Page 1

By: Joey Tilton


1

Don’t Stop Believing in Writing!!

Joey Tilton Mrs. Redding English 1101 December 5, 2012


2

English 1101 Final Portfolio Title (Don’t Stop Believing in Writing) Table of Contents Analytical Cover Letter…………………...……………………………………………...……3-4 Quality Comparison……………………………………………………………………...……5-6 Least Successful Paper (The original final draft submitted to me - NO MARKS) ..…7-10 Most Successful Paper (The original final draft submitted to me - NO MARKS)...…11-13 “What’s the Difference?” Short Essay Revision Samples……………………………………………………………...…………14-31 Least Successful Paper (with YOUR mark-up) ……...……………...………….……14-17 Least Successful Paper (new final version) …………..……………...………….……18-21 Most Successful Paper (withYOUR mark-up) ……………………....………….……22-24 Most Successful Paper (new final version) …………..……………...………….……25-27 Free Choice Essay (with YOUR mark-up) ……......………………...………….……28-29 Free Choice Essay (new final version) …….………………………...………….……30-31


3

Karen P. Redding M.A. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 304 Oconee class room 1202 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677

Dear Mrs. Redding, I just would like to thank you for everything you have done for me and taught to me in the past year. After having you as a teacher my first semester of college I knew that I wanted you to be my teacher in English 1101 as well. That first semester was not the way I wanted to start my college career off, with losing my father and grandfather in the month of November. After having my professors that semester including you, I was able to keep my head up and keep on trying at the highest level I could compete at. When the first semester was over, I had to take all of the learning support courses again and I was so down in the dumps that I did not know what to do with my life. I took all of the classes again and pasted them all with high B’s and A’s. Now I was able to take all of the real classes that counted, so I had the choice of who I wanted my professor to be for my English 1101 class to be and I chose you. After that first semester with you being there and understanding how hard life was going for me. I could not think of another teacher I wanted to teach me other than you. Having you as my teacher for the second time in a year has been great I have learned so much more since I started college. I thought I would never make it through the English classes in college because when I was in high school I was the worst writer in my graduating class. My writing has changed my look at school now I really believe that I can do school and I should stick with it. I did not start believing this until I came to college and started taking your English classes. I personally believe that my growth as an academic writer has grown since I started taking English 1101 with you this semester. I am able to develop clear thesis statements to the point where I am able to provide more examples and information in my essays. In my critique, I write, “I choose to push through the hard times while maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process” (Tilton Paper 2). After learning how to create great thesis statements, I can support claims in my papers, and I was able to write all day. Also, I have learned more about programs and how to properly use MLA format. For example, when I used to write my papers, I always went down the pages making sure I double spaced everything, and all I had to do was highlight the essay and right click then double space. I have greatly enjoyed having you as my teacher the past year. I am able to take on the next level of English without you. I have learned a lot of different ways of reading and writing in


4

your courses. I wish that I could have you as a teacher in English 1102 but I wish you the best with your baby.

Thank you, Joseph Francis Tilton IV


5

Joey Tilton English 1101 Mrs. Redding December 4, 2012 Quality Comparison In the past two papers that I have been looking at that I wrote a few weeks ago. I believe that I can relate to the most successful paper. This successful grade is attributed to the fact that I can easily write about personal experiences in a captivating manner. The emotions I experienced following the death of my father and grandfather pushed me to the point of complete sadness. However, I was able to channel the emotions into motivation. The firsthand experiences always make for solid stories due to the fact that the paper automatically becomes more personal. Therefore, the belief system essay was easily my best work this semester. In contrast, my worst piece of work, the advertisement analysis essay, was harder to personally relate to. While I felt as if I was adhering to the guidelines of the essay, the lack of emotion and personality in my writing style was obvious. Therefore, the essay was considerably more difficult to write, and my grade obviously reflected it. I feel that I could have also improved my grade with a strong thesis, which was missing from my essay in retrospect. Improvements can be made on all of my essays with stronger thesis statements and maintaining my developed writing style regardless of the ability to directly relate to the topic. If I could combine the elements of solid structural analysis and thesis statements with the detailed


6

description and feeling that characterized my belief system essay, my other papers would greatly benefit. While my advertisement analysis essay was one of the later essays, I feel that my writing has steadily continued to improve throughout the course of the semester. Combining the raw emotion and feeling of the first essay with the writing and analysis skills I have learned this semester will almost certainly tie all remaining loose ends together and make me a more solid writer.


