1 EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT Two college age guys, ED and KEVIN, walk up to the door of an apartment. A couple walks up. The man pushes Ed to the side and opens the door for his girlfriend. She smiles and enters. The man nods to the two men and follows after his girlfriend. Ed and Kevin look at each other. Ed gives a confused look. Kevin laughs. KEVIN Guess he’s really desperate. The two laugh then enter the party. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT CONTD College kids loiter the beer pong table. Further into the room is another large herd of 20somethings and they’re talking/ dancing to some 90s alternative rock. Ed and Kevin are handed beers and brought into a group that is talking and laughing. The leader of the group points to a few people in the circle. JOHN Ed, Kevin this is Victoria and Emily. The girls smile at the Ed and Kevin. They pull the girls aside and work their magic. INT. APARTMENT – MORNING Ed and Kevin sneak out of their bedrooms and the apartment. They glad-hand each other on their way out. EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT At the next party, Ed and Kevin arrive late. INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT CONTD They walk in and Kevin notices the couple from last time sitting in a corner alone, talking and enjoying themselves. Kevin elbows Ed and points to the couple in the corner.
KEVIN (Into Ed’s ear) He doesn’t see the entire playing field. Dude doesn’t know what he’s missing. Ed smiles at the joke. He stares at the couple. Kevin pulls Ed into the chaos of the party. The two enter a circle of friends in the same way as last time. JOHN Ed, Kevin this is Angela and Amber. Again, they pull the girls aside. Victoria comes up and taps Ed on the shoulder. Ed turns around. VICTORIA (Angry) Did you get a new phone number? Ed looks at her. It is clear that he doesn’t recognize her. ED No, why? Angela quietly leaves Victoria and Ed. VICTORIA Because I’ve been calling you for the past couple weeks and you haven’t called me back. ED Well what number did I give you? VICTORIA (Quickly) 558-7756. ED Well there must have been some mix up because my number is 558-2794. VICTORIA
3 Why would you lie to me then? ED Look, I don’t know what I may have said to you but we’re not dating or anything. It was just a fun night. Victoria gasps and storms off. Ed turns back to where Angela was. He is surprised to see her gone. Ed sees Kevin getting along great with a new girl. Ed then turns to see the external couple in the corner still talking. He turns back to his left to see Kevin getting close to the other girl. He leaves the party empty handed. INT. ED’S BEDROOM – EARLY MORNING Ed lies wide-awake in his bed. EXT. APARTMENT – NIGHT The next party is louder than the last. It can be heard through the door of the apartment. Ed and Kevin walk up to the door. KEVIN Are you going to mope around like you have been doing all week or are you going to man up and have fun tonight? Ed nods unconvincingly. He steps toward the door. Kevin stops him. KEVIN So you got caught and missed out on one girl. There’s plenty others in there right now waiting for you to sweep them off their feet. A loud cheer goes up from inside. KEVIN See? They’re calling for us. He opens the door. The external couple is in the center of the party. The man rises from one knee and the crowd cheers. KEVIN
4 (Yelling) Now it’s a bachelor party! Drinks are passed around and the night turns into a blur. Kevin is off working a new girl and Ed sits alone in the corner. A girl walks up to him. She is beaming from the excitement of the party. ELIZABETH Weddings just get me so excited. Some people think I’m crazy for being so romantic but I just can’t help it. Ed doesn’t notice her. ELIZABETH (CONTD) It’s like, every girl dreams of meeting a great guy they can relate to. I think The Princess Bride does a great job of showing real love. It appeals to the dream that every girl wants but also has comedic aspects to appeal to the male crowd. Can you believe that Fred Savage is directing now? I mean that was the grandson and little Kevin from Wonder Years! Now he’s directing mature things like It’s Always Sunny and… He perks up and notices the girl. She is gorgeous. ED (Cutting her off) You watch It’s Always Sunny? I love that show! ELIZABETH I know! Dayman… ED (At the same time) A-aahh! ED Hi, I’m Ed. I’m Elizabeth.
ED Like the queen?
