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At its most basic, a QR Code is a barcode on steroids. They're used for encoding information in 2-dimensional space -- like in the pages of BarTab & even on TV & web sites. They were originally used to track auto parts, but have become popular (especially in Japan) for much broader purposes. So how do you use them? QR Codes can be accessed by any smart phone. Just go to your app store & search for a QR Reader. For the iPhone we prefer the app, ironically named, QR Reader for iPhone For Android phones found that Barcode Scanner seems to be highly recommended, but come on, who seriously uses Android phones? 4 kwBarTab.com


10 Daily Bar Buzz

daily happy hour & entertainment schedule

13 BarTab Entertainment Guide

hog’s breath, green parrot, lazy gecko, bottle cap, smokin’ tuna

16 Calendar of Events March, April, May ‘12 19 Application for a Night Out w/ the Boys 22 Writing Columns for Dummies by bill hoebee

26 ELECT THIS!

by david sloan

29 Profiles

john & missy @ vito’s restaurant brad @ lazy gecko keys comedy w/ vinny k bar chord w/ jonathon birchfield

32 Map of Key West 40 Restaurant & Bar Listings 49 When Did We Start Wanting the Stick

to Turn Blue? by leigh pujado

54 Single on the Island by betty b

58 Menus & Delivery Guide

mr z’s, luigi’s secret recipe, caroline’s, amigos

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PO Box 4951 Key West, FL 33041 info@kwBarTab.com 305.292.6262 Publisher Lawrence Bradley, Jr larry@kwBarTab.com Design Flypaper Publishing info@flypaperpublishing.com 305.292.6262 Words By Bill Hoebee billhoebee@clearchannel.com Leigh Pujado cleighpujado@gmail.com David Sloan sloaniv@gmail.com Contributing Photo Nick Doll nickdollphotography.com Contributors Jess Forsythe The BarTab magazine is a free monthly publication distributed throughout Key West, FL. Omissions in the BarTab are at the discretion of the publisher. All rights reserved & contents ©2004-2012, Flypaper Publishing, LLC.


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Bottle Cap

Bagatelle

Bobalu’s

425 Greene 305.292.2009 Serving American & Mexican style breakfast starting @ 8am. Delivery, take out or dine in.

115 Duval 305.296 6609 Happy Hour 5-7pm w/ half priced appetizers & drinks! Back deck full moon party Thurs, Nov 10th.

404 Southard 305.293.3100 4-6pm & midnight-1am half price well & drafts, $1 off bottled beers

900 Simonton 305.294.2655 Cheapest Gay Drinks in Key West! Happy Hour noon - 8pm $2.50 domestics, $3 Imports & Wells

1128 Simonton 305.296.2807 Happy Hour 4-7pm & get a FREE $25 bar tab on your birthday!

Conch Republic

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Bobby’s Monkey Bar

Amigos

Dante’s

Fat Tuesday’s

Grand Café

Green Parrot

631 Greene 305.294.4403 Happy Hour 4-7pm 2 for 1 premium well drinks, all domestic & imported beers

951 Caroline 305.293 5123 Happy Hour 4-8pm All drinks almost half off & great raw bar specials

305 Duval 305.296.9373 Happy Hour 4-7pm $4 16oz daiquiris, $1.50 off liquor, $3 domestics, $3.50 import

314 Duval, 305.292.4740 Happy Hour open-5pm Discounts on all frozen, mojitos & margaritas.

601 Whitehead 305.294 6133 Happy Hour 4-7pm daily with “sound-checks” at 5:30pm every Friday. Monday night Bingo @ 7pm

Hog’s Breath

Irish Kevin’s

Island Dogs

Jack Flats

400 Front 305.296.4222 Drink Discounts on all liquor & beer 5-7p. Live music all day from 11a-2a

211 Duval 305.292.1262 Happy Hour open-6pm $1 off well drinks & $3 pints of Bud Light. LIVE MUSIC A ALL DAY LONG!

505 Front 305.509.7136 Happy Hour 3-6p $2.75 wells, $4 Mojitos.

509.5 Duval 305.294 7955 12 High Def Projection TVs with personal speakers to listen. Late night food till 1am or later


Kelly’s Caribbean

Lobo’s

Margaritaville

301 Whitehead 305.293 8484 Happy Hour 4-7pm $350 margaritas, $2 micro brews & 1/2 priced hot, mild, jerk or sweet & hot wings

Key Lime Plaza Southard 305.296 5303 Mix Grill food sandwiches, wraps & more! Open 10a-6p pick up or delivery.

500 Duval 305.292 1435 Get an original Cheeseburger in paradise! Along with signature margarita

Shanna Key Irish Pub

Smokin’ Tuna Saloon

Southernmost Beach Café

1900 Flagler 305.295.8880 Happy Hour 4-7p & midnight-2a.

Tattoos & Scars

512 Greene St 2-4-1 Happy Hour 4-7p & Sun-Thurs 2-4a dom beers & wells, 20% local & military discount with ID $2 PBR draft all day

4 Charles 305.517.6350 Discounts on beers & well drinks 5-7p with live music starting at 6p.

Santiago’s Bodega

Prime Steakhouse

Sports Page

Steel Horse Saloon

207 Petronia 305.296 7691 Happy Hour 3-6pm 6 tapas for only $5 1/2 priced beers, sangrias, & glass of wine. $10 off all bottles.

951 Caroline 305.296 4000 Steaks, seafood, martinis & fine wine. Opens daily at 6p.

1405 Duval 305.295 6550 $4 Happy Hour 4-7p Your choice of wings, calamari, sliders & more! & $4 drink specials

610 Greene 305.296 3230 11pm-close ALL BEER & LIQUOR 1/2 price! Mon-Fri HH 4-7pm 1/2 priced apps 2-4-1 wells & beers

511 Greene 305.414.8254 Happy Hour 4-7p with drink specials $2 PBR draft all day Live Music 9:30-2am Tues-Sat

Tavern n Town

Teaser’s

Vito’s

218 Duval 305.292.7673 Daily 3-5:30pm with fully nude girls & a full liquor bar. Beer & boobs!

1019 White 305.509.7716 Happy Hour 3-6p half off all drinks, appetizers & personal pizzas at the bar

3841 N Roosevelt 305.296.3676 Happy Hour Daily 5-7pm 2-4-1 drinks Tues & Thurs $7 Tapas menu 5-7pm

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Bottle Cap

Happy Hour 4-7p

203 Duval 305 292-1903 Happy Hour 5-8p wells & beers 2-4-1

Sunset Pier

2 for 1 Happy Hour 4-7p wells, domestic drafts & bottles & $5 food menu

Terrific Sunset View @ 7 & 8p

528 Front 305.292.7862

MONDAY

Live Music on the Quarterdeck @ 7p Open Mic Jam hosted by Larry Baeder & Dora @ 7p

FRIDAY

Celebrity Happy Hour for Charity 5-8p

Live DJ Music w/ Primetime 10p - close

Live Music on the Quarterdeck @ 7p

VIP House & Electronica DJs 10p - close

Live DJ Music w/ Primetime 10p - close

Live Music on the Quarterdeck @ 7p

THURSDAY

Live DJ Music w/ Primetime 10p - close

SATURDAY

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Rum Barrel

Live Music on the Quarterdeck @ 7p

House Party with DJ Anton 11p - close

WED

TUESDAY

Lazy Gecko

Extended Happy Hour! (Sun & Mon) 5p - midnight all wells & beers are 2-4-1 DJ Music 10p-close

SUNDAY

EVERYDAY

1128 Simonton 305 296-2807

0 Duval 305.296.7701

Nina Newton @ 1p Robert Albury @ 6p Rolando Rojas @ 1p Robert Albury @ 6p George Victory @ 1p Rolando Rojas @ 6p Rolando Rojas @ 1p Robert Albury @ 6p George Victory @ 1p Rolando Rojas @ 6p Rolando Rojas @ 1p Robert Albury @ 6p Tony Durante @ 1p

Willie T’s

525 Duval 305.294.7674 Happy Hour 4-7p 50% off premium well drinks & beers Sunday, Bloody Sunday 2 for $10 Bloody Mary’s

Mojito Monday 2 for $12 Mojitos 2-4-$10 Margaritas Live Music 1p & 8p 2-4-$10 Margaritas Live Music 1p & 8p 2-4-$10 Rumrunners Live Music 1p & 8p Live Music at 1p & 8p Margaritas 2-4-$10 Live Music at 1p & 8p Margaritas 2-4-$10


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MARCH 12 MAY 20 2012

March

29 Yellow Show Art Space, 1102 Truman Ave Thursday, 6-9pm - It should be pretty apparent what you can expect at this one. ArtSpaceKeyWest.com

31 A Night In Monte Carlo Casa Marina , 1500 Reynold 6:30pm - An evening of high stakes gaming. $100 admission includes cocktails, champagne reception, drink tickets, appetizers & $2500 in play money. Benefit for AIDS Help.

