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Dominican Sisters of Blauvelt ​thank you David and Vince the end for your wonderful hospitality and I'm charm to be in your midst I've met as many of you as I could read about as many as you I could and I'm very much looking forward to the rest of the time together with you what I want to share with you today is as David said a program that is deceptively simple it's a school-based program where we build empathy and children and as a result we find that aggression goes down all different kinds of aggression including bullying but more importantly that their social and emotional understanding comes up and it's quite sweet the way his holiness speaks about roots of empathy he says aggression down good things up and he refers to roots of empathy as the milk of compassion and Paul Gilbert's remarks about suffering and a year ago now January the Dalai Lama held a small meeting in your deli and he invited some people to come and talk to him about how do we reduce suffering in the world and I think was probably some of the most profound discussion that I had been privy to but i can tell you next to that the most profound discussions that i had over suffering was with the mothers and children whose lives were blighted by violence women and children who were living in abusive violent homes babies who were incubated in violence and the reason that I decided to start roots of empathy 17 years ago was that I realized that there was a generational impact of violence and poor parenting and that if we wanted to put a halt to it we had to start with the children and where are the children well in developed countries they all go to school thank goodness and if you want to change the future and our mission is to build a more caring peaceful and civil society by raising levels of empathy and children you have to go to school so in 17 years ago it was difficult to explain to schools why is empathy essential to our future so by starting out in the most violent drug ridden poverty settings in Toronto we were able to demonstrate first of all with kindergarten children that you could tip the ecology of the classroom you could create a supportive learning environment where children developed a different kind of literacy emotional literacy that the little children who were in these two schools that were in very troubled communities they didn't have ready access to understanding their feelings having the names of their feelings or communicating to others so that frustration and disappointment and hurt feelings were meted out in anger and that there was emotional shrapnel in every single classroom and every single classroom has an armada of broken hearts and you cannot teach a child who's in emotional pain there is no learning happening when a child is sad sick or lonely and let me promise you we have a pandemic of loneliness and children and it's not just the little children who are living in disaster zones it's all of our children we haven't organized the landscape of childhood very well the landscape has changed but children's irreducible needs have not changed they still need love paramount they need time you can't buy them off they their needs are very simple but they're not being met and what roots of empathy tries to do is to use a parent and an infant as an attachment relationship model which is where you have the most pure example of empathy and to bring that parent and infant into a classroom to have the children sit around a green blanket to Train somebody to help the children be keen observers Paul Ekman would love how the children are brilliant at observing and talking about the children's emotional expressions the tone of their voice also they become real detectives and reporters about what they think the baby is feeling and then they learn the words for the feelings of the developing their emotional vocabulary and they're also developing the capacity be conversant with their feelings in a non-threatening way because when you're a child and you're learning about perspective-taking how somebody else feels it's usually because you're in trouble how do you think your brother's going to feel after you've bitten them so we know if we're stressed and nervous worried about something we're not learning so what the roots of empathy program did was open children up to be learning and this they've looked at and Sue coroner is going to be looking for the University of Chicago is going to be looking at levels of oxytocin in the children and the roots of empathy programs and also measuring how cortisol levels come down because when you do discuss negative emotion you immediately reduce the feeling the stress so the cortisol comes down so this emotional literacy that children develop in the roots of empathy class to really the foundational language it's universal and it's really our Esperanto we have looked in the world and tried to find ways to come together how can we end marginalization how has it that we dehumanize people and hate them based on their differences so how can we identify our sameness on what basis can we find one another in the world and basically the connective tissue of humankind is our emotions and I think the little ones in the roots of empathy program and they're not all so little we have four different strands of curriculum from kindergarten up to the end of primary school so it's developmentally appropriate the way we work with the children and it's not all about the baby quite honestly the baby in the parent are there for one third of the program and that's the experiential learning the


