Dr. Deb
91
Sweet
THE JEWISH HOME
Deb Hirschhorn, Ph.D.
And what is that work? The answer, of course, is that it encompasses everything we do and everything we stand for. There is to be no facet of our lives meant to be hidden away from G-d, done only for ourselves. As much as we are indeed supposed to take care of ourselves, all our actions nevertheless are also supposed to serve G-d. This puts a slightly different slant on this case of things not going well, being
remembering something, proteins composing that memory are in a labile state. That is, they can re-combine in new ways. This process of protein synthesis takes six hours. What researchers found is that painful, even traumatic memories can actually change by arranging a different emotional context for them to be recalled. Other research has shown that mindfulness meditation can accomplish
Don’t let a week go by without doing something for someone that gives you a deep down good feeling. down, or even depressed. It may be the difference that makes a difference. If we are stuck in a bad place in our lives it is normal to be sad about it. But “normal” doesn’t make it right. According to what we were just saying, all our actions are supposed to be in service of Hashem. As soon as your thoughts are focused on what you wanted that you didn’t get, you’re not serving Hashem! It’s all about you! The Klausenberger Rebbe knew this. His immediate thought was: “How can I live this moment in a way that G-d wants?” From there, it was easy to take the appropriate action. And then the Klausenberger Rebbe got a bonus. Not only did he do something for the Borei Olam, but he distracted his mind from his pain onto things that were constructive and deeply satisfying. Perhaps that really felt sweet; perhaps that was simchadik. Well, wouldn’t you know? This, by a funny coincidence, is the exact formula therapists give to people who are depressed and do not want to take medications: Take positive actions in your life! More than that, research on memory reconsolidation in the brain shows that when we are emotionally aroused in
the same thing. Thus, trauma survivors having seen combat can be healed through mindfulness meditation. How does it work? A person breathes deeply and allows the negative thoughts to come up without reacting. The peaceful, deep breathing that he has been practicing changes the emotional tone of the traumatic memory. In addition, mindfulness has shown to increase brain pathways between the cerebral cortex (the thinking part of our brain) and the amygdala (the center for emotional reactions). In my work with people, I ask them to switch their focus from the negative thoughts to positive ones. Essentially, that is what the Klausenberger Rebbe did. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Is it doable anyway? Yes! It takes practice. But it is a mitzvah! We have to do it. So what is the formula for bequeathing upon ourselves a sweet year? Do your deep breathing while clearing your mind. If thoughts plague you, let them go and just return to focus on your breath. Practice this daily, multiple times a day so you’re prepared when you need it. Have pleasant thoughts to occupy your mind and practice switching off of
the negative ones to the positive ones. The more you practice this, the more automatic it gets. Engage in tasks that are rewarding on a deep level. Get involved in your shul, school, or other charitable organization. Don’t let a week go by without doing something for someone that gives you a deep down good feeling. When stress enters your life, it is pointless to complain (even to yourself) about it. Force your focus out of complaint mode to what-can-I-do-about-this mode. If there is absolutely nothing you can do, then shift to what-can-I-learnfrom-this mode. Both are growth-producing, but even better, they literally change a bad situation into something to be proud of. On this, let me share a current-day Klausenberger Rebbe story. The founder of a yeshiva in Yerushalayim (Sharei Chessed neighborhood), Medrash Shmuel, is Rabbi Binyamin Moskowitz. Two of my sons went there. What many people don’t know is that he lost four of his children in a fire back in England. Perhaps that is what prompted him to found a yeshiva; I don’t know. You can pick up a selection of YouTube videos of him as ba’al tefilah at the yeshiva. Watching him, you would not know his past. But this I do know because my sons made it clear: He is 100% devoted to the boys at the yeshiva as well as his own remaining children. I used to draw a sketch of a glass half full of water and give it to my clients. I added a little arrow pointing to the bottom (full) half of the glass with the words “focus on this half.” May you and your family indeed have a good and sweet year – because you make it so. Dr. Deb Hirschhorn, is a Marriage & Family Therapist and best-selling author of The Healing Is Mutual: Marriage Empowerment Tools to Rebuild Trust and Respect—Together. Attend the Food For Thought lectures at Traditions Restaurant in Lawrence on Tuesdays at 12:30 PM. (There is a lovely optional lunch menu for $12 cash.) Any questions, call 646-54-DRDEB or check out her website at http://drdeb.com. All stories in Dr. Deb’s articles are fabricated. See Dr. Deb on TorahAnytime.com.
SEPTEMBER 3, 2015
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hana tova u’mituka! We’re all saying that. Yet sweetness can be so elusive. How do you get that? And what’s more, the Torah, which has all answers to all questions, never says how to do it. And to complicate matters, it says ivdu es Hashem b’simcha. That is, we are required to be happy; it’s a mitzvah. Well, maybe the greeting makes sense in that case. We aren’t actually wishing our friends a sweet year; we are reminding them of their obligations! They have to be happy. This also fits with the Mishna in Pirkei Avos: Aizeh hu ashir? Hasameach b’chelko. (Who is rich? The person who is happy with his lot in life.) See, we always have free choice; we could conceivably be unhappy and then we might not feel very wealthy. I know, I know, you’re going to tell me that you do not choose to be unhappy; it’s just that sometimes you are. I get that. To one degree or another, that’s true for all of us. But on a logical basis, this is really impossible: G-d could not have commanded us to be happy if we could not be. We are required to do what He knows we can do. So although we think it is out of our control, we must be wrong about that. The good part of this is that it must be that He also created a way out of the dilemma. If He is expecting us to be happy, then there must be a pathway towards that happiness. And obviously, since the Torah was given at least a few years ago, it preceded the advent of medication for depression. There must be a way out. In a recent class, Esther Wein told us about the Klausenberger Rebbe’s post-Holocaust experiences. He had just lost his entire family – his wife and 13 children. Within 24 hours of liberation, he created a kosher kitchen right there in the camps. Next, he pulled together all the children and started a school. He lost no time. Was he truly happy? I can’t answer that, but I will bet that he felt the sweetness of his actions. Remember this: The requirement is ivdu es Hashem b’simcha. It is the work, the avoda, that is to be sweet. The work of serving G-d is to be done with joy.