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2012

The Tree of Life

Lauren Addison English 1101 12/5/2012


The Tree of Life

Lauren Addison Mrs. Karen Redding English 1101 05 December 2012


The Tree of Life Table of Contents Analytical Cover Letter …………………...……………………………………………...……1 Quality Comparison .……………………………………………………...……………...……3 Least Successful Paper …………………………………………………………….…6 Most Successful Paper……………………………………………………………....…8 Revision Samples Least Successful Paper (mark-ups).……...……………...…………..………………………..12 Least Successful Paper (new final version)…………..……………...………….……….……14 Most Successful Paper (mark-ups)……………………………...…....……………….….…...16 Most Successful Paper (new final version) …………..……………...………..……….……..20 Free Choice Essay (mark-ups) ……......………………...……………….….……………...…24 Free Choice Essay (new final version) …………………………………………………….....31


2012 December 5

Lauren Addison Karen P. Redding M.A Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 304 Oconee Classroom 1202 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Mrs. Redding, During this semester, I have learned to use the thirty-six picky rules as a tool to improve my quality of writing which as a result made me a better writer. These rules in particular have made me look at my writing in a different way, which has taught me to take my time when editing in order to create an improved final draft. In class we had peer editing days to look at each other’s paper and I appreciated this because some of the comments really helped me to see what I was doing well in and what I needed to change in order to improve my paper. Some of the common mistakes that the thirty-eight picky rules have helped me with are passive voice, the misuse of the verb “to be”, and understanding why to limit words such as anyone and person in my writing. Beliefs In other composition classes, there was not an emphasis on passive voice and how to correct it in my writing. Throughout the semester this rule in particular has given me a hard time because in my essay’s I would sometimes change tense without recognizing it. Due to your class, I have a clearer definition of what passive means and how to prevent it in my future writing. Picky rule twenty-five, states to avoid any form of the verb “to be” which have been a helpful tip in correcting this issue when I am writing. Picky rule twenty-eight explains that it is not wise to use question words such as what, why, when and where in a non-question sentence. I had a sentence that included a question word in my paper three “Buy the World a Coke” to create a hook with it. Later, I decided to change it to this statement instead “A grocery store is a place that one comes into contact with advertisements at every turn, which might encourage one to buy the product based on impulse” (Addison, Paper 3). The thirty-picky rules have helped me to become more attentive in using specific words to explain what I mean in my writing instead of being very broad and unclear. In several pieces of writing that I have completed this year illustrates that I had a hard time in being specific. A trick that I have leaned is to replace people with one so that I will not be breaking the rule. For example, in my “This I Believe” essay I used people a lot throughout instead of using Coca-Cola [1]


collectors to let the audience know what I am referring to. In my writing I have lacked giving detail and proving relevant evidence, but this picky rule has helped me to stay on track while I write. As mentioned, I have learned to spend more time reviewing my writing and to pay attention to the little details that can make all the difference. One day in class you taught us how to formulate a thesis statement which I found this to be extremely helpful. For an example,� This advertisement from Coca-Cola aims to connect with the average American during the Korean War, which achieves its goal effectively by using the military as a patriotic symbol and persuading viewers to buy and drink Coca-Cola� shows that I have improved with developing a thesis statement during the semester (Addison, paper 3). Throughout the semester, I have seen continual evidence that I have become a better writer because of your class, which has given me pride and confidence in my writing. Sincerely, Lauren Addison

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Quality Comparison In comparing two different essays, there are a lot that one has to consider when doing so. Such as writing mechanics, grammar, weird word phrasing, commas, quality of evidence; the list could go on and on. In my best essay “Buy the World a Coke”, there were several elements made much better, compared to my worst essay that I wrote this semester which was “Collecting Memories”. When writing an essay that one has been working on for several days, it is hard to notice certain mistakes. Being able to step away from a piece of writing for weeks, gives one a new perspective when retuning back to it for revisions. The essay “Buy the World a Coke” as I stated above was my best essay that I wrote this semester and contains many quality elements that supports my reason. For instance, my thesis statement “This advertisement from Coca-Cola aims to connect with the average American during the Korean War, achieves its goal effectively by using the military as a patriotic symbol and persuading viewers to buy and drink Coca-Cola” is much more developed (Addison, Essay 3). The difference between this thesis statement and the others that I wrote this semester is it contains a more detailed explanation of my argument. I gave additional evidence to better support my thesis statement than in my past papers. For Example, “The Coca-Cola Company makes an effort to make one feel that getting Coca-Cola out of their machine is similar to meeting up with a dependable friend and the company does this to build trust and a relationship within its customers”, which supports my original thesis statement (Addison, Essay 3). Another element that made this essay better than the rest is the use of transition words in order to make it flow smoother. As illustrated in this statement, “Since the advertisement indirectly implies that Coca-Cola will always be there, this gives the individual another reason to drink Coca-Cola