7

Joey Tilton Composition 3 / Final Mrs. Redding October 15, 2012 Advertisement Analysis Essay The usage of advertisements have been taking over the world today. After looking over some ads, I have found one that I believe is a good example of a catchy ad to people. I am going to be discussing the Ad I have found, and how it reflects on other people. Everyone looks at things in a different way from colors, text, images, etc. The advertisement I have presented, is an older Coca Cola ad from 1937. I believe that this ad is aimed towards people that are from the forties time period. It is a really unique ad with the colors and text in this image. The ad is showing the audience how great and refreshing a Coke is. Coca Cola is the refreshment that everyone needs. What do I see? Well it is an older ad that I found on the computer. In this ad, I see a gas station from an older time period. The reason I believe that this ad was from the older time period was because that there was a worker outside willing to pump the gas, which is a very rare scene in this day and age. At the top of this ad there is a little quote that says “Stop for a pause…….Go Refreshed.” This ad portrays two individuals at a gas station. The employee that works there and the other character is a customer getting gas. Also, in this ad, I noticed that they are smiling. The reason behind the smiling faces intends to portray a relaxed, refreshing atmosphere due to the presence of Coke. The usage of bright color schemes and the unique statement at the top of the advertisement show potential customers that Coke is the necessary refreshment for everyone.


8

A major eye–catching technique used by the illustrators of this ad is the color scheme. While color does not seem like a highly important detail to the average customer, it has been proven that customers tend to gravitate toward unique color schemes that reach out and grab their attention. The advertisement uses a color scheme that emphasizes the foreground action with bright colors. The two men are painted in bright white, while the Coke cooler is painted in bright red. These colors are further emphasized by the fact that the remaining items in the ad are painted in darker colors. Therefore, the potential customer can see the background of the ad, but the darker colors do not take the viewer’s attention off of the product for sale. Another factor of emphasis in the advertisement is the second character.This man seems to be the hard working type that has just stopped to get some gas and sees that they had some nice cold Cokes to drink. This further shows how refreshing this particular product is to everyone. In this ad there is a big truck that is called ‘motor transporter’. This is effective because of the fact that it evokes similar emotions from the people who see this ad. The people who respond to this are likely in a similar state: hot, tired, and in need of refreshment. The bright colors jump out and captivate the intended audience. The action of the driver buying the coke is what is important, and it comes across that way. The text of the ad also provides an example of a solid visual marketing scheme in a sense that it combines the colors while emphasizing the viewer to stop what they are doing in order to buy the drink. The top of the ad leads with the phrase, “STOP for a pause… GO refreshed.” The two words in all caps are painted in bright colors. “STOP” is painted in red, while “GO” is painted in green. This puts the classic traffic light impulse into the customer’s head. When they see this ad, they tend to associate a convenience store with a traffic light in a sense that they will want to stop to purchase the coke, and they will not leave until they are refreshed.


9

This ad affected me in a good way because after seeing it ad I have had to stop and get gas, and while doing that, I have to buy a nice cold Coke simply due to habits instilled from ads such as these. I love a nice cold Coke that is sitting there waiting when you when you are on your break. It makes me wonder how they thought this kind of ad would work. I have seen a lot of different ads in the past for Coke, but nothing like this one. I would have never thought that this kind of ad would work for Coke but it has very well. I like this ad very much because it has shown me the reason for a nice cold Coca-Cola. I think that because in this ad, they are showing how refreshing a cold Coke really is with the smiles on their faces as they get one.


10

Work Cited Coca-Cola. Advertisement. Http://www.beautifullife.info/advertisment/history-of-coca-cola-inads/. N.p., n.d. Web.


