#1 i love you like a strict diet i love you like a missing earring i love you like four dozen sponges and a night of hard drinking i love you like a cage fight, a piece of rope (with soft fiber), a day never leaving bed i love you like a burnt tongue, cheap wine, bad jokes sturdy shoes, paper cuts and poor pronunciation, like that.
f. for fickle folly frames me, i fall into the faults and folds. from faintly faded fortunes, fractured familiarity feigns towards foreign faith, fake futures. fermenting former features, i remember the feeling. i remember the fentanyl, feasts and fetes. i forget the fever. a fathom away, fossils find their feet
V. I am just an animal clinging to the warmth of the concrete I haven’t learned, I haven’t tasted my hair gets tangles, it stays that way I am saturn devouring my own child and a cake freshly out of the oven dragging claws against the table linens when I was a machine: raw steak for dinner every night inhaling tumbleweeds by the cloth due settimane di inferno. two weeks of hell and four bicycles with flat tires all piled on top of each other in the yard the next day it rained and the day after and so on you forget yourself but remember you are trying you are here all those dusty baseball caps stacked in the garage above pictures of salmon and the sea north to the future and a raven on the back of an orange rubber suit dad drew in sharpie, so proud below the domestic: a cupboard full of resin full of my dowry prizes once I was wed to life once I was warm to this I keep waking up and I eat to go on just ticking, idle everyday is silent everyday I fail then try harder you are still here and you are still trying
mask take me to the living room of all good things singing like a camel while i make it better by no way, no whys taking it slowly (in the grand scheme of things) i get hung up UP UP UP up up up and its not fair fear is a mildew i cannot bleach away i don’t remember why i broke the plate i thought it was a good idea maybe i’d step on a shard like a ceramic blade and draw blood but why are you so concerned with blood when you’ve take a turn towards the anemic i think of myself like that kahlo painting where her heart is on the outside, pooling around a oaxacan wedding dress tangled up veins, tangled up legs sunk opportunity costs between the marbles of all things it hurts 1) cause i love you b) cause i know its true somewhere in a garden, there are cats basking in the sun the way it should be
II. my personal half life as the clouds unmend a braid to the floor i can’t rely on half my senses pawing without light nauseated by pride at times the dripping ego waxy and narcotic puddled at my feet those glasses will only get thicker as the day waves on berries will fall on the floor bruising the pathway forward to milk the edges of sorrow hearing shades of blue in a typical softness a certain soreness keeps life warm I am yet tender and alive with buttered peas on the side we are yet but a warm loaf of freshly baked bread swaddled like infancy itself with fangs around the table and forks pointed skyward
arches tuesday morning in one’s sunday best means a funeral, in arches, out arches, demolished arches down the way. standing near the fawns edges, buying beer and weed at 10 am, round and round stay around short round. swedish tapirs, ruins near fault lines. take the prison by the bull. make it happen. she is such a messy eater he said & it makes me hard. you have ketchup on your face.
IV. less than a week and already I feel the life slipping out of my fingertips throughout my already useless hands so small and clumsy, now filled with stones i could stay alive if I had a garden wit vegetables like children and flowers wet with character, in such fragile hues and dispositions: a cat or three to prowl the yard I could forget how to hold a one I’d stain my knees with soil, sunburn my neck, blister my feet and keep the dirt underneath my nails i’d bloom each morning with the sun i’d feel like half a human if only i could feed myself from seeds and dirt and roots foraging for kicks in that overripe summer sun
t. not four legs but twenty when you lope from wall to wall, horizontal I keep small predators the soft kind who sing to me in japanese kind things about nature no melody, just their hymns we take yes together on odd days but it wets their whiskers and the milk all disappears we can only talk at day break sometimes it too hard to wait padding off to sleep just keep purring, i am listening a parade of feathers will come for you coffee stain kisses come scratch your ears paw prints trace my back forever
something to do with electricity the inventor of the remote control dies today leaving behind a legacy of crumb filled couches & sitcom lives the master of the world click click click click the absence of whatever flashlights, that’s all it is fucking on and off BLINK BLINK BLINK BLINK salted magic, amateur sorcery just a few candles, their wax padding some ego the remote control was outlawed today CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL take it in for the inventor’s sake. the RCA building on the corner and an empty lot HOPEHOPEHOPE i love you, eeney, meany, miney, moe all luck, all feeling, all folly
III. we were born to take our mothers for granted the gauzy security of our childhood rooms filled with pictures of people whom i can’t care about i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care the smell of laundry traces flashbacks slipping from playgrounds to backyards to pigtails to bruises to grass stains on everything and all those times i need a big hand to hold her crooked nose looks roman as i’ve grown shrewd and strong her eyes, defeated because youth has eluded us too
aves, bogs, et al I was thinking you see about this swamp where you snapped your fingers like a typewriter rushed and rustic coaxing an answer and they talk about walls with mildew and canards but not like this coward where you ruffled my plumage with cardinal vices where whores can’t be funny and you can’t relate and I certainly don’t feel with hollow bones calamity, take you big steps swollen and proud back to your dirty quagmire
A collection of poetry from 2011-2014 disciplineandpunish.tumblr.com thanagram.tumblr.com