ION Arizona #259

I’m here. I’m queer. I’m used to it.

Come out, be free and stand proud

JUST JACK

This October 11 we celebrate National Coming Out Day. Coming out is the most liberating feeling I have ever experienced. I only wish I came out earlier but it’s never too late. Finally being true to yourself, to your family and friends will set you free. It’s a beautiful thing! Come out to one•n•ten’s Coming Out Day celebration (details on page 9.)

While the world celebrates Pride in June, Phoenix celebrates Pride in October. Phoenix Pride Festival and Parade returns October 21-22. This year promises to be bigger, better, and hopefully drier than last year. This year’s theme is “United Against Hate!” Check out the amazing lineup on pages 68-69. Don’t forget to get your tickets or better yet get VIP Experience access at PhoenixPride.org The VIP Experience is best way to experience Pride.

There are parties and events all weekend long throughout the valley. After the festival, head over to Walter Studios for the official after party featuring the international superstar club diva Ultra Naté.

This month concludes with the unofficial gay holiday: Halloween! This issue features Camp Charlie’s, their biggest Halloween party ever! Check Out the cover feature on page 32. BS West returns with their expanded Halloween party/ Check out “Slash Bash” on page 3. That’s just the beginning. There are amazing events, concerts, theatre and festivals throughout the state all here in this issue.

Come out. Get out and get involved. Make a difference. Be free and enjoy all our growing community has to offer. Use ION to discover your Arizona LGBTQ+ community!

Jack M Tesorero Out and Proud

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ION SAZERAC

PHX ATTRACTIONS

Rocky Horror Picture Show

“Let’s do the Time Warp again!” See the original unedited 1975 movie made back when drag was edgy. This event features a live shadow cast and audience partici … pation! Hosted by Brad Majors himself … Barry Bostwick at the Celebrity Theatre, 440 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix.

Monday, October 9 at 7 p.m.

P!NK “Summer Carnival”

The acrobatic, pixie-like P!NK’s spectacular concert is more of a circus with the charismatic and performer as the ringleader of the unique pop spectacle complete with aerial theatrics. Chase Field, 401 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. Ticketmaster.com or call 800-745-3000 More info at PinkSummerCarnival.com

Monday, October 9

one•n•ten Coming OUT Day

An evening of radical inclusion that’s all about embracing every shade of our diverse community in the third annual event of coming out storytelling and life experiences. Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts, 7380 N. 2nd St. in Scottsdale. Presented by the City of Phoenix. Get your tickets at OneNTen.org

Wednesday, October 11 5:30 p.m.-8:30 p.m.

Drama-Rama “Beetlejuice”

“I know just as much about the supernatural as I do about interior design.” Turn on the juice & see what shakes loose when RipplePHX screens this comedycult classic. And it’s FREE! Food (but no shrimp cocktail) and full bar. The Egyptian Motor Hotel, 765 Grand Ave. in Phoenix. 21+

Friday, October 13 (Yikes!) at 7 p.m.

Chelsea Handler: Little Big Bitch

The gabby girl gives fans a retrospective look at her growing up, working out, cannabis, and why she is the way she is. She may be drunk, stoned, or both. Who knows? Arizona Financial Theatre, 400 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. Get your tix at Ticketmaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Saturday, October 14

Thursday, August 24 at 7 p.m.

AIDS Walk Tucson

This family and pet-friendly walking (or running) fundraiser with the goal of increasing awareness and support for people living with or affected by HIV/AIDS has become one of Tucson’s favorite events. See you at Jácome Plaza Park, 101 N. Stone Ave. For more info visit AIDSWalkTucson.org

Sunday, October 15 at 7 a.m.

Nightfall Resurrected Old at Tucson

This’ll scare the pants off you (hopefully!) Haunted mazes, scare zones, Halloween stunt shows, and a seance resurrecting a hideous corpse, Hyde’s Metabolic Reassembly, turkey legs and more. Bigger, better, and scarier than ever! 201 Kinney Rd. in Tucson. Get your tickets at OldTucson.com thru’ October 29ix.

Saturday, September 2, 9 p.m.-2 a.m.

Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse

The Academy Award-winning film is touring the country as a live concert event accompanied by a live orchestra, band and turntables with a scratch DJ playing music from the score and soundtrack. Spin your web over to the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. in Phoenix. Get your tickets at OrpheumPHXcom

Wednesday, November 1

“Excuse me … Can I ask you a question?”

