CHICKEN OUTFIT Issue #3 ”War on Error” Written by Joe Deagnon & Kirby Stasyna
- [May 2015]
1 Gerrard Street St. Catharines, ON 647-404-5631 firstname.lastname@example.org
©2018 Paranoid Tales of Neurosis
SCENE 1 1 EARLY MORNING - RUSTY'S APARTMENT Rusty is taking a shower. He's somewhat happy, scrubbing himself with a luffa. We cut to various parts of his body, as if Pino Donaggio is playing on the soundtrack in DePalma's Dressed to Kill. RUSTY (TO HIMSELF) STAN IS INSANE. EITHER THAT OR HE'S ON DOPE AGAIN. IT'S BAD THIS TIME. As he washes, he catches himself with the sponge. Some kind of zit - one of those painful spots that annoys, a sharp[ Kirby, 2016-01-21, 8:31 PM] ingrown hair or something. RUSTY OH GOD, WHAT IS THIS? CANCER? A small strip of flesh comes off his arm and a trickle of blood appears. He keeps scrubbing the small wound - it's itching and he starts to panic. RUSTY AGH! OH NO, NOW I'VE DONE IT! Eventually, a whole hunk of his arm comes away - he starts to really freak out at this point, scrubbing madly - tearing away hunks of his flesh as his face starts to fall apart. He is partially skeletal, thinking he has ebola or another flesh destroying disease. RUSTY YAHHHHHHHHHHH! We cut to the outside of the shower - his cries of terror ringing throughout the bathroom. Then there is silence. We pan into the shower, over chunks of flesh and bone to reveal: A CHICKEN. Cluck cluck... Cluckity cluck. It hops around in the bone and sinew.
SCENE 1 2 EARLY MORNING - CATACOMBS - THE PSYCHIC CAVERN NIGHT HAS PASSED. HEADCAST STARTS AWAKE FROM A NIGHTMARE IN A COLD SWEAT (THE RUSTY CHICKEN TRANSORMATION). THE ROOM IS LIT IN THE SAME FASHION AS WHEN MANIAC AWAKES FROM HIS DREAM. WAS ANY OF IT REAL? ANOTHER VISION? THE READER DOESN'T KNOW THAT THIS VISION IS REALITY - A FORESHADOWING OF WHAT'S THE COME... LATER... WE OPEN ON AN OLD BOOK. IN THAT BOOK ARE ANCIENT SCRIBBLINGS OF A TIME LONG GONE - OR YET TO COME. THEY'RE VAGUE AND THE BOOK IS VERY OBSCURE. HEADCAST IS EXCITED AS HE CANNOT BELIEVE HE'S STUMBLED ON A TEXT THAT SUPPORTS HIS VISION. WE ARE IN THE PSYCHIC CATACOMBS, ONE OF ITS MANY ROOMS. THIS ROOM IN PARTICULAR IS HEADCASTS' SPELL ROOM. A MEDITATIVE AREA WHOSE WALLS ARE LINED TO THE CEILING WITH HIS MANY RESEARCH BOOKS AND TEXTS. MASKY IS LYING ON THE RATHER ORNATE BED THAT HEADCAST USES FOR HIS SEX RITUALS - AND ON OCCASION, A NICE NAP. MASKY IS SURROUNDED BY CANDLES AND VARIOUS BONES, FEATHERS AND OTHER PSYCHIC ORNAMENTALS. IT APPEARS A SPELL HAS GONE ON HERE AND THE LITTLE CREATURE IS STILL UNCONSCIOUS. THERE IS A LOUD BANG AND BILLY STUMBLES IN, COMPLETELY HAMMERED. HEADCAST WILLIAM!!! THANK THE GODS! YOU WON'T BELI---BILLY (STUMBLING IN, SUPER DRUNK) HOLD ON THERE CHIEF, GOTTA DRAIN THE SNAKEâ€¦HIC BILLY STANDS OVER AN ORNATE VASE THAT LOOKS TO BE A THOUSAND YEARS OLD. HEADCAST GET AWAY FROM THAT YOU IDIOT! I HAVE SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY THAT YOU MUST SEE! BILLY WANDERS INTO THE EN-SUITE BATHROOM INSTEAD, as he says:
BILLY YOU SHOULD HAVE COME TO THE LEGION! ALL THE BOYS WERE THERE... YOU MISSED OUT ON FREE PICKLED EGGS! HEADCAST rolls his eyes as BILLY re-emerges from the washroom. BILLY ...AND THAT FUCKIN…UHH…JEFF WAS THERE….HE SAYS YOU OWE HIM 20 BUCKS FROM SHOTS LAST WEEK…I LOVE THAT GUY…HE’S FUNNY AS HELL... BILLY has made his way over to MASKY on the bed by the time their conversation is done. He is dumbstruck. BILLY (looking over at MASKY lying there, he sees a devil) I KNEW I SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD THAT BOILER MAKER AT LAST CALL. WHAT THE HELL IS IT? HEADCAST I CANNOT BE SURE, BUT I HAVE STUMBLED UPON A POSSIBLE LEAD IN ONE OF MY BOOKS. BILLY YOU GOTTA BE FUCKIN' KIDDING ME… IT'S GOTTA BE SOME FANCY ELECTRONIC TOY... HEADCAST NO, IT'S NOT WILLIAM... IT'S VERY MUCH ALIVE! LOOK HERE, IN THIS GUIDE TO MONSTERS, DEMONS AND ALIEN LIFE-FORMS. I THOUGHT I'D LOST THIS TOME SOME TIME AGO...
IN THIS AREA WE NEED HEADCAST TO READ FROM THE BOOK AND GIVE A LITTLE BACKGROUND. <- I've done this while they're looking at the book.
