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October 23-29, 2008 VOL 6 NO 43

Three Days at the Border by Nathaniel Page

Special Giant Books Section. So Graphic! Patrick Killoran, Shadow Catcher. And All the Old News You Can Stand.



gn Come to their in-store si

Meet the artists on their Scream album launch tour! While you’re there, enter for a chance to win tickets to the exclusive Scream album launch concert at the House of Blues later that evening.

The Verizon Wireless Store • 3419 W. Century Blvd. • Inglewood, CA 90303

Only from America’s Most Entertaining Network. VERIZON WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS STORES Store hours: Mon–Fri 9am–9pm; Sat 9am–8pm; Sun 10am–7pm. Hours at select stores and malls may vary. APPLE VALLEY Now open! 19179 Bear Valley Rd. Now Open! Apple Valley Commons (760) 247-7799 ARCADIA Santa Anita Mall Kiosk (626) 574-2040 BALDWIN HILLS Baldwin Hills Mall Kiosk (323) 291-6827 BALDWIN PARK 14540 Garvey Ave. (626) 472-6196 BURBANK Burbank Empire Center (818) 842-2722 CARSON 20820 Avalon Blvd. (310) 329-9325 CERRITOS Now Open! 12603 Towne Ctr. Drive (562) 809-5650 Los Cerritos Center Kiosk (562) 860-7714 CHINO 3825 Grand Ave. (909) 591-9740 CITY OF COMMERCE 5438 E. Whittier Blvd. (323) 725-9750

CITY OF INDUSTRY 17515 Colima Rd. (626) 839-5155

HAWTHORNE 5070 Rosecrans Ave. (310) 263-2949

MIRA LOMA 12459 Limonite Ave. (951) 361-1850

SANTA MONICA 2530 Wilshire Blvd. (310) 828-1279

COMPTON 237 E. Compton Blvd. (310) 603-0101 CORONA 2540 Tuscany St. (951) 898-0980 390 McKinley St. (951) 549-6400 CULVER CITY 10814 Jefferson Blvd. (310) 838-1044 CYPRESS 6856 Katella Ave. (714) 899-4690

HOLLYWOOD 1503 N. Vine St. (323) 465-0640 HUNTINGTON PARK 6400 Pacific Blvd. (323) 826-9880 INGLEWOOD 3419 W. Century Blvd. (310) 673-1443 LA HABRA 1401 W. Imperial Hwy. (562) 694-8630 LAKEWOOD 4329 Candlewood St. (562) 633-5030 LONG BEACH 2894 Bellflower Blvd. (562) 429-8223 LOS ANGELES 100 N. La Cienega Blvd. (310) 659-0775 3458 Wilshire Blvd. (213) 380-2299 LYNWOOD 3170 E. Imperial Hwy. (310) 603-0036 MARINA DEL REY 13455 Washington Blvd. (310) 821-7111

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SHERMAN OAKS 14360 Ventura Blvd. (818) 907-1871 TORRANCE 24329 Crenshaw Blvd. (310) 891-6991 Now Open! 21841 Hawthorne Blvd. VALENCIA Coming Soon! 24201 Valencia Blvd., Ste. 2018 WALNUT PARK Coming Soon! 2106 E. Florence Ave. WEST COVINA West Covina Mall (626) 851-9992 West Covina Mall Kiosk (626) 939-0409 WESTWOOD Coming Soon! WHITTIER 12376 Washington Blvd. (562) 789-0911

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No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Must be legal U.S. resident 13 years or older. Sweepstakes ends on October 25, 2008 at 4:15pm PST. See store for details. 71187-04.indd 1


SEAL BEACH SIGNAL HILL TORRANCE WEST COVINA © 2008 Verizon Wireless. 10/9/08 6:01:03 PM


Saturday, October 25, 2008 • 3:00pm – 6:00pm





One of the most prominent underground acts around. The guys have brought back the hardcore fun body rockin’ showstoppin’ boom bap!

Performing at Amoeba on Thursday, October 23rd at 7pm!


Metalcore band Unearth’s fourth studio album. Features their most dynamic material to date, combining strong tension and release, abundant guitar solos and a bulldozing power-groove.


98 CD

EL GUINCHO Alegranza


A mix of afro-beat percussion, calypso harmonies, psych tropicalia, world music samplers, doo wop, trance repetition, underwater pop, steel drums plus club oriented song structures.

BOMB THE BASS Future Chaos


98 CD

A synth-rich album boasting guest vocals from Jon Spencer, Mark Lanegan, Fujiya & Miyagi’s David Best, Toob and Paul Conboy. Limited edition with bonus CD also available!


Don’t forget, we buy used games! Sell us yours - highest prices paid, cash or trade!


98 CD

Win a Guitar Hero® World Tour Complete Guitar Game and a $100 Amoeba Music Gift Certificate! Go to now to enter!





98 AMP FIDDLER/ SLY & ROBBIE CD Inspiration Information Vol.1 This new series — that brings together artists with their musical heroes — kicks off with soul maverick Amp Fiddler in collaboration with reggae legends, Sly Dunbar & Robbie Shakespeare.

SALE ENDS 11/6/08

98 CD


98 THE MIGHTY UNDERDOGS CD Droppin’ Science Fiction Comprised of Lateef the Truth Speaker (Latyrx), Gift of Gab (Blackalicious) and Headnodic with contributions from DJ Shadow, Mr. Lif, Damian “JR Gong” Marley, and MF Doom.

HALLOWEEN SECTION! Halloween DVDs! New & Used! Frightful! Delightful! Spook-tacular selection! We’ve got it all! (Oct 22 thru Nov 3, 2008!) HALLOWEEN HOURS! We’re closing early on Halloween at 9pm!



EDITORIAL Editor Rebecca Schoenkopf Arts Editor Ron Garmon Film Editor Andy Klein Calendar Assistant Arrissia Owen Turner Copy Editor Joshua Sindell Editorial Contributors Ramie Becker, Paul Birchall, Andre Coleman, Michael Collins, Miles Clements, Mick Farren, Richard Foss, Matt Gaffney, Andrew Gumbel, Marc B. Haefele, Tom Hayden, Bill Holdship, Jessica Hundley, Mark Keizer, Carl Kozlowski, Kim Lachance, Ken Layne, Steve Lowery, Wade Major, Browne Molyneux, Anthony Miller, Chris Morris, Amy Nicholson, Arrissia Owen Turner, Donna Perlmutter, Joe Piasecki, Neal Pollack, Ted Rall, Erika Schickel, Tom Sharpe, Don Shirley, Kirk Silsbee, Brent Simon, Coco Tanaka, Don Waller, Jim Washburn, Wonkette, Chris Ziegler Editorial Interns Gabrielle Paluch, Porsche Simpson, Nathan Solis

ART Art Director Paul Takizawa Web & Print Production Manager Meghan Quinn Advertising Art Director Sandy Wachs Classified Production Artist Tac Phun Contributing Artists and Photographers Bob Aul, Jordan Crane, Scott Gandell, John Gilhooley, Alexx Henry, Maura Lanahan, Gary Leonard, Melodie McDaniel, Joe McGarry, Luke McGarry, Nathan Ota, Ethan Pines, Josh Reiss, Rosheila Robles, Gregg Segal, Elliott Shaffner, Bill Smith, Ted Soqui

ADVERTISING Sales Director Amit K. Mehta Co-op Advertising Director Spencer Cooper Music & Entertainment Sales Manager Jon Bookatz Business Development Manager Diana James Account Executives Jim Kaplan (Valley) Daphne Marina Classified Supervisor Michael DeFillippo Classified Account Executives Yetta Bell, Sarah Fink, Jason Rinka, John Schoenkopf

BUSINESS VP of Operations David Comden VP of Finance Michael Nagami


06 Letters. Our mailbag overfloweth. 06 07 08


Old News. Is Manny Ramirez not being grateful enough? Steve Lowery investigates! Wonkette’s Weekette! Cocktober ’08 is in full-swing. Also: Joe the Cummer! Desert Rattler. Maybe Ken Layne’s loveliest one yet. It’s so weird how deep and sincere he can be when he’s not talking about political kidfucking.


10 Weekend with the Warriors. Nathaniel Page takes three days at the border, all

Minuteman-styley. If he were only 40 years older, totally racist, and maybe a little bit dim!


14 Eat. Richard Foss is in love with Wilson. Plus, a smorgasbord of morsels, in Bites. 15 16 17 17

Shoppiness. Kim Lachance dons her terrycloth and her jelly mules for a big helping of bliss at Spa Luce. Psycho Sudoku and Jonesin’ Crossword. A reader was sad when we cut Matt Gaffney’s puzzles a couple of weeks ago for space. See what complaining to the editor does? Well, sometimes nothing. But not in this case! The Advice Goddess. Amy Alkon drops some knowledge on some poor guy who can’t get no satisfaction. She drops knowledge like a cartoon safe. Pow! Right on the noggin! Real Astrology. Something about Uranus. For reals!


18 Seven Days. We almost forgot Wednesday, the unlovedest day of the week. But then

20 30 31 34 37

we didn’t. It would have been mayhem! Film. Andy Klein gets his head all exploded (so messy!) from Charlie Kaufman’s latest, Synecdoche, New York. Then he gets all film-criticky on the DVD for Touch of Evil. Isn’t that the one where Charlton Heston wears brownface? Third Degree. Gabrielle Paluch talks about L.A. public space with artist Patrick Killoran. Do yourself a favor and read this one. It’s great! Music. Ramie Becker previews every preteen’s favorite rave, Monster Massive. Ron Garmon says the Presidents of the United States of America are peachy. Nathan Solis laughs at old people who love Rage Against the Machine, in Fanboy. Joshua Sindell leggos your eggo, in NightBeat. Garmon & Co. grade new releases, in Merch. And the sad, sinister story of Safari Sam’s, in Garmon’s Clubland. Books. The crew, led by Gabby, gets graphic. Plus Nathan Solis’s month in readings, in Pages. Stage. Don Shirley stays sitting for the Ovation Awards. Plus this week’s latest theater reviews, in Currently Playing.

On the Cover

So I asked art director Paul Takizawa if we should flip that dude’s image so he could be pointing his weapon at the shadow Mexicans. “No,” he said. Way too violent! I’m so glad Takizawa (sometimes) keeps my tastelessness in bounds.


Human Resources Manager Andrea Baker Accounting Ginger Wang, Archie Iskaq, Tracy Lowe, Christie Lee, Angela Wang (Business Manager) Circulation Supervisor Andrew Jackson Receptionist Candon Murry LA CITYBEAT newspaper is published every Thursday and is available free at locations throughout Los Angeles and the San Fernando Valley. Circulation: 100,000. One copy per reader, additional copies are $10 each. Copyright: No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other editorial matter or advertisements herein may be reproduced without written permission of copyright owner. All rights reserved, 2008. HOW TO REACH US 5209 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90036 Telephone: (323) 938-1700 Classified Advertising: (323) 938-1001 • Fax: (323) 938-1661 SUBSCRIPTIONS One year: $149 (Mailed 1st Class)





pay the man(NY)

“He is love and peace. You are pathetic.” :o( I’m very new to L.A. and have just started reading L.A. CityBeat. Coming from San Francisco and an advocate for using public transportation, I found Daniel Stainkamp’s “Get on the Bus!” (Oct. 2) relieving. I’m sick of feeling like I’m the only one in L.A. telling people to leave their cars at home and get on a fucking bus. Now, keep in mind I am writing you only halfway through the article because every time I see “yr” instead of spelling out the whole “your,” it is making me physically ill. I know we live in a world of omg’s and wtf ’s but really, WTF?! How was this even allowed? It’s only an ‘O’ & a ‘U’ between the ‘Y’ & the ‘R’.  It took more time typing that than it would’ve taken Stainkamp to spell out the whole word.  I am writing you this because I need an answer. My Rolling Rock is now warm because I took the time to spell out why I’m so upset. Please advise. –Deanna J. Shahady Via e-mail :/ yr? It’s “your” – I know you know. I know you have a degree that’s worth at least a hundred thousand. You can type it. –piratescandance Via Peace, Love ... Understanding? You evil persons. I feel sorry for you. Andy Klein’s support in regard to Bill Maher’s movie is sick [“God Help Us,” Oct. 2]. But as I see your whole organization is sick. You don’t know God because he has separated himself from your evilness. He is love and peace. You are pathetic. I hope you find God before it is too late. –Mary Belanger Via e-mail Voice of the Valley I was gratified to read Brad Sherman’s comments in full regarding the bailout [Third Degree, Oct. 16]. I hope CityBeat will continue this sort of political coverage. The Golden State should send Brad Sherman to Washington, D.C., as one of our senators. Senators Boxer and Feinstein have worn out their usefulness. They both voted in favor of the bailout, as did Pelosi, Frank, Dodd

(all Democrats), the list goes on, jumping through hoops to rescue Bush/Paulson.  I’ve read the articles about the necessity for the bailout, but there were several economists (left, right and center) who were opposed to this giveaway. Perhaps government action was necessary to jump-start the economy, but certainly not the version of the bailout that was eventually approved. Thank you Brad Sherman for at least giving voice to the shrinking opposition. –Ellen Switkes Sherman Oaks Trouble Ahead/Trouble Behind Nothing like sensationalizing a real problem and a tragic accident! First of all, the quickest way to prevent a Metrolink-type passenger/ freight accident is to separate passenger trains from freight trains and to stop the passenger trains from operating on the freight railroad’s tracks [Browne Molyneux’s Tracks: “Their Money or Your Life,” Oct. 2]. No rail passenger would ever be injured/killed again. Yes, the freight railroads own their tracks but they also maintain their tracks, unlike the airlines, the truck lines, and the barge lines. We live in a capitalist society but it sounds as though Browne Molyneux would rather it be a socialist society. Let’s get real, people, and look for rational solutions. If the government owned the railroads, eventually no passenger or commodity would ever get to any destination. The railroads provide passenger access to the freight mainlines because the government mandated that they provide access when Amtrak was created back in the early ’70s. Let Amtrak and the various metropolitan commuter rail services in this country develop and pay for their own systems and let the freight railroads do what they do best and haul freight. With the amount of freight predicted to double by 2035, the railroads need to invest in increasing capacity for hauling freight.  –Micha Utter Via e-mail

By Steve Lowery

Monday, October 13 Los Angeles is burning. Again. Anything with dry grass on it seems to be ablaze, and talk is that some of the fires may burn right down to the sea as the fires are fed by the area’s strong winds and decadent evil. With all those flames about, it’s comforting to know that a recent study showed that Californians have much higher levels of flame-retardant chemicals in their blood stream than any other Americans. This comes from our furniture, which was mandated by state law 30 years ago to be able to withstand an open flame for 12 seconds. The downside of all that fire retardant is that it’s been found to cause thyroid hormone disruption in animals as well as interfere with reproductive and nervous systems. You know what else interferes with reproductive and nervous systems? Being on fire. Trust me, I tried. Not a turn-on. And just as hazardous to one’s health, fire-wise, is local TV stations demanding their reporters get closer and closer to the flames, so they can give us such useful information as “It’s really windy” and “Tell my kids I love them.” Apparently, local news market research indicates that viewers want more celebrity news and human sacrifice. Tuesday, October 14 Federal biologist Heather Wylie is threatened with a 30-day suspension from her job as a project manager with the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. Wylie’s offense is a July kayaking trip down the Los Angeles River. Now, Wylie is not threatened with suspension because she put herself at risk for attack from rogue shopping carts. It’s because the Corps of Engineers and EPA have attempted to say that large amounts of the L.A. River are not navigable and therefore not subject to the regulations of the Clean Water Act. Wylie kayaked more than 20 of the river’s 51 miles – and did it, by the way, on her day off. Wednesday, October 15 The Dodgers meekly exit the National League Championship Series, losing 5-1 to the Philadelphia Phillies, to drop the series 4-1. While the Phillies douse themselves in champagne and beer, the Dodger clubhouse is all about Manny Ramirez, who is now a free agent. When reporters ask if he doesn’t feel loyalty to the Blue, he smiles broadly and makes clear he will sign with the “highest bidder,” going on to utter the already classic line “Gas is up and so am I.” Look, when it comes to loyalty, it should all be flowing from the Dodgers to Manny. The Boston Red Sox picked up the majority of Manny’s salary the last few months. Ramirez not only got the Dodgers to the playoffs, but made them once again relevant. It was just 25 years ago the team was the unquestioned No. 1 sports franchise in town. But they’ve since been passed by the

Send letters to or do it up old school: Letters to the Editor, LA CITYBEAT, 5209 Wilshire Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90036.


Lakers and, I would argue, USC football, which has become the area’s de facto NFL franchise. It’s not that the Dodgers should sign Manny: They must. Thursday, October 16 The October newsletter of the Chaffey Community Republican Women, a Republican women’s group based in Upland, comes out and features an illustration of Barack Obama’s head affixed to a donkey on money that reads “United States Food Stamps.” Oh, yeah, in and about that image are images of watermelon, ribs, and fried chicken. The author of the newsletter, a charming piece of trash named Diane Fedele, says she is shocked, SHOCKED!, that anyone would consider the image racist and if we do, that’s our problem. “If I was a racist, I would have looked at it through racist eyes,” she said, I’m assuming, as she fanned herself upon the porch of her plantation where her family grows meth. “I am not a racist, which is why it probably didn’t register.” That and you’re a fucking idiot, hateful to the core. One of Fedele’s friends defended the image, saying, “Everyone eats those foods, it’s not a racial thing.” This just goes to prove that the issue is not why black people riot, but how they keep themselves from being in a constant state of civil unrest. One of the group’s members, an African-American woman named Acquanetta Warren, expressed outrage at the image and said, “I want a written apology.” Whether she gets it remains to be seen, still ... Acquanetta! Friday, October 17 News and sports-talk reports have made it clear that the Dodgers don’t mind paying Manny Ramirez, they are simply balking at doing it for the length of the five-year contract that Manny desires. Look, while hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports, those blessed with the skill don’t seem to forget how to do it. Consider that at the end of a five-year deal, Ramirez would be 41. Stan Musial hit .330 when he was 41; Ted Williams hit .316 at the same age. Ramirez, along with Albert Pujols and Alex Rodriguez, is the greatest righthanded hitter of his generation. Pay the man(ny). Saturday, October 18 Trim. Sunday, October 19 Mr. Blackwell dies at Cedars-Sinai at the age of 86. The fashion icon was, of course, famous for his annual Worst Dressed list, which featured bitchy summations of celebrities when that act was fresh. He described Ann-Margret as a “Hells Angel escapee who invaded the Ziegfield Follies on a rainy night,” and said that a plump Elizabeth Taylor’s revealing clothes reminded him of the “rebirth of the zeppelin.” Now, that’s good bitch! Blackwell’s arrows helped usher in the present celebrity-obsessed era currently sucking our souls and ruining our democracy. So, thanks for that. Still, I must admit, I loved Blackwell. Growing up in the ’60s, he was the first strong, clearly gay person I had ever encountered. Well, him and Bugs Bunny. And Gov. George Wallace.✶

WEEKETTE! Monday Free Levi Johnston The brave high school dropout who impregnated Sarah Palin’s daughter talked with an AP reporter, in his driveway. He spoke in complete sentences, unlike his future mother-in-law! Here is what he said about attending the Republican National Convention: “At first, I was nervous. Then I was like, ‘Whatever.’” Levi Johnston is the wisest, most silver-tongued sage in the extended Palin family. –Sara K. Smith Mark Foley’s Replacement Was Doing NonWife Person THIRTEEN DAYS, people, THIRTEEN DAYS it took this year to hear about some sweet Cocktober 2008 action. People just aren’t having as much inappropriate scandal sex this year, who knows why, maybe because of the Surge. But. Now we have Democratic Congressman Tim Mahoney of Florida, famous for ousting perhaps the greatest Cocktoberist of all, gay child-fucker Mark Foley, in 2006. Mahoney defeated Mark Foley with a brilliant platform of being a living human who was not Mark Foley. But now Mahoney will lose that seat back to the Republicans, because he’s been fucking some “thing” and paying it hush-up money. Mahoney hired to his Congressional staff this creature, a Patricia Allen. “Patricia.” How clever. Let’s go with “Pat” instead. So Mahoney hired Pat and for years they would give each other blowjobs and Cleveland Steamers in secret. It was a good time for all and the economy was faring well. Pat later cut off the affair after hearing that Mahoney was fucking other creatures in Washington, such as giraffes and tortoises and lobsters and kangaroos. Any reasonable person would be furious to hear that the man you’re sleeping with could very well have Lobster AIDS, Marsupial Gonorrhea or “Tort-Warts.” (Somewhere in all this mess Mahoney had a standard wife/kids/dog thing going on, but who doesn’t these days, what with the Internet et al &c.) Then Mahoney fired Pat’s ass. Then Pat sued him and received $121,000 and a job in a settlement. With this sterling news, the Republican party will win a total of one (1) race against incumbent Democrats in the totality of 2008 federal government elections. They will lose it again in 2010, however, when Mahoney’s replacement is caught in a bondage-themed threesome, at T.G.I. Friday’s, with Charlie Crist and his new “wife,” who is Pat. –Jim Newell Tuesday Former Upstate NY Politician Arrested in Seedy Motel Kiddie Porn Sting Three cheers, for Cocktober is in full swing! Some tragic former upstate New York assemblyman and current parole board member was busted for allegedly arranging a date with what he thought would be an underage person but turned out to be the State Police. Hmm! Our fake fantasy victim has no gender here in this write-up. Thus, the world has yet to find out whether Republican Chris Ortloff expected to meet up with a little boy or a little girl in his sad motel room crammed with child porn and “sex paraphernalia.” Maybe neither! Maybe he was just maxin’ and relaxin’ in this random hotel room and had no idea what was going on until the cops busted in and he realized that what he thought was a novel can opener was in fact some underaged sex device. Anyhoo, given that Ortloff was “always the tough-on-crime guy in the Assembly who wanted to increase the criminal penalties for all kinds of sex crimes” and also a Republican, we can certainly draw the logical conclusion about his tastes. –SKS Joe Biden Had Botox! There is something very charming about how cheaply and how obviously Joe Biden indulges his personal vanities. Surely he knows plastic


WEEKETTE! surgeons and Hair Club type people who could do this stuff quietly and, you know, correctly, but down home Joe from Scranton takes the train home every day! So instead he says, “Oh noes I am losing my hair! I’ll just take these other hairs an’ plug ’em into my head, in rows, and nobody will know the difference! Here, gimme that glue gun!” and also more recently, “Holy cow my forehead’s a-wrinklin’! Squirt a big heap of that paralytic virus in there and we’ll show America what a real monster looks like!” Now nobody can vote for Barack Obama or Joe Biden, because the Washington Post says Joe Biden is a Botox addict. –SKS Wednesday Tragic Details of Republican’s Ruined Plans for Sex with Imaginary Children Yesterday all we knew about this fellow Chris Ortloff was that he had been arrested in a hotel room with some manner of sex devices on his person and an alleged intention to do dirty things to a minor or minors. Now we learn the nature of the devices (garden variety, alas) and the intended victims (fake 11- and 12-year-old sisters). Chris Ortloff, 61, was arrested in an Albanyarea hotel late Monday by federal officials who found condoms, lubricant, vibrators and a camera in his room. The former 20-year Assembly Republican thought he was going to be meeting a 12-yearold girl and her 11-year-old sister who were to be dropped off by a parent, Assistant U.S. Attorney Thomas Spina said. Instead, the knock on the hotel door came from agents with the New York State Police Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. A source said Ortloff opened the hotel room door naked. Naked, dude? That is what the peep hole in the door is for, to see whether the person knocking is four feet ten in one sock or six feet two in a police uniform. Oh also he has been “temporarily relieved” of his $102,000-a-year duties on the parole board. –SKS The Last Freakin’ Debate, Part I Is this really it? The end of the debates, for this presidential race? It seems like only two years ago that these awful debates began — because that’s how long they’ve been going on, for two years. And now, it comes down to Two Men. One is an increasingly terrifying old lunatic who is probably going to hit the moderator tonight, and blame it on Bill Ayers. The other is … well, we don’t really know anything about him, if he is a “him.” We don’t even know his name, if he has a name. There is literally no way anyone could possibly know anything about this “That One” character, except he is leading by about 107 points tonight, so obviously no matter what he does, we will all nod our heads with dignity and say that he lost. Wait, what? 9:00 PM — Oh, hey, it’s that nice old Bob Schieffer fellow. 9:00 PM — “Grumpy old man in slippers.” — Joe Biden, describing Walnuts today. 9:02 PM — A warm greeting between the candidates, if by “warm,” you mean McCain gritted his dentures and faked a smile while shaking Obama’s hand. 9:03 PM — The economies are bad, oh noes! 9:07 PM — We’ve switched to CNN so we can watch the squiggly meter which shows what the undecided bitters think of this. Ladies Love Cool Barry, as usual, but the men are close, and they are super positive. 9:07 PM — “Would you like to ask Senator Obama a question?” McCAIN: “No.” 9:10 PM — The squigglies stay low until Obama says “95% of you out there will get a tax cut.” Ding ding ding the nice man will give you moneys! 9:10 PM — Then Obama corrects the Joe the Plumber story, and the squigglies go up up up, even though it is confusing, to this editor, who is trying to type, after all. 9:11 PM — Add “Joe the Plumber” to the drinking game! That’s what, 15 drinks? Be careful out there. 9:13 PM — McCain doesn’t seem to realize that “spread the wealth around” doesn’t actually sound so bad to, you know, 95% of people. How would he know this? 9:25 PM — Bob: “Are you willing to say the shit your campaign says, but to each other’s face?” 9:25 PM — McCain: “It’s Obama’s fault for not having 10 town hall meetings with me.” John Lewis! Segregation! George Wallace! “That to me was so hurtful.” 9:28 PM — Barry will not go for the kill, because


oasis of the quack By Ken layne


ust a few miles south of Interstate 15 and its spastic weekend traffic of creeping truckers and cretin Vegas tourists, there is an oasis out of some cheap Saharan dream. It sits at the end of a gravelly road that wraps along the glossy brown volcanic rock piles to the west, as the desert gives way to saltbush and actual wet marshland, thick with cattails and tall green reeds, busy with dragonflies and hidden water birds. This is Soda Springs, where mineral waters are forced from the Earth at the western edge of a vast dry lakebed circled by the jagged mountain ranges that run across Mojave National Preserve. Out of this wild panorama rise neat rows of palm trees – monster California and Mexican fan palms, six decades of dead fronds reaching to the ground. The palms lead to a small village from another time. The lonely boulevard is divided by a wide median stocked with more trees, an old nesting box for owls or bats, and park benches facing the small lake ringed by willows. The coots have the run of the pond, a half-dozen of the goofy white-billed black creatures gliding across the water. On a steamy still day as the season’s last monsoon thunderstorms cook up over the eastern mountains, I walk down the empty street in the 104-degree heat, stopping in the shade of huge smoke trees. The town, abandoned on this Saturday, consists of a handful of white plaster buildings along the grandly named Boulevard of Dreams – rows of dorm-style guest rooms are across the way, with small shared patios between them. The grandest building, also closed up, has an outdoor dining room with the whole Eastern Mojave for a backdrop, a crescent of those giant Mexican palm trees framing the scene. This is, ultimately, the reward for living in this desert with its foreclosed exurbs and off-road motorcycle morons and campaign yard signs warning against gay marriage when neither marriage nor gays seems to exist in these strip-mall trailer-park pawn-shop wastelands: The most stunning parts of the Mojave, the ones that still remain, are always empty of people. I walk back along the water and kneel down for a look. Just below the pond’s surface, handsome little fish dart around – Mohave tui chub, the last pure specimens, accidentally saved from extinction or cross-breeding by a curious character who introduced the


rare critters from a nearby spring, their last natural existing refuge, when he built his little acre-and-a-half lake. For 30 years, from 1944 to 1974, the self-appointed doctor and preacher lived out here, presiding over his arid empire of health potions and faith. He was “The Reverend” Curtis Springer, “Doc Springer” to his friends, and anybody who mailed an envelope of cash to the world-famous Zzyzx Mineral Springs was indeed his friend. To build his Moroccan-inspired oasis, Springer bused in Los Angeles winos from skid row – they got food and a bunk for their troubles, but most headed back to Fifth Street once they figured out booze wasn’t part of the menu. When his hotel and cross-shaped soaking pool and radio studio were completed, Springer broadcast his invitation to anyone with the means to travel out to Soda Springs and take his many cures. Generous donations were expected. To those who couldn’t afford a visit to his enchanting resort on the desert but listened to his sermons carried by more than 300 radio stations, he offered mail-order cures both commonsensical and absurd – it’s hard to argue with carrot juice and mineral baths, but his “Mo-Hair” baldness cure consisted of rubbing Soda Lake salts on the scalp while hanging your head upside down and holding your breath.


