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’s normal to feel anxious about otherwise “ordinary” things when you’re pregnant. This is especially true when it’s your first pregnancy. Suddenly, a cup of coffee becomes a toxic substance and even something as mundane as a manicure becomes something to be avoided. If it is something remotely harmful, the expecting mom would choose to be on the safe side rather than risk hurting her baby. But is a can of soda really that bad? Can we actually enjoy a massage while we’re pregnant? Dr. Catherine Maliwat-Burce, MD, Obstetrician-Gynecologist who is also a High risk pregnancy specialist, tackles some of the questions that pregnant women often ask. Read on for some

WORDS BY VALERIE ANNE DEL CASTILLO P H OTO G R A P H B Y M A R K C A BA L A N G

pregnancy do’s and don’ts

Learn the fashion do’s and don’ts for the mature age group in this quick guide (which the glamorous career mom will definitely love)

+ SOOTHING SKIN CARE...GETTING INTIMATE...EXPLORING PERU...POSITIVE CHANGES...

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www.bcmag.ph


P R E G NA N C Y GOODBYE TO MASSAGES AND BEAUTIFUL NAILS?

Actually, massages done by those who are especially trained to do prenatal massage is a treat that pregnant women can still enjoy. “Prenatal massage offers relief of most the common complaints during pregnancy like backaches and leg pains as well as promotes relaxation and improvement of sleep,” says Dr. Burce. You can get a massage any time during your pregnancy although some advice against getting one during the first trimester because of the risk of miscarriage. Avoid deep or “hard” massage especially in the legs and avoid massaging the abdomen. Dr. Burce also advises those suffering from preterm labor, clotting disorders, or any medical problems to avoid getting a massage throughout their pregnancy. As for your mani-pedi and facial beauty rituals, Dr. Burce gives them a go. For facial treatments though, just avoid abrasive treatments like microdermabrasion, and chemical peels using retinoids or those products containing salicylic acid. Manicures and pedicures are safe as long as the manicurist uses tools that have been well sterilized. HOW ABOUT MY CAFFEINE FIX?

Dr. Burce shares that according to the recent committee opinion by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, moderate consumption of caffeine does not appear to cause miscarriage or preterm birth. Moderate consumption is equivalent to about 12 ounces of coffee. Caffeinated tea and most sodas have much less caffeine (less than 50mg per serving). “However, it is still unclear whether high levels of intake (more than 200 mg) have risks. My best advice is to limit your consumption,” says Dr. Burce. If you add artificial sweeteners to your

cup of coffee, there is also no need to worry. “Most artificial sweeteners are FDA approved and are considered safe during pregnancy. However, it may still be best to limit your intake to a moderate level,” shares Dr. Burce. Women with the condition phenylketonuria should avoid using aspartame and foods that contain it. You should also avoid saccharin as its safety is still in question since it crosses the placenta and may remain in the fetal tissue. CAN I STILL FLY?

Yes you can still book your airplane seats up to your 36th week of pregnancy. “However,” says Dr. Burce, “It is not recommended at ANY time during your pregnancy if you have any medical or obstetric conditions that may be affected by flight or that would require emergency care.” It is also best to check the requirements of the airline because some of them require medical certificates from your OB-GYN. Here are some tips for a more comfortable trip: · Book an aisle seat so you can stretch your legs · Avoid gas-producing foods and carbonated drinks before the flight · Wear your seatbelt at all times but be sure it is placed below the hipbones, below the belly. · Avoid restrictive clothing · Keep yourself well-hydrated WILL EXPOSURE ELECTRONICS HARMFUL?

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Electric and magnetic fields (EMF) are areas of energy that surround any electrical device (ex: computers, TVs, mobile phones, tablets, etc.). Several studies have tried to associate exposure to EMF with pregnancy outcomes from childhood leukemia to asthma. However, Dr. Burce explains that there is still no general consensus regarding

safety of prolonged exposures to electronic devices during pregnancy and more studies are needed to verify any reported ill effects. “At present, it is still advisable to simply limit your exposure,” Dr. Burce says. ARE INSECT REPELLENTS SAFE?

Mosquito repellents like coils, scented candles and lotions are generally safe during pregnancy. There are concerns about the chemical called DEET which is often found in commercially available repellent lotions. In the majority of the studies done however, there were no increase in birth defects noted on moms who used products with DEET. However, to stay on the safe side, simply use products with the lowest concentration of DEET. You can try applying the lotion to your clothing rather than directly to the skin. Alternative products like citronella and lavender oils are also considered safe. TAKING ANTIDEPRESSANTS

There have been concerns about antidepressant drugs taken during pregnancy and rightfully so. “Antidepressants are prescription drugs that should only be used under the supervision of doctors,” warns Dr. Burce. “Whenever possible, the lowest dose of medication should be used.” Your doctor will be able to prescribe you a safe antidepressant if needed but Dr. Burce advises the expectant mom to inform her pediatrician if she is still using this in her third trimester as there could be possible withdrawal symptoms in the baby. BLOODY MATTERS

Is it safe to for pregnant moms to get a transfusion? Yes. In fact, it may even save a mother’s life when done in emergency situations like massive bleeding during birth or postpartum.


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bc report LOVE AN

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you’ve lost that loving feeling... Maintain a healthy relationship with your partner by learning how how to beat Intimacy Anorexia even before its onset

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was in high school when I first saw the movie Top Gun. The highlight of that film, of course, was the belting out of the song “You’ve lost that loving feeling...” Today, I think I realized that it may be the perfect theme song to people who are suffering from a real and deadly marriage/relationship killer.

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P H OTO G R A P H S B Y J O N N M A R T I N H E R M A N WORDS BY IAN VICTOR

Intimacy Anorexia.

It would seem that marriages are having a shorter shelf life nowadays, and it’s not just the celebrities that are going through it—theirs is just highly publicized. There could be a deeper and bigger issue as to why marriages and even relationships are not going the distance, and we could all be suffering from it in one way or another.

Intimacy Anorexia is a term suggested by the U.S. psychologist Douglas Weiss to describe a hurtful form of withdrawal, which he says is destroying millions of marriages—the withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy by one half of the couple. Rudolph Bell, in his book Holy Anorexia, notes “Appetite and sexual drive are related but distinct parts of a constellation of bodily urges that the holy anorexic seeks to tame and ultimately to obliterate.” Ultimately, anorexia is one’s desire to destroy or control a desire in order to prevent the pain of that desire going unmet or being abused.

Anorexia comes from the Greek word orexis which means appetite. An-orexis is a denial of appetite. We have several appetites, one of which is food. But one cannot live on bread alone, and needs other things in order to feel nurtured. We need to have our appetite for love and affection satiated as well, and most relationships suffer from the denial of affection or otherwise known as

This lack of intimacy does not just mean physical intimacy. Marriage or a relationship should be about two people being able to support, love, and provide each other with the reassurance that they need in order to grow within a relationship. If one partner (or both) withholds emotional, spiritual, physical, and even financial support, they are in danger of being (if they aren’t yet) an Intimacy Anorexic.

B C PHILIPPINES { FEB-MAR 2012 }

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R E A L - L AT I O N S H I P S

“IT WOULD SEEM THAT MARRIAGES ARE HAVING A SHORTER SHELF LIFE NOWADAYS, AND IT’S NOT JUST THE CELEBRITIES THAT ARE GOING THROUGH IT—THEIRS IS JUST HIGHLY PUBLICIZED. ” WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?

