Fame at last February was an interesting month for me, if only for the fact that a woman in my local bar (who was here on holiday for two weeks) managed to fall off of the same bar stool virtually every night – but full marks for perseverance I say, and good on her for helping the Spanish economy along a little, especially whoever it is who makes Sangria in (breakable) bottles. Still, I got recognised by her, ‘you’re that bloke wot wrote that book!’ she mentioned a helped her up, once more.
Avda Escandinavia 72, Gran Alacant Bookings: 689 077 602
Spain is getting colder each winter, definitely…
has a few rooms filled with
You’ll be warm, welcome and
old newspapers for some
by the time you leave (as in
reason. If I see him in town
my case) you won’t be both-
with a TV in a shopping
ered by the temperature,
either that or I’m becom-
trolley and a dog I’ll know
although I’m not sure if it
ing even more of a wimp
he’s finally flipped his lid I
was the alcohol or not but I
because I’m thinking of
swore I saw two penguins on
claiming for the winter fuel
A packed mag as ever with
the way home…either that or
payment – it’s been freez-
info about getting your car
they were very short nuns…
ing! Well…not actually freez-
an ITV, an interview with a
Spare a thought for those
ing, but near enough for a
couple of the busiest expat
less fortunate than your-
country that boasted tem-
lawyers on the Costa more
selves (that’ll be you guys
peratures over 40 degrees
fiscal stuff from the lovely
living and reading this in the
just six short months ago.
Andrea Burns and (not
UK…sorry) but we know that
It would help if the houses
forgetting) a cracking joke
this month things are going
here had a little more insula-
or two – we seem to have
to warm up a fair bit and
tion than a solid concrete
picked on nuns this month…
about six short weeks we’ll
wall that manages somehow
although the one about
be colour matching our flip-
to suck every drop of heat
Renault creating the perfect
flops with our leg-warmers
from the room the instant
car for women is possibly
(or is that just me) but soon
I turn off the gas heater.
fatal for whoever sent it in
we’ll have forgotten the cold
If you could see our pho-
(any complaints I’ll happily
of the winter and be saying
tographer, Mark Welton at
give up the senders name
‘innit hot?’ great…innit..?
home in the evenings you’d
be forgiven for thinking that
Enjoy the magazine in the
he’s turned into one of those
warm if you can but if you
lonesome nutters that wears
are still cold – I’ve found the
all their clothes and possibly
ideal remedy, hit the bars.
DESTINATION BAR & GRILL
ABOGADOS · BARRISTERS SOLICITORS · TAX ADVISORS Any legal problems?
Opening Times 10am -1am Every Day
965 480 737 / 606 056 282 firstname.lastname@example.org
contact us on: 96 669 5141 - 606 540 408 - email@example.com
PERFORMANCE & DIESEL CENTRE Motor Engineers of Guardamar and Santa Pola
All makes, petrol and diesel, Serviced and Repaired The Diesel Centre specialises in mechanical and engine repairs from routine servicing to repairing manual gear boxes, alternators, starter motors, Re-building complete engines, also up to date diagnostic fault finding, Head gaskets, timing belts, clutches, brakes, welding and air con. We also carry out pre-ITV inspections and take cars for the actual ITV tests. Mark, the owner, has more than 25 years experience as an Engineer, and is joined by Technicians Steve, who is a Ford trained Master Technician, and Tom, who is Mercedes trained, so you can be assured you are being served by the best in the area. The Centre’s reputation is built on expertise and quality of service, and many of its customers are referred by word of mouth recommendations.
The centre opens weekdays from 9am to 6pm (no Siesta) Saturday mornings 10.00am - 2.00 pm. Find us at C/Ferrers 90, Pol. Ind. Santa Ana, Guardamar
966107606 or 647162821
And now: C/Marineros 41, Pol. Ind. IN-2, Santa Pola
965078505 or 647162821
Or for a friendly chat or any advice you may need, please do not hesitate to give us a call:
he T Bar Open 10am till late Tuesday - Sunday, & 7pm till late Mondays Winter opening hours
Kitchen Open 11am - 3pm Tuesday - Saturday Kitchen Closed evenings except Friday fish n chips
Daily menu available 11am - 3pm
Plaza De La Villa 32, Hondon De Las Nieves Tel. 96 548 0681
Home made lunch time specials served 1pm - 3pm
Tuesday to Saturday just €4.95
Sticky Chilli Chicken & Rice, Cottage Pie, Individual steak pie, Chicken with tarragon, Roast dinner, all served with mash or chips and freshly cooked veg, or salad QUIZ NIGHT Menu changed often IS BACK!
Every Wednesday 8pm Pre quiz meal €5.00 served 6.15 - 7.45pm
Roast beef, turkey & pork €6.95 Fish n Chips Choose a starter or dessert every Friday for just €2.00 more 12.30pm - 2.30pm Home made soup, pate or & 6.30pm - 9.00pm tuna salad lightly battered cod, Home made desserts, Cheese-chips & either mushy cake, Fruit Crumble, Choco-or garden peas late cake €7.50 Reservations recommended 4
2 DART BOARDS
(players wanted for fun knockout nights and possible league players) newly recovered pool table
Private function room available upstairs (Seating for 40 plus)
Outside covered terrace with patio heater
Saturday 17th M
St Patricks bash from 8pm guinness € 2.20 500ml can
Irish stew & crus
ty bread €4.00
Saturday 31st m
Curry night from 7.30pm Popadoms & Pick les, Choice of curry with rice & Naan €9.00 Bookings only Followed by Disc o/karaoke
with Tony Maccar
oni 9pm - 1am
WE DON’T CLAIM ANYTHING MORE THAN TO BE ’ORIGINAL’
ADVICE INFO NEWS TIPS
Shopping in the shop that Mr Grumpy shall remain nameless
If there is one thing that fills me with dread, as it did when we lived in the UK, it is the yearly pilgrimage to spend a full day at a shopping-centre which shall not be named.
but our daughter was feeling the effects of
I get suckered into buying crap that I don’t want
boredom after being forced to queue up like a
or need : Light bulbs, Batteries, Tea-Lights,
refugee waiting for a cupful of rice.
Cutlery, Interesting Kitchen Utensils.... all which I would never have thought about buying else-
So the first thing we did was check her into the
where and if, for no other reasons, than because
play gym thing to let her blow off a bit of steam
I have an empty basket.
Let’s just say that this particular Scandinavian
whilst we wandered around the store to look for
But the thing that really pushed me over the
store is generally situated on the outskirts of
these things that we apparently needed.
edge were the jobsworths manning the highly dangerous and demanding position of watching
most major cities throughout Europe, and has a corporate colour scheme similar to an ‘Oirish’
Now if there are five things that hack me off
airline that employs similar business ethics:
about this store it is these: On palming your offspring off on the unsus-
Showing a total disregard and lack of respect for 1.) Which Nazi decided that I had to follow a
over the play-gym.
pecting attendant you are normally given a 45
certain route around the store like a mouse in a
minute ticket in exchange for 1 Euro. Quite rea-
The last time the dreaded excursion was forced
maze? Which Fascist decided to put choke points
sonable. However, the store is laid out in such
upon we must have circumvented the car park
on every corner where I would be encouraged to
a fashion that it is impossible to get all the way
at least a dozen times before abandoning the
pick up a catalogue and a 2” long blunt pencil,
round and pay for your goods in time to collect
car about a mile away to walk to the store. On
whilst trying to squeeze past Grannies with
your child at the agreed time.
actually reaching the front entrance we had to
weirdly shaped shopping trolleys?
