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HAPPY

ENDINGS

The Final

Newsletter Summer 2006

Visionaries & horrible

reminders page 6

celebrate

P

RIDE pages 7-9

HIGH A RT page 11

Karrie & D on J uan model:

K

ATHERINE

WELLS

P LEASURE your P ALATE insert


THE LAST SHOUT “I believe in the power that not only allows the sun to rise, but turns seeds into flowers and dreams into realities.” — Oprah Winfrey

If for any reason, you are unhappy or

unfulfilled with your life, as many of us are, you must first be absolutely honest and clear with who you are . . . and who you want to become. Winners are first visionaries and no victory happens overnight. Once you no longer blame your personal perils on others and you have taken responsibility for every aspect of your life, create your own personal mission statement. Accept that your goals can be achieved through baby steps. Ask yourself what is working in your life and what is not. What bad habits or traits need mended to achieve your goals? And while thinking about these, don’t give a damn what those around you say or think. You are not doing this for anyone else. You are doing this because you have a vision and you want more. Don’t let setbacks derail you from your purpose. Being born a poor black woman in the hills of Georgia, I never imagined I would have had the honor to meet the outlandish and creative people that were all guided to this little cow town around the same time. Picture it. Columbus. 1999. The club scene was ripe for rebirth. The days of the Warehouse and the Garage were coming to an end. Through a string of flawless nights at Odyssey, a new generation blossomed into

Happy: The Newsletter

what would become “the family.” Mama D, Oz, Kane, Dysco Deeva, Cha Cha, Julian, Sammy, Janise, Ralph, Stefan, Gary, Aaron and Dr. Steve. And then, God help us, the floodgates of dysfunctionality blew open and Mardi Gras was born from a shy, sweet kid named David. Today, our family continues to grow and evolve as we celebrate our achievements and attempt to learn from the mistakes of the past. We call those the “horrible reminders.” “What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.” — Mignon McLaughlin We close this chapter with a look back at visionaries who inspired us and a photo collection of some friends and family we no longer see everyday. They made us laugh and cry, and transformed us nightly into legends. Our goal for the newsletters has always been to keep everyone who moved away in touch with those still here while squeezing in birthday reminders, current events and a glimpse into my twisted psyche with anecdotes and humorous ads executed beautifully by my husband, Jeffrey. This issue is no different. It will be, I hope, an orgy of enlightenment, laughter and outlandish advertisements celebrating the fact that we are ALL a little touched and a whole lot twisted. And I invite you to continue the tradition of this newsletter by visiting ohhappymother.com. Dive into my cyber pool. And now the disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed, sometimes bluntly but always with love, are for amusement purposes only and are not necessarily endorsed unanimously by all of mother’s personalities. So with a grain of salt, enjoy. And if we haven’t said it already, THANK YOU for being a part of our lives. All aboard the Bi-Polar Express! — Christopher

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ohhappymother.com EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Christopher Ludlow csludlow@gmail.com LAYOUT & DESIGN, COPY EDITOR Jeffrey Thomas jrthomas20@gmail.com ASSOCIATE EDITOR Kelly Hunt kellbell2055@yahoo.com

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HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter


BIRTHDAYS

I met Tony in 1999, but it seemed as though we had known one another from the beginning of time. He showed me how to open my mind and expand my thoughts. Tony possesses knowledge and sophistication unmatched by the entire city combined! — E ric “Kane” D r a k e

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11

22

26

JULY

9

18: Richard (myspace.com/richcmh69) 19: Chip Bradford 22: Lori Angus, Nathan Douglas, Rob Gast 25: Julie Driscol 28: Rusty Stratman 29: Dominique Allen, Jay Tournage, Mike Wright

AUGUST

Fancy Punasty pride 2006

1: Chris Sexton 5: Mother & Jeffrey’s 11-Year Anniversary 6: Jason Elchert 7: D’Angelo Richardson 9: Jessica Marshall, Kelly Hunt 11: Michael Jones 14: John Ruth 16: Brian Kleinhenz 17: Josh Gordon 20: Dave Fraley 22: Jerami Brown 23: Tyler Shivers 26: Jeramy Hamilton

If we have omitted a birthday or celebration, please visit www.ohhappymother.com and add it to our calender!

Fancy & Kelly

Happy Belated Birthday to

F

ANCY

P

!

UNASTY

June 27

9 ADVERTISEMENT

Good Karma from the Dalai Lama • Take into account that great love and great achievement involve great risk. • When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. • Follow the 3 R’s: Respect for self, Respect for others and Responsibility for ALL of your actions. • Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. • When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. • Spend some time alone everyday. • Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. • A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. • In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past. • Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality. 3 Final Musings • I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. • A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. • Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. — Tony Vanegas

Lori, Tony & Howard with Suzette all dressed up for the Red Party

T

ony moved, with partner Howard and the vivacious, big-jugged Lori, from the purple house on Franklin Avenue to Miami, FL and in the past few newsletters, we have followed the transition in their lives. We continue to celebrate the memories shared here (Danielle’s birthday pool party with DJ Ra, New Year’s Eve, Sunday dinners) and you will be able to follow their adventures in Miami beginning with a Lori-worthy spread when we officially launch ohhappymother.com in the near future.

Editor’s Note: Thank you, Cha Cha, for being a part of our newsletter and our lives from the very beginning. — Mother

Don’t Waste It, Taste It! Take a dramamine before your swirl kicks in and you will avoid vertigo and your partner will love your newfound aim.

HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter

PAGE 3


Memoirs of a Manwhore I

’m at this outdoor gay resort in Tampa called Suncoast, right? And there’s this really old, really leathery dude jocking me, and he’s giving me the crazy eyes. I don’t mean to keep looking his way, cause I know every time I look it’s only encouraging him. But honestly, I have to keep an eye on him, because whenever I look away, he moves closer. So with my well-honed manwhore senses tingling (kinda like spider-sense), I detect that the leathery guy is about to make his move. I quickly deep throat my vodka cranberry (don’t make that face — it was only my fourth . . . that hour), and I take off. I think the clever thing to do would be to dart around the next corner and lose him, but BLAM . . . a dead end. I do an about face and head the other direction. Scant seconds later, the ol’ perv is still right behind me. This goes on for the next few minutes as I dodge and dart, hiding behind obese biker lesbians and then a drag queen with a bushy moustache that might actually have been Geraldo Rivera. I weave between a 70-year-old leather daddy in a thong and his potential trick and then WHAM. Here’s this f*%ki’n hot little blonde boy. Praise Jesus! I run up to the kid, and plead, “You gotta help me! Act like we’re boyfriends.” And without ANY hesitation, this kid grabs me and starts tongue f*%kin’ me. All of a sudden, thoughts of the ancient creepy stalker are gone, and you-know-what thoughts are pulsing through my head(s). Soon, we are full blown makin’ out and grinding on one another. It somewhat dawns on me that we’re in public when I start to hear suggestions from the small crowd near us like “Grab his ass” and “Push your d&ck into him.” (Floridians can be so nice and very helpful.) I break off the kiss and take my blonde twink by the hand and we walk away from the crowd and my stalker until we end up in a back hallway, that is at least a litPAGE 4

tle bit more private. The kid, who’s name I discover is Timmy, presses me up against the wall and is all over me again. I REALLY need to do this kid now. I spy an elevator and drag the kid on. I hit the stop button for privacy and we start going at it full throttle. Our clothes fly off and copius amounts of sweat and saliva begin flowing hot and heavy and then BOING — the f&%kin door opens! I guess that wasn’t the stop button. But do we stop? Hell, no! I’m ManWhore! I would not deserve my title if I let a little interruption like a third party get in my way? Fortunately, the new guy is not unattractive and he seems interested, so I promptly instruct the newcomer to get down and suck Timmy’s dick Inside I am laughing my ass off at how porno film perfect this is. While my little twink Timmy’s getting blown, I sneak in his back door. Before long, I am railing this kid so hard that I’ve got him pushed up against the wall. I feel sorry for the new guy, because his head is pinned between that wall and Timmy’s cock. His head is banging into the metal elevator wall and I’m sure he will go home with a knot on the back of his head. But what a trooper! He keeps going ‘til he gets his prize and the kid and I finish. After that, the new guy leaves without saying a word. Timmy and I quickly dress then head to his place, where we watch a few porns that he is in. We flip ‘n’ fucked about four more times. ••• The night before that this hot Puerto Rican boy came into my booth, and we started making out. He stripped from the waist down and gave me his underwear, then blew me while I was mixing. I love being a DJ. — Chris “Manwhore” Weikert aka DJ XoPheR djxopher@gmail.com

CHRISTINA AGUILERA: “Back to Basics” Paying tribute to the music that inspired her, Christina Aguilera will release her third album, “Back To Basics,” on August 15th. A modern take on vintage jazz, soul and blues from the 1920-40’s, “Back To Basics” is produced by Linda Perry and DJ Premier, among others. Aguilera cites Billie Holiday, Otis Redding, Etta James and Ella Fitzgerald as inspirations. The first single, “Ain’t No Other Man,” was released on June 12th.

Boy George In Trouble Again Boy George is back in rehab. He called police to report a break-in but forgot to put his cocaine away before the officers arrived. HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter


MUSIC DJ Conspiracy’s July 6th Top Ten

Madonna crucifies herself in new tour

1 Only You (Electribe Mix) Austin Leeds & Terranova

M

2 Let Me Hear The Music (L.E.X. Big Room Mix) Nikki Harris 3 Tribal Circus (Remember The Garage Mix) Manny Lehman 4 Lost (Tom De Neef Mix) Roger Sanchez f/Lisa Pure 5 I Call It Love (Tracy Young Club Mix) Lionel Richie 6. The Movement (DJ Paulo LA 2 NY Mix) Randy Friess

Conspiracy Theory

7 Promiscuous (Ralphi’s Dirty Vocal Mix) Nelly Furtado

10 Your Child (Junior Vasquez Chocolate Girlfriend Remix)

unjankey (un jang’ ke) adj. pleasing, of excellent quality (

9 Keep The Faith (Ander Standing Mix) Suzanne Palmer

jankey (jang’ ke) adj. irritating, poor quality, or malfunctioning

jankdefied (jang’ de f id’) free of any jankey qualities e

8 Ain’t No Other Man (Rafael Lelis Mix) Christina Aguilera

Mary J. Blige

H e y S aving J ane

f ans! Our s econd s ingle, “ Happy,” dropped t o r adio M ay 2 3rd. “Girl N ext D oor” w as j ust c ertified GOLD! A nd l ast b ut n ot l east, we’ll b e h itting t he r oad w ith Ashley S impson i n J une a nd J uly.

L ove,

S ee

adonna, the 47-year-old dance diva, pop superstar, gay icon and mother (oops, I forgot actress) opened her tour in Los Angeles on May 21st. An enthusiastic crowd greeted the Material Girl as she hung herself from a cross during “Live to Tell,” insulted President Bush and titillated concert goers with a bevy of barebreasted men with ball gags in their mouths during an bondage themed Madonna paintings “Future Lovers.” by artist The two hour David Lachappelle show consisted mostly of new material from Confessions On A Dancefloor, but she snuck in a few gems like “Like A Virgin,” “Ray of Light” and “Lucky Star.” The show ended with no encore, just a mega-mix of “Lucky Star” and “Hung Up.” You can expect to shell out up to $380 for a ticket. More David Lachappelle on page 11 Travis greets Saving Jane vocalist/songwriter Marti at a cd release party. They were best friends in college and remain close.

y ou t here!

k isses, h ugs a nd t hanks!

HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter

Marti

www.savingjaneonline.com PAGE 5


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isionaries

& Horrible Reminders

Unique messes who have become an inspiration.

TOMMY MERSHON

RICK CORDER

If anyone deserves the Mary Tyler Moore, “You’re gonna make it, after all” award, hands down, I would give it to Tommy. More than anyone else in Columbus, he has become an inspiration not only to me, but every person in his life. When I met Tommy, I was shocked that anyone would let this condescending instigator into their afterparty. He seemed so viciously mean to people. But then I became intrigued by his ability to walk into a room, spot someone acting inappropriately and with a few well chosen words, send them into a spiralling sketch or self-induced cross. Of course, then some dumbass would yell for my help in cleaning them up. And what the hell was I thinking actually doing it just so Tommy could sketch them out again or make them feel so incredibly dumb by their behavior that they would probably leave, most likely in tears. He could lose his composure on occasion, but considering his roommate and the obstacles they encountered (not just the dishes and gallon jugs on the floor) and the computers that they went through, it was understandable. Tommy emerged from the insanity of Holy Rollers, Dark Stars and a continued questionable choice in roommates with a job and a Godinspired, sober determination that places him at the top of my list of unique messes who have become an inspiration. His ability to mentor to a community that at one time he and his colleagues seemed to care very little about puts him in a class we can only one day hope to achieve. Thank you, Tommy. — Christopher “Mother” Ludlow

“You may of heard of me, DJ Rick Corder?” That used to be a joke of Rick’s, but now, of course, everyone has heard of DJ Rick Corder. Several years ago, I met this guy sitting in Chip’s living room who was teaching himself to mix and passing out his new mixed cd to anyone who walked threw the door. Incredibly, to this day, that cd, “Soul Shaker” is still one of my favorites. Over the years, Rick has accomplished so much in his music career. Originally, Rick tried to go back to an engineering job, but he was not happy. We all had such confidence in his music skills and his natural instinct for picking the right tracks, but he didn’t. Rick would always say that he wasn’t ready. He mixed a cd for my 30th birthday, which was so many years ago, as I am 108 in cat years. And he mixed a current club track into a new mash-up called “Shiny Disco Drums. This remix was so hot that it was released as a White Label. His first one! Still, Rick had doubts, though his friends continued to encourage him. Everyone always looked forward to going to Millennium every other Saturday night because Rick was spinning. Turn-out was always much higher with Rick on the decks. Still Rick was content spinning his two Saturdays a month at Millennium. And it drove me crazy, because he always knew how to get the crowd moving and how to keep the night upbeat. It was obvious Rick enjoyed spinning. In the booth, Rick was truly happy, shaking his booty and waving his pretend hanky as he praised his last mix into the current song. Rick finally ventured out and began spinning Tommy is a great guy who’ll do anything for in different cities and then different states and you, even if you deserve a lecture rather than a ISIONARY RIBUTES ultimately was asked to spin one of the Chrome helping hand. Tommy is one of the few trustweekend events. He did a fabulous job and had worthy people I know. page 1 6 everyone dancing the entire night. I remember — Jeffrey Thomas that that was the night “There’s bees all over my bonnet” started and a lot of us still think of Many of you know Tommy as the joker, the “You will invest your that wonderful night at Millennium when we hear “This Beat Is”. (By the way, the words are scrooge, the grinch or even as a Montgomery “This beat is all over my body.”) Burns-like figure and I can definitely see why life in something, or Now DJ Rick Corder is known far and wide. you would perceive this, because he DID have He is resident DJ at Dayton’s hottest bar, that side of him. But as we became friends and you will throw it Masque, where he spins four nights a week on developed a relationship, I started seeing more the upper level. You can even hear Rick spin of his Marge Simpson-like qualities. He was away on nothing.” via the club’s website, www.clubmasque.com. thoughtful and caring, and Tommy has a loving Rick, I am so proud of you for following side that many of you may never have seen. He your dream and never giving up. You are a is a very intelligent person who will do any— Haddon Robinson wonderful person and deserve to have wonderthing for those he cares about. ful things happen to you. We have been friends Dark Star scared the shit out of all of us and for years, through good and bad. I have always this is when I began to see some different sides wanted you to be truly happy. I am glad that you finally have all the of this man. Some funny, some scary. But in the end, Tommy is the one confidence in your skills that your friends have had in you for years. that followed a vision and became a great inspiration. Thank you, You are a phenomenal DJ and an inspiration to us all. Thanks for all the Tommy. You are my idol and will always be in my thoughts and heart. I memorable evenings. We love you and hope to see you go even farther. love you. — Kelly Hunt — Sam Clark

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HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter


gay

history

Erica

Dayton Pride 2006 Photos contributed by Erica Allen.

1869 — The term “homosexuality” appears in print for the first time in a German pamphlet written by Karl—Maria Kertbeny. 1895 — Oscar Wilde prosecuted for “gross indecency” and sentenced to two years in prison.

PRIDE

in

GAY

Significant events

1933 — The Nazi Party bans homosexual groups and sends homosexuals to concentration camps. 1962 — Illinois becomes first U.S. state to remove sodomy law from its criminal code. 1970 — First gay marches occur in New York City, Los Angeles and San Francisco. 1971 — The U.S. Libertarian Party calls for the repeal of all victimless crime laws, including the sodomy laws.

PRIDE

1969 — The Stonewall riots occur in New York City.

1972 — Ann Arbor, MI becomes first city in United States to pass gay rights ordinance.

Dustin

1974 — Kathy Kozachenko becomes first openly gay or lesbian American elected to public office, when she wins a seat on the Ann Arbor, MI city council. Ohio repeals sodomy laws. 1978 — San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk and Mayor George Moscone are assassinated. Rainbow flag first used as a symbol of gay and lesbian pride.