There are indicators to determining whether your relationship is suffering from Intimacy Anorexia. Dr. Weiss says that if you tick five or more of the following symptoms, you may be suffering from the disorder: Being too busy with work – There’s being focused with work, and there’s using work as an excuse not to be intimate. With the onset of technology, it would seem that you can stay connected with friends and co-workers via mobile phones, social media, and the internet, but if you’re spending more time updating your status message and tweets than you are talking to your partner, then something is clearly amiss. Blaming – The intimacy anorexic tends to throw the responsibility of being an intimacy anorexic to another person or another cause except for themselves. It’s always someone else’s fault and not theirs. It’s easier to detach from a relationship by keeping a pristine facade and let the other person take the blame. The intimacy anorexic will point the blame to everyone else but themselves. Withholding Praise – The lack of compliments or praise within a relationship is an obvious indicator. If you or your partner is generous with praise for someone else except your respective partners, this may be an indicator of Intimacy Anorexia. Compliments and praise are important in a relationship. A simple “Thank you” or “That was a lovely meal” can mean so much. Withholding Emotions – There’s nothing more debilitating than the feeling that you cannot share your innermost feelings www.bcmag.ph

with someone you’re supposed to trust. Criticizing – An emotional anorexic will indulge in constant low-blows or put-downs of his or her partner and constantly points out their weak points. They are much faster in making a list of what’s wrong with their partners rather than what is beautiful or amazing about them. Distance – The ever so common “silent treatment” has never been so dangerous. Couples who can go on days (some even weeks) without speaking to each other are at the edge of relationship meltdown. Financial Control – Intimacy anorexics often keep or hide their finances from their spouses or they keep them short of money—they control their partners with it. They believe that compensating with money is enough and that they don’t need to be intimate anymore. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

According to Dr. Weiss, Intimacy Anorexia comes from different causes. Intimacy Anorexics may have had a difficult time relating to the parent of the opposite gender when they were children. They may have also been children of Intimacy Anorexics and may have adapted to the attitudes because it was what they saw growing up and have believed to be the norm. Dr. Weiss also states that a traumatic sexual experience in their younger years may also push a person to be an Intimacy Anorexic. Although some of the symptoms can be seen manifesting after the honeymoon period is over or during the course and run of a relationship, but it will wear off when things get less stressful and they adjust to each other.

Intimacy Anorexics on the other hand, have behavioral patterns that are much more deliberate and intentional. One must remember though that sexuality is just one factor within Intimacy Anorexia. There is the underlying issue of emotional intimacy dysfunction. Ultimately, anorexia is one’s desire to destroy or control a desire in order to prevent the pain of that desire going unmet or being abused, in this case, it is intimacy that is being controlled—with an on and off switch. WHAT CAN BE DONE?

Truth of the matter is, this is a very complex topic. There are a number of things to look at and consider before one engages in trying to find a cure or a solution. Just like with any disorder or disease, you can’t just look at the symptoms and make a diagnosis there. One must find the root cause of the dysfunction and tackle that. Intimacy Anorexia affects not just the two people involved in the relationship. If you have children, they will get affected by it and may inadvertently take on the same attitude and continue with the cycle with their own partners when they grow up. Try this exercise—give each other at least two compliments every day and talk to each other (a real conversation, please) for at least two minutes each day without any distractions—just the two of you. It’s a tiny step but it could do wonders. Finally, seek help from a professional. A licensed therapist or relationship counselor can assist and guide you into finding intimacy within your relationship again. bc

{ FEB-MAR 2012 } B C PHILIPPINES

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a mac family’s tribute to steve jobs One mom tells us why her brood’s affinity for Apple products has become a true family affair P H OTO G R A P H B Y L I N D S E D R A L I N B O U G H TO N

I have a Mac Family. In my entire 20 years of married life, my family has never acquired a PC as my husband, Chris Boughton, an IT geek himself, would not have it. He believed in Steve Jobs from the day Apple introduced the first Macintosh with the screen and floppy drive in one. He was a systems designer and programmer back in 1986, and he chose Mac for home use because it had the best user interface available. Chris is an early adopter,

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he has to have the new gadget so he can understand what he can do with it. He even bought an Apple Newton and was one of the few people who could use it successfully. Like Steve, Chris is a semi-dictator in so far as what computer gadgets to have at home for they think they know best. I was reflecting last night on Steve Jobs talking about connecting the dots during the commencement speech at Stanford

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SWEET SLUMBER

University. While I viewed my husband’s reluctance to have a PC at home as stubbornness and dictatorial, I now connect the dots and come to understand that certain decisions need not be put out for a vote. As in life, democracy was not the best thing all of the time. Steve Jobs had a vision to change the world, and he succeeded. He didn’t believe in customer surveys, as he didn’t think that customers knew what they wanted. As a user, however, he knew what he wanted to have and to hold, and went for it. He was a ruthless dictator in pursuit of his creative ingenuity, but allowed his talented staff freedom to do their job. He wanted simplicity and style, and I know that he had made it his mission to enable someone like me, a non-techy person to use Apple products with ease and confidence, and enjoy them. His creations surpassed anyone’s technical expectations, and he made “insanely great” products. My children grew up with their hands on a Mac keyboard as soon as they were able to sit in front of a computer. Both children have shared the same passion that their Dad has for Apple products. They are so abreast of each product, operating system, and various Apps, that they say that they can stand in an Apple Store and sell the products themselves or at the Genius Bar to assist customers. They don’t profess to know everything about the products but what they carry with them is that bit of an innate knowledge (how Steve Jobs thinks), which enables

them to figuring things out instinctively. Steve Jobs’ connecting-the-dots address reminds me that indeed everything happens for a reason. He refers to him being fired by the company he costarted as one important aspect in his life that gave him a breakthrough to create something bigger by pushing his boundaries. It was when he left Apple that he set up Next which was later purchased by Apple; the event that brought him back at the helm as “interim CEO.” That was in 1997, and Apple shares were US$10. In the next 14 years, Steve made the company one of the most valuable in the world, and their shares are now in the high US$300 range. Steve also founded Pixar, the most successful animation studio in the world. He sold Pixar to Walt Disney for over US$7 billion. Even as a college drop-out, a non-engineer with no management background, John Scully, former CEO of Apple once said that Steve Jobs “didn’t create anything really, BUT he created everything.” Steve Jobs is now a legend, an icon of change, a symbol of the limitless possibilities that one is capable of, if only we can strip ourselves of everything and come naked, as he says, to follow the prompting of the inner voice within us. Looking back and as I connect the dots, I can’t blame my husband why we never had a PC at home. His loyalty and passion for beautiful things which work elegantly is for my family to emulate. bc

“STEVE JOBS IS NOW A LEGEND, AN ICON OF CHANGE, A SYMBOL OF THE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES THAT ONE IS CAPABLE OF, IF ONLY WE CAN STRIP OURSELVES OF EVERYTHING AND COME NAKED, AS HE SAYS, TO FOLLOW THE PROMPTING OF THE INNER VOICE WITHIN US.” THE BOUGHTON FAMILY CURRENTLY OWNS AND USES: One MacBook Pro 15”, two MacBook Pro 13”, one MacBook Air, one iMac 20”, one Mac Mini, which is our in-home media server, one iPad, two iPad 2’s, one iPhone 3GS, one iPhone 4, three iPods / iPod Touch. Also lying around our apartment are, an Apple G4 Cube, a first generation (and still working) iPod, two first generation iPod shuffles and other bits and bobs of Apple technology.


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the foot of the problem Just because you’re expecting, doesn’t mean that you can’t stay fashionable. But what if your favorite pair of shoes becomes the cause of various aches and pains? We discuss solutions

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P H OTO G R A P H S B Y T A M A R A M U T H - K I N G WORDS BY IAN VICTOR

omen love shoes—there’s no denying it. While most of us often put on a pair of shoes for a confidence boost (and to complete our everyday outfits), it’s not such a great option for those with child. In fact, flip flops, ballet flats and Ugg shoes are discouraged by podiatrists—shocking, isn’t it? All the while we thought that the flip flops we go home to everyday could be the safest bet for our tired feet.

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According to a survey done by Society of Chiropodists and Podiatrists in the U.K. in 2010 revealed that one third of women risk foot health by wearing inappropriate footwear (such as high heels) during pregnancy, while two-thirds often wear flip flops, which lack the essential support that pregnant women need. As much as 70% of these women have been found to be suffering from foot problems, including swollen ankles and feet, and pain in the arch and heel. www.bcmag.ph


F O O T H E A LT H It is imperative to find comfortable footwear that provides maximum support from your feet, which on average, may grow by half a size or more during pregnancy. The reason behind this? Hormones. These hormones that are released to help your pelvis relax and ligaments and joints loosen in preparation for childbirth. Another cause of the enlargement of feet during pregnancy is fluid retention. Because gravity pulls us down, the water in our body tends to move downward. This is the reason why it’s so important to prop your feet up at the end of the day (at six to 12 inches above your heart if you’re lying down), or whenever you’re seated for long periods of time.

minutes. Plug in your iPod and light some scented candles while you’re at it, and complete the relaxation experience.

