Mauritius News, August 2012
by CLAUDE CANABADY
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My stepmom made my life Hell Question
I am a married woman with three sons. I am 35 years old and married to E for the past 10 years. My problem concerns my mother in law. She has come to live with us since her husband’s death. It is now six months that she is with us. I cannot bear it anymore. She constantly finds faults in what I do. She interferes in everything that I do in my daily life. She tries to come between my husband and I. She tries to control everything, from how I bring up my children to what I cook daily. It is a nightmare; I simply cannot take it anymore. I have lost my appetite and sleep very badly at night. I have tried to explain my problems to my husband but he is not helpful by saying nothing to his mother. I have a feeling that he thinks that I will get fed up complaining and eventually that I will accept the situation. I have told him that I have had enough but I do not know if he is taking me seriously. It is either his mother or me, he has to choose. I feel that I will go mad if she stays with us any longer. I know that I have to compromise but it is always me who is compromising. Do you think its fair? Please help me before I lose my sanity. Thank you. I.A
I feel that you are absolutely spot on to stand for your rights. This is a story that I have heard so often, daughter in law feeling trodden on by bullying mother in law. Too often, husbands expect their wives to get along with their mothers as a matter of routine. They assume that their wives will change all what they are used to in order to accommodate their mothers. I cannot see why you should change constantly to meet her needs. As you have said you have compromised more than once. The question that should be asked is why it should always be you who makes the first move and sometimes the only move? Why should you change your way of life, the way you bring up your children to suit her? Of course, no doubt, your husband will tell you that she is not so young anymore and that you should do your best to keep the peace for his sake. There is nothing written anywhere which says that a daughter in law should get on with her mother in law, both of you should accept that. Of course, you should take into account the circumstances why she came to live with you. You say that she came after the death of her husband. I feel that six months hence, the situation needs to be reviewed by your husband and yourself. It is of no help to you if your husband sides with his mother every time there is an argument between her and you. He has to face up to his responsibilities: he must remember that he has a wife and three sons. Of course, as a grandmother, she is fully entitled to offer advice but that is where she should stop. It is up to you to decide whether you take up the advice or not. Your husband must realise that you are way beyond your tolerance level and you have already given him an ultimatum. I know that it is tough for him but may be that will jolt him into doing something at last. Of course, it is not a question of your mother in law just going. Along with your husband and any other close relatives of your mother in law, you will need to decide on practicalities. Perhaps, she could stay temporarily with one of her daughters. At the end of the day, her welfare is important but your well being and happiness are equally of paramount importance. I hope that it all works out in the end.
“Ajintha” a milestone for Maharashtra Mandal London BOOST YOUR CAREER
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Ajanta, the world famous caves that enjoy UNESCO world heritage site status have always attracted international attention since their discovery. Their location in India, near Aurangabad in Maharashtra in the beautiful setting of forests and hills blends with the choice of quiet surroundings for monks and monasteries. History lovers acknowledge these three thousand year old monuments as masterpieces of Buddhist art and style. Their carvings and sculpture have long mesmerised everyone. Lesser known is perhaps what it took to bring to wider audience’ notice the existence of this centuries old cave ensemble. Nationalities like Singapore, Thailand, Nepal, Sri Lanka et al and Indians throughout the world, particularly people of Maharashtrian origin living in USA, Europe, Mauritius appreciate director Nitin Desai’s herculean attempt to picturise the magnificence and importance of Ajanta caves and uncover a true story revolving around them. Nitin is already hugely popular worldwide for his excellent art direction in Slumdog Millionnaire, Lagaan, Jodha Akbar, Devdas etc. and is a recipient of more than 100 awards and honours. Maharashtra Mandal London brilliantly captured the distinction of hosting the premiere of Indo-British film "Ajintha" at its premises in Dollis Hill recently. President of Maharashtra Mandal London Sushil Rapatwar and his team extended a delightful reception to the cast of the film: Producer/Director Nitin Desai, Sonalee Kulkarni, Phillip Scott Wallace, Alice Birch and Ashwini Kalsekar. First lady Ragasudha and others gave a traditional welcome to them in the vibrant backdrop of traditional instruments. Yuva Club’s impressive lezhim display was a treat to watch. Chairman Narayan Naik presented a bird’s eye view of the 80 year old Mandal and how it essentially catered to social and cultural needs of the community for decades.
“Ajintha” showcases the massive efforts of Major Robert Gill in revealing the grace and beautiful artistry of Ajanta Caves uncovered by the British hunting party in 1819. He ends up intensely loving a local girl Paroo who assists and inspires him. Her death uproots him emotionally. Robert continues to live in India till he breathes last. His elegant paintings get burnt down in the Crystal Palace fire later in London. Attendees were tongue-fitted with the fineness of the film. Nitin Desai has thanked the energetic team of MML Shardul Kulkarni, Kedar Lele, Aditya Kashikar, Praajakta, Amol Pargaonkar, Sameer Apte,Mohnish Pawar and Prashant Sawant, spearheaded by its President Sushil Rapatwar for efficiently handling the event. It is interesting to know that four of Robert Gill’s surviving original paintings are currently in the possession Victoria and Albert Museum in London.