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Love Ka Ta See Style “How to Manifest Untainted Love and Heart to Heart Relationships Based on Deep Deep Caring Friendship for Life”

by Kay Cordell Whitaker with Victoria Lovett and Helmut Wahrmann-Whitaker

Love Ka Ta See Style by Kay Cordell Whitaker

Kay Cordell Whitaker is the author of Sacred Link and the now-classic The Reluctant Shaman which has been translated into many languages. After completing a thirteen-year apprenticeship with two Peruvian elders, Domano and Chea Hetaka, Kay became a storyteller shaman of the Kala Keh Nah Seh tradition and she is now the leading authority in the Western world of the Hetakasʼ tribal ways. For more than thirty-eight years she has researched, practiced and taught these traditions across the U.S. and abroad, and has helped to bring their ancient healing arts to the Western world.

________________ ★ CONTACT / LINKS: Web: " Blog: " E-mail: Friend on Facebook: Facebook/KaTaSee Follow on Twitter: Twitter/KaTaSee Phone: 505-466-3387 © 2010 Kay C. Whitaker. All Rights Reserved Feel free to republish excerpts from this book, as long as you link back to for attribution. Published by A World In Balance


We dedicate this work to honor the generations that went before and all those that are yet to come. May it play a small part to create a brighter future for all.

Love Ka Ta See Style


Foreword!23 1 Swooning Love!27 “Love doesn’t always have to be the swooning kind does it? I sometimes just get this peaceful calm feeling I kind of equate with love, it feels really good.”

2 Unconditional Love!31 “How do you manage when your unconditional love is not returned? When I offer it, it’s almost like the other person is angered by it.”

3 Love and Abuse!35 “How do you really know when you love someone when you have come from an abusive family background?”

4 True Love!39 “Can you love into true love?”

5 Romance!43 “Is this concept of romance something that hurts long term relationships or is it necessary?”


Love Ka Ta See Style

6 Is Love The Answer?!45 “Is love the answer to our problems?”

7 How To Build Deep Caring Friendships!47 “How do you build these kind of friendships in a culture that does speed dating?”

8 Balancing Giving And Receiving!51 “What can you say about how those of us who are healers and our tendencies to give rather than receive fully? I see this pattern over and over again among practitioners who get stuck in giving mode.”

9 Staying With Or Leaving A Relationship!55 “By what shall we choose whether to stay or to go in a relationship? “I feel divorced from any real cultural, grounded teachings. “Neither my parents' ‘you've made your bed, now lie in it’ approach, nor the modern ‘pick whatever happens to make you feel good in the moment’ approach are helping me.”

10 Empathy Within A Relationship!61


Love Ka Ta See Style

“I am very grateful to be in a relationship with my husband and to feel, no matter the distance, his radiating love and joy when he is happy. “My difficulty is that I also feel when he is upset, and it feels like stomach pain and anxiety and can be very uncomfortable and confusing. “Is there a way to feel the feelings, know they are from him, and yet hold my own energy in a good way? “There has never been anyone I could talk to about this before. “We are both very grateful to be reading your books.”

11 Self Judgement!67 "I agree with all being said, but how realistic is it for most of us? I find it hard not to judge myself when I fall short."

12 Dealing With Mask Games!75 “Inevitably, while two partners are healing and learning to be in Song, each will have a blind spot, areas where there is the tendency to slip out of Song. “Often there is an insidious mask at play, a mask with big hooks, constantly trying to engage the other in its game. “How can this be addressed without playing the role of ‘mask police,’ a role that is more likely to alienate and infuriate rather than help matters?”

13 Relating To The Asleep!79


Love Ka Ta See Style

“Is it possible for a person living in Song most of the time to be in an intimate relationship with one who is not?” “Is there any reason why they would want to be?” “What are the problems inherent in a situation like this?”

14 Safe-Space!83 “What if a safe-space cannot be created, or one person carries a violence gene? “Is there any hope? “If not, what is the best way to leave a relationship like this without risk of harm?”

15 The Hetakas’ Definition Of Love!87 “What is the Hetakas’ definition of love? It seems a toogeneral question, but I do see most of us struggling with that.”

16 Love And Boundaries!93 “How do you balance love with setting boundaries, not being taken advantage of, and similarly, not closing off?”

17 Solving Relationship Problems!99 "We disagree and we don't seem to understand each other well and push each other's buttons. How can we resolve this?"


Love Ka Ta See Style

18 Sex!103 “Is lack of frequent sex or unsatisfactory sex in a relationship a causative factor in relationship communication difficulties or is it the result of these?”