The quack complaints eventually made their way to the Law, in the late 1960s, after Springer had plied his weird trade for a quarter century. In 1969, while another Mojave mystic prepared to bring his Family back from Death Valley to Hollywood, Doc Springer went on trial for selling bogus medicine. He served 49 days but his troubles weren’t over. The Feds went after him for squatting on Bureau of Land Management property – he had nothing but a mining claim on the 12,000 acres, and he was selling Zzyzx Springs residential lots to his loyalists. But why Zzyzx? It was the last word in the English language, Springer claimed, so it was the last word in health. Go to the Kelso Deport museum in the Mojave National Preserve and you can hear recordings of Springer’s smooth bullshitter’s voice. Doc Springer was forced off his creation in 1974, and died in Las Vegas a dozen years later. He was an old-time crook who never really hurt anybody and provided some adventure for bored, gullible Americans during our longgone Era of Prosperity. Today, Zzyzx is the Desert Studies Center, part of Cal State Fullerton and home to UC Riverside’s occasional extended education outings for the peculiar few who want to spend a weekend learning about rocks and bugs. There are no services for the traveler and no reason to exit the interstate.✶

WEEKETTE! he doesn’t have to. But, “100% of your ads, John, have been negative.” 9:31 PM —Obama says John Lewis was troubled because Palin’s supporters were yelling “terrorist” and “Kill Him!” at Obama’s name. 9:33 PM — McCain: “I’m proud of the people who come to my rallies.” They are patriotic! When they say “Kill him!” And … stunned silence. 9:36 PM — Oh shit, now it is all here, ACORN, “washed up terrorist,” “destroying the fabric of democracy,” “all of these things need to be examined.” 9:37 PM — Obama: “ACORN … paying bums to register votes, people just filled in names to get paid. I represented them alongside the U.S. JUSTICE DEPARTMENT. The reason it’s important to get the facts out, I associate with Warren Buffett, and Paul Volcker, and Joe Biden, and Dick Lugar (GOP!), and NATO, the supreme commanders. 9:39 PM — And the squigglies tank. And finally, Obama laughs at McCain. –Ken Layne

The Last Debate in the History of Mankind, Part II How drunk are you people yet? Joe the Plumber is going to be elected President of America, because he has suffered so greatly for all of us, and gotten all of us drunk by being mentioned fourteen billion times by each presidential candidate so far. Bob Schieffer is being a hardass, oh boy! He even asked about Barack Obama’s terrorist pals, and John McCain said he wouldn’t have had to be so mean to Obama if he’d gone to McCain’s abandoned Bingo halls in Metairie. 9:39 PM — Hey speaking of associations, what about that Charles Keating guy that Grampy used to “pal around with”? 9:40 PM — Obama, tell us why Joe Biden is better than Sarah Palin. Without being sexist. 9:41 PM — “The Violence Against Wimmins Act.” Women’s? Blah blah blah, boring boilerplate recapitulation. 9:42 PM —Broads hate this Sarah Palin character, good LORD. “She understands that autism is on the rise.” Yes, that is a very important quality for a vice president to possess. 9:51 PM — South Korea needs more crappy American cars. 9:51 PM — McCain does a close reading of Obama’s response with a canned bit about how he’s eloquent but he lies with his words. Barack Obama has never traveled south of our border, whereas John McCain is secretly Panamanian and had sex with some hot Brazilian model back in the 1930s! 9:56 PM — Here we go, the health care question they have all been so eager to answer. Obama doesn’t really answer the “cut costs or expand coverage?” question, but offers up some anecdote about ladies in Toledo who appeared to be in their 50s. Actually, they were in their late 20s, but they have spent their lives in Toledo. (Cue angry e-mails from Toledo readers.) –SKS Here’s Your Last Debate, Ever, Part III Well hey people, this is the last debate — the number is actually 50, no joke — in this election season. This has been a complete abortion of time. Ours, yours, God’s, ACORN’s. Remember Mike Gravel yelling at Joe Biden and really everyone else in that debate last April, which was 40 years ago? Well, that was actually in this SAME ELECTION CYCLE, and now it’s over forever because of the Economy, here’s a send-off into the hobo space jungle. 10:00 PM — McCain’s health plan: make less fatties. 10:01 PM — HAHAHAHHA here comes Joe the Cummer again, John McCain wants to help Joe the Cummer have more employees, for cumming. 10:01 PM — Oh wow, Barack Obama says Joe the Cummer will have to pay ZERO in penalties if he doesn’t offer his employees health care. McCain stares at him like, “ZERO DOLLARS, HENNGHHHH?” And Obama says yes, because my plan excludes penalties on small businesses, such as professional cumming. 10:03 PM — McCain: “Hey Joe, you’re rich, HENNGHH, congrats, now Black Beauty over here wants to, uh, spread your wealth around, HENNGHH?” Has John McCain ever heard of a progressive tax system, which is what we have and what everyone has? Maybe everyone should pay zero taxes! Then we can just, uh, save America that way, with the no tax thing. HENNGHHHH? 10:09 PM — John McCain would hire LITERALLY FUCKING ANYONE to the Supreme Court, no Litmus Tests for liberals, but he wouldn’t, uh … maybe … eh … well it’s a tough question … carry

the zero … he would half-nominate someone who may have supported Roe v. Wade ever or never. 10:13 PM — Obama voted present for killing babies and such, why would he do that? 10:14 PM — Obama: When I voted present that was really a SECRET MAGICAL UNICORN VOTE for actual global peace and happiness, so fuck you Senator McCain. 10:15 PM — McCain: When the black talks about provisions for “saving the mother’s life” for opposing abortion bans, he doesn’t understand that all women are dumb sluts. 10:18 PM — Last question is about education. Obama talks about his thing to give college kids money if they put Country First. Screw college. More people have college degrees now than ever, and look how that’s worked out. Our biggest achievement in the last 10 years has been credit default swaps. 10:20 PM — McCain wants to BUS THE BLACKS into white neighborhoods with their fancy gay vouchers! Now who does that help? Hitler. It helps Adolf Hitler. 10:24 PM — McCain explains how vouchers helped the Washington, D.C., school system. You remember that, and how it fucking was worthless saved America, don’t you Senator Obama? 10:25 PM — Obama says no vouchers bitch. 10:27 PM — Important Closing Statements. 10:31 PM — Bob Schieffer tells everyone that his mom is making him vote. –JN

DECK THE HALL Festive Music for the Holidays at



A Chanticleer Christmas


Thursday He’s Joe the Plumber and He Hates Taxe$$$ So Joe the Plumber is on the teevee this morning with, uh, who is that, Diane Sawyer. Good Morning America. It turns out that Joe does not make $250,000 a year, or anywhere close to that, but he really does hate the idea of a progressive tax system! Do you think he knows that it EXISTS ALREADY? He wouldn’t like that Socialism none too much, mmhmm. Guy just really hates the money taxes, and that’s why he never pays them. –JN GOP Gals Make Hilarious Obama Welfare Coupons The Republican “base” can’t decide if Barack Obama is a fancy educated Harvard elitist or a scary foreign Hawaiian Muslin from the Jungle or just a common fried-chicken & watermelon colored, on welfare. If only they could somehow find out “the truth” about this terrorist who will soon be their American president. Meanwhile, a racist Republican gal in the “Inland Empire” — the poor white trash part of exurban L.A. — sent out her little newsletter to the local GOP ladies, and she illustrated it with this hilarious thing that shows how Barack Obama will be featured on the new food stamps for black people, redeemable for Kentucky Fried Chicken, watermelon, ribs and, uh, Kool-Aid. So funny! The Riverside Press Enterprise reports: She said she doesn’t think in racist terms, pointing out she once supported Republican Alan Keyes, an African-American who previously ran for president. “I didn’t see it the way that it’s being taken. I never connected,” she said. “It was just food to me. It didn’t mean anything else.” She said she also wasn’t trying to make a statement linking Obama and food stamps, although her introductory text to the illustration connects the two: “Obama talks about all those presidents that got their names on bills. If elected, what bill would he be on????? Food Stamps, what else!” What a country! –KL

Holiday Organ Spectacular



David Higgs, organ Lisa Vroman, soprano


’Twas the Week Before Christmas Los Angeles Philharmonic Sarah Hicks, conductor Members of Westside Ballet, special guests David Prather, host Sun DEC






20 & 21 � Up to half off for children 12 & under

Holiday Sing-Along David Prather, host Angeles Chorale

11:30am & 2:30pm

The Count Basie Orchestra A Swingin’ Christmas


22 8pm



Soweto Gospel Choir


Friday Sexpot Congressman Admits Affair, and Another Affair, and Probably Like 900 Million Other Affairs Too Democratic Rep. Tim Mahoney, the freshman Congressman who took over gay pedophile Mark Foley’s Florida seat in 2006, has confessed that he boned that person Pat, and that he boned another Florida trailer trash county administrator, and that he has boned “multiple” other non-wife gals since forever. When asked HOW MANY EXACTLY, his frightening response was, “You’re asking me over a lifetime?” Yeah, c’mon people, he’s not a freaking abacus, he’s not a math numbers … scientist … expert … guy. The hell kind of a question is that? –JN

New Year’s Eve with Pink Martini Jimmy Scott, special guest


31 7pm & 10:30pm

Hurry! Just like the holidays, these tickets won’t last.

Wonkette’s Weekette is brought to you by some people, whatever, who are probably about ready for a vacation.

OCTOBER 23-29, 2008 9 LACITYBEAT • 323.850.2000 Box Office (Tue-Sun, 12-6pm) • Groups (10+) 323.850.2050 Age appropriateness varies by concert. Please call with questions. Programs, artists, prices and dates subject to change. Tickets start at $24.

with the By nathaniel page


“Terrorist gang members and violent criminals now troll the streets of America preying on the weak.” –Chris Simcox –Minuteman Civil Defense Corps Newsletter, August 1, 2008

I Am a Minuteman amp Vigilance lies in an oak grove behind the Outdoor World RV Park, two-and-a-half miles from Mexico. A huge American flag hangs from a utility pole at the entrance, illuminated by spotlights. Around its eight acres are parked a number of travel trailers. When I arrive, Joe is standing in the door of the main building, an adobe stagecoach station dating from 1856. He’s a stocky man in his mid-60s with a white mustache and thin white hair styled in a buzz cut. “I can tell you are one of our ilk,” he says in his Long Island accent. I am: I am a Minuteman. Reporting for duty during the California Minutemen’s October muster, I encounter a miniscule army of geriatric Republicans lacking political support who are disorganized, hamstrung by petty regulations, ineffective, and sedentary. Besides the Mexican menace, its members battle bad hearts, bad knees, broken radios, and sleepiness. Joe gives me a tour of the premises. The Minutemen have overhauled the property, refurbishing the station house and adding a granite-boulder fountain. Beside the station is a trailer under a looming HAM radio antenna, its windows blacked out with plywood and bars. This is the “comm. center.” Manning the facility is Ken, a mild-mannered man wearing Court Classic tennis shoes and a belt with a marlin-fishing theme. He constantly smokes Misty 120 menthols. Inside the comm. center are stacks of radios, a vault full of night-vision scopes, a parabolic microphone, and a $17,000 thermal camera. A poster on the wall says: “Calling an Illegal Alien an ‘Undocumented Immigrant’ is Like Calling a Drug Dealer an ‘Unlicensed Pharmacist.’” On a table is the Minuteman paraphernalia boutique. Kevlar vests are on sale. An Obama ’08 shirt with Styrofoam pellets stuffed into it hangs upside down outside, a sort of punching bag. Since border security has tightened in metropolitan San Diego, Mexicans have sought to cross in these rural east-county idylls. Immigrants sometimes walk right through Camp Vigilance, Joe says. One appeared at the gate, asking for a taxi. The whole area is crawling with them. Minutemen have found groups as large as 60 squatting in empty houses nearby. They’ve set up personnel detectors around Camp. If anything moves near one of the detectors, it relays a signal to the comm. center and a box there plays a digital Mozart jingle. I help set up one of the personnel detectors under an oak bough outside of Camp. I radio back for a test run, and the unit performs perfectly. The Minutemen are impressed with my work.   A Clown, a Marine, Three Europeans, an Old Fart (With Attitude), Two Dames, and a Manicured Poodle ny concerned citizen of the Republic age 18 or older can join the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps on its website. Registration costs $50, but the fee is waived for those who have a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Volunteers undergo a short phone interview and then receive a Field ID card in the mail. On the card, a Samuel Adams figure holds a mobile phone and binoculars before a billowing American flag. Volunteers also receive a litany of newsletters highlighting the antics of immigrant sympathizers nationwide, from small-town council members to the president. In all, 20 Minutemen report to Camp Vigilance the first weekend of the muster, which runs through October. Most of them stay for a day or two. They include Locke, who drives a van plastered in advertisements for his birthday party act, Buffalo Bill and Magic Santa Claus (“Charms Children, Amazes Adults, Entertains Everyone!”). He wears camouflage fatigues, two loaded nine-millimeter pistols, and a pair of Ugg boots. There’s a young redneck in a jacked-up Tahoe with a radio antenna towering from the roof and a giant “NoBama” sign in the rear window. There’s a mysterious young man with jungle boots and a high-and-tight haircut. He stops by for five minutes, mentions that he’s been here a few times, that he’s off to shoot his .45, and that Al Gore is a fraud. There’s Bob, a former Marine Corps captain from Brooklyn, now a venture capitalist in Orange County. There’s Tru, a friendly, nondescript man who always wears a hat. There’s Dick, a local rancher and member of the Mountain Minutemen who drops by in his truck with a bumper sticker that says “Warning: Old Fart with Serious Attitude.” There are three European immigrants: Steve, the English Minuteman; Clautz, a middle-aged German with his German shepherd; and Dmitri, the owner of the RV Park. There’s Eric, a spry and sharp 83-year-old veteran infantryman and World War II POW. He usually sucks on a pipe and dozes beside his dog, Pepper. Also, Penny and Louise arrive from Solana Beach with a poodle, Toibe. They drive a bronze Infiniti FX35 with vanity plates. The women are caked in cosmetics. The poodle is manicured. ➤  




Two Flashlights in Mexico


riday evening we head to the border at the Campo Indian Reservation, where Minutemen often troll for illegals. The Minutemen suspect that many Indians make their living assisting human traffickers. I check out a radio and a night-vision scope from the comm. center. In his Jeep Wrangler, Rick and I lead a convoy of Joe, Tru, Penny, Louise, and Toibe. Our call sign is 36-B, posted on the door with magnetic letters. “Thirty-six alpha?” Joe says over the radio. “You’re thirty-six alpha,” Rick says. “We’re thirty-six beta.” “Donde esta el camion?” the radio squawks suddenly. Rick frowns and reduces the volume. A tow truck company in Tecate shares the Minuteman frequency. “They don’t respect the FCC down there,” he grumbles. On the way, Rick gives me the rundown on the MCDC standard operating procedure. We are not to communicate with the immigrants. We are not to engage in illegal activities. We are not to become intoxicated. Some of these provisions have caused Minutemen to break away and form their own groups. In all, the movement has splintered into three to four hundred groups. A group is sometimes as small as three or four people. They sometimes have difficulty getting along. The ban on rifles is one sticky issue, the reason that the Mountain Minutemen broke away. They started carrying assault rifles, wearing war paint and standing on the roofs of their pickup trucks, pointing their guns across the fence into Mexico. “That’s the kind of thing makes it easy for the Southern Poverty Law Center and the ACLU to say that the Minutemen are a bunch of right-wing loons,” Rick says. We’re driving along state Route 94, California’s southernmost east-west highway, a quarter-mile north of the border. The highway crosses dry and rugged land, full of craggy peaks and ravines. Dotting the canyons are mobile homes, horse corrals, and heaps of miscellaneous, rusting equipment. During the week, Rick is a highvolume air conditioner installer in Norco. Otherwise, he’s the leader of the California branch of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps. “We only carry pistols, because pistols are defensive weapons,” Rick says. “Rifles are offensive weapons. You can reach out and touch someone with a rifle.” The convoy pulls off the road so that everyone can retrieve his pistol, since it is illegal to drive on the highway with a gun out. Rick carries a .357 magnum revolver by Taurus, a Latin American arms manufacturer of fascist ancestry. Only one California Minuteman ever had to draw his weapon, and that was for a knife-wielding Mexican who subsequently

slunk away. Rick suspects that he was carrying “product.” Those are the dangerous ones, the drug runners. Coyotes will abandon their charges at the drop of a hat, but drug runners will do anything to protect their product, because they face summary execution if they lose it. “Dang, I forgot my rounds,” Rick says. “Oh well, this might deter someone anyway.” He puts the unloaded cannon in his holster and we drive off. The Jeep lurches along a desert track, the sun long gone, while I gaze at the landscape through the night-vision scope. We reach the border and follow the fence westward. Made of military landingstrip panels, the fence looks incapable of stopping a pygmy. It ends wherever it encounters the slightest challenging terrain. Running alongside the fence is a dirt road that Border Patrol agents sweep by dragging strings of old tires behind their trucks. Then they creep along the swept path, looking for footprints. The Mexicans have countered with brooms. We drive parallel to the border a mile and park beside what Joe calls the “tank trap.” At the bottom of a wash, the fence gives way to a jumble of projecting railroad tracks shaped like steel hedgehogs. We get out in the dark. I raise the night scope to my eye and immediately spot someone dashing through the tank trap – into Mexico. “Where?” Rick says. His radio squawks. Penny slams a door. “Oh, my God,” Louise says. “Next thing you know, they’re going to sneak around behind us and kill us!” She has a tic, like someone with muscular dystrophy. “Probably a runner,” Rick says. “Probably ditched his product somewhere in here, and he’s goin’ back.” I can hear voices in the surrounding scrub, but the others are oblivious. After a few minutes we fire up the convoy again to drive a few hundred yards further along the border, to the top of a hill, blowing our cover. We park by the fence and sit in the car. The moon sinks under the horizon. It becomes so dark that the night scope is useless. Then the battery dies. Hours pass. Each hour, Ken at the comm. center comes across the radio to check in loudly, blowing our cover. Rick leans against the Jeep and looks at an embankment across the road. We talk about fishing. Suddenly, Penny comes on the radio. “Thirty-six beta, this is thirty-six delta,” she says. We’re standing 20 feet behind Penny’s car. “Thirty-six delta, go ahead,” Rick says into the radio. Then, “Dang, the battery’s almost dead.” “I see two flashlights in Mexico,” Penny says. I sneak to the top of the embankment to get a better view. There are two lights a quarter-mile off on a hillside near the fence. Rick calls the comm. center. “Base, this is thirty-six beta,” he says. “We’ve just spotted two flashlights in Mexico.”

“Thirty-six alpha,” Joe says over the radio, “we don’t see the lights.” “You’re thirty-six alpha,” Rick says, “we’re thirty-six beta.” “Thirty-six beta, this is base,” comes the reply, “repeat your transmission. We’re having trouble hearing you.” Rick repeats the message, but the transmission fails again, so he relays it to Joe, who relay it to base. “Thank you, thirty-six beta,” base replies in a blast of static, “we’ve contacted the Border Patrol. Two flashlights in Mexico.” Meanwhile, the lights have gone out. “Trouble is,” Rick says, “they can’t do anything about the illegals until they’ve already crossed the border. Most of the Border Patrol agents we encounter are Latino, because the agency prefers to hire candidates fluent in Spanish. Joe is convinced that they’re in an old boys network with their cousins, who are coyotes and drug runners, and that they live in mansions with pools and fancy cars. He’s relieved, though, that the agency has started hiring some nice kids from Michigan. An hour later, an agent in a Jeep drives by, and we see him poking around with a spotlight on the far side of the hill. The next day we learn that he apprehended one of approximately six migrants in a group. Five Mexicans survived to pick grapes another day. The five escapees are “probably already in L.A., checked into a condo and on welfare,” Joe says.

Enemy of the State


aturday morning, Carl wears a sweatshirt that says “ACLU: Enemy of the State” with the ‘C’ as a hammer and sickle. A bluetooth device projects from his ear. He, Steve, the young redneck, and a couple others are off to hunt for the corpse of a migrant. His cousin reported him missing two weeks ago, and the Minutemen have been devoting much of their time to finding him. The migrant suffers from diabetes. His cousin is a nice Mexican, and “well-dressed.” Carl jokes that if the migrant isn’t dead, he’s already “checked into the hotel, on food stamps.” Everyone figures that since he’s an illegal, his cousin would never report him found. I spend a half-hour listening to an incoherent redneck talk about his collection of ancient Honda threewheelers. He’s some kind of deep-sea treasure hunter, and he regales me with a story about his boat sinking in San Diego harbor with all his uninsured scuba equipment onboard. I drive around Camp Vigilance on his sputtering three-wheeler. The machine has no finesse. Letting a Few Shells Fly


ick, Penny, Louise, Toibe, and I are standing on a hill overlooking the border, conspicuous, and a Mexican is


looking back at us through binoculars. Penny has me take a photo of her and Louise posing at the border. I struggle with the camera, unable to turn off the photos of her with Mitt Romney at a Republican women’s fundraiser. On the ground around us lie hundreds of submachine gun shells, and I inquire about their origin. “Probably Little Dog, just letting a few fly into the valley for the hell of it,” Rick says. “He’s a good man, though. Doing it for the right reasons.” Little Dog is one of the legendary Mountain Minutemen. Though I never meet him, I hear many tales of his exploits. For four years Little Dog and a few friends squatted at “Patriots Point,” a nearby hill on the border. Once, he emptied his .45 at a Mexican across the international frontier, and then posted a video of it on YouTube. His next video portrayed a mock execution of a migrant. That led to an ATF investigation, and the owner of the land he was camped on kicked him out. So Little Dog went back up to Monterey Bay to catch enough squid to raise two million dollars to buy the whole ranch. Dick and the other Mountain Minutemen have since been attempting to convert a deteriorating Winnebago called “Godzilla” into a mobile command post with which they can roam the border freely, answering the call to arms wherever illegals emerge. The Mexican and his two companions are probably spotters, Rick says, casing the border for a night run. The man looks at us awhile, walks behind a rock, and disappears. Subsequently, nothing happens, and after two hours we return to base. “Discrimination”? Just “Simple Prudence”


e set off Saturday at dusk for another night operation at Campo. Rick forgets the battery for the thermal camera, and Ken is on the radio on the way over, repeatedly requesting that we return for it. Rick never hears him. Heavy mist brings visibility down to 40 feet. “The Enemy is going to be wearing trash-bag ponchos,” Joe says. “That’s going to reduce their heat signatures, so the thermal might be useless anyway.” The implacable fog is perfect cover for a migrant. But it’s so cold that we spend all night in a truck, from which we can hear nothing and see almost nothing. There are various cars driving around Mexico, and Joe is convinced that they are massing for a run on the border, and that they’re carrying “product.” In the truck, Tru and Joe suggest various people I should support. “Have you ever heard of Joe Arpaio, the Sheriff of Maricopa County, in Arizona?” Tru asks. “He decided that his job was to arrest criminals, and illegals are criminals.” But the district attorney refused to prosecute the immigrants,

The Minutemen grumble about the criminal masterminds in New York. The old Republican coalition of rednecks and bankers is hurt. Everyone agrees, though, that illegal immigrants are partially responsible for the nation’s economic woes. “Every one of them that they ship back,” Joe says, “that’s another job for an American!” “Damn right! Send ’em back,” Steve says in the Queen’s English. “I don’t care what country they’re from.” Joe is a Democrat, and the others give him good-natured grief for it. “I heard that if Obama loses the blacks will be rioting in the streets,” Paula says. “Well, all of us Irishmen are going to be mad as hell if McCain loses,” Joe says. There’s banter about the assassination of Barack Obama. “They’ve got to knock him off before he takes office,” Dmitri says, “otherwise, he’ll become the most heavily protected President ever.” Joe launches into a description of George Bush’s conspiracy to seize the country after the elections. The President recently brought part of the Army’s Third Infantry Division stateside and they’re preparing for civil unrest. It’s all part of Prescott Bush’s plan. Along with Henry Ford and a cabal of internationalists, he once tried to launch a coup d’etat on FDR through a disaffected Marine Corps General named Smedley Butler – a hero of the Corps who, once retired, went on to decry and write books about the shame of American gunboat imperialism, though Joe doesn’t mention that. George Bush, he says, will carry out the will of his grandfather. Some of the others suggest that the deployment is part of the “final solution” to the immigrant problem, wherein the military will round up all illegals and put or Sunday breakfast the them in concentration camps. “Wouldn’t Minutemen gather in the that be wonderful,” Paula says. stagecoach station for a rabid The subject of Enrique Morones political discussion. Carl comes up. Morones is the leader of the wears desert-camo pants and a novelty Border Angels, an immigrant-rights McCain-Palin T-shirt. McCain is spelled group. He considers the Minutemen a in tiny letters, Palin in huge letters. hate group, and the Minutemen consider “Best-case scenario,” he says, “McCain him a criminal. “Why doesn’t he set up is elected and dies after Sarah Palin gets a rest house for the immigrants?” Penny two years of experience.” says. “A place where they can come and We eat a breakfast of eggs, bacon, eat a nice meal, and then he can drive hash browns, and Folgers coffee. Several them back to Mexico.” conversations run at once, drifting across “Enrique Morones is a commie freak wide-ranging subjects. bastard,” Dick says over his shoulder as “Ya ever eat goat?” one redneck asks. he walks out. “I heard the Muslims eat a lot of “Uh oh,” Rick says, reaching into the goat,” says another redneck. trash can, “someone is putting garbage in “Well, then, I’m not gonna eat it.” with the recycling.” “They don’t eat pig,” someone else The Minutemen are aghast at news of points out. drug cartel violence in Tijuana. “They “They are pigs,” a female Minuteman used to have 3,000 criminals a day mumbles, scowling, looking at her shoes. crossing over,” Carl says, “It was sort of “Smokin’!” the young redneck like a pressure-release valve. Now, with bellows as the bacon burns. tighter security, the criminals are just A redneck cracks a joke: “We don’t building up down there, and it’s causing eat Mexican babies,” he says, “they don’t all this violence.” have enough meat on ’em.” That’s a build-up of one million The Wall Street bailout is mentioned. ninety-five thousand criminals a year,

because it would tie up the court forever, so Arpaio built them a giant tent-city concentration camp in the desert. “And he makes them wear pink underwear,” Tru says. The Minutemen have forged an alliance with African Americans against the Mexicans in Los Angeles. A recent Minuteman Civil Defense Corps e-mail blast claims: “Mayor Villaraigosa L.A. City Council Members of Racist Mafia Gang.” The article accuses the mayor of targeting the family members of Jamiel Shaw as they gathered signatures in Leimert Park for their proposed Los Angeles ordinance, Jamiel’s Law. Walter Moore wrote the law. It would allow the police to check the immigration status of suspected criminals in order to more easily deport them. A Mexican gangster named Pedro Espinoza has been charged with murdering Jamiel, a high school student, in what the Minutemen say is a common case of Latino-on-black violence. Ted Hayes, the leader of “Choose Black America,” an African American group opposed to illegal immigration, spoke at a Minuteman rally at Camp Vigilance on Independence Day. The Minutemen have also teamed with an anti-immigrant Latino group called “You Don’t Speak for Me.” The Federation for American Immigration Reform funds both groups. “We’ve become obsessed with the concept of discrimination in this country,” Tru says, “when it’s just simple prudence.” The Minutemen advocate deportation of all 12 million illegal immigrants in the United States. “They’ve Got to Knock Him Off”


the equivalent of a city the size of San Diego. Church of the Twelve Kilos ack at Campo, Joe is having trouble fitting his bulletproof vest and holster belt around his wide midsection. We climb a commanding peak under which the fence ends for rugged terrain. The Minutemen call it “Hill 241,” another Vietnam metaphor. A Border Patrol agent is parked on a hill below us, watching our movements. Joe is concerned that they are spying on us via expensive listening equipment, as well. At the summit is a monument to the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, in Spanish and English. Over the monument flies an American flag that the Mountain Minutemen maintain pro bono. Piles of Mexican litter grace the landscape around it. Migrants apparently drink a lot of Tecate on their way over, a testament to their regard for the Border Patrol. “This is how these people live,” Joe says, tossing his hand toward a pile of beer cans. “No regard for who we are!” “I don’t drink Mexican beer,” he continues, “not even to taste it. And when I buy avocados, I make sure they’re grown in California.” With their lax regulations, he says, Mexicans were responsible for the recent salmonella outbreak. Joe points across the border to what he calls “El Ranchito,” a property of about 300 acres that comes up against the fence. On the property are a house, a couple of cars, and some outbuildings. The fields are sprinkled with oak trees and cattle. Joe is suspicious of all human activity on El Ranchito and in the area around it. Its residents are complicit in the Arellano Felix cartel, he says. A message painted on a nearby boulder is a turf marking. Beyond the little ranch, on the far side of Mexico’s Route 2, stands a church. People are gathered there, and though it is Sunday, Joe is convinced that the massing has something to do with a run on the border. “Base, this is seventy-six delta,” he begins. “We’re seventy-six delta,” Rick says over the radio, “You’re seventy-six beta.” “Base, this is seventy-six beta,” he says as he peers at the church through binoculars. “We’ve got a large group of people massing at a church on the far side of the highway. Looks like the Church of Twelve Kilos.” “Let’s keep that kind of language off the radio,” Ken says from base. The Border Patrol monitors Minuteman radio chatter, and it’s possible that other groups do as well. The Minutemen are sensitive about their public image because they’re often portrayed as racists. Bob wanders 40 feet into Mexico. “Be careful,” Joe says, “if they shoot you over there, there’s nothing we can do about it.”