BILLY NO... NO NO... I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS. NOT TONIGHT... HEADCAST I'LL HAVE TO TAKE SOME TIME TO TRANSLATE THE TEXTS HERE, BUT... BILLY WELL, YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT ME. I'M GARGLING A "BROMO" AND HITTING THE SACK. MASKY KEEP IT DOWN… I’M MUST RECHARGE... ...WHERE AM I? HEADCAST SO YOU CAN SPEAK ENGLISH! BILLY rubs his eyes - unbelieving at what he sees. MASKY OF COURSE I CAN YOU DIMWITS... BILLY DIMWITS?! I'LL STRANGLE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT! MASKY I COME IN PEACE STINKY-MAN. (CHUCKLES) SERIOUSLY THOUGH, I'M HERE TO HELP YOU, YA BIG OAF. HEADCAST WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HOW? BILLY (walking away) I GOTTA GET A PIC OF THIS THING, NO ONE IS GOING TO BELIEVE ME DOWN AT THE LEGION... HEADCAST NO WILLIAM! DON'T BE FOOLISH! WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH, YET.
MASKY YOU CERTAINLY DON'T... A WAR IS COMING. AND YOU WILL ALL BE TESTED. I HAVE COME TO HELP YOU IN THE COMING ANNHILIATION. HEADCAST I BELIEVE YOU LITTLE ONE... I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE ALBEIT THROUGH VASELINE SMEARED LENSES... MASKY I'VE GOT TO RECOVER FURTHER BEFORE I CAN HELP YOU. IT SEEMS THE WAVELENGTH IS BROKEN HERE IN YOUR BASEMENT. OR MY HEAD IS. HEADCAST ...THE INTERNET CONNECTION? BILLY (LOOKING AT HIS PHONE) HE'S RIGHT... THE WIFI IS FUCKED. WELL, THAT DOES IT, I'M OFF TO BED. ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE. (MUMBLES AS HE WALKS AWAY. HEADCAST IS TOO FASCINATED TO NOTICE.) HEADCAST YOU MUST TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOURSELF. MASKY I FEEL... ODD... HEADCAST PERHAPS A GLASS OF WATER? YOU MUST HAVE COME A VERY LONG WAY. COME WITH ME... (They begin to walk upstairs.) MASKY A... VERY ....LONG WAY.... INDEED. (He flickers once - like fading out) HEADCAST ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU SEEMED TO ...
FADE. MASKY begins to explain, but fades again. Then finally, he pops out of existence, just before saying: MASKY BRB[ A little too obvious.] HEADCAST stands on the stairway to the main level with a perplexed look on his face.
SCENE 1 MORNING - 10AM - XBER XABRE OFFICES RUSTY is late. He walks through the office. He moves past Tech Department to get to his desk, where we see them all like maniacs. They’re given free rein since no one in the really understands what they do for a living. He's on his phone as he comes in, talking to STAN.
the acting company cell
STAN YOU'RE JUST GETTING IN?! RUSTY FUCKING SUBWAY... STAN I'D TELL YOU TO GO CLEAN UP BUT THANKS TO THE PROGRAMMERS, A PIPE BROKE IN THE MEN'S ROOM AND IT'S COVERED IN UNDIGESTED BIG MACS. ANYWAY, GET DOWN TO ROOM 311. YOU REPORT TO J.S. DONNELLY. HE'S THE ART DIRECTOR. RUSTY OKAY, SEE YOU AT LUNCH. Rusty walks through the office. CHEF is tutoring someone as usual One of the Tech employees wears a Darth Vader mask in the background. They’re playing video games. in the background. There’s an empty whiskey bottle, piles of McDonalds’ wrappers and 1 litre bottles of Coke lying around to show they were working late. DARTH VADER I'M A MAGE! ZIGGY (from his office to one of the programmers that blew up the washroom) YOU CAN'T SIT IN THE BATHROOM FOR 2 HOURS EVERY MORNING YOU FOOL! YOU'RE FIRED!
PROGRAMMER FIRED FOR TAKING A SHIT?! RUSTY finds his way to who he is supposed to report to. J.S Donnelly is a Johnny Fever type character. He’s lying back in his leather chair when RUSTY walks in. J.S. barely notices RUSTY as his eyes are closed and a copy of AVN news is draped over his face. RUSTY (standing in doorway) MR.DONNELLY? DONNELLY (From under the newspaper) YEAH... UH... YOU MUST BE RUSTY. HAVE A SEAT, I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. J.S. Takes the magazine off his head behind the monitor then snorts loudly. He's obviously doing cocaine. RUSTY is silent. DONNELLY (lifting his head, face covered in blow like Scarface) DID YOU KNOW THAT PORNOGRAPHY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SITUATION WE CURRENTLY FIND OURSELVES IN? YOU'RE PROBABLY ASKING YOURSELF HOW THE FUCK YOU ENDED UP HERE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT A CHICKEN OUTFIT IS? LOOK AT ME. I'M PAID A LOT OF MONEY TO WRANGLE GUYS LIKE YOU - MORE THAN I PROBABLY SHOULD BE PAID. ANYWAY, A CHICKEN OUTFIT IS WHEN SOMEONE LIKE ME IS TRAPPED IN A JOB LIKE THIS WITH A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS THAT HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING.[ Re-write this chat] ZIGGY (screaming down the hall) AND IF YOU CAN’T GET THE NEW SITE DONE BY TOMORROW, THE IT DEPARTMENT CAN DO THE GRAPHICS! DONNELLY IGNORE HIM. WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?
