FOR THE EXPATS...BY THE EXPATS
JULY 2011 No. 85
THE GOOD SHIPjd
THIS MONTH... LOADS! OF NEW STUFF!! MOTORING HEALTH & BEAUTY FOOD WHAT’S ON? MORE JOKES...! PLUS THE OLD STUFF TOO... ANDREA BURNS COMPUTERS &MORE
EXCLUSIVE! DONNA GEE DOES BECKHAM! AN ARTICLE ON
SO WE’RE REALLY STUFFED
GRAN ALACANT - SANTA POLA - LA MARINA - GUARDAMAR - ROJALES CATRAL - ALBATERA - HONDONS - LA ROMANA & PINOSO - HABANERAS
Last month’s cover image...cos i forgot...
The Peñón de Ifach
by Nigel Dodd
...and not eating it
this month 5 ANDREA... GOTTA NEW OFFICE..! 7 LETTERS... say it like it is...
10-11 DONNA DOES BECKHAM... The night they met...
13 DR MACHI... health & beauty...
It’s been a funny old month (starting to sound like Arkwright now...), Prince Harry has announced he’ll be heading back to Afghanistan in a
el and, as advertised, dowsed the flames. That lasted all of two seconds as the (now I know) not wet enough tea towel ignited and added to the
chopper to criticism in the press. The problem is he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t; Prince Edward for example, but his thing is acting anyway and I can imagine him in a bunker as much as I can Graham Norton…although I guess
fuel by dropping into the pan. By now there was only one thing for it as the black smoke was starting to billow out of the window and the dogs were looking at me with something approaching pity, so I grabbed the biggest
you’d hear ‘Roger’ quite a bit…
(clean…) towel I could find, soaked it and dowsed the pan, covering the cooker and most of the worktop too but hey, job done. I scooped up the still smoking pan
I’ve had a row with (Lord) Alan Sugar on Twitter, so my claim to fame this month is disagreeing with a fat bloke. I had a chip pan fire too (that sounds like I arranged it which I truly
(towel included) and put it on the windowsill so that I could start to clear the, by now, smoke-filled flat. What I didn’t account for when I
19 EASY PC?...
didn’t) one of those classic
returned was the drip, drip, drip
moments where I put it on and went on the computer, forgetting about it. A while later the dogs headed for
of burnt cooking oil from the pan… onto my downstairs neighbour’s washing. Expensive lesson learnt mum.
22 BRAIN WORK... puzzles & stuff...
the terrace for some air and
28-29 WHAT’S ON HERE..? looking ahead...
as I turned was full of it was who those chip
around the office smoke. Whoever used to produce pan fire adverts
We’re looking to bring you a new fresher looking Jungle Drums next month with new contributors and writers and an old face coming back
in the 70’s is a saviour be-
to the fold. We’d be interested on
cause I had a flashback to a man with a bad haircut and a colourful jumper wetting a
what you want to see in your Jungle Drums every month? –let us know either via email: ask@thejungle-
33 JD JOKES...
tea towel and calmly laying it over the fire and putting it out. The rest of his
drums.com, on Facebook, Twitter or our website www.thejungledrums.com.
39 BUSINESS DIRECTORY...
family then returned (in tank tops I think) and hailed him the hero. Compare that to me running around, 1. Trying
Finally I must mention that having done a hard, full day’s relaxing I came home to find my son
to find a tea towel (for some reason I was looking for a clean one…) and 2. Deciding whether
had eaten the Jaffa Cakes I had bought and was looking forward to. Now I know that blood is
to dowse the pan…or the cooker hood which had now started to burn nicely too.
thicker than water and all that but we’re talking Jaffa Cakes here folks! I’d appreciate your thoughts on this sensitive matter…
‘avin a larf...
All you need to call...
and much much more
& I went for the pan with the recently discovered tea tow-
Read on and enjoy,
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NEW OFFICE LOCATION
For this month’s edition Dave, the editor, has kindly allowed me this space to present my new office instead of offering you advice. On Monday, 4th of July, I will open my new business premises in the Avenida América, 32 in Gran Alacant. The office is conveniently located a hundred metres from the CAM bank. All contact details, phone numbers and email, will remain the same as before. And there is another course for celebration, the opening coincides with my 20-year business anniversary. During those 20 years I have been rooted in Santa Pola. Many solid and trusting business relationships and a faithfull clientele have formed over the years.
SPANISH WILLS PLANNING PERMISSIONS CHANGE-OVER UTILITY BILLS
I would like to use this opportunity to thank those for their confidence that have placed their business in my hands. If you need my services as your fiscal representative, for the annual presentation of the non-residents’ taxes or capital gains tax declarations or for Spanish Wills or Inheritances, I WELCOME YOU TO MY OFFICE.
NOTARY DEEDS PRIVATE SALES CONTRACTS FISCAL REPRESENTATION CAPITAL GAINS TAX NON-RESIDENTS' INCOME TAX N.I.E. NUMBERS RESIDENCE CERTIFICATES CONVEYANCING POWER OF ATTORNEY Avenida América, 32 GRAN ALACANT 96 669 7824 or 639 608 969 ANDREABURNS@ORANGE.ES ‘SINCE 1991’ 5
Your Letter JUST MARRIED
Two weeks later the
The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room
woman comes back to the
and the groom decides to let the bride know
doctor looking fresh and
where she stands right from the start of the
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He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw
Woman: “Doctor, that
them at her. He says, “Put those on.”