GAY

1973 — The American Psychiatric Association removes homosexuality from its Manual of Mental Disorders.

1980 — The Democratic National Convention becomes first major political party to endorse a gay rights platform.

Jason

1982 — Wisconsin becomes first state to ban gay discrimination. 1983 — Massachusetts Representative Gerry Studds reveals he is homosexual on the floor of the House, becoming the first openly gay member of Congress.

PRIDE

1979 — First national gay rights march on Washington, D.C.

1987 — ACT UP stages its first major demonstration. 1998 — Matthew Shepard slain.

2001 — Same-sex marriage in the Netherlands legalized. 2003 — Supreme Court strikes down remaining sodomy laws.

Rick

2004 — Massachusetts legalizes same-sex marriage spurring eleven other states to ban the practice through public referenda.

GAY

2000 — Age of consent equalized in the UK. Vermont becomes first U.S. state to legalize civil unions.


Corbett Reynolds with Stefan at Pride 2001

Alexander the Great, Macedonian ruler, 300 B.C. Socrates, Greek philosopher, 400 B.C. Sappho, Greek woman poet, 600 B.C. Edward II, English king, 14th century Michelangelo, Italian artist, 15th century Leonardo Da Vinci, Artist, scientist, 15th century Lord Byron, English poet, 18th century Oscar Wilde, Irish author, 19th century Gertrude Stein, U.S. poet, author Cole Porter, U.S. composer Virginia Woolf, English author Leonard Bernstein, U.S. composer Tennessee Williams, U.S. playwright Andy Warhol, U.S. artist E.M. Forster, English author Noel Coward, English playwright

Eleanor Roosevelt, U.S. stateswoman Harvey Milk, U.S. politician Martina Navratilova, U.S. tennis star Greg Louganis, U.S. Olympic swimmer Barney Frank, U.S. Congressman J. Edgar Hoover, U.S. Director of the FBI Rock Hudson, U.S. actor James Dean, U.S. actor Montgomery Clift, U.S. actor PLUS: Pope Julius III, Pope Benedict IX, Pope John XII and far too many current celebrities, pop stars and actors to keep count! ——————————————————— All from 20th century except Popes and as noted!

PRIDE

GAY

PRIDE

Flaming trailblazers . . .

GAY

Pride Photos Past

GAY

PRIDE

The

Rainbow Flag

• The rainbow flag first appeared in the 1978 San Francisco Gay and Lesbian Freedom Day Parade, after local artist Gilbert Baker designed it as a symbol that could be used year after year. • The original flag had eight stripes, each color representing a component of the community: hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sun, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony and violet for spirit. • Due to production constraints, in 1979 pink and turquoise were removed and royal blue replaced indigo. This six-color version spread to other cities and soon became a widely-recognized symbol for gay pride and diversity. • In 1994, a huge 30-foot-wide by one-mile-long rainbow flag was carried by 10,000 people in New York’s Stonewall 25 Parade. • In every ancient culture, the rainbow was viewed as a symbol of the unity of the world. Some Buddhists believe the rainbow is the highest state before the clear light of Nirvana or heaven. In Christianity, the rainbow is a symbol of reconciliation between God and man.

Clockwise from above: Rob & Friend at Axis during Pride 2002, Patrick &Kelly at Axis during Pride 2003, Kane with “Official Bitch” T-Shirt signed by Judy Tenuta at Pride 2003, Kirk & Friend at Pride 2004, Danielle does Mikey at Pride 2002.


GAY Nathan rides the Wall Street float during Pride 2002

Ralph & Janise with Pepper Mashay during Pride 2002

Queer stereotypes: Which one are you?

PRIDE

Ryan & friends at Axis during Pride 2004

Yes, honey! It is time to dispel some good old fashioned clichés and myths about the fabulous world of gay men. Myth: We All Love Musicals

GAY

Well many of us do – the good ones that is! But so do millions of straight men and women, unless or course all those tourists flocking to Phantom, Chicago, Hairspray and The Producers are all part of some secret “Bring Back The Gaiety Theater” society.

Myth: We’re Promiscuous As Bunnies In Springtime Since when did the gay community have a monopoly on being preoccupied with sex when everything in the straight world, media included, is obsessed with getting laid? If some gay men are perceived as sluts or cumbuckets, it’s because they are men, not because they have experienced Manwhore.

PRIDE

Myth: We Have A Natural Eye For Design Not all queens worship Martha Stewart or shop at Pier 1. Some love NASCAR memorabilia and furnish their kitchens in chicken or cow related knick-knacks. But however you do your decor, remember to never diss Martha around Mother unless you have hidden all sharp objects!

Myth: We Adore Judy And Barbra

GAY

Today’s twinkies are more likely to have CD stacks of Britney, Kelly or Cher. Or maybe Madonna, Whitney or Cher if they want to experience the “good old days.” And some of us veterans will quietly admit to having seen Bette, Liza or Cher in concert.

Myth: We’re All Into Anal Sex Not far wrong there I suppose. But then again, our straight cousins could give us a run for our money when it comes to exploring the “tunnel of love” from the rear.

Yes, we love being as clever as a Bruce Villanch monologue and as acid-tongued as Karen Walker because, let’s face it, many of us had to use humor to stop us from getting our faces bashed at school. In reality, gays can be as dull as heterosexual men discussing golf or as dumb as a Jerry Springer episode.

Myth: We Like Shopping Damn, right, we do! — adapted from Rainbow Network, a UK gay website

Tate’s fuzzy-maned freak prepares to pounce on Ricky’s perky pink bunny during the Pride 2003 fashion show by Modern Persona

PRIDE

Myth: We Are Witty, Bitchy & Catty Oh, my!