RUSTY (weirded out) I ... UH.... DONNELLY OKAY, LISTEN. IT'S ALMOST QUITTING TIME AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO LEARN MUCH MORE HERE, SO WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU YOUR COMPUTER AND WE'LL TALK TOMORROW. I HAVE AN ERRAND TO RUN. RUSTY QUITTING TIME? IT'S TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. DONNELLY YEAH, WELL, OKAY, I WANT YOU TO GET COMFORTABLE IN YOUR SPACE AND GO THROUGH ALL OUR SITES TO FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH OUR LOSER BASE AND THEIR SICK FETISHES. THAT'S WHAT WE HERE IN THE BIZ CALL A DEMOGRAPHIC. THERE. YOU LEARNED YOUR FIRST IMPORTANT TIDBIT. (getting up) I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR SEAT. Cut to RUSTY seated in a tiny cubicle in the bull-pen. To his left sits very long-haired SMOKE. Across from him sits "BALD GUY with GLASSES". Who is simply referred to as "Bald Guy" by everyone in the office. DONNELLY (Pulling up a seat and pointing to the monitor.) THIS IS OUR "TOOTHLESS GRANNIES" SITE. YOU DONâ€™T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MATURE LADIES, DO YOU? (Snickers are heard around them as this is the company hazing ritual.) RUSTY (Clearly he does.) NO... I GUESS NOT...
DONNELLY GOOD. GO THROUGH THE BOOKMARKS AND FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF WITH OUR SITES. WE'LL REVIEW WHEN YOU'RE DONE. (to himself - looking at his watch) TEN? I THINK "MY THREE BEERS" IS OPEN… (to some of the crew) WHO WANTS TO GO FOR A BEER? WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR NAME? GLASSES? UP FOR A BEER? BALD GUY (GLASSES) I'M WORKING. ARE YOU CRAZY? RUSTY stares into space, wondering what he’s gotten himself into, as he boots the computer up. Beside him, SMOKE stares malevolently at RUSTY. RUSTY stares back. SMOKE WANNA SEE SOMETHING REALLY COOL? RUSTY UHHH… MAYBE? SMOKE PUT YOUR HAND IN THIS BAG. SMOKE thrusts out a large plastic sack from a FASHION STORE that caters to his type. (Not Le Chateau, but similar). RUSTY is obviously wary, but decides to go along with his co-worker. He slowly puts his hand in the bag and moves it around a bit, finally yanking it out, shocked. His arm is covered in blood! RUSTY WHA!... SMOKE digs into the sack and pulls out a large prosthetic baby slathered in blood, the umbilical cord dangling from it. Blood is all over his arms and the floor. SMOKE IT’S MY NEW PROJECT FOR THIS INSTALLATION I’M SETTING UP. IT’S CALLED, “ABORTIVE MUSE IN D MINOR”. WANT A COUPLE OF PASSES? ON ME!
RUSTY AH, I'M NOT REALLY INTO PERFORMANCE ART. SMOKE I CAN INCLUDE SOME FREE BEER TICKETS. RUSTY UH OKAY, SURE. As J.S. is closing his office door he shouts at the two. J.S.DONNELLY WOULD YOU TWO GET BACK TO WORK!? SMOKE! PUT THAT THING AWAY AND CLEAN UP YOUR AREA[ This is a hallucination RUSTY experiences.]! RUSTY (staring into space) WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?
SCENE 2 After J.S. Leaves the office, he ends up at the local pub, My Three Beers. He's obviously not interested in his job any longer and uses it as an excuse to steal away and drink. Two lifers at the bar are having a conversation. J.S. WE RELY ON COMPUTERS TOO MUCH. EVERYTHING IS DIGITAL. BANKS, MEDIA, SOCIAL INTERACTION. WHEN YOU DIE, YOU WILL NOT JUST CEASE TO EXIST, BUT CORPORATIONS WILL HAVE YOU ERASED. PURGED FROM ALL OF THEIR SYSTEMS. THAT MEANS EVERYTHING THAT WAS YOU OR ANYTHING YOU EVER MADE, UNLESS YOU'RE FRANK ZAPPA OR PRINCE WILL JUST TOSSED ONTO THE FUCKING TRASH ICON WITH THE REST OF THE BLOGS AND VIRAL VIDEOS. WILL YOU SOUND LIKE AN ARTIST. SHUT UP AND ORDER ANOTHER DRINK. J.S. IF YOU WANT A VISION OF THE FUTURE, IMAGINE A BOOT STAMPING ON A HUMAN FACE. FOREVER. GEORGE ORWELL SAID THAT. MARK MY WORDS, IT'LL BE LIKE THE OPENING OF TERMINATOR 2. THE T-800'S HEEL CRUSHING A HUMAN SKULL. WILL GOOD CHRIST... TAKE IT EASY. (to the barkeep) MAKE IT A DOUBLE! J.S.'S phone rings. J.S. JUST A SEC MAN... Later... J.S. SORRY ABOUT THAT MAN, A BUDDY OF MINE
HAD HIS THUMB STUCK IN A BLENDER. WILL has turned into a skeleton with his clothes rotted off like a pirate in one of those fish aquariums. ARRH! A teacher is at the bar, asking Carmen where the nearest art gallery is. She's got a brood of grade fives around her waist. J.S. I SAID I WAS SORRY, JEEZ. J.S. Looks around the room. A singer is taking a break and having a Heineken by the stage. A banner above the stage reads "Miss Pierogi Contest 2016". J.S. ANYWAY, IN 25 YEARS, PEOPLE WILL BE LOOKING BACK ON THIS TIME AND WONDERING WHY THERE IS NO RECORD OF ANY PHYSICAL MEDIA. MARK MY WORDS. WILL YEAH, FUTURE GENERATIONS WILL FIND NOTHING BUT INCOMPATIBLE HUNKS OF PLASTIC AND METAL. J.S. IF THAT. WELL, I GOTTA GET BACK BEFORE ZIGGY POPS A VEIN. I'LL POP IN AFTER WORK FOR A COUPLE. WILL LATER, DOC.
