Take Responsibility for the Drama Caused by Your Own Expectations butterfly-maiden.com /personal-development/drama-caused-by-expectations/ Several years ago, I almost started dating a man who both intrigued and f rustrated me. For all of our shared interests, including our perspective of the way the universe works, we struggled to communicate. Sure, you could blame it on his Leo-ness clashing with my Taurus-ness, and you wouldn’t be too f ar of f . Something about the way he condescendingly spoke to me just annoyed me until I wanted to punch him in the f ace. But, I was still drawn to him. I saw this clandestine connection as an opportunity f or me to grow, as he was the f irst male I had met (and been attracted to) who could teach me f rom a metaphysical perspective. One evening, I had been meditating and I caught a glimpse of myself in a block of ice. A wise woman (who of ten shows up to give me guidance) specif ically instructed me that it was time to let the ice melt, and I understood that I had been protecting my heart, perhaps a bit too f iercely. I was unwilling to be vulnerable to a point that I could let this new f riend of mine get very close to me. I f inally understood what he’d been less than eloquently saying to me. Aha! Light bulb moment! I was so excited to call him and share this insight, and I was certain that he’d be impressed with my ability to f ind answers to my own issues, and not only receive guidance f rom my spiritual team, but also heed that guidance. I assumed this would lead to an excellent conversation and we would grow closer because of this experience. But, I was wrong.
My Expectations Kicked My A$$ I was stunned when he dismissed me matter-of -f actly. My ego took a bit of a hit and I f ound myself wondering if maybe he just hadn’t heard me. So I repeated myself … this time with a bit more emphasis. When he dismissed me again, I blurted out, “Did you even hear what I said?” “Yes, I heard you. It’s just not that interesting to me. What you’re going through is old school f or me.” Mr. “Holier-than-thou-and-I’m-not-af raid-to-tell-you” hurt my f eelings with his abrupt response. When I got up the courage to express that my f eelings were hurt, he said, “I didn’t hurt your f eelings, you did. You wanted a certain response f rom me, and when you didn’t get it, you got angry with me. But that’s your deal, not mine. Look at your own expectations.” At the time, I was FURIOUS. How dare he not take responsibility for his behavior toward me? How did he not recognize the significance of my new insights?
How could he dismiss me so quickly? How did he not care about my feelings?
Lessons Learned It probably won’t surprise you to learn that we didn’t end up spending much time together. We both wanted to, but there was just something about our particular combination of energies that did not work harmoniously together. It took me awhile to f igure out that he was right… as painf ul as it was f or me to admit… He was right: I was upset because he hadn’t responded the way I expected him to. I didn’t realize this with clarity until I was working with a client and I f ound myself giving her the same lecture that this “almost boyf riend” had given me. I heard these words come out of my mouth, “T his emotional drama that you are feeling is directly related to how you perceive that he failed to meet your expectations. Let’s be honest, what was your motivation and why wasn’t his genuine reaction enough f or you?” T here’s an important lesson to be learned here - We must be mindf ul of our motivations and our expectations when we are dealing with others. Consider this: the majority of your emotional drama can be cleared up when you are willing to take responsibility f or your own reactions. Have you ever dealt with someone who was particularly dif f icult f or you? What part of the dif f iculty was yours? Have you been upset at someone f or f ailing to meet your expectations? Or vice versa? I look forward to a discussion on expectations. Leave a comment below! With mucho a latte of love and respect,
Your Transformation Tour Guide expectations
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About the Author: Janet Louise Stephenson Janet Louise Stephenson is the visionary behind Butterf ly Maiden, a project dedicated to personal transf ormation. Af ter a lif etime hiding behind a mask of other people’s expectations, Janet f ound the courage to quit hiding. T hrough the process of self discovery she developed the conf idence to embrace her own potential and now of f ers guidance to others who are ready to reveal their true colors. As a Transf ormation Tour Guide, Janet encourages and supports those who are bravely starting their own journey.
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