JEFFREY’S SHORTS

I Don’t Lick Bush

DONKEYS BETTER THAN WIVES A textbook used at schools in India compares housewives to donkeys, and suggests the animals are better companions. “A donkey is like a housewife . . . In fact, the donkey is a shade better, for while the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents’ home, you’ll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master,” the Times of India newspaper reported. The Hindi-language textbook, a primer meant for 14-year-olds, was approved by the government but sparked protests by women. Education officials are removing the reference. — Reuters

I

love Hillary Clinton and I believe she would be a fierce president. But my dream ticket for the Democrats in 2008 is the ex-general who embraces gays in the military, Wesley Clark, and the charming, good ol’ boy from North Carolina, John Edwards. I have always believed that the Democrats stood for progress and change, while the Republicans would have us return to the 1950’s with women in the kitchen and all non-whites as invisible as possible. I’m constantly amazed when Republicans are able to convince women and latinos to vote for them. Fortunately, most AfricanAmericans seem to be smarter than the rest of us because they largely vote for Democrats. You should have heard the predominantly black group of voters at our local polling station in 2004. Many had been waiting for two hours to vote and they talked passionately about the need to defeat Bush. Their distrust of Bush’s agenda was unanimous. And here’s why. I offer you this quote by conservative idealogue, William F. Buckley, from the very first issue of his publication, The National Review, back in 1955. To me, it sums up the philosophy behind all Republican Party platforms. Buckley states that conservatism “stands athwart history, yelling STOP, at a time when no one is inclined to do so, or to have much patience with those who so urge it.” Damn, right, I don’t have the patience. Time moves on, history marches forward, you can’t stop progress, so get on the bus and stop holding us down. You must fearlessly face forward and march ahead. And remember to vote . — Jeffrey

STILL GETTING IT Rue McClanahan, the actress best known as Blanche Devereaux on the “The Golden Girls”, recommends two forms of exercise to fight aging: weightlifting and frequent sex. “It just depends on the availability of the material,” the 72-year-old actress said. “Dumbbells are easy to come by, but most of them are married.” McClanahan said that she used a positive attitude and a sense of humor to help defeat breast cancer. Her autobiograpy, “My First Five Husbands,” will be released in 2007. — Associated Press

Our new houseboy, Claudio Martin

a lesbian. Several times over the last few years, protests have occurred over cruise ships that docked with gay passengers, including 1998 when lesbian couples were chased off Nassau’s main shopping thoroughfare and 2002 when employees at a resort walked off the job. A group called the Save The Bahamas Initiative maintains that family values are undermined by gay couples. (Editor’s note: Maybe God will and maybe God won’t save the Bahamas from hurricane season this year.) — Reuters JONESING FOR THE REAL THING A man is behind bars in Tampa, Florida after allegedly asking two uniformed police officers to test a crack pipe. Police say the man doubted whether he was being sold actual crack cocaine, so he approached the officers to test his pipe so he could be certain. It was the real thing. — Associated Press

BAHAMAS BROKEBACK BROUHAHA The Bahamas has banned “Brokeback Mountain,” triggering more controversy over the island chain’s reputation for homophobia. Gay rights groups called on Bahamas’ film board to think again, after the movie was banned at the request of the Bahamas Christian Council. Last September, Miss Teen Bahamas was stripped of her title after she admitted to being

MANWATCH Eric Hanson Karel Roc

Brent Everett

Jake Campion

Kurt Young PAGE 10

HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter


H

H G I ART Keith Haring

A

graffiti artist who made headlines when he was arrested for his subway art, Keith Haring exploded in the 1980’s. His signature style became immediately identifiable. In the grand tradition of pop culture, Haring was celebrated and then quickly torn down for becoming too successful. Diagnosed with AIDS at age 30, he was dead at 31. Today Haring is a bigger star and more popular than ever.

www.keithharing.com Clockwise from above right:

‘Milk Maidens’ photographed by David Lachapelle.

Haring’s “Radiant Baby” remains one of his most wellknown creations; Haring’s National Coming Out Day logo; one of Haring’s street Graffitti pieces; the Pop Shop in Soho sells Haring memorabilia.

David Lachapelle

A

ndy Warhol offered David LaChapelle his first professional job shooting for Interview magazine. Over the years, LaChapelle has garnered numerous awards. Today, he remains ranked among the most influential people in photography. David LaChapelleís unfettered images, both bizarre and gorgeous, have appeared in Italian Vogue, Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone, Vibe, Interview, The Face, British GQ and many more. His uncompromising dedication to originality is legend in the worlds of fashion, film and advertising. LaChapelle has done advertising campaigns for a variety of clients including L’Oreal, MTV, Diesel Jeans, Sirius, Ford, Sky Vodka and the Got Milk campaign. LaChapelle has photographed numerous album covers and packages for such artists as Macy Gray, Moby, No Doubt, Whitney Houston, Lil’ Kim, Elton John and Madonna. David LaChapelle’s best-selling debut book, “LaChapelle Land” (1996), assembled an explosive mix of celebrities and models including Madonna, Leonardo DeCaprio, Pamela Anderson, Uma Thurman, Marilyn Manson, Mark Wahlberg, Drew Barrymore and Elton John in an extravagant boxed volume. LaChapelle has directed music videos as well. At the MTV Europe Music Awards in 2000, his video for Moby’s “Natural Blues” was named Best Video of the Year.

www.davelachapelle.com At left, Anna Nicole Smith. Below, James Vanderbeek

Above, inspirational paintings by Wes Hempel.

Wes Hempel

S

uper talented artist Wes Hempel’s work is moving, inspiring and definitely collectible. Wes is a visual genius whose work can be proudly hung in any home, gay or straight. If you appreciate the male form and have a deep enjoyment for juxaposition, he is a modern Da Vinci. By combining historical elements with contemporary figures, his paintings function in a revisionist manner, commenting on aspects of our contemporary culture.

www.weshempel.com HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter

PAGE 11


SPECIAL FEATURE The Red Hat Society is a social club for women of a certain age who’s husbands are either passed on or simply don’t care how their wives dress or look. Primarily they go out to eat together dressed in red, black or purple attire with their trademark red or red and purple hats. Members of not so quite that certain age get to wear pink to demonstrate that they are almost menopausal.