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because he or she knows they can depend on the product to always be close by”, transition words helps to introduce a new topic (Addison, Essay 3). The worst essay that I wrote this semester is “Collecting Memories” and this shown through the lack of evidence, strange word phrasing, and silly grammar mistakes. For example, in this thesis statement “One can get a good idea what I am like just by looking at my collection and what I consider to be valuable”, lacks a specific argument for my essay and does not provide any relevant evidence to support the claim. Some of the phrasing that I used was unnecessary and confusing for my audience to understand. For instance, “During the Coca-Cola Convention there is an event called room hopping, which is when the collectors have their hotel room open and they let other collectors have the ability to view and buy some of their extra items they have on display” contains extra words that makes it hard to understand (Addison, Essay 1). As I revised this piece of writing there was several silly mistakes, such as writing a word in present tense that meant to be in past tense. As one can see in this statement, “It caught my attention that everyone has something in particular that they enjoyed collecting; for some it was clocks, or bottles, and for others bottle caps, signs, and clothing” there is a tense change that I missed when proofreading” there is a word that needs to be change into the past tense (Addison, Essay 1). Both essays have similar problems that need to be corrected, such as weird words phrasing, unnecessary words with in a sentence, and grammar mistakes. The thirty-eight picky rules have helped me to see the problems that were hard for me to see with my two eyes. Therefore, having a extra pair of eyes to read your writing is a great tool because it catches some of the silly mistakes that makes a piece of writing incomplete. As a writer, I will continue to constantly be on the lookout for mistakes because writing is a never ending process. Becoming a skillful writer takes practice, being aware of such mistakes as I listed above, and proofreading

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not only once but several times. My essay “Collecting Memories” contains many grammatical errors and unusual word phrasing that made this piece of writing poor. Compared to my best essay “Buy the World of Coke”, which did have some grammar mistakes but contained a better thesis statement and had more evidence to support my argument.

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Lauren Addison English 1101 / Redding Composition 1: This I Believe 31 August 2012 Collecting Memories (Least Successful Paper Original) I remember the first time I went to a Coca-Cola Convention at the age of twelve with my dad; it was amazing how many people were interested in collecting. After we went up to our hotel room, we walked around and started talking to some of the Coca-Cola collectors that were there. It caught my attention that everyone has something in particular that they enjoyed collecting; for some it was clocks, or bottles, and for others bottle caps, signs, and clothing. Ever since then I had an interest in starting my collection of bottle caps because they were inexpensive, they do not take up a lot of space and there are a wide variety of brands. Collecting is a great way to show who I am and it brings out my personality. One can get a good idea what I am like just by looking at my collection and what I consider to be valuable. Since I go to the Coca-Cola convention annually; I made relationships with some of the collectors that are international. For example, I have seen collectors from Australia, Beijing, Spain, and Belgium and it is interesting to see what items they bring to display and sell. Some of their items have different languages on them from their country and others bring items that are culturally related. For instance, there is a particular Chinese man who brings his little action figures that are only made in China. Going to the Coca-Cola conventions has taught me the importance of learning different cultures, which helps the collectors to get to know each other. [6]


During the Coca-Cola Convention there is an event called room hopping, which is when the collectors have their hotel room open and they let other collectors have the ability to view and buy some of their extra items they have on display. When I attend auctions at the convention, it is interesting to see the variety of items that the collectors put up for sale. By looking at an object being sold, I can get a sense of the collector’s interest and background. Given that my dad and I do this together, I can say that it is a wonderful way to bond because we both have similar interest when it comes to collecting. Other items that I collect are pictures and souvenirs from my past vacations because it’s a way to keep memories from all the places that I have visited. In addition, collecting in general helps with reminding me of my family history. For instance, a photo album shows the hardships and the accomplishments of the past generations of my family. The pictures can tell a lot about each individual in my family, even though I have never met them before. Collecting has opened my eyes to see the little details with objects to find that personal touch that makes it unique and has given me the opportunity to meet people that I would have never met otherwise.

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Lauren Addison English 1101/Redding Composition 3: Analysis 15 October 2012 Buy the World a Coke (Most Successful paper Original) A Grocery store is a place that advertisements are at every turn, which might encourage consumers to buy the product base on their impulse. Advertisements manipulate the brain into releasing a chemical called dopamine, which makes an individual have a feeling of desire and pleasure. Coca-Cola was founded in 1886 by John Pemberton who was a pharmacist in Atlanta, Georgia. The first ever advertisement of Coca-Cola appeared in the “Atlanta Journal� and ever since, Coca-Cola has been known for their advertising. Coke since then has been an advertisement drink icon for being widely available and having a refreshing taste that will satisfy any thirst. Because of that reason, it has continued over generations to be cherished by people in America and also internationally. In 1952 Coca-Cola created an advertisement that had the Korean War as the main focus point. This advertisement from Coca-Cola aims to connect with the average American during the Korean War, which achieves its goal effectively by using the military as a patriotic symbol and persuading viewers to buy and drink Coca-Cola. The 1952 advertisement contains a Coca-Cola machine, a military male in an Air Force uniform, and a bottle of Coca-Cola. The man is wearing a navy blue Air Force jacket and a navy hat to represent a heroic figure in America. He is also smiling to emphasize that an ice cold bottle of Coca-Cola makes everything better. The machine has the words Coca-Cola written on top with white bold letters in their trademark font that indicates their credibility as a company.

