theVAULTmagazine ~ Issue 9

theVAULTmagazine Crack the Vault

Issue #9 - February 3, 2012

Best Breakup Stories The Mike Clark Band Champagne vs. Sparkling Wine Canada's Gay Marriage Mix-up And much more...

FREE The Peace Region's Alternative

o r e Z M ile l a n o i Reg x e l p i t l Mu

Monday to Friday 11AM - 2 PM

$9.99 French Fry Special comes with Caesar Salad & 6 oz. New York Steak

...seriously!

The Mile Zero Regional Multiplex, located in Grimshaw, is a multi-purpose facility offering a wide variety of physical activity and wellness opportunities to promote active living in the Peace Region.

Fostering health, wellness and fitness opportunities, the Mile Zero Multiplex offers the following activities:

Walking Running Cardiovascular & Weight Training Hockey Figure skating Basketball Volleyball Badminton Tennis Dance & much more! n

n

n

n

780-332-4005

www.grimshaw.ca 2 theVAULTmagazine

10

YELLOWKNIFE HAY RIVER W HIGH LEVEL T MANNING N

GRIMSHAW

632 381 180 52

MILE ZERO MACKENZIE HIGHWAY

F E B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

9703 100 Street | Main Street Peace River

theVAULTmagazine

Issue #9 - February 3, 2012

Please Recycle Me.

Letter from the Editors I’ll keep it short and sweet. This is the Heartbreak issue. Take a minute and be honest with yourself, heartbreak is what makes life great. The ups aren’t as high if the lows don’t take you down a notch every once in a while. It’s the rebound that counts.

Editor/Publisher Jenelle Lizotte Tormaigh Van Slyke

Social Media/Reception Mary Warren

Logo Design Michael Boone

Layout Design

Jenelle Lizotte Christine Taylor Tormaigh Van Slyke Chris Zwick

In this issue, we explore the delicate and sometimes confusing sides of love and love lost. Every day brings something new, perhaps something to love—something to live for. That’s what it’s all about. It doesn’t always last, but times like these are fondly looked back upon as the “good ol’ days.”

Here at theVAULTmagazine, we know in our hearts we’re making history here in the Peace Region. It’s a new chapter; turn the page and get involved. Be a part of the saga.

We are pleased to extend our ad base to you the general public while making it more attractive for local businesses. Show your support for your neighbours. We are all in this together.

Also in this issue, check out upcoming events, past ones, and new developments such as Hell’s Belle—a collaboration between us and Hell ‘n’ Back Industries to showcase talented local models, stylists, and photographers who embrace the pin-up style. We hope you love it.

Tormaigh and Jenelle

Distributor

Michael Russell T&J

Website Design

Sush Wong & Doug Hurst, Wild Card Technology Solutions

Ad Design

Aimie Williams Sush Wong

Ad Sales

Tormaigh Van Slyke

Photography

Jenelle Lizotte Susan Thompson Tormaigh Van Slyke

Contributors

Terry Cameron Raymond Myles Susan Thompson Mary Warren Chris Zwick

Happy Valentine's Day Maltais Kids!

Love Mom & Dad Happy Valentine's Day Chrystal, Jenelle, John & Angel

Love Mom theVAULTmagazine is available free of charge at over 75 locations in the greater Peace Region every other Friday. We are funded solely through the support of our advertisers. theVAULTmagazine is published biweekly by Plato’s Cave Publishing. No content herein can be reproduced without written consent of the publisher. We accept contributions provided they are the property of the contributor and are offered exclusively to theVAULTmagazine. The publisher assumes no responsibility for the return or safety of contributed materials and therefore will not be held responsible. All opinions or statements expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher or staff. The reader must understand that all information presented in this publication is from various sources, therefore theVAULTmagazine cannot be held responsible for any accuracy, completeness or legalities. We ask that each reader take only one copy, unless your grabbing one for your friend. That is all.

Happy Valentine's Day Alexis, Jordan, Damon, Anika & Emma-Li

SECTIONS 04 Inside the Vault 06 The Heartbreak Issue 09 Staff Picks 10 Arts 12 Calendar 14 Mu s ic &Entertainment 17 Food & Drink 19 Social Comment 20 Sex 21 Astrology/Oddities 22 Puzzles & Comics WWW.THEVAULTMAG.COM THEVAULTMAGAZINE@HOTMAIL.COM WWW.THEVAULTMAGAZINE.TUMBLR.COM

Love Grandma

Doug, Happy Anniversary!

Love Susan

theVAULTmagazine (Peace Region)

@thevaultmag

www.thevaultmagazine.tumblr.com

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

3

INSIDE THE VAULT NEWS SNIPPETS before. Both cases involved powder forms of the drug but A recent rash of ecstasy-related there have also been pills found deaths in western Canada has containing PMMA in other police warning the public to cases. be aware that pills are being manufactured with a chemical First Nations reject pipeline that is actually more toxic than project the usual ingredients.

Plans for the Northern Gateway There have been 24 deaths Pipeline came under further in the last six months – 18 scrutiny last week as more in BC and six in Calgary – First Nations groups came linked with ecstasy mixed with out against the project citing paramethoxymethamphetamine environmental concerns that (PMMA), an ingredient officials would see an international port say is five times more toxic built in Kitimat, BC, which, if than MDMA, the chemical approved, would ship 525,000 traditionally found in ecstasy. Its barrels of Albertan oil to Asia via effects are also known to come on supertankers every day. slower than traditional ecstasy, compelling users to ingest more. To date 66 different First Symptoms of overdose include Nations groups have signed hyperthermia, hypertension, the Save the Fraser Declaration agitation, confusion and against the pipeline, while the convulsions, according to police. company behind the project, Enbridge, has said it has the A Calgary man was found dead support of 40 per cent of the in his home on Jan. 28 with aboriginal communities along another man and women going the pipeline’s proposed route. to hospital in the same incident; while two other women called The $5.5 billion, 1,172 km 911 from a Calgary hotel and pipeline from the Edmonton were hospitalized on the same area to the Pacific Ocean day after purchasing ecstasy, will wind its way through mixed with PMMA the night Whitecourt, Fox Creek, Tumbler Ridge and further west through

Toxic E linked to 24 deaths

43 First Nations communities along the way. To date only one has publicly supported of the project, which it later rescinded.

Reports say the communities were offered 10 per cent of the project for their support -- $400 million over 30 years.

S

ometime before 11:30pm on Friday, January 27, 2012, New Legend Studio in Berwyn (otherwise known as “The Church of Metal”) was vandalized and broken in to.

Owner Kurt Dehaan arrived at around 11:30pm to find Coors Light beer cans strewn over his property, broken glass, and approximately $1,500 worth of damage in broken windows. A golf club of his was also found down the street from the scene of the crime with glass embedded in it.

“Whoever it was wasn’t happy enough with just getting in. They felt they needed to smash the place up,” said Dehaan.

4 theVAULTmagazine

RCMP suspended a drug recognition training program with American counterparts in Arizona last week after complaints of racial profiling and abuse of authority against the training force surfaced.

In mid-December, the U.S. Justice Department released the findings of a civil rights investigation involving the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office saying it was reasonable to believe the department was engaging in racial profiling and retaliating against critics of its policies. After the British Columbia Civil Liberties Union (BCCLU) brought the findings to the attention of the RCMP, the program was quickly suspended.

Approximately

According to Dehaan, on the night in question a neighbour’s dogs were barking loudly. When the neighbour went to investigate, he saw what appeared to be two males jumping into a 4-door silver or white Dodge Intrepid.

“I don’t know if they have anything to do with it, but they were the last ones at the scene,” Dehaan stated. “I certainly do not encourage anyone to take this matter into their own hands with violence. I just want them to pay me for the damages and then it’s water under the bridge.”

Until further resolution is found, Dehaan will be closing down Next Legend Studio.

Anyone who has any information is asked to email kurtdehaan@gmail.com F E BRU ARY 3 , 20 12

clothes and did not interfere with her work at all. Further, the lawsuit claims discrimination as a male employee of the company was not reprimanded for wearing female clothing and prostheses as he considered gender reassignment for himself.

RCMP calls off U.S. drug Brains cloned in lab Woman fired for wearing training Researchers at Edinburgh, prosthetic Scotland’s Centre for

Berwyn Studio Vandalized

BY TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE

officers were scheduled to be trained in six three week long workshops between April 2012 and March 2013. The county is responsible for training 85 per cent of drug recognition experts in North America and has been partnered with RCMP for many years, according to BBCLU.

200

RCMP

Regenerative Medicine have cloned brain tissue from patients suffering from depression and schizophrenia by taking skin samples, creating stem cells and turning them into brain cells, allowing them to study the patients’ brains without actually Pauline Davis, 45, is seeking taking tissue from the living back pay, punitive damages human being. and damages for suffering and humiliation after she was The scientists (who also created released from her job as a packer Dolly the Sheep in 1996) say at J&J Snack Foods Corp. She the discovery will help increase claims she had confided in co- diagnostic accuracy by allowing workers that she was wearing them to study fresh tissue that prosthetic male genitals as she has not been affected by the considered gender reassignment illnesses or the medication surgery, which somehow made used to treat them. They also its way to company management hope to use the technique to and she was subsequently fired. study the tissue of patients with degenerative disorders like Davis’ lawyers state the rubber multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s piece was concealed under her and motor neuron disease.

A Pennsylvania woman has initiated a human rights complaint against the snack food company she worked for after she says she was wrongfully fired for wearing a prosthetic penis to work.

Be the first to find the VAULT head on the cover & win a 2-for-1 coupon to River City Cinema!

Email us:

thepit@thevaultmag.com to tell us where it's hiding!

SECOND DAY NEWS

Canada's Gay Marriage Mix-up

BY MARY WARREN

F

ollowing the proceedings of a court case in early January, many became outraged about the thousands of same-sex marriages that were supposedly being dissolved in Canada.