Since there is no activity around Hill 241 that day, Joe spends all day telling me about his plans for a bomb shelter under his house in Irvine, his stockpile of potassium iodine pills, and other stories about his “survivalist hobby.” “The bomb shelter hatch is only yah wide,” he says, gesturing a two-foot gap, “impervious to NATO seven-six-two rounds. I told my wife, ‘The hatch is only yah wide. You won’t fit. I’m going down there with my girlfriend.’” “My wife is going to pay good money for those potassium iodine pills,” he continues, after Pakistan bombs India and the nuclear fallout drifts over on the Gulf Stream. Joe goes on to say he wants to kill his congressman and take his money back, how’d he like to kill his doctor for charging too much, and how he’d like to take George Bush by the collar and wring his neck. He detests George Bush, as do many of the Minutemen. Then Joe describes the coming reconquest of Aztlan. With an oratorical paintbrush he transforms a disenfranchised gaggle of grape pickers into agents of a sophisticated international conspiracy. The Mexican government is behind it all, even encouraging Mexicans to send dollars home. “They’re teaching it in schools,” he says. “We should be able to sit up here with a rifle and just shoot the little fuckers as they come across,” he says. “Do you have any idea how much money they’re costing us? Jesus!” I ask Joe how long he plans to stay. “It all depends on how long my heart pills last,” he says. He estimates that he has two days. We Have the Power here are five Minutemen left at Camp Vigilance by late Sunday. That afternoon, Carl returns from a foray to the border, ecstatic. The feds are finally building a real wall down at Red Rocks. It’s 16 feet high and made of square steel uprights set every six inches and filled with concrete. The uprights are positioned with their corners projecting outward, making them strong enough to withstand a full frontal assault. He shows us the pictures on his camera. B.J. is certain that the migrants will discover some new way to foil this fence, because they are sneaky. “Maybe a ladder,” I say. “Would have to be a pretty tall ladder,” Carl says. Carl has gained access to the construction site by browbeating the security into letting him in, he recounts proudly. “I told them, ‘This is our wall!’” he says. “This just goes to show, we have the power!” The Pew Hispanic Center estimates that 500,000 immigrants enter the United States illegally every year.✶            



PHOTO by roshEIla robles

balanced. This could be a star in a tapas bar, pure Spanish flavors that worked surprisingly well with a glass of spicy Four Sisters Shiraz ($10). That wine went even better with the stewed lamb’s tongue with romanesco cauliflower, garlic, and olives ($12). Properly cooked lamb’s tongue has a mild, meaty flavor and is so tender that it has a texture like a mushroom, and this was perfect. The light brown sauce with nutty cauliflower and gentle onion and olive notes was bliss: hearty Mediterranean flavors to suit a cool fall evening. Starters often outperform entrees, but there was no letdown here. I’m no great fan of mac and cheese, but the truffled version here ($20) made sense as comfort food gone high-style. A simple BLT made with kurobuta pork on focaccia bread ($13) put the focus on the quality ingredients (but some fries on the side would have closed the deal, especially since at this restaurant the fries would be something wonderful and strange instead of potato). The stars of the meal, though, were the pork shoulder braised in avocado leaves ($22) and parmesan and ricotta gnocchi with wild boar ragu ($17). The gnocchi were among the lightest I’ve ever had, a little pillow of potato flour and cheese nestled on a rich tomato and boar sauce. Boar has more flavor than pork, and the meatiness, fruitiness, and herb zest came together splendidly. The star among the entrees, though, was the pork shoulder – the menu lists this item as lamb shank in avocado leaves, but whether this is a temporary or permanent substitution I didn’t think to ask. Either way, the huge portion of fork-tender pork had a delicate anise Wildly creative Wilson is expensive, but worth it flavor imparted by the leaves balanced by a slightly sweet glaze. It might have By Richard Foss been improved by a few vegetables on the side, a little something to mop up here are days when I need a jolt, duck carpaccio with gorgonzola, and fig every bit of that sauce, but we made do with the good country bread and a reboot to my palate. Every once and potato tortellini. focaccia from the bread basket. in a while I get my wish, most Staying was the right thing to do. Dessert was a jasmine cheesecake recently at Wilson. The place is named The selection of olives ($5) was the ($8), dense but delectable with some for chef Michael Wilson, whose dad first item to arrive and the last to be was Dennis of the Beach Boys, and his average in flavor or presentation. Citrus- actual cheese flavor to it, and freshbaked cookies hot from the oven ($6). restaurant is a cheerful, casual wine bar marinated beets over lightly bitter and cafe in a section of Culver City that lettuce with truffle vinaigrette ($6) was I think of cookies as a slightly silly dessert, a gimmick, but these were you can actually watch getting hipper. an amazing combination of sweet and above average, one each of chocolate That coffeehouse with live music – tart, the chunks of red and gold beet chip, peanut butter, oatmeal, and sugar wasn’t it an auto parts store when we each with a distinct note. It’s a delight crisp. At first I hoped for a dollop of parked in front of it? ice cream, but it wasn’t needed – this With trendiness comes sticker shock after the monotony of beet and cheese salads that are L.A. standard – there’s so was simple goodness to finish an artful – at first look the prices seem hefty. much more that can be done, and I’m meal.✶ Seventeen smackers for a vegetarian glad someone’s doing it. spaghetti, 10 for roasted garlic and The white anchovy filets in cups Wilson, 8631 Washington Blvd., Culver sunchoke soup, no wine less than nine of charred red onion ($6) were fresh, City, (310) 287-2093. Tasting menu bucks a glass? Only the seductively available for $60 per person. Open for interesting menu kept us there, a list of tangy fish in a lemon Dijon, the onion lunch Mon.-Fri., dinner Mon.-Sat. Full intriguing flavor combinations like tea- mild but lending texture and warmth, bar, street parking, wheelchair access OK. all bright, sharp flavors but perfectly smoked whitefish with flying fish roe,

Good Vibrations



October 23 and Oil’s Well … There are tastings for many other things than wine, of course, and if you’re reading this on Oct. 23 you really ought to mark your place and then call Breadbar at (310) 205-0124. Noted cookbook author and food scholar Linda Civitello will be hosting an olive oil tasting and five-course dinner that is a steal at $30 per person. Learn the variety of flavors from bitter to sweet, unctuous to light, and enjoy good food and company while you’re at it. Don’t worry, your copy of CityBeat will still be here when you get home … . Deuteranopia ... In case you didn’t look up that word, it means red-green color blindness, an affliction for 6 percent of us. Though the two colors are opposites on the color wheel (remember that from grade school?), red can occasionally be green, as Fleming’s Steakhouse in Woodland Hills will happily demonstrate. On Nov. 14, they’re hosting a dinner and tasting of vintages grown organically and sustainably, red wines in fact that are green metaphorically. We hope the steaks will be from grass-fed cows to minimize the effect on the environment, but at press time we don’t have the menu, so you’ll have to call for details yourself – the number is (818) 346-1005 … . Flip It and Reverse It … There are wines that are actually green in tint, such as the Portuguese vinho verde, some Albarinos, and the famous green Hungarian, and some grape leaves are a lovely shade of red for most of the year. I wonder if any of the green wines are grown organically – if so, you could perhaps a color squared dinner – green greens and red reds. Anyone looking for a unique marketing opportunity may have the idea free of charge – just let me know when it will be held so I can see if it works … . Pardoned … And we don’t mean that significant other who never helps with the dishes, we mean the big birds that would regard the dawning of November with apprehension, were turkeys not so stupid that they almost qualify as plant life. Vegin’ Out has another idea – a complete vegan Thanksgiving meal is available for delivery. Just set the table, turn on the football game, and choose a wine that goes well with seitan and grains in mushroom gravy, yams with cinnamon and nutmeg, and other fall flavors. The Vegin’ Out delivery person won’t stay to do the dishes, so you may have a turkey in your home even if it’s not on the menu. Call (800) 420-4927 before Nov. 21 – they need to know how many seitans to corral … . Xooro Xooro Xooro … Xooro is the name of a new eatery in Santa Monica, and their name is their menu, sort of. They specialize in churros – not the garden variety fresh fried Mexican doughnuts, but a version with fillings like hazelnut, chocolate, coconut, and strawberry. Some are filled within and coated without, as in the churro filled with dulce de leche custard and dipped in chocolate. They call them custom gourmet churros – I call them a reason to stop in at 125 Broadway the next time my sweets craving is in full gear. They’re starting business with a slight disadvantage – they are certain to be among the last listings in the phone book and other directories – but as with any churro street stall, the scent downwind will pull people in no matter what’s on the sign. –Richard Foss We accept tips:


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By Kim Lachance asima slathers a “soothing” cocktail of medical grade acid on my face. It’s so “soothing,” in fact, that my skin burns for two minutes like rubbing alcohol on a fresh cut, then gradually begins flaking like a croissant. The payoff comes a week later, when the itchy peel-fest finally ends, revealing fewer clogged pores and an all-over velvety matte finish. Right. No pain, no gain.* I’m naked except for the requisite spa uniform, plush white robe (Barefoot Dreams Microfiber, $132) see-through jelly clogs and the stark, insecure absence of makeup. It’s too early and too bright on a Saturday morning and my editor, Commie Girl, and I look more like rehab junkies than personally invited guests of the swanky Spa Luce at the Hollywood Renaissance Hotel, just steps away from the Kodak Theatre and the Academy Awards. This is going to be so good. And it is. Within minutes, we’re dopaminedeep in the lavish, seven-room spa-sanctuary at the crux of the hotel’s recent $29 million renovation. “Luce,” which means “light” in Italian, was evidently the guiding principle for its sleek, yet tranquil, modern-minimalist design. Soothing natural sunlight glimmers dimly throughout the spa, radiating from behind smooth slabs of chiseled, whitewashed stone imported from Jerusalem, and from a canopy of hollows carved in the ceiling. Leo, a pigtailed angel and former nurse, treats me to a vigorous full-body “Sports Massage” with a gentle limb-stretching finale (80 minutes, $190). She’s used to preparing Phil Jackson for courtside and WWE “thick necks,” as she calls them, for the SmackDown. Poor Leo. Now she’s stuck with my lazy pudge in her strong, seasoned palms. I feel wasteful when she tells me that this is the best massage for eliminating lactic acid after a hard workout. Does updating my status on Facebook every hour count? Depending on your line of work (and whether or not your “office” is in Chatsworth), it’s most likely your face, not your body that matters close-up. Fortunately Spa Luce has a rejuvenating facial for every skin type and condition, from mild


T-zone breakouts to severe (up to Stage Four) acne. Lucky me. I slip and fall somewhere in the oil slick middle. I’m scheduled for Spa Luce’s anti-gravity facial, but when my aesthetician Basima directs her charcoal-smudged eyes to my connect-the-dots through a Frisbeesized magnifying glass, she ditches Plan A and dials skincare 911. My emergency Rx: the “Deep Detox” treatment for “inflamed, congested and acne-prone skin types” (50 minutes, $125). Commie Girl indulges in the UltraLuxe, which she credits with practically erasing what she calls her “Humphrey Bogart” forehead lines. Here’s looking at you, CG. We were both on the pinching end of Basima’s latex gloves for “heavy extractions,” better known as poking, prodding and popping zits and blackheads. Brave woman. If you can’t afford the works but still crave the perks, call Christina at the 300-yearold walnut tree front desk for a $25 day pass. Minus the massage, facial, and other book-ahead treatments, you’ll have carte blanche to the rest of the spa: a dreamy eucalyptus steam haven; two cushy, candlelit allwhite relaxation lounges stocked with fresh, healthy nibbles and refreshing iced cucumber water; private rain showers complete with aromatherapist to the stars Dr. Sharon Zanadoff ’s frothy, (unofficially) orangesicle-scented shampoo (8 oz., $22), conditioner (8 oz., $22), and body wash (8 oz., $24); and the best part, access to Wolfgang Puck’s glamorous rooftop pool overlooking the Hollywood sign and Griffith Observatory. There, on the fifth floor beneath a cloudless blue sky, Commie Girl and I shared a blackened salmon BLT, a cold steak and avocado salad, and a Chambord toast to another grueling day at work. Then we went to Target.✶ *Ben Franklin said it first, only the other way around, in his self-published Poor Richard’s Almanack. Now you know. Spa Luce at the Hollywood Renaissance Hotel (at the Hollywood & Highland Center), 1755 N. Highland Ave., Hollywood, (323) 491-1376. www.

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Stepping Stone Sudoku Each circled square in this sudoku is the same number of steps away from another circled square with the same digit in it as the digit in those two circled squares. For example, a circled square with a 3 in it will have another circled square with a 3 in it exactly 3 steps away. Conversely, a square that is not circled will not have another occurrence of its digit that many steps away. A step is a move into a horizontally or vertically neighboring square (diagonally doesn’t count). Note that none of the circled squares contains the digit 1, because that would require a second 1 in the same row or column. Also note that the number of steps in a path between two squares is counted as the smallest number of steps required to travel between those two squares. When you’re done, as in a standard Sudoku, each row, column, and 3x3 box will contain the digits 1-9 exactly one time. Don’t be scared, you can do it! Or can you...?

9 8 7 3 2

3 4

6 9 6 4

2 7

6 5

9 3


Find last week’s Psycho Sudoku answers on page 40

JONESIN’ CROSSWORD “You’re Out!”--dropped from the world of sports and games in 2008. by Matt Jones

Ask About our



Across 1 “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” network 4 It may be filled with helium 9 Relaxation destination 12 Water, in Waterloo 13 Qatar’s peninsula 15 More, in Managua 16 Heat up leftovers, perhaps 17 Seattle team that became the Oklahoma City Thunder in 2008 19 Make really happy 21 Actress Mimieux of 1960’s “The Time Machine” 22 Popular Facebook word game removed due to copyright violation 26 Helper: abbr. 27 Forgets to play it cool 28 Early multimillionaire John Jacob 30 “Supermodified” DJ Tobin 31 Acute 32 Ad-Rock’s bandmate 35 Record for an individual athlete at a single Olympic Games that remained unbroken until 2008 40 Extinct flightless bird 41 Fleshy fruit 42 Monogram part: abbr. 43 Richie Rich’s metallic, robotic maid 44 Saudi Arabian city home to

Muhammad’s burial place 46 “The best-___ plans...” 49 Lifeline removed from the latest season of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” 51 Sop up 53 Singer/actress Lena 54 What’s missing (and likely retired) from 2008’s version of Clue 57 “Choke” star Rockwell 60 Lower digit 61 Brought by airplane 62 Sesqui- doubled 63 Mesozoic, for one 64 Sri ___ 65 Condition attributed to Howard Hughes: abbr. Down 1 Candy brand for headhunters? 2 Ovine admission 3 Space explosion 4 Julius Caesar’s undoer 5 Pin site 6 “How can ___ sure?” 7 Orbital station that broke up in 2001 8 Announcement device 9 “NYPD Blue” star Jimmy 10 International agreements 11 Intelligence provider, spy-wise 13 Easy ___ 14 Election Day mo. 18 Warm, so to speak 20 British jazz singer Cleo 22 Muscle twitch 23 Walk-on role

24 It’s found near acorns 25 Like some cars or textbooks 29 Its square root is itself 32 Marx and Engels’ 1848 work, e.g. 33 Black on the country charts 34 “I think I need ___ of execution” (Aerosmith lyric) 36 Home of newsman Robert Siegel 37 Barbiturate, slangily 38 Prefix before “potent” or “present” 39 Slew 43 “Survivor” immunity token 44 Narrow viewpoint, so to speak 45 Ramirez who played Pedro in “Napoleon Dynamite” 46 Drink in a sleeve 47 Absolutely hate 48 “___ little silhouetto...” (“Bohemian Rhapsody” lyric) 50 IBM motto 52 Boxing arbiter 55 1988 Dennis Quaid remake 56 Dominate, in leetspeak 58 Shuttlecock path 59 Central©2008 Jonesin’ Crosswords ( For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0384.

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619.216.8416 | Find last week’s Jonesin’ Crossword answers on page 40



THE advice goddess

adam’s ribbing BY amy alkon I’m a guy in my mid-20s, and I’m feeling socially penalized for only having dated (or even been with) a few women. I find it odd that there’s this pejorative word “slut” for women who sleep around but no similar strong pejorative for men who do. Of course, there is a pejorative for men who don’t: loser. People value a woman who’s choosy or chaste, but if a man doesn’t date much or have much experience, women will often reject his sexuality completely (seeing him only as a friend). Men and other boys will make fun of him for not being able to live up to the playboy/stud lifestyle. What gives? –Can’t Win So few sex partners, so many questions: What would Foucault say? What would Wittgenstein do? Socially penalized! Sexually rejected! Pejorative this,

Week of Oct.23

sleep around and walk away afterward, and still maybe pass on his genes. For a Stone Age girl, going out in the bushes with just any old loincloth-chaser came with a high price – getting knocked up and saddled with a bunch of mouths to feed eons before the invention of the grocery store. Her kids still might survive to pass on her genes, but her best bet was holding out for a guy who’d stick around – the savanna version of the nice suburban dad. Meanwhile, that guy could easily be chumped into bringing home the buffalo for a kid with some other guy’s genes. His only way out of getting evolutionarily screwed was finding a woman in the habit of keeping her hairy legs crossed. While in the last 50 years we’ve come up with paternity testing and reliable birth control, human hard-wiring takes hundreds or thousands of generations to upgrade, so it’s still slut, bad; stud, not so bad.

What does all of this mean for you? Not a whole hell of a lot. If women “reject” your sexuality, maybe it’s because they’ve seen neither hide nor hair of it. Maybe you’re one of those guys who thinks he’ll duck rejection by becoming a woman’s therapist/best eunuch, and listening to her problems with the guy she is sleeping with. The answer, again, is really simple: Ask women out on dates, and make moves on them afterward. If a bunch of women say no, ask a bunch more women, until some woman finally says yes. As for the notion that anyone knows or cares about your sexual stats, either you’ve got way too much information on your business card, or you’d better call the fire department to come over there and break you out of junior high school. (c)2008, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.


ARIES (March 21-April 19):

Our government spends an obscene fortune on its armed forces -- almost as much as do all the other nations of the world combined. In fact, we are by far the most weaponized empire in the history of the world, with 761 military bases in over 100 countries. If our military costs were cut down to a more reasonable size -- say the same as China’s -- we’d have a trillion-dollar bonus to deal with the financial infection that erupted here and sent toxic ripples throughout the world. Keeping that in mind as a metaphor, Aries, make this your hypothesis: By reducing the hostility, combativeness, and judgmental ire that you personally generate, you’ll be far more likely to navigate your way toward prosperity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):

The days leading up to the national election feature a rare opposition between Saturn and Uranus. Since Saturn symbolizes the past and Uranus the future, we might expect there to be a showdown between what has been and what will be, not only on a collective level but also in our personal realms. In what areas of your life do you think that will materialize, Taurus? Identify those hotspots, then get to work coordinating synergistic interactions between the seemingly contrary forces.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20):

Write the number ten followed by eleven zeroes. Our Milky Way Galaxy has that many stars. Write a ten followed by twelve zeroes. That’s the size of America’s national debt in dollars. Now promise me that for the next month, you will avoid absorbing any scary, overwhelming data like the kind I just threw at you. Worrying about the big financial picture would not only be fruitless, it would also distract you from your main tasks, which are as follows: Regard the crisis as an excellent opportunity to shed materialistic obsessions and live more humbly and creatively. Sublimate your buy-ological urges into biological urges. Stretch yourself to get into closer touch with your spiritual core.

CANCER (June 21-July 22):

pejorative that! Excuse me, but are you a man or a gender studies paper? Here, lemme take that one. What you are is a guy who ducks into a forest of polysyllabic sociology mumbo jumbo to escape the simple truth: You’re too big a wussy to ask women out, and too big a wussy to admit it. That said, you’ve got a point: If a guy and girl who’ve just met at the bar go on their first date five minutes later in a stall in the men’s room, the word on the street’ll probably be “That slut!” and “Whatta man!” The double standard has been the standard since before there were bathrooms or bars to build them in. These days, we can put a bathroom stall on the moon, complete with the message “Earth girls are easy!” but psychologically, we’re still hunter-gatherers on the savanna, chasing dinner with a sharpened bone. Back then, an alpha-male could

As the stock markets came crashing down, a different kind of global devastation received scant notice. The World Conservation Congress revealed that 25 percent of the planet’s mammal species and one

out of eight birds are on close to extinction. We’re not just talking about exotic animals in remote hideaways, but rabbits and deer and cardinals and turtledoves. As you meditate on how to reinvent yourself in the wake of the financial chaos, Cancerian, please hold a vigil in your heart for the endangered creatures. The two crises are related, after all. The greed to turn everything into a means of generating money has led humans to both despoil nature and risk the crazy gambles that have savaged the economy. The more you understand that, the better your intuition will be as you make personal decisions affecting your future relationship with money.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):

TV’s The Daily Show did a mock biography of your fellow Leo, Barack Obama, poking fun at the adoration he inspires in millions of people around the world. Every time he speaks, said the narrator, “an angel has an orgasm.” According to my analysis, you now have a scaled-down version of that power. You may not incite the same intensity of pleasure in the heavenly hosts, but you could definitely unleash eruptions of raw enthusiasm in numerous humans. I suggest that like Obama, you channel it in service to a cause beyond your own selfish interests.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

When the planet Uranus comes into play, as it is now, it’s a good time to initiate experiments that will expedite the arrival of future blessings. Pushing beyond comforting habits, you thrive by going in quest of bracing truths, unfashionable beauty, and wild justice. The symbolic nature of Saturn is different. It invites you to creatively limit and discipline yourself so that fate isn’t forced to limit and discipline you in unpleasant ways. It so happens, Virgo, that Uranus and Saturn are now poised in opposition to each other. Will they work at cross-purposes, spawning a sticky mess? Or is there a way for you to get them to work together? More than you imagine, you have the power to affect how they interact in your personal sphere.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

“I cannot tell if the day is ending, or the world, or if the secret of secrets is inside me again.” So wrote Jane Kenyon, translating Russian poet Anna Akhmatova. At this juncture in history, that’s a feeling many of us have. Part of the time we’re on the verge of freaking out, half-expecting some new

calamity to befall the world. Other times we’re awash in wonder and awe, catching glimpses of the miraculous flow that’s hidden just below the surface of everyday chaos; we’re tantalizingly close to understanding that everything is proceeding exactly as it should. In the coming weeks, this excruciating poignancy will peak, especially for you. Regard it as a gift -- as a difficult blessing that has the potential to free you of your illusions.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

What do you do when you’re squeezed between the demands of authority and the healthy need to rebel? How do you respond when the past and future are at odds? What resources do you draw on when the person you have always been starts to evolve into an interesting new form that you don’t recognize? You’ve come to a fork in the road, Scorpio, when you will be asked to deal with these questions on a larger scale than before. My advice? Study your past so thoroughly that you’ll be able to keep it from repeating itself, and open your mind to possibilities you’ve rarely considered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

The world is poised at the threshold of a great choice: Should we stick with what has worked for us, even though it’s not working any more? Or should we experiment with possibilities that may work for us in the future, even though they don’t have a track record? You, Sagittarius, can and should be a leader in this epic adventure. The best way to do that is to summon your dormant courage as you apply the big questions I just posed to the specific circumstances of your personal life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

The planet Saturn symbolizes the preservative and conservative tendencies of evolution. It teaches us to learn from the past and keeps us from rushing into the frontier before we’re ready. Uranus, on the other hand, represents future shocks, both the disturbing and benevolent kinds. It disturbs our sleep in order to wake us up and energizes us to reinvent ourselves on the fly. What happens when these two planets slip into an intimate dynamic, as they are now? Will one of them prevail over the other in a great battle? Or will they coordinate their efforts artfully in a riveting, gorgeous dance? Amazingly enough, the outcome depends in part on you.


By Rob Brezsny

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

No faking allowed, Aquarius. I mean it. You must do no pretending, tell no dirty lies, and never act as if you know things you don’t truly know. Instead, say exactly what you mean; be more real than you have ever dared to be; be nothing more and nothing less than who you actually are. Why is this authenticity crusade so important right now? Because in the coming weeks, you’ll be setting your life’s tone for months to come. You will be planting more seeds than you can imagine.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):

Uranus symbolizes your instinct for freedom, your drive to express your dormant genius, and your attunement with your intuition. Saturn represents structure and responsibility; when it’s prominent, it’s time to get back to basics and cut down on distractions and excesses. So what should you do when these two planets are in exact opposition, as they are now? Here’s one hint: We’re all being squeezed between a mandate to head toward the frontier and the pressure to play it safe. To keep from being paralyzed, some of us may have to choose one way over the other. In my opinion, you Pisceans are likely to profit by choosing the Uranian path.