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Towards the rear of the advertisement there is a PX military camp store that any Armed Force soldier would use to purchase comfort items, such as clothing, electrical, health and beauty aids for themselves and their families. The advertisement on top has the words in the Coca-Cola font and in black bold letters that says, “Coke follows thirst everywhere� to illustrate to the consumer that they can depend on coke to always make their thirst disappear. Based on the advertisement, Coca-Cola is trying to appeal towards individuals who are patriotic, Caucasian, male, and in the middle class. Another element is the individual age range and in this particular advertisement Coca-Cola attempts to appeal towards the twenty and thirty years old. The reason for this decision is because during this time period the draft was constructed to these individuals. The advertisement manipulates these consumers into drinking Coca-Cola because the military is included as a way to target their emotions. Since the advertisement indirectly implies that Coca-Cola will always be there, this gives the individual another reason to drink Coca-Cola because he or she knows they can depend on the product to always be close by. The Coca-Cola Company makes an effort to make one feel that getting Coca-Cola out of their machine is similar to meeting up with a dependable friend and the company does this to build trust and a relationship within its customers. The purpose of this advertisement is to make anyone that might see this advertisement feel guilty not drinking Coca-Cola because drinking any other brand than theirs means not supporting America. Given that the Coca-Cola Company has their own trademark print called the Coca-Cola font, it creates credibility within their consumers, which builds trust to their brand and product. The advertisement indirectly says trust Coca-Cola because the military trust us and for that reason one should trust us as well. Considering the Korean War was going on during this

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time, the advertisement had a personal appeal to a wide variety of audience that could relate to the content. Advertisements in general manipulate the way our brains think by including elements that causes a chemical called dopamine to release, which gives us a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. Therefore, one may be intrigued to buy the product to experience that type of gratification. Coca-Cola connects with us on an emotional level by including an Air-Force male in their advertisement as a way to branch out to their customers that have the same passion for the military. Since Coca-cola is an iconic company that has been around for generations that confirms their credibility as a trust worthy company. Coca-Cola’s message that they are trying to express is if one drinks Coca-Cola then that means they are showing patriotism towards their country, but any other brand shows a lack of support for the military. It is important to know how an advertisement tries to persuade one to buy their product, so a consumer can look at it objectively without bias. By taking a step back from the advertisement, one can decide for themselves if they want to buy the product, instead of being overly influenced by the advertisement.

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Lauren Addison English 1101 / Redding Composition 1: This I Believe 31 August 2012 Collecting Memories (Least Successful Paper with mark-ups) I remember the first time I went to a Coca-Cola Convention at the age of twelve with my dad; it was amazing how many people were interested in collecting. After we went up to our hotel room, we walked around and started talking to some of the Coca-Cola collectors that were there. It caught my attention that everyone hads something in particular that they enjoyed collecting; for some it was clocks, or bottles, and for others bottle caps, signs, and clothing. Ever since then I had an interest in starting my collection of bottle caps because they were inexpensive, they do not take up a lot of space and there are a wide variety of brands. Collecting is a great way to show who I am and my personality to an outsider who does not know me. it brings out my personality. One can get a good idea what I am like just by looking at my collection and what I consider to be valuable. Collecting is a great way to understand one’s interest and culture because most items usually have some type of meaning behind them. Since I go to the Coca-Cola convention annually; I have made relationships with some of the collectors that are international. For example, I have seen collectors from Australia, Beijing, Spain, and Belgium and because they are international, it is it is interesting to see what items they bring to display and sell. Some of their items have different languages on them from their country and others bring items that are culturally related. For instance, there is a particular Chinese man [12]


who brings his littleminiature action figures that are only made in China, his home country. China. Going to the Coca-Cola conventions has taught me the importance of learning different cultures and becoming more open minded as an individual., which helps the collectors to get to know each other. During the Coca-Cola Convention there is an event called room hopping, which is when the collectors have their hotel room open and they let other collectors have the ability to view and buy some of their extra items they have on display. When I attending auctions at the convention, it is interestingfascinating to see the variety of items that the collectors put up for sale. By looking at an object being sold, I can get a sense of the collector’s interest and background. Given that my dad and I do this together, I can say that it is a wonderful way to bond because we both have similar interest when it comes to collecting. This also gives us something to talk about and a way of connecting to each another. Other items that I collect are pictures and souvenirs from my past vacations because and the reason for collecting these items is because it’s a way to keep memories from all the places that I have visited. In addition, collecting in general helps with reminding me one of their ownmy family members from past generations that have impacted where they are today history. For instance, a photo album shows the hardships and the accomplishments of the past generationsof my family. The Ppictures can tell a lot about each individual in amy family, even though Ithe younger generations have never met them before. Collecting has opened my eyes to see the little details with objects to find that personal touch whichthat makes it unique and has given me the opportunity to meet people that I would have never met otherwise.