April

02-06 Songwriter’s Festival

Mr. Zs, 505 Southard noon - Celebrating with a block party on Southard Street (at Duval). Live bands, games for the kids, drinking, eating, & a Cheesesteak Eating Contest! This is a non-profit event, to benefit the Wesley House. To enter the eating contest, stop by Mr. Z's Old Town!

Various Venues 100+ performers at more than 30 shows at 25 venues. 5 days of some of the best music heard all year in Key West! Shows that require tickets can be purchased through KeysTix.com.

23 Taste of Key West Truman Waterfront 6pm-9pm A culinary celebration where Key West’s best restaurants present mouth watering samples of their cuisine to benefit AIDS Help & a ton of booze too. (305) 296-6196

20 Ultimate 4/20 Adventure 9am - 3rd Annual Locals’ Ultimate 4/20 Adventure. Lots of fun, snorkeling, Jetski, parasailing. Food & beverages to make your 4/20 what it should be crazy! Must be a Key West resident. Call [248] 259-5372 for info 16 kwBarTab.com

MAY

01 Mr. Zs 10 Year Anniversary

KeyWestSongwritersFestival.com

17 Mix Martial Arts Fight Ibis Bay Resort, 3101 N Roosevelt The return of live MMA cage fights. If you missed the first fight, don’t make the same mistake twice. Full contact amateur battles featuring various Key West fighters. www.MMASOL.com

27 Minimal Regatta Schooner Wharf 21st annual Minimal Regatta. 6 member team must build a boat seaworthy enough to stay afloat for the entire race course in the Key West Bight. The catch - the boats are made of plywood, fasteners, duct tape, & 2' x 4's.


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19

Time of departure:

Time of return not to exceed:

Wine

Liquor

Females with whom conversation is permitted:

Locations to be visited:

Beer

Amount of alcohol allowed [units] Total

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after 2 drinks, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi & calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancĂŠ/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.

Date:

Name of Boyfriend/FiancĂŠ/Husband:

APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS


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Time of departure:

Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:

Date:

Time of return:

Request is: APPROVED DENIED This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below & carry at all times.  ......................................................................................... Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:

Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

I declare that to the best of my knowledge [of which I have none compared to my BETTER half], the above information is correct.

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, & I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain & use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you to a romantic comedy of your choosing, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, & attempting to breed like a [drunken] rabbit.

IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Notwithstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred [100] feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.


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1  Don’t  feel  any  obligation  to  the  tell   –Š‡–”—–ŠƒŽŽ–Š‡–‹‡Ǥ ˆ‹–Š‡Ž’•›‘—‡‡– the  required  amount  of  words  to  receive  a   paycheck,  bullshit  away  my  friend.

y   ered  by  an   b m u c n e n ns Being  u mmunicatio   o  c r  o m s li  a  paid journa aving  been ears    h & ,   e e r g de 0  y or  almost  1 columnist  f •‡‡•‡ŽƤ•Š‹ˆ  —Ž†   ‘™ǡ‹–™‘  you  ‘Would h it  w e r a h e   didn’t  s s’  out  ther hat   t s li a n r u o Be  J ve  t his  is  &  pro o  this    t y s a  e w o h ybody  can  d virtually  an e). om (your  welc 22 kwBarTab.com

2   ǯ˜‡Ž‡ƒ”‡†ˆ”‘”‡ƒ†‹‰–Š‹•Ƭ many  other  publications  that  just  about   every  columnist  will  do  at  least  one   Dz•‡”‹‡•dzƒ„‘—–ƒ‡™Ƥ–‡••‘”™‡‹‰Š– loss  program  they’ve  started,  to  varying   †‡‰”‡‡•‘ˆ•—……‡••Ǥ ǯ˜‡ˆ‘—†–Šƒ–™”‹–‹‰ a  “series”  of  columns  is  easy  &  removes   the  stress  of  having  to  come  up  with  a   topic  every  week.   Budding  columnists  pay  attention,   use  all  of  the  free  time  you’ve  gained   by  “researching”  your  “series”  at  your   favorite  bar,  &  don’t  stress  out  if  you  can’t   come  up  with  a  topic.  Just  write  non-­‐sense   Ȃ‹–™‘”•Ǥ ‘™–Š‹•„‡…ƒ—•‡›‘—ǯ”‡•–‹ŽŽ reading  this,  aren’t  you?  Here’s  an  example   “Hoebee’s  New  Years  Fitness  Program.”  

™‡–‘–Š‡—„™ƒ›•ƒ†™‹…Š†‹‡–Ƭ ‰ƒ‹‡†•‡˜‡’‘—†•Ƭ ǯ’‹••‡†‘ơƒ–


acceptance  of  all  kinds  of  folks  –  of  making   �‹†•‰ƒ›Ǥ‘—Ž†–Š‡•‡”‡Ž‹‰‹‘—•œ‡ƒŽ‘–• possibly  really  think  this  or  were  they  just   going  for  a  paycheck  by  writing  a  column?  

ˆ–Š‡›”‡ƒŽŽ›Â?‡ƒÂ?––Š‹•…ƒÂ?™‡„‡ˆƒ”ƒ™ƒ› ˆ”‘Â?•‘Â?‡‘Â?‡’”‘Â?‘–‹Â?‰Dz”‡nj‡‡Â?’‘Â?‰‡ ƒ•‡‡ǥ‹–ǯ•Â?‘–ǎ–”—‡ǯČ‹ †‘Â?ǯ––Š‹Â?Â?ƒÂ?Â›Â™ÂƒÂ›ČŒ Bob  ‘knee  pads’â€?  with  a  little  theme  song   „—–ǥ Œ—•–‰‘–’ƒ‹†ˆ‘”™”‹–‹Â?‰‹–Ǥ‡”‹‘—•Ž›ǥ†‘ ‹Â?–Š‡„ƒ…Â?‰”‘—Â?†•‹Â?‰‹Â?‰ǥDz‹––Ž‡’‘Â?‰‡ you  think  anybody  ever  lost  300  pounds  by   ‘„“—ƒ”‡ƒÂ?–•ǥŠ‡ eating  sandwiches?   ...don’t stress out lives  under  the  sea,  but   Or  in  your  weight  loss   according  to  this  right   “series’  you  could   if you can’t come up report  on  the  quickest   with a topic. Just write wing  group,  he’d  rather   non-sense – it works. I „‡—Â?†‡”Â?‡Ǥdz ‰—‡•• died  ever Â��called  “the   know this because if  they’re  right,  fourth   Marie  Antoinette  Dietâ€?   you’re still reading... grade  classrooms  will  be   you  simply  say,  “Let   a  lot  better  decorated   them  eat  cake,â€?  then   than  they  are  now.  But  regardless  of  their   a  few  hours  later  you  could  lose  about  12   Â?‘Â?•‡Â?•‡ǥ ÇŻÂ?•–‹ŽŽ‰‡––‹Â?‰’ƒ‹†–‘™”‹–‡ƒ„‘—– ’‘—Â?†•„›Šƒ˜‹Â?‰›‘—”Š‡ƒ†Ž‘’’‡†‘ƥ‹Â?–Š‡ –Š‡Â?Ǥ‡‡Ǎ town  square. “Jaredâ€?.  Then  write  something  like,  “Jared   ‹•ˆ‡‡†‹Â?‰ƒ–‘”–Š‡”Â? †ƒŠ‘„ƒ•‡†Â?‡‘njƒœ‹ paramilitary  group  with  this  fat  sandwich   cash.â€?

You  can  make  money  by  commenting  on   ƒŽŽÂ?‹Â?†•‘ˆ•–—ƥ‹Â?–Š‡Â?‡™•Ǥ ‘”‡šƒÂ?’Ž‡ǥƒ guy  named  Dr.  Dobson  of  “Focus  on  Familyâ€?   ƒ……—•‡†–Š‡…”‡ƒ–‘”•‘ˆDz’‘Â?‰‡‘„“—ƒ”‡ ƒÂ?–•dz™Š‹…Š „‡Ž‹‡˜‡‹•‹Â?–‡Â?†‡†–‘’”‘Â?‘–‡

You  can  write  about  something  somebody   else  wrote  –  piece  of  cake  (again  potential   ™”‹–‡”•Â?‘–‡Š‘™ ÇŻÂ˜Â‡—•‡†”‡Ž‹‰‹‘Â?ÇĄ”—Â?‘”•ǥ diets,  technology  &  controversy  to  add  about   ͕͔͔™‘”†•–‘Â?›Â•ÂƒÂ‰ÂƒČŒÇ¤ˆ…‘—”•‡‹ˆÂ?ƒ‰ƒœ‹Â?‡ 23