In addition to the horoscopes you’re reading here, Rob Brezsny offers EXPANDED WEEKLY AUDIO HOROSCOPES and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. To access them online, go to The Expanded Audio Horoscopes are also available by phone at 1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700. Rob’s main website is at Check out his book, Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings “I’ve seen the future of American literature, and its name is Rob Brezsny.” - Tom Robbins, author of Jitterbug Perfume and Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates

LA&E Edited by Ron Garmon

Curried Sculpture: Aaron Curry’s Fantastical shapes at The Hammer (see Wednesday)




Celebrate 50 years of bossa nova with these icons of Brazilian music angelic-voiced Nascimento and the son and grandson of the legendary Antonio Carlos Jobim. Media sponsor: 89.9 KCRW • 323.850.2000 LACITYBEAT 18 OCTOBER 23-29, 2008

Box Office (Tue-Sun, 12-6pm) • Groups (10+) 323.850.2050 Programs, artists, prices and dates subject to change

Thursday 23 Workingman’s Dead Zombies, George Romero observes, are the underclass in the monster hierarchy. The corpseshuffle auteur’s European rivals took a more inclusive, if not Marxist, approach to the problem of the animate defunct. Two examples screen tonight at the Silent Movie Theatre, with the first, The Etruscan Kills Again (1972), being a slow-moving thriller about a cursed tomb starring Samantha Eggar and Alex Cord. The second is Amando de Ossorio’s classic Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971), a skillful and widely banned atrocity that spawned three sequels and a durable cult among shock enthusiasts. 8 p.m. $10. Silent Movie Theatre, 611 N. Fairfax Ave., L.A., (323) 655-2510. (Ron Garmon)

Friday 24 Dirty White Boys? Journey’s improbable re-entry to the industry A-list has predictably opened the gates for one last frenzied bumrush of name-brand arena-rock geezers to glory, if not higher solvency. The synth-ice heroes of Foreigner (even without original lead singer Lou Gramm) deserve another grab at the ring as much as anyone, as well-loved as they are for songs like “Urgent,” “Double Vision,” and “Juke Box Hero,” all of which will doubtless boom from the stage at House of Blues tonight. C’mon, baby, you can do more than dance. 9 p.m. $55. House of Blues, 8430 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, (323) 8485100. (RG)

Saturday 25 There Are 3.7 Million Stories in the Angelic City, You Are One Today at USC, L.A. as Subject, an umbrella group of libraries, collections, and research facilities, presents Archives Alive! The Third Annual L.A. Archives Bazaar. Part of our little-noted near-obsession with finding a usable municipal past, this event brings together researchers, writers, filmmakers, and documenthoarders of every stripe for the Greater Good of helping L.A. explain itself to itself. The added bonus of free admission to all the museums in Exposition Park sweetens the deal irresistibly. 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Free. USC Davidson Conference Center, 3415 S. Figueroa St., L.A., (213) 7405959. (RG)

Sunday 26 Curry Favor During World War I, the Navy decided there was no way they were really going to be able to disguise their big ships with camouflage, so they might as well just paint them in really garish and visually confusing patterns. What resulted was

razzle-dazzle camouflage paint jobs, or gigantic cubist battle-sculptures floating across the seas, blowing stuff up. Aaron Curry’s first solo exhibition at The Hammer opens this Sunday, taking this bizarre intersection of military and design as its theme. 5 p.m. Free. Vault Gallery at the Hammer, 10899 Wilshire Blvd., L.A., (310) 443-7000. (Gabrielle Paluch)

Sat OCT 25 8pm

An Intimate Evening with

Monday 27

Vince Gill

Another Week, Another Rez

Mondays are like a big reset button for the weekend – stuff happened and now you’re going to Mr.T’s Bowl to see Manhattan Murder Mystery. What?! Who said murder? No, they’re a band who sound like The Cult after a few shots of whiskey. Their name means that they’re fans of alliteration and/or they like Woody Allen movies. On the same bill is Divisadero, dream rock with suture wounds that show what they’re holding back. So, there’s no need to flee the country because of what happened on the weekend – enjoy the music and start a new week all over. 8 p.m. Free. Mr. T’s Bowl, 5621 Figueroa Blvd., Highland Park, (323) 256-7561. myspace. com/mrtsbowl. (Nathan Solis)

The most decorated country artist in history brings his latest songs and classic hits like “Pocket Full of Gold,” “Look at Us,” “Take Your Memory With You,” and “Liza Jane.” Generously sponsored by Acura Media sponsor: Los Angeles Magazine

Fri OCT 31 8pm – HALLOWEEN

The Phantom of the Opera

Tuesday 28

Silent film with organ accompaniment

Is There a “None of the Above” Ripple? If the presidential race was an ice cream tasteoff, do you think people would be more inclined to vote? Barack Obama would most likely be ever yone’s new favorite flavor, while John McCain would be the ice cream you’re given at the hospital. Scoops Ice Cream will be ser ving ice cream inspired by Obama and his policies: nothing like a good ser ving of foreign policy on a waffle cone or a heaping helping of tax-reform butterscotch. Scoops will start ser ving today and up until Election Day. Sorr y, no flavorless ice – that must be at the McCain headquarters. 7 p.m. Scoops Ice Cream, 712 N. Heliotrope Dr., L.A, (323) 906-2649. (NS)

Clark Wilson, organ

Experience the horror of this Hollywood classic accompanied live with the rumbling bass and shrieking chords of a monster-sized pipe organ. Media sponsor: Laemmle Theatres

Thu NOV 6 8pm • Fri NOV 7 11am Sat NOV 8 8pm • Sun NOV 9 2pm

Midori & Miguel Los Angeles Philharmonic

Wednesday 29

COPLAND Appalachian Spring Suite BRITTEN Violin Concerto REVUELTAS La noche de los mayas

Waxing Poetics We’re living in some tough times, but that’s no reason to lose track of rhyming patterns and scansion in everyday life. Molly Peacock, author of How to Read a Poem and Start a Poetry Circle and The Second Blush, will be reading some of her work at the Hammer Museum, part of the Hammer Readings, making Hump Day seem all the more poetic. And as former president of the Poetry Society of America, Peacock is as close to verse royalty as we Americans are going to get. Some of her titles are Why I Am Not a Buddhist and Couple Sharing a Peach. 7 p.m. $10. Billy Wilder Theater, 10899 Wilshire Blvd., L.A., (310) 443-7000. (NS)

Miguel Harth-Bedoya leads the LA Phil in vivid musical images from early America and ancient Mexico. Violin sensation Midori performs Britten’s rarely heard masterpiece. Nov 8 Generously sponsored by Acura

Wed DEC 10 8pm

Wayne Shorter Quartet

The shoe that’s a Million in One now has Fabulous Fall Line.

& Imani Winds

One of the most distinctive and influential jazz saxophonists and composers, Wayne Shorter, teams up with the world- and new-music-influenced Imani Winds for a feast of unique and inspiring improvisations.

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Interchangeable Straps means Infinite Coices

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Abbot Gensler

New York through synecdoche: Caden (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and Hazel (Samantha Morton) examine their created city ... within the city ... that stands in for the city

It Is What It Is, But What Is It? ‘Synecdoche, New York’ keeps our critic guessing By Andy Klein


harlie Kaufman is perhaps the closest thing in contemporary Hollywood to an “auteur screenwriter.” And, while his work may have connections to the likes of Pinter and Beckett, he’s singular nonetheless. His feature debut – 1999’s Being John Malkovich, directed by Spike Jonze – remains one of the most brilliant and unclassifiable films of the last few decades. Since then, he has written Adaptation. (2002), Jonze’s second film; Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (2002) for George Clooney; and two films for director Michel Gondry, Human Nature (2001) and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004). He’s received Oscar nominations for three of those five – Malkovich, Adaptation. (shared with elusive brother Donald), and Eternal Sunshine – winning for the last. With Synecdoche, New York, he makes an assured transition to directing ... particularly assured when you remember that he’s working from a screenplay by such a daunting writer – himself. It would be impossible to suggest that he fails: If ever there were a movie to make a critic throw up his hands and mutter, “It is what it is,” this is it (what it is). There are some notable differences between his approach and those of his previous directors, differences which also make it a tougher film to experience. The protagonist is Caden Cotard (Philip Seymour Hoffman), a small-time theater director, based (I think) in the upstate city punningly referred to in the title. (I wonder if he ever considered calling it Metonymy Falls, Wisconsin ‹ sorry, English major joke.) I’m unsure, because, as the film progresses, the boundaries between Schenectady and New York City grow a little fuzzy, though not as fuzzy as the boundaries between reality and artifice, the present and the past, and the identities of most of the characters.

Caden sounds like a hypochondriac, but he does seem to have legitimate health concerns, with a series of rare illnesses and strange accidents. Worse yet, his home life is falling apart: His wife, Adele (Catherine Keener), has decamped to Europe with their daughter, Olive (Sadie Goldstein), and Adele’s creepy best friend, Maria ( Jennifer Jason Leigh). When Caden receives a MacArthur Foundation “genius” grant, he decides to mount an unprecedentedly honest experimental theater piece. He rents a massive warehouse in New York City, where, after some indecision, he begins to stage an ongoing portrayal of his current life. He casts Sammy Barnathan (Tom Noonan), who has been surreptitiously following him around for 20 years, to play himself (that is, Caden) – which means he must hire another actor to play Sammy. When Caden’s second wife, Claire (Michelle Williams), leaves him, he moves into the warehouse set of their apartment, further blurring our sense of what’s real. As the play increasingly becomes about Caden’s staging of the play, he has to start hiring actors to play the actors playing the actors ... and on, theoretically, to infinity. (Amusingly, the actress hired to portray his assistant/occasional-lover, played by Samantha Morton, is played by Emily Watson. It’s a relief: I guess I’m not the only one who has occasionally gotten them confused. If only Emily Mortimer had shown up somewhere as well ... .) As he begins to deteriorate with age, he slowly switches identities with the actress (Dianne Wiest) who has replaced Sammy in the role of Caden ... or has he switched identities with the cleaning-lady character she had previously portrayed rather than with the actress herself? Okay, your head should be starting to hurt right around now. And, despite all the detail I’ve just given, you still don’t know the half of it. Kaufman has created

something with innumerable levels and innumerable possible readings. Of his earlier work, it bears the most obvious resemblance to Adaptation., where, by the end, we never knew whether we were in the book The Orchid Thief or the film of the book or a different film written by Kaufman’s brother or ... somewhere else. Possibly they’ve all converged into one more complex narrative. You can look at Synecdoche, New York as a theological metaphor: Caden is the god of the warehouse, creating a complete but imperfect world, and eventually fading away, perhaps at the direction of a greater god or perhaps at the hand of the characters he’s created, as they take on a life of their own. You can look at it as a description of memory: Time elapses inconsistently. Locked into Caden’s self-absorbed POV, the audience at times is led to believe that a few weeks or months have passed when it’s actually been years. After he wonders when his wife is going to return home from her “vacation,” his assistant/ occasional-lover, Hazel (Samantha Morton) says, “It’s been a year!” “It’s been a week,” he insists, which is closer to what we’ve been led to think. (Or maybe it was his second wife in that scene. Details like that began to get mixed up in my mind before the closing credits had ended.) There are flashbacks that may not be flashbacks, but rather parts of his life in reenactment. You can also look at it as another “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” story – with the whole thing taking place in Caden’s mind, part memory, part mighthave-been future, at the moment he dies. Caden and his surrogates have several near-fatal moments; a character asks, “Why did you kill yourself?” then claims to have said “Why would you kill yourself?” Even more interesting if far-fetched: One of Caden’s first lines of dialogue is “Harold


Pinter died.” Then, realizing he’s misread the newspaper, he corrects himself: “No, he didn’t die. He won the Nobel Prize.” A half hour later (in our time), Caden receives his MacArthur Grant shortly after suffering a terrifying seizure. Did he die from the seizure? Is he actually in some confused afterlife, replaying and jumbling up his memories and dreams? Maybe it’s all taking place in Harold Pinter’s mind. Synecdoche, New York began its life as a horror movie, and, if the tone is different, there still remain traces of that idea. In fact, it has a striking number of elements in common with (clearly coincidentally) Danny and Oxide Pang’s Hong Kong horror film Re-Cycle, released here just a few months ago. To equate them, however, would be like equating 2001: A Space Odyssey with, say, Rocketship X-M. Kaufman’s scripts can be hilariously funny and horribly depressing at the same time, and there are some amusing moments herein. But Jonze and (to a lesser extent) Gondry played up the humor, seducing us into grimness through a candy coating. Kaufman – thanks to either conscious decision, temperamental inclination, or a less adeft touch – has made Synecdoche, New York far less funny. As a result, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. It’s really quite brilliant. But it’s also so difficult and so emotionally downbeat that it’s hard to characterize it as “entertaining.” V Synecdoche, New York. Written and directed by Charlie Kaufman. With Philip Seymour Hoffman, Samantha Morton, Michelle Williams, Catherine Keener, Emily Watson, Dianne Wiest, Hope Davis, and Tom Noonan. Opens Friday at Pacific’s ArcLight, The Landmark West Los Angeles, Pacific’s ArcLight Sherman Oaks, and Laemmle’s Playhouse 7.

LA&E 2 COL. X 1" = 2" (SAU)

dvd eye


2 COL. X 2 = 4" (SAU)


Triple Touch of Goodness

A new 2-DVD set brings us three different versions of Orson Welles’s ‘Touch of Evil’ By Andy Klein


n the early days of DVD, I expended a lot of ink (or pixels, for those of you reading online) calling out Universal Studios Home Entertainment for their many faults. So, to be fair, I have to give the company a shoutout when they do things right. And, over the


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2 COL. (3.8125") X 10.5"= 21" CITY BEAT LA

course of the last few years, the ratio of good to bad has increased. Case in point: the new 50th anniversary edition of Orson Welles’s last Hollywood film, Touch of Evil. It’s no coincidence that Citizen Kane, the director’s most perfect film, is also the only one of his Hollywood productions to have been released without studio meddling. Back in 1957, after Universal got a gander at Touch of Evil, a baroque noir masterpiece, the movie was not only recut, but extra expository footage was shot by other hands and inserted. A bad preview screening didn’t help either. Welles wrote a 58-page memo that listed, with detailed explanations, how the movie should look and sound – not that it did any good. In the ’70s, the preview cut – closer to Welles’s intent, but still butchered – was discovered, and (if memory serves) was the basis for a theatrical reissue. (This version was 109 minutes, in contrast to the original release version of 96 minutes.) Finally, in 1998, on the occasion of the film’s 40th anniversary, the studio hired Rick Schmidlin and Walter Murch to approximate what Welles’s cut would have looked like, based on the memo; this 111-minute version opened in L.A. a little more than 10 years ago and was released on DVD in 2000. The most obvious differences between the 1998 reconstruction and the two earlier incarnations are in the soundtrack and the editing rhythms. What earlier versions had presented as consecutive sequences during the opening half-hour are intercut to unfold simultaneously; and Welles instructed that the soundtrack rely entirely on sources within the story – radios


OCTOBER 23-29, 2008

and jukeboxes. The result is both faster-moving (surprising) and closer to a European sensibility (unsurprising) than the studio cut. The new DVD set includes the restored version on Disc One and the preview and original release versions on Disc Two. That may seem like overkill, but it is a relief for those of us (i.e., me) who felt nostalgic for the release version we had grown up on. For instance, Welles’s ingenious use of natural sound during the famous opening tracking shot is clearly superior; but I missed the sleazy excitement that Henry Mancini’s main theme provided – cineaste sacrilege, I know. The 2000 DVD didn’t even include the Mancini-ized opening as an extra, an annoying decision. In fact, the previous DVD was incredibly skimpy on extras; the only notable special feature was a reproduction of Welles’s memo, which could be read onscreen (not an optimal experience). This time around, the extras are legion. To start with, the memo is reproduced on paper and included in an envelope in the case; it’s much easier to read this way, plus you can consult it while watching the recut versions. There are also four commentary tracks: On Disc One, restoration producer Schmidlin appears on two tracks, one by himself and the other along with Janet Leigh and Charlton Heston. The participants seem to all be in the room together; since Leigh died four years ago, this was likely recorded for the 2000 disc but foolishly withheld. Our local colleague F.X. Feeney has a track on the original release version; and the incredibly knowledgeable duo of critic Jonathan Rosenbaum and Welles expert James Naremore accompany the preview version. There’s also a brief, new “making of ” documentary and a briefer doc about the film’s history and the restoration process. V Touch of Evil: 50th Anniversary Edition. Directed by Orson Welles. Screenplay by Orson Welles; based on the novel Badge of Evil by Whit Masterson. Starring Charlton Heston, Orson Welles, Janet Leigh, Joseph Calleia, Akim Tamiroff, Dennis Weaver, Ray Collins, and Joseph Cotten. Universal Studios Home Entertainment, DVD, two discs, $26.98.



Angelina Jolie plays the role like a gathering storm, moving from terror to a fierce resolve. And Eastwood, at the peak of his artful powers, tightens the screws of suspense without ever forgetting where the heart of his film lies.” Peter Travers





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THE ELEPHANT KING Oliver (Tate Ellington) is a young depressive dispatched to Thailand to retrieve his older brother Jake (Jonno Roberts), who’s enjoying the country’s carnal and hallucinogenic offerings instead of facing fraud charges in New




-Richard -Richard Corliss, Corliss, TIME TIME MAGAZINE MAGAZINE



York. Ever the hedonist, Jake coaxes Oliver out of his shell and into the arms of Lek (Florence Faivre), a local Amerasian hottie. Later, Oliver sours on his brother when he realizes that Jake prefers arrested development to actually getting arrested – which, for Oliver, would constitute a faith-restoring act of responsibility. First-time writer/director Seth Grossman’s location work in Thailand is vivid, dirty, and the best thing about the movie. Storywise, though, he’s not delivering the down-the-rabbit-hole meditation on lost innocence he envisions. The characterizations, including Ellen Burstyn’s fretful mother, are too broad but never fill out the thin plot. The film’s pleasures enter from the sides, including Grossman’s depiction of wary Thai natives and the booze-and-broads-seeking American tourists they endure. To this point, Grossman introduces a local guitarist who longs to whisk Lek away from the city to “the simple life.” While it’s not the primary point of the movie, the real elephant in this room is how easily an American, given a good exchange rate and readily available pleasures, can become an Ugly American. (Mark Keizer) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5)

the dark-horse athlete, whose running mate sagely suggests, “We should have put up some posters”; and George, the most driven of the candidates, running on a ticket with a “synergistic force of amiability ... far beyond the reaches of normal human comprehension.” (His VP candidate can barely suppress her giggles.) Opting for a cinema verite approach, Suh’s limited interviews with the candidates fail to plumb their reactions to the election results, relying instead on unfocused speculation overheard in the hallway. Still, the characters are quirky and charming – and ones to watch. (Annlee Ellingson) (Nuart)

THE GAY BED AND BREAKFAST OF TERROR Writer-director Jaymes Thompson’s opus belongs to a burgeoning new genre of film – the gay slasher thriller – a misbegotten form that must surely have Marcel Proust and Oscar Wilde a-whirling in their graves. Several gay and lesbian couples descend on a spooky isolated desert inn that supposedly serves the GLBT community ... which it does, after a fashion. Even here, the film strains contrivance: As if gay boys would stay at a hotel that didn’t have wireless! But the story turns even less believable when crazy Helen (Mari Marks), the maniac, uh, the motherly lady who owns the hotel, serves the queers humanflesh-filled “mincemeat muffins.” As if strapping young homosexuals would eat full-carbofilled bread products! Not long after the gay and lesbian guests check into their rooms and start hooking up with each other, the maniac, her demented daughter (Georgia Jean), and the girl’s half-human, half-maggot brother (Noah Naylor) start making fast butchery work of the various pairings. Soon, it’s left for doe-faced dyke Starr (Hilary Schwartz) and

FRONTRUNNERS Imagine an election, in which, after a hardfought primary marked by issues of gender and race, the campaign turns ugly around the issue of experience versus change. The parallels are prescient – even as the John Kerry references are dated – in Caroline Suh’s documentary about a recent student council election at New York City’s Stuyvesant High, one of the most prestigious schools in the country. Meet the candidates: Mike, the frontrunner and current CFO, whose confidence – some say arrogance – may spell the end of his political career; Hannah, a cheerleader, actress, and outsider to Stuy politics; Alex,



-Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE




Berlin Berlin International International Film Film Festival Festival





L WEST LOS ANGELES The LANDMARK at W. Pico & Westwood (310) 281-8233 Free Parking. Daily: 11:00 • 1:50 • 4:40 • 7:35 • 10:25

F IRVINE Edwards University Town Center 6 (800) FANDANGO #143

L PASADENA Laemmle’s Playhouse 7 (626) 844-6500 Tickets available @

L SHERMAN OAKS ArcLight Cinemas At The Sherman Oaks Galleria (818) 501-0753 Fri.- Sun.: 11:40 • 2:25 • 5:05 • 7:45 • 10:35 Mon.- Thurs.: 11:40 • 2:40 • 5:20 • 8:00 • 10:40




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EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENTS START FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24TH! L WEST LOS ANGELES Laemmle’s Royal (310) 477-5581 Daily: 1:20 • 4:10 • 7:00 • 9:45

F COSTA MESA Regency South Coast Village (714) 557-5701

G ENCINO Laemmle’s Town Center 5 (818) 981-9811

L PASADENA Laemmle’s Playhouse 7 Cinemas (626) 844-6500 Tickets available @


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I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG Recent parolee Juliette (Kristin Scott Thomas), estranged from what remains of her family for 15 years, has a drab wardrobe of browns and grays to match her battered psyche. Lea (Elsa Zylberstein), her younger sister, takes her into the Parisian home she shares with husband Luc, his mute father, and their two little adopted Vietnamese girls. As Juliette is slowly reintegrated into society both at large and in small, a slow thaw occurs, with unanticipated consequences for all involved. There’s a pinch of self-conscious Francogenuflection to the directorial debut of novelist and literature professor Philippe Claudel, most particularly in the form of a dinner scene praising Eric Rohmer. For those who have sampled even a bit of French cinema, the emotional contours of this film are familiar, and in that regard the movie feels a bit like a stacked deck, daring one to rebel against its slow-developing appraisal of confinement and regret. The studied warmth of its telling, though, wins out; in the end, this is a movie about familial silences and the great spaces in between, both in relationships and in one’s head. The slow reveal of the full reason behind Juliette’s incarceration gives the film some extra emotional heft, but this is first and foremost an Oscar-level showcase for Scott Thomas, as a woman who learns to purge herself of the swallowed self-loathing that has soured her soul. Think of it as a secular French rebirth drama, about self-forgiveness and learning to walk looking at least partially forward. (Brent Simon) (Laemmle’s Royal, Laemmle’s Town Center 5, Laemmle’s Playhouse 7)

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN Oskar (Kere Hedebrant) is bullied; Eli (Lina Leandersson) is a vampire. Their shared loneliness and morbid mentality draws them together. Swedish director Tomas Alfredson’s moody coming of age drama melds gothic romance and adolescent angst, pulling off both pretty well but neither fantastically. The subtext of John Ajvide Lindqvist’s screenplay (and original novel) is an adjustment of the idealized Swedish stereotype – a bleak, bluecollar wasteland where people live in tenements and get prickly about outsiders moving in and stealing their benefits. Hoyte Van Hoytema’s cinematography looks like an aged woodblock print – the bleached snowdrifts and burnt-red blood raise expectations that the plot can’t quite deliver, but it’s easy to fall under the slow sway of Alfredson’s contemplative tone and pretend that it’s smarter than it is. But the social allegory never feels more than tangential; so too does much of the film, as it glosses over head-scratching plot points (like Eli’s knack for killing people outside her front door). The film works best at its thinnest level: Going steady with a vampire, though it raises a few moral issues, gives Oskar his Best Winter Ever. (Amy Nicholson) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5, Laemmle’s Playhouse 7)


EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENTS START FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24TH! L HOLLYWOOD ArcLight Cinemas At Sunset & Vine (323) 464-4226 Fri.: 11:05 • 1:55 • 4:45 • 7:35 • 10:25 Sat.: 1:15 • 4:15 • 10:55 Sun.- Thurs.: 1:15 • 4:15 • 7:00 • 10:35

manly drag queen Alex (Michael Soldier) to lead the battle to survive. Thompson’s film falls prey to many of the same issues that bedevil other gay horror films – mainly, an overly campy sensibility so insular that it ultimately comes across as being slightly mournful and unintentionally sad. The snarky tone consistently undercuts the scares, while the performers range from some brave actors attempting to address the material with unexpected commitment to amateurs basically phoning it in. Marks gives her maniacal hotel owner unexpectedly believable psychological undercurrents, while Soldier, as the increasingly unhinged drag queen, engages in some droll, muggy antics. (Paul Birchall) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5)



When four New York City officers are killed in an ambush, the entire police department is on edge. With a cop-killer on the loose and so much riding on the case, Chief of Manhattan Detectives Francis Tierney (Jon Voight) asks his reticent son, Detective Ray Tierney (Edward Norton), to lead the investigation. Ray knows that the cops who were lost had served under his brother, Francis Jr. (Noah Emmerich), and alongside his hotheaded brother-in-law, Jimmy Egan (Colin Farrell). On the surface, it looks like a routine drug bust gone tragically wrong. But, as Ray delves deeper into the case, he realizes someone on the inside had to have tipped off the drug dealers that the cops were coming. When the evidence starts to point in an unthinkable direction, the case forces the family to choose between their loyalties to one another and their loyalties to the department. Directed by Gavin O’Connor (Tumbleweeds) from a script co-written with Joe Carnahan, Pride and Glory does what it does fairly capably and will be embraced by those who are predisposed to love such good-




STARTS FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24! L HOLLYWOOD F CENTURY CITY ArcLight Cinemas AMC Century 15 At Sunset & Vine (310) 289-4AMC (323) 464-4226 On 2 Screens Daily: 12:30 • 3:00 • 5:40 Fri. & Sat.: 11:30 • 2:00 • 4:30 8:30 • 11:05 Fri. & Sat. 7:00 • 9:30 • 10:50 • 12:00am Late Show: 12:05am 12:45am Sun.: 11:30 • 2:00 4:30 • 7:00 • 9:30 • 10:45 Mon.- Thurs.: 12:25 2:40 • 5:00 • 7:20 • 9:45 • 10:45

FPresented in

L L.A./BEVERLY HILLS Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14 (323) 692-0829 (#209) On 2 Screens Fri. & Sat.: 11:30 • 12:30 • 2:05 3:05 • 4:40 • 5:40 • 7:15 • 8:15 • 10:00 11:05 • 12:30am Sun.- Thurs.: 11:30 12:30 • 2:05 • 3:05 • 4:40 • 5:40 • 7:15 8:15 • 10:00 • 11:00

L SANTA MONICA F UNIVERSAL CITY Mann Criterion 6 CityWalk Stadium 19 with IMAX (310) 248-MANN #019 (800) FANDANGO #707 On 3 Screens Daily: 12:20 • 2:50 • 5:10 Fri. & Sat.: 11:05 • 12:10 • 12:50 • 1:30 • 2:40 • 3:20 • 4:05 7:30 • 10:00 Fri. & Sat. 5:10 • 5:50 • 6:30 • 7:40 • 8:20 • 9:10 • 10:10 • 10:50 • 11:40 Late Show: 12:15am 12:35am Sun.: 11:05 • 12:10 • 12:50 • 1:30 • 2:40 • 3:20 • 4:05 5:10 • 5:50 • 6:30 • 7:40 • 8:20 • 9:10 • 10:10 • 10:50 Mon.: 12:50 2:10 • 2:40 • 3:20 • 5:00 • 5:10 • 5:50 • 7:30 • 7:40 • 8:20 • 9:55 10:10 • 10:50 Tues.- Thurs.: 12:50 • 1:30 • 2:40 • 3:20 • 4:05 5:10 • 5:50 • 6:30 • 7:40 • 8:20 • 9:10 • 10:10 • 10:50

F F WEST LOS ANGELES The Bridge Cinema De Lux (310) 568-3375 On 3 Screens Daily: 12:00 • 12:30 • 1:00 • 2:25 • 2:55 3:25 • 4:50 • 5:20 • 5:50 • 7:15 • 7:45 • 8:15 • 9:40 10:10 • 10:40 Fri. & Sat. Late Shows: 12:05am 12:35am Sat. & Sun.: 10:30 • 12:00 • 12:30 • 1:00 2:25 • 2:55 • 3:25 • 4:50 • 5:20 • 5:50 • 7:15 • 7:45 8:15 • 9:40 • 10:10 • 10:40


L SHERMAN OAKS LOS ANGELES ArcLight Cinemas AMC Magic Johnson Crenshaw 15 At The Sherman Oaks Galleria (800) FANDANGO #703 (818) 501-0753 On 2 Screens Fri.- Sun.: 9:55 • 10:25 Fri. & Sat.: 12:30 • 3:10 12:20 • 12:45 • 2:40 • 3:10 • 5:05 • 5:35 5:40 • 8:20 • 11:00 • 12:20am 7:30 • 8:00 • 10:00 • 10:30 Sun.: 12:30 • 3:10 Mon.- Thurs.: 12:20 • 12:45 • 2:40 • 3:10 5:40 • 8:20 • 11:00 5:05 • 5:35 • 7:30 • 8:00 • 10:00 • 10:30 Mon.- Thurs.: 12:30 • 3:10 5:30 • 8:20 • 11:00

LPresented in

cop-bad-family tales (We Own the Night, for instance), no matter the muggy, musty odor of familiarity that hangs over the proceedings. Others will, to degrees, yawn. Tightly shot in heated, hand-held close-up, the movie plays as a slow shuffle toward the inevitable. Invested as always, Norton and Farrell mine a few nuggets from the material. The endcredit crawl includes the tag “any real people or events are included solely for realism.” Well, okay then; I hadn’t noticed. (Brent Simon) (Citywide)

SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK See Film feature.