SCENE 3 EVENING - PURPLE INSTITUTION SMOKE sometimes gets his frustrations out by dabbling in performance art. His new project is about to be put on at the local artist gathering place called “The Purple Institution”, a rag-tag group of heroin addicts, goths and beret and turtleneck wearing bohemian “artists”. It's located directly beside a very strange Chinese restaurant that never seems to be open, called LUNG KONG. In reality, the people in LUNG KONG are cannibals. SMOKE’s newest production is called “Impresario of the Meek Kangaroo”. “No Refunds” says the poster on the wall We see STAN and RUSTY sitting in the audience. The lights dim. The stage is set, odd atmospheric music start to play as dry ice wafts across the stage. The audience makes comments about the smell in the little theatre, but they just think it’s an old musty place or that the heroin junkies piss in the corners when high. RUSTY ISN’T THAT SMOKE?? SMOKE comes out on stage with grandiose, coffee house pretensions. He waves his arms about as if it were a magic show. He has an assistant that gestures toward his every move. He begins to bring out tin buckets one by one. STAN WHAT IS HE WEARING? The buckets seem very heavy. SMOKE starts rapping off inane freeform boho poems while he puts on a medical smock and mask to throw the audience off to his intentions. Then the snapping on of the gloves and we see HEADCAST and BILLY in the crowd, reacting to the show. HEADCAST THANKS FOR COMING ALONG WILLIAM, I KNOW THIS ISN’T YOUR TYPICAL THEATRICAL VENUE...
BILLY NO PROBLEM OLD BUDDY, YOU DID SAY THE BEERS WERE ON YOU RIGHT? SMOKE is still shouting non-sensical poems while he prances around the stage. SEE STORYBOARDS enclosed for the show itself.[ I think they actually work after all.]
The audience has no time to react, when the SMOKE starts digging into giant metal tubs and immediately throwing dog shit into the audience. We need a speech for "Smoke" here that reflects the Cthulhu / Lovecraft nature of the proceedings - perhaps something along the lines of Dr.Pretorius' speech in From Beyond.[ Smoke’s Speech - who could now be dubbed “The Artist Formerly Known As Smoke”.]
AUDIENCE MEMBER (shrill, in shock) “OH MY CHRIST! IT’S…. IT’S... DOG SHIT!” RUSTY reacts quickly, shouting to STAN. They duck down behind the theatre seats as wads of feces fly over their head. People are getting hit in the face with it and screaming. RUSTY WHAT THE FUCK?! GET DOWN! STAN (his hands reach up for the plastic cups full of beer and he looks in them to make sure there is no shit in them) NO FREE BEER IS WORTH THIS! At the same time, HEADCAST and BILLY are trying to avoid the shitshow. HEADCAST BY CROM! BILLY and HEADCAST move along the seats as RUSTY and STAN unwittingly move toward them. The two groups of friends start to realize that they're moving toward one another.
BILLY (noticing RUSTY and STAN) H.C.! AREN'T THOSE THE GUYS FROM THE BAR? HEADCAST looks stunned as this has "something" to do with his vision. HEADCAST THAT - THAT'S THE CHARACTER FROM .. IS HE FAMOUS? WAIT! I REMEMBER SOMETHING... (HEADCAST GETS DIZZY.) The two sets of pals eventually meet in the middle while the shit flys. We see a quick cut of shit literally hitting the fan. They end up side by side while the melee continues. HEADCAST (to RUSTY) DO I KNOW YOU? YOU ARE SO FAMILIAR... The audience is in chaos. As the shit flies, people start going into convulsions. SMOKE is still flinging shit from the stage unaware of what is happening in the audience. SMOKE YOU WILL ALL FEEL MY WRATH! THIS IS MY STATEMENT AND I WILL MAKE YOU PAY! KNEEL TO THE GOD SHOGOTH! PEONS! YOU WILL BOW TO THE SQUID GOD! Meanwhile, the boys are trying to figure out an escape plan. HEADCAST YOU MUST FOLLOW US. I KNOW THE CAVERNS BELOW THIS THEATRE! STAN and RUSTY are hesitant. They recognize HEADCAST and BILLY but are wary. The audience members begin to change. Some of their heads start to crack. They are exploding, possibly in reaction to the shit slinging, but eventually, it cannot be avoided. Their heads burst forth with huge maggots and gore. The audience members who are not victim to this supernatural occurrence start screaming. STAN WHAT IN JESUS FUCK!
HEADCAST COME ON! RUSTY WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS?! The audience continues to transmogrify. Snakes, bugs and tentacles spray out of their bodies. Blood fills the aisles. It's a nightmare come true. The group makes their way toward a stage door, led by HEADCAST. They dodge filth covered patrons, flying shit, and bizarre monstrous visitors and successfully come out of a stage exit near the alley of the building. Out of breath, they pause across the street crouched down behind a garbage bin, out of breath and covered in shit. The Purple institution is in shambles, smoke billows out of the windows and doors. People are running wild, missing limbs, all manner of monsters eating their heads - like the zombies in 'Demons'. An ambulance can be seen screaming into view. The building clearly looks possessed like 'Zuul' from Ghostbusters. HEADCAST WE HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER IN THE PAST AND I ONLY ASK THAT YOU TRUST ME WHEN I SAY YOU MUST COME BACK TO MY PLACE OF BUSINESS SO WE CAN SORT THIS OUT. RUSTY YOU RUN THE PSYCHIC CAVERN DON'T YOU? STAN SEE! I TOLD YOU... SOMETHING IS REALLY FUCKED UP! HEADCAST IF YOU COME BACK WITH US, I WILL TRY TO EXPLAIN ALL...
