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Spring/Summer 2012

Empowering women to live their best life!


v In this Issue... 3. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Welcome By Julie McGrath 4. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ask The OB/GYN? By Dr. Julie McCullough 6. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Love, Sam By Linda Rettstatt 10. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Anger 11. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Beautiful Woman 12. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Dear Sweet Daughter 13. . . . Why Burning a Bridge is Not a Good Idea By Georgianna Melendez

“Seek to be ignited, not diffused.”

14. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ode to Stevie B

J McGrath

15. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lunch Transformation By Violet Cooke 16. . . Why Do Women Lose Themselves in Love? By Vicki Larson 18. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Rediscovered Passion By Dr. Eleanor Gill 20. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Do You Have the Mindset of an Apollo 13 Crew Member? By Linda Allred 21. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Life Trade By Doe Zantamata 22. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Moms and Worry By Kimberly French 24. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2012 Retreat Recap 26. . Are You a Procrastinator or ‘Time Optimist’? By Laurie Dupar

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The Ladies of Joy... Julie McGrath, President and Founder of The Joy Source Meghan Gehan, Editor Donna Blais, Graphic Design Cover photo by Jon Gagnon, www.gamefaces.name

I would love your comments to the articles and stories so I can include them in the next issue, send them to Julie@thejoysource.com. The Joy Ride * Spring/Summer 2012


Photos by www.gamefaces.name

Happy Spring/Summer Everyone! I hope you have emerged from the cold winter darkness with joy, love and gratitude! Warm days are upon us and the flowers are blooming. Are you where you want to be in your life right now? Or are you pushing off the chance to blossom and start your happiness? Are you tricked into believing that you need to “get” or “be” something, before you can be more joyful? Do the following sentences sound familiar?

~ When I lose 20 pounds, I will be happy.

~ When I get a new job, I will feel a sense of accomplishment and success.

~ When I meet my soul mate, I will love my life.

Can I offer you one suggestion? Don’t wait. Love your life now. Today. This very minute. I read a book recently called “Happiness” by Diener and Biswas-Diener that talks about “The Essential Components of True Wealth”, and it doesn’t include winning the lottery. If you are a miserable person before you win the lottery, after you cash in the ticket, you will still be miserable, just rich. If you are depressed and heavy, once you lose the weight, unless you work on enriching all areas of your life, you will still be depressed, just thinner. There are 8 components to having true inner wealth:

1. Life Satisfaction and Happiness

5. Loving Social Relationships

2. Positive Attitudes and Emotions

6. Material Sufficiency to Meet our Needs

3. Spirituality and Meaning in Life

7. Physical and Mental Health

4. Engaging Activities and Work

8. Values and Life Goals to Achieve Them

Do you have all of these in balance in your life? Which areas do you need to put some of your attention to? What parts aren’t you paying attention to? I challenge you this spring/summer to put effort in having all these in balance. When you have them all together, YOU WILL GLOW! You will carry with you a feeling of contentment and wholeness. This is the feeling that I wish for you. Enjoy this edition of The Joy Ride! Blessings on your journey,

Julie The Joy Ride * Spring/Summer 2012

Joy www.thejoysource.com

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v Ask The OB/GYN?

Q.

Every month, my period is so heavy, I’m stuck on the couch and unable to do anything the first few days. My doctor recommended I take hormones, but I don’t want to…any suggestions? ~Bleeding Way Too Much in MA

A.

Dear Bleeding Way Too Much in MA, Heavy menstrual bleeding is a very common phenomenon. 10-35% of women of reproductive age seek medical care for heavy, sometimes debilitating menstrual periods. Of these women, up to 67% will develop iron deficiency anemia over time due to their heavy menses. There are many different types of treatment for heavy menstrual bleeding, many of which do involve the use of hormones to manipulate the amount of bleeding that occurs each month, but there are other options: 1. NON STEROIDAL ANTI-INFLAMMATORIES

The use of over-the-counter NSAIDS (non-steroidal anti-inflammatories) such as naproxen or ibuprofen can reduce the amount of menstrual blood flow by 20-50% in some women when started early enough during menses. By starting NSAIDS the day prior to menses, the amount of prostaglandin production is reduced, as well as potential menstrual cramping. These medications should be taken with food or milk, and through the heaviest days of the menses. It is important to follow directions closely when taking any medications to reduce any potential side effects such as GI upset (these should not be taken by patients with a history of gastric ulcers or some bleeding disorders).