19 Grieving!107 “Recently the earth element reminded me to remember that people were immortal and that as I manifest, I not only manifest for the rest of my life here on Earth, but beyond that. “I'm experiencing grief in my life currently and wonder if grief is ever Song based. “Part of me is curious if I really grasped the piece about immortality or were more present to the fullness of the moment, or more trusting of knowing signatures, that grief about relationships, people, places, would be less. “But the grief comes from such a deep place and also seems to carry a deep bond with the person or place that the grieving is for. “Would you talk about grief?” “Does it take a lot of practice to communicate with people who have left?”

20 Trusting Sexual Responses and Desires!113 “I've done some mask work on sexual response and my body and have looked at how masks, like wanting


Love Ka Ta See Style

approval, acceptance, economic security, a long list, get tangled up with my feelings around sexuality. “Do you have any helpful hints on when to trust that sense of sexual aliveness in my body just for my own pleasure or in relationship to others? “Like for instance, would the clarity around my sexual desires be more present if my manifestations around relationships were more carefully honed? “What other things would help clarify and make trustworthy sexual desire?”

21 Creating A Mate List!119 “Nine years ago, when I told Kay that I was looking for a girlfriend, she recommended that I make a list of all the qualities that I was seeking in a mate. “After numerous attempts at making lists and pursuing women I have finally found somebody with whom I may be interested in having a long term relationship. “However, she does not have many of the qualities that I wrote on my list. “In fact, there are many significant differences between our belief systems concerning diet, religion, and spirituality. “That being said, this is still one of the best relationships that I've ever had regardless of our differences. “My question is, ‘Should I be content with the relationship that I have found or am I selling myself short because I did not get the exact mate that I wanted?’


Love Ka Ta See Style

“Besides the story with Kay and Helmut, is there anyone else who got the mate they wrote about in their list?”

22 More About The Mate List!123 “Could you mention the tricky parts about the list, and maybe talk a little bit about what this list thing is all about?”

23 Parent And Child!129 “Could you please comment on the parent-child relationship?”

24 Attracting A Partner In Sacred Marriage!133 “How does one attract one’s partner in sacred marriage? This coming from a perspective of walking in integrity with powerful visions of living as an Earth keeper in rather traditional ways. “Many years of tending land and water, most time and energy devoted to these tasks. Much attention to clearing emotional blocks. Many prayers for a mate. I’m abundantly blessed by spiritual companions while yearning for the warmth of human touch. “Will you, spirit, consider facilitating a social network for folks who walk in harmony with traditional teachings?”

25 Real Freedom And Boundaries!137


Love Ka Ta See Style

“How do you maintain healthy boundaries in a relationship? “As that is based on having good boundaries as an individual perhaps you could touch on that also. “What are good boundaries and how do you create and maintain them?”

26 How To Create Relationships With Spirits!141 “Maybe a vision quest is a more intense relationship with one of our spirit guides or nations. Can you describe how to do a vision quest?”

27 Speeding The Healing Process!147 “I have been struggling with anxiety and feelings of unworthiness and consequences of bad financial decisions over the last several years. “These are wearing my loved one down, but knowing this sometimes increases the feeling like a catch 22. “Recently I have been doing self work with my loved one’s support and encouragement and very recently found Kay’s work which is helping. “Does Kay have any specific suggestions for improving or speeding the healing?”

28 Definition Of Love!153 “A teacher in high school once taught us that the definition of love is the union of two wills in a proper good for the benefit of the individuals involved.


Love Ka Ta See Style

“With your understanding, how would you respond to that definition?”

29 Having Song Friends Close By!157 “Firstly, I’d like to say thank you for the other call as I found it very informative and it answered the questions for me that I had been asking. “And secondly, I’d like to further ask now as I do my best to live in my Song and have really gotten to know who I am, what I am, my likes, dislikes, etc. And feeling empowered by the knowledge of myself I have begun to attract those who also live in Song. Actually, four people to be precise. “The thing is, those four are long distance from me geographically. “My question is, in your experience Kay, does it help to seek those in one’s own geographic vicinity and how would I go about doing so?”

30 Taking Your Power Back!161 “I have given my power over to my husband and now I want to take it back. “Can you tell me how to go about that? “I have external stresses like finances, relationship problems, unhappy with work and I find myself obsessing about them. “I then find it difficult to get into my heart which makes my relationship difficult. “What do you suggest I do?”


Love Ka Ta See Style

31 Is It Unconditional Love?!167 “I guess my question is in the form of a statement. “I have learned a lot about ‘Masks and Song’. My partner who has not is a very kind and loving person. I know sometimes he doesn't quite get what I am about. He's always there for support for whatever I do. I realize he may have a better view of things than he's given credit for. “Can that be unconditional love as well? “Thank you so much for your work and insights.”

32 Everything Has A Song!171 “Are animals' Songs different than ‘two-leggeds’ as far as energy?” "Would their Song be better for healing two-leggeds?"

