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1 10 ULTIMATE TIPS (inner page)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the copyright owner.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.�


1 10 ULTIMATE TIPS (inner page)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the copyright owner.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.�


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Published by outLOUD Studios Sdn Bhd (713337-T)

38-1 Jalan PJU 8/5B, Damansara Perdana, 47820 Petaling Jaya, Selangor Darul Ehsan, Malaysia. Tel: 03-7728 4098 Fax: 03-7728 6773 e-mail: info@outloud.com.my URL: www.outloud.com.my

About the Author Ernie Chen President, PORTMAN COLLEGE Founder/ Group CEO, ATCEN Education Group & outLOUD Media Communications Group Asia’s No. 1 Business Coach, TV & Radio Personality. Ernie serves as the Founder/ Group CEO of ATCEN Education Group and outLOUD Entertainment & Media Communications Group. Ernie has a MA in Communication, BA in Mass Communication, BA in Theatre, and is presently pursuing his DBA in Marketing Management. Alongside his Professional Membership with the Malaysian Association of Professional Speakers, he has more than 20 years of experience working with education, training, entertainment, media communications and outsourcing industries. Ernie is a TV & Radio personality, International Speaker and Serial Entrepreneur. He is better known as Asia’s No.1 Business Coach by his peers, colleagues, customers, partners, friends and students for his enthusiasm in building people, brands, businesses and one of the most powerful and dynamic speakers from Asia. Ernie is an expert, well-known persuasive communication, sales & service strategist and practitioner. He is also a world traveled speaker with a proven track record in leading speaking engagements and a frequent speaker at national and international conferences. In the last 10 years, he has inspired motivated and trained thousands of people to reach personal and professional fulfillment and career transformation. Utilizing individual, group, and executive coaching, workshops, and consultations to businesses; he coaches his clients to prosper in their career, advancing them up their career and life.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.�


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CONTENTS Introduction Confidence And You About Confidence Tip 1: Maximizing Heart Power Tip 2: Capitalize On Nervous Energy Tip 3: Be Your Role Model Tip 4: Dress Right To Look Confident Tip 5: Verbal Vibes: Creating The Confident Sound Tip 6: Body Language: When Actions Speak Louder Than Words Tip 7: The Confidence Lifestyle Model Tip 8: Short Term Success To Sustain Confidence For Long-Term Goals Tip 9: Bend It, Move It, Reverse It But Stick With It! Tip 10: Take A Chance! In Closing Acknowledgements

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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INTRODUCTION Let me make something perfectly clear: If you're just going to skim through this page without reading it word for word, if you're just going to scan this book until you find out how much it costs... If you're not willing to stop what you're doing, and take 30 minutes to read this book all the way through... THEN PUT THE BOOK DOWN RIGHT NOW. I wish you all the best with whatever you choose to do, but you're wasting your time. It’s not going to work and I can't help you. Why am I being so harsh? It's simple. Because I'm not going to waste your time by using impressive over-hyped language or boring stories... And no, I’m not going to "convince" you that I am successful because of my personal mantra, “With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible”. That would be a complete waste of my time, because there is only so much that I can do to help you. Instead, I’m going to share with you advice and tips on how to become supremely confident. These confidence building and image projection techniques are proven methods used by successful leaders and personalities throughout the world and have garnered them fame and fortune. With this book, you will DO WELL, you will WIN and YOU WILL SUCCEED. If you want to be SUPREMELY CONFIDENT, read on. But most importantly, if you want to CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER, you need to DO something about it. So, are you still with me?

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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CONFIDENCE AND YOU The world is a tough and unforgiving place to live in. In the never-ending pursuit of success, people are judgemental, competitive and materialistic. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from and what you know, if you make the slightest mistake you’re called a “loser”, “an incapable bum”, “a useless idiot” and a whole list of other insults that you probably know better (you’ve either been on the receiving end or lashed out yourself). Together with the burden of expectation from bosses, parents, partners and friends, life can break you. That is the reality of the world. So get used to it! Life can suck too. You work extremely hard and your co-worker gets promoted. You work yourself to the bone in sports training, only to finish second. You spend months courting the girl of your dreams, and she ends up in the arms of another guy. You tell yourself: “What an unfair place we live in!” Pissed off, you refuse to confront reality. Instead, you live in denial, telling yourself “Oh, he’s such a lucky guy”, “Today was just not my day” or the classic “Oh he’s better-looking / richer than me”. If the above sounds like something that you would say, then you must be living a miserable, unfulfilled life as you’re always making up weak reasons to justify your lack of confidence. So, you now have two choices. Choice 1: You can choose to live without confidence and never realize your true potential or Choice 2: You can choose to live with confidence and achieve everything that you’ve always wanted! If you chose Choice 1, please give this book away to someone who will benefit from it. Someone who has a desire to achieve more with confidence. And if you chose Choice 2, I welcome you to my world – the world of ultimate confidence. 10 Tips for Ultimate Confidence is a handy, powerful guide consisting of helpful, positive and inspiring tips. This book does not give you confidence. And I repeat again, this book does not give you confidence. Instead, it will unleash the confidence that already existed within you. Therefore, let this book be a consistent and continuous reminder of how great you can be if you just let it happen!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself.” – Muhammad Ali ABOUT CONFIDENCE In order to be confident, we must first understand the real meaning of confidence. When asked to describe confidence, the common answers given are “assured”, “poise”, “certain” and “positive”. But the problem with getting people to describe confidence is that often times they point out what they see as confident behaviour in other people, and not themselves. Confidence is a very personal feeling and there are many ways to describe it. However, two words sum up confidence perfectly: Faith and Acceptance. A confident person has faith in the potential positive outcome of anything he undertakes. He will not allow weak reasons such as intelligence, age, health or luck determine his level of confidence. A confident person also has a huge sense of acceptance; the ability to accept any setback or obstacle. For him, it’s about the mental conviction that a setback is not a failure, rather an opportunity for another potential positive outcome. In short, personal confidence in an individual is all about Faith and Acceptance.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


8 Assess Your Confidence

First, let’s assess your confidence level. If you are between the ages of 13-18, assess your confidence level by taking Assessment A below. If you’re 19-yearsold and above, proceed to Assessment B. Please circle all your answers. Assessment A

1) I rarely feel embarrassed.

YES

NO

2) I feel I have above-average intelligence.

YES

NO

3) I'm quite ambitious.

YES

NO

4) I can be very decisive.

YES

NO

5) I am comfortable with people.

YES

NO

6) I feel I have a strong presence.

YES

NO

7) I don't feel shy around new people.

YES

NO

8) When situations go wrong, I don't blame myself.

YES

NO

9) I enjoy being praised or complimented.

YES

NO

10) I don't feel nervous talking to older people.

YES

NO

11) I always dream about doing great things.

YES

NO

12) I don't feel offended being made fun of.

YES

NO

13) I like getting attention for my actions.

YES

NO

14) I have lots of energy.

YES

NO

15) I'm mentally tough.

YES

NO

16) I have high self esteem.

YES

NO

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


9 17) I am calm under pressure.

YES

NO

18) I'm independent.

YES

NO

19) I'm a persuasive person.

YES

NO

20) I give praise easily and with sincerity.

YES

NO

21) I'm accepted by most people I meet.

YES

NO

22) I have a strong personality.