ALSO OPENING THIS WEEK: Changeling. In 1920s Los Angeles, a woman (Angelina Jolie) is “reunited” with a boy who is allegedly her missing son, but whose identity she refuses to believe. Clint Eastwood directed this telling of a famous true-life story. J. Michael Straczynski wrote the screenplay; the cast also includes Colm Fiore, Gattlin Griffith, and John Malkovich. (AK) (Pacific’s ArcLight, AMC Santa Monica 7, The Landmark West Los Angeles, Pacific’s ArcLight Sherman Oaks) God and Gays: Bridging the Gap. Luane Beck’s documentary examines the struggles of people trying to reconcile their sexual and spiritual identities. (AK)

(Laemmle’s Grande 4) High School Musical 3: Senior Year. The first chapter of the vastly popular made-for-TV franchise to be released theatrically: the title says it all. Director Kenny Ortega returns; Zac Efron, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, and Lucas Grabeel star. (AK) (Citywide) Noah’s Arc: Jumping the Broom. When Noah (Darryl Stephens), an L.A.-based screenwriter, and partner Wade (Jensen Atwood) decide to get married in Massachusetts, the couple and their closest friends (Rodney Chester, Christian Vincent, Douglas Spearman) have some emotional revelations. Patrik-Ian Polk directed and co-wrote (with John R. Gordon) this spinoff from the Logo Network TV series. (AK) (Laemmle’s Sunset 5) Passengers. Anne Hathaway stars as a grief counselor, whose current clients – plane-crash survivors – start to disappear. Patrick Wilson, Andre Braugher, Dianne Wiest, David Morse, and Clea DuVall costar; Rodrigo Garcia (Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her, Ten Tiny Love Stories) directed from a script by Ronnie Christensen. (AK) (Citywide) Saw V. The title is not the answer to “What Thomas Pynchon novel did you last lay eyes on?” but rather an unvarnished designation of this film’s relationship to its hugely successful forebears. David Hackl, production designer on the last three entries, moves to the director’s chair; Costas Mandylor, Scott Patterson, and, of


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course, Tobin Bell star. (AK) (Citywide) The Tree of Life. Hava Volterra directed this documentary about her journey from Los Angeles to Italy to find out about Jewish-Italian ancestors. (AK) (Laemmle’s Music Hall 3) Tru Loved. A 16-year-old high school student (Najarra Townsend) and her lesbian moms (Alexandra Paul, Cynda Williams) move from San Francisco to a more conservative neighborhood in Southern California. She becomes close to the high school football hero (Matthew Thompson), who is himself in the closet. Stewart Wade (Coffee Date) wrote and directed this family-friendly comedy; the cast includes Jasmine Guy, Jake Abel, Nichelle Nichols, Jane Lynch, and Bruce Vilanch. (AK) (Laemmle’s Music Hall 3)

SHOWTIMES OCTOBER 24-30, 2008 Note: Times are p.m., and daily, unless otherwise indicated. All times are subject to change wi thout notice.

CULVER CITY, MARINA DEL REY The Bridge: Cinema De Lux & IMAX Theater, The Promenade at Howard Hughes Center, 6081 Center Dr, Westchester, (310) 568-3375. The Backyardigans: Whodonit? Thur only, 10 a.m.. Beverly Hills Chihuahua Fri 11:45 a.m., 1:45, 2:15, 4:15, 4:45, 6:45, 9:15; Sat-Sun 11:15 a.m., 11:45 a.m., 1:45, 2:15, 4:15, 4:45, 6:45, 9:15; Mon 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:15, 4:45, 6:45, 9:15; Tue-Thur 11:45 a.m., 1:45, 2:15, 4:15, 4:45, 6:45, 9:15. Body of Lies Fri 1:10, 4:05, 7, 9:55, 12:30 a.m.; Sat 10:20 a.m., 1:10, 4:05, 7, 9:55, 12:30 a.m.; Sun 10:20 a.m., 1:10, 4:05, 7, 9:55; Mon-Thur 1:10, 4:05, 7, 9:55. Dora the Explorer: Best Friends Sat only, 10 a.m.. Eagle Eye 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:25. High School Musical 3: Senior Year Fri noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9, 10, 11:30; Sat 11 a.m., noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9, 10, 11:30; Sun 11 a.m., noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9, 10; Mon-Thur noon, 1:30, 2:30, 4, 5, 6:30, 7:30, 9, 10. Max Payne Fri-Sat noon, 12:40, 2:25, 3:05, 4:50, 5:30, 7:15, 7:55, 9:40, 10:20, 12:05 a.m.; Sun-Thur noon, 12:40, 2:25, 3:05, 4:50, 5:30, 7:15, 7:55, 9:40, 10:20. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Fri-Sat 11:45. Pride and Glory Fri 1:10, 4:15, 7:20, 10:25; Sat-Sun 10:10 a.m., 1:10, 4:15, 7:20, 10:25; Mon-Thur 1:10, 4:15, 7:20, 10:25.


Quarantine Fri-Sat 12:45, 3:10, 5:35, 8, 10:30, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Thur 12:45, 3:10, 5:35, 8, 10:30. Saw V Fri noon, 1, 2:25, 3:25, 4:50, 5:50, 7:15, 8:15, 9:40, 10:40, 12:05 a.m.; Sat 10:30 a.m., noon, 1, 2:25, 3:25, 4:50, 5:50, 7:15, 8:15, 9:40, 10:40, 12:05 a.m.; Sun 10:30 a.m., noon, 1, 2:25, 3:25, 4:50, 5:50, 7:15, 8:15, 9:40, 10:40; Mon-Thur noon, 1, 2:25, 3:25, 4:50, 5:50, 7:15, 8:15, 9:40, 10:40. The Secret Life of Bees Fri 1:35, 4:10, 6:45, 7:30, 9:20, 10:05, 11:55, 12:30 a.m.; Sat 11 a.m., 1:35, 4:10, 6:45, 7:30, 9:20, 10:05, 11:55, 12:30 a.m.; Sun 11 a.m., 1:35, 4:10, 6:45, 7:30, 9:20, 10:05; Mon-Thur 1:35, 4:10, 6:45, 7:30, 9:20, 10:05. Sex Drive Fri-Sat 12:55, 10, 12:35 a.m.; Sun-Thur 12:55, 10. Spookley the Square Pumpkin Sun 10 a.m.; Tue 10 a.m. W. 1, 4, 7, 10. Culver Plaza Theatre, 9919 Washington Blvd, (310) 8365516. Appaloosa Fri-Sun 1:50, 6:10, 10:25; Mon-Thur 2:15, 6:30. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 3:05, 8:20, 10:20; Mon-Tue 2:05, 4:10, 9:10; Wed-Thur 2:05, 4:10, 9:15. The Duchess Fri-Sun 12:20, 2:35, 5:10, 7:35, 9:45; MonThur 2:45, 5:10, 7:30, 9:35. Heroes Fri-Sun noon, 2:05, 4:10, 6:15, 8:20, 10:15; MonThur 2:05, 4:10, 6:15, 8:20. Igor 2, 5:45. Miracle at St. Anna Fri-Sun 12:05, 5:10; Mon-Thur 6:10. Monty Python and the Holy Grail Wed only, 7:30. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Fri-Sun noon, 3:50, 7:30, 9:35; Mon-Thur 3:50, 7:30, 9:35. Nights in Rodanthe Fri-Sun 11:45 a.m., 4:05, 8:30; Mon-Thur 4:30, 8:40. Religulous Fri-Sun 12:30, 2:40, 5:05, 7:30, 9:40; Mon-Tue 2:40, 5:05, 7:20, 9:30; Wed 2:40, 5:05; Thur 2:40, 5:05, 7:20, 9:30. Loews Cineplex Marina Marketplace, 13455 Maxella Av, (310) 827-9588. Body of Lies Fri-Sun 1:35, 4:25, 7:20, 10:25; Mon-Wed 1:15, 4:05, 6:55, 9:50. High School Musical 3: Senior Year Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 10:10; Mon-Thur 1:45, 4:20, 7:10, 9:45. Max Payne Fri-Sun 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:45, 10:15; Mon-Wed 2:15, 4:40, 7:05, 9:35. Religulous Fri-Sun 11:30 a.m., 2:10, 4:45, 7:15, 9:50; MonWed 1:30, 4:10, 6:45, 9:10. Sex Drive Fri-Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:40, 4:15, 7, 9:40; Mon-Wed 1:50, 4:25, 7, 9:40. W. Fri-Sun 12:15, 3:20, 6:30, 9:45; Mon-Wed 2:45, 6, 9:05. Pacific Culver Stadium 12, 9500 Culver Bl, (310) 855-7519. Beverly Hills Chihuahua 12:30, 2:45, 5, 7:30, 9:45. Body of Lies Fri-Sun 10:35 a.m., 1:25, 4:20, 7:10, 10:05; Mon-Thur 1:25, 4:20, 7:10, 10:10. Eagle Eye Fri-Sun 1:15, 4:15, 7:05, 10; Mon-Thur 1:50, 4:30, 7:20, 10.

High School Musical 3: Senior Year Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 11:50 a.m., 1:30, 2:30, 4:10, 5:10, 7, 7:50, 9:50, 10:30; Mon-Thur 1:20, 2:15, 4:10, 4:45, 7, 7:45, 9:50, 10:20. Max Payne Fri-Sun 10:45 a.m., 1:10, 3:30, 5:55, 8:25, 10:55; Mon-Thur 1:10, 4:05, 7:25, 10:40. Pride and Glory Fri-Sun 10:40 a.m., 1:40, 4:30, 7:20, 10:15; Mon-Thur 1:15, 4:15, 7:05, 10:05. Quarantine 12:40, 3, 5:20, 7:35, 9:55. Saw V Fri-Sun 10:30 a.m., 1, 3:15, 5:45, 8:15, 10:45; Mon-Thur 1, 3:15, 5:30, 7:55, 10:30. The Secret Life of Bees Fri-Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:40, 5:15, 7:45, 10:20; Mon-Thur 2:40, 5:15, 7:50, 10:25. Sex Drive Fri-Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:20, 5:30, 8, 10:35; Mon-Thur 2:20, 5:25, 8, 10:35. W. Fri-Sun 10:50 a.m., 1:45, 4:35, 7:15, 10:10; Mon-Thur 1:45, 4:35, 7:15, 10:15. UA Marina, 4335 Glencoe Av, (310) 823-1721. Appaloosa 3:50, 9:40. Beverly Hills Chihuahua 12:30, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 9:50. Burn After Reading 12:40, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 10:20. Open Captioned Performance - Selected Film Daily . Pride and Glory 1, 4, 7, 10:10. Quarantine 1:20, 7:10. Saw V 12:50, 3:10, 5:30, 8, 10:30. The Secret Life of Bees 1:10, 4:10, 7:20, 10.

10:10. RocknRolla Fri-Wed 11:30 a.m., 2:20, 4:50, 7:40, 10:30. Saw V Fri-Sat 12:30, 3, 5:40, 8:30, 11:05, 12:05 a.m.; Sun-Thur 12:30, 3, 5:40, 8:30, 11:05. The Secret Life of Bees Fri-Tue 11:45 a.m., 2:25, 5:25, 8:05, 10:45; Wed 11:45 a.m., 2:25, 10:45. Synecdoche, New York Fri 11:05 a.m., 1:55, 4:45, 7:35, 10:25; Sat 1:15, 4:15, 7, 10:55; Sun-Thur 1:15, 4:15, 7, 10:35. W. Fri 11:15 a.m., 2:05, 5:05, 8, 10:50; Sat 11 a.m., 1:40, 4:20, 8, 10:35; Sun 11:15 a.m., 2:05, 5:05, 8, 10:55; Mon-Thur 11:15 a.m., 1:05, 2:05, 4:05, 5:05, 7:15, 8, 10:05, 10:55. What Just Happened? Fri-Sun 11:40 a.m., 2:10, 4:40, 7:20, 10; Tue-Thur 11:40 a.m., 2, 4:40, 7:10, 9:50. Grauman’s Chinese, 6925 Hollywood Bl, (323) 464-8111. Pride and Glory Sat-Thur 1, 4:10, 7:20, 10:30. Los Feliz 3, 1822 N Vermont Av, (323) 664-2169. The Duchess 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Religulous 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Mann Chinese 6, 6801 Hollywood Bl, (323) 4613331. Appaloosa 4:20, 9:30. Body of Lies 12:50, 4, 6:50, 10. Passengers 11:50 a.m., 2:20, 4:50, 7:10, 9:50.

Pride and Glory Fri-Sun 11:30 a.m., 2:30, 5:30, 8:30, 11:30; Mon-Thur 11:30 a.m., 2:30, 5:30, 8:30. Private Screening Fri 7; Tue 7:30. Quarantine 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:40, 10:10. Sex Drive Fri 1:30, 7; Sat-Mon noon, 1:30, 2:40, 5:10, 7, 7:50, 10:20; Tue noon, 1:30, 2:40, 7; Wed-Thur noon, 1:30, 2:40, 5:10, 7, 7:50, 10:20. Pacific’s El Capitan, 6838 Hollywood Bl, (323) 467-7674. High School Musical 3: Senior Year FriSat 10 a.m., 1, 4, 7, 9:50, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Thur 10 a.m., 1, 4, 7, 9:50. Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D Thur only, 12:30 a.m. Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14, 189 The Grove Dr, Third St & Fairfax Av, (323) 692-0829. Beverly Hills Chihuahua Fri-Wed 11:20 a.m., 1:50, 4:25, 7, 9:30; Thur 9:30. Body of Lies 10:20 a.m., 1:10, 4:05, 7:10, 10:15. The Duchess 10:55 a.m., 1:40, 4:20, 7:05, 10:05. Eagle Eye 11:05 a.m., 1:55, 4:45, 7:45, 10:50. Max Payne 12:20, 2:55, 5:30, 8:05, 10:55. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist 10:35 a.m., 12:50, 3:10, 5:35, 8:10, 10:40. Passengers 12:15, 2:50, 5:20, 7:55, 10:30. Pride and Glory Fri-Sat 10:25 a.m., 1:15, 4:15, 7:25, 10:35, midnight; Sun 10:25 a.m., 1:15,

4:15, 7:25, 10:35; Mon 11 a.m., 2, 5, 8, 11:05; Tue-Thur 10:25 a.m., 1:15, 4:15, 7:25, 10:35. Quarantine 10:30 a.m., 12:40, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:20. Saw V Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 12:30, 2:05, 3:05, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 10, 11:05, 12:30 a.m.;

Sun-Thur 11:30 a.m., 12:30, 2:05, 3:05, 4:40, 5:40, 7:15, 8:15, 10, 11. The Secret Life of Bees 11 a.m., 1:45, 4:35, 7:20, 10:10. Sex Drive 11:25 a.m., 2:10, 4:50, 7:35, 10:25.







Joe Neumaier, NY DAILY NEWS




DOWNTOWN & SOUTH L.A. Laemmle’s Grande 4-Plex, 345 S Figueroa St, (213) 617-0268. Body of Lies Fri 5:20; Sat-Sun 1:40, 5:20, 8:10; Mon-Thur 5:20, 8:10. God and Gays: Bridging the Gap Fri 5:30; Sat-Sun 1, 3:15, 5:30, 7:45, 10; Mon-Thur 5:30, 7:45. Max Payne Fri 5; Sat-Sun 1:50, 5, 7:30, 10; MonThur 5, 7:30. Pride and Glory Fri 5; Sat-Sun 1:30, 5, 8; MonThur 5, 8. Magic Johnson Theaters, Baldwin Hills Crenshaw Plaza, 4020 Marlton Av, (323) 290-5900. Beverly Hills Chihuahua Fri-Sun 10 a.m., 12:30, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:20; Mon-Thur 12:35, 3, 5:25, 7:50, 10:20. Body of Lies Fri-Sun 9:50 a.m., 12:50, 3:55, 7, 10:15; Mon-Thur 12:50, 3:55, 7, 10:05. Eagle Eye Fri-Sat 11:15 a.m., 2, 4:55, 7:55, 10:50; Sun 11:15 a.m., 2, 4:55, 7:55, 10:45; Mon-Thur 1:55, 4:55, 7:55, 10:45. High School Musical 3: Senior Year Fri-Sat 10:55 a.m., 11:25 a.m., 1:50, 2:20, 4:45, 5:15, 7:40, 8:10, 10:35, 11; Sun 10:55 a.m., 11:25 a.m., 1:50, 2:20, 4:45, 5:15, 7:40, 8:10, 10:35; MonThur 1:50, 2:20, 2:55, 4:45, 5:40, 7:40, 8:30, 10:35. Lakeview Terrace Fri-Sun 10:45 a.m., 4:25, 9:55; Mon-Thur 4:25, 9:55. Max Payne Fri-Sun 9:45 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 12:05, 2:05, 2:35, 4:40, 5:10, 7:15, 7:45, 9:50, 10:25; Mon-Thur 12:30, 2:05, 3:05, 4:40, 5:45, 7:15, 7:55, 9:50, 10:45. Pride and Glory Fri-Sun 10:10 a.m., 1:15, 4:20, 7:25, 10:40; Mon-Thur 1:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50. Quarantine Fri-Sun 9:50 a.m., 12:05, 2:25, 4:50, 7:35, 10:05; Mon-Thur 12:10, 2:25, 4:50, 7:35, 10:05. Saw V Fri-Sun 9:55 a.m., 10:25 a.m., 12:20, 12:45, 2:40, 3:10, 5:05, 5:35, 7:30, 8, 10, 10:30; Mon-Thur 12:20, 12:45, 2:40, 3:10, 5:05, 5:35, 7:30, 8, 10, 10:30. The Secret Life of Bees Fri-Sat 10:50 a.m., 11:20 a.m., 1:40, 2:10, 4:30, 5, 7:20, 7:50, 10:10, 10:45; Sun 10:50 a.m., 11:20 a.m., 1:40, 2:10, 4:30, 5, 7:20, 7:50, 10:10; Mon-Thur 1:40, 2:10, 4:30, 5, 7:20, 7:50, 10:10, 10:45. Sex Drive 1:35, 7:10. W. Fri-Sun 10:30 a.m., 1:20, 4:15, 7:05, 9:55; Mon 1:20, 4:15, 7:05, 10:05; Tue 12:30, 4:35, 7:35, 10:25; Wed-Thur 1:20, 4:15, 7:05, 10:05. University Village 3, 3323 S Hoover St, (213) 748-6321. High School Musical 3: Senior Year FriSat 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30, 11:45; Sun-Thur 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30. Max Payne Fri-Sat 12:45, 3:05, 5:25, 7:45, 10:05, 12:20 a.m.; Sun-Thur 12:45, 3:05, 5:25, 7:45, 10:05. Saw V Fri-Sat 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:30, 12:30 a.m.; Sun-Thur 1:30, 3:45, 6, 8:15, 10:30.






HOLLYWOOD ArcLight Cinemas Hollywood, 6360 Sunset Bl, (323) 464-4226. Burn After Reading Fri 11:20 a.m., 4:20, 9:40; Sat 11:20 a.m., 4:25, 9:40; Sun 11:20 a.m., 4:20, 9:40; Mon-Thur 11:20 a.m., 1:45, 4:20, 7:20, 9:40. Changeling Fri noon, 3:30, 7, 10:20; Sat-Thur 12:10, 3:30, 7:05, 10:20. The Duchess Mon-Wed 11:05 a.m., 1:55, 4:45, 7:35, 10:15. Max Payne Fri 12:05, 2:35, 5:15, 7:45, 10:15; Sat-Thur noon, 2:40, 5:20, 7:50, 10:50. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Fri-Sun 2, 7:10; Mon-Wed 11:40 a.m., 2, 4:40, 7:10, 9:50. Rachel Getting Married Fri 11:25 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:55, 10:35; Sat-Thur 11:25 a.m., 2:15, 4:55, 7:55, 10:25. Religulous Fri-Wed 11:10 a.m., 1:40, 4:30, 7:30,

NOW PLAYING CENTURY CITY AMC Century 15 • 310/289-4AMC Fri & Sat, Mon-Thur 1:00, 3:20, 5:45, 8:10 & 10:30 PM Sun 10:35 AM, 1:00, 3:20, 5:45, 8:10 & 10:30 PM 3 Hours Free Parking Additional 2 Hour Parking $3.00 with AMC Validation

L.A./BEVERLY HILLS Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14 • 323/692-0829 #209 Daily 10:30 AM, 12:40, 3:00, 5:25, 7:50 & 10:20 PM 4 Hours On-Site Validated Parking Only $2.00

HOLLYWOOD Mann Chinese 6 • 323/777-FILM #002 Daily 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:40 & 10:10 PM 4 Hour Parking at Hollywood & Highland Only $2.00 (with Validation)

SANTA MONICA AMC Loews Broadway 4 • 800/FANDANGO #706 Fri-Sun 11:00 AM, 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8:00 & 10:30 PM Mon-Thur 2:20, 4:50, 7:00 & 9:15 PM UNIVERSAL CITY CityWalk Stadium 19 with IMAX® 800/FANDANGO #707 On 2 Screens Fri-Sun 12:45, 3:10, 5:30, 6:40, 7:50, 9:20 & 10:15 PM Mon-Thur 3:10, 5:30, 6:40, 7:50, 9:20 & 10:15 PM Fri & Sat Late Shows 11:50 PM & 12:30 AM Movie Parking Rebate $5 General Parking Rebate at Box Office with Movie Ticket Purchase (Excludes Preferred & Valet)

WEST LOS ANGELES The Bridge Cinema De Lux 310/568-3375 Digital Projection Fri, Mon-Thur 12:45, 3:10, 5:35, 8:00 & 10:30 PM Sat & Sun 10:30 AM, 12:45, 3:10, 5:35, 8:00 & 10:30 PM Fri & Sat Late Show 12:30 AM



NOW PLAYING! L HOLLYWOOD L WEST LOS ANGELES L L.A./BEVERLY HILLS ArcLight Cinemas At Sunset & Vine (323) 464-4226 The LANDMARK at W. Pico & Westwood Pacific’s The Grove Stadium 14 On 2 Screens Fri.: 11:15 • 2:05 • 5:05 • 8:00 • 10:50 (310) 281-8233 Free Parking (323) 692-0829 (#209) Sat.: 11:00 • 1:40 • 4:20 • 8:00 • 10:35 Sun.: 11:15 • 2:05 Daily: 10:40 • 1:35 • 4:30 5:05 • 8:00 • 10:55 Mon. - Thurs.: 11:15 • 1:05 • 2:05 Daily: 10:50 • 12:10 • 1:45 • 4:50 • 7:45 • 10:40 7:40 • 10:45 4:05 • 5:05 • 7:15 • 8:00 • 10:05 • 10:55 Tues.: 10:50 • 1:45 • 4:50 • 7:45 • 10:40 G SANTA MONICA F CENTURY CITY F UNIVERSAL CITY AMC Century 15 (310) 289-4AMC On 2 Screens Laemmle’s Monica (310) 394-9741 CityWalk Stadium 19 with IMAX Fri. - Sun.: 9:30 • 10:15 • 12:40 • 1:25 • 3:50 • 4:35 • 6:50 • 7:45 • 10:05 Tickets available @ (800) FANDANGO #707 Mon. - Thurs.: 12:40 • 1:25 • 3:50 • 4:35 • 6:50 • 7:45 • 10:05 Daily: 1:00 • 4:00 • 7:00 • 10:00 Daily: 1:25 • 4:30 • 7:25 • 10:30 L SHERMAN OAKS F WEST LOS ANGELES F LOS ANGELES The Bridge Cinema De Lux AMC Magic Johnson Crenshaw 15 (800) FANDANGO #703 ArcLight Cinemas At The Sherman Oaks Galleria (310) 568-3375 Fri. - Sun.: 10:30 • 1:20 • 4:15 • 7:05 • 9:55 (818) 501-0753 Daily: 1:00 • 4:00 Mon., Wed. & Thurs.: 1:20 • 4:15 • 7:05 • 10:05 Fri. - Sun.: 11:10 • 1:55 • 5:00 • 7:40 • 10:35 7:00 • 10:00 Tues.: 12:30 • 4:35 • 7:35 • 10:25 Mon. - Thurs.: 11:30 • 2:10 • 5:00 • 7:40 • 10:50


FPresented in

GPresented in

LPresented in


W. 10:40 a.m., 1:35, 4:30, 7:40, 10:45. Regent Showcase, 614 N La Brea Av, (323) 934-2944. Breakfast With Scot Fri 7:30; Sat-Sun 3:30, 7:30; Mon-Thur 7:30. Saving Marriage Fri-Sat 5:30, 9:30; Sun 5:30; Mon-Thur 5:30, 9:30. Vine, 6321 Hollywood Bl, (323) 463-6819. Vista, 4473 Sunset, (323) 660-6639. W. 2:45, 5:45, 8:45.


ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK “BODY OF LIES” Marc Streitenfeld (American Gangster) provides the intense and exotic score. This Ridley Scott directed, Warner Bros. film is in theatres now! Starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe.

Store Hours: Mon.-Thurs. 10am-9pm Fri. & Sat. 10am-10pm Sun. 11am-7pm

AMC Santa Monica 7, 1310 Third Street Promenade, (310) 395-3030. Beverly Hills Chihuahua Fri-Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 4:45, 7:20, 9:45; Mon-Thur 2:15, 4:55, 7:30, 9:45. Changeling Fri 11:05 a.m., 1:10, 1:55, 4, 4:50, 7, 7:45, 10:05, 10:45; Sat 10:20 a.m., 11:05 a.m., 1:10, 1:55, 4, 4:50, 7, 7:45, 10:05, 10:45; Sun 10:20 a.m., 11:05 a.m., 1:10, 1:55, 4, 4:50, 7, 7:45, 9:55, 10:30; Mon-Thur 1:20, 2, 4:10, 5, 7, 8, 10:05. High School Musical 3: Senior Year Fri 11 a.m., 1, 1:45, 3:45, 4:30, 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10; Sat-Sun 10:15 a.m., 11 a.m., 1, 1:45, 3:45, 4:30, 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10; Mon-Thur 1:15, 1:45, 3:50, 4:30, 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10. Max Payne Fri-Sun 11:55 a.m., 2:30, 5, 7:40, 10:15; MonThur 2:10, 4:45, 7:45, 10:10. Pride and Glory Fri-Sat 10:45 a.m., 1:40, 4:35, 7:30, 10:30; Sun 10:45 a.m., 1:40, 4:35, 7:30, 10:25; Mon-Thur 1:30, 4:20, 7:20, 10:15. Laemmle’s Monica 4-Plex, 1332 Second St, (310) 3949741. The Duchess 1:40, 4:30, 7:20, 10. Religulous 1:30, 4:20, 7:10, 9:45. The Secret Life of Bees 1:50, 4:40, 7:30, 9:55. W. 1, 4, 7, 10. Loews Cineplex Broadway, 1441 Third Street Promenade, (310) 458-1506. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:30, 7:30, 9:45; Mon-Thur 2:10, 4:30, 6:45, 9. Quarantine Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 1:15, 3:30, 5:45, 8, 10:30; MonThur 2:20, 4:50, 7, 9:15. RocknRolla Fri-Sun 11:10 a.m., 1:55, 4:40, 7:20, 10; MonThur 2, 4:35, 7:25, 10. Sex Drive Fri-Sun 11:45 a.m., 2:15, 5, 7:45, 10:15; Mon-Thur 2:15, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. Mann Criterion, 1313 Third Street Promenade, (310) 3951599. Appaloosa noon, 5, 10:20. Body of Lies 1:10, 4:20, 7:20, 10:30. Eagle Eye 1:20, 4:10, 7, 9:50. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist 12:40, 3, 5:20, 7:40, 10:10. Nights in Rodanthe 2:40, 7:50. Passengers 12:10, 2:30, 4:50, 7:10, 9:30. Saw V Fri-Sat 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 10, 12:15 a.m.; SunThur 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:30, 10.