Curious Chris Stanley queries queers & queens.

by Deon Brown

“Out daughter or THOT son?”

Never at a loss for words (well, there’s been a time or two he might’ve been tongue-tied), the intrepid Man on the Street, Gay on the Go social media reporter Chris Stanley a.k.a “StanChris” asks people from all walks of life (yes, even the straights) the hard hitting questions that his 1.4 million followers on TikTok (And Instagram. And YouTube. And Snapchat. And Twitter. And Facebook. And he just got a thirst trappy OnlyFans account, too.) really want to know. The irresistible 23-year-old twunk and longboard athlete from New England seems to be everywhere – surveying and celebrating the crowd around him. Even Madonna likes him.

Sorry, Chris is off the market; for over two years he’s been with his bear-y boyfriend, Bret LaBelle, 49, a Boston police officer who competed on Survivor (season 33, “Millennials vs. Gen X”) and The Amazing Race.

ION Arizona turned the tables and asked StanChris a few questions.

ION: You’re all over the place! I saw one of your recent TikToks, and you announced, “It’s Power Bottom Autumn!”

StanChris: There’s “Hot Boy Summer,” “Hot Girl Summer,” and we’ve just got to continue with the a descriptor of autumn, so it’s “Power Bottom Autumn.” The power bottoms are on the prowl; the dad bods are coming back in fashion. Sweatpants are out and about. It’s time to find a man to hibernate with for the winter – well, for anyone whose single. I’m already taken, but, yeah.

ION: Why did you decide to launch a career on social media and did you think it would take off?

StanChris: Originally my career started because I wanted to take a break after I graduated high school and I decided to take a gap year instead of going to college. And then that was when ‘rona hit. That made me not want to go to college at all. So I said, “Okay, I need to start looking at ways I can make money.” I worked at a grocery store and at Walmart, but I was, like, “I don’t like this at all,” so I started trying to make money online and then that’s where I got the idea to start my career. I didn’t really expect it to take off, but I had some random video that got a lot of views and – I don’t know –people thought I was cute, I guess. So that definitely didn’t hurt me, then I just kept building it up from there.

ION: What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t doing social media?

StanChris: I always thought maybe I’d be a soccer player. I also wanted to be a therapist at one point after I came out in high school, sort of when everything went wrong for me. I thought of also being a massage therapist because I like giving massages. So maybe one of those or maybe something completely different.

“Are you gay?” “He’s a 10 but …”

“Twinks or bears?” “For $20 can you …”

“Hairy or smooth?”

ION: What is the most rewarding part of your social media career for you?

StanChris: Making people smile and maybe being a role model for queer people in general, including younger people – specifically LGBT youth in high school – that you can really do whatever you want with your life. I know everyone says that, but when I was in high school and I came out, it was the worst two years of my life. I want to show them that you can get past it, get over it, if it’s even bad. A lot of times I post more body positive posts when I’m talking about how I like bears and chubby guys. I like making people feel more confident because there’s a lot of pressure in the gay community to be skinny, fit, and stuff like that.

ION: Is it strange for you to see yourself growing up on your social media platforms?

StanChris: It honestly is; in some of my earliest videos I’m just, like, “What was I doing?” It’s definitely interesting to look at my early videos and see just what I was trying to do, what my mindset was, and also how far my ideas and my editing ability has come. I look back and I’m, like, “Wait, this was such a good idea but it didn’t get a lot of views, so maybe I’ll try it again.”

ION: You do longer format videos on YouTube. How many videos do you make every day? Is this hard to keep up with it?

StanChris: It’s definitely a lot to keep up with. I now have an editor who helps edit my short form content as well as another editor for my long form, but I still do a lot of my own editing. I like to do maybe five or six short form all in one day, and then I don’t really have to worry about short form for the next two or three days. Or I can start working on long form because those can take a lot longer to do, but typically it varies.

ION: There must be times when you hate your phone and the camera.

StanChris: If I’m passionate about it, I really enjoy editing it and I look forward to it and making it into something complete. But for some videos where it’s just a lot of content, like the interviews, I have so much content and they’re not as fun to edit because it doesn’t have as much potential. It’s a lot of work.

ION: You meet a lot of people in your “Man on the Street” videos. Is that rewarding?

StanChris: I really love meeting those people. I’m fine with asking random strangers to interview them. A lot of people recognize me on the street and they kind of know who I am and what I do, so it’s a lot less awkward for me to ask if I can interview them. It’s good to have an in-person connection with them, but also it’s really fun meeting just completely random strangers who I would normally never talk to if I wasn’t making videos.