YES

NO

23) I react quickly and well to an unexpected situation. YES

NO

Scoring - If you answered “YES” to: 18-23 statements – Wow! Give yourself a pat on the back because you are a living, breathing symbol of confidence! Nothing gets you down and you’re always up and ready for anything. You are assured, rate yourself very highly and are never envious of anyone. Your outgoing nature means that you have the winner’s mentality ingrained within you and are comfortable in almost any situation. Keep it up and remember not to get complacent! 13-17 statements – Good job! You’re not quite 100% confident, but you’re nearly there. You’ve got the guts and the determination but you do doubt yourself at times. You have high self-esteem but you do get nervous or scared occasionally. You are ready to participate in almost anything, but certain social settings do put you off. A confidence boost is just what you need! 1-12 statements – Don’t worry, you’re just not presenting the confidence that is hidden within you! You’re letting situations and circumstances take control of your enthusiasm! You may think that you’re a reserved, boring and unimaginative person, but the truth is that inside, you’re brimming with confidence, energy and desire but you just haven’t unleashed it yet. The best way to bring out your confidence is simple: you have to start DOING something about it. Read on and take that first step towards developing ultimate confidence!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


10 If you are above the age of 18, assess your confidence level by taking this Assessment. Please circle all your answers.

Assessment B

1) I put my best foot forward all the time.

YES

NO

2) I rarely feel embarrassed.

YES

NO

3) I feel I have above-average intelligence.

YES

NO

4) I'm quite ambitious.

YES

NO

5) I can be very decisive.

YES

NO

6) I'm tenacious in matters that count.

YES

NO

7) I am comfortable with people.

YES

NO

8) I feel I have a strong presence.

YES

NO

9) I don't feel shy around new people.

YES

NO

10) I enjoy being praised or complimented.

YES

NO

11) When situations go wrong, I don't blame myself.

YES

NO

12) I don't feel anxious when I have to address my superiors.

YES

NO

13) I always dream about doing great things.

YES

NO

14) I don't feel offended being made fun of.

YES

NO

15) I like getting attention for my actions.

YES

NO

16) I have lots of energy.

YES

NO

17) I am calm under pressure.

YES

NO

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.�


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18) I'm mentally tough.

YES

NO

19) I have high self esteem.

YES

NO

20) I never doubt myself.

YES

NO

21) I have considerable powers of judgment.

YES

NO

22) I'm independent.

YES

NO

23) I'm a persuasive person.

YES

NO

24) I feel I can hold my own in any group.

YES

NO

25) I give praise easily and with sincerity.

YES

NO

26) I appreciate constructive criticism.

YES

NO

27) I'm accepted by most people I meet.

YES

NO

28) I don't feel uncomfortable in a position of authority. YES

NO

29) I have a strong personality.

YES

NO

30) I react quickly and well to an unexpected situation. YES

NO

Scoring - If you answered “YES” to: If you answered “YES” to 24-30 statements – Wow! Give yourself a pat on the back because you are a living, breathing symbol of confidence! Nothing gets you down and you’re always up and ready for anything. You are assured, rate yourself very highly and are never envious of anyone. Your outgoing nature means that you have the winner’s mentality ingrained within you and are comfortable in almost any situation. Keep it up and remember to never get complacent!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


12 18-23 statements – Not bad! You’re not quite 100% confident, but you’re nearly there. You’ve got the guts, the gumption and the determination but you do doubt yourself sometimes. You have high self-esteem but you do get nervous or scared occasionally. You are ready to participate in almost anything, but certain social settings do put you off. A little bit of confidence boosting is just what you need! 1-17 statements – Don’t worry, you’re not suffering from a lack of confidence! You’re just letting situations and circumstances take control of your enthusiasm! You may think that you’re a reserved, boring and unimaginative person, but the truth is that inside, you’re brimming with confidence, energy and desire but you just haven’t unleashed it yet. The best way to bring out your confidence is simple: you have to start DOING something about it. Take that first step towards ultimate confidence!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.” - Jacques Benigne Bossuet

Tip 1 New: Maximizing Heart Power Old: All You Need is Positive Thinking Harness the power of positive emotions – When it comes to confidence, you are all that you feel you are. If you feel you’re good enough, you are good enough. If you feel you’re really bad, you are really bad. It’s as simple as that. Your heart is a powerful psychological tool to help you do things that you never thought possible. Positive thinking is a good start to develop confidence but it is the heart power that sustains it. Picture this scenario: You’re just about to meet your boss for that raise you deserve. You’ve got all the supporting documents and points ready for the inevitable “debate” with your boss. You’re also aware that in passing, he had acknowledged that you deserved a raise. You step into the meeting, confident that you’ll be getting the raise. But, fifteen minutes later, you step out of your boss’ room not getting the raise. You’re stunned. Sounds familiar? Well, assuming that you prepared accordingly, you probably fell victim to the “1% Doubt Trap”. This means that 1% of doubt affected your feeling of confidence. The feeling that you do not deserve it. The feeling that you’re not good enough to demand the raise. The feeling that your boss is not convinced that you deserve the raise. This is when your eyes, your voice and your facial expressions will betray you. Thinking positive and confident alone is not enough. You have to really feel the confidence to achieve the potential positive outcome. Is it really possible for 1% of doubt to undo all your efforts? YES! When it comes to harnessing the full power of positive emotions, the 1% of doubt is all that is needed to break you.

Fact: The #1 Enemy of personal confidence is self-consciousness. (YOU).

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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FIRE IN THE HEART - When a person is not completely convinced of what he desires, even 99% confidence is not enough to achieve ultimate success. A consistent hundred percent is needed each time. This is called the “Fire in The Heart” feeling, where winners are 100% sure of winning, no matter what it took or no matter what happened. Confident people always have that “Fire in The Heart” feeling, the burning desire to win each and every single time.

Confident people are not only absolutely sure of themselves, they’re also absolutely sure of what they want and what it takes to achieve it. So, how do you ignite the fire in YOUR heart and to keep it burning with passion? Here are some useful tips: •

Hot Tip: “Have a DESIRE!” – You have to know what you really want in life! You must always have a desire in your heart that gives you a reason to do better, to gain more and to always move forward. People who know what they really want are confident people and are extremely comfortable with themselves. Find that desire of yours and keep striving for it.

Hot Tip: “I Will WIN!” – Dispel any self-doubt or worry by just repeating those three magic words. Repeating those words will also get your heart motivated and keep your mind focused. And when repeated with emotional conviction, the words “I Will Win!” can have an extremely positive and galvanizing effect on your confidence!

Hot Tip: Don’t Get COCKY – While it’s great to have a strong sense of selfbelief and confidence, never let it get to your head by coming across as arrogant, aggressive and rude. Falling into the trap of cockiness is disregarding humility, understanding and respect. Always remember that confidence is a game of heart power.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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• How do you view yourself? Are you a “Positive Feeler” or “Negative Feeler”? Have a look these 6Positive! sentences– and tick off the ones accurately TOP TIP:atFeeling “Positive Feelers” (a that person that feels describe positive) always what would say if youwhile were“Negative in a similar situation. putyou a positive spinoronfeel things, Feelers” (a person that feels negative) always see the negative side of things. So, feel good about yourself, others and the way 1. “I have I look charisma forward towill theresonate results.”within you. you livedone yourmy lifebest, and and a positive 2. “I’m definitely going to make a mistake or mess it up and it’ll probably be my fault.” 3. “That didn’t go exactly as I planned, but the lesson I’ve learned from it is valuable and will help me to do much better next time.” 4. “I screwed up, I’m hopeless and I shouldn’t have bothered participating in the first place.” 5. “I won the competition because I am the best.” 6. “I won the competition because I was lucky.” If you haven’t figured it out yet, the odd numbers represent what a “Positive Feeler” would normally say to himself while the even numbers represent what a “Negative Feeler” would normally say to himself. So, decide for yourself if you are a “Positive Feeler” or “Negative Feeler” and increase your heart power to power up your confidence!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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“Venus told me the other day that champions don't get nervous in tight situations. That really helped me a lot. I decided I shouldn't get nervous and just do the best I can.” Serena Williams