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2. TRANEXAMIC ACID

Tranexamic acid (name brand LYSTEDA) is a non-hormonal prescription medical treatment option for women with heavy periods. Tranexamic acid, an anti-fibrinolytic, can reduce the amount of menstrual blood flow by up to 55% in most women and has been found to be more effective than NSAIDS. Two tablets, three times daily during the heaviest days of flow is recommended. Although it is not hormonal, it is not recommended for women at increased risk for thromboembolic disease (formation of blood clots.) Most insurances will cover this medication, usually with the patient being responsible for a minimal prescription co-pay. 3. ENDOMETRIAL ABLATION

Endometrial ablation is a highly effective, minimally invasive surgical in-office procedure that involves cauterization or freezing of the endometrial lining. It is not recommended for women who desire to have a future pregnancy, as it can interfere with implantation of the placenta. On average, 95% of women have significantly less bleeding, and many stop having menstrual bleeding altogether. An Endometrial ablation procedures usually last 8 years or longer. There are always risks involved in any type of medical or surgical treatment. Many women suffer from heavy menstrual bleeding, and this can result in absenteeism from work or school, as well as significantly impacting a woman’s quality of life. Since there are many potential causes and treatments available for heavy menstrual bleeding, it is important for you to be evaluated by your healthcare provider so that together you can individualize a treatment option that best suits your needs. Dr. Julie McCullough is a board certified Gynecologist and is accepting new patients in her practice at North Shore Gynecology in Peabody, MA. www.northshoregyn.com

Happiness The Joy Ride * Spring/Summer 2012

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v Love, Sam By Linda Rettstatt

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The drive to Cleveland tested every nerve in Trish Garrity’s body. Black clouds gathered over the choppy waters of Lake Erie and heavy rain fell in sheets. She pulled into Phyllis Preston’s driveway and sat for a moment while the knots in her neck eased. Finally, pulling up the hood on her jacket, she ran for the front porch. Phyllis opened the door immediately. “Trish, I thought for sure you’d cancel your drive over here in this rain.” She met Phyllis’ gaze. “We need to talk.” Stepping back, the older woman pulled the door open wider. “Come in. Let me hang your jacket to dry. I’ll make tea.” Trish kicked off her wet sneakers and followed Sam’s mother down a hallway and into the kitchen. Phyllis picked up the teakettle and filled it from the tap. Her hand shook as she set the kettle on the stove top. “I know what you’re going to tell me. I’ve seen it coming.” “Sam’s coming home day after tomorrow and starting hospice care.” The words came out in a rasp. Phyllis eased into the chair opposite Trish, sighing heavily. “Even though we’ve known it would come to this, it still seems unbelievable. Do you want me to come and stay?” Trish shook her head. “The doctor said it could be a matter of days or weeks. I won’t tell you not to come, but… I mean, you’re welcome. You know that. I’m sure you’ll want to be with Sam before…” Her voice trailed off, emotion clogging her throat. She still felt awkward around Sam’s mother, even though the woman seemed to accept her as a part of Sam’s life. “I’ll wait a few days and give the two of you some time alone. You’re not so far away that I can’t drive over for a visit.” Trish nodded. “Phyllis, you’ll have to forgive me if I offend you or make mistakes. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know the proper etiquette for watching the person you love the most die.” Her voice cracked. Phyllis reached across the table and held her hand. “And I don’t know how to let go of my child. I’m sure we’ll step all over one another, but our main focus has to be on Sam. That’s what is important now.” The teakettle emitted a low whistle, and Phyllis fetched it from the stove. She poured the steaming water into two ceramic mugs, each holding an Earl Grey teabag. Trish wrapped her palms around the mug. “I talked with Matt earlier. He may try to get back for a few days.”

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v Phyllis smiled and gazed out the window. “Those two were always so close. Wherever Sam would go, Mattie would follow, from the time they were toddlers. They were…they are so close in age.” Shifting her gaze to Trish’s face, she asked, “How are you holding up?” “I’m trying to take one moment at a time. It’ll be easier when Sam comes home. I won’t have time to sit and think too much.” “I know what you mean. I try to keep myself busy.” Phyllis’ blue eyes—so much like Sam’s—filled, and she worked her mouth. “Call me after Sam is settled at home?” Trish nodded. “Phyllis…” She paused, choosing her words. “I…uh…I want you to come whenever you want, and stay as long as you want.” Phyllis once again shifted her gaze from Trish’s face to the window where rain pelted the glass. “I keep thinking I’ll waken from this nightmare.” “Me, too.” Returning her gaze to Trish’s face, Phyllis asked, “You’ll let me know if you need help?” “Yes.” Trish sipped the last of her tea. “I wish I could stay longer, but I have to pick up some things to finish preparing the den. The hospital bed will be delivered tomorrow morning.” She stood and set the empty mug in the sink. “I’ll call you.” “Have you told your mother?” Trish lowered her head. “No. What would be the point?” “You should call. Surely she’d want to know, to at least support you.” At the door, Phyllis hugged her. “Thank you for coming here to tell me in person about hospice. Are you sure you’re going to be okay driving back in this weather?” Trish glanced outside. “It’s letting up, and the sky is getting lighter. I’ll take my time. And I meant what I said, Phyllis. You’re welcome to come and stay for as long as you want.” “We’ll see. I’ll visit on Friday, after Sam’s settled in. Now, you be careful on the roads. Let me know you’ve arrived home safely.” Trish jogged to the car and slid behind the wheel. She glanced up at Phyllis, still standing on the porch. It was through Sam’s mother that Trish got a true glimpse of what a mother could be, should be. Her own mother had a missing gene for mothering. Trish had worried, when she and Sam began talking about having a child, that the genetic imperfection may have been passed on to her. Now it was a moot point.

