Page 1

EE

MAY 2012 issue number 10

FR

www.allabroad.es

!

LIFE AS AN

EXPAT always goes swimmingly...

what’s wrong with ALICANTE airport? Mr Grumpy Investigates

QUESADA

welcomes Alicante’s top lawyers

New TAX laws Andrea Burns explains

+ What’s on?! Where? When? & Who with..? find out inside

Covering the coast from Gran Alacant to La Zenia & inland from to San Miguel to Pinoso, Hondon and beyond!


LIVE LIFE

DIFFERENTLY (This is Spain, you have no choice!)

They have a habit of stating the obvious often in Spain don’t they?

to run drugs in Africa. Now you won’t find that lot at your local pub

Or perhaps that’s just tome me as I’ve found out on more than

in the UK I’m sure. And these are just the ones I mix with.

one occasion. Noting the scratch marks along all four corners of another friend’s new car he just

said, ‘well

that’s other cars that have done

I’ve met ‘millionaires’ in Spain (some of whom who have a cash

that – they

have to get out of a parking

space

somehow…’ if it’d been

flow problem…) ‘captains of industry’ who have come (and often gone again fairly soon) with innovative and fresh ideas to relieve trusting expats of their savings.

mine…well, a few years ago I’d have been jump-

However, amongst the ones that remain (and the many well-

ing up and down and

intentioned new

arrivals) you’ll find an energy and an

searching the streets for

appreciation for life as an expat

a car of a similar colour to

in Spain that is infectious.

the scratches, but not now…

Many have developed an

it’s a car, this is Spain –

original idea from back in

don’t expect anyone

their native country or simply

else to look after it.

noticed a gap where they could fill the demand with a product or service and have done very nicely for themselves – I’m still looking…

But for all that, life in Spain is very interesting…and not because of the cultural differ-

only

The downside to Spain is the bureaucracy. It’s

ences. Us expats

still jobs for the boys in many places and, although it is a pain

are extremely good and providing fodder for the gossip mongers,

that you’ll probably only have to endure once, if you haven’t been

and people like me who then go and write about it.

through the process of say, changing a foreign driving licence to a

In my life as I write I have an ex-rent boy (and former chip shop

Spanish one, well – have a look at an Astronauts training manual

owner) making his intentions clear, every time I bump into him, as

and you’ll get the idea…

to what he’d like to do to me. An ex-porn story writer, a mechanic

Yes, it must be said that when it comes to paperwork Spain is

who flooded my car in the strangest possible way from the inside-

behind the rest of Europe (mostly) but that’s a small price to pay for WITH.

out…), a three time world record holder and a reverend who used

living here…trust me on that one.

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ADVICE INFOTIPS NEWS

Mr Grumpy v

all these bloody Immigrants! I have been involved in the thick of some

ish both gangs equally, leaving both parties

pretty violent and frightening gang warfare

banished from my manor.

taking place on my own doorstep over the

I’m sure that there is a lesson there some-

course of these last few weeks.

where, but for the life in me I’m not sure

Some of the local upstarts have made a

what it is!

stance against a group of die-hard immigrants that are attempting to take over their ‘manor’.

There is also the fact that the neighbouring

ALICANTE AIRPORT:

as it happens every year at the same time

1 YEAR (AND COUNTING....)

– starting when the clocks go back, and the

It is just over one year since Alicante’s El

warmer weather starts to show itself.

Altet Airport celebrated the opening of its 20

Most years I ignore it and hope that it won’t

Million Euro new terminal building, which I

affect or disrupt me or my family too much,

blogged about when catching one of the first

but this year I have been forced to get in-

commercial flights from the airport open to

volved in the conflict going on between these

the great unwashed public.

two groups, often with me coming off the

Coincidentally, I am writing this blog from the

worse.

departure lounge of the very same airport on

I know and fully appreciate that as an im-

the anniversary of its opening – a date which

migrant myself I am on shaky ground when it

also coincides with the start of the summer

comes to proclaiming who has a right where

season – March the 25th.

to live and when etc... However, I feel quite

Much has been written in the press lately

strongly when a load of violent freeloaders

regarding the on-going fight between AENA

move into my neighbourhood.

