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TODAY, I FUCKED UP.


“A C C O R D I N G T O M U LT I V E R S E T H E O RY, E V E RY V E R S I O N O F O UR PAS T AN D F U T U RE HISTO RIES EX IS TS , J U S T IN A N A LT E R N AT E U N I V E R S E .

FO R EV ERY EV ENT AT THE Q UANT U M L EV EL , T H E CU RRENT U N IV ERS E S PL ITS I N T O M U LT I P L E U N I V E R S E . THIS M EAN S T H AT F OR EVERY C H OIC E YOU M AK E, AN IN FIN IT E N U M B ER OF U N IV ERS ES EX IS T IN WH ICH YOU M AD E A DIF F ERENT C H OIC E.

IN THIS WAY WE G E T TO L I V E M U LT I P L E L I V E S .”


TODAY, I FUCKED UP BY SMILING AT A GIRL ON THE BUS.


This happened yesterday, so if you’re out there bus girl, I want you to know. It’s not what you think.

talking to girls. I have a long time girlfriend and I don’t talk to very many women these days.

Yesterday after working a grueling shift at the old Internet mines (I’m a network engineer).

I’m feeling a bit sheepish and awkward, so

I GOT ON THE BUS to go home just like always. Ahead of me in line is a young woman who is looking very pretty, she has red hair and a nice polka-dot blouse. I don’t think much of it, but we end up sitting across from each other on the bus. I’m reading something that was on the front page but get the urge to look up and see her face. I had only seen the back of her head before.

I GLANCE UP and to my delight, she is very pretty! Hooray! I have seen one more pretty girl in the world than I did before. Except mid-glance she looks up at me. I realize I’m probably slack-jawed and not really paying attention. I look down. I don’t really know why, I don’t have a problem

I GLANCE UP AGAIN for some reason. A second after I do - she looks up at me and catches me starring at her, or at least she thinks I’m starring at her. She screws up her face a little bit. I’m not even that ugly, oh well. Twice in a row I’ve been caught slipping. None of this matters because the mid-way stop at the park-and-ride is coming up, and usually everyone gets off the bus here. She stands up as the bus stops and I breath in relief.

I ALSO STAND UP in search of a more comfortable seat (The bench seats that face each-other kind of suck). So I’m waiting for people to clear out, and people are getting off the bus. But on today of all days MUCH more people are getting on the bus,


much more than usually. Must be a football game tonight or something. She isn’t getting off the bus. She sits by the window in a regular seat. I look around - all of the other seats are being filled quickly. I walk to the back of the bus, nothing. I look around, there is nothing. The universe’s cruel game of musical chairs is playing “Creep” by Radiohead.

I SIT DOWN NEXT TO HER. She looks at me like a deer in the headlights and I think she is actually afraid. Flash forward 10 minutes and I’ve moved seats as we are the only two people left on the bus. She is looking over at me regularly, probably making sure I’m not furiously masturbating or something.

down a side-street and I think maybe I can relax now. I turn down my street. I breath a sigh of relief, finally the coast is clear and I don’t feel like I’m stalking anyone. Then she appears, she clearly took a fake-turn to get away from me, and I met up with her on my road. She starts running up the steps to MY building and I’m freaking the fuck out like what is happening, am I actually stalking this girl?

I KEEP WALKING towards my building, I just want to go home. She turns and yells at me from the stairs “Stop fucking following me fucking creep” This is how I met my neighbor.

Last stop. My stop. Her stop. Our stop. We get off the bus, she goes first and stars walking in my house’s direction. We slowly walk together, for a few blocks, she keeps checking over her shoulder. She finally turns

BUT WHAT IF...


I DIDN’T GET ON THE BUS...

BECAUSE MY CO-WORKER GAVE ME A RIDE.


MY CO-WORKER GAVE ME A RIDE HOME... Does she want my dick? Saw me walking home and pulled over to give me a ride. Kept sighing after she would finish talking she's a 35 year old single mom (strong7.5). Semi-srs thread. Wouldn't most females just keep driving or was she just being generous.


Since she’s started working with our team, we are always smiling at each other.

late and said “If you’d like to talk about that project later, I’ll be around.” Suggesting to me that maybe she wants to fool around (or just wishful thinking?).

She’s even accepted my invitations for lunch A couple times, I’ve (although gone to her desk after she then proceeded everyone had gone and she asked what I was to invite another person doing that night. along). We went out for drinks One time, “J” left the to celebrate office to go work out a completed project knowing I was working and spent most of the

night talking with each other like a date. Her first day in the office she saw a picture of my son and asked “is that your nephew?” (Interesting that she didn’t say “Is that your son?”) When meeting with me for three straight meetings, I commented that she was going to be sick of me soon and she said “No, of course not.”

