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ANTI-LGBTQ HATE CRIMES OCCUR IN PHOENIX METRO Phoenix recorded 142 hate crimes in 2017; 56 of which were perpetuated against individuals because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Join us on Thursday, November 14th from 5:30 to 7:30 PM for a Miller Lite® Stay Proud, Be Loud Happy Hour on hate crimes awareness featuring Judy and Dennis Shepard, community leaders, and law enforcement at BS West (7125 East 5th Ave, Scottsdale, AZ 85251) STAY SAFE & STAND UP TO HATE • Report all bias crime incidents to police • Travel in groups and look out for each other • Be aware of your surroundings

21+ ONLY



Partnering Agency



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17 W. Vernon Ave., Unit 3 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 750-1164 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / SALES / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ...................... jacktesorero@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ............................... ionazeditor@me.com ART DIRECTOR Alex Campos ...................... ionazproduction@me.com COPY EDITOR ...................................... Austin Head PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 PHOTOGRAPHERS: Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby LeakedGlass Production RSVP Photography Fernando Hernandez Rafalogie Studio CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2019: 24 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2019 JMT Designs, Inc.



All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.


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The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.


n 2001 I had an idea to create a magazine in my new hometown that I fell in love with. It would be based on and around the local gay and gay-friendly communities. But how to fund this ambitious endeavor? I had no cash and didn’t want investors getting in my way. A few years prior I bought stock in a failing company. They were on the brink of collapse. They had an amazing product but no customers except me. Their tools helped me launch my career and eventually my company in 1995. I owed it to them. It was a computer company with less than 3% of the entire computer market. So I bought 100 shares at $17 and it was a “Hail Mary” move. My first investment. My stock broker thought I was crazy. But it rose and split. So I decided to take my love for Arizona and it’s gay community and sold my stock. I started ION Arizona.  It was the best and worst decision I ever made.  You see, that company was Apple Computer. Since I sold, their stock has


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skyrocketed beyond everyone’s imagination and blossomed into the most successful company in the world. Not bad for a company on the brink of bankruptcy. Yet my company struggled since then. But I still had no investors. No one to answer to. Just a great product, a creative team and a vision. Sound familiar?  18 years later I’m taking the “fruits” of my labor and my original Apple investment, and bringing my company they helped finance back to Apple. Last month, after almost a year of development, my company is now an official Apple APP developer (and Android but it’s hard for me to get excited about that). We launched our first of what will be many APPs on the Apple and Android stores. It’s called the ION Arizona APP. Available NOW on every smartphone and tablet in the world! This changes everything, again. The rest is history. 

Jack M. Tesorero Apple Jack

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Unbridled Joy

It’s a beautiful day in the “neigh”-borhood at Happy Hooves. By: Deon Brown 26

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here’s a sign that reads, “This is a Happy Place” in the home of Jesse Pekarek and Bryan Meyers in the North Phoenix neighborhood near Shadow and Lookout Mountains. The property’s acreage is big enough for their three miniature horses, Snickers, Coco, and Marshmallow, along with a pair of miniature donkeys, Jitterbug and Jasmyn who like to call it “home,” too. These critters are lucky: they were rescued from “kill pens” from across the country. They were surrendered by people who didn’t know how to care for them properly or bought them as a novelty pet -- but the novelty wore off. “There’s a high demand for the miniature horses and we were lucky to be selected,” said Jesse who enthusiastically coddles and spoils his equine friends. November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 27

As for all pets and livestock, attention and care is vital. “I didn’t know about horses, but I learned a lot, and very quickly. You really have to rely on your veterinarian and experts who know what they need,” Jesse said. “They each get veterinarian visits twice yearly, a dental exam and care once a year, ferrier (hoof care specialist) every month, hair care products, vitamin and health supplements, wood shavings, feed and more. Each animal costs about $160 to $200 per month to care for. They require feeding— and the requisite shoveling of their (ahem!) “leavings”—twice daily. Every Thursday is their “Spa Day” where they get a good grooming and full beauty treatment. You could call it, “The Mane Event” because they all get coconut cream treatments for their hair. But most importantly is what these critters—plus Jesse and Bryan— give back. Jesse is a realtor and Bryan is a caterer and they’ve been together for 12 years. “I grew up very poor on a dairy farm in Minnesota. I wanted to give back to kids,” Jesse says. “Now where we can help others.” The husband and husband team created a charity to help children less fortunate. In ten years they raised $100,000 for less fortunate children with a fundraising program they called, “Your Sunday is Today.” “Helping others is what I’ve always wanted to do,” Jesse explained. “You 28

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can have a big heart with the best of intentions, but it’s hard to take the next step. You want to go to the next phase of helping people and supporting others.” Bring on the dancing horses—and the donkeys. Jesse and Bryan decided groomed these beauties to be therapy animals, founding “Happy Hooves.” Approval as a therapy animal can take up to three years. “It was always Jesse’s idea,” Bryan said. “But I didn’t know we would adopt horses; I never saw this coming down the path,” he laughed. “They look into your eyes and your soul, giving a major connection that I never knew existed. They’re always watching and always waiting for you.”

who wants to be part of a mission and shared experience,” Jesse said. Thursdays are always carry an open invitation. Tune into Facebook when it’s “Snowcone Thursday” and the ponies (and donkeys, don’t forget) get a special treat with iced fruit and vegetables. Jesse discovered a secret a long time ago that he shared: “Two qualities of happy people are people who give back, and people who still want to learn.”

Currently the horses (and donkeys) provide there own special brand of hee-haw therapy for those living with Alzheimer’s Disease, dementia issues and stroke therapy. The whole gang happily piles into a trailer where they visit assisted living facilities at Bethesda Gardens Memory Care Center twice monthly. People with autism also benefit by spending time with the horses. Jesse and Bryan are working to be part of the pet therapy program at Phoenix Children’s Hospital. These hoofers also strut there stuff in parades across the Valley. They’ve participated in Scottsdale’s famous Parada del Sol, the westside’s Glendale Glitters holiday parade and Cave Creek’s rootin’ tootin’ Wild West Days. Volunteers are always welcome. “People will understand what we do when they see the horses. We welcome Anyone with a good and grateful heart. We’re always looking for someone

If you want to give back and keep learning, see how you can get involved. Visit HappyHoovesAZ.org for more info or email them at HappyHoovesAZ@gmail.org November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 29


