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Growing as a writer Table of Contents Analytical Cover Letter……………………………………………………………..3 Quality Comparison………………………………………………………………… Least Successful Paper……………………………………………………….….5 Most Successful Paper…………………………………………………………...7 “What’s The Difference?”……………………………………………………….10 Revision Samples…………………………………………………………………... Least Successful Paper (With mark-up)…………………………………………12 Least Successful Paper (Revised)………………………………………………..17 Most Successful Paper (With mark-up)………………………………………….21 Most Successful Paper (Revised)………………………………………………..25 Free Choice Essay (With mark-up)……………………………………………...28 Free Choice Essay (With mark-up)……………………………………………...31


4 December 2012 Karen Redding Associate Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus Mrs. Redding, I have wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember, but I never thought that I would be skilled enough. I have always had good grammar, but I have difficulty organizing my thoughts sometimes. The thought of taking an honors English course excited me because of the learning opportunities it would bring. I was right to be excited; I learned even more than I thought I would. In spite of this, I was disappointed to see that my essay scores did not improve over the semester and thought I had no improvements to write about. I was wrong about that because making progress is about more than grades. In the past I tried to write what I thought people wanted to hear. Your class was about more than just writing; it was about the thought process behind what was being written. I have not perfected my organization and argument development, but I have begun tothink differently about the topics that I am writing about. My logic and questions have been sharpened throughout this semester. I am writing my own thoughts and not the argument I think someone wants to hear. I think I have become more comfortable with my voice as a writer. My voice was strongest in the This I Believe essay because it was personal, but I am also beginning to develop my voice on other types of essays. Even though there has not been much change in my skill at supporting my thesis and organizing my writing, I have become far more aware of what the flaws in my writing are and of how I can improve them. I know that I need to make sure that all of my statements are relevant to the argument that I am developing and that I need a more logical structure in my essays. Compositions two and three showed major problems in this area, but when I revised them I understood what needed to be changed. My sentences and paragraphs tend to be started in the same manner, which can be rather repetitive. Knowing what I need to improve makes me much more confident in my writing abilities and gives me hope that maybe I will be able to write the way I want in the future. I still use too many “wh� words, but am catching myself more often. The picky rules have made me examine my writing more closely and pay more attention to detail. I break fewer picky rules now than I did when I started this semester. Many of the rules are things I had not considered before your class.


I have learned that writing is more than putting words on a page. Writing is having something to say and knowing how to say it in a convincing manner. With more time and practice, hopefully I will be able to express my opinions and arguments in an academic manner. Even if my opinion is well thought out and is correct, that will not matter if I cannot organize it in a way that is purposeful and clear. I feel a much clearer purpose in my writing than I ever have. Taking your class has made me a better writer in other classes and will make my future classes easier. Thank you for challenging me and making me think in ways I did not expect an English teacher to do. Thank you, Emily Williams


Emily Williams English 1101h Redding November 28, 2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWdZEJW1vWY The video is an Obama Campaign ad that is trying to make Romney appear to be an ineffective politician. It uses credible sources to create a convincing argument about Romney’s political abilities that connects with its audience by knowing what the audience is concerned about. The ad starts with a black screen and the words Massachusetts 2002 in white across it. It cuts to a clip of Romney saying he knows how jobs are created. Then it shows a copy of an article from the Boston Globe entitled Romney’s Economic Record. A line is highlighted that says “one of the worst in the country.” A narrator says “one of the worst economic records in the country.” An empty building is shown while a voice says “when Mitt Romney was governor, Massachusetts lost forty thousand manufacturing jobs.” (The screen shows the Bureau of Labor Statistics as the source of that information.) “A rate twice the national average.” (Bureau of labor statistics is quoted again.) “And fell to 47th in job creation.” Massachusetts is shown on a list of states. A clip of Romney making a speech is shown while the narrator says, “Instead of hiring workers from his own state (shows empty office building), Romney outsourced call center jobs to India.” The screen quotes The Boston Globe as the source and shows people on phones. “He cut taxes for millionaires like himself (shows Romney boarding a plane with a cameraman filming him and quotes Associated Press) While raising them on the middle class.” The Boston Globe is quoted again. Screen shows a stressed looking mom and a dad sitting at a table looking over stacks of papers while two children look on. Narrator continues, “And left the state 2.6 billion deeper in debt.” Quotes Massachusetts Treasurer and shows a government building with a graph of rising debt. “So now, when Mitt Romney talks about what he’d do as president.” (shows Romney talking to a crowd) A clip is shown of Romney on CNN saying, “I know what it takes to create jobs.” The narrator says, “Remember, we’ve heard it all before.” Shows an older clip of Romney saying. “I know how jobs are created.” A picture of Romney is shown while the narrator says, “Romney economics: it didn’t work then, it won’t work now.” All the images are dark around the edges and somewhat dramatic music plays throughout the ad. During the ad there is a link to the site RomneyEconomics.com on the screen. The ad focuses entirely on negative things and makes me wonder what it leaves out. The Boston Globe is quoted frequently which makes me wonder if it is biased towards Obama. The ad makes a country under Romney look bleak and desolate. It is effective in that it has a sense of urgency about it and it is attention grabbing. I do not like that the ad tried to set a mood, as I find that to be kind of manipulative. The claims the ad makes are that Romney is a poor economist who put his state in debt, caused job loss, and outsourced jobs. The ad appeals to the audience’s logos showing Romney saying that he knows how to create jobs, then shows the facts that support that he did not manage to create jobs in his state. That shows Romney to either be a liar or to be bad at his job. The ad frequently uses unbiased, credible sources such as the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The creators of the ad used actual facts and figures to support their claim of Romney not having created jobs instead of just stating their opinion. That is the creators appealing to the audience’s rational side instead of their emotional one. The ad claims that Romney raised taxes on the middle class while lowering them on the upper class, which shows his priorities. Adding to that is the claim that he