SCENE 4 NIGHT - PSYCHIC CAVERN - CATACOMBS RUSTY, HEADCAST are seated around a table. STAN is looking around the room and BILLY is seated in his favorite chair. We cut to each one in a seance type scene (or like That 70s Show) as HEADCAST prepares the reading for RUSTY and STAN. At some point, perhaps BILLY gets up and paces around the room having experienced HEADCAST's work before. Stuffed heads and animals are everywhere and the overall aseptic is very old fashioned. The room and the whole cavern is a mishmash of various types of psychic imagery. pyramids, candles, religious statues, crystal balls, tarot cards, playing cards. HEADCAST I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE TO JOIN US RUSTY... STAN... I HAVE HAD MANY QUESTIONS AND NOW, WE SHALL HOPEFULLY GET SOME ANSWERS. RUSTY IS ALL THIS STUFF FOR REAL? HEADCAST IT'S ALL AUTHENTIC...THESE ARE THE TOOLS OF MY TRADE THAT HELP ME INTERPRET TRANSMISSIONS FROM THE OTHER SIDE. THESE BOOKS HOLD HUNDREDS OF YEARS OF KNOWLEDGE DATING ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BOOK OF THE DEAD. Headcast brings out the book he's been studying. HEADCAST RECENTLY, I HAVE HAD TERRIBLY STRONG VISIONS AND IT'S MY BELIEF THAT WE ALL HAVE A PART TO PLAY IN THEM...WITH THE HELP OF THIS PARTICULAR TOME, I HAVE PARTIALLY TRANSLATED A RECENT VISION... IT DOES NOT BODE WELL I'M AFRAID.
[BEAT] RUSTY and STAN look at each other like he's nuts. HEADCAST (cherrily) I TRUST YOU'RE ENJOYING THE BEVERAGES? A large clock shows that it is nearly midnight, the perfect time for calling spirits. BILLY, who has been seated nearby attempts to sneak out. HEADCAST WILLIAM, WE WILL NEED YOU FOR THIS. PLEASE TAKE A SEAT... BILLY (Looks sheepish) HEADCAST JOIN HANDS EVERYONE WE ARE MINUTES AWAY, CLOSE YOUR EYES AND FOCUS ON THE THE STRANGE ANOMALIES YOU HAVE SEEN LATELY. LET THOSE VISIONS FILL YOUR MIND AND REMOVE ALL DISTRACTIONS. HEADCAST's eyes pop open, white with a blinding light. HEADCAST SEE WHAT I HAVE SEEN, AS OUR MINDS BECOME ONE! The room begins to change color, each of the lads start to nod out, going into some kind of mystical reverie.
HEADCAST FOCUS ON THE ANOMALIES WE HAVE EXPERIENCED! We start to see each characters thoughts made flesh. RUSTY sees the strange creatures at the shit show. STAN sees the Hookerbot attacking.
HEADCAST sees teddy's roadhouse and the furies in his mind. BILLY sees a Coors light style beer commercial with him surrounded by large breasted women catering to his every whim. HEADCAST (scolding) WILLIAM! [BEAT] NOW, THAT WE HAVE COJOINED OUR EXPERIENCES, I SHALL ATTEMPT TO BRING FORTH A CLEAR SIGN FROM THE BEYOND! HEADCAST continues to chant... HEADCAST OUR KNOWLEDGE IS ONE... CONCENTRATE...CONCENTRATE.... As this is happening, MASKY re-appears but he is away from the scene, behind them, watching and clearly not involved. Since they are sitting at a round table, rusty can see him and his strange glow. HEADCAST I FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE ROOM... MASKY taps RUSTY on the shoulder. MASKY (whispering) SO, ah, you really think this mumbo jumbo works?) RUSTY's eyes snap open. RUSTY UH GUYS... I THINK IT'S WORKING...
SCENE 5 MASKY floats into the middle of the table. MASKY FASCINATING! PLEASE CONTINUE THIS DEMONSTRATION OF YOUR ASININE BELIEFS! I'VE GATHERED QUITE A BIT OF INFORMATION WHILE OBSERVING YOU. HEADCAST OH MY, HOW GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, LITTLE ONE! RUSTY YOU KNOW THIS...UH...GUY? MASKY I WILL ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE, BUT TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. I CANNOT BE SURE HOW STABLE THE CONNECTION IS... HEADCAST PLEASE, CONTINUE! MASKY IT IS QUITE FORTUITOUS THAT YOU ARE ALL HERE. NOW I WON'T HAVE TO TRY TO SEEK YOU OUT SEPARATELY. YOU MUST LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY TO WHAT I AM ABOUT TO TELL YOU... MY KIND (PEOPLE? UNITS?) IS GATHERING THEIR FORCES AND ARE PLANNING TO INVADE YOUR DIMENSION. THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO DEVOUR YOUR PEOPLE. HEADCAST WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT FROM US? MASKY DATA. KNOWLEDGE. YOU SPEND COUNTLESS TIME AND ENERGY GENERATING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF INFORMATION, ALBEIT A GREAT DEAL OF WHICH IS, EXISTENTIALLY SPEAKING, USELESS.
YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RISE IN SUPERNATURAL EVENTS OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS... THERE WAS AN EVENT BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF YOUR TIME WHERE A PORTAL BETWEEN OUR WORLDS WAS OPEN AND FREE. ONCE YOU CAME INTO EXISTENCE IT WAS GUMMED UP AND BLOCKED OFF TO US. FINALLY, IT CLOSED FOR GOOD. DURING THOSE CAREFREE TIMES, WE BEGAN A MASSIVE MINING PROJECT. THE EXTRACTION OF YOUR WORLD'S DATA STREAMS. THE PROJECT FAILED AND THE DOORWAY WAS CLOSED FOR GOOD. IN THE PROCESS WE LOST OUR MOST IMPORTANT ASSET. RUSTY WHO? MASKY "THE DOORMAN". A GATEKEEPER WHO WAS OUR ONLY KEY TO YOUR DIMENSION. HEADCAST IF THE DOOR WAS CLOSED, HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH? MASKY I AM A SCIENTIST OF SORTS... MY LIFE'S WORK IS TO RE-OPEN THE PORTAL TO YOUR PLANE. WE'RE GETTING CLOSE. WE WERE FOLLOWING AN ANOMALOUS DATA STREAM FROM YOUR SIDE OF THE ALT.DIMENSION. A NEW DOOR - AND A NEW GATEKEEPER. STAN SO YOU'RE COPYING ALL OUR INFORMATION? MASKY WE'RE PIRATING IT. WE FEED ON INFORMATION - IT'S OUR LIFE BLOOD... OUR ENERGY.