(the state owned managers of the airport)

Who are these immigrant gangs? The Latin

and Ryanair (surely, no introduction required

Kings from El Salvador? The Suarez Cartel

?), specifically their decision to slash 18

from Mexico? The Russian Mafia? A Gang of

routes for the coming summer sea-

Romanian Pimps?

son, representing the

Nope... a gang of Swallows from Siberia.

loss of an

To be honest I shouldn’t have been surprised

sents a disappointing move. airport of Corvera is also expected to open over the course of 2012 – which is estimated to take as much as 20% of El Altet’s traffic away. ... I digress: These are just thoughts that are bouncing around my head as I am sat waiting for my flight to be called. What the press has been at pains to point out since the Ryanair debacle first came to light is that fact that 2011 represented the 4th best year for the number of tourists since records began. It also represented a record year for the revenue generated by foreign visitors, with every indication being that 2012 should generate equally impressive figures. Or at least that is the estimation for Spain as a whole. The Costa Blanca will need to brace itself for lean times after Ryanair (amongst other airlines such as Air Berlin, Lufthansa etc...) has turned its back on El Altet in favour of other destinations. Palma de Mallorca – long a competitor of the Costa Blanca - is back

A family of Sparrows have been living quite

in favour after Ryanair have diverted 6

contently and peacefully under

Aliaircraft from their [previous] base at Ali

my Naya for that last 12

cante to the airport, which has reflected

months, raising their young

a growth in popularity for the Balearic

and keeping the mozzies at

Island.

bay. Apart from the occasion

RyAlthough I am far from being Ry

toiletry misdemeanour we have

underanair’s biggest fan I cannot under

got along famously.

stand how the AENA management

And then along come the bloody

at Alicante Airport think they can

tourists – as soon as the sun

not only plug the hole that the

comes out the Sparrows come

airline’s cut routes have left

back, pushing their weight around

behind, but can go on to grow

and disrespecting all around them,

business in 2013 once Corvera

regardless of the commotion and

has opened, is way beyond my

upset it causes others. Although the

understanding.

locals are greater in number, they are

Tumbit Flights

generally much smaller and placid and estimated 300

can’t really put up much of a fight, so I

flights per week, and 1.5

know that they will end up being forced to move out for a few months whilst these

million passengers before the end of

bloody immigrants take over.

the season.

And I also know that these tourists will end

In relative terms this equates to a 15% loss

up making one hell of a mess – that I have

of business on 2011 – which, when you con-

to clean up – and that I will probably have to

sider that the new terminal only operated at

put measures in place that effectively pun-

50% of its design capacity last year, repre-

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anyone with–an this month inincome Ciudad should be getting their Quesada. declaration in order (if you really want that ‘easy’

In their current of-

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Hondón) PELLICER HEto once again step in&and explainhave just what the many ‘Renta’ REDIA helped is and who be getexpats withshould their legal ting the pens out to fill in a

and tax issues by having form or two.

highly trained (and very Who?

friendly – I can confirm) Everyone who has an

multi-skilled fluent income while staff, living here in in English and with many Spain needs to make a declaration it is from years ofwhether experience in a salary or from a pension

dealing with Spanish law. in another country. Now

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The taxman cometh… CIUDAD QUESADA Avenida de las Naciones 36, L.6, Ciudad Quesada, DaveRojales Bull Tel. 965 480 737 – 606 056 282 Email: info@pellicerheredia.com discovers the ALICANTE Plaza Calvo Sotelo,1, Alicante easy way03001 to live Below British Consulate Tel. 965 480 737 – 606 056 282 Email: info@pellicerheredia.com a trouble-free (as HONDÓN DE LAS NIEVES theHondón Plaza de far la Vila,as 30, 03688 de las Nieves (Alicante) Tel. 965Tax 480 737 – 606 056 man is282 Email: info@pellicerheredia.com concerned) life in PETRER Avda de Madrid, 60, 03610 Petrer (Alicante) Tel. 965 480Spain. 737 – 606 056 282

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SIMPLE SPAIN EW DOORSINFOR EXPATS

S

licer) and Pedro’s (Heredia) vast experience not everyone and will have pay taxes on their decla-

individual’s income may derive either from a salbecause your pension comes from the UK and is

dealing with, British law (a substantial ration and the not oddsonly, are that if you’ve retired here in

ary obtained means overor 11.200 eurosby (and it has of notself-employment: been tax-deducted

Spain and receiving youran pension from abroad, amount ofare their work has international aspect

in Spain) - evenofthough you only one pension, development a business or have professional activi-

you might not have to pay on certain and and they regularly act fordepending foreign companies requirements.

you must declare incomethat in Spain. ties, or ifto you haveyour a pension is paid to you Compensation from a road traffic accident is also

private individuals representing their interests in

in Spain.