outsourced jobs to India. That shows a man without enough concerns for his nation’s economy. Logically, one could assume that since Romney did not increase jobs as a governor, he would not as a president. The ethos of the creators is their sources. They are saying that they are not the only ones with that opinion, but that they can prove that they are correct. Using the official source of the Bureau of Labor Statistics makes it appear that the creators are delivering facts and not trying to manipulate information to manipulate people’s emotions. The sources makes it appear that the creators are trying to inform and educate people as a warning of what could happen under a Romney presidency. The examples they use of Romney’s results as governor show that they are not merely speculating, but are basing their opinion on something that has already happened. There are many things in the ad that appeal to people’s pathos. First of all, and most importantly, the ad’s focus is on jobs, which is what people are most worried about right now. That makes it appear that jobs are important to Obama’s campaign and that they care about people’s employment. Showing the inconsistency between Romney’s words and his results could make people angry and distrustful of him. Focusing on the amount of job loss in Massachusetts during Romney’s time as governor could make people fearful as to what a country with Romney as president would be like. Saying that he cuts taxes to millionaires while showing an image of him boarding a plane that could be his creates an image of a wealthy man not concerned about the middle and lower classes. People could see him as disconnected and uncaring from that. Saying that Romney outsourced jobs could make people distrustful and angry towards him since it makes him look as if he is not invested in and loyal to his country. People want someone who will fix our economy, not someone who will do what is most convenient for himself. A clip is shown of stressed looking parents with children looking on while the narrator says that Romney raised taxes on the middle class. The clip appeals to people who have to provide for others. It shows concern the creators have for the impact Romney’s economic policies could have on families. While talking about job losses, pictures of empty, deserted buildings are shown creating an image of desolation under Romney. The music builds a sense of urgency and intensity to the entire message that could make people feel more strongly about what is being said. The primary audience is probably undecided voters, Independents, and Republicans- anyone who has not yet decided to vote for Obama and lower and middle class people who are worried about the economy. The music, darkness around the screen and serious tone gives the message a sense of importance and significance. It expects the audience to be concerned about the economy and jobs. It is effective in that there is already so much concern regarding that topic, and the ad makes the Obama campaign appear concerned about the economy and its impact on people’s lives. The ad uses all aspects of the rhetorical triangle, but emphasizes pathos.


Emily Williams English 1101 Karen Redding Gratitude

I believe in gratitude. I believe in having an appreciation for everything positive in my life and sometimes even for negative things. I believe that it is difficult to find satisfaction in life without gratitude for life and the opportunities that it brings. Being grateful and focusing on blessings is not a form of denial or an overly optimistic attitude. Being grateful is realizing that what I have is not something that I am entitled to and that what I have is a gift. To take a gift for granted is to let it go to waste. It is easy to claim gratitude, but to truly have a deep sense of thankfulness it is important to understand the alternative to having that blessing. It is also easy to overlook things that seem small or insignificant and only be grateful for the obvious things such as friends, family, a home, etcetera. I considered myself a grateful person, thankful for my health, family, and education, but I only gained a clear idea of what gratitude meant when I lost some of what I had. When I was fourteen years old I became ill with a lifelong condition that completely changed my appreciation for things around me and introduced me to a life I had never imagined. Activities I had never given a thought to became incredibly difficult and the smallest tasks were tough to manage. Dressing myself had always seemed like an obvious thing to be capable of doing, but it turned into a long and painful process. Every single thing I did had to be relearned so I could handle it. None of this sounds like a reason to be grateful, but oddly enough it is precisely why I am. Losing the strengths and abilities I had has made me appreciate the ones I have retained. Having to pick and choose my daily activities because I no longer have the energy for what I did before means I appreciate everything I do. I am no longer having mindless fun and wasting


