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GKT HOCKEY CLUB ALUMNI NEWSLETTER December 2012


Foreword Saarth Shiralkar, Alumni Officer

Hello and season’s greetings! I hope you are all enjoying the festive period and have exciting plans lined up for the new year. Exciting times are afoot here at GKT Hockey Club and change is in the air. We started off the year with our largest intake of freshers to date (more on that later). Even more exciting are the developments at Honour Oak Park, where the new club house is taking shape at a rapid pace. Hopefully it might even be ready in time for the year’s AGM. However, BUCS’ plans to abolish medical school teams have reared their ugly heads once more (we thought we had quashed them last year) and the future of our club, at least in terms of BUCS, is once again unclear. Unfortunately there has been minimal activity on the alumni front this year. Due to a lack of time (I was informed 2 days prior to the event), we were unable to organise an Alumni vs Students match at the KCL Alumni Games this year. However, I was pleased to see some of you at the Christmas Comedy Revue. I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to this newsletter, particularly Theo, who has helped me pester the others to ensure they got their reports in on time! I hope you enjoy it!


A Message from the Club Captain Theo Muth, Club Captain

Hello GKT alumni! Hope you are all having fun out in the real world but found time to take a relaxing break over the holidays. This year kicked off (pushed back) with the recruitment of a staggering 80 new members at the Freshers’ Fayre. Their enthusiasm has been unrivalled, continuing the ever-strong presence of GKT Hockey Club on a Wednesday night. The beginning of this year was marred by some administrative errors in the offices of the powers that be, leading to some teams having to concede disappointing walkovers. After a little bit of life -coaching and some positive interference from our organised captains and fixtures secretary, matches have been running smoothly. I’ll leave you to read how each team has gotten along in the pages that follow, but numerous good results have left all our teams sitting comfortably in their respective leagues. The social sex managed to organise an incredible tour to Newcastle, with shenanigans the likes of which would make you swell with pride. Again, the full story will be elucidated later, but needless to say the police don’t like us. Thanks to Saarth for his persistence, making the bi-annual newsletter come to life. Come and visit us whenever you like, we’re not going anywhere. All the best!


The BUCS Problem Saarth Shiralkar, Alumni Officer Following the KCLSU referendum in February 2012 and the subsequent decision of the King’s student body to overwhelmingly vote in favour of keeping KCL and GKT sports teams separate, we all thought that the issue of GKT sports teams remaining as independent entities had been put to rest. Everyone except BUCS. It seems that BUCS now feels that Medical Schools, which are actually “departments” of “parent” institutions, may enjoy some competitive advantages over other members in terms of access to competitive opportunities, and that institutional treatment is inequitable. In December 2012 the BUCS National Advisory Group met to discuss, amongst other issues, the proposals for changes to the way institutions with separate Medical School teams exist in BUCS. This meeting was attended by Kiki Johnson, KCLSU Vice-President for Student Activities & Facilities, in her capacity as the London Region Student Chair. Kiki was vehemently opposed to any merger between KCL and GKT teams during the KCLSU referendum and has been lobbying BUCS to keep the status quo with regards to Medical School teams in BUCS. However, despite fierce opposition from the institutions affected, BUCS decided to push ahead with their original plans. Under the current proposal, institutions will be given two options: 1. To compete as one institution; medical school and parent institution considered as one member institution with the following implications:  One membership affiliation  Individual entries – one entitlement for guaranteed entries, not one entitlement per institution / medical school  BUCS points combined  Institutions would have to submit the preferred name/rank according to league status and consideration would have to be given to preservation of maximum numbers of teams per institutions per league, in some instances lowest placed teams in leagues where 2 or more teams from the same institution are now present may be relegated if required 2. The Medical School and parent institution as two separate individual members that each receives appropriate membership entitlements including:  Separate member affiliation per parent institution and Medical School  Each affiliate receives own entitlement of guaranteed entries to individual competitions  Each affiliate accumulates own BUCS Points tally throughout the season We will have to wait and see how the situation develops. However, it seems to me that BUCS are attempting to force through a plan that is highly unpopular amongst the majority of the students at the affected institutions and will decrease access to sport.