Edema, the term referring to the swelling caused by the accumulation of fluids in your tissue, is often experienced by pregnant women in their third trimester. Your vena cava—the large vein on the right side of your body that transports blood from your lower extremities back to your heart—experiences additional pressure because of your growing baby. To help alleviate the slowdown of blood flow back to your heart, it is recommended that you lay down on your left side during rest. If you tend to wear socks often, choose those without seams, as to not constrict blood circulation in your feet. A quick home remedy for swollen feet and ankles is cucumber. Just slice them up and place them on your ankles or feet and cover with a cloth or bandage. The cucumber cools down your swollen foot and absorbs excess fluids. You can also soak your feet in warm water with a bit of salt for about 15

While swelling may go away after giving birth, your foot growth may not, so it’s good to measure your feet throughout your pregnancy and be aware of the shoe size you must be wearing. Check out the local department store for shoe inserts that help support your feet’s arch, and consult a podiatrist if you are experiencing unusual sensations or pain.

Another common foot problem during pregnancy is overpronation, simply known as flat foot. Over-pronation is when a person’s foot arch becomes flat due to excess weight, and the foot rolls inward when walking. This is caused by the additional stress placed on the plantar fascia, which is the ligament-like tissue that connects the heel bone to your toes. Pregnant women are prone to this because of the weight gain, while those who are obese and people who already have flat feet, are also at risk.

Drink lots of water to keep yourself hydrated and help your body retain less fluid. Avoid food with high salt content, as these also cause water retention. Proper diet and exercise, especially one that is recommended by your doctor, would be the best for you and your child. As a parent, your feet have a long way to go, so make sure you take care of your podiatric health, and maintain a well-balanced lifestyle not only for yourself, but also for your kids. bc

“As a parent, your feet have a long way to go, so make sure you take care of your podiatric health, and maintain a well-balanced lifestyle not only for yourself, but also for your kids. ” HAPPY FEET Are your feet feeling worn out from all the weight you’re carrying? Here are some tips from the Society of Chiropodists and Podiatrists (SCPod) in the U.K. to keep them healthy Straps, laces, or Velcro is the way to go. Pick shoes that provide great support without compromising comfort. The best way to go, according to the SCPod, is to wear shoes with a 3-centimeter heel height, because this shifts your weight towards the middle of your foot, thus providing better comfort. High heels are a no-no, as this places tremendous pressure on your joints, which are already subjected to much stress. Keep those gorgeous heels for after you give birth instead. When choosing footwear, it is essential to select those with extra shock absorption, supportive arch, and a firm heel. When sitting, avoid crossing your legs or ankles. Dr. Luis Navarro, director of the Vein Treatment Center and surgeon at Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City, explained that crossing your legs actually slows down the blood flow from your leg veins to your heart. www.bcmag.ph

Get your blood circulating better. Even if you’re sitting down all day on your desk, or stuck on bed rest, try rotating your ankles and wiggling your toes. If you’re lying down, simulate a bike ride with your legs while flat on your back, as this will reduce swelling and help prevent cramps. Add some leg and calf stretches to your daily exercise routine. Remember to check with your doctor for safe exercise routines for pregnant moms. If you’re looking to buy new footwear, head to the mall later in the afternoon, as that’s when your feet are the largest. Make sure that there’s at least 1 centimeter allowance between your longest toe and the end of the shoe. Veer away from pointy shoes and opt for those rounded or square shaped ones that can provide enough space and comfort for your toes.

{ FEB-MAR 2012 } B C PHILIPPINES

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bc lifestyle CO N N E

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mobile phone safety for your children Because parents and children use cell phones for different reasons, here are useful guidelines we must follow to ensure our kids’ safety, once they go ‘mobile’ WORDS BY ANN NODER

“NOW MANY PARENTS MAKE THE DECISION TO ARM THEIR KIDS WITH CELL PHONES. PARENTS GENERALLY SAY THEY DO SO FOR SAFETY REASONS; THEY WANT TO BE ABLE TO REACH THE CHILD ANYTIME.”

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an you hear me now? According to research, 22 percent of young children own a cell phone (ages 6-9), 60 percent of tweens (ages 10-14), and 84 percent of teens.

Now many parents make the decision to arm their kids with cell phones. Parents generally say they do so for safety reasons; they want to be able to reach the child anytime. Cost is also a factor. Cell phone industry experts say phones and

family plans are both becoming more affordable. Also, as adults swap out their old devices for newer smart phones, it is easier to pass down a used phone. But for children, it is all about social life. A Pew study found that half of 12- to 17-year olds sent at least 50 text messages a day and texted their friends more than they talked to them on the phone or even face to face.

OF COURSE, OWNING A CELL PHONE COMES WITH POSSIBLE OUTSIDE THREATS. HERE ARE 10 TIPS TO HELP KEEP YOUR KID SAFE WHILE USING A CELL PHONE:

Talk to your kids about the dangers and consequences associated with inappropriate cell phone use. Discuss topics including sexting, and texting while driving. Make sure you get caught up on the lingo of popular acronyms and initialisms. Ask your kids to save any abusive or problem messages to show an adult. GET EDUCATED AND PREPARED.

SELECT APPROPRIATE PHONE FEATURES.

If your child is under 10, they probably don’t need a phone with unlimited social networking or email capabilities. Likewise, the actual phone itself doesn’t need built-in features like a web browser or video messaging. For a young child, look for basic phones. Review all pre-programmed apps and phone capabilities beforehand. If your child’s cell phone has access to the internet, find out if your service provider offers some sort of parental control feature to which you can subscribe. USE PARENTAL CONTROLS.

Designate time slots for talking—perhaps after homework and chores are completed, or before dinner. Don’t let constant calls interrupt family time. It’s easy for a chatty teen to cuddle up to a phone at bedtime, so check periodically. LIMIT USAGE.

Perhaps your child is older, but you’re still not comfortable with him or her texting and emailing unmonitored. Internet and cell phone monitoring software provide parents provides parents with comprehensive alerts and reports on their child’s cell phone calls and text message CONSIDER MONITORING SERVICES.

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activity. This allows you to keep track of when they are using the phone (during school hours or late at night), and who they are communicating with most frequently. Instruct your child not to answer calls or text messages from numbers they don’t recognize. If it is important, the caller will leave a message and then he can decide how to respond. Explain how to block calls from unwanted numbers. WAIT BEFORE ANSWERING.

PRE-PROGRAM NUMBERS. To help keep your

kids safe, make sure their cell phones have all important phone numbers preprogrammed into it, so they can always get a hold of someone if they’re in trouble. Make sure kids are aware of what shortcuts or names are pre-programmed for emergencies, or for calling mom and dad, and their nanny (if they have mobile phones). Always keep your child’s cell phone charger in the same place. It’s best to find a central location—like maybe the kitchen counter, or a table by the door. Mark the end of the monthly billing cycle on a calendar to remind her how long those dwindling minutes have to last. STAY ORGANIZED.

PRACTICE PRIVACY. Tell your teen to use cau-

tion when giving out a phone number. Make sure they don’t publicize their number on the Internet or social sites like Facebook. BE CAREFUL OF DOWNLOAD OVERLOAD.

