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My inner Mama Bear rears its ugly head. I march over, sweep up a shocked Seb, who now has a glaring scratch on his nose, and squat down faster than a Bodypump addict. I’m face-level with the snivelly-nosed culprit, who also looks about two. There’s nothing that riles me up more than a hitter, especially one who isn’t promptly told off by their parents. My pair are mischievous, but they’re not nasty. ‘You don’t hit,’ I scold the little brat, my eyes narrowed. ‘That’s mean. Where’s your mother?’ Seeming unfazed, the kid points a grimy finger at a nearby café table, where a thin, stringy-haired mother sits with a coffee and a newborn in a sling. Well, we all had newborns once! I’m going to give her a piece of my mind. Oops, I might have said that out loud. I barrel over to her table, still clinging onto Sebastian. Alessio continues having his own fun, oblivious. Lucky I have eyes in the back of my head. ‘Excuse me,’ I say, knowing I sound shrill and short of breath but unable to help it in the heat of the moment. ‘Do you realise your child is hitting other kids? He scratched my son’s nose!’ The woman just stares blankly back at me. Sleep deprivation’s a bitch, but she’s not the only one dealing.

James suddenly reappears at my elbow, looking nervous. He’s seen me in Mama Bear mode before. ‘Uh, is everything all right?’ ‘No,’ I spit. ‘This boy hit Sebastian and refuses to apologise.’ Actually he looks like he could barely string two syllables together, but that’s beside the point. ‘The good news is we’ll no longer be breathing in the same air, because we’re leaving.’ With that, I turn on my heel with Sebastian in tow, pointing James in the direction of Alessio. Then I’m storming over to the lifts, James rushing to catch up with the pram, while I pray my perfect little angels, who upturned our office only that morning, don’t crack a fruity and make a hypocrite of me before we get to the doors.

END Carla Caruso is an Adelaide romantic comedy author and mum of two-year-old twin boys… yes, this story may have been inspired by a real-life incident. Carla’s behind the ebook, A Pretty Mess (which features a character who’s a nanny to triplets), and many other titles. Visit www.carlacaruso.com.au or her blog, www.theunitalianwife.com (pretty please).

A darkhaired, curvier woman steps into view, now holding The Hitter in her arms. I gather she’s a friend of his mum’s. ‘C’mon, they’re just being kids,’ she tries to placate me. ‘My boys don’t hit. They’ve been brought up right!’ I protest. ‘And you’re meant to watch your kids, not just scoff cake. Haven’t you read the signs?’ I know it’s not her fault, but she put herself in the firing line. There’s a beat of silence, then the brunette opens her mouth to speak again. ‘Say sorry.’ ‘What!? I’m not saying sorry,’ I explode. ‘That boy should be apologising to my child.’ The brunette shoots me a funny look. ‘I was talking to him.’ Oh. She edges closer and lowers her voice. ‘Look, his mum’s having a few issues at the moment. And he really didn’t mean any harm.’ ‘She’s having issues?’ I shrill. ‘Doesn’t everyone? I have twins!’

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Profile for Kid Magazine

Kid Magazine Issue Twenty Five  

For mums who like style, pretty things and looking after themselves and their families. Go behind the blog with Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim...

Kid Magazine Issue Twenty Five  

For mums who like style, pretty things and looking after themselves and their families. Go behind the blog with Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim...

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