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The Crow’s Nest Volume 44 • Issue 5

The Outlook By Peter Pupello ppupello@mail.usf.edu

Oh October, how I’ve longed for thee. In a month that features the celebration of the man who allegedly discovered America and a day characterized by fake ghosts, faux witches, phony ax murderers and pirated replicas of actual pirates, there is an annual tradition that defines the tenth month of the year, reaffirming that there is at least one real deal buried beneath the cultural hoopla of fantasy. The Fall Classic, encompassing Major League Baseball’s post-season and World Series, ironically may even seem to contain a level of parody to the events that occur on the 12th day of the month and then again on the 31st. After all, baseball has seen its fair share of characters, and on many occasions, the drama of baseball in October has caused many to wonder who actually directed its screenplay and wrote its script. But I can assure you, if baseball’s postseason and World Series seem too often like a movie,

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Monday, October 12, 2009

you can best believe that this movie, year in and year out, is based on a true story. The Florida Marlins took an improbable dream and made it into reality by winning two titles in 1997 and 2003. Was it too good to be true? The answer is both yes and no. First, the 2003 Marlins were loaded with young talent that would soon after become some of the best players in the Major Leagues. There was the 19-year-old ace Josh Beckett, the young southpaw phenom Dontrelle Willis, a pair of strong arms in A.J. Burnett and Carl Pavano, the upstart slugging first baseman Derrek Lee, and the veteran catcher Pudge Rodriguez behind the plate. This was not a fluke of any kind, as proven when the Fish took down the mighty Yankees in six games to claim its second world championship. Of course, none of us will ever know what would have become of the young Marlins team due to the start of a trend that has seemingly become an annual event just as much as the

World Series itself. So yes, as a result of this new fad, it was too good to be true because it simply didn’t last. Teams have blurred the lines in sports that appear to be a crossover to the world of interpersonal relationships. Just like men and women, teams break up. We saw it in 2001 with the Yankees after their Game 7 loss in the World Series to Arizona. Talk about drama. Not even Spielberg could have made up the ending to that fall gem. The Red Sox followed suit after their 2004 title as well. Then there was the 2005 Houston Astros team equipped with future hall-of-famers Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell, not to mention an upcoming closer by the name of Brad Lidge. Like the others before them, those five guys are now gone, gone, gone, gone and, oh yeah, gone. But is this really that surprising? People break up all the time. The funny thing is, sometimes the split is a direct result of the male partner watching too much base-

ball. And it is not just among members of the opposite sex. After all, Jeff Kent and Barry Bonds never got along in the city by the Bay, and even 3,000 miles across the nation in the other city by the Bay, our hometown team’s very own Dioner Navarro and Matt Garza did not see eye to eye, except of course during the verbal altercation that preceded one’s fist connecting with the other’s face. But to be fair to the professional athletes out there, it is not just you. You are not alone. In fact, you are Brad and Jen, Tom and Nicole, and even Ben and J. Lo. If February and its celebration of Valentine’s Day represents all that is harmonious and affectionately amiable, then October likewise represents exactly what its most famous holiday has come to stand for: all that is dark, disturbing, and never ends well. I love October, and I cannot wait for a new World Series champion to be crowned. The celebration and utter joy will last temporarily, because in most cases what was once a happy union characterized by great chemistry will turn into divergent divorce debacle. That, sadly, is the reality of baseball, and it is tough to take. Then again, maybe this is the reason why the powers that be put that other fantasy holiday on the 31st, exactly one week after the World Series.

Art Festival celebrates historic Roser Park The Roser Park Art Festival allows visitors to enjoy multicultural artwork in a historical downtown St. Petersburg neighborhood. The festival will be held on Saturday Nov. 7, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday Nov. 8, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. The park is located near Booker Creek on Roser Park Drive (10th Ave. S.), behind Bayfront Medical Center. This festival is an opportunity to get to know the first area in St. Petersburg designated as a national historic district. Roser Park is named after Charles Martin Roser, an important city developer, promoter and philanthropist who moved to St. Petersburg in 1910. Twenty-eight placards, or the outdoor museum, are usually displayed within the area’s 270 acres of brick streets and multifarious architectural styles. These placards tell the story of Roser Park’s diverse history. Neighborhood historian Ron Motyka will be guiding tours at 11 a.m., 1p.m. and 3 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday. About 70 artists from around the country will be showcasing their artwork and local musicians will provide live entertainment. Admission is $1, and will benefit neighborhood improvement projects and Brookwood Home for Girls, a therapeutic group home for teen girls. For more information please visit www.roserpark.net.