Fun ringtones, games, and backgrounds—oh my! But, be careful. These features can come with potential bugs or hidden fees. bc

{ FEB-MAR 2012 } B C PHILIPPINES

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None of us are immune to mistakes, and the one universal truth of making them is that we all hate that moment when we realize that we just screwed up P H OTO G R A P H B Y A N D R E A W O R O C H

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hen it hits us that we’ve made a mistake, we always have that instant of ‘Wow, that was stupid, what was I thinking?’ before we move on and try to solve the problem we’ve inadvertently caused,” said life coach Peter Demarest. “I refer to the elimination of that space of time between when we screw up and the time we realize we’ve screwed up as ‘practical enlightenment.’ For the past

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dozen years or so, I’ve been studying mind-brain science to see if there is a way to help us think better so we make fewer mistakes and create a better life.” But Demarest believes that we can go further than just preventing mistakes. He believes that through the science-based techniques he’s discovered, people can dramatically improve how they think, make choices, act, and react without having

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SELF-IMPROVEMENT to fix their so-called weaknesses. He derived these ideas from research in a science called neuro-axiology, which is a combination of brain science and value science. “Axiology,” Demarest says, “is the name of a fascinating science about how our value perceptions influence our thoughts, choices, actions, and reactions. It’s also about how value actually gets created in the world and in our lives.” The co-founder of an executive life coaching institute called Axiogenics, and co-author of the book Answering the Central Question, Demarest invites people to start thinking better by asking themselves what he calls The Central Question of life, love, and leadership. “It’s amazingly simple, but tremendously helpful.” “Whenever you’re feeling confused, upset, reactive, conflicted, confronted, or frustrated, or at anytime that you simply want to be thinking the best you can, just ask yourself, ‘What choice can I make and action can I take, in this moment, to create the greatest net value?’” His entire coaching process is based on the natural functions of the brain that allows people to make better use of the strengths and wisdom they already have to get better and better at answering The Central Question. “Fundamentally,” Demarest teaches, “success in life is not about the value we get, it’s about the value we create.” He claims that when people make the deliberate effort to think about it in terms of The Central Question, they naturally make fewer mistakes, make better decisions, and create greater value in life and work. “You see, most of us, most of the time, act out of habit. We allow ourselves to be controlled by our emotions and our ‘mental programming,’” he says. “We basically let our weakness and our selfcentric perceptions of the world run the show. Case in point, do we really need to let our upset over the guy who cut us www.bcmag.ph

off on the way to work in the morning ruin our whole day and keep us from being as happy and productive as we could be? We get angry out of habit, but if we consciously shift our perspective from our self-centric upsets and concerns to what we value and the value we can create— then we can literally change our lives.” According to Demarest, The Central Question quickly helps us gain more confidence, satisfaction, joy and fulfillment. We get better in our work and in our relationships. We argue less and empower others more. Besides being more productive, we also experience more peace of mind—all by asking ourselves The Central Question and working to get better and better at answering it well. “Using this one idea has made a bigger difference in people’s lives and organizations than anything I’ve ever seen,” Demarest says. “We all want to make a good living and live the ‘good life,’ but there is so much more to life than money, power, and status, which are fleeting and easily taken away. When you focus on the question of what creates greater net value, you’ll develop more of that ‘practical enlightenment.’ You’ll have a greater sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. Not only will you be professionally more successful, but you’ll have greater personal success as well—and so will many of the people around you. bc

“I REFER TO THE ELIMINATION OF THAT SPACE OF TIME BETWEEN WHEN WE SCREW UP AND THE TIME WE REALIZE WE’VE SCREWED UP AS ‘PRACTICAL ENLIGHTENMENT.’ FOR THE PAST DOZEN YEARS OR SO, I’VE BEEN STUDYING MIND-BRAIN SCIENCE TO SEE IF THERE IS A WAY TO HELP US THINK BETTER SO WE MAKE FEWER MISTAKES AND CREATE A BETTER LIFE.”

ABOUT PETER DEMAREST Peter Demarest is the co-author of the book, Answering The Central Question. He is also a co-founder and President of Axiogenics. Through research and development, he discovered the profound connection between axiology (value science) and neuroscience (brain science) and has spent more than seven years researching, developing, and testing the technology. Today, he is considered the world’s leading pioneer in the field of applied neuro-axiology. { FEB-MAR 2012 } B C PHILIPPINES

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why do people make mistakes?

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None of us are immune to mistakes, and the one universal truth of making them is that we all hate that moment when we realize that we just screwed up P H OTO G R A P H B Y A N D R E A W O R O C H

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hen it hits us that we’ve made a mistake, we always have that instant of ‘Wow, that was stupid, what was I thinking?’ before we move on and try to solve the problem we’ve inadvertently caused,” said life coach Peter Demarest. “I refer to the elimination of that space of time between when we screw up and the time we realize we’ve screwed up as ‘practical enlightenment.’ For the past

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dozen years or so, I’ve been studying mind-brain science to see if there is a way to help us think better so we make fewer mistakes and create a better life.” But Demarest believes that we can go further than just preventing mistakes. He believes that through the science-based techniques he’s discovered, people can dramatically improve how they think, make choices, act, and react without having

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SELF-IMPROVEMENT to fix their so-called weaknesses. He derived these ideas from research in a science called neuro-axiology, which is a combination of brain science and value science. “Axiology,” Demarest says, “is the name of a fascinating science about how our value perceptions influence our thoughts, choices, actions, and reactions. It’s also about how value actually gets created in the world and in our lives.” The co-founder of an executive life coaching institute called Axiogenics, and co-author of the book Answering the Central Question, Demarest invites people to start thinking better by asking themselves what he calls The Central Question of life, love, and leadership. “It’s amazingly simple, but tremendously helpful.” “Whenever you’re feeling confused, upset, reactive, conflicted, confronted, or frustrated, or at anytime that you simply want to be thinking the best you can, just ask yourself, ‘What choice can I make and action can I take, in this moment, to create the greatest net value?’” His entire coaching process is based on the natural functions of the brain that allows people to make better use of the strengths and wisdom they already have to get better and better at answering The Central Question. “Fundamentally,” Demarest teaches, “success in life is not about the value we get, it’s about the value we create.” He claims that when people make the deliberate effort to think about it in terms of The Central Question, they naturally make fewer mistakes, make better decisions, and create greater value in life and work. “You see, most of us, most of the time, act out of habit. We allow ourselves to be controlled by our emotions and our ‘mental programming,’” he says. “We basically let our weakness and our selfcentric perceptions of the world run the show. Case in point, do we really need to let our upset over the guy who cut us www.bcmag.ph

off on the way to work in the morning ruin our whole day and keep us from being as happy and productive as we could be? We get angry out of habit, but if we consciously shift our perspective from our self-centric upsets and concerns to what we value and the value we can create— then we can literally change our lives.” According to Demarest, The Central Question quickly helps us gain more confidence, satisfaction, joy and fulfillment. We get better in our work and in our relationships. We argue less and empower others more. Besides being more productive, we also experience more peace of mind—all by asking ourselves The Central Question and working to get better and better at answering it well. “Using this one idea has made a bigger difference in people’s lives and organizations than anything I’ve ever seen,” Demarest says. “We all want to make a good living and live the ‘good life,’ but there is so much more to life than money, power, and status, which are fleeting and easily taken away. When you focus on the question of what creates greater net value, you’ll develop more of that ‘practical enlightenment.’ You’ll have a greater sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. Not only will you be professionally more successful, but you’ll have greater personal success as well—and so will many of the people around you. bc

“I REFER TO THE ELIMINATION OF THAT SPACE OF TIME BETWEEN WHEN WE SCREW UP AND THE TIME WE REALIZE WE’VE SCREWED UP AS ‘PRACTICAL ENLIGHTENMENT.’ FOR THE PAST DOZEN YEARS OR SO, I’VE BEEN STUDYING MIND-BRAIN SCIENCE TO SEE IF THERE IS A WAY TO HELP US THINK BETTER SO WE MAKE FEWER MISTAKES AND CREATE A BETTER LIFE.”

ABOUT PETER DEMAREST Peter Demarest is the co-author of the book, Answering The Central Question. He is also a co-founder and President of Axiogenics. Through research and development, he discovered the profound connection between axiology (value science) and neuroscience (brain science) and has spent more than seven years researching, developing, and testing the technology. Today, he is considered the world’s leading pioneer in the field of applied neuro-axiology. { FEB-MAR 2012 } B C PHILIPPINES

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Just as important to reading to our children or teaching them their 1, 2, 3’s & A, B, C’s, is instilling them with strong emotional intelligence skills

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id you know that our children’s emotional intelligence is dependent upon what we, as parents, model for them? Emotional intelligence (EQ) is our ability to understand and manage our own emotions as well as understanding and managing the emotions of others. In recognition of June being Children’s Awareness Month, renowned emotional intelligence expert and award-winning author, Dr. Jean Greaves provides four emotional intelligence strategies to help your readers develop and practice their own EQ skills when communicating with children so that they, in turn, can grow up practicing emotional intelligence to manage anger and other difficult feelings, use non-violent behavior to resolve conflict, show respect for others, and ultimately become less emotionally scarred.