time and energy on things I do not really care about. When I was healthy, my favorite things in life were dancing and swimming. I was grateful for my team, a place to practice, and friends to dance with. But the things that I miss the most are not obvious and those are the things I wish I had appreciated while I still had them, and the kind of moments I will try to be aware of in the future. I miss the feeling when I would first dive into the water and as my head went under, everything would be silenced. I do not miss winning; I miss the excitement of a close race, even if I lost. My dancing was focused on technique and perfecting each step. I realize now what a waste of time it was to focus on that since the most memorable moments were not the times I did something just right, but the times I laughed the hardest, felt the freest, and expressed myself. I am grateful that I had those experiences; I only wish I appreciated them as they were happening. I have had periods without certain basic abilities and have come close to losing others. This has allowed me to really appreciate and feel deeply grateful for everything I am still capable of. I have always loved reading and it has been my favorite activity for times of stress. When nerve damage caused difficulty seeing, I was unable to read a word for over a year. I found that I missed more than stories, which I could easily access through audio books. I missed words, the smell of books, and reading with my own intonations. Now that my eyesight has improved, I read with so much joy. My excitement at being able to start on the reading list that I had been building was indescribable. It amazes me that something so simple, that so many people do, brings me so much pleasure simply because of how I view it. Of course, there are times when it is not easy for me to see things that way, but when I am in pain or feeling frustrated over being unable to run, I wiggle my toes and remind myself that I am still capable of that. As simple as it may be to wiggle one’s toes, I am grateful to be able to because I have learned that nothing is too


small to be grateful for. A friend with my condition uses a wheelchair and recently I was told my ability to walk is a miracle. I knew I was lucky, but I did not realize just how lucky I was. I now find myself thinking far less about how painful walking is and how much I hate not being able to exercise. Instead, I think of the independence being able to walk gives me and of all the people with my illness who cannot walk and what a blessing it is to be able to stand on my feet. My perspective might be difficult to understand and sound like forced cheeriness, but I actually consider myself a realist and at times a cynic. My perspective is the result of looking beyond myself and seeing life from another angle. I was extremely hesitant about writing my essay on this topic, not because I am ashamed of my illness, but because I am typically a very private person and hate to make my struggles known. But there are many struggles that go on in the world of the chronically ill that can be changed by speaking about them, so I decided to start here. After all, I have a voice and maybe not using it would mean taking it for granted.


Emily Williams English 1101H Karen Redding December 5, 2012 Quality Comparison My most and least successful essays were vastly different. My best essay was my This I Believe essay which had a clear purpose and strong voice. My least successful essay was my advertisement comparison and contrast essay. That essay had terrible organization and argument development. Composition one, my most successful essay, was the best in my opinion because my purpose and my voice were strongest in it. The essay was a personal one and my message was one I felt strongly about. This made me use more clear and direct language because I knew exactly what I wanted to say. The organization was far better than in composition three. Composition three was not a proper analysis essay because it spent too much time explaining what the advertisement’s audience could already see. Even though not all of my points directly supported my thesis in composition one, the essay was still much more clear and comprehensible than composition three. Some of my word usage was poor on composition one. I tended to begin my sentences the same way. My voice was more authentic in my first essay and seemed more genuine. Composition three sounded garbled and confused. Composition three was my weakest because of the terrible organization it had. It was clear that I had not written an outline or planned it carefully enough. My first paragraph was an unnecessary description of the advertisement. I should not have been describing anything, I should have been analyzing. Some of my responses were too personal and not objective enough.


I was not supposed to be saying what I thought about the advertisement, but explaining the creator’s purpose. There were many points that I brought up but did not explain thoroughly enough. I misused the word logos in one paragraph, changing my intended meaning. Misusing logos completely defeats the purpose of explaining the logos. There was no introduction in the essay and the conclusion sounded like an introduction. I did not have a clear idea of where I was going with the essay and that was very apparent. The formatting was incorrect, not done as an academic essay. Overall, the essays were not very far apart in grades, but they were still far apart in quality. Composition one read smoothly and convincingly and composition three was difficult to follow and comprehend.


Emily Williams English 1101h Redding November 28, 2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWdZEJW1vWY The video is an Obama Campaign advertisement in which that is Romney is portrayed as an ineffective politician. trying to make Romney appear to be an ineffective politician.The primary audience is probably undecided voters, Independents, and Republicans- anyone who has not yet decided to vote for Obama and lower and middle class people who are worried about the economy. The campaign It uses credible sources to create a convincing argument about

Comment [O1]: ‘It’ cannot do anything, the campaign can

Romney’s political abilities that connects with its audience by knowing the audience. what the audience is concerned about. . They expect the audience to be concerned about the economy and

Comment [O2]: Improves the introduction by explaining the audience and the approach

jobs. It is effective in that there is already so much concern regarding that topic, and the in the advertisement the Obama campaign appears concerned with the economy and its impact on people’s lives. The ad starts with a black screen and the words Massachusetts 2002 in white across it. It cutsto a clip of Romney saying he knows how jobs are created. Then it shows a copy of an article from the Boston Globe entitled Romney’s Economic Record. A line is highlighted that says “one of the worst in the country.” A narrator says “one of the worst economic records in the country.” An empty building is shown while a voice says “when Mitt Romney was governor, Massachusetts lost forty thousand manufacturing jobs.” (The screen shows the Bureau of Labor Statistics as the source of that information.) “A rate twice the national average.” (Bureau of labor