ELIZABETH (Sheepishly) Don’t make fun of me! ED Sorry, I didn’t mean to. It’s just…people make fun of me for my name all the time. ELIZABETH For Ed? That seems like such a normal name though. ED Yeah, well not the way my parents say it. They spelled it E-D-U-AR-D. So when they call me it sounds like, “Edwooard.” Elizabeth laughs. ELIZABETH I’m sorry, that was mean of me. But the way you said it… Elizabeth bursts out laughing again. Ed smiles. ED Haha, yeah. I guess it is. Ed loosens up a little. ELIZABETH So do you ride around in a Rolls Royce or something? ED Well if you met my parents you’d see that isn’t far from the truth. They both have PHD’s and basically expect the same from me. ELIZABETH That’s exactly what my parents are like! Well, except mine are engineers who think everyone is a robot. ED That sounds terrible. ELIZABETH Haha, yeah I know. Try telling your first date that your parents didn’t mean anything when they tried converting him from
6 Judaism to Atheism because it’s “merely logical.” ED Geez, that’s brutal. My parents once told me that the girl I was dating had every STD known to man. ELIZABETH Wow. ED Yeah, and the kicker is that she was in the next room and heard every bit of it. Elizabeth gasps at Ed’s remark and stares at him in disbelief with a smirk on her face. Ed makes an exaggerated “yeah, I know” look on his face. Ed turns his attention back to the party. Ed notices Kevin in the corner. Kevin gives him a thumbs up. Ed quickly turns back to Elizabeth so she doesn’t see Kevin. ED So, how come I haven’t seen you here before? ELIZABETH Well I usually don’t go to house parties. ED Oh, too good for us I see. Ed smiles at Elizabeth. ELIZABETH No, I just don’t like hanging out in someone’s dirty apartment. Elizabeth smiles back. ED Haha, touché. He notices the external couple out of the corner of his eye. He watches them. Kevin comes into his view. Kevin is making sophomoric gestures behind a girl’s back. Kevin waits for Ed’s reaction. Ed turns his attention back to the couple. He smiles.
7 He turns to Elizabeth. ED Do you want to grab some coffee tomorrow morning? ELIZABETH (Smiling) Sure. ED What’s your number? ELIZABETH 257-586-8789 Ed gets up. ED (Smiling) Cool. I’ll call you tomorrow. Ed walks toward the door. Kevin grabs him. KEVIN Dude, she’s hot. ED I know man. I think we’re going to grab some coffee tomorrow. Kevin looks at Ed in shock. KEVIN What? Dude, are you getting attached? ED No, I’m just trying to take this one slow. Kevin looks disgusted. KEVIN Slow? What, you’re actually going to keep this one? ED Who knows? Maybe. Kevin laughs. The girl he was talking with taps him on the shoulder.
8 KEVIN Dude, you’re not thinking clearly. You want to be like that guy? Kevin points at the couple in the middle of the party. The girl taps Kevin on the shoulder again. Kevin turns to face her. KEVIN (Upset) What?! GIRL Why are you snapping at me? KEVIN Because you’re tapping me while I’m trying to talk with my friend here. GIRL Well I just wanted you to introduce us is all. This is Ed.
Kevin turns to Ed KEVIN Ed, this is… Kevin turns to the girl. KEVIN (CONTD) What’s your name? The girl rolls her eyes and walks away. ED (Sarcastically) Smooth. Kevin turns to Ed. KEVIN Whatever. I’ll get her back later. If not, who cares. ED Well, good luck with that. I’ll catch ya later.
KEVIN You’re really going through with this? ED Yup. Later bro. Ed leaves the party empty handed but with a smile on his face. Kevin heads back into the chaos of the party. INT. COFFEE SHOP – MORNING Ed waits at a table. He looks around the coffee shop for Elizabeth. She is not there. He quietly sips his coffee. He sends a text message. He sips his coffee. He dials a number. He puts the phone down. Suddenly Ed’s phone rings. He grabs it like a kid diving into a Christmas present. He looks at the phone screen. Ed’s excitement turns to disappointment. He puts the phone to his ear. ED (Mundane) Hi Kevin. KEVIN (V.O.) Dude, you know that girl I met last night? She was a-mAziiing!
ED (Bored) Great. Look I’m meeting Elizabeth. Can we talk later? KEVIN (V.O.)
10 Oh yeah! How is she? She there now? ED (Defeated) No. Not yet. KEVIN (V.O.) See? I told you women were nothing but trouble. ED Yeah, well I’m going to go now in case she calls. KEVIN (V.O.) I don’t think she’s calling man. Ed sighs. KEVIN (V.O.) Hey, want to come to a party tonight? ED I’m good. KEVIN (V.O.) You turning soft on me? ED No, I’m just…look I’m done fucking around. Ed hangs up the phone. Ed looks around then picks his phone back up. He dials a number. The sound of a phone ringing continues. FADE OUT