Spain on both transactional and litigation mat-

It’s a simple and inexpensive process and, as I

ters) then it’s easy to see why the lawyers are

stated before, the benefits of being ‘in the sys-

so successful. from the special International Treaty between Spain

tem’ are- who’s huge getting (especially in a country like Spain 15,000€ that much..?!) is also free

and the UK. There are still an awful lot of people liv-

from has deductions. that it’s fair share of bureaucracy…) and the

ing in Spain but still declaring theirin incomes in theis UK The new office (which will open early May)

How?income is determined as the difference taxable

If you have retired to Spain and stay in the country

more than 183 days then you too must declare your income here and not in the UK. You will also benefit

which means that could be missing out on saving a

exempt from the tax office but again – it’s worth declaring it anyway.

Anyone receiving unemployment benefit (up to

To make sure you don’t need to pay tax on your

located in Avenida. de las Naciones 36, L.6, Ciu-

between the income earned and the expenses

dad Quesada, Rojales and Ignacio and Pedro will

that are deductible according with Spanish Law

personally be dealing with all new clients along

with many people not needing to pay a cent.

with secretarytax Adrianna and having developed as inheritance for residents, or just paying less

system – or you could end up paying more than you

for example. ataxes, reputation of being independent, reliable and

need to!

Why? to their clients, the guys tell me that committed

Pedro told me that there are often an array of options Life in Spain

Obviously the Spanish government needs taxes and,

for people to reduce their tax bill (or even pay nothing READ ALL ABOUT IT!

lot of money just because

they don’t realise that they can do their declaration

here and take advantage of the fiscal benefits such

they would be more than happy to prove it to

if you are receiving an income you need to be legal.

you.

Even if you know there will be nothing to pay – you’ll get yourself in the system (which, trust me on this

income, or indeed reduce your bill at the end of the financial year, it’s highly recommended that you speak to someone who is experienced in the Spanish tax

at all) if their case is looked at professionally and

As if they didn’t have enough to do helping out

with an experienced eye. For example, someone who

expats…the two lawyers have somehow found

has their parents living in the same house can have

Over the make years life PELLICER & when HEREDIA have dealt one, only easier) so the day comes

the time to write a book advising certain funds deducted from their endexpats of yearon taxthe bill

with most problems orhim issues that Foreigner’) arise for that someone (we’ll call ‘Johnny

best way to enjoy life perhaps in Spainhad – by as can anyone who has to avoiding adapt theirall

dies in Spain have a simple expats whenJohnny’s living in family Spainwill including, Com-task

house possible for disabled access. those fiscal annoyances. The book, a

dealing with the fiscal (the Will etc.) matters than

concise and thoroughly readable reference book

plaints and Claims, Defects in construction, Debt someone who has never gone into the system.

As ever, with any tax office, things are a little more complicated than we’d like but by dealing with

recovery, Starting a business and International

for expats in Spain, covers everything you need

Commerce. But the lawyers told me that at

to know to be confident and informed about

this of year a lot of to their taken up heretime are some exceptions the time rule ofis‘Having to

living here. farlook from being in (very) ‘lawyer-speak’ what they areAnd doing after those important

dealing expats’ taxes in Spain especially declare’ with but remember also what I said–earlier about

the book is inthat an can easyoften to read format with secfiscal matters become an expensive

there being tax no harm (only benefits) in getting the the annual declaration (‘Renta’) whichinto is due

nightmare in the wrongto hands ours.not only, deal tions clearly marked help–you,

system.

with Spanish paperwork (such as buying or sell-

Exceptions

To keep it simple (remember it’s me writing this…)

someone in the know it often works out far simpler (and less expensive) to have someone who knows

From my own experience, the fee charged to make

now.

If you earn less than 22,000€ annually (from one employer and are already having tax deducted) or (if you

my declaration was less than Pedro managed to

ing your house- or getting the kids into school) reduce my tax bill after showing me exactly what I

The Personal Income Tax (or to give it its full

but also to understand why you may get fined

name, sobre la renta de las persoexceedImpuesto 1,500€ annually.

for building thathas Olympic-sized swimming pool doing it properly cost me nothing…in fact I’ve

nas físicas / IRPF) is a direct levied on the If you have received profits fromtax shares or dividends

on thea roof (fornow…do example!). made little terrace on the deal, I declare that…?

of less than 1,600€ per year (this even applies if you income of individuals.

