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When you hear the name Jackenzie there are probably loads of thoughts that pass through your mind. That is if you do know a Jackenzie, I am pretty sure I am the only one that exists in the wonderful world. But when it’s just me, myself, and I alone with my thoughts, or standing in front of the mirror it all seems to crash down. I’m strong, but I’m not that strong. I have faith, but sometimes it fails. I’m not perfect, and I will never try to be. Looking in the mirror I see multiple things both positive and negative that make me who I am. Those factors are what makes me, me. I am me. Leader. I think of myself as a leader, not a follower. I like to take charge of things, and I am very bossy. It’s easier for me to do things myself and do them right than to have someone else try to do something and mess it up. I’m a head strong, very blunt person and that often gets me in trouble because I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. I have a bad tendency to let what I’m thinking just come out of my mouth without any thought of who I offend or hurt. I’m not observant of others, and this whole time I’ve been thinking I’m a leader but I’m not. I’m more of a dictator really because I want it my way or else. I want to, I need to change the way I am. I need to change the way I treat others, and the way I handle situations. I need to learn how to see other people’s point of view and accept them. I’m not always going to be right and I will need other’s help at times. So I should stop being so rude, and outright and learn to accept the idea of help. I think positively I bring out the best in people and set expectations. I am very good at everything I try to do, not trying to toot my own horn. But it’s like when I’m around I lighten the mood with people. I try to get people in a better mood any way I can, because it’s hard watching people down in the dumps. Being a optimist is what I try to do with people because I know when I’m having a bad day there is always someone that makes it better with just something really small. I want to be the person that makes another’s day better so they can follow suit. I want to be the example that people look up to. I want to be the one that makes it someday, that succeeds in life and inspires others to be like me. I don’t want fans, but people to follow in my footsteps and do things for the better, not just to benefit from things. A simple joke, comment, or idea can create more opportunities for life. I want to be the one who makes the opportunities and I think I’m doing a pretty good job at it. Something I would change about myself is my attitude about failure, and losing. I am a very big sore loser, I don’t like being a loser. Second at anything doesn’t cut it either because being second is the first one to lose. I feel like when I don’t win I am letting myself down from all of the hard work that I have put in to succeeding. During solo and ensemble time in band this year I practiced for months and months, only to turn out and get a two. Second place to a first place. I was so hurt, and mad at myself for not getting the one, that I wanted to quit. Which is stupid because I am really am amazing in music. It is the one thing that I will never give up, I love it so much. I was such a sore sport that I seriously wanted to quit. The same goes for softball when I strike out, or miss the ball. I get so... Pissed, that it’s unreal. I wish I could change that and learn to accept things I can’t change because things happen, but also I wish I could better myself not to let them happen and be great the first time and push myself harder. It’s hard trying to be everything everyone wants, but then again I’m not what everyone wants and I’m okay with that. I don’t want to just be some clone like everyone else, I like being myself in my own way. I like being the playful, loud girl that people either hate, or like. There are things that I need to change to better myself, and that will just have to come in time as I mature. But I think being happy about who I am, and what I want to do is most important. Because at the end of the day it’s not about what anyone else thinks, it’s about what I think about myself and who I want to be. I love who I am, sure I’d like to change somethings, but this is me. This is who I am every day, and I’m happy with myself at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

MGRP  

Multi-Genre Research Project Personal Essay