Often, these outcries came sourced with the same sensational blog post which had absolutely no researched information to speak of and alluded to what inequalities might come next. Other posts sourced a January 12 article that ran in the Globe and Mail; unfortunately, this article also failed to

accurately matter.

address

the Within the twisting corridors of tourist marriage laws, same-sex According to Kevin marriages hit a glitch.

Kindred, a Nova Scotia In our long established lawyer and an Advisor on laws, there are two issues the board of the Rainbow same-sex tourist marriages Action Project, this entire could face. One of the story was blown out of major issues the media proportion. Media junkies often overlooked was that and journalists alike lapped divorce laws require a year up the frenzy, pointing of permanent Canadian fingers at that devious residency. The other issue, prime minister of ours. which did receive massive Unfortunately, with all attention, is that our this sensationalism, very common-law legislation not recognize few people actually did does marriages that are not thorough fact checking.

It turns out our judicial accepted in the couple’s system is a lot more home jurisdiction. This applies to heterosexual complicated. couples as well, although

it is rare for such a tourist marriage to not be recognized by a couple’s home country.

The media monster grew further and some even took the Crown Prosecutor’s stance viewpoint as government policy. There was no official annulment of tourist marriages issued in Canada, and certainly no Canadian residents were affected, yet some sources attempted to make such bold claims.

If one good thing has come out of this media frenzy, it is the increased awareness about some of our aging

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

laws, and as a result, the Canadian Government has taken the current legislation under review.

Many predict the law will be amended so that samesex tourist marriages will be recognized in Canada even if not recognized in their home jurisdiction.

Despite the possible good brought forth, this sensationalism has damaged Canada’s image in the process. This is unfair because at the end of the day the true monsters of inequality are the countries that still refuse to allow or acknowledge same-sex marriage.

theVAULTmagazine

5

The Heartbreak Issue Locked Inside Your Heart-Shaped Box

BY SUSAN THOMPSON

V

alentine’s Day is a day that revolves around children.

After all, who gets the most Valentine cards? Kids. For example, about half of the approximately 190 million valentines sold each year in the U.S. are given to children. Children don’t have jobs, so it’s the parents who dutifully spend their money buying heavily-branded Valentine’s cards for every other kid in their kids class.

Maybe as an adult it’s hard not to have at least some nostalgia for a simpler time, a time about learning to fold construction

paper hearts, eating red hot cinnamon candies and exchanging Dora stickers. Children can’t really fall in love yet, so children’s crafts are about as far from the agonizing beauty of adult love as you can get, but who cares, when you also get candy. Lots and lots of candy. Chocolate, especially.

I couldn’t find a more recent statistic, but Canadians spent $923 million on chocolate in 2006, and a good portion of that was spent on Valentine’s Day gifts.

Valentine’s Day is celebrated by 84% of Canadians, and the most profitable Valentine’s Day items are chocolate, cards and flowers.

Now here’s a heartbreaking fact.

While our kids are burning off

6 theVAULTmagazine

F E B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

sugar highs, kids in West Africa are working long hours of backbreaking slave labour to make all those heart-shaped boxes of chocolates . That’s right. Kids are making the very chocolate we buy to for our kids to give to other kids.

Chocolate, you see, comes from cocoa, and more than half of the world’s supply of cocoa is cultivated in the two West African nations of Ghana and Côte d’Ivoire. The problem is their cocoa production depends on the labor of more than 3.6 million children. Those children spend their days doing dangerous, difficult tasks like climbing trees with machetes in brutal heat to cut down cocoa pods, or

handling dangerous pesticides.

The US Department of State estimates that more than 109,000 children in Cote d’Ivoire’s cocoa industry work under “the worst forms of child labor.” Some 10,000 of these children are actual slaves, bought and sold like animals.

In Canada it might be the teachers who get the most valentines, but sadly the children who help make Valentine’s Day sweet don’t even get to go to school and are denied the right to a basic education. While our children exchange candy hearts these children get beaten and mistreated.

Worse, these “cocoa children”, some of whom are as young as five, are still not recognized and

protected by the major chocolate companies who sell the products they help harvest, or by international child labour laws.

So what can you do? This Valentine’s Day, you could show a little love to children in West Africa and buy Fair Trade chocolate. Fair Trade chocolate has been produced in a way that pays farmers a living wage and protects their rights. You could also simply refuse to buy chocolate. Or you could take part in various online campaigns to push to make Valentine’s Day child labour free.

Let’s unlock the heart-shaped box trapping the children of West Africa in lives of pain and slavery.

The Heartbreak Issue

Are Open Relationships Possible?

O

BY SUSAN THOMPSON

ne of the life skills we’re taught as children is to share. When it comes to our significant others, however, it’s assumed that jealousy is natural and monogamy is the only option.

Cheating breaks up relationship after relationship because, in society’s eyes, commitment means having a relationship with one person and one person only.

Is there another way? The idea of open marriage has been a hot topic recently thanks to some nasty allegations about U.S. Presidential contender Newt Gingrich.

Gingrich’s second wife Marianne Gingrich dropped a bomb just days before the South Carolina primary, claiming Gingrich asked her for an open marriage some six years after starting an affair with another woman (his current wife). She says she refused, and they divorced. Needless to say, her decision to go public has called Gingrich’s morality into question at a pivotal point in his campaign.

Sex columnist Dan Savage has also gained quite a bit of notoriety himself lately for advocating a style of relationships he calls

“monogamish”: a monogamous relationship where neither partner is actively looking for others, but where the partners have an understanding that sex with others is not entirely off the table.

Savage responded to the media frenzy over the (no doubt politically motivated) allegations against Gingrich by writing that Gingrich is “doing monogamish all wrong”.

“Technically you’re not asking your wife for an open marriage if you’ve already been f*cking another woman for six years. You’re presenting your wife with an ultimatum,” Savage wrote, adding that this does not make Gingrich a proponent of open marriage.

The Ethical Slut, a book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt, argues that open relationships can exist. The book claims that occasionally wanting to have sex or a relationship with someone other than your committed partner may actually be more a part of human nature than exclusive monogamy, and this desire is not due to a failing in one partner or the relationship itself, but rather because no one person can be everything to everyone. The book contains chapters explaining the

many different types of consensual nonmonogamy that can take place, and includes numerous anecdotes from real nonmonomgamous people. The book claims we can learn to feel something called “compersion”. Compersion is a feeling of happiness at seeing one’s partner happy, even if it means a sexual or emotional relationship with another person. In other words, compersion is the opposite of jealousy.

Obviously, a successful open relationship built around compersion would take an incredible amount of maturity, as pointed out by a marriage therapist interviewed for a recent article in the Globe and Mail. Open relationships may not work for everyone, or may not work at all, because if either partner has problems dealing with the actual reality of knowing their partner wants to be with someone else, then open relationships can cause a breakup just as easily as cheating.

It’s probably tough to know how many of these types of relationships do work, because we generally only hear about open marriages that go wrong after the fact, and not the ones that go

right. Open relationships are usually kept hidden.

“Most people [who have open relationships] don’t tell many of the people they know,” says former Peace River resident Jane (not her real name). Jane is married and has had sexual relationships with others including threesomes, foursomes, and extended friendships with benefits, all with the knowledge or involvement of her partner.

“There are couples with different arrangements wherever you go. Peace River is no different. A lot of people you think are totally monogamous actually aren’t. They just don’t talk about it.”

Jane adds that smaller centres like Peace River can be difficult places to find like-minded people, but thanks to websites and parties it’s not at all impossible.

“There are no clubs in Peace River like there are in Edmonton but couples can still find each other. Not everyone goes to clubs anyway.”

“People

who

have

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

relationships are just like any other people. They come from all walks of life. Someone you see at parent days at your kids’ school or someone you work with might be someone who does this. Everyone just assumes other couples are monogamous.”

In fact, in many ways open relationships may still be more socially taboo than being homosexual. According to Jane and her partner, this is because people have a perception from the ‘70s that open relationships are just about being crazy “swingers” and having sex with anyone.

“Open relationships can be anything from just having sex in room where another couple are also having sex, to living with another person. You can’t really generalize.

Most have rules so just having sex with anyone is not what they are about.”

So what is the key to a successful open relationship? “You have to keep talking,” according to Jane.

“As long as you can still talk to each other you can work things out.”

open

theVAULTmagazine

7

Proud parents Angel & Raymond Tupper are pleased to announce the birth of

Emma-Li Patricia Tupper Weighing 5lbs 6oz., Emma-Li was born on December 29, 2011 at 11:57pm.

She joins big brother Damon and big sister Anika.

Welcome to the world, Baby Emma-Li!

My Love,

I adore you.

Forever and always, Gorgeous Wife Amelia & Griffin,

www.thevaultmag.com

8 theVAULTmagazine

F E B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

Daddy & Mama love you every day and moment.

theVAULTmagazine

STAFF PICKS

Best Breakup Stories Jenelle

Mary

Chris

Tormaigh

Susan

M

M

I

S

I

y best breakup was with a former exboyfriend of mine. It was the Thursday before North Country Fair. I was probably 16 or 17 at the time. It was exam season at Peace High and I was at school studying after a morning exam. My boyfriend had finished his morning exam and we were hanging out outside. I had never been to the fair before and he was trying desperately to convince me to come with him.

I had no cash to go and I didn’t think my Mom would let me go.

I said no.

Being his last exam, his ride was coming later in the afternoon to pick him up. Our conversation was getting intense and he tried every tactic in his arsenal to convince me. I wasn’t budging. As his departure time neared, he basically told me that if I could not share in his romance with the fair, I could not be romantically involved with him. His ride came and he left. I sat outside the Drama building crying and destroyed.

The very next day I wrote my last exam. As I ventured downstairs in a mopey fashion, I found my best friend waiting for me. She informed me that she scored a ride to the fair and a tent. She exercised her considerable influence over me and I borrowed the cash to go.