was a brilliant idea. Every
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always
time my husband came home drunk, I swished
Do you know of any Yoga classes in Gran Alacant, Altet with sweet El tea. I swished wear the pants in the family!” or near that I could attend? There are classes in Santa Pola and swished, and he didn’t The bride takes off her knickers and throws but I would prefer something more local. Iftouch not i know of a them at himwho with wants the same “Try thosein English, if you think teacher torequest, start a class me!” on!” there would be sufficient interest. Thank youcan’t for get your He replies,”I intohelp your knickers!” Doctor: “You see how Paulene Loveridge “And you never bloody will if you don’t change much keeping your mouth Come on folks let us know at: your attitude.” shut helps?” firstname.lastname@example.org
CAR PARK SCAM
LAND FOR SALE Bahia Dunas, La Marina. • • • • • •
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On Thursday, 22nd June, Joan Mitchell had her handbag stolen from her car by a simple scam. A man pulled his car up directly behind her parked car in front of the Deutche Bank so she could not back out. He was waving a map at her. She went to his car leaving her car unlocked. He said he wanted to go to the airport. While she was speaking to him another man stole her handbag from inside her car. Today, Friday 23rd June, a similar thing happened to me with a few differences. A man in a car pulled up so I could not back out but my car was locked with me still outside it. Again the man asked for directions to the airport so I said he needed to go back to the main road. As I spoke to him another man approached and asked what the first man wanted (still keeping my car locked). When I told him he just said “Oh” and walked away. # Meanwhile I noted the car registration number, 4485 HDJ which has been passed on to the police. Both these incidents happened in Los Alcazares but it could have been anywhere. Elaine Dale, president of HELP MURCIA MAR MENOR Thanks Elaine and thanks for all the good work you do. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Let us and our readers know at: email@example.com
225.000€ Call 650 694 949 for more info. 6
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firstname.lastname@example.org UP A CREEK IN EL GALAN
No such thing if you live in El Galan, otherwise known as Las Filipinas. We as a combined urbanisation have to endure buying vast amounts of water every single week, because of the disgusting water situation. Not only for drinking, but also for cooking and a lot of us have to also buy it to rinse our hair with after showering. Why? you might ask. I for one have to go regularly to my local health centre and get prescription shampoo because of scabs forming on my hairline; this has been put down to the nitrates in the water. When I return to the UK after a few days they subside. This again is costing our NHS more money to pay for these prescriptions, which wouldn’t be necessary if the water was decent. I was only reading today in another newspaper that the EC have warned Spain about the San Miguel water. Is anything really being done? I wonder sometimes, despite all the so called promises. Every day the residents of my community, that I am President of ask the question “Do you know any more about when we are going to get decent water”. I even ask myself the question, and feel rather disillusioned now. Since the elections we have heard nothing, but through the meetings held we have been given to understand that now that the new council have been declared that Phase 1 is due to start anytime. Right. There are times when I wonder what is going to happen. I have been here in Spain for seven years and been hearing all this for the last four. When we viewed the area so many promises have not come to fruition, even though the estate agents declared that this that and the other would be done. Has it Hell. We were told we would have a landscaped garden built in front of our area, and what have we got. Weeds, plenty of them, trees that are far too high, a football pitch that young juveniles play on swearing their heads off, and past that plenty more weeds. At times I have been told rats as well. As far as the service we have received from ERNA over the last seven years, well high rental of the water meters, high water costs, and even to get a proper bill, you now have to take your own reading into the office and then get charged. I know ERNA quite well, because I periodically get all my owners to read their own meter and take that reading into ERNA for a fair bill. Carol. Is anyone else having these problems in EL Galan (or elsewhere for that matter)? Let us know here at Jungle Drums and we’ll print the best letters. Send all correspondence to: email@example.com
WELL-PAMPERED! With reference to Donna Gee’s article last month (DOGS IN TOGS) what’s wrong with Gucci being all dolled up to kill. I have three Yorkshire Terriers, two of whom are show dogs. Believe me when they go to a dog show here in Spain they are truly pampered. They are bathed in the best shampoo, the best conditioner, dried with the best hair dryer, and at the show to give their coats the best appearance for the judges their coats are straightened to perfection with the best straighteners. A coat is a dog’s best friend, and if you have got it flaunt it, that is what I say. The same as I have done for nearly 25 years, both in UK and here. Go Gucci, GO. Carol Sear Donna Gee replies: Dog Pampering is a great idea. Stick ‘em all in Pampers and the streets would be a lot cleaner.
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
INTRODUCTIONS By Malcolm Palmer – FOR AND AGAINST Let me put my cards firmly on the table – in
everywhere, just about everything in New
general, I’m against introductions, and for
Zealand, where nearly all the native birds
re-introductions, of species which have, for
have been wiped out, Starlings in North
some reason, become locally extinct.
America, Ruddy Ducks, Grey Squirrels
Introductions have a rotten history, don’t
and Canada Geese in Britain, Ring-necked
they? If you’re in doubt, here are a few
Parakeets in a whole lot of places – I could
instances: Rabbits in Australia, Rats almost
Crested Tit - Luis But there could be a case for selective
were over 200 bears in the Catalan Pyrenees
introduction, of insectivorous species,
around 1900, reduced to almost nil a hundred
say, where non-native trees have been
years later) Of course, the answer is better
planted – as an example, you could intro-
protection in the shape of dogs, electric fences
duce Crested Tits in pine plantations in
around the bee-hives (bears rather like honey,
eastern England, and they’d probably do
too – ask Pooh) and indemnification for stock-
no damage. You may alsoo think it would
losses, more than compensated by ‘green
be a clever idea to introduce insectivo-
tourism’ in these enlightened days.
rous warblers into imported forests of Bald Ibis
Sitka spruce in Scotland. Not really, be-
The Bald Ibis should meet no opposition from
cause, like the Canada Geese, they have
anyone. This earthworm-eating rarity was
migratory tendencies, and where they
down to 112 breeding pairs in Morocco, plus
will choose to go outside the breeding
a few odd non-breeders sculling around a re-
season is anybody’s guess.
mote part of Syria. Once found in Andalucía, a project has been under way since 2003, aimed
But re-introductions – now there’s a whole
at reintroducing a population to a Ministry of
different ball-game. Having said which, there
Defence site in Cádiz Province. This year’s
will always be dissenting voices. In the Pyr-
count is twelve nests, in eight of which eggs
enees, where Brown Bears are slowly being
had already been laid at the time of writing,
reintroduced, using stock from the healthy
ands the whole flock flies across the bay daily
Slovenian population, stock-farmers have
to feed on the short grass of golf-courses in
said, ‘Our grandfathers, and their grandfa-
thers, fought for years to rid our forests and hillsides of this menace to our livelihood – and
Natural increases by birds such as the Spanish
now you’re bringing them back again!’ (there
Imperial Eagle and the Lammergeier are given a certain amount of help by additions from captive-bred populations, and the provision of extra food in the form of rabbits. The superrare Lynx is another beneficiary of this last action. The 2007 ‘plague’ of voles in Castilla y Leon makes another case for a little human help – this time in the form of nest-boxes, which are being provided at strategic points for the use of Kestrels and Barn Owls – they will certainly help to keep the voles under control, and cause much less problem than poisons, traps, and suchlike. What I think I am trying to say, as ever, is that what needs to be done, is study, study and more study, before any action is taken.
DRU E L G N U J W O N D N A R EX-DAILY STA ‘INTE R E H F O S L L E T E E G ER DONNA NE WITH O L A G IN E B F O E C N EXPERIE OME MEN. S D N A H T S O M S D L R O THE W
SHOWING IT WAS one of those nights. A charity spectacular involving everyone who is anyone in North-West sport. When it comes to fundraising for sick and terminally ill children, there are no bigger supporters than the celebrity world. So the presence of international heroes like Alex Ferguson (pre-knighthood and BBC fallout), cricket’s Freddie Flintoff and David Beckham, was no surprise. In all, 30 celebs were due to mingle with the 300 paying guests in a spectacular evening based on the popular TV programme A Question of Sport. And 29 turned up on schedule at the welcoming desk in the reception area of the plush Ramada Hotel. As a member of the committee’s reception
team, my role had been to meet and greet the big names and escort them upstairs in the lift to the main event. But as the other celebs were introduced to their already halfsozzled tablemates upstairs and the main festivities began, poor Becks was conspicuous by his absence. And my meetand-greet companion Bernard wasn’t hanging around for him. ‘’He’s obviously not coming,’’ he said. ‘’I’m going upstairs - you can wait for him if you want.’’ Perfecto! This was primarily a blokey sort of do and, apart from wanting to see Posh’s fella close up, I felt a lot happier in a less beery environment. ‘‘I’ll give him another few minutes,’’ I said, looking at my
watch and realising that the Manchester United midfielder was extremely unlikely to turn up now. For the next few minutes, I stood there people-watching – and wondering what I would say if Becks actually did show up. Then it happened. There was no dramatic entrance. In fact, it was extremely hesitant. In fact, he looked distinctly shy and embarrassed as he came through the main entrance of the hotel. I made a beeline for the Old Trafford hero, who looked in dire need of a relax-ative. ‘‘Hi David,’’ I said. ‘‘I’m here to…’’ I never got to complete the sentence because something else
was on his mind. ‘‘’How do I get to the hotel car park?’’ he asked edgily. ‘‘Where’s your car?’’I said. ‘’Out there,’’ he replied, pointing vaguely in the direction of Blackfriars Street. Well, I hardly expected it to be in Birmingham. ‘’You just go up to the lights and turn left,’’ I said. ‘’The entrance is 100 yards down on the left. You can’t miss it.’’ I could see the message hadn’t gone in. Bending a ball into a net from 35 yards was clearly a much simpler challenge than bending a car around a corner from not much further. But his confusion didn’t surprise me because this was in the days when ‘y’know’ constituted roughly 60 per cent of
UMS WRITERESTING’ H ONE OF ..Y’KNOW..