So being the generous soul that I am, I volunteered to forego ‘the Marketplace’ and spend
queue to get in. Honestly, there was a team of Blue and Yellow clad bouncers on the door that
2.) What is this fascination with rugs, lamps,
the 15 mins following the yellow line zig-zagging
looked about as butch as Graham Norton at a
Candles, Pot Pourri and cushions? - Maybe it’s a
back through the store against the tide of people
Mardi Gras, telling people that the store was full
woman thing, but have you ever heard a (Het-
walking in the opposite direction, to collect my
and that they were enforcing a ‘one in, one out’
erosexual) man ever declare that ‘There isn’t
enough cushions in here’, or ask ‘Shall I light
I got to the desk and pointed to my daughter,
Honestly, I’m there with a pocket full of cash
another candle?’... ?
but as my other half had actually signed the indemnity form, the jobsworth would not let my
(despite ‘El Creesis’) and they are doing all they can to discourage me from getting through the
3.) Shoddily made doesn’t do the description of
daughter leave – despite that she was cling-
most of their furniture justice. Unless you only
ing to my leg asking me to buy her a Swedish
Fortunately / Unfortunately (depending how you
intend whatever it is that you bought to last 2
hot dog. I showed Sr Jobsworth my driving
look at it) We live about 3 hours away, so the
years at most, you will be disappointed. Every
licence and passport, proving how my name and
last thing I want to do is go away and try again
time the wind blows the compressed fibreboard
address matched that of both my OH and my
another day, so we stuck it out.
swells and splits or the screws rattle loose in
daughter. Still they would not let her leave in my
30 mins later we were given the enormous
their holes. I’d prefer to pay a few extra quid
and buy some proper furniture that I didn’t have
So I tried to call the OH on her mobile but, for
to make myself from the contents of a Christmas
the love of sweet baby Jesus, the store is so
vast that it is impossible to get a signal so far
honour of being allowed into the store to spend our hard earned cash there,
Either way, I Know Everything’s Awful (... that Grammar School education wasn’t
inside and away from the real world! So I had to spend another 15 mins walking back along the yellow zig-zaggy line to find the Mrs
deep in contemplation in a major pot-pourri de4.) Honestly,
cision, to tell her that she had to go all the way
what is it about
back to collect our daughter. Which naturally, I
the names? I get the idea that
got the blame for. So finally we got to the checkout, to pay for
they are trying to
the vast array of goods that we had travelled 2
be ‘European’ and
hours to get to, 30 mins queuing to get to see,
all that, but calling
30 mins with childcare issues, only to be told
something as munmun
that there was an estimated wait of 30 mins at
dane as a Bookshelf
the Cash desks due to the volume of shoppers
‘Spunk’, or a coffee table ‘Ploppy’ doesn’t really sell it to me.
compared to the shortage of cashiers. (Shortage of Cashiers? – With a 23% rate of Unemployment in Spain?) I can’t for the life in me think why we only make
5.) The ‘marketplace’ :
it a once in a year event.
even as a hardened cynic
- BUT IT’S FLATTERING TO BE COPIED - ALL ABROAD!
E R A U Q S S E TIM t n r a u a s t ub & Re Irish P
St Paddy’s Day
Find us in Plaza Ma yor (above suPervalu), Gran alacant
TIMES SQ UA RE OPE
H C R A M
(all day from 1pm till 9pm) Seafood Chowder Irish Meatloaf Smoked Salmon Salad
Monday – Bar & Restaurant closed
Irish Lamb Stew Steak & Guinness Pie Boiled Bacon & Cabbage Apple Tart & Cream Bailey’s Cheesecake Irish Whiskey Trifle
m 1pm Tuesday – Open fro Bingo starts 1.30pm m Steak Night from 7p from Wednesday – Open 1.30pm 2pm Spanish class starts m Thursday – Open fro 4pm
Three Courses 12.50€
4pm Friday – Open from ll Ha Disco with DJ Tony from 10pm m Saturday – Open fro big 1pm – Live Sports on screens m Sunday – Open fro h 1pm for Sunday lunc
! E R A U ES SQ
IM T T A D EEKEN
W Y T R A SP
! Y D D A P A E IK
L Y T R A P L L A
’ K C I R T A P T S A ’S
m o c . t m n o c a . c t n la a a c n a la r a g n e a r r imeessssqquuaareg wwwwww..ttim 4788 442299 TTeel.l. 669933 47
3 BIG SCREENS
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408 www.facebook.com/timessquaregranalacant
Fiscal help... Spanish probate / Inheritances Spanish Wills Conveyancing
TAXES residents & non-residents are the correct taxes I should pay as a resident What or non-resident? Here is the clear distinction:
Spanish tax authorities are ex-
outstanding tax debts to fill the
till and it seems no fish is too
small to fry. It might be a pru-
ing a valid resident certificate or
dent move to straighten up a
few issues that have not been
formed about your status as a
Property taxes Power of attorney Private sales contracts Change-over of utility bills Planning permissions
ercising a tighter control over
A resident is anyone hold-
The bank is correctly in-
before it is brought to one’s at-
tention by the dreaded authority
The correct taxes that have to
Annual resident’s income Due in May/June for the
previous tax year
be paid when one is a resident or a non-resident and what to do
when this status is changed or
reversed is often a little unclear
holding only an N.I.E. number.
to the average house owner.
This uncertainty may become
formed about your status as a
cause for a few bothersome
moments if they had been han-
dled incorrectly and are subse-
wealth +income tax
quently pointed out in a formal,
incomprehensive letter courtesy
the previous tax year
A non-resident is anyone The bank is correctly in-
Due between Jan/Dec for
of the “Administración de Hacienda”, usually mentioning a fine
When a change from one status
and, if gone unattended, a sei-
to the other occurs you simply
zure on your bank account.
make sure that you also change to the correct taxes. For further advice please contact me, details below.
Avenida América, 32, GRAN ALACANT 96 669 7824 OFFICE@ANDREABURNS.ES
Our own contributors - experienced for expat info
Hondon de Las Nieves
Friendly faces & friendly prices from people you can trust
Know what I mean...?
Daily newspapers Fri, Sat & Sun in store John Smith’s Strongbow Guinness Varied
1.10€ per 500ml can 1.10€ per 500ml can 1.65€ 4.40ml selection of world wines in store
+ Real Ales in stock
Aberdeen Angus - Steaks - Joints - gammons & many other BBQ items available to order
SEA KLEAR products for pools and hot tubs now in stock
Opening hours Mon 10 till 14.00 Tuesday to Friday 10 till 14.00 & 17.00 till 19.00 Saturday 10 till 14.00 Selection of golf Sunday 10 till 13.30
accesories in store
Tel/Fax 965 480718
Large selection of dry & frozen Dutch products
Calle Nueva 7 Hondon de Las Nieves
Dave Bull shares a coffee with two of Alicante’s busiest solicitors and finds out a bit more about how our some of our Spanish hosts live and work. I’ve had a few experiences here in Spain with lawyers (any of you that have read my book will know what I mean…) but since I bumped into a friendly Spaniard, who speaks (and jokes) with an accent similar to mine, (possibly a worse sense of humour though..) at the British consulate in Alicante I’ve changed my mind after discovering, (these guys friendliest solicitors I’ve ever met) that legal things can be made simple and dealt with efficiently (useful for people like me). Since that day I’ve dealt with Ignacio and his partner Pedro (who speaks English just as well as Ignacio) a lot and found that because they’ve spent so much time in the UK understanding the legal system it’s made dealing with all the Spanish paperwork that much easier to understand, and therefore carry out. So I decided (over yet another coffee with the gents) to find out a bit more about them and their lives, and how come the two friends of 17 years (they met in 1995) speak like me…?