ION: Do many of your your interviews go haywire? I’m specifically thinking of the gay guy on the beach who gets snippy with you. (I’ve seen your rebuttal video, too.)

StanChris: That was really the only time a gay guy has really been kind of mean like that. It was out of nowhere because I always ask these people if I can interview them beforehand – I didn’t just run up to him. I asked, “Hey, can I interview you?” and he said, “Yes.” Then he said that. [“You get the fuck outta here.” — ed.] It was kind of out of the blue and I didn’t really know how to react.

There was maybe two other experiences that I had with straight guys. So where one was just a straight guy being really super awkward and I asked him to do something gay for $20, and then he just touched his friend’s nipple and said, “Okay, give me the $20.” And I was just like, “Okay.” But the other one was, I was just asking general kind of gay trivia questions to these straight guys in Florida, and I mean, they were laughing about it too, so they weren’t serious, but it was just, I didn’t feel like the safest, I guess, with it.

ION: What is something about yourself that you would like our readers to know.

StanChris: People always think I’m really, really outgoing, but in person I’m actually kind of shy and a little bit more reserved. It’s really when the camera’s on that I go into this mindset of being a lot more outgoing. It’s okay to not always be so outgoing. The other thing is that I love long boarding. It’s my favorite hobby.

ION: So where do you see yourself in, say, 10 or 15 years? What can we expect from StanChris?

StanChris: I would really love to have some type of reality show. I’ve been really thinking of some interesting ideas, it would definitely be LGBTQ, but not exclusively LGBTQ. I know it would be a lot of work, a lot of lot more production, but

that would be really fun. You never know! I could maybe try and do some red carpet interviews at events like the Queerties or the GLAAD Awards within the next couple years – that would be really fun. Specifically in 10 years? I don’t really think that far ahead, I guess.

ION: You’re young, and I don’t mean this disrespectfully, but you can’t stay frozen in time as the twunk, StanChris forever.

StanChris: (laughs) I hope I can evolve and become a hot daddy at that point.

ION: So, Madonna is a fan of yours.

StanChris: That was crazy! She saw a video I made in a street interview with someone who’s a very big fan of hers, and then everyone kept tagging her. She ended up seeing it and she reposted it on her Instagram story, which was crazy for a legend as big as Madonna to be reposting me. Sometimes I make these interviews about celebrities and I think, “Maybe they’ll see it or something. Maybe they’ll comment.” But she actually went all the way and reposted it! I was freaking out with my boyfriend, like, “Oh my god, Madonna reposted me!”

ION: Now all you have to do is get Taylor Swift.

StanChris: Oh my god! I would love if Taylor Swift saw one of my videos and reposted it, that would be insane! I’m a huge Swiftie!

ION: You’ve done several collaborations with – he’s got several screen names: B33fyOtter, JoshBigosh, OtterSquatter. I

StanChris: Well, I can spill some exclusive tea for you: so we did have a little fling. (laughs) No, I’m just kidding! We didn’t have a fling. Yeah, he is really cute, but we’ve always just kind of been friends. Same thing with Art Bezrukavenko, who I make a lot of videos with.

ION: Does your boyfriend Bret, or your friends ever get annoyed with all the video content that you have to make?

StanChris: Bret, maybe a little bit at first because he didn’t really know what to expect, but now he’s definitely up for it. My other friends are always down to be in my videos. My family loves being in videos with me, too. I always try to make videos during Christmas or Thanksgiving when my whole family gets together. It hasn’t really been a burden for me in that way. Everyone’s down to help out and make videos.

ION: One final question for you: this interview … kiss or slap?

StanChris: This interview would definitely be a kiss. Definitely. And not just like a peck, maybe, like, a little French kiss.

[Awww! That works for me! — ed.]

Check out all of StanChris’s social media platforms at TwinkStann.com

Models: Claudia B, Piper M’Shay and Mitchell Pierce

“It was a dark and stormy night …”

Did you ever hear the tale about couple who’s car broke down one night and there was a maniac on the loose with a hook for a hand? It’s a true story. Or the “Vanishing Hitchhiker”? True story.

Do you know what happens when you say, “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror? Totally true. “Candyman” … true story. The scariest story of all … “The Drag Queen Who Wasn’t Tipped Enough”? That one’s totally true.