Freshers’ Trials, Tour & Socials Dheeraj Khiatani & Rich Cameron, Social Secretaries The GKT Men’s Hockey Club has seen its fair share of the usual shenanigans and frivolities this term. We started off strong and recruited well over a 100 email addresses at the GKT and KCLSU Freshers’ Fayre. This led to a very well attended freshers’ trials, where one fresher learnt (the hard way) that you should NEVER disrespect an old boy, let alone a Social Secretary. No doubt there were some good eggs, and the men’s hockey club managed to recruit our very own PSY all the way from Korea. Due to a lack of games for the whole men’s club on one Wednesday early in the term, we decided we’d take everyone bowling at the luxurious Palace Superbowl at Elephant and Castle. Honourable mentions to the fresher who got an all time record low score of 38, to Dom for managing to throw a ball over his head, risking the lives of the entire hockey club, and to Shimmings – our bowling champion. Needless to say, they were all rewarded with a suitable measure. This year saw the inaugural Hockey Club Shite Shirt social. The usual shirt and hockey ties were substituted with some of the most appalling, hideously looking shirts known to man. Some of the shirts actually induced a stronger gag reflexes than a ginning would. All in all, the social went down well, with pulling rates at an all time high, though all the shirts were that familiar pink colour by the end of the night. Newcastle was the destination of this year’s freshers’ tour, and, for the first time ever, the mystery location wasn’t leaked. The theme of computer and board games saw some very strong and imaginative tour names such as, ‘Connect Whore’, ‘ Lara Croft: Womb Raider’ and ‘Crash Bandic**t’. A doubledecker (again unprecedented) was required to transport the old boys and girls along with the huge


uptake of freshers this year; 40 wide-eyed and eager teenagers who had no idea what was in store for them. The freshers donned their Pac-Man ponchos and we boarded the bus after a few cheeky pints in Guy’s bar. Highlights of the tour include hideous spray tans, a few boys getting the last train to Durham and the first train back for breakfast and the mini golf day out which was followed by some shameless skinny dipping in the North Sea. Although no ambulances were called, other emergency services were required, namely to detain one of our tour-goers for the night. Without boasting, this year’s social secretaries organized a great tour – despite leaving a tour fresher behind in Durham where we stopped for lunch on the way back. The four social secretaries took their punishment with a ginning from the club captain which for some reason didn’t trigger our gin reflexes. Only later we found out that it was actually piss which had replaced the gin in the bottle and someone had decided it was a good idea to stash the bottle back with the rest of the gin. To maintain the club’s high roller vibe, we had our Christmas dinner at the one and only Belushi’s this year. Unfortunately the waiting staff forgot to provide the freshers with any cutlery; however they dealt with their dinners effectively. Team themes this year were sexy firemen for the 1’s, (despite the fact that the hats arrived in the post the next day), Abraham Lincoln for the 2’s (complete with hats which could only be worn by the shortest members in some areas of Belushi’s), and Dick in a Box for the 3’s (some players taking this more literally than others). Guy’s Bar was our postdinner venue and saw a fitting end to a brilliant first term (though perhaps we are incredibly biased). Bring on term two.


T.I.T.S. 2012 Fergus Catmur, Mixed Captain And now here they are! The most daredevil group of daffy tourists to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races. Competing for the title of ‘world’s wackiest tourist’. Early November saw Southampton being the proud hosts of the 35th annual Wacky Race, coinciding with the famous T.I.T.S. GKT looked in their Playbook and pulled out a classic - turn up before every other university and start with the Jaeger. With welcome drinks done, Harry Rotter (our homegrown Dick Darstardly) surprised the Wacky Racers with a mammoth walking tour of Southampton to drop bags and sticks at his house. The grid was unprecedented. The likes of Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat lined up next to the Slag Brothers, the Buzz Wagon and Sergeant Blast. First destination: a delightful local curry house. With refueling done and vision a little hazy the Wacky Racers descended on the notorious Clowns and Jesters. Copious toxic green Juicy Lucys oozed over the racers before the race descended into chaos. One Wacky Racer was refused entry to Jesters for not having his race papers in order so in an out -of-character move, Dick Darstardly shared his identification. This did not go unnoticed and the Jesters bouncers were having none of it. Many a plan was devised to penetrate the fortress of Jesters, including joining the locals in a bout of nudity. Alas, none were fruitful and the night was spent on the pavement - pinned by the bouncers at one particular moment late in the evening. Luckily the Slag Brothers were at hand to diffuse the situation just before Penelope Pitstop declared to the whole of southern England that she missed her parents. A lot. Many a cuddle later (one Slag Brother took his name literally) and the revitalised tourists were attempting hockey. The night before was showing through so antics off the pitch were focused on, including what is rapidly becoming norm on tour - the vicious gin boarding. GKT then proved that they are admirable at Quidditch and surely can teach Madam Hooch a lesson or two. The journey back to London picked up pace with rounds of chanting and goading RUMS further down the carriage and culminated in certain members testing the overhead lockers for comfort. The race ended and T.I.T.S. came to a close with GKT coming in first - maybe next year the race will be in a town near you!


