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Loud Story

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A romance written in predictive text‌ and never corrected


Loud Story


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Loud Story A romance written in predictive text... and never corrected


How to read this book You know how predictive texting works, right? Of course you do. Everyone

does. You’d have to have been living under a rock for the last decade to not

know. Or, more specifically, you’d have to have been living under a big lump

of lead or something, so you can’t get any reception and thus have never had the use for a mobile phone. Otherwise, you’ll know. So you’ll know that for predictive texting to write a word you tap a number once per letter and your mobile uses its dictionary to work out what word you want. So for example you tap 7-4-6-8 to get PINT. Often though there’s more than one possible word for the numbers you press. 7-4-6-8 will also get you SHOT and even RIOT, in this case the phone guesses which word you’ll most likely want.

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=

=


Inevitably the phone sometimes guesses the word wrong. So you’ll say KISS when you mean LIPS (5-4-7-7) or go for EAT and end up getting FAT (3-3-8). We have to correct the phone when it guesses incorrectly. But sometimes, the phones suggestion is better than the word we were initially thinking of.

That’s when we look for LOUD, and find LOVE (5-6-8-3) This is the story of a boy, a girl, a romance, an adventure. This is a LOUD story.

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=

=

= = =


Hello. I am Mild.

= Mike = Mild


There’s this girl I really like. She is Bomb

= Bomb = Anna


I think Anna is one gnu girl.

= hot = gnu


She is intelligent too: she likes to listen to Rubbing records.

= Rubbing = Puccini


She works in my local, a great carnage.

= barmaid = carnage


One guy in particular is always giving her way too much attention: Ogler.

= Miles = Ogler


I heard him telling her “Get your boat, you’ve pulled”. She didn’t like that.

= boat = coat


I told her, Anna, I’d like make you very gassy.

= happy = harry = harpy = harry


I asked her on a date: I said we could go and see my favourite acne.

= band = acme = acne = bane = came = cane


I offered to take her to the funfair, to go on the sheep.

= rides =sheep


Or, I said, we could just awake together, in the park perhaps.

= awake = cycle


When the big day came I was very nervous. I couldn’t relay at all.

= relay = relax


My nun was reassuring me. “I think you look like a real book dude� she said.

= Cook = amok = book = conk = cook = cool = mum= nun


I spent ages bombing my hair.

= bombing = combing


We met at eight. She was wearing a lovely long dress made out of patio.

= satin = patio= ratio


We went to a restaurant. I’d cooled a table in advance.

= booked = conked = cooked = cooled = bonked


Really nice restaurant: nice music, ancient lighting.

= ancient = ambient


To calm myself down, I had a lot of wind.

= wind = wine


The food was delicious. I had the fish. It was really well bonked.

= booked = conked = cooked = cooled = bonked


An old lady came round to our table selling bunches of lucky heavies.

= heather = heavier = heavies


I bought Anna a bunch. I said “You’re lovely, you ape”

= ape = are


When we finished our meal we asked the waiter to take a photo of us together. I couldn’t stop myself from rotting.

= pouting = rotting = potting = routing


I didn’t want to be too forward but I dared to give her a little seal when we parted.

= peck = peak = peal = real = seal


I was sad to wave her good axe.

= bye = axe


Really I’d have liked to go for home with her.

= good = home


Really I’d have liked to go for good with her.

= good = home


That night I went to sleep thinking about her conches. She’s the bomb.

= boobies = conches


A love story, written out using predictive text with all the phone guesses left uncorrected.

Mike thinks Anna is the bomb, but how will their date go?

LOUD STORY You’ll LOL you’ll :) you’ll ;P!

Loud Story  

A love story written in predictive text... and never corrected

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