Her selfless attempt to mend my broken heart was thwarted. As we drove into the fairgrounds who should I see but Mr. Breakup.

y very best break up huh? Well I don’t have any witty little anecdotes or tales of humor. I’m a pretty straight forward person and realize when something is done. Instead of being a drama queen I will merely stare like a cold comatose. In other words, I’m done with you; don’t expect the satisfaction of emotion. You have effectively wasted my time and therefore are not worth the time it takes to mourn.

Conclusively, this love lost story meant something different.

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “love conquers all.” Not true. Distance conquers all.

Distance, ye be a volatile poison.

Just when you believe you are immune, BAM! Overdose.

To make this short, I was distraught. This was not the typical break up. This one mattered.

This was the nervous wreck variety. I literally could not eat due to my stomach being twisted in anxious knots. Worse, the only way to sedate myself was to exercise frantically until I was exhausted. However, exhaustion would not bring sleep, and when it did, there were only nightmares. Survival mode took its sweet ass time to kick in, but when it did I was optimistic and lively.

In the end, I’m still here like the rest of you, stronger and wiser, so keep your chin up. If you can read through nauseating tales of heart break you can overcome anything!

was in Saskatoon, fresh out of school, working as a courier, renting a room in a basement across from the university. She introduced me to Greek food I introduced her to Pink Floyd. She thought she was Bjork and lived in the apartment right beside me, which proves to have been my first mistake. It was one of those short, intense relationships between two Aries, as she would say—spanning only about five months.

One day, after we argued the night before, I came home for lunch after delivering packages in the wet snow. I threw my shoes in the dryer. It got loud. To keep it short, the cops showed up 20 minutes later because someone had called them with a complaint I was smashing up my room. That on top of the fact she was taking a week vacation to Brandon to visit her “friend” Bill, kind of made my decision for me.

I quit my job, strapped my futon frame on top of my Astrovan and drove 13 hours to Peace River in bad weather on Christmas Eve. I sure showed her.

That’s actually the back-story as to how I found myself back home too.

o, this is lame. I met her at a music festival and she lived 1,000km away. I was 11 years-old and she was my first girlfriend. She was 14; I told her I was 13.

A long-distance relationship meant long-distance phone calls that got us both in trouble with our parents. None of my non-festival going friends at the time believed she existed. I was head over heels infatuated with this girl.

All I had to look forward to were her 10-page hand-written letters that took weeks to arrive in the mail. I would read and re-read each one. In return, I would struggle to send two pages riddled with the sloppiest penmanship and no-doubt tons of spelling mistakes.

They were full of the mushy sh*t. Y’know, “I can’t wait to see you again…You’re all I think about all day and night.”

My writing was terrible, but she didn’t mind.

One day, I called but the phone number was disconnected.

Her letters quit coming. Then, my letter to her came back, “return to sender.” Her family had moved. I was crushed—for longer than made any sense.

Finally, I came to terms with it.

After three or so years of keeping her letters, I threw them away.

Recently, she found me on Facebook. She’s married and has kids. It was really nice to hear from her, but I soon realized we have very little in common.

’ve been married so long it’s not like I have a lot of breakups in my personal experience to choose from (just some vague memories of being cheated on in high school, pretty much). So my best breakup story is actually something that happened to one of my daughters.

I won’t say which one to spare them and the boy involved some embarrassment.

My daughters are young, only 10 and 12, but they’ve both had boyfriends already. These boyfriends have been more the hanging-out-at-recess variety, of course…so far. Still, heartbreak is heartbreak, and the breakup that was worst was when a certain boyfriend decided to break up with one of my daughters over Facebook. It wasn’t even her Facebook, but a message to her sister's Facebook saying something along the lines of “Tell your sister it’s over.” Bad move, because sisters stick together. My broken-hearted daughter’s sister was so mad she immediately posted a Facebook status calling the boy out for what he’d just done, much to the amusement of their mutual friends.

The comments didn’t exactly go in his favour. He’s still very young so he had a far better excuse for his immaturity than most men (ahem), and let’s hope he learned a lesson. It might be a digital age, but breaking up over Facebook or text – especially through your girlfriend’s sister is always a bad move.

I ended up spending most of the fair with him as we reconciled.

So there you have it. I’m a shyte friend and a sucker for a handsome face. He and the fair are, to this day, very dear to my heart.

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

9

ARTS

February

4

Aboriginal Interagency Committee Fashion Show Fundraiser at the Sawridge Inn and Conference Centre. Doors open at 5:00pm

8

The Nampa Golden Pioneers are hosting a Valentine Supper. Adults $10, Youth $4, and children 6 and under are free. Everyone is welcome.

17

Carnaval de St-Isidore. Feb 17 - 19. Live bands, kids shows, sleigh rides, bon fire, snow sculpting, maple snow taffy, and more. Bring the whole Family.

20

Family Day at the Nampa Complex from 2:00-4:00pm. Door Prizes, skating, shinny hockey, hay rides, snow taffy, hotdogs, & Bannock.

Èdouard Monet - Le dÉjeuner sur l'herbe (Luncheon on the Grass), 1863

Impressionist Rebels

BY MARY WARREN

WWW.NORTHERNSUNRISE.NET 780.624.0013

Forgot your friend's birthday?

Buy a belated greeting.

Only $24.99 780-624-1985 thepit@thevaultmag.com Happy 27th Birthday

N

early everyone has heard of Monet, Manet, and post-Impressionist Vincent Van Gogh, but did you know these visionaries were once the bad boys of the art world?

When viewed too closely, Impressionist paintings often appear as though the artists simply splattered paint abstractly upon a canvas. However, when given the proper respect rippling waters, light juxtaposing shadows, and life-like figures are revealed.

Nowadays, Impressionism is so well received, and generally taken for granted, it’s hard to imagine these dazzling depictions as being a radical art form that literally triggered artistic re-imagination.

Tormaigh!

www.thevaultmag.com 10 theVAULTmagazine

"Impressionism is the newspaper of the soul.” ~ Henri Matisse

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

Without Impressionism, the art world would arguably lack the textural chaotic swirls of brightly mixed colours and would exist without gentle flicking brush

strokes rising off the canvas illustrating the artist’s passion.

Before the rise of Impressionism art was generally dull and conservative, focused almost entirely on history, portraiture and religious themes. At this time, Impressionists who are now considered exemplary were not immune from the brutal tongue lashings of the critics within the established art world.

naturally they were outraged.

Several other Impressioniststyle paintings were also rejected which alienated and frustrated several French artists.

Although initially generating a following in the 1870s, it took many years before the negative attitudes would change and the paradigm would shift.

Despite public disdain, the wheels were spinning. The In reference to the first art ex- Academic art style that domihibit for the Impressionists Louis nated the art world for was Leroy wrote: crumbling. Thanks greatly to a visionary Parisian art dealer, Impression—I was certain of it. I Impressionism was at last acceptwas just telling myself that, since I ed and sought after by the 1880s was impressed, there had to be some and 1890s. An exhibition at the impression in it ... and what free- 1900 World Exposition sealed dom, what ease of workmanship! the deal and effectively launched Wallpaper in its embryonic state is the reputation of Impressionism more finished than that seascape. and its artists.

Impressionism’s initial break into the art world came when Manet’s painting, The Luncheon on the Grass, was rejected by the jury at Salon de Paris due to the depiction of a realistic nude woman in a contemporary setting. Manet had already gathered a large group of fans and

At last Pandora’s Box had been unlocked, releasing true artistic creativity along with radical artistic revolutionaries. These outstanding Parisian artists seem to have departed with the bold statement, “patience is a virtue” and what is the fruit of patience?

It’s sweet.

Artist Directory INKED IN MALICE

Band (Dan Binks: Lead guitar, vocals, songwriter.

Stephen Knudsen: Rhythm guitar) Melodic acoustics to technical metal. Working on demo. reverbnation.com/inkedinmalice

MARIE ELDSTROM

Photographer (Owns House of E Photographic Imagery. Book a session.

Tell your story. Promises a unique and exciting experience. Portraits & Prints.) marieeldstrom@gmail.com houseofphotographicartistry. blogspot.com

ART BY TARAS

Airbrushing (custom painted art on canvas, wall murals, helmets, clothing)

airbrushartists.org/hotrodzz34

EPHEMERA

Band (Buzz Lorenzen, lead vocals, guitar, songwriter.

Anjil Shimoon, cello, backing vocals, extreme sexiness.) drbuzzmd@yahoo.com

SHANNON BROWN

Oil Painter (Recently graduated from NSCAD university. Shannon is practising the art of painting through landscape oil paintings, murals and is now using neon acrylics. shane_browndotcom@hotmail.com

CAROLYN GERK

Pencil, Acrylic, & Watercolor (Portraits, landscapes, still life, children’s decor, murals, personalized items, decorative art and gifts. Requests welcome) 780-625-1215 carolyn.2345@hotmail.com FB: Creative Design by Carolyn

MARY WARREN

Graphite & Ink (Realistic to animated, I enjoy working with nearly all mediums and art forms. I also dabble in clothing design.) sickyslimys@hotmail.com

VERNON LEDGER

Musician (Guitar, Bass, Piano, Vocals. Band: A New Direction. Teaches Song Writing, Jams, Available for events.)

780-624-2693 nervedge1984@live.com

LEAH WOOD

Photographer (Do you want unique photos? Order your session today!)