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
SPANISH LIVES time) to get involved in more sports – I don’t know where they get the energy; I’m getting tired writing this… The guys are fully qualified and, as I said before, their clients benefit from them having worked in England, and being qualified barrister’s they can represent clients at any level including in the Spanish high courts (let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!). I know from experience that they’ll talk to you about the possible final cost of things rather than surprise you with a final bill with a figure that pos sibly has too many zeros… The other thing to mention is because you’re an All Abroad reader; they let you take advantage of them and are offering a free first consultation - on a no obligation basis.
British Consulate As I said at the top of this article I met Ignacio in the building that houses the British Consul (which if you haven’t been is in Plaza Calvo Sotelo, near to Cortes Ingles in the centre of Alicante) and their offices are there too and thankfully on the first floor! With the constantly changing residency, health, property, and taxation laws (sometimes because of those wonderful people at the EU…) and leg-
islation in general, it is often confusing for us
It turns out the two spent a year at Southampton
Both family men, Pedro lives with his wife and
expats to understand, however, because of their
Institute of international law and while there they
two year old son, Pablo, and enjoys sailing and
experience, I found the partners manage to see
worked to pay their way, and possibly sample the
playing chess in his spare time (although I didn’t
things from my point of view, which, trust me, is
British hostelries now and again...? Plus having
get chance to ask, but I don’t think he does both
really handy. I don’t know how many times I’ve
spent a good deal of the work hours dealing with
at the same time…). Ignacio likes to go places
sat in front of a lawyer thinking I understood
Brits (in English) I guess it’s no surprise that the
in his spare time (literally) as he prefers to be ei-
when in reality I was miles off…
two of them speak English so well. Also a spell
ther walking, either with or without his adopted
Anyway, to finish up Ignacio and Pedro can visit
in supermarket ASDA gave them some pocket
dog –the very cute Mary - or cycling, and spend-
you at home if that makes things easier, and for
money to help see them through their studies.
ing time with his wife and new born son, Arturo,
those unable to travel they are prepared to try
Having studied law together at Alicante univer-
to meet the clients on a local basis. I’ve always
sity, Pedro who is now 35 and Ignacio (34) went
is six weeks old. (I’d guess sleeping could
found it easier and quicker to contact them and
their separate ways for a little while - working
be added to that list too -now the little one is
explain my problem and they always find a way
at opposite ends of the Costa Blanca - before
of fitting me in. so if you need some help under-
finally teaming up and forming Pellicer Heredia
They’ve both been bitten by the golf bug recently
standing the Spanish law or just have a ques-
Solicitors and using their understanding of Brit-
too, although with young families and a busy
tion, give the guys a call and see for yourself how
ish people to build a firm of three offices with a
law practice on the go they’ll probably have a
simple, and friendly they’ve made things – even
fourth opening in Ciudad Quesada
reasonable excuse if their handicaps don’t start
their staff speaks perfect English!
dropping. They also want (when they have more
Words DAVE BULL photography MARK WELTON
Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408
QUALITY NEW AND USED FURNITURE We buy - sell and part-exchange New stock daily Separate large Bedroom shop stocking new and used beds
Also at: ZOCO MARKET Every Sunday large air-conditioned shop within the market
All work GUARANTEED - Over 30 YEARS experience - EXCLUSIVE OFFFERS - FREE no-obligation quote
British bedding ‘An Kitchenware A l a d dins Ca Small electricals ve o f ideas!’ Lamps Candles Pictures Within the main shop in Elyseos Playa/ Mar Azul we now have a large dept sellMirrors ing New Household Items, everything to complement the home from the decorative to the practical.
Opening times Mon-Fri 10 – 7pm (No siesta) Sat 10 – 2. Items to sell and enquiries call:
965 715 605
Tel. 96 543 23 50- firstname.lastname@example.org - www.toldospenalver.com
TRUCK IT EUROPE
& storage UK - sPaIN - UK
Call for a free quote
69 777Experienced 5588 - -07523 652 444 Insured -Legal
Restaurant Review by THE
DARK HORSE (The secret Galloping Gourmets of the Costa!)
Location: TIMES SQUARE Bar & Restaurant Gran Alacant
We decided on a Sunday roast for our lunch and headed along to Times Square in the Plaza Mayor in Gran Alacant to see whether it came up to this Dark Horse’s standards. Times Square (an Irish Bar & Restaurant) sits quietly in the corner of the Plaza Mayor (which is above the SuperValu supermarket) and we were offered the choice of dining inside or outside – in the sun – I’m sure you can guess which option we took given the beautiful weather on Sunday. We were initially welcomed by our jovial waiter (Tony) who got us settled and made us feel comfortable until we were ready to order. I chose the pork from the choice of meats available (pork, beef, lamb or chicken) while my partner chose the beef and we both agreed on the chicken Dijon’s as our starters. The ﬁrst thing we noticed was the presentation of the starter was amazing! Take a look at the photo (which can’t do it justice really) as it almost looked too good to eat! Immediately I thought, ‘how am I going to eat all this AND a full lunch?’ but we’ll come to that.
CREDIT CRUNCH ADVERTISING
The starters were nicely cooked and served by our waitress who made sure we were happy before disappearing to service the many other patrons who had had the same idea as us for Sunday lunch. The starters were as delicious as they had looked and complimented well with salad and sauces that brought the full ﬂavour from our food – my partner commented immediately that there was someone in the kitchen whom really knew what they were doing! That was why we’d come here to test them out as we’d heard such things before and are always ready to see just how good some restaurants are – and of course as good as they claim to be. Having checked that we were ready for our main course (I always prefer it when a waitress asks rather than dishes up the food while I’m still waiting for the ﬁrst course to settle down) it was promptly delivered – and as I said earlier, I again questioned where on earth I was going to ﬁt it all! We had full plates of meat with huge (and delicious) homemade Yorkshire puddings, plus four different types of vegetables and stufﬁng –which I feel is a must on a roast. The meat was properly cooked and the vegetables very slightly crisp (as they should be) with plenty of taste and not, as we have experienced an awful lot in Spain, over-cooked to a mush. Topped by homemade (and proper) gravy the meal was plentiful (to say the least) but more importantly for me, it was cooked and presented perfectly. Our waitress made sure that we had everything we needed before leaving us (although she was there in an instant if we needed her - such a change to some other places I could mention too!) and the chef (restaurant owner Gavin) even came out to make sure we were happy with his meal - which is what any good chef should do. We talked (and he was happy to) about the meal and how he had prepared it and we were impressed not only by his knowledge of cooking but at his attention to detail and how important it was to him that the customer is left satisﬁed (and full!) after one of his meals. I couldn’t ﬁnd room for the wonderful cheesecake on offer for dessert but my partner managed to ﬁnish his (just) and a simple smack of his lips and a rub of his belly told me all I needed to know about whether he had enjoyed it or not.
NEW! LOW RATES!
As I said at the start of this review, we don’t know the owners or anyone connected to Times Square but were told of its reputation for ﬁne food, and ﬁne portions can now be added to that. We do this for the love of it and enjoy putting restaurants to the test. We paid for our meal and the ﬁrst that anyone will know that we’ve been there will be this review in All Abroad Magazine (who have kindly offered to print our reviews) so we hope he like it as much as we enjoyed the food. Look out as we may sneak back for the Steak Night next week!
