restaurants Limited, were fined a total of £1,400 and ordered to pay costs of £1,740 with £300 compensation to cover the costs of the jet washing, after admitting three charges of dumping trade waste. The charges were brought by Brighton and Hove City Council under the Environmental Protection Act and are part of ongoing work by the council to crackdown on litter and clean up problem areas. Magistrates heard how Brighton and Hove City Council enforcement officers found more than 100 bags of waste dumped outside the restaurant on three separate occasions. On one occasion, the bags had been torn apart and rotting food was strewn across the pavement, forcing the council to jet wash the area to clean up the mess. The court heard that the company’s trade waste collection company had stopped collection due to nonpayment of the company account. After the hearing earlier this month (April 15), Cityclean enforcement officer Michael Logue said: “This is one of the worst cases I have ever had to deal with – not only for the huge amount of trade waste dumped, but also the company's reluctance to work with us to clean up their act.

“The bags had been torn apart and rotting food was strewn across the pavement” “Despite warnings and advice from enforcement officers, this company has shown a complete disregard for trade waste regulations and continued to dump huge amounts of food waste and other rubbish outside its West Street premises.“ Councillor Geoffrey Theobald, chairman of Brighton and Hove City Council’s Environment Committee, added: “Dumping trade waste is a criminal offence and this council will not hesitate to take legal action against offenders. The message is clear – leave your rubbish on our streets and you’ll end up in court.” The council hopes the prosecution will act as a deterrent and remind other businesses of the need to make arrangements to ensure trade waste is disposed of in the appropriate manner.



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Hero worship Joe Curtin looks at the career of a boxing legend, the one-and-only Joe Calzaghe By the time you read this the winner of the Calzaghe/Hopkins fight will have been decided. And we will know whether Joe Calzaghe is still the World Super-middleweight Champion. Bernard Hopkins is a top-class, if ageing, fighter that makes any great fighter boxer look ugly so it will be no surprise if it wasn't a classic encounter. Whether or not ‘the Italian Dragon‘ has won or lost, it is time for Latest Sport to celebrate the greatest British boxer for a generation.

Concert for Rwanda Thank you to Rachel Pegg for her article on rYico and the commemoration they held last week on the Rwandan genocide. rYico is a unique local charity that not only supports young people in Rwanda but also aims to provide information and raise awareness about Rwanda through the arts here in Brighton. On Thursday 1 May they are organising the Mayday Mayhem gig at the Concorde2, which will feature a special guest performance by the legendary Neneh Cherry. Other performers include Los Albertos, The Amigos, Tofu Love Frogs, Liberator DJs and lots more. Proceeds will go to Centre Marembo, rYico’s youth centre in Rwanda. rYico would like to extend a special thanks to Concorde2 for the venue and to the Blanche House hotel for providing accommodation for Neneh Cherry. A massive thanks also to Neneh Cherry for her support. Neneh told us: “I support this charity because it helps vulnerable women and children focus on the future and not dwell upon the past.“ What happened in Rwanda not only has affected the community there, but also the world. People in the UK do care about what happened and without their support we wouldn't have been able to do the valuable work in Rwanda. We thank those who have been our long standing supporters and also appeal for everyone to come to the gig. Please visit rYico's website,, for more details. Tickets available at all record shops and on the Concorde2 website, Anna Chippendale and Vivenie Niragira Rwandan Youth Information Community Organisation (rYico)

Awareness welcomed I was unaware of Des Turner's stance on hard drugs (Mike Gordon, Letters, Latest Seven, 15–21 April). As an ex-addict of both cocaine and heroin I must say that it is refreshing to hear that a local politician is at last recognising that the ‘War On Drugs‘ is unwinnable and that we must look at providing drug users with a safe alternative. I am pleased to say that Brighton and Hove are leading the way by being one of three centres hosting randomised treatment trials where some people can have injectable drugs in a safe and clinically tested environment. The Randomised Injectable Opiate Treatment Trial (RIOTT) is the first sensible piece of action that this government has introduced regarding drugs policy in years. Let us pray that it is more than just a trial. It will, I contend, save a lot of lives. So far this year about a dozen people have died through taking illegal drugs. Let all drugs be available through clinical means and many of these deaths may have been averted. It is high time that we in Britain developed our own drugs policies and pull out of America's unwinnable war on drugs. Many European countries have controlled drug use permitted in some way and their drugs death figures are lower than ours; so that's twelve reasons to adopt more sensible and tolerant attitudes. My addiction has cost my family and society dearly – not to mention the cost to me. So, Des, you have my vote on this and thanks Mike Gordon for bringing this to my attention. Martin Curtis, New England Road

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

“He is the only boxer in history to have held all four major super-middleweight belts” His first fight was on the Bruno/Lewis undercard at Cardiff Arms Park, back in 1993. He won and was paid the princely sum of £300. He became World Super-middleweight Champion by defeating Chris Eubank in 1997. Even after that he was boxing's forgotten man until beating Jeff Lacy in 2005 and he started to get the recognition he so richly deserved for his lightning-quick hands and superb ring craft. He is Wales' first BBC Sports Personality of the Year since 1960, despite his down-to-earth, unassuming nature. His 11-year reign is the longest in boxing at any weight and he’s the only boxer in history to have held all four major super-middleweight belts. So whether he has won or lost, he remains a true sporting hero and an all-time boxing great. Joe, we salute you.

Rugby change So, Martin Johnson is the new England rugby manager. And after England's performance in the Six Nations it can be seen as a needed step if England is to reclaim its standing as the best team in the Northern Hemisphere. Johnson is a powerful man in English rugby and will pick his own head coach. One to replace Brian Ashton, the man who brought England to a World Cup final – and that fateful ‘try‘ – and to second in the Six Nations. This sounds like a half-decent enough record, although the second half against Wales and the entire Scotland match were disappointing to say the least. However, the unassuming Ashton has always asked for a manager to take the pressure off him so he can concentrate on coaching. Rob Andrew, the director of elite rugby at the RFU failed to give him one and has kept Ashton in the dark over his position since before the World Cup. To treat a proud rugby man, a proud Englishman who has done well despite no support from the top is despicable and Andrew and the England board should be ashamed. So Brian Ashton has got his wish to concentrate on coaching. Although it won't be with the national side.

Is it cricket? Michael Vaughn says that it is ‘inevitable‘ that England cricketers will play in the new Twenty20 India Premier League because of the excitement of its organisation, the money put into it and the money that will be paid to the players. He forgot to question whether the IPL will want any of them.

The Albion season climax • Sat 26 April – Bristol Rovers v Albion (League One – away) • Sat 3 May – Albion v Swansea (League One – home) • Sun 25 May – League One play-off final

Ticketline 01273 776992 5–6 Queens Road, Brighton | latest 7 19



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Rock star Rockinghorse, your local children’s charity is forty years young, so join in and help them celebrate!

Dragonboat Challenge Sunday 28 September, Brighton Marina It’s back!- Dragonboat Challenge – the most fun you ever had on the water. This year’s event on Sunday 28 September is based on last year’s fantastic success where £20,000 was raised for Rockinghorse and Southern FM's Help a Local Child. It was so much fun and raised so much money that they couldn't resist doing it all again. They want this year to be even more fun than last (if that's possible) and really hope to have you on board.

China Trek You can help Rockinghorse celebrate their fortieth birthday by signing up to one or all of the exciting events they have planned to raise vital funds to make life better for children in hospital this year. • Birthday Party at the Racecourse • Bungee on the Beach • Skydive • Row in the thrilling Dragonboat race • Trek along the Great Wall of China • Dress up and relax at our Silk Ball

Rockinghorse’s Fortieth Birthday Party Sunday 8 June, Brighton Racecourse Join Rockinghorse at Brighton Racecourse on Sunday 8 June to celebrate forty years of work within the community. With entertainment for the whole family including normal fixture racing, a Rockinghorse village fete and the highlight: The William Hill Mascot Derby. Watch the craziest race of the year as mascots from organisations across the region dash one furlong to be crowned the fastest Mascot of the day. Entrance starts from £11 per person when booked in advance or from £13 on the day. When booking your families tickets please quote ref RH40 and Brighton Racecourse will donate £2 from your ticket price to Rockinghorse. Accompanied under 16s are free. Gates open at 12pm. Tickets can be booked at Brighton Racecourse, or call 01273 603580 or online at

Bungee on the Beach Saturday 26 and Sunday 27 July, Hove Lawns Brighton’s summer highlight returns for its third year of two day bungee fun on Brighton seafront. Experience the thrill of a 170ft bungee jump whilst supporting Rockinghorse. It’s the perfect way to celebrate a birthday, stag or hen do. Tell your boss to take a jump, do a tandem or jump as a team. Registration is only £10 then each jumper must pledge to raise a minimum of £100 sponsorship.

Big Jump Day Saturday 13 September, Headcorn Airfield Experience the adrenaline rush of a 10,000 ft sky dive over some of the most amazing countryside in the UK. Get the support of your friends, family and colleagues and take a dive for Rockinghorse this year. Raise only £405 minimum sponsorship and you can jump for free.

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Thursday 9 to Sunday 19 October Conquer one of the greatest wonders of the world this year and support Rockinghorse at the same time. This trip is no walk in the park as you will trek over 40 miles of the Great Wall of China. Make 2008 a special year for you too as you take on a challenge of a lifetime. Age restrictions and minimum sponsorship apply.

The Silk Ball Saturday 29 November, The Hilton Brighton Metropole Unlike any other event held in Sussex, the Silk Ball will be one of the most decadent evenings of your life as Rockinghorse transforms the Hilton in to an Eastern experience. Dine in a Maharaja’s banqueting hall, visit a beautiful Japanese champagne bar and take a stroll down the streets of Hong Kong and celebrate Chinese New Year all over again. Tickets are only £95 if booked before the Monday 15 September (£120 thereafter) and includes a sumptuous three course dinner, fine wines, entertainment and of course free use of the dodgems. or call 0845 22 22 298



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Top notch Award-winning Stanmer House is the perfect business and conference destination Situated in the historic Stanmer Park, Stanmer House takes great pride in hosting all types of conference and corporate events, offering unrivalled facilities and state of the art technology. The restoration of Stanmer House won the Sussex Heritage Trust Award 2007. The flexible corporate meeting and conference rooms are built to cater for all training, meeting and conference needs, whether you need an intimate meeting space or a theatre style set-up, rooms can be customised and technology utilised to your requirements. Your timetable is their timetable. The staff will strive to do all they can to make sure you have a hassle-free meeting. Throughout your time with Stanmer House you’ll have direct communication with your meeting host and if required, an agreed messaging service that ensures prompt attention and minimum disruption to your day. The library and grand lobby make comfortable pre-function spaces preceding the meeting rooms and allow for a wonderful atmosphere for networking, small impromptu gatherings, registration, or food and beverage service. Furthermore, after your day you can meet in the bar to discuss the day’s events, or just kick back and relax. From business organisations to corporate banks to successful local entrepreneurs – businesses appreciate the value of a venue that meets its needs and enhances its company profile. Stanmer House understands this principle and have created the Stanmer Members Club allowing them to work for their members forging partnership deals that can benefit companies and individuals. To see why many local and international businesses choose Stanmer House as their preferred venue; call or visit to meet with their specialist events managers who will take pleasure in showing you why Stanmer House’s reputation for first-class service is the direct result of a continued team effort to provide a level of service that is second to none. Also, a new service “the kitchen”, Stanmer House’s very own inhouse catering has been launched. With nearly 30 years experience

head chef Eric brings a wealth of experience from working in top London establishments and his repertoire includes all types of catering. From major events to intimate fine dining, “the kitchen” dovetails with Stanmer House principles, suppliers are local and produce is sourced fresh and local where possible. They can produce organic, free range menus for bespoke events and produce simply created, freshly prepared dishes using their herb garden on the grounds. Their menus are perfect for corporate customers or a family gathering. Stanmer House, Stanmer park, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 9QA. Call: 01273 680400

Peace for the action Newick Park is a haven for business meets and retreats Newick Park is a beautiful Grade II listed Georgian House set in over 250 acres of landscaped gardens and parkland. Although conveniently close to main routes and only 30 minutes from Brighton or Gatwick Airport, visitors to the house are able to enjoy total peace and privacy. The conference facilities at Newick Park offer the finest and most relaxing of atmospheres to all the delegates and conference parties it caters for. As one of the few estates to be both privately owned and run, delegates are guaranteed a level of care that is quite outstanding. By maintaining a flexible and helpful attitude towards the changing demands of business the staff at Newick Park ensure that you and all members of your party are looked after in every way; from all aspects of work to relaxation. Conferences are held within the library and study rooms, where comfort and splendour, coupled with all the latest in technological communication tools, including wireless internet access, allow you to keep in touch with those you need to – when you need to. The luxurious and spacious bedrooms have wonderful views across the gardens and parkland. The restaurant offers a fine dining experience and has been awarded three AA rosettes, making it the only restaurant in East Sussex with this accolade. Should you wish to spend the time away from work then you will be pleasantly surprised by the many leisure pursuits that are available: Quad Biking, Clay Pigeon shooting and even Tank Driving all add to a venue that is unique and offers an unforgettable experience, whatever your reason for staying. Call 01825 723633 or visit for more details.

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NEW STEINE HOTEL, BISTRO & CONFERENCE FACILITIES Day Delegate Rates from £24.50 (Winter) and from £29.50 (Summer) 24 Hour Delegate Rates from £99.00 (Winter) and from £109.00 (Summer) Room hire only & private dining packages also available

CALL NOW ON 01273 695415 or 01273 681546 10 & 11 New Steine Brighton BN2 1PB Tel: 01273 695415 Fax: 01273 622663 Hotel Reception open 24 hours 7 days a week French Bistro Restaurant open 7 days a week inclusive from 6pm to 10pm 22 latest 7

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Boardroom luxury Pelham House provides a relaxing and stylish environment for business functions Pelham House is a stylish 16th century house decorated in a contemporary style. It offers 31 bedrooms, a restaurant and five meeting rooms, in a lovely setting overseeing the South Downs. Ideal for board meetings, fresh thinking always tops the agenda for delegates in the environment of Pelham House, while the meeting rooms are welcoming with an emphasis on style and comfort. The standard day package (from £65+VAT pp) includes a Danish pastry with your tea and coffee on arrival; a second serving of drinks; a mouth-watering two course buffet lunch served with fruit juice; and in the afternoon to finish the meeting in indulgent style, you will be offered a brownie with your refreshments. Flip charts are provided, as well as mineral water throughout the day. If staying the night, a delicious dinner of locally sourced food awaits you, followed by a restful night in a beautiful room (24 hour rates from £185+VAT pp/ bed and breakfast rates from £130). The staff are attentive to your needs and whenever possible the lunch is served in the restaurant or alfresco (weather permitting!) – a welcome break to most meetings. Pelham House also offers half-day meetings and full English breakfast meetings (from £35+VAT pp). St Andrews Lane, Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 1UW Tel: 01273 488600 or Fax: 01273 470377

Room for business The New Steine Hotel can accommodate all your needs for a perfect business meeting venue The New Steine and Gullivers are delighted to accommodate our corporate clients in our newly launched conference and events facilities. The rooms stand out for their contemporary design, natural daylight, stylish furniture and unusual lamps, and all are able to adapt into smaller, more intimate private dining venues. The Trouville Room at the New Steine is the perfect venue for your meeting or presentation. Suited for up to 55, theatrestyle, 40, boardroom-style, or up to 80 people for a stand-up buffet, the room provides ample space, natural light and a private patio garden for that special occasion (or for those smokers among you). The Ivory Room is encompassed within the Trouville Room and is ideal for smaller meetings and/or private dining, with a maximum capacity of 15, boardroom-style. Similarly, the Ebony Room at the Gullivers is ideal for meetings and/or private dining, with a maximum capacity of 16, boardroom-style. All their rooms have direct dial telephone, free wireless internet access, bottled mineral water, paper pads and pencils, flipcharts and access to televisions (if required). With packages to suit room-hire only meetings or overnight stays, whether for meetings or private dining you can relax in the knowledge that you will be looked after from start to finish. The New Steine Hotel and Bistro 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, East Sussex, BN2 1PB Tel: 01273 695415 or Fax: 01273 622663

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The misfit The Marilyn Monroe musical is coming to town If you thought Marilyn Monroe was just an overexposed blonde The Marilyn Monroe Show is about to change your mind. This original new musical cleverly puts Marilyn on stage with her younger self, Norma Jean, and a littleknown alter-ego she invented named Zelda Zonk (yes really!). Together the three of them laugh, cry and fight their way through their memories of the most famous life and death in movies. When it was being written by up and coming writer Michael Dresser, Greenwich Theatre in London picked it over 15 other new musicals to develop – and they were right: it sold out when it performed there. Now it’s coming to Brighton and the director Michael Alvarez, who has worked on hit Broadway shows like Wicked, is infectious in his excitement: “When I first read it and heard the songs I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it! “It really does have everything – obviously it appeals to anyone who likes Marilyn, but even non-fans love the unusual storyline. In fact, having three versions of Marilyn’s point of view gives it lots more depth than a standard biog show. And she was so much more than most people realise – she had an IQ of 160 and negotiated a contract in Hollywood that was unheard of for the time, let alone for a woman.” For producer Simon Randall it’s the original music that’s one of its strengths. “Every single song is a really well written catchy tune – from showstopping foot-tappers to three-hanky heart-wrenchers there are literally no fillers. And the audience always comes out singing the songs which is so rare these days. I defy anyone not to fall in love with this show!” The Marilyn Monroe Show runs Monday 19 to Tuesday 25 May nightly at the Spiegel Tent venue – part of the Brighton Festival Fringe. Visit for ticket and show information.

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The Choi Foundation offers a friendly and non-competitive environment, for the study of the world’s fastest growing martial arts fitness programme, Choi Kwang Do. Our school is open to everyone regardless of age, sex, size or physical limitation. We offer so much more than self defence training, combining fun with exercise and challenge to provide a programme that will inspire you to a more confident and healthier lifestyle. • Condition your body and focus your mind • Learn how to defend yourself, but also the ability to resolve conflict without violence. • Get in the best shape of your life, by working out with a purpose. • Enjoy stretching exercises that help avoid injuries and keep you feeling young and agile. • Junior and Adult classes available

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Hong Kong cutie Zara Friend discovers a local martial artist going for their black belt – and she’s only eight-years-old Pick on someone your own size or you may get a surprise. One thing’s for sure, you don’t want to mess with local youngster Rebecca Hobden. The talented student, who attends St Aubyns School in Rottingdean, is a martial arts prodigy. This Tursday 24 April, she will be be testing for her black belt – did we mention that she’s only eight-years-old? Ok, the sub headline gave that one away but let it be said twice for it to sink in. Rebecca’s grading will take place in front of Grand Master Kwang Jo Choi as part of the much anticipated Choi Kwang Do 20th anniversary celebrations, taking place this weekend in Crawley. If successful, Rebecca will be one of the world’s youngest black belts which is a magnificent achievement. It’s taken a lot of hard work and determination to get to this level though. Rebecca began martial arts at the tender age of four and trains with The Choi Foundation School in central Brighton. Chief Instructor at The Choi Foundation, Matt Wilson said:“It is a great honour for our school to have such a young student testing in front of Grandmaster Choi. Rebecca is a dedicated martial artist who has worked hard over the last few years. She thoroughly deserves this opportunity and I wish her well on the day. I have no doubt that she will be an outstanding black belt. She really does highlight why young people should learn martial arts”. Rebecca said: “I always look forward to my Choi Kwang Do classes. I have lots of fun, meet new people and I enjoy helping the Instructors teach the junior students. I am very nervous about my grading but my family and friends are coming to watch and I will do my best”.

Welcome to Alive... ...Your first step to a healthier lifestyle. We are an independent gym located in the centre of Brighton just a 2 minute walk from Churchill Square and the seafront. We offer a range of great facilities including a fully equipped gym with qualified friendly instructors. From calorie burning spin classes to fun dance classes or relaxing massage there’s something for everyone.

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Why try Choi Kwang Do? • Choi Kwang Do has its roots in Tae Kwan Do. It’s relatively new, yet one of the world’s fastest growing martial arts. • It is non competitive and offers first class street self defence skills for both adults and juniors. • Students are also taught the importance of respect, self discipline and leadership skills. The Choi Foundation offer a number of junior and adult programmes and are based at Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex, next to Preston Park, Brighton. Contact The Choi Foundation on 07895 066321 or via Visit for more information.

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Health & fitness TUESDAY 22 Classic Yoga Brighton Natural Health Centre, 5.45–7pm, £5.50/£5 Flamenco Technique The Dance Station, 7–8.15pm Hatha Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre, 6–7.15pm, £6/4 Iyengar Yoga All levels, Brighton Buddhist Centre, 1–2.15pm, £6/£4 Lower Intermediate Flamenco The Dance Station, 8.15–9.15pm Over 50s Hatha Yoga Coast Chiropractic, 11.30am–12.30pm, £64 for 8 Studies in Peace and Wisdom A 10-week seminar series. Drop-in. Suggested donation £5. Info: Chris on 07857 795985. Bodhi Garden, 7.30–9.30pm

WEDNESDAY 23 Baby & Parent Yoga Revitalise, 10.30am–11.30am, £42 for 6 weeks, £8.50 drop-in Dance All ages welcome. Learn to dance in the style of West End & Broadway musicals with Marta professional jazz/latin dancer. 01273 415515 for info. Fitforall, 4 consecutive week course, £40/£50 Intensive Body Conditioning Healthy Vibes, 10–11am, £6/£30 for 6 Ki & Aikido Teen Class 11–15 yrs. Peter: 07946 709120, Brighton Ki Centre. 5.30–6.30pm, £2.50 Pilates Improvers Level with Emily Wilson at Coast Chiropractic, 6.15pm–7.15pm, £64 for 8 classes. Spritual Healing Drop–in Clinic Sussex Healers Association, more info with Chris on 01273 309933. Friends Meeting House, Ship Street, Brighton, 12.40–2.40pm, Donations welcome

THURSDAY 24 Ashtanga Yoga All levels, Brighton Buddhist Centre, 12.45–2pm, £6/£4 Bodyzone Training Brighton Natural Health Centre, 1.30–2.30pm, £7/£6.50 Mother and Baby Yoga Cornerstone Community Centre, 1.45–3pm and 3–4pm, info call Sarah 01273 208402, £30 for 6 weeks Semi-Private Matwork Classes Carla for info: 01273 273 074. BE Pilates Studio, , Westdene, 10.15am and 6.30pm, (also same time Mondays) £75 for six weeks. Yoga With Peter Roussel, Evolution Arts, 10.30am–11.45am, £6/£4 Yoga Rhythms Hatha/Vinyasa yoga. Classes for intermediates. Back 2 Balance, 6.30–8pm, £7/£6

FRIDAY 25 Astanga Yoga Brighton Buddhist Centre, 12.45–2pm and 6–7.30pm, £6/£4 Back Care Pilates The Acupuncture Clinic. Pre-book w/ Penny on 07904 472605. 11–12pm, £60 for six weeks Hatha Yoga Scaravelli approach, all levels, Brighton Buddhist Centre, 1–2.15pm, £6/£4 Martial Fit Class Alive gym, 7pm Reiki Taster Treatments With Delamay from £15, The Therapy Rooms, Hove, 01273 687778, 9.30am–2pm Sivananda Yoga Beg/int. Revitalise. 9.30–10.45am, £6 drop-in/£30 for 6.

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Soto Zen Meditation (Zazen) For info call Jay and Heather: 01273 682974, Bodhi Garden, 8–9.30pm, suggested donation £5 Supple Strength Healthy Vibes, 12–1pm, £6/£30 for 6 Tatty Bumpkin Yoga Classes for toddlers (18 months–5 years). Wendy Whatling School of Dance, info call Sarah 01273 208402, £30 for 6 sessions

SATURDAY 26 5 Element Movement Workshops Explore the five elements through movement, dance and bodywork. More info on 07719 716273, Westhill Hall. 1–3pm. Healing Dances of Life, Love and Wellbeing (Beginners welcome). More info on 01273 401973, Knoyle Hall, 2–6pm, £25/£20 One Day Retreat With Dharma teacher Yanai Postelnik (Gaia House). Booking in advance required. Contact Richard on 07796 331167. Bodhi Garden, 10am–5pm £15 Taster Therapies Free Talks and Taster Classes Including Swedish massage, reflexology, an introduction to acupuncture and yoga and pilates tasters on the hour. The Acupuncture Clinic, more info on 01273 722422 Vajrasati Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic, 9.30–11am, £6/£5 Vajrasati Yoga With Tabitha Tarran, Evolution Arts, 9–10.15am, £6/£4

SUNDAY 27 Hatha Yoga With Jo. Brighton Buddhist Centre, 10am–1pm, £20/£15 Hangover Spin With Amanda, Fitforall, 10am, £5 Legs, Bums and Tums Coral Health & Fitness, 10.15am, £3.50 Vajrasati Yoga Drop-in with Charlotte, all levels. Alexandra Dance Academy, 11am–12.30pm, £6/£5 Vajrasati Yoga With Amber Ward, Evolution Arts, 7–8.15pm, £6/£4

MONDAY 28 Chen Tai Chi All levels, Davigdor School. 6–7pm, £7. Info: 07799 097776 Free-Weights Workout Alive gym, 7pm Hatha Yoga Weekly class. The Dharma School. Call 07986 850029. 5.30–6.45pm, £30 for 6 weeks Latin Dance With Ricardo, Coral Health and Fitness, 8.10–9.10pm, £3.50 (also Fridays 7.30pm) Pilates Intro & Level 1 6 week courses. Please book. Revitalise, £45 for 6 weeks. 9.30–10.30am and 10.30–11.30am Women's Yoga The Acupuncture Clinic, 6.30–8pm, £9/£32 for 4.

DIRECTORY The Acupuncture Clinic 143 Portland Road, Hove 01273 722422 Alexandra Dance Academy 11 Howard Road, Hanover, 01273 273522 Alive 25-27 Castle Street, Brighton 01273 739606 All Saints Church Hall Eaton Road, Hove Ian: 07900 193230 Anahata Health Clinic 119–120 Edward Street, Kemp Town, 01273 239466 Back2Balance, 35 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 206868 BE Pilates Studio

121 Eldred Avenue, Westdene Carla: 01273 273074 Bodhi Garden Centre 7 Ship St Gardens, Brighton Richard: 07796 331167 Brighthelm Community Centre North Road, Brighton 01273821512 Brighton Buddhist Centre 17 Tichborne Street, Brighton 01273 772090 Brighton Ki Centre 12 Queen’s Square, Brighton Barry: 07854 389606 Brighton Natural Health Centre Regent Street, Brighton, 01273 600010 Brighton Reiki Centre Viaduct Road, Brighton 07968 982136 Coast Chiropractic 198 Church Road, Hove 01273 321133 Coral Health And Fitness Orchard Road, Hove 01273 731262 Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove The Dance Station Unit 4, 57 North St, Portslade 01273 506681 Davigdor Infants School Somerhill Road, Hove Bernie: 07799 097776 Dean’s Leisure Centre Longhill School Karen: 01273 391168 The Dharma School Ladies Mile Road, Patcham 01273 502055 Diamond Way Buddhist Centre Montpelier Road, Brighton, Ingrid: 07736 061108 Dorothy Stringer Sports Complex, Loder Rd, Brighton Info: 07895 066321 Evolution Arts & Health Centre, 2 Sillwood Terrace, Brighton, 01273 204204 Fitforall, Unit 1, Portland Road Trading Estate, Hove, 01273 415515 Gallus Boxing Gym 21a Melbourne St, Brighton Paul Evans: 07982 692195 Goldstone Business Centre 2 Goldstone Street, Hove Healthy Vibes 200 Church Road, Hove, 01273 710709 Holistic Health Clinic 53 Beaconsfield Rd, Brighton 01273 696295 Johnson Page Healthcare Chiropractic & Medical Acupuncture, 15 Ship Street 01273 724777 King Alfred Leisure Centre Kingsway, Hove, 01273 290290 Komaja Centre 21a Upper Market St, Hove Cela: 01273 771472 Leach Court Eastern Road, Brighton Ian Kendall: 07900 193230 Medical Herbalist Sarah Flower (MNIMH) at Anahata Health Clinic Info: 01273 698687 More Bar/Restaurant 98 Trafalgar Sreet, Brighton 07717584738 Patcham Community Centre Ladies Mile Road, Patcham Peacehaven Leisure Centre Greenwich Way, Peacehaven 01273 588858 Revitalise 86 Church Road Hove 01273 738389 St Mary Magdalen 55 Upper North St, Brighton 01273 676992 Unit 4 20–26 Roundhill Street Brighton Wendy Whatling School of Dance, Unit 11a, Dyke Road Mews, Brighton Westhill Hall Compton Ave, Seven Dials ZT Fitness Behind Hove Station, Hove, 01273 202226 List for FREE in this section. email health events to with the date, place, time and cost

Model city Sandra Omo on how being a contestant for Miss Nigeria isn’t all easy When I arrived at the Nigerian international airport, I was excited. My journey had been a long one because the flight was delayed for over an hour and when we finally left Gatwick, it felt like a whole day’s flight, due to my anxiety. As if the delay in London was not enough, I met another delay in Lagos – my baggage took forever to come out. When it finally did, I could not find the number of the driver assigned to pick me up. It then took me a couple of hours to get hold of the driver, who was at the car park waiting for me to call. I arrived in Lagos at exactly six and by the time I arrived at the hotel, where all the contestants were staying, it was half past ten. I was impressed when I arrived at the hotel. It is huge and beautiful – well it is a five star hotel. I was not through absorbing the beauty of the hotel when the organisers presented me with a basket of fruit and flowers and a portable DVD player. I guess they thought we could do with some movies while in camp but believe me, it was so hectic I barely had five hours’ sleep each night and couldn’t even think about bringing the DVD player out of its box. Because I arrived late I couldn’t meet the other contestants, as they were already in bed. By the time I met everyone the next morning, it dawned on me I had come here for a competition and what a huge competition. But my ability to always stand out from the crowd pulled me through.

“As I write, my feet are swollen and my face is crying for freedom from make-up” Before the briefing on my first day in camp, I thought I was here to compete for one crown. However, at the end of the briefing we knew there were five different crowns to be won and 30 contestants vying for them. Nigeria would choose the five girls that will represent her at the international beauty pageants: Miss Universe, Ecowas, Tourism, and World, as well as the Nigerian Model of the year. I needed my focus now. I could not afford to be careless. I hadn’t travelled thousands of miles for nothing, and believe me, the last thing on my mind is not winning. If you have been reading my column before, you may think you know which crown I desire to win. But if you really know me, you will immediately have an idea of the crown I am aiming for. Is this the exact crown I won? Well, we are still on the journey. As I mentioned earlier, camp was hectic. We woke up at 5.30 am, exercised for an hour, had breakfast, rehearsed and put a routine together for the show. We had breaks for lunch and dinner, but rehearsed till ten or eleven in the evening. This was the routine for two weeks. Some days we had press conferences, courtesy visits or photoshoots, but it still came down to the same late nights and early mornings. We had chaperones with us 24 hours and they made sure we were never seen without our heels and make-up. As I write, my feet are swollen and my face is crying for freedom from make-up. Halfway through the first week, we began to refer to camp as military camp but the food and environment always reminded us that we were in a five star hotel. Our first week in camp was filled with lots of sports activities, rehearsals, and courtesy visits that it hardly looked liked we were in for a competition. However, as the first week ended, the competition proper began – right here in camp.