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Lauren Addison English 1101 / Redding Composition 1: This I Believe 31 August 2012 Collecting Memories (Least Successful Paper New final) I remember the first time I went to a Coca-Cola Convention at the age of twelve with my dad; it was amazing how many people were interested in collecting. After we went up to our hotel room, we walked around and started talking to some of the Coca-Cola collectors that were there. It caught my attention that everyone had something in particular that they enjoyed collecting; for some it was clocks, or bottles, and for others bottle caps, signs, and clothing. Ever since then I had an interest in starting my collection of bottle caps because they were inexpensive, do not take up a lot of space and there are a wide variety of brands. Collecting is a great way to show my personality to an outsider who does not know me. Collecting is a great way to understand one’s interest and culture because most items usually have some type of meaning behind them. Since I go to the Coca-Cola convention annually; I have made relationships with some of the collectors that are international. For example, I have seen collectors from Australia, Beijing, Spain, and Belgium and because they are international, it is interesting to see what items they bring to sell. Some of their items have different languages on them from their country and others bring items that are culturally related. For instance, there is a particular Chinese man who brings his miniature action figures that are only made in China, his home country. Going to

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Coca-Cola conventions has taught me the importance of learning different cultures and becoming more open minded as an individual. During the Coca-Cola Convention there is an event called room hopping, which is when collectors have their hotel room open and they let other collectors view and buy some of their extra items they have on display. When attending auctions at the convention, it is fascinating to see the variety of items that the collectors put up for sale. By looking at an object being sold, I can get a sense of the collector’s interest and background. Given that my dad and I do this together, I can say it is a wonderful way to bond because we both have similar interest when it comes to collecting. This also gives us something to talk about and a way of connecting to each another. Other items that I collect are pictures and souvenirs from my past vacations and the reason for collecting these items is because it’s a way to keep memories from all the places that I have visited. In addition, collecting in general helps with reminding one of their own family members from past generations that have impacted where they are today. For instance, a photo album shows the hardships and accomplishments of past generations. Pictures can tell a lot about each individual in a family, even though the younger generations have never met them before. Collecting has opened my eyes to see the little details with objects to find that personal touch which makes it unique and has given me the opportunity to meet people that I would have never met otherwise.

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Formatted: Top: 0.88"

Lauren Addison English 1101/Redding Composition 3: Analysis 15 October 2012 Buy the World a Coke (Most Successful Paper with Mark-ups) A Grocery store is a place that one comes into contact with advertisements at every turn, which might encourage one to buy the product and there is a reason why this happens. A grocery store is a place that advertisements are at every turn, which might encourage consumers

Comment [O1]: This first sentence does not make sense. The second part of this sentence is what I am confused about.

to buy the product base on their impulse. Advertisements manipulate the brain into releasing a chemical called dopamine, which makes an individual have a feeling of desire and pleasure. Coca-Cola was founded in 1886 by John Pemberton who was a pharmacist in Atlanta, Georgia. The first ever advertisement of Coca-Cola appeared in the “Atlanta Journal” and ever since, Coca-Cola has been known for their the father of advertising. Coke ever since,Coke since then has been an advertisement drink icon for being widely available and having a refreshing taste that will satisfy any thirst away. Because of that reason, it has continued over generations to be cherished by people in America and also internationally. One of Coca-Cola’s older advertisements that one may find interesting was made in 1952 during the Korean War. In 1952 Coca-Cola created an advertisement that had the Korean War as the main focus point to sell their product. This advertisement from Coca-Cola aims to connect with the average American during the Korean War, which achieves its goal effectively by using the military as a patriotic symbol and persuading viewers to buy and drink Coca-Cola. The 1952 advertisement contains a Coca-Cola machine, a military male in thean Air Force uniform, and a bottle of Coca-Cola. The man is wearing a navy blue Air Force jacket and a [16]

Comment [O2]: Change this sentence to something like …. In 1952 one of Coca Cola’s older advertisements has to deal with the Korean War and trying to convince their consumers to buy their product.


navy hat to represent a heroic figure in America n, a. He is also navy hat, and smiling while holding the Coca-Cola bottle to emphasize that an ice cold bottle of Coca-Cola makes everything better. In his left hand he has a Coca-Cola bottle and is popping the bottle cap using the CocaCola machine. The machine has the words Coca-Cola written on top with white bold letters in their trademark font that indicates their credibility as a company. Towards the rear of the advertisement there is a PX military camp store that any Armed Force soldier would use to purchase comfort items, such as clothing, electrical, health and beauty aids for themself them and their families. The advertisement on top has the words in the Coca-Cola font and in black bold letters that says, “Coke follows thirst everywhere� to illustrate to the consumer that they can depend on coke to makealways make their thirst disappear. Based on the advertisement, Coca-Cola is trying to appeal towards individuals who are patriotic, Caucasian, male, and in the middle class. Another element is the individual age range and in this particular advertisement Coca-Cola attempts to appeal towards the twenty and thirty years old. The reason for this decision is because during this time period the draft was constructed to these individuals. The advertisement manipulates these consumers into drinking Coca-Cola because the military is included as a way to target their emotions. Since the advertisement indirectly implies that Coca-Cola will always be there, this gives the individual another reason to drink Coca-Cola because he or she knows they can depend on the product to always be close by. The Coca-Cola Company makes an effort to make one feel that getting Coca-Cola out of their machine is similar to meeting up with a dependable friend and the company does this to build trust and a relationship within its customers. The purpose of this advertisement is to make anyone that might see this advertisement feel guilty not drinking Coca-Cola because drinking any other productbrand than theirs means