Tip 2 New: Capitalize on Nervous Energy Old: Overcoming the Feeling of Nervousness Your opportunity of a lifetime (whatever it may be) is now right in front of you but you hesitate to pursue it, not knowing why. Has this ever happened to you before? The sweaty palms, the butterflies in the stomach or even the rising goose bumps? Ever felt so nervous that you just did not know what you could do? Relax and breathe a little! Even the most confident person can experience a sudden case of unexpected nerves. Nerves are a natural reaction to something you are doing for the very first time or something that you are not comfortable doing. You might get nervous when giving a speech, making a sales call, confronting a superior or even going out on your first date with the girl of your dreams. Feeling nervous is actually a good thing to have because it generates lots of energy and when managed well will project enthusiasm and excitement. On the contrary, not feeling nervous energy simply means that you do not care enough about anything to be nervous. So, how would a person go about managing nervousness? If you answered with “Cigarettes” or “Chewing gum”: You are dead wrong! The last thing you want to do to overcome nervousness is to create more distractions for yourself and your audience. Not only will it give you the false impression that you’re able to concentrate better, it is a distracting habit. When nerves attack and are not managed properly, it can spell total disaster for you. Nerves can ruin your speech, make you lose composure when closing a deal, lose control of a situation and can even make your date become your worst nightmare. The good news is that you can manage your nerves with the 3Ps (Preparation, Planning and Practice): Preparation – Getting ready with what’s required and always preparing more than what is expected. Planning – Identifying the steps to move forward. And sticking with it until you get the results. Practice – Doing it over and over again till you get it right!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


17 Another powerful technique to overcome nerves is to use your “Confidence Bank”. It’s something that we all have within us, but do not necessarily understand how to capitalize on. Think back to a recent experience when you felt confident. It could be something like having achieved your sales target and receiving cash incentives or even scoring a goal in a friendly football match with your friends. Now, write down the experience and how you felt: (Do not proceed until you have written it down) How did that make you feel? Great! Next, store it in your Confidence Bank and keep building your “wealth of confidence” as you live your life with confidence. If your nerves start to take control, retrieve the “wealth of confidence” from your “Confidence Bank”, and this will result in you feeling more calm and composed.

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

After years of working with thousands of people and consulting personalities from all walks of life, I came to understand that fear is the underlying cause of nervousness. Why do people dislike change? It is the fear of not knowing what to expect. Why does a person want to be right all the time? It stems from the fear of failure. Why do people not go beyond their optimum potential? They are afraid to achieve potential success. People with little confidence put up all sorts of barriers to deny themselves of success. If nothing is done about it, these fears can have a crippling effect on the person’s confidence. This will ultimately prevent the person from living a happy and successful life. Learning to overcome these fears is important because if you don’t, you’ll never be truly confident. •

Hot Tip: Action Conquers Fear! – It is normal to be fearful of change, failure or success. I used to have the same fears too, but that didn’t stop me from doing something to overcome them! So you’re a little nervous about your presentation. So what? You’re worried about performing in front of your whole school. So what? The thought of giving a press conference scares you. So what? The key here is to face your fears and

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


18 take action. Do something about it. When it comes to facing your fears, it’s the process of taking action that matters most. •

Hot Tip: It MUST be Survival! – Why? Because you are capable of doing things you never thought possible when faced with a life and death situation. It is however, difficult for you to face up to such a situation if you are not used to it. This is when your life becomes comfortable. And how do you know when your life has become too comfortable? When things become familiar to you. Shake it up and constantly remind yourself that you need to always stay on the edge. Be on top of your game. Continuous exposure to new challenges and nervous energy will start to work for you only when you familiarize yourself with your nervous energy.

TOP TIP: Power Up Your Significant Memories – Your “Confidence Bank” can be a very powerful weapon to overcome your fears. What you store in your “Confidence Bank” is entirely up to you. What may seem trivial to others may have a powerful effect on you. The most important thing to remember is that you are in control of your “Confidence Bank”, so start getting rich on confidence!

Do You Get Nervous? Fill in each blank with: (0) if this is untrue for you, (1) if generally true, or (2)if absolutely true. Category 1 - Stage Fright __ My knees shake, my palms sweat, my throat tightens, my face turns red and my heart pounds just thinking about speaking to a group. __ I’m afraid I might say things that will make me look or sound silly. __ I am used to stifling whatever I was thinking or feeling, so I tend to keep quiet and not use my voice. __ I lose my train of thought and concentration when I am in front of a group. __ My eyes dart all over the place. __ I’ve never been sure about who I was and I tend to repress what I want to say. __ I keep saying to myself: “You don’t have anything of value to contribute; it’s

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


19 already been said and done by someone else.” __ I fear I will freeze if I am expected to speak in front of a group. __ I can’t remember my lines even though I’ve rehearsed a thousand times. __ I’m afraid people will laugh at me. SCORING: Category 1 - Stage Fright 14-20 – You’ve got it bad! Self-consciousness is proving to be the major stumbling block in your quest for ultimate confidence. 8-13 – You have common stage fright, a natural confidence problem among most people. 1-7 – All you have is standard stage anxiety; it’s not really a big deal but it can be a big problem when you’re facing a very large audience.

Category 2 - Performance Anxiety __ I do okay, but up until I start I am anxious for no apparent reason. __ I’m an introvert, which means I don’t like talking to an audience. __ I usually feel that the audience is putting an enormous demand on me to get my act together. __ I assume that the audience wants me to fail. __ I don’t have stage fright but I hide behind a rhetorical speaking style, just in case. __ I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake and won’t be able to recover.

SCORING: Category 2 - Performance Anxiety 6-12 – The performance anxiety holding you back is manageable. You are very close to actually enjoying being the focus of attention. 3-5 – You are ready for a major breakthrough. You’ve got the style, confidence and ability, now it’s time to perfect your style. 0-2 – You are there! Reading this book has helped to reinforce what you already know and practice. Now, take it a step further by sharing this book with someone. Remember, confidence is contagious!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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"But if you ask what is the good of education in general, the answer is easy: that education makes good men, and that good men act nobly." Plato

Tip 3 New: Be Your Role Model Old: Learn from Your Role Model As children, we grew up learning from observations and imitating others. For example, when you were young, you’d observe how your father tied his shoelaces and you learned how to do it. (That is, if you owned a pair of shoes with shoelaces and not Velcro). And if you observed how your mother used a knife to cut vegetables, you would later be able to do it yourself through watching what she did.(Of course, you may have accidentally cut yourself in the process of learning). This is the power of observing and imitating others. Yes, you can learn a lot by observing and imitating your role model! And by becoming like your role model, you can do wonders to build your confidence. The case study below demonstrates the importance of a good role model: •

Hot Tip: Idols Are Not Role Models - A role model is a person whom you admire, respect and aspire to be while an idol is someone you usually desire and admire but not necessarily aspire to be. For example, personalities such as media mogul Oprah Winfrey or billionaire entrepreneur Donald Trump are role models while pop singers like Britney Spears and reality tv star Paris Hilton are idols (we love them, but we sure don’t want to be them).