Red Hat Society ladies celebrate friendship I

first heard of the Red Hat Society from my wonderful, zany Aunt Lois. My family regularly refers to Lois as “crazy” Aunt Lois, and it’s true she has had some difficult times that could have sent a lesser person off the edge. They call her crazy, because she’s a little loud and a little eccentric. Personally, I think that’s what makes her so great. And though we haven’t discussed her opinions on the matter, I suspect that she may be the only person in my family who really does not care that I am gay. She embraced Christopher right off the bat. So I encourage her eccentric behavior. Life should always be about being different and therefore never boring. I think Aunt Lois is fierce, and that’s all there is to it. Aunt Lois lost her husband a few years ago and she has done her best to keep busy to ease the sorrow. I know it must have been rough for her. Dayton was generally a man of few words and he seemed to keep his emotions to himself. I suspect that their relationship probably mirrored mine and Christopher’s. I was shy and somewhat responsible when he and I met. Christopher was outgoing and carefree. Together, we made a perfect match. I think Uncle Dayton and Aunt Lois were like that. In Aunt Lois & M e public, Dayton would roll his eyes at Lois’ oddball behavior, but I believe in private, he worshipped the ground she walked on. At least I hope he did. She is one of the freest spirits I’ve met and I love her so much for that. Around Christmas time, I learned of the Red Hat Society from Aunt Lois. The whole concept made me giggle, but the truth is that this sounds like what all of us will be doing when we enter our golden years . . . dressing up in drag and taking friends out on the town for tea. —Jeffrey Thomas

LETTERS/UPDATES TONY BONDI Hello! It’s Tony Bondi! I got a copy of your newsletter one day while playing at a friend’s and I was really impressed after reading it. Since the old crowd has stopped going out, your newsletter really helps keep everyone in touch. Great job! I have been working for Priceline.com for almost three years now. I am a regional manager and just got back into town after traveling for almost a year opening up two new call centers. I used to see Jeffrey smoking out back of the printing company, Lithokraft, because it was right beside Priceline, but I haven’t seen him since I got back (Editor’s note: Jeffrey works at Hopkins Printing now.) I have been in a relationship now for almost three years. Take a look at our website, www.geocities.com/tonyandmike2003/home. It’s a work in progress. — Tony Bondi ohguy00@yahoo.com PAGE 12

ERICA ALLEN Work. With Dysco. Sleep. Everyday. Not with Dysco. Our fabulous pitbull Katrina is being trained to rip Brent’s face off in one command. We have a fabulous three bedroom house. Dysco and I went on a cruise last November to St. Thomas, St. Martin and Nassau and we are going to Alaska in August and Europe at the end of the year. See, there is life beyond Columbus. They make Prada over there. Real ones. We have been avoid the party lifestyle for almost a year and except for a hell of a birthday bash for Dustin where we rolled like fuzzy dice on a Vegas hooker’s Monte Carlo, we have been sober. Did I mention I am taking accounting next quarter? And I lost 150 pounds on Brenty Craig and I feel GREAT! — Erica Allen elallen77@yahoo.com DYSCO DEEVA I left Columbus with all my

belongings wading in a hotel room only to have them discarded. In spite of everything, I still think people are good at heart. Oh, f*&k that! I’m not Anne Frank, but I am much fiercer now and much happier. So to the faggot wearing my pink coat, I hope it stains your precious uneven complexion. Oops, sorry, that was Mother channeling Dysco. With techno music blaring in the kitchen, Erica and I dance around and pretend like we are on “American Idol”, our current obsession. She’s in love with Ace Young and, well, me too. With Crown and Coke in hand, I am now known as double shot. I learned how to build houses. Drywall. Electrical. Plumbing. Things you don’t get on Manhunt. — Dustin Hartsock stylexplosion@ yahoo.com HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter


OVERHEARD IN OHIO You know I’m a bright bitch. — Adam Landis It puts the ice cream in the bowl, because I gave you f*cking hole! — Mo

My semen tastes bland.

Someone was giving me good hand cream tonight. — Chris Groves

Just like your personality!

Whoa. I’m dizzy. I’m thinking. You need a recorder. Not Rick Corder. Serial. A recorder. — Adam If anybody’s gonna be a Sally, It’s gonna be me. — Dysco Deeva Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. — Unknown Every strand counts. — Kelly (aka Jankey Bitch)

LETTERS/UPDATES SCOT MARTIN I will be graduating from OSU in December with my Masters in Computer Science and then in the fall of 2007, I will start Pharmacy school. I do miss all the guys and all the good times. Every now and then, a thought or memory will cross my mind and I will laugh fondly thinking of those days. I am so glad that nobody can take those memories away from me. — Scot Martin scotmeister@gmail.com DON JUAN My art show went well. Some of my pieces are still down at Q Bar. You should stop in and take a look! California is so much fun and so beautiful. Dominique is doing wonderfully. He and his boyfriend, Gabe, went to Las Vegas recently. Give my love to Jeffrey and as always I love you to death, Mother! — John Davison donjuanjohn@hotmail.com DANA BROOKS Dana Brooks moved to New York about HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter

Dominique with his boyfriend, Gabe

Dana has settled down but still enjoys an ocassional Scotch on the rocks. nydiego76@hotmail.com DAVID GREEN David Green moved to New York about five years ago and is currently the Director of Marketing for an architectural firm. David has been dating but is still looking for Mr. Right. Even though David enjoys New York, he is considering moving back to Lexington to get his Ph.D. at the University of Kentucky. wmdavidgreen@hotmail.com

Don Juan three years ago. He and David Green live together. For a while, Dana worked at Bed, Bath and Beyond but has been moving on up since. He now manages an upscale salon on Madison Avenue where the clients range from Paris Hilton’s mother to Meryl Streep and Robin Givens. Dana is currently involved in an relationship with a hot Dominican boy named Luis, and this time his Mr. Wonderful fell into Dana’s lap not out of Dana’s loft.