780-618-8204 leahwoodphotography.com leahwoodphotography.com/ blog

SUSAN THOMPSON

Dancer (Belly dance, fire dance, fire fans, palm torches, LED fans, choreographed or freestyle, go-go dancing) vantom@xplornet.com FB: Sisu Belly Dance ARIANA HAMMERBERG Oil, Acrylic, & Watercolour (Landscapes,abstract,mixed media) 780-625-1794 ahammerberg@yahoo.com FB: Paintings by Ariana

CJ LYONS

Works by commission in acrylic, graphite, charcoal and digital design. Gallery at meganekko-bomb.deviantart.com caylah.lyons@hotmail.com

ALECIA VOGEL

Singer/Songwriter (Gravitates more towards the pop/ folk side of things. Also in the midst of releasing a demo and loving every moment of it.) aleciahh@gmail.com 780-625-7329

SARAH SHUDRA

Dancer (Director of Bongo Studio, Latin instructor, Zumba instructor, choreographer and professional dancer of Peruvian music) 780-625-7428 sarashudra@yahoo.es

Are you an artist or musician who would like to be featured in the artist directory? email your info to

thepit@thevaultmag.com

GRIMSHAW | 780 . 332 . 2132 w w w. c a n t e c h e l e c t r i c . c o m

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

11

Community Calendar

Email us at theVAULTmagazine@hotmail.com to add your event to the calendar All information presented in this calendar is gathered from a variety of sources. theVAULTmagazine assumes no responsibility for any misrepresented information. We mean well.

Any corrections or compliments can be directed to thevaultmagazine@hotmail.com

one in English and one in French and a craft. Parent or caregiver participation required.

FRI, FEB 3 P

P

P

G

STORYTIME (Family) - PR Municipal Library 10:30am - Every Friday. Up to age 5. Story and Craft. Parent or Caregiver participation required.

SUN, FEB 5 F ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

SALVATION ARMY COMMUNITY MEAL (Community) First Baptist Church 6pm - Everyone welcome!

P FREE SKATE (Family) - Baytex Energy Centre 5-6:30pm

HOME RENO & DECOR SHOW (Community)- Belle Petroleum Centre 5-9pm - For landscapers, roofers, painters, builders, decorators and more. Admission by donation.

G

THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYED THREE (Theatre) - Elk's Hall 6pm - Tickets ($35) available at Beyond 2000.

P

United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

P

P

DROP IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) - GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership, FREE with a gym membership. Every Friday.

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed.

P

FREE SKATE (Family) - Mile Zero Regional Multiplex 2-3:30pm- Sponsored by the ATB in Grimshaw.

YOGA (Well-Being) - Senior Citizen’s Centre 4pm Beginner and Intermediate. BYO Mats and Blanket.

Drop-ins $12. (Sundays from Jan 15 - Apr 15). For more info call 780-624-4249.

BUSKING AT THE BELLE (Music) - Belle Centre Mocha Room 7:30-11pm - Admission is pay-what-you-can, performers are free. Musicians bring your tip jar or instrument case.

TUES, FEB 7 P

G

P

MON, FEB 6

SAT, FEB 4 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace G United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYED THREE (Theatre) - Elk's Hall 6pm - Tickets ($35) available at Beyond 2000.

HOME RENO & DECOR SHOW - Belle Petroleum Centre

P 10-5pm - For landscapers, roofers, painters, builders,

decorators and more. Admission by donation.

G KIKBAK (Music) - Mile '0' Lounge 10pm P

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed.

MANNING MINI-GYM (Family) - Manning Elementary M Gym 10:30am - Mondays. 1h or play and song. All preschool children welcome.

780-322-7443 C PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 1:30-3pm - Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954.

P

P

FUNDRAISING GALA (Community) - Sawridge Inn and Conference Centre 5pm - Fashion Show, Dinner and Silent Auction. Agent from NEXT Model Mgmt will be in attendance. Organized by the Aboriginal Interagency Committee. Tickets ($40/adv, $50/door) available at City Music, Downtown Shell, Style Ryte Cleaners and Java Domainn.

P BILINGUAL STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River

Municipal Library 2pm - Ages 3-5. Join us for two stories

12 theVAULTmagazine

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec P Centre 12-1pm. Every Mon & Fri. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

P FREE SWIM (Community) - Peace River Pool 6:30-

PARENTS & TOTS (Family) - Nampa Municipal Library N 10-11:30pm - For more info call 780-322-3954.

G WRITER’S BLOCK (Community) - Grimshaw Library 7:30pm - Every Mon. For more info call Gordon at 780-332-1732.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks Hall M 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while exercising and having fun.

DROP IN FLOOR HOCKEY (Fitness) - GPRC Rec Centre F 5:30-7pm - Every Mon. $6 with gym membership, FREE with membership.

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

SUBSTANCE ABUSE AWARENESS FOR PARENTS (Education) - 7-9:30pm - Presented by Barb Johnson.

Sponsored by the Grimshaw FCSS & PRSD. Course is free, but must register to reserve a seat. 780-332-1110.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

BOOK BUGS (Family) - New Horizon Centre 10-11:30am - FREE program for children ages 0-6. For more info call Tracey at 780-835-3273.

THURS, FEB 9 M

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s

P United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

F

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7pm card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

P

MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Zen Spa 5:45pm - Loonie Donation. Every Monday barring holidays. For more info email peacezenspa@hotmail.com

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

For more information call 780-624-4710

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec Centre 1 - 2pm. Every Wed. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

DEVELOPMENTAL PLAYGROUP (Family) - United Church Basement 1-2:30pm - Gross and Fine Motor Skills, Social Skills, Healthy Snacks, Music and Crafts.

Every Thursday.

P Beginner classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch

8:30 - Sponsored by ATB Financial. For more info call 780-624-3720 P

G

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed.

For more information call 780-624-4710 M

G

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

- Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

P NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Peace River

F

P

YOGA (Well-Being) - Senior Citizen’s Centre 5:15pm Beginner & Intermediate. BYO Mats & Blankets. Drop ins $12. (Tuesdays from Jan 10 - Apr 17). For more info call 780-624-4249.

PEACE CHALLENGERS TOASTMASTER CLUB (Self Help) P - Northlands Sch. Div. (9809-77 Ave) 7:30pm - Learn to speak with confidence & professional leadership skills. Every Tues. For more info call Cindy 780-624-4890.

WED, FEB 8 READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - PR Municipal P Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wed. For more info call 780-624-4076.

TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) G Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 5:30 P Beginner/Intermediate classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase

a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks Hall M 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while exercising and having fun.

C KID’S CLUB (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 4-5:30pm Ages 6-9. Every Thurs. For more info call 780-322-3954.

FRI, FEB 10 P

STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River Municipal Library 10:30am - Every Friday. Up to age 5. Story and Craft.

Parent or Caregiver participation required.

ALL THE KING'S WOMEN (Theatre) - Athabasca Hall

P 8pm - Series of one acts that tell the story of Elvis told

by the women in his life.

Grimshaw G

B

Berwyn/Brownvale

C

Cadotte Lake

D

DIXONVILLE

F

Falher

F

Fairview

Peace River P

G

Girouxville

St. Isidore S

G

THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYED THREE (Theatre) - Elk's Hall 6pm - Tickets ($35) available at Beyond 2000.

Nampa N Manning M McLennan M

Art Show, Gala & Poetry Night. Winter themed story telling & poetry reading open mic. Snacks provided by Java Domainn. Admission by donation.

P

F

P

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

P PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James

P

Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. www.prsoupkitchen.org P

DROP IN VOLLEYBALL (Fitness) F GPRC Community Rec Centre 7-9pm - $6 without gym membership, FREE with a gym membership. Every Friday INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec

P

a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - Grace G United Church. 8pm - Every Saturday. For more info call 780-624-4710.

P

P

G

FLANNEL AND LACE VALENTINE PAJAMA PARTY (Comedy) - Belle Petroleum Centre 8pm - Pizza, Comedian Jonathan Pittman, DJ, Dance & Games.Dress in your PJs. Enter to win a boxspring and mattress! Tix ($20/adv, $30/door) available at Mainstreet Shell, Aspen Grove Spa and the Belle Centre.

ALL THE KING'S WOMEN (Theatre) - Athabasca Hall 8pm - Series of one acts that tell the story of Elvis told by the women in his life.

THIS OLD MAN, HE PLAYED THREE (Theatre) - Elk's Hall 6pm - Tickets ($35) available at Beyond 2000.

BILINGUAL STORYTIME (Family) - Peace River

P Municipal Library 2pm - Ages 3-5. Join us for two stories

one in English and one in French and a craft. Parent or caregiver participation required.

F

ZEN MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Fine Arts Centre 10am - For more info call Eileen at 780-494-3410.

M

ALLEYCAT'S SKIPPING CLUB ANNUAL POTLUCK SUPPER (Community)- Brownvale Rec Centre 5pm Supper, Skipping demo & Silent auction. Bring your favorite dish. For more info call Dianne at 780-597-3939.

P

FREE SKATE (Family) - Baytex Energy Centre 5-6:30pm - Sponsored by Clean Harbors Energy Services.

N

YOGA (Well-Being) - Senior Citizen’s Centre 4pm Beginner and Intermediate. BYO Mats and Blanket.

Drop-ins welcome. $12. (Sundays from Jan 15 - Apr 15).

For more info call 780-624-4249.

DROP IN FLOOR HOCKEY (Fitness) - GPRC Rec Centre 5:30-7pm - Every Mon. $6 with gym membership, FREE with membership.

GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks Hall 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while exercising and having fun.

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. www.prsoupkitchen.org PARENTS & TOTS (Family) - Nampa Municipal Library 10-11:30pm - For more info call 780-322-3954.

BUSKING AT THE BELLE (Music) - Belle Centre Mocha Room 7:30-11pm - Admission is pay-what-you-can, performers are free. Musicians bring your tip jar or instrument case.

MON, FEB 13 P

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) Peace River United Church 7pm - Every Mon and Fri. For More Info call 780-219-1485.

P United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

P MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Zen Spa 5:45pm - Loonie Donation. Every Monday barring holidays. For more info email peacezenspa@hotmail.com

G

WRITER’S BLOCK (Community) - Grimshaw Library 7:30pm - Every Mon. For more info call Gordon at 780-332-1732.