Hot Tip: Have More Than One Role Model – You should always have many role models that are successful and leaders in their own ways. This will allow you to integrate the best of their methods of thinking, behaviour and feelings to maximize the benefit of imitating them. For example, if you are a brand manager, you should emulate the branding image of Richard Branson and the personality of Walt Disney concurrently. This would be combining the best of both styles.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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CASE STUDY: Jason has just been promoted to the position of CEO of the organization that he works for. Having previously been involved in middle management, therefore not having the experience of being CEO and leading a company, the prospect of working with senior management and the board of directors concerned him. Jason is apprehensive and is very nervous, but Jason is smart to have chosen Jack Welch as his role model. Jack Welch is legendary for being a genius in business and management, single-handedly enhancing the fortunes of General Electric Corporation from a sleeping giant to the world’s most competitive organization. Having read many books written on Jack Welch leadership and management style, Jason proceeds to hone a business personality and image similar to Jack Welch. As a result, Jason confidently establishes a great relationship with the board of directors and is able to implement many useful, radical and effective changes in policies and guidelines to benefit the company. Impressed by his methods, they continue to support him confidently.

Hot Tip: They’re Humans Too! Swinging like Tiger Woods, living like Bill Gates or communicating like Larry King may sound like a dream, but I assure you that with confidence, you will be able to achieve your dreams, whatever they may be! Always remember, these personalities, these celebrities, these so-called superior people are ordinary people just like you and me but with extraordinary confidence and commitment in their chosen field. Take away their confidence, their efforts, their opportunities (which they earned through sheer hard work, of course) and the decisions they’ve made, and what are you left with? A normal person. An average human being. Now, do you really think that it’s not possible to achieve their successes because they’re “richer”, “bigger”, “smarter” (or whatever other weak reasons that you can come up with) than you?

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


22 TOP TIP: Know Your Role Model Well - To know your role model well, read and collect as much information as you can about your role model from books, magazines, videos or the Internet. Always look out for clues about your role model’s personality and the way they behave too. Then, incorporate that style of thinking and feeling into your decision making and thought process. For example, if you are an athlete always ask yourself: “What would Lance Armstrong* do?” Quitting would never be an option for Lance Armstrong. *Lance Armstrong is a seven-time winner of professional cycling’s most prestigious race, the Tour De France. He achieved this after having surgery and extensive chemotherapy in 1996 to treat testicular cancer that had also affected his brain and lungs. Doctors said he wouldn’t be able to cycle again after having surgery, but Armstrong battled against the odds to win the Tour De France seven times from 1999-2005 and is now chairman of the successful Lance Armstrong Cancer Foundation.

Are You Choosing The Right Role Model? Make sure you take note of these details before selecting your role model. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8)

Who is your role model? Why is he or she your role model? What do you know about your role model? (Achievements, personality, style, etc) What are the good qualities of your chosen role model? What are the not-so-good qualities of your chosen role model? Does your chosen role model have a major influence on you? Do you believe that you can one day emulate or outdo your role model? What do you have in common with your role model?

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


23 "Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing, it's when you've had everything to do and you've done it!" --Margaret Thatcher

TIP 4 New: Dress Right To Look Confident Old: Dress Well To Look Good Whether you admit to it or not, style has EVERYTHING to do with confidence. How you look, dress and carry yourself in your clothes WILL send out a clear message about the type of person you are. Conveying the right image can make all the difference to your personal and professional success. It’s a well-documented fact that first impressions are formed instantly upon contact. Within a split second, the person you are meeting face-to-face for the first time will have formed an impression and opinion about you based on their own perceptions due to previous experiences whether true or false. And perceptions are reality. Worse still, you’ll never get a second chance to reverse or change the perceptions formed because the person would have experienced you firsthand. If this sounds intimidating to you, IT IS! The best known way to make a good first impression (before what you say and body language come into play) is your fashion sense. A good rule to remember is “To get the part, you must first dress the part, and then act the part”. If you’ve never given a second thought to the critical importance of projecting the confident look to garner favourable response from the people that you are in contact with, now would be a good time to do so. •

Hot Tip: Power Grooming! – Keeping yourself well-groomed and maintaining a clean-cut and natural look (not an artificial one) is not as time-consuming or tedious as you think. Maintaining hair colour is easy if the colour matches or is almost similar to your skin colour. If you do colour your hair, ensure that your hair roots do not have a different shade of colour compared with the rest of your hair. Adopt a hairstyle which is low maintenance and can easily be styled at home. It is always better for your scalp and look if you style your hair with your hands instead of using plastic brushes or combs. When wearing makeup, always remember that you are the star of the show. The makeup is the supporting cast to make you look outstanding and not overshadow you. Ensure that you use a neutral colour that will complement your skin tone instead of overwhelming it. A clown is meant to look funny, not confident. So don’t

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


24 look like one. It goes without saying that you should also maintain good dental and bodily hygiene, so invest in a good toothbrush, mouth wash and body spray or anti-perspirant. A good habit would be to have a 10-15 minute time frame every morning to power groom yourself. Remember, when you put effort into your total appearance (head to toe), you will not only look good, you will feel supremely confident. •

Hot Tip: Accessorize! - Thanks to the revolution of modern fashion and style, it has now become acceptable to wear various accessories be it at work or in social situations. The lines between the sexes are also constantly blurred, with earrings now being acceptable as a male fashion accessory. But when it comes to accessorizing, the safest option is not to wear any. If you feel that you must accessorize, keep these rules in mind:

1.

2.

3.

In a business setting, men should never wear earrings, no matter how understated or modest. The same goes for nose rings, tongue studs or eye brow rings. Try not to wear accessories that attract too much attention with huge branding on them or are very large e.g. belt buckles with big logos, elongated hoop earrings or square, chunky watches. Less is more: Don’t go overboard with your accessories. If you wear too much jewellery or accessories, it will only serve to distract people and make you look like you’re trying to compensate for something. I recommend wearing not more than three to four of the following to look stylish but not tacky: A ring, earrings, cufflinks, a tie-pin, a necklace or choker, a bracelet or a bangle.

TOP TIP: Invest in a power suit – A power suit is one of the best investments you can make in your career life. Although reminiscent of the 80s, power suits still convey an image of assertiveness and assurance, all vital elements of projecting confidence. Although a good quality power suit will cost a significant amount of money, it will benefit you in the long run because it can be used in any formal situation. Meeting a client? Break out the power suit! Have to rush to a wedding followed by a funeral? You can’t go wrong with a power suit! And remember, if you look like a million dollars, you know that it won’t take long for you to make that much too!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


25

Earrings

Watch

Accessories of Style

Ring Cufflinks

Belt / Belt Buckle Tie-Pin

Tie / Bow Tie

Scarf Bracelet / Bangle Necklace / Choker

MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


26 “The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.” – Albert Einstein Tip 5 New: Verbal Vibes: Creating the Confident Sound Old: Be Loud and Use Impressive Language To my surprise, most people believe that how you sound has got nothing to do with confidence. But, I beg to differ. Imagine if you had to give a speech with your voice sounding like a nasally Donald Duck, would you not feel ridiculous? When a person sounds confident, the people listening to him will be more interested, pay more attention and take him seriously. Now, let’s take a look at a few easy ways you can use to project a clear, strong and confident sounding voice. Maintaining a consistent voice: To relax and loosen tight or constricted vocal cords, discreetly yawn a few times. If you’re feeling nervous, sighing gently and slowly will lower your heart rate and control your voice. If you find yourself projecting an inconsistent voice, pause for a while, take a deep breath and then continue. Pitching it right: In basic terms, a person speaks in high and low pitches. Accent, speed and speech habits can affect how high-pitched or low-pitched you sound. To have better control of your pitch, practise consistent breathing and speed when talking. Record yourself talking or giving a speech and then play it back to identify when your pitch was high or low, and when it was constant. Next, practise adapting and controlling your pitch in different environments. Remember, different types of audiences require different types of pitch. As an easy example, imagine how you would speak to two individuals, and imagine how you would speak to a room full of people. You could be talking about the exact same thing to both audiences, but you would not talk to both the same way now, would you? •