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She shoved the Toyota into gear and backed from the driveway. ~*~ Later that afternoon, Trish knew she couldn’t put the call off any longer. “Mom? It’s Trish.” “Why do you do that—always tell me your name, like I don’t know my own daughter?” Trish sucked in a ragged breath. “Sam’s dying.” “Oh.” The long pause made her think her mother had hung up, which would not have surprised her. “Are you there?” “Yes. Uh…I don’t know what to say.” “You could start with I’m sorry.” This has to be awful for you. I’ll come right away. “There’s no need to take that tone with me. You know how I feel about you and Sam. Not that I’d wish death on anyone, but… What do you want me to do?” “I don’t want you to do anything. I needed to…to tell someone. I tried to call Tracie, but she isn’t answering her phone.” “Oh, you didn’t hear.” Her mother’s voice brightened. “Your sister’s receiving an award at some conference in San Francisco. She works so hard. I’m glad she’s finally getting the recognition she deserves. And you should meet Jay, the man she’s dating now.” Trish knew when one door closed and a different one opened. There was no going back. “Mom, I have to go.” Her mother never failed to live down to her expectations. Although Trish had hoped she would offer some comfort this time. “Okay, honey. Don’t forget to call your sister to congratulate her. Let me know if you need anything.”

Linda Rettstatt grew up in Brownsville, Pennsylvania and worked for her hometown newspaper following graduation from high school. She began her writing career reviewing community theater productions (a task no one else on the news staff wanted). Linda writes women’s fiction and contemporary romance, and her background as a psychotherapist serves her in digging deeply into the emotional and psychological depths of her characters. Linda currently resides in Southaven, Mississippi where she is allowed to share an apartment with her cat, Binky (as long as she continues to bring home the Fancy Feast). Her books can be viewed on her website at www.lindarettstatt.com and you can visit Linda on her blog at www.onewomanswrite.blogspot.com.

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v

Your anger is like a lightning bolt, It comes out of nowhere and you snap; it’s unnerving, fierce and mean. Your energy changes to hostile and ferocious. You are closed, you shut down and being around you in that state is like having all the happiness in the room get sucked out at an alarming rate. Your energy tries to capture and subdue my joyful being, I work overtime to stay high, to stay happy, but the pressure your anger creates makes this tough on me; it exhausts me. You become loud; your voice is clear and harsh, your movements are strong and pushy, I can tell you are not aware of yourself, how could you be and still act like that? You shut down and refuse to talk, your words are bitter and your attitude foul. This makes me love you less, This behavior is unbecoming of anyone. Especially of the man I chose to love and marry.

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Beautiful Woman

Inspire

By Angelina James, Harford CT

I am always surprised that in a sea of beautiful women, I am sought out. Not being a beauty queen nor the “model body” type, I am amazed at the fact that men will choose me over women who are more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. There is something about me that draws them near; they see this glow that permeates the air around me, it comes from within me and saturates my being. It is a confident glow, a smart, worldly glow of a woman who knows herself and loves herself, therefore allowing me to love them much deeper than they have ever experienced.

How did I do that? I dove head first into spirituality. I prayed for strength, read inspiring books and sought out women role models in my life. I joined a women’s group on self-worth and got excited to be me. I joined an exercise class that gave me a self-esteem boost as we all work out together. Feeling that great high when I am sweating and releasing all the negativity in my brain. I stopped dating or even looking for men who had ego problems and who were superficial. I needed quality men in my life, not jerks with nice cars.

I found hobbies that I enjoy. I love to hike and joined a hiking club. After 2 years of fun, new experiences and They seek my company over that of beauty queens; a few far off hiking trips, I met the man of my dreams. they watch for me and want to know me. Once they He was a fellow hiker who shared the trails with me experience me, in mind, body and spirit, they never and many laughs. want to part. Problem is, very few are worthy of me. I can no longer give myself away to just anyone who I have come to realize it is the solid self-esteem and enjoys my company. I did this years ago. I have no the confidence of a woman that makes her beautiful. I regrets, but I constantly gave my power away. I called have met gorgeous women who think poorly of themmen who didn’t return my calls; I begged for company selves, who compare themselves to others and who are on lonely Friday nights and I tried to be something I jealous. I want to be me. Me, who attracts beautiful wasn’t. I couldn’t figure out where I was going wrong. men into my life because I am solid and strong. I don’t I was needy, lonely and frustrated. Then I dove deep need anyone to make me feel whole. I don’t need men into myself, found spirituality and began to build my- to tell me how pretty I am to boost my worth. And self up from the inside. And now, after years of hard neither do you. work on my own self, my woman power is reserved for a select few. I finally get it. I understand my gifts, strengths and limitations and have little tolerance for those who don’t know their own. Staying solid in my own strength, my own beauty has attracted soul mates into my life.