E RIGHT WAY... the total Beckham vocabulary. ‘‘No problem, I’ll come with you,’’ I said, heading for the exit door with England’s most fanciable footballer in tow, clearly relieved that he wouldn’t have to use his brain. Gleaming at us from across the road was a luxurious BMW sport car (OK, it could possibly have been something else; I’m no expert on cars. And it was a decade or more ago). The whole scenario was surreal. There was I with the opportunity to land a world exclusive about anything I could get the great man to talk about. And to make the job easier, he didn’t even know I was a journalist. The first
problem as we headed for the lights, which were fully 80 yards from the hotel, is that I had no idea what to ask him. Also, he was highly reluctant (or perhaps incapable at that time) of amalgamating two syllables into a single word. As we waited for the lights to change, there followed a yesno interlude interspersed with inane question from Ms. No Idea What To Ask. I don’t recall my conversation during the few minutes – but I remember every word he said to me. Both of them. And he used them perhaps a dozen times. Before you could say ‘y’know’, we were at the entrance to the underground car park, to be
met by a barrier and a keycard machine. ‘’I’ll get the barrier raised for you,’’ I said, leaping (or was it lumbering?) out of the car and heading nowhere in particular. Where’s the lift up to reception?’’ I wondered, looking back in the gloom at Beckham sitting at the wheel of his BMW. Somewhere in the darkness, a door opened and a white apron and hat emerged from the kitchen area. With a man inside them. ‘’Can I help?’’ asked the chef as he lit his cigarette, trumping Beckham’s maximum array of continuous words in
a single spurt. ‘’Uhh, how do I get the barrier raised?’’ I asked, immediately playing my trump card with a triumphant ‘David Beckham is trying to get in.’’ ‘‘DAVID BECKHAM?’’ ‘’Yes. That’s him there,’’ I said, pointing to the BMW with the entire catering staff (who had appeared from nowhere) following my finger. The barrier went up as if by magic and Becks purred into an empty space, to the sound of a collective round of applause from the assembled Red and Blue whites. And the only story I got was this one.
& BEAUTY Health WAYS TO BOOST YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM
Drink Tomato Juice for Healthy Bones
with Dr. Machi
Why do some people catch everything, and others are never sick and always full of energy? According to medical experts, the strength of the immune system is what makes the difference between who gets sick and who doesn’t. But is there anything you can do to strengthen your immune system? Scientists say yes, and the answer lies in understanding the way the immune system works and the effect our lifestyle has on it. The immune system is a balanced network of cells and organs working together to defend the body against diseases by blocking foreign proteins from getting into your body. If some proteins manage to sneak in, the body then deploys a host of additional immune cells called antibodies designed to hunt and eliminate the foreign proteins. Antibodies are proteins which tell the difference between normal body cells and foreign bodies, thereby giving us protection against colds, flu, and even catastrophic diseases such as heart disease and cancer. In addition to antibodies, the body also produces immune cells known as ‘helper’ or ‘killer’ cells. These immune cells help our body create memory of past defence against disease. This mechanism is the biology behind vaccines such as measles or chickenpox. Our body’s capacity to protect itself from the onslaught of foreign bodies such as bacteria, viruses and toxins can be enhanced or weakened by a number of factors. Poor diet, continual stress, sleeping problems, lack of exercise and environmental poisons, all contribute to the inability of the immune system to protect us. Fortunately by achieving a lifestyle balance and adopting the fundamentals of healthy living, we can give the immune system what it needs for optimal functioning. STRATEGIES TO ADOPT Healthy eating: Many immune-boosting nutrients are found in fresh fruits and vegetables. Studies have shown certain nutrients (and therefore foods) to be very good for the immune system. These include Vitamin C (citrus fruits, berries, and green leafy vegetables), Vitamin E (nut and seed oils, cereals, sweet potatoes), Vitamin D (sunlight, tuna and sardines), Zinc (seafood, Brazil nuts and pumpkin seeds), Selenium (Brazil nuts, cod, whole grains). Other foods include garlic, carrots and yoghurt. Regular exercise: exercise contributes to general good health and therefore a healthy immune system by promoting good circulation, which allows immune cells to flow freely and work efficiently. Adequate sleep: Healthy sleep allows the body to release a significant amount of growth hormone and other immune enhancing substances which boosts the immune system. Stress reduction: Psychological stress affects the immune system by disrupting communication between the nervous system, hormonal system and the immune system. These three systems communicate by chemical messages, and must work in close connection to be effective. Meditation, yoga and exercises all help reduce stress levels. Listening to music: Very difficult to believe, but studies have shown that 30minutes of listening to appropriate music increases the levels of antibodies in the body. This increased level persisted even after the music was stopped, suggesting a long term benefit! Contact Machi at contact@ mindspa.es www.mindspa.es
Milk’s not the only drink that builds healthy bones. According to new research published in the journal Osteoporosis International, drinking tomato juice reduces the risk of osteoporosis too. Is sipping tomato juice twice a day the key to healthy bones? Tomatoes and tomato juice are a rich source of natural plant compounds called lycopenes. This member of the carotenoid family of phytonutrients has already been recognized for its health benefits. Lycopenes in tomatoes may lower the risk of heart disease, and some studies show they prevent prostate cancer — although recent studies have called this into question. Nevertheless, lycopenes are a good source of cell-protective antioxidants — and tomato juice is one of the best sources of lycopene around.