Gather close to the fire, because it’s time for another round of frightening Halloween parties at “Camp Charlie’s.” Join in for bloodcurdling, hair-raising events, and watch out for things that go, “Hey, girl! Hey!” in the night!

October 14: Charlie’s annual “Fire Ball” cash & prizes for Best Demon/Devil costumes. It’s a helluva good time!

October 23: “Dead Divas Karaoke” hosted by everyone’s favorite she-devil herself: Claudia B

October 24: “Hallowingo” (Halloween Bingo) hosted by Piper M’Shay and Adriana Galliano

October 25: “BSeen!” Halloween Edition. Category is … “UFOs Are Real!” Don’t miss an out of this world fashion show. Who will be serving up “Alpha Centauri Realness” on the runway? Only Claudia B knows.

October 26: Double, double, toil and trouble! It’s time for the “Bitches’” — Oops! That’s “Witches’ Ball” hosted by Piper M’Shay.

October 27: Pack your sleeping bags! It’s the first night of Camp Charlie’s Halloween parties with costume contests, prizes, drink specials, and free burial plots in the cemetery of your choice!

October 28: This is the big one! Massive patio expansion, live concert by Queen tribute band “Kings of Queen,” food trucks, vendors, ghouls, goblins, ghosts, ho’s and mo’! Costume contests with cash prizes.

Don’t miss this one … or you’ll be sorry! Get your tickets at CampCharlies.com

October 29: Get out of your grave and come on down! (Or up!) It’s “Camp Charlie’s Halloween” with costume contests and prizes.

October 30: “Scaryoke” … Do the “Monster Mash” at Halloween Karaoke with Claudia B

October 31: Show up for a fright night you won’t forget at “Camp Charlie’s Halloween” featuring costume contests, prizes, and more. Maybe someone will scare the pants off of you! (Hopefully!)

Walter Studios Weekend Brunch

Charlie’s Pride Patio Expansion

Thunderbird Lounge Happy Hour Specials (W)

Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)

Walter Studios Weekend Brunch

Sazerac Karaoke (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Trivia (W)

Boycott Bar Phx Fray Bingo Night

Thunderbird Lounge Happy Hour Specials (W)

Charlie’s Kinky Tuesdays (W)

Sazerac Karaoke (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Trivia (W)

Boycott Bar Phx Fray Bingo Night

Sazerac Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Camp Charlie’s Halloween

BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)

Roosevelt Row First Friday (M)

Chase Field #FRAYLIFE FNL (M)

Thunderbird Lounge Throwback Party Jam (M)

Sazerac Whiskey Flights / Cigars (W)

Sazerac Weekly DJ’s (W)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Walter Studios Weekend Brunch

Charlie’s Fire Ball

BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)

Charlie’s Lady Gaga Tribute

Stacey’s @ Melrose Pride Kick-off HH

Sazerac Whiskey Flights / Cigars (W)

Thunderbird Lounge Loteria (W)

Flex Spa’s Phoenix Blackout Night (W)

Steel Indian School Park Phoenix Pride

Charlie’s Pride Patio Expansion

Charlie’s Halloween Patio Expansion

BS West Slash Bash

BS West 2-4-1 College Night (W)

Sazerac Weekly DJ’s (W)

Roosevelt Row First Friday (M)

Thunderbird Lounge Throwback Party Jam (M)

Fur, Fashion & Fun!

Pups in Prada at the Polo Party

f Calvin says it’s smashin’ it’s got to be in fashion! Talley ho! The Bentley Scottsdale Polo Championships, s best attended polo event, returns to WestWorld of Scottsdale on Saturday, November 4th with a new lineup of star-studded teams, cool onsite events, and a Sunset Concert and party for the most distinct day in polo. The event is inclusive, too. This year a gay polo team from Florida will be competing.

Last year over 12,000 fans turned out for Scottsdale’s world class polo party. The biggest highlight for the spectators is the Canine Couture Fashion Show staged by Ivan Lugo, owner of Scottsdale’s prestigious Lugari Pet Salon, a now a polo party tradition. Ivan staged his first “dogwalk” for pooches in Pucci at the polo tournament in 2014, and now they’re celebrating the 10th anniversary of Fido fashion.

“I wanted to create and experience where people can bring dogs to events and make them more dog-friendly, said Ivan. “We have a lot of dog lovers here in Phoenix and this is an opportunity for everyone to bring their dog to a great event.” During the halftime of the “chukkas” (matches) Ivan ushers in the competing canines. “Last year we had

60 dogs compete and this year, hopefully 100,” Ivan said. The fashion contest has been expanded to last from 15 minutes in years past to 30 minutes. It will begin around 1:30 p.m.