Dark Horse rating: Well worth a visit. Good value for money, good quality food and friendly and attentive service in a nice setting. We receive no payment (nor do we get free meals for these reviews) – the establishments we visit DO NOT know we are coming (nor who we are) and we ALWAYS pay our way because as we all know – there’s no such thing as a free lunch!
Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408
The Kitchen Open All Day
Ship El Barco
Sunday Roast CHARITY
Curry Night Pla. Amistat 6, La Marina Village (next to the church)
Tel. 648 963 843
Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408
Getting to the bottom of it...
ADVICE INFOTIPS NEWS
The Spanish ITV Test: A First-Hand Experience I know about the Spanish ITV : What it is and why I need one etc... However, my Spanish is not what you may call fantastic, and neither am I particularly familiar with the mechanical working of a motor vehicle. I have read a number of guides on the subject of the Spanish ITV, but to be honest with, I didn’t want to know the theory of what was tested – I am neither a qualified mechanic, or likely to employed by the Ministry of Traffic – I just wanted to get the correct piece of paper in my hand that confirmed that my Car was road legal. In short, I wanted a practical guide. I scoured the net and could not find any up to date or particularly informative experiences of getting an ITV done, so decided to have a bash at doing it myself. Making the appointment Most larger Towns have an ITV station. If you don’t where the nearest one to you is you can either call 902 108 368 or visit www.circuitv. com There is no requirement to make an appointment – you can just turn up an wait and take your chances – but this is not always guaranteed. (Tip : Make an appointment as early as possible in the morning to ensure you are not kept waiting with by an delays or ITV’s that have been ‘slipped in’ due to them not having an appointment). On calling the number to make an appointment the automated service (in Spanish) gives an option of what services were available: Option 1 was to “Hacer una Cita” (Make an appointment) and on selecting this, I was directed to an operator. I was asked which dates and times I would like to chose for my test, together with the “Matriculatcion” (Registration number), which he entered into a computer and confirmed that it was both correct, and that I was the named owner, and then asked for my phone
number as a confirmation. (Tip : If you give a mobile number a confirmation of your appointment is sent by text to you.) On arrival Park up, and go to the office, taking with you your “Permiso de Circulación” (log Book) and previous ITV Slip - These should be original copies and not photocopies. The desk staff will then check these details on the computer, confirm that you have not changed address or phone number since your previous ITV, and take the fee for the test - 50.95. On payment your paperwork will be handed back to you together with an A4 slip for the testing mechanic to tick off the things tested and record any results. You will also be directed to which ‘lane’ to drive into. (Tip : Take cash – the swipe machine was broken when I turned up, fortunately I had just enough cash on me.) Taking the test Queue up in the appropriate lane – my appointment was early in the morning so there was queue. You should not get out of your vehicle during the test, but wind the window down so you can hand him the paperwork and follow his instructions. The instructions are pretty basic and reasonably obvious, so almost everyone should be able to get by with a basic understanding of Spanish. The are 3 ‘areas’ to the lane that you are in and the mechanic will tell you when to move from one to the other : 1) He will test all of the lights, indicators, brake lights, fog lights and reverse lights and then check your exhaust for emissions. He will then pop your bonnet and have a look at god-know’s-what. 2) You will be directed to drive forward onto the rolling road (back wheels and front wheels separately) and use the “Frenos” (Brakes) and “Freno de mano” (Handbrake)
By The Equalizer as directed. 3) You will be directed to drive over the ‘Pit’, where he will check your exhaust, the shock absorbers, and your tyres together with the integrity of the bodywork under your car. Once this has been you will be handed your test and be asked to pull out of the test lane : Park your car and take your paperwork back into the office, where your new ITV certificate will be printed and you will be issued with a new sticker to affix to the top of the inside, passenger side of the windscreen (as proof of ITV test in any Guardia inspections). Failure I was fortunate in my car passing the test so can’t give first hand info on the failure process, but understand that upon failure, a report is issued which details the defects, which can then be taken to your local garage for the appropriate repairs. If a re-test is taken in the same day the re-test charge is often waived, but if it is taken at anytime up to the 10 days limit allowed by law the charges can vary considerably depending upon what the defect was – up to a maximum of the full fee. However... Anyone wishing to use my ‘experience’ as a guide should know that this is based upon a Spanish Registered LHD road vehicle – testing criteria is totally different for Mopeds to Cars; Commercial to Private and from Petrol to Diesel vehicles – as do the prices charged for their tests and the frequency of test required. Any ITV test done on a UK registered vehicle is considered as nothing more than a ‘voluntary safety inspection’ by Spanish law and therefore anyone undertaking one should be aware that this in no way replaces the UK’s MOT test and as such could invalidate an insurance policy. Lastly, I am pretty sure that procedures can and will vary between test stations and so this should be considered for guideline purposes only.
contact us on email@example.com
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“If you are thinking of selling or renting your property, do not hesitate to contact us, PROFESSIONALISM, EFFORT AND CONFIDENCE, is our guarantee to you.
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96 669 5289
& VIST US!!
at: Parque de Guadalquiver 1, Avda Londres La Marina Urb.
(Follow signs for Barclays Properties)
& need donations of:
Supporting: EMAUS Childrens care home PAWS animal rescue Finca Lucendum
Bric-a-brac Books Furniture Clothes & anything else you can think of!!! Open: Mon-Fri 10am-6pm Sat 10am-2pm (Sun Closed) Tel. 96 618 4324 www.impact-charity.com
Reg. Charity no. 590417
Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408
Making an Impact...
Mystic Monkey ‘Uuuummmmm...’
MARCH 2012 All arty Aries, who still write with a feather quill, are at significant risk of running out of ink more than twice this month, ensure stocks of ink are replenished immediately because this month there is a lot of artfully inscribed penmanship ahead.
Pictures Volunteers at our shop in La Marina Impact Charity are a registered charity situated in Parque de Guadalquivir Nr 1, Urb La Marina, [grey area]...this is an association managed by volunteers, who do fund raising, by special events held at the shop and surrounding bars and restaurants...including fashion shows, raffles, dances, cake making, craft sales. We also rely heavily on donations brought into the shop these include clothes, bric a brac, furniture, electrical items, these are sorted and tested before putting out for sale. Annually all the association members put forward proposals, as to which charities they wish to support through the coming year, these are then voted upon. This year the 3 charities decided upon were Emaus, Paws and Finca Lucendum; this gives us a mixture of both children and animal charities to concentrate on. Since Christmas there has been a collection point at the shop for food, this is
SOLAR RINGS FOR POOLS
(Keeps pool warmer)
See our advert
BITTHISBITTHAT page 22
OH STOP IT! You are only pretending to be fed-up with the positive comments about your chiselled physique, handsome features, money making acumen and homebuilding skills. This month your critics will be hampered by a plot hatched by Jupiter and Mars in November last year. Rabbits are well starred, especially on the 14th with Jupiter keen to impress on you the value of their kind licky grins - feed them well on this date and they will explain to you a money making venture the animal kingdom has been trying to communicate to human kind for the last 5 years. A small old gray haired lady on a bicycle is dinging her bell at you as she approaches slowly from behind. She is approaching on a sidewalk, or path, and either you move or she will plough into you in slow motion. The huge risk you took last month may be about to pay dividends, or it may not be. Jupiter is undecided. Mars is keen to pay out. Saturn is keen you should fail in your venture. Let the planets fight it out - enjoy long lay-ins and take all economic news as a joke at which you should laugh heartily and at length. What could be a brick, or possibly the word ‘frick’ are set to pepper this month with meaning - the charts are a bit ambiguous after the 2nd. Libra is the only star sign with the word bra hidden in the name. This is about to become a serious problem for all non-cross dressing Libra men out there. Man boobs are about to become a particular concern, and perhaps the invention of a man boob bra could tip you over the edge. For women Librans, it’s a ‘ho hum’ month Caravaggio, pizza, and chips are all well starred this month, especially in Rome, Italy, and Venice, Nebraska. Avoid the fish in Florence, Italy/California/Mexico, until the 18th when Saturn is set to hide the croutons out of reach.