The Power of Lycopenes in Tomatoes When researchers gave sixty post-menopausal women tomato juice, a lycopene supplement, a combination of the two, or a placebo for four months, they made some interesting observations. The women who received the lycopene supplement, the tomato juice, or a combination of the two had significant increases in the amount of lycopene in their blood. This isn’t surprising since the women were drinking tomato juice or taking a lycopene supplement. What’s more interesting is the women who drank tomato juice or took the lycopene in supplement form had lower markers for bone breakdown in their blood as well as greater antioxidant capacity. These factors are both important for healthy bones and for reducing the risk of osteoporosis. Prior to giving them lycopene supplements or tomato juice, the women were asked to avoid eating any tomato products for thirty days. During this time, they found a chemical in their blood stream that serves as a marker for bone breakdown — more evidence that lycopene is important for healthy bones. Lycopenes in Tomatoes: How Much Do You Need for Healthy Bones? According to this study, drinking two glasses of tomato juice a day can improve bone health and reduce the risk of osteoporosis. What about eating raw tomatoes? This wouldn’t necessarily have the same benefit. Lycopene are most readily absorbed when they’re processed, so tomato juice, tomato sauce and ketchup are better sources than raw tomatoes. Drink Tomato Juice for Healthy Bones: The Bottom Line? Don’t give up milk. It has the calcium the body needs to build stronger bones, but add more lycopenes to your diet by drinking tomato juice too. Give your bones the nutrients they need to keep you standing tall for a lifetime.
contact us on firstname.lastname@example.org
PERFORMANCE & DIESEL CENTRE OPENING SOON! New branch in SANTA POLA
Motor Engineers of Guardamar
JAGUAR All makes, petrol and diesel, Serviced and Repaired The Diesel Centre specialises in mechanical and engine repairs from routine servicing to repairing manual gear boxes, alternators, starter motors, Re-building complete engines, also up to date diagnostic fault finding, Head gaskets, timing belts, clutches, brakes, welding and air con. We also carry out pre-ITV inspections and take cars for the actual ITV tests. Mark, the owner, has more than 20 years experience as a mechanic, and colleague Steve, is a Ford trained Master Technician (which is the highest standard awarded to any technician in Europe), so you can be assured you are being served by the best. The Centreâ€™s reputation is built on expertise and quality of service, and many of its customers are referred by word of mouth recommendations.
The centre opens weekdays from 9am to 6pm (no Siesta) Saturday mornings 9am to 1pm.
Find us at C/Ferrers 90, Poligono Ind. Santa Ana, Guardamar del Segura Or for a friendly chat or any advice you may need, please do not hesitate to give us a call on:
96 610 7606 or 647 162 821
your local magâ€™ online and FREE!! - www.thejungledrums.com
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& Wine FOOD
FANCY A TIPPLE?
Good value Spanish wines to sample...
SEAFOOD & eat it!
Looking forward to trying the traditional food on your holiday to Spain? Want to know what food you should try when you are in Spain? Read our information on the delicious food Spain has to offer. Traditional Food in Spain In comparison to the food in neighbouring European countries, the food in Spain is quite simple. Food is cooked in Spain using only a few spices; however, garlic is the exception to this rule as it is found in abundance in most food in Spain. Despite the simple ingredients and recipes for food in Spain, one will be pleased to know that eating food in Spain is a communal and hearty affair with food portions in Spain being quite large.
Staple Traditional food in Spain The food in Spain varies to a degree between different regions, with each region of Spain having its own special food. Wherever you go in Spain though, you will find a few staple foods on every table in Spain. People in Spain like to eat their food with bread, often dipped in lovely olive oil produced in Spain. Visitors to Spain will also find that cured ham is an extremely popular food and in every town one will find this food often hanging from the ceilings of delicatessens throughout Spain.
Traditional Sea food in Spain Spain has a long shoreline and a history of fishing for sea food. Popular types of sea food in Spain include anchovies,
tuna, sardines and cod. Anchovies are a common food in Spain often found in salads or other dishes, while the cod eaten in Spain is often dried and salted and is a main feature in the food of the Basque region in Northern Spain. Lovers of sea food will be pleased to know that no matter where you are in Spain you can almost always get fresh sea food often caught the same day in the waters off the coast of Spain.
Traditional Finger food in Spain Finger food is a prominent feature in Spain and an integral part of socialising the Spanish way. Finger food, or tapas as it is known in Spain, can be anything that is served as a finger food usually in a small bowl. This finger food can be anything from cheese & ham to olives and is usually eaten at the same time as drinking at a tapas bar. The finger food is usually left out on bars and people in Spain will nibble away while drinking and socialising at the bar.
Casa Castillo 1998 Jumilla Monastrell (€7.99)
Monastrell is Spanish for Mourvèdre, a grape that the Spanish also, confusingly, sometimes call Mataro; Jumilla is a wine region in the mountains above the Mediterranean coast, above Alicante and southwest of Valencia. Dark garnet with a reddish glint, the wine shows red fruit and earthy, barky notes that I associate with Mourvèdre;. Full cherry-berry fruit flavors, more open than the nose, show good acidic structure and deep complexity that evolves with time in the glass. Very fine wine! U.S. importer: Cutting Edge Selections, Cincinnati. (Nov. 9, 1999)
Bodegas Solar de Urbezo 1998 Viña Urbezo Cariñena (€6.99)
From Cariñena, northeast of Madrid and not far from the Ebro river downstream from Rioja, this blend of 70% Cabernet Sauvignon and 30% Tempranillo offers pleasant blackberry-jam aromas. Juicy and ripe, almost slightly sweet, it shows sufficient acidity for balance but seems vinified for mass-market appeal more than complexity or structure. Not a bad quaffing wine but far from memorable. U.S. importer: Cutting Edge Selections, Cincinnati. (Nov. 9, 1999) FOOD MATCH: Both wines matched nicely with a risotto of prosciutto and chopped spinach.
The Top 10 Signs You’re A Lousy Cook: 10. Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren 9. Your kids know what “peas porridge in a pot nine days old” tastes like. 8. Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him. 7. Your kids favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer. 6. You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle. 5. Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner. 4. Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags. 3. Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer. 2. No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple. 1. You burned the house down trying to make jelly. lifetime.
Traditional lunch & dinner food in Spain
Lunch is the main meal of the day in Spain involving the most copious amounts of food being consumed. Food can often be served in three or more courses for lunch in Spain, often with soup or stew as a starter. People in Spain eat lunch quite late in the day, often from 2pm onwards and the plentiful amount of food that is consumed at lunchtime in Spain means that this is often a 2 hour affair followed by a siesta. The food eaten for dinner in Spain is often the same as that served at lunch although probably lighter.
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“for all your home and business computer needs”
“BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca. We aim to provide high “quality computer services at realisrealis tic prices - we specialise in providing services to small businesses and home users”
Broadband Setup New Computers & Laptops in English Repairs & Upgrades Compatible Ink Cartridges Phone Calls Using Your PC
Welcome to this month’s computer article written by Richard from BlueMoon Solutions Over the past few months Microsoft have been offering all of its Windows users (you guys) an optional upgrade as part of the Windows Updates programme. Most of you will have seen a message offering to upgrade your computer to include Internet Explorer 9 at some point over the past few months. So this month and next I thought we would talk about what web browsers are, why there are so many and what is new in Internet Explorer 9 and whether you should bother downloading it. I guess the first thing to cover off is that if you
Mozilla Firefox is a much better alternative and
haven’t seen this message on your computer and
quickly install that).
are sitting reading this thinking “what is Richard going on about?” then it’s likely that you are not
According to Wikipedia (the online encyclopedia),
receiving Windows updates and you should there-
currently 43.5% of people use Internet Explorer,
fore check to ensure that your computer is up to
29.7% of people use Firefox, 16.8% of people
date with at least the critical updates as if it is not
use Google Chrome and 7.3% of people use Sa-
then your computer security could be effected.