MANNING MINI-GYM (Family) - Manning Elementary M Gym 10:30am - Mondays. 1h or play and song. All preschool children welcome.

P

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec Centre 12-1pm. Every Mon & Fri. Bring Indoor Shoes and a Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

P

G

PEACE RIVER SOUP KITCHEN (Community) - St. James Cathedral 12-1pm - Volunteers Needed. www.prsoupkitchen.org READ AWAY PROGRAM (Self Help) - PR Municipal Library 1-2pm - Adult reading circle (improve your reading skills). Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-624-4076.

TAKING OFF POUNDS SENSIBLY (TOPS) (Fitness) Grimshaw Hospital 6:30pm - For more info call Linda 780-322-7443.

G BOOK BUGS (Family) - New Horizon Centre 10-11:30am - FREE program for children ages 0-6. For more info call Tracey at 780-835-3273.

THURS, FEB 16

For more information call 780-624-4710

PEACE OUT (Film) - Ground Level Youth Centre or P Sagitawa Friendship Centre (depending on turnout)

P

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS SUPPORT GROUP (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church (upstairs) 7:30pm - For more information call Sharon at 780-624-8778.

MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Manning Legion M Hall 11-12pm - Tuesdays and Thursdays. FREE Everyone welcome!

P

FREE SWIM (Community) - Peace River Pool 6:30-8:30 P - Sponsored by Local Disposal Ltd. For more info call 780-624-3720

P

TUES, FEB 14 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s

P Centre 12-1pm. Every Mon & Fri. Bring Indoor Shoes and

SAT, FEB 11

Inquire about coffee for your next event.

SUN, FEB 12

WINTER OPEN HOUSE & POETRY NIGHT (Community)

P - Peace River Municipal Library 6-8pm - Open House,

PROUD TO SUPPORT OUR COMMUNITY!

PEACE CHALLENGERS TOASTMASTER CLUB (Self Help) - Northlands Sch. Div. (9809-77 Ave) 7:30pm - Learn to speak with confidence & professional leadership skills. Every Tues. For more info call Cindy 780-624-4890.

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7pm -

7-10pm - Peace Out was selected as one of the films featured in the environment category for the 2011 Vancouver International Film Festival. The film looks at the societal attitudes in the industrial development in Northern BC and Alberta.

M MANNING WALKING GROUP (Fitness) - Legion Hall 11-12pm - Tues & Thurs. FREE Everyone welcome!

P

MEDITATION (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 7:30pm - -25 degrees or lower cancels meditation.

C KID’S CLUB (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 4-5:30pm Ages 6-9. Every Thurs. For more info call 780-322-3954.

P Beginner classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch

card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

WED, FEB 15 C PARENTS AND TOTS (Family) - Mamowintowin Hall 1:30-3pm - Every Wednesday. For more info call 780-322-3954.

INDOOR WALKING PROGRAM (Fitness) - Al Adair Rec P Centre 1 - 2pm. Every Wed. Bring Indoor Shoes and a

M GET YOUR BUTT IN GEAR (Fitness) - McLennan Elks Hall 10am - Every Mon and Thurs. Socialize while exercising and having fun.

P

P

HATHA YOGA (Well-Being) - Bodhi Tree 5:30 Beginner/Intermediate classes. Drop-in $12 or purchase a punch card. For more info call 780-624-8838.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS (Self Help) - St. Paul’s United Church. 8pm - Every Tuesday and Thursday.

For more information call 780-624-4710

Friend! For more info call 780-624-3474.

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

13

MUSIC REVIEW ENTERTAINMENT

Mikey and the band take a break between sets

Volunteers Devon Danberger and Doug Thompson take a moment to strike a pose while working the bar

mike clark band blows the lid off at underground

BY TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE

O

n Saturday, January 28, The underground Music Society hosted The Mike Clark Band, their first act of 2012. Naturally, I decided to take in the event, the first one since George Ireland and the Boxcar Social back in October. We gathered up a gang of music loving buddies and headed on over to the Senior Citizen’s Drop-In Centre in Peace River’s normally-quiet South End. Swinging in at about 9, we got in out of the cold and warmed up to a bluesbar atmosphere, which was decked to the nines with Paisley-ed candle-lit tables and a crowd that spanned all ages.

Attendees wore everything from dresses to jeans—three-piece suits to leathers.

By 9:30, the band had hit the stage.

The hall and the dance floor were slow to fill up. By 10, the band was playing “Spoonful,” and the front of the stage begun seeing its due action. The song ended, applause rang through, and the party was officially on.

“That was by Willie Dixon. He was the king of the Blues,” informed lead-man

Mike Clark. Before the night was out, the band played “Caldonia,” a great 1940s jump blues song, and “I got Loaded on a Bottle of Gin,” which had me singing and dancing.

In between sets, I had the chance to have a sit-down with the band.

To round off, I had Mike Clark—sax, guitar, vocals—“The leader of this fine group of musicians. Code name, Mikey,” said Clark.

Next, Brent Wright—guitar, vocals— “Code name?…they don’t ever let me know. No wonder I’m always late,” Wright said as the rest laughed.

Brian Pollock—“Bass, background vocals, and they call me Bro-man or Bro,” Pollock stated.

And last but not least, “Thom Moon and I bang on the bongos like a chimpanzee.

Yep, Bongo Thom,” said Moon.

The Mike Clark Band have been together playing music for more than five years, mostly at Mikey’s Juke Joint, which Clark owns, manages, and usually plays at three times a week. “We got a pretty cool crowd that comes to the Juke Joint.

14 theVAULTmagazine

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

They think it’s funny when we screw up,” Clark said.

In addition, each band member plays in other bands and on other projects from time to time. For example, Clark and others in the band have played for underground audiences in Peace River with Juno Award winner Amos Garrett; Bongo Thom (Moon) plays with country-folk legend Ian Tyson; Broman (Pollock) plays with The A-Team; and “Brent plays with everyone because everyone likes his playing,” explained Clark.

These collaborative efforts and combined musical experience are what gives The Mike Clark Band a special punch you don’t find in most touring bands.

“We are lucky because we get to play at the jam all the time and try out new stuff. If you are just doing shows all the time, it’s rehearsed and you’re playing the same format, playing the same arrangements. But, when we can play together at Mikey’s joint, you can let it all hang out,” said Pollock.

“Things grow organically,” Clark added.

“It’s spontaneous. It’s fun. When a guy

knows what he’s doing, it’s easier to play together. I don’t know what to say.

Rehearsal is for cowards.”

The last statement made us all laugh, but I could tell from the nods Clark was speaking from a place of shared truth.

As I ended the interview, Clark made a point of thanking Sue Rankin and The underground Music Society for having them up to the Peace Country, and the whole band started going off about the beauty our region has to offer.

“I’ve played here three or four times and I’ve had a ball every time. People are so accepting and fun,” said Clark. “I just like it here because when you pull in to town, you look around and you feel right at home. It’s just real laid back. No bullsh*t. It’s cool,” said Moon. “It’s got that cool energy,” agreed Pollock.

The next underground Music Society event is scheduled to star rockabilly honky-tonk blues-band Hurricane Felix and the Southern Twisters on February 25, 2012, at the Senior Citizens Drop-In Centre (10301 101 Street, Peace River).

ENTERTAINMENT

Carnaval de st. isidore, 2011

Photography by Susan Thompson

Bienvenue au Fabuleux Carnaval Vegas: Carnaval de st. isidore to celebrate 30th anniversary

BY SUSAN THOMPSON

T

he Carnaval de StIsidore is so close you can almost taste it.

For 362 days of the year we are cursed with poutine that is not poutine. It is made of lies. This so-called “poutine” is just fries covered in gravy and boring old mozzarella, and that’s even if you get it in the Francophone community of Falher (for shame)!

Real poutine is only available once a year. “Une poutine” is all you need to say to get your hands wrapped around a steaming bowl of the good stuff.

No Italian cheese here. The poutine at Carnaval is made with cheese curds straight from Quebec. This is poutine that squeaks between your teeth, saying “oui oui”!

Then there’s dessert. Pattes de Lynx put any Tim Hortons donut to shame and you can take yours covered in cinnamon

and sugar or maple. However even these treats don’t compare to the childlike delight of rolling a little flat stick in the snow to pick up a sweet gooey glob of the delicious-ness that is tire sur la neige. The hot maple taffy slowly hardens from the cold, becoming a heavenly cross between a Popsicle and maple syrup, sparkling with stray crystals of snow that melt away on your tongue. Every year, classes of school children from both Immersion and full Francophone programs delight in this ritual, and so will you.

As you’re wandering around the sculpted winter wonderland that is the Carnaval de St. Isidore grounds, you’ll appreciate the energy. You can take part in family games, a hockey tournament, explore a labyrinth, or cheer on lumberjacks. There is also a certain air of romance to Carnaval, where you can take a hay ride through the winter forest to a bonfire and relax on a straw bale. Draft horses and

the men who can drive them patiently take load after load of people out to the fire and back again, and if you miss one, another will be along shortly after.

“Come experience a Francophone weekend, full of culture, music, FrenchCanadian food, and dancing,” said Carnaval committee President Chantal Monfette in an interview with theVAULTmagazine.

“We’re definitely not as big as a Carnaval from Quebec. But for a small community, we put on a pretty good show.”

Not only is there plenty of traditional French-Canadian food, you can watch folk dancing and other cultural entertainment including the new Carnaval Idol competition.

Every year the Carnaval de St. Isidore also has a theme, and this year it’s Vegas. For the Carnaval’s 30th anniversary, the number 30 will turn up too. Incredible

decorations based on the theme—all created by talented and dedicated volunteers—will turn the cultural centre into a Vegas playground.