11

Joey Tilton English 1101 11AM Dr. Redding August 30th, 2012 Belief System Essay My belief system can be summed up in the words of the great Journey vocalist, Steve Perry: “Don’t Stop Believing.” This sounds simple and pointless, but this statement is the phrase that describes the manner in which I choose to look at life. Throughout the course of anyone’s life, obstacles repeatedly cause adversity. My life has been no different. However, two options present themselves in a sense that the person can succumb to the adversity, or push through it. I choose to push through the hard times while maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process. Last November my father passed away. This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done to this point in my young life. Burying my father at the age of eighteen forced me to realize that life is fragile. I could have easily succumbed to the grief that accompanied my father’s death, but I realized that perseverance through adversity was the most intelligent decision for me at that particular moment. However, my perseverance was put to the ultimate test seventeen days later when my grandfather passed away. The fact that I was so close to him pushed my willpower to its fullest extent. He had always supported me through all of the good times and the bad times during the course of my life, and he was always someone I could depend on when times were tough. However, I had no choice but to persevere through these difficult


12

times and remain hopeful. These experiences ultimately made me a stronger and better person while allowing me to gain a new and valuable perspective of life itself. After going through these adverse situations, listening to the Journey song has allowed me to find the strength within myself to rise above the adversity. The inspirational lyrics served as a motivational tool to keep my mind off of the tragic events I endured, and I feel like I have become a better person because of it. Hard times will come and go as life goes on, but my belief system gives me the strength to repeatedly face them in a courage and confident manner.


13

Work Cited Perry, Steve. "Don't Stop Believing." Don't Stop Believin': The Best of Journey. Journey. Sony Music/Camden Deluxe, 2009. CD.


14

Joey Tilton Composition 3 / Final Mrs. Redding October 15, 2012 Advertisement Analysis Essay The usage of advertisements has been taking over the world today. After looking over some Ads, I have found one that I believe is a good example of a catchy advertisement to people. I am going to be discussing the Ad I have found, and how it reflects on other people. Everyone looks at things in a different way from colors, text, images, etc. The advertisement I have presented, is an older Coca Cola Ad from 1937. I believe that this Ad is aimed towards people that are from the forties time period. This advertisement captures the audience’s interest by using a unique color scheme, portraying a relaxing atmosphere, and the further portrayal of characters in the advertisement itself. This piece is a really unique Ad with the colors and text in this image. The Ad is showing the audience how great and refreshing a Coke is. Coca Cola is the refreshment that everyone needs. What do I see? Firstly, it is an older Ad that I found on the internet. In this Ad, I see a gas station from an older time period. I believe this advertisement was from an older time period, because there was a worker outside willing to pump the gas, which is a very rare scene in this day and age. At the top of this Ad there is a quote that says, “Stop for a pause…….Go Refreshed.” This Ad portrays the interaction of two individuals at a gas station, the employee that works there and a customer getting gas. Also, in this advertisement I noticed that they are


15

smiling. The reason behind the smiling faces intends to portray a relaxed, refreshing atmosphere due to the presence of the Coke. The usage of bright color schemes and the unique statement at the top of the advertisement show potential customers that Coke is the necessary refreshment for everyone. A major eye–catching technique used by the illustrators of this Ad is the color scheme. While color does not seem like a highly important detail to the average customer, it has been proven that customers tend to gravitate toward unique color schemes that reach out and grab their attention. The advertisement uses a color scheme that emphasizes the foreground action with bright colors. The two men are painted in bright white, while the Coke cooler is painted in bright red. These colors are further emphasized by the fact that the remaining items in the ad are painted in darker colors. Therefore, the potential customer can see the background of the ad, but the darker colors do not take the viewer’s attention off of the product for sale. Another factor of emphasis in the advertisement is the second character. This man seems to be the hard-working type that has just stopped to get some gas and sees that they had some nice, cold Cokes to drink. This further shows how refreshing this particular product is to everyone. In this Ad there is a big truck that is called, ‘motor transporter’. This is effective because of the fact that it evokes similar emotions from the people who see this Ad. The people who respond to this are likely in a similar state: hot, tired, and in need of refreshment. The bright colors jump out and captivate the intended audience. The action of the driver buying the Coke is what is important, and it comes across that way. The text of the Ad also provides an example of a solid visual marketing scheme. The text combines the colors, while emphasizing the viewer to stop what they are doing in order to buy