Y CO-WORKER ANTS ME

Do you think my coworker wants me?


She cried and I felt terrible, and she said she didn’t want to talk anymore. I gave her some space and didn’t contact her at all. Later on Sunday night she called and said, “It’s ok”, but didn’t elaborate on it. She sounded really hurt. I know she won’t be able to trust me for a long time, but I really want to make it up to her. What should I do?

I CHEATED ON MY GIRLFRIEND WITH MY CO-WORKER

But here’s where the fuck-up continues: My co-worker is also in a relationship but doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend. She also told me today that she doesn’t want her boyfriend know. She wants to pretend Friday night didn’t happen. I don’t know how to respond to this. I don’t personally know her boyfriend, but should I tell her that I don’t think it’s right that he doesn’t know, or should I just leave it?


tl;dr: I cheated on my girlfriend, she forgave me but I want to make it up to her. Also should I confront my co-worker and tell her that she needs to tell her boyfriend what she did?

MY CO-WORKER

SHE FORGAVE ME.

GAVE ME A RIDE

MY CO-WORKER WANTS ME

I CHEATED ON MY GIRLFRIEND WITH MY CO-WORKER

SHE FORGAVE ME.


I GOT ON THE BUS, BUT...


I DIDN’T GLANCE UP...

BECAUSE I WAS TEXTING MY GIRLFRIEND.


I WAS TEXTING MY GIRLFRIEND

So last night I was with my girlfriend and I caught her hiding another guy’s number under her friends name in her phone. I went to break up with her right there but she said can she explain and I said she could. Her reasoning was he texted her first and so she texted back because with us now working different shifts at our jobs she has been lonely. She had been texting and snap chatting this guy but claimed it was nothing more than conversation. So now I’m sitting here wondering if I should believe her or not.


I CAN’T TRUST MY GIRLFRIEND

I have been cheated on many times because I am a push-over. A pretty girl can flutter her eyes and steal my heart. I treated Kelsey like royalty but it seems that she was more concerned with making herself happy rather than engaging in a fair and open relationship without double standards. What do I do here? It’s been months and double standards start to pop up occasionally followed by promises that they will stop. I am having a lot of trouble trusting her because of her interactions with Dan compared to my interactions with females. Sorry for rambling like a sobbing teenager, I am just torn.


I’M TORN.

Ultimately, I think I screwed it up. I was dealing with some pretty severe mental/ emotional issues at the time and didn’t treat her as well as I should have. I left her because I needed space to work out my issues. It was serious though-- I was ready to propose, but I wasn’t sure; I was 17 when we got together and grew up a lot over that time. I ended up going into therapy and am much more stable now. I’ve always regretted leaving her.


I WAS TEXTING MY GIRLFRIEND

YEAR ELATIONSHIP NDED.

I CAN’T TRUST MY GIRLFRIEND

I’M TORN.

4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP ENDED


I GOT ON THE BUS AND I GLANCED UP, BUT...


I DIDN’T GLANCE UP AGAIN...

BECAUSE I GOT A PHONE CALL.


I GOT A PHONE CALL

I usually do not answer unknown numbers but this time I did. I used my tactic I always use when answering to numbers I don’t know, I didn’t say anything and waited for them to talk. I wasn’t scared yet, I mean it’s just a withheld call right? then I hear the breathing. I really cannot put into words what freaked me out so much about this bloody breathing but something got to me. I still didn’t say anything. three words. that is all they said. it sounded like a man but in this day and age with the technology about they may have altered their voice or something. ‘I see you.’


SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME

I always feel as if someone’s watching me. 24/7, wherever I am. Even this second I think someone is watching me. When I walk around at school, I feel as if everyone is staring at me, either judging or just looking. I can’t eat in public because I feel everyone watching me as I stuff

my face, and I fear I may chew weirdly. Whenever anyone is talking, I think they’re talking about me and how stupid or immature or something I am. Whenever I go in a bathroom, I have to look into every mirror to see it’s only me, and then look closer to see if it’s a two way mirror.

Depending on where I am, I check the closets and cupboards to make sure i’m alone. It’s a lot more complex than that...I just can’t really explain it. And i’m just wondering if it’s possible I have some sort of issue, or if it’s just paranoia.