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Charlie’s 35th Anniversary Hard to believe that it’s already been one score and 15 years ago since that little bitty ol’ pissant country place threw open the doors to their saloon. Lots of you little cowpokes weren’t even born yet! They’re celebrating with a big barn dance and Penny U-Call-It drinks of anything from sarsaparilla to fire water on Tuesday, November 5 from 7-9 p.m. with a drag show (surprise!) at 8 p.m. (See ad on page 11)

ION APPy Hour If you haven’t already, it’s high time to download the ION Arizona app for your Apple or Android devices. You’ll find out about everything that’s going on all over town each and every day. Plus, there’s lots of other perks, including discounts and bonuses at participating advertisers. Celebrate on Thursday, November 14 from 7-9 p.m. with ION and HRC on at the Thunderbird Lounge with food, a free arcade and yard games galore! 710 W. Montecito Ave. in Phoenix. (See ad on p. 43)

Luau Pig Roast at Bunkhouse Aloha o’e, little oinkers! Practice your hula and bring your big kahunas and little wahinis over to Pat O’s Bunkhouse for an exotic free Hawaiian buffet with a real pig roast. (Not one of those x-rated pig roasts! Shame on you!) There might even be a puupuu platter, too, if you’re good. Saturday, November 23 at 2 p.m. Pat O’s Bunkhouse, 4428 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. (See on on p. 15)


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Tacotopia Imagine a world where you can ride a mechanical taco, swing on a lime wedge or dive headfirst into a pit of guacamole. Don’t miss this pop-up exhibit in an immersive Taco Wonderland with sharable photo opps at every turn. We guarantee that this is something you’ll never forget. No enchiladas allowed, please. Now through November 24 at Tempe Marketplace on Hayden Rd. and the Loop 202. Limited tickets available daily. Visit Tacotopia.com for details. (See ad on p. 52)

GPGLCC Festival of Trees The holidays are right around the corner! Time to check out some of the best, most fashionable, creative and glorious Tannenbaums (that’s German for “Christmas trees”) from some of the best designers in town! Brought to you by the Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce on Saturday, December 7 from 7-10 p.m. at the Arizona Opera building, 1638 N. Central Ave. in Phoenix. Get your tickets at FestivalofTrees.org

NOVEMBER 2019 ION EVENTS DATE EVENT Weds. Drag Bingo 1-2 Day of the Dead Parties 2-3 Rainbows Festival 1-12/29 About Face: Perspectives 5 Charlie’s 35th Anniversary 9 Trans Queer Ball 14 ION Arizona APPy Hour 15-16 Get Stuffed Bash 16 Biz Daze Reunion 23 Wax-A-Bear/Parking Lot Party 23 Luau Pig Roast thru 24 Tacotopia 30 Roaring 20’s Party DECEMBER 2 GPGLCC Festival of Trees 7 Dancing for AZ Children

LOCATION OZ Bar Karamba Heritage Square Park Shaneland Arts Charlie’s Karamba Thunderbird Lounge Dick’s Cabaret Stacy’s @ Melrose The Anvil Pat O’s Bunk House Tempe Market Place Charlie’s

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tempe Phoenix

Arizona Opera Fairmont Princess

Phoenix Scottsdale

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“It’s Jester Joke”

Bianca Del Rio brings jabs and jibes to Phoenix. By: Deon Brown


ianca Del Rio, the famous Insult Queen of drag became a household name (well, depending on your household) in 2014 when she won season 6 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Since then she’s trash-talked, offended and shamed just about everyone who deserves it. Sometimes a few others get caught in the crosshairs. ION Arizona interviewed the bitchy queen after she won RPDR and now for a flash-forward: Bianca tells us once again how it is. ION: Bianca! We speak again! I saw your “Rolodex of Hate” show in 2015. You made fun of my shirt! Bianca Del Rio: That’s how it works in my show. No one’s safe. ION: I’m setting you up here: How did you get to Carnegie Hall? BDR: (Laughs) Neil Patrick Harris and his husband, David Merkel, introduced me saying, “Obviously you get to Carnegie Hall by blowjobs, blowjobs, blowjobs.” This is my fourth tour. It wasn’t for vanity reasons we chose to move to a larger venue that would hold 3,300 people each night. Three nights were sold out—over 10,000 people. That’s how the Wembley Arena show came about, it was a choice to put everybody in one place for the evening. It’s surreal to be in front of that many people. ION: Did you feel the ghost of Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall? BDR: That stage has seen thousands of talented vocalists—and now me! Being a theatre fag myself growing

up I’ve seen everything that was ever filmed there and listened to the Judy Garland concert album so many times, you go, “Wow! This is it!” ION: So they could hear your lovely voice all the way up to the third balcony? BDR: My soft, dulcet tones—and it’s five balconies, bitch! ION: Here in little ol’ Arizona we’re lucky to have two. BDR: I’ve played in places that didn’t even have a balcony or seating. Look, I’m grateful for any place that has a stage and a light. If the stage is working, the light is working, then I’ll be working. ION: You’ve made a couple of movies. Any more on the horizon? BDR: Totally! We’re working on Part III for Hurricane Bianca. We’ll be shooting sometime in 2020. ION: Who would you pick for your leading man? BDR: Whoopi Goldberg! I think Whoopi would be the ideal leading man! Actually, I just saw The Joker and I fell in love with Joaquin Phoenix. I knew he was an brilliant actor but I really loved him in that—he’s that sexy kind of crazy, so I’d have to go with him. Then again, I could go for a typical gay, like Tom Cruise. ION: He’s a shorty! BDR: You lose an inch for each year that you’re in Scientology. ION: The internet says you’re net worth is two million dollars! BDR: Oh god! Do you believe everything on the internet? (laughs) First of all, you wonder where people even come up with this stuff! It’s November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 37

fabulous that someone even gives a shit! If that’s what they’re obsessed with, then God bless them! If I’m worth two million I can only imagine what these other losers are worth. It’s laughable. Laughable! ION: Well, then you better up your rates. BDR: The problem is trying to please the internet—don’t bother with that bullshit. I deal with an audience. The internet didn’t exist when I started my career and it probably won’t be here when it’s over. (laughs) You deal with what matters: actual live people in front of you. ION: Is there a warm, fuzzy side of Bianca del Rio we should know about? BDR: No! No! This is what I choose to present to the world. What’s interesting is when you do something like a reality show then people think you have some moral obligation to be a human. Listen, this is what I do. The good and the bad! My political views and personal views on stuff shouldn’t affect what I do. Everybody’s trying to get into your business nowadays! It’s just what it is! That’s how I look at everything: this is what I do and this is what it’s about. ION: Is there a Mr. Del Rio? BDR: Hell, no! ION: Oh, good! There’s still hope for all the “clown fuckers” out there. 38