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writing  isn’t  in  your  wheelhouse,  perhaps  you’d  enjoy  writing  copy  for  TV  commercials.   Ž–Š‘—‰Š ǯ˜‡‡˜‡”†‘‡–Š‹•Š‘™Šƒ”†…‘—Ž†‹–„‡–‘™”‹–‡–Š‡DzŠƒ”‹Ž–”ƒdz–‘‹Ž‡–’ƒ’‡” commercials?  They’ve  employed  the  use  of  cute  blue  singing  &  dancing  bears  to  implore  the   –‘—•‡–Š‡‹”–‘‹Ž‡–’ƒ’‡”Ȃ„‡…ƒ—•‡ƒ……‘”†‹‰–‘–Š‡ǡDz‹–ŠŠƒ”‹ȂŽ‡••‹•‘”‡Ǥdz All  the  writer  did  was  turnaround  the  old,  “Does  a  bear  shit  in  the   woods,”  adage  &  turn  the  beasts  into  ass  wiping  icons,  even  going  as  far   as  having  the  baby  bear  say,  “Now  that  feels  good,”  at  the  end.  You  can   †‘–Š‹•ǤŠ‡’‡”•‘™Š‘™”‘–‡–Š‹•‹•‘†‹ơ‡”‡––Šƒ›‘—Ƭ‡ǡ‡š…‡’– –Š‡›ƒ†‡‘‡›™”‹–‹‰ƒ„‘—–ƒ••Ǧ™‹’‹‰„‡ƒ”•Ǥ ˆ‹–ǯ•‰‘‘†‡‘—‰Šˆ‘” a  cartoon  bear’s  ass  it’s  good  enough  for  me. ‘ǡ‹ˆ›‘—™ƒƒ„‡ƒ’ƒ‹†™”‹–‡”Œ—•–•–ƒ”–†‘‹‰‹–ǡ›‘—†‘ǯ–Šƒ˜‡–‘„‡Šƒ‡•’‡ƒ”‡–‘ ‰‡–’ƒ‹†Ǥ—–‹ˆ›‘—ǯ”‡…‘–‡–™‹–ŠŒ—•–”‡ƒ†‹‰ǡ†‘ǯ–„‡Ž‹‡˜‡‡˜‡”›–Š‹‰›‘—”‡ƒ†Ǥ –‹‰Š– „‡ˆ”‘•‘‡„‘†›•‹’Ž›Ž‘‘‹‰ˆ‘”ƒ’ƒ›…Š‡…ǤŠ‹ˆ‘”›‘—”•‡ŽˆǤ Š‘’‡–Š‹•Š‡Ž’•›‘— ’‘–‡–‹ƒŽ…‘Ž—‹•–•‘—––Š‡”‡Ǥ Šƒ˜‡–‘‰‘‘™ǡƒ• ǯ˜‡Œ—•–”‡ƒ…Š‡†–Š‡‹‹—ƒ‘—–‘ˆ ™‘”†• ‡‡†‡†–‘™”‹–‡–‘‰‡–’ƒ‹†ǨŠƒǦ…Š‹‰Ǩ ǤǤ ‡ƒ‘†‹•”‡•’‡…––‘ƒŽŽ›‘—”‡ƒŽ™”‹–‡”•‘—––Š‡”‡Ǥ ‘Ž›™”‹–‡–Š‹•–‘’‹••‘ơ–Š‡‰—› ™Š‘‡ƒ‹Ž•‡ƒŽŽ–Š‡–‹‡–‘–‡ŽŽ‡Š‘™—…Š •—…Ƭ–Šƒ–Š‡Šƒ•͕͔͔͂ǡ͔͔͔‡†—…ƒ–‹‘Ƭ should  have  my  job  (and  of  course,  the  money).  How  do  ya  like  me  now  big  boy?   Bill  Hoebee  is  on  weekdays  2-­‐7pm  on  the  Florida  Keys  #1  radio  show,  “Hoebee  in  the   Afternoon”  on  SUN  99.5  or  103.1  FM  &  also  the  host  of  Keys  TV’s  Club  Hour.

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SELECTTHIS Republican?  Democrat?  Conservative?   Liberal?  I  could  really  give  two  fucks,  but   election  year  is  upon  us  and  it’s  no  longer   possible  to  poke  the  celebs  I’m  stalking   on  Facebook  without  encountering  a  slew   of  misinformed  posts  raking  muck  in  the   direction  of  whichever  candidate,  party,  or   ‡Ž‡…–‡†‘ƥ …‹ƒŽŠƒ’’‡•–‘„‡‹–Š‡‡™• that  day.  The  Electoral  College  pays  about   as  much  attention  to  your  vote  as  they   do  your  status  updates,  but  it’s  nice  to   believe  we  have  a  say  in  how  our  country   runs.  In  that  spirit,  please  take  a  moment   to  forget  about  party  lines  –  both  political   and  Columbian  –  and  take  a  little  taste  of   the  six  qualities  to  look  for  in  a  candidate.

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by  David  Sloan

1.  A  Good  Head:  The  head  is  where  it  all   starts.  If  your  candidate  has  a  good  one,   you  can  expect  their  full  attention  and   know  they  will  be  concerned  about  your   satisfaction.  Whether  thick  skinned  or   sensitive,  it’s  all  in  the  head. 2.  Experience:  An  experienced  candidate   knows  the  ins  and  outs,  and  can  handle  the   ups  and  downs  of  any  situation.  They  will   have  penetrating  insight  and,  keep  stroke   with  hot  button  issues.


3.  Stand  Up:  We’ve  seen  enough  of   Presidential  hopefuls  glad-­‐handing  factory   workers.  Our  next  leader  should  go  deep  in   the  trenches,  be  hard  on  issues,  and  stand   Ƥ”‘ƒ––‡”™Šƒ––Š‡‹”’‘•‹–‹‘Ǥ 4.  Impeccable  Timing:  Timing  is   everything.  Our  leaders  must  know  when   to  pull  -­‐out,  when  to  rise  to  the  occasion,   and  never  be  premature  with  their  actions. 5.  The  Ability  to  Take  a  Beating:  Our   Commander  in  Chief  will  encounter  hairy   situations,  often  surrounded  by  assholes.   They  need  to  take  a  blow  and  not  choke   ™Š‹Ž‡ƒ‹–ƒ‹‹‰ƒƤ”Šƒ†‘–Š‡ situation.

6.  A  Straight  Shooter:  Lastly,  we  need  a   Ž‡ƒ†‡”™Š‘™‹ŽŽ…‘‡‘—–Ƥ”‹‰ǡŠƒ•—• covered,  will  have  your  back  and  stays  on   target.  No  one  wants  to  end  up  with  egg  on   their  face. In  conclusion,  you  should  vote  for  my  penis. Political  views  are  interesting.  You  should   have  one.  You  should  be  proud  of  it.  Just   don’t  wave  it  around  in  public  and  stop   trying  to  force  it  down  other  people’s   throats.  

David  L.  Sloan  writes  and  drinks.   He  has  many  enjoyable  books   that  do  not  reference  his  penis.   Load  him  up  on  your  Kindle  @   www.amazon.com/author/sloan

27


BarTab sat down with John & Missy from Vito’s this issue. After some Osso Bucco & vino, we got a chance to chat with John the owner.

Full name, from & years in Key West?

John Barba, from Wilmington, DE in the suburbs, not in the city, been here 1 year.

How did you first land in Key West?

I’ve been coming down here for 13 years with my brother-inlaw, sister & Missy.

What was your first job ever?

Is that something that’s always on the menu? It’s a special we run on most weekends.

What is the best activity for a tourist to do in Key West?

Eat at Vito’s! [laughs] & check out the Key West Toy Factory in the Clinton Square Mall.

Making pizzas. I was like, probably, 15ish. I learned how to cook in Uncle Vito’s shoe repair shop. We had a full kitchen, & everybody would come from the neighborhood & eat & drink for lunch.

Key West restaurant of choice [not Vito’s]?

How did Vito’s come about?

Clemenza in The Godfather.

We were all in real estate business up north. The market just fell out so we tried to compensate by looking into other little businesses. We were running a pizzeria sub shop in Delaware with family recipes & then my brother-in-law, Fran Gonzon, talked us into coming down here & opening a place.

How about a favorite drink, your drink of choice?

How are we gonna answer that question? [laughing]. Origami, for Sushi.

What’s your favorite mafia character? Where do you like to go on your nights off?

We like to go hang out with my buddy, Pete, at Pete’s Meats on Green & Duval next to Sloppy Joe’s. It’s a frickin’ good laugh. [laughs] You see some pretty funny stuff.

Any advice to the youth of America?

I’d do an Ice Pick. That’s an ice tea & vodka.

Make sure you start drinking & finish drinking with a full belly.

What’s the best dish that Vito’s offers?

Any shameless plugs, shout outs?

The Osso Bucco special. It’s a bone-in pork shank, with a medley of vegetables with penne pasta & the pan juice.

Our friends at Smokin’ Tuna, Amigos, Lobo’s, & Key West Cakes. kwBarTab.com

29


Full name, how long at The Lazy Gecko, sign?

Bradley Lyle Garrison, I’ve been at The Gecko for a year & a half, & I’m a Sag.