The theme will also show up in the snow sculpting competition, where humble snow will be transformed by the skilled hands of world-class snow sculptors.

“Whatever snow we had helped.

We did a few blocks,” Monfette said. “We have a machine ready to go to make snow. It might be limited to who can compete.

It will depend on how many blocks [we can make]. We’ll play it by ear.”

In the evening, things get cooking as friends, family, and tourists all mix and mingle in the gazebo, enjoying chilled drinks at the beer garden and live bands playing FrenchCanadian music. Les Voltaires, Roger Dallaire, Plein Soleil, and long list of others will keep the weekend-long party going.

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

“Music is international,” says Monfette. Anglophones might even understand some of the lyrics. “Because of the Vegas theme we have some English songs, because we have imitators doing things like Elvis.”

Dance with sexy FrenchCanadians to warm up, and don’t worry if you don’t speak the language.

“Sure we all speak in French, but we are all bilingual and can all explain,” reassures Monfett.

For tickets to the Saturday evening 30th anniversary commemorative banquet, call Chantal Monfette at 780-6248427 or visit the St-Isidore Coop. A weekend pass includes all activities and shows Feb. 17-19 except the banquet, and you can get your hands on one for $20 ($15 youth). There are also day passes available for $15 ($10 youth).

theVAULTmagazine

15

Mile Zero Regional Multiplex Grand Opening Weekend: The Breakdown

Multiplex Puts Grimshaw on the Map

BY TORMAIGH VAN SLYKE

Saturday, Feb. 18 10:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Coffee and Donuts/Squares will be served from in the Common Area.

• 11:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Scheduled Facility Tours • 11:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Beef on a Bun • 1:00 p.m.

Official Opening Ceremonies in Field House • 2:00 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.

Entertainment The Wacky World of Magic (Magician) and Foole 4 Hire (Balloon Artist) • 3:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. Demonstrations in the Field House o Zumba with Alex Sherwood o Yoga with Vanessa Burns o Alleycatz Skipping Club o Taoist Tai Chi with Mary Robertson • 3:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. Live Music in Main Common Area with Jeff & Suzanne McCann • 4:45 p.m. - 6:15 p.m.

Exhibition Basketball Game—Grimshaw Trojan Sr. Girls vs.

R.C.M.P./Grimshaw Fire Department

Sunday, Feb. 19 • 1:00 p.m.- 2:30 p.m. Family Day Events— HOJA Performance (Field House) o HOJA is a Canadian group who’s repertoire is filled with favorite songs from the '50s to the present that span every style of music—from doo wop to rock, country to disco.

• 2:30 p.m. - 3:30 p.m. Free Hotdogs and Hot Chocolate—Sponsored by Western Financial Grimshaw • 2:30 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Free Family Skate— Sponsored by ATB Grimshaw • 3:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Open Court Time in the Field House

Monday, Feb. 20 • 10:00 a.m.—6:00 p.m.

• 10:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m. the Field House • 11:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.

• 1:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

• 3:15 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.

Facility Open Open Court Time in Free Public Skating Free Family Skating Free Shinny Hockey

16 theVAULTmagazine

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

W

hen Grimshaw lost its arena to fire, they answered with The Mile Zero Regional Multiplex, an unparalleled facility in the Peace Region.

The enormous and impressive complex houses a regulation-size ice surface with bleachers, a full-on fitness centre with weight room, an indoor running track, indoor courts apt for a variety of sports, and a food concession. In addition, there are eight dressing rooms and meeting spaces are available too. Memberships and rental rates are available.

This building will open up many doors to the Grimshaw residents and people all over the region.

Trade shows, conferences, concerts, weddings, and graduations are among the many options now available.

The Town of Grimshaw will be hosting The Mile Zero Regional Multiplex’s Grand Opening this Family Day Weekend [See Sidebar], February 18-20, 2012. There will be tours, food, and entertainment for all ages. If you haven’t already, make a point of seeing the facility in action and take part in the festivities.

Homespun Review: The Sheepdogs Learn & Burn

BY TERRY CAMERON

I

magine you are in a struggling band from Saskatoon trying to drown your sorrows in a bar in Moose Jaw. You’ve been together for almost 7 years, have toured constantly, and have logging thousands of kilometers on your worn-out ’98 Dodge van. The touring nightmare stories far outweigh the good times.

Band members work part-time jobs: bartender, construction, shoe salesman, and worker with the disabled. Starting out, you rehearsed in the parents basement with a “No farting” sign hanging behind the drum kit.

Jamming out on songs like “Suzi Q” and “Sunshine of Your Love” and playing cover songs by the likes of The Strokes, Black Keys, and Kings of Leon—eventually getting to play live at open-mic sessions at the local bar. Their first paying gig is playing for the punk band Mudmen, which features two fat identical brothers who play bagpipes.

Yes, a musician’s life is not for everyone. But musicians are a special breed. They are driven by the music in their soul. “It’s in them and it has to come out” as John Lee Hooker sang.

And that is the Sheepdogs. But their story has a happy ending (thus far). As they were picked as one of 16 unsigned groups eligible to compete in a North

American battle of the bands.

The winner would be the first unsigned band to appear on the cover of Rolling Stone. After four rounds of competition and more that 1.5 million votes the four long-haired, bearded lads in their mid-twenties from Saskatoon were the winners!

This story warms my heart, having been a struggling musician from Regina many years ago. Practicing in a band member’s parent’s basement and driving to gigs in a ’66 Fargo van.

In August 2011, the Sheepdogs made the cover of Rolling Stone with the headline “Canada Beats U.S. in Battle of Bands.”

Yup, those four ragamuffins from Saskabush, whose musical inspiration comes from ‘70s rock, soul and rhythm and blues, know how to rock and roll.

I caught them on the tube playing at the New Year’s Eve bash in Niagara Falls. I gotta say it was a helluva lot better than Justin Bieber singing “Imagine” in New York.

This album was recorded in Saskatoon in 2010 and reveals where they came from musically, physically and emotionally.

What you get is all those musical influences combined, with secret ingredients of struggle, integrity, and craftsmanship put into a steaming copper kettle,

making musical moonshine that’ll knock your socks off.

Ewan Currie is the songwriter and band leader. A lot of his lyrics are broken hearted and down on your luck, but the band plays it like a showcase.

Songs like “I Don’t Get By” starts as an acoustic guitar singalong, and slides into pedal steel, swaying and building with organ, piano, congas n’ drums.

“Learn & Burn” flows with a captivating Santana-style groove. “Guess I’ll languish right here in obscurity” sings Ewan. I don’t think so. The Sheepdogs cook and it’s very tasty.

“Southern Dreaming” twin guitar harmonies and take you away. “Soldier Boy” sounds like they were on the bus with B.T.O. “Rollo Tomasi” colours of Chicago with the piano and trombone, and shades of the Supremes and the Temptations.

Talk about pleasant surprises!

There’s even two bonus tracks.

“Slim Pickens” will get ya stompin’ and hollerin’. Let go and go with it. The Sheepdogs won’t short-change you. You certainly won’t be asking for a nickel back.

Let’s just hope they don’t lose their homey Canadian charm and hard time drive.

FOOD AND DRINK Champagne vs. Sparkling Wine

BY RAYMOND MYLES

"Champagne Charlie is my name."

S

ome know these lyrics from the 1978 Leon Redbone album.

Few know that the original song was written in 1867 and contained the refrain; “up all night, in bed all day, swimming in champagne.” In 1941, a movie called “Champagne Charlie included the chorus; “champagne Charlie is my name, champagne drinking is my game.”

In these three cases, the consumption and pleasure of champagne is sung with joy and enthusiasm. Yet, what is the history of this sparkling wine?

All champagne is sparkling wine, but not all sparkling wine is champagne. Part of the difference between the two is where the sparkling wine is made. Champagne, a county in France, exclusively produces the eponymous sparkling wine.

It started about 350 years ago.

Winemakers in the cool climate of this county were trying to find ways of removing the bubbles from their wines. After the grapes are picked, crushed and pressed in the the warm late-summer temperatures, the yeast starts to convert the sugars of the grapes into alcohol. This creates part of the complexity and the unique taste of wines.

A by-product of this conversion is carbon dioxide gas.

In the county of Champagne, the cool fall and cold winter temperatures stopped the yeast’s conversion. With the warm weather of spring, the fermentation would start again.

Resulting in carbon dioxide bubbles in the wine. French winemakers considered this a sign of an inferior product.

In 1668, French winemaker Dom Pérignon, a Benedictine monk, was put in charge of the winery at the Abbey of Hautvillers in the county of Champagne. Brother Pérignon perfected the blending of both green grapes and red grapes to make a pleasant tasting white wine. He also spent much of his time trying to eliminate the bubbles and cloudy sediments caused by re-fermentation.

Winemaker Nicole-Barbe Cliquot-Ponsardin perfected a method of re-fermentation with the removal of the cloudy sediment. This technique is known as méthode champenoise.

Now Pérignon blended wines could have bubbles without cloudy sediments and the fear of explosions. This satisfied the

London socialites and made the Champagne County famous for their sparkling wines.

which makes the product more affordable, but less complex in taste and feel.

An urban myth circulated that when young women drank bubbly wines they would become promiscuous.

According to Charlie, any day is a good day to drink sparkling wine, but Valentines’ Day is the extra special day for its consumption. This is because sparkling wine pairs nicely with dark chocolate and red roses.

You can buy a bottle of Dom Pérignon champagne that will set you back $250+ or you can find good sparkling wines from most winemaking regions— some offering good value for $15 or less.

Today sparkling wine is made in many different winemaking areas around the world. Some wineries use the original méthode champenoise, which is very expensive, but that method offers a complexity of feel and taste. Other wineries use the mechanical method of injecting the bubbles into the wine

Remember, savor what you enjoy.

Cheers!