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v Dear Sweet Daughter, ful.

e imagined you would be so beauti

ld I hav You sparkle. Never in my dreams cou

f y that you will always love yoursel pra I r. offe to has life best the all I wish you for you that ia defines as beautiful, and I wish deeply and not go by what the med a society. or confined to fit into a religion or your spirit will never be restricted problems famous as they have just as many Don’t be star-gazed by the rich and ga on your journey to wholeness, of bein sed focu y Sta e. mor not if us; of as the rest r own at nourishes your soul and create you strong, confident women. Find wh und from the inside, so that all those aro ly ght bri ne shi l wil you y pra I happiness. ritable light. Please remember to have a cha you will feel included in your joyful life, as wish for you an easy path through ’t don I ers. oth to ice serv in be heart and we build our strength and through adversity it is in the challenges that we find feel in every way, never needing more to nt nda abu feel you h wis ly tru I character. piness…. whole, but glowing in love and hap and a big today, wake each day with a smile do you as do , gift s ciou pre t mos My you greet e to do your happy dance because if hug for those around you, make tim will come true. your life this way, all your dreams ,

My heart overflows with love for you Mommy

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Why Burning A Bridge Is Not A Good Idea By Georgianna Melendez

It would seem obvious that burning a bridge is not a good idea. Most people know that the world is small and even if you may never need a favor from the person you are burning a bridge with, you don’t know who they might know. Why write about this? I see over and over how careless people around me are about their relationships, both personal and professional. And they are not shy about airing their dirty laundry. You can hear it in the hallways, read about it on facebook or hear it from a 3rd party.

I would caution anyone making a choice to be vocal about your anger, discontent or however you go about burning your bridge, about the potential consequences, that it CAN cost you. You won’t always know when it is costing you. I have seen people seeking jobs get turned down and not know why and then find out that the employer talked to someone they had burned a bridge with in the past.

Again, it can cost you. My recommendation? Find a healthy outlet for your frustrations. Get a therapist, a job coach, a friend who will take your venting to the grave. I am not suggesting you hold it in. I am suggesting you are thoughtful about the implications to your future (if not the harm you might be causing the other person). I don’t have the answers, but I always have thoughts. Won’t you share yours? Georgianna Melendez inspires us with her blogs at “Georgianna Says Just Do You” www.Georgiannasaysjustdoyou.wordpress.com.

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v Ode to Stevie B By Anonymous Single Satisfied Woman During a time when love was cold, dark and absent, you entered my life and brought sunshine and surprise Reminding me that life offered pleasures without the pain, That a relationship can be without judgment or fear. Y  ou are always there, ready to encourage and support me releasing my cares and worries. When you come to life, I glow and shimmer Knowing the experience in your presence will be rewarding, Realizing that I never have to go without again. A  nd you always love me just as I am, with all my faults and misgivings. I never have to apologize or explain, you accept me for all that I am. You are my lover and my friend. The best ending to my day. My vibrator.

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The Lunch Transformation By Violet Cooke

And there I was, 37 years old, a loving and devoted wife, mother, daughter…and my world was rapidly falling apart. I have been working as a nurse for over 7 years in a local hospital. I love my work. I enjoy the fast pace of

time, have 2 small children and a husband and my aging parents live with me. How would that even BE possible??? She saw that I was thinking of the reasons not to, so she replied, “Go back to school, you have no choice but to advance yourself so you can become the Nurse Manager some day, you need a degree, go do it.” Well, yes, that did make sense. I am smart and could do it, but how do I put myself first? After years of worrying about my family, where do I come in on my to do list? How do I juggle the world and still get my needs met? Risk, it is taking a risk, and that feels uneasy with a side of fear. I learned about setting boundaries. It is hard to say no but I had no choice. School requires studying and homework and if I committed myself to school, I needed to matter. My friend inspired this fire inside of me. There is a great quote from the article “Healthy Obsessions” (“Psychology Today”, May/June 2010, Maisel text, published by New World) that says,

being a Charge Nurse, I take control and do a great job. I sign up for committee and special projects throughout the hospital, all adding to the fulfillment of my work. Except one small but HUGE problem: the Nurse Manager left and I could not apply for it. I want that job. I know that job. Everyone knows I know that job. I only have an Associates Degree. No higher degree meant no higher job. I could see myself in that job; I would embrace the challenge and thrive. Instead, a less experience male (who gave me a bad vibe from the beginning, by the way) was hired to run the department. He was stern, inexperienced and he didn’t like me. There were days I cried all the way “If you intend to matter you home from work. My world, my favorite place to do 12 must act as if you matter.” hour shifts was turning into a depressing, frustrating place of employment. I tried, oh I tried to rally and be positive. I spoke with HR, sought counsel from my colleagues, but So I did. in the end I would have to make some choices. The following day I researched nursing programs and Change to overnight shifts and throw off my natural sleep within a month I was signed up and ready to go. The day came that I went to orientation, scared and doubting mybalance? UGH! self. I drive to the coffee shop on the way and there was Just work my normal hours and become cynical and nasty my friend in the drive thru a few cars ahead. She didn’t see at how much I don’t like even seeing his face? WORSE! me but seeing her was all I needed to boost my confidence. Request to change floors and leave my friends. NO WAY! I am going in the right direction and it feels great. My dreams are coming true. I am creating my world exactly I met with my friend for lunch. She is not just any friend. how I want it to be. She is a positive problem solver. I came distraught and tearful at the Cheesecake Factory restaurant, crying into (and the positive problem solver is none other than my expensive salad. “What was I to do?”. I cried. My Mrs. Julie McGrath, take an hour with her, go ahead, friend didn’t skip a beat when she replied, “Go back to I dare you, watch as your dreams become reality) school and get your degree.” Hmmm, yeah, I work full