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1 XI Report Jason Gupta, 1st XI Captain

Coming off the back of an incredibly intense pre-season schedule, including a pre-season training camp in the mythical village of Cheddar, GKT 1s were fully prepared for the competitive season ahead following the successful promotion campaign last season. Our pre-season friendlies saw us record 3 victories and 1 loss, with the notable scalp of a 5-2 victory against King’s 1’s being particularly pleasing. Training sessions have witnessed a notable change in intensity, with the appointment of new head coach Julie ‘The Enforcer’ Ferret putting us through our paces, whilst Ryoki ‘Paparazzi’ Arimoto is ensuring our post guys bar hangovers are abolished with Thursday fitness. All in all this has led to us playing 7 competitive fixtures so far where we’ve recorded 2 wins, 3 draws and 2 losses. The season started off with a bang, where we ventured to the depths off Hatton Cross and posted a convincing 5-1 victory against Imperial College 1’s. Mayhem ensued afterwards where the hydration station was converted into a mobile bar for the tube journey home, with everyone


sporting the obligatory fancy pants for the first match of the season. Promising fixtures which have seen us play the right style of hockey, although have led to little fruition in terms of points unfortunately against the University of Kent and University of Hertfordshire, reminds us that we still have a tough season ahead in BUCS SE 2B. The newly branded LUSL league has proved more testing than anticipated as well, with many teams looking to raise their game against us, although with no losses yet we are still in a promising position to push for promotion. What was particular pleasing was the final match of the season, where we played top of league Canterbury Christ Church who included an England under 18s player and various national league players in their ranks. A hard fought match led to a 3-2 loss, although definitely proved that we are more than worthy of our place in the league. The Christmas party afterwards allowed us to sport probably the “best fancy dress ever” despite no one having any idea what we were supposed to be. If anyone requires 12 fancy dress firemen helmets please get in contact…

All in all it’s been a very successful first half of the season, with all the lads working incredibly hard and congratulations for all their efforts so far. With everything to play for in BUCS and LUSL, as well as our continued involvement in various cup competitions, the second half of the season promises to be an incredibly exciting affair!


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2 XI Report Faisal Karim, 2nd XI Vice-Captain

The 2nd XI started the 2012/13 season looking to push on from last year where we disappointingly just missed out of promotion. The new look team is missing some familiar faces thanks to final year placements and the NHS but there are numerous eager freshers to fill the gaps. We were full of early season confidence for our first match of the season against Canterbury Christ Church but unfortunately, it was slightly misplaced and, despite a strong start, the match resulted in a 10 – 1 shellacking. Despite the defeat, we managed to maintain the sporting spirit, in spite of our abusive polytechnic opponents. Unfortunately, our relative inexperience as a team has been a highlight throughout the first half of the season which has yet to yield a win in BUCS. However, our performances have steadily improved and that fighting spirit resulted in a 1 – 1 draw against QM 1’s to pick up our first points in the league. The highlight on the pitch was undoubtedly the ridiculous spanking of the RUMS 3s in the LUSL cup where, having not scored for the previous 4 matches, we managed to rack up a cricket score (13 – 0) against those inferior RUMS medics. It was, perhaps, the only game of the season where


we managed to not act like a sleeping dragon and actually play some ‘total hockey’ in the first half as well as the second. Off the pitch, the 2’s were the best dressed at Christmas Dinner (yet again), with some outrageously tall top hats (thanks Harry/Ozzy/freshers) and sexy beards (thanks Oscar) combined with black tie attire to reclaim the spirit of Abraham Lincoln. We were so impressive that a taxi driver decided to take a photo of us and promised to put it up on Twitter. There have been, of course, the vom-tastic train journeys to Banterbury and back, singing on the fun bus by our All the King’s Men star, Rufus Talks, and some outrageous tosser nominations. Weekly Guy’s Bar visits with Freshers Ozzy Ahmad being forcibly removed on an almost weekly basis and Harry ‘Bieber’ Coulton consistently decorating the tube with his stomach contents show what a strong effort the 2’s are making. So the season hasn’t gone exactly to plan thus far but we plan to bring our shooting sticks to every game next term (not just against RUMS) to fire ourselves up the table. And despite the difficulties we’ve faced on the pitch, the 2s have been committed and behaved sportingly throughout the season as well as taking part in some stonking socials. 2013 is going to bring yet more debauchery and a few more wins!