WEST HOLLYWOOD, BEVERLY HILLS, CENTURY CITY AMC Century City 15, 10250 Santa Monica Bl, (310) 2772011. Beverly Hills Chihuahua Fri-Sun 9:35 a.m., noon, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:50; Mon-Wed noon, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:50; Thur 1:35, 4, 10:20. Body of Lies Fri-Sun 9:50 a.m., 12:55, 4:05, 7:15, 10:25; Mon-Thur 12:55, 4:05, 7:15, 10:25. Burn After Reading Fri-Sun 9:40 a.m., 2:25, 7:20; Mon-Thur 2:25, 7:20. Eagle Eye: The IMAX Experience IMAX Fri-Sun 11 a.m., 1:55, 4:55, 7:50, 10:45; IMAX Mon-Thur 1:55, 4:55, 7:50, 10:45. High School Musical 3: Senior Year Fri 9:30 a.m., 10:55 a.m., 12:20, 1:40, 3:10, 4:25, 6:05, 7:10, 8:55, 9:55, 11:40, 12:30 a.m.; Sat 10:55 a.m., 12:30, 1:40, 3:15, 4:25, 6:05, 7:10, 8:55, 9:55, 11:40, 12:30 a.m.; Sun 9:30 a.m., 10:55 a.m., 12:20, 1:40, 3:10, 4:25, 6:05, 7:10, 9, 9:55; MonThur 12:20, 1:40, 3:10, 4:25, 6:05, 7:10, 9, 9:55. Max Payne Fri-Sun 9:45 a.m., 12:15, 2:50, 5:25, 8:05, 10:40; Mon-Thur 12:15, 2:50, 5:25, 8:05, 10:40. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Fri-Sat 9:45 a.m., 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:15, 12:40 a.m.; Sun 9:45 a.m., 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:15; Mon-Thur 12:10, 2:40, 5:10, 7:40, 10:15. Nights in Rodanthe noon, 4:45, 10. Pride and Glory Fri-Sun 10:05 a.m., 1:15, 4:25, 7:30, 10:35; Mon-Thur 1:15, 4:25, 7:30, 10:35. Quarantine 1, 3:20, 5:45, 8:10, 10:30. Saw V Fri-Sat 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30, 10:50, midnight, 12:45 a.m.; Sun 11:30 a.m., 2, 4:30, 7, 9:30, 10:45; MonThur 12:25, 2:40, 5, 7:20, 9:45, 10:45. The Secret Life of Bees Fri-Sun 11:05 a.m., 1:50, 4:40, 7:35, 10:20; Mon-Thur 1:50, 4:40, 7:35, 10:20. Sex Drive Fri-Sat 10:45 a.m., 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45, 12:25 a.m.; Sun 10:45 a.m., 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45; Mon-Thur 1:30, 4:10, 7:05, 9:45. W. Fri-Sun 9:30 a.m., 10:15 a.m., 12:40, 1:25, 3:50, 4:35, 6:50, 7:45, 10:05; Mon-Thur 12:40, 1:25, 3:50, 4:35, 6:50, 7:45, 10:05. Laemmle’s Music Hall 3, 9036 Wilshire Bl, (310) 274-6869. Appaloosa Fri 5:20, 8:15; Sat-Sun noon, 2:40, 5:20, 8:15; Mon-Thur 5:20, 8:15. Tree of Life Fri 5:30, 7:40, 9:50; Sat-Sun 1:10, 3:20, 5:30, 7:40, 9:50; Mon-Thur 5:30, 7:40, 9:50. Tru Loved Fri 5, 7:30, 10; Sat-Sun noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Mon-Thur 5, 7:30, 10. Laemmle’s Sunset 5 Theatre, 8000 Sunset Bl, (323) 8483500. The Elephant King 1, 3:10, 5:20, 7:40, 10. The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror Fri-Sat 11:55. Happy-Go-Lucky 1, 1:55, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9:50, 10:45. Let the Right One In 1:30, 4:15, 7:10, 9:55. Noah’s Arc: Jumping the Broom 1:45, 4:20, 7:10, 9:45. The Room Sat only, 11:55. Beverly Center 13 Cinemas, 8522 Beverly Blvd., Suite 835,


Open Daily from 11:00am Ample Parking



(310) 652-7760. An American Carol 1, 3:20, 5:20, 7:40, 10. Blindness 12:50, 3:10, 5:30, 7:50, 10:10. Burn After Reading 12:30, 1:30, 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, 7:30, 8:30, 9:30. City of Ember 12:10, 2:20, 4:30, 6:50, 9. The Dark Knight 12:30, 3:30, 6:30, 9:30. The Express 12:10, 3:10, 6:10, 9:10. How to Lose Friends & Alienate People 12:20, 2:40, 5, 7:20, 9:50. Mamma Mia! 3, 7:40. Man on Wire 12:50, 2:40, 4:40, 6:50, 9:10. Miracle at St. Anna noon, 3, 6, 9. My Best Friend’s Girl 12:40, 5:10, 10:10. Nights in Rodanthe 12:20, 2:50, 5:10, 7:20, 9:40. Vicky Cristina Barcelona 12:40, 2:50, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40.

WESTWOOD, WEST L.A. AMC Avco Center, 10840 Wilshire Bl, (310) 475-0711. Eagle Eye 1:45, 4:20, 7, 9:45. Max Payne Fri 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50; Sat 11:50 a.m., 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50; Sun-Thur 2:15, 4:40, 7:15, 9:50. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Fri 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30; Sat 11:55 a.m., 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30; Sun-Thur 2:20, 4:30, 7:05, 9:30.

Passengers Fri 2:05, 4:50, 7:30, 10:05; Sat 11:45 a.m., 2:05, 4:50, 7:30, 10:05; Sun-Thur 2:05, 4:50, 7:30, 10:05. Laemmle’s Royal Theatre, 11523 Santa Monica Bl, (310) 477-5581. I’ve Loved You So Long 1:20, 4:10, 7, 9:45. Landmark’s Nuar t Theater, 11272 Santa Monica Bl, (310) 281-8223. Frontrunners FriSun noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Mon-Thur 5, 7:30, 10. The Rocky Horror Picture Show Sat only, midnight. Up in Smoke Fri only, midnight. Landmark’s Regent, 1045 Broxton Av, (310) 281-8223. High School Musical 3: Senior Year 1:45, 4:30, 7:15, 10. The Landmark West Los Angeles, 10850 W Pico Bl, (310) 281-8223. Body of Lies Fri-Mon 10:50 a.m., 1:40, 4:35, 7:30, 10:25; Tue 10:50 a.m., 4:35, 9:45; Wed-Thur 10:50 a.m., 1:40, 4:35, 7:30, 10:25. Changeling Fri-Mon 11 a.m., 12:40, 2:10, 3:10, 4, 5:20, 6:15, 7:15, 8:30, 9:15, 10:20; Tue 11 a.m., 12:40, 2:10, 4, 5:20, 7:15, 8:30, 10:20; Wed 11 a.m., 12:40, 2:10, 3:10, 4, 5:20, 7:15, 8:30, 10:20; Thur 11 a.m., 12:40, 2:10, 3:10, 4, 5:20, 6:15, 7:15, 8:30, 9:15, 10:20. The Duchess Fri-Mon 11:15 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 7:10, 9:45; Tue 1:55, 7:10; Wed 11:15 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 10:10; Thur 11:15 a.m., 1:55, 4:35, 7:10, 9:45.

Happy-Go-Lucky 11:05 a.m., 1:45, 4:30, 7:25, 10:10. Rachel Getting Married 11:20 a.m., 2:05, 4:50, 7:35, 10:15. Religulous 12:20, 2:50, 5:20, 7:50, 10:20. RocknRolla 11:45 a.m., 2:30, 5:15, 8, 10:35. Synecdoche, New York 11 a.m., 1:50, 4:40, 7:35, 10:25. W. Fri-Mon 10:50 a.m., 12:10, 1:45, 4:50, 7:45, 10:40; Tue 10:50 a.m., 1:45, 4:50, 7:45, 10:40; Wed-Thur 10:50 a.m., 12:10, 1:45, 4:50, 7:45, 10:40. What Just Happened? noon, 2:30, 4:55, 7:20, 9:50. Majestic Crest Theater, 1262 Westwood Bl, (310) 474-7866. Call theater for titles and showtimes. Mann Bruin, 948 Broxton Av, (310) 208-8998. Body of Lies 1:20, 4:20, 7:20, 10:20. Mann Festival 1, 10887 Lindbrook Av, (310) 208-4575. Sex Drive noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10. Mann Village, 961 Broxton Av, (310) 2085576. Sex Drive noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10.

– The Leopard (restored version), 7:30. Film critic Kevin Thomas will introduce the screening. American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre 11th Annual Arpa International Film Festival. See for more information. CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Japanese Ghost Stories – Kwaidan (full length version), 7:15. George Romero – Martin, 10:30. New Beverly Cinema The Dead Zone, 7:30; Pet Sematary, 9:35. L.A. County Museum of Art, Leo S. Bing Theatre, L.A., (323) 857-6010. Spotlight on Miklos Jancso – The Red and White, 7:30; Red Psalm, 9:15. UCLA Film & Television Archive at the Billy Wilder Theater, Hammer Museum, 10899 Wilshire Bl, L.A., (310) 206-3456. David Lean: Ten British Classics – Brief Encounter, 7:30; followed by The Passionate Friends.



THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23 American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre, Hollywood, (323) 466-3456. Special Screening – The Gits, 7:30; followed by a discussion with director Kerri O'Kane and producer Jessica Bender. CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre, Hollywood, (323) 655-2520. Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! – The Etruscan Kills Again, 8; followed by Tombs of the Blind Dead. New Beverly Cinema, L.A., (323) 9384038. Homicidal, 7:30; Strait-Jacket, 9:20.

American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre Tribute to the Late Bill Melendez! – Bon Voyage Charlie Brown, 4; preceded at 3 by refreshments and free stor y hour at the Ever y Picture Tells A Stor y galler y, 1311-C Montana Av, Santa Monica. Brand New 70mm Print! – West Side Story, 7:30. American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre 11th Annual Arpa International Film Festival. See for more information. CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Val Lewton – Curse of the Cat People, 7; folThe lowed Leopard Man. by HolyFuckingShit: Evil Children – The Children, 10:15. L.A. County Museum of Art, Leo S. Bing Theatre Four Masterpieces by Edward Yang – Yi Yi, 7:30. New Beverly Cinema The Dead Zone, 3:20, 7:30; Pet Sematary, 5:25, 9:35. The Wraith, 11:59.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre, Santa Monica, (323) 466-3456. Kevin Thomas’s Favorites

Depar tment and Their Fantastical Films – Darby O’Gill and the Little People, 5:30; followed by a discussion with creative contributors Michael Fink, Harrison Ellenshaw, and John Muto. American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre 11th Annual Arpa International Film Festival. See for more information. New Beverly Cinema I Wanna Hold Your Hand, 7; 1941, 9:10. UCLA Film & Television Archive at the Billy Wilder Theater, Hammer Museum David Lean: Ten British Classics – Great Expectations (1946), 7; followed by Oliver Twist (1948).

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27 CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Family Books Presents – The People Under the Stairs, 8; followed by The Serpent and the Rainbow. New Beverly Cinema I Wanna Hold Your Hand, 7:30; 1941, 9:35. UCLA Film & Television Archive at the James Bridges Theater, Melnitz Hall, UCLA, (310) 206-3456. Out of the Past: Film Restoration Today – The Raven (1915), 7:30; with the shor ts Colonel Heeza Liar-Naturalist and In the Shadow of the Pyramids. Live musical accompaniment by Michael Mor tilla.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28 American Cinematheque at the Egyptian Theatre ITVS Documentar y Series – Lioness, 7:30. Free admission; first come, first ser ved; panel discussion with par ticipants to be announced. CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre Special Events – TV Tuesday: Halloween Edition, 8. L.A. County Museum of Art, Leo S. Bing Theatre Tuesday Matinee – The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945), 1. New Beverly Cinema I Wanna Hold Your Hand, 7:30; 1941, 9:35.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26 American Cinematheque at the Aero Theatre A Tribute to the Disney Studios Ar t






WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29 CineFamily at the Silent Movie Theatre The Man of 1,000 Faces: Lon Chaney – The Phantom of the Opera (1925), 8. New Beverly Cinema The Midnight Meat Train, 7:30; Candyman, 9:30.

-Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE








Academy Award® Winner


and Ellen




a film by seth grossman


NOW PLAYING AND CONTINUING AT L HOLLYWOOD ArcLight Cinemas At Sunset & Vine (323) 464-4226 Fri.: 11:25 • 2:15 • 4:55 • 7:55 • 10:35 Sat.- Tues. & Thurs.: 11:25 • 2:15 • 4:55 7:55 • 10:25 Wed.: Closed for screening F IRVINE Edwards Westpark 8 (800) FANDANGO #144

L WEST LOS ANGELES The LANDMARK at W. Pico & Westwood (310) 281-8233 Free Parking. Daily: 11:20 • 2:05 • 4:50 • 7:35 • 10:15

L PASADENA Laemmle’s Playhouse 7 (626) 844-6500 Tickets available @

L SHERMAN OAKS ArcLight Cinemas At The Sherman Oaks Galleria (818) 501-0753 Fri.: 2:55 • 5:35 • 8:15 • 10:55 Sat. & Sun.: 11:35 • 2:20 • 4:55 • 7:35 • 10:10 Mon.- Thurs.: 11:50 • 2:20 • 5:05 • 7:35 • 10:25





STARTS FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24 ! F ALISO VIEJO Edwards Aliso Viejo Stadium 20 (800) FANDANGO #116 F BREA Edwards Brea Stadium 22 (800) FANDANGO #120 F BURBANK AMC Burbank 16 (818) 953-9800 G CAMARILLO Regency Paseo Camarillo Cinemas (805) 383-2267 G CLAREMONT Laemmle’s Claremont 5 (909) 621-5500 Tickets available @ F FOOTHILL RANCH Regal Foothill Towne Center Stadium 22 (800) FANDANGO #135

F LAGUNA NIGUEL Regency Rancho Niguel 8 (949) 831-0446 LONG BEACH United Artists Marketplace (800) FANDANGO #509 L MANHATTAN BEACH Pacific’s Manhattan Village (310) 607-0007 (#056) F ONTARIO AMC Ontario Mills 30 (310) 289-4262 F ONTARIO Edwards Ontario Palace Stadium 22 (800) FANDANGO #153 G ORANGE Cinemark CineArts @ Century Stadium 25 (800) FANDANGO #913

F ORANGE AMC 30 at the Block (714) 769-4AMC F PALM DESERT Cinemas Palme d’ Or (760) 779-0730 G PALM SPRINGS Regal Cinemas Palm Springs Stadium 9 (800) FANDANGO #694 F RIVERSIDE Regal Riverside Plaza Stadium 16 (800) FANDANGO #1722 F ROLLING HILLS Regal Avenues Stadium 13 (800) FANDANGO #158

L SAN LUIS OBISPO Downtown Center Cinema (805) 546-8600 F SANTA BARBARA Paseo Nuevo (805) 963-9503 F TEMECULA Edwards Temecula Stadium 15 (800) FANDANGO #167 G WEST HILLS Laemmle’s Fallbrook 7 (818) 340-8710 F WOODLAND HILLS AMC Promenade 16 (310) 289-4AMC CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES OR CALL FOR SHOWTIMES



STARTs FRIDAY, october 24th! L WEST HOLLYWOOD Laemmle’s Sunset 5 (323) 848-3500 Tickets available @ Daily: 1:00 • 3:10 • 5:20 • 7:40 • 10:00 F IRVINE Edwards Westpark 8 (800) FANDANGO #144 Daily: 1:40 • 4:30 • 7:30 • 9:50 F L



1x4 CITY BEAT THURS. 10/23

Patrick Killoran


✺ RD



ext time you find a wallet in a crowded part of town, don’t just take the cash and run – you might be part of a work of art. I caught up with the artist responsible for such scenarios, Patrick Killoran, at LACMA. Killoran’s work mostly happens in public spaces outside museum and gallery walls. He’ll lose 200 fake wallets in the city center, or an importantlooking set of keys in a gallery. In one piece, he covered taxicabs in giant stickers bearing the image of the drivers’ naked bodies. Oftentimes, there’s no way to document his art, and there has been no marketing or sale of art objects. But that’s really the whole point, isn’t it? –Gabrielle Paluch L.A. CityBeat: What inspired you to do the project with the wallets? Patrick Killoran: If you look at a lot of my projects, they pretty much all happen in a space that isn’t an exhibition and they’re not necessarily labeled as an artwork, so when you’re experiencing them nobody’s telling you what you’re looking at. So when you see a car that’s covered in an enormous sticker of someone’s body, it’s a strange event where you end up talking to the driver about his nipples but there’s no frame around it to tell you you’re having an art experience How do you feel about people who respond critically and say what you do is not art? Well, I guess that’s the history of the 20th century. I’m interested in extending the field in which art can exist, and for me my work for the past 10 or 12 years has been about building a practice that has an aspect of anonymity. Maybe someone has a meaningful event, an event where someone has to make a moral decision, or an event where someone feels they have transgressed something, but perhaps that’s not contingent on having been told that that’s an artwork – by me or anyone else. Are you heavily influenced by relational aesthetics? When I talk about my influences, I cite David Hammons. His most famous work is hanging out in SoHo just as it’s transitioning and putting out a blanket with the rest of the street merchants and he makes snowballs and sells them, and it’s very aware of the pointless marketing of an object, the idea of the elevation of the neighborhood through a consumerist renovation. It works in a way that maybe you have to come to it instead of it coming to you. I think I fit well into that group of artists dealing with the questions addressed by relational aesthetics: Nicholas Bourriaud was interested in questioning a service economy as I am. But Bourriaud was also emphasizing the fact that these works were occurring in an exhibition space, which none of my works do except for Observation Deck. It became very clear to me that I wasn’t interested in being in the gallery.

because it’s so incredibly congested and most American cities expand out but New York can only expand up, giving it a particular type of limitation that you don’t see other places. Or that you don’t have to own a car and there’s all this overlap on public transportation, even if it’s superficial, you just can’t avoid the neighborhood because at one point they all get on the subway with you. But at the same time New York is going through some sort of weird transition right now where everybody who isn’t a millionaire is getting pushed out into the boroughs. I think New York just has a different set of properties. L.A. has a type of economic autonomy, too, at least in the art world. Both cities, L.A. and New York, have this gravitational pull in the art world where if you live somewhere else, you’re always living in relationship to that city.

Since your work is generally not in galleries but in public spaces, how has the public space in L.A. affected your work? In L.A. there isn’t a huge number of places where people overlap and converge, like a space where people can go to protest or give a speech. Coming from New York where I know places where tons of people hang out and give political speeches, or crazy people with ideologies – that’s interesting to me and difficult to find here. But in some ways for my work it’s OK because I’m so interested in how consumerism has formed public space, and in the United States it’s taken on a very specific structure, such that L.A. to me is like America on steroids. And New York is some weird anomaly

Which specific public spaces in L.A. are interesting to you then? I went with a friend to a farmers market, which was a really funny place to me. It was just after I’d moved here, and my friend told me, “OK, we’re going to the farmers market, and we’re probably going to run into a couple people. But don’t think that this is how L.A. works. You don’t normally have this situation.” For this city, the public spaces are all defined by common interests, such that she was actually hard-pressed to find a place where she could just sit and people would pass by. I think that’s the dynamic I find interesting here: There’s a weird bypass in L.A., because the things that draw people together are interests, and beyond that there is no


overlap. Or, like, the lines in L.A. Nobody seems to be able to tell me where the line is that divides east and west. It’s like a sliding scale depending on whom you ask, they’re all trying to figure out a way to centralize their own zones. For your new project you are now a Schattenhändler [shadow-merchant]. Would you like to purchase my shadow? Well, there’s a whole contract and ceremony, so I can’t buy it right this very moment. But we can start negotiating the price. It’s a very specific contract that states that I own your shadow throughout the universe forever and then I take a photo of it. You sign the contract and I pay you, and then that’s it. Would you like to take a look at it? As long as you own the shadow that’s all that matters. Now it’s about five o’clock, it’s a pretty big shadow, but that doesn’t matter. It depends on what people want me to pay. Here’s this thing, your shadow, something people assume they have without question, and is attached to their bodies, and can I basically commodify that, and how absurd of a gesture that becomes. How much would you offer me for my shadow? How much would you want? [Lots of negotiation follows.] I’ve noticed lots of people back out once they realize they’re going to have to sign a contract, and then everybody at one point tries not to take the money. But I have to insist.V Learn more about Killoran’s work at



Super-Sized Rave Named Most Likely Place to Meet Jailbait in CostumE By ramie becker



his Saturday, the Los Angeles Sports Arena will once again be bursting at the seams with the largest Halloween-themed dance music festival in the country, Monster Massive. Now in its 11th year, the Go Ventures production company has reined in top-shelf, mass-appeal names in trance, electro, house, and drum ’n’ bass. Paul Van Dyk, Pete Tong, Judge Jules, Steve Lawler, Markus Schulz, Felix Da Housecat, LTJ Bukem, among many others, will be bass-bin banging all night long, splitting the venue into four ghoulishly decorated areas of dance debauchery. Considering this year’s attendance boom at large-scale dance music festivals such as summer’s Electric Daisy Carnival, which boasted 50,000 revelers, Monster Massive looks to be an epic, oversized thunderdome of a dance party. It’s become an annual experiment in absurdity and excess, and although the amount of DJ talent is hard to argue with, the combination of underage “dance music enthusiasts” + enormous public indoor venue + Halloween tomfoolery sounds like a recipe for simultaneous disaster and success. What to expect? If past Monster Massives are any indication, there will be seas of saucer-eyed ravers dressed up as blood-splattered zombies, Lolita fairies, filthy-minded doctors, and of course, an unnecessary abundance of “sexy” insert-traditional-vocation-here costumes, straight out of the local stripper store. Speaking as an MM veteran, I’ll give you a word of warning: Monster Massive can be a pricey exercise in pleasure and pain, producing alternate moments of maddening claustrophobia and total dance-dance elation, even if you are stone-cold sober. If shuffling around in cattle-like crowds and waiting in ridiculously long lines for bathrooms/overpriced drinks is a personal quest of yours, then Monster Massive is your chance to triumph over adversity. Want to up the ante? My suggestion is go in an awkward and complicated costume that will annoy people sardine-packed around you AND require laborious re-construction after each trip to the bathroom. Make your own Sparta! Of course, the question remains: Will wading through torrents of tripping teenagers to see superstar DJs be worth the $50-$60 ticket price? Who knows? You might find yourself as I did, dancing outdoors in the rain with a girl dressed as Frida Kahlo to a blissful set by Felix Da Housecat. Or, you might witness one too many 15-year-olds lose their lunch on the side of the dance floor. If you choose to brave the rave inside of Southern California’s largest indoor venue, be sure to climb to the higher seats of the arena so as to witness the stunning sight of tens of thousands churning and gurning. The monstrosity that is Monster Massive happens Sat., 7 p.m.-4 a.m., at the Los Angeles Sports Arena, 3939 S. Figueroa Blvd., L.A. Tickets, schedules, and other info available at✶ –Ramie Becker

The Presidents of the United States of America Will See You Now

1990s pop-punkers seek another term By Ron Garmon


thers may hesitate at the idea of a 1990s revival, but the Presidents of the United States are made of sterner stuff. Dismissed by some back-when as a Seattle mutation, a kind of misshapen, buffoonish afterbirth to grunge, POTUS compounded the crime of being funny in an era that demanded the purplest angst with the gall of moving millions of units doing it. The trio’s self-titled 1995 debut album was one of those freakish mega-hits that confound front-office and critic alike, with big-volume nonsense like “Lump,” “Peaches,” and “Kitty” (the last a cunning ode to quim worthy of a pussy Catullus) doing the hand-jive all over MTV. As a band, the Presidents had a short life and a merry one, with the inevitable selftitled (and Roman-numerated) 1996 sequel doing the old secondalbum wipeout with all the aplomb of three pros making the trains wreck on time. Fast-forward to the rancid finish of the next decade, sardonicism is a way of life and POTUS is back, having made a couple of false exits over the years. The Presidents’ latest public statement is These Are The Good Times People, its titular message of statesmanlike optimism sweetly undercut by the single “Mixed-Up S.O.B.,” a toxicgirlfriend anthem that shows the band’s lost nothing in the way of power-pop springiness. I expect their set at the Troub on Friday night to crackle with old-timey out-of-the-box noisemakers like “Candy,” “Naked and Famous,” and their spray-paint gloss on the MC5’s “Kick Out the Jams,” with Chris Ballew’s revised opener, “I’ve been elected to rock your asses till midnight!” Opening are perpetual Seattle wunderkinder the Blakes and the homegrown L.A. yawlp of New Maximum Donkey, whose “Other Side of Yellow” is a laff-riot well up to standards set by the distinguished top of the ticket.✶ The Presidents of the United States of America, Fri., 8 p.m. The Troubadour, 9081 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood.