“This is like the Super Bowl Halftime,” Ivan laughs. “Everybody wants to see the puppies! It’s a big sensation to see dogs in costume in the middle of the polo field. Every year the costumes surprise me. They’re over the top. It’s amazing! Last year the winner was a mixed breed dog was dressed like the painter, Bob Ross. The more creative home made costumes win over store bought ones,” he advised. Dogs range from tiny teacup Chihuahuas to enormous Great Danes. A winner is chosen for prizes: Best Female, Best Male, Best Costume, and the coveted Best in Show by three judges. This year Lost Our Home Pet Rescue volunteers are lending a helping paw at the prestigious event and bringing puppies for adoption. LostOurHome.org is a no-kill shelter assisting people who are facing times of crisis that jeopardize their ability to care and provide for their pets. Donations will be accepted.

So grab your pup, go shopping, and enter! It’s free to register!

How to enter?

1. Post a picture, any picture of your pooch to Instagram! Whether at the dog park, snuggled at home or even at the Scottsdale Polo Party itself

2. Tag the following two accounts so we can easily see your post: @ ThePoloParty and @Lugari_Pet_ Salon

3. Hashtag your photos using #ThePoloParty and #PoloPooch23

And tell your pup, “You betta work, bitch! (Or dog.)” And may the best puppy WIN!

Lugari Pet Salon is at the Indian River Plaza, 7901 E. Thomas Rd. in Scottsdale. 480-636-7087

Visit LugariPet.net for more information about their services.

Buy your tickets now at ThePoloParty.com and register to participate and win cash prizes. WestWorld of Scottsdale is located at 16601 N. Pima Rd.

Sex Education Season 4

The fourth and final season of the wild and raucous queer series will hopefully answer lots of questions. Who is the father of sex therapist Jean Milburn’s baby? Will Eric and Adam reconcile? How will Otis and Maeve cope now that she’s in the USA? Expect lots of sex, too.

ION STREAMING

Living for the Dead

Forget douche-y bro Zak Bagans of “Ghost Hunters.” This gay ghost-hunting docs-series features five queer influencers: Alex LeMay, Juju Bae, Ken Boggle, Logan Taylor and Roz Hernandez (where do they find these nobodies?) who explore haunted locations and “help the living by healing the dead.”

October 18

Fellow Travelers

A love story and political thriller chronicling the clandestine romance of two very different men who meet in the shadow of McCarthy-era Washington. Over the course of four decades we follow them and three others as they cross paths while facing obstacles in the world and in themselves. Plus, Matt Bomer gets a blowie.

October 27

Randy Rainbow for President

Enjoy an intimate evening of cabaret with a nice, liberal, Jewish boy who sings parodies spoofing everything that’s wrong with the government. If you’re Republican, you’ll hate it. Mesa Arts Center, One E. Main St. in Mesa. Get your tix at MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500. More info at RandyRainbow.com

Thursday, October 12 at 7:30 p.m.

Paula

Poundstone

Stand up comedian, crazy cat lady, and an NPR regular on “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me,” Poundstone brings her sly, smart, observational humor to the Mesa Arts Center, One E. Main St. in Mesa. Get your tix at MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500.

Find out more about her at PaulaPoundstone.com

Friday, October 27 at 8 p.m.

ION ARTS

Och & Oy!

A Considered Cabaret

Don’t miss an evening of tunes and tall tales in this collection of songs and stories compiled from the lives and personalities with star of stage & screen Alan Cumming with NPR’s “All Things Considered” sexy news journalist/crooner Ari Shapiro. Mesa Arts Center, One E. Main St. in Mesa. Tix at MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500

Thursday, November 9 at 7:30 p.m. October 6-8

All Out with Ultra Naté

Legendary House Diva Sets Everybody Free at After Pride Party

altimore singer/songwriter/DJ/producer and music legend is a favorite of electronic, dance and pop fans since the She’s celebrating her 30th plus year in the game since her debut on the scene in 1989 with hits like Top 10 pop hit cover of the Gordon Lightfoot 1970 classic, “If You Could Read My Mind, with the legendary house music collective Stars on 54 — Amber, Jocelyn Enriquez, and Ultra Naté highlighting the 1998 movie, “54.”

