does exist made the religious part of my life so much harder; it made me feel like I did not belong with them. I found myself talking to God at night and begging for him to help me find him if he was real. He never answered. I heard people talking about things God had done for them and I began to think that if God was real he had abandoned me, or maybe he just never cared about me at all. Was I being blind and selfish? Or perhaps I was overthinking this whole thing and needed to stop worrying about it and get on with my life. I came up with my own theory: religion was just something to calm the peoples’ minds so that they wouldn’t feel alone like I did. It gave them hope and a purpose to live—something that was missing from my life. The need to fill this void is ample but I just have not been able to accept God completely because of the never-ending doubt I encompass. If there is a God that loves his children so much, why is there misery and suffering? There are so many people on this planet that deal with things they don’t deserve. For instance, innocent children battle cancer every day. Where is God? Beautiful families lose their loved ones. Where is God? How could a God that’s so good let these things happen to these people? What about all of the starving people in third
world countries like: the Democratic Republic of Congo, Zimbabwe, Burundi, and Liberia? Where is their God? I find it strange that there are so many unanswered prayers in this world. If God loves his children so much why doesn’t he help them? Later in life, the doubt in my mind started getting worse. At schools, students are taught the theories of evolution and Big Bang. These theories did not go along with Christianity, but for me, they were easier to believe in. The first verse in the Bible states, “In this beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth.” This verse baffles me because if God created God? The Big Bang theory states that the universe was in an extremely hot and dense state and began expanding rapidly. After the early expansion, the universe cooled which allowed energy to be converted into atoms. This made more sense to me than the idea of a creator. After I started to grasp this
94