If youinhave questions ormake queries about theat Out the any summer, we’ll sure here

have, for example, sold a car for a profit privately).

upcoming ‘Renta’ and whether indeed you should be All Abroad HQ that we let you know where and

have incomes from several place) that none of those

Salaries or incomes below 11,200€ (usually pen-

could and couldn’t claim and therefore the cost of

declaring your income – call either Pedro or Ignacio

So if you have an income in Spain (no matter

when you can lay your hands on the book most

where it comes from) you need to make a dec-

expats have been waiting for!

laration make sure you arepacket in the to system to minimumand of 15% from your wage withhold

tion free – so what have you got to lose apart from a

avoid fiscalinissues later A not person’s for thepossible taxman here Spain. If thaton. does happen,

headache from those piles of paper!

sioners) are exempt but remember also that if you

are employed your employer is obliged to deduct a

and they’ll put you straight. And the benefit for All

Abroad readers is that they’ll give you first consulta-

965 480 737 / 606 056 282 info@pellicerheredia.com

About Pedro & Ignacio The two spent a year at Southampton Institute of international law so it’s no surprise that they speak English so well. Later, having studied law together at Alicante university, Pedro and Ignacio teamed up and formed the highly successful Pellicer & Heredia Solicitors (based in the same building as the British Consulate) and using their understanding of British people have built a firm of three offices (so far) with a fourth opening in Ciudad Quesada very soon –and all the staff speak English, very handy.

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particularly for outside the house where creating areas of cool shade is vital if you are going to enjoy the outdoors to its full extent. Woodworks Direct manufactures and supplies a range of products designed to enhance your house and garden and guaranteed to improve your living experience. They have been supplying a growing group of satisfied customers here on the Costas for the past five years. Whether it is a carport to protect your vehicles from the heat of the strong sunlight or a Pergola, Gazebo or Lean-to to sit

All Abroad Editor’s book makes it to Singapore with Ron from GA (He didn’t say if he brought it back...)

18th John Lennon & Paul Mccartney Tribute, 9:30Pm. 19th Debbie Slater 9:30 Pm. 25th T.B.A. 26th Blacknight 10:00Pm Plus

under in comfort, Woodworks Direct has a range

Every

of products to match your requirements.

Sunday Kicking

Have a look at Woodworks Direct comprehensive

Off From

and simple to follow website for full details of

9pm

their product range, you can even order on line,

Jam Ses-

nothing could be simpler. If you need a special size of one of their standard products simply email or telephone them to discuss your requirements. All the products made and supplied by Woodworks Direct are made of timber from environmentally friendly, managed forests and is specially treated against insect damage and

GIG may GUIDE sion

E EXCLUSIV O T AD! ALL ABRO

are available in a number of different finishes. All items are delivered ready to erect with all pieces cut to size and shape with full assembly instructions and any accessories needed. All you need are some simple tools and a spirit level to complete the job but if you do not fancy the idea of assembling it yourself then Woodworks Direct can do it for you. As well as their very popular range of Carports and Pergolas, Woodworks Direct also makes Gazebos, Lean-tos, Decking, Dog kennels, Log stores, Picnic benches and even Horse & Donkey Stables; and if you have a requirement for something else in wood, Woodworks Direct are always happy to talk to you about it, simply give them a ring or send them an email. There is Free Delivery from the Costa Blanca to the Costa del Sol. Don’t delay, turn the outside of your house into a true living area you can be proud of and make the most of this summer and summers to come; contact Simon at Woodworks Direct and turn those plans into reality. You will find the website for Woodworks Direct at www.woodworksdirect.com. You can email them at info@woodworksdirect.com or telephone them on 649 540 016 or 966 195 522.

Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408

11


Bar Restaurante

The Kitchen Open All Day

Ship El Barco

ALL DAY

Breakfast

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QUIZ NIGHT

HOME-MADE

Sunday Roast CHARITY

Curry Night Pla. Amistat 6, La Marina Village (next to the church)

Tel. 648 963 843

PREMIER DIGITAL SATELLITES

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Contact us: Office 868 000 039 Mobile : 636 573 791 UK number : 0872 4260363 Email : sales@premierdigitalsatellites.com Website : www.premierdigital satellites.com

PROFESSIONAL PLASTERING SERVICES Specialising in damp proof treatments

• monocapa • skimming • rendering • tiling All building works undertaken

Call : 686 264 099

10

         

                                

               

            

Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408


QUALITY NEW AND USED FURNITURE We buy - sell and part-exchange New stock daily Separate large Bedroom shop stocking new and used beds

Also at: ZOCO MARKET Every Sunday large air-conditioned shop within the market

FREE, NO OBLIGATION ESTIMATES!

British bedding ‘An Kitchenware A l addins C Small electricals av of ideas e Lamps !’ Candles Pictures Within the main shop in Elyseos Playa/ Mar Azul we now have a large dept sellMirrors ing New Household Items, everything to

up to

15%

DISCOUNT!

complement the home from the decorative to the practical.

Opening times Mon-Fri 10 – 7pm (No siesta) Sat 10 – 2. Items to sell and enquiries call:

965 715 605

www.new2you-furniture.com info@new2you-furniture.com

www.toldospenalver.com C/Gaspasr Quiles Pascual, 24, ELCHE

Tel.

