g n i s i a R
so who ’ s in charge ?
: N E E T R O N E E A TW By: Dr. Wissam Nadra
R E C E N T LY, I sat down with my 88-yearold mother over an espresso and asked her for advice about child rearing: How did you and Dad do it? My mom smiled at me and said one sentence: Love them unconditionally, be patient, and learn to pick your battles.
As a pediatrician and father of three children—two of whom are teenagers (15 and 14 years old, respectively), I can honestly say that their sense of reasoning has flown out the window. While they are both great students at school, I feel sometimes that their common sense is almost nonexistent. My wife and I feel like we’re repeating ourselves constantly: Did you comb your hair? Did you brush your teeth? Is your room clean? ... etc. The MD-part of me understands the hormonal changes going on in their bodies but the Dadside of me is baffled by their seemingly erratic, nonchalant behaviors. P.S. (to all three of
my kids):
Your mother and I love you very much!
w
12 LKN
| JUNE 2017
While these may be difficult child-rearing years for us as parents, there’s a lot we can do to nurture and encourage responsible behaviors in our tweens and teens. 1 EVERY MOMENT COUNTS AS QUALITY TIME. Sometimes, the best conversations with your child happen in the car when there is minimal eye contact and they can free associate. 2 LOVE THEM AND TELL THEM AND SHOW THEM HOW MUCH. We assume they know that we love them, but you need to demonstrate that always! At the same time, you need to discipline and guide them as a parent and not as a friend. 3 GIVE THEM THEIR SPACE. This is especially important when you are upset with one another. Also, lead by example and forgive them. 4 REMEMBER YOU LOVE THEM BUT MAY NOT ALWAYS APPROVE OF THEIR BEHAVIORS OR ACTIONS. When critiquing a behavior you disapprove of, focus on the behavior. Don’t make it a personal attack on their character. 5 DON’T SET UNACHIEVABLE EXPECTATIONS OF YOUR CHILD. Remember that each of your children has personal strengths and weaknesses. Always build on their strengths. 6 ENCOURAGE SAFETY. Encourage cyber safety, and remind them not to text and drive, or to meet someone online that they have never met in person.
7 HAVE AT LEAST ONE MEAL A DAY AS A FAMILY. Take time to talk and share what happened during each family member’s day. 8 FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE. Practice what you preach. What we say or do is being watched and scrutinized by our children. 9 REMEMBER THAT EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT. What may work with one child doesn’t always work with the other one. Respect the differences you see in each of your children.
Wissam E. Nadra, MD, FAAP, AIHM, is the president and clinical director at Lakeshore Pediatric Center in Denver. He is a boardcertified pediatrician, also certified in integrative medicine. For more information, visit www. lakeshorepediatric.com, or call 704.489.8401.
Finally, I leave you with the words of the Lebanese American poet Gibran Kahlil Gibran: “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself... You may give them your life but not your thoughts ... You may house their bodies but not their souls... For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow...”