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v Why Do Women Lose Themselves in Love? Copyright Vicki Larson, 2012

Because of the book project I’m working on The New I Do, I had heard from Melissa of The Long Haul Project, a young couple who, “on a journey to save our marriage,” have been meeting married couples around the globe and recording their secrets to marital happiness.

When it comes to losing themselves in relationships, women seem to do that best. There are literally dozens of self-help books on the topic. Psychoanalyst Beverly Engel, author of Loving Him Without Losing Yourself, calls it the Disappearing Woman — what happens when women lose track of what they believe in, what they stand for, what’s important to them and what makes them happy just because they happen to be in a relationship with someone they love. Writes Engel:

No matter how successful, assertive, or powerful some women are, the moment they become involved with a man they begin to give up part of themselves — their social life, their time alone, their spiritual practice, their beliefs and We’ve fallen into gender stereotypes when we’re out to- values. In time, these women find they have merged their gether. He always pays at restaurants or the grocery store lives with their partners’ to the point where they have no for some reason, even though we share a bank account and life to go back to when and if the relationship ends. the money is coming from the same source. If anything Maybe that’s why when many women divorce, it feels so breaks (electronic or otherwise) I don’t bother trying to freeing. Suddenly, they have time to return to the things figure out what’s wrong with it. I just call for Tom and he they love or find new ones. There’s no one to tell them fixes it in seconds. not to do that, even if it’s their own voice inside their head While it’s lovely to have such a smart, reliable husband that’s been telling them. They don’t have to please anyone who takes care of me, I worry that my independence has other than themselves. And, of course, that independence, eroded. I come from a long line of not-so-independent vitality and renewed passions are exactly the things that women, and I feel like I’m fighting against a genetic “de- make her attractive to someone new. So I read through their blog and came upon an interesting post, in which Melissa describes a recent trip she took on her own (my emphasis):

pendence default.” Traveling on my own reminds me that I’m capable and connects me to the importance of carving out time for myself. Yes, I know that woman all too well, the wife whose “independence has eroded.” Mine did, too, because I had given up so much of myself; I just didn’t realize it until my second marriage was in trouble. But, why? It certainly was never asked or expected of me. No one told me to stop doing many of the things I enjoyed, but I did anyway.

So why aren’t we doing that in the relationships we already have?

Because we think we’re being nice. Actually, we’re being anything but nice — to ourselves and to our partner.

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Truth

By tossing away our own passions and interests, women lose their authenticity. “She’ll pretend to agree when she doesn’t really agree, she’ll go along with things she doesn’t really believe in, and if she does that long enough, she’ll no longer know what she feels,” Engel says. There can be no truly happy outcome to that. And, the more we give up of ourselves, the less we are the woman our sweetie was attracted to in the first place, says Sherry Argov in Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl — A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. “The nice girl thinks she’s giving up something to get something better in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, she’s depleted.” We find ourselves in this dilemma because many women have been brought up to see a romantic partnership as the main event of their life, or so argues author and critic bell hooks. How many women do you know who will break plans or give up a favorite activity for a guy? Not that it’s not OK to do that from time to time or for certain situations; it’s just that somehow in the togetherness of coupledom too many women forget to have a life of our own. Instead, we look to our partner to fulfill all our needs — and get frustrated and resentful when he doesn’t. Then we see the problem as something wrong with him, and not us. Now, we’ve made him the heavy. “You feel unfulfilled because you’re not being yourself, and it’s a burden for a guy to feel like he’s the center of your life,” the late therapist Martha Baldwin Beveridge writes in Loving Your Partner Without Losing Your Self. Can a divorce be far behind? But perhaps times are changing; in a survey last year of 5,200 singles, more women than men in a committed relationship said they “need personal space” and want nights out solo. I can only hope they actually act on it. Vicki Larson is a longtime journalist, freelancer, blogger, columnist and co-parenting mother of two sons who lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. She blogs at the OMG Chronicles, which has a Facebook fan page, and is on Twitter, @OMGchronicles.