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Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

In & Out IN


• Honky Tonk Freeway

• Backdraft

• 50 First Dates

• The First Wives’ Club

• The Emperor’s New Groove

• Philadelphia

• Paternity

• St Elmo’s Fire

• Red Dawn

• Legally Blonde 2

Issues The top issues concerning the people of Brighton and Hove this week • How to vote in the London mayoral election if entitled to • Ecological implications of new loft conversion • Whether to put on Foals or Last Shadow Puppets CD at dinner party on Saturday • Affair with work colleague reaching crisis point • Bass player too drunk to play again • Dog poo around Freshfield Place • Whether to take mouldy organic star fruit back to health food shop Sent from my iPod

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

MARTIN JOHNSTONE… …IS YOUR GUIDE TO CYBERSPACE Yo dudes and dudettes! I thought this week I’d initiate you all into the strange argot of the cyberspace world – so hold onto your hats, and no talking at the back there! • FFS. Abbreviation of the phrase, ‘Fine, fantastic, sexy’. People use this one a lot when I’m around. • WTF. Abbreviation of the phrase, ‘Wonderful, terrific, fabulous’. People also use this one a lot when I’m around. • FOAD. ‘Find out (my) address, darling’. I get this one all the time. Jealous yet? • LOL. A reference to Lol Tolhurst, ex-drummer and keyboard player of doom-rockers The Cure. Tolhurst invented the computer mouse, and is thus regarded as a deity by computer geeks, so his name is used as an expletive or exclamation of surprise. • NEWBIE. A fan of Thunderclap Newman. • TROLL. An internet expert, revered by the online community. • SPAM. A canned precooked meat product made by the Hormel Foods Corporation. And it sure is tasty! Well I’m off for a tasty plate of Spam. I’ll see you next week when I’ll have exclusive footage of a young fella I’m calling ‘The Star Wars Kid’. Stay beautiful!

Hove factually More facts you didn’t know about fantabulous Hove 1) 98 Wilbury Avenue was the secret headquarters of Barry Norman's private army between Films ‘79 to ‘83. 2) In March 1996, Hove’s judiciary became fully mechanised. Various distinguished ‘beaks’ to sit on the bench include: Brassneck; ERNIE; Inspector Gadget; and current Master of The Rolls, Hal 9000. 3) Hove pudding, a celebrated local confection, is made from sugar, eggs, flour, milk and poison. 4) Mexican freedom-fighter Zorro was born in Hangleton. 5) Samantha Richards of York Road holds the world record for halfremembering episodes of The House Of Eliott.

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!



01273 681256





Fiery Arian is a pioneer: adventurous, ambitious, and impulsive. Your ruling planet is Mars, colour is red, stone diamond. What a pain a real Aries is – a warmongering egotist.

Watery Cancer is the least clear of the signs. Timid, dull, and shy to brilliant and famous. Your ruling planet is the moon, colour silver, stone pearl. Do what you like babe, you cannot shock.

Ethereal Librans are sensitive and have the psychic gift. Your ruling planet is Venus, colour blue, stone sapphire. Poor, deluded fools all of you – get to grips with your life.

Dirty Capricorns fulfil ambitions with their organising ability. Your ruling planet is Saturn, colour brown, stone black onyx. Warning, do not stand in the way of a Capricorn.


LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)



Earthy Taurus is a faithful and generous friend but rarely makes friends with anyone outside their social rank. Your ruling planet is Venus, colour pink, stone emerald. You are such a snob.

Hot-headed Leo can bring out the best of loyalty from subordinates. Your planet is the sun, colour gold, stone ruby. So there we have it – become a dominatrix right now.

Wet Scorpio is a volcano, liable to erupt at any time. Wilful too. Your ruling planet is Pluto, colour is dark red, stone opal. Hold at arm’s length, light blue touch paper and retire.

Many feel in touch with the airy Age of Aquarius but don’t kid yourself. Your ruling planet is Uranus, colour is turquoise, stone is turquoise. Do not disappear up your own planet.





Airhead Geminis are lacking in conscientiousness, apt to lose in any attempts to be moral. Your ruling planet is Mercury, colour green, stone agate. Lie about your birthday.

Grounded Virgo needs practical problems to solve. Your ruling planet is Mercury; colours green and dark brown, stone is the sardonyx (not sardonic – not Virgo).

Burning Sagis are idealistic but can suffer disappointment without being affected. Your planet is Jupiter, the colour purple, stone topaz. Hardfaced or hard-hearted? You choose.

Wet Pisceans are sexually delicate. Your ruling planet is Neptune, colour sea green, stone moonstone. Avoid distress (and sex) and settle for a cod fillet rather than a codpiece.

To talk to Astral Angi please email

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The taking of Pelham Andrew Kay slips into Lewes under the cover of night for dinner at Pelham House Lovely Lewes, county town, historic high spot, home of Harveys fabulous ales and Mecca for morris men. Okay, forget the morris men and focus on the high spots. I love Lewes and visit often, I’m not sure I could live there yet but who knows? Last week I pootled over with Mr L for a spot of dinner in Pelham House. There has been a change of direction there that needed to be checked out and I was more than happy, as ever, to do that checking. Pelham house is a remarkable building, part ancient and part municipal, it still houses what was the council chamber. It has fabulous changing art on the walls, that is Art with a capital A, and a garden full of sculptures.

‘‘I sometimes peak too soon at dinner and fall at the dessert but this was just right’’ The restaurant has changed rooms and is now closer to the kitchen in a fabulous carved wood panelled room, smaller and more intimate. We immediately felt rather grown up. It has a sophistication that we liked but not oppressively so, not grand, in fact rather relaxed. And for once I liked the background music, soft cocktail lounge stuff, wholly appropriate. The menu is short, hoorah, and to the point. The emphasis shifting from east-meets-west, to west embracing Italy, not such a leap as before.

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Mr L is a regular accomplice and knows the routine. I do like my guest to choose first on most occasions and this was no exception. He happily bagged the ballontine of smoked salmon and crayfish with beetroot and fennel salad and made pretty light work of it, despite the generosity of the portion. It was pretty too, simple and unpretentious on the plate. I loved my choice of scallops with a harissa houmous, paprika kettle chips and lemon pickle. It was a brave combo but the big fat scallops stood up to the spicing and citrus well. I ate it as slowly as possible but like all good things, it had to come to an end. Mr L moved on to a favourite. It’s a dish that he has for a while shunned because he felt that he was ordering it too often. It then became neglected so this seemed the perfect opportunity to re-introduce it to his repertoire. So on came the confit duck, here accompanied by rosemary root vegetables and buttered greens. It was lip-stickingly good and he guzzled like, well like a man who had denied himself confit duck for too long. I was drawn to linguine. Now I’m seldom drawn to pasta, unless it is arm in arm with good seafood and here it was promised with blue swimmer crab. How could I resist? Well I could not and I am pleased to say it was a good decision, great pasta, sensibly seasoned so that the crab was the top note, and the bottom, and light as a feather. I sometimes peak too soon at dinner and fall at the dessert but this was just right, refreshingly light and simple, a real delight. Given that I had the car, my new Micra called Titty after a dear friend, I was having the one small glass of rosé, delicious. Mr L was almost as restrained with two glasses of red followed by a delicious glass of sauternes. When it came to dessert I have to confess that I broke my own rules and bagged the parkin. I am a Lancashire lad and parkin is part of my heritage. This was good, served in a rich toffee sauce with a breathtaking prune and armagnac compote and clotted cream. Ah well, so much for the lightness of my main course, this was a heart stopper – and I loved it. Mr L had a rich chocolate torte with pistachio ice-cream. I have a love-hate relationship with pistachio ice-cream but this was reassuringly the colour of the nuts and not of a job centre lavatory wall. We relaxed over good espressos and enjoyed the cool relaxed atmosphere, only spoilt by one table’s incessant mobile phones. They however had their evening punctuated by me flashing away – the camera that is. Pelham house is a grown up restaurant in a relaxed country house style hotel but with all the sophistication of a chic boutique. Prices are realistic with starters from £5 and mains rising to a sensible £14 but with most hovering closer to £10. All the puds are a dignified £6, I like that, in fact I really liked the whole thing. Pelham House has rebranded and re-invented its dining in a very approachable format that will not scare but is sure to delight. Pelham House, St. Andrews Lane, Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 1UW 01273 488 600

If you would like to comment on this story please email



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latest hot


Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555,

Sam’s of Brighton

RESTAURANTS BRITISH (ORGANIC) CONTEMPORARY Seasons Restaurant There’s a number of reasons to eat more local, seasonal food: To reduce energy (associated CO2 emissions) needed to grow and transport foods, to avoid paying premiums for foods that are imported, to support local economy and reconnect with nature's cycles, most importantly, because seasonal food is fresher and tends to be tastier and more nutritious. 1b Waterfront, Brighton Marina, BN2 5WA. Tel: 01273 675007

Earth and Stars There’s a new chef in place at this eco pub and the menu has had an upgrade to match the organic wine list. You can now enjoy sustainable jumbo pollack and tarragon fish fingers (MSC approved), local Brighton Sausage Co. banger of the week, homemade pizzas using Infinity Foods wholewheat or GF flour (vegan options too). Organic five bean burger, Sunday roasts with eight veg and free range yorkies. 46 Windsor St, Brighton. Tel: 01273 722879


FRENCH The Arrogant Frog

GREEK Symposio Greek Taverna

Fresh, contemporary design with an authentic Gallic feel. We serve traditional food by French chefs in a relaxed, friendly atmosphere in the restaurant, or in the large, calm, sunny garden. Lunchtime dishes start at £4.50, with a range of lunch and dinner menus. A free bottle of wine comes with the Early Frog special, 5.45–6.45pm. Roast dinners on Sunday lunchtimes. Open for morning teas and coffees. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721 488,

In a city with very few Greek eateries it’s great to find somewhere warm and inviting to indulge in some Greek food. From magnificent mezze to classic grilled meats, Symposio has a great taverna atmosphere and the lively style of the venue adds a great ambience to what can be a terrific party venue. Also fabulous for a romantic dinner, family outing or business meal. The moussaka is a must and also the deep red wine-soaked sausages and crisp calamari. 121 Western Road, Hove, 01273 779474

New Steine Bistro

A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222

Cosy French Bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6pm to 10pm for last orders. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546/695415

CHINESE Gars Restaurant


Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321

L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Furnished in solid wood and pewter with a vibrant brasserie atmosphere, it offers a fantastic à la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday ranging from moules marinière to côte de bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce includes freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There is also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as tarte au citron and crème brulée. With a “Menu Rapide” Tuesday to Saturday 12–5pm at £11.95 for two courses, and a delicious roast on Sunday, this is true entente cordiale. 196 Church road, Hove, 01273 220868,,

INDIAN Nooris Indian Cuisine One of Brighton’s longest-standing Indian restaurants, and justifiably so. Smart service and a menu that, as well as offering all our favourite dishes, has some interesting and unusual dishes on offer. The restaurant has a great central location just off the seafront as well. We have always been particularly impressed by the vegetarian menu. Try the jalfrezi karai and jungle masalla. Excellent breads and side dishes are on offer too. Offers include £6.95 for a two course meal and £9.95 for a three course meal with wine. 70 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 329405

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477,

Sam’s of Brighton

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials. They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150 latest 7 31



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Fat Leo


Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Very popular with students and families with young children, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu that is utterly affordable with the company’s signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

The Thai restaurant that people love for parties and celebrations because they always give the best of times. And why not; this well-priced restaurant pleases repeatedly with dishes we have all grown to love, and new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients, such as pea aubergines where others use peas. Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad. 87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233,


VEGETARIAN Revitalise (formerly Planet Janet)

Located in a 1960s mansion block, this very popular Indonesian-Malaysian restaurant has a rijsttafel buffet dining menu at £16.95 with a wide and generous range of dishes that are constantly replenished. There is also an à la carte menu. Nice original retro décor, bamboo and cane, pink and gilt, with lots of oriental puppets, jazz playing and a friendly atmosphere. Very Simon Templar. Kingsway Court, First Avenue, Hove, 01273 323810, 12-2pm, 6.30-10.30pm (till 11pm Friday and Saturday)

SPANISH La Tapa De Oro This large upper room is home to great and authentic Spanish cooking. Tapas has been trendy for years but here the emphasis is on real Iberian food. Favourites include sweet slices of octopus on boiled potato slices dressed with olive oil, lovely ensalad russe and great jamon serrano. Informal and friendly, this is a great place for a romantic dinner, family outing, business meal or party. 123 Western Road, Hove, 01273 779474

THAI Chokdee This premium take-away next to Hove Station offers fantastic quality Thai food – to your door if you use the free local home-delivery service – or to take away if you are passing. You can eat in too, in the stylish dining area. Counter service does away with additional service charges, so you can enjoy Thai food as often as you like without the fuss. At Chokdee it’s the food that’s the thing. 98 Goldstone Villas, Hove, 01273 720370

This popular and stylish Hove café restaurant offers delicious healthy hot and cold food in combination with being an excellent centre for therapies, treatments and classes. Healthy breakfasts, chunky sandwiches, soups, main meals, jacket potatoes and salads form the core of the menu. Freshly pressed fruit and vegetable juices in delicious revitalising combos, delicious fair-trade teas and coffee, vegan and gluten-free options. The only 100 per cent freshly pressed juice bar in Hove open seven days a week, families welcome. You can eat for less than a fiver! 86 Church Road, Hove, 01273 738389

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak, sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon–Sat 7:30am–7:00pm Sun 8:30am–5:00pm Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

What’s cooking this week? A Culinary Voyage Around the Greek Islands By Theodore Kyriakou Our voyage begins with a chapter based on our first meal of the day: ‘At the mercy of the First Breakfast.’ Following chapters take us through Greek herbs, ‘Cooking while heading into a thunderstorm,’ and ‘Dinner time under the night firmament.’ This is a book that wants to be read like a novel, each recipe featured being another venture on this virtual voyage. The rich diversity of the Greek Islands are captured in the variety of flavours and tastes. Detailed, uncomplicated and delicious, the meals are reinforced with Kyriakou as our personal tour guide into Greek culture. Zara Friend

Lamb baked in paper with seasonal vegetables Ingredients 1 leg or shoulder of lamb 4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced Juice of 2 lemons 250g new potatoes, peeled and cut in half 1 bunch of spring onions, trimmed and coarsely chopped 300g fresh peas, shelled 250g tomatoes, skinned, deseeded

and coarsely chopped 4 tablespoons olive oil 1 bunch of mint, leaves picked 1 tablespoon chopped fresh aromatic oregano Salt and coarsely ground black pepper 100ml red wine 150g kefalotiri cheese (if unavailable, use pecorino)

1 Preheat the oven to 180°C/Gas 4. All over the meat make deep incisions with the tip of a small knife and insert slices of garlic and some seasoning into them. Rub the meat with lemon juice. 2 Combine the potatoes, spring onions, peas and tomatoes in a large mixing bowl. Pour the oil into the bowl, sprinkle in the mint and oregano, add some seasoning and mix well. 3. Tear off a large sheet of parchment paper (do not use foil as it will prevent the meat from browning) and double it up so to avoid any leaks. In the centre of the sheet pile all the ingredients and then nest the lamb in the middle. Drizzle over the wine and any leftover juices from the mixing bowl, squeeze the cheese in between the lamb and vegetables, gather up the sides of the paper, twist the top and tie with heatproof string (or crumpled foil). 4. Place the parcel in a lightly oiled heavy-based roasting try, add a tiny puddle of water and cook in the oven for 11⁄2–2 hours. 5. Allow to rest out of the oven for 20 minutes or so, open and serve on a large warmed platter. A Culinary Voyage Around the Greek Islands, by Theodore Kyriakou, is available in hardback from May 2008, by Quadrille Publishing Ltd, £20, ISBN: 978-1-84400-6366 Image:Quadrille Publishing Ltd

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latestlistings Your weekly guide to what’s on

22–28 April

Can you feel it? Soulwax bring their indie/dance crossover act to town, p46 Bathers by the pond Duncan Grant (p44)

35 Reviews Coco Smooth is a burlesque performer not to miss

36 Stage Funny Girl opens at Chichester

38 Comedy Throw away your notes, jump on stage without props and go crazy and all the listings

39 Film Ryan Gosling, on acting with a rubber doll in Lars and the Real Girl, plus listings

44 Art A brother joins the Bloomsbury set at Charleston

45 Music Previews of who’s hitting town and reviews of releases, plus the Latest 7 chart (p48)

50 Clubs Super Dynamite Boogaloo a go-go down at Komedia

53 Gay News, interviews and Will Tells plus all the listings, pictures and previews

58 Television Dani’s got talent, plus seven days of listings

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A-Z venue directory Brighton and Hove Ali Cats 80 East St, Brighton, 01273 220902 Amsterdam 11 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 688825, Aqua 23 Waterfront, Brighton Marina, 01273 819800 Aquarium 6 Steine Street, Brighton, 01273 605525, Arc 160 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 770505 Audio 10 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 606906, Bar Bamboogy 78 West Street, Brighton, Barley Mow 92 St George’s Road, Brighton, 01273 682259 The Beach 171–181 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 722272 The Bee’s Mouth 10 Western Road, Hove, 01273 770083 Belushi’s 10-12 Grand Junction Road, Brighton, 01273 202035 Bom-Bane’s 24 George Street, Brighton, 01273 606400 Booth Museum Of Natural History 194 Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 292777 Brighton Barfly 27 Gloucester Place, Brighton, 0870 9070999 Brighton Centre Kings Road, Brighton, 0870 900 9100, Brighton College Eastern Road, Brighton, Brighton Dome 29 New Road, Brighton, 01273 709709, Brighton and Hove Greyhound Stadium Nevill Road, Hove, 01273 204601, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, Brighton, 01273 292797 Brighton Peace & Environment Centre Brighton Ecocentre, 39–41 Surrey Street, Brighton, 01273 766610 Brighton Rocks 6 Rock Place, Brighton, 01273 601139 Brighton Women’s Centre 72 High Street, Brighton, 01273 698036 The Brunswick 1 Holland Road, Hove, 01273 733984 Bulldog, 31 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 696996, Caledonian 2 161 Edward Street, Brighton, 01273 323087 Candy Bar 129 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 622424, Caroline of Brunswick 39 Ditchling Road, Brighton, 01273 624434 Casablanca Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 321817 Cella Sanctuary Café, 51–55 Brunswick Street East, Hove, 01273 770006 Charles Street Bar & Club 8 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 624091, Chequers 45 Preston Street, Brighton, 01273 738718 Cineworld Brighton Marina Village, 0871 200200, Clair Hall Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath, 01444 455440 Concorde 2 Madeira Drive, Brighton, 01273 673311, Core Club 12–15 King’s Road, Brighton, 01273 326848 Corn Exchange 29 New Road, Brighton, 01273 709709, Cornerstone Community Centre Church Road, Hove, 01273 327757 Cosmopolitan Bar 29-31 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 682461 The Cowley Club 12 London Road, Brighton, 01273 696104, Digital 187–193 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 227767 Doctor Brighton’s 16–17 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 328765, Dome 29 New Road, Brighton, 01273 709709,

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Duke of York’s Picturehouse Preston Circus, Brighton, 0871 7042056 Earth And Stars 46 Windsor Street, Brighton, 01273 722879 Education Room Royal Pavilion, Brighton, 01273 296971 Engine Room 5 Preston Street, Brighton, 01273 728999, Enigma 10 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 328439 The Fishbowl 74 East Street, Brighton, 01273 777505 Fitzherberts 25 New Road, Brighton, 01273 682401 The Forager 3 Stirling Place, Hove, 01273 733134 Freebutt 1 Phoenix Place, Brighton, 01273 603974 Freemasons 39 Western Road, Hove, 01273 732043 Funky Buddha Lounge 169–170 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 725541 Funky Fish Club, New Madeira Hotel, 19–23 Marine Parade, Brighton, 07887 946158 Gap Club 61a Western Road, Hove, 0844 999 6349 The George 5 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, 01273 681055 The Globe 78 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 727114 Greenhouse Effect 63, Church Road Hove BN3 2BD 01273 204783 The Greys 105 Southover Street, Brighton, 01273 680734 The Hanbury Club 83 St George’s Road, Brighton, 01273 605789 Hare & Hounds 75 London Road, Brighton, 01273 681163 Heist 57 West Street, Brighton, 01273 822555 HQ 43 Providence Place, Brighton, 01273 620630, Hobgoblin 31 York Place, Brighton, 01273 602519 Honeyclub 214 Kings Road Arches, 0700 446639, The Hope 10–12 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 01273 325793 Hove Museum & Art Gallery 19 New Church Road, Hove, 01273 290200 Hove Town Hall, Norton Road, Hove, 0870 900 9100, Jazz Place 10 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 328439 Joogleberry Playhouse 14–17 Manchester Street, Brighton, 01273 687171, The Jubilee Library Jubilee Street, Brighton, 01273 290800 Juggler Bar 21 Western Road, Hove, 01273 724195 Kabuki 9–12 Middle Street, Brighton King and Queen 13 Marlborough Place, Brighton, 01273 606207 Kitchen Bar 36 Preston Street, Brighton Koba Bar & Club 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, Komedia Gardner Street, Brighton, 01273 647100, KooKlub 10 Pool Valley, Brighton, 01273 321201, Legends Bar & Dance 31–34 Marine Parade, Brighton, Lo Lounge 106 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 715077 London Unity 131 Islingworth Road, Brighton, 01273 681285 Marlborough Bar & Theatre 4 Princes Street, Brighton, 07786 278571, Marine Tavern 13 Broad Street, Brighton, 01273 681284

Comprehensive list of venues to complement our listings

Mint Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 0871 2072 088 New Madeira Hotel 19–23 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 698331 New Venture Theatre Bedford Place, Brighton, 01273 746118, Ocean Rooms 1–2 Morley Street, Brighton, 01273 699069 Odeon Cinema West Street, Brighton, 0871 224 4007, OHSO Social 250a Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 01273 746067 The Old Market Upper Market Street, Hove, 01273 736222 The Park Crescent Pub 39 Park Crescent Terrace, Brighton, 01273 604993 PavTav (Pavilion Tavern) 7–8 Castle Square, Brighton, 0844 999 6331 Pavilion Theatre 29 New Road, Brighton, 01273 709709, Penthouse (above the Freebutt), 1 Phoenix Place, Brighton, 01273 603 974 Pintxo People 95–99 Western Rd, Brighton, 01273 732323, Portland Rock Bar 153 Portland Road, Hove, 01273 383840, Po Na Na Unit 2, 75–79 East Street, Brighton, 01273 777904, Pressure Point 33 Richmond Place, Brighton, 01273 684501, Preston Manor Preston Drove, Brighton, 01273 292770 Prestonville Arms 64 Hamilton Road, Brighton, 01273 701007 Prince Albert 48 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, 01273 730499 The Providence 130 Western Road, Hove, 01273 727822 The PV 22 Upper North Street, Brighton, 01273 325491, Queen’s Arms 7 George Street, Brighton, 01273 696873 R-Bar 7 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 608133, Red Roaster Café 1d St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 686668 Rehab Brighton Marina, 01273 675007, Rendezvous Casino Brighton Marina, 01273 605602, Revenge 32 Old Steine, Brighton, 01273 606064, Revue Bar 19 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 607456 Riki Tik 18a Bond Street, Brighton, 01273 683844 Sky Bar 54–55 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, Star Inn 5–9 Manchester Street, Brighton, 01273 601450 St Christophers 10–12 Grand Junction Road, Brighton. 01273 202035 Suga Qube 5 Castle Square, Brighton, 01273 770246 Sussex Arts Club 7 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 778020 Theatre Royal New Road, Brighton, 08700 606650 Three and Ten 10 Steine Street, Brighton Tru 78 West Street, Brighton, 01273 321628, V2 5 Steine Street, Brighton, 01273 609672 Vanilla Bar 73a Western Road, Hove, 01273 748182 Vavoom 31 Old Steine, Brighton, 01273 603010 Volks The Colonnade, 3 Madeira Drive, Brighton, 01273 682828, Western Front Near Churchill Square, Brighton 01273 725656 White Horse 30 Camelford Street, Brighton, 01273 603726

Wild Fruit Tru, 78 West Street, Brighton, West Hill Hall Compton Avenue, Brighton Zoot Street Bar Queens Road, Brighton, 01273 737770 The Zone 33 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 682249

Around Sussex The Anchor Inn Anchor Lane, Barcombe, 01273 400414, The Black Horse High Street, Findon, Worthing, 01903 872301 Bluebell Railway Sheffield Park Station, East Sussex, 01825 720800 Café Blue Pevensey Road, Eastbourne, 07834 405675 The Capitol North Street, Horsham, 01403 750220 Chichester Festival Theatre Oaklands Park, 01243 781312, Clair Hall Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath, 01444 455440 Drusillas Park Alfriston, Polegate, 01323 874100 Eastbourne Congress Theatre Carlisle Road, Eastbourne, 01323 412000, Eastbourne Devonshire Park Theatre Compton Street, Eastbourne, 01323 412000, Eastbourne Royal Hippodrome Theatre 108 Seaside Road, Eastbourne, 01323 412000, Eastbourne Winter Garden Theatre Compton Street, Eastbourne, 01323 412000, Fountain Inn High Street, Handcross, 01444 400218, The Half Brick 221 Brighton Road, Worthing, 01903 234196 The Hawth Hawth Avenue, Crawley, 01293 553636, Horsham Folk Club The Normandy Centre, Denne Road, Horsham, 01306 875653, Jack Horner 80 High Street, Worthing, 01903 236427 Malling Community Centre Spences Lane, Lewes, 01273 477931, Martlets Martlets Hall, Civic Way, Burgess Hill, 01444 242888 Royal Oak Station Street, Lewes, 01273 478124 The Shoreham Centre 2 Pond Road, Shoreham-by-Sea, 01273 454686 St Thomas à Beckett Church Hall Cliffe High Street, Lewes United Reformed Church Clinton Place, corner of Broad Street, Seaford Worthing Assembly Hall Union Place, Worthing, 01903 206206, Worthing Museum & Art Gallery Chapel Road, Worthing, 01903 221140 Worthing Connaught Theatre Union Place, Worthing, 01903 206206, Worthing Pavilion Theatre Marine Parade, Worthing, 01903 206206,

■ We try to ensure all event details are correct but regret we cannot be held responsible for any inaccuracies. Please check directly with the venue before travelling ■



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Under review We tell it like it was – a round up of recent local shows Omid Djalili I wanted to enjoy this gig. Djalili is intelligent, thoughtful and very likeable. Unfortunately, my friends and I just didn’t find him that funny. While entertaining, he is better at telling stories than telling jokes. A lot of his act was centred around race – his British-Iranian heritage, experiences of other cultures, his Nigerian-itis “affliction”, where he can’t stop imitating a Nigerian accent. Some parts were fun and well structured, such as when he tore into British politics and football chants. But others lacked originality and relied on irony rather than humour. He tried to tear apart racial stereotypes by cracking stereotyped jokes about them, but I’m not convinced this had the right effect. Fans of his TV show obviously had a great time and gave their hero a standing ovation. His Godzilla impressions, tales about the royal family and silly dancing were really good. But the rest of it simply didn’t make me laugh. The Brighton Dome, 7 April ✌✌


crowd all bode well for a tres cool night out. The son of legendary Brighton club night, Born Bad, Ookey Ook promised a smooth set of ska, soul, rhythm and blues. Toots and Maytals fans, you’ll all be crying with joy. Expect to recognise almost every song (riffs in TV ads have a lot to answer for) and to throw some ‘goddamn’ twisting shapes on the darkly lit and rather sticky dance floor. No question about it ye discerning clubbers – Ookey Ook is where it’s at. Okey dokey . Engine Rooms, 5 April ✌✌✌✌ Monica Perdoni

Sia Australian born singer Sia furler is, without doubt, a vocal talent in a class of her own. Her third album, Some People Have Real Problems, is a stunning collection of

Rachel Pegg

Thomas the Tank Engine At last, it was the day of the show and we took our seats at the Brighton Centre along with hundreds of other excited Thomas fans. Soon enough there was Thomas on the stage, joined by Percy, The Fat Controller and his drivers, and devious Diesel who was in the mood to wind up those ‘stinky steamies’. A mixture of storytelling and cheerful tunes kept the kids in their seats as we all sang along and blew our whistles when The Fat Controller needed our help. A short break kept it light so, all in all, it was nearly an hour and a half of family fun that produced a room full of smiley faces and empty wallets. That said, it was worth it as Thomas was on stage for most of the show and my son hasn’t stopped talking about it since. Brighton Centre, 6 April. ✌✌✌✌ Marie Viviani

Ookey Ook Beer-stained floors, shadowy corners and a friendly, funky


beautifully soulful, heart-on-hersleeve songs. Her voice, a mixture of honey and gravel, has the power and control to blow any Aguileras or Careys out of the water without all that irritating warbling. The Komedia show was packed out. They entered, to a wall of cheering, in UV costumes. The band were amazing and even managed to squeeze in a few Zero 7 tracks. Altogether, a cracking evening. Sia is a very funny and hugely endearing character and if, perish the thought, her voice should ever fail her, she could easily take the world of stand-up comedy by storm. Komedia, 8 April ✌✌✌✌✌ Giles Davies Holy F***

Boutique Theatre – April Fools Burlesque theatre has got a bit of a fuzzy definition in most people’s minds, mixed in as a legitimate name for something a little bit sordid. This is so not the case with Boutique Theatre. The largest burlesque troupe in the country, this is a mix of sassy and sexy, with a sense of humour, which gives you a sly wink and then makes you laugh. With the beauty of the dance en pointe of Coco Smooth, the torch song chaunteuses, the humour of the striptease – which showed no more flesh than you’d see outside of Gemini’s of a hot summer’s day – and even a trapeze artist, this was fabulous, sumptuous entertainment. Topped with an old style cancan that sent shivers through us, as well as various other flavours of extravagance throughout the night, this was a feast for the senses. Concorde 2, April 12 ✌✌✌✌ Victoria Nangle

Holy F* “Holy f*!”, you might exclaim, and you’d be right. It’s horribly fashionable at the moment to: a) fiddle around with stupendously infectious wonky electro beats and: b) be Canadian. Luckily, this Toronto four-piece more than live up to the hype with tonight’s storming mix of decks, drums and guitar. Mad forays into funky disco and almost Sabbath doomy metal blasts punctuate what is, ultimately, a less progressive than expected but brilliantly euphoric, though danceably bass-heavy sound. A clubful of satisfied customers can’t be wrong, F* Klaxons – this is the real nu-rave. Digital, 7 April ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Paul Chowdry After an above average opener

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from the fast-moving Dan Nightingale, and a second set from the inventive and very funny Geoff Norcott, the bar was set very high for headliner Paul Chowdry. Good, but not the roll around hilarity which the crescendo of such a top line-up may have hinted at, Chowdry kept everyone laughing and finally seemed to have stopped one particularly persistent heckler from the evening with a great verbal punch to the jugular. The comedy talent level is upping throughout the south, raising expectations in line with this, and with excellent Krater compere Dan Atkinson refusing to give the audience space to rest between gags, it’s a hard job to headline such skill. Krater@Komedia, 12 April ✌✌✌ Victoria Nangle

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From Tuesday 22 April to Monday 12 May ABOVE THREE AND TEN 10 Steine Street, Brighton Playhouse Creatures/ A Life in the Theatre Double bill from Hello id, first following the lives of five extraordinary women competing for the limelight and for rich patrons in the tumultuous 1660s. Then an exploration of the mentor/tutor relationship that’s pushed to the limits as an actor’s struggle through a season trying not to miss cues... ( • Fri 2–Sun 3 May & Sun 25 May, 7.45pm, £9/8

BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 The Bourgeois Gentleman by Moliere Presented by Sussex Downs College CoVE. Contact the venue for more information. • Fri 25 April, 7pm, £6/4 The Hypochondriac by Moliere Presented by Sussex Downs College CoVE. Contact the venue for more information. • Sat 26 April, 7pm, £6/4 Othello Sussex Downs College CoVE present Shakespeare’s classic play. • Sun 27 April, 7pm, £6/4 The Taming of the Shrew Sussex Downs College CoVE production of Shakespeare’s classic play. • Mon 28 April, 7pm, £6/4 Metamorphoses Frédéric Flamand’s Ballet National de Marseille present creative dance set to the flamboyant urban styling of Brazil’s maverick designers the Campana brothers. • Sat 3–Sun 4 May, 7.45pm, £6–25 Frantic Assembly – Stockholm Bryony Lavery’s love story, Stockholm – There’s a fine

line between tenderness and cruelty – this is the tale of a relationship unravelling. • Sat 3–Sat 10 May, 8pm, Sat 4pm and 8pm, £15–18, no latecomers permitted. Bahok Dancers from different cultures come together in a contemporary Babel of language and movement. • Fri 9–Sat 10 May, 7.15pm, £6–25

BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE 01273 777748 Dinner Paige has lovingly prepared a dinner to celebrate her husband’s literary success. There are friends, strangers, and a silent butler too, who make up this dinner party no-one will forget in a hurry. • Tue 6–Sat 10 May, 7.15pm, £tbc

THE CAPITOL, HORSHAM 01403 750220 Danny The Champion of the World The Birmingham Stage Company present Roald Dahl’s best-loved book. Facing eviction, can one little boy defeat a rich and powerful landowner? • Tue 22–Thu 24 April, please call for show times and prices. Sheila’s Wheels Yes, it’s those girls from that advert – on stage performing classic hits from the last 50 years. Expect cheese and lots of pink • Sat 3 May, please call for show times/.£ Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf Travel through time in this show exporing the rise and fall of TV legend. Intimate knowledge of Doctor Who not required. • Wed 7 May, please call for show times/£

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 Funny Girl Fearless ugly duckling Fanny Brice sets out to show the world that her star quality can win over Broadway and fulfil her American dream. • Mon 28 April–14 June. Various times and prices – please check with venue or online.