HEADCAST THIS DOORWAY... IS IT CAUSING THE SUPERNATURAL ANOMALIES IN OUR WORLD? MASKY VERY GOOD! ACCESS IS VOLATILE... UNSTABLE. SOMEONE ON THIS SIDE HAS STARTED TO BRIDGE THE ABYSS BETWEEN OUR WORLDS.Â THEY'RE LOOKING FOR THE ONE WHO CAN OPEN THE DOOR COMPLETELY SO THAT THEY CAN TAKE CONTROL AND CROSS OVER. AGENTS ARE ALREADY AMONG YOU, TRYING TO GATHER INFORMATION TO EXPEDITE THE PROCESS. HEADCAST WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP? MASKY THE FIRST THING YOU MUST DO IS KEEP HIM SAFE. (Points at STAN) STAN WHA...? MASKY YOU OPENED THE RIFT BETWEEN OUR WORLDS, AND THESE AGENTS SEEK TO IMPRISON YOU. YOU WILL SERVE AS OUR NEW GATEKEEPER. RUSTY HOW DO WE STOP THEM?! MASKY THAT, I CANNOT SAY, WE MUST START BY FINDING THESE AGENTS AND KILLING THEM. THEY WILL BLEED YOUR WORLD DRY, LEAVING NOTHING LEFT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, AN ANTIFUTURE - THE DIMENSIONS FOLDING IN ON ITSELF CREATING NOTHINGNESS.
STAN FUCK ME. HEADCAST WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS? MASKY I AM A NON-BELIEVER... THERE IS MORE... DARKER PLANS FOR... MASKY starts to fade... HEADCAST OH GREAT SCOTT, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! RUSTY WAIT! MASKY GUY! WHAT SHALL WE DO IN YOUR ABSENCE? MASKY IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE ANY... BZZZT CLICK... CONTROL OVER THIS... BZZZT... IDIOT! MASKY fades out completely. BILLY WHO THE FUCK IS HE CALLING AN IDIOT? STAN WELL, UH... WOW, THAT WAS ILLUMINATING. I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE LAB TO SEE IF ANYTHING I'M WORKING ON HAS TO DO WITH THIS CRAZY SHIT. HEADCAST GOOD CALL STANLEY. I WOULD TRULY LIKE TO CONTINUE THIS READING WHEN YOU TWO ARE ABLE. PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH AND WE'LL RESCHEDULE. RUSTY (leaving with STAN) We'll be back. Of course.) BILLY (putting his feet up on the table) WELL, HERE WE GO AGAIN.
HEADCAST GET YOUR FEET OFF THE TABLE, WILLIAM.
__________________ RUSTY TRIES TO SAVE STAN_________________ NIGHT - ACROSS TOWN STAN rushes into the basement hallway of Xber Xabre. STAN RUSTY!! He screeches to a halt in his tracks as the 3 Furies [ stand at the end of the hall, staring STAN down. MEGAN YOU MUST BE STAN! TERA HELLOOOO STAN! STAN turns to run and the FURIES are quick on his heels. They're just about to pounce and tear him to pieces when they disappear. Coincidentally, the power goes out at the same time. STAN (SCREAMING IN THE DARK) YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CUT TO ZIGGY in his conference call. (Either split up the call to show RUSTY in between with the coffees or do RUSTY first.)
Introductory Note: The scene is constructed as a guide for dialogue and plot points. Dialogue is purposely overwritten but the topics and contents of the dialogue are important as with ZIGGYâ€™S opening speech. He teeter totters on the edge of ZIGGY the angry idiot boss and a safer more human ZIGGY that seems to be hidden beneath his exterior. ]
RUSTY and STAN are going back to the office, ZIGGY is discussing the plan with his INVESTORS and the FURIES make a reappearance, trying to track down STAN. There is a main force driving the scene, the portal that is open when Stan reboots the Hookerbot's head. It eventually breaks down and takes the portal down with it.
ZIGGY HAS TO BE DRINKING HEAVILY OR ON THE VERGE OF BANKRUPTCY. We need a catalyst to trigger his self loathing / reflection. Then he is staring at his own reflection in the monitor perhaps. ZIGGY is throwing money out of the window from his safe, muttering sarcastically, in a tantrum. He is screaming about losing money. Then he is spent. When ZIGGY goes into his speech, we drop the lights and put a spotlight on him like it's a play so he can have his monologue. ZIGGY I WORK MY FINGERS TO THE BONE, FOR WHAT? IDIOTS WHO CAN'T KEEP THEIR DICKS IN THEIR PANTS? EMPLOYEES WHO RAPE ME BLIND?
