Hash Trash #1486, Christmas Run Club Silk, December 19 2011 Hares: Al’s Bar GM: Virus Scribe: Sexy Luxy Ugly Betty ………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Holy Crap or Shut Up! Never partied like this before; not in my Hash-Ex (Experience)! Whoa! Club Silk rocked! The baddest DJ, baddest crowd and baddest baddest whatever! Did you realize that no one complained about missing out on fruit? Nor could the lack of water deter us from shaking what our mommas gave us. We FUNNED (my newest contribution to the English language) OUT! Shut up if you missed it; you will never rock it like we did on the Christmas Hash, December 19 at Club Silk. Hash votes are in…..and Club Silk and Obligato hashes have scooped first and second place this year. A couple of hashers are still stuck in Ssese, but I say, the Ayes have it! I owe you one Al's Bar, for making it happen at Club Silk. You decide what it is gonna be --uhm uhm . Everything about Club Silk run was out of this world --obviously even the not so cool stuff like Hash Shit giving us the finger and another hasher fighting MMC over food (but we will get to that later. The juicy part first!
After zig zagging to book a parking spot in the rationed space around Club Silk, I finally got myself to Hash Cash table to pay my dues. Yes, if you wanna eat, you gatta open your wallet. As usual, having the biggest heart at the hash and best artistic personaď Š, I took care of ribbon-making to adorn your wrists. The turn up was beyond the expected 112; 197 hashers showed up to partake of the festivities! ON ON! The trail started from Club Silk in the direction of Angenoir, then turned left onto that second street, industrial area, then up toward The New Vision Offices, onto Jinja road, then right onto Spring Road. We connected onto Bugolobi-Luzira road toward BAT and meandered through to get to our first checkpoint at the top of Jinja road near BAT/Internal Affairs. And in came Dayo (oh! I so missed you), the lyrist outdoing himself in Christmas jingle fever Jiingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way oh what fun is it run round naked in this way jingle balls jingle balls jingle all the way oh what fun is it to run round naked Christmas day Dashing round the block not wearing any dacks one hand on your cock to give your balls more slack bouncing up down as we run to and fro we'll jingle with our gen-i-tals where we may Dayo, you are so talented! Will you marry me?ď Š ON ON onto Jinja road, past the cemetery and onto Wampewo Avenue (I think I got this one right, yeah?). Of course it is never a hash if the trail does not go by the golf course and Kololo airstrip, which brought us to our second checkpoint at Housing Finance. More music, for we were in high silent Xmas swing (silent nite) Sodomy, masturbate, fellatio, copulate round the world and hershey highway round the world and hershey highway round the world and hershey high way round the world and hershey highway condom prophylatic condom prophylatic condom prophylatic pull it out and let it spill these will make it safe these will make it safe 2
But this is where the first Grinch tried to steal the run from us. Oh Pisser! Count your luck stars that you are a dead GM. Because Hash shit, it would have been. I keep telling myself; “do not listen to PisserI” Yet my dumb head followed his advice to ignore the check-back and short-cut the trail. Isn’t Karma such a female dog? LOST in translation! Finally, we made it back to Club Silk, survived all road havoc -motor traffic, police handcuffs near Jinja road police for "running to work" and groping from street wanderers. But we soon realize that we were a day and dollar short for the water at the end point. No fruit either? Eish! Yeah? At least there was a beer to share for the fast and furious. Overall, the run was nice and easy, with some hashers wishing for more. Except that Circle did not wanna start; I wonder why! And when it finally started, all hell broke loose with drama and more drama! Let’s talk about the beautiful ones first. Down down for Al’s Bar; you made the run so deserving with a venue to wish for-ever! Next were the ugly and very ugly new faces, returnees and visiting hashers. Too many to count: Newbie Maurice (from last week) made Barbara come; Ugly Betty came with Baron, rescued from the fury of rugby hustlers. Carolina imported another Maple Tree (Alison) look-alike. Other newbies went by funny names: masturbation, moonberg thief (who stalked us to Ssese), AON billboard, swineflu, Nairobery Mzungu and Kimeeza. Who made them come, anyway? They could not speak, and did not deserve our beer! Wedding Crasher returned (I hear she