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 London Philharmonic Orchestra Profound and touching piece that sees a loosening of the Brahmsian collar in the effortless, touching beauty of its Adagio. With a free pre-concert event 2–2.30pm for ticket holders. • Sun 27 April, 3pm, £11–27.50 Shout! The Swingin’ Sixties Musical Starring Claire Sweeney and Su Pollard singing classic pop anthems ‘Downtown,’ ‘Son Of A Preacher Man’ and many more. • Mon 28 April–Sat 2 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thur, £13.50–22.50

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 Dad’s Army The most popular and revered British comedies of all time, Dad’s Army is back – and it’s live on stage. • Mon 28 April–Sat 3 May, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £13.50–19.50

EASTBOURNE: WINTER GARDEN 01323 412000 The Johnny Spice Swing Orchestra May Ball Featuring Johnny as a soloist and orchestra led by Paul Hyde – a selection of ballroom, swing, jive and rock ‘n’ roll. • Sat 3 May, 7.30pm, £15/20 (with meal)

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 42nd Street Crawley Operatic Society present 42nd Street, a celebration of Broadway and the people involved in the shows. • Tue 22–Sat 26 April, call for show times and prices Brainiac Live Delve fearlessly into the mysteries of science and do those things on stage that you’re too scared to do at home! • Sat 3 May, call for show times and £ Noisy Kids 2008 Introduce your children (aged five–12) to popular classical music with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra’s lively concert. • Sat 10 May, call for show times and £

KOMEDIA 01273 647100 Backward Glance – Multistory Theatre Hands reaching, a severed head preaching – can the world be put back together again? Words and physical imagery. Ages 16+. • Sat 3 May, 6pm, £6/5 Exposures Experimental, urban theatre that invites its audience to use the city like a playground or a film set; to see it a new as a place of adventure, of danger and of history. • Sat 3–Sun 4 May, 11am–4pm, £10 Clamp’d – Resident Alien A game of cat and mouse? Tom, a Falklands veteren, kidnaps Gerry, a traffic warden... who’s going to miss one of those? For ages 15+. • Sat 3 May, 8.15pm, £7/6 Brighton Bits – Hole in the Road Six new exciting short works for your viewing pleasure. Don’t forget to let them know what you think! • Mon 5 May, 2.45pm, £5/4 Conjuring Up Magic – Ian Keable One man magic show with VAT – that’s very amusing tricks. Laugh aloud show with twists and turns • Tue 6 May, 8.45pm, £6/5

NEW VENTURE THEATRE 01273 746118 Mojo Jez Butterworth’s jet-black comedy set in a Soho nightclub in 1958. The play charts 36 latest 7

the grisly, amphetamine-fuelled events of a summer weekend at Ezra’s Atlantic Club. • Sat 3–Sat 17 May, 7.45pm except Sunday and Mondays. Sunday mat 2.30pm, £7.50

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE 01273 702563 Short Cuts Dance, physical theatre and a puppet’s abstract attempt at overcoming his regrets and finding resolution... • Sat 3–Tue 20 May, 7pm and 9pm, £8.50/6.50 The Forgotten By 1945 six million Jewish people had been destroyed by the Nazi policy of extermination. This is the story of one of those people. • Sun 4–Mon 5 May, 7.30pm, £8.50/6.50 Scratch Night Collaborative work by groups of final year students on the BA (Hons) Theatre Arts at Northbrook College • Tue 6 May, 7.30pm, £donation The Art of Catastrophe Dark, funny and poignant look at the underbelly of love. • Wed 7–Thu 8 May, 7.30pm, £8.50/6.50 ON off Charlie Morrissey uses the title words create a unique and physical performance. • Fri 9–Sat 10 May, 7.30pm, £8.50/6.50

THEATRE ROYAL 08700 606650 Equus Simon Callow appears in the West End phenomenon about a 17-year-old with a strange obsession with horses. • Tues 22–Sat 26 April, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat, £17–27 South Pacific Rodgers & Hammerstein’s musical about a naïve Navy nurse who falls in love with a middle-aged French plantation owner. Featuring ‘Some Enchanted Evening.’ • Mon 28–Sat 3 May, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat, £20–30

THE UDDERBELLY Old Steine Lawns, Venue 224 Potted Potter: The Unauthorised Harry Experience All seven Potter books in 70 minutes. It’s fast, it’s furious – with endless costumes and brilliant songs. Ages 6+. • Sat 3–Mon 5 May, 2pm and 6pm, £12/10 X Files Improv Dean Haglund (computer geek Langly in all 9 series) improvises an XFiles episode on audience suggestion. Fun for fans and non-fans alike! • Sat 3 and Sat 10 May, 5pm, £12/10 Graffiti Classics Music, dancing, singing and comedy routines, 16 strings, 8 dancing feet and 4 voices. • Sun 4 and Mon 5 May, 3pm, £12/10 The Last South: Pursuit of the Pole New drama charting the incredible journey of two of the world’s most revered explorers. Roald Amundsen and Robert Falcon Scott • Mon 5 May, 4pm, £12/10

WORTHING: ASSEMBLY HALL 01903 206206 The Mighty Wurlitzer Theatre Organ Sussex Theatre Organ Trust presents The Mighty Wurlitzer Theatre Organ in a Worthing Celebrity Concert featuring Jim Riggs from The Paramount Oakland. • Sun 27 April, 3pm, £9–16

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 Music, Music , Music Good music and memories with stars from The Black and White Minstrel Show and George Mitchell Shows. •Wed 23 April, 2pm, £10 The Rat Pack Vegas Spectacular Featuring the greatest music of the 20th century. Including ‘Come Fly With Me’ and ‘Volare.’ •Sat 26 April, 7.30pm, £16 Halfway To Paradise – The Billy Fury Story Marking the 25th anniversary of Billy Fury’s death, his band the original Fury’s Tornadoes recreate the era with Colin Gold. •Thu 8 May, 7.30pm, £14/16

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I’m the greatest star Hit musical Funny Girl kicks off Chichester 08 The hit musical Funny Girl makes a return to the UK stage this summer at Chichester Festival Theatre from Monday 28 April. Opening Festival 08 in the intimate Minerva Theatre, Funny Girl is based on the life and career of American singer and comedienne Fanny Brice and her turbulent relationship with husband Nick Arnstein. Samantha Spiro plays Fanny Brice – the fearless ugly duckling who sets out to show the world that her star quality can win over Broadway and fulfil her American dream. But as Fanny’s star rises with the legendary Ziegfeld Follies, her stormy marriage to the charismatic but wayward entrepreneur Arnstein falters. Funny Girl’s score includes ‘I’m the Greatest Star‘, ‘People (who need people are the luckiest people in the world)‘ and the rousing ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade‘. Unlike the film, the stage version includes extra songs ‘Cornet Man‘ and ‘Who Are You Now‘, and ‘The Music Makes Me Dance‘. Samantha Spiro appeared as Barbara Windsor in Terry Johnson’s Cor, Blimey! Her other credits include Mike Leigh’s Two Thousand Years at the National Theatre, Merrily We Roll Along at the Donmar Warehouse, for which she received an Olivier Award for Best Actress in a Musical, and A Little Night Music for which she received Best Supporting Actress in a Musical in the Joseph Jefferson Awards. Associate at Chichester Festival Theatre, Angus Jackson directs. His previous credits at Chichester include Carousel, August Strindberg’s The Father in Festival 06 and The Waltz of the Toreadors for Festival 07. Jackson was BAFTA nominated for the television version of his pioneering production of Elmina’s Kitchen at the National Theatre.

Choreography is by Stephen Mear and will include the tap number ‘Rat-Tat-Tat-Tat‘. His theatre credits include Mary Poppins in the West End for which he received an Olivier Award with Matthew Bourne. The show will be designed by Mark Thompson. Recent designs include Joseph at the Adelphi Theatre and The Rose Tattoo at the National Theatre. He has received a host of Olivier and Critics Circle Awards, including most recently for Bombay Dreams. Funny Girl opens at the Minerva Theatre at Chichester Festival Theatre on 28 April and runs until 14 June. Tickets are £20 & £26, available online at or from the Box Office 01243 781312

Nat and Becky Clark report on theatre created for a younger audience Brainiac Live Theatre Royal, Brighton Sunday 30 March Brainiac Live is the live version of Brainiac Science Abuse from Sky One. The show was presented by Ben Enwright with six Brainiacs. Of course there is always an exploding caravan and before the show had been going for long this happened! Very loudly! It was quite funny seeing all the parents jump every time there was a bang. The show was big, loud and quite rude sometimes. They did loads of great experiments like the best way to spin an office chair, the fastest way to get ketchup out of a bottle and what is the slippiest material in a bathroom. We helped create a weather storm with an earthquake, rain, thunder and lightning.There was a competition during the interval where the audience could go into a booth in the foyer and shout a word really loudly to find out the world's loudest word (it was poo). Some parts of the show were from the TV show, like ‘Will it Fizz or will it Bang?‘, ‘Will it Glow or will it Blow?‘, ‘Appliance Abuse‘, ‘Things you can run through‘ and ‘Things not to put in a microwave oven‘. It doesn't sound scary but it was quite tense when they blew up a hot water bottle. It got bigger, bigger and bigger – then finally burst. It was interesting, dangerous and fun!

Shaken... …but not stirred in David Weedall’s 007 My Other Life! The arrival of May comes with not only the finer weather, for which we must hope, but the certainty of fine performances with the return of Second Impression Theatre to the Brighton Festival Fringe. This year, award-winning Second Impression present a new absurd comedy entitled 007 – My Other Life! by David Weedall. This bizarre comedy tells the story of one man’s mission to convince the world that he really is 007. And all this, despite the fact that most people perceive him as a bit of a social inadequate. Anyway, this ‘would-be‘ Bond has the chance to prove his true credentials as the Russians seek to bring total devastation to the UK. Surely the one way to prove his identity

Junior stage watch

beyond all doubt is to save his country from disaster? Will this 007 disappoint? And just who is the real 007? Glamorous girls galore and fit and furious men. They’re all working undercover... or at least… under the covers! This comedy is set to have you laughing over and over again. Friends’ Meeting House, Ship Street, Brighton at 9pm each night from Tuesday 13 to Friday 16 May. Tickets from Brighton Dome Box Office on 01273 797979

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A laughing matter


Comic Boom Victoria Nangle explains that a degree of nonchalance when performing can be a useful tool in stand-up The very best way, the ultimate as far as I’m concerned, but also the most dangerous and random way of performing a good show is not to care too much. By this I don’t mean to saunter on to stage like a disillusioned teenager staring at your trainers and muttering your words. This may work for some but that’s more of a style choice than I’m prepared to make. Energy begets energy and if you fill the place up with energy my experience has said that you’re less likely to get unwarranted audience participation if the place feels like it already has enough of the stuff. Feel the electricity in any mainstream club as the experienced acts take to the stage if you doubt me on that. No-one would feel there was a gap to try and heckle them through. No, I mean that rather than being woundup tighter than one of my brother’s elastic band cars from the 70s before a race-off, it’s better to be fully energised but know it’s not the end of the world if I miss a gag. Who knows it’s been forgotten except for me? No harm no foul. And if I’m relaxed then I can have fun. Here we get back to the main reason most of us do any of this performing lark. It’s supposed to be fun. And I’ve noticed that the more fun you have with it the more everyone else seems to enjoy it too. Cavorting around the stage, singling people out when you make a new statement and closing down your own argument; using up the whole stage to have a bit of fun over elaborating upon your own material in a purely physical manner is great fun. But I can’t do it when I care too much. I might look a fool, and as much as a part of me knows that’s the whole point of the exercise, if I’m caring about it

They’re back! Not Arnie but the great Ginger and Black. This musical duo – I know, sounds dodgy already – have already been seen on BBC4 and are one of those truly individual acts that break the mould of what seems like a tired format. With their satirical songs and sardonic attitude, Ginger and Black are compelling on stage. Plus, not forgetting that this is Comic Boom, so we have the best of local and national new talent. Keeping with the attitude of a raised eyebrow will be local Kerry Herbert, with her biting humour, and a similar laid back edge from Paul Beckett. Plus Funny Women 2007 finalist Katy Schutte will be performing a packed, laughter-filled ten minutes. There’s even jelly beans from the sponsor! Who could ask for more? Thursday 24 April, 8pm, £7.50/5.50, Komedia

loads I get self-conscious and feel a prat. “Calling prat number one in, your time is up!” So when that feeling kicks in, I’m more likely to look like that kid that’s been pushed on to stage at the end of term to read a poem and make up the numbers – unhappy and bashful and many other negative refugee dwarves from the panto season. Yes, the main idea is to not care enough to mind if you look like a prat but to care enough to learn your set and want to have fun. It’s a fine balance. Rather like skiing. Bear with me. With both, once you get to the point of not caring if you fall over, you get to whizz about and cavort in the grandest of manners. Before long, if you have any natural aptitude and keep on practising, you start to long for the black runs rather than cowering from them. Not that I’m ready for those, I still care way too much to go that fast. But I see others having a go, and the best thing about it is that it looks like such great fun.

“The more fun you have with it the more everyone else seems to enjoy it too”

Stand-up wisdom: “Be charming. To stab someone in the back you must first get behind them.” Chris Jones

COMEDYLISTINGS 22-28 April Wednesday 23 Sitting on a Rug With Terry Saunders Terry Saunders’ acclaimed comedy residency of anti-comedy, lo-fi and other annoying buzzword stuff.Three and Ten, 8pm, £7/6

Thursday 24 Comic Boom A chilled-out night of exciting new comedy without the gamble. Brighton’s Jo Enright comperes a fast-paced quality show, featuring sensational top double act Ginger and Black and the hottest rising stars. Komedia, 8:00pm, £7.50/5.50 TBC Comedy Seafront comedy hosted by Dan Atkinson, with Cole Parker, John Mann and headliner Raymond and Mr Timpkins Revue. The Brighton Coalition, 7.30pm, £8/10 (2 for 1)

Friday 25 Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Raymond and Mr Timpkins Revue, Barry Castagnola and another act tbc are rounded up for a night of laughter by MC Stephen Grant. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10

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Rabbit in the Headlights Brand new comics and more experienced comics trying out new material. A great night of stand-up comedy compered by Funny Women finalist Katy Schutte. Three and Ten, 8:00pm, £6/5

Saturday 26 Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Raymond and Mr Timpkins Revue, Barry Castagnola and another tbc are rounded up for a night of laughter by MC Stephen Grant. Komedia, 7pm and 10.30pm, £16.50 Joanna Neary: Finishing School For character comedy that is glorious fun, Joanna Neary is hard to better. Join Joanna for her brand new Edinburgh show. Three and Ten, 8:00pm, £7/5

Sunday 27 Kronenbourg Krater Comedy Club Raymond and Mr Timpkins Revue, Barry Castagnola and Nathan Coton round the weekend off with award-winning MC Stephen Grant. Komedia, 8pm, £10/6 Mayday! The Musical Award-winning improvised musical comedy. A total sell-out in the Brighton Fringe 2007, and critically acclaimed wherever they go, The Maydays are a must-see. Komedia, 7:30pm, £8



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latest film

Interview, previews, listings and reviews from the world of film with Craig Driver & Nick Aldwinckle

Living doll Latest 7 talks to Ryan Gosling about being a martyr for his art and working opposite a sex doll in his new film Lars and the Real Girl How was it working with your co-star Bianca, a rubber doll? It was amazing. She showed up at the read through and I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. I found her endlessly fascinating. You think that she’s looking at you sometimes, or that you just caught her blinking. If you could spend ten minutes with her you could see what I mean; you’d fall in love with her too. I saw her effect on myself and on everybody in crew and on the cast. She’s interesting. She asks you to look at yourself and forces you to be creative and develop a relationship with yourself. But wasn’t it difficult on set? Actually I would look forward to our scenes together. When they called ‘action’ it was just me and her, and that bonded me to Bianca. I was relaxed when she was on set, she had a calming presence. We just kind of developed this bond where I felt safe in the scenes with her, to the point where I could try anything and do anything. Did she become real to you? Yes. It’s a totally different experience reading it to watching the film. She does become real to you because you’re reading it and when you watch it as a film you realise that it’s a doll, and she’s never going to get real. But Craig [director, Craig Gillespie] said: “I’m going to treat her as if she’s got a nudity clause in her contract.” He required that everyone treat her like an actress. She got magazines between takes, she had her own trailer (which she changed in), and when she came on set she was treated like any other actor. What was your first reaction to the script? When I first heard of the idea I thought it was funny, but that there was no way it could hold up for an entire film. But I was wrong – I was crying by the end of the script. I’d been waiting to read a script like that my whole life; I didn’t want it to end. I read it on Saturday and was committed on Monday. The great thing about Nancy’s [writer, Nancy Oliver] writing is that everything is so clearly laid out for you. The characters are so clearly defined yet at the same time there is all this room for you to be creative. How would you describe it now? It’s very special, a beautiful love story, and very magical in the vein of Harvey or Being There or even Harold and Maude. They’re all movies that are like genres unto themselves. Lars is a radical film because it believes in people’s goodness. There’s nothing cynical about this movie. It wears its heart on its sleeve and believes there’s an inherent goodness in most people. The townsfolk rally round Lars and

support him because they get something out of it too. They want to be part of something special. How did you prepare for a role like Lars? To me he seemed like he could be one of my uncles. I had to get rid of all the posturing and ideas of what makes me ‘cool’ or charming, and turn up more vulnerable parts of myself. So you didn’t care about being attractive on screen? Oh no. The only really good performances out right now are female performances: Cate Blanchett in I’m Not There, Marion Cotillard in La Vie En Rose. Women aren’t interested in being sexy any more, and men are. All the guys have objectified and sexualised themselves into being just matinee idols. Does that mean that you shy away from sexy roles? Let’s just say that Lars, The Believer and Half Nelson are the kind of movies I’m trying to make. They’re serious, but have elements of humour to them as well. It’s not just bleak, dark and depressing that’s just boring. But they are movies about characters that aren’t sexy. No more romantic parts then? Personally I think Lars is even more romantic than The Notebook. There’s something really romantic about a person who chooses to love someone, or something, that can’t love them back; who looks at love as something other than a transaction. I admire Lars: even though he’s very lonely he doesn’t make a choice to be loved, he makes a choice to love something. We’re always practising on each other, and hurting each other. Lars is so sensitive that he does this thing that’s not going to hurt anyone. Do you think you have a reputation for being difficult on set? Possibly, although Lars definitely was not rooted in conflict. My job is to fight for my

character, no matter what. Even if that puts me up against the director or producer. But Craig was somebody I just didn’t have to do that with. For the first week my driver wouldn’t say anything to me. Finally I said: “I’ve been talking to you all week and you never say anything back. It’s not nice”, and he said: “I was told not to talk to you. I heard you were real ‘method’ [acting] and I was only supposed to call you Lars and not supposed to look you in the eye!” I was so embarrassed. I don’t know how this stuff gets out, but I really don’t deserve it. You don’t suffer for your ‘art’ then? I don’t know what art is exactly, but I’m pretty sure it’s not something you get paid to do. For me this is a job. I think it’s easier to get better at it if you don’t lose your identity in it. You do whatever you can to try to understand the character. Because they’re paying you, you feel like you should be doing something. Things like staying in a garage make me seem like I’m super-serious. I don’t think that’s ‘method’ as much as it’s me being hired to do a job. It’s like me gaining weight for the role. I’m just doing my job. My body was not the body of a guy who just sat in his garage, so I had to change. Did you worry about the reaction that Lars and the Real Girl would get? You can’t make a movie for everybody. You can’t go into it trying to alienate people, but you have to assume that you’re going to. But Lars is more like a storybook, like The Velveteen Rabbit. It’s not sexual, I think that would turn people off to the film for sure. One of the things Lars and Bianca are always fighting about is that she wants to be physical and he’s not ready. Will you work with Bianca again? Definitely. She’s at my house right now reading a book by the window. I have a Bianca, and Craig has a Bianca. When they dropped her off at my house I was going out. I thought: “I can’t really leave her.” So I brought her out to the bar. As soon as you bring Bianca the whole party livens up! Lars and the Real Girl is in cinemas nationwide now latest 7 39



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FILM 1himself. Following the recent death of his own daughter

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 22

Thursday 24

21 (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.15 FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 3.00, 8.30 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 2.30, 5.45, 8.45 LEATHERHEADS (PG) 6.00, 8.45 LUST, CAUTION (18) 9.15 REC (18) 2.40, 4.40, 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG)1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 STREET KINGS (15) 2.35, 5.30, 8.00 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 1.45, 3.45

21 (12A) 10.45, 2.30, 5.30, 8.15 FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 3.00, 8.30 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 2.30, 5.45, 8.45 JUNO (12A) 10.30 LEATHERHEADS (PG) 6.00 REC (18) 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG)1.30, 4.00, 6.30 STREET KINGS (15) 2.35, 5.30, 8.00 THE EYE (15) 8.45 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 1.45, 3.45

Wednesday 23 21 (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.15 FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 3.00, 8.30 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 2.30, 5.45, 8.45 LEATHERHEADS (PG) 6.00, 8.45 REC (18) 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG)1.30, 4.00, 6.30 STREET KINGS (15) 2.35, 5.30, 8.00 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 1.45, 3.45


01273 626261 Tuesday 22

Saturday 26

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 4.00, 9.00 LARS AND THE REAL GIRL (12A) 6.30


HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 4.00, 9.30

Thursday 24

Sunday 27

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 4.00, 9.00 LARS AND THE REAL GIRL (12A) 6.30

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 1.30, 6.30 PERSEPOLIS(12A) 4.00, 9.00

Friday 25

Monday 28

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY(15) 6.00 PERSEPOLIS(12A) 4.00, 9.00 THE WARRIORS (18) 11.30


0871 200 2000 Tuesday 22 21 (12A) 6.20, 9.10 FLASHBACKS OF A FOOL (15) 5.50, 8.40 FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 4.00, 6.40, 9.20 IN BRUGES (18) 4.10, 6.50, 9.30 PATHOLOGY (18) 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 6.10, 8.30 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG) 6.00, 8.50 STREET KINGS (15) 4.20, 7.00, 9.40 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 4.15, 6.30

Wednesday 23 21 (12A) 6.20, 9.10 FLASHBACKS OF A FOOL (15) 5.50, 8.40 FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 4.00, 6.40, 9.20 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 6.00, 8.50 IN BRUGES (18) 4.10, 6.50, 9.30 PATHOLOGY (18) 9.00 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 6.10, 8.30 STEP UP 2: THE STREETS (PG) 6.00, 8.50 STREET KINGS (15) 4.20, 7.00, 9.40 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 4.15, 6.30

Thursday 24

FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 4.00, 6.40, 9.20 FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) 6.00, 8.50 IN BRUGES (18) 4.10, 6.50, 9.30 SON OF RAMBOW (12A) 6.10 STREET KINGS (15) 4.20, 7.00, 9.40 THE EYE (15) 8.30 THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES (PG) 4.15, 6.30 THREE AND OUT (15) 9.00 21 (12A) DECEPTION (TBC) FLASHBACKS OF A FOOL (15) FOOL’S GOLD (12A) FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL (15) IN BRUGES (18) PATHOLOGY (18) PERSEPOLIS (12A) STOP LOSS (TBC) STREET KINGS (15) 4.20, 7.00, 9.40 THE EYE (15) THE OXFORD MURDERS (15) THREE AND OUT (15)

WORTHING CINEMA 01903 206206 Tues 22-Mon 28

Fri 25-Sat 26

FOOL’S GOLD (12A) 2.30 (sat, thurs), 5.15 (fri,sat,sun), 8.00

THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL (12A) 2.00 (sat), 4.45, 7.00

Tues 22-Thurs 24


THE DIVING BELL & THE BUTTERFLY (12A) 2.00 (thurs), 7.30

Sat 26 Mon 28

7 Selects

Persepolis (12A)  Dir: Vinent Paronnaud/Marjane Satrapi Winner of the Jury Prize at Cannes this tale of life in Iran is a fantastic adaptation of the graphic novel of the same name. Directed, written and adapted by Satrapi this is an intoxicating and funny affair. Set in 1970s Iran, Satrapi watches on as the Iranian Revolution of 1979 unfolds. As Marji grows up, she witnesses the

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (15)  Dir: Nicholas Stoller Judd Apatow continues his one man reinvention of the gross out slacker comedy with this self billed romantic disaster comedy. The film follows devastated Peter as he takes a Hawaii vacation in order to deal with a recent break-up with his TV star girlfriend. The problems and comic hi-jinks come when Peter’s ex turns up with her new boyfriend. The jokes are lurid, clichéd and often hilarious while the performances on show are suitably childish. The real fun though comes from seeing our own Russell Brand play up to his own dishevelled dandy histrionics in Hollywood. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Films showing Friday 25–Monday 28


21 (12A) 6.20, 9.10 FLASHBACKS OF A FOOL (15) 5.50, 8.40

New releases reviewed

Films showing Friday 25–Monday 28


Wednesday 23

L7 lowdown 

In Bruges (18) 

Dir: Martin McDonagh This is the feature debut from the man who bought us the freakishly good short film Six Shooter back in 2004. Starring Colin Firth, Brendan Gleeson and a superbly malicious Ralph Fiennes the film takes place in Bruges, Belgium where after a difficult job, two hit men are holed up together. As boredom takes hold the two men begin to differ on their views of life and death. An excellent film where a midget pimp locks horns with an irate Irishman is always going to please. With echoes of

new Iran, now ruled by Islamic fundamentalists, become a repressive tyranny on its own. Presented in stark black and white with the vocal talents of Catherine Deneuve and Iggy Pop, this says more than any politician ever could. Craig Driver Showing at Duke of York’s

film noir and The French Connection this is just as funny as it is ruthless. Showing at Cineworld

The Oxford Murders (15)

Dir: Alex de la Iglesia The Elephant Man himself, John Hurt stars in this puzzle ridden British whodunit. The film takes place at Oxford University where a professor and grad student are thrown together to try and stop a potential series of murders seemingly linked by mathematical symbols. Elijah Wood stars as the American student struggling to outwit a brainy killer. Despite the fancy surroundings and pervading sense of intrigue this still feels like a preposterous attempt to reinvent The Da Vinci Code for a new audience. Not bad by any means but certainly nothing new. Showing at Odeon

The Warriors (18) 

Dir: Walter Hill This 1979 cult classic is part gangster pantomime, part full on post-punk freak out. Set in a dingy New York, where the inhabitants work by day but fight by night this is fantastically depraved stuff. The real fun comes at night where the city is run by ruthless street gangs. Among them are the brilliantly named The Furies, The Boppers, The Hi-Hats, The Turnbull AC's, The Gramercy Riffs and The Warriors. With a cast of non professionals and the best outfits this side of The Mighty Boosh this is a late night screening worthy of some true midnight adulation. Showing at Duke of York’s


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Craig Driver



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Also showing… A quick look at this week’s films Happy-Go-Lucky (15) Dir: Mike Leigh It’s been a while (four years) since Mike Leigh’s last cinematic outing, and maybe the break’s cheered him up a little. Lightening the tone after a career that has included the unrelentingly grim Naked and acclaimed abortion drama Vera Drake, Happy-Go-Lucky follows easy-going primary teacher Poppy’s daily life. Played by Tipping The Velvet’s Sally Hawkins, after her bike is stolen, Poppy takes up driving lessons, then flamenco, smiling all the way. Almost uncharacteristically upbeat, if early reviews are anything to go by, this should further confirm Leigh’s status as one of Britain’s best living directors. Showing at Duke of York’s and Odeon Juno (12A) Dir: Jason Reitman This tale of teenage pregnancy this year was the first film written by a stripper to bag itself an Oscar, along with four Academy Award nominations. Critically lauded and already with a bestselling soundtrack album featuring the likes of The Moldy Peaches, it’s safe to say this’ll be one of 2008’s sleeper successes. The very young Ellen Page (X Men 3, Hard Candy) plays the title character with the understatedly excellent Superbad and Arrested Development star Michael Cera as the accidental father of her child. With a curious, Knocked Up-style mix of black comedy and real emotional issues, as well as a cast-iron performance from Page, this looks set to propel her into the A List. Showing at Odeon Lars and the Real Girl (12A) Dir: Craig Gillespie Ryan Gosling stars as Lars, uber-geek and curious young fellow who falls in love with a sex doll. Somewhat different to your traditional romantic comedy, by all accounts this is a surprisingly sweet movie with a winning performance by Gosling, who continues his campaign for the role of King Of US Indie. Nominated for an Oscar (but sadly losing out to Juno), critical acclaim’s been heaped upon the film and Gosling’s performance and with a non-more-quirky subject matter, it’s bound to be something of a sleeper hit. Showing at Duke of York’s Lust, Caution (18) Dir: Ang Lee Ang Lee follows up his Oscar-laden Brokeback Mountain with a return to the Far East of his earlier films, this time in WWII-era Shanghai. Predictably daring, this is a sexually explicit erotic thriller about a young woman’s emotional entanglement with a powerful political figure. Showing at Odeon

Leatherheads (PG) Dir: George Clooney George Clooney’s third directorial (and this time acting) outing has been widely panned as his first dud. With a big budget and American Football a little too culturally specific to conquer a global market, it’s easy to see why. Still, this remains an interesting addition to Clooney’s back catalogue of films marking him out as a modern day matinee idol. Clooney plays the owner of a professional football team who comes into conflict with his star player over the affection of one Renee Zellweger. Cue the lighthearted rom-com action as the birth of the modern, moneymaking game coincides with the competing team-mates. Showing at Odeon The Other Boleyn Girl (12A) Dir: Justin Chadwick Eric Bana stars as maybe the first Aussie film incarnation of King Henry VIII, romantically torn between Natalie Portman’s Anne Boleyn and her sister Mary, played by Scarlett Johansson. Based on Phillippa Gregory’s book, this latest stab at elaborating on British history has a strong support cast including Kristin Scott-Thomas and David Morrissey. Showing at Worthing [REC] (18) Dir: Jaume Balaguero / Paco Plaza This low budget, lo-fi Spanish horror takes inspiration from the plot of 28 Days Later and Diary Of The Dead mixed with the hand-held camera technique of The Blair Witch Project. A television news team are covering an evening at one of Barcelona’s fire stations when everything takes a turn for the worse as the dead decide to walk the earth (again). By all accounts this is a terrifying slice of pure adrenaline with Romero-style political allegory thinly veiled beneath the grand guignol. Showing at Odeon Son of Rambow (12A) Dir: Garth Jennings As a kid growing up in the 80s, music video and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy director Garth Jennings got hold of a pirated copy of First Blood and remade it. Though not that film itself, Son of Rambow is a kind of remake of that remake. British to the core, this low-budget and heart-warming tale of two kids who bond over their love of Stallone has garnered rave reviews. Silly and charming, this should be the very definition of the term ‘sleeper hit’. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Nick Aldwinckle

Win Duke of York’s comedy tickets! Fancy a night of magic? Don’t miss BAFTA nominees Barry & Stuart at the Duke of York’s on Saturday 3 May as they bring their new live show to Brighton for one night only. Fresh from BBC 4s Music Hall Meltdown‚ and a sell-out London date these ‘Part Time Warlocks’ bring us their darkly comic show to liven up Saturday night! We have 2 pairs of tickets for Barry & Stuart, Part-Time Warlocks on Sat 3 May to give away. To be in with a chance of winning email with ‘Barry & Stuart’ in the subject box. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and contact no. To win, email with ‘Barry & Stuart’ in the subject box by Monday 28 April. Winners chosen at random. Entrants must be 15 or over.