(He sighs) I USED TO LOVE THE THRILL OF THE HUNT. I WAS THE LAST SOLDIER ON THE BATTLEFIELD AND THE LAST TO LEAVE. THIS IS MY EMPIRE AND I CANNOT LOSE IT SO EASILY. [ He is a former shell of himself and knows it. Technology is pushing him further into the background and all of these young upstarts are taking over the business. We should make “Porn Hitler and The Mad Butcher” young guys with a lot of cash.]Ziggy sits down at
his desk, hands on his forehead staring straight ahead. He rubs his eyes and looks deep into his own reflection in the blackness of the deactivated computer monitor. ZIGGY A VIDEO CONFERENCE CALL. IS THIS WHAT WE'VE BEEN REDUCED TO? I REMEMBER THE DAYS WHEN DEALS WERE MADE IN DARKEN STRIP JOINTS. THE DAYS WHEN YOU COULD SEE WHO A MAN REALLY WAS AFTER HE HAD ONE TOO MANY. (dropping his head and face in his hands.) ...BUT THAT WAS MANY YEARS AGO, VERY DIFFERENT TIMES THAT HAVE HAVE CHANGED FASTER THAN THIS STUBBORN OLD MULE CAN KEEP UP. THOSE WERE THE DAYS, WHEN I HAD DREAMS AND ENERGY. I COULD ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING! WHEN THE INFINITE FUTURE WASN'T JUST A SUCCESSFUL PAST.[ Explore please.] (Looking back up at his face in the screen.) AND LOOK AT YOU NOW, BLINDED BY MY OWN SUCCESS, UNABLE TO REPEAT WHAT SUCCESSES I ONCE HAD[ pt.2 speech], I'M JUST SOME OUT OF TOUCH HAS-BEEN IN A FAT SUIT. THE TIMES WHEN YOU COULD JUST THROW MONEY AT A PROBLEM OR MAKE SOME IDIOT DISAPPEAR [ I want to add an element of danger to ZIGGY - that he has possibly made good on his threats like “I’ll throw you out a window” in the past.]ARE LONG GONE.
IT'S ALMOST AS DOING ANYMORE. GIVE THIS LIFE (Looks closer at the
IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M I'M JUST TOO STUPID TO UP, TOO PROUD TO FAIL. screen)
IF IT WASN'T FOR THESE FAMILIAR WRINKLES, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS WRETCHED OLD FACE IS REALLY MINE. (He pulls down a lower eyelid to see cracked bloodshot eyes) LOOK AT ME. THE DISCOLOURATION, THE SWELLING, SUNKEN EYES THAT FAIL ME WITH AGE. WORN DOWN TEETH, STAINED FROM YEARS OF EATING THE FINEST FOOD AND DRINK AT THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS RESTAURANTS. IS THIS MY PUNISHMENT FOR YEARS OF SUCCESS? TO BE CURSED TO AN AIMLESS BUSINESS LIFE, LIVED IN THIS AGED BODY AND HEART? [ Second half of the speech.]Ziggy
stands up proudly as if too shake off
the weak emotions. ZIGGY AHH ZIGMUND, YOU ARE A GOOD MAN AT HEART AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SENTIMENTAL TO A FAULT. Suddenly a video chat program rings on his computer and startles him, he accepts the call but his expression is one of surprise and shock, uncomfortable at best. VOICE WHY THE CONCERNED FACE, ZIGMUND? WE TRUST EVERYTHING IS GOING SMOOTHLY. As if on cue, Ziggy regains his composure and turns back into a sleazy, Internet businessman ZIGGY GENTLEMAN!!!! HELLO! A PLEASURE. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU? I WAS JUST TAKING A FUNNY PICTURE FOR MY NIECE ON THIS NEW WEB CAMERA I GOT ON THIS STATE OF THE ART LAPTOP! IMPORTED! ANYWAYS, ENOUGH ABOUT ME. YOU'RE LOOKING GREAT, WOW WHAT A SUIT... [ Re-write and discuss - the direction is good.]
______________________ RUSTY and STAN ______________________ RUSTY and STAN arrive at the office, intent on finding the connection STAN may have to the alt.dimension. They split up with STAN going to the lab and RUSTY going to the mess hall to make a couple of coffees so they can focus, wake up a bit after all they’ve been through. It is the evening and the office is darkened but there is some activity going on and you can see monitors lighting people and cleaning staff. RUSTY WHAT’S THE PLAN? STAN I'LL HIT THE LAB AND START THERE. I HAVE TO SEE IF ANYTHING I’VE WORKED ON HAS ANY CONNECTION TO HEADCAST AND THAT MASKY CHARACTER. GOD KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BUT AFTER WHAT I SAW TONIGHT, I CAN'T DISCOUNT ANYTHING. GRAB SOME COFFEES AND SNACKS FROM THE LUNCH ROOM AND MEET ME DOWN IN MY LAB. RUSTY WILL DO. (DEW) RUSTY SPLITS. STAN sees a leg of the hooker bot sticking out from the cleaning lady’s cart. STAN FRANCENE? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? CLEANING LADY WHERE DID I GET WHAT? STAN (grabbing the pieces of the BOT hurriedly) WHAT STUFF? MY ROBOT! I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR HER! CLEANING LADY THE REST OF YOUR ROBOT IS OUT BACK MR.STAN. I AM VERY SORRY... IT LOOKED LIKE TRASH TO ME.
STAN WHAT? OKAY, WELL THAT'S OKAY. DON'T WORRY... I JUST THOUGHT I LOST IT. IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT COMPANY EXPERIMENT. CLEANING LADY (As she walks away) AND I THOUGHT HE WAS SUCH A NICE BOY...
______________________ FURIES ______________________ NIGHT - ACROSS TOWN Make it a BIG INTRO with exaggerated camera angles. With a spark of energy, and a cloud of dust and smoke, the FURIES appear. They are in human form and their clothes are ripped and dishevelled, like when the HULK turns back into Bruce Banner. They sniff the air as if tracking the source of the gateway. Packet sniffing. They are now back in the game so to speak. FURY 1 CONNECTION ESTABLISHED! FURY 2 THE GATEWAY IS OPEN! QUICKLY, FOLLOW IT. FURY 1 WE MUST FIND HIM BEFORE HE CLOSES THE GATES AGAIN. FURY 3 (looking around for orientation and sniffing the air) WE ARE SO CLOSE! (SLOBBER, DROOL) FURY 2 I'LL PEEL HIM OVER AND OVER LIKE A FUCKING ONION! FURY 1 I'LL FEED HIM HIS OWN SKIN! They all laugh maniacally. FURY 3 ENOUGH NONSENSE! WE NEED HIM ALIVE, YOU KNOW THIS. HE WILL WORK FOR US, AND WE WILL LEARN TO CONTROL THE CONNECTION. HE WILL MAKE US THE NEW GATEKEEPERS! FURY 2 YEEEESSSS! HE WILL WORK FOR US. FURY 1 WE WILL DRINK FROM THIS WORLD HAVE OUR
FILL AND IT WILL NEVER RUN DRY! [ DONE]They poof off and are seen throughout the scene progressing towards the office building, the hallways to the office and then closer to Stan. They will disappear before they ever reach him, but its one of the three scenes that is intertwined in this scene. Magic number 3 again. The reason for their visit is that the hookerbot is the catalyst for the rift in the alt.dimension. Stan rebooted the head has restarted the program which has reopened the portal. They can sense the gateway and itâ€™s location and can track to it. Their disappearance is related to some malfunction of the hookerbot and the closing of the temporary. [ WE NEED TO INSERT THE FURIES THROUGHOUT THE SCENES AND THEY DISAPPEAR WHEN THE HEAD BLOWS UP.]
