parents guide to m
welcome to m
What is Violet? violet is a new magazine for teenage girls aged 13-15. Violet is all about giving girls confidence, and real advice about dealing with love, relationships, and all the crazy emotions coursing around their bodies at their age. We want to help you understand your daughter better, and we want your daughter to understand herself better.
violetâ€™s first issue covers: 1. recognising love 2. dealing with dating abuse 3. healthy relationships Unlike many of the other teen magazines out there, we wonâ€™t be trying to sell your daughter expensive clothes and make-up or talk about who Justin Bieber is dating this week. This guide is designed to go hand in hand with your daughters first issue of Violet.
also important really important
Teaching our children about love and relationships is one of the most important jobs as a parent, apart from feeding and sheltering them of course.
â€œwe must understand love; we must be able to teach it, to create it, to predict it, or else the world is lost to hostility and to suspicion.â€? â€“abraham maslow 2
love is a difficult subject to handle, especially for a parent, but it is still very important to try. They need to hear from us about what a loving, mutually satisfying relationship is about. While you canâ€™t choose the person they will fall in love with, you can help them think about what qualities will matter the most in a partner.
sense of humour same interests
80% of people surveyed said they looked for this in a significant other.
Having different interests is also important!
This one is pretty self explanatory.
Respect for each other, and also self respect.
loyalty To each other, and to friends and family. 3
Dealing with dating abuse
More than 20% of teens have experienced dating abuse. and nearly 10% have faced full on physical violence.
abuse isnâ€™t always a term that teens recognize or understand, as most think itâ€™s only physical. 4
manipulation and verbal insults are nothing short of abuse because it affects us the same way emotionally. Teens often don’t recognise whether they are a victim of dating abuse, because the things the abuser says could be disguised as “reasonable” requests. This kind of manipulation and guilt tripping can be very confusing and hard to deal with, especially for a teen who is already going through adolescence. It is in no way their responsibility to deal with. Unless your child knows what a positive, healthy relationship is, they can’t recognize and be in one. If teens grow up around abuse, verbal or physical, they are likely to recognize this as part of a healthy relationship.
if you love me
you should lose
some weight if you leave me i’ll have nothing
to live for
Sometimes the reason parents don’t talk to teens about breakups is because they are not comfortable with the idea that their children are adults. The parents either don’t feel like they handled breakups well when they were teens, or they feel like they don’t know the skills involved in a healthy breakup.
What is going on? During adolescence, the brain undergoes specific and dramatic developments. Sometimes there are too many synapses happening for the brain to work efficiently.
decision making Our mental capacity for decision-making, control, and judgment is not mature until the age of 24. This can explain arguments, overreactions, impulsiveness and irrational behaviour.
uncertainty Teens are uncertain of who they are, and are eager to establish their own identity. Having a sense of who we are isnâ€™t just a luxury â€“ we need it to feel alive. Without it we feel worthless.
a quiet, simple conversation does not do justice to their dramatic feelings. fighting Sometimes fighting can be an attempt to shake their parent into realising that they are growing up. Fighting doesn’t necessarily mean you have a bad relationship – a lot of the time teenagers don’t know any other way of getting their thoughts and feelings across to you.
self doubt The smallest comment like “do you have your keys?” can pinch on a teens self doubt. Teens often look on their peers and friends as models, as they are constantly surrounded by them. The underlying thought for this is: “I don’t know who I am, but I know who he is, so I’ll be like him.”
Where to start?
married couples Happily married couples may start to argue when their children are around, but wait to talk about it until everyone is in bed. Boundaries are important but children need to know how to work through an argument and get a resolution.
single parents Donâ€™t completely exclude your children from your dating life. While you donâ€™t want your teenage daughter helping you pick a man to date, you can talk with her about the qualities in a man that would make him a good partner.
teenagers are creating relationships without any concrete ideas about what a good relationship is. The impacts of dating choices they make early on reach far further than just teen pregnancy, an abusive boyfriend, or a broken heart. These relationships set the tone for teenagersâ€™ sense of self and create a blueprint for adult intimacy
We want to help you understand your daughter, and help your daughter understand herself. Violet is all about giving girls confidence in themselves, and educating them about love, relationships, and life. 9