Comment [O3]: Completely unnecessary description


statistics is quoted again.) “And fell to 47th in job creation.” Massachusetts is shown on a list of states. A clip of Romney making a speech is shown while the narrator says, “Instead of hiring workers from his own state (shows empty office building), Romney outsourced call center jobs to India.” The screen quotes The Boston Globe as the source and shows people on phones. “He cut taxes for millionaires like himself (shows Romney boarding a plane with a cameraman filming him and quotes Associated Press) While raising them on the middle class.” The Boston Globe is quoted again. Screen shows a stressed looking mom and a dad sitting at a table looking over stacks of papers while two children look on. Narrator continues, “And left the state 2.6 billion deeper in debt.” Quotes Massachusetts Treasurer and shows a government building with a graph of rising debt. “So now, when Mitt Romney talks about what he’d do as president.” (shows Romney talking to a crowd) A clip is shown of Romney on CNN saying, “I know what it takes to create jobs.” The narrator says, “Remember, we’ve heard it all before.” Shows an older clip of Romney saying. “I know how jobs are created.” A picture of Romney is shown while the narrator says, “Romney economics: it didn’t work then, it won’t work now.” All the images are dark around the edges and somewhat dramatic music plays throughout the ad. During the ad there is a link to the site RomneyEconomics.com on the screen. The advertisement is entirely focuseds entirely on negative things and makes me wonder if anything is being left out. what it leaves out. The negative things shown are unlikely to be the full story. The Boston Globe is quoted frequently which makes me wonder if it is biased towards Obama since the campaign used it so many times as a source.. In the adThe ad makes a country


under Romney looks bleak and desolate because abandoned offices and stressed people worried about their finances are shown. It The ad is effective in that it contains has a sense of urgency about it and it is attention grabbing by being very direct and using simple statements that hold a lot of weight. . I do not like that the ad tried to set a mood, as I find that to be kind of

Comment [O4]: Deleted sentence that sounded too opinionated. I needed to be more objective.

manipulative. The claims the ad makes areThe logos is that Romney is a poor economist who put his state in debt, caused job loss, and outsourced jobs. The ad appeals to the audience’s logosIn the ad

Comment [O5]: Proper use of logos

Comment [O6]: Misuse of logos

showsing Romney is shown saying that he knows how to create jobs, then shows the facts are shown that support that he did not manage to create jobs in his state. That shows Romney to either be a liar or to be bad at his job. The campaign ad frequently uses unbiased, credible sources such as the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The creators of the ad used actual facts and figures to support their claim of Romney not having created jobs instead of just stating their opinion. That is the creators appealing to the audience’s rational side instead of their emotional one. They probably want to appear trustworthy and not like they are trying to manipulate the audience into thinking anything, but are instead informing it of the facts. The creators ad claims that Romney raised taxes on the middle class while lowering them on the upper class, which shows his priorities to be away from the people who are probably watching the ad. Adding to that is the claim that he outsourced jobs to India. That shows a man without enough concerns for his nation’s economy- an economy the audience is very concerned about. Logically, o One could

Comment [O7]: Explains the statement I made before


assume that since Romney did not increase jobs as a governor, he would not as a president either. The ethos of the creators is their sources. They are saying that they are not the only ones with their at opinions and, but that they can prove that they are correct in their claims. Using the official source of the Bureau of Labor Statistics makes it appear that the creators are delivering facts and not trying to manipulate information to manipulate people’s emotions. The sources makes it appear that the creators are trying to inform and educate people as a warning of what could happen under a Romney presidency. The examples they use of Romney’s results as governor show that they are not merely speculating, but are basing their opinion on something that has already happened. This could make the audience trust the advertisement as a reliable source of information by appearing to be more interested in delivering facts than in twisting people’s opinions into what it wants. There are many things in the ad that appeal to people’s pathos. First of all, and most importantly, the ad campaign’s focus is on jobs, which are is what people are most worried about. right now. That makes iI It appears that jobs are important to Obama’s campaign and that it they cares about people’s employment. Showing the inconsistency between Romney’s words and his results could make people angry and distrustful of him. Focusing on the amount of job loss in Massachusetts during Romney’s time as governor could make Ppeople could be made fearful as to what of a Romney presidency by focusing on the job loss in Massachusetts during Romney’s time as governor. country with Romney as president would be like. Saying that Romney he cuts taxes to millionaires while showing an image of him boarding a plane that could

Comment [O8]: Better wording than previous sentence.