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FOSTERING CONNECTIONS EQ SKILL: SELF-AWARENESS QUIT TREATING YOUR FEELINGS AS GOOD OR BAD

It’s human nature to want to create two simple and easy piles of emotions: the good ones and the bad ones. For instance, most of us would automatically classify frustration as bad. You don’t want yourself or your children to feel frustrated—you might even beat yourself up for feeling frustrated—and may do whatever you can to get rid of it. Likewise, we tend to let good emotions like excitement run wild.

EQ SKILL: SELF-MANAGEMENT SMILE AND LAUGH MORE

Did you know that when you laugh and smile, your face sends signals to your brain that you are happy? Your brain literally responds to the nerves and muscles in your face to determine your emotional state. Smiling a genuine smile is contagious. So is laughing.

The next time you find yourself stuck in a frustrating moment with your child, forcing yourself to smile counteracts your own negative emotional state. It will also bring comfort The downfall of attaching such labels to your and ease to your child. A crying child who and your child’s emotions is that judging your sees their parent break out into a large smile emotions keeps you from really understanding or burst into laughter gives them a moment to what it is that you or your child is feeling. pause the upset and focus on a positive moment. Emotions are there to inform you. Suspending judgment of emotions allows them to run their Smiling and laughter won’t eliminate feeling course and vanish. So, the next time you feel down, and they shouldn’t—every mood has an emotion begins to build, refrain from put- its purpose—but it’s nice to know you have an ting it into the good or bad pile and remind outlet when you need to put on a happy face. yourself that the feeling is there to help you understand something important. Practice EQ SKILL: RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT this skill with your child and they will learn to TAKE FEEDBACK WELL better handle extreme emotions as they come Feedback is a unique gift. It’s meant to help us into play. improve in ways that we perhaps cannot see on our own. We, as parents, need to practice giving EQ SKILL: SOCIAL AWARENESS good feedback to our children, but we also need STEP INTO THEIR SHOES to allow our children the opportunity to give us For most of us parents, we remember the times feedback! when our young children would place their small feet into our overly sized shoes or boots, and try To receive it well, first, consider the source of their best to walk around! Now imagine trying to your feedback. As you receive it, listen and reshove your overly sized feet into their tiny shoes ally hear what’s being said. Ask clarifying quesor slippers. It certainly puts things into perspec- tions and ask for examples to better understand tive at how differently we may handle or react in the person’s perspective. Whether you agree with a certain situation compared to that of our chil- what has been said or not, thank the person for dren. his or her willingness to share, because it takes almost as much grace to give feedback as it does Walking in the shoes of another is social aware- to receive it. ness at its best. It’s for all of us who want to gain perspective and a deeper understanding of others, After you receive the feedback, don’t feel presimprove our communication, and identify prob- sured to rush into action. Time can help you ablems before they escalate. sorb the underlying point, sort out your feelings and thoughts, and help you to decide what to do To practice this skill, you need to ask yourself with it. questions that start with, “If I were this person…” If we practice this skill in front of our children, as This is a wonderful skill to instill in our children well as allow them the opportunity to provide us as soon as possible. Having the ability to see chal- with feedback and take theirs graciously, they will lenging situations from another’s perspective is a learn to better manage how they give and receive skill that will hold value throughout a lifetime. opinion. bc

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Did you know that when you laugh and smile, your face sends signals to your brain that you are happy? Your brain literally responds to the nerves and muscles in your face to determine your emotional state.

ABOUT DR. JEAN GREAVES Dr. Jean Greaves is a mother of two, an award-winning author, CEO and co-founder of TalentSmart® the leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training that serves nearly every industry including educational, medical and biotech, non-profit, and more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. Her bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are sold in more than 150 countries. Her latest best seller is Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

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eight tips for approaching the “weight talk” If your child is overweight, deciding to talk about this unhealthy lifestyle is only the first step. It can also be a huge challenge to have a productive, helpful discussion—especially if your child is unwilling to hear what you have to say. Here are eight of Sarah Stone’s suggestions for avoiding as much conflict as possible WORDS BY ANDREA WOROCH

RECOGNIZE THAT YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME FOCUSING

Whether by default or by design, each family has a health and wellness “culture.” This includes the types of food that are kept in the house, how heavily physical activity is emphasized, what sleep patterns are encouraged, how much health information is available, and more. As a parent, you should emphasize each aspect of this health culture, not just your child’s weight. Remember, healthy weight follows good lifestyle behaviors, but good lifestyle behaviors typically don’t follow weight loss diets.

ON WEIGHT.

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PUT THE FOCUS SQUARELY ON HEALTH AND OFF WEIGHT.

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Most people don’t realize how much they use weight as a yardstick to measure their overall quality of life as well as their worth. For example, how many times have you asked about a piece of clothing, “Does this make me look fat?”—with the understanding that if the answer is “yes,” you’ve somehow failed? That’s why, when broaching the subject of weight with your child (and in your own life), it’s important to stop talking about weight—and even, to some extent, appearance—and emphasize other characwww.bcmag.ph


B U D G E T- F R I E N D LY teristics. For example, talk about how an unhealthy lifestyle influences your child’s self-esteem and thus demeanor, as well as how he expresses himself and the impression he makes on other people. Yes, you’re the authority figure in this relationship, but it can be a mistake to assume that you know the best way to help your child become healthier. One of the problems with giving support from a position of experience is that you tend to think that your child’s situation is the same as yours, and therefore, the things that worked for you will work for her. That’s not necessarily the case. Instead, it’s always a great idea to ask what your child thinks the best course of action would be. This, Stone says, is a main talking point when working with the families of MindStream students. ASK YOUR CHILD WHAT WOULD HELP.

The purpose of any discussion about losing weight and living a healthier lifestyle is to bring about change. In other words, talking to your teen about his weight angst for an hour might have some value because it allows him to vent, but try not to leave the discussion there. Try to take one step forward, too, even if your child is resistant to change. According to Stone, an effective way to overcome resistance (or even cut the conversation short if things are getting heated) is to get a commitment to make just one change in the next week. That might be anything from drinking fewer sodas and more water to walking three days a week. Stone adds that focusing on one simple change a week seems manageable (as opposed to dropping 30 pounds, which is overwhelming), and is a very constructive way to move the conversation forward without getting too bogged down. FOCUS ON CHANGE, EVEN IF YOU RUN INTO RESISTANCE.

OBSERVE HOW YOUR CHILD (AND THE WHOLE FAMILY) USES

Your discussion will be better received and more effective if you are well informed, so before instigating “the talk,” observe how your child uses food. For example, if you see that she eats in order to manage her emotions, FOOD.

ABOUT SARAH STONE Sarah Stone is co-creator and director of operations for MindStream Academy. Along with Founder Ray Travaglione, she has worked on the MindStream Academy project from its inception. She is an honors graduate of the University of Toledo whose dream was always to work with youth. After her previous work as director of admissions at a teenage recovery management facility, Sarah found a path that led her to her work at MindStream. Her dream has been realized as she takes great pride in helping teens work to heal and nurture what is broken and learn to be tolerant and understanding of themselves.

“AS A PARENT, YOU SHOULD EMPHASIZE EACH ASPECT OF THIS HEALTH CULTURE, NOT JUST YOUR CHILD’S WEIGHT. REMEMBER, HEALTHY WEIGHT FOLLOWS GOOD LIFESTYLE BEHAVIORS, BUT GOOD LIFESTYLE BEHAVIORS TYPICALLY DON’T FOLLOW WEIGHT LOSS DIETS.” you’ve gained an important piece of information about a very damaging habit. The truth is, we aren’t always are best observers of ourselves. So if you can determine whether or not your child is using food as a drug to avoid discomfort or as a stress manager, you’re one step closer to attacking the root of the problem. You can explain to your child that this underlying eating “trigger,” not food itself, is what you’ll need to focus on managing. One thing is for sure: nobody is perfect. And another thing is also for sure: if you attack someone, he’ll stop listening to you. Taking those two truths into account, Stone insists that you should avoid blaming your child at all costs. The fact is, we live in a fat culture, and the majority of Americans are overweight—so in many ways, your child’s struggle isn’t his fault. However, it is his and your responsibility to do something about it. The focus should always be on how you can help your child move forward from here, expressed as lovingly as possible. DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL.