Campus & Beyond SG Swears Food lovers delight in two new senators By Andrew Silverstein asilvers@mail.usf.edu

By Sara Palmer slpalmer@mail.usf.edu

The USF St. Petersburg student government accepted two new senators during a meeting on Sept.29. Diana Cabili, a junior political science major, will represent the College of Arts and Sciences on the senate this academic year. She has high regard for the student body and hopes her time as senator will consistently serve in the best interest of the students. “In my opinion, to best serve my constituents, I will listen to the students’ opinions and concerns and then bring it to the SG table,” Cabili said. “While a senator, my own opinions and ideals should not and will not guide my actions; rather, it will be guided by the students’ voices, opinions and concerns.” Cabili brings forth government experience from high school, where she participated in a summer program called Girl State, which introduced her to legislative responsibilities. She also interned at the Pinellas County Courthouse her senior year in high school. Cabili is ready to jump into the fray. “I am new,” she said. “However, the current bill that is on the table concerning SAFE Team is something I will tackle.” Vondrasek is a junior elementary education major. She will be representing the College of Education. She felt that the students in the education program need a voice in student government. She has served on several committees in the past and is looking forward to serving as senator with an open mind. “I am just learning,” Vondrasek said, “but when it comes time to tackle an issue, I will be ready.”

Gluttons unite! Lift your heads out of those Doritos bags! Fling those globs of cookie dough off your mitts! Politely pull out of the Taco Bell drive-thru! I have something to show you. It’s oil-laden, deep-fried, heavenly delicious, and completely awesome. It is thisiswhyyourefat.com, a Web site where anyone can submit pictures of their biggest, most delicious, and generally life-diminishing food creations. Thousands are submitted, but only one is featured each day. Described as “culinary Frankensteins,” submissions range from the heavenly delicious to the excessively repulsive to creations that just make you scream, “WWWHHHHYYY??!! WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME CRUEL FOOD GODS??!!” Just me? Ok, just me. Either way, this site is attention worthy. Whether you cringe or drool, it elicits a reaction. 10 million page views in its first month of inception at the beginning of this year are a testament to this. Even if we are ashamed of it, we all have our inner-glutton. Now we have This is Why You’re Fat and its “amateur food porn” to awaken it once a day. This could get ugly…. I present the five greats, the This is Why You’re Fat hall of shame. The Bacone Look at this thing. “A bacon cone filled with scrambled eggs and country gravy topped with a biscuit,” according to the site. This actually looks pretty appetizing, which makes it all the more dangerous. I picture Paula Dean whipping some of these bad boys up and just dropping them in Oprah’s mouth, kind of like how they feed those little fish to Shamu at Sea World. The Luther Rory According to the site, “A one third pound of sirloin topped with two slices of white American cheese, four strips of bacon, peanut butter, between two Krispy Kreme donuts.” I’m thinking I would try one now, but I know I would hate myself after I finished. There is a Boondocks episode where the Grandpa opens a restaurant that serves these things. Instead