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KiDS LISTINGS Tuesday 22

Life’s a circus Zara Friend finds a youth circus on its way to town and a chance for youngsters to get involved Brighton and Hove Youth Circus will be performing their fabulous full-length show, The Magnificent Circus of Wonders, in this year’s May Brighton Fringe Festival. After the success of the show, which premiered at the Brighton Dome in September last year, the young cast are thrilled to be taking to the stage at the festival’s most unique venue – the Udderbelly. An upside-down inflatable purple cow seems a very apt setting for The Magnificent Circus of Wonders. This fast-paced, witty romp through circus-land will not leave its audience disappointed. If you are expecting a children’s circus to include a few spinning plates and a couple of headstands then be prepared to be amazed. These talented young performers have all trained with The Circus Project under the expert care of Emma Taylor and Hazel Maddocks amongst other local circus teachers. Now managed and supported by Helen Day and Hannah Wheeler from local entertainment agency ‘H2oh! Ltd’, The Circus Project is based in Hangleton and aims to deliver top-quality circus training for young people and adults. One of a handful of youth circuses in the UK, Brighton and Hove Youth Circus has a cast of 12, who were selected from over 30 young people who attend weekly classes in trapeze, rope, silks and more. Spaces are now available to start classes in the new Sunday circus school, launching at The Circus Project, Hangleton Community Centre, Harmsworth Crescent, Hangleton. Classes start this Sunday 27 April, running termly in line with the schools. Check out the website or call Helen on 07515 064149 or 01273 884732 Don’t forget to book your seats for the show on 26 May early to avoid disappointment. The circus is coming to town!

Competition corner The Magnificent Circus of Wonders – Tickets As mentioned above, The Magnificent Circus of Wonders comes to Brighton Fringe Festival on bank holiday Monday 26 May and we have two pairs of tickets to give away. Featuring the much-admired Mademoiselle Adrianne and her rope dance, lady and gentlemen performers in a grand act of aerial acrobatics, and Monsieur Yelding’s pleasing comic interlude, this is an awe-inspiring show that all ages will love! The show takes place at The Udderbelly, Old Steine Lawns from 1pm. The show is suitable for all ages and is brought to you by The Circus Project/Brighton & Hove Youth Circus. To be in with a chance of winning, tell us: What is the name of the purple cow-shaped venue where The Magnificent Circus of Wonders takes place? A. Uddernonsense B. Udderbelly C. Under-belly Send your answers on a postcard to: Competitions, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH. Alternatively, email your answer to: with the name of the prize in the subject box. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and contact number. The winners will be selected on Monday 19 May.

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Animate Drop-in Relaxed, informal session for parents and carers. Craft activities and refreshments. Rural Rother Children’s Centre, Freda Gardham School, New Road, Rye, more info on 01797 227536, 10am–12pm, £1.25 per family Cats In Boxes Early years session for 2–5 year olds based on a different theme each week. Includes art activities, story telling and a museum expedition. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 10:30am-12:00pm, £4.50. Sticky Kids Art and craft session for preschool children. Six tables of craft, playdough, easel painting, sand, water and gunge!. The Scout Hut, Salts Recreation Ground, Richmond Road, Seaford, more info on 01323 896856, 10–11am, 11am–12pm and 1.15–2.15pm

Thursday 24 Thursday Toddlers Craft activities for parents/carers of one to two and a half year olds. Rural Rother Children’s Centre, Freda Gardham School, New Road, Rye, more info on 01797 227536, 1–3pm, £tbc

week. Includes art activities, story telling and a museum expedition. Booth Museum, 10:30am- 12:00pm, £4.50.

Sunday 27 Baby, Let’s Dance! A grown-up friendly children’s disco suitable for you and your little ones from birth to aged 10. Children's buffet, chill out zone and monitored sound decibels to protect little ears! 10 George Street, Hastings, TN34 3EG, 2–5pm, £7/£6 for more info. Creepy Crawlies Day The Discovery Centre, open between 11am and 4pm, will be swarming with weird insects, and scary spiders. Experts from the British Tarantula Society will be available to answer your questions. Drusillas Park, various prices. Please contact for details.. Contact venue for details 01323 874100 Ghost Tour Unravel some of the spooky stories about Preston Manor on this family ghost tour. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 2:15pm- 3:15pm, £6.50/3.50 children.

Friday 25 Fossil Friends Early years session for 2–5year-olds based on a different theme each

Coming Soon Baby & Parent advertising feature Call now to reserve your space and FREE editorial !!! Marie on 01273 818150 Ext 102 Nurseries/nannies Parent services Photographers Events/days out

Parties/entertainers Education/tuition Baby furniture Kids clothes Nutrition

If you would like your event listed please email



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Write Club

THIS WEEK’S HIGHLIGHT Swap-O-Rama-Rama It’s official: swapping is the new shopping and it’s made easy this Saturday at The Cowley Club in the grand Swap-O-Rama-Rama. The event encourages ‘freecycling’ of clothes as existing clothing are customised into something new. In do-it-yourself spirit, through skills workshops and the sharing of ideas, visitors can help break down the barrier between consumer and creator and reclaim the creativity that has been lost to industry. So, what are you waiting for? Swap till you drop! Bring along your unwanted clothes, your creativity and curiosity this Saturday and learn new skills, and get ‘new’ funky clothes. This is also the chance to find out about the clothing and textile industry's current problems and some positive solutions to overcome them. Swap-O-Rama-Rama, Saturday 26 April at The Cowley Club, 12 London Road, Brighton, from 11am–4pm . Pay by donation. Visit

Fabric of Time The clothing theme continue in events this week with ‘Fabric of Time, held at the stunning Parham House in West Sussex. Spring is the time to venture out to try different events Sussex has on offer, so start with a trip to Parham House. Fabric of Time takes the outstanding Parham House embroideries and textiles (Parham has one of the country’s finest and most important collections of seventeenth century embroidery) as its inspiration and exhibitors vary from the traditional to the very modern. Medieval weaving and dying will sit alongside twenty-foot high textile sculptures so visitors will get a wide range of inspiration and interest on fabrics. Parham House & Gardens, Storrington, Nr Pulborough, West Sussex, 01903 742021,, Fabric of Time: 26 & 27 April.


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country part Australia, part Iraq and part Greenland. The Old Market, 6:30pm, £6

Tea Dance Does what it says on the tin! Dance away the afternoon with music from Sue and Roger of Partners. Worthing Assembly Hall, 2pm–4:30pm, £3.20 includes cup of tea. Tuesday Night Dancing 7:30pm–8:30pm Beginners’ Ballroom and Latin (Assembly Hall). 8:45pm–9:15pm: Improvers’ Ballroom and Latin (Richmond Room). 9:15pm–10pm. Popular Sequence Class (Richmond Room). Free car park and licensed bar. Worthing Assembly Hall and Richmond Room, £5.

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Wednesday 23 Jodi Picoult Jodi Picoult reads from her new book Change of Heart, the story of New Hampshire's first death row prisoner in 69 years. The Old Market, 6:30pm, £6.

Thursday 24 An Evening with Simon Brett Bestselling author Simon will read from and talk about his work and sign copies of the latest Fethering mysteries. Worthing Library, 7:30pm, £3. Will Self Will Self presents and reads from his new book The Butt, set in a

Simon Callow Simon Callow reads from and discusses his 2007 work Orson Welles: Hello Americans. Ticket price includes a glass of wine. The Old Market, 1pm, £6

In his Write Club column, John Davies finds the realities of the slave trade brought back to life Last week I wrote about the new spirit at the Jubilee Library and my old friend Shedman was delighted to see a shed structure filling the front window of the library throughout March. Brighton to Bridgetown was a fascinating installation in the form of a Barbadian ‘chattel house’, and the final event of the year-long Redemption Song programme commemorating the Bicentenary of the Abolition of the Slave Trade Act. I’ve been working on a historical detective novel set in the 1780s. One of the challenges I’ve faced is to get inside the consciousness of my detective, who happens to be black and a freed slave. I’ve found two books especially useful and they're both as unputdownable as the sharpest thriller. The first is The Life of Olaudah Equiano, or Gustavus Vassa, the African by Olaudah Equiano himself. It’s one of the primary documents that changed the public’s attitude to slavery in Britain, Europe and America. First published in 1789, it’s the testimony of a man who was kidnapped as a boy in Nigeria, separated from kith and kin and passed like chattel down a chain of ownership. He ended up as human cargo en route to Barbados. That’s just the start of an adventure story as gripping as Treasure Island and peopled with as many extraordinary characters, not the least of which is Olaudah himself. His own personality shines through the book – a proud, tetchy, adaptable intelligence that achieves its ultimate objective, freedom. He was a sailor who couldn’t swim and fears the daily terror of furious breakers in the Caribbean. He was a trader who suffered endless humiliation at the hands of whites who simply stole his wares. But Equiano is an exemplar of perseverance. Under the constant threat of re-enslavement in every port of call, he constantly stands his ground in disputes with his oppressors, whether of state or street. But this is much more than a black and white drama. On his journey, like a ‘trusty’ in a concentration camp. Equiano himself becomes a slave manager and a slave ship officer. “One part of Equiano’s own strategy of resistance was to learn all he could about how the ship worked“, notes Marcus Rediker in The Slave Ship, a Human History. If you want to understand what our ancestors did to Africa, read Rediker. Slave ships were designed for their purpose – floating concentration camps. Rediker analyses all the different facets of the slave ship with a necessary cool detachment in the face of so much misery. The ships appear in African rivers like alien spacecraft. But as machines within slavery’s machinery of greed the ships enthralled everyone – from captured right up to captain. Ultimately the ship was the architect of its own demise and the system it served. For it was the diagrams of the plan and sections of a slave ship showing how human cargo was stowed that ultimately swung MPs and others in favour of abolition. Don’t forget there’s plenty of activities going on for you to get involved in creative writing. On Saturday 26 April you can grab the chance for a one day workshop with Heather Taylor on: Using the Theatre in your Performance Poetry Show. 10am–4 pm at Brighton Writers' Centre. £32/30 concs, Friends of the South £30/28 concs.

Saturday 26 Boutique Burlesque Workshops Hooray House presents Boutique Burlesque Workshops with Cherri Shakewell. A glorious afternoon introduction into the art of the tease. Contact Caroline of Brunswick, 3pm–6pm, £TBC How To Attract More Clients By Building Your Expert Brand With Nick Williams, best-selling author, broadcaster and international coach. His best known books are The Work We Were Born To Do, Unconditional Success and Powerful Beyond Measure. The Subud Centre, 2pm5pm, £45/40. How To Get Going In The Personal Development Business Best-selling author, broadcaster and International Coach Nick Williams leads this morning workshop on personal development. The Subud Centre, 10am, £45/40.

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044_LS369 art listings


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ART David Garnett (detail)

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BOOTH MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 292777 Life in Death: The Victorian Art of Taxidermy Exhibition documenting the Victorian interest in natural sciences and the opening up of trade routes in the 19th century. Until 15 June, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm


Local icon There will soon be a celebration of the life and work of Duncan Grant at Charleston with seven new paintings. This exhibition brings together a small number of exceptional paintings from public and private collections, offering a rare opportunity to reconsider Grant’s contribution to 21st century British art and his significance within the Bloomsbury circle, which also included E.M. Forster, Virginia Woolf and John Maynard Keynes, with its ranks of artists, writers and thinkers. The paintings on show include ‘Bathers by the Pond’ which was actually painted at Charleston, the second home to the Bloomsbury set and their friends; a portrait of David Garnett, painted when the two men were lovers; and a portrait of Vanessa Bell (sister of Virginia Woolf) made in the 30s. The paintings will hang alongside the permanent collection at Charleston, Duncan Grant’s Sussex home from 1916 until his death in 1978. Duncan Grant, Charleston, Firle near. Lewes. Tel: 01323 811265, visit:

Artists Open Houses 2008 Don’t miss your free

Church Road, Brighton, 01273 292882 On the Pull Explore love and attraction, tender romance and the call of the wild through music, film, paintings, pottery and postcards. Until 31 Aug Richard Chivers Photographic investigation into the layering of time within the Sussex landscape, including the South Downs. Until 11 May Forests of Gold: Kingdom of the Asante A new display to mark the 50th anniversary of Ghanaian independence, including historical and contemporary material with links to the gold trade. Until 3 Aug, Tue 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

CHALK GALLERY 4 North Street, Lewes, 01273 474477 A Moment in Time 21 artists across all mediums, with featured artist, screenprinter Alexander Johnson. Until 4 May, Mon–Sun 10am–5pm

CHARLESTON Firle, Lewes, 01323 811265 Peter de Francia Work stems from the tradition of Goya, Daumier and Beckmann. His vibrant palette and drawing style (a fusion of Grosz and Picasso) as well as his subject matter demonstrate the influence of European art history. Until 5 May, Wed & Sat 11.30am–5pm, Thurs, Fri & Sun 2–5pm

CRANE KALMAN 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton, 01273 697096 Found Photographers Denis Doran, Kevin Eason and Andy Hughes, all of whose work focuses on a common theme – found materials. Until 27 Apr, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10.30am–4.30pm

Artists Open Houses guide and our pick of the local talent with next week’s latest 7

Iron and Wine poster, B.R.A.G, Pelham House, Lewes

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31 Queens Road, Brighton Delaine Le Bas Solo exhibition of handcrafted and appropriated artworks that question the construction of identities and the possibility of truth in a media manipulated world. Until 27 April, Thurs–Sun 1–5pm

HQ GALLERY 15 St. John Street, Lewes, 01273 487849 Louise Chavannes: Secret Paths Watercolour artist using pure lapis lazuli and manganese blue pigment. Until 11 May, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 1–5pm

INK_D GALLERY 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Peter Blake Godfather of British Pop Art with new, updated prints taken from his 60s period. Until 3 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

PELHAM HOUSE St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes, 01273 488600 BRAG Celebrating some of the new stars of the burgeoning underground UK poster scene with Brighton-based collective BRAG (British Rock Artists Group) and featuring the work of 12 designers. Until 28 April

PERMANENT GALLERY 20 Bedford Place, Brighton, 07919 184417 Benoit Carpenter: Following Line French artist Benoit Carpenter’s work crosses the boundaries between drawing, painting and sculpture, and which are open to chance/improvisation. Until 27 Apr, Thu, Fri & Sun 1–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON Grand Parade, Brighton, 01273 643010 The Unwanted Self: Contemporary Photography From The Low Countries Showcase of work from nine international photographers who each explore contexts and traditions that the other artists work with. Until 14 May, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

WORTHING MUSEUM & ART GALLERY Chapel Road, Worthing 01903 221140 Worthing Child A celebration of over 100 years of childhood in Worthing through toys, costumes, education and health. Until 3 May, Tues–Sat 10am–5pm

045_LS369 Music_News


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latest music

Brighton music news with Jeff Hemmings and Nick Aldwinckle. Send your news to:

NEWS Brighton Live Yes, it’s that time of year when the yearly showcase for all that’s good about Brighton music starts accepting applications to be a part of this four-day long festival. Last year approximately 20,000 people enjoyed around 250 acts performing at 90 free shows in over 30 venues. To register Brighton Live (24-27 September) go to and download the submission form. You then need to supply three tracks, a photo, biog and CD. Send to Juice 107.2, 170 North Street or to BIMM East (7 Rock Place) or BIMM West (38-42 Brunswick Street West). Deadline for entry is 26 May, £5 entry fee. JH

Ace of spades Amongst the best British singer-songwriters of his generation, Mercury Music Prize nominee Tom McRae returns with a fourth album and tour

Jacob’s Stories

John the Savage Band residencies are all the rage right now, and new band John the Savage are another new Brighton band who are organising a monthly night, this time at the intimate Komedia studio bar. It’s going to be a night of alternative music – post-rock, modern classical, electronica, contemporary jazz, instrumental hip hop etc, and the first night on Wednesday 23 April will feature Same Actor, Jacob’s Stories, Fat Cat’s head honcho Dave Howell spinning some tunes, alongside resident band John the Savage. JH

Youth art The Youth Arts fringe 2008 is an annual trail showcasing young people’s creative arts produced through youth services across Brighton and Hove. The trail includes: art, film, photography, music, dance, creative writing and graffiti. The launch night takes place at Corn Exchange, on Friday 25 April, 6.30pm JH

Often compared to folk-inspired seventies singer Nick Drake, Tom McRae has had an interesting career since his debut eponymous album was nominated for 2001’s Mercury Music Prize. Savagely honest existential lyrics and haunting acoustics made the record, and his later releases, classics. Last year’s album King Of Cards is no different. Currently accompanied by an unknown collective of American singersongwriters on The Hotel Café Tour, McRae stops off at the Concorde 2 at the end of April Named after the venue McRae would regularly perform at in LA (he now divides his time between New York and London, where he’s recording a new album), the idea is to bring unknown artists to a new audience. With a revolving line-up, he says it’s an uphill struggle. “It’s tricky getting promoters to buy into unknowns doing a festival on the road, presented by someone who can sell a few tickets. They don’t necessarily trust the others. The world is changing for musicians. The idea that live music is suddenly a bonanza for everyone is stupid, because it’s not. It’s hard out there right now.” McRae himself is acutely aware of how tough the music industry game can be. Acclaim (including a Grammy nomination in 2004) and support slots with the likes of Tori Amos and Kathryn Williams hasn't translated to commercial reward. King Of Cards had a deflated tone; indeed, the inlay card carried Houdini’s last words, “I’m tired of fighting“. It’s easy to assume failure in the lyrics. “I’d been struggling inside the major label system for seven years and felt I’d been making my own way, outside the mainstream. That album was

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my last roll of the dice in playing the game because I knew this was probably my last opportunity on a big enough label to make things happen. I’m concentrating on new things now. I’m not worried. The business is dying, but I’m surviving.” This optimism in spite of lack of mainstream success is a McRae trademark. Touring for the joy of playing live and reaching out to audiences in unlikely places (he has a big French and Belgian fanbase), he has no complaints with his career’s next phase. “I’m in a good position. I’ve got a strong enough live following to sustain myself and I don’t feel pressure to find a deal or make a certain type of music anymore. I feel good. There’s a difference between quitting the industry and quitting music. Even Radiohead have kind of quit the industry but I don’t think they’ll quit music.” With major label days behind him, it seems odd he should be so upbeat after experiencing the fate of so many chewed up and spat out by the record company suits. With the decline in industry sales brought on in part by file-sharing, Darwinism comes into play. McRae relishes the chance to flex musical muscle on an even keel, the steely resolve that has surely seen him through to being one of the great British singersongwriters. “The fittest and the smartest will survive, and I don’t see any problem with that. It’s become harder, but I think it’s meant to be hard. The good people will figure it out and the bad people will stop touring. People think music’s going to struggle with this big paradigm shift, but it won’t. It’ll be just fine.” Hotel Cafe Tour, Concorde 2, Tuesday 29 April NA

“Even Radiohead have kind of quit the industry but I don’t think they’ll quit music”

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Two Spot Gobi Independent Label Scheme, which will also be here tonight dispensing advice to unsigned artists earlier in the evening Thursday 24 April, Joogleberry JH

Lloyd Cole Lloyd Cole With his Commotions Lloyd produced a number of hits back in the eighties including ‘Perfect Skin’, ‘Brand New Friend’ and ‘Lost Weekend’. Like fellow contemporaries The Smiths, Cole was a writer of highly literate and sophisticated pop songs. Since the break up of the band in the late eighties he has continued to write, perform and record as a solo artist. Tuesday 22 April, Komedia JH Ted Leo & The Pharmacists Along with the punk sound and energy found in their previous works, recent album Living with the Living finds soul, funk and R’n’B injected into the mix that is full of melody, political acuteness and a fondness for the English pop sounds of XTC, Squeeze and The Kinks. A significant figure on the American alt-rock scene. Tuesday 22 April, Barfly JH Spirit of Gravity: Con Brio + The Disco Tears + o.m.s-n.m.a Spirit of Gravity bring the best in experimental electronic music from both Britain and further afield, laptops jam with samplers and traditional instruments. Tonight’s no different, with Belgian avantgarde supremo o.m.s-n.m.a, the dirtier-thanaverage beats of Con Brio and the multiinstrumentalism of Disco Tears. Tuesday 22 April, Three and Ten NA

The Automatic What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? No, it’s The Automatic, silly! These chart-bothering Welsh emo-ish characters are a lot more fun than some of their angular-haired counterparts and a nice intimate gig at Audio should perfectly encapsulate their live energy. Wednesday 23 April, Audio NA

Kingsway Court, First Ave, Hove (on seafront) Tel: 01273 323810 46 latest 7

Two Spot Gobi Popular sunny-side up acoustic soul outfit from Brighton, full of superb musicians and fronted by the excellent James Robinson. Cello and trumpet compliment the upbeat grooves that evoke Jack Johnson, Jason Mraz and Ben Harper. Thursday 24 April, Komedia JH

Uncle Arthur

Chromatics + Mike Simonetti These US electro-types have got certain corners of the music press salivating and from the strength of their smoky, atmospheric sound, it’s easy to see why. A class above most retro-sounding rubbish polluting the music industry at the moment, this evokes a bygone, noirish era. Wednesday 23 April, Barfly NA Radio Soulwax Belgian indie/dance crossover kings Soulwax are incredible live, be it in the traditional band format, or their turntable/live fusion projects Nite Versions and 2manyDJs. Tonight promises to be a pounding combination of the band’s clubbier persona and special guests Wednesday 23 April, Concorde 2 The Splendour New name for Kingsomniac, local outfit with stacks of new wavesque indie tunes, high on spiky originality, and sprinkled with touches of ska. They will be releasing their debut album on their own label soon, via the

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The Parlotones South African pop-rock! Not a phrase necessarily suggesting quality, but The Parlotones are a fun, if often clunkily cheesy outfit that could happily settle into a nice chart tenure with upcoming single ‘Louder Than Bombs’. Silly and endearingly earnest. Thursday 24 April, Freebutt NA

Buena Vista Social Club 12-piece band, direct from Havana, return to present some of the finest Cuban music ever made. Tonight sees them take audiences on a musical excursion from the original 1996 Buena Vista Social Club recordings, which sold over seven million copies, up to the present day. Friday 25 April, Dome JH

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046_047_LS369 music previews


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Nizlopi Eilen Jewell

Steeleye Span Pioneers of folk-rock back in ‘69, members have come and gone over the years but finds the voice of the band, Maddy Prior, back at the helm of a band that now includes Peter Knight, Rick Kemp, Ken Nicol and Liam Genockey. Friday 25 April, Martlets Hall, Burgess Hill JH Uncle Arthur + My Fabric This is the Regional Final of the Live & Unsigned band competition. Uncle Arthur (ex-August) and My Fabric are two of a number of local acts who will be battling it out to win the overall competition and a recording and management contract with a £20,000 investment to release your single and album with Future Music. Saturday 26 April, Hove Centre JH Sebadoh

Sebadoh It’s not often that genuine legends come to town, though with Sebadoh you have the founding fathers of lo-fi rock and one of the best guitar bands to come out of America in the last twenty years, featuring Dinosaur Jr man Lou Barlow Sunday 27 April, Concorde 2 NA Nizlopi This acoustic duo came to prominence with their fantastic ‘JCB Song’. Superb musicians, made up of lead singer and guitarist Luke Concannon and double-bassist John Parker, they are renowned for crowd involvement at their gigs, often improvising, inviting people up on stage to sing and dance or unplugging and going into the crowd. Monday 28 April, Audio JH Eilen Jewell Spine-tingling swing and honky tonk/blues from the sultry singer, effortlessly traversing the path laid out by artists as diverse as Bessie Smith and Gillian Welch last years Letters from Sinners and Strangers was one of the best of the year. Support comes from Southern Tenant Folk Union. Monday 28 April, Prince Albert JH

latest 7 on the radio Tune into Radio Reverb, 97.2FM, Mon–Fri, 4–6pm, for the latest music, art, culture, politics, community and entertainment news, with Jeff Hemmings and guests.

BIG MOUTH SINGERS Japanese tapas restaurant • Many types of organic wine • Authentic Japanese tapas dishes from £3.95 • Lunch set meal from just £7.85

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BRIGHTON & HOVE’S NEW COMMUNITY CHOIR OPEN TO ALL AGES AND ABILITIES, AND IT’S FREE! LEARN VOCAL GAMES, WARM-UPS, TRADITIONAL AND MODERN SONGS LED BY EXPERIENCED VOCAL TUTORS TEACHING SONGS FROM AROUND THE WORLD * 10-week project starts 21st April to create a performance for the Family Festival on June 24th in Hove Town Hall * When? 4.00–5.30pm every Monday during term time Where? Drama Studio C1, Blatchington Mill School, Nevill Avenue, Hove, BN3 7BJ

Contact: Cicely Taylor Tel: 01273 736244 ext 229 Email:

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Eddy Grant Veteran music man who has had numbers ones in ‘Baby Come Back’ (with The Equals) and ‘I Don’t Wanna Dance’. Tuesday 1 July, Concorde 2, 01273 673311

UPCOMING GIGS The Wombats 29 April, Dome Bueno Vista Social 25 April, Brighton Dome Billy Childish 1 May, Komedia The Orb 2 May, Concorde 2 The Maccabees 3 May, Concorde 2 Roy Ayers 6 May, Concorde 2 Los Albertos 11 May, The Parlure Daughters of Albion 13 May, Brighton Dome Girls Aloud 13-14 May, Brighton Centre The Blackbyrds 14 May, Concorde 2 The Great Escape various venues, 15-17 May Fat Cat Nights 16-17 May, Theatre Royal Fanfare Ciocarlia 17 May, Brighton Dome Mystery Jets 17 April, Digital She Said! 18 May, The Parlure Joe Lean & The JJJ 20 May, Concorde 2 Miriam Makeba 21 May, Brighton Dome De La Soul 23 May, Concorde 2 Hercules & Love Affair 23 May, Parlure Medeski, Martin, Wood 24 May, Dome Mark Knopfler 24 May, Brighton Centre

Wedding Present 30 May, Corn Exchange The Guillemots 31 May, Concorde 2 Pigeon Detectives 3 June, Dome David Essex 4 June, Dome Marc Almond 7 June, De La Warr, Bexhill Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan 11 June, St Georges Church Steve Earle 11 June, Dome Ali Campbell 11 June, Brighton Centre John Sebastian 12 June, Concorde 2 The Zombies/Yardbirds 14 July, Dome Yazoo 15 June, Brighton Centre Toots & The Maytals 25 June, Concorde 2 Eddy Grant 1 July, Concorde 2 Pentangle 2 July, Dome Robert Cray 11 July, Dome Martha Reeves 18 August, Concorde 2 Moody Blues 11 October, Brighton Centre Katie Melua 11 November, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre

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MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases A few years ago the idea that there would be a wholesale appropriation of the sounds, textures and fashions of sixties soul and funk was just a thought in the heads of producers who were beginning to fully realise what an incredible goldmine of invention, quality and innocence this period represented. Hence why it was only a matter of time before Stone, Winehouse, Allen, Ronson et al were ransacking the era for everything it had to offer. And Jamie Lidell joins this distinctive cast. Yes, Jim the album (note use of first name, like Amy, Lily, Joss et al) – it’s a complete throwback to a bygone era (like all the above, he can only imagine what it was really like…), and yes, it demonstrates a lack of originality and perhaps a desperate lunge for commercial success on the part of Lidell and crew. And yet, it sounds great; because the era we are talking about is definitely the golden one – from rock to pop, to soul, motown and funk, it is where the foundations were laid, where ideas came to fruition and where technology walked that fine line between hands-on and hands off. Nowadays, all manner of clever equipment, software and switched-on producers can replicate those sounds… rather too much in this reviewer’s opinion. One of the main events of the year The Rivers so far has to be The Raconteurs new album, Consolers of the Lonely. Not because it’s good (it’s not bad) but because they are attempting to overturn one of the industry’s stupid and rather costly systems that has effectively eroded into the public’s appetite to buy. By releasing the album with no advance marketing, and on all formats simultaneously, they believe that press can be generated post-release, like in the old days. Which is how their second album sounds: a late sixties/early seventies heavy blues rock production, lots of screeching guitar, Small Faces-esque songs, and a longing for the age of musical innocence. Sometimes it works, other times it grates, especially Jack White’s guitar, which is particularly ear-splitting this time around… Brighton’s Fat Cat label continue to release a steady stream of quality albums from the fringes of the mainstream. This month David Karsten Daniels releases Fear of Flying, a subtly influenced country folk album carefully orchestrated and arranged. Stunning, haunting, with surprising turns (such as unexpected sax skronks), the music veers close to the winds of overwhelming melancholy at times. Independent of spirit and constantly traversing the globe, musician Martin Harley is a superbly relaxed singer songwriter, strong on the guitar playing (both lap slide and normal acoustic) and blues-influenced songs that feature his woozy voice. Grow Your Own is his new album and features Brightonian Graeme Ross on double bass. Part of the ‘Boston scene’ and a regular visitor to these shores, Kris Delmhorst releases her new album Shotgun Singer; another superb and literate collection of alt-folk pop songs. Guest musicians include her otherhalf Jeffrey Foucault, Pete Mulvey and Erin McKeown Brighton’s The Rivers have been kicking around for a while, but it seems their time might be now, with the release of the anthemic indie rocker ‘She Gives it Around’ and support slot on the highly lucrative Kooks tour. They are, of course, mates, and sound rather a lot like each other. They also like to party – alcohol, late nights and ciggies figure heavily in The Rivers’ lifestyle… It is, after all, only rock’n’roll… Set to be playing this year’s Great Escape festival, Columbus, Ohio’s Times New Viking have just released second album Rip it Off, a dazzling blend of extremely un-produced, noisy but melodic songwriting drawing comparisons to their friends Yo La Tengo (at their most ‘rawk’). A brilliant collection of catchy, lo-fi tunes sounding infinitely more organic than much supposed ‘indie’ music tampered with relentlessly by record labels. Finally, a quick mention to South African pop-rockers The Parlotones, and their latest release Radiocontrolledrobot; an unashamedly cheesy pop rock extravaganza with one or two genuinely great songs, the record is tremendous fun, despite occasionally clunky lyrics. They’re playing the Freebutt this week, so check ‘em out...