had gone to crash Kim Kardashian’s wedding. Who cares? Does she work for TMZ?). Visiting hashers Nairobery Mzungu and Kigali wanderer failed to pull out their vocal cords. Why did we give them our beers? Anyway, we have better things to talk about. The “maple trees” and that international bodyguard aka “aqua-phobia marine” were caught in a Ménage à trios on the hash, and Hackenbush let them have the last laugh. While the Mumbai guy was arrested trying to run off with our fruit in his bag. King Jigger, again with his jig-thing pissing on the roads, with Karamajong and Landlord coping him! They surely did not deserve “free wine tasting” passes to Club Silk this Thursday! Meanwhile, Landlord and Mukyala got a nod were recognized as the only couple with over 400 (420 to be exact) runs. And they drunk to that entangled in each other. Like we should care where Knock Knees has! But did you have to return with the venom of shaving somebody’s mabira; slow down! With competitors like No Money and No Name, Bad Black did what he knows best; robbing the chatter box and leaving the two bankrupt. But if the long, "sogarnized" (for DISORGANIZED, thanks to my 3-yr old's addition to the English language) and ugly circle did not fill you up, Hash Shit was about to unleash more drama. We had five competitors: Bad Black for pouring our beer; (??) for stealing hash ribbon; Muchira for bribery; Dirty Liar for failed fashion statement; and Strap On for duping us on the Hash Magazine. A win so coveted, because 1) it gets you free beer; 2) first in the food line; 3) toilet seat and suction pump beer glass turned bitter. The winner Strap On got too cute and gave us the finger. “F you all, find somebody else.” Echoing Queenie, SHAME SHAME SHAME! 3
And hell opened its fury! With a free showdown by the MMC, with Kandahar V. Hackenbush. Oh! did I hear somebody calling for Strap On to exit the hash tribe? Does the Hash even have “Rules of Engagement”, where the Trump can say, “You are fired”? If that was no drama enough, another harriet had bigger plans for us at the food court. I hear a one Sunset made a Nagy move and took out (not Goloola this time) but DC for missing out on chicken. Damn! Is that how we do it when the chickens go matching on the road opposite us? I did not know we could just settle old scores there and then. But seriously, is Sunset a Uganda girl? Does she know that cultural women do not eat chicken? That is blasphemy! And think of it like this - I did NOT get chicken or matooke! DC missed out on the food! And NO, we did NOT go Nagy fight! DC thinks there is more to this, because Sunset seemed to think she was a Big Rat, ready to eat like chicken meat. Good thing, we already have candidates for next hash shit. Too much drama! But we were determined not to let the fat lady sing! The house was already on fire, with the baddest DJ and baddest dancing machines. We rocked, swung, jived to Michael Jackson, Vanilla Ice, Kannan, Loketo, Awilo Longoma, Ugandan jives you name it. We even had ngoma nganda, whoa! Good Lawwdd! If you were not there, you will never be! Feel so badly for you!! Let’s just say, we rocked! Have I said this enough times? Ok. I just can't get it all out. Someone commented,”Ugly Betty, you are enjoying the hash”. Another added, “You are killing us with your swagger”. Don’t hate; this gal came to partee. Seriously, we had a fun-filled groovy Monday Hash. I went home past mid-night a happy danced out girl, and I replayed each moment again and again. The next morning, I woke up blushing about the dream I had the previous night. There was a boy –a hash boy. uhm! And he is a lawyer. Oops! Did I give out too much information
P.S. Unfinished business So, I have received complaints from several hashers about my coverage of the Ssese Weekend Run. Apparently, I forgot a very vital happening on the island. About a harriet with "butiti". Yeah! What is Butiiti? Is it an edible fruit, a kind of beer or aphrodisiac? And who is this girl? How come I did not see her? Where was I? Ooooooh! Are they referring to that babe who was wearing waist beads? Oh! the one everybody swarmed to take pictures with, including Muchira? I saw some touching those magical around-the-waist edible beads. I thought she was a catalogue model. But c'mon hashers! Who in this world does not know waist beads? Any good African girl knows waist beads and their value --from Senegal, South Africa, Egypt to Uganda, good girls wear butiti. Come to NYC, and you will see them selling in craft markets in Harlem, Manhattan and Brooklyn. Even Mzungus know that Butiti give you an extra uphm! How do you think I got my three-year old boy? TIL THEN ON ON