16

the drink. The top of the Ad leads with the phrase, “STOP for a pause… GO refreshed.” The two words in all caps are painted in bright colors. “STOP” is painted in red, while “GO” is painted in green. This puts the classic traffic light impulse into the customer’s head. When they see this Ad, they tend to associate a convenience store with a traffic light in a sense that they will want to stop to purchase the Coke, and they will not leave until they are refreshed. Ultimately, this advertisement has affected me in a good way. After seeing it, I have noticed when I stop and get gas I have to buy a nice, cold Coke simply due to habits instilled from Ads such as these. I love a nice, cold Coke that is sitting there waiting when you are on your break. It makes me wonder how they thought this kind of advertisement would work. I have seen a lot of different Ads in the past for Coke, but nothing like this one. I would have never thought that this kind of Ad would work for Coke, but it has very well. I enjoyed this Ad because it has shown me the reason why customers would buy Coca-Cola. In this advertisement, potential customers are shown how refreshing a cold Coke really is with the smiles on their faces as they get one.


17

Work Cited Coca-Cola. Advertisement. Http://www.beautifullife.info/advertisment/history-of-coca-cola-inads/. N.p., n.d. Web.


18

Joey Tilton Composition 3 / Final Mrs. Redding October 15, 2012 Advertisement Analysis Essay The usage of advertisements has been taking over the world today. After looking over some Ads, I have found one that I believe is a good example of a catchy advertisement to people. I am going to be discussing the Ad I have found, and how it reflects on other people. Everyone looks at things in a different way from colors, text, images, etc. The advertisement I have presented, is an older Coca Cola Ad from 1937. I believe that this Ad is aimed towards people that are from the forties time period. This advertisement captures the audience’s interest by using a unique color scheme, portraying a relaxing atmosphere, and the further portrayal of characters in the advertisement itself. This piece is a really unique Ad with the colors and text in this image. The Ad is showing the audience how great and refreshing a Coke is. Coca Cola is the refreshment that everyone needs. What do I see? Firstly, it is an older Ad that I found on the internet. In this Ad, I see a gas station from an older time period. I believe this advertisement was from an older time period, because there was a worker outside willing to pump the gas, which is a very rare scene in this day and age. At the top of this Ad there is a quote that says, “Stop for a pause…….Go Refreshed.” This Ad portrays the interaction of two individuals at a gas station, the employee that works there and a customer getting gas. Also, in this advertisement I noticed that they are smiling. The reason


19

behind the smiling faces intends to portray a relaxed, refreshing atmosphere due to the presence of the Coke. The usage of bright color schemes and the unique statement at the top of the advertisement show potential customers that Coke is the necessary refreshment for everyone. A major eye–catching technique used by the illustrators of this Ad is the color scheme. While color does not seem like a highly important detail to the average customer, it has been proven that customers tend to gravitate toward unique color schemes that reach out and grab their attention. The advertisement uses a color scheme that emphasizes the foreground action with bright colors. The two men are painted in bright white, while the Coke cooler is painted in bright red. These colors are further emphasized by the fact that the remaining items in the ad are painted in darker colors. Therefore, the potential customer can see the background of the ad, but the darker colors do not take the viewer’s attention off of the product for sale. Another factor of emphasis in the advertisement is the second character. This man seems to be the hard-working type that has just stopped to get some gas and sees that they had some nice, cold Cokes to drink. This further shows how refreshing this particular product is to everyone. In this Ad there is a big truck that is called, ‘motor transporter’. This is effective because of the fact that it evokes similar emotions from the people who see this Ad. The people who respond to this are likely in a similar state: hot, tired, and in need of refreshment. The bright colors jump out and captivate the intended audience. The action of the driver buying the Coke is what is important, and it comes across that way. The text of the Ad also provides an example of a solid visual marketing scheme. The text combines the colors, while emphasizing the viewer to stop what they are doing in order to buy the drink. The top of the Ad leads with the phrase, “STOP for a pause… GO refreshed.” The two