collected by the San Fulgencio council and distributed to the needy. We would like to give a big thank you to all of our loyal customers both
Sunglasses should be worn sparingly after dark on the 7th as they will look especially pretentious at that time, or possibly even give the comical impression that you have forgotten you have them on.
donating and buying, and hope you continue to support us in the future; also we are always looking new volunteers to work in our shop or behind the scenes, don’t be shy just pop in and see us. Our next extravaganza and event
You are about to discover a mint that will change your life. Trouble is you won’t be able to stop talking about it. Is the mint the life changing thing, or is it the boring of others about it? Only you and Saturn can square the circle on this riddle this month. A dongle, a woggle, or possibly even a muggle are all perfectly starred for any recreational activity, but beware anyone who comes to your door wearing or selling any of these things.
is our Easter Fair this will take place at the shop in La Marina, Saturday 7th April 10 am until 2 pm.
come along and support us we will be having a sale that day as well.
A coincidence, or maybe just a strange incidence, is set to restrain joy for much of the month. Garlic, silver bullets and red painted star-like diagrams on the floor will add a new dimension to your housekeeping endeavours.
ALL ABROAD! - original ideas...
Got a question? Ask Steve at firstname.lastname@example.org
Questions & ANSWERS
with Steve Haynes of
THINKING OF BUYING A NEW COMPUTER? Before beginning your search for your new computer: - Decide if you want a desktop PC or notebook/laptop PC. Desktop PCs can be more powerful but notebook PCs are portable - Decide how much approximately you want to spend - Decide what you will be using the PC for. You won’t need a particularly powerful system if you’re only going to browse the Web and send e-mails. WHAT TO LOOK FOR Often when reading about PC packages you will be confronted with a huge list of specifications which will mean nothing to you if you don’t have much knowledge of computer hardware. Some companies may try to confuse you with technical details, hoping that by mentioning large enough
than just the left and right buttons on the Mouse - they often also include a Wheel in the centre which can be a useful addition. Nowadays you can also get wireless keyboards and mice. Tower - the shell of the desktop PC contains all the components which make your system work including the processor, memory and Hard Disk. You should check how many USB ports are included, as you will need one for each peripheral you connect such as scanners and printers. need your machine to be and whether you want to be able to do work on the move. Desktop PCs are usually more powerful than notebook/laptop PCs for the same price, but the latter have the advantage of being portable and taking up much less space. Monitor - it is important to check this is mentioned as although this may seem like an essential part of a desktop PC system, some packages may not include one. TFT (Flat Panel) monitors are the norm nowadays because of how thin they are compared to the old bulky CRT monitors. When buying a monitor you want the highest resolution, which will give a more detailed and sharper picture. A resolution of 1280x1024 should be fine for most users.
Desktop or Notebook - the type of PC you need will depend on how powerful you
RAM - the temporary memory the computer uses to do its calculations. As usual, more is better. Graphics Card - handles video and display calculations. A more powerful card means better quality video graphics and smooth-running games. The most popular cards are the NVidia GeForce and ATI Radeon series. Another thing to note is that the graphics card also has its own RAM memory, and again the more the better. Sound Card - most PCs should include decent enough s o u n d for playing music or video.
numbers you will think the PC is better than it really is. Computer specifications change all the time and your needs will determine what size or speed components are appropriate for you. The following is a general guide with some tips on what to look for.
Processor - the heart of your PC, this is the engine that powers your computer and processes all the instructions it is given, therefore you want it to be as fast as possible.
Speakers - 2 normal desktop speakers should be fine for most users. Keyboard & Mouse - all desktop PCs should include these and there is often little difference between the various models. One thing to note is that some have more
CD/DVD-ROM Drive - plays CDs/DVDs including data discs, music CDs and film DVDs. The higher the speed, the faster files will be loaded from disc.
For more help and advice call in and see us or contact us using the details below: contact Steve direct on email@example.com or 96 671 8705 17
THE CASTLE BAR Camping Castillejo FULLY AIR CONDITIONED
Tel. 693 266 770
Special fish and chips
every Friday 12 til 8pm
6.00€ for 8-10 oz & 7.50€ for 12-14 oz
SUNDAY CARVERY 1.00PM - 5.00PM
Banos de Fortuna
All meals available Available now in our on site shop as All your favourite brands from the UK TAKE-AWAY! BRITISH GOODS
Daily Specials at 6€
inc. Welsh lambs liver, homemade pies, Cajun chicken, Homemade lasagne + quiche, English pork & leek, cumberland or lincoln sausages
We use only Aberdeen Angus Beef, Welsh Lamb, & English Organic Pork, English Organic & free range Norfolk turkey. Booking Advisable
1 Course 8€ 2 Course 10€ 3 Course 12€
Winter opening hours WED , THURS, FRI, SAT, 11AM-11PM MON, TUES (KITCHEN CLOSED - Snacks Available) OPEN 11AM-4PM
2nd - Homemade Pie 9th - Curry Night 16th - Fish & Chips 23rd - 2 for 12€ Served From 12-8pm ALTERNATIVE MENU AVAILABLE
FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST QUIZ NIGHT Every Wednesday includes free nibbles for contestants PC DOCTORS SURGERY
Thursdays 1pm to 4pm LIVE FOOTBALL (SKY Sports & ESPN)
SUNDAY 11AM -6PM (CLOSED IN EVENING).
FOOD SERVED FROM 12 -8PM - KITCHEN CLOSED TUESDAY 18
FRIDAY SPECIALS IN MARCH
Showing all the latest movies in English - see website for details
including homemade chips, mushy or garden peas and bread and butter. fabulous value and quality
s! Join u
John & Carol offer you a very warm welcome & invite you to savour the best in quality home-cooked food
3 GREAT Shops in 1 Call now on: 966 183 002 - firstname.lastname@example.org
Opening MARCH 2012
Avenida Escandinavia Gran Alacant
(Suzie Screws - we are moving 2 doors up!)