NIGHTBEAT Creedence Clearwater Revival


The first six albums from this epochal San Francisco band are out on remastered digipacked CDs and the thoughtful folks over at Fantasy Records slung the whole boiling over my transom last week. Ah, the basics … like the hallucino-shimmer opening “Born on the Bayou,” shredded once John Fogerty begins to snarl of strange lusts on the Fourth of July, but enough to take us headlong into the band’s sophomore LP; a crazed, cuzzin-humping vision of the American South. Dixie is a formidable touchstone and more than one non-redneck artist has cracked a skull on it, but what makes CCR’s music superior to (say) Nick Cave’s is realization that the truly scary thing about the place isn’t the violence, but the madness. “Bootleg” is a murmur of rebellion, “Graveyard Train” a moan of grief, and the cover of Little Richard’s “Good Golly Miss Molly” a gonad howl, all outsized passions the rest of America gave up long ago for business as usual. To my taste, the peak is the scathing hobo’s elucidation of the space between everything and nothing in “Penthouse Pauper,” but most people prefer “Proud Mary,” the band’s biggest hit and the album’s one sustained burst of sunshine. “Keep on Chooglin’” is a long psych-blues jam-asfoundational-text, endlessly copped and filched from since the day the vinyl hit shops in January 1969. Creedence did four more albums over the next two years, but Bayou Country was the endlessly retooled prototype. –Ron Garmon

Moshi Moshi Records serves up a sampler of electro remixes from its impressive roster of freshon-the-radar artists like Bloc Party, as well as indietronica staples Hot Chip and Jimmy Tamborello (Dntel). Available on, the compilation requires some picking-and-choosing/clicking-anddownloading, but is ultimately worth the scavenge. Quietly emotive post-pop tempered with delicately complex electro production, this album is dance music for elegant introverts, perfect for those evenings of dancing alone/crying/drinking red wine. James Yuill’s stunner “No Pins Allowed” inspires tipsy interpretive dance, while Au Revoir Simone’s “Sad Song” encourages inebriated re-readings of old love letters. Sweat out the rest of the Franzia to Architecture in Helsinki’s “Do the Whirlwind,” but save Open Backets’s treatment of Tilly and the Wall’s “Beat Control” for last. Why? You won’t want to miss its kaleidoscopic effect, splashing colorsoaked patterns of sound across your bedroom ceiling. –Ramie Becker

Bayou Country (Fantasy)

rose hill drive They’re known as the pride of Boulder, Colorado, these three young hippies calling themselves Rose Hill Drive. With one foot in the classic, blues-based rock and roll of their grandparents’ generation – Pete Townshend’s a big fan, and they’ve opened for the Who on two tours – and the other in the HORDE/jamband circuit, brothers Jake and Daniel Sproul, and Nate Barnes, have been boogieing up and down and round and round in recent months. The group’s new album, Moon is the New Earth, conjures up images of the Hendrix Experience, Vanilla Fudge and Humble Pie … but with enough grit to make you want to play it right after your Kyuss or Queens of the Stone Age albums. –Joshua Sindell Thurs. at Spaceland, 1717 Silver Lake Blvd., Silver Lake, (323) 661-4380,

This Week’s Highlights Thursday, October 23

Bayside. Long Island sensitive punk types keep churning out somewhat samey albums, like the new Shudder. The Troubadour, West Hollywood, Chiodos, Silverstein, Escape the Fate. Michigan’s Chiodos sure know how to divide a scene: Folks love and hate them for their frenetic zig-zagging between the punk, emo, and metal genres. The Wiltern, Los Angeles, Flaming Fire. Brooklyn collective performs with a near-religious zeal. Silverlake Lounge, Silver Lake, Human Giant. MTV sketch-comedy troupe brings the funny. Largo, Los Angeles, Innerpartysystem. Rising Pennsylvania dance-rockers should bring attendees at the small Viper Room to their feet. Viper Room, West Hollywood, Love Grenades. Songwriter Liz Wight leads her tuneful indie-pop group through its paces. The Echo, Echo Park, Taj Mahal & the Phantom Blues Band. The 66-year-old guitarist can still slay ’em with a single note. House of Blues Sunset Strip, West Hollywood, Slaughter. Not-so-much-hair-left metal. Key Club, West Hollywood, Stereolab, Richard Swift, Monade. Stereolab’s new Chemical Chords is another fine excursion into their world of electronic art rock. Music Box @ Fonda, Hollywood, Tiger Army. Local psychobilly titans dominate Anaheim for a few days, plus new opening bands each night. The Grove of Anaheim. Also Fri.-Sun. Dar Williams, Shawn Mullins. Two non-cloying folk artists on the same bill … rejoice! El Rey Theatre, Miracle Mile,

Friday, October 24

Foreigner. Not quite as hot blooded as they once were. Where’s Lou Gramm? House of Blues Sunset Strip. Girl Talk, Grand Buffet, Hearts of Darknesses. Laptop guru Girl Talk (a.k.a. Gregg Gillis) brings his mashup dance-dance madness to the big stage. Music Box @ Fonda. Also Sat. Iced Earth, Saviours, Into Eternity. Epic, Florida-based power-metallers Iced Earth can be thrilling or exhausting. The Wiltern. The Presidents of the United States of America. Overplayed in the ’90s, the Seattle trio is regardless undeniably entertaining in intimate settings. The Troubadour.

Saturday, October 25

Margaret Cho, Liam Sullivan, Kelly. Comedian Cho headlines two shows tonight, with her special guests. Long Beach Terrace Theater, Long Beach, Chris Cornell and Timbaland. Former Soundgarden vocalist Cornell unveils his new, poppier direction. House of Blues Sunset Strip. Flogging Molly, Jackson United. It’s always an Irish-punk hoedown when the Mollys return home. Plus Foo Fighter Chris Shiflett plays with his band, Jackson United. Hollywood Palladium, Hollywood, Vince Gill. Country-music star Gill presents his songs in what’s billed as “an intimate evening.” Walt Disney Concert Hall, downtown L.A., The Mountain Goats, Kaki King. John Darnielle and his Mountain Goats are among the most literate groups around. Support comes from acclaimed guitarist King. The Troubadour. Also Sun. Opus Dai. Local prog-metal group hosts a Halloween party. Whisky a Go Go, West Hollywood, Sarah Silverman and Friends. Silverman hosts her monthly comic showcase. Largo. SoCal Rock Revolution. Kottonmouth Kings, (hed)pe, Unwritten Law, Finch, the Knives, and Eek-a-Mouse join more than 80(!) other bands, performing on eight stages. Noon-2 a.m. Hollywood Park Casino, Inglewood,

Sunday, October 26

The Dave Brubeck Quartet. Plenty of cool to go around when the jazz piano genius plays. Walt Disney Concert Hall. Carnifex. San Diegan death metal crew play with extreme volume and intensity. Whisky a Go Go. Foo Fighters, ZZ Top. The two mega-groups headline the annual Love Ride motorcycle benefit event. Fairplex,, Pomona. Grand Ol’ Echo. The hoedown begins at 5 p.m. with guests El Californio, David Serby & the Sidewinders, the Gentlemen Farmers, and Madame Pamita. The Echo. Neil Hamburger. America’s funnyman continues his residency. Spaceland. Thelonious Monk Institute Benefit. Concert and gala to honor B.B. King and support public school music education. Performers include Herbie Hancock, Bono and the Edge, and many more. 5 p.m. Kodak Theatre, Hollywood, Kamelot. Power-metallers from Florida. Like Iced Earth, but not. Key Club. Stan Ridgway, Rob Zabrecky, The Janks. Ridgway hosts “Halloween of Voodoo,” complete with magician Zabrecky. House of Blues Sunset Strip.

Monday, October 27

Jack’s Mannequin. Andrew “Something Corporate” McMahon’s onetime solo project is now, indeed, bigtime corporate rock, having debuted latest album The Glass Passenger in the Billboard Top 10. The Troubadour. Also Tues. Robyn. Swedish pop cuties goes introspective (possibly) and acoustic. Hotel Cafe, Hollywood,

Tuesday, October 28

Against Me!, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Future of the Left. Political punk bands who actually know how to write hooks to go with their messages. The Wiltern. Apocalyptica. Finnish cellists take heavy metal to new heights. The Avalon. Creature Feature. Local Goth-rockers with nicely spooky songs. Whisky a Go Go. The Kooks, The Whigs. Hooky guitar-rock from the U.K.’s Kooks; plus Georgia’s Whigs. Hollywood Palladium. Jeffrey Lewis. Maybe, the anti-folkie will do some Crass covers. Maybe, he won’t. Spaceland. Spinnerette. Former Distillers frontwoman Brody Dalle returns with a new band. Alex’s Bar, Long Beach, Also Wed. at Spaceland. Becky Stark, The Shoe. Lavender Diamond’s Stark flies alone; plus singer-actress Jena Malone’s the Shoe. Tangier, Los Feliz, Umphrey’s McGee, Tea Leaf Green. Tricky prog-jammers and their fans will be in heaven tonight. House of Blues Sunset Strip.

Wednesday, October 29

The Hackensaw Boys. Charlottesville, Virginia, crew inspired equally by bluegrass and punk. Redwood Bar & Grill, downtown L.A., Maylene and the Sons of Disaster, A Static Lullaby. Southern metal (Maylene) meets Cali metalcore (Static Lullaby). The Troubadour. The Notwist. The amorphous German band plays everything from darkwave electronica to thunderous metal. Music Box @ Fonda.

Ed Vallance

The Modern Life (Rebel Group)

It’s fascinating that Ed Vallance doesn’t get more praise. A genuine bard with much appeal for the Sondre Lerche crowd, and surprisingly few people are bothering with his work. The Modern Life is simple arithmetic: Acoustic guitar plus quiet vocals bouncing off of drums equals a weighty album. Some of it is a bit too heavyhanded, with Vallance cooing like Bowie (on “Psychic Radio Songs”) or when he starts to build up to a few instances that scream “Space Oddity,” as on “Spark of Life.” Lyrics on this album go from completely honest, “Who am I/ Just another modern whore” on “The Modern Life” to the confessional “lifetime/sunshine/I don’t remember/I couldn’t leave/I couldn’t stay” of “Go.” All this could come off a bit pretentious if it were being played at, say, Starbucks, but since the artist hasn’t been selling anything besides his music, it’s copacetic. Not a home run album, but that shouldn’t make Vallance hazardous to your musical library. –Nathan Solis

Moshi Electro Compilation (Moshi-Moshi)

Eagles of Death Metal Heart On (Downtown)

Certain tin-eared fanboys would have you believe that Queens of the Stone Age mainman Josh Homme has been goldbricking it of late, somehow not caring as much as he apparently once did. (Guess they weren’t aware of the recent benefit concert held in Hollywood for recently deceased local musician Natasha Shneider, which Homme organized; or bothered to hear the still-intriguing songs on 2007’s critically-acclaimed Era Vulgaris.) Best leave them to follow the latest fads; the rest of us will dig this new Eagles of Death Metal disc, which finds Homme and singer-guitarist Jesse “Boots Electric” Hughes enjoying themselves to the fullest, their mix of glam and glitter at its most infectious this third time around. Hughes, a man concerned with dancin’, romancin’, and, apparently, “Pretty Prancin’,” still sneaks plenty of peeks at the Keith Richards playbook circa 1972, but his lyrics display an amiable warmth uncommon in today’s hard rock; on “Wannabe in L.A.,” he admits selling his soul for stardom, but allows that there’s some good folks here in the City of Angels. (How Big Lebowski of him!) Only Hughes’s blatant Steely Dan rip, “Now I’m a Fool,” fails to convince; otherwise there’s plenty of the Eagles’s usual fine, salacious mustache rock to go around. Homme adds more of his confident falsetto vocals to the mix than ever, Chris Goss and Brody Dalle add secret sauce, and the whole shebang goes down as satisfyingly as Hughes’s pancake concoction that you can currently order at your local Denny’s. Mm-mm good. –Joshua Sindell

all grown up


he other day I noticed This can go any number a Rage Against the of ways, but for the sake Machine sticker on of saving paper, I’ll limit it a new car. Like, brand to two. When I was taking a spanking new car with class on art history, the paper plates and all. And professor had a soft voice it dawned on me like the with a succinct vocabulary rising sun itself: The Rage By Nathan Solis and a small range of generation is all grownexpressions. But she let it up now. Those same slip that she was an X fan kids who protested at (as in the L.A. band, not the the Democratic National generation). For those who know what X shows Convention outside of Staples Center in 2000 are like, kids normally don’t talk in succinct and got to see themselves a free Rage show, expressions in soft voices. People slamdance they’re adult, adults, now. They’re buying and mosh as though wasting oxygen was a cars, having families, drinking light beer, and game. Shoes are lost and people climb on top are now in a position of (relative) power. But of each other and all types of fun is had (trying is this radical generation going to start a not to throw up is a game too, but with more revolution, or have we been too inundated by losers than winners). the hopeless unreality of MTV? That’s one side of the coin – the other side Who knows what radical ideas we learned is all the kids who never stopped partying, from The Battle for Los Angeles or Evil never grew up, and burned out one too many Empire? Here we are, eight years after Bush brain cells. Every generation has to grow up Jr. and robot Cheney took office, and a lot of eventually (cough, baby boomers, cough). people who were throwing up in mosh pits are So, crackbabies of the 1980s, show me what going to be looking after our best interests in you’ve got. Either that person with the RATM court or the ER (let that sink in for a minute). sticker was super-successful and channeled Does this mean that your lawyer is going all that hostility from the music into a career, to ask you for a Zig-Zag at your next case, or they won the car on The Price is Right and or that we’re going to see a massive push we’re all screwed.✶ for legalization of everything? Probably not.


Sonya Kitchell




Padlock Blues


This Storm was recorded and produced by Grammy® Award winner Malcolm Burn (Daniel Lanois, Peter Gabriel, Emmylou Harris) after Kitchell’s first tour as the vocalist for jazz legend Herbie Hancock. “We all sat down with these songs and let them grow and unfold and become creatures on their own,” Kitchell says of her time in the studio.” “With a knockout voice that alternately evokes the smokiness of Norah Jones, the soulfulness of Joss Stone and the ethereal sweetness of Sarah McLachlan, Kitchell is destined for great things. “ – C.A, People Magazine

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The Fast Finish of Safari Sam’s: I was packing for another long weekend of desert debauch when the rumors began to swirl in earnest about the demise of Safari Sam’s. The Sunset Boulevard venue, named after owner Sam Lanni’s fabled, equally short-lived Huntington Beach establishment that flourished for a couple of well-remembered years back in the mid-1980s, was a noble attempt to bridge the narrow chasm between the Hollywood and Silver Lake scenes. The new Sam’s opened in mid-2006 to as close to sentimental goodwill as Hollywood gets, with crowds of scenesters overflowing into the street every night for months. The Hollywood old mob and rockers-for-life, in particular, took to the place, and pals from the Dragonfly and Garage days hailed me every time I walked past the open doors. The venue didn’t survive the hoopla’s subsiding and eventually emptied out, with sharp-eyed observers of the venue’s MySpace page reportedly getting an early view of the club’s impending fate in a recent blurb – “If your band draws less than 20 people during the week or less than 30 people on weekends here at Safari Sam’s then we will not ask you to play here again.” Well, the per-ton price of snot in Hollywood is low enough for this to pass without (much) notice. Still, losing friends and alienating people is a bad way to operate even here and the stories flying around Clubland indicate Lanni was doing landoffice business of late at pissing people off. Rumors abound as to where all the money went, but partner Chad Forrello isn’t talking about it. “It’s difficult for me to go through the emotions on this,” he told me on Monday, his voice sounding hollow and blasted over the phone. “I stopped working there day-to-day last February and our relationship deteriorated. I’m still an investor. It was absolutely shocking and heartbreaking to hear of the Sunset closing, but the calendar has been transferred to the Regent.” What of reports in Kevin Bronson’s blog of Lanni’s “mounting debts”? “That might be a part of it but considering he’s still holding onto a large sum of my money, I can’t really say anything negative.” Sound policy, no doubt, and Chad points to one plausible reason for Lanni’s straits – “It took us two years for the club to open and I think that’s where the trouble started,” he remembers. “That was a lot of money. I don’t think anyone was able to recover from that. It was really hard dealing with the city. To have us work as hard as we did and have the place close was really a heartbreaker. They let us in there last Friday to pick up our stuff and I just broke down, melted completely.” Nancy Sefton is manager for Dave Alvin and one of the ramrods behind the Dog & Pony Festival benefit for music industry cancer patients thrown at Sam’s this past Labor Day. “Sam’s been important enough in our community over the years and I understand he’s having financial issues,” Nancy allowed tolerantly, “but we put on this three-day event and we haven’t been paid for all the advance ticket sales yet, so I didn’t get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I got the e-mail Sam’s was to be shut down. We’ve got four cancer victims who are counting on this money.” “Chris Gaffney passed before the event took place, and the funds for him are for his family’s bill,” she continued, her voice sad and tired. “The three other victims have all had their surgeries and are all on a better side of it right now. We had everyone from Indie 103 to yourselves at CityBeat to Gibson Guitars and Amoeba Music helping out, plus tons of artists from the community with the art auction. Sam came forward, offered his club all three days and was gonna give us 100 percent of the door. He did finally sent a check, which I’m holding because the bank says there’s not enough funds there. He told me he’s been having a lot of problems and he’s been really up front and honest with me, or at least I think he’s been honest. The last thing he did was send us a check, which we got on October 7. It was post-dated October 10, I soon found out there wasn’t enough money in the bank, and a few hours later the club closed. There are people I’m accountable to on this and I’ve been holding off on making an announcement on how much we’ve raised. With his check, we’ve raised over $30,000. Without it, he owes us almost $7,000. This is a fine total for a benefit, but a drop in the bucket for four sets of medical bills.” “He just has to find a way to make good on this,” Nancy finished, after paying due tribute to an optimistic nature. “Everything will be fine with us and we’ll honor him if he just pays us that money.” To be continued ... –Ron Garmon



currently playing


Asleep on a Bicycle. Dream plays often seem virtually incomprehensible, but that’s certainly not the case with this funny, probing and poignant script by Tony Foster. An L.A. woman, Linda (Gina Garrison), narrates a wild dream involving her sleeping husband (Robert Foster), her mother (Cheryl Huggins) at two ages, her dead brother (understudy Ryan Radis), a fantasy daughter at three ages (Jade Dornfeld), the other woman (Deanna Cordano), a psychotic ancestor (Alexandra Hoover) and a nun (Patricia Rae). David Fofi’s fluid and fanciful staging for Elephant Theatre, abetted by sterling designers Joel Daavid and Matthew Richter, is literally a dream come true. Lillian Theater, Hollywood. (323) 960-4410. plays411/com/bicycle. Closes Oct. 25.

Neil Patrick Harris, hosting, trips balls

So Over the Ovations

Local 2008 stage awards bring the boredom BY DON SHIRLEY


he competition is almost over. Within a few weeks we’ll know the results. No, not those results. We’re talking about the Ovation Awards, L.A. Stage Alliance’s annual would-be-TonyAwards shebang. This year’s version takes place Nov. 17 at Cal State L.A.’s Luckman Fine Arts Complex. The home page of 2008 features a countdown of the number of days, hours, minutes, and seconds that remain in which you can buy tickets for the ceremony – much like Christmas shopping or NASA countdowns. Nice try, but the Ovations don’t generate quite as much anticipatory buzz as Santa Claus or a space launch – or even the George Bush Countdown Clock. I’m sure the nominees and their friends and families care. But if anyone else ever brings up the subject in conversation, it’s usually a theater devotee who wants to complain about the Ovations, not someone who’s speculating about who might win. One clue to help explain why these awards haven’t gripped the public imagination is in the titles of the shows that this year grabbed the most nominations: Miss Saigon (11), All Shook Up (10), Jekyll and Hyde (9), Singin’ in the Rain (9). Ho-hum. Except for All Shook Up, these are well-worn musicals (and even All Shook Up was in a touring version in Orange County shortly before its nominated production in Long Beach). I heard no reports that any of these productions cast new light on old routines – and the old routines in these four shows are not exactly the makings of universally acclaimed masterpieces. I admit it – even though I see about 300 shows each year, I saw none of these four productions. All four took place in L.A.’s fringes – Redondo Beach, Long Beach, and Thousand Oaks. All had relatively brief runs of two or three weeks for mostly local crowds. So there wasn’t much time for any favorable word of mouth to spread to the wider L.A. audiences, including the

Ovations voters. However, a show needs only 12 Ovation voters – out of 200 in 2007-08 or 265 in 2008-09 – to qualify for the awards. The results are then based on proportions of impressed voters. If the right 12 voters see a show and all of them like it, its chances are better than those of a show that was seen by 200 voters, even if 190 like the latter. Regardless of anyone’s opinion of these rules, they sometimes produce an unusually bland group of front-runners. Sure, there are fresher titles lower on the list of most-nominated productions (Secrets of the Trade and The Quality of Life, two premieres, received six nominations each). But if, say, Jekyll and Hyde were to win the most Ovations and if that victory were reported in, say, American Theatre magazine, it would make L.A.’s theater scene look like Podunk’s. The Ovations should spread the word about the originality and diversity of L.A.’s theater. Such results would be counter-productive. Why are only 12 voters required to see a qualifying show – and why is each voter required to see only 25 shows? Because of L.A.’s notorious distances? Boo-hoo. The voting pool should be reduced only to those voters who commit to seeing at least 50 or 75 or even 100 shows. If there were fewer but better informed voters, maybe L.A. Stage Alliance could arrange to pay a gas stipend. Yet for the 2008-09 season, artistic directors of L.A. Stage Alliance member organizations qualify as voters if they see a mere 10 productions (not their own). That’s the kind of change I can’t believe in. Another change for 2008-09 is slightly more promising – voters are encouraged to participate in a system that assigns them to see a few shows not of their own choosing, focusing on contenders that are having trouble rounding up even 12 voters. That might help, a little. But the Ovation system isn’t about to deserve standing ovations any time soon. V

Fatboy. John Clancy adapts and updates Ubu Roi, Alfred Jarry’s burlesque about a ravenous and brutal king and queen. The protagonists are now more or less contemporary Americans, Fatboy (Alexander Wells) and Fudgie (Rebecca Jordan), with shades of The Honeymooners or Married With Children taken to feverish, foul-mouthed, clown-faced extremes. A coda spells out the audience’s culpability in the unbridled consumption and greed on display, although everything is so EXAGGERATED that it’s easy to remain at a distance. Ian Forester’s staging for needtheater is a little sloppy around the edges, but then the characters are such slobs that I guess it shouldn’t matter. Imagined Life Theater (formerly 2100 Square Feet), mid-city L.A. (800) 838-3006. Closes Oct. 26.  Gem of the Ocean. August Wilson’s 2003 play is set in Pittsburgh’s Hill District in 1904, in the home of the legendary Methuselah-like sage Aunt Ester (Juanita Jennings), who is also mentioned in Two Trains Running (see review, below). Assisted by her young housekeeper (Tene Carter Miller) and handyman (Jeris Lee Poindexter), Ester washes the souls of people who seek her out, including a young sojourner (Keith Arthur Bolden) who fears he might have been responsible for another man’s death. But the plot arbitrarily pivots in the direction of an ex-slave (the magnetic Adolphus Ward), who is determined to rescue his sister from the Jim Crow South, but not before infuriating the local black political boss (Rodney Gardiner). The script is a mixed bag, with supernatural elements side by side with down-to-earth comedy. Director Ben Bradley successfully overcomes small-theater design limitations. Fountain Theatre, southeast Hollywood. (323) 663-1525. Closes Nov. 16. 43 Plays for 43 Presidents. This enormously entertaining revue consists of 43 short plays about each American presidency, presented in chronological sequence and created by Chicago’s Neo-Futurists, whose so-called “founding father” is Andrew Bayiates. Some of the best scenes are about some of the most obscure presidents. Paul Plunkett’s brilliant cast (Rafeal Clements, Constance Ejuma, Kelley Hazen, Michael Holmes, Scott Leggett, Tina Van Berckelaer) pack a surprising number of nuances into this quick-hit satirical format, which achieves some chills as well as chuckles and a few moments of startling currency from distant decades. The writing (by Bayiates, Sean Benjamin, Genevra Gallo, Chloe Johnston and Karen Weinberg) isn’t quite as sharp with the recent presidents, because it’s harder to come up with something fresh to say about them, but any group that make me care about Franklin Pierce has my vote. Sacred Fools Theater, Heliotrope near LACC. (310) 281-8337. SacredFools. org. Closes Oct. 26.   Push. Kristen Lazarian’s marital drama focuses on an affluent L.A. thirtysomething couple – a local TV reporter (Grinnell Morris) and a gallery owner (Julie Lancaster). The first act is reminiscent of a TV soap opera, except for longer pauses to change the set and a few conspicuously missing scenes. The second act, marginally more interesting, returns to the sequence of events to fill in some of those missing scenes and hammer home the point that suspicions of infidelity can become self-fulfilling – and toxic. It all seems rather commonplace in Michael Connors’ staging. Theatre 40, Beverly Hills. In repertory with Halo. (310) 364-0535. Closes Nov. 9. Two Trains Running. This play belongs on August Wilson’s B-list, but it’s wonderful to see it produced by the new Ebony Repertory Theatre in a seldom-used 400-seat venue owned by the city of Los Angeles. In 1969, a greasy-spoon cafe in Pittsburgh’s Hill District is about to be sold for urban renewal. Among the vivid, desperate conversationalists who frequent the place are its owner (Glynn Turman), a numbers runner (Felton Perry), a younger ex-con (Russell Hornsby), a local philosopher (Roger Robinson) and the owner of the nearby mortuary (Earl Billings). These characters tend to talk and talk, often in reaction to offstage developments. Relatively quiet – and more fascinating because of it – are a scarred waitress (Michole Briana White) and a crazy man who keeps repeating the same sentence (Ellis E. Williams). Director Israel Hicks should have judiciously trimmed or quickened the pace of the dialogue – opening night lasted nearly 3 1/2 hours. Holden Performing Arts Center, mid-city L.A. (323) 9649766. Closes Nov. 9.


–Don Shirley

UPCOMING IN-STORES at AMOEBA! All shows are FREE and ALL AGES! For full calendar of events visit: AMOEBA.COM

Thursday • October 23 • 7pm


The dynamic B-Boys Thes One and Double K make up one of the most prominent underground acts around. Their latest album, Fun DMC (out now) goes back to their roots for some hardcore fun body rockin’ showstoppin’ boom bap with productions and arrangements recalling the likes of Phil Spector and Brian Wilson as much as Pete Rock and Dr. Dre!

Wednesday • October 29 • 7pm


“Assured-beyond-their-years San Diego quartet the Muslims will definitely get a lot of attention for their name, but we’re much more interested in the band’s catchy, sorta sloppy and stark post-punk-infused rock ‘n’ roll.” — Playing live at Pehrspace, October 18th.

Friday • October 31 • 5pm


with Babl Bijits, the Badd Dancers, DJ Ultimate Tuna + more! Live spooky set from the Babl Bijits! Terror-tastic moves from the Badd Dancers! DJ Ultimate Tuna spinning a horrifying mix and the always spinetingling Amoeba Staff Halloween Costume Contest!! Join us for the frightening festivities to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve!! (the store will be closing at 9pm on Halloween so shop early and often!)

Saturday • November 1 • Noon


featuring DJ Lance Rock & friends! The Magic Store, W!LDBRAIN and Amoeba treat you to an afternoon of Yo Gabba Gabba! featuring DJ Lance Rock and friends! Bring the kids and enjoy the show! Meet DJ Lance Rock after the performance! Yo Gabba Gabba!: The Dancey Dance Bunch! season one DVD from Nickelodeon Home Entertainment and Paramount just hit shelves!