Send your music to Jeff Hemmings, Music Editor, Latest 7, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England Hse, New England St, Brighton BN1 4GH, Listen to Jeff and guests on Latest Soup on Radio Reverb, Mon–Fri, 4–6pm, 97.2 or via Podcasts on 48 latest 7

A bit of a retro theme this week, as Urban Delights’ old fashioned soul/modern dance hybrid ‘Maybe Baby’ is thrown from the top spot by Without Warrant’s classic rock monster ‘Stop The Machine’. Big riffs, chugging guitar and catchy singalong chorus make a decent stab at big hair seventies posturing. Leo Altarelli makes his way to number three with ‘See It Now’, another modern take on classic pop songwriting with an electro makeover. Completing the top five are brilliant Brighton country stars She Said and indie rockers Friday Night Hero.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to Or hear the full chart with Jeff and Nick on Radio Reverb, 97.2fm every Tuesday 4-6pm/12-2am Brighton  Latest Download Chart

Top 10

★ 1 Without Warrant – Stop The Machine ★ 2 Urban Delights – Maybe Baby 3 Leo Altarelli – See It Now 4 She Said – 200 Years 5 Friday Night Hero – Our Time 6 Damn Dirty Humans – You’re So Retro 7 Mean Poppa Lean – Ain’t Nobody 8 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 9 Death Cabaret – Forlorn Hope 10 Tractor Countdown – Love’s Elusions 11 Sherlock Bones The Ugly Bugs Balls 12 The SlyShakers Cha Ching 13 Scribe-Tribe My Land 14 Ghostbirds Little Scars 15 Dubdog KimBlee – Fade (Dubdog Short Mix) 16 Dance Paris Dance These Games 17 Floors and Walls What to do 18 The Woo!worths Konichiwa (dem oh) 19 Joanne Arrowsmith Smile 20 Go Johnny Go Ebbenflow 21 This Mono Galaxy Accusations Fly 22 Dan Sumner Glitterball 23 Way Tangent Try 24 Transformer Cinema Car 25 Maritime Hotel Young

26 Grovesnor Drive Your Car (Bird Peterson remix) 27 Boypatient Reckless 28 Cath O'Drae Sofageddon 29 Lisa Osbourne Grounded 30 Legs MC Push 31 Friday Night Hero Outside 32 BangBangBang! This Way / That Way 33 My Last Victory Facing the Winds of Adversity 34 Hanna & Magdalena Ring of fire 35 Sweet Sweet Lies My Overrated Girlfriend 36 Eminemmylou The Way I Am 37 The Mighty Rivals Morning Sky (Demo) 38 The Marshan From Marz So Far Remix 39 Greenkeepers Caught Up (ft. Magdalena Reising) 40 The Eric Experiment I Think It's Impossible

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MUSIC LISTINGS 22-28 April Tuesday 22 The Crucible Purveyors of the opposite of “Derivative Doherty Drivel” according to their press release. Hope they’re as bile-filled live. Pressure Point, 7:30pm, £tbc Fountain of Open MicsFountain Head,8pmfree Guitar Championship The Hampton, 8pm, free Ian Robert Brown + Dan Sumner Quality night of folksy singer-songwriters. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £5/£3 Lloyd Cole Former Commotions mainman and moody singer-songwriter from Glasgow. Great Scots angst. Komedia, 8pm, £16.50 Open Mic Grand Central, 8pm, free Open Mic Duke of Norfolk, 9pm, free Spirit of Gravity: Con Brio + The Disco Tears + Oms-nma Chin-stroking, eyebrowraising electronica. Three and Ten, 8pm, £4/£3 Ted Leo and The Pharmacists Acclaimed post-hardcore from the US sounding a little like the great Fugazi. Barfly, 7:30pm, £6.50

Wednesday 23 Acoustic Gems Who knew this’d be an acoustic night? Quadrant, 8:30pm, free The Automatic What’s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? No, it’s The Automatic. Fun screamy pop from Wales. Audio, 7:30pm, £tbc Ben’s Brother Even more soft-rock balladry heads to Brighton! Rejoice! Komedia, 8pm, £10 Candela Fiery Flamenco Free Spanish music and tapas. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, free Chromatics + Mike Simonetti Bleedin’ good atmospheric US electro. Barfly, 7:30pm, £6 Club NME Launch Party Club night with some presumably decent live acts TBC. Brighton Coalition, 10:30pm, £5/£3 The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free

OK Acoustic Live acoustic showcase. Western Front, 8pm, free Olly Hite + Holly Rose Classically influenced, acclaimed singer-songwriter with dramatic, poignant moments. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £7/£5 Open Mac Night Live electronic music night. Bring along your laptops and samplers and join in. Sidewinder, 9pm, free Radio Soulwax: Soulwax Nite Versions + 2manyDJs The best Belgian export since Stella reside where clubbing and live indie rock ‘n’ roll collide. Electro crossover brilliance from various Soulwax incarnations. Concorde 2, 9pm, £17 Rough Trade Unsigned: Maths Class + Transformer + The Death Kit Decent line-up of local math-rockers and electro-kids Transformer. Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, £4/£3 Strange Idols + Goodnight And I Wish + Pheromoans The Hope, 7:30pm, £5/£4

Thursday 24 Barlica – Barloca Tunes and songs from the south of France and the Mediterranean, sung in Oxitan, French and Neopolitan. Xuma, 9pm, free The Bobby McGee’s Think Rab C. Nesbitt were he in a folk band with performance artists and you’re kind of there. Bee’s Mouth, 8pm, free Escape to Victory Open Mic Did you know Escape To Victory was directed by John Huston? Strange. The Victory, 8pm, free The Independent Label Scheme presents: Jumpstart Event for unsigned bands, with talks and advice from industry experts and a set from Brighton band The Splendour. Joogleberry Playhouse, 7pm, free Karaoke Rock Star Karaoke with a full live backing band and strong catalogue of hits to choose from. Brighton Coalition, 10:30pm, £8/£6 Live Music TBC Live bands and a decent selection of curry! Duke of Norfolk, 9pm, free The Parlotones Cheesy but great fun pop rock Maths Class, Brighton Coalition, Wednesday 23

from South Africa. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £5 Sofa Sessions Open mic Juggler, 9pm, free Two-Spot Gobi Popular Brighton soul act celebrate their new single’s nationwide release. Komedia, 8pm, £7/£6

Friday 25 Air Traffic + The Wallbirds Moody, swaggering indie lads from Bournemouth, though belong in Manchester. A little like Oasis, early Primal Scream or a less dancey Kasabian. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £11 Black Tie and Posh Frocks: The Rendezvous Rat Pack Dean Ager and Aiden Kent return to the Rendez Vous Casino Rendez Vous Casino, 8pm, free Buena Vista Social Club Legendary Cuban musicians grace the Dome. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £27.50/£25 Captcha: Turncoat + boypatient + The Woo!worths Decent Joy Division-style gloomy rockers, with great support from the psychedelic boypatient. Water Margin, 8pm, £4/£3 Christine Tobin Group Brighton Jazz Club event. Komedia, 8pm, £14/£12 Cursed + Thrown To The Wolves + Wraith Heavy night of live music followed by Deviant club night. Engine Rooms, 7:30pm, £7.50 Heart and Soul Live club night. Brighton Coalition, 10pm, £tbc Launch Event for Youth Arts Fringe Showcase of art, music, dance, fashion and spoken word by young people from Brighton and Hove. Corn Exchange, 7pm, free Letz Zep What with the real deal dismissing rumours of a full reunion tour, console yourselves with this acclaimed Zeppelin tribute. Worthing Assembly Hall, 8pm, £14/£12 Live Acoustic Lounge Acoustic songwriter showcase. Joogleberry Playhouse, 7:30pm, free Pete Molinari Medway bluesman who has recorded with Billy Childish plays an intimate gig. Joogleberry Playhouse, 9:30pm, £6 Route 66 Country and Western tribute. Worthing Assembly Hall, 7:30pm, £15/£13 Steeleye Span The legendary, veteran folk stars have been going for nearly forty years now, and still have a remarkably strong fanbase all these years later. The Martlet’s Hall, Burgess Hall, 8pm, £tbc White Hills Great, spaced-out stoner psychedelia from New York Greenhouse Effect (basement), 8pm, £6/£5

Saturday 26 Bark Like A Dog Blues and power blues. Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free The Derellas Decent Brighton punks celebrate their new E.P release. Hobgoblin, 7.30pm, £tbc Filth of Mankind + Grinding Halt + Beginning of the End Polish punk, doomy hardcore and general misery. The Cowley Club, 8pm, £donations The Low Lows + The Sea + The Welfare Mothers Alt. country action. Prince Albert, 8pm, £7/£6 The Magic Number Popular gypsy swing stars

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01273 818150 ext 102 ➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

return yet again to the Joogleberry, the scene of many a triumphant night for the band. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £7 The Rat Pack Vegas Spectacular Sinatra, Davis Jr and co tribute act. Worthing Assembly Hall, 7:30pm, £16 Rockabilly Jamboree: Jailbait Live rockabilly night with DJs. Hare & Hounds, 8pm, £5/£4 The Soul Funksters Soul funk outfit. Just a guess. Rendez Vous Casino, 8pm, free Supper Club: Los Piratas Latin roots dance music and “smiley party sunshine sounds.” Apparently. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £10/£7 (not inc food) ‘Too Darn Hot’: Saturday Night Jazz Club Count Basie Special The cream of Brighton jazz musicians pay tribute to The Count Basie Band. Joogleberry Playhouse, 8pm, £5

Sunday 27 Bad Sandwich Another of T4’s mobileAct Unsigned bands, described concisely as ‘hypersexadelicfunkarockindiscocircus!’ Urgh. Sidewinder, 7:30pm, free Holler!: Mean Poppa Lean + Josh Cummins + Gordian Knot Popular local funkers headline. Hector’s House, 8pm, free Live Acoustic Sessions Showcasing raw, local talent and unsigned acts twice a month. The Railway, 9pm, free Live Jazz Sessions: Ian Price Trio Tenor sax, guitar and bass, as well as cheap drink deals, too. The Quadrant, 3:30pm, free Roast ‘n’ Jazz: Jim Mullen Sunday roast and some jazz guitar from Jim Mullen. Joogleberry Playhouse, 12pm, £10 inc full roast dinner Sebadoh The lo-fi legends featuring Dinosaur Jr’s Lou Barlow grace the Concorde once again. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £12.50 Sunday Sessions: Live and Unplugged Live acoustic music and audience participation encouraged, so bring your guitar! Western Front, 7:30pm, free Sussex Symphony Orchestra The mighty St Bartholomew’s Church hosts a performance of Shostakovich, Weber and Brahms. St Bartholomews, 7:30pm, £7/£5 Swing DeVille Gypsy swing jazz quartet. Cleveland Pub, 8pm, free

Monday 28 The Acoustic Karma Lounge Open mic night. The Hope, 7:30pm, free The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum A house band welcome all comers and every performer gets a free drink. Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm, free Eilen Jewell + Southern Tenant Folk Union Swing and honky-tonk blues from acclaimed Idaho singer-songwriter. Prince Albert, 8pm, £7 Nizlopi + Kadialy Kouyate’s Sound Archive + Harbour The Brighton acoustic duo responsible for that odd UK number one single, The JCB Song, return with a new album. Komedia, 8:30pm, £10 Nick Aldwinckle

TO LET 4 bed unfurnished town house with patio. 5 mins to centre Brighton Adjacent to Queens Park (lovely) Available now £1300pcm

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WEDNESDAY 23 Club NME@Brighton Coalition 10.30pm–2am, £TBC After a few cheeky flirtations with Brighton night life, the hair gel hawking music weekly finally consummates the relationship with this fresh monthly fixture at Brighton's newest clubbing venue. Details are thin on the ground as we went to press, but expect live bands, cutting edge DJs and no doubt the odd Kook or two in attendance. Soulwax Nite Versions@Concorde2 10pm–3am, £17 After an unfeasibly rammed event at Digital recently, let's hope they'll be room to dance this time as Belgium's premiere imports continue their bid for world domination. It's all about the remixes, so get ready for live takes on their inventive rerubs of Kylie, The Gossip and (yes really) Robbie Williams.

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THURSDAY 24 Cocktail Party@Heist 8pm–12am, Free Has Thursday got you hankering after a mojito or in the mood to murder a martini? Then step up to Heist where quality boozeage blends with a mix of Motown, funk and soul classics from Sam Charles.

DJ Lamp@The Jugglers 8pm–12am, Free DJ Lamp takes a break from deck duties at the Volks to play a dedicated selection of eclectic records. Unlike some moodier DJ types, requests are actually welcomed, so go request some Abba and tell them we sent you, alright?

FRIDAY 25 Hed Kandi@Honey Club 10pm–3.30am, £11/10 With branded compilation CDs, speciallycreated festival boudoirs and dedicated makeup range it's sometimes easy to forget that Hed Kandi actually run club nights. Reacquaint yourself with a bit of glam as they return to Brighton for another stylish session of twisted house hosted by the kind of international glamour girlies that you're unlikely to get off with, ever.

SATURDAY 26 Tribal Medicine@Ocean Rooms 10pm–8am, £12 Featuring more quality DJs than you can shake a glow stick at, Tribal Medicine is here to service all your underground dance music needs this weekend. Trippy psytrance and tough techno is the order of the day as the Ocean Rooms are taken over by the full party production including swanky lasers, live percussion and hallucinogenic lights from Hedonix.

Voyek@Sidewinder 8pm–12am, Free REM were wrong - there's no chance of the Sidewinder sleeping tonight when Voytek and Insight (those good folks from drum and bass night Carbon) are at the controls. Everything breaks-based from James Brown to 4hero. Super Dynamite Boogaloo@Komedia 10.30pm–3am, £8/6 Just like Mario when he munches on one of those red and white disco mushrooms, Dynamite Boogaloo (pictured) keeps on getting bigger and better. As per usual this special monthly event showcases just what's great about the night, including the usual roster of kitsch pop and credible indie rock plus lashings of cabaret surprises. Northern Soul@Volks 10pm–4am, £6/5 Dig out your talc and slip into some fetching dungarees (optional) as another Northern Soul nights makes its presence felt on the seafront. Downstairs Dave Crozier and guests are spinning sixties and fifties classics while up top Simon Bridger and Val Palmer fill the floor with Torch and Twisted Wheel classics.

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CLUBLISTINGS 22–28 April Tuesday 22 Audio Snide. Indie knees-up for the skinnyjeaned massive. 10:30pm–2am, £2/1 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin party with DJ Aaron Geo & friends playing salsa & merengue. 10:30pm–2am, £TBC Digital Glitterati. Swanky soiree for students with Air Force One. 11pm–3am, £3.50/3 Po Na Na Tap. R‘n’B & funky house from special guest Ronnie Herel. 11pm–4am, £5/4 Volks The Mutant Club. Two floors of indie, rock & rave hosted by DJ Lamp & Black Frog. 10pm–2am, £2

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Thursday 24 Audio Funktion 45. DJ Rob Life plays funk & soul. 10:30pm–2am, £TBC. Barfly Mad For It. Alternative night for sweaty indie kids. 10:30pm–2am, £3/1.50. Brighton Coalition Soul City Circus. 10:30pm–2am, £TBC. Contact venue for details Candy Bar Dynamite Boogaloo. Get your boogaloo with Dynamite Sal. Kitsch pop ‘n’ indie plus the usual cabaret antics. 9pm–2am, £4/3 Digital Love Dough. Sexy R‘n’B & hip hop hosted by Mike Panteli. 11pm–3am, £4/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Warm Your Soul. Classic soul & disco tunes to put some funk in your soul. 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Heist Cocktail Party. Sip 2-4-1 cocktails while Sam Charles plays Motown & funk. 8pm, free Honey Club Contagious. Step up for 2-4-1 cocktails & classic dance from Howie & Paul Hillyer. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/2 Pavilion Tavern Dirty Words. Indie/electro party featuring rock & rave. 10pm–2am, £2 Volks Aba Shanti-I Sound System. Heavyweight dub with warm-up from Brighton's own Miss Polly & MC Tappa Roots. 10pm–3am, £6/5 Water Margin Artrocker Club. Bleeding-edge indie with live turns from Neil's Children & Electricity in Our Homes. 8pm–3am, £TBC

Friday 25 Arc Free Party. Blog house, Balkan Bass & hip pop.10:30pm–3am, £nowt. Audio Positive. Free-party sounds from David Mothersole. 10:30pm–3am, £TBC Barfly Take Me Out. An indie pop disco that rocks. Need we say more? 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Obsession presents Wiley Live. The UK Eski-beat bloke performs live. Full details TBC. 11pm–4am, £TBC Concorde 2 Ape-X 6th Birthday. Featuring enduring techno-pioneer Billy Nasty plus James Ruskin & Alex Downey. 11pm- 4am, £8/6 Digital Stone Love. Indie rock & roll bullets with the odd special guest. 11pm–3am, £4/3 Duke of Norfolk DJ Night. Funky tunes with DJs on rotation. 8pm, free Engine Rooms Deviant. Rock, metal & alternative club night. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It's Friday. Funk-filled party tuneage from Sean Quinn & friends. 10pm–3am, £8/6. Then: Unkool. Residents Señor Mick & Mr William Bobo line up some late night electro filth. 3am–8am, £8/5

Funky Fish Funkyfish. Soul, funk, Motown & old skool breaks. 10pm- 3am, £6/3.50 Hanbury Club Mojo to Go Go. 60s grooves, serious psych, garage & R‘n'B. 10pm–2am, £5 Heist Boom Bam. Hosting the TV Youth Net-Lab release party. 10pm–3am, £4 Honey Club Hed Kandi. The glamorous clubbing brand returns with three rooms of twisted house. 10pm–3:30am, £15/13/11 Komedia Da Do Ron Ron. 60s girly soul spun by special guest, The Independent’s spiky coiffed music critic, Simon Price. 11pm–3am, £6/5 Ocean Rooms Universe. Spacey disco, leftfield electro & techno from Fabric regular StopMakingMe. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams. MC5referencing night of indie, underground classics and guitar genius. 10:30pm–3am, £4/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Stay cool with funk, soul & house for Friday night. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Volks Dubpressure. Dubstep pressure with eyesearing visual by Letty Fox. 11pm–4am, £5 Water Margin B-Side. Breaks, minimal and electro by Tiger Lily & Paul My Fingah with visuals by Lucidhouse. 10pm–3am, £5

Saturday 26 Arc Hold Up. The indie bash stands & delivers jangly guitar anthems.10pm–3am, £5 Audio Summer of Love ‘08. Two floor free party with Unkool DJs. 10pm–3am, free Barfly Nervous Twitch. Indie, electro & disco from Cassie O & Pookie 10:30pm–3am, £5/4 Concorde 2 Devotion. Back to old skool with Shy FX, Phantasy & DJ Brockie. 11pm–4am, £10 Digital Kinky Malinki launches in Brighton with deep disco don Joey Negro. 11pm–4am, £8 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Fresh & funky soulful music by the sea from Mike Pantelli. 10pm–3am, £10. Then: Bright 'n' Early. Yianni & Russell hit the Buddha with after-hours electro & house. 3am–8am, £10/7/5 Funky Fish Funkyfish. Old-skool breaks and funky 60s/70s classics. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Heist Bliss. Funky house & breaks served with a house-party atmosphere. 10pm–3am, free Honey Club Sevensins. House, electro & techno with Gavin Mitchell. 10:30pm–5am, £12/10/8 Jazz Place Brighton Jazz Rooms. All that (dance floor) jazz with a soulful session by Ben Mitchell from Mr Bongo. 10:30pm–3am, £6/5 Komedia Super Dynamite Boogaloo. Pop & indie plus cabaret performers such as Princess Twinkle Knickers. 10:30pm–3am, £8/6 Ocean Rooms Tribal Medicine. Three floors of breakcore, techno and psy trance from a rollcall of local DJs. 10pm–7am, £12/10 Penthouse L'amour Electronique. Everything from Serge Gainsbourg to Soft Cell via the BBC Radiophonic Workshop. 8pm–1am, free. Po Na Na Silk. Smooth urban soul, electropop and select bootlegs. 10pm–3am, £10/8 Pressure Point Word. Hip hop, dubstep and reggae action. 11:30pm–4am, £4 Volks Northern Soul. Hits and 60s rockers from Val Palmer & Dave Crozier. 10pm–4am, £6/5 Water Margin Gorgeous presents Urban Junkie. Gorgeous presents old & new local DJ talent. 10pm–3am, £5/4. Then: Logo. Future heroes & famous DJs play house with breaks & chill-out upstairs. 3am–8am, £7/5

Jaime ‘til dawn Jaime Pettit says aye-aye to a night filled with rock and more than a little ear bleeding roll The water glass from the Mucca case, Barrymore’s pool water. There we are, eardrums. Just what I need, good old eBay! A far cry from air guitaring to songs emanating from pitiful laptop speakers in bedrooms, Stone Love@Digital is rock by definition. Head lodged in popcorn kettle at the cinema, I didn’t make the midnight deadline for £4 entry, but £6 is only a drop further and with £2 drink promos it’s little to be upset about. I vibrated across the floor battling the intense wind cyclones of the titillating bass. The goliath speakers sent out eardrum-demolishing armies of sound! A room buzzing with sailors and mods a-like but with bar space enough for a high-kicking cowboy inspired bar dance. So drinks in and a quick dance mash-up we then gathered in the room I call, The COMO, aka the check-out and make-out room. A quiet arena resembling a hall of mirrors. Beautifully decorated and lit with elegant thought, bright enough that you can decipher faces, but with that orange glow that gives you the Eva Longoria of skin makeovers. Digital, a rock venue? It’s not so much tattoos and Harleys,more light shows and stunning décor – more CSS then Skidrow. Get down to a place where the girls are pretty but the boys are prettier – a deviant Friday night away from the cattle clubs. Photos by: Ben Griffiths, Stone Love @ Digital

Arc Born in the 80s. Rolling 80s anthems from the decade that brought us Thatcher & Roland Rat. 10:30pm–2:30am, £80p Audio Supercharged. Rennie Pilgrim heads up the homegrown low end bass session. 11pm–2:30am, £6/4 Brighton Coalition NME Launch Party. Indie DJs & big name bands. 10:30pm–2am, £5/3 Concorde 2 Soulwax Nite Versions. The influential Belgian super-producers play a live set plus a special DJ selection. 10pm–3am, £17 Digital Pure. Official UBSU night with party atmosphere, eclectic music & drinks from £1.50. 10:30pm–3am, £4/3

Sunday 27 Honeyclub Sundelicious. Saucy sabbath house club night for an up-for-it crowd. 10pm–3am, £3

Monday 28 Arc We Love 90s. Trashy pop from the decade that seems like yesterday 10:30pm–3am, 90p Honeyclub Disco Babe. 70s-90s in the main room, R’n’B out back. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fatpoppadaddys. All things funk, indie & hip hop washed down with cheap drinks deals all night long. 10pm–2:30am, £3/2/1

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

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latest soup Join Latest 7’s lugubrious music-meister Jeff Hemmings weekday afternoons from 4 to 6pm

PLUS every Monday 4–6pm Latest 7’s funny girl Vicky Nangle every Tuesday 4–6pm Latest Art’s Colette Meacher every Wednesday 4–6pm Latest Sounds with top guests

every Thursday 4–6pm Movie news with Craig Driver and every Friday 4–6pm Andrew Kay with his extra special guests from the worlds of theatre and food & drink

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latest gay Brighton’s only weekly gay guide starts here

Attention all Brighton DJs Do you want to record and produce a 45-minute music set for this year’s St James’s Street Party? Last year’s St James’s Street Party, after Brighton Pride and festival was the most successful to date; this year the organisers are looking to make the two-day event just as professional and well-planned as the year before. The Pride weekend is one of the most important dates in the city’s calendar and The Village Street Party on and around St James’s Street, on the Pride Saturday and Sunday is one of the largest Street Parties in Sussex. Over the weekend the organisers are offering six local DJs the chance to record and produce a 45-minute set at Juice FM. The set will be played over the Saturday and Sunday of Pride weekend, Live on Juice FM and in and around the Village Street Party. Email Ben Davie at: for info.

Running for Life The Sussex Beacon has raised nearly £6000 in the London Flora Marathon. The Beacon had five Gold Bond runners and this year's race saw the Beacon team finish with much improved times. Tia Hind was the fastest Sussex Beacon runner – she came 347th out of 35,000 runners, finishing in just three hours 27 minutes! So far the team have raised over £5500, even though the race is over they are still working hard to raise more sponsorship. “I want to thank everyone at Sussex Beacon for giving me the opportunity to take part in the marathon this year,“ says Stephen Pearce, one of the Sussex Beacon team of runners. “It was a great event and I loved being able to


take part. The atmosphere whilst running was incredible and I was happy to be involved.“ Do you fancy taking on the marathon challenge? The Sussex

Beacon has five Gold Bond places for the Berlin Marathon on Sunday 28 September 2008. It's one of the fastest marathons in the world. Crowds line the route with whistles and cow bells. You'll need to raise £1000 but the Beacon will support you all the way.

If you have a story for Latest Gay please email or call 01273 690602

22–28 April

Open Door to close Open Door, the drop-in centre for people living with and affected by HIV and AIDS, is to close its doors this year. Alongside the closure of Brighton Body Positive last year, it sees the city’s HIV services being put under further strain as the number of people affected by the condition in Brighton and Hove continues to rise. Unfortunately the staff and volunteers at Open Door have been told they can’t speak about the closure, however a press release from the Diocese of Chichester’s Reverend Barry North, said that the nature of living with HIV was changing and for many people improvement in treatments meant that being HIVpositive was becoming much more about living with a manageable long-term condition. “Open Door has attempted to respond to this challenge over recent years but it is increasingly apparent that the current premises are not suitable for the services provided. “The diocese has concluded it is in the best interests of service users to work towards securing the longer-term future of essential services rather than to attempt to preserve the host organisation. To ensure that service-user needs are central to this process a full consultation will be undertaken and the results will inform future service plans.“ The process and timetable for consultation will be communicated shortly. In the meantime services will continue at Open Door. “The diocese would like to take this opportunity to recognise the considerable contribution to the well-being of people with HIV and AIDS made through Open Door over some 20 years.“ said the spokesman. “We are most grateful to staff, volunteers, fundraisers, and everyone who has been part of the life of the project.“

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Love is all around Linda Holm, Superintendent Registrar of Brighton Register Office, talks to Paul Disney about the happy business of love Describe yourself? I have worked for the Registration Service for 23 years. I love dealing with people and consider my role an honour and a privilege. Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing couples commit to each other, whether they be gay or straight. It’s a special occasion.

but elsewhere too. Civil Partnership ceremonies are no different to marriage ceremonies – all the family attend – grandparents, aunties, uncles, nieces nephews, mums and dads, friends etc – and it is always a very special day for the couple and that is how it should be.

Why Brighton and Hove? I was working for Cambridge Register Office for 14 years but had reached a point where my career couldn’t progress further. I had always wanted to live by the sea; so when a colleague at Southampton Register Office informed me a position had come up in Brighton and Hove, I immediately applied for it. So here I am, enjoying every minute of it!

Who can register a Civil Partnership? A civil partnership is a legal relationship that can only be registered by two people of the same sex. Civil partners have the same rights as married couples In order to register a civil partnership you need to have a residential qualification of seven clear days within a registration authority in England and Wales, be 16 (with parental consent required for under 18s), not already be married or in a civil partnership, and not related to each other.

So what’s so cool about your job here? Brighton and Hove is a great cosmopolitan city and the council have been really pro-active in promoting and supporting the registration service in launching civil partnerships and other services. I have been given much automony to develop and improve all aspects of the registration service here, and it is working out very well. Has Civil Partnerships changed society, in relation to the LGBT communities here? It is my view that the media generally get it wrong when talking about civil partnerships. It is now part of British life and is accepted as the norm, particularly in Brighton and Hove,

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How many Civil Partnership ceremonies have been celebrated to date? We conducted our 1000th just before Christmas 2007. Brighton and Hove were the first authority to celebrate civil partnerships on December 21 2005 with three couples registering their partnership simultaneously, at 8am in the morning. It was a fantastic day and celebration for us all and absolutely one of the most memorable days of my life. After the initial rush, it has now settled down into a normal pattern as for marriages.

Has there been more lesbians than gay men entering a civil partnership? When we first started there appeared to be more male couples than female. So far we have registered 681 male couples and 373 females so it’s about a 70/30 split. Are transgender people covered in the eyes of the law? As long as you are both of the same sex then you will be able to register a civil partnership. If you are going through gender re-assignment or not sure, then you should contact the Gender Recognition Panel 0845 355 5155 or So what’s the procedure of planning a Civil Partnership? Each party must enter a notice of civil partnership at the register office where each has resided for the previous consecutive seven clear days. Civil Partnerships can take place at any Register Office in England and Wales or in any venue where the local authority has granted a licence for civil marriage or civil partnership. Once notices of civil partnership have been entered the couple may then register their civil partnership after the statutory 15 clear days. The notice remains valid for twelve months from the date they are entered. If either of the couple are subject to immigration control, then further documents will be required. What happens at the ceremony? It is up to the couple. The partnership registration can just be a short signing or a full ceremony with additional vows, readings and music. We’ve had some fantastic ceremonies in Brighton and Hove – from the flamboyant and theatrical to quiet intimate ones. If you would like to know more about Civil partnerships then contact Brighton and Hove Register Office on: 01273 292016 or view the web page at www. and click on register office.

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See more at



Monkey @ Koo Klub

For many people this was also their first taste of the Kooklub - a somewhat more sophisticated venue than the Gloucester - and obviously a bit closer to the centre of all the action. The sparkly venue may have played a part in the fact that there wasn't quite the sea of sweaty flesh as in days of yore – there were many more shirts on than off tonight! Images and edit: Sam Milford

Religion @ Charles Street

As ever, Team Religion and the Charles Street crew had put a lot of effort in to make this NIGHT something special and there were some nice touches‌ for the smiley happy people, all in high spirits (and perhaps just a little tipsy on the cheap drinks!) and enjoying the tunes Tony B was spinning. Images and Edit: Tim Nash

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William Tells Will Harris cools his jets with an unforgettable blast from the past The problem with being promiscuous in your youth is that, as the years go by and the points on your sexual driving licence creep ever skywards, statistics have a nasty habit of catching up with you. Is it any wonder that, in a gay scene as relatively small and incestuous as ours, our sexual histories – much like the dodgy fashions we wore in our early 20s – so often return to haunt us? I was recently on a business trip to Edinburgh, a pretty painless hour and a quarter by air; just long enough for a BA breakfast and a few salacious titbits from Piers Morgan’s diaries (it goes without saying which I found the more nourishing). So, I was making my way off the plane, carried along by a stream of suits, when the cockpit door swung open and a familiar face appeared. A familiar face topping a freshly pressed BA uniform, which was clearly a new development since my student days when I’d spent a memorable night freshly pressed beneath him. “Lisa!” I hissed, nudging my colleague as discreetly as I could. “Lisa, I’ve slept with the pilot.” She turned around, baffled, to peer at where we’d been sitting. “No! When?” “No, not during the flight,” I whispered back, to her obvious relief. “Years ago. I’m sure it’s him.” But there was no time to explain. I’d reached the front of the plane, and was being bid farewell by an unenthusiastic stewardess when the pilot (Ryan; I think his name was Ryan) noticed me and smiled. “Hi!” I said, a little louder and more enthusiastically than I had meant to in my head, and then because I couldn’t think of what else to say: “Good landing. Very smooth.” “Thank you,” he laughed. “How are you?” “Yeah, good thanks. I’m on a business trip,” I looked down at my suit.

GAYHIGHLIGHTS 22–28 April TUESDAY 22 Candy Bar Twisted Karaoke night hosted by Mistress of Mic, Cat. DJ Rocket 9pm–2am Free. WEDNESDAY 23 Queen’s Arms The mid-week get together! Bingo, quiz and music. An evening of fun. Happy hours until 7pm. Open: 12 noon–11.30pm. The Basement Club@Legends Play with DJ Alex Baker. Uplifting house and dance anthems. Open decks until midnight. All drinks £2 until 1am. 11pm–4am, free. THURSDAY 24 RELIGION@Charles Street Club Two floor Religion with Mother Superior Joan Bond, DJ Tony B, Lil Alex, Mikalis and Billie. Anthems, funky house. All drinks from £1. 10pm–late £4/3. NUS free.

SUNDAY 27 Start your Cabaret Sunday in style with a homemade and freshly cooked traditional Sunday roast (12pm–5.30pm) at The Amsterdam Bar and Bistro. Then join the sensational Dame Connie Conway as she hosts her karaoke show 8pm–1am. Sauna open 5pm–4am residents £5/8. Sunday Sundae Season opening party The Terraces, Marine Parade, Brighton. DJs Richard Jones, Diablo and Kate Wildblood. MONDAY 28 Can U Joogle? Now a regular fixture in the Joogleberry programme – more great performers showcase for our regular programme. Drop in a demo for the attention of Carly, headed ‘Can u Joogle?’ Or email: for more information. 7.30pm, free.