Second-hand Furniture WANTED & for sale
a TREASURE CHEST...
of gifts, cards & much much more!
everything for DIY & trade
Plus Key-cutting, cycle & mobility scooter hire
... and those that copy...TEL. 606 540 408
POSTAL & COURIER SERVICE
To and from the UK, Europe & the Rest of the World
Perfectly Sized! For most European size restrictions
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Y T DA NEVEXRY SERVICE
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Just off the high street, next to Habitat Immobilaria. Until mid Jan: Calle 9 Octubre, Local 4 Bajo, 03187, Los Montesinos
Off the main street opposite the Shang Hai Chinese restaurant
One couple’s experience when investing in a franchise in Spain turned into an expensive nightmare…. I met up with a couple of old friends this month, we were colleagues when we met initially – we were doing business
www.easypost.es email: email@example.com
with each other - and who have now become good friends,
Spain, to put it mildly. In fact you may know them or even
We Buy And Sell Second Hand Household Goods All Aspects of property Maintenance undertaken Pool Maintenance, Air Conditioning, Electrical, Plumbing, Satellite TV etc
Contact: Peter Tel. 650 788 851 Email:firstname.lastname@example.org
Comercial unit 12c, Las Kalendas, Fortuna, Murcia
MINI MARKET SIZZOR Comercial unit 12b, Las Kalendas, SISTERS Fortuna, Murcia, 30620 Tel. 650 788851
Stockists of all your favourite British foods. Fresh Bread Daily 70c Frozen Food section
Daily & Sunday Newspapers
Greeting cards for all occasions
Opening times: Mon-Sat 10-2 & Sun 10-12
Make sure you get what you’re paying for.
Excellent source for
courier service age and golf clubs through our
BUYING A BUSINESS IN SPAIN?
Hair & Beauty Salon
Ladies W/C/B from 10€ Colour W/C/B from 25€ Highlights W/C/B from 30€ Manicure & Pedicure from 5€ Eyebrow waxing from 5€ Mens cut from 6€ Comercial unit 12a, Las Kalendas, Fortuna, Murcia, 30620 Open: 10-2pm Thursday, Friday, Saturday Call for appointment 679 769 670 English/Espanol
and oh boy have they had an interesting time so far in used their services or you may have seen their vans on our roads, because John and Maria Oliver, who have both been in Spain seven years, run the highly successful postal service Easypost that many expats use as an economical (and secure) way of sending mail. The business is thriving (even in the current climate,) and John and Maria looked relaxed as we chatted on a sunny and warm Santa Pola seafront in February looking out at the Mediterranean, but it hasn’t all been calm seas for the couple as they’ve been battling recently with an ex-colleague from whom they bought their original franchise. Maria, who is originally from Portugal, wanted to warn potential buyers of franchises in Spain to be careful as they had learnt the lesson the hard (and expensive) way and discovered after investing tens of thousands that they didn’t actually own anything at all.
Meeting It all began five years ago when the couple met; John was working for another mail courier service at the time and would periodically call in to Maria’s office where she ran her legal and fiscal advice company. The couple soon fell in love and were offered (what they thought at the time) a great opportunity to run their own business by buying a franchise of the one that John was working for. Putting all
ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.
TEL. 606 540 408
their trust in John’s boss they signed a contract and parted with
something that they would never actually own) John and Maria
25,000€. For that they got the ‘franchise’ for the Elche area, five
decided to start afresh, change the name of the business and
agents and the support of the franchiser. With things seemingly
carry on, even though they had parted with over one hundred
going well they bought the ‘rights’ to the Murcia area for another
thousand euros by that point.
15,000€. Things were looking good and they believed things would only get better in time as they gained more experience.
All was going fine and when 18 months later they were offered the
It’s been 18 months now and John and Maria certainly look like
franchise for the whole of the Alicante region for 200,000€ they
they can sit back and reflect on their experience a little more
seriously had to consider the offer and after checking the accounts
relaxed these days; Easypost is growing faster than ever and
thoroughly they felt the offer was too good an opportunity to miss
Maria told me that they have plans to expand their services in the
and began talks to take over the region.
coming year (they already cover Spain from Benidorm to Malaga). With almost 150 agents to service within that area the couple
Although they didn’t have all the money to invest it was agreed
are certainly kept busy but, although they still battle with their
that they would hand over their life-savings and pay the rest in
ex-colleague, they asked to pass on their experience of buying
instalments, and so they did. A short while later John’s old boss
a franchise in Spain as (and as a lot of us has discovered) it not
decided he was going back to the UK, leaving John and Maria to
always as straight forward as you think in foreign countries such a
run things completely. The couple were still paying instalments
of between three to five thousand euros periodically and had so far handed over 77,000€ but after John saw a programme about
Their battle in the Spanish courts continues against the
franchises in Spain the alarm bells began to ring.
people they have spent their life savings with and the couple told me, they were determined to see justice done.
Feeling very worried by what they’d seen on the TV programme
John and Maria asked me if they could also use this oppor-
they took all of their paperwork for the franchise to a lawyer who
tunity to thank all of their Mail Points who have remained
broke the news to them that, under Spanish law, they’d actually
loyal and very supportive throughout, what has been, a
tormenting time for them but one they’ve learnt an awful lot from.
Not wanting to continue working in the same vein (or paying for
BOB’S BAR BANOS DE FORTUNA
Tel. 681 317 447 Open Every day 12.30-late
Fridays: QUIZ & BINGO from about 9.30pm Sundays: 7.30pm QUIZ NIGHT max 6 per team - ROLLOVER JACKPOT!
Commisssion-free AUCTION 1st Tuesday every month (Lots in 12.30pm Auction starts 2pm) Premiership & International football on HUGE PROJECTOR SCREEN Soak up the atmosphere Sky Sports / ESPN
Know what I mean...? EXPAT LIVES
MIKE & HEIDI
Sixteen years in Spain…so far, so good! By Dave Bull ‘I still love meeting clients in the office or at the airport who are coming to Spain either to enjoy their holiday’s or to start their business trip on the Costa Blanca…’ Mike Haynes.
ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.
TEL. 606 540 408
Standing at Alicante airport when I first started work in Spain (12 years ago now) I’d be chatting away to Mike and Heidi who’d also be holding a board in front of them with a car rental client’s name on it. They were fun days and a lot has changed at Alicante airport since then (especially the coffee). For example, I’m now writing this while my friends have continued running Coys Rent-a-Car and have developed it into one of the most popular independent car hire companies around. Why? Giving good old fashioned service I’d say. We’ve written on these pages before about the ’extras’ we find ourselves paying when going with the ‘bargain offer’ on some of the big companies websites but Coys is still run in the way it’s customers have enjoyed for 16 years; with
the personal touch and no hidden surprises. But enough about the company, I wanted Mike and Heidi to tell me more about their own story of life in Spain, and as a young family. I went down to his office in Torreta II, Torrevieja to have a chat, and a coffee of course…
Family Having started the interview by insulting them both (I assumed they were ‘Brummies’ but in fact they’re from Wolverhampton…) not the greatest start, I was soon forgiven and Mike and Heidi began telling me how the expat experience in Spain has been for them. The couple have been together for 22 years and have a football-mad son (and dad Mike) Charlie who is now playing for Torrevieja. Mike told me, ‘we all love Spain and the way of life here and even though work does tend to take up the vast majority of the time we still manage to get out to enjoy some time as a family either on our push-bikes or to the cinema, the beach, walking by the sea, socialising or watching Charlie play football.’ Having spent sixteen years working in the rent a car business on the Costa Blanca Mike and Heidi have seen some changes in that time but living the ‘different’ way of life as an expat in Spain has made them fall in love with the place, and with young Charlie being born here they have no plans on going back to chilly Wolverhampton…or anywhere else for that matter.
helping them run the business, the couple still get involved in all the day to day running of the business and provide that personal touch which has seen them do so well (and meet many new friends) over the years as they’ve welcomed new arrivals to Spain. They still run the company as their loyal customers have always wanted by offering good old-fashioned service., Coys Rent-a-Car still pride themselves on offering that service; all necessary paperwork is done before the client arrives, so no queuing - which is nice when you’ve just arrived - or alternatively clients who live close to Torrevieja can take advantage of the free home pick up service and have a representative collect them and bring them to the office. Mike said, ‘we have been through the boom time and now we are fighting through the economic crisis we all find ourselves in. One thing that will not change is our attitude to customer satisfaction and that is what makes us stand out. If a customer is quoted a price, that is what they will pay´ For friendly service and car hire that you can rely on, give Mike at Coys RentA-Car a call on 966 702 816/ 629 362 764. Or for those online, log onto their user-friendly website www. coysrent-a-car.com which displays all of the information you need including the cost of hiring and booking of vehicles.