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BDR: (Laughs) The only thing that fucks me is the IRS! That’s probably why the internet thinks I have two million dollars. That’s about how much I’ve given to the government so Donald can go golfing. ION: What would Bianca’s dream job be, if you weren’t doing this? BDR: I’m not necessarily a dreamer. It’s all been out of necessity and that’s where drag came from—I started out in theatre as an actor, then doing costumes for the opera and ballet has always been my profession. To this day I do all my own clothes, wigs and makeup. I’ve always kept several several pots on the stove. I wouldn’t be opposed going back to it. Theatre and drag are two careers that are flighty. I know I’m not choosing to do drag for the rest of my life; there is a shelf life on it. And I don’t want to be a bank teller and I definitely don’t want to be a politician. Costume work and creating is something I’ve always loved doing. Stick with what you know, kid. ION: In our 2014 interview you talked about how Season 6 RuPaul’s Drag Race contestant Laganja Estranja just about drove you crazy with her constant crying.

BDR: People often ask that because it was such a big deal on the show. You have to remember that was in the moment. You’re creating a television show. Of course people get on your nerves, because that’s what they (producers) want. That’s show business in general. We’re both in a much better place now. Every once in a while I’ll get a text saying, “I’m really proud of you and appreciate our time together—even when you were a nasty cunt.” ION: Who’s the hottest Democrat running for the nomination to run for POTUS?

BDR: Elizabeth Warren! If for nothing more just so I can get ahold of that hair and give her a new look. Actually, I think she’s amazing! She’s the smartest and has her shit together. ION: Tell us about your show. BDR: I’m looking forward to bringing my special brand of humor and hate to Phoenix. Expect the unexpected. I call the show “It’s Jester Joke” because people have lost their minds and their sense of humor—considering what’s going on in our world not just politically but in general—is this “Cancel Culture” ... “You can’t say this” and “I feel this” and “This bothers me.” You have to find the humor in all of this in my show, so we have to just shut the fuck up, laugh at ourselves and realize that everything is not that serious. If you don’t find the humor you definitely will be fucked and live a miserable existence. I’m a firm believer that sometimes you have to have a drink and cackle.

Bianca Del Rio brings “It’s Jester Joke” to Phoenix on Wednesday, November 13 at the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. For more info and tickets go to PhoenixConventionCenter.com or PhoenixTicketForce.com or call 877-840-0457


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Miss and Mr. Rock 2020 Pageant Who will win the crowns allowing them to compete for the biggie ... Miss and Mr. Phoenix Pride 2020? The suspense is killing me! Come for the thrill and glamour! Stay for ... a really exciting contest. Hosted by Miss Rock 2011 Olivia Gardens and Miss Rock 2013 Aimee V. Justice. The excitement is building! It all happens on Sunday, November 10. Doors open at 4 p.m. (See ad on p. 3)






The Rock

Miss & Mister The Rock Pageant



The Rock

Late Nite Snax With Benaddiction




Veterans Day Show



The Rock

Rock Bottom with Benaddiction




The Strip Factor - Piper M’Shay & Adriana Galliano




Claudia’s Karaoke Cabaret “Sing with the Queen”




Diamond in Fuego with Diamond Dallas




Karamba Girls Show with Mileena Dallas & Fernanda Vargas




Gigi DeMilo Show




Pipin’ Hot Thursdays with Piper M’Shay

2nd & 4th Fri


The Rock

Coco’s Charm School



Cruisin’ 7th

TGIF (Thank Grande Its Friday) with Espressa Grande




The Boys & The Booze With Diamond Dallas & The Sinful Studs



The Rock

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows




New Times Best Drag Show Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty



BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers



Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

2nd Sat



Brunch After Dark Hosted by Navaeh McKenzie



The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show




Saturday Under the Stars With Claudia B and Pussy LeHoot

3rd Sun



Bliss Blush Drag Brunch Hosted by Barbra Seville




Pussy LeHoot & Friends




Latin Explosion With Adriana Galliano




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AMBASSADOR RUGS Buy 1 rug get the 2nd for 20% OFF our already low prices! Vintage, Antique, New Modern Contemporary Hand-knotted by Persians, Turkish & Caucasians, Indian and more!

(520) 668-4901 3108 E Fort Lowell Rd Tucson, AZ 85716

Tuesday-Friday 11am-6pm Saturday 11am-4:30pm


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Singer, songwriter, producer, remixer ... and Mormon! DJ titan Kaskade has multi-Grammy nominations with nine full-length chart topping albums representing an intensely positive side of EDM. Kaskade gets back to his roots with his REDUX tour on Saturday, November 9 for the Grand Opening Weekend at Track Club, 915 N. Central Ave. Get tix at TrackClubPHX.com


These critical darlings are considered to be among the most influential female rockers incorporating personal and social themes along with stripped-down music influenced by punk and the free-thinking ideals of 1980s-1990s alt/indie rock. Plus, singer/guitarist Carrie Brownstein is bi. Cool! Monday, November 11at The Van Buren,


She was born on the wagon of a travelin’ show ... this gypsy, tramp and thief keeps going, and going, and going! Do you believe in life after love? Then you won’t want to miss this eternal diva Saturday, November 23 at the Gila River Arena, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. Tix: call 800-745-3000 or visit Ticketmaster.com

NOVEMBER 2019 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 1-3 Nightmare Before Christmas 3 Marilyn Manson 8 Post Malone 9 LeAnn Rimes 9 Two Door Cinema Club 9 Matt & Kim 9 Kaskade 11 Sleater-Kinney 13 Jaden & Willow Smith 16 Black Keys, Modest Mouse, et al 16 T-Pain 23 Chainsmokers & 5 SoS 23 Cher DECEMBER 1 Plain White T’s, Mowglis

LOCATION Phoenix Symphony The Van Buren - Phoenix Gila River Arena - Glendale Chandler Ctr. for the Arts The Van Buren Marquee Theatre - Tempe Track Club - Phoenix The Van Buren - Phoenix The Marquee Theatre - Tempe Talking Stick Arena - Phx The Marquee - Tempe Talking Stick Arena Gila River Arena - Glendale

PHONE 602-495-1999 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 480-782-2680 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 TrackClubPHX.com 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 800-745-3000

The Van Buren - Phx


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dancing for

Arizona’s Children

5th Annual Dance Challenge & Brunch December 7, 2019 10 AM - 2 PM Fairmont Scottsdale Princess