fari. In reality it really makes very little difference
You can do this by clicking on the “start button” in
which web browser you use, most websites will
Windows Vista or Windows 7, then clicking “Con“Con
work just fine with all of the web browsers I have
trol Panel”, then “System and Security” and finally
mentioned, so I guess the best advice I can give
Those of you (and I know
is that if you are not happy with or are having
there are many) that are still using Windows XP
trouble with your web browser you should down-
Web Browsers... PC and Server Health Checks Macro Writing Microsoft Office Training
are going to lose out I’m afraid as
load one of the alternatives (they are all free),
Internet Explorer 9 is not available
try it and use it, if you like it then you should
for your operating system.
use it. As I mentioned before, if you have a Windows computer then you will automatical-
You should regularly check that
ly be offered any updated version of Internet
your computer has all the neces-
Explorer that comes available (as long as you
sary updates, Microsoft categorise
are keeping up to date with your Windows up-
Web and Email Hosting
which case you should install the update as it
then you can get it from www.mozilla.com, or if
plugs a potential security hole in your system, or
you would prefer to try Google Chrome then you
“optional” – in which case you can choose whether
can download it from www.google.com/chrome
Network & Wireless Setup
you think you would find the update useful or not
and if you really want to try Safari then you can
and install it accordingly. If you are ever unsure
find it at www.apple.com/safari although I would
Anti-Virus & Security
then you should give your computer guy a call
advise you to look at the other alternatives first.
Windows Server Configuration
No Call Out Fee No Job Too Small
Email or phone us for friendly help and advice
updates as either “important” – in
dates). If you would like to download Firefox
and he should be able to advise you accordingly. Next month we look at Internet Explorer 9 in Now – back to web browsers and Internet Ex-
plorer 9. Firstly some of you may be asking what on earth is a web browser so let’s cover this off
Dont forget that you can see all of our articles
first; a web browser is any program that will
on our website at www.bluemoonsolutions.es/
enable you to view pages stored on the “world
articles - you can also sign up to our newsletter
wide web” – the Internet. There are a number
service from our website to keep up to date with
of web browsers available, the most commonly
our news and services.
American software company called Microsoft),
mobile: 655 044 970
native to Microsoft’s Internet Explorer), Google
used ones are Internet Explorer (made by a small Mozilla Firefox (an excellent and popular alterChrome (the clue’s in the name!) and Safari (this
Office: 902 906 200
is the web browser that ships with Apple comput-
ers, however most people generally accept that
NO HIDDEN EXTRAS
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THERE IS ONLY ONE NAME IN SANTA POLA
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(off N-332 between Torrevieja & Santa Pola)
From Gran Alacant: take the N332 to the La Marina Urbanisation. Look for a major left turning into the main street lined with bars etc. After Supervalu turn right, continue until you find bars and dentist on your left
1. Port 5. Interval 9. Hooded creature 14. The Segway has one 15. Tower town 16. Use 17. Swedish ___ 19. Anvil Chorus composer 20. Backseat feature, maybe 21. Kitchen worker’s headgear 23. Whistle blower? 24. Island, beverage, and computer language 25. Creed 28. Astray 33. Sound of 9 Across 36. Mythological ferryman 38. Buck ender 39. Irish ___ 41. English ___ 43. Leeds’ river 44. Tennis player, Roscoe 46. ___ Moines 47. Team’s luck bringer 49. Part of a stair 51. ___ Linda, CA 53. Planted 57. Go gaga over, in Great Britain 61. Type of reaction 63. Israeli desert 64. Swiss ___ 66. Russian ballet great, Diaghilev 67. Fossil fuel 68. The 24th and 31st 69. Lock 70. Turkish title 71. Hideouts
1. Buddhist priests 2. Wield 3. Sweetheart, symbolically 4. Foursome 5. Things with springs 6. Medieval combat 7. Immigrant’s course 8. Ottoman ruler 9. Russian ___ 10. Done 11. Animal house? 12. Do dressage 13. Dismounted 18. Treat with contempt 22. Park and 5th 24. Preserve, in a way 26. Certain urban areas 27. Yucatan settler 29. Ump 30. Anti-perspirant brand 31. What the fourth little piggy got 32. Chuck 33. Took a dip 34. Sunni counterpart 35. Titles of knighthood 37. Dodge model, once 40. Word on a wine bottle 42. Mural 45. Org. for Heston 48. Spanish ___ 50. Oats, often 52. Pilgrim’s destination 54. Make a mat 55. Consumed 56. Prepare game 57. Tech. coll. 58. Tractor company symbol 59. Grimm character 60. Endurance, slangily 61. Big boat builder 62. Westwood campus 65. Be greedy
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1 4 2
1. See 1 across 2. Ore. neighbor 3. Novelist Leo 4. __ Down 5. Start of a famous palindrome 6. Singer Shannon 7. Pattern for Rorschach 8. Roundish 9. Cobbler’s inventory 10. Good baseball action? 11. Not as thick 12. Major record label 13. “Owner of a Lonely Heart” group 18. Openers 22. Approves 23. High school subj. 24. A rainbow, for example 25. Son of Aphrodite 27. Overhead item 28. Newspaper VIPs 30. Terra __ 31. Louis or Paul 36. Bald, in a way 37. Delayed reaction? 38. Desire 39. It could be inflated 40. Hob__ 41. Early riser 42. __ Boys 43. Hoodwink 44. Canadian prov. 45. Aliens, briefly 48. Come down with 49. Sudden blow 51. Japanese wines 55. Cincinatti players 56. Give out 57. ‘Brown’ company 58. Stroke 60. Co. in Armonk, NY 61. Day or night opening 62. Huguenot’s H2O
1. With 1 down, chocolate bar 4. Arroyo in Arabia 8. Fishhawk 14. Kerfuffle 15. Verily 16. Light sleeper’s complaint 17. Evasive language? 19. Morissette 20. Spotted 21. Henry’s Ann 23. Half man, half goat 25. Wapiti 26. Season 29. Betray? 32. Gasoline additive, once 33. Frosted 34. Jeer 35. Sergeant __ 37. Small birds 38. Sinewy 39. Thrown into ecstacy 42. Nemesis 43. Name on a specimen 46. Yucky stuff 47. Mole? 50. Woodwinds 52. Opposite of fast 53. Flues 54. Some are false 56. Otherwise 57. Comprehension 59. Quick march? 63. Stole a glance 64. Sacred bird of Egypt 65. __ Dolorosa 66. Emphasize 67. Ambulance crew 68. URL ending, maybe
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2011 VOTE NOW
Gran Alacant has some of the best restaurants on the Costa Blanca area so this year Alicante Holiday Villas, who have been providing quality holiday accommodation in Gran Alacant since 2003, are proud to sponsor this years Gran Alacant Restaurant Awards.
Vote for you three favourite restaurants Vote for your favorite breakfast venue
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WHAT’S ON IN JULY! jUNGLE dRUMS
Country music Nostalgia tour in aid of HAH (Help at Home) Costa Blanca
dience will just love these shows so we advise people to book early at their chosen venue”.