33 Past Lives!175 “How important is it to consider past-lives when trying to navigate present relationships? Is it most helpful to live as if this is the only lifetime affecting the relationship?” “What about the concept of us coming here lifetime after lifetime until we finally get it and become enlightened and then we don’t have to come back anymore?”

34 Quality Time With Children!189


Love Ka Ta See Style

“Relationships. How do we have good quality time with our children who are masked and have decided this is okay?”

35 Healing Family Relationships!193 “How do I mend an estrangement with family in a loving way without feeling guilt, while at the same time not losing myself? How do you show caring love, without getting caught in their drama?”

36 Clarity About Starting Relationships!199 “I tried dating someone recently but ended up running away from them, because all of a sudden, my buttons were getting pushed. My masks that I thought I'd dealt with reared their ugly heads. “I became sad and stressed and completely lost my center, and it was all too easy to blame this other person for being so damn masky and pushing my buttons. “I would like to have a relationship with someone, so where do I even begin in this kind of situation? I'm talking with this person again and I've stressed going slow and building a friendship first. So if nothing else we can at least be friends. “But are there some people that I should just stay away from because the mask-to-mask interactions are just too intense? Or, would I be doing myself a bigger favor by doing my best to hold my center and my Song around them?


Love Ka Ta See Style

“Because in some ways, I feel like I won't ever really deal with the masks if they are never being brought to my attention. “Sorry...this wasn’t very short or to the point.”

37 Ending A Relationship!205 “Can you love someone unconditionally and still choose to end the relationship with them as a lover or a mate? If so, then what is the difference between this and walking out the backdoor? My mate has habits and traits that bug me, am I failing to love him unconditionally? I love him no matter what, I just don’t love that thing he does.”

38 Exploring The Past Of A Potential Partner!211 “I have met someone new recently, and then in the past few days, he has professed to being in love. We haven’t met in person yet. Also, we have been corresponding through text, email and have talked on the telephone. “When we talk on the phone, I feel very, very deeply peaceful and this peace lasts and lasts. I realize that the love I have been feeling is my love for myself and that this is being reflected back to me from or through him. We talk openly and share and express feelings and thoughts and we have agreed on creating safe-space to continue doing this.


Love Ka Ta See Style

“My question is, ‘Is it necessary for me to question this man’s past or do I just accept him as he is now and not delve into his history?’ “I don’t know too much about his past except that he has been married before and he has no children and has had previous relationships besides the marriage. “I'm unsure what questions to ask as I'm very wary of probing and prying into what isn’t my business. I have felt that if he feels to do so, he will tell me anything he feels I should know and have taken this attitude in regard to what I tell him about my past also. So, am I on the right track? Is what I'm asking real?”

39 A Mask Is A Mask Is A Mask!215 “Can you be in a mask and your Song at the same time? Even when you're in your Song and you're relating to other people, aren't you putting on a mask knowingly in order to relate and communicate? Are there conscious and unconscious masks?”

40 How Many Sexual Partners?!219 “In the Hetakas’ culture, if one person in the marriage can't have sex for an extended period of time, what would the other partner do sexually? Is it okay to have other sexual partners outside of the marriage?”

41 Masks And The Driver’s Seat!221 “Is it that you are either in your heart 100% and your mask 0%, and conversely, could you be in your masks 100% and your heart 0% - i.e., is it black or white, or are there gradations to being in your heart and masks?”


Love Ka Ta See Style

42 Bone Divination!223 “What a blessing, thank you. You mention that you add Bones over the years in regards to the Bone Throws. Where do the Bones come from? Are they human and other creature's Bones?” Helmut: This is a follow-up question and comment to the Bone Throw about unconditional love. And that can be seen on our website,

43 How To Stay Sane In An Increasingly Insane World!225 “I always feel better after listening to one of your Sunday programs, but my big question is more on the order of how to stay sane in this increasingly insane world. Ignore, become an activist, pray a lot, stay centered and watch it all go by?”

44 Social Programming And Suffering !229 “After listening to the audio and watching the video on unconditional love, which I really enjoyed, I have a few questions. “Does the social programming have to do with the sicknesses we go through and all the suffering that accompanies them? Are we responsible for that? And can we change it? How do we give unconditional love amidst all this? Thank you for your help.”


