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Loss Slowly the awareness of the post period That space in time after The aporia Returning to normality but It cannot be the same. Funny how the inner spirit has its own time and periodicity My 90 days of abstinence for instance Did Not coincide with Elul and Teshuva neatly. In the absence of Uman The fall comes quickly What was it about that pilgrimage? Just the trip and the obstacles? Just the suffering of the place? Was that what helped? Anyway this year I remained Locked into my pain My chest and ribs the arbiter of no-journey And the fall came quickly. Trying not to condemn right now Trying to see the light within

As divine And the importance of listening to this inner voice Over that of authority Didn't I always have this problem with authority! Where to go now? Don't I still need those tools that helped me in the past? Breslov, recovery, analysis? The trinity of spiritual aids? Or do I need a new therapy now To help me through this post trauma? Some new abstraction Seeing the divine in the pain and wound itself Gives one a new authority A new way of seeing the world In the body of pain.ďťż

Post trauma depression