I’m paranoid, insecure, full of bad habits, and feeling and probably acting like an insane person. I want to start beneficial progress that’s scientifically backed. Deep inside, I know all of the cigarettes, adderall, drinking, lack of exercise and pot smoking are wrecking havoc on my ability to be the person I want to be. Physically, and mentally. I have also been procrastinating work that will cost me thousands of dollars in revenue and possibly the progress of my career. I want to be someone that has pride, is precise, and confident in what he does. The exact opposite is true... in fact, I’m doing half a week worth of work all tonight. In this state. I had been in an abusive relationship for 2 years. It feels like the thoughts surrounding it have taken over half my consciousness. I get into crippling bouts of anxiety and depression when I think about it. I can’t stop thinking about the hurt we’ve caused each other. A small part of me believes we’ll make it work together again someday that never goes away. After writing this, I know I’m going to watch porn, take a shower, and then finish the work I NEED to do and present it. When I’m done, I will dedicate the rest of tomorrow

I’M PARANOID.


I DON’T KNO WHAT I’M DOIN (Monday) into taking real steps to move away from all of these nasty habits and stop riding this insane, repetitive, metaphorical racetrack loop that never ends. If I don’t, I might lose my life. I’m so lost.

I GOT A PHONE CALL

SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME

I’M PARANOID.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING


I GOT ON THE BUS AND I GLANCED UP AND I GLANCED UP AGAIN, BUT...


I DIDN’T ALSO STAND UP...

BECAUSE I FELL ASLEEP.


I FELL ASLEEP ON THE BU

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other.


I HAD TO WALK HOME So... I got robbed while walking home in tonight. They pulled a gun on me, and only wanted my wallet, phone, and bag. This was around 7:30pm. I canceled all my cards, deactivated my phone, and filed a police report. I am unharmed and only slightly annoyed. I just want people to remember that

anything can happen anywhere and try to be safe. If you can help it, don’t walk home alone at night.

That said, if any of you are in the area and find a black leather nautical tri-fold wallet with an out-of-state drivers license in it, please let me know. I figure they may have thrown it away after finding out I’m a poor grad student and carry zero cash.


I WAS MUGGED

I was mugged and beaten, and I ended up with PTSD. I am working through it with therapy and now I’m able to go out on my own again, but I still get scared a lot and I still have nightmares.


I FELL ASLEEP ON THE BUS

I ENDED UP WITH

I HAD TO WALK HOME

I WAS MUGGED

I ENDED UP WITH PTSD


I GOT ON THE BUS AND I GLANCED UP AND I GLANCED UP AGAIN AND I STOOD UP, BUT...


I DIDN’T SIT DOWN NEXT TO HER...

I GAVE UP MY SEAT.


I GAVE UP MY SEAT.

I seldom take a seat, but when I do I am quick to vacate it for anyone in greater need. Offering or the action of vacating a seat and standing often shocks those that notice often eliciting smiles. Being good/nice to strangers can be quite rewarding especially in these selfish times, with most lost deep in their phones/devices.


I HELPED AN OLD LADY.

She was a tall, lanky old lady, with bright blond, dry hair, a super wrinkly face and completely dead-looking eyes. She was wearing all black and carrying all sorts of colorful shopping bags. Now I had seen this old woman outside before, my parents talked about how creepy she is and how she's probably methed up 24/7. I saw her and I froze, a feeling of dread took over me as my first, super exciting experience of walking home alone got completely fucked by this lady. I froze too late, because she spotted me and started to approach.

"Hey little boy, do you want some candy? I have the best candy in this town", her voice was raspy, like someone who spent the vast majority of their life downing Marlboro cig packs. The closer she got to me the worse I felt, I told her I'm not interested.


I hate it when you’re talking to someone and you see their eyes start to move all around to different parts of your face. Like at first they’re looking you in the eye, but then they look down at your mouth, then up to your nose and back to your eyes for second and back to your mouth. It’s like are they judging my facial features, does my mouth do something weird when I talk, what the fuck are you doing to me goddamn it?!

I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE But maybe it’s just me.


I GAVE UP MY SEAT

I HELPED AN OLD LADY

GOT HIT N BY A RANDMA

I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE

I GOT HIT ON BY A GRANDMA


I GOT ON THE BUS AND I GLANCED UP AND I GLANCED UP AGAIN AND I STOOD UP AND I SAT NEXT TO HER, BUT...


I DIDN’T KEEP WALKING

BECAUSE I FORGOT MY WALLET AT WORK.