Benefiting the Foster Care, Adoption & Family Support Services at

Pirates of Penzance

Ahoy, mates! Young Frederic is finally 21-years-old. His attempts to woo the comely Mabel hits a snag when a ship of singing pirates spring a surprise in this wildly funny Edwardian operetta by Gilbert & Sullivan. November 1-17 at Mesa Encore Theatre, 1 E. Main St. in Mesa. Need tickets? Go to MesaEncoreTheatre.com or call 480-644-6500

American Psycho: the musical

There’s nothing more heartwarming than a musical about a vain, selfish, handsome Wall Street investment banker with an cute penchant for murdering his dates. Based on the cheery novel by Bret Easton Ellis and starring Toby Yatso. It sure ain’t Oklahoma! November 9-23 at Tempe Ctr. for the Arts, 700 W. Rio Salado Pkwy. For more info & tix visit StrayCatTheatre.org or call 480-360-2TCA


Divine decadence! The madcap American chanteuse Sally Bowles explores life and love in pre-war Berlin while working in the seedy Kit Kat Club where the sinister EmCee sees all. Now thru November 29 in Tucson’s Temple of Music & Art, 330 S. Scott Ave. Tix & info: ArizonaTheatre.org or call 520-622-2823. Here, life is beautiful.

NOVEMBER 2019 ION THEATER +STANDUP DATE 1-17 8-24 8-9 thru 9 thru 9 thru 9 thru 9 9-23 thru 10 thru 10 14-12/1 15-17 22-12/29 thru 23 thru 12/29 29-12/24

EVENT Pirates of Penzance Darkside Mesa Encore Theatre Bob Saget Mystery of Irma Vep Macbeth Sweeney Todd Silent Sky American Psycho: the musical Curious Incident of the Dog ... Breakfast with Mugabe Silent Sky Blue Man Group ELF: The Musical Hello, Dolly! Cabaret A Christmas Carol

COMPANY Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 StandUp Live - Phoenix SW Shakespeare Co. - Mesa SW Shakespeare Co. - Mesa AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe Phx Theatre Black Theatre Troupe - Phx AZ Theatre Co. - Phx ASU Gammage - Tempe AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert

PHONE 480-644-6500 480-644-6500 480-719-6100 480-644-6500 480-644-6500 623-776-8400 520-622-2823 480-360-2TCA 602-254-2151 602-258-8129 602-256-6995 480-965-3434 623-776-8400 480-497-1181 520-622-2823 480-497-1181

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Free, Freaky, Freezing


et ready as Hollywood pulls out all the stops, releasing their best (well ...) before the end of the year. Will these make the cut?

Harriet Starring: Cynthia Erivo, Joe Alwyn, Janelle Monáe We all know about the Underground Railroad where runaway slaves found their way to freedom. (You did learn about that in American History, didn’t you?) If you dozed off in class, you won’t when you watch this thrilling picture about Harriet Tubman, the slave whose courage and strength helped liberate hundreds of slaves from bondage during the Civil War. So why isn’t she on the $20 bill already? Oh, that’s right: Orange 45. Opens November 1

Doctor Sleep Starring: Ewan McGregor, Kyliegh Curran, Rebecca Ferguson Remember Danny Torrance (McGregor, Moulin Rouge), the little kid with the Big Wheel and

the extrasensory gift of second sight in director Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 psychological horror film based on the Stephen King classic, The Shining? Now he’s all grown up. And alcoholic, thanks to the traumatizing shit that went down in room 237 at the Overlook Hotel years ago. He meets a prescient teenager, and they form an alliance to fight the True Knot, a cult led by Rose the Hat (Ferguson, The Greatest Showman) who feed off “the shine” in a quest for immortality. But where’s Johnny? Opens November 8

Frozen 2 Voices: Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, Even Rachel Wood, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff Six years ago we were driven insane when gangs of tween girls everywhere sang, Let It Go non-stop from Disney blockbuster, Frozen. Everything is still pretty chilly in the now-troubled, kingdom of Arendelle. Bad ass, icy snow queen Elsa (rumors are swirling that Disney reveals that she don’t need no man, if you catch my drift) has questions about her magic powers. Where did they come from? And why is Anna so ... ordinary? What big-money song will be played over, and over, and over ...? One thing’s for sure: “You in danger, girl.” Opens November 22 November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57


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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora PeterWasTheWolf@Gmail.com

Angel Olson

somewhere between Fleetwood Mac’s “Everywhere” and HAIM. Available Now

Tove Lo Sunshine Kitty

All Mirrors Those who know Angel Olson have always known that there was a masterpiece waiting to be created. Her 2016 release My Woman spawned the year’s best Rock love song, “Shut Up Kiss Me,” a Patti Smith hookey conjuring. All Mirrors is Olson’s true oeuvre. Lush strings take her goth-folk tendencies to a new dimension and depth in an almost Phil Spector, Björkian grandeur. “Too Easy” is hazy pop perfected and “Lark” is a post-breakup anthem in full-blown crisis mode. Aptly titled, the Mirrors are reflecting Olson and her raw emotions, reverberating more than ever. This might be the audiophile’s album of the year. Available Now

Caroline Polachek

For every Jonas Brother and Shawn Mendes, there are 10 women out-recording and outperforming the boys. The downside? Most go unnoticed. With her fourth album release, Swedish electronic ingenue Tove Lo plays with what’s expected of her on the title track, and follow-up single “Glad He’s Gone” – forgettable at best. Where this Kitty truly shines is on the album’s frequent collaboration tracks, “Are U gonna tell her?” with MC Zaac, “Bad as the Boys” with Alma, but especially on “Really don’t like u,” with the unsung hero of pop, Kylie Minogue. Available Now


In her previous band Chairlift, it was obvious that Caroline Polachek was its star player. “Bruises” became an iPod Nano ad anthem and major players caught wind; she helped create Beyoncé’s “No Angel.” On this solo debut expect atmospheric moments with “Insomnia,” and “Go As a Dream,” where she borders on Enya. She goes back to her pop prowess with “Door” and “Hey Big Eyes.” “So Hot You Hurt My Feelings” is Pang’s best song, living

The Drums

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - SONG The Drums – “I Didn’t Realize” Perfume Genius – “Pop Song” Frank Ocean – “DHL” Allie X – “Rings a Bell” Chromatics – ‘Twist the Knife’ Taylor Swift – “The Man” Sufjan Stevens – “VII” Barrie – “Human Nature” POLIÇA - “Driving” Kim Petras & others – “How it’s Done” November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61