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not supporting America. Given that the Coca-Cola Company has their own trademark print called the Coca-Cola font, it creates credibility within their consumers, which builds trust to their brand and product. the reader and the individual. The advertisement is indirectly trying to says trust Coca-Cola because the military trust us and for that reason one should trust us as well. Considering the Korean War was going on during this time, the advertisement had a personal appeal to a wide variety of audience whichthat could relate to the content. Advertisements in general manipulate the way our brains think by including elements that causes a chemical called dopamine to release, which gives us a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. Therefore, in consequence one may be intrigued to buy the product to experience that type of gratification. Coca-Cola connects with us on an emotional level by including an AirForce male in their advertisement as a way to branch out to their customers that have the samea passion for the military. Since Coca-cola is an iconic company that has been around for generations that confirms their credibility as a trust worthy company.within their advertisements. Coca-Cola’s message, thatmessage that they are trying to express ifis, if oneone drinks CocaCola then that means they are showing patriotism towards their country, but any other brand shows a lack of support for the military and for America. It is important to know how an advertisement tries to persuade one to buy their product, so a consumer can look at it objectively without bias. By taking a step back from the advertisement, one can decide for themselves if they want to buyt the product, instead of being overly influenced by the advertisement.

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Lauren Addison English 1101/Redding Composition 3: Analysis 15 October 2012 Buy the World a Coke (Most Successful Paper New Final) A grocery store is a place that advertisements are at every turn, which might encourage consumers to buy the product base on their impulse. Advertisements manipulate the brain into releasing a chemical called dopamine, which makes an individual have a feeling of desire and pleasure. Coca-Cola was founded in 1886 by John Pemberton who was a pharmacist in Atlanta, Georgia. The first ever advertisement of Coca-Cola appeared in the “Atlanta Journal� and ever since, Coca-Cola has been known for their advertising. Coke since then has been an advertisement drink icon for being widely available and having a refreshing taste that will satisfy any thirst. Because of that reason, it has continued over generations to be cherished by people in America and also internationally. In 1952 Coca-Cola created an advertisement that had the Korean War as the main focus point to sell their product. This advertisement from Coca-Cola aims to connect with the average American during the Korean War, which achieves its goal effectively by using the military as a patriotic symbol and persuading viewers to buy and drink Coca-Cola. The 1952 advertisement contains a Coca-Cola machine, a military male in an Air Force uniform, and a bottle of Coca-Cola. The man is wearing a navy blue Air Force jacket and a navy hat to represent a heroic figure in America. He is also smiling to emphasize that an ice cold bottle of Coca-Cola makes everything better. The machine has the words Coca-Cola written on

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top with white bold letters in their trademark font that indicates their credibility as a company. Towards the rear of the advertisement there is a PX military camp store that any Armed Force soldier would use to purchase comfort items, such as clothing, electrical, health and beauty aids for themselves and their families. The advertisement on top has the words in the Coca-Cola font and in black bold letters that says, “Coke follows thirst everywhere� to illustrate to the consumer that they can depend on coke to always make their thirst disappear. Based on the advertisement, Coca-Cola is trying to appeal towards individuals who are patriotic, Caucasian, male, and in the middle class. Another element is the individual age range and in this particular advertisement Coca-Cola attempts to appeal towards the twenty and thirty years old. The reason for this decision is because during this time period the draft was constructed to these individuals. The advertisement manipulates these consumers into drinking Coca-Cola because the military is included as a way to target their emotions. Since the advertisement indirectly implies that Coca-Cola will always be there, this gives the individual another reason to drink Coca-Cola because he or she knows they can depend on the product to always be close by. The Coca-Cola Company makes an effort to make one feel that getting Coca-Cola out of their machine is similar to meeting up with a dependable friend and the company does this to build trust and a relationship within its customers. The purpose of this advertisement is to make anyone that might see this advertisement feel guilty not drinking Coca-Cola because drinking any other brand than theirs means not supporting America. Given that the Coca-Cola Company has their own trademark print called the Coca-Cola font, it creates credibility within their consumers, which builds trust to their brand and product. The advertisement indirectly says trust Coca-Cola because the military trust us and for that reason one should trust us as well. Considering the Korean War was going on during this

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time, the advertisement had a personal appeal to a wide variety of audience that could relate to the content. Advertisements in general manipulate the way our brains think by including elements that causes a chemical called dopamine to release, which gives us a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. Therefore, one may be intrigued to buy the product to experience that type of gratification. Coca-Cola connects with us on an emotional level by including an Air-Force male in their advertisement as a way to branch out to their customers that have the same passion for the military. Since Coca-cola is an iconic company that has been around for generations that confirms their credibility as a trust worthy company. Coca-Cola’s message that they are trying to express is if one drinks Coca-Cola then that means they are showing patriotism towards their country, but any other brand shows a lack of support for the military and for America. It is important to know how an advertisement tries to persuade one to buy their product, so a consumer can look at it objectively without bias. By taking a step back from the advertisement, one can decide for themselves if they want to buy the product, instead of being overly influenced by the advertisement.