I FORGOT MY WALLET AT WORK

Today is probably my worst day working there. I stupidly set my wallet down on my desk and go to the bathroom. I remember and i go back, next thing I know its gone. We looked everywhere and nowhere to be found. I really think someone must have taken it bc it was in the nook and cranny of the desk where my folders

are. I really really doubt a guest could have seen it and taken it. I’m just devastated I lost money. I’m sad someone from work would (if they did). I’m just sad.


I'm starting to realize I can be kind of cruel without meaning to. I burn a lot of bridges, I don't call people back, I avoid social interaction. If I like you a lot I'll do this

I’M JUST SAD

even more. I run from intimacy. If you want it from me you're going to have to get through the wall. And almost nobody gets through the wall.

Then, when I finally get the solitude I want, I look back and realize what an asshole I actually am.


I BURN BRIDGES I used to work for a terrible man. The type that would routinely leave work early and tell his employees to lie about where he was if his wife called. Really top class man. On top of that, this job as horrible.

Naturally, I found coverage and freed the evening up. As I’m standing in line for the book, he calls me personally telling me he’s denied my shift change and that it’s either work or I’m fired. I remind him, not so politely, that I had the shift covered because I’d asked numerous times for the shift free, always assured that would be the case.

In the months leading up to the release of Deathly Hallows, I repeatedly reminded him that I couldn’t work the overnight as I usually did, since I wanted to hit up the midnight release. Sure He’s insistent, so I told him, “well I enough, the week of the launch, he’s guess this is me quitting.” scheduled me incorrectly.


I QUIT M JOB AN TRAVELE THE WORL

I FORGOT MY WALLET

I’M JUST SAD

I BURN BRIDGES

I QUIT MY JOB AND TRAVELED THE WORLD.


I GOT ON THE BUS AND I GLANCED UP AND I GLANCED UP AGAIN AND I STOOD UP AND I SAT NEXT TO HER AND I KEPT WALKING, SO...


TODAY, I FUCKED UP.


I GOT ON THE BUS

I GLANCED UP

I DIDN’T GLANCED UP

I WAS TEXTING MY GIRLFRIEND

I CAN’T TRUST MY GIRLFRIEND

TODAY, I

I’M TORN.

4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP ENDED.

I DIDN’T GET ON THE BUS

MY CO-WORKER GAVE ME A RIDE

I DIDN’T GLANCED UP

I DIDN’T GLANCED UP AGAIN

I GOT A PHONE CALL

SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME

MY CO-WORKER WANTS ME I’M PARANOID. I CHEATED ON MY GIRLFRIEND WITH MY CO-WORKER

SHE FORGAVE ME.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING


I GLANCED UP AGAIN

I ALSO STOOD UP

I SAT NEXT TO HER

I DIDN’T ALSO STAND UP

I DIDN’T SIT NEXT TO HER

I FELL ASLEEP ON THE BUS

I GAVE UP MY SEAT

I HAD TO WALK HOME

I HELPED AN OLD LADY

I WAS MUGGED

I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE

I ENDED UP WITH PTSD.

I GOT HIT ON BY A GRANDMA

I KEPT WALKING I DIDN’T KEEP WALKING

I FORGOT MY WALLET

I’M JUST SAD

I BURN BRIDGES

I QUIT MY JOB AND TRAVELED THE WORLD.

TODAY, I FUCKED UP.


4 YEAR RELATIONSHIP ENDED.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING SHE FORGAVE ME.


I ENDED UP WITH PTSD.

I GOT HIT ON BY A GRANDMA

TODAY, I FUCKED UP.

I QUIT MY JOB AND TRAVELED THE WORLD.


© 2017

CONCEPT & DESIGN BY JULIANY NAKAZATO PRINTED IN LONDON, UK UAL: CENTRAL SAINT MARTINS

ALL IMAGES AND STORIES WERE FOUND THROUGH A GOOGLE SEARCH SYSTEM. WITH EACH STORY, A SUMMARIZING PHRASE WAS FORMED AND PLUGGED INTO THE SEARCH ENGINE, RESULTING IN MILLIONS OF OUTCOMES, SPECIFICALLY IN CHAT FORUMS. THE CONTENT IN THIS BOOK IS A COLLECTION OF THESE SEARCH THREADS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO ORIGINAL PUBLISHERS.

EXPERT BY NICOLA YOON THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR ORIGINAL STORY FROM HTTP://TIFU-TODAY-I-FUCKED-UP.TUMBLR.COM/


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