FRIDAY 25 Voodoo Vaudeville presents...Cabaret Berlin. Featuring dances and songs from the film. Komedia Upstairs. £12/10. Hed Kandi – Kandi Klassics and Twisted Kandi with three rooms of music at the Honeyclub. 10pm–3.30am. £15/5. SATURDAY 26 Ignition at The Basement Club. Legends. Ignite your life at Brighton’s latest gay popular Saturday nighter with the cool dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am free before midnight/£5 after.

DJ Andy, Queens Arms

“Our sexual histories, much like the fashions we wore in our 20s, so often return to haunt us“ “Well, obviously.” We grinned at each other for a few seconds, until the stewardess – spotting a queue starting to form behind me – put her hand on my shoulder and gently guided me out through the cabin door. Lisa was clearly intrigued as I joined her on the tarmac, but any attempt to explain was prevented again, this time by a familiar voice behind me. Ryan, the pilot, had followed me off the plane. “Excuse me,” he said. “This is probably really rude but… do I know you from somewhere?” How depressing. The hot pilot hadn’t recognised me after all, and now I couldn’t explain without drawing attention to the fact that he’d clearly had a greater impact on me than I’d had on him. Just one more unavoidable side effect of anonymous sex, I suppose. I shook my head with a weary smile. “Don’t worry; it happens a lot,” I explained, turning away. “I used to be a frequent flyer.” Sunday Sundae

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 140 ACROSS: 3 Perimeter 7 Pie 8 Little Women 10 Rural 11 Sardine 13 Thorax 14 Editor 17 Skimmia 19 Ranch 20 Immigration 22 Cur 23 Engraving. DOWN: 1 Apparatus 2 Pelargonium 3 Patella 4 Relish 5 Mower 6 Ewe 9 Maintenance 12 Earthworm 15 Darling 16 Salami 18 Magma 21 Man. Solution to Quick 140 ACROSS: 3 Genetical 7 Our 8 Opalescence 10 Cases 11 Layered 13 Dressy 14 Errant 17 Lighter 19 Drier 20 Reduplicate 22 Len 23 Abhorrent. DOWN: 1 Homicidal 2 Cross-legged 3 Glasses 4 Needle 5 Techy 6 Arc 9 Narratively 12 Deterrent 15 Radiant 16 Praise 18 Taper 21 Ebb. © Crossword Shop

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GAYLISTINGS 22–28 April Tuesday 22 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Food from 11am-8pm. Sauna open 5pm–4am. £5/8 Candy Bar Twisted karaoke night hosted by mistress of mic, Cat. DJ Rocket 9pm–2am free Legends Terrace, lounge bar 11am–5am, free Queen’s Arms Betty’s Karaoke Show 9pm Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Food: 12–3pm,6–9pm

Wednesday 23 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro The Big Quiz. Food from 11am–8pm. Quiz 8pm The Basement Club@Legends Play. With DJ Alex Baker. House. 11pm–4am, free Candy Bar Bring it On. Hosted by Queen Josephine and introducing DJ Princess. Open deck night where you are the DJ. 9pm–2am free Legends Bar Terrace/bar.11pm–5am Queen’s Arms Midweek get-together! Music, quiz and bingo evening. 9pm Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Choose songs and give to charity! Food: 12–3pm and 6–9pm

Thursday 24 The Basement Club@Legends Sessions with DJ Eddie K. 11pm–3:30am free Candy Bar Dynamite Boogaloo. Djs Boogaloo Stu and Dolly Rocket plus showbiz cabaret. 9pm–2am £5/3 Legends Bar Cabaret spot with Miss Jason. Bar open: 11am–5am, cabaret 9:30pm Queen’s Arms Betty’s Karaoke Show 9pm–11:30pm Religion@Charles Street Club Two floors with Mother Superior Joan Bond, DJ Tony B. Anthems, funky house. Drinks £1. 10pm, £4/3 Star Inn Quizgo quiz night with buffet. Food: 12–3pm and 6–9pm

Friday 25 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro. Jazz Lounge with Wesley Sebastian. Swing and intimate jazz. 7.30pm–11.30pm, £5/8 The Basement Club@Legends Celebration. Door Whore Pooh La May presides over the cabaret from The Chavettes. DJs Steve Lush and Alex Baker play girly pop and handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free before midnight/4 after Candy Bar Booty Call. DJ Rocket plays an eclectic mix of urban grinds and pop anthems. 9pm–late, free Legends Bar Terrace and bar open all day and pre celebration with pure pop sounds at 7pm. 11am–5am, free Queen’s Arms Camptastic cabaret. DJ Kamp Kevin, cabaret and games. Open until 12:30am Secret Disco @R-Bar Join Queen Josephine, Kate Wildblood and guest DJs for disco-tinged,

soulful, funked-up house tunes. 9pm, free Star Inn Bear Camp Party. Until late. Food: 12–3pm and 6–9pm

Saturday 26 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro D.I.S.C.O. A night devoted to 70s and party music for pre-clubbers! 8pm–2am, free The Basement Club@Legends Ignition. Ignite your life at Brighton’s latest gay popular Saturday nighter with the cool dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free before midnight/£5 after Candy Bar Sugar. Brighton’s best girl DJs on rotation. Including the Golden Handbag Award, and best female DJ Queen Josephine 10pm £5 Legends Bar Terrace and bar open all day. PreIgnition with Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm. Smoking terrace, bar open: 11am–5am free Queen’s Arms Expect to be entertained! Tonight Davina Sparkle (9pm) and party with DJ Kamp Kevin. Open until 12am Rebel Rocks @ Brighton Coalition Wild Fruit presents a one off Rebel Party with MC Crystal, DJ Lady Bianca, Mr Haywood and DJ Jonny. 10.30pm, £7 before midnight/£9 after Revenge Kinky Dangerous. DJ Dusty O, Nik C, Dulcie Danger plays dangerous house upstairs. 10:30pm–late £5 before midnight/7 after Star Inn Bear Essentials: Bears’ social night with DJ Charlie, free

Sunday 27 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro Cabaret Sunday with Dame Connie Conway. 8pm–2am, free The Basement Club@Legends Embrace. With G.A.Y DJ Nick Shepherdson. 11pm–3:30am free Candy Bar Circus Sirens. A big top night of circus burlesque, acrobatics on the pole, fire eaters etc. DJ Queen Josephine. 9pm, £5/3 Legends Bar Cabaret with The Whore of Hampstead Heath (3:15pm), free Queen’s Arms Super Sundays. Top cabaret from The Boy George Experience (5.30pm). Pubstars karaoke at 8pm Open until 11pm. Star Inn Bear Bash: 8pm. Free The Terraces: Sunday Sundae Opening Party DJs Richard Jones, Diablo and Kate Wildblood celebrate the legendary Sunday social moving to its new home. 7pm, £5-£4

Monday 28 Amsterdam Bar and Bistro The Queen’s birthday! Relax and unwind with a la carte menu. 11am–8pm The Basement Club@Legends DJ Steve Lush with the greatest anthems and classic floor fillers. 11pm–3:30am Candy Bar Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix. 10pm–2am £3/2 Queen’s Arms Cherry-oke with Cherry Poppin. 9pm, free. Open until 11:30pm Legends Bar Cabaret: Dave Lynn. 9:30pm, free Star Inn Polar Bears and Silver Daddies night. Food: 12–3pm and 6–9pm. 11am-11pm free

Mother Superior Joan Bond, Charles Street club, Thursday 24

Bar venues Codes: (b) bar (c) club (f) food (h) hotel (s) sauna Amsterdam (b,f,h,s) 11-12 Marine Parade BN2. Tel: 01273 688825. Aquarium Theatre Bar (b) 6 Steine St BN2. Tel: 01273 605525. Bedford Tavern (b) 30 Western St, Hove. Tel: 01273 739495. Brighton Rocks (b,f) 6 Rock Place, BN2. Tel: 01273 601139. Bulldog (b) 31 St James's St, BN2. Tel: 01273 696996. Candy Bar (b,c) 129 St James's St, BN2. Tel: 01273 622424. Charles St (b,c,f) 8 Marine Parade, BN2. Tel: 01273 624091. Dr Brighton’s (b) 16 Kings Rd, BN1. Tel: 01273 328765. Grosvenor (b, f), 16 Western St, Hove. Tel: 01273 770712. Joogleberry Playhouse (b,c,f) Manchester St, BN2. Tel: 01273 687171. Legends (b,c,h,f) 31-32 Marine Parade, BN2. Tel: 01273 624462. Marine Tavern (b) 13 Broad St, BN2. Tel: 01273 681284 Marlborough Bar and Theatre (b,f) 4 Princes St, BN2. Tel: 01273 570028. Prince Arthur (b,f) 38 Dean St, BN1. Tel: 01273 203472. The PV (b,f) Upper North St, BN1. Tel: 01273 325491. Queen’s Arms (b) 7 George St, BN2. Tel: 01273 696873. R-Bar (b,f) 7 Marine Parade, BN2. Tel: 01273 608133. Refresh Sauna (s,f) 11-12 Marine Parade BN2 Tel: 01273 689966. Revenge (c) Old Steine, BN2. Tel: 01273 606 064. Star Inn (b,f) Manchester St, BN2. Tel: 01273 601450. Vavoom (b) 31 Old Steine, BN2. Tel: 01273 603010. V2 Club (c) 5 Steine St, BN2. Tel: 01273 603010. White Horse (b) Camelford St, BN2. Tel: 01273 603726. Zone (b) 33 St James's St, BN2 Tel: 01273 682249.

LGBT groups and services Brighton and Hove Police Report all homophobic and transphobic incidents to the police. Tel: 0845 6070999. Brighton and Hove LGBT Switchboard

Helpline from 5pm. Tel: 01273 204050. Brighton Ourstory Project Including shows, exhibitions and books for research in LGBT communities. Tel: 01273 207757. Brighton Women’s Centre Information, counselling, drop-in, support groups. Tel: 01273 698036. Gems Twice monthly meetings for over 50s. Tel: 01273 737433. Mind Out Independent, impartial advice for LGBT people with mental health issues. Tel 01273 739847. Lesbian and Gay AA (general AA helpline). Tel: 01273 203343. LGBT NA Group. Narcotics Anonymous group. Meets Fridays. Tel: 01273 604604 Open Door Support, referrals, advice, complimentary therapies, back to work training. Tel: 01273 605706. Something New Making choices, sharing lives. Group get together for gay men. Tel: 0870 760 5476. Sussex Beacon 24-hour medical care and day care. Tel: 01273 694222. Terrence Higgins Trust South HIV, free condoms, counselling and outreach work. Tel: 01273 764200. Wilde Clinic Gay men’s sexual health clinic open wed 6pm-9pm. Tel: 01273 664721 Send community listings updates to

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latestTV  Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV

22 – 28 April

Movies on the box this week

Britain’s Got Talent



ITV1, Saturday nights

Cool Hand Luke ★★★★✩ (1967, Sky Movies Classics, 10.35pm. Dir Stuart Rosenberg) “What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate”. Paul Newman is the ultimate Sixties rebel bucking against the establishment as an inmate of a chain gang deep in the American South who just can’t stop baiting the boss man. He became a hero to his fellow prisoners onscreen and a symbol of the counterculture off of it.

The Fountain ★★✩✩✩ (2006, Sky Movies Indie, 8.15pm. Dir Darren Aronofsky) After the breathtaking Pi and Requiem for a Dream, director Darren Aronofsky dropped an unfortunate clanger with a muddled time travelling romance set in three separate eras. Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz do their best with a rough script, but get bogged down in all the psychedelic special effects.

Wow, we really do know how to squeeze every last drop out of something don’t we? It would have been nice if last years’ extravaganza was just a one off. Sweet little Paul Potts running off with the prize money and a new set of teeth being the success story of the year. It was all very sweet and morale boosting. But no, they are going to do this till the death aren’t they? Amanda Holden is back, crocodile tears and all. I’m sorry that was a bit harsh, but, don’t you think it is slightly ironic that after quite a few stories emerged about her being a mega bitch, she appears on our TV screens endlessly being brought to tears by us ‘average folk’ doing extraordinary things? And Simon Cowell gets a new outlet for all those comments he has been dying to make. Although I will probably be lynched for admitting it I do actually really like Simon Cowell, I think he is hysterically funny. I’d rather listen to him give an honest opinion than someone else attempt to be nice about something disastrous. And that other bloke is back on the panel too. Who is he? I suppose he adds the occasional quip, but other than that I find him quite bland. But I suppose the big question is, what kind of talent will we be sending through to the final and possibly to the Royal Variety Performance? We have all seen the adverts of the girl in the leotard making the dog walk through her legs, but come on, is that really all that impressive? It’s vaguely entertaining but not really anything you would rave about! But I suppose the rules do invite all sorts. ‘The only rule is that there are no rules’ motto drags in a whole host of self-professed unfound talent. Most of which is too embarrassing to watch. But then when it is good, the camera will do a close up of Amanda Holden’s face, which comes as a bit of a shock and also makes me feel slightly queasy! But if Amanda wasn’t bad enough, the show is hosted by, you guessed it, Ant and Dec, who will be fake biting their nails while the ‘regular person’ is on stage and hug them as if they really care when they come off. If it wasn’t for Simon Cowell I wouldn’t ever watch this. It’s so cheery, and I find that a bit nauseating. Although the very best bit is when, just like in X Factor, the ‘average’ person completely disagrees with the verdict given and gets really angry about it, and then usually their mum joins in and shouts at Simon. But for whatever reason you watch, you will be one of thousands, tuning in to what is becoming a new British tradition!

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WEDNESDAY 23 Universal Soldier ★✩✩✩✩ (1992, Channel 5, 10pm. Dir Roland Emmerich) Channel 5 have obviously been down the bargain DVD shop again judging by this weak action effort about two Vietnam vets (Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme) who get rebooted into modern killing machines by the military. They should have left this one on the shelf.

THURSDAY 24 Volver ★★★★✩ (2006, Sky Movies Indie, 8pm. Dir Pedro Almodóvar) Sparkling comedy meets OTT melodrama in Pedro Almodovar’s wonderful story of murder, music, and a mother who just won’t stay dead. As usual his heady brew of feminine wiles is an acquired taste, but for fans this is like a ‘greatest hits’ of his favourite themes and obsessions.

FRIDAY 25 Malice ★★★★✩ (1993, BBC 1, 11.40pm. Dir Harold Becker) Alec Baldwin, Nicole Kidman (in full frizzy hair mode) and Bill Pullman lurk at the dark heart of an engrossing thriller than takes in illicit surgery, iffy lawyers and crazed serial killers. Slicker than a wet haddock and twice as fishy, this plot-heavy movie will keep you guessing right to the end.

Preaching to the Perverted

★★✩✩✩ (1997, Sky Movies Indie, 11.50pm. Dir Stuart Urban) And the award for best movie title of the week goes to this underwhelming British effort that shows what happened when the British Government tried to crack down on London’s S&M subculture. Naff isn’t even the word.

The Sum of all Fears ★★★✩✩ (2002, Channel 4, 9.05pm. Dir Phil Alden Robinson) Ben Affleck takes on the mantle of CIA super agent Jack Ryan in a so-so thriller in which a bunch of neo-Nazis threaten to let off a nuke during the superbowl, and so help start World War Three. Would have been better with a few more thrills and less about Mr Ryan’s private life.

SUNDAY 27 Alien Nation ★★★✩✩ (1988, Five, 11.25pm. Dir Graham Baker) Sci-fi meets social drama in a worthy film which has as much relevance now as when it was originally released. James Caan stars as a hard-nosed cop who takes a distinct dislike to the ‘newcomers’, a race of aliens who crash-landed into the Mojave desert before partially integrating into American life.

MONDAY 28 The Woodsman ★★★★✩ (2004, Channel 4, 11.50pm. Dir Nicole Kassell) Kevin Bacon risks career suicide by playing a partly reformed paedophile in this low key indie drama. He’s installed in a Philadelphia lumberyard (with an infant’s school across the road) and tries to pursue a normal life – hard to do when the local community catch wind of his real identity.



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tuesday 22 University Challenge – The Professionals BBC2, 8pm Does your brain stop working once you’ve stepped out of the learning environment? This is your last chance to make the call as the final has come round dead fast and the National Physical Laboratory battle it out against the fellas from the Ministry of Justice. Don’t cross ‘em.

Heather Mills: What Really Happened? Channel 4, 10pm There have been a few hastily slapped together sensational explanations as to what happened with the 21st century’s own Yoko Ono. This may be more of the same, but with interviews with Ms Mills’ father and biographer a smidgen of balance could just turn up.

Blood Sweat and T-Shirts BBC3, 9pm Western fashion victims meet fashion’s true victims. Poetic, or something like it. Six youngsters are sent over to India to learn how the clothes they wear are made, starting with a shift at Shahi Enterprises in New Delhi where many high street fashions are made. £1.50 a day and segregated lunch. So fashionable.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News and Weather 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 The Cramp Twins 4.15 Dinosapien 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.29 The Owl 7.30 Hider in the House 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Fun with Phonics (x2) 10.50 Primary History 11.10 The Battle of the River Plate 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 The Maths Channel 1.10 Primary Geography 1.30 World Championship Snooker 6.00 Eggheads Quiz time! 6.30 Great British Menu The chefs from Scotland prepare their fish courses for this national competition. Makes your mouth water more than fruit pastilles ever did. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Ray Stubbs introduces live action from The Crucible. 8.00 University Challenge – The Professionals See highlights. 8.30 Hairy Bikers Come Home The hairy bikers return in a two part special, gunning their trusty steeds towards the North. 9.00 The Age of Terror Peter Taylor explores the dramatic events of 10 days in 1987, in which the boat The Eksund carrying a massive cargo of Libyan arms bound for Ireland is intercepted in French waters. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools are The Charlatans, Was Not Was, Eartha Kitt, Brandi Carlile, The Yamato Drummers and Pigeon Detectives. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Mad Men Salvatore is in demand by both sexes. Don has a flashback to his youth where a hobo comes to his house looking for food. 12.10am World Snooker Highlights 1.00 World Championship Snooker 2.30 Joins BBC News 24 3.15 Close 4.00 GCSE Bitesize

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.25 Will and Grace 9.55 The OC 10.50 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 11.45 Designers Under Pressure 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Checking into History 12.50 FILM: The Tall Stranger (1957) 2.20 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00pm House Doctor 12.30 Five News 12.45 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Animal Rescue Squad 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: Hound Of The Baskervilles (2000) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Sports Adventures 11.00 Speedway 1.00pm Big League Weekend 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Big League Weekend 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Sports Adventures 6.30 Revista de la Liga 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing: William Hill Blue Riband 10.00 Revista de la Liga 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am European Tour Golf 1.00 Revista de la Liga 2.00 World Motor Sport 4.30 Revista de la Liga 5.30 Sports Adventures

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Marlon and Ross conspire to make sure that Shane gets his comeuppance. Laurel and Ashley receive notification that they weren’t Daniel’s birth parents. What they gonna do next? 7.30 UEFA Champions League Live: Liverpool V Chelsea Steve Rider presents live coverage from Anfield of the first leg of the semifinal between Liverpool and Chelsea. Commentary by Clive Tyldesley. 10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.40 Benidorm Everyone, apart from The Oracle and Telle (who strike up an unlikely friendship), heads off on a free trip to a bullfight. 11.10 Teenage Kicks Vernon goes to a rave but ends up in hospital, where the results of a medical checkup indicate that he only has 17 years to live. Not living like a 17-year-old. 11.40 Dexter A series of suicides are linked by a common factor: they all saw the same psychologist. Dexter goes undercover as one of the shrink’s patients to investigate. Yeah, like he won’t know he’s inside the mind of a killer. 12.40am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 2.20 Loose Women 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Rhys faces a hostile homecoming prompting him to pack his bags and head off to Beth’s mum, leaving his own family in ruins. He’s never been one for family values – started off with Sarah and her mum. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How to Look Good Naked Expert stylist Gok Wan helps a single 35-year-old who is terrified at the thought of a man seeing her naked. 9.00 The Diets That Time Forgot Concludes the experiment in historic dieting regimes. Watch out for tapeworms and electric shock treatment. Beats farting any day. 10.00 Heather Mills: What Really Happened? See highlights. 11.05 Dirty Sexy Money Nick finds he has a lot in common with Tripp’s nemesis, Simon. Everyone should have a nemesis. Sounds so cool. 12.05am 4 Music: Duffy: Video Exclusive 12.10 Premier League 1.10 Bennetts British Superbike Championship 2.00 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 2.30 KOTV 3.00 World Cup Skiing 3.55 Celebrity Late Night Poker 4.45 Freesports on 4 5.15 St Elsewhere

6.00 Home and Away Rachel assumes the holes in Sam’s story are down to stress. 6.30 Monkey Life 7.00 Five News 7.30 Jaguar Adventure with Nigel Marven Nigel and the team finally obtain the footage they have been seeking, with three jaguar encounters in 24 hours. Like buses, are jaguars. 8.00 Tutankhamun – Secrets of the Boy King: Revealed Lord Carnarvon, the great-grandson of one of the men who discovered the tomb, travels across Egypt on a quest to re-examine the life of the Boy King. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The team investigates the murder of two gigolos, both killed by an insulin injection. Meanwhile, Sara investigates the death of Catherine’s ex-husband. 10.20 CSI: Miami A 16-year-old babysitter’s parents are murdered. Eat your heart out Freddy Kruger. 11.20 Law and Order: Criminal Intent A night at the opera ends in murder when a top young violinist is pushed to her death. Was the notoriously volatile conductor to blame? It’s all art, darlink! 12.20am The FBI Files 1.20 NBA Basketball 3.50 French Football 4.40 Football Italiano 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News; Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Heather’s happy day takes a dramatic turn, leaving Minty with a decision to make. We believe the words you’re looking for are ‘I do”. Just a hint. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Michael is running scared as his wife suspects he’s bought jewellery for another woman. He always steals it for her, obviously. 9.00 Waking the Dead The shocking truth about the headless corpse is revealed as Boyd races against the clock to discover the whereabouts of a kidnap victim. Surely the shocking truth is that there IS a headless corpse. 10.00 BBC News; Regional News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Ex-Forces and Homeless In some parts of the country veterans number 12 per cent of the homeless population. In this moving and thoughtful film Ken Hames, a veteran of 27 years’ experience, investigates and meets some of his own demons. 11.15 FILM: Deception (2000) Starring Ben Affleck. Action thriller. . 12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.25 Tiger Spy in the Jungle 2.35 To Buy or Not to Buy 3.10 To Buy or Not to Buy 3.55 Joins BBC News 24

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 5.00pm High Five (x2) 6.00 Ladies’ European Tour Golf 7.00 Sports Unlimited 8.00 Ladies’ European Tour Golf 9.00 High Five 10.00 Mansion Poker Dome 12.00am World Series of Poker 2007 1.00 World Cup of Pool 2.00 British Formula Ford

Sky Sports 3 7.30am British Rally Championship 8.30 World Motor Sport 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Sports Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Speedway 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool 8.00 Sports Adventures 8.30 British Formula Ford 9.00 World Series of Poker 2007 10.00 Ladies’ European Tour Golf 11.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool 12.00am Sports Unlimited 1.00 Sports Adventures 1.30 High Five

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Angel 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 The Dresden Files 11.00 Inside... 12.00am Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Road Wars (x2) 2.40 Angel 3.30 Deadwood 4.20 Dream Team

7.00pm FILM: What Women Want (2000) 9.00 Blood Sweat and T-Shirts. See highlights. 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Little Britain 11.00 The Wall 11.45 Family Guy (x2) 12.30am Blood Sweat and T-Shirts 1.30 Amy: My Body for Bucks 2.25 Natalie Cassidy’s Diet Secrets 3.25 Spendaholics

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Pop Go the Sixties 7.35 Batman 8.00 Life in Cold Blood 9.00 Chinese School 10.00 Goodness Gracious Me. Awardwinning Asian comedy sketch show. 10.30 FILM: Spectre (2006) 11.50 Chinese School 12.50am Proms on Four 2007 2.45 Chinese School

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 9.00 Bionic Woman 10.00 Laura, Ben and Him 10.30 FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004) 12.40am Comedy Cuts 1.10 FILM: Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993)

12.25pm The Wonder Years 1.00 Rising Damp 1.30 Heartbeat 2.40 Rosemary and Thyme 3.40 Ironside 4.40 Pie in the Sky 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Rising Damp 7.25 The Wonder Years 8.00 Pie in the Sky 9.00 Clocking Off 10.05 Hornblower 12.15am Clocking Off 1.20 Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Kevin Hill 3.30 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Big Brother USA 10.00 Dirty Sexy Money 11.00 Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious 12.00am Scrubs (x2)

5.00pm Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 Embarrassing Illnesses (x2) 10.00 True Stories: Billy the Kid 11.50 Sex, Lies and the Murder of Meredith Kircher 12.50am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

4.00pm Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Moonlight 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 New Most Haunted 2.00 Dead Famous 3.00 Wonder Woman 3.50 Veronica Mars

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.00pm Open All Hours 3.40 My Family 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Only Fools And Horses 8.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 9.00 Victoria Wood Live 10.55 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 12.50am Blackadder Goes Forth

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Shortcuts Shuffle

3.00pm Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 4.00 Days that Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 10.00 Oil Strike! 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Landslide (2004) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 3rd Rock from the Sun (x2) 9.00 FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006) 10.50 FILM: Disaster Zone: Volcano In New York (2006) 12.40am FILM: Hemoglobin (1997) 2.30 Ghost Stories

11.00am The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 1.00pm The Greatest Show On Earth (1952) 3.40 It Came From Outer Space (1953) 5.15 The Desert Rats (1953) 7.00 The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 9.00 The Night Of The Hunter (1955) 10.35 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 12.45am The Pawnbroker (1965)

11.35am The Apostle (1997) 1.55pm American Mafia: From Street to Screen 2.55 Wah-Wah (2006) 4.45 Stranger Than Fiction (2006) 6.40 Renaissance (2006) 8.30 Tube Tales (1999) 10.00 Pecker (1998) 11.30 Stranger Than Fiction (2006) 1.30am The Road To Wellville (1994)

1.00pm Whirlpool (1949) 3.00 Distant Drums (1951) 5.00 The Day Will Dawn (1942) 6.55 Happy-GoLucky Preview 7.05 Fantastic Voyage (1966) 9.00 The Fifth Element (1997) 11.25 Cypher (2002) 1.10am Series 7: The Contenders (2001) Low budget satire of extreme reality telly.

7.20am The Green Helmet (1961) 9.00 Edward, My Son (1949) 11.00 Rhapsody (1954) 1.00pm Wives and Daughters 3.00 Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 4.55 Take Me Out To The Ball Game (1949) 6.35 The Prize (1963) 9.00 Poltergeist (1982) 11.05 Wild Rovers (1971) 2.00am Marie Antoinette (1938)





3:24 PM

Page 1

wednesday 23 James Bond: The True Story Five, 9pm Many claim Ian Fleming’s most famous of British spies was based on Cary Grant. Some say it’s Fleming himself. Others might actually contemplate it as fiction. This series of exposés focuses on Mr 007 and the actual closest inspiration that can be pinned down for the Martini-drinking spy. Don’t stir from the sofa.

Aliyah – The Journey Home BBC1, 11.10pm The concept of ‘home’ has always been a hotly debated one. In this Jenni Murray looks at the beliefs and the passions of British Jews who have chosen to emigrate to Israel and go ‘home’. Understanding what makes someone leave a mostly peaceful country for a religious and political hotbed.