Love Ka Ta See Style

45 Staying With Unconditional Love !235 “I really enjoyed listening to the recording of the Bone Throwing. I would like to know how to have compassion and give unconditional love when others, especially family members, are trying to continue relationships in the same old ways: unwilling to let go of the masks and the shoulds of society and its programming. Is it better to put distance between us? Thank you for your help.�


Love Ka Ta See Style


You are about to embark on a journey which I hope will touch you in immeasurable ways, ways you cannot even imagine. I have had the great fortune to spend one third of my life living and sharing, passionately loving and caring, laughing and crying, learning and studying, sharing our Songs together, with Kay. Working and spending time with her every day, I always feel her intense purposefulness and the power of her deep caring, loving presence. And, after all these years she still never ceases to amaze me. I love you, Kay, with all my heart. Recently we offered some live conference calls with Kay about love and relationships and we could not have imagined what extraordinarily heartfelt, life changing calls they would become! What Kay shares about love and relationships within Ka Ta See is nothing short of revolutionary. For those of us living Ka Ta See to the best of our abilities, it was a delight to again hear Kay share with such clarity and focus the deep core truths about love and the human dance of relationships and friendships.


Love Ka Ta See Style

When I listen to Kay talk I always feel like she is this matriarchal warrior from ancient times who has missed the memo from the modern culture that women are not to be that clear, that powerful with such purpose of intent and focus, with such deep, deep caring for the healing of us individually and of humanity. This time it was even more apparent how much she represents a continuation of a lineage so ancient, most of us cannot even fathom, so determined to extol the human spirit of pure heart even when everything seems to be falling apart, even in the midst of war and violence and the sheer utter chaos we find ourselves surrounded by. When Kay talked about unconditional love, about loving one's self unconditionally as the basis of offering unconditional love to others, when she talked about deep, deep caring friendship as the basis of lasting fulfilling love and relationships, when she talked about safe-space for us to meet within an intimate relationship where each person can express their deepest longings and desires and wishes without being ridiculed, where we can find peace and clarity from the turmoil of the confusions our emotions can bring, a space where we know we are absolutely safe, where no harm in any form can come to us, when she talked about sex as an expression and extension of that space and an opportunity for sharing which transcends all boundaries of our waking consciousness and, with that, provides an opportunity for one of the deepest forms of prayer we can share with another it felt to me like having been transported 30,000 years into the past, or 100 years into the future. Transported into a time where the trials and tribulations we face today individually and, as an extension, within our intimate relationships, our friendships, and our interactions within small groups and large societies and cultures, do not exist.


Love Ka Ta See Style

A utopia of the heart. Ka Ta See brings the possibility of this utopian, some might say unattainable, vision of love, friendships and sex to our lives today. We may not be able to live it starting now, at least not all of us, but we have a model to long for, to aim for, to dream and to focus on as to what we want to achieve and what we want to leave behind to honor the generations that went before and for the generations yet to come. We are the bridge people. Our lives are, the world is, what we make them. If we carry doubt, fear, despair, visions of a future of hate and violence in our hearts and minds, that's what we are creating. We are manifesting more of the same. I don't know about you, but I have grown tired of creating more of what's in the news every day. If, on the other hand, we are able to love, to truly, unconditionally love ourselves and offer that same unconditional love to everyone and everything around us, the world we are creating is of an entirely different nature. No matter where you are in your life concerning love and relationships, listen to what Kay shares, it'll change your view of what love, what relationships, what friendships, what our lives, can be, forever. Love and Song, Helmut


Thank you Victoria for your help during the conference calls. Thank you Helmut for your tireless help to make the teachings of Ka Ta See more easily available in more forms all the time. And, thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you to my teachers Chea and Domano Hetaka and all the many wonderful beings I have encountered along the way, many of which have become very close, dear friends and allies. And, most importantly, thank you to all readers of my books, my students, clients and followers of my work, you encourage and inspire me in so many ways. Kay Cordell Whitaker

If you want more Love Ka Ta See Style or simply want to find out more about Kay Cordell Whitaker始s work please go to



Ka Ta See Style


Praise for Kay’s previous books: SACRED LINK “Sacred Link sent chills up my spine – what a compelling, empowering story!� – Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom “Sacred Link redefines the meaning of ‘spiritual sensuality’� – John Perkins, author of Shapeshifting, and Spirit of the Shuar “A hauntingly beautiful and profound journey.� – Patricia West-Barker, co-author of Healing Spirits THE RELUCTANT SHAMAN “A gripping story for a captivated audience.�

– Library Journal

“The narrative charms the reader through the magic, honesty, and purity of the stories.â€? –The San Francisco Chronicle “The Reluctant Shaman is the spellbinding account of a modern woman as she is initiated into an age-old spiritual tradition‌told with the suspense of the best novels.â€? –Utne Reader


Love Ka Ta See Style - TOC and Foreword  

Table of Contents with Foreword for Kay Cordell Whitaker's new book Love Ka Ta See Style

Love Ka Ta See Style - TOC and Foreword  

Table of Contents with Foreword for Kay Cordell Whitaker's new book Love Ka Ta See Style