Hot Tip: Pause With A Purpose! – “Uh, er, ah, uhm, eh…” Ever hear anybody using these “vocabulary pauses” in their conversations? I’m sure you have. Occasionally, you might even have done it yourself! Well, stop it! Not only are vocabulary pauses annoying, they also show that you’re hesitant and not sure of what you’re talking about. It can also make you lose your train of thought, further distancing you from your audience. Instead, practice talking without vocabulary pauses and use more natural transition phrases such as “Then, next, however, or, and”. Your speech will sound more natural, assured and confident as a result.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


27 •

Hot Tip: Drink up! – We all know the health benefits of drinking six glasses of water daily, but did you know that water also protects the voice box and vocal cords from getting too tired and dry? This in turn protects you from inflamed vocal cords, losing your voice, tired voice, lack of range, no carrying power, and other serious vocal problems. And if you think this applies only to singers, think again. If you’re ever in a position where you need to use your voice strongly (e.g. press conferences, presentations, conversations during parties, proposing a toast, etc), then you’ll need a smooth, clear and confident sounding voice.

Hot Tip: Chin up! Always make sure your chin is up when you’re talking. Keeping your chin up projects confidence physically (but make sure your nose is not sticking up too high – that’s being arrogant), which will in turn be projected in your voice. If your chin or head is down, the voice you project will be low and lifeless. Furthermore, you will come across as a reserved and boring person. Keeping your chin down will also make you mumble your words, making you incoherent to your listener or audience.

TOP TIP: “Jaws do it” – When you are speaking, sound clearly by making sure that your mouth is always open (lips are apart when words are coming through). Keep your jaw relaxed and let it move slightly as you talk. This will improve your enunciation and will make you speak in a controlled, purposeful manner. It will also look great on camera. The result? You’ll be speaking clearly, confidently and firmly!

Let’s do the following Vocal Techniques Exercises: • • •

Breathing Warm Up – Breathe in 3 times through your nose and release the air out through your mouth. Lips & Tongue Warm Up – Wet your lips and stretch your tongue in the following directions. To the top, down, left, right and stretch it forward. Hold it for 5 seconds in each direction. Verbal Stretch Warm Up – Make the following sounds with your mouth. a) Ah b) Ee c) Oo d) Eh e) Oh

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


28 Repeat this continuously for 5 times consecutively •

Volume Control Warm Up – Start counting from 1 to 10. 1 being the softest and 10 being the loudest. Then reverse it from 10 to 1. 10 being the loudest and 1 being the softest.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


29 "Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching." -Thomas Jefferson Tip 6 New: Body Language: When Actions Speak Louder Than Words Old: No Action is Bigger than Words Dr. Ralph C. Smeadly, the founder of Toastmasters International once wrote, "The speaker who stands and talks at ease is the one who can be heard without weariness. If his posture and gestures are so graceful and unobtrusive, that no one notices them, he may be counted as truly successful." The act of communicating is a delicate process. Simple actions can dramatically enhance or just as easily distort communication. Certain physical movements or postures indicate an individual’s emotions and intent. And because physical signals in communication are often transmitted unconsciously, they can be powerful tools in projecting your confidence. What is your body language communicating about you currently? Have a look at the table below to find out. Confident Stand / sit up straight, shoulders relaxed, Chest out Arms on the side, shoulders loose with hands in front

Leaning forward a little Standing still to show firmness in a formal manner When seated – Sits back in the chair, takes up all the space in the chair

Unconfident Stand / sit up slouched, Shoulders hunched, Chest inwards Arms tucked closely to the body / placed on the hips / folded across the body / hands in pockets Stepping back or retreating When standing - Shifts some weight into one leg to show a nervousness When seated – Hunches over and shrinks into seat, taking up a small space in the chair

Surprisingly, most people are not aware that their face is one of the most powerful and easiest ways to project confidence. The rest that are aware don’t bother to do anything about it because they are not willing to take the extra effort. The type

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


30 of look or emotion conveyed on your face directly reflects your confidence and is also a clear indication of your attitude. Moving your head, face, and eyes toward another person makes you appear more confident and appealing. As is well known, messages accompanied by eye contact are more favourably interpreted by receivers than messages that are sent without eye contact. After all, would YOU like it if you were listening intently and the person talking to you is not even looking at you? Of course not! Nobody does. In that sense, “The eyes are the windows to your soul” is especially true when it comes to projecting confidence. •

Hot Tip: Warm it, don’t stare! – While eye contact is good for projecting confidence, remember to maintain pleasant, warm eye contact. Do not intimidate the person you are talking to by (intentionally or otherwise) glaring or staring (looking for too long) bug-eyed at them. To achieve pleasant warm eye contact, observe how news anchors and talk show hosts look at you consistently and continuously on the TV screen. Often times, a smile will also make the eye contact warmer. Always smile with your eyes by having relaxed eye focus.

Hot Tip: Grin & Wear It! – While a warm, pleasant smile projects confidence; a forced, uncomfortable smile will do the exact opposite. To hone the perfect smile, practise smiling in front of a mirror. The best way to smile is with the slightest hint of teeth (picture yourself about to laugh or mildly giggling), but not too much because that will make it look like you’re in pain.

Hot Tip: Don’t Fidget – Avoid fiddling with your pen, ears, hair, or keys as this will signal nervousness and insecurity. The more you fidget, the more you will lose focus and appear unsure and uncomfortable.

Hot Tip: Body Talk – A great way to practise the effectiveness of your body language is to videotape yourself during conversations or presentations. Then, analyze and discuss the video with your friends or audience, getting another perspective of and taking note of what you did to look confident or unconfident. Don’t have access to or can’t afford a video camera? Get one or two of your friends to observe and take note of your body language instead. This will help you to eliminate your bad gesture habits and odd, inconsistent movements such as scratching your groin area or even sniffing your fingers after touching your armpits (highly inappropriate) that can disrupt your confidence building efforts.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


31 TOP TIP: Make That Move! – Research has proven that when a person is not allowed to gesture or is forced to use little or no movement when communicating, it can affect or distort the meaning that is being conveyed. It can also affect the thought process of the speaker. Therefore, remember that using gestures and movements help you to think and communicate more effectively and confidently. Think about giving someone directions over the phone to your house. Is it easier to express yourself and the meaning of your directions using your hands even though they cannot see what you are doing? Most definitely. Our body movements develop energy that helps us express emotions through our speaking voice. So the next time you speak, always remember to speak with your body to communicate your expressions of confidence. What Does Your Body Language Say About You? Take This Quiz to Find Out: 1) As you enter the party, your host introduces you to a group of people. What's your typical meet-and-greet smile? a) With lips open and teeth slightly revealed b) A full, mouth-open grin c) Just a nod of the head d) I don’t usually smile. 2) Describe your handshake style a) Double hand clasp (Both hands gripping firmly) b) Bone-crusher (I squeeze until you can hear the “pop” sound from his knuckles/fingers) c) Normal. It’s just a handshake, that’s all. d) Soft and light 3) What kind of listener are you? a) Patient and attentive b) I nod and smile a lot, but I’m not really paying attention c) I like to talk more than listen d) I do not even bother looking at the speaker, much less listen 4) Mr. / Ms. Interesting is telling you a gripping story about his/her near-death rafting trip in Canada. How are you responding? a) Patting his/her arm with empathy b) Nodding vigorously in agreement c) I usually don't react until the story is over d) Keeping an eye on the door and wondering when the story is going to be over