6400 SUNSET BLVD. (323) 245-6400 MON-SAT 10:30AM-11PM • SUN 11AM-9PM







Your month in readings


Fairy tales, as simple as they seem in the telling, are packed with all sorts of morals and lessons. That being the case, we should all take a page from Dame Darcy’s book Gasoline: A Rock & Roll Apocalyptic Fairy Tale. Her characters learn to live without gasoline and adopt a new lifestyle. Did I mention they’re witches? I’m so bad at anecdotes. She’ll also be performing as well as exhibiting her art. Wooh! Fri., Oct. 24, 6 p.m. La Luz de Jesus Gallery, 4633 Hollywood Blvd., L.A., (323) 666-7667. Halloween really is a pointless holiday, without any real relevance, but who cares? Amy Wallace, Del Howison, and Scott Bradley’s The Book of Lists: Horror is all about random, nonjudgmental – if grisly – facts, like Stephen King’s favorite horror novels or which 10 horror movies made the most money in the U.S. And, lucky us, they’ll be on hand for a preHalloween bash, with Slither director James Gunn, author David Wallechinsky and many more folks that will humor you on the subject of vampires and zombies. Sat., Oct. 25, 7:30 p.m. Skylight Books, 1818 N. Vermont Ave., L.A., (323) 660-1175. It seems that every year we hear about a new vampire book and I sort of roll my eyes. But author Les Klinger has managed to out-do all the pale skin vampire afficionados with The New Annotated Dracula, featuring 1,500 footnotes and some 200 illustrations. There will never be another argument about what style of hair the Count had or what was considered a faux pas in the Victorian Age. With an introduction by Sandman creator Neil Gaiman. Sat., Oct. 25, 2 p.m. Dark Delicacies, 4213 W. Burbank Blvd., Burbank, (818) 556-6660. They’ve been called his “magnum opus” and “Sistine Chapel,” but few who’ve seen Bernie Wrightston’s spiky, ridiculously detailed illustrations for Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein would deem such kudos hyperbole. Comparisons to Gustave Dore aren’t inappropriate either, and the great horror-comics artist today signs copies of the deluxe Darkwood Press edition of his influential 1983 take on this classic of world literature. Oct. 30. 12 noon–7 p.m. Dark Delicacies, 4213 W. Burbank Blvd., Burbank. Nothing is cooler than Batman, right? How about a Japanese ninja Batman?! Chipp Kidd’s newest book, Bat Manga: The Secret History of Batman in Japan, is the back story of a familiar guy dressed as a bat in training in the land of the rising sun. Experience ’60s Batman in ultra-colorful Japan, fighting baddies with the Boy Wonder. It’s all you thought you forgot about the campy Dark Crusader – but with all the POWS! and BOOMS! This is a signing by Kidd, a mixer for comic book fans, and there will be beer. Yikes, scary stuff. Nov. 12, 7 p.m. Meltdown Comics, 7522 Sunset Blvd., L.A., (323) 851-7223. Speaking of spooky things: Artie Lang. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. Probably one of the few comics who can go on stage and talk about his drug addiction, obesity and other hardships, and people will laugh their ass off and feel for the guy. He got his start on Howard Stern and now he’s a wandering nomad/author. Lang has penned it all in his book Too Fat to Fish. If the title doesn’t get you, you’re already dead. Nov. 14, 10 p.m. Book Soup, 8818 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, (310) 659-3110. –Nathan Solis


or depressed and sexually frustrated. Or all of the above, perhaps, in Japan in 1971 – how romantic! Red Colored Elegy is the tale of Japanese illustrator n Ichiro, his relationships, many fears, and bent head all ways, rendered in minimalist this year fashion. Author Seiichi marks the Hayashi uses sparse tragic end line work and of an era animation techniques in political borrowed from film to cartoons. In express the troubled case you needed relationship between another reason to Ichiro and his girlfriend believe life was ironic Sachiko stylistically, and cruel: The iconic New resulting in a moving and York Review caricaturist David Levine stunningly poetic work that is suffering from macular degeneration, inspired an album of the same and may be slowly going blind. On the title by Japanese folk singer upside, Fantagraphics Books is putting Morio Agata. out a collection of his drawings of The romance between American political figures which truly Ichiro and Sachiko not only highlight the incredible sensibility inspired a romantic ideal for and wit that will be missing from the a generation of Japanese comics world. For those of you in need readers, it also offered a of guidance, wanting a comics/graphic representation of how novels fix and not knowing where to centuries-old customs turn – enjoy our picks! in traditional –Gabrielle Paluch Japanese culture have influenced Presidential Material: relationships in and Barack Obama and John McCain modern times, campaign Edited by Scott Dunbier (IDW Publishing) as though Ichiro ILLUSTRATION FROM MILK TEETH trails with humor and Sachiko were Comics give us beloved heroes and and sensitivity. What emerge are two wrestling not just with each other in the unlikely antiheroes, while elections bring stories as vastly different as they are images on the pages, but also with all the childish bickering and revive words like American: McCain as down-home implicit expectations of their ancestors. maverick. The Presidential Material comic U.S. soldier, and Obama as a citizen As is typical of much Japanese film and book biographies of 2008 presidential of America-the-Melting-Pot. While it’s literature, it’s unclear by the end what candidates Barack Obama and John clear McCain makes a superior action exactly has happened, who loves whom, McCain give us a chance to see potential hero and a lousy pilot (he crashes his and who is whose sibling, stuff like that. future leaders as heroes in the making planes several times, in one instance But that’s half the fun! – something, at this point, for which we leaving half the country of Spain with Hayashi’s influences include can only hope. Also, if you’re like me and major power outages), judgment on the underground Japanese comics of the time you’re just slightly illiterate, it can serve candidates’ potential fitness as presidents (which broke with traditional manga as a kind of CliffsNotes so you can feel is suspended. Authors Andy Helfer and subject matter) as well as French New Jeff Mariotte demonstrate no partisan Wave cinema – two forms which sound like bias either way; in fact, the intention is they would have a really cool hipster baby. to remain as neutral as possible, lifting Drawn and Quarterly has been releasing the comics to the dignity of objective lots of underground manga from the ’70s journalism. translated from the Japanese, like Yoshihiro “This is the hardest job I’ve ever had Tatsumi’s Good-Bye. The manga from this in comics,” editor Scott Dunbier said of period as well as the Nouvelle Vague which the process of compiling the biographical inspired it share a common disjointed form information and proofreading. “We of storytelling, something that seems to really didn’t want to make any mistakes.” be very of the moment in contemporary Although this is the first time IDW has media. Now we can enjoy the confusion done something like this for presidential and frustration of generations past in all more informed about the election. candidates, it might not be the last. Good its sublime beauty without even having to McCain, once a prisoner of war who thing Christina Aguilera is on the back learn Japanese. (GP) famously suffered severe injuries while page holding a baby wrapped in the U.S. guesting at the Hanoi Hilton, looks flag; she reminded me to vote and I may Jack Kirby’s Fourth World very much at home as a comic-book have forgotten otherwise. (Gabrielle Omnibus, Vol. 4 protagonist. His story begins with broken Paluch) by Jack Kirby (DC Comics) limbs in solitary confinement, where Jack Kirby was the Goya of the comic he was tortured to divulge classified Red Colored Elegy book, but fans just called him “The King.” information. Obama is pictured swimming by Seiichi Hayashi (Drawn and Quarterly) Architect, along with Stan Lee and Steve in the ocean in Hawaii holding a large If you ever look up at the moon and think Ditko, of Marvel Comics’s so-called seashell. The books follow both men through their early careers, private lives, it’s crying, that means you’re either drunk “Silver Age,” Kirby (born 1917 as Jacob



Milk Teeth

by Julie Morstad (Drawn and Quarterly) There are as many ways to tell a story as there are stars in the sky. Julie Morstad

tells stories in images from imagined places in this collection of her drawings, published in the petits livres format by Drawn and Quarterly. The amount of work that went into this tiny little book is astounding. While there is no linear narrative to speak of, each drawing tells the story of an idea – the story of the girl with bees flying out of her ear, or the man with the fishbowl beard. It seems only appropriate to respond to Ms. Morstad’s charming, brilliantly idiosyncratic creations in kind. (GP)


Kurtzberg on the Lower East Side of Manhattan) was the first superstar comicbook artist, his 1960s rise coinciding with the medium’s post-Batman, postRoy Lichtenstein cachet, but it’s hard to imagine his current reputation dependent upon vetting from high art or Hollywood. The King’s innovative paneling, cinematic compositions, and dynamic, fluid storytelling all have their advocates, but it is his truly weird visualizations of superheroes and monsters that hauled his style into instant-read iconography. Kirby’s giant, blocky figures, with their heaped muscles, glowering faces and proganthous jaws, hinted at a ludicrous imagination Marvel was content to have lie largely fallow, but arch-rival DC had other plans. Lured away in 1970 from the Marvel bullpen by DC’s promises of total creative control, Kirby rose to the challenge by creating an entire alternate comics universe called “The Fourth World” by its creator. A globe-girdling battle of (wait for it) good vs. evil between edenic New Genesis and totalitarian Apokolips was played out through issues of New Gods, The Forever People and Mister Miracle, with the titular characters moving through the conflict as lively, gaudy pawns. The entire short runs of all three titles were put between hard covers over the past year, with this final installment bringing the ragged, wellloved series to its abortive close. Kirby served as writer and editor on the series, along with bearing down hard at the board as artist, turning out a complete book every two weeks. The series ended with Mr. Miracle #18 (Feb./March 1973) and Jack later wound up back at Marvel, damning his luck and resuming his old grievances about money and credit. Fourth World had a reputation as a four-color Heaven’s Gate for years, but occasional reprints, the magic of Kirby’s name, and a move in the comics biz toward just such overgrown and involuted narratives retrieved the concept from limbo. Included in the final volume is The Hunger Dogs, a 1985 effort by Kirby to belatedly wrap the series in one graphicnovelistic swoop, with the sore-oppressed dregs of Apokolips flinging themselves upon their masters at last. For all those now-middle-aged kids who grooved on this dense-woven narrative, part Bill Burroughs and part “Doc” Smith, here’s a rare chance to revisit this strange Nixonera parable of secret masters and cosmic rebellion. (Ron Garmon)

Aya of Yop City

by Abouet and Oubrerie (Drawn and Quarterly)

Let me break it down for you. Most characters in this book are connected, like the skirt chaser Mamadou, who is the real father of Adjou’s baby, but everybody thinks that the rich boy, Moussa, is the father, because Adjou’s parents want to believe the lie, only to get the money that comes from a rich family. And that’s only one part of the story in the second book from writer Marguerite Abouet and artist Clement Oubrerie. In Yoptong on the Ivory Coast in the 1970s, the hip wear bellbottoms and brightly colored pagnes (skirts). Though the African continent is so far away from us, character’s problems are similar to ours – or at least to an episode of Jerry Springer. Abouet’s story is a soap where old world traditions clash with Afros and reckless young adults just want to drive their Toyotas. We are treated to the citizens of Yop and their lives – the promiscuous young adult community often meets in the public park after nightfall and most of the children of the city are conceived on park benches. The tone of the book is so hopeful, because it’s told through Aya’s reactions – so when Hyacinte is caught dancing with a girl the same age as his own daughter, people get mad, but the situation becomes a cartoon cloud of fists and shoes. Oubrerie’s art makes for a colorful Africa, where characters mime their feelings in exaggerated motions – like Moussa, who wants to be a playboy, but his character looks like a snake slithering up to women. Colors go from neon bright on clothes to faded and washed out in the heat. Panels that take place outdoors show the heat shimmering from the ground, making faces and shapes seem distorted and desperate. Starting the series on the second book makes for a good read – it stands alone as its own separate story – but after the cliffhanger ending, you’ll want to go back and read the first and devour the third book, whenever it comes out. (Nathan Solis) V





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Visit: Submit an on-line career interest card for e-mail notification of new opportunities. THE METROPOLITAN WATER DISTRICT IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER the the leader leader in in DETOXIFICATION DETOXIFICATION UNDER UNDER ANESTHESIA ANESTHESIA from from Suboxone® Suboxone® Vicodin® Vicodin® Methoadone® Methoadone® OxyContin® OxyContin® and and all all opiates. opiates.

3 1 0 . 2 0 5 . 0 8 0 8 OCTOBER 23-29, 2008 39 LACITYBEAT

JobSmart J

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

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Business Services


DRIVERS: Drivers/CDL Career Training w/central Refrigerated We train, Employ w/$0 Down Financing. Average. $40k 1st year! 1800526-9077

$600 WEEKLY POTENTIAL$$$ Helping the Government PT. No Experience, No Selling. Call: 1888-213-5225 Ad Code L-5. VOID in Maryland and South Dakota. (AAN CAN)

POST OFFICE NOW HIRING! verage pay $20/hr or $57K/yr includes Federal Benefits and OT. Placed by adSource, not affiliated w/ USPS who hires. 1-866616-7019. (AAN CAN) $$$HELP WANTED$$$ Earn Extra income assembling CD cases from Home. CALL OUR LIVE OPERATORS NOW! 1-800-4057619 ext. 150 http://www. (AAN CAN) DATA ENTRY PROCESSORS Needed! Earn $3,500-$5,000 Weekly Working from Home! Guaranteed Paychecks! No Experience Necessary! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now! www.

A ApartmentRentals To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

Apartment/ Condos/Lofts

N HOLLYWOOD: 818-9801277. 1 BD $1150+up. Newer Bldg. Totally Remodeled. Gated entry & parking, AC, fridge, stove, dw, Pool, Laundry Room, BBQ Area 6253 Lankershim

HOLLYWOOD-MELROSE & WILTON SPACIOUS: 1 bedroom, 1 bath, cottage/ guest house, furnished, carpeted, air cond, available Dec 1, $1,395 SINGLE extra large, carpeted, full kitchen, newly remodeled bath, new stove & refrigerator, available Jan 1, $875, both apt near studios, mgr. on premises, laundry, quiet, no pets, all utilities included, gated parking, private entrance, 6mo lease required, call 323-8569646

KOREATOWN: 213-3847047. $875+up Large single, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove, refrigerator, ceramic tiles. Gated Entry, Gated Parking Available. Elevator, Laundry room. 509 S Manhattan Pl. 213-384-7047 KOREATOWN: 213-3896631 Bachelors $775 & up. ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED. Remodeled, refrigerator, Pool, Gated Entry. Laundry Room, Gated Parking Available. 245 S Reno St.

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ty products, jewelry and even clothing!!! 310-9271176 Your local Avon rep.

Tickets EXECUTIVE LEVEL INCOME: Why settle for an average job, with average pay? Discover the career path that will let you do what you love and finally get paid what you’re worth. 1-888-644-7611

REASONABLE PRICE, COME ON IN AND SEE FOR YOURSELF. FURNITURE 4 LESS: Why pay for more, when you can pay for less. The finest furnitures in town. We also Deliver. OPEN 7 days a week. 11142 Whittier Blvd. Whittier, CA 90606. We deliver. 562.695.4977

WE BUY GOLD: We buy gold, silver, platinum & coins. We pay top dollar, cal us first. We will drive you too & pay cash, Log on for our prices or call 310-600-7555 UNITED GOLD INC. DRIVERS: Drivers/CDL Career Training w/central Refrigerated We train, Employ w/$0 Down Financing. Average. $40k 1st year! 1800526-9077

YOUR LOCAL AVON REP: Call today or visit www. sarahfink to shop on line for your beau-

FREE TICKETS: Free tickets to new Friday night midnight show, THANK GAYS IT’S FRIDAY, Lesbian & Gay comics, 18 & over, 2 drink min, The Laugh Factory, 8001 Sunset Blvd., LA 90046, email: TGIF

Career Training

MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS earn up to $500/day for television, CD/videos, film, fashion. One week course in Los Angeles while building portfolio. Brochure http://www.AwardMake 310-3640665 (AAN CAN)

Health Servise

CAREGIVERS SENT TO YOU! MooreCare in-home support for homebound patients and seniors. Keeping your loved one INDEPENDENT. (310) 590-6441. www.moore

Mind, Body, Spirit

READINGS BY HELEN SPIRITUAL READER & ADVISOR. Helps with all problems, specializing in mending the broken heart, reunites lovers, Guaranteed. 2858 South Robertson, Los Angeles, 310837-5548

THE NONSURGIAL WAY TO LOOK YOUNG CAROL JOYCE COSMETICS has been helping men and women since 1948 with 11 skin care formulas and beautiful makeup. You can buy, have a makeup party & sell or create a business. We’re also selling our business due to plans to retire. You can look younger, bring out the beauty in yourself and make money at the same time, call us 925-679-8777 or www. N HOLLYWOOD: 818-9801277. 1 BD $1150+up. Newer Bldg. Totally Remodeled. Gated entry & parking, AC, fridge, stove, dw, Pool, Laundry Room, BBQ Area 6253 Lankershim

NO HO ARTS DISTRICT LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE Jr 1 BD $985+up. ALL UTILITIES PAID, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove. Laundry, Balcony, Ceramic tile, Gated Entry. & Parking. 5751 Camellia Ave. 818-761-6620. 2




TARZANA: 818-708-9554. $895 +up Large Jr One Bedrooms, Totally Remodeled, Air Cond, Fridge. Pool, Gated Parking & Entry, Laundry Room, No Pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS 18552 Collins St

THE PLACE TO STAY IS PALMS/ WEST LA ! Single $1170. Newer Building, Gated Entry & Subterranean Parking, 2 Elevators, Air Cond. Fridge,

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Stove, D/W, Laundry Room, 3848 Overland 310-839-3647

WEST LA: Single $1295. Parking, Gated Entry, Balconies, Laundry Room, Fridge and Stove, Some totally remodeled. No pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS. 1755 Purdue Ave. 310-479-1079 FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? Get your business going. Goto



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REASONABLE PRICE, COME ON IN AND SEE FOR YOURSELF. FURNITURE 4 LESS: Why pay for more, when you can pay for less. The finest furnitures in town. OPEN 7 days a week. 11142 Whittier Blvd. Whittier, CA 90606. Call Now! 562.695.4977

NO HO ARTS DISTRICT LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE Jr 1 BD $985+up. ALL UTILITIES PAID, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove. Laundry, Balcony, Ceramic tile, Gated Entry. & Parking. 5751 Camellia Ave. 818-761-6620. 2 WEEKS FREE WITH ONE YEAR LEASE

TARZANA: 818-708-9554. $895 +up Large Jr One Bedrooms, Totally Remodeled, Air Cond, Fridge. Pool, Gated Parking & Entry, Laundry Room, No Pets. ASK ABOUT MOVE IN SPECIALS 18552 Collins St

THE PLACE TO STAY IS PALMS/ WEST LA ! Single $1170. Newer Building, Gated Entry & Subterranean Parking, 2 Elevators, Air Cond. Fridge, Stove, D/W, Laundry Room, 3848 Overland 310-839-3647


ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: http://www.Roommates. com. (AAN CAN) N HOLLYWOOD: 818-9801277. 1 BD $1150+up. Newer Bldg. Totally Remodeled. Gated entry & parking, AC, fridge, stove, dw, Pool, Laundry Room, BBQ Area 6253 Lankershim

KOREATOWN: 213-3847047. $875+up Large single, ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED, Totally remodeled. A/C, Fridge, stove, refrigerator, ceramic tiles. Gated Entry, Gated Parking Available. Elevator, Laundry room. 509 S Manhattan Pl. 213-384-7047 KOREATOWN: 213-3896631 Bachelors $775 & up. ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED. Remodeled, refrigerator, Pool, Gated Entry. Laundry Room, Gated Parking Available. 245 S Reno St. FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? Get your business going. Goto

A ApartmentRentals

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

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see yourself living here

1, 2 and 3 bedroom apartments and townhomes available BEVERLY




the Grove


Farmers Market




w w w. p a l a z z o - p l b . c o m w w w. p a l a z z o s p a . c o m

M M MedicalResearch

Apartment Homes & Spa directly across from the Grove Short term and Furnished Apartments avaliable. We Cooperate with Real Estate Agents.


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Are you suffering from Heartburn? Do you meet the following criteria? • Age 18 to 75 years • History of Acid reflux symptoms (such as acid regurgitation, chest or abdominal pain) for at least 3 months. • Heartburn at least 2 days a week for 1 month.

If so, you may be eligible to participate in a Clinical research study. Study examinations, procedures, and investigational medication will be provided to you at no cost. If you or someone you know would like to participate in this study please contact:

For those who are over the age of 60 and who are feeling stressed or depressed, hopeless, sad, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, anxiety, or insomnia. UCLA is conducting a 4-month research study using a study drug in conjunction with Tai Chi Chih (a set of slow-paced movements) or health education. If you are not currently receiving any psychiatric treatment with effective medications, you may qualify. Medical and psychiatric evaluations and limited physical exams are provided as part of the study. Evaluation and study drug are provided at no charge.

Dr. Timothy Simmons at 310-674-0144 West Gastroenterology Medical Group 8110 Airport Blvd. (At La Tijera) Los Angeles, CA 90045

For more information, call UCLA at

(310) 794-4619 OCTOBER 23-29, 2008 41 LACITYBEAT

M M MedicalResearch

To Advertise Call 323-938-1001

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According to California Law (prop. 215)



Thank you for pot smoking

13456 WASHINGTO BLVD. MARINA del REY, CA 90292 1 Block east of Lincoln • Across from Costco • Free Private Parking • Clinic Open • 11AM to 10PM • WEST L.A. Delivery • 11 to 11

IRONWORKS COLLECTIVE A Private Patient Collective

4100 Lincoln Blvd 90292

F R E E PREGNANCY TESTS Women's, Pediatric, Youth Services and

FREE Pregnancy Tests. Call 323-644-3888 or walk in. Asian Pacific Health Care Venture, Inc. 1530 Hillhurst Avenue, Suite 200 Los Angeles, CA 90027

Find What You Are Looking For? 310-674-0144 Timothy C. Simmons, M.D. West Gastroenterology Medical Group,

8110 Airport Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90045

OCTOBER 23-29, 2008 42 LACITYBEAT post your ad free online

A AdultEntertainment

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Adult Entertainment

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TITTY BANG! go ahead and wrap my Big Black Bouncin 40 E cup Boobs around your stiff hard pipe! give me a pearl necklace i know thats what you like....valley location, free drinks...818430-2672 818 IN CALL: VIP Upscale. Busty exotic Island gal. 38D-27-38 5’8’’ 135 lbs. long beautiful hair!!! I’m Mya! Private palace Studio City. (818) 263-4814.

***BARBIE*** CUTE IN THE FACE, slim in the waist, and busty in the right place…. Very sensual rubdown in a very comfortable environment….. BARBIE (818) 636-8172

!!! JUICY RUMP AND SEXY PUMPS !!! Beautiful mixed cutie with an amazzzing plump juicy booty! I have perky lady lumps and im wearing my white high heel pumps! I bet I can make your boner jump!! 818-781-8911

EXOTIC CHOCOLATE BEAUTY VERY SEXY AND PETITE…. Hot, sensual rubdown in a very upscale atmosphere… Coco (818) 602-8966

ATTENTION ESCORTS: Call for your free week of advertising on the Nations #1 Online Adult Directory! Come experience cityvibe. com for yourself! Get your ad online today. Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads. Incall Outcall!...... We have it all! (800) 573-8423 MEN!!! GET PAID TODAY!!! Need to make money NOW? Sierra Blue Internet is seeking young, attractive men for adult web, print, and video work. Flexible schedules. Make up to $500 - $1000. For more information or to set up an interview, please call us at (619) 295-5729, email or visit our website at

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CAREFREE HAIRCUT: Private, Precision, Personalized! For a fabulous Blow & Go Haircut call... 626220-0621

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Hot-Sexy-Caring-Open Minded & Playful Multiple hour pamperings Avail. • Full Body Massage • Fantasies fulfilled • Prostate Stimulation






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TELEPHONE ACTRESS Make money working from your own home!! Well established Entertainment Co. is in search of reliable, upbeat, open-minded individuals with great phone voice quality, for 1-on-1 phone conversations. Hourly pay plus bonus! FT/PT shifts available.


(818) 558-7522


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Beautiful, Canadian Touch Caring, Nurturing, Sensual/ Therapeutic Ecstacy

Swedish & Sports Massage

Talk 1-On-1 in our Live Chatroom!

You’ll feel like a Million!!!

MEN CALL! (213) 316-0780 (310) 873-0533 (323) 648-1149 (562) 304-1016 (626) 940-0845 (661) 361-1313 (818) 861-0018 (909) 380-8691 (951) 436-3496

Nice, Safe, Upscale

323-661-1093 Hollywood/Los Feliz/ Melrose Area




Oh, La, LA Vicky

Good Figure Petite, Charming Mature Lady Good Location, Lots of parking

West Hollywood 323-851-4398

LADIES CALL! (213) 316-0331 (310) 873-0532 (323) 648-1148 (562) 304-1015 "GENTLEMEN!! Receive FREE (626) 722-1160 O N E - H O U R c a l l i n g t i m e w i t h e a c h (661) 361-1312 p u r c h a s e ! L e a v e c u s t o m e r s e r v i c e (818) 861-1030 message from Main Menu." (909) 663-0233 (951) 436-3495 We do not pre-screen callers and assumes no responsibility for personal meetings Automated People Connection Incorporated


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Adult Entertainment

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818 IN CALL: VIP Upscale. Busty exotic Island gal. 38D-27-38 5’8’’ 135 lbs. long beautiful hair!!! I’m Mya! Private palace Studio City. (818) 263-4814. EXOTIC CHOCOLATE BEAUTY VERY SEXY AND PETITE…. Hot, sensual rubdown in a very upscale atmosphere… Coco (818) 602-8966 FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR? Goto

$ $

MEN!!! GET PAID TODAY!!! Need to make money NOW? Sierra Blue Internet is seeking young, attractive men for adult web, print, and video work. Flexible schedules. Make up to $500 - $1000. For more information or to set up an interview, please call us at (619) 295-5729, email or visit our website at

LA CITY BEAT & The Men That Adore Them! e Browse & Record Ads FREE! e Put the fun back into dating! e Meet REAL people in your local area!

(213) 316-0336 (310) 873-0573 (323) 451-1043


(562) 304-1018 (818) 942-1103 (626) 940-0671




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Take the Hassle out of Holiday Shopping & Gift Wrapping

The knowing of which will dramatically change your life.

Seamless Gift Wrapping (in your home or office) $6 small item $8 large item $7 medium item $9 xlarge item Includes wrapping paper, bow & HangTag




Beat the Rush* 10% off

• Vintage type writers • Collectible Lunch Pales • Vintage Fruit Jars • Vintage Fans 1930’s-1940’s

Call miss amy @ 323.541.7124

Law Offices of Frank Hakim


Personal Shopping $8 an item

*until 11/30/08

HAVE YOU BEEN FIRED? SEXUALLY HARASSED? DISCRIMINATED AT WORK? UNPAID WAGES & OVERTIME? FREE CONSULTATION: (310) 789-2240 FREE PSYCHIC READINGS BY PHONE Farren solves all problems. Specializes in reuniting, reveals lovers true feelings. Remove Negative Energy.

1-800-527-1542 RELAXING THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE & CALMING PEDICURE Relief for tired feet, goddess style! ReEnergizing treatment for men & women, 8 a.m. - 8 p.m., discount w/ad on 1st visit.

call & please leave a message VM 310-649-6219

(323) 353-9756

Echo Park location, near Chango Cafe, close to downtown, 1920’s Spainish Charm,1 bed, bath, new hardwood floors, kitchen w dishwasher, bathroom w clawfoot tub & chrome feet, stainless steal appliances laundry, $1,395

Sound & Motion activated monitoring system, 5% off enter LAcitybeat, buy or rent, $195,


PSYCHIC JENNY CHOO Specializes in Love and Relationships. Restores love, passion, romance, desire. Solves all problems within 3 Hours. Removes negative energies. Specializing in Halloween Parties. Call 323-839-3496 or READINGS BY JULIE


Specializes in Love Relationships. Restores broken love affairs. Tells Past, Present and Future. Why suffer another lonely day or night when you can be happy for the rest of your life? One call will convince you. RESULTS in 24 Hours Guaranteed.


m r a h C h s i n a Sp 1 920's

$1395 1Bed 1Bath 1920's Spanish Charm! Ideal Echo Park location - near Chango Cafe, close to Downtown, Totally remodeled, new hardwood floors, new kitchen, stainless steel appliances including dishwasher, laundry, new bathroom, claw foot tub chrome feet.

Contact: Liz 323-913-1443



FOOTBALL SEASON, Call for Lunch, Dinner $ Parties

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We legally negotiate to remove your debts permanently! We handle: Collections, Charge offs, Late payments, Judgments, Inquiries. Our program will dramatically improve your credit scores!

Call us today AMG CONSULTING GROUP 818-826-4966 Anthony M Gartman


FORWARD YOUR OFFICE Never miss a another sales call. We’re there when you are not. nights, weekend, holidays, scheduling, customers problems, sales and more, reasonably priced, call us

(310) 466-1240


Delivery from Jefferson to Palms, Lincoln to Overland, Culver City/Venice/Mar Vista, Serving the Westside for 17 yrs

310-306-3858 4551 Cintinela Ave, Culver City 90230 Open for Delivery 11am-10pm, Make sure to get a full menu, offer good 10/23-10/31 MENTION THE LOS ANGELES CITY BEAT AD & GET


• Need a Warrant Recalled? • Want to Smoke Pot on Probation? • All Criminal Defense, from Drugs to Murder.

Harvard Law, Affordable Office: 323-653-1850 (Ok to call from custody, 24-hours services)


We negotiate to remove your debts permanently! We handle Collections, Charge offs, Late Payments, Judgments, inquiries. Our program will dramatically Improve your credit scores!

Call Us Today

Secret Desires Offering the Best in:

Clubwear | DVDs | Shoes Toys | Oils | Lingerie Romantic Notions Lotions | Bachelorette Favors Games | Books | Fragrances Lubes and more.......

TORRANCE 1645-5 W. Sepulveda Blvd. 310.530.7600 Sepulveda Blvd.

110 Fwy.

Western Ave.


SANTA MONICA 2414 Lincoln Blvd. 310.255.0506

(By Dream

Pico Blvd.

Lincoln Blvd

10 Fwy.

Ocean Park Blvd.

es! m tu s o C le ib s r e v e R W NE girl)

Other Location:

HAWTHORNE 4865 Rosecrans Ave. 310.675.2200


& Costumes by Leg Av


Look for our new website coming soon at •

WEST HOLLYWOOD 7825 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90056 323.848.7981

VENICE 1509 Abbot Kinney Blvd., Venice, CA 90291 310.392.3890

WESTWOOD 1035 Gayley Ave., Westwood, CA 90024 310.208.0820



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Global Medicine For Local People


Vol 06 Issue 43  

October 23, 2008