KATY PERRY STOLE MY DATE By Josh Pauley
It’s no secret that rappers have a longstanding, lessthan-friendly relationship with the press. Just this year, we’ve seen Danny Brown storm out of an interview after a heated debate over a scotch egg, Kanye West nearly rip the head off of Zane Lowe in an impassioned/ egotistical rant, and Rick Ross get frustrated over being asked a question about an ex – his Reebok deal.
And to top it all off, he RARELY conducts interviews. My mind was frantically racing with ideas for questions, some serious (“what are your views on the uprising of internet rappers like yourself?”), others a tad more frivolous (“what’s your favourite pizza base?”). This was going to be the highlight of my journalism career so far... ...until this happened:
But why is it that rappers are so hostile towards their fellow music industry compadres? One fellow journalist offered me a solid opinion on the matter. “In general I’d say rappers aren’t afraid to avoid cosying up to the press because they don’t rely on it so much”, states Jamie Milton, online editor of the UK-based publication DIY. “They can put out mixtapes, gain fans in ways that don’t require add-on profile pieces and interviews. The press needs them.” After a promising but ultimately unsuccessful attempt at securing an interview with G.O.O.D. Music alumni CyHi the Prynce (shout-out to Sway for making that one impossible), this journalist was ready to succumb to the realisation that journalists are but the mere playthings of rappers. But just as I was about to turn in a page featuring a crude stick-figure depiction of Jay Z getting hammered by Solange and a scribbled apology, an unprecedented interview opportunity arose - a chance to interview the one and only BasedGod, Lil’ B. If you’re reading this magazine, it’s fair to assume that you probably know who Lil’ B is, but for those who aren’t acquainted, here’s a introduction. Lil’ B is nothing short of a rap deity, a man so prolific that his discography currently extends considerably far beyond the 45GB mark. His self-coined based principle (baseology?!) has usurped Christianity as the most popular religion of hip-hop heads worldwide*.
On April 29th, Lil’ B released the latest in a long line of tracks named after celebrities, ‘Katy Perry’. The next day, the REAL Ms. Perry herself goes and invites him to some nonsensical prom thing that she probably dreamed up in her ridiculous cotton candy mansion, and guess who hasn’t heard back from The BasedGod since? This guy. Once again, my advance/interview has been rejected by a rapper, dropped at the last minute for a prettier opportunity. It’s like being perpetually stuck in the Chris Brown & Rihanna affair, and I’m Drake, sat alone in my room reminiscing on the five minutes we had together where my hand fortuitously brushed her face as she reached over to grab a doughnut, all whilst pining ‘Trust Issues’ as a single tear slides down my face. Who the hell goes to a prom when they’re pushing thirty anyway? ‘Teenage Dream’ was four years ago, girl, and you weren’t even a teenager then, so stop acting delusional and stay away from my man. Fuck rappers, man. They’re all the same.
*this is a joke, not a fact. But it probably has.
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