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The Plumber’s Bible 3


Table of Contents Conversation




Buffalo Bill’s


Who Made That Pantone Chip




Spoken Word


A Tomb for Anatole


Sourdough Rye




It’s Not OK to Act This Way


Personal Timeline



110 5




-David Foster Wallace 9

Hal? ... Hey Hal?

Yes mario?

Are you asleep? Booboo, we’ve been over this. I can’t be asleep if we’re talking.

Thats’s what I thought Happy to reassure you. Boy were you on today. Boy did you ever make that guy look sick. When he hit that one down the line and you got it and fell down and hit that drop-volley Pemulis said the guy looked like he was going to be sick all over the net, he said Boo, I kicked a kid’s ass is all. End of story. I don’t think it’s good to rehash it when I’ve kicked somebody’s ass. It’s like a dignity thing. I think we should just let it sort of lie in state, quietly. Speaking of which


Hal? ... Hey Hal? ‘It’s late, Mario. It’s sleepy-time. Close your eyes and think fuzzy thoughts. That’s what the Moms always says, too

Always worked for me, Boo You think I think fuzzy thoughts all the time. You let me room with you because you feel sorry for me

‘...’ ‘...’

Booboo I’m not even going to dignify that. I’ll regard it as like a warning sign. You always get petulant when you don’t get enough sleep. And here we are seeing petulance already on the western horizon, right here.

When I asked if you were asleep I was going to ask if you felt like you believed in God, today, out there, when you were so on, making that guy look sick 11

This again? ...


Really don’t think midnight in a totally dark room with me so tired my hair hurts and drills in six short hours is the time and place to get into this, Mario.

You ask me this once a week

You never say, is why

So tonight to shush you how about if I say I have administrative bones to pick with God, Boo. I’ll say God seems to have a kind of laid-back management style I’m not crazy about. I’m pretty much anti-death. God looks by all accounts to be pro-death. I’m not seeing how we can get together on this issue, he and I, Boo


‘You’re talking about since Himself passed away. ...

See? You never say. ... ...

I just didn’t happen to say what you wanted to hear, Booboo, is all.

There’s a difference.

I don’t get how you couldn’t feel like you believed, today, out there. It was so right there. You moved like you totally believed


How do you feel inside, not?

Hal? ... Hey Hal?

Mario, you and I are mysterious to each other. We countenance each other from either side of some unbridgeable difference on this issue. Let’s lie very quietly and ponder this

I’m going to propose that I tell you a joke, Boo, on the condition that afterward you shush and let me sleep

Is it a good one?

Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic? I give

You get somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there’s a dog


That’s a good one!

Shush ... ...

Hey Hal? What’s an insomniac? 15

Somebody who rooms with you, kid, that’s for sure

Hey Hal? ... How come the Moms never cried when Himself passed away? I cried, and you, even C.T. cried. I saw him personally cry.

... You listened to Tosca over and over and cried and said you were sad. We all were.



Hey Hal, did the Moms seem like she got happier after Himself passed away, to you?


‘It seems like she got happier. She seems even taller. She stopped travelling everywhere all the time for this and that thing. The corporate-grammar thing. The library-protest thing

Now she never goes anywhere, Boo. Now she’s got the Headmaster’s House and her office and the tunnel in between, and never leaves the grounds. She’s a worse workaholic than she ever was. And more obsessive-compulsive. When’s the last time you saw a dust-mote in that house? 17

Hey Hal? Now she’s just an agoraphobic workaholic and obsessive-compulsive. This strikes you as happification? ‘Her eyes are better. They don’t seem as sunk in. They look better. She laughs at C.T. way more than she laughed at Himself. She laughs from lower down inside. She laughs more. Her jokes she tells are better ones than yours, even, now, a lot of the time.

... How come she never got sad? She did get sad, Booboo. She just got sad in her way instead of yours and mine. She got sad, I’m pretty sure 18

Hal? You remember how the staff lowered the flag to half-mast out front by the portcullis here after it happened? Do you remember that? And it goes to half-mast every year at Convocation? Remember the flag, Boo?

Hey Hal?


Don’t cry, Booboo. Remember the flag only halfway up the pole? Booboo, there are two ways to lower a flag to half-mast. Are you listening? Because no shit I really have to sleep here in a second. So listen one way to lower the flag to half-mast is just to lower the flag. There’s another way though. You can also just raise the pole. You can raise the pole to like twice its original height. You get me? You understand what I mean, Mario?

She’s plenty sad, I bet 19


- Robert Jordan 21



Buffalo Bill’s defunct who used to

ride a watersmooth-silver


and break the onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat 24

Jesus he was a handsome man

and what I want to know is how do you like your blueeyed boy

Mister Death 25

Who Made That Pantone Chip?


