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Simon is a cross dresser. I get angry deciding what to wear.

Dan wants a lion wig for Christmas as his mane present.

Stewart has a baby sized willie. 7lbs 6oz.

Chris was asked by directory enquiries if he had a street name and replied "some of my friends call me Ice Man"

Jeremy wonders if gay ghosts put the willies up each other.

Louise has aibohphobia - the fear of palindromes.

Dave had some Korean meatballs last night. They were the dogs bollocks.

Terry is all for the paperless office but doesn't think it should stretch to the toilets.

Tanya is out clubbing this weekend. I'm going to beat my record of 12 baby seals.

Sarah tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.

Greg has got hairy nipples. Should've gone to Peck Shavers.

Tim says don't use your nasal inhaler in Iceland. You'll wreck yer Vick.

Paul was thrown out of a casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table.

Drew can't even walk naked in his own back garden due to a hosepipe ban.

Jane just rung the incontinence hotline and got put on hold.

Stephen doesn't want to attend medical trials today so he's throwing a wellie.

Matt and his wife have drifted apart since buying a water bed.

Nick is anal about his worry beads and worried about his anal beads.

Gary says "To be continued..."

100 Funny Status Updates - Preview  

Bored of other people's uninspired social network statuses? Sick of hearing that "Emma is tired" or "Sam has the day off" or simply can't th...