The business Although they have staff photography MARK WELTON
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.
TEL. 606 540 408
MENU DEL DIA
Dinner + Show
a choice of: 3 Starters 3 Mains & 3 Desserts Incl. Bread, Drink & Coffee
Sundays & Fiestas
ALL NEW MENU
966 69 53 99
For Additional Show Times Please Call
Mahou 1/3 - 1€ Mahou 1/5 - 2 x 1€ Mahou pint - 2€ Glass wine - 1€ or Mahou 1/5 + Tapa - 1.60€ 1/3 - Tapa - 1.90€
Retro Disco Services JFM Radio Network Tel 608 893 944
Info@retrodiscoservices.com Alicante - Costa Blanca - Costa Calida - Murcia - Mazarron - Pinoso - Fortuna - Hondon Gran Alacant - Santa Pola
Video Music Quiz Nights It’s time to get quizzical! Enter into the new world of the music quiz with our brand new Video Quiz nights. Retro pop/music videos and questions from the 1920’s to the present day. Don’t be shy give it a try.
Karaoke Disco Nights We have over 80,000 songs (old and new) you and your guests can choose from so there is not much room for excuses not to get up and embarrass yourselves, and unlike our competitors we have two forward facing TV monitors so now everyone can see what you are singing and join in as well.
Professional - Experienced - Reliable - Competitive Prices Karaoke Nights - Video Music Quiz Nights - Rock N Roll Bingo Nights - 60s Nights - 70s Nights - 80s Nights - Dog, Pig & Horse Race Nights - Marquee Hire - Table and Chair Hire - Interactive Game Nights
STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408
966 180 006 26
ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.
TEL. 606 540 408
D? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED?
1. Asinine (7) 2. Satire (7) 3. Turn on an axis (6) 4. Unguent (5) 5. Mischievous fairy (3) 6. Live (5) 8. Transience (7) 12. Gruesome (7) 15. Explanation (7) 16. Forceful and extreme (7) 17. Educational institution (6) 18. Intone (5) 19. Musical speed (5) 22. Saloon (3)
1. Assortment (7) 5. Group of insects (5) 8. Large herbivorous mammal (5) 9. Pagan (7) 10. Unfeigned (7) 11. Ledge (5) 12. Lifted (6) 14. Appraise (6) 17. Notions (5) 19. Fruit (7) 21. Direction (7) 22. Taut or rigid (5) 24. Days of the month (5) 25. Embroiled (7)
1. Chart (3) 2. Inert gas (5) 3. Dissimilar (7) 4. Reverberated (6) 5. Photos (5) 6. Attain (7) 7. Public declaration (9) 10. Decorated food (9) 13. Imprecise (7) 15. Abridge (7) 16. Captured (6) 18. Secret agents (5) 20. Invalidate (5) 23. Conclusion (3)
Birthday The day before yesterday I was 25 and the next year I will be 28. This is true only one day in a year. What day is my birthday? He was born on December 31st and spoke about it on January 1st.
1 Entrust (7) 5. Small thin biscuit (5) 8. Dissonance (5) 9. Projecting upper floor (7) 10. The sheltered side (7) 12. Unvarnished (5) 13. Scheme (6) 15. Become visible (6) 18. Flowed back (5) 19. Athlete (7) 21. Hinged window blind (7) 22. Slight push (5) 23. Two or more contesting groups (5) 24. Striking (7)
1 Tapers (7) 2. Inexperienced (5) 3. Frozen water (3) 4. Personify (6) 5. Decorative covering (9) 6. Photographic film (7) 7. Synthetic silklike fabric (5) 11. Short accounts of incidents (9) 14. Quashed (7) 16. Private place with peace and quiet (7) 17. Marine mammal (6) 18. Alleviates (5) 20. Emblem (5) 22. Nothing (3)
Who has fish at home? Are you one of the 2%? Cannibals and Missionaries Three missionaries and three cannibals want to get to the other side of a river. There is a small boat, which can fit only two. To prevent a tragedy, there can never be more cannibals than missionaries together. Family Parents with two children - a son and a daughter - came to a wide river. There was no bridge there. The only way to get to the other side was to ask a fisherman if he could lend them his boat. However, the boat could carry only one adult or two children. How does the family get to the other side and return the boat to the fisherman?
Answers: The German had the fish
Neighbors This is another example of Einsteinâ€™s riddles. It is said that this quiz was made up by the famous physicist and according to him 98% will not solve it. There is a row of five different color houses. Each house is occupied by a man of different nationality. Each man has a different pet, prefers a different drink, and smokes different brand of cigarettes. 1.The Brit lives in the Red house. 2.The Swede keeps dogs as pets. 3.The Dane drinks tea. 4.The Green house is next to the White house, on the left. 5.The owner of the Green house drinks coffee. 6.The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds. 7.The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill. 8.The man living in the centre house drinks milk. 9.The Norwegian lives in the first house. 10.The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats. 11.The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill. 12.The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer. 13.The German smokes Prince. 14.The Norwegian lives next to the Blue house. 15.The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.
1 cannibal and 1 missionary there, missionary back. 2 cannibals there, 1 cannibal back. 2 missionaries there, 1 missionary and 1 cannibal back. 2 missionaries there, 1 cannibal back. This one cannibal takes the remaining cannibals to the other side.
1. Goddess of love (5) 3. Revoke (7) 7. Floor show (7) 9. Oversight (5) 10. Last letter of the Greek alphabet (5) 11. Rising warm air current (7) 13. Symbol of disgrace or infamy (6) 14. Sour (6) 18. Inscrutable (7) 20. Type of snake (5) 21. Photo book (5) 23. Luxurious (7) 24. Commotion (7) 25. Restorative (5)
Riddles - Answers below
First go the children. Son comes back, and father goes on the other side to his daughter. Then daughter goes back to pick her brother up and they both go to the other side to the father. Son comes back to give the boat to mother who goes to the other side (to father and daughter). Daughter jumps in and goes to her brother so they can both return to their parents. Daughter gets off and son gives the boat back on the first side of the river to the fisherman, who goes on the other side. There the daughter jumps in and goes to her brother to take him back to parents where she (where the whole family meets at last) returns the boat to the fisherman. The boat crossed the river 13 times.
Brick One brick is one kilogram and half a brick heavy. What is the weight of one brick?
RED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all
all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BO
There is an easy equation which can help: 1 brick = 1 kg + 1/2 brick And so 1 brick is 2 kg heavy.
BORED? all BOR.ED? all BORED? all BOR Easy...ish
It's a toughy!
PROPER TY OF T HE MON TH
SPRING OFFERS Homes in Spain
STUNNIN A URB Ref 597 VILLA, S G 3 BED, 2 BAT GARAGE OUTH FACING, C H FULLY REFOR MED DET , OFF RO OTOGRA AD P N FIN FROM UPARKING. WONDE ISH, POOL, R P F E UL VIEW Must be vi R TERRACE S ewed! €2 15,000
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ALGORFA Ref:081 210,000€
DELIGHFUL 3 Bed, 2 Bath Det Villa, Quiet location, Pool, Air con, Close to amenities. Must be viewed.