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


32

5) How would a stranger describe your natural posture? a) Relaxed but straight b) As straight as a flagpole c) A little slouched d) Stooped forward 6) You are telling several people your story about the taxi ride in Paris last summer. What's your storytelling style? a) A few well-placed gestures for emphasis during the crucial parts b) Non-stop gesturing c) I emphasize every sentence with a gesture d) No gestures - I only let my words do the talking 7) What is your "eye contact" style in social situations? a) Direct b) Deep and intense c) Light and fluttery d) Downward 8) You spot a comfy sofa and decide to sit down. How do you sit on the sofa? a) Right in the middle b) Stretch and take up as much room as possible c) Anywhere, while casually browsing through a magazine d) Toward one end

SCORING: Mostly “A”: Congratulations, you are a master of body language! You are keenly aware of the importance of positive body language, and you use it with ease to influence others and communicate well. Your physical style is direct, warm and selfassured. You are already aware of the three most powerful "words" in the vocabulary of body language: • Smile: Nothing says "I am approachable and likable" more readily than a friendly smile (teeth slightly showing). • Eye contact: People respond well to direct gazes (but never a stare). • "Open" gestures and stance: Encourage others by fully facing them and using inclusive gestures Mostly “B”: Your body language is too strong! You are so eager to impose yourself on the people you meet that you tend to use aggressive body language. While this

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


33 may make people remember who you are, it will also make them remember you for all the wrong reasons. People may even mistake your excessive enthusiasm as a sign of arrogance or insecurity. Mostly “C”: Your body language style is shy and withdrawn, and your body may be saying things you don't really mean to say. You are using your body language, it's just that the gestures and movements you use could be sending out poor signals such as “leave me alone” or “I’m just not interested”. Adopt some new positive body language basics and you should soon be able to communicate more properly and effectively. Mostly “D”: On the Richter scale of body language, your results barely measure a ripple. From the answers you gave, it appears that you are either not aware of the importance of body language, or you are not using it as effectively as you could be.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


34 “Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or that you are a worthless person.” - Anonymous

Tip 7 New: The Confidence Lifestyle Model Old: What Model? Take It One Day At A Time All right. We have now come to Tip 7. Tips 1-6, if followed properly and with discipline will unleash the confidence in you. For some of you, it might even convince you to start behaving confidently too. However, remember that all your efforts will be wasted if you don’t change your behaviour and thought-process to sustain your confidence as a lifestyle. Why? Because the only way to sustain a good habit is to live it. So, how exactly do you monitor and track your progress in becoming more confident? By your achievements, results and the way others react to you. This can be done through THE CONFIDENCE LIFESTYLE MODEL.

Confident ACTION

Confident REACTION

THE CONFIDENCE LIFESTYLE MODEL

Confident THINKING

Confident BEHAVIOUR

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


35

NAME: Benjamin ISSUES: Negativity and pessimism at the workplace OBJECTIVE: To become more confident and optimistic in order to get promoted. Benjamin is a hard-working executive at his workplace and his superiors recognize this. However, they are worried because Benjamin has a bad habit of undermining himself, especially when it comes to recognition and appreciation. His common reaction when complimented on a good job is “Luckily, it didn’t go too badly” or “Something is bound to go wrong, it just didn’t happen this time” and “It was not really my effort as I did not do much”. Benjamin himself acknowledges that he works hard to produce good results but his fear of failure always makes him defensive, worried and not looking forward to getting recognition. As a result, while his superiors are happy with his work, they are doubtful about promoting him to a management position because they worry about how he will handle criticism or mistakes. Recognizing his shortcomings, Benjamin makes a conscious effort to become a more confident and positive person. For Confident Action, Benjamin starts to speak up more on his ideas, claiming credit for the good work that he has achieved and always doing it confidently. Next, in the Confident Thinking section, Benjamin changes his ways of undermining his own abilities. He starts appreciating himself by acknowledging the credit given to him for jobs done well believing that he deserves it. “I am good” and “It feels great to be appreciated by others” are the phrases he uses more often, never once hinting at a negative attitude. Having established Confident Thinking, Benjamin works on improving his Confident Behaviour. He cuts down on the self-berating and uses the positive vibes he gets from acknowledgements and recognition to carry himself in a more confident and self-assured manner. He starts to walk with his chest upright with much more energy while using his hands firmly when he speaks. His superiors notice this and within a few months, offer him a promotion to a management position. And that’s where Benjamin leverages on Confident Reaction. Instead of doubting himself and being reluctant to accept the responsibility like in the past, Benjamin insists that he is the man for the job and will deliver successful results. His superiors are impressed and they grant him the promotion, convinced that Benjamin will excel in the job.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


36 What you’ll find useful with the Confidence Lifestyle model is that it’s constantly revolving and ongoing. From the starting point of Confident Action, you will find that progressing to the next three steps will then keep you in the Confidence Lifestyle model permanently. Best of all, once you’re in the Confidence Lifestyle model you will never step out of it. Observe the following case study, where Benjamin uses the Confidence Lifestyle model to improve his personal confidence. TOP TIP: Aim for Massive Results! – When you live the Confidence Lifestyle Model, massive results should be your aim. Don’t just think “I’m going to use the Confidence Lifestyle Model”. You’ve got to analyze and keep score of your progress and results! You’ve got to LIVE IT! List down the four elements of the Confidence Lifestyle Model and fill it in as you go along. For starters, there are plenty of possible confidence-testing or confidence-shaking situations that you would face at school, at work, or in your relationships. Implement the Confidence Lifestyle Model in those situations to get the right results. Live the Confidence Lifestyle Model and you will THINK, FEEL, ACT and DECIDE more confidently every time.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


37 “The history of the world is full of men who rose to leadership, by sheer force of self-confidence, bravery and tenacity.” – Mahatma Ghandi Tip 8 New: Short Term Success To Sustain Confidence For Long-Term Goals Old: Be Patient - The Most Important Is To Achieve The Long Term Goals In the quest for ultimate confidence, not appreciating or recognizing the progress you are making can result in you getting sidetracked or even quitting. Often times, people quit or abandon their efforts just as they are on the verge of a major breakthrough. Therefore, it’s extremely important that you achieve short term success to stay focused on your long-term goal to achieve significant results. I’m going to teach you how to use short-term success and recognition to help maintain your focus on the goals. Let’s imagine that you’re training for a marathon race in four weeks. You’ve got a clear goal in mind, which obviously is to qualify for the marathon (completing a distance of 10km in 30 minutes or less). Now, let’s take a look at the short term successes that can be achieved in the process of training for the marathon. Your aim is to progress weekly until you can run 10km in under 30 minutes, a feat easier said than done for a non-marathon runner. The plan is to use these 4 weeks to gradually increase your ability from running 2.5km to 10km in under 30 minutes, basically adding 2.5km every week. For those of you who have trained for a marathon before and say that it’s easily achieved, bear in mind that you are starting this process from a fitness level of ABSOLUTELY ZERO. Stage 1) In the first week, you start at the beginner’s stage, where running 1km already tests your endurance. Your goal is to be able to run at least 2.5km in 30 minutes. You struggle a little at first, but after about 5 days, you’re able to run 2.5km in about 25 minutes consistently. Having brought your fitness level up from 0 to 25% in just 5 days, you reward yourself with a small treat (a bar of chocolate at the end of the week), all the while focusing on your long term goal. Stage 2) It’s now the second week and you need to complete 5km in under 30 minutes. Pushing yourself past the 4km mark in under 30 minutes proves challenging and you are only able to do it by the 6th day. You go all out on the 5th day and you have just barely managed to finish 5km in the stipulated 30 minutes. Tired and not particularly satisfied because of how hard it was to reach your shortterm goal, you reward yourself with something minor but practical (a new sweatband). Stage 3) The third week. Now it gets serious. Running 7.5km in under 30 minutes pushes you to your limit and again, you are only able to dip under the 30 minute mark on the final day of the week. You are on the verge of breaking point