965 43 23 50

OPENING TIMES MON - FRI 09:00 - 14:00 & 16:30 - 19:30

contact us on ask@allabroad.es

11


find us on

follow us on

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SELL??

We have a buyer for your property

Come and see the results for yourself!

Avda. Mediterráneo 68 (next to cafeteria Sueño Azul) Gran Alacant

96 669 5289

info@inmoathome.com www.inmoathome.com

C HA

R

I MP

A CT

I TY

COME

& VIST US!!

at: Parque de Guadalquiver 1, Avda Londres La Marina Urb.

WE SELL!

(Follow signs for Barclays Properties)

& need donations of:

Supporting: EMAUS Childrens care home PAWS animal rescue Finca Lucendum

Bric-a-brac Books Furniture Clothes & anything else you can think of!!! Open: Mon-Fri 10am-6pm Sat 10am-2pm (Sun Closed) Tel. 96 618 4324 www.impact-charity.com

14

Reg. Charity no. 590417

Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408


10 MONTHS INTEREST FREE CREDIT AVAILABLE

Email: info@lemar.es Email: info@lemar.es

! LCD 32” W NhEGRUNDIG Section ting32VLC6121C

Lig FULL HD HD READY Plus rea A y a l p s i D hoXp1080 PIXELS Larger S1920 USB DECORATIVE LAMPS 16:9 FORMAT OUTDOOR LIGHTING LED’S LIGHTBULBS SPOTLIGHTS

PANASONIC

Air Conditioning INVERTER

12000 BTU Hot and Cold

CEILING FANS

OFFER PRICE PRODUCTS €299 SPACE

MORECHOICE

OFFER PRICE €499

!!

Plaza Sierra Castilla, Local, 10 (next to CAM) Urb. La Marina, San Fulgencio

Tel: 96 679 7703 · LA MARINA

Avda. Finlandia 23, Bloque 3 Local. 2 Urb. Gran Alacant, Santa Pola

GRAN ALACANT · Tel: 96 669 5365 15


16

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Text frames and linking give you the power to tackle desktop publishing tasks for newsletters, flyers, etc. laid out exactly the way you want them to be. WRITER can also display multiple pages while you edit - ideal for complex documents, or if you have a large monitor (or multiple monitors). The advanced notes feature displays notes on the side of the document. This makes notes a lot easier to read. In addition, notes from different users are displayed in different colours together with the editing date and time. Save your documents in OpenDocument format, the new international standard for office documents. This XML based format means you’re not tied in to WRITER. You can access your documents from any OpenDocument compliant software. WRITER can of course read all your old Microsoft Word documents, or save your work in Microsoft Word format for sending to people who are still locked into Microsoft products. From version 3.0 WRITER can also open .docx files created with Microsoft Office 2007 or Microsoft Office 2008 for Mac OS X. use this link to download openoffice. http://www.openoffice.org/product/ index.html

For more help and advice call in and see us or contact us using the details below: contact Steve direct on info@iber-tech.com or 96 671 8705 17


BITTHISBITTHAT

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BOB’S BAR BANOS DE FORTUNA

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ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

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d to r a w r o f k o lo m Ji Karen & d new! n a ld .o .. s d n ie r f meeting

RESTAURANTE

8-10oz Rump Steak

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Opening Hours Monday -Saturday 3pm - late Sundays 12pm-6pm Closed Wednesdays

Sunday Lunch

Choice of roast meats with potatoes & vegetables served to your table

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FREE bottle of wine with every two steaks ordered

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Large function room available (for 50-200 people - ideal for Birthdays, Parties, Anniversaries and more!

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26

ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

TEL. 606 540 408


D? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED?

10. Or __! 14. New York canal 15. Upscale shop 16. Dodge model 17. Elvis has... 20. Godfather’s group 21. Holy in Hidalgo 22. Muscle spasm 24. A person used as a dupe 29. Tenth month of the Hindu calendar 32. Bohemian 35. Hibernia 36. Feelers 39. Actress de Rossi 41. We circus people have one law:... 43. Fling 44. Make-believe 45. Cookie 46. Japan’s indigenous people 47. Lay lawns 48. Makeshift 51. Morning moisture 54. Concern for environmentalists 57. Characteristic 61. It ain’t over till... 66. Sported 67. Slur 68. Greek colonnade 69. Matured 70. Drinks 71. Region, abbr.