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LA MARINA LA MARINA
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LA MARINA FER
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Avda. Londres 1-A, Local 8, Urb. La Marina San Fulgencio Office: 96 679 5233 email:email@example.com Visit our website to view our extensive range of properties:www.ipgspain.com 28
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SUPERB 3 Bed. 2 Bath Det villa all on one level, (was the show house) Furnished, Glazed terrace, Solarium, garden has Irrigation system, Car port, Offered at a great price,
EST. 7 YEARS
GENERAL BUILDERS design & build
RENEW YOUR BATHROOM Freshen up with an economic makeover
ARISTON PRO ECO BOILER (Fitted) 50L 250€ 80L 280€ 100L 320€
Tel. 665 063 228
SPECIALISTS IN WALK-IN SHOWERS
PROPERTY MAINTENANCE & IMPROVEMENTS
ALTOMAR FINE FINISHING
PERSONAL FITNESS TRAINING PAINTING & DECORATING - GENERAL BUILDING Programs available March 23rd to 1st TILING - BALLUSTRADES - SCREEN BLOCKS June (any 10 weeks) Pre summer Beach Body Workouts ELECTRICAL - PLUMBING - DRAINPIPES -GUTTERING Please book early ! LOCKS CHANGED - SHUTTER REPAIRS Special offer €250euros for 12 sessions BOILERS - WATER FILTERS - KITCHEN WORKTOPS Available in Alicante south / Gran Alacant / Los Arenales GALVANISED GRILLS & GATES Carabassi / Urbanova and Santa Pola
TEL: 963 144 049 - MOBILE: 648 786 708
Call Richard on: 96 112 9157
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‘aving a laugh... 2! ought for 201 th g n yi rr o w A ob Hope died 10 years ago B d hnny Cash die o J o g a rs a d ye 5 Steve Jobs die o g a s th n o m f A couple o lle died go Jimmy Savi a s k ee w w fe obs A no Cash, no J e, p o H o n ve a Now woebohdy left to Fix It alls! and n ppens to Ed B a h g in th o n e Let’s hop
The value of a Catholic education ...and a pencil. Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. ‘Tell me Susie, who created the universe?’ When Susie didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. ‘God Almighty!’ shouted Susie. The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class.. A little later the Nun asked Susie, ‘Who is our Lord and Saviour?’ But Susie didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. ‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted Susie. And the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,’ and Susie fell back asleep. The Nun asked her a third question...’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’ Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’ The nun fainted.
A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says, “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?” She says, “Bernie, I want a divorce.” He says, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
EURO GOING DOWN... FORD TO ACQUIRE RENAULT Ford has announced plans to acquire French automaker Renault and engineering teams have already joined forces to create the per fect small car for women. the Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and deFord ‘Taurus’ they have signed the ‘Clitaurus’. It comes car in pink and the average male let it thief won’t be able to find alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it. Rumour has it though, that it a leaks transmission fluid once to h bitc l month and can be a rea e hav e start in the morning! Som ter reported that on cold win d mornings, when you really nee r. ove it, you can’t get it to turn New models are initially fun to in, own, but very costly to mainta get to and horribly expensive y rid of. Used models may initiall and eal appear to have curb app e a low price, but eventually hav l, fue an increased appetite for inand the curb weight typically rs ure act creases with age. Manuf of size are baffled as to how the t the trunk increases, but say tha OK LO it the paint may just make bigger.
A SOLDIER RAN UP TO A NUN... Out of breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.’ The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?’ The nun replied, ‘He went that way.’ After the MP’s ran off, the soldier Crawled out from under her skirt and said, ‘I can’t thank you enough Sister You see, I don’t want to go to Iraq .’ The nun said, ‘I understand completely.’ The soldier added, ‘I hope I’m not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!’ The nun replied, ‘If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls...I don’t want to go to Iraq either !!
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease . one, and replace it as needed
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3 ,2 9 0 € Dec 2001 Citroen Saxo 5 door A/C P/S 54000 km Nice small runaround (Inc transf ers)
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6,990€ Ford focus Estate 4/2005, 1,6 Diesel, 101000 Km, like new
5,690€ Opel Meriva DTI 2003 110,000 km 1.7 high seats nice car
5,690€ Renault Megane Gran Tour 3/2004, 1,5 dci, very nice and clean, 136000 KM A/C P/S
5,290€ Hyundai Atos Dec 2006 32,000km economical runaround.
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Hyundai Getz 2004 100,000km Very nice drive Ideal town car A/C P/S
4,290€ Nissan Micra, 1.2 P/S C/L 76,000km.
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Good example of a Brain Study:
If you can read this you have a strong mind: 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15. Clever eh...?
DATING IN THE 60s
. It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell. ‘Oh, come on in!’ Peggy Sue’s mother said as she welcomed Fred in. ‘Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? tea?’ ‘Tea, please,’ Fred said. Mum brought the tea. ‘So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?’ she asked. ‘Oh, probably watch a film, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the milk bar, maybe take a walk on the beach.’ ‘Peggy likes to screw, you know,’ Mum informed him. ‘Really?’ Fred replied; eyebrows raised. ‘Oh yes,’ mother continued, ‘When she goes out with her friends, that’s all they do!’ ‘Is that so?’ asked Fred, incredulous. ‘Yes,’ said the mother. ‘As a matter of fact, she’d screw all night if we let her!’ ‘Well, thanks for the tip!’ Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening. A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred. ‘Have fun, kids!’ mother said as they left. Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her. ‘The Twist, Mum!’ she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. ‘The bloody dance is called the .... Twist!’
Hondon de las Nieves/Frailes Centrally heated houses with large indiviudual runs. Love and care will be lavished during your cat’s stay My 29 years of experience in animal and veterinary care will give you peace of mind. STILL ONLY €6.00 per day to visit book/call: Carol or Paul 966 677 273 answerphone - we will call back Mobile 654 155 473
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Dog rescue Registered association no. CV-01-045701-A We have had another busy month at Barney’ s, with many puppies being found in need of our help. Unfortunately last month I published the old web site address, sorry for my mistake. I hope it didn’ t cause too much inconvenience. This month we are holding our first auction in conjunction with the STRAY CATS association from Barinas / Hondon. The auction will take place at El Fogon, Hondon de los Frailes on Friday 30th March. Viewing will start from 6pm, auction starts at 7pm. It is anticipated there will be over 200 quality lots. Please give us your support. We will be staging our annual sponsored walk on Sunday 29th April, walking 20kms to raise money for dogs such as these below who are all in need of loving homes.
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While Ago Means We Have Hundreds Of Square Metres Spare. Ideal Storage For Wife’s Shoes Or The Odd Boeing Or Two...
Picton 4.5 Sportboat With Trailer, Needs Fairing And Engine. 650E O.N.O. La Marina Tel: 666029666
Yamaha 1600 V Twin Wildstar Only Done 8,000M As New €5,000 Tel. 693525799 Piaggo Nrg, 50Cc, Water Cooled Special Scooter, 1,400Kms From New, Black/ White, Itv 2 Years, Tax Paid, Excellent Condition €695.00 Tel. 650 788851 Suzuki Intruder 125 V-Twin 900Kms, 2005, Mint Condition, Metalic Blue, Extras €1795.00 Tel. 650 788851
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