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Love is in the Air Lady and the Tramp Live Action, CGI + Voices: Tessa Thompson, Justin Theroux, F. Murray Abraham A perfect highlight for this month’s ION and “Pets in the City.” Disney inaugurates their new streaming service with the re-telling of the canine love affair set in the turn of the last century and featuring with an interracial update, too. Pampered, uppity “indoor dog,” Lady, (Thompson, For Colored Girls) a Cocker Spaniel, gets booted out of her cushy digs and into the backyard. She runs away, meeting Tramp (Theroux, Star Wars: The Last Jedi) a mutt from the wrong side of the tracks. Yep. The famous “spaghetti kiss” scene is there. Streaming only on Disney Plus, November 12

Let It Snow Starring: Isabela Merced, Shameik Moore, Kiernan Shipka, Odeya Rush, Jacob Batalon, Miles Robbins, Mitchell Hope, Liv Hewson, Anna Akana, Joan Cusack

When a snowstorm hits a small midwestern town on Christmas Eve, a group of high school seniors find their friendships and love lives colliding thanks to a stranded pop star, a stolen keg, a squad of competitive dancers, a mysterious woman covered in tin foil, and an epic party at the local Waffle Town. Come Christmas morning, nothing will be the same in this fantastical rom-com about pimple-free, beautiful teenagers that’s bound to entertain. Who doesn’t like Kiernan Shipka, the now grown-up scheming little “Sally Draper” of Mad Men and star of Netflix’ Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? Based on the best-selling book cowritten by the YA powerhouses Maureen Johnson, and Lauren Myracle, along with John Green who wrote the weepy The Fault In Our Stars and Paper Towns you can expect plenty of lively, yet emotionally wise-beyond-their-years dialogue peppering the script. We’re excited to see their mature approach to the lesbian relationship with real-life nonbinary identifying Liv Hewson (Santa Clarita Diet). One final word: Joan Cusack. Need I say anything more? See more on Netflix.com/LetItSnow Streaming only on Netflix November 8

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Matt and Kim Indie’s happiest duo are still as GRAND as ever Edited By: Deon Brown 68

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ooking for a boost to your endorphins? Here’s the perfect prescription. Get your joy on when Matt and Kim come to Tempe’s Marquee Theatre on November 9. These happy, peppy musicmeisters are known for their infectious, beatdriven anthems and explosive live shows. Matt Johnson and Kim Schifino who are probably Indie music’s happiest twosome started in 2004 in Brooklyn, New York and have released six studio albums since then. They have supported tours for My Chemical Romance, Blink-182 and Passion Pit. Festivals? They’ve played Coachella, Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo and Firefly Music Festival, just to name a few.

performance venues, Matt and Kim different approach: the were proud to announce that they would perform, but that they would only be supporting local businesses in an attempt to celebrate the spaces that worked so hard foster a sense of inclusion and safety for queer people within the state. Now it’s time to take a sentimental journey when Matt and Kim bring their GRAND 10 Year Celebration Tour to Marquee

The pair has been a longtime friend to the LGBT community, performing at a holiday benefit to raise money for Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund’s work to end homelessness among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth.  “We were invited to play the ‘Home for the Holidays’ show in 2014. It’s a cause I’m very happy to support, but I was unaware of the amount of homeless LGBT youth out there,” Matt said. “There are so many teenagers and I had no idea of that number of people it affected. It was a heavy subject. We’re a very upbeat band that jumps around a lot.” In 2016 when North Carolina’s House Bill 2 (The notorious “Bathroom Bill” that sought to “protect” cis women from cis men sneaking into bathrooms pretending to be trans) While many performing artists chose to boycott the state resulting in a loss of revenue (and pay) for employees at November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 69

Theater on Saturday, November 9. The duo will be celebrating their breakout album GRAND , performing the album’s songs in full including hits “Daylight” and “Lessons Learned” plus back catalog fan favorites. (C’mon, now! Who doesn’t remember their earworm, “Hoodie On” from the 2015 album, New Glow?) When GRAND was released critics raved: “Matt Johnson and Kim Schifino have established a hard-won reputation as a raucous live juggernaut” (NPR) – holds true today as the tourloving Brooklyn two-piece continue to incite non-stop dance parties at every venue they play. And that’s just how they intend to celebrate on stages across the United States with their fall tour. Matt (vocals, keyboards) and Kim (drums) self-recorded their breakout sophomore album GRAND in Matt’s childhood home in rural Vermont. Upon its release in 2009, it was hailed as “exhilarating” (Rolling Stone) “obscenely catchy” (Entertainment Weekly) and “selfproduction at its best— energetic, inventive and mildly


WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2019

destructive” (NME). GRAND includes the singles “Daylight” which is RIAA certified platinum and fan favorite, “Good Ol’ Fashion Nightmare.” The music video for “Lessons Learned,” featured the duo stripping naked in New York’s Times Square and won the “Breakthrough Video Award” at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. Of the album and tour, Matt says, “In celebration of the album’s 10 year anniversary, we’re going on a U.S. tour playing our album GRAND in its entirety (as well as a bunch of other songs). This album totally changed my and Kim’s lives, but some of the songs off GRAND we’ve never even played live before. We’re really excited we get to do this trip and we’ve never done anything like it. It’s gonna be special.” 

Don’t miss the “Matt and Kim GRAND 10 Year Celebration Tour” on Saturday, November 9 at the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. in Tempe Doors open at 7 p.m. with the show 8 p.m. Ages 13+ (language may not be suitable for all ages) Tickets and Info:  MarqueeTheatreAZ.com

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Photography by: Franklin Diaz Art Direction by: Alex Campos We love our pets! Whether they have paws, wings, or fins, our pets are part of the family. Our annual “Pets in the City” is our chance to highlight ION Arizona’s readers with their pet friends. This is also a chance for us to raise funds for the Joshua Tree Pet Assistance Project with our modeling readers’ donations. Joshua Tree is dedicated to preserving the bond that their clients with HIV/AIDS share with their pets by providing low-cost and no-cost services, referrals and food if they’re facing financial issues. Nobody should go be sick or hungry—not even our pets—thanks to Joshua Tree Feeding Program. Find out more and donate to Joshua Tree. They’re wonderful! Visit JTFP.org And if your dog needs bathed, brushed and a new ‘do, be sure to check out this issue’s sponsor, Doggy Daze, an upscale pet grooming and retail boutique and store with food, treats, collars, leashes, toys and more! Visit them online at DoggyDazeAZ.com or at 5555 N. 7th St. at Missouri Ave. on the NE corner. Call for your pooch’s appointment at 602-626-5006 74