-Pagan Kennedy 27

In the early 1960s, as Lawrence Herbert drove to work in a blue Cadillac with cherry red seats, he mulled over a problem: How to create a “universal language” of color. Herbert, the owner of the Pantone printing company, had just produced a retail display card that helped shoppers choose pantyhose. He had to hand-mix the subtle beiges of each swatch, because it was so difficult to buy the exact shade he wanted from an ink manufacturer. Each company defined colors differently, and when you ordered “wheat” or “taupe” or “cream,” you couldn’t predict what you’d get..


The solution, he realized, was to create a unified color system in which each shade was expressed as a number. “If somebody in New York wanted something printed in Tokyo, they would simply open up the book and say,

‘Give me Pantone 123,’ Herbert says; 123 (a daffodil yellow) would look exactly the same the world over. Herbert created a sample page to show how the system worked and sent it to ink makers. Fifty years later, he still owns a copy of that page: “I’ve got it right here in my office in Palm Beach.” 29

By the 1970s, Pantone was making more than a million dollars a year in licensing fees. “We had a consultant who would get a committee together and find out, for example, what colors are showing up in Milan, what colors are showing up in Paris,” he recalled. “It seems that a lot of designers all decide that coffee brown might be a good color in the same year.”


The Pantone system spread from the advertising world to textiles to food science and has been put to some unexpected uses — like defining the color of a Ben & Jerry’s brownie. “I have matched color charts for wine,” Herbert said.













- William Gibson 43

Spoken Word


-Ferdinand de Saussure 45






















-StĂŠphame MallarmĂŠ -translated by A. S. Kline 67





Sourdough Rye



Total time

5 days first time, overnight subsequently for the sourdough starter.

For the dough Sourdough Starter


1. 2.


To make the starter: In a tall, narrow, nonmetal container (a tall, narrow bowl is fine), mix 2/3 cup rye flour with 1/2 cup water, along with the tiniest pinch of instant yeast — less than 1/16 teaspoon. Cover and let sit for about 24 hours, then add the same amount of both flour and water (no more yeast). Repeat twice more, at 24-hour intervals; 24 hours after the fourth addition, you have your starter. (From now on, keep it in the refrigerator; you don’t need to proceed with the recipe for a day or two if you don’t want to. Before making the dough, take a ladleful — 1/2 to 3/4 cup — of the starter and put it in a container; stir in 1/2 cup rye flour and a scant 1/2 cup water, mix well, cover and refrigerate. This starter will keep for a couple of weeks. If you don’t use it during that time and you wish to keep it alive, add 1/2 cup each flour and water every week or so and stir; you can discard a portion of it if it becomes too voluminous.)

To make the dough: Combine the starter in a big bowl with the rye flour and the whole-wheat or white flour.


Mix well, cover with plastic wrap and let sit overnight, up to 12 hours.

Pour and scrape it into two 8-by-4-inch nonstick loaf pans. The batter should come to within an inch of the top, no higher. 76

Cover (an improvised dome is better than plastic wrap; the dough will stick to whatever it touches) and let rest until it reaches the rim of the pans, about 2 to 3 hours, usually. Preheat the oven to 325 and bake until a skewer comes out almost clean; the internal temperature will measure between 190 and 200. This will take about 1 1/2 hours or a little longer.

Remove loaves from the pans and cool on a rack. Wrap in plastic and let sit for a day before slicing, if you can manage that; the texture is definitely better the next day. YIELD 2 loaves 77


- Steven Meretzky 79

It’s Not OK To Act This Way


-Kama Brown 81

Hi Mom,

it’s me, I guess you’re out. 82




Even though you’re not here and you never were I feel your genes in me.



Personal Timeline


-James Kendall 89

19 93 90

Born February 16th

God help my mother. 91

19 95 92

Brother Johnathan Born February 12th

Hit chin on pool edge Required 4 stitches

Mommy said I didn’t even cry! 93

19 98 94

First day of school ABC 123. 95

20 02 96

Fought in the 4th grade.

It was a tie.......just saying 97

20 04 98

Broke left ankle playing basketball

Not very sports-oriented. 99

20 05 100

Broke right ankle skateboarding

shit not again....but skateboarding is better 101

20 06 102

Expelled in the 7th grade.

I swear it’s a good story! 103

20 07 104

First day of highschool FRESHIE!!

5 stitches in elbow Scar viewable upon request. 105

20 08 106

Restricted’s license

Watch out America. 107

20 09 108

Driver’s license

Buckle up south Florida 109

20 10 110

Won first place in Beaux Arts Festival

Free materials won me $250.00 111

20 11 112

Didn’t Win first Lotto.

Entered Ringling College What would you do with the winning Lotto? 113

20 13 114

Currently working on this book.

I think I’ll get a tattoo. 115


-Frank Miller 117


Colophon Designed by:

James Kendall Ringling College of Art and Design Spring 2013 Edwin Utermohlen Typefaces used:

Berthold Walbaum Book Prime Znikomit



The Plumber's Bible  
The Plumber's Bible  

9 expressive texts.