Dylan Moran: Like, Totally E4, 10.30pm Since his successful sitcom Black Books we’ve not seen much of the mop-haired Irishman on the telly. He’s had small film parts, like in Shaun Of The Dead, and done a new stand-up tour, but in case you’ve forgotten why he’s just so very, very funny here’s a treat of an earlier standup show from the man himself.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News and Weather 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.10 Young Dracula 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.29 The Owl 7.30 Hider in the House 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 What the Ancients Did For Us 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm Stand by Your Man 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Lifeline 2.10 World Championship Snooker

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 The OC 10.55 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 11.50 Proud Parents 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Checking into History: Claridge’s 12.50 FILM: They Rode West (1954) 2.20 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Childrens’ television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00pm House Doctor 12.30 Five News 12.45 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Rough Guide to Weekend Breaks 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: The Bookfair Murders (2000) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News; Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Street Doctor Dr Jonty delivers some shocking news to a 60-a-day smoker. Surely shocking means surprising. Shocking news to a 60-adayer would be that they have teflon lungs. Now, that would surprise. 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Traffic Cops 9.00 The Apprentice The candidates head off to the country to represent two farms who produce ice cream. The teams have to invent and make exciting new flavours to sell to the lucrative London market. But it’s orders that’ll win the day, and the two teams must convince the bars, restaurants and cinemas of the capital to stock their new flavours. 10.00 BBC News; Regional News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.40 Made in England 11.10 Aliyah – The Journey Home See highlights. 11.40 FILM: Working Girl (1988) Starring Melanie Griffith, Harrison Ford, Sigourney Weaver. Romantic comedy for the sistas. 1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Seaside Rescue 2.05 Meet the Immigrants 3.05 To Buy or Not to Buy 3.50 Joins BBC News 24

6.00 Eggheads Questions? Answers? Must be time for a quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a banquet at London’s Gherkin building. Scrummy stuff. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Hazel Irvine presents live coverage from The Crucible. Clink clunk with no seat belts. 8.00 Natural World Wildlife film. The story of Naabi, a young hyena growing up in Tanzania. Here hyenas aren’t just scavengers, they’re also skilled hunters when they work together in the clan. But life is still a struggle. To be honest, sounds a lot like a Disney film in waiting. 8.50 Wild Nature documentary. 9.00 Dan Cruickshank’s Adventures in Architecture Dan risks his life to visit the Minaret of Jam in Afghanistan, a monument to peace and tolerance in the midst of a war zone. Named after conserve. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Desi DNA Food fan Ravinder Bhogal goes on a quest to trace how Britain came to fall in love with Indian food. 11.50 World Snooker Highlights 12.40am World Championship Snooker Extra 2.30 Joins BBC News 24 2.50 Close 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Eli agrees to help Marlon and Ross set Shane up. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Leanne give in to Paul’s ultimatum? Kirk’s news surprises Fiz. Ooh – these assertive men are fab! 8.00 The Bill At the crime scene where private eye Harry Burroughs has been found murdered, a hungover Mickey is introduced to a new recruit. Life On Mars not so far away then. 9.00 Rock Rivals There’s all manner of upsets and as the live final is stalled, Bethany becomes unwilling to win by default as she continues to struggle with her mother’s revelation. Viewers have the chance to decide whether Luke or Bethany win Rock Rivals by voting at Spend your dialling money wisely. 10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter Dexter is stunned to learn that his biological father has died, having been told by his adoptive father Harry that he had died 30 years before. And they say the childhood affects adult behaviour so. 11.35 Meridian Soccer Night 12.05am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Emergency 12.55 Quincy, ME 1.50 Loose Women 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin and Carmel take a stroll through the village, but the romance is ruined when Carmel’s worst nightmare comes true. Her shoes clash with her handbag? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Property Ladder In Haslingfield, Robert Bickerdike is looking for a quick profit on his listed cottage but, given that patience is not his strong point, he could be in for an unpleasant surprise. 9.00 Child Genius This return visit to the prodigies focuses on the teenagers of the group. Aimee, aged 13, has won a prestigious piano competition, but teenage hormones are straining her family life. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Susan promises extreme measures to stop Katherine knocking down the treehouse. Setting it in cement? 11.05 Heather Mills: What Really Happened? Repeat 12.05am 4Music: What About Me 12.40 4 Music: The Nokia Green Room 1.05 Bremner, Bird and Fortune 2.05 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.35 Shin Gi Tai 3.45 Unreported World 4.10 3 Minute Wonder (x2) 4.20 St Elsewhere 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Inuk

6.00 Home and Away Who is the mystery blonde in Roman’s life? Maybe Nicole Kidman’s gone home and fallen on hard times. 6.30 Monkey Life Toddler chimpanzee Bryan recovers from his 5,000-mile journey from Mexico and settles in to his new home. 7.00 Five News 7.30 It Pays to Watch Martin lifts the lid on the world of cashback websites, which claim to allow users to earn and spend money at the same time. Gotta be a swizz. 8.00 Megastructures The Millau Viaduct, the tallest bridge in the world, gets examined. In detail. 9.00 James Bond: The True Story See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Universal Soldier (1992) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Jerry Orbach. Futuristic military adventure about two brawny American soldiers in Vietnam who kill each other in a dispute and are reconstructed and programmed by the US government to become invincible fighting machines. What kind of a ‘dispute’ is this? Did someone steal the last chocolate digestive? People want to know. 12.00am European Open IV 1.30 Major League Baseball 4.20 Supercross World Championship 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Revista de la Liga 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x4) 12.00pm Revista de la Liga 1.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x4) 3.00 Revista de la Liga 4.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x4) 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 European Tour Weekly 8.30 Total Rugby 9.00 Boots ‘n’ All 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Mansion Poker Dome 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 You’re on Sky Sports

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventure 7.00 WWE Heat 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 5.00pm High Five 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.15 You’re on Sky Sports 11.45 World Series of Poker 2007 12.45am European Tour Weekly 1.15 Max Power

Sky Sports 3 9.30am British Formula Ford 10.00 Ladies’ European Tour Golf 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Ladies’ European Tour Golf 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Pool: World Cup of Pool 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Watersports World 8.00 Tenpin Bowling 9.00 World Series of Poker 2007 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Angel 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 FILM: Last Action Hero (1993) 11.30 Cold Case 12.30am Stargate Atlantis 1.30 Road Wars (x2) 3.15 Angel 4.05 Deadwood 5.00 Bite Size Brainiac

7.00pm Holby City 8.00 Glamour Girls 8.30 The Real Hustle 9.00 Amy: My Body for Bucks 10.00 FILM: Daredevil (2003) 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am The Wall 1.05 Bizarre ER 1.35 Glamour Girls 2.05 Amy: My Body for Bucks 3.00 The Real Hustle 3.30 The Wall 4.15 Dog Borstal

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Pop Go the Sixties 7.35 Batman. Dinna, dinna, dinna, dinna – Batman! 8.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama 9.00 Heist 10.10 FILM: Les Visiteurs (1993) 11.55 The Last Duel 12.55am Heist 2.05 How to Build a Cathedral 3.05 The Last Duel

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004) 11.15 Coronation Street 11.45 FILM: Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993) 1.30am FILM: Coming To America (1988)

12.30pm Rising Damp (x2) 1.30 Heartbeat 2.40 Rosemary and Thyme 3.40 Ironside 4.40 Jeeves and Wooster 5.50 Heartbeat 7.00 Rising Damp (x2) 8.00 Jeeves and Wooster 9.00 Those Were the Days: 69 Moon Landing 10.05 FILM: Outland (1981) 12.15am Those Were the Days: 69 Moon Landing

3.30pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Reaper 10.00 Big Bang Theory 10.30 Dylan Moran: Like, Totally. See highlights. 11.35 Brothers and Sisters 12.35am Scrubs (x2) 1.30 The Simple Life (x2)

4.00pm Looking for England 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 Bodyshock 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.10 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.40 Shrink Rap 12.45am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1.40 Father Ted

3.00pm Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 So you Think you Can Dance 9.00 Extreme: Celebrity Rehab 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



2.20pm The Two Ronnies 3.00 Open All Hours 3.40 My Family 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Only Fools and Horses 8.20 The Black Adder 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.00 Only Fools and Horses (x2) 12.00am The Black Adder

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Shortcuts Shuffle 12.50 Comedy Blue

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Monarchy by David Starkey 4.00 Days that Shook the World 5.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls (x2) 7.00 Mythbusters (x2) 9.00 Rome 10.00 Bone Detectives: England Special 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Rome 1.00 Most Evil 2.00 Forensic Detectives

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 3rd Rock from the Sun (x2) 9.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 10.40 FILM: Judgement Day (1999) 12.30am FILM: Demon House (1996)

9.05am Teacher’s Pet (1958) 11.10 The Blue Dahlia (1946) 1.00pm Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 2.45 Operation Petticoat (1959) 4.50 Gypsy (1962) 7.15 Niagara (1952) 9.00 The Innocents (1961) 10.45 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 12.30am Niagara (1952)

2.15pm Little Man Tate (1991) 4.00 The New World (2005) 6.20 Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007) 8.15 A Scanner Darkly (2006) 10.00 A Time To Leave (2005) 11.30 Little Man Tate (1991) 1.15am Flashbacks of a Fool Special 1.35 Remnants Of Everest: The 1996 Tragedy (2007)

1.00pm You Were Never Lovelier (1942) 2.50 A Town Like Alice (1956) 5.10 Ticket To Tomahawk (1950) 6.55 Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) 9.00 Fantastic Four (2005) Comic heroes with Jessica Alba and Ioan Gruffudd. 11.00 Jason X (2000) 12.45am Last Night (1998) 2.30 Courtesans Of Bombay (1983)

7.15am King’s Row (1942) 9.35 Murder Most Foul (1964) 11.05 Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 1.00pm Mildred Pierce (1945) 3.00 Sunday In New York (1963) 4.55 The Power (1968) 7.10 Skyjacked (1972) 9.00 Pale Rider (1985) 11.05 Alex In Wonderland (1970) 1.10am The Strawberry Statement (1970)





3:27 PM

Page 1

thursday 24 Heroes BBC2, 9pm It’s back! Remember when this was a national superpowers phenomenon? And then it ended – boo. Well, tonight we pick up the story four months on from the big New York hoo hah and, wouldn’t you know it, there are more ‘exceptional’ individuals turning up all over the place like good and bad pennies. Hmm.

The Baron ITV1, 10.35pm Nutty as a fruitcake. This truly is reality television gone mad. Three celebs – these being Suzanne Shaw, Malcolm Maclaren and in his last telly appearance, Mike Reid – arrive in the Scottish town of Gardenstown to compete in a popularity contest with the village community to be made their baron. Truly. Told you it was mad.

American Idol 2008 ITV2, 8pm There are only six acts left. Oooh! And the great thing about seeing this talent show through is that it costs nothing at all on your phone bill! Yes, if the great American public voted off your favourite, there was nothing you could do to change that, short of flying out there just to vote. Bit extreme. Enjoy the pretty voices.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News and Weather 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Stake Out 4.35 Beat the Boss 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.29 The Owl 7.30 Hider in the House 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe With the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Primary History 10.50 Megamaths 11.10 Landmarks 11.30 Science Clips 11.40 KS1 Science Clips 11.50 Hands Up! 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 World Championship Snooker 6.00 Eggheads Quiz us up. 6.30 Great British Menu The chefs from Scotland prepare their desserts: Tom Kitchin produces heather hills honey parfait with gooseberries, elderflowers and raspberries, while Matt Gray serves up rhubarb and pecan nut crumble with marzipan ice cream. If only they did delivery... 7.00 World Championship Snooker Ray Stubbs introduces live action from Sheffield. 8.00 The Best of Top Gear The Top Gear team present a special selection of items from the vaults, celebrating the best of British. Great fun whether you like cars or not. 9.00 Heroes See highlights. 9.50 Heroes Unmasked A look behind the scenes of the drama series, with insightful interviews and exclusive backstage access. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Guests include Martin Sheen, Will.I.Am and Cheryl Cole. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Ideal It’s the morning of Moz’s wedding and he’s just woken up next to another woman. 11.50 World Snooker Highlights 12.40am World Championship Snooker Extra 2.30 Joins BBC News 24 3.20 Close 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Spanish

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Will and Grace 9.55 The OC 10.50 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 11.45 Proud Parents 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Proud Parents 12.45 FILM: The Train Robbers (1973) 2.20 A Place in the Sun: Home Or Away 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00-9.00am Children’s television. 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House is 12.00pm House Doctor 12.30 Five News 12.45 Law and Order: Criminal Intent 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Animal Rescue Squad 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: Murder 101 (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am European Tour Weekly 6.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: BMW Asian Open 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.30 European Tour Golf: BMW Asian Open 5.30 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Darts: Premier League 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 The Rugby Club 1.00am Rugby League 3.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.30 The Rugby Club 5.00 Race World

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ross thwarts Marlon’s plan to get back at Shane. Gadzoots! Thwarting to the rescue. 7.30 Country Ways Jim Flegg and Jill Cochrane present a film portrait of the Marshwood Vale in Dorset 8.00 The Bill Sally’s first week undercover at a city trading house has led her to one of the suspects in the case of missing 21-year-old Geraldine Lawson. When she is invited out with a group of the traders she brings Emma, who forms a bond with the suspect and starts to connect with him. Oo-er! 9.00 Britain’s Rich List: Giving it Away Duncan Bannatyne takes an in-depth look at some of the UK’s wealthiest inhabitants and how much they keep to themselves. 10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.35 The Baron Reality show. See highlights. 11.35 UEFA Cup Highlights Craig Doyle introduces highlights of both tonight’s UEFA Cup semi-final, first-leg matches. 12.35am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery 1.25 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 2.20 Loose Women 3.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin struggles to cope with the fact that his baby sister has taken heroin as the family sit around Sasha’s hospital bedside. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Come Dine With Me Cooking show. The hour progresses with food on the floor, stomach trouble and sleeping at the table. Holiday in Marbella? 9.00 Strictly Baby Fight Club The film follows four families who are investing time and energy in training their kids to be the best young fighters in Britain. So much for leaving it at ankle-biters. 10.00 My Name is Earl Earl turns his hand to a spot of creative writing. 10.30 Big Bang Theory Leonard and Sheldon each tell a lie to avoid going to see Penny on stage. 11.00 The Human Spider 12.00am 4Music Presents... The Kooks 12.35 4 Music: 4Play: Gogol Bordello 12.50 Portishead in Portishead 1.35 The Law of the Playground 2.00 School Disco 2.10 King of the Hill (x2) 3.00 How to Cope With Rejection 3.05 Phone Rage 4.05 Reasons to be Cheerful 4.20 St Elsewhere 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Inuk

6.00 Home and Away Roman confesses that he has a teenage daughter. Now he’ll fit right in. 6.30 Monkey Life 7.00 Five News 7.30 Rough Guide to Mountains Toby throws himself into some extreme sports on the slopes of the Southern Alps in New Zealand. And Julia enjoys a more sedate holiday in Switzerland. Nice work... 8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home The judges visit a beautifully restored woodland cottage; a modern flat in a Gothic mansion; and a Georgian townhouse in the West Country that has been refurbished in the style of a boutique hotel. Loads of cleaning in a place that size. No bitterness here. 9.00 House House is recruited by the CIA to treat one of their agents in a secret facility. Meanwhile, Foreman has trouble managing the applicants in their efforts to treat a racing-car driver who collapsed. 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy Izzie has a difficult time on her first day back. 11.00 A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex Dr Catherine Hood continues her frank journey into the world of sex. 11.45 Quiz Call 4.00am Football Argentina 4.20 Major League Soccer 4.45 Dutch Football 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Neighbours

Sky Sports 2

6.00 BBC News; Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Sean takes his anger out on Gus. What’s a nice boy like him doing living with a ruffian like that? 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby Blue John goes to see his father in prison, but the visit rakes up the past for John and irrevocably changes his relationship with Kate. Neil finally tells Kelly how he feels. Why do we care? John and Kate are hanging in the balance! 9.00 Crimewatch Asking the public for help with closing unsolved cases. 10.00 BBC News; Regional News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Crimewatch Update Updates. Don’t have nightmares. Or cheese sarnies. 10.45 Question Time With only a week to go before the London mayoral elections, Ken Livingstone, Boris Johnson and Brian Paddick go head-to-head in a special debate. 11.45 This Week 12.30am Holiday Weather 12.35 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.05 Johnny’s New Kingdom 1.35 The Twenties in Colour: The Wonderful World of Albert Kahn 2.05 Bill Oddie’s Wild Side 2.35 To Buy Or Not to Buy 3.20 Joins BBC News 24

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 5.00pm ATP Tennis Magazine 5.30 Race World 6.30 World Hockey Monthly 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 World Series of Poker 2007 10.00 LIVE Poker 12.00am World Series of Poker 2007 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Poker

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventure 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Irish Greyhound Racing 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Sports Adventure 2.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 Tenpin Bowling 5.00 WWE Heat 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 FIA GT Championship 7.30 LIVE Rugby League 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 12.30am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.30 World Hockey Monthly 2.00 Darts: Premier League

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Angel 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Road Wars 12.00am Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Road Wars (x2) 2.40 Angel 3.30 Deadwood 4.20 Dream Team 5.10 Guilty!

7.00pm Spendaholics 8.00 Blood Sweat and T-Shirts 9.00 Child Stars 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Pulling 12.30 Child Stars 1.25 Blood Sweat and T-Shirts 2.25 The Real Hustle 2.55 Pulling 3.25 Sex... With Mum and Dad

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 In Search of Medieval Britain 8.00 The Voices of Morebath 8.10 A History of British Art 9.00 Inside the Medieval Mind 10.00 Crusades 10.50 Mad Men 11.35 Chinese School 12.35am In Search of Medieval Britain 1.05 Inside the Medieval Mind 2.05 The Book Quiz

6.05pm Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 American Idol 2008. See highlights. 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Gossip Girl 11.00 Entourage 11.30 The Office: An American Workplace 11.55 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 12.55am FILM: Coming to America (1988)

1.30pm Heartbeat 2.35 Rosemary and Thyme 3.40 Ironside 4.40 The Return of Sherlock Holmes 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Rising Damp (x2) 7.55 The Return of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Cane 10.50 Murder in Mind 12.00am FILM: Bite the Bullet (1975) 2.20 Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Kevin Hill 3.30 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Big Brother USA (x2) 11.00 Reaper 11.55 Scrubs (x2) 12.55am The Simple Life (x2) 1.45 Porn: A Family Business

2.00pm ER 3.00 The Mummy Diaries 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Property Ladder 10.00 ER 11.00 Without a Trace 12.00am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1.00 ER

3.00pm Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files 1.00 Boston Legal

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.40pm My Family 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Only Fools and Horses 8.20 The Black Adder 9.00 When Were We Funniest? 11.00 Only Fools and Horses 11.40 The Black Adder 12.20am Absolutely Fabulous

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Shortcuts Shuffle

3.00pm Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 4.00 Days That Shook The World 5.00 How it’s Made 5.30 How Do They do it? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How it’s Made 7.30 How do They do it? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 Smash Lab 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Tornado (2004) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 3rd Rock From the Sun (x2) 9.00 FILM: Force of Impact (2005) 10.40 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Tornado (2004) 12.30am FILM: Momentum (2003) 2.30 Ghost Stories

12.40pm The Apartment (1960) 2.55 Sunset Boulevard (1950) 4.55 Holiday Inn (1942) 6.55 Some Like it Hot (1959) 9.00 The Apartment (1960) 11.10 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 12.50am Modern Greats and Classics Close-Up 1.20 Sunset Boulevard (1950)

11.55am Volver (2006) 2.00pm Sometimes in April (2005) 4.30 Everything is Illuminated (2005) 6.20 A Good Woman (2004) 8.00 Volver (2006) 10.00 Yesterday (2004) 11.40 The Portrait of a Lady (1996) 2.10am A Good Woman (2004) 4.00 Sky Movies Preview (x2)

1.00pm Picnic (1955) 3.10 The Wicked Lady (1945) 5.10 Jungle Book (1942) The Bear Necessities rock the jungle. 7.10 Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992) 9.00 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) 11.00 Big Trouble in Little China (1986) 1.05am One Night in Mongkok (1999)

9.05am Mr Skeffington (1944) 11.15 Sunday in New York (1963) 1.00pm Clarissa 3.00 The Swan (1956) 4.55 At the Circus (1939) 6.30 Live a Little, Love a Little (1968) 8.00 Gone With the Wind – The Making of the Musical 9.00 Gone With the Wind (1939) 12.50am Reckless (1984) 2.30 Friendly Persuasion (1956)





3:25 PM

Page 1

friday 25 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross Channel 4, 10.35pm So you reckon that comedy pirate Russell Brand already has a huge ego? If his new Hollywood movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a hit it’s going to get even worse. Tonight he chats to Wossy about schmoozing with the A-list, while fellow guest Cameron Diaz shows him how it’s really done.

Unreported World Channel 4, 7.35pm The documentary strand travels to Bangladesh to investigate how climate change is affecting one of the poorest and most densely populated places on earth. Ramita Navai speaks to some of the millions of people made homeless by recent flooding and visits the areas where homes have been destroyed.

Van Morrison on Later with Jools Holland BBC4, 11pm Van the Man might have a reputation for being one of the most miserable and moody beggars ever to grace the world of music – but his Celtic charms continue to be in demand. This compilation show presents the best bits of Van from the long-running BBC2 show.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News and Weather 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation (x2) 4.10 The Basil Brush Show 4.35 The Slammer 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.29 The Owl 7.30 Hider in the House 8.30 Jackanory Junior 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Magic Key 10.45 The Way Things Work 11.00 The Way Things Work 11.15 Tales from Europe 11.30 Watch 11.45 Something Special 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.30 World Championship Snooker 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a banquet at London’s Gherkin building. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Hazel Irvine introduces coverage from the second round at The Crucible. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Monty re-visits the nectar bar and the woodland glade to add new plants to both, but his main task is developing the planting in the Cottage Garden in a new direction. 9.00 Stephen Fry and the Gutenberg Press Stephen Fry examines the story behind the first media entrepreneur, printing press inventor Johann Gutenberg. 10.00 QI Guests are Bill Bailey, Rich Hall, Sean Lock and Alan Davies. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme with Martha Kearney. 11.35 Later...with Jools Holland More music and chat from the likes of The Charlatans, Was Not Was, Eartha Kitt, Brandi Carlile and The Pigeon Detectives. 12.35am World Snooker Highlights Hazel Irvine introduces second round hightlights. 1.25 World Championship Snooker Extra 3.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Will and Grace 10.00 The OC 10.55 Smallville: Superman the Early Years 11.50 Science Scams 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 A Place in the Sun 1.00 Channel 4 Racing 2.05 FILM: Comanche Station (1960) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight All the latest news, sport and breaking stories from across the region. Including Meridian weather. 6.25 Party Election Broadcast by The Liberal Democrats 6.30 ITV Evening News and Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Donna takes charge – and triumphs over Shane. 7.30 Coronation Street Paul takes drastic action when Leanne fails to back down. 8.00 Extension Tension: Tonight 8.30 Coronation Street Will Carla take advantage of Liam when he is alone at her place? 9.00 Benidorm When Madge accuses Sylvia of messing with her man, a slanging match between them gets out of hand. 9.30 Teenage Kicks Vernon applies to go to University. 10.00 FILM: Lethal Weapon III (1992) Buddy buddy cop action with Mel Gibson, and Danny Glover. 11.00 The Late News and Weather 11.40 FILM: Lethal Weapon III (1992) The action continues. 12.50am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Emergency 1.40 FILM: The Cutting Edge (1992) 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Child genius Lisa Simpson finds herself trapped in a world that doesn’t understand her. 6.30 Hollyoaks Louise returns from Sean’s mother’s wracked with guilt. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World See highlights. 8.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away A 60-year-old woman considers relocating to either Wiltshire or Galicia in Spain. 9.00 Dirty Sexy Money Simon faces Tripp across the table in a high-stakes poker game. 10.00 Friday Night Project The award-winning entertainment series sees Justin Lee Collins and Alan Carr in tandem once again. This week’s guest host is Gok Wan. 11.05 Balls of Steel Alex Zane takes his spelling game to America.and Painmen goes fencing in the nude. 11.55 Big Bang Theory Leonard and Sheldon each tell a lie to avoid going to see Penny on stage. 12.25am 4 Music: Dizzee Does South by South West 12.55 4 Music: JD Set Presents the Kissaway Trail 1.10 4 Music: 4Play: One Night Only 1.25 4 Music: Rockfeedback 1.50 Afterworld 2.15 Goalissimo! 3.10 Trans World Sport 4.00 Grudge Match

6.35am Funky Valley 6.50 Mio Mao 6.55 Fireman Sam 7.05 Roary 7.20 Rupert Bear 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.50 Make Way for Noddy 8.05 Fifi and the Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Ebb and Flo 8.50 Bird Bath 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00pm House Doctor 12.30 News 12.45 Law and Order 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Animal Rescue Squad 3.15 FILM: Jane Doe (2005) 5.00 News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home and Away Miles’s first day at school goes well. 6.30 Monkey Life Mexican primate Bryan meets his chimp foster mum Sally, but no one is sure if he has been around another chimpanzee before. How will he react to his new mother? 7.00 Five News National and international news. 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela helps to return an orphaned black bear to the wild in California. 8.00 The Man who Lives with Bears Documentary following Charlie Vandergaw, a retired schoolteacher who lives among bears in the Alaskan wilderness for six months of every year. 9.00 NCIS An informant is shot dead just as he is about to pass on crucial information concerning an arms dealer. 10.00 Shark The team re-investigates the murder of Isaac’s ex-fiancee after a criminal passes them new information. 11.00 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit A student appears to have committed suicide, but the circumstances seem suspicious. 12.00am Quiz Call Interactive quiz show giving viewers the chance to answer questions for money. 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Neighbours

6.00am Barclays Premier League World 6.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: BMW Asian Open 10.30 Barclays Premier League World 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.30pm World Hockey Monthly 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: BMW Asian Open 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 9.30 LIVE Friday Fight Night 11.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am Big League Weekend 1.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.30 Friday Fight Night 3.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 BBC News and Weather 6.30 South East Today; Weather Regional news magazine. 7.00 The One Show Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present the magazine series. 7.30 Inside Out Surprising real-life stories from familiar places. 7.57 BBC News and Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Roxy resorts to desperate measures to get back at Ronnie. 8.30 A Question of Sport Sue Barker hosts the light-hearted sports quiz with captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell. 9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Hislop. 9.30 My Family Ben’s poker school is costing him a fortune. 10.00 BBC News; Regional News 10.25 South East Today; Weather Regional news magazine. 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross See highlights. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Tim Vincent hosts the EuroMillions draw. 11.40 FILM: Malice (1993) Tense thriller. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Dan Cruickshank’s Adventures In Architecture 2.25 Natural World 3.15 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 ATP Tennis Magazine 9.30 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters (x2) 5.30pm High Five 6.00 High Five 6.30 Sports Adventure 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am World Series of Poker 2007 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.00am The Rugby Club 7.30 Darts: Premier League 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm FIA GT Championship 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 Rugby League 4.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Sports Adventures 8.30 Gillette World Sport 9.00 World Series of Poker 2007 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Super League 3.00 Sports Adventure 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 Tennis: ATP Masters

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Angel 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Are You Smarter than a Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Ross Kemp in Afghanistan 10.00 FILM: Point Of Entry (2007) 11.40 Battlestar Galactica 12.40am Stargate Atlantis

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Almost Famous 9.00 Doctor Who 9.45 Doctor Who Confidential 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.25 Family Guy (x2) 12.05am Gavin and Stacey 12.35 Almost Famous 1.30 Child Stars 2.30 Blood Sweat and T-Shirts 3.30 Gavin and Stacey 4.00 Spendaholics 4.55 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Swan Lake 9.00 Soul Britannia 10.00 BBC Four Sessions 11.00 Van Morrison on Later with Jools Holland. See highlights. 11.30 The Avengers 12.20am The Avengers 1.10 BBC Four Sessions 2.10 Soul Britannia 3.10 Van Morrison on Later

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 American Idol 2008 10.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

2.35pm Rosemary and Thyme 3.35 Ironside 4.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Dark Blue Perfume 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Rising Damp (x2) 7.55 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Dark Blue Perfume 9.00 Murder in Mind 10.00 Doc Martin 11.10 FILM: Bite The Bullet (1975) 1.40am Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Kevin Hill 3.30 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny US 10.00 FILM: Wayne’s World (1992) 11.50 Scrubs (x2) 12.50am The Simple Life (x2)

1.10pm Deal or No Deal 2.00 ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 Time Team 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Dancer In The Dark (2000) 11.40 The Five Obstructions 1.30am Sex in the 90s

2.00pm Bewitched (x2) 3.00 Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Moonlight 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



3.40pm My Family 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 New Tricks 8.00 Dancing with the Stars (x2) 10.30 FILM: Carry On Emmanuelle (1978) 12.15am FILM: Phenomenon (1996) 2.35 New Tricks 3.25 Alistair McGowan’s Big Impression

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Shortcuts Shuffle 12.50 Comedy Blue

4.00pm Days that Shook the World 5.00 How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Crime Scene Australia 10.00 Life or Death 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Most Evil

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 3rd Rock from the Sun (x2) 9.00 Flash Gordon 10.00 FILM: Magma: Volcanic Disaster (2006) 11.40 FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006) 1.30am The Lost World

1.50pm Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 3.50 The Circus (1928) 5.15 Modern Greats and Classics Close Up 5.45 A Touch Of Larceny (1959) 7.30 Requiem For A Heavyweight (1962) 9.00 The Italian Job (1969) 10.45 The Odessa File (1974) 12.55am Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964)

12.05pm 36 (2004) 2.00 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 3.40 Transamerica (2005) 5.30 The Top 10 Show 5.45 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 10.00 Mulholland Falls (1996) 11.50 Preaching To The Perverted (1997) 1.40am Indie Close-Up 2.10 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

1.00pm The Diamond Queen (1953) 2.40 The Left Hand Of God (1955) 4.20 The Long Ships (1964) 6.55 Explorers (1985) 9.00 AVP: Alien vs Predator (2004) Big fat alien-style dust up. 10.45 Alien (1979) Groundbreaking creature feature, the first of many sequels. 12.55am 2046 (2000)

9.05am The Prince And The Pauper (1937) 11.10 The Swan (1956) 1.00pm The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) 3.00 Royal Wedding (1951) 4.35 Soylent Green (1973) 6.15 How The West Was Won (1962) 9.00 Beetlejuice (1988) 10.40 Whose Life Is It Anyway? (1981) 12.45am Arturo’s Island (1962)





10:27 AM

Page 1

saturday 26 Comedy Map of Britain BBC2, 9.45pm Alan Whicker narrates this comedy round-up of exactly where top name comedians got their original inspiration. Tonight Johnny Vegas returns to Edinburgh to relive his breakthrough show, and Rhona Cameron goes back to the Girl Guides hut where she escaped being bullied.

Jimmy Carr: Live Channel 4, 11.15pm …and if that’s put you in the mood for more comedy, head straight to Channel 4 for the controversial comedian’s 2004 performance from London’s Bloomsbury Theatre. Fans will probably already have the DVD on their shelves, but drunken late(ish) night laff-seekers will find he hits the spot.

Bremner, Bird and Fortune More 4, 10.40pm Meanwhile, for something a little more cerebral, tune in to this always entertaining satirical sketch ‘n stand-up series from Channel 4’s reliable comedy old guard. As in previous series, sometimes the issues get precedence over the laughs, but it’s still all music to Guardianreading liberals’ ears.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm BBC News; Weather 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 World Championship Snooker 4.30 Final Score 5.20 BBC News 5.40 The Kids are all Right

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Tikkabilla 6.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Witch 7.35 Trollz 7.55 Bernard 8.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 8.30 Thumb Wrestling Federation 8.35 Even Stevens 9.00 Escape from Scorpion Island (x2) 9.58 The Owl 10.00 Hedz 10.30 The Slammer 11.00 What’s New Scooby Doo? 11.20 Animalia 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm Falcon Beach 12.45 Falcon Beach 1.30 The Surgery 1.50 Sound 2.20 FILM: Notorious (1946) 4.00 Monk 4.45 World Championship Snooker 6.30 Dad’s Army Captain Mainwaring declares martial law when a bomb drops on the outskirts of Walmington-on-Sea. 7.00 World Championship Snooker More quarter final places are filled on day eight of the Championship. 9.05 Have I Got a Bit More News For You Extended repeat of the news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host and guest panellists. 9.45 Comedy Map of Britain See highlights. 10.45 The Apprentice The teams have to invent and make exciting new flavours of ice cream to sell to the lucrative London market. 11.45 Last Man Standing The team go to live with the Sepik, a jungle tribe of Papua New Guinea. 12.40am World Snooker Highlights Hazel Irvine presents highlights from day eight, in which three quarter final places have been decided. 1.30 World Championship Snooker Extra 3.05 Mad Men 3.55 Monk 4.35 FILM: The Crude Oasis (1995)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Supernormal 9.40 Tricky Quickies 9.45 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.00pm ITV News and Weather 12.05 Meridian News and Weather 12.10 F1: Spanish Grand Prix Qualifying 2.30 TV’s Funniest Music Moments 3.30 FILM: Back To The Future Part II (1989) 4.30 Meridian News and Weather 4.45 ITV News and Weather 5.00 FILM: Back To The Future Part II (1989)

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.50 Beauty and the Geek 9.50 The Nokia Green Room 10.20 Shipwrecked 2008: Battle of the Islands 11.25 Shipwrecked 2008 Special 11.55 Friends 12.30pm Shipwrecked 2008: The Hutcam Diaries 1.00 Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious 2.00 Channel 4 Racing from Sandown Park and Ripon 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Jamie at Home 5.30 Come Dine with Me

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Ford Football Special Live 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.25 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.55 LIVE Super League 7.55 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.25 Football First: Game of the Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.05 Animals do the Funniest Things On today’s show – a seagull stalker, dolphin art, and the Caribbean monkeys who are stealing booze. 7.05 All Star Mr and Mrs Tonight, former Coronation Street landlady Julie Goodyear, actor Danny Dyer, and I’m a Celebrity winner Christopher Biggins compete with their respective partners for the grand prize, as they open up their relationships to the cheeky scrutiny of Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton. 8.05 Britain’s Got Talent The auditions continue as judges Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden – and a live audience – see more of the thousands of acts hoping to win the prize of 100,000 pounds and a slot on this year’s Royal Variety Performance. 9.05 Pushing Daisies Emerson, Ned and Chuck are hired to prove that a pilot was murdered and didn’t commit suicide. 10.05 FILM: American Pie: The Wedding (2003) Third installment in the gross-out comedy series. 11.05 ITV News and Weather 11.20 FILM: American Pie: The Wedding (2003) The pointless comedy sequel action continues. 12.10am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 1.55 FILM: Head Over Heels (2001) 3.20 ITV Nightscreen

6.35 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.05 Grand Designs Abroad Kevin McCloud meets Denise Daniel and Doug Ibbs who have bought a dilapidated 18th-century manor house in central France which needs renovating. 8.05 ER An exhausted Neela drifts into a daydream after working an all-night shift, but must think quickly when a patient with a torn aorta is trushed in. 9.05 FILM: The Sum Of All Fears (2002) Action thriller in which a CIA analyst faces a race against time to convince his superiors that a planned nuclear strike on a US city is not the work of the Russians but on a terrorist gang. 11.15 Jimmy Carr: Live See highlights. 12.20am Friday Night Project 1.20 FILM: The Honeymooners (2005) 2.50 FILM: The Final Curtain (2002) 4.15 In Your Dreams 4.25 St Elsewhere 5.15 Countdown

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 Hi-5 7.40 The Beeps 7.55 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 8.10 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8.25 Little Princess 8.45 Hana’s Helpline 9.00 The Funky Valley Show 9.15 Gerald McBoing Boing 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Football Italiano Highlights 10.45 The Family Recipe 10.50 Neighbours 1.00pm FILM: Tarzan And The Lost City (1998) 2.30 FILM: A Lawless Street (1955) 4.00 FILM: To Walk With Lions (1999) 5.55 FILM: The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972) 7.40 Five News and Sport The latest national and international headlines. 7.55 NCIS An infamous serial killer from Gibbs’s past returns. 8.50 NCIS The team tracks down the corpse of a sergeant who was buried alive in the Civil War. Meanwhile, Gibbs finds out that Ziva is now a full-time NCIS agent. 9.45 CSI: NY Stella’s life is put in danger when her apartment catches fire. Her colleagues, meanwhile, are handed another mystery when a dead body is found in her building. 10.45 Law and Order A Gulf War veteran is arrested on suspicion of murdering an anti-war protestor. 11.45 True CSI Forensic science documentary series. 12.45am Quiz Call Interactive quiz show giving viewers the chance to answer questions for money. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