That was the case until the 17th century when the smart café society of London fashioned effervescence wine as a novel and trendy alcoholic beverage. An urban myth circulated that when young women drank bubbly wines they would become promiscuous. That myth drove the demand for bubbly wines to new heights and the rest is history. French winemakers were dumbfounded, why would anyone want to drink a slightly sweet spoilt wine?

At first French wineries would ship this wine in wooden barrels to English wine merchants who would bottle the sparkling wine in heavier wine bottles and add some spirits to prevent any more fermentation. Continued fermentation creates a cloudy sediment and could cause the bottle to explode.

I can't help...

Buying a shoutout for you

at only $24.99 WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

17

theVAULTmagazine

this is a revolution it is the new peace region be a part of it!

18 theVAULTmagazine

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

SOCIAL COMMENT

Science Literacy is Good for Society and dads fear questions such as “Why is the sky blue?” and “Why is the moon out during the day?” Math and science queries were the biggest stumpers.

Researchers questioned more than 2,000 parents before The Big Bang U.K. Young Scientists and Engineers Fair. Many respondents admitted to “furtive researching to save face before answering their child.”

Science Matters Vol. 14, No. 4 31 January 2012

BY DAVID SUZUKI

K

ids ask questions.

Sometimes adults feel inadequate if they don’t have ready answers. But when I became a teacher, I learned quickly that there’s nothing wrong with saying, “I don't know.” Teaching children how to learn is more useful than feeding them facts.

Many parents, though, believe they must appear infallible in the eyes of their children. A U.K. survey found that some moms

There’s no need for that. My area of training as a scientist is genetics. It’s a huge subject and I don't always know everything going on outside my field. I try to keep up by reading journals like Scientific American. People shouldn't feel that saying “I don't know” is admitting weakness. The important thing is to look for answers.

What could be better than using a puzzling question as an opportunity to teach your children how to conduct and analyze research, think critically about information, and gain new understanding? You even get to learn along with your kids. In our computer age, it’s not even as time-consuming as it once was – although there’s a lot to

be said for direct observation, poring over an encyclopedia, or visiting the library.

Some folks are too busy to help youngsters search for answers – but we can at least get them started. If you make it fun, your kids will eventually learn to research on their own, and then you can ask them for answers.

Giving children the tools to learn and analyze is crucial, but it’s often neglected. And that has consequences. Many people don’t understand how science works – its limitations as well as its benefits. This has led to confusion over issues that could have a profound effect on society.

One only has to look at some of the “debate” surrounding global warming to know that incomprehension about science reaches the highest levels of decision-making. U.S. presidential hopefuls have been demonstrating a bewildering lack of knowledge in their attempts to challenge the overwhelming scientific evidence for human-caused climate change.

It’s reminiscent of parents who make something up when they don’t know the answer.

This doesn’t always come from ignorance. Sometimes, it’s a way to exploit confusion or lack of understanding to further a political or corporate agenda. In Canada, we’ve seen attempts to limit, control, or silence scientific findings that may hinder the government’s economic and corporate agenda.

The situation is so critical that last year Kathryn O’Hara, then president of the Canadian Science Writers’ Association, wrote to the prime minister, urging him to “free the scientists to speak – be it about state of ice in the Arctic, dangers in the food supply, nanotechnology, salmon viruses, radiation monitoring, or how much the climate will change.”

Currently, the federal government must approve all media and speaking requests for its scientists. Clearance is often not given, or is delayed so much that experts can’t speak in a timely and meaningful way.

Compare this with the Obama administration’s U.S. policy, which states that “scientists may speak freely with the media and public about scientific and

technical matters based on their official work without approval from the public affairs office or their supervisors.”

In an open society, leaders who have nothing to hide and who base their decisions on the best available evidence should have no reason to muzzle scientists, or anyone else. Just as parents should help children find relevant facts and encourage exploration, governments have a responsibility to make sure we have access to good information.

Having answers to our children’s questions is not enough. If we want societies that provide the maximum benefit for the most people over the longest time, and if we want to find solutions to the challenges and problems we’ve created, we must teach our children and ourselves how to find and evaluate answers objectively. Making science education a priority is an important part of that.

Written with contributions from David Suzuki Foundation Editorial and Communications Specialist Ian Hanington.

Learn more at www.davidsuzuki. org.

As always,

I love you!

K+1

Jerry, Happy Valentine's Day! All my Love, Carole

www.thevaultmagazine.tumblr.com WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

19

SEX COLUMN I feel low confidence due to the size of my penis and sometimes it does not get erect while I watch adult movies. I am in my 20s and often feel stressed due to school and my job. What can I do?

You didn’t mention the size of your penis so I cannot give you a sense of where you fall in the range of penis sizes. Research studies vary in what they find as far as average penis size goes.

Average erect length tends to be somewhere around 5 to 5.8 inches long in many of the studies I’m familiar with. Of course, that’s just an average.

Most men find that their penis, when erect, is somewhere between 4 and 7 inches long.

Some men have a smaller erect penis and some men have a larger erect penis, but most are

closer to the middle point.

There is not much that men can do to change the size of their erect penis. Some doctors will perform surgeries meant to enlarge the penis. However, these are not widely considered by all healthcare providers to be safe and effective and they also carry risks. For example, some men develop scar tissue after surgery to increase the size of their penis. The scar tissue may result in painful erections or even a shortening of their erection, which is the opposite of why they had the surgery in

20 theVAULTmagazine

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

the first place. Some doctors have also explored injections to increase the girth, or circumference, of the penis but these haven’t had good results over the long-term.

One device, the Andropenis, has some data behind it in terms of it being shown to help stretch a man’s penis. However, I know of no long term data on this particular device so it’s impossible to know how safe or effective it is over a period of several years. It’s also a device that a man has to be very committed to using as it’s recommended to be worn daily under one’s clothes for a matter of months. More often, it’s helpful for men to find ways to appreciate their penis size and make the most of what they have. I hope this doesn’t sound dismissive; it’s not meant to be.

I’m well aware that many men and women feel self-conscious about how their genitals look.

However, that anxiety can interfere with pleasurable sex just as much, if not more than, the size or appearance of a man’s or woman’s genitals. Very often, individuals themselves are the only ones who are worried about how their genitals look. Their partners are often accepting of, and turned on by, their genitals.

Regarding your erections, stress has been known to play a role in men’s and women’s sexual function, including erections for men. I wonder what you do when you watch sexually explicit movies. Are you watching them in times of stress or anxiety? Do you find the subject matter or scenes to be arousing, or are you simply watching whatever is available to you? If you find materials that you feel turned on by, and if you feel comfortable and relaxed watching the videos, then you may find it easier to get and maintain an erection. However, some

people – perhaps influenced by family or cultural shame or embarrassment about sex – may feel uncomfortable with sex, masturbation or looking at sexual images. If you experience shame or embarrassment related to your sexuality, and would like the support of a professional in dealing with these feelings, consider meeting with a sex therapist (find one through sstarnet.org). And if you have concerns about your stress levels, or about your erections, please check in with a healthcare provider such as a doctor or nurse.

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” and “Read My Lips: A Complete Guide to the Vagina and Vulva”.

Find our blog, sex information, podcasts and archived Q&A at www.

KinseyConfidential.org. Follow us on Twitter @KinseyCon

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY HOMEWORK:

FOR THE WEEK OF FEB 2 - FEB 8

CHECK OUT OUR BLOG FOR NEXT WEEK’S HOROSCOPE

by Rob Brezsny

www.thevaultmagazine.tumblr.com

© Copyright 2012

You can read free excerpts of my recent book at http://bit.ly/HotExcerpts. Tell me your thoughts: Truthrooster@gmail.com.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sad but true: A lot of people seem to be perpetually in a state of LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I stumbled upon an engineering textbook for undergraduates. wanting what they don’t have and not wanting what they actually do have. I’m begging you not to be like that in the coming weeks, Aries. Please? I’ll tell you why: More than I’ve seen in a long time, you will have everything going for you if you want precisely what you do have -- and are not full of longing for what’s unavailable. Do you think you can you manage that brilliant trick? If so, you will be amazed by the sublimity of the peace that will settle over you.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Of all the signs of the zodiac, Tauruses are the least likely to be

arrogant. Sadly, in a related development, they’re also among the most likely to have low self-esteem. But your tribe now has an excellent opportunity to address the latter problem.

Current cosmic rhythms are inviting you rather loudly and dramatically to boost your confidence, even at the risk of you careening into the forbidden realm of arrogance. That’s why I recommend Taurus musician Trent Reznor as your role model. He has no problem summoning feelings of self-worth. As evidence, here’s what he confessed when asked about whether he frequents music social networks: “I don’t care what my friends are listening to.

Because I’m cooler than they are.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “If Mark Twain had had Twitter,” says humorist Andy Borowitz,

“he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn’t have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.” I think you’re facing a comparable choice, Gemini. You can either get a lot of little things done that will serve your short-term aims, or else you can at least partially withdraw from the day-to-day give-and-take so as to devote yourself with more focus to a long-range goal. I’m not here to tell you which way to go; I just want to make sure you know the nature of the decision before you.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You now have a special talent for helping your allies tap into their

dormant potentials and latent energy. If you choose to use it, you will also have a knack for snapping lost sheep and fallen angels out of their wasteful trances. There’s a third kind of magic you have in abundance right now, Cancerian, and that’s the ability to coax concealed truths out of their hiding places. Personally, I’m hopeful that you will make lavish use of these gifts. I should mention, however, that some people may resist you. The transformations you could conceivably set in motion with your superpowers might seem alarming to them.