______________________ STAN ______________________ In the background, STAN is hugging the bits of the HOOKERBOT and kissing them. He's talking to the severed parts. STAN I'M SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK. I WAS WORRIED, BABY... The head is hooked up similar to Ash in Alien. There is blood around it and it's a mess of wires and gadgets. STAN keeps trying to run the diagnostics, but the software keeps returning a 'general fault error' when he tries to analyze the head. He tries to start the power on the machine. It opens it's eyes, coughing blood. HOOKERBOT HELL...O... COUGH COUGH... WORRRLLLD. STAN YOU'LL BE OKAY SWEETHEART, YOU'LL BE FINE, JUST LET ME SEE IF I CAN GET THIS PROGRAM UP AND RUNNING. HOOKERBOT [SPEECH ABOUT THE DOWNFALL OF MAN] STAN tries a few more switches and wire movement or something, then the head unexpectedly starts sparking, smoking and basically malfunctioning in every way visible. STAN OH NO, COME ON BABY! DON'T DO THIS TO ME! WHAT I HAVE EVER DONE TO YOU? We cut to the FURIES discovering the Xber Xabre offices. TERA THIS IS WHERE ALL OF OUR DATA POINTS, GIRLS. HE'S IN THE BUILDING SOMEWHERE! MEAGAN I'M FUCKING WET! MY UNDIES ARE STICKING TO ME! Back with STAN. The HOOKERBOT is really smoking now and suddenly, all the lights go out. It's flipped a breaker.
STAN ARRRGHHHH! YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I'LL SMASH YOU TO PIECES YOU GOD DAMN WHORE MACHINE!
______________________ RUSTY & ZIGGY ______________________ The lights are off - we are now with Rusty. THE FURIES ARE DOWN THE HALL FROM ZIGGY'S OFFICE. RUSTY WHAT WAS THAT? SHIT, I'M SPILLING THE COFFEE...! The lights come back on. THE FURIES DISAPPEAR. RUSTY's arms full of free office cookies and various other goodies (sausage links) and two coffees. He hears ZIGGY screaming down the hallway. ZIGGY WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK YOU FUCKING IMBECILES! MY COMPUTER HAS CRASHED AND IS REBOOTING. IT IS INFECTED. IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! WHY DO I PAY A TECH DEPARTMENT THAT CAN'T KEEP THE LIGHTS ON? We cut to ZIGGY who in just in the process of rebooting the conference call with his PARTNERS. ZIGGY I APOLOGIZE GENTLEMEN. WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE, I'LL FUCKING THROW THEM OUT A WINDOW! PORN HITLER SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE POWER. LET'S JUST CONTINUE THE CALL. ZIGGY I HAVE MY BEST PROGRAMMER ON IT. STAN MUNSON. MAD BUTCHER EXCELLENT. LET'S HOPE WE CAN GET THE PROGRAM COMPLETED ASAP. WE'VE JUST RECEIVED A NEW RECRUITMENT OF SUBJECTS FOR OUR NOSTRIL GANG BANG VIDEO FEEDS AND ANAL CREAM-PIE VIDEOS.
Show RUSTY peering into the office from outside in the dark hallway. ZIGGY UGH... YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE THE ROUGH STUFF. I AM MOSTLY INTO PIN-UP GIRLS. AND MAYBE THE OCCASIONAL BONDAGE. PORN HITLER WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT ZIGMUND. WE GIVE THE WANKERS WHAT THEY WANT AND THAT MEANS SMUT OF THE GREASIEST, MOST PERVERTED TYPE! THEY PAY THE BILLS. RUSTY watches as people are being herded like cattle onto some sort of transport and can be seen passing by the camera. They are obviously in shackles and their mobility is limited. Suddenly Rusty realizes that the jailers that are moving these prisoners, look exactly liked the small masked creature he had just seen. ZIGGY FINE. WE JUST NEED TO BE CAUTIOUS. THE POLICE ARE ALWAYS LURKING AROUND TRYING TO SHUT ME DOWN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT SECURITY IS LIKE IN YOUR AREA, BUT I'M GETTING A BIT NERVOUS. MAD BUTCHER WE HOST EVERYTHING SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. THEY CAN'T TOUCH US HERE. ZIGGY GOOD, GOOD... MAD BUTCHER AS SOON AS THIS PROGRAMMER OF YOURS IS READY WE CAN MOVE FORWARD. Finally, RUSTY's eyes fall on one of the "recruitments" in particular. It's his ex-girlfriend. We see RUSTY's expression change to one of deep horror.
FADE TO BLACK
They’re back! Join the weirdos from Xber Xabre and the Psychic Cavern for another tale of woe in “Chicken Outfit”. Two employees of an inter...
Published on May 1, 2018
They’re back! Join the weirdos from Xber Xabre and the Psychic Cavern for another tale of woe in “Chicken Outfit”. Two employees of an inter...