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Jefferson’s Pillow By: Lauren Addison Survey of U.S History Date: 09/20/2012

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(Free-Choice Essay with Mark-ups) Throughout Jefferson’s Pillow, the author discusses the quote that “all men are created equal” and how it was interpreted differently in the lives of the founding fathers.it discusses the hardships and the inhumanity that the slaves were put through. The founding fathers, George Mason, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and James Madison were all great men that influenced our nation significantly even though they owned slaves themselves. Roger Wilkins analyzes each of these founding fathers and the what roles they played in the forming of our nation. Wilkins is trying to come to an understanding of his identity as being a descendent of slaves through analyzing the founding fathers. Without slaves in the beginning of our nation, the United States would have never prospered as fast as it has. The title Jefferson’s Pillow suggests that the founding fathers used slaves as a way of making sure they had a stable life style, which allowed them the freedom to do other things such as developing our Constitution, The Declaration of Independence, becoming educated and participating in foreign trade. The founding fathers and the use of slaves played a fundamental and timely role in the development of our nation. George Washington is one of the founding fathers that Wilkins admires because of his character that he exhibited while being the commander in chief, “as evidenced by his leadership qualities and his voluntary relinquishment of power” shows that he was thinking about the nation instead of himself. (71) Since George Washington had a commanding presence about him, his pride for his new republic influenced many that he would be an excellent candidate for the presidency. Into his older age, George Washington “had stopped selling slaves because he thought that the practice was cruel” and inhumane, even though he could not profit from his [25]


farms, which in return gathered a large amount of debt. (82) Washington was a very conscious man about how he treated his slaves, but in return he felt that the slaves should be respectful and kind to him. Throughout Jefferson’s pillow, Washington shows great passion and pride for his new republic, which helps us to understand why he felt so strongly about the unity of the nation. Thomas Jefferson is one of the founding fathers that Wilkins criticizes the most because of his lack of understanding that his actions could cause harm to the unity of the nation. For instance, “by indulging in expensive tastes and hobbies, Jefferson had dug himself into a chasm of debt”, which illustrates his lack of responsibly. (78) Jefferson by nature was is a very selfindulgent individual and only thought about ways he could make himself more prosperous than he already was. Jefferson made it very hard for the president to obtain a ratification of the Jay Treaty because he continued working on his own new government. There is evidence throughout Jefferson’s Pillowto lead me to understand that Jefferson took advantage of the master-slave relationship when he had sexual relations with a female one woman slave that he owned. In other ways, Jefferson was a very talented writer and this would lead to the majority vote that he would develop the Declaration of Independence in order to gain their freedom from the British monarchy. Furthermore, Jefferson visits to other countries played a huge part in sending Madison the books that he needed to do his research that allowed him to make suggestions about adding amendments. Wilkins assessment seems accurate because Jefferson was very hypercritical in the sense that he thought slave trade was inhumane, but he saw nothing wrong in using slaves for his own purpose. George Mason was one of the founding fathers that did not go to college, but instead was tutored by using his uncle’s extensive law library that gave him the access to study and read [26]

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about governmental theory. Since Mason’s father was a wealthy slave owner, Mason inherited a large amount of estate wealth and scores of slaves, which lead him to become a major slave owner in Virginia. Wilkins states that Mason told his slaves to kneel before addressing him if they came to him with a request. Since Mason proposed to include the statement “all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights” in the Declaration of Independence.(88) These examples show that Mason knew in his heart that all people should have natural rights, but acted differently when going about daily activities. One of the major contributions that Mason made was being a mentor and an encourager to his neighbor George Washington. Some of the qualities that made Mason well-known for his intelligence were learning, insight, and steady judgment”, which made him a good person to collaborate about issues dealing with the British. (37-38) An issue in particular that he helped with George Washington was when the British Parliament imposed taxes on all imports and placed limitations on the colonies political actions. Mason supported the new legislature that supported the idea of popular representation, which set fear in the small states. Wilkins assessment on James Mason is accurate because there is evidence to sustain that he finds slavery to be appalling and was a supporter and contributor in developing the Bill of Rights. James Madison, another founding father that was a well educated individual whothat attended the College of New Jersey, which in the present day is called Princeton University. Madison was so involved that it made him seem “almost superhuman” because of all of the burdens that he accumulated. (58) One of the burdens was being an official scribe of the convention, therefore taught him the importance of keeping accurate records of all the proceedings.Madison substituted the word persons instead of slaves in the constitution as a way [27]