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


38 and wonder if you can actually reach the 10km mark in 30 minutes. You don’t really have the time or the energy to celebrate reaching this milestone mark, but you do acknowledge it by enjoying a well-deserved reward of a new, high-quality fabric shirt / top. Stage 4) It’s the final stage of your training and you’re now at your breaking point. You’re able to complete 10km in 30 minutes by the third day, but dipping below 30 minutes almost proves to be beyond you. With a superhuman effort, on the final day of the week you are able to complete 10km in 29 minutes and 30 seconds. You’re absolutely exhausted and your goal of running a marathon is now possible. Satisfied, you reward yourself with a new pair of expensive runner’s shoes to celebrate the fact that you’re now ready to compete in a real marathon! 4th Week (Long Term Goal) 3rd Week Km 2nd Week 1st Week 0

2

4

6

8

10

12

The chart above shows the target distance in km(to be run under 30 minutes) being covered by the runner each week in training for the marathon. 4th Week 3rd Week Difficulty 2nd Week 1st Week 0

2

4

6

8

10

12

The chart above shows the difficulty levels being faced by the runner in reaching the long term goal of running 10km in under 30 minutes. Plan your reward according to the difficulty level and effort needed in each of your short-term goals.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


39 •

Hot Tip: Don’t over celebrate – While it’s nice to celebrate your shortterm successes, do not go overboard when celebrating them. This is because you might end up losing sight of your goal or worse, you could end up being satisfied with short term success only. And if you celebrate all your short term successes with lavish rewards, the reward for reaching your goal will seem mediocre and pointless in the end. Hot Tip: Share Your Success – Remember, it’s always good to share your success with friends. Not only will you feel good about yourself for achieving your goal, but your friends will also feel good for you. On the other hand, do not get disappointed if you encounter any setbacks. Instead, discuss them with your closest friends or family. They will understand how you feel, support you and give you helpful feedback on how to overcome setbacks.

TOP TIP: Reward Yourself Right! We all like earning rewards. Whether we’ve just completed something we’ve always wanted to do or get done, helping someone out or winning a competition, rewards help you to remain happy, motivated and confident. When deciding what to reward yourself with, choose a reward that you really want. The reward system won’t work if you choose a reward that you are not looking forward to receiving. That’s why lucky draws are not rewards, because most of the time the people are not actually looking forward to their “reward”. A good rule to use is that the reward you choose for yourself should always be proportionate to the amount of effort required to achieve the goal. And when you’ve promised to reward yourself, keep that promise. If you put off the reward, you’re also putting off acknowledging how great you are and that will have an impact on your confidence.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


40 "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." --Aristotle (BC 384-322) Greek Philosopher

TIP 9 New: Bend It, Move It, Reverse It But Stick With It! Old: Be Persistent and Stay The Course! There’s a lot of wisdom in the saying “It’s harder to stay at the top than to get there”. Most people find that once they achieve what they set out to do, they get a bit too comfortable, lazy and become complacent. This results in them losing their focus and competitive edge, leaving them in the same position they were in before they became successful. If you’re one of those people, I assure you not to worry because it happens all the time and it’s not difficult to rectify. First of all, congratulate yourself for getting to the top. The fact that you’ve made it where you are is a testament to your extraordinary confidence, ability, dedication and commitment to excellence and perfection. Never forget the effort it took you to get to the top, because that’s what will keep you going whenever things are looking bleak or hopeless. You’ve paid your dues, and you deserve to enjoy the rewards that come with them! Now, let’s focus on what can be done when you’re at the top and starting to feel de-motivated or sluggish. When you’re at the top, it’s easy to tell yourself that you’ve peaked and then proceed to just wander along in your life. What used to be challenging has become easy. Something that you used to look forward to doing now feels boring and meaningless. If you’ve felt like this before, do not worry. You can put an end to it by reminding yourself constantly to remain focused on reaching and achieving the impossible. What I mean by impossible here is something much bigger than I, Me, Myself. For example, being a good CEO is not about you being the head of the company alone. It is much bigger than that. It is about helping people around you to achieve success and confidence that they never imagined was possible. •

Hot Tip: Exaggerate To Stimulate – Sometimes, when you’ve reached the stage where you are doing something well, you will tend to undermine your own efforts. “Oh, it was no big deal!”, “Well, I didn’t really work that hard!” are just some of the countless statements we make in a misguided attempt to humbly acknowledge credit. Come on, you KNOW you’re better than that! You know full well the amount of effort you had to put in, so make sure that you and everybody else are made aware of this! It’s absolutely wrong to downplay effort and it should not happen to a person as successful as you. Instead, make time to exaggerate all those times where you did something really well and tell everyone

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


41 about it. When you value your achievements, you will create a sense of validation and appreciation for yourself. Never take it for granted that what you do well can easily be done by anyone else. TOP TIP: Keep Track of Your Achievements! Please list down three significant achievements that you have done in the past three months: 1) ______________________________________________________________ 2) ______________________________________________________________ 3) ______________________________________________________________ Now, keep this list and use it as a “motivational popup” to remind you of the great things that you have done, can do and will be doing. Never lose sight of this!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


42

"To dream anything that you want to dream. That is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed." --Bernard Edmonds

Tip 10: New: Take a Chance! Old: Play It Safe Confident people are never afraid to take chances. Why? Because confident people are immune to facts and figures. To them, it’s not about odds or probability. It’s all about the feeling of conviction and this enables confident people to take chances without fear of encountering the unknown. First of all, it’s natural for us to overanalyze and think of worst-case scenarios when we’re doing something. For example, if you are about to propose a toast at a wedding, you’d be concerned about trying to sound smart, not being rude, not taking too long and etc. Hey, it’s OK to analyze and plan for worst case scenarios (that’s usually how successful plans are executed, when you take into account every bad thing that could possibly happen). However, when you let the fear, over-analysis and worry overcome you, that is when it becomes a problem. And when you let it prevent you from making a decision, that’s when you need help. •

Hot Tip: “Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?” – This phrase ALWAYS helps to put things into perspective. Of course, if you’re staring down the barrel of a gun or skydiving without a parachute that phrase is not going to help you. Instead, remind yourself “Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?” when you’re faced with a confidence-shaking situation. For example, you’re meeting a client for the first time. You’re thinking to yourself “Oh no, what if I shake his hand wrongly and make a bad impression?” or “What if I say something silly and offend him?” or “What if he just doesn’t like me?” Relax. Calmly ask yourself: “Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Assuming that things don’t go as you planned: a) You make a bad impression on your client b) You offend your client c) Your client doesn’t have a very high opinion of you d) Anything else to add? (Add worst case scenario here ______________________)