Where are you from? Austin, Texas.

When did you first move to Key West?

I first moved to Key West in ‘98 in the United States Coast Guard. I’ve left & moved back 3 times since.

What was your first job ever?

I Can’t Believe It’s Yogurt, swirling fucking goodness. My mom got me the job when I was 15.

A brief Key West work history.

The Oriole’s Club, Snuba of Key West, Sub-Tropic, Martin’s, & here.

What past job do you miss the most?

Life guarding in Myrtle Beach, SC when I was 21 for sure. Yeah. [laughs]

If you had a “no questions asked” get-out-of-jail-free card, how would you use it?

I could do anything? I’d save it ‘til Fantasy Fest. & it would be something special & naked on my big wheel.

Favorite sports team?

The San Antonio Spurs. The Heat suck!

What do you do when you’re not working? Sleep & dive.

What are some of the noticeable changes you’ve seen since living in Key West? Everybody’s getting older. [laughs]

Best sandwich at The Lazy Gecko?

I’m going to say a toss up between the Beantown & the Rich Baker.

TV show on the top of your DVR right now?

Eastbound & Down, followed closely by The Walking Dead.

If money were no object, what would you do tomorrow? I’d take all my friends on a cruise forever. [laughs]

Any interesting experiences late night at the southernmost point?

Yeah, I show the tourists the sights there at about 3am... & the sight was my penis. [laughs]

The Southernmost point. That’s true.

kwBarTab.com

31


RESTAURANTS & BARS 1

2

AMIGO’S

3

BAGATELLE

4

CAROLINE’S

5

DANTE’S / PRIME STEAKHOUSE

6

GREEN PARROT

7

HOG’S BREATH

8

IRISH KEVIN’S

9

IRON HORSE SALOON

10

JACK FLATS

11

KELLY’S

12

KRAWLS

13

LAZY GECKO

14

MARGARITAVILLE

15

MR. Z’S

16

PETE’S PIANO BAR

17

PRIME STEAKHOUSE / DANTE’S

18

RUM BARREL

19

SANTIAGO’S BODEGA

20

SMOKIN’ TUNA

21

SOUTHERNMOST BEACH CAFÉ

22

SPORTS PAGE

23

SUNSET PIER / HOT TIN ROOF

24

TATTOO & SCARS

25

TAVERN N’ TOWN

26

WILLIE T’S

27

VITO’S

STORES & SERVICES 1 BAREFOOT BILLY’S

CENTENNIAL BANK

2 BI PLANE TOURS

4 CITY VIEW TROLLEYS

3 CAPRICORN JEWELRY

5 FAIRVILLA MEGASTORE


Key West’s Best Jetski Tour Guided Tours & Hourly Rentals

6 FAST BUCK FREDDIES

9 SALON SEASIDE

7 KW HAMMOCK CO.

10 SOUTHERNMOST CIGAR CLUB

8 LIVING DOLLS

11 TOY FACTORY

(305) 849-­0815

www.BareFootBillys.com

33


Full name, age, favorite color?

I don’t tell people my name. I don’t tell people my name age. But I do like purple!

Where did you grow up?

Have you ever had any heckling issues?

I grew up in the lovely projects of Woodhaven, Queens, NYC.

No, I think I’m too ‘stabby’ lookin’ to get heckled.

And how did you first land in Key West?

What advice do you have for the youth of America?

By accident in ‘95. I was really drunk in Clearwater & after I closed the bar a buddy of mine, Tim, who still bartends down here said, “Come down to Key West & live on my boat. We’ll bartend down here.” When I woke up & there were chickens everywhere. I never even knew where Key West was.

Well I’ll tell you what my old basketball coach told me; never get less than 12 hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; & never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Stick to that, & everything else is cream cheese.

How long have you been doing stand-up?

Tell us a bit about your upcoming shows & what you got going on in town.

I started stand-up when I was 16, & for years I did a lot of DJing, radio, & stand-up. For the last 10 years I’ve been on the road headlining.

Tell us about your first stand up gig.

It was an open mic in the Village & me & some friends went in, & I did really well. So I kept doing it, but I sucked for a while after that.

Best April fools joke ever played?

I think they’ve all involve Ex-Lax, but you cant do it on April fools day. You gotta do ‘em more in May, June. July’s a good prank month. 34 kwBarTab.com

We’ve been doing a lot of shows at La Concha. They’ve been going real well. We got the Key West Comedy Festival that starts off April 1st. We’re shuttin’ down Southard Street for a block party for Mr Z’s 10th anniversary, & that whole week we have events. Friday the 6th we’ll be at Steel Horse Saloon. Saturday the 7th we’ll be at Ibis Bay. Rich Vos from the Chappelle Show & Last Comic Standing is coming down. My buddy hosting the “Steamroller” comedy Rich Carucci & myself.. For more info on the Key West Comedy Festival, hunt down Vinny K or visit 3rdStrikeRadio.com.


Full name, axe of choice?

Jonathan Birchfield, either a 1959 Gibson LG2 acoustic, a Fender Road Worn Telecaster, or a Gretsch 6120.

When was the first time you were in Key West?

1988, before I could drink legally [laughs] & Shorty’s diner was still open on Duval.

Where was your first Key West gig? Margaritaville.

Musical influences?

Jackson Browne, Springsteen, Brian Setzer, Merle Haggard, Keith Richards.

Tell us briefly about ‘Enjoy the Ride’.

‘Enjoy the Ride’ started in Key West. I wrote the title cut while playing the Hog’s Breath 2 springs ago. I wrote it in just under an hour. It was one of those tunes that when it start coming you better have pen and paper in hand because it won’t come around again. This album is about having a good time. All of the tunes were written from personal experiences and things that are true to me. Yes, even the song ‘All American Beer Team’. [laughs] There really is a blue cotton dress that I met in Charleston, SC, a Carolina Road that lead to a last kiss, I really drank beer on top of a stopped Ferris wheel at the county fair, and there’s nothing like a “porch swing night” with your favorite girl some moonlight and a bottle. This album and my heart lies on Main street, not Wall street. 36 kwBarTab.com

Describe your sound in exactly 5 words. Rocking, Americana, twangy country rock.

What do you do when you’re not strumming a gee-tar?

Taking the backroads of America. Going to drive-in theaters. Searching for the perfect cheeseburger, it’s in Claremont, NC by the way. Fly fishing, hiking, riding my road bike, westerns, traveling.

What would happen if you covered ‘Sad But True’ by Metallica? The audience would leave.

Why do you play?

It’s what I love and it’s what I was put on this earth to do.

Adult beverage of choice?

PBR and bottle of Bartles Bourbon

Any shout-outs, secrets or shameless self-plugs? My mom and dad are my best friends

Jonathan Birchfield will be performing at Margaritaville May 2-6 for Songwriters Festival. Listen to tracks from his new album ‘Enjoy the Ride’ on www.JBirchfield.com. www.twitter/j_birchfield


38 kwBarTab.com


kwBarTab.com

39


416 Appelrouth, 305 414 8626

8)2

z An off the beaten gastropub with graffiti-tagged walls with dishes from wings & burgers to yellowtail snapper & soft shell crab.

/$0

801 BOURBON

801 Duval, 294 4737

z The front bar is the locals’ hangout. Drag shows upstairs at 9 & 11pm, bingo on Sun. In back, Saloon 1 is not for the timid or faint-hearted. 4 TVs [w/ porn]

8)2

915 [NINE ONE FIVE] 915 Duval, 296 0669

Med–New American tapas menu with a tuna dome that can’t be missed. One of the finest wine lists in the Keys with ample indoor & outdoor seating. z

8:)2

ALONZO’S 700 Front, 294 5880

z One of the best views & great 4-6:30p happy hour. Stay after for a top rate menu & seafood selection.

AMBROSIA 1401 Simonton, 293 0304

)

BarTab’s favorite sushi dig. Great bar, lounge & restaurant. The new look may be a bit much to some die hard fans, but they are still serving up some of the best sushi in town. 40 kwBarTab.com

z

425 Greene, 292 2009

2/

Tacos2, burritos, nachos & more steps away from the 200 block of Duval. Not only delivering Mexican food to your door, you can get margaritas or some beer too! Open 10a-2a, delivery 11a-11p. z

ANTONIA’S

8)

615 Duval, 294 6565 This amazing Italian restaurant is one of Duval’s fi nest. 100s of wines by the bottle & original Italian menu creations daily. Lunch Mon-Fri 11am-2p & dinner every night at 5p with TK at the bar. z

AQUA 711 Duval, 294 0555

/$20

Aquanettes perform every night @ 9p, Fri & Sat 9&11p, w/ DJ music after the shows. Dueling bartendrs every Mon 5:30-8:30p, Karaoke at 11p. Texas hold em’ Sat & Sun 3:30 & 5:30p. z

8)

AZUR

425 Grinnell, 292 2987 z Mediterranean specialties is one of Key West’s innovative-chef restaurants. Breakfast 8a Mon-Fri with lunch till 2. Dinner 6-10 Mon-Sat & Sunday brunch.