6.20 Doctor Who Martha Jones summons the Doctor back to modern-day Earth, but an old enemy lies in wait. 7.05 I’d Do Anything Graham Norton presents as Andrew Lloyd Webber searches for the nation’s Nancy and Oliver to star in the West End production. 8.05 The National Lottery: 1 Vs 100 8.55 Casualty 9.45 Love Soup Comedy series chronicling eternally-single Alice’s quest for the perfect partner. 10.15 BBC News The latest news. 10.30 Match of the Day All the goals and highlights from the day’s Barclays Premier League games. 11.50 FILM: The Evil That Men Do (1984) The story of a professional killer (good old Charles Bronson) who comes out of retirement to target a sadistic British doctor employed as a torturer by an oppressive South American government. 1.15am Friday Night with Jonathan Ross Repeat of last night’s show. 2.15 Weatherview 2.20 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sports Adventures 6.30 Super League 8.30 LIVE Rugby Union: Super 14 (x2) 12.30pm LIVE European Rugby: Challenge Cup 2.30 LIVE European Rugby: Heineken Cup 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 LIVE Speedway 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 World Series of Poker Europe 12.00am Speedway 3.00 World Series of Poker Europe 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Wild Spirits

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: BMW Asian Open 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 WWE Smackdown 1.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 NFL: America’s Game 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 WWE The Bottom Line 7.00 NFL: America’s Game 8.00 LIVE NFL Draft 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Smackdown 3.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 High Five 5.30 High Five

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Brainiac: Science Abuse 1.00 Vroom Vroom 2.00 Are You Smarter Than a Ten-Year-Old? (x3) 5.00 Malcolm in the Middle 5.30 Futurama (x5) 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Law and Order 12.00am Inside... 1.00 FILM: Blood Monkey (2007) 2.30 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Two Pints Outtakes 7.10 Doctor Who Confidential 7.55 Top Gear 9.00 FILM: What Women Want (2000) 11.00 Gavin and Stacey 11.30 Family Guy 11.55 Family Guy 12.15am Glamour Girls 12.45 Child Stars 1.45 Gavin and Stacey 2.15 The Wall 3.00 Doctor Who Confidential

7.00pm Meetings with Remarkable Trees 7.10 In Search of Medieval Britain 7.40 The Book Quiz 8.10 A Perfect Spy 9.05 A Perfect Spy 10.00 The Best of Youth 11.35 FILM: Les Visiteurs (1993) 1.15am Selling Power: Admen and No 10 2.15 In Search of Medieval Britain 2.45 The Book Quiz

2.50pm Beat the Star 4.05 Britain’s Got More Talent 5.05 Pushing Daisies 6.05 Gossip Girl 7.05 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 9.30 Katy Brand’s Best Bits 10.05 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.05 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 12.05am Britain’s Got Talent (x2) 2.10 Entourage

12.35pm Robin of Sherwood 1.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Dark Blue Perfume 2.45 FILM: Holiday On The Buses (1974) 4.25 Kavanagh QC 6.05 Inspector Morse 8.05 Rosemary and Thyme 9.05 Inspector Wexford: Means of Evil 11.15 FILM: Schindler’s List (1993) 2.45am Ironside

12.40pm Young, Sexy and... Royal 1.35 Miss Match 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Joan ff Arcadia 7.00 Lost 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 50 Greatest Comedy Films 10.40 FILM: Stepmom (1998) 1.05am Lost 1.55 Joan of Arcadia 2.50 Miss Match 3.30 Beauty and the Geek: The Aftermath

1.05pm FILM: The Undefeated (1969) 3.20 Relocation, Relocation (x5) 9.05 The Day of the Kamikaze 10.40 Bremner, Bird and Fortune. See highlights. 11.45 The West Wing. American drama. 12.45am Deal or No Deal. Glorified guessing game. 1.35 The Day of the Kamikaze

3.25pm The Fix 3.30 The Jerry Springer Show 4.00 FILM: Steel Magnolias (1989) 6.30 Will and Grace 7.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Hotel Babylon 11.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.05am The X Files 1.00 Exposed: Britney Spears

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



12.20pm Sorry! 1.00 FILM: Romancing The Stone (1984) 3.00 Yes, Prime Minister 3.40 Only Fools and Horses 4.20 Sorry! 5.00 When Were We Funniest? 7.00 Yes, Prime Minister 7.40 Only Fools and Horses (x3) 10.40 Red Dwarf II 11.20 The Young Ones 12.00am The Black Adder

4.00pm King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 King of Queens (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 9.00 Scrubs 9.30 Two and a Half Men 10.00 Sex and the City 10.35 Sex and the City (x3) 12.20am Two and a Half Men 12.50 South Park (x2) 1.50 Sex and the City (x2)

10.00am Mythbusters (x2) 12.00pm Deadliest Catch (x3) 3.00 The 28-Stone Teenager: One Year Later 4.00 My Shocking Story 5.00 Mega Builders (x2) 7.00 Nefertiti 8.00 Bone Detectives: England Special 9.00 Rome 10.00 Most Evil 11.00 Forensic Detectives 12.00am Rome 1.00 Most Evil

1.40pm FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 3.40 FILM: Landslide (2004) 5.30 FILM: Force Of Impact (2005) 7.10 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Tornado (2004) 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Disaster Zone: Volcano In New York (2006) 11.50 FILM: Judgement Day (1999) 1.40am FILM: Momentum (2003)

1.05pm Hail The Conquering Hero (1944) 2.50 The Great Moment (1944) 4.20 The Great McGinty (1940) 5.50 The Lady Eve (1941) 7.30 The Palm Beach Story (1942) 9.00 The Quiet Man (1952) 11.15 True Grit (1969) 1.25am Hail The Conquering Hero (1944)

12.00pm The Fountain (2006) 1.45 The Page Turner (2006) 3.15 Them (2005) 4.45 The Castle (1998) 6.15 Harsh Times (2005) 8.15 The Fountain (2006) 10.00 Repo Man (1984) 11.40 The Passion Of Darkly Noon (1995) 1.30am Them (2005) 3.00 The Page Turner (2006)

1.00pm The Million Pound Note (1954) Clever comedy. 2.40 The Gentle Sex (1943) 4.25 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) Underwater adventure. 6.55 Happy-GoLucky Preview 7.05 Fantastic Voyage (1966) 9.00 The Abyss (1989) Sci fi action.11.45 Predator 2 (1990) 1.50am R-Point (2004)

1.00pm Song Of Love (1947) 3.00 Jezebel (1938) 4.50 All The Fine Young Cannibals (1960) 6.55 Designing Woman (1957) 9.00 The Cincinnati Kid (1965) 10.55 Diner (1982) 12.50am The Carey Treatment (1972) 2.40 Weekend At The Waldorf (1945) 5.00 Rogue Cop (1954)





10:32 AM

Page 1

sunday 27 Natural World BBC2, 6.10pm The official TV ‘cuteometer’ rating is off the scale for this warm and fuzzy look at the dayto-day life of Naabi, a photogenic young hyena growing up in Tanzania. Join her as she’s forced to leave her clan and brave the dangerous outside world alone (well, with a camera crew, natch) in search of food and shelter.

Melvyn Bragg’s Travels in Written Britain ITV1, 10.45pm Sir Melvyn of Braggdom concludes his reliably bookish tour of the British Isles with a trip north of the border to unearth Scotland’s literary heritage. Kicking off in Edinburgh he traces Scottish authors’ often fraught relationship with the English establishment.

How to Build a Cathedral BBC 4, 8pm Want to whack some value on your two bedroom Hove bungalow? Why not raze the garage and build a cathedral instead? Historian Jon Cannon (left) shows you how with just a couple of century’s building work you can get a property that’s a big hit with God as well as the estate agents.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match of the Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Life 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 EastEnders 2.55 FILM: Holes (2003) 4.45 Keeping Up Appearances 5.15 Points of View 5.30 Songs of Praise

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Tikkabilla 6.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 7.00 Legend of the Dragon 7.25 Watch My Chops 7.35 The Batman 7.55 Bernard 8.00 Trapped 8.30 Raven – The Secret Temple 9.00 Hider in the House 10.00 Something for the Weekend 11.30 Animal Park 12.00pm Boxing 1.00 World Championship Snooker 5.30 Lemurs of Madagascar

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Jim Jam and Sunny 9.40 Jim Jam and Sunny 9.55 Meg and Mog 10.00 Jim Jam and Sunny (x3) 10.45 Championship Goals 11.45 ITV News and Weather 11.55 Meridian News and Weather 12.00pm F1: Spanish Grand Prix Live 3.05 Britain’s Got Talent 4.05 Pushing Daisies 5.05 Creature Comforts 5.15 Along These Lines 5.45 Meridian News and Weather

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Trans World Sport 7.55 Adrenalin Rush 8.25 The Shooting Party 8.55 Shipwrecked 2008: The Hutcam Diaries 9.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.00pm Shipwrecked 2008: Battle of the Islands 1.10 Shipwrecked 2008 Special 1.40 The Nokia Green Room 2.15 Friends 2.50 4Music Presents... Duffy 3.20 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.10 The Simpsons 4.45 Alive 5.45 Scrapheap Challenge

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 10.00 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals on Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am WWE Heat 1.00 WWE Backlash LIVE 4.00 Ford Football Special 5.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word

6.05 BBC News; Regional News; Weather National and international news, then regional news and weather. 6.30 Seaside Rescue Documentary series following the work of maritime rescue services. 7.00 My Family Ben’s poker school is costing him a fortune. 7.30 I’d Do Anything Results Graham Norton presents as Andrew Lloyd Webber searches for the nation’s Nancy and Oliver to star in the West End production. 8.00 Miss Austen Regrets 9.30 The Vicar of Dibley After an unfortunate accident involving a big tree, St Barnabus’s Church finds itself in need of a new stained-glass window, but no one can remember the theme of the old pane. 10.00 BBC News; Weather The latest news and weather. 10.20 Panorama Special 11.20 Celine Dion in Las Vegas – A New Day The Canadian singer in concert. 12.20am FILM: Waking Up In Reno (2002) Romantic comedy. 1.45 Weatherview 1.50 Sign Zone: Watchdog 2.20 Holby City 3.20 Extreme Dreams 4.20 The Age Of Terror 4.50 Joins BBC News

6.10 Natural World See highlights. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Live second round action continues at The Crucible. 9.00 Timewatch: The Hunt for U-864 Dramatised documentary telling the true story of how the HMS Venturer hunted down and sank the U-Boat U864 in February 1945, the only time two submarines duelled to the death underwater. 9.50 Coast: Optical Telegraph 10.00 Match of the Day 2 10.50 The Graham Norton Show Guests include Martin Sheen, Will.I.Am and Cheryl Cole. 11.35 Heroes 12.25am World Snooker Highlights Second round match highlights are introduced by Ray Stubbs from The Crucible Theatre in Sheffield. 1.15 World Championship Snooker Extra 3.00 The Super League Show 3.30 Inside Sport 4.10 Joins BBC News

6.00 ITV News and Weather A round-up of the latest news headlines and a national weather forecast. 6.20 All New You’ve Been Framed! A Gordon Brown lookalike gets hammered when a trip to the fairground goes badly wrong. 6.45 Beat the Star Tonight it’s a real clash of the titans as former England cricketer, Darren Gough, defends his personal pride against a superhuman fireman from Lancashire. 8.00 Midsomer Murders When Nick Cheyney, director of a new film of ‘The Scarlet Pimpernel’ is beheaded by a guillotine on set, there is no shortage of suspects. 10.00 Headcases Topical satirical CGI comedy show which takes a biting look at the great and the good – from celebrities to politicians and members of the Royal Family. 10.30 ITV News and Weather The latest news headlines plus a national weather forecast. 10.45 Melvyn Bragg’s Travels in Written Britain See highlights. 11.45 F1: Spanish Grand Prix Highlights Steve Rider presents the best of the action from the Circuit de Catalunya, the fourth round of the world championship. 12.40am Cathedral 1.35 Dial a Mum 2.10 Under One Roof 3.30 People’s Court 3.55 ITV Nightscreen

6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 7.00 Bremner, Bird and Fortune Topical satirical comedy from impressionist Rory Bremner and regular collaborators John Bird and John Fortune. 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls Former Special Forces adventurer Bear Grylls demonstrates how to survive in the world’s most extreme environments. 9.00 FILM: In Her Shoes (2005) . Touching comedy drama based on Jennifer Weiner’s bestselling book. 11.25 FILM: Sleeping With The Enemy (1991) Thriller in which a woman who has been subjected to constant abuse by her control-crazy husband fakes her own death and changes her identity. 1.15am Sleeping with My Sister Documentary following the lives of two half-sibling couples, whose incestuous relationships began after reuniting as adults. 2.15 3 Minute Wonder: The Last Supper 2.25 The Diets That Time Forgot 3.25 3 Minute Wonder: The Last Supper 3.30 The Woman Who Stops 4.30 3 Minute Wonder: The Last Supper 4.35 St Elsewhere 5.25 Countdown

6.05am Bird Bath 6.10 Softies 6.15 Sailor Sid 6.20 Aussie Antics 6.25 Angels of Jarm 6.30 Elmo’s World 6.45 Hi-5 7.20 The Beeps 7.40 The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7.55 Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8.10 Little Princess 8.30 Hana’s Helpline 8.45 Funky Valley 9.00 Gerald McBoing Boing 9.30 Mist 9.45 Demolition Dad 10.00 The Gadget Show 11.00 My Music 12.00pm The Family Recipe 12.10 FILM: Rear Window (1998) 1.45 Football Italiano 4.10 James Bond 5.15 News 5.30 FILM: Hook (1991) 8.00 Extraordinary People: World’s Smallest Kids Series of absorbing documentaries exploring remarkable stories of human experience from all over the world. 9.00 FILM: The 6th Day (2000) Futuristic thriller about a helicopter pilot recovering from a near-fatal accident, who finds that a clone has replaced him in his absence. 11.25 FILM: Alien Nation (1988) Sci-fi thriller set in the not-too-distant future when aliens, labelled `newcomers’ by humans, have settled on Earth but have yet to integrate fully into society due to their hosts’ prejudice. 1.00am Major League Baseball Johnny Gould and Josh Chetwynd present live baseball coverage from the Sunday night game of the week from the MLB. Plus the latest news and highlights. 4.20 IndyCar 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: BMW Asian Open 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 High Five 11.30 Speedway 2.30pm LIVE European Rugby: Heineken Cup 5.00 Race World 6.00 High Five 6.30 Seamaster Sailing 7.00 LIVE NASCAR 11.00 Indy Racing League 1.00am World Series of Poker Europe 2.00 Golf Night

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Seamaster Sailing 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Heat 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 7.30 European Rugby Special 9.30 Seamaster Sailing 10.00 WWE Experience 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Spanish Football 1.30 European Rugby Special

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








1.00pm Killer Squid 2.00 The Dog Whisperer 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 Malcolm in the Middle (x3) 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Are You Smarter Than a Ten-Year-Old? 7.00 A-Z of Gladiators 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 FILM: The Pelican Brief (1993) 11.45 Ross Kemp in Afghanistan 12.45am Road Wars

7.00pm Sound 7.30 The Real Hustle 8.00 Doctor Who 8.45 Doctor Who Confidential 9.00 Pulling 9.30 Little Britain 10.00 Page Three Teens 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Pulling 12.15am Page Three Teens 1.15 The Real Hustle 1.45 Natalie Cassidy’s Diet Secrets 2.45 Spendaholics

7.00pm Inside The Medieval Mind 8.00 How to Build a Cathedral. See highlights. 9.00 Dear Television 9.10 Washes Whiter 10.00 Mad Men 10.50 BBC Four Sessions 11.50 Van Morrison on Later with Jools Holland 12.50am Soul Britannia 1.50 How to Build a Cathedral

12.05pm Britain’s Got More Talent 1.05 Emmerdale Omnibus 3.35 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.00 American Idol 2008 (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 10.00 Bionic Woman 11.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 12.00am FILM: Mission: Impossible (1996)

2.55pm There’s Something about... Dahl 4.00 Dempsey and Makepeace 5.00 Inspector Morse 7.00 Dempsey and Makepeace 8.00 The Best of the Royal Variety 9.00 Those Were The Days: 69 Moon Landing 10.00 FILM: Schindler’s List (1993) 1.40am Tales of the Unexpected (x2)

12.05pm Switched 12.35 Big Brother USA (x3) 3.20 Shipwrecked 2008: Battle of the Islands (x2) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 The War at Home 6.30 Big Bang Theory 7.00 Scrubs 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Brothers and Sisters 12.00am Dirty Sexy Money

7.25pm Jamie at Home 7.55 The View from River Cottage 8.25 The View From River Cottage 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Heather Mills: What Really Happened? See highlights. 11.05 Father Ted 11.35 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.45 Ramsay’s Kitchen

12.00pm Britain’s Next Top Model 1.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 1.55 Maury (x2) 3.45 The Fix 3.50 Maury (x2) 5.30 The Jerry Springer Show 6.00 Army Wives 7.00 So you Think you Can Dance (x2) 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The X Files

UK TV Gold



Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



12.50pm Yes, Prime Minister 1.30 Sorry! 2.10 Only Fools and Horses 2.50 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 5.00 Dancing with the Stars (x2) 7.15 Only Fools and Horses (x3) 9.40 Red Dwarf II 10.20 The Young Ones 11.00 The Black Adder 11.40 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 1.50am FILM: Roxanne (1987) 3.40 Icons

9.00am King of Queens (x24) 9.00pm Scrubs 9.30 Two and a Half Men 10.00 Sex and the City (x4) 12.25am Two and a Half Men 12.55 Scrubs (x2) Hospital comedy. 1.55 Sex and the City (x3) 3.30 Linc’s 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life in Film (x2) 5.10 King Of Queens (x2)

6.00am How do They do It? (x4) 8.00 How It’s Made (x4) 10.00 Mythbusters (x2) 12.00pm Dangerman 1.00 Human Body: Ultimate Machine (x4) 5.00 American Chopper 6.00 Mythbusters 8.00 Oil Strike! 9.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 10.00 Most Evil 11.00 Forensic Detectives 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm FILM: Magma: Volcanic Disaster (2006) 1.40 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 3.20 FILM: Disaster Zone: Volcano In New York (2006) 5.10 FILM: Frozen Impact (2002) 7.00 Flash Gordon 9.50 FILM: The Last Winter (2006) 11.50 FILM: Memory Run (1994) 1.50am Flash Gordon 3.00 Dark Angel 4.00 V (x2)

1.50pm To Catch A Thief (1955) 3.45 The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 5.35 Steptoe And Son (1972) 7.15 Indiscreet (1958) 9.00 Rosemary’s Baby (1968) 11.20 Curse Of The Werewolf (1961) 1.05am To Catch A Thief (1955) 3.05 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

10.00am Jules Et Jim (1961) 11.50 Pecker (1998) 1.20pm Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2005) 3.05 Election (1999) 4.50 Factotum (2005) 6.25 Volver (2006) 8.30 Pecker (1998) 10.00 Election (1999) 11.50 The Road To Wellville (1994) 2.00am Jules Et Jim (1961) 4.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) 3.05 Lady From Louisiana (1941) 4.40 Timberjack (1955) 6.25 The Core (2003) 9.00 Underworld (2003) 11.10 Beneath The Planet Of The Apes (1970) Simian sci fi 12.55am Last Days (2005) A rock star gets increasingly depressed very, very slowly.

8.40am Objective, Burma! (1945) 11.15 Jezebel (1938) 1.00pm Beau Brummell (1954) 3.00 Now, Voyager (1942) 5.05 Bachelor In Paradise (1961) 7.00 Singin’ In The Rain (1952) 9.00 The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 10.45 Whose Life Is It Anyway? (1981) 12.50am All Fall Down (1962)





10:34 AM

Page 1

monday 28 Dispatches: The Mobile Phone Rip-Off Channel 4, 8pm The booming mobile phone industry makes over 13 billion pounds every year, even though it also attracts the most grievances from customers. Reporter Anthony Barnett investigates the hidden links between high street phone retailers and the British government.

Embarrassing Bodies Channel 4, 9pm Fancy a chuckle at some poor other sod’s expense? Then head for Christian Jessen’s and Dawn Harper’s surgery as they try to ‘demistify’ embarrassing symptoms. Among the suckers paraded around tonight are a man who needs a full body lift and a woman who’s covered head-to-toe in psoriasis sores.

American Mafia: From Street to Screen Sky Movies Indie, 1.25am From Marlon Brando’s mumbling mob boss in The Godfather to the neurotic Tony Soprano, the mafia have provided a rich seam of memorable characters. Sky Movies invites a host of stars to talk about their favourite mob moments, with interviewees including Eliot Gould.






Channel 4


Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 To Buy or Not to Buy 11.45 Cash in the Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News and Weather 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Out of the Blue 3.00 BBC News and Weather 3.05 Space Pirates 3.35 ChuckleVision 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation (x2) 4.10 Roar 4.35 Grange Hill 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.30am Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.29 The Owl 7.30 Hider in the House 8.30 Jackanory 8.45 Numberjacks 9.00 Boogie Beebies 9.20 Me Too! 9.40 Something Special 9.55 Be Safe with the Tweenies 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Focus 10.50 Look and Read 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Barnaby Bear 11.45 Magic Key 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Science Clips Investigates (x2) 1.20 Primary Geography 1.30 World Championship Snooker 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu Noel McMeel produces a warm woodpigeon tart, baby rocket salad and goat’s buttermilk sorbet with wild garlic and basil dressing, whilst Danny Millar serves up sweetbreads with peas, broad beans and morels. 7.00 World Championship Snooker 9.00 Am I Normal? Dr Tanya Byron explores what some consider the fine line between religious devotion and psychiatric disorder. 10.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Hislop. 10.30 Newsnight Coverage of today’s important national and international news stories with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 World Snooker Highlights Ray Stubbs introduces highlights from Sheffield and looks ahead to the quarter finals. 12.10am World Championship Snooker Extra Hazel Irvine introduces second round highlights from The Crucible in Sheffield. 2.00 Joins BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.10 ITV News 11.15 Meridian News and Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Goldenballs

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Frasier (x2) 9.30 Will and Grace 9.55 The OC 10.50 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 11.45 In Your Dreams 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Proud Parents 12.45 FILM: Moonfleet (1955) 2.20 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 12.30pm UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 Spanish Football 4.30 Big League Weekend 6.00 PFA Awards 2008 7.30 LIVE Championship Football 10.00 PFA Awards 2008 10.30 Big League Weekend 1.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 PFA Awards 2008 3.30 Big League Weekend 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits

6.00 Meridian Tonight All the latest news, sport and breaking stories from across the region. Including Meridian weather. 6.25 Party Election Broadcast by the Conservative Party 6.30 ITV Evening News and Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Terry is horrified as TJ is rushed to hospital. 7.30 Coronation Street Maria receives some disturbing news about her baby. 8.00 Bad Manners Britain: Tonight Jonathan Maitland investigates whether Britons have become boorish louts. 8.30 Coronation Street Maria struggles to take in the news – how will she break it to Liam? 9.00 Real Crime: Murder at Harvey Nicks An examination of the murder of beauty consultant Clare Bernal, who was shot dead in Harvey Nichols in September 2005. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 The Matrix Reloaded: Special Introduction 10.40 FILM: The Matrix Reloaded (2003) Sci-fi sequel. 1.00am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.30 Nightwatch with Steve Scott 2.25 Loose Women 3.15 Make Me Perfect 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Bart gets involved with the wrong crowd, much to the concern of Marge and Homer. 6.30 Hollyoaks Louise is charged with Sean’s murder. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: The Gathering An elderly man tackles an Irish mountain barefoot to celebrate a religious festival. 8.00 Dispatches: The Mobile Phone Rip-Off See highlights. 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies See highlights. 10.00 FILM: One Hour Photo (2002) A lonely, insecure man working in a photo processing shop in a large department store becomes fixated on a young family whose photos he is regularly asked to develop. 11.50 FILM: The Woodsman (2004) A released paedophile returns to his home town and attempts to start a new life. 1.25am Sex Change Soldier 2.25 3 Minute Wonder: The Best of FourDocs 2.30 The Diets That Time Forgot 3.30 Dispatches: The Mobile Phone Rip-Off 4.20 The Woman who Stops Traffic 5.20 St Elsewhere

6.25am Thomas & Friends 6.35 The Funky Valley Show 6.50 My First... 6.55 Fireman Sam 7.05 Roary the Racing Car 7.20 Rupert Bear 7.30 Mr. Men 7.50 Noddy 8.05 Fifi and the Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bird Bath 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.00pm House Doctor 12.30 News 12.45 Law and Order 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Animal Rescue Squad 3.15 FILM: Murder 101(2007) 5.00 News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home and Away Sam takes extreme measures to allay suspicion. Rachel suspects that Sam has a guilty secret. Why has Drew returned to the Bay? 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series from Chester Zoo. 7.00 Five News 7.30 How do They do It? Robert finds out how armoured cars are built, how the Thames is kept relatively clean and how flat-pack furniture is produced. 8.00 The Gadget Show Jason and Suzi put the very latest robotic mops and vacuum cleaners to the test and whip up a meal using the latest cooking gadgets. 9.00 Paul Merton in China Paul tries his hand at kung fu at the Shaolin Temple, famed as the birthplace of Zen Buddhism. 10.00 Dom Joly’s Complainers Dom takes on First Great Western in an attempt to find out why they are the most complained-about rail company in Britain. 11.05 FILM: Darkness Falls (2003) Slasher horror about a woman who – having been wrongly hanged in her hometown 150 years previously – returns in the form of an evil spirit bent on exacting vengeance. 12.35am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.30 USPGA Golf 2.20 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 House Doctor

6.00 BBC News The latest national and international news stories from the BBC, followed by weather. 6.30 South East Today; Weather Regional news magazine. 7.00 The One Show Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present a magazine series featuring a mix of interviews, topical reports and features from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog Consumer magazine, presented by Nicky Campbell. 7.57 BBC News and Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Roxy struggles with her betrayal of Ronnie. Will she tell the truth about Jack? 8.30 Panorama The UN polices conflicts around the world, but is it fit to police itself? 9.00 Waking the Dead 10.00 BBC Ten O’Clock News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Meet the Immigrants Documentary series looking at the thousands of refugees who arrive in northern France from Africa and the Middle East, hoping to enter the UK illegally. 11.05 Inside Sport 11.45 FILM: American Flyers (1985) 1.35am Springwatch 1.40 Sign Zone: Am I Normal? 2.40 Extreme Dreams with Ben Fogle 3.10 To Buy or Not to Buy 3.55 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Sports Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 Seamaster Sailing 10.30 Sports Adventures 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Golf Night 2.00 European Rugby Special 4.00 Golf Night 6.00 Sports Adventures 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 Spirit Of Yachting 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 World Series of Poker Europe 10.30 Spirit of Yachting 11.00 Speedway 1.00am World Motor Sport

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Tennis: ATP Masters 9.00 European Rugby Special 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00pm WWE Heat 1.00 WWE Experience 2.00 WWE Afterburn 3.00 WWE Heat 4.00 WWE Raw 7.00 WWE Smackdown 9.00 WWE Backlash 12.00am World Series of Poker Europe 1.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw

Matt Chittock

extraterrestrial Sky One








12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 Angel 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Malcolm in the Middle 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Bones 11.00 Road Wars (x3) 1.55 Angel 2.50 Stargate Atlantis 3.45 Deadwood 4.45 America’s Dumbest Criminals

7.00pm Dragons’ Den 8.00 The Real Hustle 8.30 Glamour Girls 9.00 Britain’s Youngest Grannies 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Pulling 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Glamour Girls 12.45 Britain’s Youngest Grannies 1.45 Ideal 2.15 Pulling 2.45 The Real Hustle 3.15 Blood Sweat and T-Shirts

7.00pm World News Today. Global current affairs show. 7.30 The Art of Eternity 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama 10.00 Heist 11.10 The Hour of the Pig 1.00am The Book Quiz. Literary quiz show. 1.30 Heist 2.40 The Book Quiz 3.10 The Art of Eternity

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Pushing Daisies 10.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible (1996) 12.10am Coronation Street (x2)

12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Rosemary and Thyme 3.00 Jeeves and Wooster 4.10 Surgical Spirit 4.40 PD James: Shroud for a Nightingale 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 The Beiderbecke Affair 8.00 PD James: Shroud for a Nightingale 9.00 Hack 10.00 Numb3rs 11.00 Cane 11.50 A Touch of Frost 1.40am Ironside

2.05pm Style Her Famous 2.35 Kevin Hill 3.30 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Wayne’s World (1992) 10.50 Hollyoaks: In the City 11.50 Scrubs (x2) 12.50 The Simple Life

4.00pm A Place in the Sun (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 Shrink Rap 11.05 ER 12.05am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1.05 Grand Designs Revisited

4.00pm Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 The Steve Wilkos Show 7.55 The Fix 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 Hotel Babylon 11.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.05am The X Files 1.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 2.00 Charmed




Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies



5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 My Family 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Only Fools and Horses 8.20 The Black Adder 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Absolutely Fabulous 10.20 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.00 Only Fools and Horses 11.40 The Black Adder 12.20am The Royle Family 1.00 The Worst Week of My Life

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Becker (x2) 3.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Becker (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x3) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Two and a Half Men 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am South Park 12.40 Two and a Half Men (x2)

5.00pm How It’s Made 5.30 How do They do It? 6.00 Mythbusters 7.00 How It’s Made 7.30 How do They do It? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 American Chopper 10.00 Mythbusters 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 Most Evil 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.00pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 FILM: Landslide (2004) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 The Lost World 6.00 Dark Angel 7.00 Quantum Leap 8.00 Flash Gordon 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Epicenter (2000) 12.00am FILM: Bloodsuckers 2.00 The Lost World 3.00 Dark Angel 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 Profiler

11.05am 12 Angry Men (1957) 12.55pm Topaz (1969) 3.20 Billion Dollar Brain (1967) 5.20 Rio Grande (1950) 7.15 12 Angry Men (1957) 9.00 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 11.10 Look Back In Anger (1958) 1.00am Topaz (1969) 3.30 Rio Grande (1950) 5.25 The Raven (1963)

3.10pm The Ground Truth (2006) 4.35 The Duellists (1977) 6.20 Jeff Wayne’s Musical Version of the War Of The Worlds 8.20 Little Man Tate (1991) 10.00 Suicide Kings (1997) 11.55 London To Brighton (2006) 1.25am American Mafia: From Street to Screen. See highlights.

1.00pm Angels Over Broadway (1940) 2.30 A Town Like Alice (1956) 4.55 Distant Drums (1951) 6.55 Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004) Overlooked sci-fi drama. 9.00 I, Robot (2004) Paranoid sci fi with Will Smith. 11.05 The Fly (1986) 12.50am The Fly (1958) The original shocker.

1.00pm Ada (1961) 3.00 Viva Las Vegas (1964) 4.30 The Yellow Rolls-Royce (1965) 7.05 Travels With My Aunt (1972) 9.00 Shaft (1971) 10.55 The Best House In London (1968) 12.40am Freaks (1932) 1.50 The Subterraneans (1960) 3.40 Murder At The Gallop (1963) 5.00 Somewhere I’ll Find You (1942)



Latest 7 Issue 369: 22-28 April 2008  

Business Class: Unrivalled conference facilities await at Stanmer House. Body Beautiful: Trinny and Susannah talk to Latest 7.

Latest 7 Issue 369: 22-28 April 2008  

Business Class: Unrivalled conference facilities await at Stanmer House. Body Beautiful: Trinny and Susannah talk to Latest 7.