Country Music fans out there are in for a huge treat in July as Jukebox Promotions launch their next fund raising tour for HAH (Help at Home) Costa Blanca. This tour covers six venues and features two of the great Country music acts to work in the Costas. Stetsons & petticoats are fabulous and they are two performers who have a wealth of experience in Country music. Christine King is widely recognised as one of the best female Country vocalists and Red Strokes has had standing ovations at all of the King & Country shows he has appeared in locally. Together, they will portray the music of Dolly Parton, Garth Brooks, Shania Twain, Dwight Yokham (with costumes) and others. They will be supported by the fantastic Jukebox Legends Country who have become one of the most popular acts in Spain. Fiona McLean (of Jukebox Legends) is a fantastic vocalist and she will portray the music of Tammy Wynette, Patsy Cline and many others whilst Peter will perform Jim Reeves, Johnny cash, Don Gibson and more as the whole show takes you through 50 years of “Country at the top” and a lot of fun!
Tour dates in July are:
So, Country music fans out there - Get ready to a great time and book tickets for these events as soon as you can. Peter Day from Jukebox Promotions says “Our Country events are always very popular and whenever we have Red Strokes with us, it’s a great night and tickets sell very fast. Having Christine with us as well, we know that the au
Jukebox Promotions are Patrons of HAH (Help at Home) Costa Blanca and as with all of their tours, this one will be fund raising for this fantastic charity. Once again, the very popular “Will the key turn” competition will offer the audience the opportunity to win 50 Euros at each show
Wednesday 13th - Asturias, N332, Punta Prima Thursday 14th - Los Arcos (la Rustika), Avd Beleares, Torrevieja Tuesday 19th - The Lounge Bar, Torrevieja Thursday 21st - Rocajuna, Punta Prima Wednesday 27th - The Club, Quesada Sunday 31st - The Rendezvous, Campoamor (near the Mercadona) Show tickets are just 7.50 Euros and there is a special offer to anyone arranging a block booking of 10 tickets or more as you get 2 extra FREE (10 Euros for The Rendezvous but includes a FREE buffet). Shows start at 8-30pm and end at 11-30pm and all venues offer a pre show meal deal at a very rate (optional) Tickets available now at all listed venues - Ticket helpline 695135134 or see www. jukeboxpromotions.co.uk<http://www.jukeboxpromotions.co.uk/> for more info
Tipples and Tapas at Magica Gourmet!
Some CW members and committee actually took some time out of their busy schedules and had a great evening at Magica Gourmet with David Fanailou in Benijofar: wine tasting, eating tapas and of course learning a bit about vino instead of just drinking it. We also learnt a bit more about some of the women who attended – Karen (Postroom Benojofar, and our fabulous Vice President) can smell red wine being opened from 30 paces and Sandi (Heatwave Promotions) has the urge to eat raw meat whenever she drinks it!! Karen’s sense of smell sharpens as David heads off to open a new bottle! We were not quite up to the Jilly Goolden level with her outrageous abstract descriptions, but we did get as far as ‘petrol’ for one particular glass from Geraldine, (Head to Toe) who subsequently came away with a box of the same named The Rascal! David was a wonderful host, his passion for wine clearly showed through, he really knows his stuff! David has also kindly offered CW members a corporate membership to the wine club. Around every 6 weeks he hosts an evening of tasting and tapas where he shares his latest wine discoveries from his travels! He also organises wine tastings at various vineyards usually on Sundays, that include tapas, music, lots of tastings and transport! To join as a group 2 of our members can go to any event and we all receive 10% discount in the shop. Don’t be put off visiting the wine shop thinking it’s expensive, I bought some gorgeous wine for just 5 euros a bottle and also 2 litres for 2.40 euros out of the barrel. The shop also sells decanters, gifts, glasses, fresh coffees, and some novel wine buff items that would make great presents. So if you are interested in joining just send me an email and I’ll give you more details. belinda@ companywomen.org If you are into your vino then Magica Gourmet is a true gem!
LOS MONTESINOS Art classes Wednesdays at Bar Rosa, Price 8€ Contact Suzanne Stokes, tel: 724 283/680 961 025 website: www.sue-stokes. co.uk PEGO Art Studio - ‘Bob Ross’ style oil landscape class. Saturday, July 16, 2011 10:00am-5:30p Contact Anne Kerr - firstname.lastname@example.org, phone 965977045, www. artstudio-paintingclasses. co.uk ROJALES - Cuevas del Rodeo - Friday night free concerts Having been asked about these, here’s my answer please read very carefully.... If you ask at the town hall you will be told there are no concerts at the caves, nor is there a bar! I believe its because they have never been properly licenced by the council, so officially there are no free concerts that are taking place at the caves through the summer every Friday from 10pm at the bar! :) So I may see you there? BENISSA Painting Exhibition Daily until 1st July Exhibition of the XXIX Painting Contest S. Soria - Vila de Benissa 2011. At the Art Center Taller d’Ivars organised by the Culture Department. BENISSA Painting Exhibition “Interpretación” by Carmen Romero Daily until 1st July in the exhibition room of the University Satellite Building. Visiting Hours: From monday to friday, from 10.00 a.m. to 01.00 p.m. & from 05.00 p.m. to 09.00 p.m. Organised by: Seu Universitària La Marina Fax : 965732537 Email: benissa@touristinfo. net
!YLUJ NI NO S’TAHW SMURd ELGNUj
The San Javier International Jazz Festival 2011
Ramsey Lewis, Chicago, Wynton Marsalis & the Jazz at the Lincoln Center Orchestra, Eric Burdon & The Animals and John Pizzarelli & the Clayton-Hamilton Jazz Orchestra will perform at the San Javier Jazz Festival 2011. The 14th edition of the San Javier Jazz Festival, which
will be held from June 25th to July 30th, will be dedicated to the memory of Gary Moore and Solomon Burke, and will include some of the best musicians in the current jazz and blues scene.
The return of legendary pianist Ramsey Lewis, this time with his Electric Band and with a Jazz-Funk project, a genre which he invented. Jazz Rock supergroup Chicago’s
XIV San Javier International Jazz Festival 2011 June 25th – July 30th at the Almansa Park Auditorium Festival Programme ● Biel Ballester Trio + Costel Nitescu Saturday June 25th ● Albert Lee & Hogan’s Heroes 12 € ● Sergio Monro Friday July 1st ● Lee Ritenour Band (ft. Dave Grusin) 12 € ● Lenny Andrade & Sambop Band Saturday July 2nd ● Monty Alexander Trio 12 € ● Ludovic Beier New Montmartre Quartet Wednesday July 6th ● Ramsey Lewis & His Electric Band ‘The Sun 12 € Goddess Tour’ Friday July 8th ● Carla Cook & Albert Bover Trio ● Wynton Marsalis & The Lincoln Center Jazz 25 € 20 € pass ● Jaume Vilaseca Quartet & Ravi Chary Saturday July 9th ● Elvin Bishop 12 € ● Chicago Tuesday July 12th 36 € ● Rene Marie Friday July 15th ● Joe Louis Walker 12 € ● Niels Lan Doky Trio 16th July Saturday ● The Clayton-Hamilton Jazz Orchestra with John 18 € Pizzarelli ● John Scofield Quartet (ft. Mulgrew Miller Friday July 22nd and Scott Colley) 25 € ● Eric Burdon & The Animals ● Hiromi: The Trio Project (ft. Anthony Jackson & Saturday July 23rd Phillips) 15 € ● Lucky Peterson ● Pink Turtle Saturday July 30th ● Chris Farlow & The Norman Beaker Band 12 € A festival pass is available for 100 € which allows admission to 10 concerts. Chicago is not included. The ticket price for Wynton Marsalis & The Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra is reduced from 25 to 20 €. www.jazz.sanjavier.es
WHY PAY MORE?