BAGATELLE 115 Duval, 296 6609

/*2

Hide from the beer chugging contests of Duval & request your favorite martini for $6 after 10p. Hosting Full Moon Parties on the back deck monthly. z

BEACH BAR @ the Pier House 01 Duval 296 4600

:)2

Stop by for lunch or just sit Oceanside at the bar & soak in some of their island drinks. Ask about their live music. z

:8)2

BERLIN’S

................................................................................................

AMIGOS

................................................................................................

Bar & Restaurant Listings Listings appear in alphabetical order. If you would like to update, change or add a listing, please contact us at info@KWBarTab.com Cheers!

700 Front, 294 5880 z Feeling swanky? Go upstairs at A&B Lobster for one of the best menus in town. Great view of the harbor. & the only cigar bar in town.

8)/

BETTER THAN SEX

411 Petronia, 296 8102 z Erotically charge atmosphere, sporting dishes like Jungle Fever & Missionary Crisp. Open Wed-Sun, 6pm-midnight.

)2

BLACKFIN BISTRO 918 Duval, 509 7408

z

BLUE HEAVEN

)20

From breakfast inside with a view of Duval to late night dinner on the back deck. Blackfin offers savory bistro cuisine with a true key-west flare with fantastic outdoor dining.

729 Thomas, 296 8666

z Cats & chickens living in harmony & an award winning wine list which complements extraordinary food. One of Key West’s best breakfast/brunch spots.

BLUE MOJITO 601 Front

:8)2

At the Hyatt, plenty of waterfront couches to chill on. Get a little sun or hang in the shade. Light food served from daily & offering 20% locals’ discount. z

BOBALU’S

/*

404 Southard, 293 3100 z Late night pizza & sandwiches & with a full liquor bar. This could be a perfect match right next door to the Parrot.

reservations recommended 8 upscale ) food served * food served late 6 sports


/$2

BOURBON STREET 724 Duval, 294 9354

The ultimate guys only night out. Porn on TV, dancers on bars, & pool w/ waterfall. Mon is movie night & 2-4-1 Tues. 16 TVs [2 big, 3 w/ porn] z

BOTTLE CAP 1128 Simonton, 296 2807

*2/0

Cool lounge design & a rock n’ roll twist. DJ music Tues, Fri & Sat @ 10p. Pool room w/ with sic video jukebox to listen to your own tunes. Outside bar too for those cool KW nights! Happy hour 4-7 p. z

/0

BULL & WHISTLE 224 Duval, 296 4565

Live music all day, everyday. Get 2-4-1 margaritas [or one large] at the bar or grab a table & ask Lynn or Vicky for Debbie’s award winning Bloody Maria! z

THE CAFÉ 509 Southard, 296 5515

)

Mostly vegetarian entrees, sandwiches & awesome veggie burger. Organic wines & specialty beers & herbal teas. Open daily Mon–Sat 11am-10p. Delivery or take out. z

CAFÉ SOLÉ 1029 Southard, 294 0230

8)2

z A few blocks from Duval & some of the most authentic cuisine this side of Paris. Fine wine, sherry & ports.

8)

CAMILLE’S 1202 Simonton, 296 4811

A locals’ favorite w/ a menu that changes daily. Serving a fantastic breakfast, lunch & dinner. HH 4-7p. Opens 8am-10pm[ish]. z

6)2

CAROLINE’S 310 Duval, 294 7511

This totally outdoors bar/restaurant is awesome. Great for people watching & low priced menu items. Lisa & Bethany in command. Delivery available. 2 TVs z

6/

CPS SPORTS BAR 908 Kennedy, 294 4818

Hidden in the minimalls of new town, this is an escape from the clubs on Duval. HH 4pm-8pm, 13 TVs, 3 pool z

/

CHART ROOM 1 Duval, 296 4600, ext 477

One of Key West’s oldest. Tucked inside the Pier House, opens at 4p w/ $3 Bacardi. 2 TVs

COLOMBIAN GRACE 223 Petronia, 517-6449

z

)2

Serving fresh, unique, homemade Colombian food. z

:8)

THE COMMODORE 704 Front, 294 9191

On the harbor walk, come to experience their spectacular creations. Stop in the lounge & have a nip on a Frost Bite. z

CONCH REPUBLIC 631 Greene, 294 4403

:)20

This open-air bar offers dozens of rums & then some. Plenty of seats at the bar, w/ live music every night. Be sure to ask about the rum sampler. z

/

CONCH TOWN TAVERN

................................................................................................

900 Simonton, 294 2655 z One block off Duval, activities provided through the week. Karaoke 9:30p Mon, Thurs, Fri & Sun. Tues 7p pool tourney. HH noon-8p on beer & wells.

................................................................................................

/$

BOBBY’S MONKEY BAR

3040 Roosevelt z Previously the Esquire lounge & located next to the CT liquor store, this is a great New Town hang out. Awesome prices, 2 pool tables.

2

CORK & STOGIE

1218 Duval, 517 6419 z Booze & cigars, C&S is open 10a-11p. Daily wine tastings & the only place in town to get Key West Factory cigars. Free Wi-fi for customers.

CUBAN COFFEE QUEEN 284 Margaret, 294 7787

)2

Located roadside in front of Waterfront, offering you essential smoothies, coffees & sandwiches to get your day started right. Open 6:30a with delivery. z

:)20

DANTE’S 951 Caroline, 293 5123

Pool side drinking & dining with HH Mon-Fri 4-8p all drinks almost half price. Poolside DJ every weekend, tons of locals pounding shots - this is KW’s premier public pool to get hammered at! 15 TVs z

DONS’ PLACE 1000 Truman, 296 8837

6/2

Closed only 3 hours, 6 days a week. Opens 7a & stays open till 4a. 10 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, 1 GT, juke tunes. z

EL SIBONEY 900 Catherine, 296 4184

)

When your pockets are feeling light, Siboney can at least keep your belly full with great Cuban food at extremely reasonable prices. z

2 outdoor seating 0 entertainment / open late :on the water $alternative lifestyle

41


“Home of the World Famous Frozen Drinks” direct from New Orleans placed conveniently on Duval. Ask for your tooter as well. 8 TVs, 1 pool. z

/*20

FINNEGAN’S WAKE 320 Grinnell, 293 0222

Probably the best draft selection in the lower keys & a sweet outdoor patio. You can get served food here till at least 1a. z

FLAMING BOUT FILET CO. 1100 Packer, 295 7970

)2

Fresh dishes & local seafood served daily. The Lobster Mac & Cheese is a must. Dine in or take out with delivery as well. Open 6p Tues-Sunday.

FOGARTY’S

z

/)2

227 Duval, 294 7525 z Home to the Flying Money Saloon with Kyle & Ryan serving up the fastest frozen drinks in KW! Lunch & dinner at great prices. 16 TVs [6 in A/C!]

FIN

8)2

613 Duval, 735 4412 z Initmate, daring, delicious experience. Molecular gastronomy meets fine Key West dining. Only a few short steps off Duval, this ‘hidden gem’ is a foodie must!

GRAND CAFÉ 314 Duval, 292 4740

/)2

z Proving to be an outstanding decision for lunch &/or dinner. Serving one of the best menus in town, plus mojitos & the Grand Margarita.

42 kwBarTab.com

2

GRAND VIN 1107 Duval, 296 1020

This wine shop/bar is a great place to start or end an evening. Buy a bottle, then head to the porch for a table. Vin pours wine by the glass & a few beers. z

/0

GREEN PARROT 601 Whitehead, 294 6133

Probably the biggest anchor in town. The best live acts in the Keys w/ a bartending staff who make slinging drinks look as easy as drinkin’em. 4 TVs, 1 pool, 1 dart, best jukebox in S FL. z

:)2

HALF SHELL RAW BAR 231 Margaret, 294 7496

Great raw bar on the harbor walk. Great bar to kick a few back & relax. Local’s favorite every hour. Happy hour 4:30-6:30p. z

)2

HARD ROCK CAFÉ 313 Duval, 293 0230

The Key’s very own Rock & Roll museum w/ a multi-level patio bar & restaurant. Plenty of Key West Hard Rock goods available, too. 9 TVs z

HOG’S BREATH 400 Front, 292 2032

:)20

Catering to a large tourist crowd & also remains a locals’ favorite. Great bar staff & shucking bar & some of the best bands playing original live music in town. HH 5-7pm & 1-2am. 6 TVs, 3 bars

HOGFISH

z

:)20

6810 Front [Stock Isl.], 293 4041

z Housing live music Thurs-Sun while chowin’ on their Hogfish sandwich. Breakfast Sat & Sun at 8a. HH 4-7p Mon-Sat. 4 TVs, 1 pool

8:)2

HOT TIN ROOF

................................................................................................

305 Duval, 296 9373

................................................................................................