é’s sound has embraced a variety of genres including house, soul, disco, electro pop, R&B, hiphop and rock. An icon of the Dance and LGBTQI+ communities, she was named one of Billboard Magazine’s “Greatest of All Time Top Dance Artists” along with having three entries in the music industry bible’s respective “Greatest Of All Time Top 10 Dance Club Songs.” During 2019 global World Pride celebrations “Free” was named one of the Top Pride Anthems of All Time. Ultra Naté’s vocal stylings and song-writing has provided fans with over 30 years of songs that continue to stand the test of time.

Now Ultra Naté channels her own unique take on the history of the greatest nightclubs. “The History Of The World’s Greatest Nightclubs” is a new podcast series looking at key nightclubs around the world and the how they influenced the way that people partied. This 12-episode series hosted by Ultra Naté is co-produced by Paris Hilton who introduces the series before Naté takes the reins. “Nightclubs change the way we see the world. Because the pure joy of a good party has the unique ability to transcend language, culture and place. To reach people from different parts of the world and unite them through the magical, unshakable, desire to dance,” explained one source. New episodes drop weekly.

In 2022 Ultra Naté celebrated the 25th anniversary of the anthem “Free” and released her 10th album titled, ULTRA.

Ultra Naté will be the special guest star at the official Phoenix Pride After Party on Saturday, October 21 from 9 p.m. - 2 a.m. at Walter Warehouse, 747 W. Roosevelt St. in Phoenix. Ticket info at PhoenixPride.org

DRINK & EVENT GUIDE

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY

ION SAZERAC

NAVIGATION

Use the ION ARIZONA APP for Google Maps turn-by-turn directions with links to UBER & LYFT!

DON’T DRINK & DRIVE!

ION FABULANCE

It’s a cosmic whirlwind! Pluto ends its transformational five month long retrograde; what have you learned about yourself? ¶ Eclipses? We got ‘em! Eclipses are all about big reveals, and you just might discover a huge talent you overlooked, A solar eclipse in Libra takes place on October 14, opening up a new chapter, so look for an opportunity. A Full Moon Lunar Eclipse happens Halloweekend October 28, little goblins! These strengthen your interpersonal skills but beware of irrational outbursts and emotional tantrums. Pay attention to your own self-image and focus on selfimprovement. I mean, you’re perfect, but … well, you know. There’s always something to work on.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

ION HOMOSCOPES

Horny, needy, “look at me!” Venus wants attention, but Mars urges you to make peace with past especially if you’re feeling jealous or guilty. Look for clarity from the cosmos.

TAURUS April. 21 - May 20

Pursue your passions, dreams and desires. Thanks to Mars your courage is on the forefront. The Sun illuminates your feelings. And you have a lotta feelings goin’ on.

GEMINI May 21 - June 21

Kick an old habit. Like procrastinating. Or tattling. Why not take up crafting? Grumpy Mars brings a rollercoaster of emotions –hardly a surprise with you.

CANCER June 22 - July 22

Expect the unexpected with Venus moving in. You crave surprises, but don’t make any impulsive decisions. Remember, the big gorilla always gets the best bananas.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Your reputation as an “Idea Person” grows, and your ability to get stuff done, not just talk about it. With a little hard work you might get a reward. Not a million dollars. Maybe a stuffed animal. Who knows?

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Communication issues are clouding things up, mostly because Mercury and Neptune are fussy. This is a good time to deal with money issues. Important info comes your way.

LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Mercury, meet Mars. Mars, meet Mercury. They square off with Pluto. This summit happens on October 29. Important intel surfaces. Is it your birthday? Venus aligns with Jupiter and you get a special gift. Embrace the past and expecta significant transformation in your life.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Two eclipses? Three planets in Scorpio? Expect fresh starts and closures where they’re needed. This is a good time to dive into things you’ve been been ignoring. Don’t overthink.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Opportunities abound! Set goals and priorities, pursue unconventional solutions to problems. Mars and Pluto get into a tussle and bring power struggles to your world. Set some boundaries. Stick to them.

CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Everything is new! New opportunities! New friends! New surroundings! New, new, new! Thank Jupiter for pushing you towards personal and spiritual growth. Be optimistic! Eat that cheesecake! You know you want to.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You’re a natural flibbertigibbet. You’re flighty. It’s all part of your featherbrain charm. But don’t let bossy Jupiter block your ability to communicate or things will get cattywampus.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

You’re rewriting your destiny. Right now! With a glitter pen and stickers. Follow your supercharged intuition even if the vibe is heavy – it’s because of cranky Mercury. Take the cosmic high ground.