Down

1. Place for a control freak 2. Field 3. Musical phrase 4. Little in Lausanne 5. Residue 6. West and Whitman 7. Famous island near Tuscany 8. Elastic 9. Controversial Bryant 10. Goal 11. Honolulu neckwear 12. Julian to John, e.g. 13. Part of U.K. 18. __ Chi 19. His wife looked back 23. Voyageur’s vessel 25. Twilled fabric 26. Scaler’s spikes 27. A style used in opera 28. Freed of dependence on something 29. Feeling of sympathy 30. Safe and sound 31. Item in a den, maybe 33. Crude 34. Paces 37. To impede or prohibit in law 38. Org. for Orr 39. Faker 40. Hall-of-Famer Mel 42. Large vase 46. Venerable Harlem theater 49. It gained Indian statehood in 1987 50. Empire overthrown by Cortes in 1519 52. Aliens, abbr. 53. Joint 55. Attach 56. Taro root 58. Stake 59. Stravinsky 60. Nicholas was the last 61. Co. acquired by American Airlines in 2001 62. Monopolize 63. Before 64. Gave 65. “Roundabout” band

Across

1. Hmm... a film studio 4. Slate-colored bird 9. Western brewer 14. He beat Joe and lost to Leon 15. Cookwear? 16. Gumbo ingredients 17. It’s not for naysayers 18. Whooping, for instance 19. Great 20. Capital of Mali 22. Be busy as a beaver? 24. Moslem leader 25. __, amas, amat 27. Hmm... a rapper 31. Rowboat 33. Samovar 34. Outer prefix 35. Corroded 38. Resonated 40. Hews 41. Em, not ‘M’ 44. Bird lover’s offering 45. Flightless South American bird 46. Indistinct 47. __ Wan (Star Wars sage) 48. Call for help 49. Where the stitches are 51. Hmm... a candy 53. Make do 54. Chances 58. Give way 60. Worship 62. A chaperone, probably 65. Inspect, in a way 67. Neither partner 68. Fergie, really 69. More slippery 70. Debtor’s letters 71. Like a lobster 72. Plow inventor 73. Hmm... a business model

Down

1. Noncommittal response 2. Make like a star 3. East coast city 4. Trunk item 5. Disturbance 6. Armed grp.? 7. Yuppie abode, perhaps 8. Draftable 9. It has rows 10. Giraffe’s relative 11. Former Boston Bruin, Bobby 12. Speakeasy tune, possibly 13. Comp. pt. 21. Intense 23. Come together 26. Aromatic resins (fit for a king?) 28. Link 29. Put out 30. Saunter 32. North of NY 33. Be a spoil sport at a costume party 35. __ Downs (Derby location) 36. Part of the Dutch West Indies 37. Associate 39. Manipulate 40. Sci-fi writer, Isaac 42. Jagged 43. Koop’s grp. 48. Where to find a forge 50. Stranger 52. Originally Zimmerman 53. Draw out 55. Ubiquitous fabric 56. The very young or very old may do this 57. Plasma 59. Like a cornerstone 61. French 101 verb 62. Biblical transport 63. Skip stones over water 64. Flimflam psychic, Geller 66. Pass on

2. I can be long, or I can be short. I can be grown, and I can be bought. I can be painted, or left bare. I can be round, or I can be square. What am I? 3. Only one color, but not one size, Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies, Present in sun, but not in rain, Doing no harm, and feeling no pain. What am I? 4. I have three letters. I read the same forward and backwards. I know you’ll get the answer, I know you’ll see. It’s a word that is important to you and me. What word am I? 5. Each dawn and daybreak begins with me At dusk I’ll be first you see Daises begin to grow with me I’m in their seeds and also the weeds But in the sun I am not found and still, each day I’ll be around What am I? Answers below

I have a many legs, but cannot stand. I have a long neck, but I have no head. I cannot walk and I cannot see But I keep things neat and tidy as can be. What am I?

the solution A Broom

5. Biology 101 specimen

1.Of three sisters named April, May, and June, none is yet twenty-one. April is now as old as June was fourteen years ago, and two-thirds of May’s age. May, on the other hand, will be June’s age when May is twice as old as she is now plus two years. Three years ago, May was as old as April is now. How old are April, May, and June?

SOLUTIONS:

1. Daniel’s instrument

Riddles - Answers below

1. April is six, May is nine, and June is twenty. 2. Fingernails 3. A shadow 4. eye 5. dusk

Across

Word riddle

RED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all

all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BO

BORED? all BOR.ED? all BORED? all BOR Easy...ish

It's a toughy!