/20

FAT TUESDAY

0 Duval, 296 7701

New martini list to hang out in the lounge & bar with Sheila & ‘David’. Sit back & take in the ocean view & the live music from the pier. Opens at 6p. z

IBIS BAY 3101 Roosevelt, 294 4350

/)20

There a lot to look forward to at this prime New Town spot. Happy hour 3-7p, breakfast starting at 7a & serving food late night. Can’t make it there? z

)

IN KAHOOTS 3850 N. Roosevelt, 294 9986

Located at the Holiday Inn, Kahoot serves breakfast all day & has HH from noon-7p. z

/0

IRISH KEVIN’S

Watch Guinness chugging contests on stage, accompanied by live music all day long. Great new draft system with over 25 flavors! Dave & Heath behind the bar keeping you sloshed.

211 Duval, 292 1262

ISLAND DOGS

z

/*20

505 Front, 295 0501

z Seat-side seating at the hub of Duval. Live music Thurs-Sat @ 8p. Open late night w/ food till the crowd dies down.

6/*

JACK FLATS 509 1/2 Duval, 294 7955

Great grub served to 1a or later. This is the place to be on game day. Matt & Doug running things at night, Kelly & Gretchen in the day. 38 TVs [12 jumbo] z

reservations recommended 8 upscale ) food served * food served late 6 sports


8)2

Spectacular outdoor dining area to enjoy Key West’s days & nights. HH 4-7p on drinks & wings at the bar. Try one of the micro brewed beers poured by Christopher, Doug & Abby. z

*/

KOJIN 502 Street, 296 2077

6 different noodle bowls & perfect apps & sakes to complement. HH 4-5p & 11p-12a with 20% off all alcohol & a signature soft-egg shooter. z

2/

KRAWL OFF DUVAL

506 Southard z A few steps off duval, Krawls offers the most draft craft beers in the Keys & a great wine in a conch style house setting. Outside seating with corn hole & HH 5-7p.

KWEST 705 1/2 Duval, 292 8500

/$

Shows nightly at 10p. Guys, amateur night is on Sat [w/ $2 Bud & Bud Lts.], think you got it? 2TVs [1 flat w/ nude show]. HH open–8p.

LA TE DA

1125 Duval, 296 6706

z

8/)20

Outside full liquor bar. Shows in the Crystal Room & piano bar. HH 12-7p on beer, wells & wine. z

LA TRATTORIA

524 Duval, 296 1075

8)

Probably the Keys’ best Italian! Classic cuisine & impressive wine list. The street side bar is perfect to sip on libations w/ Erin & Kathy. z

6/2

LAZY GECKO 203 Duval, 292 1903

The Gecko throwin’ the best party in town with a locals’ back bar that’s a great escape from the weekend madness! DJs Tues, Wen-Sat late night. HH 5-8p [till midnight Sun & Mon]. 15 TVs z

)2

LOBO’S 5 Key Lime Sq, 296 5303

Fresh ingredients & prices you can’t beat in Down Town Key West! Wraps, quesadilla, nachos & beer. Dine in or get it delivered. Open Mon-Sat 10a-5p or a little later. z

:8)2

LOUIE’S BACKYARD 700 Waddell, 294 1061

z Hang out ocean side on the After Deck & sip on some of Louie’s passion. Lunch 11:30a & dinner 6p.

LUIGI’S SECRET RECIPES 521 Flemming, 292 4962

]/*

Calzones, sandwiches & pizza pies or slices. Just a half block off Duval & open till 12a w/ delivery. See their menu in the back of BarTab. z

MANGIA MANGIA 900 Southard, 294 2469

)2

Fresh seafood homemade pasta everyday & the keys most famous pesto. Great outdoor garden to dine it. Offering over 400 different bottles of wine.

MANGOES 700 Duval, 292 4606

z

)2

A very classy & relaxing dining patio complete w/ an outdoors bar. Fridays late night DJ play chill house music outside 11p-3a. Open 11am-1a. z

)0

MARGARITAVILLE

................................................................................................

303 Whitehead, 293 8484

................................................................................................

KELLY’S

500 Duval, 292 1435

Daytime the restaurant jams more than anyone else on the island. Bands take the stage at night 9p. Check out their ad for band schedule & for their 4 Orange Vodka drink of the month! z

8)2

MARTIN’S

917 Duval, 295 0111 z European style fare nicely settled on upper Duval. With street-side lounge seating & a menu Chef Martin’s has been perfecting for over 20 years in KW.

MICHAELS 532 Margaret, 295 1300

8)2

Located in the back streets of Old Town, this is a Key West favorite. Owner & Chef Michael Wilson offers a classic menu w/ an island twist. z

MR. CHEAPEE’S

423 Duval, 305 292 0486

/

Cheapee’s offers a wide variety of liquors & wines to suit every taste and every price range. Cigs, liquor, wine & beer right off Duval to-go. z

MR. Z’S

501 Southard, 305 296 4445 2798 N Roosevelt, 296 5306

/)

z Grinders, pizza, & the best Cheesesteaks in Key West! Open till 4a every night, just a half block off Duval. See their menu in the back of BarTab.

OLD TOWN MEXICAN CAFÉ 609 Duval, 296 7500

)2

Passive ethnic décor enhances your Mexican experience. Beer & wine w/ a handful of Mexican beers, but we opt for the pitchers of sangria. z

2 outdoor seating 0 entertainment / open late :on the water $alternative lifestyle

43


Outdoor sushi restaurant, coupled w/ astounding sushi. Beer & wine as well as a large supply of sake. z

$)2

PEARL’S 525 United, 292 1450

The Distinctive Resort for Women in Key West. Poolside bar & food served. 2 blocks from the Southernmost Point. HH Mon-Sat 5-7p. z

/0

PETE’S PIANO BAR 218 Duval,

Dueling pianos returns to Duval. The amped up atmosphere is infectious. It’s easy to get caught up in the drinking & the singing. 2-4-1 HH open till the first show. z

8)

PISCES 1007 Simonton, 294 7100

Pisces has received awards from Zagats & AAA 4 diamond & original Warhols on the wall. Open at 6p & reservations recommended. z

)2

POINT 5

On top 915, pouring a variety of beers & wine w/ a light tapas menu. Beautiful petrified wood bar top & a 2nd story balcony makes people watching easy while relaxing on Duval. Open 6p-2a nightly.

915 Duval, 296 0669

z

THE PORCH 420 Caroline, 517 6358

$)2

Local crowds drinking carefully selected craft brew beers. Bottles of wine to go or camp out on the porch with $2 off drafts & wine 4:30-6:30p.

44 kwBarTab.com

z

8:)

PRIME STEAKHOUSE 951 Caroline, 296 4000

This tucked away gem is located upstairs from Dante’s. Serving a steak & seafood menu that is complemented by a excellent wine list. Get 50% off apps & 25% off wine till 9/30/11. z

)2

RED FISH BLUE FISH 407 Front, 295 7447

Serving some of the best seafood in town. Steps away from Mallory Square, great pre & post-sunset destination with $5 margaritas everyday. z

RICK’S

208 Duval, 296 4890

/20

Hormone-fueled crowds dance to DJ’s spinning dance melodies at 8p w/ 2 decks above Duval. Live radio broadcast every Fri & Sat night!

RUM BARREL

z

6*20

528 Front, 292 7862 z Here is your Eagles’ & Philly’s Southernmost headquarters. Sweet upper deck with outdoor pool table & live music on weekends. 10 flat HD TVs. More than 100 rums poured by Mel, Alan & John.

SALSA LOCA

628 Duval, 292 1865

z

:)2 Best authentic Mexican

food in Key West! Eat chips & salsa till you can’t anymore. Open Tues-Sun 11am-10pm, 11p on the weekends.

SALUTE 1000 Atlantic, 292 1117

:)2

z Get to Higgs Beach for a terrific beach front treat. A casual atmosphere dishing up lunch & dinner. HH 4-7p w/ $1 off drinks. Opens 11:30am

)2

SANTIAGO’S BODEGA

................................................................................................

1075 Duval, 294 0092

................................................................................................

)2

ORIGAMI

207 Petronia, 296 7691

Enjoy a unique dining experience. With over 30 tapas dishes & great wine. Escape the crowds at this cozy restaurant in the heart of Bahama Village. HH 3-6 w/ $5 tapas menu & drink discounts. z

/)20

SCHOONER WHARF

202 William, 292 3302 z Spacious marineside bar where the din of local chatter & live music fills the air. See the only Bar Magician in the Keys. 2 TVs, 1 pool

8)

SEVEN FISH

623 Olivia, 296 2777

Nestled in Key West‘s the sleepy back streets, 7 Fish has become a favorite for “locals in the know”. Eclectic menu w/ emphasis on local catch.

SHANNA KEY

z

6/*

1900 Flagler, 295 8880

z Great selection of ales & great Irish food served till 3a. You can always find Barry & Peter up for a drink. 7 TVs, 1 GT ‘06, internet juke tunes.

