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KT Son Professor Mendoza LATINX 392 June 13, 2018

First grade summer, 2003, when my mom and I visited a family friend in Virginia. Photo from an awkward photoshoot commemorating the purchase of several new dresses, all of which I sincerely disliked

Foreword Being a nonnative speaker to me meant I needed to express it all with The words I knew, the words I learned, the words I translated on the online dictionary  I became ironically verbose using unclear words trying to explain why I was unclear I never imagined I could speak with or hear from poems.   This class showed me how to hear and speak with poems (with pictures, movements, voices, and minds) How to speak clearly with unclear words These are the words I know, the words I learn, and some of the words, I did translate

One day last summer I picked a pretty girly top, And sent my mom in Korea a shy fitting room selfie Pretty, finally not looking like a kid anymore, You look mature wearing feminine clothes like that I replied, Eh, maybe I’ll buy it on sale. The next morning, grandma sent me money Mom said she liked it, buy it, wear it

Don’t some kids remember their childhood closets to be some nostalgic world of fantastical shiz? I don’t know, maybe that’s just Narnia and Monster’s Inc. but My closet, for one, was not the world I’d call my own. I would open and close my closet, maybe a few times a month Wishing the neatly hung dresses would get less flowery, less pastel, less delicate the next time around To this day, my mom prides in how much she spoiled me with such beautiful dresses when I was a kid, lamenting, still, the fact that I barely wore any of them. I wish, just to be fair to the both of us, I had told her Umma, I don’t want to be beautiful

Year by year since I left Korea I learn and grow, neck up and down. -ism, -ization, –– and politics, I learn how this land is // how my land has fucked up. Each time I look back at Korea, I look lower and lower down at where I come from

Year by year since I left Korea I learn and grow, neck up and down. You left as a child, obviously you grew, one may say – But you see, it becomes a problem when you have grown more than how much you should’ve. Every year I go back to Korea, They seem to – tolerate how tall I’ve become  But definitely no, not how big I’ve gotten

And as for the “feminine” clothes in Korea,

They don’t come in my size anyways.

LATINX 392: Decolonial Research Methods – Final Project  
LATINX 392: Decolonial Research Methods – Final Project