In the end, your example is the best way to change your child’s health behaviors. Stone points out that teens in particular are sensitive to hypocrisy. So if you aren’t ready to make any and all of the changes that you’re asking of your child, don’t instigate the weight discussion in the first place. If you can’t walk the walk, then your actions will simply be encouraging your children to continue with deadly habits that will have a major negative impact on their lives. WALK THE WALK.

Sometimes, despite their best efforts, parents just can’t get a positive response from their children. If this happens in your family, Stone is adamant that someone needs to have the weight discussion with your child. Getting professional help is always a good idea, but there may be siblings, other relatives, friends, or even teachers who might get a more receptive response. And if all else fails? Well, Stone insists, all else can’t be allowed to fail. Your child’s life is too important. AND IF YOU REALLY CAN’T GET THROUGH…

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Allison, the youngest daughter of Philip and Small Laude, celebrated her 7th birthday at the Manila Polo club in an unforgettable Candyland / Katie Perry themed soiree. As I walked into Manila Polo club there was a flock of Katie Perry look-alikes excitedly running into the beautifully decorated Candyland environment. All guests were invited to come in their Katy Perry inspired outfits and the best dressed girl would be the winner of tickets to her live concert here in Manila the following week. As a special treat, Allison gracefully played several Katy Perry songs for all her guests. The overflowing food and desserts were truly a sight. Adworks Manila created a beautiful cupcake shaped invite and the oh-so-magical stylings of Claudine Sycip of Do Me a Favor Party Shop, sugar spice and everything nice filled the venue with a massive LED screen live streaming all the fun party moments, not to mention the very hip and cool AVP/Music video starring Allison. Congrats to Allison and the Laude family for such a successful and beautiful 7th birthday party. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLISON FROM BC 1 Jeanette Kaurin 2 ELLE Marketing Manager Athena Chen, Regional Marketing Director Kit Han, Camille Calupitan of Branded Lifestyle, ELLE Vice President and Managing Director for Asia Pacific Anthony Tan, Marketing Manager Cristy Tarre 3 Brand Ambassador Amina Aranaz-Alunan with her husband, Rafa and kids, Helena and Lucas 4 Chief Operating Office Maye Yao Co Say 5 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talents 6 ELLE kid models 7 Ashleigh Nodstrom 8 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Ann Li 9 ELLE Executive Vice President Joan Ross Yao and President Alberto Yao 10 ELLE Models Daniel Huschka, Ashleigh Nodstrom, Princess Freking, and Natasha Morgan 11 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Jane Oineza 12 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Jane Oineza 13 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Jane

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The number one dermatologist and pediatrician-prescribed brand in moisturizers provides a solution to damaged, dry skin for kids and parents alike It was an evening of inspired learning and relaxed fun as Physiogel held an intimate event to celebrate the brand’s relaunch in the Philippines. Their line of moisturizers and cleansers promise to lock in moisture and help repair skin, and has been made more accessible with its new price point. Because one out of three women have dry skin and are not aware of it, Physiogel had a skin test to check for skin’s moisture before and after applying Physiogel lotion. To see is to believe, and most if not all women who tried the skin test saw a significant increase in their skin’s moisture levels. The secret behind this is Physiogel’s Derma Membrane Structure (DMS) Technology that repairs the skin barrier through its lipids. Dr. Bernadette Arcilla, the brand’s Dermatology Affairs Director, gave an insightful speech on the factors that contribute to skin dryness (which include exposure to air conditioning, smoking, stress and exposure to outdoor elements such as sun, wind and cold air, and even bathing in hot water and harsh soaps). Brand Manager Katherine Bacosa also spoke about the various campaigns that Physiogel will undertake to spread the word on proper skin moisturization through such emollients. Consumers can now experience 1 Jeanette Kaurin 2 ELLE Marketing Manager Athena Chen, Regional Marketing Director Kit Han, Camille Calupitan of Branded Lifestyle, ELLE Vice President and Managing Director for Asia Pacific Anthony Tan, Marketing Manager Cristy Tarre 3 Brand Ambassador Amina Aranaz-Alunan with her husband, Rafa and kids, Helena and Lucas 4 Chief Operating Office Maye Yao Co Say 5 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talents 6 ELLE kid models 7 Ashleigh Nodstrom

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Environmental advocates gathered for one cause through WWWF’s first mural painting marathon The world’s largest and most experienced conservation organization, World Wide Fund for Nature (WWF) Philippines held it’s first mural painting marathon where hundreds of environmental activist and eco- friendly person gathered at Glorietta Dolphin Park last February 18, 2012 for one cause, to raise awareness about local endangered species. The 200 feet wall served as the freedom space so participants can paint images of dolphins outlined by mural artist and dolphin crusader, AG Saño. Participants also get a chance to adopt a panda or a dolphin stuffed toy that comes with a species information card and an adoption certificate for a one time donation of P3,000. This event was staged for the benefit of WWF-Philippines’ Adoption Program. A simple program hosted by WWF Ambassadors Marc Nelson and Rovilson Fernandez also featured musical and spoken word performances from Bigkas Pilipinas’ Kooky Tuason, Marty Tengco, Rommel Pidazo of Ilaya, Opaline Santos and live acoustic sessions with Charms Tianzon, Lee Grane and Swissy . To spice up the event, other booths also offer different surprises like face painting, anime caricature etc. from event sponsors like Drypers Wee Wee DRY Diapers, Big Chill, Tully’s Coffee, Healthway, 2GO, Virtuoso by Boysen, The Fortnightly, BC Magazine, Spark and Glorietta Ayala Center. 1 Jeanette Kaurin 2 ELLE Marketing Manager Athena Chen, Regional Marketing Director Kit Han, Camille Calupitan of Branded Lifestyle, ELLE Vice President and Managing Director for Asia Pacific Anthony Tan, Marketing Manager Cristy Tarre 3 Brand Ambassador Amina Aranaz-Alunan with her husband, Rafa and kids, Helena and Lucas 4 Chief Operating Office Maye Yao Co Say 5 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talents 6 ELLE kid models 7 Ashleigh Nodstrom

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Elle held a fashion event titled “So ELLE…So Me” at the Grand Atrium of the SM Mall of Asia, wherein young models gracefully owned the ramp, donning Elle’s Fall/Winter 2011 Collection, including the chic Little Red Dress, which was the collection’s highlight piece. As an apt finale in the catwalk, bag designer and School of Fashion and the Arts (SOFA) director, Amina Aranaz-Aluna walked the runway with her lovely children, Lucas and Helena. Amina opened the show with quick tips in dressing youngsters in the latest fashion that is also appropriate for them, using Elle basic staples and key pieces. The sartorialist in kids were indulged by letting them conceptualize and draw their own clothing designs in the launch of the ELLE Kids Designers Guild or EKDG, which is lined with the brand’s aim to promote the creative artist in the little ones. 1 Jeanette Kaurin 2 ELLE Marketing Manager Athena Chen, Regional Marketing Director Kit Han, Camille Calupitan of Branded Lifestyle, ELLE Vice President and Managing Director for Asia Pacific Anthony Tan, Marketing Manager Cristy Tarre 3 Brand Ambassador Amina Aranaz-Alunan with her husband, Rafa and kids, Helena and Lucas 4 Chief Operating Office Maye Yao Co Say 5 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talents 6 ELLE kid models 7 Ashleigh Nodstrom 8 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Ann Li 9 ELLE Executive Vice President Joan Ross Yao and President Alberto Yao 10 ELLE Models Daniel Huschka, Ashleigh Nodstrom, Princess Freking, and Natasha Morgan 11 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Jane Oineza

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If your child is overweight, discussing that problem can be one of the most difficult conversations you’ll face as a parent. Sarah Stone lists several reasons why parents are hesitant to have the “weight talk” and presents compelling reasons for overcoming that reluctance WORDS BY ANDREA WOROCH GRAPHICS BY JONN MARTIN HERMAN

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Y O U R C H I L D ’ S H E A LT H

you’re the parent of an overweight child, you probably feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, you know that your child’s health is in jeopardy and that you should take the lead in addressing this problem. But on the other hand, bringing up this touchy topic—not to mention figuring out how to make important lifestyle changes—is difficult, uncomfortable, and potentially embarrassing for all involved. If you’re like most parents in this situation, you probably find yourself putting off the “weight talk” for just a little while longer…and a little longer after that…and a little longer after that. According to Sarah Stone, though, you’re making a big mistake. It’s time to stop stalling and start talking—for the sake of everyone involved. “Communication is an essential part of effective parenting—but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy or enjoyable,” says Stone. “It certainly doesn’t help that most parents are never trained in this critical skill—especially when our children and sensitive topics are involved. And children’s weight in particular is too often the elephant in the room.” THEY MAINTAIN COMPLETE RADIO SILENCE (ON PARENTING ISSUES, ANYWAY). When your child is small, it goes without saying that you’ll tell her what to do in most areas of her life—or at least make strong suggestions. But as kids grow into their tweens and teens, this autocratic approach often falls by the wayside. Since teens are supposed to start making their own decisions and growing into their independence, some formerly-involved moms and dads believe that they can stop being parents and start being friends. And “friends,” their reasoning goes, would accept one another as-is instead of bringing up sensitive issues like excess weight.