first concert in Spain; the return of Eric Burdon & The Animals, and two of the world’s most prestigious big bands, the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra with Wynton Marsalis, and the Clayton-Hamilton Jazz Orchestra with special guest John Pizzarelli are some of the highlights of this year’s program. Other jazz greats like Jamaican pianist Monty Alexander, Californian guitarist Lee Ritenour, and guitarist John Scofield will clear the way for other young musicians who are already world renown like Japanese pianist Hiromi with her new trio, Danish pianist Niels Lan Doky, or the new star of the accordion Ludovic Beier. Among the many European performers in this edition of the festival there will also be Spanish jazz musicians, like the pianist from Cadiz Sergio Monroy, the guitarist from Mallorca Biel Ballester and his trio who will perform with Romanian violinist Costel Nitescu, Catalonian pianist Albert Boverand his trio with the Detroit singer Carla Cook, and the also Catalonian pianist Jaume Vilaseca and his quartet with Indian sitarist Ravi Chary. Other important names are the fantastic jazz vocalist Rene Marie; the great lady of the bossa nova Leny Andrade, or the French group Pink Turtle. Blues and rock will also be featured, as expected in an edition dedicated to Gary Moore, therefore, in addition to the already mentioned performances by Chicago and Eric Burdon, there will be performances by Elvin Bishop, Lucky Peterson, Albert Lee & Hogan’s Heroes and veteran British singer Chris Farlowe with the Norman Beacker Band, without forgetting to mention San Francisco bluesman Joe Louis Walker. All in all, an edition with concerts to satisfy the most diverse palates, and which will stay true to the festival’s policy of maintaining popular prices for tickets and season passes so everyone can have easy access to the temple of jazz and blues that is the Parque Almansa auditorium. Most of the concerts can also be enjoyed by fans throughout all of Spain thanks to the collaboration of Televisión Española, Radio 3 and 7 Región de Murcia. For more information about the programme visit www.jazz.sanjavier.es, and for Facebook users, visit ‘XIV ed. San Javier International Jazz Festival 2011 (Spain).’
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On Sunday the 12th, ten cars were invited to the Biblotec in Los Alcazares to support the MABS ‘picnic in the park’ and help raise money for their very worthy cause. The function was a great success with more than 500 people attending, and well supported by local artists, including the very popular Showaddywaddy.
Motoring Funnies A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I have a phone.” The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.” The driver of the Yugo says, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!” The driver of the Yugo says, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!” Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the RollsRoyce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, with satin sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce. So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn’t any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. “I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly. The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, “You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!”
SOME LIKE IT HOT HOT! A classic month for a Classic club… JUNE has been a busy month for the Club Torrevieja Classics & Specialists Car Club. The following Sunday saw 13 cars meet at Manolo's on the Crevillente road for a drive through the country roads towards Elche (away from all the coastal traffic).After a short stop for a very welcome glass of cold shandy, it was back through the nature reserve to the N332 .and on to Bar Ole del Sal at Torrevieja marina for dinner. There the cars were displayed for about three hours before most people dispersed and made their way home. As well as these two events and the normal monthly meeting, we managed to find time on the 15th for an afternoon curry at The Punjabi Palace in Los Montesinos, where we sampled the delights of the afternoon special. Hot hot. As the temperature is increasing, we are planning to have 'cool runs' for the next couple of months. They’ll take place in the evenings, avoiding the afternoon heat. If you would like to join us, please contact us. For more information on the club, please visit www.ClubTorrevieja.com, or contact Ron Blackwell on 966791212. Or come along to one of our meetings on the first Wednesday of every month at the Cafeteria Marina Club in the International Marina (7.30pm)
Total Mobile Tyres would like to make you aware of non E marked tyres bought into Spain.
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For example, a tyre with tread or ply separation could be at risk of having a “blow-out” or sudden tyre deflation during driving which would cause the driver to lose control of their vehicle. The ‘E’ mark consists of an ‘E’ or ‘e’ followed by a number included in a circle or a rectangle. The number denotes the government’ which granted the approval. The number outside the circle or rectangle is the number of the type approval certificate issued for the tyre size and type. WITHOUT THIS E MARK WE CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT THE TYRE IS A REMOULD This applies to new tyres only not part worn tyres!! For more information on Tyre safety and peace of mind call 677 555 135.
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I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg”
Two friends are fishing
a thinks that I’m My girlfriend rlstalker. t exactly my gi Well, she’s no friend yet.
near a bridge. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over
my ked on c o n k r u hbo orning, m s i My neig h t 2:30am :30am?! 2 t a door at h t believe still up s a w can you I for him Luckily gpipes. a B y m playing
alcoholic r about the fat
the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off
His mate turns to him and
with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
the nicest most respectful
Did you hea transvestite? k and o was eat, drin d to d te an w e All h be Mary.
says, “Dave, that’s one of things I’ve ever seen”
Spent £40 on eBay last week for a penis enlarger. Just opened it and some gits sent me a magnifying glass!
Dave replies, “Well we were married for nearly 20 years”
Iw ok n Screwfix. m o fr i k c a gh e u d a letter b me that m r fo in g tt p I’ve just ha to h regretted y e th y. c id o n a e s g y a g The st o fi last G ally a datin tu c a t o n e a n they’r at yno of G d th An old lady is being examth r s lor e m ng ki in ined by the doctor. y b e fo tan ia ick, I’m th John says “M A He asks “Have you ever Labrador.” t f ed ot ding of buying a ve a “h k ic of M been bedridden?” says af irs . “F*** that” ir e th of r She says “Yes, by my first many aid t I you seen how w ” nd W li b go husband.” a rs h ... was owne s bet at’s t pe .... Wo ween he di tri the On man? Iron fferen Man calls 9 fie n 99 and says e Ma ce oth ’s a “I think my n wife is s e d. I a r is upe nd dead” The operat Iro an rhe or says
how do you He says “The know? sex is the sa me but the ironing is building up !
r tru o and ctio th e n.
