IMPLANT A COLLECTION OF READABLE PAINTINGS
IMPLANT is a book of written paintings. Here’s how it works. It’s a two part thingy, so don’t think you’re done after the first thingy. Thingy One: Using Vocabularic Implantation Technology, the following paintings are IMPLANTED into your mind as you read them. Thingy Two: As soon as you process the information, your imagination automatically paints what you read onto your brain canvass, thus creating your very own version of each painting IN YOUR MIND. Read them. Imagine them. Fondle them. Enjoy?
UNDER-DRESSED GRANDMOTHERS WRESTLING IN A JELLO FILLED PIG PEN
QUEEN ELIZABETH’S HEAD ON SADDAM HUSSEIN’S BODY IN ELTON JOHN’S CLOTHES
VENUS DE MILO DRY-HUMPING THE STATUE OF DAVID
An early IMPLANTATION prototype, the Arthur B. Footswieller used scientifically modified air to impregnate the human mind with artistic imagery. But after several failed attempts, this woman was burned at the stake for probably being a witch.
A PALE NURSE POURING CURDLED MILK ON FAKE PLASTIC HOUSE PLANTS
SIX GOATS FOUR DONKEYS AND BOB SEGAR’S BEARD ON BAR STOOLS IN PARIS
AN OLD NAKED LADY IN A BASEMENT WITH A FLOWERY LAMP SHADE ON HER HEAD
TOOTHLESS BLONDE REDNECKS RIDING TARGET BRAND POGO STICKS
SEVERAL RED TELEPHONES AND ONE PURPLE TELEPHONE
This piece (originally titled “LLAMAS IN PAJAMAS”) was the first known image to be IMPLANTED into the mind of a somewhat willing test subject. In unrelated news, said subject later went on to be disemboweled by a runaway hedge trimmer.
WHITE PEOPLE WEARING PONCHOS
TWELVE HAIRY CHEERLEADERS EATING PIGS IN A BLANKET
POPE JOHN PAUL DUNKING ON SCOTTIE PIPPEN
A GOITER ON TOP OF A GOITER ON TOP OF A FACE
SIXTEEN SUBURBAN SOCCER MOMS RIDING DONKEYS INTO THE SUNSET
JESUS CHRIST PLAYING SKEEBALL WITH CHAIRMAN MAO
KURT RUSSELL EATING AN EGG SALAD SANDWICH
THREE MEMBERS OF THE BRITISH PARLIAMENT PLOWING IMELDA MARCOS
WILFORD BRIMLEY DOING BONG RIPS WITH MILEY CIRUS Post IMPLANTATION, subjects were 78% more likely to find circular food to be more appealing that squarishly shaped food. Conversely, only 12% of observers found that statistic to be even remotely relevant to whatever it was they were talking about.
MICHELLE PFEIFFER DROPPING A DEUCE ON GERTRUDE STEIN
THE CHEERLEADER PYRAMIDS OF GIZA
THIRD EYE BLIND PLAYING BOCCE BALL WITH THE GIN BLOSSOMS
Harriet Shagbaum, seen here formulating her Triggle Diggle Piggle Hypothesis, found that if exposed to Vocabularic Implantation Technology for more than 57 straight hours, people wouldnâ€™t be very happy about it. Her very hairy knuckles had no apparent effect on her research.
NAPOLEON EATING A NAPOLEON
A SHITLOAD OF REALLY NICE BOOBS
TWO PEAS IN AN ESCAPE POD
BREAD LETTUCE CHEESE MAYO NOLAN RYAN BUTTER BREAD
A YOUNG MOTHER THERESA CHECKMATING SNOOP DOGG’S DOPPELGANGER
MORBIDLY OBESE CHINESE CHILDREN PLAYING AMERICAN MINIATURE GOLF
TONY THE TIGER IN A WOOD CHIPPER
After the endorsement of Astor Hadooganflooger, a Texasborn produce magnate, Vocabularic Implantation Technology was found to be relatively safe for the dull-of-mind or recently deceased. It was unveiled to the public shortly thereafter.
A WILD WHITE STALLION IN A RED SEQUIN DRESS DRIVING A BACKHOE MADE OF MEATLOAF
PARKER POSEY FEEDING SAUERKRAUT TO STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
SEVERED HANDS ACROSS AMERICA
After being locked in a basement for what had to seem like forever, volunteers were taunted and beaten with wooden spoons before agreeing to ingest the now infamous â€œImplant Elixirâ€? (see: Pendleton v. the State of Illinois, c. 1956). Despite the internal hemorrhaging, apparently they saw some pretty neat stuff.