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Hector Melicoff & Lucas Byrnes

with KeeKee & Kygo

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Lee Stewart &

Angie Mae (not pictured) 76

with Louie Winston

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Mike Chesworth


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Jay Olson 78

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David Smith


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Jacob Bracamonte 80

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Mo Nika Ell wITH LEIA

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Carnita & Joey Townsend 82


Adrian Rodarte


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Andrew Fischer 84


Ryan Santana & Zach Gignac wITH DIOR

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Lance Matheson & Tim Hurley

BS West Industry Night (W)

Heritage Square Park Rainbows Festival

OZ Bar Pocker (W)

Charlie’s 35th Anniversary

BS West Industry Night (W)

Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Bar 1 Thanksgiving Eve Party OZ Drag Bingo Night (W)

The Womack Bingo No She Didnt

The Anvil Red Hanky Party

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)

Karamba Military Ball

Heritage Square Park Rainbows Festival

The Rock Rock Bottom Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

Charlie’s Thanksgiving Night

The Anvil Gear Night

Charlie’s Great Gatsby

Pat O’s Bunckhouse Pig Roast Luau Plazma Freaky Friday (W)


The Anvil 11th Annual Wax a Bear


Stacy’s @ Melrose Nobody’s Business

The Rock Barbra Seville Show (W)





Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

29 MarMM


Bar 1 Two for One (W)


Charlie’s Pipin’ Hot Thursdays (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)


BS West Formal Male Review (W)

Cruisin 7th Cruisin Play Mates (W)


BS West Hate Crimes Awarness

Orpheum Theatre Bianca Del Rio


Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

Thunderbird Lounge ION Appy Hour

Cruisin 7th TGIF (W)

Plazma Freaky Friday (W)

Karamba Day of the Dead

Roosevelt Row First Fridays (M)

OZ Drag Bingo Night (W)




The Anvil APAH pup Night

Charlie’s Scaryoke (W)


Bar 1 Two for One (W)

Dick’s Cabaret WTF Wednesday (W)


Charlie’s Pipin’ Hot Thursdays (W)



Cruisin 7th Cruisin Play Mates (W)





Charlie’s Halloweenie (W)

Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)


Charlie’s Karaoke (W)

Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Extravaganza (W)


Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)


Bar 1 Karaoke (W)

Bliss/ Rebar Taco Tuesday Trivia (W)




Charlie’s Sunday Funday (W)


Cruisin’ 7th Tia’s Teasers (W)

The Rock Late Nite Snax


Stacy’s @ Melrose Karaoke (W)

The Rock Miss & Mister Rock Pageant


Charlie’s Undie Monday (W)



Bar 1 Karaoke (W)




November 2019 FRIDAY






DIRTY DADDY DANCERS 10pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

WILD MEN of the WEST 7:30pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

BEER BUST $3 Pitchers All Day HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

Bar 1

HH 10am-7pm

$2.75 Domestic Bottles 7pm-9pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts $2.75 Canned Beers ALL DAY

HH $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

Brunch Specials 10a-3p $12 Bubbly $6 Bloodys/Sangria

$12 Bubbly, $6 Bloodys 10a-3p 1/2 OFF Cock. 2-7pm KARAOKE 9p

Elements Show 10:30pm $5 Tito’s Handmade Vodka All Night

2-4-1 Go-Go Dancers, øExtended Patios VIP

Sunday Funday KARAOKE 10p $2 doms - $3 Marys & Mimosas

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Miller Products 8pm-cl

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm $2.50 Bud Products 8pm-cl

FryBread w/ Joe Jackson 12p-9p JAZZ w/ Kenny Thames 7:30pm

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well-Dom 2-7pm $1 Draft 7pm-9pm $5 Crown 9-12a

$3 Pitch/2-4-1 Well/Dom 2-7pm $1 Well 7-9pm $3 D. Eddy 10-12a

Super Happy Hour 4-7pm $3.50 Pitch, Lg Isld, AMF’s Open-Cl

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Espressa Grande 10:30pm

Dirty Daddy Dancers 4:30pm Lady Christian 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-4pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

2-4-1 VIP & 50% off Cover 7-10pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover, Wristbands & VIP Dances

HH 3:30-6:30pm & 11pm-Close $2 OFF Apps / Well / Wine / Beer

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5 & $6 Big Brunch Drinks 10a-3p HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10:30am -6pm

Happy Hour Drink Specials 10am-6pm

Vaquero Fridays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Saturdays 9-11pm Reverse Happy Hour $3 Drinks

Top 40 Sundays Ruby Show $3 Pitchers Beer Bust

Oz Bar

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm POKER 7pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 9pm-Cl

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY Bingo 1p


$3 Well & Dom Until 8pm $4 3 Olives & $3 Fireball Shots

HH $3 Well/Dom Btl/Drft 12/8pm All Male Revue 10pm

Football Sunday 7p $3.50 Dom Pitch, Mimosas & Bloody Marys

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm Drag Show 10p

2-4-1 11a-7p KARAOKE 9p Barbra Seville Show10p

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom. 11am-cl Drag Show 10p

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Pinnacle Flavors 8pm-Cl

HH 4-8pm $2.50 Rolling Rock $4.50 Firball 8pm-Cl

$2 Rolling Rock & Well open -7pm 7-10pm $2.50 Wells & Rolling Rock


BS West Bunkhouse Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th

Dick’s Cabaret FEZ Hula’s


The Rock Stacy’s




Live Music on the Patio Tom Walbank 7p DJ Dirtyverbs 10p

Free Dance Party 10pm DJs Sid the Kid, BOBFelix & More!

Flawless Fridays with China Collins

Saturday Night Starrletts with Janee Starr




Hot Club of Tucson 10:30pm Club KARAOKE 10pm 2-4-1 9p-Close KARAOKE



Beards, boxers & Briefs $1 OFF HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$2 Miller High Life & well vodka cocktails 8pm-close

2-4-1 WELL 8pm-close HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

KARAOKE 9pm HH $3 well/dom $2.50 pint 1-8pm

$1.50 Bud Light Drafts, $5.25 Martinis 7pm- Close

KARAOKE 9pm $3 well, dom bottle & drft

$6 Huge Long Islands

2-4-1 U-Call-It 10am-2am (except shots & pitchers) $4 Bellinis

HH ALL DAY $2 OFF Well/Beer/ Select Apps/Wine/Prem.Spirits

$3 OFF Taco Platters $6 Big Margaritas

20% OFF ENTIRE BILL (excludes discounted items)

$20 Any wine bottle $15 Any wine bottle w/ food purchase

HH Drink Specials

College Night 2 for 1 Go-Go Dancers - VIP

Thirst Trap w/ Men of BS $4 Heineken / $6 Absolut & Jager

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Pool Tournament 9pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Dart League 7:30pm

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm KARAOKE 9pm $3.75 L.I.