NEEDS A CLUE I’m hoping you can help me find my friend Corrinna. Corrinna is like a sister to me and she used to be one of my best friends. But we lost touch and I haven’t seen her for over three years. Let me know if anyone knows how to reach her. Thanks! (Editor’s note: Any clues, readers? Email Jason per below.) — Jason Kleffman jasafein77@aim.com PAGE 13


Operation removes light bulb from ass Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Multan, Pakistan, says he woke up recently with a glass lightbulb in his anus. Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn’t know the bulb was there, nor does he have any idea how it got there. Doctors, who doubt Mohammad’s story, removed the lightbulb via a one-and-a-half hour operation, keeping it intact. CATFIGHT CANCELED Rosie O’Donnell joins the cast of “The View” in September replacing Meredith Viera who’s replacing Katie Couric on the “Today Show”. Rosie and current menopausal O’Donnell co-host Joy Behr both have sparred openly with the recently sucked Star Jones so this should have been one hell of a cat fight, except that Jones has unexpectedly axed just recently. NEWSMAN MAKES NEWS For those who do not read Out Magazine, yet still wonder . . . YES! Anderson Cooper IS GAY! He was outed by Micheal Musto in Out’s April 2005 issue. Anderson had already planned to come out during Cooper a “360” episode but got beat to the punch by Mr. Musto, a middle-aged troll who writes for the Village Voice and is about as interseting as CoJo. By the way, Anderson is a top who prefers the company of young men of the Brent Everett stature. ONE ASS & ONE WITH CLASS Former NC Senator Jesse Helms has dementia. Estelle Getty, widely known as Sophia of PAGE 14

REL ATIONSHIPS Mike (top) & Jody (bottom)

NEWS “Golden Girls” fame also suffers from dementia, and in a recent interview asked us to “keep watching ‘Golden Girls’. I need the residuals.” HOME IMPROVEMENT Police are investigating several Massachusetts outlets of Homo Depot after a customer found 40 lbs of marijuana and 6.6 lbs of cocaine in a bathroom cabinet he had bought at the Chicopee location. (Editor’s note: For those of you here in Columbus doing your own home renovations, you won’t get that lucky, so please don’t tear apart your new bathroom fixtures searching for contraband!) Homo Depot has since been working with the DEA and two smaller packages have been found inside materials at two locations in Tewksbury. Road trip, anyone? GIVE IT UP Four suspects, ages 16 -20, have been charged in the June 9th beating of singer, Kevin Aviance. According to the prosecuor, the men followed Aviance, yelled gay slurs and threw garbage and a paint can at him, before cornering and attacking him. Aviance was treated for a broken jaw, a bruised knee and other minor injuries. The defendants face up to 25 years in prison where they can “bang on the drum” while their cellmates ride them. FUNNY FRAT BOYS Four fraternity members in Burlington, Vermont, accused of making pledges wear cowboy clothes and suffer homophobic insults in a “Brokeback Mountain”-themed initiation ritual face $1,000 fines under the state’s anti-hazing law. University of Vermont police said the civil penalties stemmed from a March 2 party at the Phi Gamma Delta house.

Homo House Hunting M

ike and I had been dating for a year when we decided to move in together. During the year we were dating, Mike was living with his ex-boyfriend, Shawn, in a house they had built. At first I was uncomfortable with the arrangement, but I understood that they had been able to remain friends and had decided to stay roommates. Each had their own life and Shawn had a developing romantic relationship himself. Eventually, as both relationships became more serious, Mike and Shawn decided to sell their house. Mike and I discussed renting verus owning and decided Mike & Jody’s House to begin looking for a home to buy. We had specific criteria and we weren’t willing to settle for less. The house needed enough room for Mike, myself and Jackson, my dog. We wanted an in-ground swimming pool, a large fenced lot and plenty of windows. This was a long and tedious process which often left me unenthusiastic about the endless open houses and searches. But Mike was steadfast and diligent until at last we found a home on the east side, just inside I-270 and off Noe-Bixby Road. This area is very scenic with great ravine views of Big Walnut Creek on one side. Mature trees lined streets with simple, pleasant looking homes. It’s a quiet community where children ride bikes and couples stroll in the evening holding hands. We fell in love with the home the moment we walked inside. I loved the natural sunlight the east and west facing windows let in. Jackson was sure to love the large fenced lot, and Mike’s favorite color red adorned the accent wall in the formal living room. And to top it all off the seller was a wonderful older lady, who accepted our significantly-below-the-asking-price offer. We met with her several times over the weeks that followed and she revealed that she really wanted the house go to people who would really treasure it. She said that she really liked Mike and I, and that she knew we would have as many wonderful years in the house as she had enjoyed. After mountains of paperwork, we moved into our home in October of 2006. Mike and I have completed several small projects around the house that reflect our personal styles and tastes. We both have a passion for landscaping, so I am sure that spring will find us in the yard with our hands in the dirt. The warm weather will also mean the opening of the pool and grilling on the deck with friends and family. With the help and support of those close to us, Mike and I look forward to creating many happy memories in our new home. — Jody McCranie (with Mike Wright) jody.mccranie@liebert.com HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter


HAPPY PHOTO GALLERY

L to R: Shawn Hardman; Tina Jade; Fancy Punasti; Joe Leigh; Adam Edgington.

L to R: Don Juan & Eric Dunn; Ryan Speakman; Chris Weikert, Jody McCranie & Jeffrey Thomas after seeing “Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”

L to R: Daniel Matheuws; Adam Landis; Tony dancing at Axis.