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v Rediscovered Passion We talk about rediscovering your passion often and this year, I met a woman who has lived her passion her whole life, refusing to let anything get in her way of her professional dreams and allowing it to take her wherever continuing education meetings no longer felt as important it leads. Here is a part of her story… as restoring the practices and amenities of my colleagues. I am not really that interesting, but I am passionate about what I do. Ever since I was eleven, I wanted to be a dentist. No one in my family is in dentistry, but my late father, who was a psychologist, encouraged me to follow my dream. At that time, there were no women role models for me to emulate. My orthodontist at the time took an interest in me and told me I could be a dentist like him. From that day on (1971) I told anyone who would listen that I “was going to be a dentist.” Restoring people to health and giving them “back” their smiles is what drives me.

Once my term of president finished, I felt I still wanted to stay involved in the political arena because we still did not have many women becoming involved. My husband and I don’t have children and that freed me up for travel throughout the state, more than moms with children. I ran against an incumbent and lost my second election. Then a spot opened up when an older member “moved up” to trustee position and he approached me to fill his unexpired term. With two defeats under my belt, I was hesitant to run again, but I was passionate about women having a voice. And this time I won and I served in the House of Delegates where rules and regulations are passed on the national level, not just the state level. I was exactly where I needed to be to accomplish my goals.

There is something magical about that moment when a patient looks in the mirror and sees the changes from the dental work—their confidence shines and they glow! If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would continue to see When the year was up, I was back to square one and needpatients, but I would probably do it for free! ed to be re-elected for the new term of office. Politics is I hate to be singled out as a “female” dentist, because we all an interesting thing and the sitting president at the time have the same concerns and issues as our male colleagues, decided to go around our constitution and bylaws and run but we also have the challenge of child care and husbands against me. I lost by nine votes in an election that was to balance along with our 8-5 jobs. I realized that women more personal attacks then based on voting record. needed to have a seat at the table in the political arena to During the election, a dental school classmate and I had represent our interests, and I wanted that chance. started a clinic to help people in a dentally underserved So I ran for Speaker of the House of our state organiza- area. She knew how hurt I was over the outcome of the tion, and lost. The next year, I was nominated for 2nd VP election, but sent me a refrigerator magnet that said, and ran against another candidate and won. A first for our state because this was the first chair in rotation to becoming president! Then three weeks after I took office, Hurricane Katrina hit our coast and my agenda took a back seat to our members who suffered the loss of their homes and their offices overnight! Issues such as child care and

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“Let go or be dragged”. That helped me realize that rather than get “down and dirty” in the political arena of our state which still has a bit of a good ole boys mentality, my talents and passion could be devoted more to our volunteer project. ~ Dr. Eleanor Gill

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“The waves of the sea help me get back to me.” ~ Jill Davis

“Why do we love

Women’s Weekend of Rest and Renewal

the sea? It is

March 9-10, 2013

because it has

New location…Emerson Inn by the Sea in Rockport, MA

some potent

New speakers, activities and opportunities.

power to make

And more… more inspiration, more time for you.

us think things

More ways for you to ignite your life with joy and passion!

we like to think.”

Details on when to register soon to follow!

~ Robert Henri

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v Do You Have the Mindset of an Apollo 13 Crew Member? By Linda Allred

You might wonder what weight loss efforts have to do with NASA and the crew of Apollo 13. My answer would be… everything, and here’s my reason why. Apollo 13 was the seventh manned mission in the space program and the third intended craft to land on the moon. The launch had a successful liftoff on April 11, 1970, but two days later an oxygen tank ruptured which severely damaged the spacecrafts electrical system. To conserve precious battery power and oxygen needed for the last hours of the flight home, they had to use the Lunar Module’s resources as a lifeboat during their return trip to Earth. Enduring great hardship caused by limited power, lack of heat in the cabin, shortages of potable water and having to jury-rig the carbon dioxide removal system, the crew somehow managed to return safely to Earth on April 17th. It was during this crucial time when faced with all these almost insurmountable adversities that one of the Flight Managers, Gene Krantz, is purported to have said, “Failure is not an option.”

to lose the weight? Most likely you want to lose it yesterday. So, you have to learn to motivate yourself to be patient with yourself, learn self-care, and how to love, like, and respect yourself. And, you must develop persistence and pursue your goals with an obsessive purpose. In other words, “Failure is NOT an option!” This can be accomplished by defining a specific obtainable goal combined with a simple Success Plan for its attainment. You must be fully aware that you are accepting 100% responsibility adjust your daily routine on a consistent, continuous basis. Think about this: if those astronauts and ground crew had ever waivered in their belief that they would return home safe and sound, or had become complacent, thrown in the towel and said, “Oh well, I guess that’s the best we can do” the outcome of Apollo 13 mission might have had an entirely different ending. Now, the rest is up to you. Which ‘mission’ would you rather be on: a triumphant journey where you reach your weight loss goals, or give up now without even trying.