Word: ABSOLUTER

27


PROPER TY OF T HE MON TH

SPRING OFFERS Homes in Spain

PARTIDA P

UZO

L, ELCHE RECLUS finca, If yoE WANTED!! BE Ref 3 A this prop u want to live in UTIFUL, 5 Bed, 296 tained gar erty is for you. To a fabulous settin bath is real Sp dens, your very tally private, wel g, then own oasis ain! Two lm large cove in the su ainoutdoor livred terraces, per n! This fect for in g Ex cond. 279,500€

LA MARINA LA MARINA

LA METANZA ORIHUELA

DOLORES Ref:608 95,500€

Ref:589 155,000€

SUPER, 2 bed, 1 bath det villa, furnished, off road parking, sep kitchen, very good price

BEAUTIFUL 3 bed, 2 bath det villa, quiet loc, under build, off road parking, fire place in lounge. Ex cond throughout. Viewing recommended

LA MARINA

Ref:263 85,000€

LA MARINA

DELIGHTFUL 3 bed, 2 bath villa, pool, off road parking, central heating, mountain views, LOOK AT THE PRICE!

Ref:610 49,950€

LOVELY, 2 bed, 1 bath apartment in the town of Dolores, views from terrace, sep kitchen, furnished, close to all amenities. Great first time buy!

LA MARINA

LA MARINA Ref:509 189,950€

SUPERB 3 bed, 2 bath det villa, all on one level, 500m2 plot, fire place in lounge, master bed has bathroom en suite, solarium, sep kitchen, utility, plenty of space for a pool GREAT PRICE

Ref 605 112,500€

UPER 2 bed, 1 bath det villa in cul de sac, sep kitchen, log burner in lounge, off road parking, large rear garden, very close to all amenities

NEW BUILDS

EL OASIS

4 bed, 3 bath, det villa,

158m2 build, 2,329m2 plot. Pool,Inside lights, white goods ,finished garden, electric gate, water and electricity connected. European approved septic. FROM 175,000€

FINCA Inland

Ref:579 129,950€

DELIGHTFUL 3 bed, 2 bath, det villa, south facing, solarium, com pool, furnished, ex cond

Ref:606

240,000€

SPLENDID 3, bed, 3 bath det villa, extremely close to all amenities, pool, utility, fire place in sep lounge, kitchen diner, beautiful garden must be viewed

CATRAL 4 bed, 3 bath,det villa, 158m2 build, 2,006 m2 plot, inside lights, white goods, finished garden, Electric gate. European septic approved. FROM 150,000€

104,950€

!!

DON’T MISS

Unfinished villas – FROM 130,000€

EL OASIS

Alicante 20 mins, 3 bed, 2 bath, det villa,147m2 build, 2,263m2 plot. Pool, etc as above. FROM

175,000€

Avda. Londres 1-A, Local 8, Urb. La Marina San Fulgencio Office: 96 679 5233 email:info@ipgspain.com Visit our website to view our extensive range of properties:www.ipgspain.com 28

Ref:550

LOVELY 3 bed, 2 bath quad in ex cond, solarium with great views, com pool, furnished, storage

FANTASTIC VALUE!

Ref:515

54,950€

Can you afford to miss this opportunity? 2 bed, 1 bath quad style property on two levels. Small front garden, furnished, lounge diner, open plan kitchen. Absolutely lovely property, great first time buy!


BARGAIN BASEMENT!? and now the GOOD NEWS!

Dave Bull talks to La Marina estate agents IPG and discovers some great properties at even greater prices on the Urb’.

Looking for a property in Spain? – why not bag yourself a bargain in La Marina?

Another of similar price and condition (RF 601) is a three bedroom, two

The newspapers may well be full of doom and gloom but here on the Costa

bathroom Isabella style property

Blanca there is always some good news for expats to make the most of. For

fur which is on two floors and comes fur-

example in La Marina, which – by the way – have some of the most beauti-

nished and with an easy to maintain

ful beaches on the coast, there are bargains to be had!

garden for 117,500€.

Property prices have steadied but some people still want to sell up and move on, and quickly, and that means that there are some great properties If those are little more than you’d

to be had – at very reasonable prices.

consider then how about a three I’ve spoken to local experts IPG who have

bedroom, 0ne bathroom quad style

been trading in the area for almost ten years

home in a quiet location? (REF

now and they showed me just some of the

568). Fully furnished with off road

great offers they have at the moment. For

parking, a communal pool and a

example on La Marina Urb (REF 548) there

lovely garden this place will cost a

is a beautiful (detached) three bedroom, two

lucky buyer just 89,000€ - now that

bathroom house tucked away in a nice quiet

is a bargain!

location. This used to be a show house with a wonderful landscaped mature garden in a 500m2 plot. It has master bedroom with en suite, a very nice kitchen and separate utility area and upstairs a

Buyers looking to bag a bargain will

sun-catching solarium. This place comes fully furnished and you could get

be impressed with that little lot I’m sure – but I’ve saved the best for

all this for just 199,000€, not bad eh?