be his creates an image of a wealthy man not unconcerned withabout the middle and lower classes. People could see him as disconnected and uncaring because of from that. Saying The claim that Romney outsourced jobs could make people distrustful and angry towards him since it makes him look as though if he is not invested in and loyal to his country’s wellbeing. People want someone who will fix our economy, not someone who will and not do merely what is most convenient for himself. A clip is shown of stressed looking parents with children looking on while the with a narrator sayings that Romney raised taxes on the middle class. The clip appeals to people who have to provide for others. It shows the concern the creators have about for the impact Romney’s economic policies could have on families. While talking about job losses, pictures of empty, deserted buildings are shown which creates ing an image of desolation under Romney. The music builds a sense of urgency and intensity to the entire message that could make people feel more strongly about what is being said. The primary audience is probably undecided voters, Independents, and Republicans- anyone

Comment [O9]: This part went to the introduction

who has not yet decided to vote for Obama and lower and middle class people who are worried about the economy. The music, darkness around the screen and serious tone gives the message a sense of importance and significance. The Obama campaign It expects the audience to be

Comment [O10]: “It” cannot expect, the Obama campaign can

concerned about the economy and jobs. It is They are effective in that there is already so much concern regarding those topics that topic, and in the the adversitement makes the Obama campaign appears concerned about the economy and its impact on people’s lives. The ad uses all aspects of the rhetorical triangle, but emphasizes pathos.

Comment [O11]: Useless sentence


Emily Williams English 1101H Karen Redding November 28, 2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWdZEJW1vWY The video is an Obama Campaign advertisement in which Romney is portrayed as an Ineffective politician. The primary audience is probably undecided voters, Independents, and Republicans- anyone who has not yet decided to vote for Obama. The campaign uses credible sources to create a convincing argument about Romney’s political abilities that connects with its audience by knowing the audience. They expect the audience to be concerned about the economy and jobs. The advertisement is effective in that there is already so much concern regarding that topic, and in the advertisement the Obama campaign appears concerned with the economy and its impact on people’s lives The advertisement is entirely focused on negative things and makes me wonder if anything is being left out. The negative things shown are unlikely to be the full story. The Boston Globe is quoted frequently which makes me wonder if it is biased towards Obama since the campaign used it so many times as a source. In the ad a country under Romney looks bleak and desolate because abandoned offices and stressed people worried about their finances are shown. The ad is effective in that it contains a sense of urgency and it is attention grabbing by being very direct and using simple statements that hold a lot of weight. The logos is that Romney is a poor economist who put his state in debt, caused job loss, and outsourced jobs. In the ad, Romney is shown saying that he knows how to create jobs, then facts


Are shown that support that he did not manage to create jobs in his state. That shows Romney to either be a liar or to be bad at his job. The campaign frequently uses unbiased, credible sources such as the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The creators of the ad used actual facts and figures to support their claim of Romney not having created jobs instead of just stating their opinion. That is the creators appealing to the audience’s rational side instead of their emotional one. They probably want to appear trustworthy and not like they are trying to manipulate the audience into thinking anything, but are instead informing it of the facts. The creators claim that Romney raised taxes on the middle class while lowering them on the upper class, which shows his priorities to be away from the people who are probably watching the ad. Adding to that is the claim that he outsourced jobs to India. That shows a man without enough concerns for his nation’s economy- an economy the audience is very concerned about. One could assume that since Romney did not increase jobs as a governor, he would not as a president either. The ethos of the creators is their sources. They are saying that they are not the only ones with their opinions and that they can prove that they are correct in their claims. Using the official source of the Bureau of Labor Statistics makes it appear that the creators are delivering facts and not trying to manipulate information to manipulate people’s emotions. The sources makes it appear that the creators are trying to inform and educate people as a warning of what could happen under a Romney presidency. The examples they use of Romney’s results as governor show that they are not merely speculating, but are basing their opinion on something that has already happened. This could make the audience trust the advertisement as a reliable


source of information by appearing to be more interested in delivering facts than in twisting people’s opinions into what it wants. There are many things in the ad that appeal to people’s pathos. First of all, and most importantly, the campaign’s focus is on jobs, which are what people are most worried about. It appears that jobs are important to Obama’s campaign and that it cares about people’s employment. Showing the inconsistency between Romney’s words and his results could make people angry and distrustful of him. People could be made fearful of a Romney presidency by focusing on the job loss in Massachusetts during Romney’s time as governor Saying that Romney cut taxes to millionaires while showing an image of him boarding a plane that could be his creates an image of a wealthy man unconcerned with the middle and lower classes. People could see him as disconnected and uncaring because of that. The claim that Romney outsourced jobs could make people distrustful and angry towards him since it makes him look as though he is not invested in and loyal to his country’s wellbeing. People want someone who will fix our economy, and not do merely what is most convenient for himself. A clip is shown of stressed looking parents with children looking on with a narrator saying that Romney raised taxes on the middle class. The clip appeals to people who have to provide for others. It shows the concern the creators have about the impact Romney’s economic policies could have on families. While talking about job losses, pictures of empty, deserted buildings are shown, which creates an image of desolation under Romney. The music builds a sense of urgency and intensity to the entire


message that could make people feel more strongly about what is being said. The music, darkness around the screen and serious tone gives the message a sense of importance and significance. The Obama campaign expects the audience to be concerned about the economy and jobs. They are effective in that there is already so much concern regarding those topics, and in the advertisement the Obama campaign appears concerned about the economy and its impact on people’s lives.