20

words in all caps are painted in bright colors. “STOP” is painted in red, while “GO” is painted in green. This puts the classic traffic light impulse into the customer’s head. When they see this Ad, they tend to associate a convenience store with a traffic light in a sense that they will want to stop to purchase the Coke, and they will not leave until they are refreshed. Ultimately, this advertisement has affected me in a good way. After seeing it, I have noticed when I stop and get gas I have to buy a nice, cold Coke simply due to habits instilled from Ads such as these. I love a nice, cold Coke that is sitting there waiting when you are on your break. It makes me wonder how they thought this kind of advertisement would work. I have seen a lot of different Ads in the past for Coke, but nothing like this one. I would have never thought that this kind of Ad would work for Coke, but it has very well. I enjoyed this Ad because it has shown me the reason why customers would buy Coca-Cola. In this advertisement, potential customers are shown how refreshing a cold Coke really is with the smiles on their faces as they get one.


21

Work Cited Coca-Cola. Advertisement. Http://www.beautifullife.info/advertisment/history-of-coca-cola-inads/. N.p., n.d. Web.


22

Joey Tilton English 1101 11AM Dr. Redding August 30th, 2012 Belief System Essay My belief system can be summed up in the words of the great Journey vocalist, Steve Perry: “Don’t Stop Believing.” This sounds simple and pointless, but this statement is the phrase that describes the manner in which I choose to look at life. Throughout the course of anyone’s life, obstacles repeatedly cause adversity. My life has been no different. However, two options present themselves in a sense that the person can succumb to the adversity, or push through it. I choose to push through the hard times while maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process. Last November my father passed away. This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done to this point in my young life. My father was my best friend, and we talked about everything on the phone multiple times a day. Burying my father at the age of eighteen forced me to realize that life is fragile. No one knows the last time you will speak to your best friend. I could have easily succumbed to the grief that accompanied my father’s death, but I realized that perseverance through adversity was the most intelligent decision for me at that particular moment. It was the hardest thing I could do in my life at the time, so I had to keep my spirits high. However, my perseverance was put to the ultimate test seventeen days later when my grandfather passed away. By that point, I had no idea what to do with my life .The fact that I was


23

so close to him pushed my willpower to its fullest extent with losing both of my role models in my life within seventeen days apart. They had always supported me through all of the good times and the bad times during the course of my life, and they were always someone I could depend on when times were tough. However, I had no choice but to persevere through these difficult times and remain hopeful. These experiences ultimately made me a stronger and better person while allowing me to gain a new and valuable perspective of life itself. After going through these adverse situations, listening to the Journey song has allowed me to find the strength within myself to rise above the adversity. The inspirational lyrics served as a motivational tool to keep my mind off of the tragic events I endured, and I feel like I have become a better person because of it. Hard times will come and go as life goes on, but my belief system gives me the strength to repeatedly face them in a courageous and confident manner. After dealing with these situations, I approach adverse situations with much more optimism and determination. I feel that I can handle anything that comes my way now in a sense that the amount of trauma that I would experience with everyday adversity pales in comparison to the feeling of losing my father and grandfather.


24

Work Cited Perry, Steve. "Don't Stop Believing." Don't Stop Believin': The Best of Journey. Journey. Sony Music/Camden Deluxe, 2009. CD.


25

Joey Tilton English 1101 11AM Dr. Redding August 30th, 2012 Belief System Essay My belief system can be summed up in the words of the great Journey vocalist, Steve Perry: “Don’t Stop Believing.” This sounds simple and pointless, but this statement is the phrase that describes the manner in which I choose to look at life. Throughout the course of anyone’s life, obstacles repeatedly cause adversity. My life has been no different. However, two options present themselves in a sense that the person can succumb to the adversity, or push through it. I choose to push through the hard times while maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process. Last November my father passed away. This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done to this point in my young life. My father was my best friend, and we talked about everything on the phone multiple times a day. Burying my father at the age of eighteen forced me to realize that life is fragile. No one knows the last time you will speak to your best friend. I could have easily succumbed to the grief that accompanied my father’s death, but I realized that perseverance through adversity was the most intelligent decision for me at that particular moment. It was the hardest thing I could do in my life at the time, so I had to keep my spirits high. However, my perseverance was put to the ultimate test seventeen days later when my grandfather passed away. By that point, I had no idea what to do with my life .The fact that I was