OH DEAR... r eating, another couple’s house, and afte An elderly couple had dinner at t into the kitchen. the wives left the table and wen t out and one said, ‘Last night we wen The two gentlemen were talking, it very really great... I would recommend to a new restaurant and it was highly.’ name of the restaurant?’ The other man said, ‘What is the e of t and finally said, ‘What is the nam The first man thought and though you love? that flower you give to someone has thorns.’ You know... The one that’s red and ‘Do you mean a rose?’ kitchen man. He then turned towards the ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the last e of that restaurant we went to and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the nam
g to my I was explainin that when wife last night t reincaryou die you ge come back nated but must reature. as a different c uld like to She said “I wo cow.” come back as a obviously I said “You’re ening.” not bloody list
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ON G N I K C I P AS L L E F E H T One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- Shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, ‘What setting do I use on the washing machine?’ ‘It depends,’ I replied. ‘What does it say on your shirt?’ He yelled back, ‘Liverpool ‘ And they say blondes are dumb... A couple lying in bed. The man says, ‘I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.’ The woman replies, ‘I’ll miss you...’ ‘It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,’ Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, ‘honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?’ ‘Probably that I married you for your money,’ she replied.
I Trusted a Tradesman ‘Pat Minty, Gran Alacant’
“I spoke to Aqua Sana at a recent exhibition and decided to give them a try, and thank goodness I did! I’d never realised the difference Aqua Sana would make to our drinking water.’’ Pat Minty. Gran Alacant
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumour A man and his wife, now in their 60’s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
Wout Pool. Aqua Sana
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death. Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practising to be men. Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. Q: How do you keep your man from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manuals’
Trust TIBA - look for the badge If you’d like to know more about joining TIBA contact us via the website or call 902 906 015
www.tibacb.com promoting businesses since 2002
THE CHEAPEST ADVERTISING ON THE COSTA !!- TEL 97 672 7334
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RENOVATIONS PARQUET FLOORING AND SYNTHETIC FLOORING KITCHEN AND BATHROOM EQUIPMENT PAINTING AND DECORATING .. we have.
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Avda Escandinavia 72 Altomar, 669 Gran Alacant
96 541 4040 Mobile:
660 417 845
INSURANCE AGENTS Cars Houses Communities Life
DISCOUNT For New Clients!
Accidents Health Business
Specific Products for Foreigners Living In Spain with DISCOUNTS up to 30% on Cars !
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
BUSINESS DIRECTORY AIR CONDITIONING MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684
ANIMAL RESCUE LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 112 0244 ALBERGUE Bacarot Tel 96 596 0224
CARDS & MORE
La Marina Tel. 96 679 0954 LA MARINA ANIMAL WELFARE La Marina Tel 96 679 5593
BUILDING / MAINTENANCE CANDELA CHIMNEYS Elche Tel. 649 039 351 CLIVE COOMBER Gran Alacant Tel 669 593 212 MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 CHRIS SLADDEN All Areas Tel. 686 635 860
BUSINESS ASSOCIATIONS TIBA All Areas Tel. 902 906 015
CAR HIRE XTRA RENT A CAR Santa Pola Tel 619 726 480
CARPENTRY MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 670 260 684
CAR REPAIRS JOCK O’DONNELL All Areas Tel. 638 461 690 RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 PERFORMANCE & DIESEL Guardamar Tel. 96 610 7606 TOTAL Los Montesinos Tel. 96 672 0109
CAR SALES RENAULT Santa Pola Tel 96 541 3746 CLUB CARS La Marina Tel. 616 640 432
CAR TRANSFERS MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
COMPUTERS BLUE MOON SOLUTIONS All Areas Tel. 655 044 970 SPANISH INKS All Areas www.spanishink.com
CONVEYANCING ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 DENTURES DIRECT Gran alacant Tel. 619 185 122
CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel: 966 698 802
REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
SANTA POLA DIVE ACADEMY Santa Pola Tel. 96 541 4510
DOCTORS CLINICA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel: 96 669 7411 EMERGENCY Tel 608 666 455 ELECTRICIANS/ELECTRONIC
CCW ELECTRICAL Gran Alacant Tel 617 872 405 ELECTRICIAN All Areas Tel. 644 115 143 EURONICS Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5365 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel: 96 541 4040 ENTERTAINMENT
FLAMENCO - LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399
ESTATE AGENTS AT HOME Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5289 CARABASI CASAS Gran Alacant Tel. IPG La Marina Tel. 96 679 5233 MASA INTERNATIONAL Gran Alacant Tel. 629 251 747 TOP ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7357 VICTORIA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7779
FARMACIAS FARMACIA GRAN ALACANT Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 7471
FISCAL ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
FURNITURE COMPLETE UPHOLSTERY All Areas Tel. 96 569 9305 SECOND HAND FURNITURE La Marina Tel. 96 644 3370
HAIRDRESSING FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031
HEALTH & BEAUTY BRITISH DENTAL PRACTICE La Marina Tel 96 679 6603 FRANCESC AGULLO Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 5031
HOUSEHOLD SERVICES HOT TUBS Paradise Spas Tel. 96 672 3859 MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319
INSURANCE ALMARCHA INSURANCE La Marina Tel. 96 572 9747 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
KENNELS LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax, Tel 96 618 283
KIDS LA MARAINA WATER PARK La Marina Tel. 96 679 7792 MUNDO INFANTAL La Marina Tel. 617 537 156
MORTGAGES MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
MOSQUITO NETS MOZISTOP All Areas Tel. 659 259 319
NATURE MALCOLM PALMER Santa Pola Tel 96 608 2454
OPTICIANS CENTRAL OPTICA Gran Alacant Tel 966 698 802
PAINTERS / DECORATORS MAYO Gran Alacant Tel 665 063 228 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
PETS CLINICA VETERINARIA Santa Pola Tel 96 669 2328 LEZSONJA’S BOARDING KENNELS Sax Tel 96 618 2838 MOUNTAIN VIEW CAT HOTEL Hondon Tel. 96 667 7273
PLUMBERS DMF PLUMBING All Areas Tel. 96 679 9740 REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
contact us on email@example.com
POSTAL EASYPOST All Areas Tel. 96 672 0959
PUBLICITY THE JUNGLE DRUMS All Areas Tel. 96 672 6437
REMOVALS ANTHONY FOSTER All Areas Tel. 96 618 8649 MISTER VAN All Areas Tel. 697 775 588 TRUCK IT All Areas Tel. 96 644 1779 TSI All Areas Tel. 96 679 5842
RESTAURANTS COCOA’S Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8509 LOS LUNARES Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 5399
SHOES SALVADOR ARTESANO Elche Tel. 96 546 84 39 SOLICITORS PELLICER HEREDIA Alicante/Hondon + Tel. 96548 0737
SUNBLINDS TOLDOS PENALVER Santa Pola Tel. 96 543 2350
SUPERMARKETS AJ’s Hondon Nieves Tel. 96 548 0718 SWIMMING POOL (MAINTAINANCE)
GA POOLS Gran Alacant Tel 628 030 184 PJ’s All Areas Tel 619 501 657 SWIMMING POOL (CONSTRUCTION)
REFORMNOVA Gran Alacant Tel 96 541 4040
TAX ADVICE ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
TRANSLATORS ANDREA BURNS Gran Alacant Tel 96 669 7824 MITCH BULL Gran Alacant Tel. 638 608 422 MARTÍNEZ Y BALLESTER RABESMA Gran Alacant Tel. 96 669 8781
TV GRAN ALACANT TV Santa Pola Tel. 677 878 210 DIGINOVA Santa Pola Tel: 660 631 380