Emily Williams English 1101 Redding Gratitude I believe in gratitude. I believe in appreciating having appreciation for everything good I have been given positive in my life and sometimes even appreciation for negative things. I believe that it is difficult to find satisfaction in life without realizing that what you have is something to be grateful forgratitude for life and thatthe opportunities that it brings it’s not necessarily something you deserve. Being grateful and focusing on your blessings is not a form of denial or a sign of an overly optimistic attitude. Being grateful is realizing that what I have is not something that I am entitled to and means focusing on what I have instead of on what I want. that what I have is a gift. To take a gift for granted is to let it go to waste. It is easy to claim gratitude, but to truly have a deep sense of thankfulness it is important to understand the alternative to having that blessingwhat not having something would mean. It is also easy to overlook t Things that seem small or insignificant can be easy to overlook, but those are often the things that are worth the most gratitude. and only be grateful for the obvious things such as friends, family, a home, etcetera. I used to considered myself a grateful person, thankful for my health, family, and education, but I only clearly realized gained a clear idea of what gratitude meant when I lost something important to me of what I had. When I was fourteen years old I became ill with a lifelong condition that completely changed my appreciation for things around meperspective and introduced me to a life I had never imagined I would be living. Activities I had never given a thought to becamethought about became incredibly difficult for me and simplethe smallest tasks had the power to leave me in bed for days. were tough to manage. Dressing myself had always seemed like an obvious thing to be capable of doingbeen easy to overlook as something to be grateful for, but it turned into a long and painful process. Every single thing I did had known how to do had to be relearned in a way I could handleso I could handle it.

Comment [O1]: Better tense

Comment [O2]: Language change sounds more personal


None of this soundsThis doesn’t sound like a reason to be grateful, but oddly enough it is precisely why I

am. Losing the strengths and abilities I had has made me appreciate appreciative of the ones I have retained. Having to pick and chooseI have to prioritize my daily activities because I no longer have the energy for what I did before everything I used to be capable of doing makes me means I appreciate everything I still can do. I am no longer having mindless funno longer to things mindlessly and waste ing time and energy on things I do not really care about. When I was healthy, my favorite things in life were dancing and swimming. I was grateful for my team, a place to practice, and friends to dance with. But the things that I miss the most arethose are not the things that I miss most. It is not the obvious, big things that I miss; I miss the profound, simple moments. not obvious and those are the things I wish I had appreciated while I still had them, and the kind of moments I will try to be aware of in the future. I miss the feeling when I would first dive into the water and as my head went under, everything would be silenced. I do not miss winning; I miss the excitement of a close race, even if I lost. My dancing was focused on technique and perfecting each step. I realize nowNow I realize what a waste of time it was to focus on that since the most memorable moments were not the times I did something just rightwhen I did something perfectly, but the times I laughed the hardest, felt the freest, and expressed myself the most. I am grateful that I had those experiences; I only wish I had appreciated them when as they were happening happened. Missing those small moments has made me so aware of and grateful for all the small things that I used to overlook. I have had periods without certain basic abilities and have come close to losing others. This has allowed me to really appreciate and feel deeply grateful for everything I am still capable of doing. For example, I have always loved reading and it has been my favorite activity for times of stress. When


nerve damage caused difficulty seeing, I was unable to read a word for over a year. I found that I missed more than stories, which I could easily access through audio books. I missed words, the smell of books, and reading with my own intonations. Now that my eyesight has improved, I read with so much joy. My excitement at being able to start on the reading list that I had been building was indescribable. It amazes me that something so simple, that so many people do, brings me so much pleasure simply because of how I view it. I now try to appreciate things I still have because I understand what it could be like to lose them. Of course, there are times when it is not easy for me to see things in a positive way all the time that way, but when I am in pain or feeling frustrated over being unable to run, I wiggle my toes and remind myself that I am still capable of that. As simple as it may be to wiggle one’s toes, I am grateful to be able to because I have learned that nothing is too small to be grateful for. A friend with my condition uses a wheelchair and recently I was told my ability to walk is a miracle. I knew I was lucky, but I did not realize just how lucky I was. I now find myself thinking far less about how painful walking is and how much I hate not being able to exercise. Instead, I think of the independence being able to walk gives me and of all the people with my illness who wish they could still walk and I remember not to take walking for granted. cannot walk and what a blessing it is to be able to stand on my feet. Positive things can be found even in situations that seem terrible. I have learned not to focus on the things I wish were different and to instead appreciate the things I did not used to know to be grateful for.My perspective might be difficult to understand and sound like forced cheeriness, but I actually consider myself a realist and at times a cynic. My perspective

Comment [O3]: Better expresses the effect being sick has had on me


is the result of looking beyond myself and seeing life from another angle. I was extremely hesitant about writing my essay on this topic, not because I am ashamed of my illness, but because I am typically a very private person and hate to make my struggles known. But there are many struggles that go on in the world of the chronically ill that can be changed by speaking about them, so I decided to start here. After all, I have a voice and maybe not using it would mean taking it for granted.