2-4-1 8am-2pm HH 2pm-8pm Undies/Leather night $1 Off

Underwear Party 8pm-Cl 50% off w/ your Pants Off $3 Jack

2-4-1 Open to Close KARAOKE 8:00pm

$5 Ketel One/Malibu $3.50 Dom Pitch $3 1800 Tequila 8pm-Close

2-4-1 All Cocktails & Beer Open-Close

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm TS Dancers 10:30pm

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm

Wasted Wednedays HH $2.75 Well/Dom ALL DAY

HH $2.75 Well/Dom 6am-8pm Wild Men of the West 10:30pm

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

WTF Wednedays $5 Cover and almost everything else!

Thirsty Thursday $5 off Cover w/ ION AZ Ad

$5.55 BIG Margaritas ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$5.55 Classic Martinis ALL DAY HH 3:30-6:30p & 11p-close

$2 OFF Glasses of wine 50% OFF Bottles of wine

$5.55 BIG Signature Cocktails G Spot / O Spot / B Spot/ A Spot

Mysterdy Mondays $5 Mystery Cocktail/Shot

2 N’ 2 2 apps & 2 cocktails $25

All Night Happy Hour Regular Happy Hour all Night

Facebook/Twitter Special Text “Hulas” to 90210 after 6pm

Cumbia Night $3 Pitchers Karamba Girls Show

Urban Thursdays - Gigi DeMilo Show $3 Pitcher $3 Drinks

1/2 Priced Well and Beer

KARAOKE 9pm $3 Drinks / $3 Pitchers



$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY Trivia Night 8pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY Poker 7pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY DRAG BINGO 8pm Poker 7pm

$3 Well/Dom 6a-7p $6 Call ALL DAY KARAOKE 7pm POKER 7pm

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic

HH 2-4-1 4-8pm $2 Well & $3 Domestic 9pm-Close

2-4-1 4-8pm Sinful Studs 9pm-Mid

HH 2-4-1 ALL DAY Beautiful Losers Comedy SHow

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm KARAOKE 9pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Underwear Night

HH 2-4-1 Well & Dom 2-8pm Drag Show 10p

KARAOKE 9pm-Close HH All Day & $2.50 Rolling Rock

HH All Day $5 Martinis All Day & $3 Rolling Rock

2-4-1 4pm-Midnight Happy Hours Midnight- Close

HH ALL DAY Thursdays Only 2-4-1 from All Other Bars



90s House Party 10pm w/ DJ Sid the Kid 90¢ PBR Br

3-4-1 Well Drinks 8p-Close KARAOKE

Geeks Who Drink Trivia Night 8pm


Tequila & Mexican Beer ALL DAY



Live Music

Salvador Duran 7pm OPTI CLUB Dance Party 10pm

Viva La Diva Show with Diva

2-4-1 All Day Go Go Boys 11pm





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1. Anvil

2424 E. Thomas Rd.

(602) 334-1462

2. Bar 1

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

3. Bliss/ReBar

901 N. 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

4. Boycott Bar

4301 N 7th Ave.

(602) 515-3667

5. BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave., Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6. Bunkhouse

4428 N 7th Ave.

(602) 200-9154

7. Caravan Taphouse

4835 N 15th Ave

(602) 274-7756

8. The Cash

1730 E McDowell Rd.

9. Charlie’s

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

10. Cruisn’ 7th

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 212-9888

11. Dick’s Cabaret

3432 E. Illini Rd.

(602) 274-DICK

12. FEZ

105 W. Portland St

(602) 287-8700

13. Flex Spas Phoenix

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy.

(602) 271-9011

14. Hula’s Modern Tiki

4700 N Central Ave # 122

(602) 265-8454

15. Karamba

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 254-0231

16. Kobalt

3110 N Central Ave. Park Central (602) 264-5307

17. Los Diablos

1028 E Indian School Rd.

18. NuTowne Saloon

5002 E Van Buren St.

(602) 253-0689


(602) 795-7881 (602) 267-9959

19. OZ Bar

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd.

20. Plazma

1560 E Osborn Rd.


21. The Rock

4129 N. 7th Ave.

22. Stacy’s @ Melrose

4343 N 7th Ave.

24. IBTs

(602) 266-0477


(602) 248-8559

TUCSON Address 23. Hotel Congress

(602) 242-5114

(602) 264-1700 Phone


311 E Congress St., Tucson

(520) 622-8848


616 N 4th Ave, Tucson

(520) 882-3053

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Dear Miss Tiger,

Dear Miss Tiger, I’ve been off and on with the same guy for years. He’s a DJ, travels a lot and is faithful—until the next out-of-town gig. Can you help me out? — Andy Dear No Matter What Speed You Play That Record On It’s Still The Same Damn Song, And on that note, remove the needle from the record ... Hey Favorite Bitch, My boyfriend won’t get a job, he stopped going to the gym and he doesn’t want to screw. What should I do? — Rico Dear Your Boyfriend Is About As Useful As A Compact Disc From The Public Library, And like that scratched CD ... ain’t nothin’ gonna fix it! Dear Tiger, My man is thirty years older than me. He’s in bed by 8:30 p.m.!  He gives me money and all, but I don’t think I can take this anymore.  Help! — Omar Dear That’s What Happens When You Try And Play An mp4 In A Cassette Player, Next!

Been dating this dude for five months. Says he’s rich but has nothing to show for it. I need someone who has their shit together. If his eggplant wasn’t so good I would’ve already left his ass. Any advice? — Zach Dear More Vinyl Less Spotify, His wealth is about as legit as Chinatown Louis Vuitton; but if you’re okay with eggplant instead of caviar ... then why the fuck are you even writing me??? Favorite Bitch, Will you please tell my husband that throuples are not the wave of the future!  — Kyle  Dear Blame Cable TV, Long gone are the days of relying on reruns! Dear Miss Tiger, Which do you prefer? Long and skinny or thick and short? — Derrick Dear Whichever One Can Wear Me Out Like A VHS Tape From An 80s Blockbuster Video, Hopefully you’ll find one that’ll rewind ‘n’ fast forward your prostate ... more times than a damn remote control!