of tables he installs beds for customers to sleep off the too-much-food coma this monster puts them all into. Now, that’s the right idea. The 30,000-Calorie Sandwich A loaf of white bread filled with, “Ground beef, bacon, corn dogs, ham, pastrami, roast beef, bratwurst, braunschweiger and turkey, topped with fried mushrooms, onion rings, swiss, provolone, cheddar, feta, parmesan cheeses, lettuce and butter.” Obesity epidemic? Really? America has an obesity epidemic? Here is an idea. Don’t buy a winter coat this year. Just eat one of these and you’ll have enough adipose insulation to last you the whole season. *The Crow’s Nest does not endorse gorging on gigantic sandwiches in replacement of winter coats, but, if you do plan on doing this, please, please let us know. The Lord of the Rings “A foot-long hot dog threaded through onion rings, served with cheese and bacon on top.” This is definitely one ring to rule them all, if by rule you mean, “Look fatter than,” and by all you mean, “The other guys in my bowling league.” The Thunder Platter “A bed of tortilla chips rings with sweet potato fries, a hot dog, bacon, red onions, green bell peppers, jalapenos, olives, Anaheim chilies, a burger patty, a weaved bacon blanket, mac ‘n cheese, and then topped off with extra cheese sauce and onion rings with Cheetos to garnish.” Is there such a disorder as taste schizophrenic? Because I feel like succumbing to such a disorder by eating this health hazard. “I taste bacon, no, jalapeños, no, onion rings, no, Cheetos. Ahhhhh so many flavors.” I would cry while shoveling this into my face hole. And, weaved bacon blanket? Do you snuggle up under it or eat it? Just kidding. It’s bacon. You inhale it. Find more of these creations at ThisisWhyYoureFat.com The book, This Is Why You’re Fat: Where Dreams Become Heart Attacks, written by the site’s creators, Jessica Amason and Richard Blakeley, comes out October 27th.


Variety


Sports

A new football league with a different approach

roster. Running back Michael Pittman and safety Dexter Jackson, the game’s MVP helped Tampa Bay win Super Bowl XXXVII six years ago. Founded in 2007, the United Football League is a new Other quarterbacks on the Tuskers roster include professional league for football players who can not find former NFL QB Brooks Bollinger who played with the work in the NFL. New York Jets and Chris Greisen. Bollinger played for The UFL currently has four teams: the New York Sen- four different NFL teams during his career, while Gretinels, the Florida Tuskers, the Las Vegas Locomotives isen had stints with six different clubs in the NFL and and the California Redwoods. Some say the league’s internationally. players are outcasts whose best days are behind them. Current Rays owner Stuart Sternberg bought a stake Others hope it will serve as a minor league launching in the franchise and is considered its primary owner. If pad for the NFL. Its slogan reads “Where future stars he runs the organization in a way he has done with the come to play,” according to its Web site. Rays, perhaps Florida football fans will have a team to The league, which kicked off its season on Oct. 8, pull for in the league. will have a seven-week schedule with either one or two The league’s rules will be similar to NFL rules. One games played each week. The four teams will play a exception is that overtime will be conducted in a similar total of six games in the regular season. Games will be fashion to the college game. Each team will get the ball, contested Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights so as and whichever team scores the most after each team gets not to compete with the NFL on Sundays and Mondays. the ball at least once will win. The season concludes with a championship game bePrevious efforts to sustain a pro football league alongtween the two best teams on Nov. 27 in Las Vegas. side the NFL did not work. The USFL, which had a total The UFL’s Florida Tuskers will be based in Orlando of 23 teams during its existence, only lasted three seaand play their home games at the Citrus Bowl. The team sons from 1983 to 1985. Vince McMahon of the WWE will also play a home game at Tropicana Field in St. formed the XFL in 2001. The ill-fated league played just Petersburg on Oct. 30 against Las Vegas. The Trop, pri- one season with eight teams before folding due to a lack marily used for Rays baseball games, did host a college of interest and money. football game last year in which USF beat Memphis in The only other major football league to succeed in the the first-ever St. Petersburg Bowl. But the facility has United States is the Arena Football League. Although it rarely been used for football. is currently in financial trouble after canceling its 2009 Former Rams head coach Jim Haslett was hired to lead season, the AFL has played games for over 20 years and the Tuskers. Jay Gruden, whose brother Jon coached the has had fairly decent success selling tickets. Its spring Buccaneers for seven seasons, will serve as offensive schedule has given football fans a chance to watch the coordinator. Some former Bucs players are also on the game during the NFL’s off-season. By Greg Lindberg glindber@mail.usf.edu

The Crow’s Nest Photographer

Editor in Chief

Assistant Editors

Staff Writers

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Professional Adviser Deb Wolfe

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Digital extras for October 12, 2009