Emily Williams English 1101 Redding Gratitude I believe in gratitude. I believe in appreciating everything good I have been given and sometimes even appreciation for negative things. I believe that it is difficult to find satisfaction in life without realizing that what you have is something to be grateful for and that it’s not necessarily something you deserve. Being grateful and focusing on your blessings is not a form of denial or a sign of an overly optimistic attitude. Being grateful is realizing that what I have is not something that I am entitled to and means focusing on what I have instead of what I want. It is easy to claim gratitude, but to truly have a deep sense of thankfulness it is important to understand what not having something would mean. Things that seem small or insignificant can be easy to overlook, but those are often the things that are worth the most gratitude I used to consider myself a grateful person, thankful for my health, family, and education, but I only clearly realized what gratitude meant when I lost something important to me. When I was fourteen years old I became ill with a lifelong condition that completely changed my perspective and introduced me to a life I had never imagined I would be living. Activities I had never thought about became incredibly difficult for me and simple tasks had the power to leave me in bed for days. Dressing myself had always been easy to overlook as something to be grateful for, but it turned into a long and painful process. Every single thing I had known how to do had to be relearned in a way I could handle. This doesn’t sound like a reason to be grateful, but oddly enough it is precisely why Iam. Losing the strengths and abilities I had has made me appreciative of the ones I have retained. I have to prioritize my daily


activities because I no longer have the energy for everything I used to be capable of makes me appreciate everything I still can do. I no longer do things mindlessly and waste time and energy on things I do not really care about. When I was healthy, my favorite things in life were dancing and swimming. I was grateful for my team, a place to practice, and friends to dance with. But those are not the things that I miss most. It is not the obvious, big things that I miss; I miss the profound, simple moments. I miss the feeling when I would first dive into the water and as my head went under, everything would be silenced. I do not miss winning; I miss the excitement of a close race, even if I lost. My dancing was focused on technique and perfecting each step. Now I realize what a waste of time it was to focus on that since the most memorable moments were not when I did something perfectly, but the times I laughed the hardest, felt the freest, and expressed myself the most. I am grateful that I had those experiences; I only wish I had appreciated them when they happened. Missing those small moments has made me so aware of and grateful for all the small things that I used to overlook. I have had periods without certain basic abilities and have come close to losing others. This has allowed me to really appreciate everything I am still capable of doing. For example, I have always loved reading and it has been my favorite activity for times of stress. When nerve damage caused difficulty seeing, I was unable to read a word for over a year. I found that I missed more than stories, which I could easily access through audio books. I missed words, the smell of books, and reading with my own intonations. Now that my eyesight has improved, I read with so much joy. My excitement at being able to start on the reading list that I had been building was indescribable. It amazes me that


something so simple, that so many people do, brings me so much pleasure simply because of how I view it. I now try to appreciate things I still have because I understand what it would be like to lose them. Of course, there are times when it is not easy for me to see things in a positive way all the time, but when I am in pain or feeling frustrated about being unable to run, I wiggle my toes and remind myself that I am still capable of that. As simple as it may be to wiggle one’s toes, I am grateful to be able to because I have learned that nothing is too small to be grateful for. A friend with my condition uses a wheelchair and recently I was told my ability to walk is a miracle. I knew I was lucky, but I did not realize just how lucky I was. I now find myself thinking far less about how painful walking is and how much I hate not being able to exercise. Instead, I think of the independence being able to walk gives me and of all the people with my illness who wish they could still walk and I remember not to take walking for granted. Positive things can be found even in situations that seem terrible. I have learned not to focus on the things I wish were different and to instead appreciate the things I did not used to know to be grateful for. My perspective is the result of looking beyond myself and seeing life from another angle. I was extremely hesitant about writing my essay on this topic, not because I am ashamed of my illness, but because I am typically a very private person and hate to make my struggles known. But there are many struggles that go on in the world of the chronically ill that can be changed by speaking about them, so I decided to start here. After all, I have a voice and maybe not using it would mean taking it for granted.