of creating equality in the nation. The founding fathers came to this idea because of their guilt of not including them in the legal and political documents of the nation. Like Mason, he was an advocate for incorporating the idea of popular representation in the national government. He thought that having a strong central government was the best way to cure the weakness of people who did not have the courage to stand up for what they believed in. Madison is a very hard worker that did not stop until he found a solution to the problem and because of his will power to make it through all of the political issues that were at hand. Even Madison felt guilty in the way that he was treating his slaves. Thus it is shown through one of his field slaves in particular that he treated better then a regular slave because he was given additional responsibility and quality clothing as a result of his position. Wilkins concludes that Madison has a “moral distaste for the slave trade” which he states will hurt the progress of America. (62) Madison’s passion for creating a strong central government leads him to support their southern allies and then ultimately protecting slavery as a result.was his downfall because this leads him into accepting slavery in America. Wilkins states that through his ancestors’’s struggles and contributions they made to America, he felt obligated to have patriotism in his country. He explains that both his greatgrandfather and his great-grandmother had no grave “stone to mark any of their lives and struggles”, which shows that slaves during that time were not important enough to be identified. ( 120) During Wilkins’shis findings about his family history and what misery they went through, he is filled with anger and rage that the founding fathers did not use their power and position in government to stop the injustice of slavery. BecauseSince his ancestors were owned by slave masters, he feels that it is up to him to live up to the expectations in order to respect what they [28]


have done to make it possible for him to be where he is at today. During adolescence he experienced racism when several white boys spat on his bike seat and threw stones at him. This gave him an indication that his past will follow him where ever he goes and he should not feel less American than the white children that were making him feel inferior. Throughout Jefferson’s Pillow, Wilkins makes several encounters that gave him the notion that there are some characteristics that he shares with the founding fathers. The founding fathers they have been taught to accept their privileges from their ancestors. Like the founding fathers, Wilkins suggest that he is too addictive of his “privileges and their convenience”. (138) He explains in his freshman year of college that the Korean War broke out and at that time the United States still had the draft. During his time in college, he was put in the category 2-s. This meant as long as he was pursuing a degree, he would not be called for the draft. Later, Wilkins heard about a death of someone that was not so lucky and because he could not afford to go to college, his was drafted and died in war. This is one experience that Wilkins states that he was blinded by his own privileges, which caused him to learn that going to college was a privilege and not a right. The Fourth of July gives him a sense of Patriotism for America because it is a symbol of freedom and that every man is created equal no matter the race. As it is shown Wilkins has trouble in finding patriotism within a country that viewed slaves as property and not human beings. Each of the founding fathers played a critical role in developing America with the help of slaves in the process. The founding fathers were literally cushioned by owning slaves that were doing much of the work for them. Just because these men were slave owners does not necessarily mean they were bad individuals. Wilkins sees the importance of accepting his ancestor’s history, but he also wants to honor those that came before [29]


him by contributing to the good of society. Even in America today there are still Americans such as Latinos, Native Americans, and the poorest blacks that have similar struggles to those that his ancestors went through. Examples of these struggles are the inability to find and get decent paying jobs in order to have a stable income, the difficulty to have a chance to be educated and feeling that their voices are not being heard. While America is always mindful of these issues, we are proud of the improvements in society that have been made and the positive focus to work together and move forward as one nation.

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Jefferson’s Pillow By: Lauren Addison Survey of U.S History Date: 09/20/2012

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(Free-Choice Essay New Final) Throughout Jefferson’s Pillow, the author discusses the quote “all men are created equal” and how it was interpreted differently in the lives of the founding fathers. The founding fathers, George Mason, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and James Madison were all great men that influenced our nation significantly even though they owned slaves. Roger Wilkins analyzes each of these founding fathers and the roles they played in forming our nation. Wilkins is trying to come to an understanding of his identity as a descendent of slaves through analyzing the founding fathers. Without slaves in the beginning of our nation, the United States would have never prospered as fast as it has. The title Jefferson’s Pillow suggests that the founding fathers used slaves as a way of making sure they had a stable life style, which allowed them the freedom to do other things such as developing our Constitution, The Declaration of Independence, becoming educated and participating in foreign trade. The founding fathers and the use of slaves played a fundamental and timely role in the development of our nation. George Washington is one of the founding fathers that Wilkins admires because of his character that he exhibited while being the commander in chief, “as evidenced by his leadership qualities and his voluntary relinquishment of power” shows that he was thinking about the nation instead of himself. (71) Since Washington had a commanding presence about him, his pride for his new republic influenced many that he would be an excellent candidate for the presidency. Into his older age, George Washington “had stopped selling slaves because he thought that the practice was cruel” and inhumane, even though he could not profit from his farms, which in return gathered a large amount of debt. (82) Washington was a very conscious man about how he treated his slaves, but in return he felt that the slaves should be respectful and kind to him. [32]