biological embedding of experience and then there's the pre-planning visit from an instructor and then there's a reflective visit from instructor a week after so the children have quite a comprehensive year-long program of 27 classes and they have many many opportunities through the curriculum to practice these things that they're learning about but I have to say the creativity of the children surpasses any curriculum we have written and also the creativity of the classroom teacher who sits around the green blanket with the children observing them and quite honestly what happens that allows the children to reinvent themselves is that in school typically teachers have to ask children what they know when they're sort of being tested all the time and that's the nature of the beast but in the roots of empathy class we ask them what they think and what they think other people think and we discuss metacognition how do you think you learn and how do you think your friend learns compared to how do you learn and how can you help your friend learn better and how can you ask for help when you know that this is how you learn and we ask children what they feel and the honesty and trust of little children when they feel that they're in a safe space that nobody is going to be writing notes and and telling on them and that the children in the class what laughs at them were humbled by what the children say at the end of the year they make wishes for their baby and their wishes bring us all to tears the roots of empathy family is presented with a wishing tree of what the children have wished for this little baby and it should be on policy tables because they wish not only what the parent might wish but they wish to prevent the child from suffering so they say well I hope baby Billy never gets asthma or I hope baby billy gets a daddy or I hope baby Billy's daddy gets out of jail or I help baby Billy always has a friend I hope baby Billy isn't stupid at school all of the things that little children also we hear unfortunately a lot of Hope baby Billy isn't bullied so I guess the the whole concept of giving children voice and helping children develop resilience one of the ways we do this is we give them complete control we do not praise them and that sounds maybe a strange thing to say but the reason we don't praise children is that we don't rob them of making their own decisions about what was a good answer or what was a good question we let them decide and we don't manipulate them with praise see how nicely James is sitting so everybody immediately hates James and has the sense that you know if I really want to get the attention of Miss I better sit like James it's completely praised junkie false superficial destructive way for children to be brought up so of you decide to sit up straight fine and if you want the children to sit up straight for God's sake ask them to but don't manipulate them into it so what happens when you remove praise the children who never contribute anything suddenly realize that you know what you get listen to hear and nobody says it's good or bad so we really encourage intrinsic motivation and it is the best pill for encouraging children to take risks in learning to speak out loud and it allows the children to reinvent who everyone thinks they are because the child who's learning English or the child is not very good at reading might have a learning disability or the child is new to the class and doesn't feel they fit in or the child who has a stutterer stammer these children speak up the autistic children participate at a rate that they don't in any other situation and the gorgeous thing is the children who are deemed to be different in some way are invited to birthday parties and when you're a child and the only birthday party you ever get invited to is a cousin's you know what marginalization is and it starts in the classroom it's a microcosm of society and if we can tip the ecology of the classroom that kindness is a given we have a hope for a future that will be more caring peaceful and civil and if we don't start with the children we're going to be a failed society we may be worried about the economy if you look at the recent American election thank God it turned out as it did but you know what was the discourse the discourse was mainly the economy but if we don't have a citizenry that has the capacity to care about those we can't see to care about the generations to come if we don't cultivate that if we don't harvest humanity instead of just the greenbacks we're going to be in trouble so roots of empathy is a lot of fun and i'll just show you a little bit about us the empathy deficit is real sarah conrath has done some disturbing studies on the decline in empathy I won't depress you why promote empathy and children well it is key to any relationship do you know that so often failed relationships people will say oh she just didn't understand me couldn't get me there was no real communication what happens with the children who develop empathy and the roots of empathy program they feel listened to and heard like Christine's doctors they have the capacity to really breathe with one long with their friends so it builds all these things and without question the the abuse of parents that I worked with they could not get under the skin of their baby to be an effective parent to truly love you have to be able to get under the skin of the person you love whether it's your lover or your baby and that's empathy so empathy i think is the secret sauce to a happy life and to a productive society this is a video that I'm going to show you it's a less than one minute because you're probably thinking what on earth is that woman talking about a baby in the classroom so it just shows you baby may now baby may is part japanese baby maze mother taught the children that when she feeds baby may she bounced baby may and after a baby may has finished her pablum or whatever baby may boughs to mom and we sing the baby in and the reason we sing the baby and singing is a coral soup of emotional connection when we sing together we are together the singing isn't great it's just normal singing it's not about quality it's about


participation and the children every child touches baby may so this happens at the beginning and every child looks at baby may and to be seen by a baby is to be really seen and then you'll see a little sequence where it's called 18 questions in this in the space of I've only shown you some of it but in the space of four minutes in this classroom 18 questions were asked and most of them were rhetorical because to be a citizen you have to learn how to ask a question you cannot defend the vulnerable unless you can challenge injustice by asking a question how come why is this happening so we want children who will stand up instead of standing by they have to be able to find their voice and ask a question and so much of school is about answering questions that you're nervous about so let's see how we're going to get you'll also see here yeah if she keeps trying is anybody remember when she was learning to roll over she kept trying so the idea is that the the attachment relationship you saw there when baby may took the second spill immediately turns around to mommy am i okay or should I be upset about this and mommy rubs her chances go back to work so the children you could see the empathic concern one little boy went like this they are cheering for baby may they have found the humanity they are learning to understand her intention they're learning to understand her feeling and they're making a huge impact on how little baby may seizes the world so this idea of being able to build children who understand one another i'm not even going to show you the rest of these because in one minute I can't really I want to show you how the program is different from what we do in school you could not teach empathy with flashcards the way we teach things in school in school we ask questions like if johnny has three apples and Amelia takes two well normally we'd say how many but we don't say that in roots of empathy because if Johnny isn't feeling too good there's no learning happening it might as well pack it up so very quickly these are the goals of the program and I'd like to just finish off by saying the research on roots of empathy has been one of the things that I have been absolutely strong on we have a dozen years of research randomized trials longitudinal studies the impact is huge on the children in terms of reducing aggression and lasts over time so we're so pleased that we've just launched in here in England and there the House of Lords is having a big shindig on Monday to which i think is a screen but I'm very happy to have shared a little bit of what we're trying to do here and i plan to learn a lot about what you all are doing because we're working in the same vineyard and my sense of it is there's no point in crying for cabbage if you've planted corn thank you Stern School of Business.

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