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get that being your child’s buddy is not your primary function,” Stone insists. “A parent’s job is to provide guidance, love, support, and effective preparation for life, even if that causes temporary resentment. Good parenting means recognizing that children have issues and then guiding them lovingly to effective solutions. And while good parents listen to their children’s input and take their feelings into account, they also know that raising a child isn’t a democratic process.” THEY WANT TO SPARE THEIR FEELINGS. It’s something of an understatement to say that your child’s wellbeing is important to you. The last thing you want to do is cause him any sort of hurt. For that simple reason—a reluctance to see their children in emotional pain— many parents avoid telling their kids that their weight is unhealthy. They are unwilling to, as the saying goes, be cruel in order to be kind. “Just as effective parenting isn’t about being a friend, it’s also not about sparing feelings,” asserts Stone. “On some level, parents know that if a child is very sensitive about a subject, that’s exactly why we should be talking to them. Letting children continue to feel shame, humiliation, and embarrassment because they (or you) don’t want to talk is only compounding the problem. In other words, avoidance is a symptom that you don’t want to reinforce. It’s a bit like locking the door on a house that’s on fire and pretending it isn’t burning. Remember, not facing a fire doesn’t put it out.”

to eat. Talking about food in negative terms is much dicier. “It’s a lot easier to talk about drugs rather than weight because there’s a moral structure to the discussion,” points out Stone. “Using illegal drugs is wrong, and therefore the guideline is much more concrete for parents to set forth and enforce. But neither weight nor eating are moral choices; they are a function of everyday decisions. St. Augustine said that ‘Abstinence is easier than perfect moderation,’ and of course, he was right.”

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THEY KNOW THAT FOOD ISN’T

Remember those statistics on parents who avoid tough talks? Twenty-five percent are reluctant to discuss weight problems, while 10 percent avoid the sex talk, and only 5 percent struggle with addressing drugs and alcohol. There’s a good reason for the disparity in those numbers: sex, drugs, and alcohol are choices that don’t have to be pursued, whereas everyone has A CLEAR-CUT “BAD GUY.”

THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO

Knowing that your child’s weight is unhealthy is one thing. Knowing how to make positive changes is another. Understandably, many parents are reluctant to broach the subject of their kids being overweight because they simply don’t know what to say to effectively HELP.

“GOOD PARENTING MEANS RECOGNIZING THAT CHILDREN HAVE ISSUES AND THEN GUIDING THEM LOVINGLY TO EFFECTIVE SOLUTIONS.” ABOUT SARAH STONE Sarah Stone is co-creator and director of operations for MindStream Academy. Along with Founder Ray Travaglione, she has worked on the MindStream Academy project from its inception. She is an honors graduate of the University of Toledo whose dream was always to work with youth. After her previous work as director of admissions at a teenage recovery management facility, Sarah found a path that led her to her work at MindStream. Her dream has been realized as she takes great pride in helping teens work to heal and nurture what is broken and learn to be tolerant and understanding of themselves.

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“IT CERTAINLY DOESN’T HELP THAT MOST PARENTS ARE NEVER TRAINED IN THIS CRITICAL SKILL—ESPECIALLY WHEN OUR CHILDREN AND SENSITIVE TOPICS ARE INVOLVED. AND CHILDREN’S WEIGHT IN PARTICULAR IS TOO OFTEN THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.”

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guide their children. After all, with incredibly lucrative industries revolving around health and weight loss, parents (as well as kids) are faced with a massive amount of often-conflicting information about how to best proceed. “It’s one thing to address the issue, but being unsure of where it’s going and what advice to give can certainly inhibit the discussion,” admits Stone. “It’s important to understand that in reality, weight management is about many aspects of lifestyle ranging from sleep to stress management, not just food and exercise. Meanwhile, the average parent is still stuck in a ‘fat culture’ that revolves around the concept of diet, rather than understanding that this is about more far-reaching behaviors and the whole person. That’s why MindStream Academy rejects the concept of being an extended fat camp for children to drop weight, and instead focuses on teaching a healthy lifestyle. Parents can take a page from MindStream’s book by researching and learning about holistic health.”

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THEY HAVE THEIR OWN WEIGHT

In a culture in which 70 percent of people are overweight if not obese, many parents struggle with the problem of carrying extra pounds themselves. If that’s the case in your family, you—the pot—may be (understandably) reluctant to call the kettle black. Plus, you probably know that the “do as I say, not as I do” strategy doesn’t tend to work over the long term. And, toughest of all to admit, you might realize that doing something about your child’s weight will force you to tackle your own as well. ISSUES.

“Parents inevitably bring their own feelings about weight to the table, which can certainly prevent meaningful discussion,” points out Stone. “Often, they too feel helpless and thus not in a position to give advice. Also, raising your own child can elicit emotionally fraught memories from your own childhood. If weight has been a lifelong issue for you, you’ll instinctively try to avoid those resurrected emotions. Remember, though, while you cannot

change the past, you do have the power to create a better future for yourself and for your child.” “Once they realize that it’s dangerous to put off the weight talk, many parents believe that they can safely leave the discussion to the family doctor, pediatrician, or other health professional,” adds Stone. “Getting professional input is a great idea, especially if nothing else is working. But know, though, that research suggests that health professionals also have difficulties raising sensitive issues with their teenage patients. “Ultimately, while others might talk to your children about weight, the most important discussion they can have is with you. That’s because parents control the health environment at home and establish the wellness culture in the family. They are in a position to actually do something about the obstacles their kids are facing. And given that your children’s lives are quite literally on the line, avoiding the subject is a terrible abrogation of parental responsibility.” bc

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EN

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AMILY

THE BEST

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EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE

Inspired from the 2005 novel by Jonathan Safran Foer, this movie is about a nine-year-old amateur inventor, jewelry designer, astrophysicist, tambourine player and pacifist, searches New York for the lock that matches a mysterious key left by his father when he was killed in the September 11 attacks.

cinematic craze

+ heart warming movies...educational apps...fresh music...laugh out loud videos

THIS SUMMER, WATCH OUT FOR VARIETY OF TOUCHING MOVIES ON THE BIG SCREEN

Big Miracle

Based on the inspiring true story that captured the hearts of people across the world, the rescue adventure tells the amazing tale of a small town news reporter (John Krasinski) and a Greenpeace volunteer (Drew Barrymore) who are joined by rival world superpowers to save a family of majestic gray whales trapped by rapidly forming ice in the Arctic Circle. This is a family-centric film, without being too insipid and manipulative.

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Mirror Mirror

Joyful Noise

Starring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen and Lily Collins as Snow White, this film is a comedic adaptation of the classic princess story. Expect the familiar fairy tale to include villainy, some doublemeaning humor, and swoony romance with the prince (Armie Hammer). Also, the seven dwarves will help an exiled princess win back her kingdom. Kids of all ages will definitely want to see their childhood favorite come to life.