26

so close to him pushed my willpower to its fullest extent with losing both of my role models in my life within seventeen days apart. They had always supported me through all of the good times and the bad times during the course of my life, and they were always someone I could depend on when times were tough. However, I had no choice but to persevere through these difficult times and remain hopeful. These experiences ultimately made me a stronger and better person while allowing me to gain a new and valuable perspective of life itself. After going through these adverse situations, listening to the Journey song has allowed me to find the strength within myself to rise above the adversity. The inspirational lyrics served as a motivational tool to keep my mind off of the tragic events I endured, and I feel like I have become a better person because of it. Hard times will come and go as life goes on, but my belief system gives me the strength to repeatedly face them in a courage and confident manner. After dealing with these situations, I approach adverse situations with much more optimism and determination. I feel that I can handle anything that comes my way now in a sense that the amount of trauma that I would experience with everyday adversity pales in comparison to the feeling of losing my father and grandfather.


27

Work Cited Perry, Steve. "Don't Stop Believing." Don't Stop Believin': The Best of Journey. Journey. Sony Music/Camden Deluxe, 2009. CD.


28

Joey Tilton Theatre 1101 Professor Coon’s November 16, 2012 All in the Timing: Critique The play, “All in the Timing”, was performed in Athens, Georgia in the Fine Arts building of the University of Georgia. This play was written by David Ives between 1987 and 1993. The play was first published by Dramatists Play Service in 1994. “All in the Timing” directed by Rob Fulton, Wyatt Geist, Stephanie Murphy and Mark Fowler, is a paradoxical comedy comprising of six acts into 70 minutes. The play was performed by Graduate students from UGA on November 14th thru 15th. This play was a little bit different than the usual play that is performed; this play only had five acts in it instead of the original that has six. Because of this, the graduate students at UGA made their performance shorter, and they were able to cover all of their acts within 70 minutes. I believe that the UGA graduate students did an amazing job presenting the play. The performance of “All in the Timing” is not easy to perform in the abbreviated time slot available for the cast. Some of the acts in “All in the Timing” were not well performed. For example, in the first act, “Sure Thing” there was a bell that rang often. The bell’s purpose was to make the actors stop speaking and start their lines over. However, there was one time when the bell did not ring and the actor still stopped and began to reread the lines. This was one mistake within the play that negatively affected the overall performance of the play.


29

The play was performed in the arena studio theatre in the Fine Arts building on campus, but I did not believe that the stage that they were on was an arena stage. I thought that in an arena stage there was seating around the stage, so the change definitely surprised me. In this play, there was only seating around the front and sides of the stage, and the props were located around the back of the stage.


30

Joey Tilton Theatre 1101 Professor Coon’s November 16, 2012 All in the Timing: Critique The play, “All in the Timing”, was performed in Athens, Georgia in the Fine Arts building of the University of Georgia. This play was written by David Ives between 1987 and 1993. The play was first published by Dramatists Play Service in 1994. “All in the Timing” directed by Rob Fulton, Wyatt Geist, Stephanie Murphy and Mark Fowler, is a paradoxical comedy comprising of six acts into 70 minutes. The play was performed by Graduate students from UGA on November 14th thru 15th. This play was a little bit different than the usual play that is performed; this play only had five acts in it instead of the original that has six. Because of this, the graduate students at UGA made their performance shorter, and they were able to cover all of their acts within 70 minutes. I believe that the UGA graduate students did an amazing job presenting the play. The performance of “All in the Timing” is not easy to perform in the abbreviated time slot available for the cast. Some of the acts in “All in the Timing” were not well performed. For example, in the first act, “Sure Thing” there was a bell that rang often. The bell’s purpose was to make the actors stop speaking and start their lines over. However, there was one time when the bell did not ring and the actor still stopped and began to reread the lines. This was one mistake within the play that negatively affected the overall performance of the play.


31

The play was performed in the arena studio theatre in the Fine Arts building on campus, but I did not believe that the stage that they were on was an arena stage. I thought that in an arena stage there was seating around the stage, so the change definitely surprised me. In this play, there was only seating around the front and sides of the stage, and the props were located around the back of the stage.

tiltonj_portfolio  
Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you