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Wayne Russell, First Date, contd.

the girls’ place. running board with his head between his legs. He was All the way home the girls were fretting about what laughing uncontrollably, and with this, he lost his par- Mom would do to them. There was no possible way tial plate into the mud. He had lost both front teeth could they get into the house unnoticed. June said, playing hockey. His laughter stopped and he looked “Well! Mom said if we got into trouble, the truth was up, saying, “Damn, help me, I lost my teeth in the the best answer, so we’ll tell the truth.” The rain was mud.” When he looked up, the others having seen stopped when the girls reached home. The boys ofnothing but his big beautiful smile before now saw a fered to go into the house and explain to Mom. The big black space where his front teeth had been. Now girls insisted the boys go home to dry out, as it would he was on his hands and knees in be better if they explained to the mud searching for his teeth. Mom themselves. The other three were laughing at Mom really couldn’t notice him. This was the 1940s, who Marian's wetness but she could afford a partial plate, let surely couldn’t miss June’s alone to lose it? The others clothing. The time was ten to were now in convulsive, nine, so they were okay this uncontrollable laughter. Fortuway, but Mom said a plain, nately, he found his teeth, and he “Well?” poured beer over them and June said, “Mom, please popped them back into his June and friend at the homestead don’t get mad, it was an acmouth. This causing more laughcident, you told us to always tell the truth, so here ter. goes.” While June was telling what had happened, All were slowly calming down from the laughter Marian's head was unconsciously bobbing up and when Marian, holding her lower tummy and crossing down in confirmation, sometimes giggling at the her legs said, “Oh please, no more, I’m going to pee myself.” This was the wrong thing to say, and now all funny parts, this didn’t go unnoticed by Mom. …/ When the story was over, Mom said with a big sigh, four were laughing at full throttle again. Marian squealed through her laughter, her legs crossed tightly, “June, not even you could make up a story like this, so I believe you.” “George, bring the big tub, fill it with “Oh no! I’m peeing my pants, I can’t hold it.” I sure hope you can picture these teenagers, June, mud water from the stove reservoir, then take your brother from top to bottom, inside and out, Donald, mud to his upstairs to bed.” The boys knew the routine and went upstairs. waist. (Nice smile again.) Peter, soaked through and Just as June was placing one foot into the tub, Marian through, and Marian, driest of all, with wet panties said, “Aunt Mary, I’ve got something to tell you.” and stockings. What a mess they were! Donald didn’t The girls got off easy (this time). ♣ want to mess up his car seats but had no choice. They Wayne Russell, Clearwater BC got back into the car and Donald headed straight for

Witty Quips…

Laughter & ‘Lightenment!

1. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

4. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

2. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

5. I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope

3. By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

6. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

30 dialogue

WINTER 2016-17, VOL. 30, NO. 2

From Vera Gottlieb and Stephanie McDowall ♣

Profile for Janet Hicks

Dialogue v 30 n 2 winter2016 17  

Canada's unique volunteer-produced magazine for ideas, insights, critical thinking & radical imagination - shared in letters, essays, storie...

Dialogue v 30 n 2 winter2016 17  

Canada's unique volunteer-produced magazine for ideas, insights, critical thinking & radical imagination - shared in letters, essays, storie...