Entice your eyes and ears with this new musical movie which portrays choral music performances that partially salvage this kettle of corn. This sort-of “Sister Act 3” film shows two longtime rivals in a small Georgia church choir, Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton hurl insults and homilies back and forth with reckless abandon. The word “shameless” comes to mind after the fifth or sixth example sails by. www.bcmag.ph


UNWIND

AUDIO BOX Enjoy thie feel good music while you bask along the summer heat

iPAD APPS Let your kids learn whilehaving fun during vacation with the help of this educational and entertaining apps Elmo Loves ABC’s - $4.99 for iPad

Learn the alphabet in a fun and exciting way! Elmo Loves ABC’s helps little ones with their first steps in literacy and has the added bonus of nostalgic clips from classic Sesame Street shows that their parents will love. Playtime Theater – $2.99 for iPad

Develop your kid’s imagination by this creative and innovative app.Plus, it has customized and interactive castle play set that gives kids characters, props and sound effects and invites them to create and record short shows. I won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz

Known for his witty lyrics and amazing melodies, Mraz is not afraid to break the mold of a pop artists. With the release of his new single, “I Won’t Give Up,” Mraz not only creates an unforgettable melody but great inspirational songs. Give Me All Your Lovin’ by Madonna

The queen of pop goes a little something different like the bouncy lyrics for her new single “MDNA”, this song already reached the number 1 spot on iTunes! Paradise by Coldplay

Among the songs of Coldplay, this is far a moodier affair. With just a right touch of melancholy, their newest album “Mylo Zyloto” showcase heartwarming lyrics. All Your Life by The Band Perry

“All Your Life” has an earthy sparkle that makes it hard to miss: it feels as earnest as Taylor Swift’s song but only with a different flavor and vibe. Part of Me by Katy Perry

Blue haired diva put the brakes on the frothy, lighthearted lyrical fare that she’s known for. Surely, this will definitely be a hit, just like all of her other songs. Shake It Out by Florence + The Machine

This song is vocally powerful and emotionally inspiring, and is one of those tracks you’ll be blasting while you’re all alone in your car trying to get away, or just cleaning the house. www.bcmag.ph

Al Yankovic: When I Grow Up - $3.99 for iPad

An entertaining digital storybook intended for kids that includes personalized game access, exuberant narration and excellent sound effects. It also offers games, features, and opportunities to practice some of Billy’s (main characters) activities.

YOUTUBE FUN FILES Turn your frown upside down with this funny viral clips Talented Fat Kid Dance

It’s time to ditch the classic chicken dance move as this awesome kid dances an Indian song (Dhinka Chika) in his own funny way. And yes, he really do got some moves! Jazz for Cows

An American based jazz musicians plays to a herd of cows in Autrans, France. It all explains that cows are great audience and music lovers as well. This video gained more than 4 million votes in just four months! Taekwondo Finger Performance

Wondering what can your hands to aside from the usual stuff? Funny hand and finger performance in Asia where a face and clothes is placed in someone’s hand like a puppet. { FEB-MAR 2012 } B C PHILIPPINES

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a mac family’s tribute to steve jobs One mom tells us why her brood’s affinity for Apple products has become a true family affair

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have a Mac Family. In my entire 20 years of married life, my family has never acquired a PC as my husband, Chris Boughton, an IT geek himself, would not have it. He believed in Steve Jobs from the day Apple introduced the first Macintosh with the screen and floppy drive in one. He was a systems designer and programmer back in 1986, and he chose Mac for home use because it had the best user interface available. Chris is an early adopter; he has to have the new gadget so he can understand what he can do with it. He even bought an Apple Newton and was

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one of the few people who could use it successfully. Like Steve, Chris is a semi-dictator in so far as what computer gadgets to have at home, for they think they know best. I was reflecting last night on Steve Jobs talking about connecting the dots during the commencement speech at Stanford University. While I viewed my husband’s reluctance to have a PC at home as stubbornness and dictatorial, I now connect the dots and come to understand that certain decisions need not be put out for a vote. As in life, democracy is not the best thing all of the time.

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“STEVE JOBS IS NOW A LEGEND, AN ICON OF CHANGE, A SYMBOL OF THE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITIES THAT ONE IS CAPABLE OF, IF ONLY WE CAN STRIP OURSELVES OF EVERYTHING AND COME NAKED, AS HE SAYS, TO FOLLOW THE PROMPTING OF THE INNER VOICE WITHIN US.” The Boughton Family: Chris and Linds, Francesca, 19 and Samuel, 14

Steve Jobs had a vision to change the world, and he succeeded. He didn’t believe in customer surveys, as he didn’t think that customers knew what they wanted. As a user, however, he knew what he wanted to have and to hold, and went for it. He was a ruthless dictator in pursuit of his creative ingenuity, but allowed his talented staff freedom to do their jobs. He wanted simplicity and style, and I know that he had made it his mission to enable someone like me, a non-techie person to use Apple products with ease and confidence, and enjoy them. His creations surpassed anyone’s technical expectations, and he made “insanely great” products. My children grew up with their hands on a Mac keyboard as soon as they were able to sit in front of a computer. Both children have shared the same passion that their dad has for Apple products. They are so abreast of each product, operating system, and various Apps, that they say that they can stand in an Apple Store and sell the products themselves or at the Genius Bar to assist customers. They don’t profess to know everything about the products but what they carry with them is that

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bit of an innate knowledge (how Steve Jobs thinks), which enables them to figuring things out instinctively. Steve Jobs’ connecting-the-dots address reminds me that indeed, everything happens for a reason. He refers to being fired by the company he costarted as one important aspect in his life that gave him a breakthrough to create something bigger by pushing his boundaries. It was when he left Apple that he set up NeXT, which was later purchased by Apple; the event that brought him back at the helm as “interim CEO.” That was in 1997, and Apple shares were US$10. In the next 14 years, Steve made the company one of the most valuable in the world, and their shares are now in the high US$300 range. Steve also founded Pixar, the most successful animation studio in the world. He sold Pixar to Walt Disney for over US$7 billion. Even as a college drop-out, a nonengineer with no management background, John Scully, former CEO of Apple once said that Steve Jobs “didn’t create anything really,

BUT

he

created

everything.”

Steve Jobs is now a legend, an icon of change, a symbol of the limitless possibilities that one is capable of, if only we can strip ourselves of everything and come naked, as he says, to follow the prompting of the inner voice within us. Looking back and as I connect the dots, I can’t blame my husband why we never had a PC at home. His loyalty and passion for beautiful things which work elegantly is for my family to emulate. bc

THE BOUGHTON FAMILY CURRENTLY OWNS AND USES: One MacBook Pro 15”, two MacBook Pro 13”, one MacBook Air, one iMac 20”, one Mac Mini, which is our in-home media server, one iPad, two iPad 2’s, one iPhone 3GS, one iPhone 4, three iPods / iPod Touch. Also lying around our apartment are, an Apple G4 Cube, a first generation (and still working) iPod, two first generation iPod shuffles and other bits and bobs of Apple technology.

FEB-MAR 2012 PHILIPPINES

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bc events

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allison’s 7th birthday!

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Kids conquer the runway with the latest apparel from one of the world’s most recognized brands

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Trendy clothing line for kids show off their holiday collection Elle held a fashion event titled “So ELLE…So Me” at the Grand Atrium of the SM Mall of Asia, wherein young models gracefully owned the ramp, donning Elle’s Fall/Winter 2011 Collection, including the chic Little Red Dress, which was the collection’s highlight piece. As an apt finale in the catwalk, bag designer and School of Fashion and the Arts (SOFA) director, Amina Aranaz-Aluna walked the runway with her lovely children, Lucas and Helena. Amina opened the show with quick tips in dressing youngsters in the latest fashion that is also appropriate for them, using Elle basic staples and key pieces. The sartorialist in kids were indulged by letting them conceptualize and draw their own clothing designs in the launch of the ELLE Kids Designers Guild or EKDG, which is lined with the brand’s aim to promote the creative artist in the little ones. 1 Jeanette Kaurin 2 ELLE Marketing Manager Athena Chen, Regional Marketing Director Kit Han, Camille Calupitan of Branded Lifestyle, ELLE Vice President and Managing Director for Asia Pacific Anthony Tan, Marketing Manager Cristy Tarre 3 Brand Ambassador Amina Aranaz-Alunan with her husband, Rafa and kids, Helena and Lucas 4 Chief Operating Office Maye Yao Co Say 5 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talents 6 ELLE kid models 7 Ashleigh Nodstrom 8 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Ann Li 9 ELLE Executive Vice President Joan Ross Yao and President Alberto Yao 10 ELLE Models Daniel Huschka, Ashleigh Nodstrom, Princess Freking, and Natasha Morgan 11 ABS-CBN Star Magic Talent Jane Oineza

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