/

SHOTS & GIGGLES Greene & Ann, 414 8272

Beer & wine bar, & package store. 30% off at the bar HH 4:30-6:30p. Great place to stop for one & take a bottle to go.

SLOPPY JOE’S 201 Duval, 294 5717

z

/)0

With enough entertainment from people watching alone, but they also complement it w/ live music all day. Check out the their Backroom Saloon. z

reservations recommended 8 upscale ) food served * food served late 6 sports


This beach side restaurant braves the morning to serve breakfast. One of the few bars on Key West w/ a beach. Chair rentals & $3 food & drink happy hour 4–7p. 5 TVs z

8)20

SPORTS PAGE

610 Greene, 296 3230 z Enjoy yourself at this local watering hole. Guaranteed 15 min lunch Mon-Fri. Food till 3a & 2 HHs daily. 2-4-1’s 4-8p & half priced drinks 11pm-1a. 6TVs, 3

big screens.

/20

STEEL HORSE SALOON 511 Greene, 414 8254

1/2 block off Duval, serving the best BBQ in Key West & live band 9:30p Tues-Sat. 2-4-1 HHs 4-7p & $2 PBRs. 2 pool, 13 TVs, 1 HD huge z

SMOKIN’ TUNA 4 Charles, 517 6350

/)20

Great place for a bite right off Duval. Check out some live music [nightly & more]. Happy hour 5-7p, 50¢ off all drinks. z

8)20

SQUARE ONE

1075 Duval, 296 4300

In Duval Square plaza, w/ a menu of largely American-style seafood. Try Patrick’s “Monkey Nuts”. B&L served 11am–3pm, Dinner starts at 6p. z

STICK N’ STEIN

1126 N Roosevelt, 296 3352

6/

Housing over 80 TVs, 4 bowlingo lanes, 10 pool tables, 6 Golden Tees, this could be the entertainment capital of Key West. z

SUNSET PIER

0 Duval, 296 7701

:)20 This could be the

VIRGILIO’S

z

beginning or end of your Duval crawl. A great place for sunsets on their extra long seated pier. Try the Monkey Love or a Funky Fish cocktail.

TATTOOS & SCARS 512 Greene, 517 6610

/20

Bikers, meet locals, meet people who love to drink. Throw in a sic sound system, titty friendly events - we could be ready to move in! Two 2-4-1 HHs 4-7p & late night Sun-Thur 12-2a. 1 pool, 8 TVs z

:)2

TAVERN N TOWN

3841 Roosevelt, 296 3676 z Rated the best restaurant & bar in the US by Marriot guests.

The T&T has a 2-4-1 happy hour everyday, plus on Tues & Thurs $7 tapas at the bar.

/

TEASERS

218 Duval, 292 0486 z Now moved slightly, the new Teaser’s has slick lighting & sound system. Plenty of girls hanging out all night long. Grey Goose VIP room available.

:)2

TURTLE KRAALS

231 Margaret, 294 2640 z This harbor front restaurant serves a smokehouse fare w/

breakfast 7-11a. Awesome view at the TK tower bar. Great sunset view w/ HH 4-6:30p.

VINO’S ON DUVAL 810 Duval, 294 7568

/

Raised on street patio & offering 16 wines by the glass, a variety of wine by the bottles & beers. Open noon-1am. z

................................................................................................

1405 Duval, 295 6550

................................................................................................

:)2

SOUTHERNMOST CAFÉ

524 Duval, 296 8118

/20

The backyard of La Trat becomes the best late night, upscale martini bar in the Keys. This classy bar has live jazz music Wen & Thurs, rotating bands Fri & Sat & home of the $5 martini every Mon night! z

VITO’S 1019 White, 509 7716

)2

Open for lunch & dinner with sandwiches, pasta & pizza in their courtyard seating. Or kick back at the outdoor bar with an antipasto for 2 [or full menu] with HH 3-6pm Mon-Fri half price apps & drinks. z

WHITE TARPON

700 Front, 295 5222

:/2

Featuring Key Lime martinis w/ graham cracker rims poured daily. Beer, liquor & wines , available to-go as well. z

WILLIE T’S 525 Duval, 294 7674

/*0

Late night menu with panini, pizzas & more. Serving 31 flavors of mojitos & happy hour 4-7p with 50% off premium well drinks & beers. Mojitos Monday 2-4-$12. Bands throughout the week @ 7p & Fri & Sat @ 3p & 7p. z

WINE GALLEY PIANO BAR One Duval, 296 4600

:0

Specializing in wine & martinis. Ladies night on Tuesday & happy hour all night, every night. A perfect spot to sneak away with friends or to find new ones. z

WORLD’S SMALLEST BAR 124 Duval, 294 8507

/

The world’s smallest bar lives up to its name. Blink & you might miss it. This place stays open late night on Duval. z

2 outdoor seating 0 entertainment / open late :on the water $alternative lifestyle

45


46 kwBarTab.com


We When Did ting Start Wan rn to Tu k c i t S e h t

BLUE? S

by  Leigh  Pujado

everal years ago, a strange phenomenon began to occur within my circle of friends. I don’t know if it was influenced by the tides or the alignment of the planets, or if it was the result of a massive failure in 1990‘s safe-sex education. But for whatever reasons, during the mid 2000’s, many of my friends began

to procreate like they were on a mission to repopulate the island. I watched the baby epidemic sweep through the bars and restaurants. Hell, for a while there, we all thought there was something funny in the Peppermint Schnapps at The Green Parrot, as the employees began producing children like they were in some sort of fertility contest. Bartender Kate Fago, (mother of TWO,) assures me that the Parakeet baby boom was a random occurrence, not linked to any paranormal activity or spiked libations. But I’m still skeptical. (Let’s see: Between 2005 and just last year, we saw the birth of Teagan, Ryan, Colin, Paul, Jake, Jaqueline and Bailour. And I don’t even want to think about all the pregnancies that occurred post-¡Suenalo! shows!) But beyond the fertility hot spot at the corner of Franklin and Einstein, babies were being born all over town. My friends, of their own volition, began kwBarTab.com

49


to nest. They coupled-off, they bought houses and sent me invitations that required my presence in a church. The women began talking calendars, biological clocks, temperatures, even musing about which pregnancy tests were easiest pee on! Not only were they forgoing birth control, they were trying to get knockedup on purpose! Pregnancy tests aren’t something you buy in bulk with regular toiletries and a good faith candle while whispering to the person behind you in line, “We’re trying really hard for a baby.” No! No! No! Pregnancy tests are something you buy in the middle of the night at Walgreens, on a wing and a prayer, hoping like hell, no one you know sees you. And if anyone does look at you sideways, you lie and say “I’m buying this for a friend.” Don’t get me wrong—some of my not-sohitched friends were downright surprised that their little sticks turned bright blue when they peed on them.....that all of the little sticks turned bright blue. But their reactions were

50 kwBarTab.com

what surprised me the most. They were excited at the prospect of becoming mothers, and even more so, excited at embarking on this next chapter of their lives. For me, the transition from “Key West Friend” to “Auntie Leigh” was awkward. I just didn’t get it. Knowing from a young age that I never wanted to have children of my own, I guess it was hard to understand the biological, normal longings of others. It was a rude awakening, realizing that your friends, the people who were always there for you when you needed a friendly ear, moral support or just a buddy to share a beer with, were no longer available for ANYTHING because some little rugrat had taken over their lives. Genuinely, I wanted to be happy for my friends as the children they so longed for entered their lives. But a little selfish piece of me knew that our friendships would be forever changed. That same selfish part of me mourned the loss of the childfree friend, and worried that the friendship


wouldn’t endure. Not too long ago when my friend Jo Ell was pregnant, I had a heart to heart with her husband Landon.  I was worried about the arrival of their son; worried that things would never be the same, worried they would like him more than me.  Landon warned me:  “We ARE going to love him more than you. 

