Order in the court, the monkey wants to talk!
M
any of us often wonder where we come from. I secretly like to sometimes think I’m Italian. I
mean, seriously. I have dark features, I talk a lot and like to be animated when I do it, and I love the food. Just give me a Dad in the mafia and I’ll have the stereotype down to a T. But this harbouring desire to be taken as one of their own was never more apparent than when I read the differences in the reporting on the Amanda Knox verdict that came out this week. Those who have been following the case would be well aware that Knox, 24 - an American student originally found guilty of murder in Italy only for it to be overturned earlier this week – had a wealth of supports rallying behind her. As in, an entire COUNTRY. In short, America had her back, just like Hansel had Derek Zoolander’s. ‘Innoncent!’ their papers and news stations cried long before a verdict was made, ‘Italian judicial system a joke!’ screamed the daily headlines. Over 944 news items were reported on the case in the USA alone, and I’m willing to bet they were all in her favour. My sister’s judgement for people also works in this way, which makes me sometimes wonder if she is American. I mean, she certainly has their judicial system down pat in her day-to-day judgements of people, places and things. Innocent until proven guilty, for all people regardless of hair style, shoes or choice of favourite television show. She is adamant that someone or something is good until they commit a heinous crime at which there can be no verdict other than guilty - such as hating Spaghetti Bolognese or Harry Potter - that renders them forever behind bars, into which she will either turn like those weird Charles Manson supporters and rally behind them, or acknowledge the system and move along. THE AMERICAN JUDICIAL SYSTEM: Defence: Leaves room for reasonable doubt and erroneous details, such as not liking Two and Half Men (irrelevant) and widens the possibility of rehabilitation back into society with the help of a quick shoe style change or misty mole remover. Prosecution: The American style system of judgement allows too much room for error and too many second chances than allows serious offenders back into the community without proper punishment or retribution from others, such as allowing someone to continue to walk around thinking that Freddie Mercury is not the greatest singer of all time (Mum, I’m talking to you. GUILTY!) despite their previous offenses. Personally, I take on more of an Italian tone when summing up others. Hate Scrubs? Out of my way. Think the alien landing as Roswell was really just a piece of army machinery? Excuse me, I have to go. This system works well for me, as I am able to render my verdict well before a trial period is induced, sparing any chance of a later appeal or parole period, and definitely with no room for a second offence. The Knox case was sensationalised throughout the Italian province of Perugia; she named a sexually deviant ‘she-devil’ who should be put away for life, despite, like the Americans, the lack of a final verdict. I tend to use this system of ‘guilty before proven innocent’ in my everyday life also – it saves time and money, although it means occasionally that someone like Knox can be found guilty of, say, hating Seinfeld and instantaneously sentenced to life without parole, only to later find out that