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


43

Now, I’m not going to use the clichéd “It’s not a big deal” phrase to illustrate my point. However, I would like to mention that while the above options may result in you not being able to do business with your client anymore(at worst) or awkward, tense conversations when you are dealing with him(at best), in the final scheme of things it’s not as bad as you expected it to be. If your client dumps you, consider it a well-taught lesson on what not to do when meeting potential clients in the future. Think of it as an opportunity for you to make a grand impression on the next client you meet. And if you end up with an awkward or tense business relationship with the client, be grateful that you’re on talking terms. This would be an opportunity to garner feedback from your client regarding what you did wrong the first time you met him. Learn to improve yourself from there. See, that wasn’t so bad now, was it? “Honestly, what’s the worst that could happen?” Top Tip: It’s Exciting To Take Chances! – You’ve probably had plenty of chances come your way but at one point or another, you wondered if it was worth taking the chance. You probably thought to yourself “Oh, the proven success rate of that activity/program/event is only 20%, so that means I have almost no chance of doing well if I give it a try. Odds never lie.” Well, I’ll tell you one thing: Odds never lie, but people are very good at lying to themselves. Don’t deprive yourself of the opportunity to do well just because others have failed. Don’t use half-baked excuses as a reason not to take a chance. Always remember, a small chance, a half chance and even a less than one percent chance are better than no chance at all. Successful, confident people dare to tread where others don’t. Where other people see a high failure rate and a less than minimal chance of success, confident people see an opportunity to learn and to do well. In the grander scheme of things, you must choose to be confident by taking chances.

Are you a risk taker? Tick The Ones That Apply to You. Physical you engage in some chosen activities that knowingly increase statistical risk of injury – usually through one or more of the following: a speeding vehicle, alcohol/drugs, weapons, reckless or aggressive behaviour you take chances in order to prove yourself in daring or extreme “fun” that has no purpose (e.g. crazy “stunts” versus actual skilled sports)

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


44 you have worried certain friends or others who were directly involved with you in a risky situation. you engage in some activity known to have a long-term effect on life expectancy and or quality of life (e.g. binge-eating, performance enhancing drugs, high-risk sex) Emotional you avoid emotional intimacy, “love” or personal commitment in relationships you maintain a shallow, emotionless relationship that offers less to lose than a positive intimacy that risks more to lose if it ends if a relationship gets “too” good, you break it off you are reluctant to really disclose your personal, emotional self you are embarrassed to admit emotions such as “weakness,” or a need for support Career you hold back from presenting or participating in “performance” situations, for fear of embarrassment, judgment, or failure you limit yourself from asking “dumb” questions, risking new ideas or independent opinions in order not to look like a beginner you fear the prospect of success in school or work, concerned with how others might react you feel that nervousness or anxiety often stops you from being more adventurous you don’t know how to utilize your courage in performance situations, even with some anxiety or fear Adventure you engage in a physical activity (sport, outdoor pursuit) that could be dangerous, but you always match any risk or difficulty to your skill level, experience, planning, and equipment you engage in non-physical pursuits that are adventurous or challenging in school, work or social situations you can often get past your nervousness or fear enough to experience its flip side: the positive excitement that comes when you are ready to risk disappointment or embarrassment in order to participate, to learn, to feel challenged you enjoy your developing life too much to risk reducing it with silly or unhealthy risk taking

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


45 you embrace adult worries– a fear of losing good things, close people, high hopes – in preference to a life so cautious that it becomes limiting and empty, lacking in good risk, challenge and adventure

Scoring: There is no “scoring” for this quiz. Instead, it’s meant to provoke selfreflection and inner thoughts on how much risk taking and avoiding influences your confidence levels. a) Obviously, not all risk is bad, and not all risk avoidance is good. If excessive risk can kill, excessive cautiousness can slowly kill the quality of your life. b) An individual may be a risk-taker in one area but overly cautious in another. A rugby player or kickboxer may enjoy risking physical hurt in the sport but may be totally afraid to admit the need for counselling or expressing emotions. c) Risk taking and cautiousness are often heavily influenced by traditional male/female roles and stereotypes. Are you trapped by such perceived roles yourself, or do you dare to risk some independence and be true to yourself? d) People can and do change their patterns of risk and caution with age and maturity. You do not have to embarrass yourself by still pretending to be a teenager if you are a 50-year-old parent. e) If you constantly put yourself in unnecessary physical jeopardy, check to see if you are short on good risk (adventure/challenge) in your life. If you feel alive, active and engaged, you should be just as careful in protecting your life. Consider putting more smart risk and challenges into your personal, social or school life, where you will gain skill, confidence and self-esteem. f) If over cautiousness is limiting your confidence in some areas, consider how you might become more ready to make new efforts – without regret no matter how it goes the first time or on a particular occasion. Once you’re really ready, the transition from courage to risk becomes surprisingly easy and will help you attain ultimate confidence.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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IN CLOSING Be confident – What’s the core message of this book? To be confident. The tips and advice I’ve shared with you, in all honesty are completely useless. Why? Because they’re not going to do anything for YOU. That’s right. It all boils down to YOU now. If YOU don’t make a conscious effort to improve what you do, the way you think, the way you feel and the way you view the world, then ultimate confidence is something you will never achieve by reading any type of book. A gun to your head might do the trick, perhaps but words will definitely not do it. I could end this book with a “Never forget what I’ve told you in this book and remember to practise it everyday. It will change your life!” type of sentence or battle cry but No, that’s all pure, unadulterated bull%#?@. Tell me this, how many self-help books offer you direct access to the author? And by direct access I don’t mean putting you into an email subscription list and sending you updates every week about “Being confident”. By direct access, I mean that you’ll actually be able to TALK TO ME. Anything at all, if it’s related to confidence, motivation or doing well…all you have to do is send me an e-mail and I assure you I will respond. Why? Because I believe that no matter how good you become from reading this book, YOU CAN STILL GET BETTER. When it comes to confidence, I am unbreakable. But when it comes to helping people achieve ultimate confidence, I know that there is no substitute for a hands-on, open approach. I lose nothing if you choose not ask for my help. But if you do, we both will gain from it. Think about that before you put down this book. I thank you for your time, but now it’s time for me to focus my efforts on changing the world with my confidence. What will you be doing?

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


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TAKE ACTION! Ask for guidance from “The Guru of Confidence” himself! Just e-mail ernie@portman.edu.my Or go to www.portman.edu.my to get in touch with other people who’ve embraced Ernie’s world!

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


48 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS It has been an interesting journey writing this book. Only with the help of my life partner and team was I able to regularly surpass the “very good” level and consistently produce the “greatness” level in everything I did. My deepest thanks and appreciation from the bottom of my heart to Carol, for being the most supportive, understanding and loving wife in the whole world. I can confidently say that I would never have had the courage, tenacity and confidence to be where I am today if it wasn’t for you. To my business partners and friends, Ken & Jeremy, for believing in me since the beginning. I would also like to thank my fellow ATCENians, outLOUDers & PORTMANians for their valuable contribution, suggestions and feedback in helping to “give birth” to this book. Without their assistance, suggestions and contributions this book would just be an idea stuck in my head and not in print. Lastly, I would like to thank everyone that has contributed to the making of this book possible. Thank you.

“With confidence, a desire and the belief, anything is possible.”


10 Ultimate Tips For Confidence by Ernie Chen  

Excerpt from the book: Choice 1: You can choose to live without confidence and never realize your true potential OR Choice 2: You can cho...

10 Ultimate Tips For Confidence by Ernie Chen  

Excerpt from the book: Choice 1: You can choose to live without confidence and never realize your true potential OR Choice 2: You can cho...

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