The Miss Tiger Show Every Tuesday at 6 p.m. MST Live on MissTiger.com Advice Columnist • Radio Personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website: MissTiger.com   Instagram/Twitter:  @MissTiger   Advice: Tiger@MissTiger.com  November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 93


WWW.IONAZ.COM November 2019

November 2019 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

by Addison DeWitt


off a handmade Halloween wreath (C) purchased by Barbra Seville for a whopping $942. (Maybe I exaggerated just a little.) Empress X Olivia Gardens & Empress II (Or “Queen TuTu” as I like to say. Get it?) Julie Craig had their spoons ready for the pastaroni taste treat. (D) The easy winner was RipplePHX’s cheesy-licious dish presented by AJ Dominguez, Jason Jones, and Jeremy Bright (E). Mac ‘n’ cheese. Nature’s most perfect food. Next to pizza. And penis.



ots of children’s books begin, “Once upon a time ...” Here’s a new twist on storytelling: Bookman’s Entertainment Exchange hosted an “Adults Only Story Hour After Dark” for the grownups. The fabulous Benaddiction (A) regaled book lovers with a heartwarming horripilation from something like Rosemary’s Baby or The Exorcist. This event gives a whole new meaning to “fairy” tales. (Get it?) Back at the palace ... Empress Tyra Marie XIII of The Imperial Margarine Court of Arizona held her annual “Mac ‘n’ Cheese Cook-off” at The Rock for the Court’s scholarship fund. George “Nugget” Herrera came to sample. I mean, “support.” (B) Daniel Eckstrom auctioned




The BS West Halloween extravaganza was it’s creepiest, kookiest, altogether ookiest best ever! Lovely Leopold Devin & Brandon Rodriguez carried bricks on a stick. I thought it was food, like at the fair. (F) Sorry darlings, the





vodka took over by then and I had no idea what you said you were. But I love you!

Smokey the Glittery Gay Bear (K) is on the lookout for flaming queens. Fortunately, two trusty, always prepared Boy Scouts (L) were on hand to hose down burning wood. (Get it?) And who wouldn’t want to find two hot Bit-O’-Honeys like Alex Cyrus and Alex Guzman (M) in their trick-or-treat bag? Everyone had a very “Romy and Michelle” night and went home to fold scarves. (N)


A bloodthirsty Anthony Alfaro and Michael (G) were on the prowl eyeballing the crowd’s veins. Did they see the juicy jugulars on Ryan Santana with his pal Norman? (H) Speaking of “juicy” ... yummy Ryan’s lips are looking oh-so-extra plump and kissable these L days. What’s your secret? Is it Soap & Glory Sexy Mother Pucker Lip Plumping Gloss? Let me kiss you and I’ll let readers know. It’s all for research. (Just don’t tell Zach!)

Watch those fangs! For a reptile that sexy Bradley John Dial looked awfully hot-blooded to me. (I) And, No, it’s not Pippi Longstocking. It’s Marc Echeveste as the topical Swede Greta Thurnberg, and he’s mighty upset

about climate change, too. (J) As they say in Swedish, “Spara isbitarna för sprit!” or “Save the ice cubes for the booze!” Okay. So maybe they don’t say that.



Finally! Another edition of “Keeping Up with the Davenports!” It must be jelly ‘cause jam don’t shake like that! Newlyweds Clayton and Chris dressed up as every kid’s favorite after school snack: a peanut butter and jelly

sandwich on—what else?—Wonder Bread! (O) Who wouldn’t want to take a bite outta that manwich?



ars is aligning with Pluto dramatically from November 1-9. The build-up of energy is dramatic before and after. And you know what that means? We’re cranky. Work out that hostility because the holidays are on their way. November 11 (aka 1111) brings a strange feeling of expanded spirituality. Besides, the Sun is aligning perfectly with Mercury in retrograde, illuminating rebirth. Wow ... this is pretty trippy shit! When Venus aligns with Jupiter at a pivotal point across the Galactic Center on November 24, so you can expect plenty of good vibes and even some magic to happen. You can also expect a little more magic at Thanksgiving. Is it because of the stars and planets? A little. But mostly because you know what ß counts. Be grateful and eat everything on your plate. Share a littel with the dog. ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You come up with a creative solution to something that revolutionizes the world. Okay that’s an exaggeration, but you have a pretty good idea. Share things. Don’t be greedy. (Well, you are!) Eat your green beans. No whining at the dinner table. TAURUS April. 21 - May 20 Express those burning feelings bubbling up to the surface. Expect an overflow of energy. Look for renewed creativity. It might be found with a new recipe for stuffing. Turkey stuffing, that is. Eat your yams. GEMINI May 21 - June 21 Success comes your way, but remember, others helped. Lots of different choices with different relationship opportunities are a little confusing. Like choosing dinner rolls over crescent rolls. That’s also very confusing. CANCER June 22 - July 22 It’s a great time to tackle a project at home, but soon cabin fever starts to set in. Things get tense, so book those AirBnB reservations now. Enjoy Turkey Day in Honolulu. Or even somewhere in Kansas. 98

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LEO July 23 - Aug. 22 Expect a revival. It could be with a relationship (didn’t you burn some bridges last summer?) Your intuition is key to success, but you also need t be nice to others. Keep your elbows off the table. VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 Your ability to look at problems from a different angle helps everything to magically work out. Don’t let the past burden you down. Your charm and grace are at an all time high. Eat two desserts. LIBRA Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Focus on the basics because you have a big challenge coming up. Expect a casual acquaintance to become someone important in your life. Good news: you don’t hate fruit cup as much as you thought. SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Don’t be argumentative, even if you’re right. You’re popular and people like you, kinda like Kelly Clarkson. Birthday Scorps are presented with a terrific opportunity. You get all white meat on your plate. SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 Expect some slight misunderstandings in a specific conversation. If it’s your birthday do something wild and flamboyant. Eat your peas and your carrots. CAPRICORN Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Incredible focus creates responsibilities. Partly because you keep people happy even though your social skills need improvement. (Don’t get mad! You know it’s true!) AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 You put the needs of others above your own. You do something revolutionary because deep down you’re a Socialist. Drink milk with your dinner. Who cares, anyway? PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 You surprise everyone around you. You might possibly even surprise yourself, but not likely. It’s mostly because you refuse to lower your standards. Good for you. Avoid kale, but parsnips aren’t really that bad.

Profile for ION Arizona

ION Arizona #221  

The November Issue of ION Arizona Magazine Featuring Pets and the City presented by Doggy Daze and Bianca Del Rio "It's Jester Joke" comes t...

ION Arizona #221  

The November Issue of ION Arizona Magazine Featuring Pets and the City presented by Doggy Daze and Bianca Del Rio "It's Jester Joke" comes t...