L to R: Kelly Hunt & Missy Marlo; Jason Jennings & friends; Sam & Mother; At right, Kat & her birthday banner.

L to R: Jamie Moore; Ed Ray Johnson & Brian Nedd; Jason Bernhard & friend; Josh & Kirby; Ben Curliss. HAPPY ENDINGS: The Final Newsletter

PAGE 15


V

isionary T ributes

HAPPY MEMORIES

The Office

The Compound

Rick & Jay’s

UPDATE FROM THE COMPOUND Shawn Connelly is doing well and is in good spirits. He is planning on an early release later this fall around Halloween. Unfortunately though, Shawn, will be living with a friend in a different state. Shawn wanted everyone to know that even though there are many friends in Columbus that he will miss, he does not want to be tempted to resume old habits. He is looking forward to a brighter future and to leaving old habits in the past. We wish him all the best.

PEG-A-GO-GO & BRAZON Long before Porkanda Beans blossomed onto the Columbus scene becoming Maria Garrison, Brazon took wings and transformed in-your-face vulgar drag into a must-see Monday night tradition. But even before Brazon took the coveted crown of Monday night mistress of cock at the Eagle, there was Peg-A-GoGo, the outrageously crass concubine hostess of what was once, one of Columbus’ busiest nights. You were either at the Garage or Eagle on Mondays, or both. Peg and her band of thongclad muscle boys made sure you at least started at her show. Peg loved to party and she loved her liquor. Unfortunately, they both got the best of her. In her dressing room after a show about 5 years ago, she died from a massive heart attack. Many ladies-in-waiting from Brazon, Vivi to Blossom have all succeeded in winning over Columbus, but all have fallen a bit short of the grandeur of Peg’s over-the-top legacy. Except maybe for Brazon. The white trash queen of the filthy, boozy stage banter was dethroned by the sword of one of her own strippers. It may be slightly morbid to say, but I believe that if I were sitting at IHOP with her now talking about how we wanted to exit this grand stage called life, I honestly think she would have wanted to go in a parade of media attention and fireworks. Much like she did. So to you, Gary, I salute an amazingly rich and colorful life that very few of us will ever experience, even in twice the years. — Christopher “Mother” Ludlow CLAUDIA CRIPPEN Claudia lived her life the way she wanted to, not how others thought she should. Living by her motto, “If you can’t be a good example, be a horrible reminder”, she set the benchmark for living life to the fullest. She is by far the strongest and most courageous person I have ever met and her friendship has had extremely positive effects on my life. — Eric “Kane” Drake Claudia was a unique angel who left behind hundreds who loved her and who will hopefully learn from her “horrible reminder” that there are consequences for every action. — Christopher “Mother” Ludlow To read more about Peg-A-GoGo, Brazon and Claudia or to post your own stories or pictures of them, join us in September on www. ohhappymother.com on the Tribute pages.


Tuscan Penne Pasta DIRECTIONS

INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 cloves garlic (chopped or minced) 1 1/2 cup chopped mushroom caps (no stems please) 2 cups baby asparagus (chopped) 1/4 cup scallions 1/4 cup red bell pepper (chopped) 1/2 cup fresh basil (chopped) 1/2 cup fresh parmesan cheese 1 tablespoon butter 2 cups milk fine ground black pepper (to taste) 1 sixteen ounce box penne pasta 2 tablespoons red cooking sherry

1. Boil penne pasta until almost done and strain. Save 1/2 cup of boiled water from pasta! 2. In large, deep non-stick skillet, heat olive oil on medium heat, then add garlic and saute until light-brown. 3. Add mushrooms, scallions, red bell peppers, fresh basil and pepper. 4. Saute until the moisture from the vegetables has nearly evaporated. 5. Then add sherry and asparagus and saute on medium-high for 8-10 minutes. 6. In small saucepan, slowly heat milk and butter, stirring constantly for 5-10 minutes. 7. Allow it to thicken, then slowly add parmesan cheese. 8. Add pasta to large skillet, folding ingredients carefully. 9. After mixing pasta and vegetables, pour into large casserole dish. 10. Stir in cream sauce, sprinkle fresh parmesan on top and bake at 325 degrees for 30 minutes.

— OVER FOR DIRECTIONS —

Mi Amigo Enchiladas DIRECTIONS

INGREDIENTS 3-4 bags of dried mild Mexican red chili peppers 1 can of black or pinto beans 1 1/2 lbs of hamburger 1 can of cream of mushroom soup 1 can of large black olives 1/2 clove of garlic 1 tablespoon of chili powder 1six ounce bag of chedder cheese 1 cup of Tojiha cheese

(Tojiha cheese is a white Mexican cheese that crumbles like bleu cheese.)

1 tablespoon of salt 1 cup chopped white onion

— OVER FOR DIRECTIONS —

1. Remove the seeds from the middle of peppers, then boil them in a large pan until tender, approximately 20 minutes. 2. While peppers are boiling, brown hamburger, then drain grease. 3. Drain peppers and rinse with cold water to take out the fire! Then put peppers in blender with garlic, chili powder, salt, and 1 cup water. Blend peppers until you have a fine, creamy sauce. 4. Using the same pan you cooked the peppers in, combine your hamburger, enchilada sauce, black beans/pinto beans, olives (sliced), cream of mushroom soup and a half can of water. 5. In a pyrex casserole dish, start putting sauce mix and chedder cheese into corn shells. Do not overfill as you have to roll and place them in the pan. Fill the pan with as many as you can. This recipe yields two pans. 6. Once enchiladas are in the pan, cover with the rest of the sauce and add a layer of chedder cheese. Sprinkle Tojiha cheese on top. 7. Cook in oven uncovered for 25 minutes on 350 degress. 8. Serve with sour cream and sliced green onions as garnish. H i n t: Mexican rice and guacamole make excellent sides.


11 Newsletter - SUMMER 2006