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3 XI Report Akshay Gulati, 3rd XI Captain

The 3’s have evolved into an even bigger unit, largely due to the rumours circulating Guy’s campus that hockey is the most flangetastic of the sports, contributing to 20-22 new freshers coming under my wing for this new year. 26 of us dominated Christmas Dinner, dressed in Turtlenecks and Chains as our heroes, the Lonely Island. We paid tribute to their song (“Dick in a Box”) and a couple of the boys were able to sing “I Just Had Sex” the following morning. Hence, alike my predecessor, DK, I have had trouble allocating adequate playing time to a 40strong squad. Knowing that training attendance will get you games, my team have always had 20+ at training and those new to the game have developed very well, thanks to our new coach, Ferrett. Our season has been thin on the ground so far as more than half of our games have been cancelled at the last hour, none of which are the mighty three’s fault, may I add. Our legacy from last year has clearly left opponents fearing to do battle. We started three weeks late, in the BUCS cup against Arts 1’s and the four leagues difference showed as we lost 15-0.


We then played Goldsmith 1’s and fought hard, dominating possession but couldn’t stick the ball in the net. As our legs tired their captain, in a class of his own, took the game to us and they won 3-0. Our spirits had dropped but our next game took us away to Holloway. Travelling by fun bus to a ground where we had been unfairly beaten (in p-flicks due to their lights going out) last year, we were gagging for a go at them. They once again fielded 1’s players and we battled to 2-0 down at the half. Some tactical changes in the second half and within 5 minutes it was 2-2. GKT looked set to win it and then cue biased umpiring and Gulati voicing his opinions, GKT dropped to 9 men and we lost 4-2. That second half was by far the best hockey we played this season and we deserved more. We then travelled with an inexperienced squad on our first Sunday game to Imperial 4’s in Heathrow and were left in departures with a 3-0 loss. Our final game followed and we played UCL 3’s with a team of 11. Had 22 of our team not been on tour, that game was ours and our tired legs got caught continuously as we could only manage a 5-3 loss. Games have been thin on the ground but our social presence has not. Regularly outnumbering every other team in GKT at Guy’s, our freshers are developing their Gin reflexes and not allowing enough blood to flow through their alcohol systems. My vice captain, Mani ‘Keep it Concise’ Matharu, has been a real asset and is always there to set an example. My team has done me proud all so far and with the whirlwind of games coming at us in January, I cannot wait to find our winning ways and slap the cock of the 3’s all over the BUCS and LUSL leagues.


Contact Information Club Email kclms.mhc@gmail.com

Club Website http://kclmshockey.wordpress.com

Club Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/GKTHockey

Club Twitter Page https://twitter.com/gkthockey

Men’s Committee 2012/13 Club Captain: Theo Muth 1st XI Captain: Jason Gupta 1st XI Vice-Captain: Ryoki Arimoto 2nd XI Captain: Richard White 2nd XI Vice-Captain: Faisal Karim 3rd XI Captain: Akshay Gulati 3rd XI Vice-Captain: Maninderpal Matharu Mixed Captain: Fergus Catmur Treasurer: Dom Aldridge Social Secretaries: Dheeraj Khiatani & Rich Cameron Alumni Officers: Saarth Shiralkar & Joe Keighley Fixtures Secretary: Ashwin Kalra Informations Secretary: Hannes Hagson


Epilogue Saarth Shiralkar, Alumni Officer Well, that’s it. The end of my second and final alumni newsletter. I hope you enjoyed reading it and that it brought back some fond memories of your own time at GKT hockey club. All three teams have had steady albeit unspectacular starts to the season and all three are well placed in their respective leagues. Hopefully they will all be able to push on and provide the club with some silverware come the end of the season. As I said at the start, the lack of interaction with the alumni during the first term is something we’re hoping to fix over the next few months—so watch this space. I also hope to see as many of you as possible at the Vinesh Patel Cup, AGM, and of course the President’s Cup. I’d like to finish off by thanking all of those who’s Facebook photos I’ve used in this newsletter, in particular Ryoki Arimoto, Oscar Barnick, Laura Pettifar, and Amisha Wagle. The newsletter wouldn’t be half is good without your great work with the camera at matches and socials. Bye, have a beautiful time!


GKT Alumni Newsletter Dec 2012