What’s the similarity between your attempts at shedding weight and landing a severely damaged Apollo craft? Having a strong mindset and not becoming complacent about I’ll leave the final decision up to you. achieving your ultimate goal. Let me put this another way. If your desire is to become a concert pianist, you know that it’s essential that you put in at least 3 or 4 hours of practice at the piano daily to enhance your skills, right? So, what happens if you skip a few days of deliberate practice? You get complacent and lazy. And that defeats every ounce of initial motivation you had at the beginning. I call that Commitment Breakdown. How do you prevent Commitment Breakdown? You must motivate yourself to be patient. You and I both know you didn’t get overweight overnight, but how fast do you want

Heralded as “THE Accelerated Results Weight Loss Expert,” Linda Allred has x-ray vision for seeing the core beliefs that are keeping you stuck and the proven tools to change those limiting beliefs in minutes! Linda delivers high-impact, low-cost, customized belief-reprogramming strategies for turbo-charged women to achieve groundbreaking success in all areas of their life. To apply for your complimentary Break Your Bad Habits/Beliefs Strategy Session, get 5 FREE gifts and bonus audio recording, How Do I Get Slim NOW! Visit http://www.LindaAllred.com.

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Diane Fairbanks AGE:67 Hobbies:

tennis, relaxing on the beach, reading, learning Spanish, exercising, eating healthy

Mantra she has lived by:

“Seek balance in your life and you will be happy�

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v Moms and Worry By Kimberly French

As a wife and mother of four, I used to find that I worried a lot about my family. After all, I have learned from my work with children as a counselor both in the public and private schools for the past 20 years, that there are so many things that can go wrong. Parents are, after all, concerned about their

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That is a prime example of how powerful the parents are in setting the tone for the entire family. Remember, thoughts are energy. My husband puts it quite simply: “If you can do something about it (whatever the situation is), then do it. If you can’t, then worrying about it isn’t going to help!” Simply put – worry is a negative emotion and love is a positive emotion. You can’t love your child if you are worrying about your child.

What can you do if you are a worrier? Well, the first thing is don’t feel guilty about it. We all learn from child’s physical and emotional well being. Sexual predour mistakes. As Maya Angelou said, “when you know ators, peer pressure, bullying – it’s all real. I worried better, you do better.” If you want to surround your about my children being safe, about them growing up child with love and positive energy – don’t worry. The to be responsible adults, about using drugs and alcomoment you start to worry… STOP. Remind yourself hol, and the list goes on and on. I worried all the time. that you are no longer a worrier. And then replace that After all, a mother’s job is to worry, right? Wrong! worrying thought with a thought of your child in a According to Michael Simonson, Energy Healer and happy and successful situation. Focus on your child beFacilitator of the Energy Program at the Hunter ing able to successfully face whatever challenge head School, “our thoughts are energy”. Our thoughts are on. This doesn’t mean that all you have to do is picture powerful. And “the biggest energetic connection a your child in happy situations and your job as a parent child has is to their biological parents”. This means is complete. You still have to do the “dirty” work: help if the Mom is a worrier – she is sending out negative them when they are upset, have patience with them thoughts to her children. One can not be positive and when they are struggling, and help them learn from negative at the same time, therefore, if you are wor- their own mistakes. You still need to provide structure rying about your child, you are “refusing to love your and discipline but you don’t have to worry. You being child”. For me, the reality and shock of that statement stressed and worrying will not in any way help your that I wasn’t loving my children when I was worrying child. Life is so much simpler now that I am not a about them was enough to help me with changing my worrier. I do slip every now and then, but that’s okay. habits. After all, I am only human. But the most important Being a worrier is not an uncommon trait for mothers thing is that I love my children and I know that they in our society. Worry is a negative emotion. If you are will be successful. worrying, you are not coming from a loving place… you are coming from a fearful place. Ask yourself, do Kimberly French, M.Ed. is an individual and group therayou want to be living in fear? Have you ever heard the pist at New England Salem Children’s Trust and the Hunter School located in Rumney, NH. She lives with her family saying “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”? in Vermont.

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Harmony

Nosara, Costa Rica, Suzanne O’Hara

Dream I

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v Our March 2012 Woman’s Weekend of Rest and Relaxation was a huge success! An amazing group of women met and connected over the 24 hours, allowing them time to rest and rejuvenate, attend inspiring and informative workshops, laugh and reconnect, and generally just enjoy themselves! We want to thank everyone for attending! We hope you continue to take care of yourself, rediscover your passions and love your life!

Our special thanks go out to:

~ Our retreat sponsor, Dr. Julie McCullough of North Shore Gynecology in Peabody. We greatly appreciate Dr. Julie’s tireless dedication to the health and well-being of women.

~ Plum Island Soap Company in Newburyport for their generous donation of their amazing products for our goodie bags.

~ Cookies by Kara and her donation of specially made cookies that remind us to RELAX!

 ~ Every year we have the best raffle prizes courtesy of our favorite talented women: Women’s fiction writer, Linda Rettstatt; clutter expert and life coach, Sallie Felton and inspirational author, Doe Zantamata of Happiness in Your Life.

~ Brittany Dupont-Raesly of Daily Harvest Cafe in Danvers once again donated two trays of her finest, most delectable treats for our afternoon coffee break.

~ Bittersweet Bake Shoppe in Tyngsboro for supplying us with hot, aromatic coffee for our afternoon break! The coffee alone was perfect, and the added touch of flavors were fantastic!