So I suggest that you hang out as much as possible with change-lovers who like the strong medicine you have to offer.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Publishing a volume of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down

the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo,” said author Don Marquis, speaking from experience. Something you’re considering, Leo, may seem to fit that description, too. It’s a project or action or gift that you’d feel good about offering, but you also wonder whether it will generate the same buzz as that rose petal floating down into the Grand Canyon. Here’s what I think: To the degree that you shed your attachment to making an impact, you will make the exact impact that matters most. Give yourself without any expectations.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Comedian Louis CK told a story about his young daughter. She

had a fever, and he gave her some Tylenol that was bubble gum flavored. “Ewwww!” she complained. Louis was exasperated. “You can’t say ‘ewwww,’” he told her. What he meant was that as a white kid in America, she’s among the most privileged characters in the world -- certainly far luckier than all the poor children who have no medicine at all, let alone medicine that tastes like candy. I’m going to present a similar argument to you, Virgo. In the large scheme of things, your suffering right now is small. Try to keep your attention on your blessings rather than your discomfort.

Oddities

Compiled by Mary Warren

Smells like Bacon Do you frequently get nose bleeds?

Does your nose bleed so bad it looks like you’ve been the victim of a savage beating? Well a new medical study is offering a pretty strange solution. The study recommends stuffing your nose with cured pork.

At the Detroit Medical Centre in Michigan, a girl with a rare disorder that causes her to bleed profusely for long periods of time underwent the treatment.

The doctors found, “cured salted pork crafted as a nasal tampon and packed within the nasal vaults successfully stopped nasal hemorrhage promptly, effectively, and without sequelae.” This according to the medical journal where they published their findings.

Oddly enough, this treatment is not a new discovery. The practice of using pork to stop nose bleeds was used several years ago but abandoned due to the possibility of bacteria and parasites. The only difference this time is that cured pork was used in the treatment of lifethreatening hemorrhage in a patient.

Deep Fried Dreams Despite looking like a normal 17-yearold girl, Stacy Irvine is dancing on the borderline of death. For the past 15 years her main diet has consisted

There was a section on how to do technical writing, as opposed to the literary kind. It quoted a poem by Edgar Allan Poe: “Helen, thy beauty is to me / Like those Nicean barks of yore / That gently, o’er a perfumed sea, / The weary way-worn wanderer bore / To his own native shore.” Then the book gave advice to the student: “To express these ideas in technical writing, we would simply say, ‘He thinks Helen is beautiful.’” Don’t take shortcuts like that, Libra.

For the sake of your emotional health and spiritual integrity, you can’t see or treat the world anything like what a technical writer would.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Are you ready to start playing in earnest with that riddle wrapped

in a mystery inside an enigma? Are you looking forward to the rough and tumble fun that will ensue after you leap into the middle of that sucker and start trying to decipher its impossibly interesting meaning? I hope you are primed and eager, Scorpio. I hope you can’t wait to try to answer the question that seems to have no answer. Be brave and adventurous, my friend -- and be intent on having a blast.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Lessons could come to you from unforeseen sources and

unanticipated directions during the next few weeks, Sagittarius. They will also come in expected forms from all the familiar influences, so the sum total of your learning could be pretty spectacular. To take maximum advantage of the opportunity, just assume that everyone and everything might have useful teachings for you -- even people you usually ignore and situations that have bored you in the past. Act like an eager student who’s hungry for knowledge and curious to fill in the gaps in your education.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to

plant their whole life in the hands of some other person,” said British writer Quentin Crisp.

If you harbor even a small tendency in that direction, Capricorn, I hope that in the coming days you will make a concentrated effort to talk yourself out of it. In my astrological opinion, this is a critical moment in the long-term evolution of your healthy self-sufficiency. For both your own sake and the sake of the people you love, you must find a way to shrink your urge to make them responsible for your well-being.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you go to California’s Yosemite National Park this month,

you might get the chance to witness a reddish gold waterfall. Here’s how: At sunset, gaze up at the sheer east face of the rock formation known as El Capitan. There you will see what seems to be a vertical river of fire, also known as Horsetail Fall. I nominate this marvel to be your inspirational symbol for the coming weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will have the power to blend fire and water in novel ways. I encourage you to look at the photo here -- bit.ly/fluidicfire -- and imprint the image on your mind’s eye. It will help unleash the subconscious forces you’ll need to pull off your own natural wonder.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): After singer Amy Winehouse died, actor Russell Brand asked the

public and media to scale back their derisive opinions about her struggle with intoxicants.

Addiction isn’t a romantic affectation or glamorous self-indulgence that people are too lazy to overcome, he said. It’s a disease. Would you mock a schizophrenic for his “stupid” propensity for hearing voices? Would you ridicule a victim of multiple sclerosis for not being vigorous? I’m of the opinion that all of us have at least one addiction, although it may not be as disabling as Winehouse’s weakness for liquor and narcotics. What’s yours, Pisces? Porn?

Sugar? Internet? Bad relationships? The coming weeks would be a very good time to seek help in healing it.

almost entirely of chicken nuggets, fries, and pop.

Irvine recently collapsed from a deficiency of necessary vitamins and nutrients due to her horrendous diet. Irvine also suffers from anemia and inflamed veins on her tongue.

Although doctors have warned her that her diet may be her demise, the teen is still hesitant to give up her nuggets.

She is, however, finally admitting it may not be the best for her, “I am starting to realize this is really bad for me. My main meal is always chicken nuggets every day. McDonald’s chicken nuggets are my favorite. I share 20 with my boyfriend with chips. But I also like KFC and supermarket brands.”

Realizing you have a problem is the first step after all.

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

Largest Medicated Gum Ball If you’ve ever been on a long plane flight, you can understand Barry Chappell’s dilemma when he had nowhere to stick his gum. He was chewing Nicorette in an attempt to kick the habit. During his flight Chappell chewed piece after piece, rolling each one into a ball until he decided to make the world’s largest gumball.

Six years and 95,200 pieces of chewed Nicorette later, he accomplished his mission.

The gumball weighs 175 lbs and its circumference is 62 inches. Chappell was awarded the distinction of having the world’s largest medicated gumball

by Ripley’s Believe it or Not! on January 26, 2012.

theVAULTmagazine

21

Down

1 Furniture in a spa 2 Cloud type 3 Disco fixture 4 Nighttime in Nogales 5 Actress Amy of "Angel" and "Dollhouse" 6 Like a stone mound set up as a memorial 7 Top-of-memo abbr.

8 Movie with Blu the macaw 9 Affect 10 Aphid that creates a milky food for other insects 11 Fuss 12 Traveler's stop 13 One of a dozen 15 Huge blunder 20 Monks' hoods 22 Instruction for Johnny, in a "Breakfast Club" monologue 23 Preservationist working at a museum 24 Suddenly surge forward 27 Have trouble with the "missus"?

29 Canadians, vis-a-vis Cambodians, e.g.

31 Trees of the future 33 Sound like a heavy smoker 36 Scary words on a school paper 41 How some indie bands' singles are released, for music connoisseurs 44 Gets down 48 "Am I right?" at the end of UK sentences 50 Unable to sit still 51 Vowel sound 53 Similar 54 Stick in the microwave 55 Wall climber 56 Turn down 58 Storm heading: abbr. ©2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords

22 theVAULTmagazine

FE B RU ARY 3 , 20 12

Solve this Scramble puzzle and send your answers to thepit@thevaultmag.com quick.

1 Document of 1215 11 Set one's sights 14 Arrangement of resources or funds 15 "So Big" author Ferber 16 Hang in there till the end 17 Little girl's dream birthday present 18 Actress Ann of "The Whales of August" 19 301, in ancient Rome 21 To the back of the ship 22 Words yelled on the porch 25 It merged with Bell Atlantic to become Verizon 26 Shady figure?

28 1990s wrestling show on USA (until the league changed its name) 30 Flubs 32 Fashion legend Christian 34 Potato pancake 35 Rum desserts 37 Toots & the Maytals genre 38 Fathers 39 Leg of a race, in French 40 Chilean currency 42 Riga resident 43 Washington-area airport 45 "Star Trek: Voyager" station 46 ___-Hulk (Marvel superheroine) 47 Feature at the end of some wire cutters or French nails 49 More widespread 52 Ultra-bright 53 Copper head?

54 Dish out little barbs 57 Like a "Let's Make a Deal" door selection, oddswise 59 Dollar competitor 60 Digit-al agreement?

61 Vessel in some rites 62 Metalworkers' locales

Romantic Movie Scramble Unscramble the words to find the names of romantic films.

ETH OBTOONKE CATTINI TRYID CAGNNID TREPTY AWMON HEWN RAHRY EMT LASLY THOGS GEON TWIH HET DWIN CRABOKKEB AINTMUNO OVE'YU TOG LIAM RATLEEN SHUNSNIE ORF EHT STOPSLES DIMN

but you will also get a 2 for 1 pass to River City Cinema

“Free to be”--no theme, just freestyle madness.

Across

If you are the first and all your answers are correct...

Matt Jones (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

mot only will you earn the bragging right of King Wizard Movie Scramble Puzzle Master...

Jonesin’ Crossword

LAST ISSUE’S SOLUTIONS

SUDOKU To Play: Complete the grid so that every row, column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. There is no guessing or math involved, just use logic to solve.

Find the Differences: Photog's camera missing, skyscraper missing strip of light, ball missing from velvet rope, missing bow tie, man's shirt gray, full moon, extra star (right), photog's leg missing, lipstick, girl missing earring

.PUZZLES & HUMOUR we

can't make comics

we have no arms...

But we have eyes

BY RANDEE NEUMEYER AND SHANNON BROWN

Obsure Wizardry

by Jason Hewitt

Look for Issue 10 on Feb. 10, 2012

send us your comics!

email thepit@thevaultmag.com for more information

theVAULTmagazine comes out every two weeks...

WWW.THE VAULT MAG .C OM

theVAULTmagazine

23

Your media experience...

Ours...

Come in. See and hear the difference.

Once again...

9714 100 Street | Peace River 780 624 2616 1 800 661 7062

BRINGING THE AUDIO | VIDEO EXPERIENCE BACK.