Emily Williams History 1112H Johanna Rickman November 30, 2012 The Historical Significance of Martin Luther’s Ninety-five Theses Martin Luther was a German monk born in 1483; at a time of much unrest in the Catholic Church. The Church had become corrupt in its appointing of positions and was requiring tithes from churchgoers. A new way for the The Church developed a new way to earn money had been created called the selling of indulgences, which meant that people could pay money for the forgiveness of their own and to have their own and others’others’ sins forgiven. Luther was a theologian and a scholar who was very familiar with the Bible. He believed that the Catholic Church had strayed from its true purpose and h He wanted to start discussions on various things he believed should be changed within the Church. On October 31 in 1517 he posted his ninetyfive theses on the door of the All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg with the hope of starting debates on topics areas he believed the Church to be wrong about. The theses were a list of statements of his Christian beliefs, many of which differed from the positions being held by the Catholic Church at the time ’s positions. The theses became widely published and eventually reached Rome where the pope learned of them. He told Luther was told to recant the theses them, but he Luther refused and was excommunicated and banished. Luther’s ideas about salvation quickly became popular in Germany and Scandinavia after his


excommunication. Those countries eventually became Lutheran. His Luther’s belief that salvation could only be earned by faith alone, and not by deeds, as the Catholic Church had taught, was voiced at during a crucial time. The Catholic Church was already divided about which direction to takewhat to do next and what Luther’s theses brought up made that e division even more extreme. People had already becomewere already distrustful of the Catholic Church. and m Many were very receptive to Luther’s teachings. The Lutheran movement was the first major Protestant movement out of many. Luther never intended to start a new church; he only wanted to fix the problems within the Catholic Church. Despite that Nevertheless, Protestantism developed from Luther’s teachings. What Luther taught lessened the need for the Church, which greatly displeased the Catholics and eventually led to much fighting. Out of Protestantism there developed e Enormous conflict developed out of Protestantism between the Catholic Church and the Protestants. The Catholic Church wanted to suppress Protestantism because it removed the need for the leaders of the Church. Protestants were seen as heretics just as Martin Luther was. There were many wars, battles, and executions as a result s because of the conflict created by the religious divide prompted by Luther’s teachings. Some of the most extreme fighting occurred in France and England. In France, Protestants were nicknamed “Huguenots” and were viciously fought viciously by the Catholic Church. In multiple countries power struggles between the differing belief systems s occurred. In addition to his involvement in the conflicts Lutheranism started, Luther also had a major influence on John Calvin who went on to start Calvinism-, a belief system popular to this day.


The Calvin church varied some from the Lutheran church, but many of the principles of it were based on Luther’s teachings. Calvinism and Lutheranism both tend to have conservative followers who believe in a constitutional government. Luther was an immensely important figure in history. The Catholic Church could have gone in many several different directions, but because of what Luther set off sparked, it went in the direction of reformation and bloody conflict. Protestantism is still a huge movement to this day. Luther had an enormous effect on religion which is demonstrated in how much of a large a following he still has.


Emily Williams History 1112H Johanna Rickman November 30, 2012 The Historical Significance of Martin Luther’s Ninety-five Theses Martin Luther was a German monk born in 1483, a time of much unrest in the Catholic Church. The Church had become corrupt in its appointing of positions and was requiring tithes from churchgoers. The Church developed a new way to earn money called the selling of indulgences, which meant that people could pay to have their own and others sins forgiven. Luther was a theologian and scholar who was very familiar with the Bible. He believed that the Catholic Church had strayed from its true purpose. He wanted to start discussions on areas he believed should be changed within the Church. On October 31 in 1517 he posted his ninety-five theses on the door of the All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg with the hope of starting debates on topics he believed the Church to be wrong about. The theses were a list of statements of his Christian beliefs, many of which differed from the positions being held by the Catholic Church at the time. The theses became widely published and eventually reached Rome where the pope learned of them. Luther was told to recant the theses, but he refused and was excommunicated and banished. Luther’s ideas about salvation quickly became popular in Germany and Scandinavia after his excommunication. Those countries eventually became Lutheran. Luther’s belief that salvation


could be earned by faith alone and not by deeds, as the Catholic Church had taught, was voiced at a crucial time. The Catholic Church was divided about what to do next and what Luther’s theses brought up made that division even more extreme. People were already distrustful of the Catholic Church. Many were very receptive to Luther’s teachings. The Lutheran movement was the first major Protestant movement of many. Luther never intended to start a new church; he wanted to fix the problems within the Catholic Church. Nevertheless, Protestantism developed from Luther’s teachings. What Luther taught lessened the need for the Church, which greatly displeased the Catholics and eventually led to much fighting. Enormous conflict developed from the start of Protestantism between the Catholic Church and the Protestants. The Catholic Church wanted to suppress Protestantism because it removed the need for the leaders of the Church. Protestants were seen as heretics just as Martin Luther was. There were many wars, battles, and executions as a result of the conflict created by the religious divide prompted by Luther’s teachings. Some of the most extreme fighting occurred in France and England. In France, Protestants were nicknamed “Huguenots” and were viciously fought by the Catholic Church. In multiple countries power struggles between the differing belief systems occurred. In addition to his involvement in the conflicts Lutheranism started, Luther had a major influence on John Calvin who went on to start Calvinism- a belief system popular to this day. The Calvin church varied some from the Lutheran church, but many of the principles of it were based on Luther’s teachings.


Luther was an immensely important figure in history. The Catholic Church could have gone in several directions, but because of what Luther sparked, it went in the direction of reformation and bloody conflict. Protestantism is a huge movement to this day. Luther had an enormous effect on religion which is demonstrated in how large following he still has.

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