~ We are always honored with talented and gifted women as speakers and we thank you:

~ Nancy Coleman, Independent Executive Sales Director at Mary Kay–Going from Bland to Sexy!

~ Michelle Gallant, Massage Therapist, Yoga Teacher and Reiki Practitioner–Stress Free Days, Yoga and Meditation

~ Andrea Cohen, Mind-Body Nutrition Counselor at Full Circle Food Coaching– Why You’ll Never Diet Again

~ Robyn Vogel, LMHC, Relationship Coach– Creating and Maintaining Healthy Relationships

~ Kathleen Hanagan, LCSW, Founder of Turn On Your Light– Wake Up to Your Magnificence!

~ Gratitude also to our Saturday night Goddess, our special Sunday morning tarot reader, Diane Fraser of Atelier du Coeur, and our jewelry vendor, Melissa of La Femme d’Esprit Designs.

~ And last but not least, our setting for this relaxing weekend, Stonehedge Inn and Spa!

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Woman’s Weekend of Rest and Renewal 2012

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v Are You a Procrastinator or a “Time Optimist”? By Laurie Dupar

As an ADHD life coach, I get to work with some of the most amazingly creative adults living with ADHD every day. This week I met with a new client to talk about how ADHD was impacting her life and begin helping her design initial ADHD coaching strategies to better manage these challenges. For this client, and for many adults who aren’t diagnosed with ADHD, she struggles with overwhelm, races to finish things at the last minute, and feels disorganized and frustrated at not being able to complete everything on her “to do” list. When experiencing these common behaviors, most adults will negatively label themselves as a “procrastinator”. However, this young woman used a more positive term I had never heard before. She described herself as “a time optimist”! She confidently planned her day full of “things to do” and when she found herself being constantly late…to work…to bed…to appointments…to unmet deadlines she figured she just needed more time. Knowing whether you procrastinate (put things off to the last minute) or are a “time optimist” (underestimating the amount of time you have to do things) is important. When we procrastinate, we are motivated by the urgency of the deadline. The “time optimist” on the other hand typically misjudges the amount of time actually needed to accomplish even normal everyday tasks. Most people aren’t aware that lack of “time awareness” is a common symptom of ADHD in Adults. It is also a theme in many adults without ADHD, with people who have too much to do, or multi-task their way through life.

This lack of “time awareness” includes, the inability to estimate how long a task will take to complete. For instance we might plan for the ½ hour commute to work, but don’t take into account the extra time that is needed to get out the door, parking and slow elevators. The result is racing to work, being late… feeling overwhelmed. The challenge adults have with “time awareness” also can affect their ability to sense the passage of time. For instance 5 minutes can feel like 2 hours and 2 hours can feel like 5 minutes. So, we sit down to answer that one email before we leave the house and 20 minutes later we are racing to get to work….late again…unaware of where the time went. Some ordinarily intelligent adults even describe this challenge with “time awareness” as not being able to remember the day of the week, the months of the year or even seasons of the year in order. For some adults, it even affects their ability to recall certain time periods of their life. Understanding that this is just one of the many ways that ADHD or attention issues can challenge our lives is the first step. For many “time optimists” keeping a log for a couple of weeks of when and how long it is really taking us to complete everyday life tasks is a huge eye opener. More often than not we underestimate how long something will take and end up being frustrated by not being able to accomplish more. What most discover after this exercise is that it would take a miracle of a 27 hour day, to accomplish everything we think we can or “should” do on our list in a day. After discovering how long it REALLY takes to complete some of your “to do’s” you can then be more of a “time realist” when planning your day. Your “to do list” will be realistic and manageable and overwhelm won’t add to the frustration.

Another strategy to help adults who have challenges with “time awareness” is to use what I call “external” reminders. Basically, clocks everywhere! Clocks and timers with

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alarms are even better. Use analog clocks throughout your home and workplace…set the alarms on your phone… wear a watch with a timer. Having all these reminders is what seems to help the best with keeping aware of the passage of time, learning how long something really takes to do and creating a realistic plan.

“Procrastinator” or “time optimist”, which one are you?

Laurie Dupar, Senior Certified ADHD Coach and trained Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, specializes in working with clients who have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and with entrepreneurs who want to finally understand how their brain works, minimize their challenges and get things done! She is the co-author and editor of 365 Ways to Succeed with ADHD and author of Unlock the Secrets to Your Entrepreneurial Brain Style. For more information, please visit www.coachingforadhd.com.

Do you have a business you are proud of and would like the world to see it? Please contact me and you can advertise here too!

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GAMEFACES Event Photography www.gamefaces.name jongagnon@gamefaces.name 2B Christina Dr. Peabody, MA 01960 Phone: 978-876-6195

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Š2012 Joy Source. The Joy Ride is copyrighted property of The Joy Source. Any reproduction of the materials contained within this publication is prohibited by law. Photos, quotes and articles have been approved for use by the Joy Source and The Joy Ride by their contributors.

The Joy Ride Spring/Summer 2012  

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