Throughout Jefferson’s pillow, Washington shows great passion and pride for his new republic, which helps us to understand why he felt so strongly about the unity of the nation. Thomas Jefferson is one of the founding fathers that Wilkins criticizes the most because of his lack of understanding that his actions could cause harm to the unity of the nation. For instance, “by indulging in expensive tastes and hobbies, Jefferson had dug himself into a chasm of debt”, which illustrates his lack of responsibly.(78) Jefferson by nature was a very selfindulgent individual and only thought about ways he could make himself more prosperous than he already was. There is evidence throughout Jefferson’s Pillow that Jefferson took advantage of the master-slave relationship when he had sexual relations with a female slave that he owned. In other ways, Jefferson was a very talented writer and this would lead to the majority vote that he would develop the Declaration of Independence in order to gain their freedom from the British monarchy. Furthermore, Jefferson visits to other countries played a huge part in sending Madison the books that he needed to do his research that allowed him to make suggestions about adding amendments. Wilkins assessment seems accurate because Jefferson was very hypercritical in the sense that he thought slave trade was inhumane, but he saw nothing wrong in using slaves for his own purpose. George Mason was one of the founding fathers that did not go to college, but instead was tutored by using his uncle’s extensive law library that gave him the access to study and read about governmental theory. Since Mason’s father was a wealthy slave owner, Mason inherited a large amount of estate wealth and scores of slaves, which lead him to become a major slave owner in Virginia. Wilkins States that Mason told his slaves to kneel before addressing him if they came to him with a request. Since Mason proposed to include the statement ‘all men are by [33]


nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights� in the Declaration of Independence. (88) These examples show that Mason knew in his heart that all people should have natural rights, but acted differently when going about daily activities. One of the major contributions that Mason made was being a mentor and an encourager to his neighbor George Washington. Some of the qualities that made Mason well-known for his intelligence were learning, insight, and steady judgment�, which made him a good person to collaborate about issues dealing with the British. (37-38) Mason supported the new legislature that supported the idea of popular representation, which set fear in the small states. Wilkins assessment on Mason is accurate because there is evidence to sustain that he finds slavery to be appalling and was a supporter and contributor in developing the Bill of Rights. James Madison, another founding father that was a well educated individual who attended the College of New Jersey, which in the present day is called Princeton University. Madison substituted the word persons instead of slaves in the constitution as a way of creating equality in the nation. The founding fathers came to this idea because of their quilt of not including them in the legal and political documents of the nation. Like Mason, he was an advocate for incorporating the idea of popular representation in the national government. He thought that having a strong central government was the best way to cure the weakness of people who did not have the courage to stand up for what they believed in. Madison is a very hard worker that did not stop until he found a solution to the problem and because of his will power to make it through all of the political issues that were at hand. Thus it is shown through one of his field slaves in particular that he treated better then a regular slave because he was given additional responsibility and quality clothing as a result of his position. Wilkins concludes that [34]


Madison has a “moral distaste for the slave trade” which he states will hurt the progress of America. (62) Madison’s passion for creating a strong central government leads him to support their southern allies and then ultimately protecting slavery as a result. Wilkins states that through his ancestors’ struggles and contributions they made to America, he felt obligated to have patriotism in his country. He explains that both his greatgrandfather and his great-grandmother had no grave “stone to mark any of their lives and struggles”, which shows that slaves during that time were not important enough to be identified. ( 120) During Wilkins’s findings about his family history and what misery they went through, he is filled with anger and rage that the founding fathers did not use their power and position in government to stop the injustice of slavery. Because his ancestors were owned by slave masters, he feels that it is up to him to live up to the expectations in order to respect what they have done to make it possible for him to be where he is at today. During adolescence he experienced racism when several white boys spat on his bike seat and threw stones at him. This gave him an indication that his past will follow him where ever he goes and he should not feel less American than the white children that were making him feel inferior. Throughout Jefferson’s Pillow, Wilkins makes several encounters that gave him the notion that there are some characteristics that he shares with the founding fathers. The founding fathers they have been taught to accept their privileges from their ancestors. Like the founding fathers, Wilkins suggest that he is too addictive of his “privileges and their convenience”. (138) He explains in his freshman year of college that the Korean War broke out and at that time the United States still had the draft. During his time in college, he was put in the category 2-s. This meant as long as he was pursuing a degree, he would not be called for the draft. Later Wilkins [35]


heard about a death of someone that was not so lucky and because he could not afford to go to college, his was drafted and died in war. This is one experience that Wilkins states that he was blinded by his own privileges, which caused him to learn that going to college was a privilege and not a right. The Fourth of July gives him a sense of Patriotism for America because it is a symbol of freedom and that every man is created equal no matter the race. As it is shown Wilkins has trouble in finding patriotism within a country that viewed slaves as property and not human beings. Each of the founding fathers played a critical role in developing America with the help of slaves in the process. The founding fathers were literally cushioned by owning slaves that were doing much of the work for them. Just because these men were slave owners does not necessarily mean they were bad individuals. Wilkins sees the importance of accepting his ancestor’s history, but he also wants to honor those that came before him by contributing to the good of society. Even in America today there are still Americans such as Latinos, Native Americans, and the poorest blacks that have similar struggles to those that his ancestors went through. Examples of these struggles are the inability to find and get decent paying jobs in order to have a stable income, the difficulty to have a chance to be educated and feeling that their voices are not being heard. While America is always mindful of these issues, we are proud of the improvements in society that have been made and the positive focus to work together and move forward as one nation.

[36]


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