(almost) last! Anne showed me a Another place Anne McGregor showed me

very impressive (and spacious) three

on the Urb’ was a little smaller but the price

bedroom, two bathroom detached

must be attractive to anyone looking! Just

villa which even has central heating throughout! Two bedrooms with their

64,950€ (REF 457) could net a buyer a two bedroom, two bathroom home in the sun

own balconies, an independent kitchen and sold at AN ALL INCLUSIVE

with a solarium, terrace, dining room and

PRICE WITH NOTHING MORE TO PAY REF 483 is not going to be having

air con already installed!

a ‘For Sale’ board on it long as the total cost of buying this superb home is only 148,900€!

Other homes have been improved since first built and a tasteful three bedroom, two bath bath-

Not necessarily the best till last but

room quad style home that I looked around

I really liked this place on El Oasis

certainly fell into that category. With a decent

(REF 609). A delightful quad style

sized solarium and an en suite in the master

loca house in a lovely tranquil loca-

bedroom this part-furnished property is only a

tion with off road parking for just

very short walk from the communal pool too.

119,500€, this place is in superb condition and has a solarium of-

Up for sale for only 104,995€ (REF 545) I’d

fering access to the third bedroom and a

suggest anyone looking should take a look at this one as my words wont do it the justice it deserves.

communal Pool nearby. Very nice.

In, or around, the same sort of price range

That’s all folks… Anne and Alan at IPG tell me they have many more like

Anne showed me a few more that could easeas

these too – so make the most of Spain and snap up a bargain before the

ily be someone’s bargain home in the sun!

prices rise inevitably again!

(REF 602) is similar in description to the one above this place was absolutely immaculate with storage room also and again is well worth a look – especially for the asking price of 119,500€.

Contact Anne or Alan on 96 679 5233 for any of these properties of if you are looking for something that you haven’t seen here.

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

29


31


r ying thought fo A worr 2012 ! ob Hope 10 years ago B died ago Johnny 5 years d ie d sh a C of modnths ago A coupJle Steve obs die ks ago Jimmy A few ewdee Savill ied no Hope, Now we have

32


‘aving a laugh...

JAN, SUE, AND MARY HAVEN’T SEEN EACH OTHER SINCE LEAVING SCHOOL...

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

He Said To Me! He said to me . ... . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. I said to him .... . . You wear pants don’t you? He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said .. That’s a good idea you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said to me. ..... Why don’t women blink during foreplay? I said to him ... . They don’t have time. He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him .. .. I don’t know; it has never happened. He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends. He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said. . .. A widow. He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

I would have given him 100%

n die? Q1. In which battle did Napoleo le batt * his last of Q2. Where was the Declaration Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which * liquid

state?

Q4. What is the main reason for * marriage

divorce?

Q5. What is the main reason for * exams

failure?

Q6. What can you never eat for * Lunch & dinner

breakfast?

le? Q7. What looks like half an app * The other half the blue Q8. If you throw a red stone into sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet s without Q9. How can a man go eight day sleeping ? t. * No problem, he sleeps at nigh hant with Q10. How can you lift an elep one hand? t that has * You will never find an elephan only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands

They rediscover each other via Friends Reunited, and arrange to meet for lunch. Jan arrives first, wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number. After the initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old teeshirt, blue jeans and boots. She too shares the wine. Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University, she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London’s leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft apartment on Park Lane, where Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Portugal. Sue relates that she graduated from Cambridge University, studied to become a doctor and became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading financial investment banker in the City. They live in the Surrey stockbroker belt and have a second home in Italy. Mary explains that she after she left school at 17, she ran off with her boyfriend, Mark. They run a tropical bird park in Essex and grow their own vegetables. Mark can stand five parrots, side by side, on his erect penis. Halfway down the third bottle of wine and several hours later, Jan blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Tesco’s. They live in a small apartment in Bromley and have a caravan parked on the front drive. Sue, chastened and encouraged by her old friend’s honesty, explains that she and Clive are both nursing care assistants in an old people’s home. They live in Peckham and take camping holidays in Kent. Mary admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg.

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Registered association no. CV-01-045701-A We are having a Spring Dance at Encebras village hall on Saturday 19th May 2012 starting at 7.30pm tickets 3 euros. Bring a plate of food for the buffet table and your own drink. Tony M will be providing the music. Come along and have some fun. Thanks to all who attended our Auction on 30th March. We raised 458 euros. We have lots of puppies at the moment all looking for their own secure loving homes. Can you help?

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