Pregnancy tests are something you buy in the middle of the night at Walgreens, on a wing and a prayer, hoping like hell, no one you know sees you. And things will be fine.  Just different.” And they are.  Things are fine.  But different.  I don’t get to see Landon and Jo Ell as much.  But when I do, the time is more special.  It’s, dare I say, precious?  Just last week I swallowed my anti-kid rhetoric and visited Landon and Jo Ell’s son,

Tiberius.  It wasn’t hard to knock-off my unfriendly-to-kids crap as Tiber’s inherent cuteness turns off the child-repellent radar whether I like it or not.  He’s a much better audience to try out my humor than you, here, reading this.  With Tiber, all I have to do is say the word “avocado,” and he shrivels up his face and giggles as if I’ve just told the best joke ever!   Tiber rides a blue dog name “Woof Woof” (which is more reliable transportation than some of my childless friends possess,) and he sneaks his kitty bites of food, much to his mother’s chagrin.    He’s a gregarious little boy.  He studies you a bit....takes you in, decides how he’d like to react to you.   More importantly he’s the apple of his parents’ eye.  He is their whole world and I am honored to be a part of it. As long as he remains an only child. cleighpujado@gmail.com drinkslingershandbook.com

51


52 kwBarTab.com


I knew what she was going to say before I

even

ged!” came the voice answered the phone. “Betty, I’m enga y-go-lucky best happ ed, spirit freeMy end. other on the mate—was soul say, I are e—d friend & partner-in-crim ied. marr g gettin what we’re all Of course, I’m happy for her. I mean, that’s little. I couldn’t help a sank heart my But ? right for, g lookin kind of thought we’d it. There’s some small part of me that n pretty good at gotte I’d all, After er. forev e singl just stay up? s thing ing it. What was she doing mess to go the way This was certainly not my first girlfriend ., marriage). (a.k.a ip onsh relati of the serious committed & baby tions invita ing wedd to ed stom accu n I’ve grow ghold stron last my like more announcements. She was day we would one , mind my In rse. unive girl e singl in the & plan a joint meet the right guys at the same time ble option. feasi only the really was That wedding. like everyone else feel I when In Key West, there are times finding careers, lives: their with on g gettin is world in the s. Meanwhile, babie g havin ied, falling in love, getting marr ls at the Parrot? barre Beer Root ing Down ? doing I what am g costumes for Spending Sundays at Snipes? Coordinatin Fest? Fantasy date are 10 years It doesn’t seem to matter if the guys I all seem to have they me, than er young years 10 older or us relationship serio from them some fatal flaw excluding problem. the with one the I’m e mayb Or, ion. considerat 54 kwBarTab.com


A local girlfriend of mine & I used to joke that we were the “bridge girls.” Meaning that we were the last girls that guys dated before they moved onto a serious relationship. We were the fun, independent, guy’s gals: not whiny, not needy, not jealous, not crazy. We were always up for a good time, had our own thing going on, plus we were smart & pretty (obviously!). The total package, right? Apparently, wrong. These guys who “weren’t looking for a relationship” just weren’t looking for a relationship with us. & frankly, we probably weren’t looking for one with them either. When I consider all the guys I know on this island, there’s one... maybe two, who might be worthy, & they’re both certified bachelors. Not much hope there. So what’s a girl to do? Well, one thing I never do is dwell on the negative. After all, whenever I think I’ve dated every single guy on this island, miraculously I’ll be introduced to a handsome stranger I never knew existed or a new cutie with a heart-melting smile will appear behind my favorite bar. This girl can survive on first dates & crushes for a long time. Sure, I might not be getting any younger on the rock, but neither is anyone else. Questions? Comments? Advice? Want to ask Betty out on a date? Email her at singleontheisland@gmail.com or find her on Twitter @singleontheisle. You might get lucky…


56 kwBarTab.com


SANDWICHES, WRAPS & PANINI All sandwiches served with pickle & chips Caprese 6.95 Fresh Mozzarella, Tomato, Basil, Grilled Red Onions, Balsamic Reduction & Olive Oil Smoked Salmon 8.95 with Onion, Tomatoes & Caper Cream Cheese

305.292.4962 531 Fleming St SALADS House

4.95

Caesar 9.95 in our house made Caesar dressing Caprese 9.95 Tomato, Fresh Mozzarella & Basil topped with Roasted Red Onion, Basil infused Olive Oil & balsamic reduction Pacelli’s 8.95 Mixed Baby Greens, Candied Almonds, Dried Apricots, Gorgonzola Cheese & finished with a Hazelnut Balsamic Dressing Spicy Tuna & Avocado 12.95 Sesame Crusted, Rare Seared Tuna with Avocado, Scallions & Spicy Aioli Tomato & Avocado 9.95 Tomato, Avocado & Red Onion tossed in Lemon Vinaigrette on a bed of greens Beet Salad 11.95 Oven Roasted Beets stuffed with Goat Cheese with Pine Nuts, Mixed Greens & a Tarragon Vinaigrette Add Shrimp 3.45 or Chicken 2.95

FREE DELIVER OT & NT

Marinated Portobello 7.95 Warm Marinated Portobello, Baby Greens, Roasted Garlic & Herb Goat Cheese The Turkey 7.95 Roasted Turkey, Havarti Cheese, Bacon, Baby Greens, Red Onion & Garlic Aioli Pesto Chicken 8.95 with House Made Basil Pesto, Mozzarella Cheese & Baby Greens Sesame Tuna 8.95 Sesame Crusted Rare Seared Tuna with Wasabi Aioli Make Your Own Sandwich 7.95 Make Your Own Panini 8.95

CALZONE & STROMBOLI Cheese 8.95 Ricotta, Mozzarella & Parmesan Cheese. Additional Toppings $1 Vegetable 10.95 Ricotta, Mozzarella & Parmesan Cheeses with Onion, Mushrooms & Spinach Pepperoni 9.95 Ricotta, Mozzarella & Parmesan Cheeses & Pepperoni Signature Pie Filling 12.95 Ricotta, Mozzarella & Parmesan Cheeses with your favorite Signature pie toppings

11AM-12AM, 2AM FRI & SAT

PIZZA & SIGNATURE PIES White or Wheat Dough White or Tomato Pizza Small 14” 13.95 Large 16” 15.95 extra toppings 14” .75 ea 16” 1.25 ea Signature Pies Small 14” 15.95 Large 16” 17.95 Sicilian Margherita Fresh Mozzarella, Tomato, Basil, Garlic & Olive Oil Acadia Fresh Garlic, Spinach, Tomato & Mushrooms Meat Lovers Pepperoni, Sausage, Bacon, Ham & Meatball Veggie Lovers Onion, Bell Peppers, Mushrooms, Black Olives, & Spinach The Godfather Pepperoni, Sausage, Mushroom, Onion & Black Olives The Greek Feta, Spinach, Sundried Tomato & Artichoke Hearts Chicken BBQ, Buffalo or Bacon Ranch

EXTRAS Bruscetta on Crostinis

7.95

Garlic Knots

4.95

Tuna Carpaccio 10.95 Thin Slices of Tuna with Lemon Juice, Salt & served on a bed of greens

15% LOCAL DISCOUNT


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Sandwiches

Appetizers $7.99 Tex-‐Mex Rolls Egg Rolls w/ spicy Chicken, Corn, Black Beans, Cheese & Onion $9.99 Redenbacher Shrimp Bite sized Shrimp fried golden brown, with Cocktail Sauce $7.99 Tomato Lovers’ Bruschetta Baguette, w/ Tomatoes, Garlic, Mozzarella, & Balsamic Vinegar Quesadillas Chicken or Shrimp $8.99 w/ Jack & Cheddar, Peppers, Onions, Tomatoes & Jalapenos $7.99 Buffalo Style Chicken Wings Mild, Medium, or Hot with Celery & Bleu Cheese Dressing

Fresh Green Salads $9.99 The Bittersweet Endive, Arugula, Gorgonzola Cheese, Candied Pecans, & Spring Lettuce in a light Vinaigrette Caesar Salad $7.99 add Chicken or Shrimp $9.99 $9.99 Macon & Bacon Crispy Fried Chicken, Roasted Corn, Sweet Onions, Crunchy Bacon, & Maple Georgia Pecans, with Romaine Lettuce, & our own Home-style Ranch Dressing $9.99 Southwestern Chicken Salad Grilled Chicken, Roasted Corn, Black Beans, Tomatoes, Tortilla Strips, & Cheddar & Jack Cheeses, in a Spicy Lime Dressing

Sandwiches served with French Fries Delivered sandwiches served with Potato Chips $7.99 Cajun Blackened Chicken Sandwich Cajun Chicken w/ Cheddar, Lettuce, Tomato, Onion & Spicy Mayo $9.99 Caroline’s Famous Fish Sandwich Fresh Fried Golden Brown with Lettuce, Tomato & Tartar $7.99 Front Street Club Turkey, Ham, Provolone, Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato & Mayo $8.99 Cuban Mix Pork, Ham, Bacon, Pickles, & Mustard on Grilled Cuban Bread $8.99 Rev. Joe’s Burger The BIGGEST, the BEST, served with Lettuce, Tomato, Onion add Bacon or American, Provolone, or Cheddar $1 each

Caroline’s Favorites $14.99 Chicken Broccolini Grilled Chicken Breast, Penne Pasta, & Fresh Broccoli, in a creamy Parmesan/Romano Sauce $16.99 Kingston Chicken Spicy Marinated Jerk Chicken with Rice, Black Beans, & fried Plantains (Breast & Wing with Bones) Blackened Chicken Pasta $12.99 Spicy Grilled Chicken Breast with Peppers and Penne Pasta in a Cajun Cream Sauce


Any ATM can be your free ATM. How convenient is that?

Did we mention that’s any ATM in the country? That’s right. With Centennial Bank, you can use any ATM, free. That includes any of the many ATMs you find on Duval Street. And don’t forget about our free instant-issue debit card. Get it today. Use it today. It’s that easy. Just a few more ways we offer banking that comes to you. For more information call: (305) 676-3161.



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